#I just don't have a lot of outlets

[wispforever]

god is dead

#naruto #hidan #kakuzu #kakuhida #hidan strikes me as the kind of person who cries when they get really really overwhelmingly angry #and he also appears to have pretty big emotions a lot of the time so #it's bound to happen #the first time kakuzu made fun of him and got his head bitten off #now he just waits in silence for hidan to calm tf down #i don't know the exact lore of jashin #but I'm a big fine of the idea that hidan made up the whole thing cuz he was immortal and had fucked up urges and was so angry at everyone #that he needed an outlet to just get all of this violence out #an outlet he could justify and use to make himself feel a little better #anyway i picture him getting highly upset any time anyone calls attention to the fact that #there arent any other people who have heard of jashin #or practice that religion #maybe this is the day he confesses everything to kakuzu in a fit of tearful rage #who knows #can you tell i have religious trauma

[kedreeva]

#wow now i hate nancy even more like what an overly critical bitch#it's not even bad jfc#wtf was her point other than stomping down on steve and constantly saying how stupid he is#god i hate that cheating bitch who thinks she's so much better and smarter than everyone#stranger things (via @captaincoffeegirl515)

So I get you're mad, but also, this isn't cool. Hating on characters in tags of posts that you didn't make isn't cool. Hating on Nancy isn't cool, either. Fandom isn't and shouldn't be about hate. If fandom is making you angry enough to spew vitriol like this, you may need to step back and take a breather.

If you actually watch the scene this is about, she isn't calling Steve stupid. She doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't even tell him it's bad. He assumes, from her face as she reads, that she thinks it's bad, that she thinks he's bad at writing. Even if he was (which that essay argues he isn't, and I don't think he is), and even if she did (which I don't think she does), she does not say so. In fact she's only encouraging wrt to the paper itself.

Before Nancy even says anything at all, Steve says "It's crap, I know" and Nancy's immediate reaction is to say "No, it's not crap!" Steve then insists "It's not good," and Nancy's response is an affectionate smile and "It's going to be! It just needs some reorganizing." She's not even talking about editing the writing itself or the concepts! She gently asks if she can mark on his paper - respecting that he might not want her to help that directly even after he's clearly asked her to look at it, which is loads better than some commenters I've seen on AO3 these days - and he agrees.

And the thing is? She's being kind about the editing she does do! Literally the first thing she does is tell him she sees the metaphor he's using (acknowledging that she knows he understands metaphor enough to create his own from scratch) and tells him it's a great metaphor. When she does point out something that needs addressing, she doesn't tell him "you did this wrong" she tells him "I don't see how they're connected." Do you know what that is? That's straight up gentle help. That's "you have connected these, I am not saying they are not connected, I am just saying I don't see the connection." I don't do a lot of editing but I've had a lot of editing done at me, and this language is so kind. It does not invalidate the thing the writer is trying to do, it just tells them that if they want to make that point, they have to elaborate to make it clearer to people who aren't inside their head with them. That's a perfectly valid critique and she is giving it to him very softly.

He then explains the point and she turns back to the paper to start rereading when he interrupts to ask if he should start from scratch and she immediately tells him no. She asks about the deadline, he tells her it's tomorrow (for early acceptance, which means Steve is trying to get this in early but also that he's waited until the last second for that), and then he asks if she can come over and help him with it (which a) is him forgetting they already have plans and b) is asking her to give up her plans to do work with him on short notice when he probably had time before this he could have asked. I say this to make it clear that her reaction isn't out of the blue or unjustified).

Nancy, who is still torn up over her best friend being brutally murdered on her watch while she was right there after brushing Barb off, and who still feels horribly guilty about having to lie to Barb's parents about it all, says no, remember they have dinner with Barb's parents that they already bailed on last week- ie, Nancy doesn't want to brush off Barb's parents again when brushing off Barb is what got Barb killed. She even tells Steve "You don't have to go" and suggests he work on the paper instead, giving him an easy out. And he grabs the paper and crumples it and does the thing that raises my hackles saying what's the point and acting like trying won't matter and he may as well give up on it because it wasn't instantly perfect the first time.

The point of contention in this scene is NOT that Nancy is telling him he's stupid, it's NOT that she thinks his paper is crap. The point of contention is that Steve desperately wants life to move forward away from the terrible thing that happened to them, and Nancy cannot walk away from the past that left her so damaged. He wants to focus on a paper to get him into a college (I like to think it's the one she wants to go to, so they can stay together, but that's just a theory), and she wants to go wallow in a sad dinner with the grieving parents of her dead best friend. That is the argument. It has nothing to do with his paper except that the paper is a device to show he's trying to move forward and the dinner is showing that she's stuck in the past.

This also isn't Nancy thinking she's better or smarter than anyone. This is Steve being faced with having to care about schoolwork because for maybe the first time in his life the result of his written work matters to him and he's very easily frustrated by not being immediately successful, and Nancy being so wrecked by the trauma she went through that she's barely keeping her own head above water, such that she cannot help him the way he needs despite wanting to. This isn't anyone treating anyone badly out of malice or being a bad person; this is incompatibility rearing its head and getting ready to bare its teeth. This is their trauma responses butting heads. This is the first whisper of how much they don't and can't fit right now. It is the first sign that they aren't going to stay together.

I don't doubt that they love each other. It's not even a question to me. But despite the idea sold to so many people in story and song, love isn't enough. It can't be the only thing. You can love someone to the moon and back but if you don't fit, you don't fit- and trying to carve yourself into the right shape will do far more harm than good. And that's what we'll see them realize, later, and that's why they split apart. Not malice, not meanness, not even apathy. They care so much in opposite directions that they're liable to tear each other apart trying to stay together, and instead of forcing it to break them the way he did in season 1, Steve will end up letting go this time. And personally, I think that's an awesome display of character growth.

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #wank for ts #stranger things meta #and I just want to say that like #if you think you love steve but you hate nancy this much #you don't love steve #I absolutely don't want them to get together for a lot of reasons #but he loves her still #and she loves him still #and that should matter #it should matter as much as steve and robin's love matters #because there's something deep there #and romance isn't the only outlet #I would take the intimate knowledge that someone would kill for me #over romance any day #anyway we don't hate on nancy in this house #I don't want hate anywhere near me #they're traumatized teenagers dealing with things no one should ever have to deal with #and also they are characters victim to plot devices #and we're gonna respect both #also adding this: carving themselves into shape is bad #growing to fit together... that's the good shit #especially if how they fit later isn't how they expected #but is even better

[commsroom]

Do you enjoy t4t eiffera headcanons because I just think they have t4t vibes

oh, i feel SO guilty for this one... i've actually been trying to write a post about why eiffel/hera as a cis guy/trans woman relationship resonates with me... like, the things that make hera read as trans to me are canonically things eiffel does not experience and is often kinda ignorant about. a big part of their relationship development relies on eiffel learning to decenter his own perspective and recognize that certain things will impact hera more profoundly because of who she is. eiffel reads as especially cis to me in a way that not many characters do, and part of it is... it's not that his backstory, lack of self-awareness, or various other faults could only belong to a cis guy, but those things would read very differently if they were written with any other intent. in eiffel's pop culture worldview, he conceptualizes himself as the everyman, the 'default' person, and i think there's something very intentional that's being deconstructed, with that context.

that said, though: i know how personal trans headcanons can be, and if you resonate with eiffel in that way, i think that's wonderful.

#i'm sorry!! thank you for asking. i'm just not the right person for this one unfortunately #like part of what makes hera read as trans to me is that she has to constantly be aware of all these things #re: presentation and physicality and safety and identity and navigating relationships etc. #that eiffel kinda gets to take for granted. #the lack of understanding people have for hera's circumstances that is so often. not at all malicious. but just ignorant oversight #because they don't share her experiences and never thought to consider what certain things might be like for her. #like i think. canonically a lot of the work that has to be done in their relationship. is the kind of stuff #that people are hoping to /avoid/ by being t4t #and i don't say that as a slight against eiffel or anything because obviously i love him. and in a way it's kind of an outlet for me #because i am attracted to cis men but i won't pretend there aren't like. anxieties i have about that. anyway #i will elaborate if i ever actually get around to writing that post #asks

[caterjunes]

fixing our leaky shower diverter now (the toggle that switches the bathtub faucet to shower)

#personal #keeping it fun and funky fresh #our house in the middle of our street #i am learning so many skills. my hands hurt. #my left palm is deeply bruised from i think pressing the outlet into its socket? i caught my finger with the box cutter Just a Tiny Bit #and i tried to unscrew the faucet with my hands which should've theoretically been possible but ended up putting like. dents. in me. #ended up using my pipe wrench with a washcloth as padding #also the omnipresent wrist pain Naturally #the tension between 1) i'm spending a lot of money on supplies to do this stuff #2) i still don't have a job #3) i'd be spending More money on hiring someone to do this (which i'd have to do if i were working; wouldn't have energy)

[simplepotatofarmer]

sorry for being down the past couple of days <3 i've been struggling with mourning my grandma and seeing someone get mocked for also mourning hit me real hard. i have a pretty rough history with fandom harassment so that combined with personal aspects have made it really bad for me. but! i'm okay now. <3 <3 i took some time, watched a bunch of saw movies, and feel better.

thanks for everyone understanding <3 <3

#i'm a really emotional person. y'all don't see it but i cry a lot. #so those posts are sometimes like that. me just getting overwhelmed. #and sometimes i don't have another outlet at that moment so. y'know. #loyal talks about stuff and things

[phoenixyfriend]

Some of the comments I get on my posts about the NYT just have me going "you are throwing out the baby with the bathwater"

#I think that's the best way to summarize some of my frustration with people talking shit about the #New York Times #yes it has some MASSIVE PITFALLS #but that doesn't make the thousands of other reporters useless or malicious just because a handful of reporters and upper management #are biased or bigoted #but that goes for ANY news source #your job as a reader and consumer is to read enough sources that you can draw a conclusion #one bad apple does spoil the barrel... but the NYT isn't just one barrel #personal #vent post #a big deal at least to me is that they have access a lot of other outlets don't. nyt got the interview with Schumer! #Democracy Now is further left and gets decent interviews but they didn't get Schumer when that context and questioning was what i needed

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: four page comic of the owl house. Page 1: Eda walks past Luz, Gus and Willow, who're sat on the floor of the owl house around a box labeled "Eda's Music". Eda notices them and peeks around the corner asking "uh, hey kid- whatcha doin?". Luz says "oh hey Eda!".

Page 2: Luz says "we were just going through all your old human music!" While holding a CD case. She continues "I've been getting nostalgic listening to some old latin pop CDs, like what my mom used to play around the house! (You have a surprising amount of merengue music btw)". Gus sheds a single tear and says "I've sampled human music before but, wow, just, wow! The technique...the inspiration...Carly Rae Jepsen is a genius". Willow looks to the side and says "and I've been listening to your old breakup mixtapes!".

Page 3: Eda looks at her blankly before saying "my what?". Willow says- "your breakup music! There's a whole box of it. I'm pretty over it now but back in the day...when Amity stopped hanging out with me...it hit me hard. I kinda had a phase of only listening to angsty breakup songs for like...a month. Maybe more. It's kinda sad in retrospect".

In the background we can see a flashback of young willow sobbing in bed while summoning vines to cover photos of her and Amity on her wall. Willow continues "things are a lot better now don't get me wrong...but I still listen to that playlist every once in a while when I need a release". Eda contemplates, then grimaces, remembering breakup with Raine (who's pictured saying "it's over, eda").

Page 4: Eda looks at Willow. She eventually says "wanna trade?" And Willow looks up. Final panel shows Luz standing in the doorway concerned as she looks at Willow and Eda. willow is kneeling in front of a casette player and headphones with a shadowy expression and Eda is in the family guy death post with a phone and headphone wire next to her. Both have annotations- Willow's says "got One of Us by ABBA" and Eda's is "got Nightshift by Lucy Dacus". Luz says "you guys good?". End ID]

*slides my Eda and Willow trade angsty breakup songs on s2A hc across the table*

#the owl house #willow park #eda clawthorne #luz noceda #gus porter #(i know he's essentially a cameo in this but he has a speaking role at least i feel justified tagging him) #raeda #not really intended as amillow? more abt the experience of taking a friendship breakup hard but lacking the language to describe it #but can be interpreted as amillow if you want #anyway. every stage of this comic kicked my ass and tbh it's not my favorite but it got me drawing again and that's good #i still think the idea is funny part of me is just like. actually we can do better lets take it from the top #which is deranged bc I've already spent like 2-ish weeks on this i am not looking at this for another second #do i think enjoying angsty breakup music is wholly in character for willow? im not sure. she doesn't like dwelling on the negative #BUT like. i think you can make the argument she'd enjoy it in private. she represses a lot of feelings she needs some kind of outlet #and this is s2A in my mind (post eclipse lake where willow and Gus want to check out more human music) #so i feel like I can justify her talking about her angsty guilty pleasure to eda #also like. bby willow is DEVASTATED in the understanding willow flashbacks. maybe older willow tries to ignore things #but for at least a few months it was probably a big struggle for her coming to terms w/ why amity stopped hanging out w/ her #anyway i don't want to look at this anymore. have at thee! #i have 2 (two) more comics thumbnailed and one of them is shorter/funnier but the other one is a hc I really like #so currently a toss up between which one gets done next #it's half past midnight and i don't wanna stay awake until 2 am again so I'll probably just leave this lurk for a bit and then sleep #i hate the way this is formatted (the images are SO SMALL ON MOBILE) but i don't want this post to be more vertical than it is

[sailorstarr-chan4]

Okay, y'all. Let's talk about shipping, and I'll even expose myself, fuck it, let's go:

I don't ship or like Reylo or Dramione, and yet I am a slut for Anidala and Buffy/Angel, who are easily just as Problematique when you unpack all of canon

I don't ship or like SessRin, and yet one of my favorite "love stories" of all time is low-key the most Grooming one of all: The Phantom of the Opera

I don't ship or like InuCest, Kaname/Yuki, Elsanna, let alone incest pairings as a whole, and yet one of my favorite manga of all time is Angel Sanctuary. AND I also ship Cesare/Lucrezia!! (both in the TV show The Borgias, and the manga, Cantarella)

I generally don't do cross-species/monsterfucking ships, and yet. Ancient Magus Bride exists. Beauty and the Beast exists. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I generally dislike Adult x Minor pairings, and yet CLAMP's Chobits has one of the cutest side pairings that is incredibly fucked up in the real-world setting (Ueda x Yumi; ikyk). But then again, CLAMP created another Large-Age-Gap pairing in Cardcaptor Sakura that I absolutely DESPISE (Rika x Terada ugh), and yet, in the SAME SERIES ALSO wrote one of the most Wholesome Ships Imaginable (Sakura x Syaoran) AND one of the earliest examples of an Iconic Gay Pairing (Touya x Yukito)

Hell, despite my issues with Large-Age-Gaps, I have a soft spot for Amu/Ikuto from Shugo Chara!, and Nephrite/Naru from Sailor Moon. And yet, I'm squicked the FUCK out of Snape/Harry, Snape/Hermione, etc. Nope. Not my thing

I'm also generally not a fan of the "Male Love Interest consciously/openly threatening to harm/kidnap/assault Female MC" trope and yet!! My biggest guilty pleasure is Alice in the Country of Hearts!! Not to mention several other manga/anime titles I could name!! It's a common trope that I like in some stories, and hate in others!!!!!! Shocking!!!

My point is, you can dislike certain "problematic" ships/media all you like, but don't cast stones in glass houses. We all have our Problematic Faves, peeps, whether you want to admit it or not. Just because You Like It doesn't make it morally exempt from the ones You Don't Like. Ship and let ship, don't like don't read, learn to curate your fandom experience.

And honestly? As a former Puritanical Anti, embracing my trash without needing to justify it (however tame it is by comparison to some, or weird it is to others) has been the most liberating thing in my fandom experience. Give it a try; I highly recommend.

#Starling ramblings #fandom stuff #shipping #pro shipping #purity culture #Harry Potter #Star Wars #Inuyasha #Disney #I have a Lot of Thoughts #and seeing people clutch their pearls over Bad Ships just makes me wince #because ya Homegirl was JUST AS BAD barely a few years ago!! #so as someone who used to Clutch Her Pearls I wanna say (in the gentlest way possible) to those who do: chill out. please. #it's really not that deep. fiction is just an outlet. stories are a way to experience darkness/weirdness/danger/etc in a safe space #no one condones any of the shit they like; if they say they do they've got something BIGGER going on that has NOTHING to do with their ship #don't fall for the dog whistles and pearl necklaces; just like what you like and don't what you don't #that's it. that's all it takes. thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[sapsolais]

does anyone else go out for a small number of hours to do a thing that requires any level of human interaction and come home feeling like ur body has 5 weighted blankets on it and then need to recharge for twice as many hours as you went out for or. is that just me

#is this the autism #i am so worried abt my new job SHDKFHGKGJ #i Love kids i love talking n helping n playing w kids bc they don't give a fuck n say what they mean and it's nice to help shdkgjg but #i have to work w all the adults n hougghhggnbhg i mean just #god #i am so exhausted #sosososo exhausted #i'm a lil worried it's not as bad as when i worked at the outlet in the busiest store ever but idk #i'm sure once we have a stable routine n kids signed up for the program it'll be easier since it's the same routine w the same kids #same schedule #but god today was grueling solely bc #meeting a lottttaaa people #also being misgendered shdkgj n havin to talk a lot #at least my coworkers seem nice!! i think they'll be understanding w my pronouns hopefully?? #anyway #any of y'all feel this?? please help is this the constant masking or am i just crazy #sap says

[echoesofdusk]

I think the absolutely most baffling thing to me that I've noticed in the AI generated image discourse is that people seem to think that artists don't make any compromises or sacrifices ever and live perfect, comfortable lives where things just happen to align perfectly for them to have the time to create art that perfectly aligns with their vision

"I don't have the time to draw" do you really know if artists simply have the time to draw or on the contrary, have to sacrifice something to gain that time to draw? can you be so sure that they don't have to deal with hardships to gain the time to draw? or, they have the time to draw because they can't do something else in their lives due to their circumstances, and drawing is the only thing that will fill this time?

"I can't create stuff that meets my vision" how can you be so sure that the stuff artists create meets their vision? do you really think this art was their vision from the absolute beginning? or did they actually have to make compromises to reach this specific look, which maybe wasn't what they aimed for to begin with? can you even be sure if the medium they spend the most time on is the medium they intended to pick up from the beginning, or is it a medium they've had to pick up to compromise for not picking up another art form they wanted to stick to in the first place due to myriads of reasons?

you folks seem to make a lot of assumptions about people you don't personally know

#hazy rambles #anti ai #anti ai art #ai discourse #i had a dogshit laptop for some time years ago and had to make tons and tons of compromises when using it for drawing #like merging layers etc bc that laptop lacked processing power #it would shit itself every time i drew something bigger than 1000x1000 pixels with 10+ layers #so i had to constantly merge layers whenever drawing bc else it would lag like hell #couldn't even listen to music on that thing while drawing bc it would just chug #so i had to make lots and lots of compromises and learn different techniques due to these compromises #hell me using computer to draw is a compromise in a way! #i did lots and lots of traditional art before getting into digital art! #and digital art is a whole lot more practical for me bc traditional art supplies can take up a lot of space #something which i don't have a whole lot of #and i know many people can relate #anyways when i look at all of those roadblocks and obstacles people mention as justification for not drawing #and just gravitating towards AI generated images instead of making compromises or pick up another medium as an outlet #sorry not sorry but i don't think you actually /want/ to create art #you just want pretty pictures and don't understand the process behind the creation process to begin with #art is not about the destination but the journey #and if you're not willing to put up with the journey to reach the destination then art simply isn't for you #and i'm sorry but i have to be a little mean about this #especially when i've had to put up with people making lots of assumptions about me as if they personally knew me

[beelzzzebub]

hello i just wrote a poem and for some reason it feels important

#important to me #idk #it's about things that i've been afraid of #i just have the first stanza so far #on my fear in grade school that i would get pregnant from having feelings for people #legitimately #it was a very deep shame that i felt on the daily and felt so strongly that i needed to hide #i would stand in front of the mirror and check my stomach #scared that any weight i was gaining would mean that i was pregnant #it did not btw #and you know sometimes i think about that #how that was such a big fear and shame for me #how i genuinely. genuinely thought. that i was at risk of getting pregnant #just because i wanted to like. hold hand with some guy at math team practice #i think a lot about how i never actually received a sex education- from school or from my parents #how i grew up hearing the virtues of the virgin mary- not connecting until my mid-teens what virgin really meant #i think about what i had to learn from the internet of all places #and what i still don't know #about how isolated i feel when it comes to romance and sexuality #because i never had an outlet to understand or express potential interests or desires #anyway putting some of that into text just feels like a moment for me i guess #boink #poetry

[muselexum]

<3

#sending you all so much love #it's crazy how a year has zipped by #every so often i'll come by and check up on the dash and i love seeing all the familiar names <33 #I'll prolly write a more official post in the new year at some point #but im so eager for this work contract to end at the end of this year #im grateful for the job in many ways but in others it was really burnt me out and drained me #ready to turn a new leaf in the new year #and hopefully get some of my creative motivation back when my mind clears #ive put even art/painting on the sidelines as well this year which is something im sad about #but on the positives I think ive had a lot of personal and emotional growth this year that im really proud of!! #(still dont have a driver's license though.. LOL OOP) #and ive really worked on my anxiety and depression. like even if this job is burning out and depressing me// I don't feel DEPRESSED ya kno. #ive just been experiencing a lot of personal growth and change #and the people around me in my life have told me that they've seen changes in me this year too so :') #BUTTTTTT #I so so miss my creative outlets and I feel like I've neglected that this year #I went from escapism to fully avoiding the outlets so now I think it's time to transition into the healthy middle #anywaaaay #hope yall have been doing amazing #love u all and ill probably pop in here for the holidays <33 #blows u all kisses #ooc #tbd

[munch-o-rama]

sometimes im surprised that people don't know a lot about sfw vore discord drama but then i remember i was part of the group Kabitch was in that would go after either people who enjoyed vore of things that were genuinely concerning (children, actual animals, real people, etc.) or people we just Didn't Like. and realize i was one of the dramas

#i do feel bad now for being part of that group AND being an important figure in it #but also a lot of the people we targeted were genuinely Bad so i feel a little less bad?? but still bad #this is why servers SHOULD have a rule where current drama in other servers shouldn't be brought up #because it can genuinely lead to things like that. #i only associate with one person from the group now #because they're like. the only person who didn't turn out to be Bad or just fade away. #but holy shit that was a horrible outlet for my anger over the summer because it just made me feel WORSE about myself #gossiping about people who are Bad or you just don't like is perfectly fine just don't take it to the measures i did and harrass others #greg speaks

[magentagalaxies]

fucking love it when one of my professors brings up kids in the hall in giving me feedback, not in a pandering way but in a "this is an observation i've made about their work and how you could channel this aspect in your own comedy to get yourself out of your comfort zone and play with new things"

#shoutout to my improv teacher fr #we were talking about how i don't use dynamic physicality and movement as much in my characters #and she brought up how so much of their characters are very physical and encouraged me to play with that #and also specifically character temperament and emotions and stuff bc i have a specific range i play in #and it's funny even tho i personally think my comedy style is most like bruce #and scott in a lot of ways has these uninhibited moments i wish i could throw myself into #in terms of character range/voice/temperament/emotion? i'm playing heavily in the scott zone rn #and my professor was like ''that's great but also i wanna see you play a bruce girl'' #we also had a whole conversation about gender and kith and how gender plays into my improv or is absent from it a lot of the time #and holy shit erin my improv teacher wins cis ally of the day award she was so respectful while also having good feedback #(her feedback was low key ''be more overtly trans even if it makes cis people uncomfortable'') #bc like. i'm very overtly trans in my standup rn like you know how aubrey is #but in improv? sure i play many characters regardless of gender but that's the thing. it's ''regardless'' of gender #so i sort of default to being neutral so that others can project onto me. it's sort of ''idgaf i'm chill'' which in itself still is radical #but it gives ''cis allys'' who don't want to deal with gender an outlet to just project onto me in a way that i could own much more #anyway the way i process feedback is often by repeating it to someone else so like. this didn't need to be a post this is for me #but idk if you're following along with my comedy journey (or even if you just want to hear my professor reference kids in the hall!) #maybe this is of interest to you. in any case i'm very excited to play with all this stuff much more #and i definitely feel confident in my comedic identity and trans identity and most of all my trans-comedian identity #and i'm excited to see how i grow from here

[tarnussy]

the blog turned 6 months old yesterday, and one thing hasn't changed in my head in this 6 months: I still think there is no point in it, like genuinely tumblr is not a place for a blog if you like G0dr!ck / are a creator for him

#not a place in general if you like anyone besides the popular characters but especially him #even some fellow g enjoyers would rather die than acknowledge that this blog exists regadless how many kinds of posts i do about him #that's kinda sad bc i was excited to connect with some creators who also like him #not to even mention the constant shit stirring behind the scenes which i hear is especially common for s0ul$ fandoms #but where else can you go if you like to create fandom content? bc IG is impossible now with this new filter update #so is twitter #i went on 2 bigger breaks recently but still i feel the same #i wish my fucking brain didn't hyperfixate on things so hard that the only outlet is wanting to share it with others #i also wish my friends cared enough that i could have just streamed ER to them just one fucking time. JUST FUCKING O N C E #i feel a lot of sadness and anger and the sillygoofy posts i make just make it worse #also the fact that people with terrible and harmful behavior are supported by so many others just baffles me #and if you don't want anything to do with that behavior you are the issue apparently #cw negative

[throttlegainwell]

So while I'm going over my fics from last year for continuity (mostly emotional continuity), it occurs to me that, actually, it's not as obvious as I thought it would be how many I wrote with a terrible (but not debilitating) migraine while my neighbors were throwing wall-shaking, drunk-screaming assaults of sound they call parties. I thought it would be! But aside from some typos/formatting stuff and some awkward sentences that I'd have caught in a second pass... it's actually not bad. I'm pleased.

#Writing tag #This is cool for me because I'm usually a 'fuck it' type of migraine sufferer #But a lot of last year was so bad that I wouldn't have ever gotten anything done with that approach #(Bad in the migraine sense & stress sense) #So writing was a good creative outlet to manage the stress a bit #But also turns there are some migraines that don't remove my ability to string words together that's good to know #(Less fun were school assignments through a migraine but you know what #I got an A on all of them and still graduated with a 4.0 go figure) #I am slowly developing the ability to not just stop doing stuff I like when life is kicking the crap out of me #And I just think that's neat #Also I talk a lot about my shitty concentration but obviously I'm doing at least a little better