#I know I can survive Christmas but... It doesn't feel like it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rakurairagnarok · 5 months

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I dedicate this story to my good friend and writing buddy @idesofrevolution. Merry Christmas buddy and please PLEASE Enjoy. Happy holidays to everyone and Happy TF's.

A Green Christmas

`What!!`

Ryan screamed at the news.

You sighed.

´I have no choice, my family has to move, and I have to go as well, I don´t have any accommodation here.´

Ryan grumbled. `Bro... you can´t leave me man... you´re my best bud.´

You grimaced. Your friend had been acting weird lately. You used to be super close, and you honestly still are, but your interests had began to shift. You used to play games, watch cartoons and study together, but lately Ryan had become absent from you life. He had been ´busy´ with other things but his grades had been plummeting and he had picked up smoking. Ryan had no idea you knew this, but you had seen the pictures from your classmates. His wardrobe had changed too. Before he would wear shirts and khakis, now its oversized shirts and hoodies. He started wearing contacts as well, which, to be honest, was a great look for him, he looked very handsome without glasses. His lingo had switched as well. No more academic jargon. Just simple sentences, which almost always had at least one bro in them.

`Look Ryan, I really am sorry, but I just can´t make this work´

Your family was moving, and while you were a college student, who by all accounts should have received some form of scholarship due to your amazing grades, you never did. The truth however, was that you wanted to move. The alienating feeling you got from your former best friend broke something in you, and you had to put some distance between eachother. You could easily apply for the on-campus dormitories but you just couldn`t bear staying near the now almost stranger.

`Look you´d better go, I want to be home before Christmas and I still have a lot of packing to do.'

Ryan sighed and left. After closing the door behind him, You let out a grunt.

"Why does it have to be this way! What happend to him?"

Reluctantly you began packing. Your father would come and get you and your things on Christmas eve, so you had your work cut out for you. You were currently staying Ryan, but this had always been a temporary solution. Ryan's landlord didn't want two friends staying together only couples or families. Ryan had become quite open to you about his sexuality. He had told you he was bisexual and that he could always tell the landlord the two of you were dating, but you had declined. You had a hard enough time not getting picked on. If word would get out that you two were dating, you would not be able to survive. What Ryan didn't know is that you were in fact also bisexual. You really liked girls but men really were where you got your satisfaction. From porn that is, because you were still a virgin. You grew up in a strict Christian household, with a Father from the south. Your parents would never approve and they were the reason you didn't have to work, so coming out was never an option.

A loud knock shook you from your deep train of thought. You opened the door and Ryan was standing right there, smiling.

"Steven, can we talk bro?"

"Ryan, I told you. I need to pack for..."

"Please, just for a little while."

"...Fine..."

Ryan walked in and sat down on your bed.

"Look man... I've been thinking... I need to be honest with you about something."

You looked at your former best friend with confusion. He had been so dominant and confident these last few weeks, and all of a sudden he looked shy and insecure.

"I... I picked up smoking... and... not just cigarettes. Weed too"

You sighed.

"I know Ryan, I have seen you. Don't worry, it's whatever... Your body, your choice."

Ryan smiled.

"Yeah for reallll broo but, I wanted to ask you a favor."

"What is it?" You asked, slightly impatient.

"Come sit down first" Ryan had this shit eating grin on his face, his perfect white teeth on display. Wait that doesn't sound right. he had braces right?

Because you took so long, Ryan grabbed your arm and pulled you onto the bed, right next to him.

"What the hell man!" You exclaimed.

He quickly wraps an arm around your shoulders, his musky scent drilling into your nose, and holds something up to your face.

"I really, really want to smoke this with you man. Like dying wish and shit."

You look down and see a blunt in between his fingers.

"I don't smoke Ryan, you know this" You point out.

" Just one hit bro, that's all, I won't tell anyone, you don't have to smoke any more, just humor me with this man."

You took a deep breath and wanted to decline, but then something clicked.

"You know what. Sure."

Ryan's grin widened. 'Let's fucking go bro!!!" He quickly grabbed a lighter, and lit the blunt.

He took the first hit, blowing the smoke right into your face, the fumes invading your nose and throat, leaving you gasping for air.

"Sorry there bro, just wanted to give you a little taste."

"I'm only taking one hit bro... fuck" Your eyes widen not only did you just curse, something which you rarely do, you also just used bro in your sentence. Hoping he didn't notice you hold out your hand to take the blunt.

Ryan, who's grinning from ear to ear, hands you the blunt, and you quickly take a hit. You deeply inhale, feeling the smoke fill your lungs and the weed invade your brain. A single hit, and you can almost feel your brain stopping.

"W...whaaat the fuuuuuck" You mumble. Your jaw slacks a bit as the smoke escapes from your lips.

"You gonna take that hit or not bro?" Ryan asked with a sly grin on his face.

"Huh didn't I just?'' You asked confused.

"Bro are you already tripping? I just blew some smoke in your face man, thats all. Now come on bro, you promised."

You took a hit, taking a deep breath, feeling the smoke fill your lungs, and your whole body. Slowly blowing out you feel constricted. You look down to see your buttoned up shirt bulging. You tug on it a bit, and it flies open, revealing a chiseled abdomen and two meaty pecs.

"Brooo wat the fahk' You mumble. "My chest is so big... what the hell"

"Yeah bro I know right. I love that strain. Made me who I am today" Ryan smirks as he takes off his hoodie showing his massive arms and chest.

You look in awe as he stretches a bit, his smooth torso , and bulging muscles on display. He drops his sweats, showing off a massive bulge in his white briefs as he looks at you and smirks.

"Wanna take another hit bro?"

Before he even finished his sentence the blunt was back in your mouth, filling you up with even more smoke. You look down and begin to giggle as you bounce your growing pecs.

"Huhuhu broo they are so bigg... what the shit..." You say as a familiar musk begins radiating from your growing body.

Ryan smiles back.

"Yeah bro you're getting so fuckin huge. You're so hot"

You look at him with a flushed face.

"What... did you say?"

"You're hot. You look amazing."

"Thanks..." You can't help but blush, seeing as he himself is a fucking model.

"You're really hot yourself" You say with a beetred face

Ryan stops smiling and looks at you. He sits down and looks you in the eyes.

"I don't want you to go Stevey. I love you..."

Your eyes widen at the words, and before you know it, his lips get pressed against yours. Before you can react he pushes his tongue into your mouth, and a torrent of smoke follows suit. It's almost as if hes blowing you up, and it feels that way too, Your muscles getting bigger, your mind hazier, and your dick... well...

You manage to push away and look at him.

"Ry... I ... "

"yeah?"

"I think... no ... I know... I love you too man"

Ryan signature shit eating grin flies back onto his face.

"Fuck yeah bro!!"

A sheepish smile creeps onto your face as you grab the blunt from his fingers, taking a massive hit before grabbing his neck and blowing the smoke into his mouth.

"You're so sexy." You say as he blows the smoke back into your face.

"What about you then, such a fucking cute stud you are"

The two of you continue laughing, finishing the blunt before crawling into each others arms.

You text your dad that he doesn't have to come get you anymore, as you will be staying with your boyfriend, and promptly block him afterwards.

You nuzzled up to your boyfriends pit and took a deep breath. It smelled amazing and it bricked you up knowing you smell the same.

This will be a pretty special Christmas.

__________________________________________________________

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!! Feel free to send in some asks or order something at Rakurai Inc.!!!

#transformation #male muscle growth #rakurai #gay tf #male transformation #dumbing down #blunt #stoner #gift #bisexual #coming out #musk

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peachseashell · 5 months

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ Forgetful as a goldfish

(request) kazuha, kaeya and scaramouche - separate -with a s/o that barely eats anything because they always forget and never notice it.

✦ Warnings: reader is gn! No pronouns used, forgetful reader obv, tough love (?) slight kaeya/Wanderer mischaracterization???

✦ Notes: actual footage of me speeding through rqs before Christmas and im also rlly excited. I'm gonna stay up late so i see santa/father Christmas :3 jk I'll be sleeping like a baby. Also this is short I'm sorry 🎅

Kazuha

- Kazuha, being quite a calm and collected samuri , doesn't particularly invest in others lives; usually letting them walk their own path, yet when it comes to his lover, you. Kazuha tends to pay more attention to your habits and the little things about you.

- at first, your seemingly harmless forgetting to fill your stomach was just a silly mistake to him, thinking perhaps you were just a hard and busy worker, until it became constant. You never seem to eat, nor starve or crave. He doesn't understand how you survive everyday.

- He knows you must eat to maintain energy and happiness, so being the lovely boyfriend he is, he takes time out of his day to frequently remind you to eat something, even if it's just a snack.

- eats with you so you feel more comfortable/less pressured because he's the perfect boyfriend ^^

Kaeya

- this man is probably loaded with mora. So, he might just buy you fancy tasty treats until you gain an appetite or start reminding yourself to eat something delicious. Dinner dates at the tavern/favourite restaurants because he wants to spoil you until you're broke.

- sends some dude with his captain privileges to deliver snacks during the day if you're at work or at home with little love notes because he wants to treat you like a princess/prince/royalty, he loves you a lot.

- on his lunch breaks he comes to your home/work to eat with you and have picnic dates sometimes (anything to get outta work!/j)

Wanderer

- notices, asks you about it after like two days, then his mission to make you remember to eat again begins. It's scary actually, I can see him appearing behind you all of a sudden to ask if you've eaten.

- he WILL cook for you, full course meals if he has too. Wanderer is the definition of 'tough love' in a way, like for example. Wanderer will feed you gently whilst insulting you for being stupid and not eating.

- Wanderer doesn't need to eat since he's a puppet but will eat with you to make you feel better about it.

- is a worry wort even if he doesn't admit it. It could be 4am in the morning and he'd be waking you up to ask if you ate breakfast last week on thursday at exactly 9:36 am then gets fuming if you say you hadn't.

- sometimes you feel like you're being watched when he manages to fin you during the day, asking if you want to go have some lunch with him.

don't share my work anywhere ty!!

Also heres Christmas scara wip/sketch

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moonpascaltoo · 1 month

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╰┈➤ 18+ none of these stories belong to me! this is a masterlist of all joel miller stories i’ve read and reblogged! just thought it would be nice to have them all in one spot! (if your fic is on here and you wish not to be, please let me know!) some will have summaries if provided <3

MASTERLIST ✿ PEDRO PASCAL CHARACTERS ✿ 05/04/24

✿ joel miller 1

✿ joel miller 3

✿ @tightjeansjavi

➥ who do you belong to mr. miller?

»You get jealous seeing the women in Jackson throw themselves at Joel. You decide to give him a gentle reminder of who he belongs to.

➥ the feel of coldness only water brings

»you convince Joel to join you for a swim in a lake while on patrol despite his insecurities

✿ @egcdeath

➥ how the cookie crumbles

»when you come back home to austin to help your sister with her bakery, you end up in an arrangement with your high school crush that ends up being far more than you bargained for.

✿ @punkshort

➥ i’ll be home for christmas

»Having just caught your fiancé cheating on you, you decide to come back home from the big city to Austin for the month of December to try to figure out your next step. You had no idea you would be getting more than you bargained for with the handsome single dad who built your parents' house.

➥ i know who you are

»A fall on patrol causes you to lose your long term memory, forgetting the identities of your friends and loved ones. You have to learn all over again how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and you learn things about yourself along the way.

✿ @auteurdelabre

➥ something to fight for

»After a disastrous blind date you decide to stay away from the miserable Joel Miller forever. The only problem is your best friend Maria is dating his brother and their construction company has been hired to renovate where you work. In an effort to support your friend, you’re thrust into the unwanted job of babysitting Joel’s young daughter one night. As time goes on you’re not expecting to find a confidant in Joel Miller but when you do, you wonder how you ever survived without him.

✿ @joelscurls

➥ best kept secret

»In an attempt to keep your relationship secret, Joel agrees to a blind date set up by his best friend / your father. You don't take it well.

✿ @alrightieaphroditie

➥ sweet creature

»an anthology of those little moments within your relationship with joel miller.

✿ @undercoverpena

➥ be good, be quiet

»bill tells you both you're sleeping in separate rooms when a thunderstorm doesn't allow you to leave. but joel isn't planning on getting any sleep.

✿ @dancingtotuyo

➥ high infidelity

»Tommy gets himself into more trouble than he can get out of.

✿ @chaotic-iguana

➥ borrowed time

»Reader gets hurt, and Joel doesn’t know how to deal with it. (no-outbreak! au)

✿ @palioom

➥ toolbox

»when joel comes back home from work to pick up the toolbox he forgot, he finds a surprise in the form of you in bed with a vibrator and just cannot tear his eyes away from you.

✿ @fooled-around-and-fell

➥ pretty like this

»you found a dress in a cabin during patrol and brought it back home. joel doesn't know why you're suddenly acting odd around him, then he sees you wearing the dress.. and fuck you look beautiful.

✿ @strang3lov3

➥ brain scramblies pt2

»Bubbly and sweet Reader slips and falls at Tommy and Maria’s anniversary party, hitting her head hard on the floor. Tommy tasks Joel, her grumpy patrol partner, with getting her home safe. In her dazed state, she spills to Joel how she really feels about him! Basically two idiots dancing around their feelings for each other.

✿ @endlessthxxghts

➥ dr. miller

➥ best i ever had

»Someone tries to hit on you on your night out with Joel, insulting your man in the process, and oh you don't like that. You blow off some steam in more ways than one.

✿ @penvisions

➥ by the grit of sandpaper

»Joel Miller is a gruff as they come, the world having changed him for the worst. But settling in Jackson with his brother changed him for the better. He's known around town as someone to help, whether it be with home repairs, construction, and hand carved trinkets. An offhand comment from you inspires him to branch out and create helpful kitchen wares. And it seems everyone has been gifted one from him, except for you. It makes you rethink the casual friendship you had developed with the man that had just begun to expand beyond patrols.

✿ @yeollie-plz

➥ light the flame pt2

»Your mom moves the two of you back to Texas and attempts to reignite an old flame. What will happen when she learns his candle now burns for you?

✿ @jobean12-blog

➥ slow ride

»Joel picks you up (sorta rescues you) and your attraction to him is instant even with the state of the world, but does he feel the same?

✿ @alt-vera

➥ text me texas

»joel miller worries that the girl he’s been seeing is holding out on him on purpose. she definitely isn’t.

✿ @gutsby

➥ die hard

»Joel tries Viagra for the very first time.

✿ @freelancearsonist

➥ the only heaven i’ll be sent to

»Joel finds a familiar face while out on a smuggling run.

➥ hold me like a knife

✿ @nexusnyx

➥ keep close

» It takes you six months to break. You thought you'd last longer. Tried convincing yourself that everything in your head was because he saved you, not because of real attraction. One night, Joel proves that to be wrong.

✿ @mothandpidgeon

➥ stiff

»As Joel's getting older, his body isn't working the way it used to. Luckily, you're happy to help him out.

✿ @storiesforallfandoms

➥ too sweet

»in which his friend's daughter comes on to him and he tries to convince her that they can't be together...tries

✿ @theidiotwhowritesthings

➥ request

✿ @wheresarizona

➥ but i would die for you in a secret

»The relationship you have with Joel Miller is… complicated, and you’re not entirely sure what to even call it. There’s the fact no one can know, so his kid doesn’t find out, and you’re pretty sure he’s ashamed of your age difference—he’s not your boyfriend, but you only fuck each other; this thing started months ago, and Joel does not like it when men give you attention, because he wants you all to himself. But again, he’s not your sexy, older boyfriend.

✿ @alwaysmicado

➥ you wanted this

✿ @hr43s

➥ government hooker

»Joel miller, your dad’s best friend is a security guard for celebrities. He takes you to one of his jobs as part of a university homework you need to do, but he let his guard down.

✿ @schnarfer

➥ the kindness of strangers

»Let's fall madly in love with neighbour!Joel

✿ @headkiss

➥ request

✿ @ozarkthedog

➥ a glimpse of heaven

»joel secretly watches you shower.

✿ @bits-and-babs

➥ play boy

»ellie steals one of bills magazines and you and joel decide to see what the fuss is about.

✿ @oliviajdjarin

➥ stay down

»Joel thought he had grown accustomed to fear until he finds you covered in blood

✿ @joelsgreys

➥ flutter

» When you finally start to show, Joel has a tough time with it as the reality sinks in—he’s going to be a father again.

✿ @theetherealbloom

➥ you’re the risk, i’m gonna take it

» You help your boss, Joel Miller, buy flowers for his date. Or so you thought.

hopefully all links work, let me know if not <3

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller oneshot #joel miller fluff #joel miller imagine #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #tlou #tlou x reader #the last of us #joel miller fic recs #joel miller masterlist #jm masterlist

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apocalypseornaw · 2 months

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Look after You

Dean Winchester x Gender neutral Reader

You're hurt in a car accident and Dean takes care of you.

@hpxmcusworld I hope you enjoy

Dean was pacing the floor of the library, staring at his phone and silently begging it to ring. You should've been back by now. Why hadn't he gone with you?

"Still no word?” Sam asked, walking in behind him and he nearly growled “No. Man, can you track their phone,please?” Sam felt his heart drop at Dean's voice. He knew his brother loved you, he had for years and the thought of losing you terrified him. If after all the loss something happened to you Sam wasn't sure Dean would survive it.

Right as Sam got his laptop on, Dean's phone started blaring. Dean answered it and a voice he didn't recognize hit his ears “Is this Mister Dean Campbell?” He swallowed hard before saying “Yes” “We have your spouse here. They were brought in from an automobile accident”

“WHAT?” Dean felt his heart threaten to stop at that moment. His ears started ringing and his knees weakened. Sam moved to his side and took the phone, clicking the speaker on “Hello?” “Mister Campbell?” The doctor asked and Sam replied “This is his brother” “Oh well I was telling your brother we have his spouse in the emergency department. They were injured in an automobile accident. A drunk driver ran a stop sign and hit their car. They're stable but currently in for a CT scan. We need their emergency contact here as soon as possible” “We'll get there as soon as we can”

Your head was throbbing, the bright fluorescent lights were killing you. What was worse was according to the doctors you'd lost a few weeks. The last thing you remembered was Christmas and apparently it was St Patrick's Day weekend.

You were terrified and alone. The doctor had told you he called Dean but he hadn't arrived yet. You knew he'd be to your side soon though.

—-----------

The moment you were wheeled out of the room for the scan however you heard Dean's voice loud and clear “Where are they at? You called me and told me they're hurt, then I got here and what? You fucking lost them?”

You laughed lightly and the nurse smiled “That him?” You grinned “Yes ma'am” already feeling better knowing Dean was here. He'd take care of you.

You sat on your bed with Dean's arm wrapped protectively around you. He hadn't moved since he got to your side. As always Sam was being the more diplomatic one, handling paperwork and talking to doctors. “I should go find the asshole that hit you and rip his lungs out” he grumbled and you smiled, curling into his side “They said I'll be ok Dean. It's just a concussion and should heal on its own” he nodded “Doesn't mean I'm not still pissed someone hurt you. I'm pissed at them and at myself. I never should've let you go alone”

You sighed knowing this was an argument you'd lose. Of course Dean was blaming himself instead of the person who chose to drink way too much and get behind the wheel.

After about an hour Sam came in pushing a wheelchair “Good news. Your awesome brother in law talked the doctor into letting you go home. We have a list of aftercare precautions but given our history with injuries I'm sure we can handle it” you cut your eyes at Dean who sighed “about time. I want to get you back to the bunker”

“I can walk!” You squealed when Dean picked you up out of the backseat and headed out of the garage and towards your shared room. He nodded “I know but I'm not taking no chances of hurting you further. Cas will be here in two days to heal you. Until then you're not getting out of my sight”

Once you made it to the room he sat you gently down on the bed then dug in the dresser pulling out one of his own shirts and a pair of his boxers. At your look he rolled his eyes “Don't act like you don't enjoy wearing my clothes more than yours anyways” He did have a point.

He treated you like you were made of glass as he stripped you of the scrubs the hospital had given you and dressed you in his clothes. Once he was sure you were comfortable he kicked off his boots and crawled into bed next to you, pulling you over on his chest “You need anything baby?”

You shook your head “I remember Christmas. Can you catch me up?” He smiled before catching your lips in a gentle kiss “Of course”

—---------------

Before you fell asleep Dean sat multiple alarms to wake you up at the needed intervals. Once you were out he laid there, watching your chest rise and fall gently. He needed the assurance you were ok.

He loved you more than he'd ever dreamt of loving someone. When he met you he was knocked off his feet by how much he wanted you the moment he laid eyes on you but then he got to know you. Every conversation, every hunt, every late night talk he fell deeper and deeper.

The day he realized he loved you wasn't a big scene or anything memorable really. You were sitting in Bobby's kitchen, helping him make salt rounds and humming under your breath. When he'd walked into the room you met his eyes and smiled and he'd felt like he'd been hit by a truck when the realization hit him that you owned his heart and he had no intention of ever asking for it back.

If something had happened to you…no he wouldn't go down that rabbit hole. You were here, alive and he'd make sure from now on he was always at your side. Logically he knew he couldn't have stopped a wreck but his heart wasn't hearing that. You were his and he would be damned before anything ever hurt you again.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x gn!reader #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction

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boopshoops · 4 months

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TWST OC INTRODUCTION - TCOAV

Yuu Shi - First Half of the Whole

Name: Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

Alias: Yuu Shi

Nicknames: Shishi, Moonflower, Catfishy, Trickster, Reine du Rock

Gender: Female

Pronouns: Any with she/her preference

Sexuality: Pansexual

Birthday: November 29

Age: 18 in canon TWST age, 20 in TCOAV AU

Height: 5'9 or 176cm

Voice Claim(s): Oktavia and Will Stetson

Twisted from: Wouldn't you like to know, w-

Unique Magic: N/A

Grade: Freshman

Class: 1-A, 3-D, a few others... guys, I think Crowley screwed up.

Hobbies: Singing, acting, playing guitar, playing piano, playing violin, performing covers of songs, dancing.

Likes: Dogs, cats, snow, the color red, gold, alternative rock music (or almost any music, really), fashion.

Dislikes: Caffeine, improper self care, being touched by strangers, Christmas music, children, coffee, alcohol.

Fears: Spiders, bugs, snakes, becoming disconnected with the people she loves.

Summary: The prefect of Ramshackle dorm. Known for being shrouded in gossip and secrecy, she is on a mission to learn all she can about the world outside her home. Why, you ask? So she can maintain just as much power as the other students of Night Raven College.

Filled to the brim with wit and faux charisma, Yuu adores the spotlight. She isn't one to care whether the attention is good or bad, as long as it is on her... That is, if they have less influence than she does. She is fluent in acting, lying, kissing up, and manipulating people to get on their good side. Those who are placed above her on the social ladder will be very familiar with it.

Yuu couldn't give less of a shit about morals. She finds survival, safety, and social standing to be much more important. It doesn't matter who she has to metaphorically stomp on. Her desire for power to obtain safety, though, stems from a long list of insecurities. Don't get me wrong, her vanity isn't just for show, but she is, indeed, capable of feeling guilt.

Character Playlist - Outfit Inspiration

Author's Notes: "Yuu" is a character who has been around as an idea for a long time, approximately just as long as Jocia, but she wasn't anything more than a plot device until around 2018. I finally fully developed her and gave her a set design and personality that was more than just "Jocia's twin." Previously she acted as a goal to work towards in some of my stories, but now she often takes on the role of antagonist or a foil character.

#boopshoopsoc #boopshoopsramblings #tcoav #yuu shi #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #oc #oc art #original character #artblr #artists on tumblr #digital art #boopshoopsart #boopshoopswriting

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fastcardotmp3 · 1 year

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a steddie "they reconnect after years apart" journey except they never got all that close post-Vecna to begin with. Like they spend a week in hell together, develop the sort of respect you have for someone when you have to work together to save the world, but it doesn't ever get much bigger than that.

They're just two guys who stumbled into each other's lives on circumstance alone and then spend the next decade seeing each other precisely once a year at the single shared holiday they both spend with the party.

New Years.

Eddie always spends Thanksgiving with Wayne and Steve is with Robin every 4th of July (running off and doing their own thing in a tradition everyone knows not to ask about) so the only time both of them end up at the Hopper-Byers residence every year is in that final countdown towards something new.

and they're not enemies and they're not-not friends either, but it's like that friend of your cousin who shows up to the party and you'll chat and make polite conversation and roll your eyes when they say something a bit out of bounds for two people who don't know each other all that well except.

Well, except, when you do that every year it becomes routine. When you do it every year it becomes, I know I'm not gonna have to continue this conversation in the morning so fuck it I'll be honest with you. When you do it every year, on the tipsiest night of the year, surrounded by people you trust in an environment that feels intrinsically safe it becomes--

"Did you quit your shitty job yet or are you still being a pussy about it?"

and it becomes--

"you're not still dating that same jerk as last year, right?"

and it becomes--

"wait, you hate playing Christmas music, why would you let someone talk you into that? Next time call me and I'll knock some sense into your dense skull"

and it becomes--

"I mean obviously a friends with benefits thing wouldn't work out, Steve, you're a serial monogamist"

and it becomes--

"Hey, it's good to see you again, man"

and it becomes--

"I missed your stupid hair."

and it becomes--

"I missed your drunk fucking rants."

and it becomes--

"I missed you."

Years pass, turning one into the next and it becomes I missed you I missed you I miss you.

Because they've been doing this long enough that they know each other, one night a year holding up the kitchen-counter-turned-bar and having their own little isolated conversation in the yellow glow of the only well-lit room in the house, and somewhere along the line they started knowing each other. Seeing each other. Understanding.

At some point it starts to ache, leaving that behind in the early hours of the morning and starting a new year all over again, counting down towards that final countdown when it all feels like it clicks into place. And later, at another point, they start to notice the ache.

They start to notice that they really are leaving something behind in the magic of that moment and it becomes a question of can this survive in the light of day?

It's 1995, about to tip over into 1996 when Eddie looks at Steve and doesn't see the guy pressed up against the wall of a boat shed, or the guy diving headfirst into a frigid lake so the rest of them wouldn't have to, or the guy walking away towards battle with something like uncertainty and something like hope both scrambling for purchase in his eyes.

It's 1995, about to be 1996 when Eddie looks at this guy from his past and realizes that just because he never knew him then doesn't mean he doesn't now, doesn't mean he's not allowed to get to know him now.

Eddie's not the guy who held that bottle to his throat anymore after all, not the guy who dove into that lake after him, who broke a promise and tried to be a hero. Ten years does a lot to a person and so when the Eddie of today looks at the Steve of today and says--

"I'm gonna kiss you at midnight this time, for the record."

--it doesn't feel like the ground is quaking, like anything has to shift to make space for the change that is Steve's slow smile around the lip of his glass in response.

They've been making space for ten years. They've been moving closer to each other a centimeter at a time in this well-lit kitchen, up against the counter-turned-bar.

"Well, if we're going on the record," Steve shrugs as a noise maker cuts through the warmth of their family's chattering throughout the house, "I know that already."

"Yeah?" Eddie's eyebrows shoot up, delight filling up his chest like the mystical hope of starting over. "How?"

"You get this look in your eye," Steve shrugs, "every time you plan on escalating."

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek to keep from beaming too broadly, sets his glass on the sideboard and gives Steve a curious once-over.

"Yeah, that's the one," Steve laughs, this bright and full sound that it took probably three of those first New Years Eves for Eddie to earn, and it spurs him on.

It has always been becoming, the space between them, and it has always been becoming this, Eddie holding Steve's cheek assuredly with one confident hand and pressing their lips together in a simple, all-consuming, closed-mouth shout of a kiss.

"You didn't wait until midnight," Steve breathes when they pull away, and fuck Eddie has missed him, has found so much to miss in knowing him.

"Don't worry Cinderella," Eddie lets their foreheads touch, lets all that space officially close shut, "I ain't going anywhere when the clock chimes."

#dot fic #dot post #is this anything I just think that new years and slow burns ya know #steddie #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things fic

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your-nanas-house · 5 months

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𝓦𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮, 𝓲𝓭𝓲𝓸𝓽?

◇ Pairing: Neil Lewis X best friend!Reader

◇ Warnings: fluff, sadness, mean parents, Neil's made up childhood, friends to lovers, kiss, tuna

◇ Summary: Neil has to bring his girlfriend to the Christmas dinner with his family, the problem?... He doesn't have one so he asks his best friend.

◇ Note: Another amazing collaboration with @mrkdvidal1989. First fic of the new "event" 'From love to Love'.

Neil froze hearing his mother's words over the phone. His eyes widened in shock while Y/n walked in front of him, peacefully sorting out movies while humming. Unaware that her best friend was just going through a hurricane of thoughts at the ridiculous demand of his mother.

You take her or don't bother to come, she said, and after not getting any response for a couple seconds, she hung up with a sigh of annoyance. He knew how his mother was but usually… he didn't care too much. Usually the whole family would just pick on him “playfully” because of the fact that he was still single, just running his store for a living. Suddenly breathing got heavier and the humiliation set in, as he sighed moving quickly. Passing by Y/n, he rushed to his office, in need of a moment to deal with his own feelings.

“I can’t” were the first words that left Neil’s mouth since the call ended, it was crazy and dangerous and he was pretty much regretting having picked up the phone that morning, he would have lived better without knowing those annoying news.

He had to go back “home” for Christmas… back to his childhood house more like, as he never truly felt there like home. After a couple of years now going there just to spend Christmas all together like they used to do. A fucking nightmare. How could he survive, he thought, his hands covering his face in pure desperation, so worried and pissed to go there… he was off age, why couldn’t he do what he wanted?

That’s how his colleague and friend found him, leaned on his desk, at the edge of crying.

”Man, I'm just trying to help.” Jonathan shrugged, after he came quickly to the Gumshoe right after Y/n’s shift ended, passing by her at the door with a smile. Neil huffed with helplessness. He knew that his friends just wanted to help him with the issue, but nevertheless it was.. more than frustrating. Pacing back and forth he stroked the hair at the nape of his neck, thinking intensely. Looking… for a solution that wouldn't require making himself look like a fool in front of his best friend.

“And how the fuck am I supposed to ask her, huh? Not that I intend to.” Neil hissed, gesticulating in desperation “I can’t do that! Especially not to her, I have been stuck celebrating all those awful events, forced by my parents… She would come willingly. That would be—” Jonathan interrupted him quickly, shaking his head “Man, calm down! we don’t even know if she can, I’m just telling you that you should try. You always say that everything is way more fun when she’s around so why not try to fight this by using her..help, huh?” the man suggested, proud of himself as he waited for Neil’s reaction “she even likes to dress up and trust me, bet she would be way happier to come with you there than to participate at another of the events here in the show” he commented quietly.

”How can you know that?” Neil snapped, as he registered only the first part of the sentence, his mind jumping to the conclusion that Jonathan was spending a lot of time with her. Jealousy racing through his veins in a second.

Seeing it, Jonathan rolled his eyes at the reaction.

”Yeah, and maybe.. maybe you two could sort that weird… “friendship” out.” He suggested, gesturing in the air as he spoke. ”No need to get snappy, man. She seems to like only one geek, and you already took that spot.” He joked eventually, wanting to ease the atmosphere. It worked, as Neil smiled weakly.

It was true, they were friends ever since Neil approached her in the third grade asking about the sandwich she had. For her the tuna sandwich was the grossest thing in the world, but little Neil had shiny eyes at the thought of it. She called him gross and he pushed her. That's how their friendship started, ironically.

She sure was perfect and that way Neil wouldn’t have ruined their every-year plans.. Christmas Eve together and a quick meeting at Christmas, like always. They could spend even more time together if she agreed to go with him.

Huffing, he sat down in the armchair as he ran his hand through his dark hair. Was it really a good idea? he wondered silently, glancing a couple of times towards Jonathan, who was still standing there awkwardly. Even if she wasn’t in the store anymore, he should have called or gone to her apartment but… he couldn’t leave Gumshoe, right?

He remained lost in his thoughts for a couple of minutes, coming back to reality hearing a soft knock on his office door. His baby blue eyes snapped up as he sat better on his chair, surprised to see Y/n back there, a smile on her face. “Sorry to interrupt the …meeting, I just left my scarf in your office Neil, so I came back to get it. It’s pretty cold outside, I was freezing…” she revealed continuing to ramble while walking to the small sofa in his office, grabbing her scarf before heading back to the door. Neil was forced now to ask her, it looked really like faith.

“Weenie—” he spoke abruptly, making her stop mid step, and turn around to face him with a raised eyebrow, the nickname catching her attention immediately like every time, just like the way he said it. Instead of the casual, easygoing tone of his, he sounded.. nervous and awkward. The tone that Y/n knew too well, which piqued her interest just as much as the old nickname that they have been using for several years. “What, dink?” she asked with a soft smile on her face. Jonathan just staring at them with wide eyes and toothy grin, seeing how the stare they shared couldn’t be one of just friends.

Neil looked at his feet awkwardly, not knowing how to start.

”Yeah, tell her, Dink.” Jonathan mocked playfully, earning a soft slap on the back of his head from Y/n, who scolded him and reminded him that she was the only one that could call Neil like that and he should have respect for his own boss. One stern glance from Neil was enough to make him lift his hands in surrender.

”Alright, alright. I got the message.” He said, slowly heading to the door.

Just before the door closed shut, he shot Neil one last look that was basically saying “tell her, idiot!”

A sigh pushed past the nervous man's lips as he was left alone with his best friend in the office. Neil had no energy and will to play around the topic, so he just took a deep breath approaching her closer.

”Look… if I had any different choice, I wouldn't… I wouldn't try to pull you into it..” He started off, sitting on the desk in front of her, looking down at his hands, making her quite nervous. But without a second thought she lifted his chin with her hand, making him look in her eyes.

”You can pull me into anything as long as you follow, you know that— Stop being so nervous, now, I’m starting to fear that it’s something big and concerning” She urged, feeling that something wasn't right… not with how he was trying to avoid eye contact with her.

”Are you involved with the mafia, Dink?” She held back a giggle, using her best poor Italian accent to try to ease the tension and his mood, successfully as he giggled back.

“Are you trying to perform as Robert De Niro, now?” he huffed amused “You are still doing it wrong” Neil added, commenting on her performance “Lies, you’re just jealous of my skills. Bet someone could actually mistake me for him, bit of makeup and I look just like him” she joked, her smiles switching slowly into a soft one when Neil spoke softly to deny it “You are beautiful… so shut up” he quickly added the last part to ease the awkward tension. She chuckled as well, sighing as she sat at the chair in front of the desk.

”So.. tell me. What do you need, Neil?” Y/n asked seriously this time, so he mirrored her body language.

”Okay so… My mother said… well, more like forced me? Obligated me… to bring at the christmas dinner a girlfriend and… and she said that if I don't I.. I shouldn't even come.” He stuttered out nervously again, glancing at Y/n as she kept listening to him while nodding. She didn't say anything, as she knew that it wasn't the end of the story. Neil knew it too.

”andithoughtthatyoucouldgowithme” he spat out really quickly, breathing deeply just at the end of the sentence, almost passing out.

Y/n tried not to laugh at that, nodding as if she understood everything he said to her “Now.. I have known you for years, Dink. I know what you said but you know how much I like to see you in such a state, huh. Ask it better” she requested, humming while crossing her legs smugly, waiting for Neil’s next move.

He scoffed at that, of course she wanted that... and he was going to give it to her like every time “Fine! You dick.. Would you come with me… please” he asked, showing her his pleading eyes, earning a chuckle from her “First, I’m not a dick. Second… of course I will, you dork” she answered, leaving a couple of seconds of silence before giving him her final answer, creating suspense between them.

Neil was just nodding sadly, sighing softly as his hand rested on her small shoulder, patting it twice “I know that you would have….wait what—” he raised his voice quickly, his eyes snapping to hers as his mood changed completely “You’re not joking, right?” he asked to make sure he could celebrate his victory. Y/n just rolled her eyes before she got up, kissing his cheek exaggerating the noise.

”I’m not, but now I need to run if I want to make it to the bus. See you later, send me the details.” She said quickly, running through the door with a smile.

Neil sat there in silence for a moment before exhaling loudly. Then a slow smile appeared on his lips.

. *time lapse* .

The snow kept falling down on them as they waited in front of the big mansion, looking at each other every now and then

”You can do it… we can do it. Together.’’ she reminded him as soon as she felt his nervousness, squeezing his hand in her own.

Neil exhaled, straightening his back as he glanced at her. She nodded, and they went to the door, knocking before they'd change their mind. Here we go, no backing away now. Neil knocked, and they waited a couple seconds before steps approached the door, swinging them open and showing the silhouette of Neil's mother.

”Oh, Neil… you're here.” She said with a fake smile plastered on her face. Then her gaze fell on Y/n and her eyes shone with respect. Y/n really was a pretty girl, nice features, styled hair and a very pleasant body, she was also all dolled up like Neil asked her, just for that dinner… ready to support her best friend as best she could. ”..and who's that?” the older woman asked, reaching out to Y/n, who shook her hand with a smile.

”That’s Y/n. My.. girlfriend.” Neil informed his mother, stuttering for a second, glancing at Y/n when the word girlfriend left his mouth.

His mother just nodded, lifting her chin up higher with a smaller smile.

”Come in.” She said, opening the door wider and closing them behind them.

It will be a long night, Y/n thought seeing the rudeness in his mother's eyes.

. *couple hours later* .

Y/n clenched her jaw again that night, hearing the two-sided comments towards Neil. He was quiet most of the time.. before he wasn't, as his younger brother threw an insult towards Y/n this time.

”Watch your fucking mouth.” He barked at him suddenly, surprising everyone by the table. His father's eyes widened, and a little smile appeared on his lips. George gasped in shock, as it never happened before that Neil would actually stand up for himself. He'd either ignore him or just stutter out some insult back.

”Neil” His mother scolded another time throughout the dinner, and Y/n was fed up. She scooted back, and the chair squeaked, scratching the wooden floor from the sudden movement.

”Are you serious? This little brat insults him all night and you won't say anything, but when Neil stands up for me, you dare to scold him?” Y/n spoke up in a harsh, stern tone. The icy gaze in her eyes was enough to make everyone go quiet.

”I… I..” His mother stuttered out, still shocked.

Neil got up suddenly, heading to the door as he needed some fresh air. That whole “Christmas” dinner was a nightmare.

Y/n and Mrs. Lewis kept glaring at each other, and as the older woman opened her mouth to continue arguing, her husband's fist slammed at the table, startling her.

”Enough! Are you happy with ruining our Christmas dinner?” His low voice boomed at her, as he had enough of her backhanded compliments and rude talk. Seeing the situation, Y/n decide to leave as well, grabbing one of the tuna sandwiches from the plate standing on the table, fully knowing that Neil didn't manage to eat anything. Just some baked potatoes but she stole most of them from him. Rushing through the corridor, Y/n noticed that his jacket was gone, so she didn't hesitate to get out of the house.

Looking around, her heart pounded, not seeing him anywhere. Only as she looked at the other side of the road she noticed him, sitting on the bench despite the cold wind and falling snow.

He was visibly upset, with red cheeks and nose, tucked into his big jacket to keep some warm, and snowflakes in his dark hair… he looked beautiful. Even more than usual, she thought.

Even though she was heading to him, he didn't hear her steps or the crunching of snow under the sole of her boots. Only when she stood in front of him, Neil looked up at her face with teary eyes, making her expression soften.

She didn’t say anything, just moved her arm to show him what she was hiding under her coat, a small smile on her face. Neil looked at her, glancing down at the thing she was offering to him, a smile breaking on his face as well.

“A gross tuna sandwich for the grosser boy I know” she sang, moving the food closer to Neil, her cold flushed cheeks making her look like a kid “Come on… take a bite or do you need me to feed you, huh?” She teased, handing him the sandwich after she moved it in tiny circles in front of his face, so that he could sniff its smell.

Neil grabbed it, brushing his warm hands against her cold ones before sticking out his tongue like a kid, just like when he was younger.

Y/n watched him take it, before she sat down on the cold bench next to him. She didn’t talk, just leaned her head on his shoulder, sneaking her hand in his pocket to hold his bigger one in hers.

They stayed like that for some minute, in silence and now in each other’s arms ‘’Don’t listen to them, Dink…’’ she whispered, watching his side profile as he ate his sandwich. Neil was clearly lost in his mind for a while as they just sat there, getting covered with snow. Several minutes passed before Y/n attempted to talk again.

”I don't regret coming here with you.” She confessed, making him look at her, surprise written all over his face.

”How come?” He asked, confused. Neil couldn't think of a single reason for why she would actually be happy about coming on the Christmas dinner to his family. It went.. horrible.

Y/n shrugged, playing with his big long fingers.

”I mean… I don't know.” She backed off a little, feeling a little ashamed of her confession. Neil could see that she wanted to say something else, but doubt crept up her mind. He grabbed her chin suddenly, surprising her and himself as well, making her look in his baby blue eyes that looked even more charming with the white snow in the background.

”Tell me.” He asked more like commanded in a quiet voice. Suddenly the atmosphere between them got more.. intimate than fragile like before. His gaze didn't falter for a second, as he boldly starred in her eyes.

Y/n felt like that moment would pass soon if she didn't take the change.

”I.. I liked.. playing your girlfriend.” She spoke up, matching the volume of his voice. Neil’s eyes shifted down, looking at all the features of her face separately, carefully and taking his time. The intention in his eyes was visible, and made Y/n’s breath deepen as her heart started pounding in her chest.

”I like it too.” He whispered, subconsciously leaning in, reducing the distance between them with each second.

Without a second of doubt, Y/n moved closer, tilting her head up so he could reach her lips more easily.

Even though they both knew it was coming, the sensation that went through their bodies was.. shocking. Knowing each other for years, neither of them would expect to feel… such fireworks while kissing.

Her soft lips moved against his slowly, sensually without any rush. Neil was completely frozen, not moving at all as he didn't want to ruin the moment. Y/n wasn't as shy, as her hand reached his cheek to keep him closer. In their minds the kiss lasted for hours, yet it was barely a minute before they ran out of oxygen. Parting in need of a breath, Neil leaned his forehead on hers, letting out a shaky breath. Silence between them lasted for a couple minutes.

”Neil…” She started out.

”I know.” He cut her off, earning a chuckle.

”Neil…” She started again ”If you don't confess that you love me, right now… I'm afraid I'm going to throw up. I feel your tuna in my mouth.” She whispered, making him burst into laughter.

Shaking his head he grabbed her face in his hands, his eyes shiny and hair a mess, hanging over his forehead.

”I love you, Y/n.” He said, still smiling so widely, and she giggled out loudly.

”I love you too, Dinky…. I'm freezing by the way, could we go back inside? Not in the dining room but maybe in your room. I was always curious to see your childhood bedroom” she revealed, a bit too eager to know more about Neil's past.

With that the young woman stood up, offering her now hopefully boyfriend her hand. It took Neil a couple of seconds to take her hand finally, since the priorities came first, aka his tuna sandwich, leading her himself back towards the house and upstairs to his bedroom.

Nothing had changed much during the years, his little brother George received more useless stuff while her older sister Margaret wasn't living there anymore so her useless stuff was all in her own house.

As soon as they walked in the bedroom, Neil made sure to lock the door, past trauma of people walking in his room without asking just to annoy or piss him off came quickly back. Y/n didn't seem to mind though, her eyes kept wandering around as her hands worked on the buttons of her coat “I have a gift for you by the way” she informed Neil with a smile, her beautiful eyes now stopping back on him “but…I won't give it to you till you go wash your teeth. I don't want to risk getting another tuna kiss” she murmured, shivering at the idea, making Neil laugh and nod as he headed to his own small personal bathroom to do as she said.

Coming out again, his eyes locked with hers— she was now sitting on his bed, leg crossed with a small rectangular present next to her body. A small smile on her face. “Come on, open your gift, Dink” She encouraged him, watching how he walked closer with a childlikeness hidden in his eyes.

Neil carefully took the wrapped object, working on the paper to open it carefully, stealing glances at Y/n who was watching him with his same mood.

“You like it?” The young woman asked softly, studying her best friend's reaction “it's an old noir movie… I heard your discussion about it with Jonathan in the Gumshoe and I managed to find it.” She added anxiously, seeing no clear reaction from him. Her lips parted for the third time, ready to ask for clarification again but she didn't need to, since Neil's lips pressed against hers— his arms wrapping around her smaller frame as his big hand cupped the back of her head to keep her in place. It really looked like one of those kisses characters shared in old movies… so rich of passion and love.

The position was quite uncomfortable though, so they changed it after a couple of seconds, his arms now holding her hips firmly against his body and her arms hugging his neck to keep him closer to her. No tuna this time.

Taglist:

@gabile18 , @mrsfullbuster500 , @rex-ray , @elizamalfoyy, @eovjjj @wife-of-magic-monkeys , @jeremiah-va1eska , @gothamchic16, @rabbiteggz , @dieg0brandos-wife , @rottenecstasy , @lazyexcuse , @teh-vampire-bunny , @lobotomy-lover , @slasher-smasher , @sleepycreativewriter , @mrkdvidal1989

#neil lewis oneshot #neil lewis x you #neil lewis x y/n #neil lewis cillian murphy #neil lewis x reader #neil lewis #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy fic #cillian fic #cillian x reader #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x reader #watching the detectives

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reds-skull · 4 months

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Fic recs - oneshots (part 4)

I'm currently in like, a lot of pain (...don't ask), so what better way to distract myself than cataloging some fics!

Last time I said I'll do a list of writers, but I noticed that so much time has passed that I've collected enough oneshots for another post like this, so I'm doing this first.

A couple of ones here are from shadowforest-wolf's lists, go check these posts out if you want more recs!

As always, sfw oneshots, if there are any dead links you need fixing let me know!

Sea of Love by MiddlemistsRed (chiakashie) - Soap keeps dying in Al Mazrah and Ghost reincarnates each time to save him.

Offhand Remarks by bisexual_werewolf - Ghost doesn’t think Soap is a good enough soldier. Soap tries his best to fix that. (Spoilers: It doesn’t work)

You'd Be the Mercy Under My Cruelty by ajax_in_agony - Ghost takes care of Soap in the aftermath of "Alone".

TV. by Kodalax - Ghost thinks Soaps mad at him so he distances himself as much as possible and clams up like he’s a child again. [this is a series with a second work from Soap's POV]

where the nightmares end by oh_ellie - Soap is sitting up in his bed, the sheets shoved off of his body and sweat beading on his forehead and running down his temple. It's dark in his room and far too quiet.

taken a shine to me? by oh_ellie - Soap is captured by Graves during alone [this has a second work which is nsfw]

Eleven by VibeDemon - Ghoap get stuck in an elevator. [this is just a little funny one :)]

He's The Gift That Just Keeps Giving! by StrixDaddy - some hurt/comfort featuring Christmas fluff.

Hold On To Me by iamtheidiot - That's when he saw it. A goddamn fucking knife sticking out of the man's right side, his arm at an angle like he was trying to conceal the thing from Soap.

Ghostly Music by oh_heccity - A 5+1 where Soap helps Ghost learn to have a healthy relationship with music, it, of course, has its ups and downs.

My heart in your hands keeps going on by FetteEule - 5 times Ghost is forced to go on leave and 1 time he takes leave on purpose.

Bleeding Sands by Islenthatur - What if Soap was one of the 15 who survived Operation Sand Viper [COD Ghosts Soap]

notre dame by merikai - Soap is stuck under rubble, but it takes a while until someone comes to the rescue.

heaven help the fool who falls in love by merikai - Soap has a "girl". Ghost tries to find out more.

leave it to the land by merikai - “Hypothermic,” Ghost mutters, more to himself as a note than to Soap. “You're delirious. Need to get you warmed up.”

no shortage of sordid by merikai - Hassan's men have taken Soap hostage—but there are things worse than this.

Dehiscence (Opening of a Wound) by made1for1life1 - Johnny knows his mind doesn't work the same as other people's. Maybe he just needs to try harder. Trying harder is a lot harder than he thought.

A quick game of chess by cheersyaslag - when Ghost tells him to shut up, he doesn't exactly know why it hurts so damn much. Maybe he's being too sensitive. But he does shut up. He will do as he's told for once.

Observations and Ink by Fearless_leaderr - He shifts nervously as the other man flips through the pages, and Soap can feel sweat begin to collect on his brow. "Didn't know you could draw like this, Johnny."

Still got like 3 days until I finish the semester, but I already got so many ideas for comics and drawings and fics it's not even funny. I'm gonna have so much fun once I'm finally done with my work T_T

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #fic recs #not art #ghostsoap #soapghost #ghoap #im gonna go. sleep now.#cant really do much besides that at this point

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scaly-freaks · 30 days

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cherry wine stains 8.0

playing it a little differently and rewinding back to their school years but with an Aegon POV this time.

all previous parts in pinned.

"I like your knee-high socks."

"I like the chain you wear like a crucifix."

"Strange way to describe it."

"I don't know. It just - it hangs around your neck like the absence of something."

Her words dissolve like sugar into the cup of his mind.

Clever people don't realise the riptide of their soul is not being fed until they meet another clever person. Aegon's currents slow to a whispered crawl as his eyes trace Amara's profile, creating images in the tangle of her windswept curls.

She's left a lipstick print on his mother's favourite mug. When he sees it, his soul unhooks from where he keeps it folded away, right there at the base of his neck where the silver chain fastens.

Later, he'll kiss that print, see if the measure of his mouth is enough.

Helaena told him in private: You can't! You can't, you can't, you can't! You ruin everything!

The frantic protests of a younger sister who thinks - knows - that her older brother getting involved with one of her friends is going to end up in a loss for her. He's dated one of Helaena's friends before (it ended in the kind of operatic disaster you only ever see on Eastenders).

He does not want to date Amara as much as he wants to pry her open like a game of cat's cradle and weave apart the strings that keep her mobile. Half the time, Aegon suspects she isn't truly awake. Some part of her is drowning in slumber, deep as Briar Rose. He catches that moment sometimes, as she blinks at him with those sleepy eyes.

The texture of her thoughts - when she gives them up - slips like satin over his fingers.

"Do you want a smoke?" He flips the mint-green box in his palm and grins.

Her gaze is longing. "I told my mother I'd quit. Besides, aren't menthol cigarettes banned here?"

He shrugs, slipping one between his pinched lips to hold it steady. "Nothing's banned if you squint."

"Flawed logic," she laughs.

"She said to a drug dealer."

That makes her laugh harder. He likes making her laugh. Feels worthwhile somehow. Not much in his life feels that way these days.

The younger siblings are all growing up, leaving school, moving onto greener pastures, where the chaotic drudgery of the council estate turns into a crystalline vision in the rearview, something to put into personal statements and add what rich tossers would call flavour.

They don't need him like they used to. He and his mother have raised them to become self-sufficient and now Aegon has to figure out what he wants to do with himself because where the kids are going, they won't want to admit what their brother does - has done - for a living to ensure their survival. He predicts he'll be the family embarrassment every Christmas, the uncle that shows up drunk, with a sliver of something in his eyes that suggests he could have been something once.

He knows he won't end up that way. His need to be someone, get somewhere, is far too aggressive. But he does fear no longer being needed by the people who have relied on him so long he can no longer extricate himself from the identity of protector.

Maybe it's why he likes making Amara laugh.

She doesn't have siblings. Her eyes still dart around, nervous, as if aware her protection in this world is lacking compared to that of others. Her parents won't always be around. When they are gone, there won't be siblings to divide her grief up with. It'll just be her.

If his subconscious is turning her into his new surrogate sister, it doesn't reconcile well with the instinct that stirs when her skirt rides up an inch.

Alicent's stained glass lamp flickers, bulb on the brink of permanent death. Aegon reaches over to ensure it is screwed on properly and it affords them a last burst of weak light. Amara reaches out her hand under the dappled glow of its illumination, slipping her fingers under the violets, yellows and greens, as the crook of her elbow turns rose pink.

"I've always liked your mother's taste in furniture."

"Yeah? Take it. She wants to throw it out."

"No. If she's decided it's dead, it should go. I'll just be keeping the corpse if I took it."

Aegon's eyes wrinkle at the corners, smile disguised by the inhale of the cigarette. "It's not organic material. There's no corpse."

She glances at him, as if aware of his mockery despite the affection he delivers it with. "I think some inanimate objects come alive if they are loved enough. Alicent's had this lamp since I've known her. It's lived with her, and now it'll die. We shouldn't interrupt the process."

No wonder Helaena adores her.

They are both odd creatures, his little sister, and this intense, doll-eyed mirage that turned up at their doorstep one day, hungry for oven chips and love. She reached out her cold hands to Alicent, and found herself overwhelmed with the warmth and affection given in return.

He's known her so long, she should feel like a sibling.

What does it say about him if he can't stop wondering what it must feel like to graze his lips over her stomach and tongue that bellybutton ring she got in a short-lived fit of rebellion?

Aegon flicks aside the cigarette, mouth acidic with guilt.

He isn't the kind of person who wants. Other people want. Aegon goes out and gets. There isn't enough time to submerge in the feeling of want and understand the true depth of craving the human soul can achieve.

But he sees the whorl of soft hair at the nape of her neck and the feeling crawls up the rungs of his ribcage like a creature possessed. He pictures being small enough to curl up in the soft folds of her clothing, to soak in the scent of her until he passes out from exhaustion.

That feels like enough wanting for today.

"I'll see you downstairs, yeah?"

If she looks disappointed, it's just wishful thinking on his part. She knows he's not going anywhere. He'll be in the living room with the rest of the family who've put on Shrek and are split into two groups - the half that sings along, and the half that won't.

"I'll be down in a bit."

"Cool."

A sudden gust of wind lifts her hair, and the flimsy ribbon comes loose. He catches it before it finds freedom. She turns, expectant, waiting for the inevitable return of her almost-lost property. He pulls it between his fingers, wonders if it also carries life inside the woven thread, the way she claimed his mother's lamp does.

The weight of her hair rivals Isolde's.

Irish myths were a rooted part of his childhood, laced into Alicent's quiet voice every bed time. She swears the Hightowers are mostly, if not fully, Irish. But she could never be sure of how far back, or of the intricacies of any bloodlines. Rich people have the luxury of unfurling a family tree across the polished mahogany of their dining room table. They get to find their eyes, noses and mouths in the faces of people who lived too long ago to care what has become of their DNA.

Poor people make do with maybes and perhaps because most of the time, the lives of their ancestors are of no interest to anyone but themselves. Unless a mining forefather was crushed in a collapse and the resulting riots tore down a political establishment.

So, his mother pulled them back to times so ancient, the ancestors became common for all, their bloodlines too distant to maintain individuality.

If Tristan and Isolde are in Aegon's ancestry, that past life becomes tangible when he runs his fingers through Amara's hair and tames it into a braid he's practiced on Helaena a hundred times.

"There's something mythical about your hair," he says, and then cuts himself short because he deals drugs for a living, and whatever fancy thought this was about to be would make more sense from someone more booksmart.

She cranes her neck back and gives him the brightest upside-down smile. "That's the best compliment anyone's ever given me."

Aegon bites the inner corner of his lip and nudges her to look straight so he can keep braiding.

Once her eyes are off his face, it splits into a smile. Warmth drains down his spine like gold egg yolk poured from its shell. Once the braid is done, he rests his chin on the top of her head, and passes it off as brotherly with a goldfish-squeeze of her cheeks.

He lingers, inhales deep, smells her, turns her scent into binary code that he will decipher in isolation later.

"Don't be too long. You'll catch your death out here."

#aegon ii targaryen #modern aegon #aegon ii x oc #aegon x oc #aegon ii fanfic #aegon ii fic #aegon x amara #scalyfreakswrites #house of the dragon #aegon targaryen #cherry wine stains part eight #modern hotd au #Spotify #alicent hightower #hotd oc #helaena targaryen

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davosmymaster · 1 year

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Home

TAGS AND WARNINGS - Hurt/comfort, panic attack, family issues, abusive family, racism (against Joel and Sarah), mentions of stalking (if you squint), Joel is definitely Latino, potentially triggering if you have suffered from an abusive household, self-degradation, “Mexican” as a slur, Christmas celebration and religion. Reader is 28. Because of the plot both reader and family are implied to be white/not black or latino.

PAIRINGS - Joel Miller x fem!reader (Pre-outbreak! Joel)

WORD COUNT - 3.2k

SUMMARY - Coming back “home” to your family for Christmas is always a dangerous move. The goal was simple: survive through the night. Joel comes to the rescue when the mission becomes unbearable.

Home

There is a warmth in your chest as you close the door to your childhood room. Out of the bubble you have now created for yourself beyond those four walls, there's a dad sitting in front of the tv and a mom putting the finishing touches to Christmas dinner. Your brother is somewhere out there, too. And all you can think of is how the warmth in your chest becomes white lightning, a fire going up and down through your sternum; and your closed-up throat unwilling to welcome any more air into your lungs.

'What's wrong?' you ask yourself in your mind; as if you didn't already have the answer for that. All is fine, all is well. And yet the fire doesn't stop despite the lack of oxygen in your lungs, and the trembling in your hands becomes somehow more erratic.

'What's wrong?' The voice in your head is unforgiving. Sarcastic. Insulting, even. 'Nothing's wrong. You know damn well that's the problem.'

Your breathing comes out laboured. Somehow the autopilot has failed, and you have to remind yourself to keep breathing; it seems that your body is no longer interested in keeping you alive. Let alone sane.

As if sent by God themselves, the flip phone in your handbag rings. The melody fills the room from where you left your things an hour ago and your knees crawl there, unable to hold your own weight. Back hits the mattress, and your form becomes a boneless bundle of anxiety against it, on the floor. Your shaky hands look for the phone inside your bag; and you pick it up on its last ring.

You hear a relieved breath on the other side, and yours immediately follows. His voice comes out low, a drop of worry staining it inevitably like blood on a white shirt.

"It's me," he says. And you want to respond 'Of course it's you, who else would call me at this hour on Christmas eve?' "Just wanted to check how everything is going."

Words don't come out of your mouth. You just bend into yourself a little more, feeling extremely cold all of a sudden. The trembling is gone. Although it has left remnants behind, a trail of weakness in your very soul, your breathing still in manual mode. Slow. Lungs aching.

"Darlin'..." Joel whispers.

You can almost picture him bent over his yellow kitchen counter. One hand is pressing the phone against his ear, his elbow supporting his weight. The other is against his chest as if trying to comfort himself with half a hug. The crease between his dropped eyebrows is deep. Concern flows from his voice like a river after it's rained. You want to massage the fine lines on his forehead, press your own hand against his patchy beard; and kiss the worry away.

The words you prepare yourself to say are comforting, dismissive of your current situation; but they never leave your lips.

"I shouldn't be here," it's what flows from your mouth instead.

He takes a deep breath followed by a sigh, and you can perfectly picture him shutting his eyes tightly.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

He insists, but you don't have a different answer to offer. Truth is, nothing has happened; and that is something Joel Miller, your boyfriend, whose parents were always there for him both physically and emotionally when he and Tommy were growing up, will never understand.

He will never understand the silence in the room below, and how unsettling it is to patiently wait for the inevitable fight. He will never understand that the smell and sight of the house you grew up in bring memories deeply buried but burnt into your brain. He will never understand the unnerving rage that floods your nervous system whenever your family behaves like family; when they treat you nicely and kindly and it feels like they are mocking you somehow. Because you know how they are, and you know they are seconds away from dropping the masks and beginning the third world war as soon as you bring up the wrong topic; which seems to be any topic these days. But especially the fact that you're dating a divorced dad. And as if that wasn't enough, it bothers them, even more, knowing that said dad is of Latin descent, and his child, a black girl.

You don't understand why you're even there. Well, you know why you're there; because they drove three hours to pick you up even though you repeatedly told them that you could drive back home for Christmas. Because you had felt guilty —and sick— at the thought of one: saying no after that; and two: the anxiety a fight in front of Sarah's teacher would cause you.

How had they found out you were taking Sarah to school, or what school she attended? You had no idea.

"I'm sorry..." you whisper, suddenly guilty for being there; even though you know it's not your fault that they are manipulative and abusive and a complete fucking nightmare. It feels like you need to apologize to both of them, for still wanting and expecting your parents to change despite the awful things they think of Joel and Sarah.

"Hey... hey..." Joel speaks in a whisper, his heart pounding so hard it hurts. And you hear him walking somewhere; probably outside. He doesn't like Sarah listening to things she's not supposed to know about. "We both know it's not your fault they have their head so far up their asses."

There's no reason for you to break the way you do, but that doesn't stop your tears or your own shallow breath from making it to the other side of the line. A low grunt escapes your lips. The pain is raw, and feels new rather than just an uncomfortable scar. Your eyes scan the room and they find your purple walls, old notebooks, clothes in the open wardrobe and, suddenly, it feels like you're fifteen and so fucking helpless and exhausted and done.

"Darlin', come on..." he's begging. "Take deep breaths with me. C'mon..."

You close your eyes, so tightly that your very brain hurts, so tightly that you see bursts of fireworks behind your eyelids. That doesn't stop the tears from coming, but at least now there is a dark invisible barrier between you and that house that should be your home but isn't. And you take a deep breath with him, and let it out.

"Good. You're doing so good," he says, and it fills you with guilt that his voice sounds so scared. "One more... Yeah, there you go. One more baby girl... That's it," he keeps you from falling into the abyss of your mind, and you don't think you could ever repay the debt.

A comfortable silence settles between the both of you before he asks.

"Want me to go and pick you up?" he asks, with such a gentle voice you couldn't help but picture him as he talked to baby Sarah. He doesn't want to scare you or upset you in any way.

But you shake your head quickly and wipe your tears with the back of your hand.

"No," you respond. "It's so far away, and Christmas... and Sarah needs you."

"Sarah is perfectly fine here, and Christmas will last 'til morning. It's not even that late," he says. "...and you need me too," he insists. "It's not that far, anyway."

"It's a three-hour-long drive."

"For those old motherfuckers maybe. I can go back and forth in that same amount of time."

You sigh, loudly. The strength is leaving your body with any passing second, and you fear you will pass out on him while still on the call.

Almost as a threat, you hear your mother speaking in the living room.

"She's in her room?" she asks, and your heartbeat increases. It pounds heavily against your ribcage. The voice is muffled by the walls and stairs, but loud and clear as if she wanted you to hear. "Some things never change, do they? What a shame. A twenty-eight-year-old woman, hiding in her room from the parents that raised her... and put a roof over her head..."

Then, your brother laughs.

"Joel..." you say. With the tone that comes out of your shutting throat and your knees on the floor, his name in your mouth feels like a prayer. He winces on the other side of the line as if he could feel the stabbing pain in your heart. But that, you don't know. "Please hurry..."

"I will, baby," he says.

As soon as your words leave your mouth, you regret them. Almost screaming his name, he gets startled; asks what's wrong as if he feared the ceiling of your childhood bedroom collapsing on top of you. It certainly feels like it.

"Don't be so quick, though," you whisper, and immediately cringe at your own words. "I mean... Don't get yourself killed on the road. Please."

He blows a long sigh, directly into his phone.

"Je-sus... Christ," he could almost laugh at the relief. "I won't. Keep your phone at hand."

"Thank you, baby."

Before either of you has even hung up the phone, the door to your room bursts open. Your brother is standing there, with that sly grin that you wish you could beat out of him without him killing you first; but which, at the same time, terrifies you to the point of absurdity.

He leans his head, covered by a baseball cap, towards the hallway.

"She's talking to the Mexican!"

A different kind of rage fills your veins, but even before you have the chance to say or do anything; you're defeated by your own dread. You wait for him to say something else, to reveal your new plan for Christmas; but he just stands there squinting in your direction. He seems confused by your puffy red eyes and your sitting position on the floor; rather than concerned for your teary face as an actual brother should be.

Your mother speaks, then. A loud cry comes from the first floor. Exaggerated. Malicious.

"Oh dear lord," she sobs. "What did we do to deserve this? And on Christmas Eve. Can we not have one peaceful Christmas?"

"Dinner's ready," your brother says. And slams the door.

[***]

For almost two hours you eat up your father's complaints about hypothetical broken hinges and your mother's cries about being the worst possible mother ever. Your brother seems the only person eating dinner in peace, and you're almost jealous of how unbothered he appears to be.

At some point the conversation redirects towards Joel, you don't know exactly when or why, but your father says his name as if Joel had anything to do with whatever he was talking about. You try to defend him, but end up with both of them somehow offended because you called them racists and they-are-not-racist and Mexicans-take-our-jobs and no matter how many times you tell them he's not Mexican, they don't seem to care.

How you manage not to have another panic attack, that you don't know.

The doorbell rings throughout the house, as if announcing the apocalypse. Your brother stands with his fork halfway out of his mouth, and your heart races as you look toward both of your parents. You see their mind going a mile a second, wondering if their complaints have been loud enough for the neighbors to call the police. Until shaking like a leaf, you get up from the table without having eaten a single bite, get your handbag and head to the front door.

Everything else is a blur, even if nothing special happened, even if they just let you go without a single word. Somehow, silence is even worse than what you were expecting. Next thing you know, you're in Joel's truck heading back to Austin and he's holding your hand.

Just the sight of him calms your nerves enough to wake up from the trance. He's rubbing small circles on the back of your limp hand. He manages to drive with one single hand on the steering wheel, but he clenches his fist so much around it that you can see his knuckles turning white.

He turns for a split second to look at you, and his gaze softens. His fingers intertwined with yours, and he squeezes gently.

"There you are, gorgeous," he says, his voice being the only thing you can hear. He takes a deep breath, and you know he's trying very hard not to pull over and squeeze you against his chest until your atoms and his merge together. "We're going home now, baby. It's okay."

The sentence feels like a kick in the gut, but he's right; you're going home now. The force of the blow is so hard that you physically flinch, and fat round tears come back to your cheeks.

You wished it was different. You wished they were different. You wished you could call their house your home and those people your family, but they hardly have earned the title of acquaintances. It doesn't matter that you're their flesh and blood; they haven't treated you as such. Through the four of you flows the same blood, but what does that matter when they seem to break your own heart with every word they pronounce?

You don't even realize how or when, but the truck is standing on the side of the road. Joel gets out and walks to where you are, and your arms fling themselves over his broad shoulders as soon as he swings the door open. He buries his nose in your hair, breathing in your own presence and squeezing his fingers on your waist as if he could get your body any closer to his. When your touch falters, he takes his chance to grab your cheeks and kiss you.

The kiss tastes like salt from your own tears, but that doesn't stop him in the slightest. He wants to kiss you harder than his own body is capable of. He daydreams of becoming the prince in those Disney movies Sarah loved as a child. All so he can erase all your pain with a single kiss, wake you up from the terrible nightmare with just his presence, his love and care. He knows that's not possible, but that doesn't stop him from trying.

His tongue gently licks yours. He revels in the kiss, his knees almost buckling up as if he was a teenager all over again. Before he lets go, he nibbles at your lower lip. And it's not until then, when his hips accidentally brush your inner thigh, that he notices how hard he actually is.

You gasp, and your lips form a perfect 'oh" against his mouth. Your eyes are closed, and he holds his breath at how drugged up he feels. He breathes your exhale and now it is pooling at the bottom of his lungs, making a home there. Unmoving. Strange to his system but somehow still welcomed. He presses his lips against the pulse point on your neck, feels the swollen vein there and flattens his tongue against the warm skin. Just the soft moan coming from your lips makes his boring existence worth it.

And then he bites. Softly. So soft that he barely feels his own teeth against your flesh. It still makes you jump.

"Joel!" you whisper, and the following second he's smiling as he draws a path of kisses back to your cheek. "Ugh... stop"

The air he's been holding finally comes out of his system with a long sigh. Both his hands are hugging your cheeks as his lips approach your forehead and gift you a kiss there.

"I won't let anyone mistreat you this way again," he says. He's all eyes closed and heart on his sleeve. Even if he was usually affectionate, he had never once before been so open before. The ghost of his ex-wife still haunts his nightmares and threatens him to end the same way with you if he let himself go. "I wish I met you before... maybe I could've been there and..."

"Joel," you stop his ramblings. Those words he's saying are not even directed at you anymore. He's lost in his own thoughts, in his own pain. "Joel you couldn't have done anything. This had to happen sooner or later."

Finally, he lets go, but still keeps you close enough to bury your head in his chest if you need it.

"Look at you..." he says. "Comforting me when it is you who needs comfort now. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like to be there all those years. I would've lost my fucking mind."

With teary eyes, you look into those gentle brown eyes he carries. They look at you with so much pain already, such a heavy backpack full of sorrow for you on his back, that you feel bad to answer.

"I did. I did lose my fucking mind. Not having a home does that to a person."

Maybe it is because he doesn't want to cry in front of you, not now that you're so tender around the edges, at least; but he brings you back into his arms and a few tears well his eyes.

"Let me be your home," he finally whispers against your hair. "I will always be your home, somewhere you can always go to and depend on. Sarah and I will be your home. You don't have to keep looking anywhere else..."

The wound in your chest cannot be mended, that you already know. Yet Joel's words feel like a balm on the open wound. The promise sounds heaven-sent, too good to be true. It also feels threatening somehow. The breaking of that promise, if you agreed to it, would mean completely losing any hope remaining in your body, any strength to keep fighting. Trusting is so difficult and love so complicated when fate seems so random. Yet this is what living is like, isn't it? What is life if not a continuous gamble we play in the hope of achieving a little happiness?

His eyes are fixed on yours, trying to read the thoughts coming non-stop to your mind. But in the end, there's nothing left to consider. Before you could even make the conscious decision, your mind, even if broken and dazed, had already performed the biggest proof of care you were capable of. You had stood against your parents for Joel and Sarah, something you had never been able to do before. Not in all seriousness, at least; not as far as showing them that you were capable of walking out of their house without their permission.

You loved them, and they loved you the way a true family should love. Joel loved you in a way you had never thought possible, and Sarah considered you, in all aspects, her true mother. Their home was always open for you. Always welcome. The only scream anyone would hear could only come from the tv or the radio. The arms were always open, the coffee always boiling hot, and the favors didn't need to be asked for. Love wasn't traded, but simply given.

"You two have always been my true home," you finally conceded, right into his incredulous and love-struck eyes. "Will you forgive me for forgetting?"

"Oh, babygirl..." he whispers, a smile dancing on his lips as he presses his forehead against yours, and his hands slowly warm your cheeks. His nose gently brushes yours. "There's no need to apologize. I will never get tired of reminding you."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x fem!reader #tlou fanfic #the last of us x reader #joel miller x you

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enchantedlandcoffee · 4 months

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Hey guys! Happy 28th! As I couldn't do a december fic rec list, I thought I'd merge them into one so this will be a big one :)

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Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

"Are there any gays in here?" by @red-pandaaa | red_panda28

Explicit | 7.9k | Strangers to Lovers Or, Louis is fed up with meaningless hook-ups, Harry happened to visit Starbucks on a Wednesday, and Clifford is the best

You smile all the time ('cause how can you not show it)? by @thebreadvansstuff | thebreadvan

Explicit | 9.5k | Dentist Louis Or, Harry never liked dentists, until now.

Blue Moon by @aquietlarrie

Explicit | 152.9k | Alternate Universe - 1950s it’s the late 50’s. times are ‘simple’. rock n roll is in full swing. vinyl, music and dancing are the primary ways of entertaining yourself, and in a time where loving someone of the same sex is illegal, two strangers catch each other’s eyes across a dancefloor and do just that. over the span of a year and in between two cities, harry and louis happen to find each other at just the right time. through a hot and heavy summer and a bitter winter, their journey is one of self; self discovery, self-acceptance and self love. this is a story of navigating sexuality in a time where man and woman are the only accepted forms of love by law, where learning to hide your love for someone becomes a matter of survival and safety. a story where above everything, they stick together and weather the storm. its hard, incredibly hard, but no matter the road, it's one worth taking

Tangled in your love and light by @likelarryfics | likelarry

Explicit | 95k | Kid Fic, Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Omega Harry Styles Harry doesn't have time for romance or finding an Alpha between balancing work, studying and looking after his daughter, Bella. Enter Louis Tomlinson who's a romantic sweet Alpha, determined to win the omegas heart and turns Harry's whole world upside down, making him question everything he's ever wanted and known.

Lost Cat, Found Love by @wemadethishome

General Audiences | 4.5k | Established Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Mild Hurt/Comfort Louis hates cats. But when his neighbor's cat goes missing, he finds himself much more dedicated to finding the thing than he ever wanted to be.

The Wind It Held Us Up by @itsnotreal | hazzahtomlinson

Explicit | 14k | Alien Harry Styles, Scientist Louis Tomlinson Or Louis had a feeling there was life on other planets, he just hadn't expected to meet someone from one.

now i know what a fool i've been by @28goldens | 28goldensfics

Teen and Up Audiences | 16.8k | Enemies to Lovers, Christmas Fluff harry and louis had one really bad date last year. now they're snowed in at zayn's family's cabin alone the days leading up to christmas and louis' birthday. can they make up or will this be their last christmas together?

come as you are by @stylinsoncity

Mature | Alternate Universe - Academia, Professor Louis, Student Harry louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most.

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 109k | Cheating, Older Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Alternate Universe - Beach, Meet-Cute Louis' life is steady and calm, moored by his marriage, and tied to his hometown, but after a chance encounter with another man, it'll never be the same.

Have Love, Will Travel by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 97k | Camping, Friends to Lovers, Video Cameras Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there's something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

Probably still adore you (with your hands around my neck) by @lunarheslwt

Explicit | 13k | Persephone x Hades AU, Louis Tomlinson as Hades, Harry Styles as Persephone Or, after six cruel months of being separated, Persephone!Harry returns to his husband, Hades!Louis.

The Money Mark by @brightgolden

Explicit | 52k | Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Sugar Baby Harry Styles Or, where Louis is Harry's first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.

Just You and I (a starry sky) by @justanothershadeofblue

Explicit | 7k | Christmas Fluff, Mpreg, Friends to Lovers "getting accidentally pregnant by his childhood best friend-with-benefits" was definitely not on Harry Styles' holiday to-do list - but apparently it's what has happened, so now he has to figure out how to tell Louis without ruining Louis' birthday, their family holiday, oh, and literally everything else about their lives. Oops?

kay's 25 days of smutmas series by shiptattou | @wecantalktomorrow

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Niall Horan/Zayn Malik

If You Leave Me by @hellolovers13

Explicit | 5k | Alternate Universe - Vampire Niall spends too much time in his own head, almost breaking his (and Zayn's) heart in the process.

#28th appreciation #hlcreators #hljournal #trackinghappily #trackinghome #1dsource #hlsource #1dficvillage

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satureja13 · 2 months

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Vlad's Therapy Game - Part 2

Vlad is back in the insanely beautiful (and green) world of the Therapy Game. Still in his insanely stupid clothes... And he still feels so, so hungry. So they can escape their ingame feelings by logging out, but they'll be back as soon as they log in again. And time did not pass. He and Diablo still stood where they logged out. Not the best news for poor Jack who logged out of that cell he'd been locked in...

This village is so pretty. Vlad's experience is so much better than Jack's. At the moment, he is the only one of them stable enough to test the Therapy Game. So it depends on him if Ji Ho, Siawa and Jack will get a successful therapy to help them to deal with their hardships... And so he entered the village. Diablo: 'I have a bad feeling about this...'

But Vlad didn't listen. And he has no choice anyway. The mayor approaches the new arrival. Vendor to the mayor: "I have a bad feeling about him. I bet he ran away. Just look at his clothes..."

But the Mayor didn't listen... Mayor: "Good Day! What brings you here?"

The Mayor does not have a questionmark above his head but this is a game so Vlad tried the obvious: "I have no money and I'm hungry, do you maybe have a quest for me?" It's so embarrasing. But everything for Ji Ho. And it's not real anyway. Just a playtest for a game. Nonetheless it's hard for Vlad to forget his foolish pride, step out of his comfort zone and ask for help (he really, really hates this!) and keep his temper at bay. Plus he is an introvert and feels uncomfortable around people he doesn't know.

Mayor: "How is it possible a beautiful boy like you you has no money? Did your Laird abandon you? Did you run away? Are you a criminal?" Vendor to the mayor: "I have informed you thusly, Roberto."

Vlad: "No! None of these! I'm just passing through." Mayor: "I see you are a Vampire. The Queen will have to decide about you. I'm afraid we can't help you as long as your status is unclear or we'll be in troubles ourselves."

Vlad: "The Queen? Fine. And where is she?" Mayor: "At her castle of course. Two day trips to the west." Vlad: "I won't survive two days without food." Mayor: "Uhm, I think it will be ok when you sell us your horse then. You'll get a share of the meat and you can leave. And we won't be punished for hiding a criminal." Vlad: "I told you I'm not a crimi... THE MEAT? You would slaughter my horse?"

Mayor: "Why not? Horses are useless. No milk, no eggs, no wool... The only thing they are good for is meat." Vlad: "But horses are intelligent, beautiful, noble creatures!" Mayor: "Who says that? Don't you eat meat where you come from?" Vlad: "Sure. But we only eat cows, pigs and chicken." Mayor: "What a weird attitude is this? Pigs are way more intelligent than horses, cows more noble and chicken more beautiful. AND they are all more useful than a horse." Customer: "So who gets to decide which animals should be slaughtered and which not?" Vendor 2: "I don't care, they all taste so good!" *sigh*

Vlad: "Is this your last word? Is there no job for me where I could earn some money? How could I possible reach the castle without a horse?" Mayor: "You have a point, though. But no one here would offer a job to a criminal."

Vlad: "..." Vendor: "Except for the sculptor..."

Mayor to the vendor: "Yes, but no one would work for him." Vlad: "I would!" Mayor: "Fine, you work for the sculptor and we'll spare your useless horse. Let's hope the queen forgives us." Vendor: "She will. That's the only way for us to get rid of him anyway. Before he starts to steal from us."

Vlad: "I'm not a crimi..." But the mayor already turned away: "You better behave, boy. Let's go to the inn, Martha darling." (You might remember Roberto and Martha from our Horse Ranch Adventures. It seems Tiny Can uses some known faces to populate the game, inspired by Vlad's logs. But since they did not recognize him, I guess it's just the visuals and the names.)

'A Christmas song from behind the wire Auld Nick patron saint o thieves, murderers & sailors Strike these shackles from me uh-huh Slide the bolt from out the door & tear down all the wire My babys growin cold & im on fire The aind that whistles off the hills & carries her perfume Carries too a lonely carol badly out of tune For just tonight beyond them walls id lay a mountain low And sing to her like only i know how

They dont hang no fairy lights these rusty iron bars So ill burn a paper lamp for her to see Though shes left like a widow of a war that never was Theres a light still burns in me'

The Rumjacks - Patron Saint O' Thieves

From the Beginning ~ Underwater Love ~ Latest 🕹️ 'Therapy Game' from the beginning ▶️ here 📚 Previous Chapters: Chapters: 1-6 ~ 7-12 ~ 13-16 ~ 17-22 ~ 23-28

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gracieheartspedro · 9 months

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Cool About It

it's here. the third and final part!

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: it's been over a year with joel and some things have just fallen apart. you miss him, more than you'd like to admit. after some time apart, you find yourself at tommy's christmas party. your recent endeavours catch up with you, and joel doesn't like the way it's looking.

Part 3/3

Links for Part 1 Part 2

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, very angsty, age gap, joel being very protective, use of homophobic slang, guy being creepy towards reader, very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f and m receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, pet names

Author's Note: I'm so happy to bring this final part to you beautiful people. I've loved writing this series so much! Thank you for your patience and kindness. please leave feedback, I love hearing from you guys.

Once, I took your medication to know what it's like

And now I have to act like I can't read your mind

I ask you how you're doing and I let you lie

But we don't have to talk about it

I can walk you home and practice method acting

I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning

Tellin' you it's nice to see how good you're doing

Even though we know it isn't true

“So are you and Joel going to work it out?”

It was a question bearing on your mind for months. You really didn’t want to hear it from Ellie.

You and Joel had officially been broken up for three months after seeing each other for over a year. It was never a concrete thing, the foundation of your relationship was cracked due to some unresolved trauma from both of your pasts. Joel was in the same boat as you when it came to not being able to cope with his grief. His daughter being taken from him so young, the horrors he went through trying to survive the end of the world, and of course the deep and complex relationship he had with Ellie. You had a lot of unsettled trauma from losing your entire family and being alone for most of your life. You also always had this sinking feeling that he was not telling you the full story about the last couple years. He seemed hesitant to discuss how he found Ellie in the first place. You could tell there was some awkward tension and unresolved issues between the two of them. You just wanted to help.

He started drinking a whole lot towards the tail end of the relationship and you weren’t sure why. He’d stumble back home drunk, not even able to kiss you goodnight.

It was getting complicated. He was terrible about communicating his feelings and you were too stubborn to accept you were ever wrong.

Of course, there were good times. Like all of the Saturday nights going out dancing with Tommy and Maria. The game nights with Ellie. Sitting outside on his front porch with nothing but his guitar, making you sing songs only your father would know.

You missed him terribly. But you knew it was for the better. It has to be for the better.

Ellie sits next to you at the annual Christmas party which was hosted by Maria and Tommy. They usually did it at their house, but with a toddler, it just didn’t seem realistic there anymore. So instead, they had it at the large food hall and invited all of Jackson.

You glance over at her, your eyes glazed over from all the alcohol you’d been consuming.

That was another thing. You couldn’t stop drinking, now. It was the only way you could get to sleep at night. You had even started going to the Tipsy Bison every night to get wasted and on some rare occasions, have a guy take you home.

You were almost positive Joel was sleeping with one of the other patrol leaders too, a girl named Kelly. She had made eyes at him before you two got together. You’d seen them around a couple times, just talking and getting close. The first time you saw them, you got wasted at the Bison and threw up your entire breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

It only made you want to get over him faster, so having those guys take you home was a distraction. But you’d never fully admit that.

“I don’t know, kid,” Is all you could think to say to Ellie. Your mind was muddled with stupid emotions and disgusting whiskey.

“He’s nicer when you’re around. Now, he’s just… angry.”

You felt bad. But you couldn’t fall back into that routine with Joel. Fight, makeup, fight again. There was an extreme disconnect in communication. It was exhausting.

You stand up on wobbly legs, “I’m gonna go grab ‘nother drink. You want somethin’?”

Ellie was technically underage but you knew she drank with her friends sometimes. She looked at you with a bit of contempt.

“No, thanks.”

You shrug, sauntering back over to the bar.

You notice a familiar silhouette at the end of the bar, but don’t bother glancing that direction. You knew he was watching you and Ellie talking a second ago, his eyes always trailing you. You didn’t want to look over and see Kelly beside him, so you act like he isn’t even there.

“Another whiskey, pleaseeee,” You beg the bartender standing nearby. He doesn’t look too happy about serving you more, but you had lost all sense of self control about an hour ago and he knew that by the look on your face. He pours you some more dark liquor and sends you on your way.

As soon as you turn to walk away, you spot another familiar face walking directly towards you.

Josh Hall.

He was one of the guys you slept with. He was a nice guy, kinda. He was a know it all, shallow, and a bit arrogant. So maybe not a nice guy.

You slept with him twice, both times when you were drunk. From what you could remember, he didn’t make you cum.

He was only a bit taller than you, blonde hair and blue eyes. He was cute enough to get into your pants. But every time you thought about any other man, you reminded yourself that it wasn’t Joel.

“Hey there,” You try not to slur, “How are ya?”

“Hi beautiful,” He grabs your hand, pulling you in for what you assume is a kiss. You wince, directing his lips to your cheek. He presses his chapped lips against your skin.

“What are you doing?” You ask, trying to avoid the gazes of the people around you. You could feel his eyes on you even from 50 feet away.

“Thought you’d wanna come dance with me,” He has his hand slipping around your waist. You feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. He knew you were drinking, your glass swaying right in front of his face.

Your red flags are raising quickly. Josh never approached you any other times of the day. Never during patrols, never just around town. He only showed interest when you had a glass of liquor in your hand.

“I am actually bringing this drink to someone, so please get off of me,” You lie, trying to get him away.

You had to be patient with a guy like Josh. He could be pushy sometimes, so you had to be firm but sweet. You wouldn’t want to start a stir at a party with a bunch of families, right?

But he wasn’t letting go.

His eyes were piercing into yours. You could tell he was drinking, his eyes a bit glassy like yours. You hadn’t even seen him come into the party. It’s like he just appeared to make you mad.

“Just have one dance with me,” His breath stunk of alcohol and unbrushed plaque. You wanted to vomit.

“No, I need to bring this drink to someone.”

His grip is getting progressively tighter and he’s walking you backward.

“Who? Who’s drink is it? New boyfriend?”

You swallow hard, not knowing who to say.

“It’s for Ellie.”

He smirks, “You givin’ an underage dyke a drink? Don’t think her daddy would like that.”

Something in you flips. Rage. Pure unadulterated rage. Your body doesn’t even give your brain a moment to mull over your next move. You throw the drink on the ground, the glass shattering all over the floor. You step back, finally breaking away from him.

“What did you just fuckin’ say?!”

He releases you, backing up. He had this offended look on his face, like you had kicked a puppy.

Liar.

It made you even more mad.

“What did you say, Josh?” You emphasize his name, never breaking eye contact, “You fuckin’ call her that again I’ll fucking kill you.”

You stomp forward, your hands reaching up to him. You had never snapped so quickly in your life. Something about him saying negative about Ellie made your protective maternal instinct go into overdrive. Ellie meant a lot to you, especially after spending the last year with her and Joel.

Your fingers wrap around his scrawny little throat. He was trying to back away, but a table stopped all his movements. He was pinned.

“You fuckin’ dare talk about her or anyone I fuckin’ know, I will make sure you never utter another wor-“ You feel hands around your waist, pulling you back from possibly choking him out. It almost takes the wind out of you. Your hands let go of his neck, but not without digging your fingernails into his skin.

You are so blindsided, you don’t even know who has a grip on you.

“Hey, hey, stop!” His voice is familiar. Almost Joel’s, but not.

No, because Joel is instead grabbing Josh from the spot you pinned him to. You look back and see Tommy, his face panicked and confused.

You watch as Joel grabs Josh by the shirt, throwing him towards the middle of the dance floor. A bunch of people are standing around watching Josh stumble, trying to gain his composure. The music completely stops, bringing the hall to complete silence. Joel doesn’t give him enough time to stand up straight. You try to push Tommy off of you, but he’s got an iron grip on you.

“What did he say?” Joel yells towards you, gesturing towards Josh. Everyone has completely stopped what they are doing to watch the scene unfold.

You look towards where Ellie is, her face twisted in horror. Jesse stands next to her, his face serious. You know this is probably embarrassing for her, so all the anger leaves your body, replaced with guilt and shame.

“Joel,” You warn, “Please.”

Joel was extremely protective when you two were together. Ever since you two split, he has tried his very hardest to not snap. Once he sees a man’s hands on you, though, he can’t help but let fury fill his entire being. Tonight was no exception except this time, you got violent before he could. Which only meant you had no other choice. You usually keep a calm exterior, trying not to step on anyone’s toes. When you drink, you’re actually sweeter and more complacent.

“What did he say?”

Instead of you saying anything, Maria steps in. She wedges herself between Joel and Josh, making sure neither one of them takes another step.

“Cool it!” She yells, her eyes flying over to you being held back by Tommy.

“He better get his ass out of this tow-“

“Shut it, Joel,” She warns, reaching out for his arm, “Let’s take a walk.”

“‘m not going anywhere,” His voice is booming which sends a chill down your spine, “Get this fucker out of here and away from her.”

He looks towards you, Tommy slowly loosening his grip on your upper body. You wiggle out, trying to steady your breathing. You didn’t even realize that you were panting like a dog.

You’ve completely sobered up. The dizziness you feel is just from adrenaline.

Maria guides Josh to the door, listening to him rant about his side of the story. You look back at Tommy, who’s obviously taken aback by the way you snapped. He’s never seen you so mad.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Tommy. He just said something about Ellie,” You whisper it, trying to ensure Joel didn’t hear. You know well enough that if he found out the words Josh uttered, he would have a pistol between the poor guy’s eyes.

“I think you need to go home and cool down,” Tommy suggests, “This is not the place for that.”

You felt horrible. Everyone’s eyes were still on you. You nod, understanding Tommy’s reasonings for practically kicking you out of the party. He gestures Joel over, grabbing him by the shoulder.

“I’m gonna have someone walk her home,” He nods to you, “Would you be willin’ to or should I ask Jesse?”

Joel shakes his head, “I’ll get her home.”

“I can get home myself,” You retort, trying to regain some sort of control over the situation. You didn’t want Jesse or Joel walking you home, it felt like a walk of shame times a million.

“Get her home safe, Joel,” Tommy remarks, tapping you on the shoulder. He wasn’t giving you an option.

You step over the shattered glass, while Joel guides you to the door. You felt so humiliated, not knowing what face to make at the people who were scowling you. So you keep your head down, grabbing your coat from the chair beside Ellie. Joel is trailing behind you. You look up for a second, meeting Ellie’s brown eyes.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” You mumble, “For everything.”

She shakes her head, her lips thin, “It’s okay. Get home safe.”

Joel taps your shoulder, nodding his head towards the door. You put your winter coat on, pulling out your hair that’s stuck between it and your thermal.

It was snowing, soft pillows of white ice covering all of Jackson. You breathe out a loud sigh when you get outside, while Joel shuts the dinner hall door.

You didn’t know what to say to him, really. You felt like he shouldn’t have stepped in, but deep down you were glad he did because it probably put the fear of God into Josh. Maybe he won’t ever speak to you again.

When you start on your journey home, you and Joel are silent. You hadn’t spoken much since your separation. You two got into a huge blowout fight in which the both of you said some pretty terrible things to each other. It was the first and last time you yelled at Joel.

“Why can’t I just make my own decisions?”

“You almost got yourself killed! You almost got Ellie killed. How the fuck am I supposed to react? Just let you two back on patrol like nothin’ happened!? No fuckin’ way. You’re not going back out unless I’m with you.”

Your heart was going to beat out of your chest, “I had it under fucking control, Joel! You always find ways to blame me for something! I brought her home. I did. You weren’t fucking there because you were too fucked up to even get up this morning,” You knew that stung, the way his face twisted in disgust, “You’re the last person on Earth to make decisions for me or Ellie.”

You struck a nerve, you could tell by the deadly serious look on his face.

“You don’t know what’s good for, Ellie. Stop actin’ like you fuckin’ do. You have manipulated her to believe she knows what’s good for her. She doesn’t, okay?”

He couldn’t be serious.

“You’re not even her real father, Joel. She is going to remember all the times you shut her down and made her feel like she didn’t have a choice. Is it really worth your pride?”

He slams his fist on the table, “Get the fuck out!”

You accept that as the end of the conversation and the relationship.

You start to walk through the slush, knowing you had a good 15 minute walk home. You felt sick with anxiety.

“How have you been doin’?”��

You laugh, “Fuckin’ fantastic, Joel.”

“Yeah me too,” He lies. He clears his throat before continuing, “So, what did he say?”

“Drop it Joel,” You warn, a hiccup coming up your throat, “Let’s just not talk about it ever again.”

“I’ll get it out of ya one day,” He comments, zipping up his jacket some more. You shake your head, chuckling a bit at the absurdity.

“You didn’t have to step in,” You add, “I had it handled. Like I always do.”

His pace picks up, matching yours.

“Wrapping your hands around ‘nother guys throat is not very you, darlin’,” He says, grabbing your arm to halt your next step, “He had to of said something pretty bad for you to throw your drink and choke him out in front of a bunch of people.”

You knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to lure it out of you, but you weren’t caving. He was good at making it seem like there was no choice other than tell him what happened.

“Guess you’ll never know, Miller,” You tug your arm away, “Tommy said you’d walk me home, not interrogate me.”

He huffs, “You are so stubborn.”

You stop mid step, turning to look him in the eye. You couldn’t believe your ears.

“You’re the one to talk, Joel.”

“And you need to quit the drinkin’. Makes you sloppy.”

His tone was condescending and for him to call you out on drinking? No fucking way.

“You sure were sloppy the last couple times I saw you drinkin’. Remember the four patrol shifts you had last summer you couldn’t get to cause you were too fucked up the night before? Or how about a couple weeks ago when you tried to fight that guy at the Bison?”

He takes note of your aggressive tone. You weren’t just going to cower your head and take his shit.

Maybe you were using the drinking to not think about the fact that you missed his stupid ass. Maybe it was to medicate the anxiety that rattled your bones every time he slipped your mind. Either way, he was such a hypocrite for trying to use that against you. Make it seem like he wasn’t doing that same thing when you were still together.

“I’ve quit all the drinkin’… and hey, he called you a name,” He mumbles, “Had to put him in his place.”

You furrow your eyebrows at his statement, “What do you mean he called me a name?”

He continues to walk, almost trying to physically dodge the question. But if he was going to be persistent, you were going to be, too.

“Joel-“

“Garrett said you were whoring yourself out to him and a couple of the other guys. Called you a slut,” He confesses, not looking towards you at all.

You felt sick to your stomach. Garrett was a guy you had patrolled with, a guy who seemed really nice to your face. The same guy Joel gave a black eye to.

“I’ve only slept with like, two other people.”

You could tell it rattled him a bit. It was a statement he couldn’t be mad at, really. He was a man with needs, too.

“Well, the word’s gettin’ around. He said you told him he had the best dick you’ve ever had,” He laughed as the words slipped his tongue, “God knows that’s ain’t true.”

You push your hands into your pockets, “I never slept with him. It’s only been Josh and…”

You stop yourself, instantly feeling sick to your stomach at the next name that almost came out your mouth. It was something you regretted so deeply in every fiber of your being. Something you tried to forget the very second the interaction.

“Who else?”

“No one,” You say, trying to steady your voice, “None of your business.”

“It was Jesse, wasn’t it?”

Caught.

You cough, clearing your throat. You never wanted to talk about this to anyone, let alone Joel. You were desperate and no other guys really made you feel appreciated.

The wind picks up, which causes the snow to billow towards your face and take your breath away.

“Can we just,” You shake your head, trying to get the hair out of your face, “Can we just discuss this when we get to my house?”

He leads the way, moving quickly. You follow close behind, almost using his body as a shield from the snowstorm. When you finally see your house through your frosted lashes, you feel some sense of relief.

Joel walks up to your front porch, gesturing to you to lead the way. You knew you’d have to light a fire in the living room and warm up the small abode, so once you open the door, you rush to your fireplace. You stack wood, not taking much mind to Joel who’s kicking off his shoes and removing his coat.

You didn’t want to do this with him. You didn’t want to discuss anything, explain yourself, or hash out any unresolved bullshit. After the night you had, you wanted to carry yourself straight to bed.

“Want help?”

You crouch down, flicking a match into the pit, igniting the old coals.

“No, I got it, Joel.”

He huffs, sitting down on your slouchy red couch. Nothing in your house was particularly nice, but you kept it clean and tidy. Everything had a spot, except for the man taking up space before you.

“So,” He slaps his hands on his knees, “You want to explain or?”

“No Joel,” You respond, “I don't feel like I owe you an explanation, truthfully. I honestly don’t wanna rehash all this shit with you.”

His lips tighten into a half smirk, “Okay, that’s fine.”

Silence fills the room again. You were shocked he didn’t press it further, but a bit relieved.

“Just wanna ask one thing,” He grumbles. You stand up straight, shimmying your coat down your arms.

“What?”

“Was his dick the best one you’ve ever had?”

You feel like all the air has left your body.

“What?”

“Jesse. Josh. Were they the best you’ve ever had?”

Hearing their names made you cringe. You knew your answer, but you wonder if you should indulge him in the truth.

He knew it already, but he wanted to hear it from your lips. The haze and exhaustion from the crazy evening makes the confession slip from your lips.

“Joel,” You whisper, “You know damn well they aren’t shit compared to you.”

It’s like you blinked and he’s on you. His hands slide up your waist, grabbing your hips and pulling you into a bruising kiss. You don’t pull away because this is what you’ve been wanting.

The sex with Joel was like nothing else. Maybe your relationship was rocky. Maybe you hated the way he spoke to you sometimes. Maybe you hated the way he tried to control every little thing.

But the sex made it all worth it.

The way his hands molded around your body. His lips trailing up and down from your neck to your calves. He knew your body better than you probably knew it yourself. He never walked away from an encounter without making you cum several times. He could play you like his guitar.

You two are falling all over your furniture to make it to the couch. He sits down, holding you close while you straddle his thighs. He’s not letting up, his kisses feverish and hurried.

You pull away to catch your breath. His pupils are huge and his lips are already swollen.

“What are we doing?” You whisper, using your thumb to brush across his pink lips.

“This is what we do, baby,” He grabs your ass, pulling you flush with his crouch, “We fight and fuck. That’s all we do.”

You lean up, grinding down on his growing bulge.

“I shouldn’t want to, but fuck,” You throw your head back, trying to ease the throbbing you feel, “I always want you, Joel.”

“I always want you too, sweetheart,” His hand finds the back of your neck, rubbing circles into the sides while you grind yourself on his lap, “I don’t want any other pussy but yours. No one else compares.”

You smile in sick pleasure, “We are so fuckin’ toxic, Joel Miller.”

He laughs, pulling your head forward. Your eyes meet his and it’s a sudden realization that you two are just actually insane. That after all the bullshit you put each other through, your horniness always wins. He wants you just as much as you want him, and yet you two can never figure out how to work problems out like actual adults.

“Tell me you don’t fuckin’ like it that way,” He trails a kiss up your neck to earlobe, “And I’ll stop right now. Leave you alone forever. Keep your dirty little secret that you like to fuck guys half your age.”

The rise Joel Miller can get out of you should be studied. He knows exactly how to push every button you’ve ever had, even the one’s you didn’t know existed. The idea of people knowing you fucked Jesse makes your stomach twist, especially since he was Ellie’s friend.

You and Joel’s age gap never really bothered you. Maybe it was because he was older than you, but he didn’t feel that much older than you. You felt ancient with Jesse and even Josh. Joel made you feel like you were on the same level with a man.

You stop grinding on him, grabbing a handful of his hair and pulling him back to meet your gaze. He’s smiling a shit eating grin, knowing you’re pissed.

“You’re the guy who’s fucking people half your age,” You lift yourself a bit, looking down at him with half lidded eyes, “And you flaunt it. You love having me as your little play thing. Y-”

“And you fuckin’ love it.”

“I’m talking,” You shush him, “You are going to let me talk.”

You grab his belt undoing it like you used to almost every night, “You’re going to sit back like a good boy, and let me remind you why this is the only pussy you want to fuck.”

Joel has never seen you like this. It’s like the distance between you two gave you time to gain more confidence. You tested him now, and he kind of liked it. He’d never say but he loved when you were bratty to him. Sure, before you were a little smart ass, but you were practically dominating him. It was a good change of pace.

“Talk ‘bout toxic, baby girl,” He groans, “You know I can’t sit back and be a good boy.”

You use one hand to reach into his pants and grab his hard on.

“You’re going to learn today,” You smile, “Because if you don’t, you’ll walk home with blue balls and you can call Kelly over to fuck you.”

He chuckles a bit, “Sounds like you’re jealous.”

You stop your actions, looking at his smug fucking face.

“You literally just interrogated me about how I fucked half of Jackson,” You spit, “I can continue adding to the tallies. Have you watch me whore myself out to all of your patrol partners.”

“You ain-”

“Maybe I’ll get even bolder,” You continue, “Maybe I’ll even try to fuck the other Miller boy.”

You were completely fibbing. You’d never cross that line. You loved Maria and you respected her more than any other person in Jackson. You just really wanted to get under Joel’s skin.

And you quickly realize you did.

He flips you on your back and cages you under his arms.

“You’re a fuckin’ dirty slut,” He is grabbing at your pants, yanking them down. Your jeans were skin tight and wet, but it took no time at all for him to tear them off your body, “You ain’t in charge here.”

“Let me up,” You demand, pushing at his chest. He wasn’t budging, he was on a mission. He tears off your underwear, exposing your wet slit. You didn’t even realize how dripping you were for him.

“Look at you,” He teases, “Fuckin’ pathetic. Tryin’ to say you’d fuck my brother?”

He shakes his head, using his fingers to trace up and down your slit. You wanted to scream out, but your mind goes blank. You were quaking with anticipation. You surrender to him pinning you against the couch. You’d get him back eventually.

“He’d never fuck a slut like you,” He continues, “No, he doesn’t know how to handle someone like you.”

“And you do?”

“I’ve been at it for awhile,” He sticks a single finger in you, making a squelching sound as he does, “Think ‘m gettin’ pretty good at ruinin’ you. Puttin’ you in your place.”

You finally moan out in pleasure, which makes his face twist in satisfaction.

“Fuckin’ Christ, I’ve missed how tight you are,” He groans, “Squeezin’ my fingers and cock so good.”

You’re practically soaking the couch with how wet you are already. All the build up and smack talk really put you in bind, his fingers driving you absolutely wild.

He eases out of you, tracing your body to begin lifting off your shirt. He throws your shirt across the room, noticing you were actually wearing a padded bra. You smile at his realization.

“Found one of these,” You gesture, toying with the straps, “Bet you’d never see the day.”

You had gotten used to never wearing a bra and Joel usually enjoyed it that way. You could never find a comfortable one and all your old ones were ragged and gross. On a recent patrol, you found a red bra in your size in an abandoned home. You stole it, tucking it carefully in your backpack to try on back home. Lucky enough, it fit and made your boobs sit better than they ever have.

“Jesus Christ,” He mutters, lining the bra with his fingers, “As pretty as it is, it needs to go.”

You reach around your back, undoing it without another word. As soon as it is off, his fingers make work at pebbling your nipples. He smacked one with a gentle open hand. You squeak at the impact, watching Joel’s eyes revel at your bare body. He loved seeing you like this, crumbling under his touch.

He props himself up on his knee which is wedged between your thighs. He pulls his shirt over his head, discarding it on the coffee table next to him. His buttons are already undone after you found yourself with your hands down his pants, earlier. He pulls those down too, letting them pool around his ankles.

“For being a brat,” He nudges you, making you move your legs and plant them on the ground. You sit up, his hand ripping you off of your spot on the couch. He positions you between his legs, his cock standing up waiting for you. You sit back on your heels, enjoying the view.

“You’re gonna try to be a good girl and suck me off.”

You smile eagerily, slowly running your hands up his thighs and to the base of his cock. Instead of getting straight to it, you bring the head of his cock to your lips and kiss it softly. You toy with the idea of completely ignoring his demands, but you come to the conclusion that you’d probably get nothing if you did that. And you wanted him so bad. You thought about this moment for so long.

“Stop playin’,” He groans, watching you with his arms laying across the back of your couch. He looked like one of those statues you saw in old textbooks when you were a teenager. The ones you’d see at an old art museum scuplted from marble. The ones with the small dicks. That’s truly the only thing that differentiated the two. Joel was massive.

“I’m not playing,” You disagree, “Shush.”

Before you can continue your tease, he grabs the top of your head. He is usually pretty assertive, but good God, he was not letting you get away with anything. You widen your lips, taking his cock into your mouth. Instead of progressing down his shaft slowly, he makes you take it fully down your throat. It causes you to gag a bit. You pull back, only for him to push you down again.

You grip onto his thighs, digging your nails in a bit. You knew you would probably leave marks with how hard you were pressing into his skin. He winces, but continues to practically face fuck you.

“You don’t tell me to shush, little girl,” He moans, watching your saliva drench his cock. He finally lets you pull up off him, holding your face in the process, “You hear me? You take this cock like a good girl.”

“Yes,” You manage to say, your throat already hurting from taking him in.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good, now come sit on my face.”

You oblige, standing up to let him reposition himself.

You two have done this maybe twice. Each time you practically suffocated him, but he fucking loved every second of lapping you up. You knew that you were in for a ride with the way he was toying with you.

He lays on his back, his hands keen on pulling your legs up to his shoulders. Your ass is positioned on his chest, his face between your thighs. You look down at him, sitting up straight before you ease down, letting your pussy take up the bottom half of his face.

He dives in instantly, his mouth hungrily devouring your pussy. You scream out, letting your body relax against him. His facial hair brushes across your folds and inner thighs while his tongue begins tracing your insides. He stops at your clit, flattening his tongue and pressing forward. You couldn’t control yourself, sinking yourself down further onto him. His nose nudges your folds before he runs his mouth down your slit again, so his nose is now pressed against your clit. He moans into you, the vibrations sending you into ecstasy.

You cum, your juices flowing down his face and your legs. He is moaning so loud, mewling at the fact that you never warned him you were about to cum.

He taps your thighs, advising you to get off of him. You shakingly remove yourself from his face, standing up to look down at him. He was so hard and his lips and beard were soaked with your cum.

“You fuckin’ squirted on me,” He laughs, sitting up. You felt kind of embarrassed, like you couldn’t even contain yourself for more than 2 minutes. “I’ll forgive you since it was hot. No cummin’ without permission.”

“Okay, sorry.”

Even though you weren’t sorry.

Your legs were practically numb and still quaking from your orgasm. You’re breathing heavily, trying to regain your composure. He notices your quivering and starts pulling you into his lap. You widen your legs, mounting his thick thighs. You look down at his cock, it sliding so perfectly between your pussy lips. He was a fucking dream.

He doesn’t even say anything, just watching you try to catch your breath.

“Relax baby,” He mumbles, “We haven’t even gotten started, yet.”

He grabs his cock, stroking it a bit before having you lift off of his thighs. He eases you up and onto the head of his dick. He spits into his hand, coating his shaft with it.

One thing about Joel, is he’s still the biggest you’ve ever had. No one ever got close to him.

The stretch makes you moan out in pure euphoria. You missed it so much. It was something you craved almost every night.

“Fuck,” You whimper, “Never gets old.”

He laughs at your admission, “Likewise.”

He snaps his hips against yours, settling into a slower pace. He was dragging it out, letting your walls become accustomed to him again. After a minute of slow strokes, he picks up his pace. He repositions, kneeling with his one leg extended out to the floor. You’re lifted up in the air partially, grinding down as he meets your motions with his strokes. Your hands are wrapped around his neck, your fingers finding his hair. His hands and grappling at your sides while you two moan in unison.

You two were finally on the same page, not bickering, just fucking out your feelings. You felt the aggression, resentment, and fear dwindling away from you as you sweat out the brutal pace he’s bringing to the table.

“I don’t want anyone else,” He sighs in between his cock hitting you at the perfect angle, “I only want this.”

You don’t think to hard about it, whimpering your response.

“Please let me cum. Please.”

“So pretty when you beg.”

He’s drilling into you at this point, your tits bouncing right into his face. You lazily throw your head back, letting him take one of your nipples into his mouth. You’re so overly sensitive, you don’t know what to say other than beg him to let you release.

“Fuck Joel, I’m gonna cum. Please, let me cum.”

He releases your tit with a pop, “Cum for me, baby.”

After two more strokes, you’re falling apart in his arms. He wraps himself around you, fucking you through the second orgasm.

He’s a whimpering mess, chasing his own release.

“Fuck, baby, fuck.”

“Cum for me, Joel. Moan out for me.”

His deep and guttral moan sends shockwaves through your body. You could feel his cum release inside you, while his arms grow tighter around you. After he finishes, he lays you back onto the arm of the couch. His cock still rests inside you, twitching at every little movement your hips made.

He swipes his forehead for sweat, marveling at you. He looks so endearing, like he didn’t just fuck your brains out and call you a bunch of names. The thought makes you giggle.

“What?”

You shake your head, touching his chest with your fingers, “You’re just handsome.”

“Yeah, I bet.”

You swat him while he slowly eases out of you. You whine a bit, letting the heat from the fireplace warm your body as oppose to Joel’s body heat.

He stands up, abandoning you on the couch as he picks up his discarded clothes. You prop yourself up, trying to sit up but your body feels like jello.

Your really didn’t want to watch him go.

“You should stay.”

His back is turned away from you. He freezes as he grabs his shirt from the coffee table where it landed.

He clears his throat, “Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to leave.”

It was true. You wanted to figure it out. You wanted so badly for this to change everything. But it was just sex. Exactly how this trainwreck started.

He starts to get dressed. You didn’t want to take that as his answer, but deep down you knew this is how things worked. You’d been through it with Joel before. You just had to wait for Ellie to come in and call you his “lady friend” and have him demand you “go get dressed”. It was the same thing every time. You thought it meant something but it really didn’t.

Once he slips his shirt over his head, he walks back to sit next to your naked frame. He brings his hand up to trace your leg, which is perfectly nudged up against him.

You really don’t want to believe all the things running through your mind. You craved an explanation.

“You said you only wanted this, Joel,” You grab a blanket from the back of the couch to cover yourself. You could tell he was at war with his thoughts, “Why can’t we start again? Do I seriously not mean anything to you?”

He realizes you’re pleading with him. He felt so guilty and it was written all over his face.

“Of course you mean somethin’ to me,” He acknowledges, “But we can’t keep doin’ what we were doin’. We always end up screamin’ bout somethin’ stupid. I don’t want to make you unhappy. You deserve to be happy.”

You contemplate for a moment, unsure how to respond.

“If being with you means screamin’ about something stupid and fighting over patrols and drinking too much and bickering over Ellie’s future,” You huff out, trying to not let the hitch in your throat become obvious, “Then I want it. I want it all. All the shit, all the fights. I want it because it’s with you.”

He doesn’t say anything immediately. The silence was deafening.

“We can try,” He mutters, “But we gotta stop tryin’ to fix everythin’ with sex. We gotta like… talk about things.”

You laugh out loud, noting his seriousness. You two were seriously thinking the same things.

“Can we talk about our problems, like, during the sex?”

You were completely joking. You wait for his response, but it comes with him shaking his head. You wrap your arm around his shoulders, pulling him in. Your boobs press against his now clothed chest. You feel his hands slide up and down your sides. You groan in pleasure, his touch sending chills down your spine. You wanted it like this. Forever.

He clears his throat, “Well if I’m sticking around… round two?”

THE END.

taglist: @pedrotonin @mysingularitybts @harriedandharassed @paleidiot @misatoad @lottieellz101 @cool-iguana @bbyanarchist @am-3-thyst

#joel miller smut #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller the last of us #cool about it #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #joel miller tlou #tlou smut #tlou fanfiction #tlou x reader #the last of us smut

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lottiebagley · 5 months

Text

'Tis the damn season- Sirius Black

If I wanted to know Who you were hanging with While I was gone, I would've asked you It's the kind of cold Fogs up windshield glass But I felt it when I passed you

She felt weird being there, an intense feeling of guilt. She hadn't meant to leave. Really, it was the last thing on her mind at first. But everything felt claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on her. Things with Sirius were in a weird place and really she wasn't 100% sure how to handle it. Then, all of a sudden, she had this job offer. It was temporary, 6 months in New York and she needed something that felt new and alive and she wanted to be far away from Sirius. Now everything had changed because 5 years later and she still lived an ocean away.

Remus was a teacher now. Lily and James were married with a kid and trying for another. Marlene was thinking about filing for divorce.

They weren't kids anymore. They were in their mid 20's.

She was home for Christmas. She didn't have family in New York nor England, but as they had every year prior Lily and James demanded she spend the holiday at their place.

"God I'm so glad you're here!" Lily is squealing, arms flung around her friend in the busy airport. Little Harry, who's 4 now is clinging to his godmothers leg with gleeful giggles

"Hey Lils," She smiles, a soft smile, as she returns the hug. Leaning down to pick Harry up "How's my little trouble maker?" She questions, propping the dark haired boy on her hip as she grabs her suitcase, listening to the child's babble and responding when needed as her and Lily make their way to the Potter's car.

Harry is babbling excitedly from the backseat, about father christmas and presents and chocolate, as Lily attempts to join the stream of traffic leaving the car park

"James is so sorry he couldn't come with us to pick you up, he got called into work last minute," Lily apologises as they start the hour long drive back to her home.

"Prongs knows I don't mind Lils, and so do you. Just grateful to have somewhere to spend Christmas,"

"And you should know we would never let you spend it alone," Lily reminds, her friend smiling softly.

"I do know that," She reassures. It was true. She'd grown up next door the Potter family, so inevitably James was one of her best friends. When they both made Gryffindor they stuck together, as everyone who knew them expected. They had their little group which eventually adopted her dorm mates, Lily, Dorcas and Marlene after Lily and Severus stopped speaking.

It had been content, the war was fought and they survived.

The friendships survived too for the most part the only lingering awkwardness being the one shared by her and Sirius. They never dated, technically, but they were in love. Utterly deeply in love. They had been since they were 15 and though they never actually confessed it, never allowed their friendship to blossom into something more, they both knew it. Sirius was her first kiss, her first time. He took her to dances and picked her up from class and she painted his quidditch number on her cheek for each game and stroked his hair. It wasn't a relationship, but in all ways but labels it was, which led to inevitable drama. It was unsustainable but nothing changed, they both knew it was why she left.

"You can ask y'know," Lily comments, eyes ever so briefly flickering to glance at her friend knowing the thoughts in her mind.

"Don't think I wanna know the answer," She shrugs, glancing out of the window. "Is he gonna- y'know," She trails off embarrassed to admit seeing him again had been on the forefront of her mind.

"Yeah he's spending the holidays too," Lily confirms, watching as her friend nods and knowing better than to ask her what she's thinking.

"Is he..." She trails off not entirely awkwardly, Lily glances at her intense eyes and a knowing smirk "Does he. I- A date? Is he bringing someone of the holidays?" She lets the question spill out

"No," Lily informs simply, she doesn't offer anything else, changing the conversation quickly.

There's an ache in you Put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me

She'd known she was going to see him, with Lily's confirmation in her mind. She didn't know though, how she felt about it. Excited and nervous all at once, would he hate her? would he have moved on? Just because he wasn't bringing someone for the holidays didn't mean he didn't have someone.

She hadn't expected though, to see him quite so quickly. The car pulls into the drive and she knows immediately that he's there, motorbike tucked at the end of the drive way and the door is being pulled open by him. His hair is a little longer, though she hadn't seen him since last Christmas so she could have predicted that. He's clad in a warm looking jumper and some sweatpants, clearly cozy inside the comforting home.

"There's my little man!" He's cheering, wide grin, as he rushes to open a giggling Harry's car door, quickly fetching the child from his car seat and lifting him into a tight hug.

She wonders, briefly, if he was concentrating on not letting his eyes fall to her, or if maybe that magnetising need to look at each other wasn't there anymore. For him at least. She still can't imagine a view on earth she'd rather look at than that of Sirius Black.

"Thought you were coming tonight?" Lily questions, she's helping the girl with her bags but her eyes are watching Sirius, watching as he seems adamant on not looking at the girl who's staring at him so desperately Lily thinks she looks as if she could combust.

"Regulus' new girlfriend is a bore," Sirius shrugs, he knows he should greet her, that it's awkward not too, after all they are spending the next week in the same house. But he doesn't want to be the first to say something. He didn't leave. He didn't not return any calls.

"Hi Sirius," Her voice is timid and as much as he's glad to hear it, to see she's here, she's here and well and not got some boyfriend to spend her holidays with he hates it. Hates that she is reserved around him now.

"Hey, good flight?"

"Fine, crying baby but no turbulence,"

"That's good then, aside from the crying obviously," he feels like an idiot the second the words have left his mouth

"Yeah,"

"Cool," he wants to curse whoever has decided now would be a good time to remove every word he has ever known from his mind and leave him a boring, lifeless shell.

"What about you? How was Regulus?"

"Fine got a new girlfriend,"

"Heard she's a bore," The girl jokes and Sirius smiles, a real smile. Wondering, for a moment, when he last didn't have to force a smile.

It's then that Harry begins to whine, Lily swooping in to get him inside and get him a snack. The small moment effectively ruined.

So we could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown

The house is cold, it hadn't been the whole evening, upstairs and tucked in the spare bed she hadn't been. James had insisted she take the guest room. He'd assured time and time again that Remus and Sirius didn't mind her having it. Remus was going to have a blow up bed in the office and Sirius was taking the couch. She had consistently tried to take either sleeping situation, feeling bad to be the one taking the bed. The offer was refused.

She's humming softly, some Christmas song that had been stuck in her head for days having heard it so many times recently. Her hands make light work of pouring milk into a pan, the lights in the kitchen set to dim.

"Let me guess, hot chocolate?" His voice is velvety, not at all laced with sleep. She wonders if he was laid awake too, thinking about how she was directly above him, so close yet impossibly far.

He had been.

"You know me too well," She agrees, voice soft. She doesn't turn around, feels almost embarrassed to be clad in reindeer print pj bottoms and some old jumper she'd had forever.

"You just haven't changed since we were eleven," He returns, leaning on the door frame.

"You want one?" She asks, moving towards the fridge to take out the milk once more.

"I got it," He announces. She nods, lets him cross the room to take out the milk, instead taking out another mug, and dumping 2 tablespoons of hot chocolate powder into it.

He arrives by her side, placing the milk down alongside a can of whipped cream.

"Pretty sure that's for Harry's special christmas eve hot chocolate, the one with a flake and marshmallows and smarties," She comments, her tone is soft, the adoration she has for the child evident.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Sirius shrugs, he watches as she carefully adds more milk to the stove, "Just promise you won't tell on me yeah?"

"Your secret's safe with me," She confirms, she looks at him then. For the first time since he entered the room. He's already looking at her. With a look she can't read and so much intensity she wonders if anyone has ever looked at her like that before. He looks beautiful though, glowing in the soft lighting of the room.

"Y'know, I still do this every time I can't sleep," She informs him, eyes sincere and voice quiet, almost lost in the night.

He knows what she's trying to say. It had started when they were kids, he'd found her in the common room late at night on the second day of school. They'd spoken a little, but she'd stuck to James like glue, quiet when he wasn't by her side. She'd looked at him, wide glassy eyes. He'd asked what was wrong and she'd whispered to him about feeling like she was never going to belong in Gryffindor, not even at Hogwarts. He'd comforted her, wiped her tears away and helped her sneak to the kitchens, acting confident when in reality he'd never done it before either. He'd made the hot chocolate and she'd sat on a counter, he made her laugh and she suddenly felt like maybe everything would work out, like she might belong here after all.

It had become ritualistic for them. If one of them was sad they'd sneak to the kitchens and make hot chocolates and vent and cheer each other up.

Her first break up.

His bad fight with James.

Her dad passing.

His parents.

The war.

"I do too," He'd said quietly. Looking away now, almost like her words had hurt him even though it was the last thing she intended to do. "Milk's done," He adds, he wanted to leave the room, he was scared. Scared if he stood there, looking at her all domestic and cosy and glowing and beautiful, he wouldn't be able to resist the urge he'd been fighting since she climbed out of the car that morning.

I parked my car Right between the Methodist and the school that used to be ours The holidays linger like bad perfume You can run but only so far I escaped it too Remember how you watched me leave But if it's okay with you It's okay with me

Her legs are curled under lap, almost cat like in the large arm chair. Remus in next to her, sprawled across the sofa with the crossword of the day from some muggle paper in his hands.

She has one too, in her lap, though she's hardly looking.

"Ok, I'm at a wall. Trade me," Remus announces, leaning across to hand her the paper he had been working on

"Huh?"

"Trade me?" He questions, eyebrows furrowing at her despondent face.

"Right," She nods, switching papers with him.

He looks at her crossword, hardly started and suddenly he feels bad.

"You okay?" He asks, he glances out of the window she's clearly looking out of. Sirius is out there, leather jacket and a loose scarf. He's laughing, head thrown back and eyes crinkled. Helping Harry, who Lily had bundled up extra tight, to build a snowman.

"Fine," She confirms, pulling her eyes away from Sirius to look at her friend.

"I can only imagine how hard this is for you," Remus says gently

"I'm okay," She shrugs. Remus nods, not sure what to say. It felt like a theme recently. In the 24 hours she'd been there Lily, James and Remus had all struggled. Not sure what to say to either of their friends. They clearly missed each other, clearly pined for each other. Yet, neither of them was doing anything about it, neither of them even wanted to talk about it.

"You know he never wanted kids," She speaks quietly, head motioning outside. "It was weird. I always thought he'd be a great dad. Still, think he would. I just- I guess I got it. His parents were-well, y'know- and I understood him not wanting to repeat that, thinking he'd be like him, his dad I mean. He wouldn't though. He'd have been a good dad. Still could be I guess,"

"I think so too," Remus confirms, eyes traveling to watch his friend as he helps Harry to roll a head for his snowman.

"I get that he was scared, just think it's a shame," She comments. She turns back to her crossword, to Remus' familiar scrawl. She'd said too much, she didn't want to put anyone in the middle of things.

"You're wrong," Remus speaks, still watching Sirius

"How so?"

"He wanted kids. He talked about it a bit," Remus explains, watching as she turns to look at him face contort with confusion, "Said he wanted them after the war. A boy first, then a girl,"

"He'd be a good girl dad,"

"Didn't seem to care too much," Remus shrugs, "He just wanted a family. Everyone to be happy and healthy and safe. Said he wanted a daughter cause he thought she'd look like you,"

"Me?"

"Who else would he have had this fictitious family with?" Remus shrugs

"Sirius didn't want to settle down, we all knew that,"

"If you'd asked he would have done,"

"Remus-" She sighs

"You know I'm right. He'd have done anything you asked,"

"That's not fair, I wasn't even his girlfriend,"

"Sorry. I'm not trying to put anything on you. I'm just saying, he would have done anything you asked. Think he probably still would,"

"I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said no," She states simply. She'd asked too early, that's what Sirius had always said. To ask right before a war was starting, when their lives were so imminently in danger. The label would make something happening to either of them so much worse, it's what he'd said when he rejected her.

Remus wants to say that if she'd asked again, asked after the war, that Sirius would have said yes. That he'd have married her on the spot if it's what she'd wanted. That Sirius had told him that the day before she left. But Remus decides it's not fair to put that on her. She left and Sirius stayed and either one of them could have changed everything.

"Let's talk about something else," Remus decides.

We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now

Lily was stressed, that much was clear. Her hair was messy and Harry was whining on her hip. The kitchen a mess around her. James wasn't much better. Somewhere outside with Remus and Sirius, a desperate attempt to try and construct the goddamn gazebo.

"Lil, everything okay?" Her friends voice speaks from the doorway

"Oh hey, I didn't hear you get back," Lily speaks, her voice a little quick and eyes wide as she turns around, Harry starts to let out a whine and Lily's eyes screw shut.

Her friend is quick, reaching out to the toddler and distracting him quickly when she passes him his dinosaur toy from the kitchen counter. "What can I do?"

"Remind me to never listen to James and agree to host a stupid Christmas Eve party next year?" Lily questions, she's moving quickly back to the counter. Stirring the chocolate that's melting in a pan for dessert, momentarily abandoning the vegetables she had been cutting.

"Okay, and for right now?"

"I hate food cooked with magic, but this is hard and I have a thousand things to do and no time and-" Lily complains, eyes starting to turn glassy

"Lily, sweetheart, you are gonna be fine. Delegate okay? I chop a mean carrot,"

"No, you're a guest and-"

"Lil, what do you need?"

"Can you run to the supermarket?"

"Done," The girl nods, scribbling the list Lily recites onto an old envelope

"Take one of the boys with you, there's going to be a million bags," Lily instructs, pointing out her car keys as she turns back to her food prep "You're the best," She calls after her friend.

The silence in the car is awkward, they both hate it, because before all of this silence between them was never anything but comfortable. She has so much she wants to say and he does too, yet neither of them can even begin to find the words they would need.

"Got a lot to get?" Sirius questions from the passenger seat, fingers tapping anxiously at his thigh.

"There's a list in my bag," The girl answers, suddenly questioning if she'd come off blunt, she hadn't intended to.

"Can I?" He questions, head tilting to the tote bag on the back seat, unaware whether they were at an appropriate level to go rifling through each others bags.

"Sure," She agrees, he leans back, grabbing the bag and pulling it onto his lap.

He rifles through the bag for the list, trying to ignore the de ja vu the bag causes, her essentials the same as they were in her high school bag.

"You're a shit driver y'know?" he teases, looking up from the list when she takes a turn much too quickly, jolting him in his seat

"Maybe I had a really bad teacher," She shrugs in response, they both find their minds running to the summer Sirius had taught her to drive, her home opposite the Potter's allowing them to hang out every vacation.

"At some point you can't teach someone, trust me I tried,"

"You gave up,"

"Well at the time I was a glorified taxi service,"

"I'd say private chauffeur," She corrects, he smiles lightly

"I'm driving home,"

"Okay,"

Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown

The black dress sparkles a little in the light of the guest room, ending at her thighs and tight to her body she turns a little in the mirror, she was running a little late but it had taken forever to get her hair to fall right.

She thought maybe she'd dragged out getting ready a little too long. The party had started downstairs, there was so many people. People from school. People she didn't know, new friends and colleagues. Her friends, all of them. Yet it was daunting. She thinks maybe it was the thought of Sirius, Sirius all dressed up because she just knew he'd look perfect. Sirius flirting with some girl he'd invited, or one of James' colleagues or someone from school.

She'd been drinking wine as she got ready, something she'd done to ease her nerves but now she almost regretted. Feeling a little tipsy and overly emotional, the idea of watching Sirius with someone else left her feeling a white hot anger in her very soul. A feeling she knew was incredibly unjustified, yet she couldn't push it away.

It's why, as she walked into the decorated living room, bee lining to Marlene, who was squealing at the sight of her well missed friend, she was glad to see Sirius was in the corner of the room playing with Harry.

She spends hours catching up with friends, making polite chit chat with people from distant memories, smiling and exchanging pleasantries with strangers. She allows some guy from Lily's work to flirt with her but doesn't give anything back.

She watches Sirius from afar. He looks beautiful, so utterly beautiful. He's dressed in a white shirt that's tight around his form, the top few buttons undone and his blazer abandoned somewhere.

He spends as much of his night as he possibly can with Harry, staying with the kid until he's tucking the sleeping boy into his bed. Partly because he firmly believes Lily and James deserve a night off, partly because it's the perfect alibi.

After that Sirius tries to float, doing little jobs to help things run smoothly and using a plethora of excuses to excuse himself from conversations. He feels rude, particularly to a girl from school who he is sure is nervous to approach him. He isn't rude. But he thinks maybe it comes off that way.

He's not sure is it's just that it hurts to see her so okay, head back laughing with her friends. Or maybe it's just how drained he's felt all day.

He grabs a bottle of champagne and his blazer, sneaking outside and to sitting on the floor round the side of the house. Out of sight from any windows. He digs through his blazer pocket for a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, a habit he's been trying to drop but honestly was struggling with.

Its 5 minutes of silence before he is the slight click of heels on the floor. He holds his breath, hoping to not be found. She rounds the corner and he exhales. Feeling less drained just at the sight of her.

"Got a light?" She questions, Sirius nods and watches as she crosses towards him, cigarette in one hand and glass of champagne in the other. She holds the cigarette out to him and he lights it for her. "Mind if I sit? Or I can go smoke in the back garden and we can both pretend the other person isn't out here?"

"Sit," He says simply, she nods, sitting next to him on the cold ground, Remus had shovelled snow all afternoon. "Since when did you smoke?"

"Since 2 years ago, I had some project due at work and I was crazy stressed. Some guy I work with offered me one and I accepted. Stupid looking back," She informs simply.

"It's bad for you,"

"I've been telling you that since we were 17," She reminds

"Been trying to quit," He admits, watching her as she stares at him. Her eyes are slightly hazy, he can see she's drank a little too much but she's holding herself together gracefully.

"That's good. I have too,"

"Good," He nods, he watches as she inhales and exhales and sips her champagne.

"Why are you out here?"

"It was too much in there," Sirius admits, she nods in quiet understanding

"I get that,"

"You always did. Get me," He sighs, almost wishfully

"I guess so,"

"Do you regret leaving?" He asks. He thinks maybe he shouldn't. That come morning maybe he'll regret it. But there's something about the way she looks in the moonlight. The way she's been looking at him since she came outside, and how it's the same way she's always looked at him.

"I'm really proud of my career. I wouldn't have it if I had stayed," She's careful in her words, he can see her thinking about them before she speaks

"Right." He nods, her words in his mind are a polite rejection.

Sleep in half the day Just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait If you don't ask me to stay

"Merry Christmas!" James' voice is loud as he enters the guest bedroom, flipping the light on without a care in the world

"I hate you," She states simply, they grew up together and James really was the closest thing she had to a brother. He smirks watching as she uses the thick sage green bedding to cover her eyes from the light.

"I know. Haz wants you to come downstairs so we can do gifts,"

"What time is it?"

"6. He's been up since 4," James informs, she pulls the duvet down from her face to see him leaning in the door way

"Fine," She agrees stretching a little before clambering from the bed. The matching Christmas pjs Lily had purchased for everyone bunched up a little.

"Hey, you doing okay? With Sirius I mean," James' voice drops low as he asks, eyes scanning the landing behind him briefly

"I'm fine," She can tell from the look on his face he doesn't believe her "Promise,"

"Mooney said he saw you guys sneaking back into the house last night. At the party," she hates the way his voice sounds hopeful

"We were both having a smoke James. It's nothing,"

"Thought you were quitting,"

"You sound like your mother,"

"Harsh! Go downstairs already woman," James teases, his tone light as he shoves her playfully on her way past him.

Lily makes mimosas and the group of friends share easy laughs as the day passes by, gifts exchanged and Harry smothered with love and attention. She decides it's the easiest day, people are distracted enough in the festivities the Potters have planned to not spend the whole day worrying about her and Sirius.

Without eyes on them they both find it easier to talk, they share whispered jokes and his dizzying beauty seems softer when he's smiling at her as they peel veg together.

"Lil I'm serious, go play with James and Harry. We can handle veg duty," She's determined in the way she gently pushes the girl through the archway into the kitchen.

"Thankyou sweetie," Lily is beaming, looking between her friend and Sirius's back knowingly before shooting her friend a knowing wink. "Rem, come with!" She calls as she retreats to the living room. Remus does as told, but not before giving Sirius a pointed look, one that screams 'SAY SOMETHING'.

"I've got the potatoes if you've got the carrots," Sirius offers

"Sounds good," She confirms, fluffy socks pattering on the floor as she takes her place beside him at the oak counter.

"When are you flying back to New York?"

"The 28th, I promised Mitch I'd be back in time for his birthday stroke crazy new years party,"

"That's fun," Sirius is lying. Nothing about what she just said is fun. It's the opposite. He has three more days before she's an ocean away all over again. She's rushing home, not staying for new years like she has every other year for some guy.

That's the least fun of all, Mitch. Who the fuck is Mitch? Sirius is racking his memories, in all the awkward Christmases they'd shared since she left she's never once mentioned a Mitch.

She sees the question in his eyes but doesn't say anything else. She's about to, truly she is, until the song playing through the small radio changes.

"Oh my god it's my favourite Christmas song!" She's beaming, dropping the carrot and knife she's holding and rushing to turn the music up.

He smiles gently, watching as she begins to dance around the kitchen. Red tartan pyjamas and the knit jumper Remus gifted her, he can't stop his mind from running to all the summer holidays they'd make breakfast together in the Potter's kitchen and she'd dance around.

"God, you still can't dance," He teases, gentle smile

"Shut up and dance with me!" She demands, she stretching an arm out to him and fuck he wishes he knew how to say no to her.

They jump around and sing along, hands linked together as he twirls her around the room, hearts beaming and flooding the room with laughter.

The song ends and she's breathless, chest to chest, so close to each other.

"Mitch?" He can't help the question, not when he's so close to her, not when it's taking everything in him not to lean down and kiss her

"He's gay."

"Oh,"

"There's no one else for me," She says it quietly, hands dropping his and looking down to her feet, almost embarrassed to admit it

His hand shoots up, cupping her cheek gently and forcing her to look at him

"Me either," He reassures, voice smooth and soft.

So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own To leave the warmest bed I've ever known

James Potter can make a kick-ass espresso martini. It wasn't new information, he always made cocktails in the evening on Christmas. The rest of the inner friend group (the other girls from the dorm at school) and their spouses would come over, they would play stupid games and listen to the music they grew up on and the parents would take it in turns to check on Neville and Harry who by this point would be sound asleep in Harry's space themed bedroom.

Lily had gawped with wide eyes when she'd chosen the seat next to Sirius at Christmas dinner. Remus almost choked on his carrot when Sirius had ever so casually wrapped his arm around her at the table and she had leaned into his touch Marlene had been shooting her friend knowing looks all night, eyebrows raised in question at the way she'd been perched on the arm of his arm chair the whole night.

Nothing had happened. Not really. But something in the air had changed, something in the way he was looking at her was different, the longing glances had lost their sadness.

The night ends slowly, Marlene and Dorcas wander out into the night. Alice heads to where James had pulled out the sofa bed in the office. Lily leaves having checked on the kids one last time.

She's the next to head to bed, acutely aware of the sound of Sirius behind her on the stairs even though he's been sleeping downstairs the whole trip.

"What are you doing up here?" She whispers the question in the hallway as Sirius arrives on the landing.

"I wanted to say night," He whispers back, he looks too pretty. The warm lighting from the downstairs light makes him almost glow and he has a drunken grin on his face. She's no better, her eyes glassy from one too many of those damned martinis.

"You said night downstairs," She counters, he rolls his eyes fond gentle smile as he tucks her hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you're here,"

"Me too," She confirms it quietly "Look forward to getting to see you, talk to you all year." He doesn't know if the light blush on her cheeks is from the alcohol or the whispered confession.

"Doesn't have to just be at Christmas y'know? You could call, visit even. I really miss you," He isn't shy in his confession. He'd scream it from the rooftops if it meant she might be a part of his life again for more than just the holidays.

"Sirius," Her voice is soft, he's too close. He is so close and she feels overwhelmed by him, drunk on his scent and using all her self control to keep her hands out of his hair.

"I mean it, darling. Truly," His hand reaches out, firm against her chin. "Hey, look," He speaks, face close enough she feels his breath on her face. She follows his eyes, looking up to see a sprig of mistletoe above them.

James does it every year, enchants mistletoe to sprout above two people in love. Mainly, he does it so he can kiss Lily and remind her to stop being so stressed about hosting and actually enjoy the holidays. Partly, he did it in the hopes it might help his two friends find their way back to each other.

"Can I?" Sirius's question is full of nerves, scared he's pushing her too far

"Always,"

It's gentle and timid, the way he pushes his lips to hers. It's safe at first, a peck. Neither wants the other to freak and run.

He's the one to push it further, though that isn't really surprise.

He pulls her ever closer, chest to chest and his big arms wrap around her, holding her to him. He kisses her like he's desperate, scared if he stops he'll loose her all over again.

She feels like she can breathe properly for the first time in years. Feels a weight off her shoulders as she allows her hands to tangle into his hair, a craving she'd had every time she looked at him. She lets him man handle her towards the door to the guest room.

His tongue pushing into her mouth as he holds her against the wall by the door. One of her hands stays tangled in his hair as the other moves down to hold onto the warm skin of his hip, fingertips slipping under his maroon sweater.

His hand travels down, landing on her bum with a firm squeeze and the motion seems to bring her back to her senses a little. She pulls away, though Sirius is quick to chase her kiss swollen lips with his own. She giggles in response, one last chaste peck to his lips before she looks him in the eyes, blown out a little with lust and creased from his bright grin.

"Sirius," She sighs out, he smirks head falling to allow himself to press a trails of kisses down her jaw and onto her neck

"Darling," he murmurs against her skin

"This is a really bad idea," Her point seems a little futile as she moves her head to the side to allow him more space to press his kisses

"Tell me you want me to stop. Say the word and I'll go back downstairs and you can go to sleep and we can wake up and pretend none of this happened,"

We could call it even Even though I'm leaving And I'll be yours for the weekend 'Tis the damn season

He doesn't think he's ever seen a sight so beautiful. She's laid next to him, body lit by the pale moonlight casting through the window. Her skin is bare and flushed and she fits against his body as perfectly as she always has.

Her leg is strewn over his naked torso, her head resting on his chest, hand reaching up to comb her fingers through his hair.

His arm that wraps around her lands on her back, thumb pressing comforting circles into her back.

"You're so perfect," He speaks into the quiet. She tilts her head up on his shoulder, allowing him to see her beaming face

"Sirius, you are the most beautiful person I've ever known," Her tone is impossibly soft, as his heart in that moment. The sincerity in her voice makes his whole body feel warm.

He feels too overwhelmed by the sickly sweet love in his chest to come up with much of a response, instead he presses his lips to her forehead an action so full over love and comfort it almost hurts her chest.

"I'm gonna hate having to miss you again," She says softly, her settling back into his chest as he squeezes her closer

"Only ever a phone call away," He hums hand moving to toy with the ends of her hair

"You could visit?" She suggests, scared he'll laugh at the thought though she has no reason to be

"Anything, if you want me to do it I will," His promise makes her grin widely, she leans up to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

The quiet takes over once more, both basking in having the other in there arms again, a feeling they'd been craving in the years of absence.

"I'm sorry I left," She whispers, she'd wanted to say it a thousand times, truly she had.

"I'm sorry I didn't come after you," He pauses for a beat, he thinks maybe the question is too big, what he's asking of her too much. His eyebrows furrowing as he thinks, deep pout on his lips.

"What are you thinking about?" She questions, thumb gently smoothing out the lines in his frown

"Stay," He says it quietly, so quiet she almost misses it. "Please, I need you to stay,"

We could call it even You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'Tis the damn season, write this down I'm staying at my parents' house And the road not taken looks real good now

She hadn't technically said no. She hadn't said anything really.

She'd felt like an idiot, sitting up in the bed to better at Sirius. Blinking as her mind raced, what if she did stay? what would she be staying for? would he finally be ready to commit to her or was he asking her to give up the career she worked so hard for to be around when he wanted a casual fuck?

"Say something," He hated how much his own voice sounded like it was begging, he hated the look in her eyes. The guilt. She was going to say no. He was certain of that as he looked at her.

"Say anything," He doesn't mean to sound angry. Doesn't mean to make her feel bad.

She's left, blinking as she desperately tries to gather her thoughts. He gets out of bed.

His movements around the rooms are sharp and hurried, tugging his clothes back on.

"Sirius," She says, she needs him to look at her. Needs him to stop for a second, to talk to her.

"No," His hands tug his jumper over his head as he moves towards the door

"Stop. Sirius, please just wait," She clambering out of the bed to follow him, grabbing her pyjama pants and pulling them up quickly as she reaches for the large knit sweater. She's following him down the stairs of the silent house.

He slams the front door in her face before she has the chance to follow him out into the snow. She hears the revving of his motorbike before the engine kicks in, hears the way it fades away as he races into the night.

She feels like an idiot. Feels pathetic as she sinks to the ground, back pressed to the front door. She had vowed a long time ago to stop crying over Sirius Black yet she can't stop herself.

"What's going on?" Remus is calling. Woken up by the sound of the slamming door. She wipes at her tears, desperate to hide them from him but the second he sees her and sends her a soft smile she's blubbering all over again.

"He left. He fucking just left," She's hiccuping through her crying, and he joins her on the old wooden floor.

"What happened?" He asks gently, a comforting hand squeezes at her knee.

"We slept together,"

"Ok, ok and then he just left?"

"No. He asked me to stay and I- I froze Rem. I sat there like an idiot and didn't say anything. He just- I needed to think and he wouldn't give me fucking second,"

"What would you have said?"

"I don't know what he wants. If he wanted to try like really try I would have said yes,"

"He needs to know that,"

Time flies Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now

She hadn't been to his apartment before. Remus had apparated her there and waited with her in a comfortable silence until he'd arrived. Sat on the curb outside, her head on his shoulder. Knowing he was home Remus left, she was safe on the busy London street, Sirius wouldn't let any harm come to her despite the deep sigh he lets out at the sight of her.

"I wanna be alone,"

"Too bad. I need to talk to you," She demands, arms crossed in front of her.

"We can talk later,"

"No Sirius. You don't get to say all that shit to me and then just leave,"

"Fine. come on,"

He leads her in an awkward silence up into the building, refusing to look at her in the short elevator ride to the 8th floor.

His apartment is very him, it's cosy and homely and smells like the Gryffindor common room.

He drops onto the sofa in the living room, she's too busy eyeing the framed photos on the wall, heart melting a little at the photo of the two of them, both in school uniform sat by the black lake her head on his shoulder his arms holding her close to him. Matching bright grins staring back at her.

"You wanted to talk," He reminds, embarrassed that even after rejecting him she's seeing his framed photo of her.

" The other day, at the party You asked me if I regret leaving? I lied. No I didn't lie. I just- I didn't tell you the truth. I regret it, every fucking day I regret it, I lay awake every night thinking about what we could have been if I'd stuck around,"

"It's a little late for that," he grumbles, arms folded and a stoic look on his face

"Could you just listen to me?" She snaps, "I've been in love with you since I was 14 Sirius and you have never ever wanted a relationship,"

"That's not true," He protests

"Oh. So you just didn't want one with me?" She feels like an idiot, standing in front of him. Their friends were wrong, she was wrong.

He hates the hurt in her voice, the tears in her eyes.

He's on his feet now, passing over the burgundy rug to grab her hand in his

"That's not what I mean. I just- I was scared, scared if you were mine and something happened. I couldn't have lived through that,"

"You never told me that, you always just said you weren't a boyfriend guy,"

"I could be. For you I could be,"

"Why did you leave?" She questions, desperate to know why he couldn't have given her just a few minutes to work things out

"I couldn't hear you tell me that you don't love me enough to stay,"

"I would never say that,"

"No?" He questions timidly, his eyes searching her desperately

"No," She shakes her head "If I stay this can't be what it was. I'm giving up my life here. We are older now and we are safe and this has to be real,"

"It's always been real to me. I'm in love with you, been in loved with you since second year and I will be until the day I die. So sweetheart, please, please be mine? for real this time,"

"It'll always be you Sirius," She promises, his lips kiss her and she feels herself fall in love with him all over again.

And it always leads to you and my hometown It always leads to you and my hometown

#harry potter fanfiction #sirius #sirius black x reader #sirius black #harry potter #sirius orion black #sirius x reader

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