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#I have only vague thoughts on the others so feel free to add on
gallawitchxx · 1 day
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hi beeee!! i hope you're doing okay 💖💖💖
ooohohohoho okay for the kiss thingy: god knows why cuz it sounds potentially very painful but i feel so compelled to request 28 🙏
sweet deanna! i'm hanging in, thanks love! 💖 so you & @lingy910y both requested #28 & i want to fill both of your prompts. but because you were (rightfully) afraid of pain, i gave you one that's a bit strange, but has a promisingly happy ending? you can be the judge! xx
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send me a number & i'll write you a smoocheroo 😚
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#28: ...as a lie ps. this is inspired by this post about dealer!mickey & insomniac!ian, who have now rotted my brain.
Ian hasn’t slept in days.
It’s happened before—endless energy is one of his tried-and-true symptoms of mania—but this isn’t that. He’s taking his meds, his skin isn’t crawling and his mind is fairly quiet. Quiet enough to frustrate him as he tosses and turns and wonders what the fuck’s going on.
His schedule has been all over the place lately; his normal routine lost to the endless cycles of employment and Gallagher family responsibilities. He’d been hoping to add school to the mix this semester so that he could have other, less hectic options than a rig-riding EMT, but he’d pushed it off. A pity, now that all-nighters are apparently his thing.
Night two, he googles a few things, which is a huge mistake. Who can fall asleep after reading about how even just twenty-four hours without sleep can begin to derail your bodily systems? Sleep deprivation can cause or worsen conditions like Type 2 diabetes, High blood pressure, Stroke, Heart attack—his pulse leaps as his phone clatters to the ground.
Night three, he takes to the streets, running around the Southside until his lungs burn and his knees wobble. As he passes the clinic that gave his seventeen-year-old self a lifetime prescription for antipsychotics, he knows that if this lasts much longer, he should call his doctor. Tell them his nighttime meds aren’t putting him to sleep anymore. Nip this insomnia thing in the bud before it can overthrow the delicate balance he’s worked so hard to maintain.
Night four, desperate and a bit delusion, he pulls up a number he hasn’t used in years, saved under a contact labeled, DO NOT TEXT.
He breaks his own rule: Hey. Still making house calls?
The response is almost immediate: the fuck u care for?
Ian rolls his bloodshot eyes, typing: It’s an emergency.
Three little dots herald a response that makes him laugh: a weed emergency?
He stays strong: Wouldn’t ask if I didn’t need it.
The next text makes his chest clench: u ok?
He decides to keep it vague—I can’t sleep, but it’s not what you think.—and hopes he doesn’t have to explain further and is relieved to read: u want ur usual?
Another clench: Indica
Two texts arrive in rapid succession: what else do u want? can i give u head while u smoke or no?
There it is: the reason Ian doesn’t use this number anymore.
Maybe in another life it would be a blessing to have a weed dealer to lovers arc with your childhood crush, but in this one, it was a curse. A curse that lasted almost a whole year, bringing with it an endless bouquet of blissful fucks and free weed, and a million moments of tenderness Ian knew nobody else was getting out of the guy. A curse that eventually came to collect payment in the form of bloodied knuckles, broken hearts and ego wounds. A curse that still clings to Ian’s psyche, filling his dreams with gentle, tattooed fingers and bright blue eyes and a sweet and savory scent that can only be described as Mickey.
Mickey, now DO NOT TEXT.
On second thought, maybe he should never sleep again.
The knock at the door makes him hard—a Pavlovian response that irks him more than the three sleepless nights he’s suffered so far. Three raps, one right after the other. The last one no more than a brush of his hand.
Ian adjusts himself and answers the door.
Fuck, one look at that smug asshole and he’s immediately right back in it. Lust and like and maybe even a little bit of reckless fucking love fill his body, rising to the surface like sweet cream. A layer of fat on the roof of one’s mouth; a treat to lick later, a reminder that they didn’t end things because they weren’t insanely hot for one another and potentially soulmates. They were just idiots. Stubborn, petty dicks.
Oh Pride, the great slayer of men.
Jesus, he needs to sleep.
“First one’s on the house,” Mickey says as he crosses the threshold, a joint held tightly between C and K.
Hours slip by. They laugh, they smoke. It feels like old times. Ian’s body is loose in a way it hasn’t been in years. It feels good. Like maybe-he-could-sleep-tonight good. And as he melts further into the couch, he starts to get a little horny too. Because Mickey’s yapping on and on about some asshole that frequents the bar he works at, and Ian’s listening, he swears he’s listening, but he’s also staring at Mickey’s mouth like he wants to take Mickey up on that text message and shut him the fuck up with his dick.
Like he wants to taste the stale smoke of his tongue.
Wants him to stay the night.
Forever, maybe.
Mickey finishes his story. His eyes go soft and he drums his fingers against his knee. “Should get outta your hair, Gallagher,” he says. “Letcha sleep.”
That’s the last thing Ian wants.
“Not tired,” he fibs.
Mickey cocks an eyebrow. “You’re not? ’S been days, man. This shit’s gotta be hittin’ ya by now.”
It’s true. It has been days and this shit is hitting him. Or maybe he’s having a sleep-deprivation-induced stroke. He just knows Mickey can’t go.
“Can’t go to sleep without a goodnight kiss.”
Mickey’s already leaning in when he asks, “Then you promise you’ll hit the hay?”
Ian nods as Mickey presses a kiss to his lying lips.
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coconutredbulllover · 18 hours
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little rant type shit about azzi and paiges current and kinda future media presences
i think azzis reposts are like her way of letting people know shes gonan be okay without having to be actually present and ibteractive on socials. she was literallt just comibg back from her drought/break/pause (wtvr u wanna call it) and likely wont post for a while because dawg camp and the draft content was like the most we’ve had from azzi in so long. i think shes probably doing alright considering the amount of support shes surrounded by and honestly she didnt really seem like in any hurry to suddenly become active like an instant unpause after not beibg active for so long, like i dont rlly think her being “on a break” was all that deep she was probably convinced to post but didnt really seriously care to upkeep not postibg in the first place so itd be practically no change in her lifestyle to go back to not posting i dont think she was like resisting the urge to post or anything. specifically now post-situation it might not be “i dont psot often but i sometines do wheneveb i feel like it” instead she might purposely stay away and actually jsut take time away from media focus for a little and we’ll get like a crumb once and a while.
and i think paige being active rn is a mix of moving on from the incident and also the fact that the season is over and shes back on media and does like beibg on it like for example on lives and stuff. i feel like shes trying to show that shes moving past it as well as not letting it effect or stop doing what she enjoys. i also think that if paige had gone media silent after what happened it mightve brought even more attention to it with people speculating the effects it had or twitter running wild as it always does. i think her vague-ish thanking for support tweet near when it happened was good because it further fueled people who had been covering the timeline and helped speed up efforts to get tweets taken down but didnt actively add crap tons of spotlight on it. plus her normally posting and tweeting helps spread around what people are focusing on when she appears or if shes mentioned and it js moves the crowd on. we also know shes been described as/has said about herself that shes the type to put on a strong front in stressing times so even if shes beibg active on media and seemingly doing alright she could be doing it for all the reasons i just mentioned about moving the public on (like damage control/reputation padding) and still be literallt depressed behind the scenes and js doing it bc she feels she has to. either way we have no way of knowing whats actually happening and we will probably never know, i can only guess abd assume just as much as everyone else, i could be insanely far off or completely spot on, even if it doesnt match how any of us assume or imagine her acting just remember that we literally do not know any of these people!
i hope things settle and we can see them together again i dont think the situation would have effected their relationship with eachother theyre like ride or die and its not like its their fault it happened. obviously no one wouldvt wanted it to happen but i like to think that behibd the scenes theyre supporting eachother or they could be givibg eachother space but all n all i dont see this being the reason they suddenly drop eachother and i have ful lconfidence theyll come out the other end still side by side.
if anyone has any thoughts or responses feel free to add on or share or if i left smth out or got smth wrong feel free to correct me bc its literallt 6:30 am rn and im suppsoed to be awake in less than 2 hours 🤣🥲
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crystaltoa · 5 months
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Interesting to think of why the Turaga chose their respective right and left-hand Matoran. Like, Jaller was probably an obvious choice for Vakama, having been a good friend if his back in Ta-Metru… but Kapura? Being a bit of a misfit with some unusual capabilities, I think Vakama saw a lot of himself in the eccentric Matoran, and by elevating him to a respected position, Vakama is trying to make sure other Matoran won’t be bullied the way he was for his differences.
Nokama, rather than picking a former top student or respected teaching colleague, instead picked Macku and Kotu- a pair of free spirited pranksters who love weird sea creatures, to be her right and left hands. This may in part be pragmatic- she wants them where she can keep an eye on them, perhaps, but I like to think she wanted to be able to get input on her leadership decisions from the perspective of people very different from herself, especially since she was now going to be living far away from her brothers…
Onewa, I imagine made Hafu, former Master carver of Po-Metru his left hand rather than right in the hopes that it would take Hafu’s famous ego down a notch or two (lol nope), and Hewkii as someone with a complimentary skillset to Hafu’s to balance things out.
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yuri-is-online · 10 months
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Out of the Bag (Jamil, Ace, and Idia x Yuu)
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"Oh can I help you? You seem to be lost." You attempt to cheerfully ask the vaguely familiar looking person in front of you. As if he is deliberately trying to rub salt in your wounds, Crowley ignored your request to leave campus for NRC parents day and is instead making you and Grim run errands. The person in front of you, blissfully ignorant to your inner turmoil perks up at your attention.
"Forgive me for asking, but are you the magicless prefect?" You and Grim exchange a confused glance. "You've got to be right?" They're practically glowing with how happy they are to see you. " Oh I'm sorry, I've just heard so much about you!" Wait, what?
notes: (so uhhhh Jamil and Ace were supposed to be a part of the original post but I cut them out because I had to go to bed but forgot to remove the tags, sorry </3) they/them pronouns used for Yuu, sibling snark (Jamil and Ace) vs light angst (the Shroud parents), light reference to certain events in Ch. 6, but nothing specific. If you liked this please check out the first version on my masterlist.
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Jamil
"Oh yeah, you're Najma, right?" The younger girl looks pleasantly surprised you have remembered her from your visit to the Scalding Sands.
"Well that makes this a lot easier, do you know where Jamil is?" You internally cheer at how polite she is, some of the other families you have been dealing with today have really been testing your patience. "I've been looking everywhere for him, but couldn't seem to find a good opportunity to sneak up on him." Or maybe not, that doesn't sound like she hasn't seen him at all, why is she asking you?
"According to my schedule he's probably in the gym for the club activities program." You confirm with your clipboard and Najma sighs.
"Lame, he's gonna be all sweaty and gross." She checks her phone as you sneak a glance at Grim trying to figure out how much longer you have before you need to find something shiny to distract him. "Actually maybe I can just ask you." You turn your attention back to Najma who seems to be tapping her cheek with her phone and sizing you up. "Is there anywhere to get snacks on campus?"
"Now you're talkin!" Cheers Grim, bringing a really bright smile to Najma's face and a tentative one to yours. "Mr. S's Mystery Shop's got all the tuna you can ask for!"
"And other things to." You helpfully add and Najma happily begins to follow.
"So what do you like to do?" she asks almost ten seconds into your walk. "Like what fun stuff is there to do around campus?"
"Shouldn't you be asking your brother?" You ask, thankful Grim is too caught up in his tuna thoughts to make any snarky comments.
"About you?" Najma laughs and you feel a bit silly. "Nah he hates being honest about things like that."
"Well I don't have much free time..." but you manage to list off some things that you like as Najma nods, still tapping her phone on her chin for some reason.
"What about food?" she stops fiddling with her phone and just goes straight to texting on it as the Mystery Shop comes into view. "I know Jamil's food looks boring but it tastes super good."
"It sure does." Grim says, well more like whines. "He only ever gives it to Yuu and gets mad when I eat it though."
"That's because he asked for my opinion, not yours." It's a petty thing to say, but hey Jamil's a good cook. Najma seems to agree, giggling before you both jump ten feet backwards as a strangely shaped blur nearly knocks you over.
"NAJMA!" Jamil is indeed, sweaty and gross looking, his basketball jersey is practically drenched through, almost like he ran the entire way to here from the gymnasium. He's doubled over, hands on his knees as you fumble around looking for the water bottle Crewel made you bring with you earlier which he gratefully takes.
"Oh hey what are you doing here Jamil?" You don't know Najma super well, but she almost sounds disappointed to see her brother. "Prefect said you were at the gym."
"Don't start." Jamil passes you back the empty water bottle, hesitating just a bit before he lets you take it. "She didn't do anything weird, right? Hasn't said anything strange?" You blink in confusion.
"No? She's just been asking a bunch of questions about stuff. Jamil relaxes, letting you take the bottle with a genuine smile-
And gets cut off by a shutter sound effect making you both turn towards Najma, who doesn't bother looking up from her phone camera.
"Whoops thought I turned that off."
Ace
"Well, well, well, just what should I do with you?"  The ginger stranger is stroking his chin with an all too familiar look that puts you on edge, not because you think he is going to try anything illegal (yet) but because you can practically see the collar on this guy already.  There really is no beating around the bush about who this guy is, even if you really wished you had some plausible deniability.   "I could tell you about that time I told him if he kissed a frog it would turn into royalty and he actually did it-"  Too much information he technically just did.  "Or what about that time he only wanted to eat carrots so I freaked him out by saying he was turning into one because his hair was orange-"  So is yours big brother Trappola!  And where the hell is Grim he is supposed to be suffering through this with you.  "Nah those are too boring- oh I got it!"  Before you can break out in a dash for the mirror chamber, big brother Trappola claps an unintentionally (you hope) firm hand on your shoulder.  "Listen to this- wait I didn't introduce myself I-"
"Ace's brother."  He seems genuinely taken aback.  "He talks about you all the time." 
"Oh does he?"  Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that, little Trappola's ego was insufferable already, older Trappola's has got to be worse right.  It's so obvious you can't even bring yourself to put the question mark on it.
"Funny you mention that, from my end it seems like all he ever talks about is Yuu."  He makes a big show of looking you over.  "Always talking about what a pain it is to look after you, but he never does stop."  He maneuvers himself to look directly into your eyes.  “You must be pretty special then, right?”
“Didn’t you used to go here?”  You ask, crossing your arms and fixing your best “not today Trappola” look onto your face.
“Sure did!  Also got put into Heartslabyul, must run in the family, we’re all a bit mad.”  Older Trappola breaks eye contact for just a second, something dancing on the tip of his tongue you have no desire to entertain at all.  You just want to ditch this overgrown root veg on his brother and then take a nap.
“So then, just to be clear, you don’t need me to show you around.”  You fumble around your clipboard looking for a map anyway.
“Oh no I absolutely need you to do that.”  You like it when Ace plays dumb better, at least it’s cute.  “Would be a really bad thing if you just left me all alone and I went somewhere I wasn’t supposed to.”  He stands up straight, looking off into the distance behind you with a dramatic sigh.  “Somewhere like Ramshackle Dorm maybe?  I hear that’s one of Ace’s-”
 A surprisingly strong pair of arms wraps you into an embrace from behind.
“Back off.” snaps Ace, a lot harsher than either of you have heard before “This one’s mine.”
Idia
"Dear! Dear! Come look it's the prefect!" A very excited very pink woman in a sundress and comically oversized sunglasses beckons to a very tall, very out place looking man who is... also wearing comically oversized sunglasses.
"The who?" he sheepishly walks over to his wife and gives you a little wave, clearly out of place but trying his best.
"The prefect! Ortho and Idia's friend." The realization seems to hit both you and Mr. Shroud at the same time, causing you both to retreat just a bit. You because you feel desperately dumb for not noticing the flaming hair and him because-
Well you hope it's because of the whole house thing but who knows.
"Oh sorry. Um we're Mr. and Mrs. Shroud but you probably already guessed that it's really nice to meet you." You awkwardly shake hands while Grim hides behind your legs.
"Do you have any plans for today?" Asks Mrs. Shroud. "I'd hate to interrupt things too much."
"Oh no that's not really an issue for me." You look down at Grim for half a second before adding. "For us."
"I'm sorry to hear that." whispers Mr. Shroud, gently taking his wife's hand and you stand around in silence for a little bit, trying to figure out how to walk the conversation from the ledge it's found itself on.
"Um if there isn't anything you need help with-"
"Idia speaks really highly of you." Mrs. Shroud says gently, and you have to keep yourself from fainting from shock. Idia speaking highly of- no forget that. Idia talks to his parents? And you were the conversation topic? If she had said it was Ortho that would make sense but Idia? "I know he can be a bit blunt, but he treasures your friendship. And as his mother, I am very grateful he has someone as kind as you in his life."
"We both are." whispers Mr. Shroud. "If you need help while you are here please don't hesitate to ask us." And with that they leave you and Grim
~~~
[Fullmetal] hey ortho said u ran into our parents irl
[Fullmetal] srry that had to be awkward
[yuu] it's cool
[yuu] I mean they spooked Grim but they were nice lol
[Fullmetal] UNACCEPTABLE
[Fullmetal] ...so do you think that he'd be cool to come over so I can like
[Fullmetal] apologize
[Fullmetal] u know for the stress
[yuu] and not for talking about me behind my back ( ̄ε ̄)
[read at 6:57 pm]
[Fullmetal is typing... ... ...] [... ... ...] [... ... ...]
"I don't need to apologize if I said nice things... right?"
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celestialtarot11 · 6 months
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Small astro observations ☕️🤍
• Those with cancer moon in the 1st house come across “witchy,” some may even describe them as moody or reserved. There’s a certain kind of witchyness in them that I like 👀 my best friend has this placement, and she knows how to read peoples energy just by looking at them. I believe that’s her source of witchyness.
• She also has a youthful, round face. Being ruled by moon, her features are softer and delicate.
• Also, her moon is in Leo. This astrological polarity creates lots of unique sides in the native. Other people may think of these sides as “contradictory,” but the native can be very deep as a person. They explore all parts of themselves, and if they haven’t, part of their mission in their lifetime is to embrace all aspects of themselves, regardless of what others think.
• Jupiter in Leo people don’t chase that bag 💅🏻 they CREATE. They do enjoy when others buy things for them and when men especially (if the woman has this placement) provide for them financially. Men with this placement don’t like to rely on others for money, their pride comes with having a lot of money under their belt.
• Pluto in the 2nd house goes through radical financial changes. Whether that’s due to an issue with being careless with their money, to an event happening outside of them that causes them to struggle financially. The native does not feel secure financially and feels worried. Depending on the aspects in the natives chart, they can attract abundance just as easily as they lost their bag 💅🏻
• Earth mercuries and leaving their phone on DND, or ignoring notifications to preserve their peace 😌👋 hi ya’ll.
• A capricorns loyalty is not one to be messed with, especially if the native has healed past wounds, and is self aware. They have the ability to hold themselves accountable and do better. However, I’ve noticed capricorns who haven’t worked through their past issues have no problem leaving you to struggle, and only coming back when they need help.
• Male capricorns, if your father figure was not structured and present emotionally, do yourself a favor and go to therapy ☕️🤷🏻‍♀️ it’ll help you tons. Especially those with Saturn retrograde in the chart, because Saturn represents the father. If the natives sun placement is afflicted, the same applies here.
• I knew a guy with Saturn in the 10th house retrograde definitely had daddy issues growing up, and still does. The father relies on his child to be cared for, instead of the other way around. The father finds himself struggling to provide basic living, so the child takes on the stress of providing for the parent at a young age.
• Virgo placements & libra…what’s up with wanting to be hidden? I’ve met a man who at the time was struggling mentally, was borderline checking out of reality. He couldn’t hold a proper conversation without his head being lost in some far land 🤣 every topic was too vague, and too abstract for it to make sense. And as soon as I asked his placement and guessed it correctly, he gave me a look and said he didn’t like what I knew of him. He was bothered and seen 👀
• Virgo venus, ya’ll females are so beautiful. Even though venus doesn’t like it here, there’s something so beautiful, and effortless about these individuals. They may have a mature look depending on their other placements, and aspects.
Thats all I have! Thank you all for reading and supporting 👋☺️ this was fun to create. Feel free to add on and share your thoughts!
Book a reading with me here 🤍
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octanesprohoetype · 1 year
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no strings attached – genji shimada
NSFW!!! MINORS DNI!!!!
a/n: hello, first post on my new blog >:3 this note is gonna be long and ramble-y so feel free to skip it. to begin with, everything about this fic was unplanned. i never planned on my first post here being overwatch related, nor did i plan on it being porn, but here we are with overwatch porn. and then, i was only trying to write a short 1-2k word valentine's day smut, but it is 2 days after valentine's and this fic is 5.5k words long with layers like a cake. this is the first thing i've written for overwatch, and also the first smut i've written in 2 years, so i may be rusty. i hope you enjoy it anyway.
word count: 5.5k
tags/summary: porn with plot (kind of), mild angst?, idiots in love. you invite genji over, hoping that having sex with him would help you get over the annoying feelings you have for him. that doesn't happen for you.
warnings: no pronouns used for reader, female genitalia is vaguely described tho, unprotected sex
edited to add: this fic is now on my ao3 as well! thanks to @smol-dragon for reminding me :3
"damn it. fuck."
you lock your phone and squeeze your eyelids shut, forcing the screen out of your vision, and throw your head back against the pillow in frustration. this is so, so stupid, you tell yourself, and it is stupid, yet you can't let it go.
you were an adult– you shouldn't be having inner turmoil about how you wanted to have sex with someone. it wasn't anything you hadn't done before, but for some reason, it was suddenly impossible to navigate.
"damn you, genji," you mutter, slapping one of your hands against your forehead.
this was all his fault. you'd never felt the urge to have sex with a coworker, honestly, the thought had never even crossed your mind... or at least, that was true until you met genji. you ignored your attraction to the cyborg at first– sure, he was nice to look at and had an alluring air of danger about him, but he was no different from cassidy in that regard. you figured whatever attraction you had to him would quickly dissipate into nothing, as it did with the cowboy, but to your dismay, it only grew stronger.
at first, you found yourself admiring the intricacy of his cybernetic body parts, and then his combat style. then, you found yourself staring at him for much longer, entranced by his form and the way he spoke.
genji himself did absolutely nothing to alleviate you of your newly-contracted disease. in fact, it almost seemed that he intentionally made it worse. he'd jump to your aid in combat, ghost his fingers across you in passing, and you caught him casting you lingering glances, though you could never tell what thoughts were going on behind his actions.
you told yourself it was probably nothing, that you were being delusional and trying to convince yourself that your crush (if you could call it that) was reciprocated. you were almost successful in convincing yourself to let it go, but the interaction between the two of you today not only reignited your thoughts of him, but intensified them.
genji had been in one of the sparring ranges at headquarters, dutifully practicing his aim, though you didn't really think it was necessary. you were observing, over-exaggerating your interest in his technique as an excuse to be around him, and offhandedly made a comment about wishing you could use a sword.
"i'd be happy to teach you," genji had replied.
you jumped at the offer, but severely overestimated yourself in terms of your sword-wielding capabilities. it looked easy, but maybe that was just because you'd only ever seen genji do it, and he made it seem effortless. after failing miserably, you were ready to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, but genji seemed determined to teach you.
he'd walked up behind you, using one hand to correct your posture, and the other to guide your hands into the correct position along the sword's hilt. you were almost literally on fire underneath his touch, and it was suddenly very difficult to focus on what you were doing.
"i think this might be a waste of time," you'd commented, staring down intently at the sword in your hands so genji couldn't see how red your face was. "i'm afraid i may be a difficult person to teach."
"i'll gladly teach you about anything you want to learn," genji said, standing entirely too close to you with his hands on your shoulder and wrist. "no matter how difficult you may be."
(y/n.exe has stopped working.)
you stared back at him, wide-eyed, with every functional part of your brain failing you. fortunately for you, your phone rang, interrupting the uncomfortable sexual tension that had suddenly filled the room. mercy was calling, requesting your help with something 'important'. after pretending you were really sorry for leaving so abruptly, you practically ran out of the room, silently thanking the doctor for calling you at the best possible time and giving you a get-out-of-jail free card.
you sat through the tactical meeting with mercy and tracer, though you had absolutely no helpful feedback to offer. your mind was fixed on genji the entire time, and your skin still felt hot from where his hands had been. i really need to get laid, you thought, this is pathetic.
now, even though it was hours later, you were still in the same predicament. try as you might, your brain absolutely refused to focus on anything or anyone besides genji. your television had long since blurred into background noise, bits and pieces of some stupid rom-com becoming the soundtrack to your turmoil.
maybe i should just text him... you think, for the millionth time. it was easy, or at least, it should have been easy. finding someone to screw wasn't usually this difficult for you, and you usually didn't care one way or another, but the thought of genji rejecting you was terrifying. even worse was the thought of having to see him again afterwards.
your mind goes back to the sparring range, and you swallow harshly. 'desperate' was never a word you'd use to describe yourself before, but now... when it came to genji, it was kind of an understatement.
"fuck it," you say aloud, swallowing your pride and unlocking your phone.
- hey. are you busy?
he starts typing immediately. how scary.
- i am not. do you need something?
- kind of. i have... a question.
"i am such a fucking loser," you mutter as you watch genji's text bubble appear on the screen.
- what is it?
suddenly, you didn't want to ask anymore. maybe you could go out for drinks with cassidy instead of doing this. you stare blankly at the screen for a while.
- ???
- actually, nevermind. it's embarrassing.
- surely no worse than your attempt at swordsmanship?
- sorry, that was a joke.
- wow, okay. definitely not asking now :'(
- come on.
- okay. do you wanna...
- have sex? with me?
you watch in horror as he starts typing, then stops, then starts again.
- are you serious?
- that is entirely dependent on your answer.
- why... are you asking me?
- i don't know how to answer that.
- i'm definitely taking that as a no.
- i didn't say that.
- well, you didn't say yes either...
- i'm not sure i understand what you're getting at here
- not sure what you mean by that. i'm just asking to have sex
- for the record, i'm not expecting you to be my boyfriend or anything
- just a one time thing. no strings attached
- no strings attached? lol
- okay
okay? okay? what the hell was 'okay' supposed to mean?
- are you there?
- yes. an answer?
- if you're gonna say no i'd like to go ahead and get it over with so that i can go get drunk enough to forget my shame lmao
- that won't be necessary.
- the answer is yes. obviously
your heart almost stops beating for a second. surely this, too, was a joke.
- seriously? like... actually?
- ...
- yes?
- wow! unexpected.
- are you free? like... tonight, maybe?
- i'll be there. 20 minutes?
twenty minutes? was that enough time to prepare? you immediately scramble out of bed to your dresser, searching for something risqué to wear. you owned an obscene amount of lingerie, but for some reason, none of it seemed good enough for the occasion.
you knew enough about genji's past to know that he'd been with more than his fair share of people, and though you weren't inexperienced by any means, it had been a while– most of your time had been dedicated to overwatch lately. you were sure that the names and faces of genji's old lovers blurred together, and although you specifically said 'no strings attached', you wanted to make the best possible impression. even if you never slept together again, you wanted to be memorable, at the very least.
eventually, you realize you're running short on time and opt to put on your personal favorite set. it had never steered you wrong before. you quickly change into it and throw on an oversized hoodie with some random game logo on it– very basic, you noted, but you didn't want to look like you were trying too hard, although you definitely were.
after checking the time, you wander aimlessly around the house waiting for genji to arrive. you definitely weren't nervously pacing from room to room, overanalyzing every aspect of this situation– no, that is not at all what you were doing. before long, you hear a knock at the door. your anxiety spikes through the roof, but you do your best to get a hold of yourself as you walk to the foyer to let genji in.
when you open the door, you see genji, as expected, and he looks the same as always. there was nothing special about his outfit (because why would there be?) and you're very glad you didn't decide to wear something over-the-top. he's also wearing a mask, as usual, but you can actually see his eyes with this one.
"i like your shirt," he says casually. "good game."
you blink at him, having been completely lost in the crimson pools of his irises.
"oh, yeah, it is," you reply, nodding in affirmation. "um, come inside."
he laughs quietly as he steps through the doorway, and you furrow your brows at him in confusion, but decide to ignore it and move on. you lead genji through the house, mentally grasping for straws as to where to go from here. to be honest, you didn't think you'd get this far, so you're at a complete loss.
"sorry, i feel like this feels really weird. i don't usually... sleep with my coworkers," you explain as you reach the bedroom.
genji's eyes are fixed on you, and despite having a clear view of them, you still can't tell what he's thinking. it proves to be very anxiety-inducing.
"i didn't think you did," he says.
"thanks? i think?" you reply, unsure of how else to react. "i'm going to warn you that this might actually go really, really badly, because i haven't slept with anyone in a while, and you kind of make me really nervous, and i also don't–"
you're cut off by genji moving closer to you and moving his hand towards your face. the action causes your words to vanish and your train of thought to come to a screeching halt. you stare at him with wide eyes as he moves a stray strand of hair from your face and brushes it behind your ear.
"i make you nervous?" he asks, an amused tone to his question. "you? nervous?"
you can feel heat rush to your cheeks, and you're hyper-aware of his hand lingering near your face, but despite this you try your best to sound cool. "yeah, i know, it's pretty hard to believe! but it's true."
genji laughs. "you're funny."
"i am?"
"yeah," he replies. his dark eyes are sparkling a bit, and although you can't see it, you can tell that he's smiling beneath the mask.
you look away from his face, your gaze falling to his hand. it's still in the air, close enough to your cheek that you can feel the warmth, but not quite touching you. he seems... strangely hesitant to touch you, so you decide to take the initiative.
genji's eyes widen a bit as you reach out and cup his face, brushing your thumb across the sleek metal of his mask.
"are you planning to keep this on?" you ask.
genji freezes in place, visibly caught off guard by your question. "i–"
you giggle at his reaction. "hey, no pressure. it doesn't matter to me. i'll still think you're hot either way."
"i fear you'll change your mind about that," he mutters.
you frown, unsure of what to say. "there really isn't anything that could make me change my mind about you, genji. but seriously, do whatever you're comfortable with."
he makes a quiet noise in response, and you can see in his eyes that he's thinking carefully about what to do. after a few seconds of silence, he holds your wrist and moves it away with one hand, then carefully removes his mask with the other. you can't help but stare, not only because you're surprised that he actually chose to remove his mask, but because he's even better looking than you had imagined– scars and all.
he looks at you, eyes filled with uncertainty, and clearly a bit uncomfortable.
"you're staring. sorry to disappoint. i can put it back on, if you'd prefer..." he says quietly, as if he's ashamed. it's sad, enough so to distract you from your mission of keeping things clean and simple.
you shake your head and wrap your arms around his neck, staring up at him with a reassuring smile. "i'd prefer if you didn't, actually. i can't believe you didn't tell me you were so good-looking underneath that mask."
"i... don't think that's a term i'd use. not anymore, at least," he says, not meeting your gaze. "but i'm glad that you think so."
genji hesitantly puts his hands on your hips, his eyes fixed on the logo on your hoodie. he doesn't seem to know how to react to your compliments, but there's a shy smile on his face nonetheless.
"i mean, i thought you were hot enough before. it never occurred to me that you could manage to be even hotter," you tell him with a smirk.
he looks up at you, blushing profusely, and you're filled with a sense of satisfaction. "i, um, didn't realize you felt so strongly about me."
you look away, deciding to ignore that comment, and begin to trail one of your hands from his neck to his collarbone, then down his abdomen, which was unfortunately covered by his clothes.
"well, the mask is off. that's one thing down," you say, toying with the hem of his hoodie. "just a few more to go."
genji doesn't hesitate to reach down and tug off the hoodie, discarding it on the floor. he wasn't wearing a shirt underneath, and he also wasn't wearing his usual metal plating. his right arm and part of his right upper torso are still made of flesh, as well as most of his midsection. the left side of his body is cybernetic, but it ends just above his hips. you find yourself staring at the intricate and seamless fusion of metal and muscle, your attention focusing in on the sharp outline of his hip bones.
a question pops into your head, but you don't have the audacity to say it out loud– is his dick cybernetic? the thought had never occurred to you before, but you also had never seen just how much of him was still made of skin and bone. honestly, it didn't matter to you either way, but it was an interesting thought. guess i'll find out soon, you think.
genji is staring at you with a strange look on his face, and you're suddenly worried you may have said something out loud.
"something wrong?" he asks. "you look... confused."
"i do?" you ask, surprised. "i was just... curious. about the cybernetic stuff. i've never really seen it up close."
"i see."
you walk over to the bed and climb on top of it, beckoning genji over to you. he follows, but stands still beside you.
"come here," you say, reaching for his hand. "i want a closer look."
he smirks and nods, quickly climbing into the bed and positioning himself on his knees between your legs. you trace the outline of his abs, running your fingers along the border of skin and metal, taking in every detail, and then you realize that he's staring at you again.
"what?" you ask.
"you're overdressed," he says. "i want to look at you, too."
"oh," you pause, realizing that you were in fact still (mostly) fully clothed. "you can take the hoodie off."
genji's hands immediately move to pull at your top. you reposition yourself to make it easier, and you watch as he tosses it into the now-growing pile on the floor alongside his own jacket.
you can hear his breathing grow shallow, and you look back up at him nervously. he's staring down at you with wide, dark eyes, with his hands clenched into fists atop his thighs.
"damn," he breathes. "you're... really the most attractive person i've met."
it's not as though you had notably low self-esteem or anything, but genji's reaction was far more than you expected, and the attention makes you feel embarrassed.
"that definitely feels like flattery, but i'll let it slide," you reply. you're mostly teasing him, but you're also kind of serious– 'most attractive person i've met' is an extremely bold statement to make, especially coming from someone with a track record like genji's.
"flattery? you really think so?" genji asks, seeming to be genuinely taken aback by the accusation.
"mm, it doesn't really matter," you reply, desperate to cut this conversation off before it derails. come on, y/n do not get your feelings involved in this, damn it.
genji leans over you, propping himself up with one arm and lifting your chin with the other. he stares at you with an intimidating intensity, but you can't bring yourself look away from him.
"i'm not that kind of man anymore," he says, his tone serious. you look down at his lips, and before you can form a response, he kisses you.
the kiss is just as intense as the stare he'd been giving you, and it takes a moment for you to register that it's even happening. once you kiss him back, it grows into something more needy. his tongue finds its way into your mouth, and you try your hardest to suppress a whine. you reach to tangle your fingers in his hair and subtly pull his body closer to yours, while genji cups your face with his free hand, the cool metal a stark contrast to the heat radiating from your cheeks.
the kiss seems to go on forever, progressively becoming more sensual. you're so lost in the moment that you temporarily forget that you need to breathe. eventually, both of you pull away for air, lips slightly puffed, and eyes half-open, filled with desire.
you press one of your hands against genji's chest, the other still toying with his hair. he's slumped against you, now leaning against his elbow instead of his hand. your body is flush against his, and you can feel his hard-on pressing against you. you softly grind your hips against him, creating just enough friction to cause you both to inhale sharply.
genji looks down at you, his eyes slowly grazing over your body. he sits up, leaning back on his haunches, looking as though he was deep in thought.
"genji?"
your voice doesn't draw his attention back to your face, but he responds, brows still furrowed. "yeah?"
"touch me," you tell him, almost begging. "please."
he smirks. "sure."
he leans back over you, his face so close to yours that you can see every detail of the scars that paint his skin. the two of you stare into each others eyes, and he pushes your underwear aside without even glancing down. his human hand cups your face, and the metal one assumes its position between your legs.
the sensation of cool, smooth metal against your clit elicits a gasp from you, and genji seems hesitant. he draws his hand back, staring down at it with a forlorn expression.
"sorry," he says. "i... kind of forgot."
you reach for his wrist and pull his hand back to where it had been, shaking your head.
"no, it's fine. you don't need to apologize," you tell him. he still looks unsure, but he doesn't argue.
genji toys with your clit with expert precision, and as much as you enjoy it, your patience starts to wane. as if he can tell, he directs his attention elsewhere, carefully and almost hesitantly inserting two of his fingers into you. you whimper at the feeling, clenching around the unfamiliar texture. it's an entirely new feeling– putting metal there was never something you thought to do, nor did you ever really imagine what it would feel like– but it's good. it's obvious that genji is worried he'll hurt you, or that you won't like it, and you have what you hope will be an easy solution to his concerns.
you bite your lip, looking up at him with your best 'fuck me' eyes, and let go of the restraint you were trying to show. you didn't want to look desperate, but clearly he needed more reassurance that you wanted this– that you wanted him. a string of swear words, interrupted by panting and lewd noises, leaves your mouth, and you rut your hips against his hand, urging him to go deeper.
it seems to work. the dark look that was lingering on genji's face was replaced with a spark, and his movements become more free, no longer limited by the shackles of his insecurity. his well-earned confidence starts to shine through, and you smile in satisfaction, but only for a moment. with genji now seemingly returned to his former playboy glory, you find yourself unable to think straight, too busy writhing under his touch, crying out his name and clenching at the sheets.
"i could get used to hearing you say my name like that," genji comments, a teasing grin on his face.
oh god, please shut up, you think. it was almost as if he wanted you to fall in love with him or something, which was definitely not a part of your plan– in fact, it was the exact opposite of what you wanted.
"don't... say– fuck," you want to tell him not to say things like that, but you're overwhelmed with the feeling of your fast-approaching orgasm. what unfortunate timing. "gonna cum."
genji picks up the pace, unable to decide if he wants to look at your face or at his fingers as he pumps them in and out of you. you attempt to clench your thighs together, though genji's body blocks the action, and as you come undone, he decides the best thing for him to look at is your expression.
you squirm beneath genji, eyes squeezed shuts and knuckles turning white from the force with which you're grasping at your bedsheets. he watches carefully, taking in every minute detail of the way you look when you cum, while still fucking his fingers into you as you ride out the high of your orgasm. once you still, he slides his fingers out, the matte grey now slick and shiny. you open your eyes just in time to watch him pop his fingers in his mouth. he looks back at you through half-lidded eyes, a devious smirk on his face as he watches your already blown-out pupils widen at his actions. to add icing to the cake, he licks his lips, and suddenly you think 'wow, i'd let him do anything to me'.
"god," you mutter, shifting awkwardly. you were trying to rub your thighs together at the thoughts coursing through your mind, but genji was in the way.
you trail your eyes along his body, coming to a halt at the bulge in his joggers. you reach for the waistband of his pants, tugging them down to the middle of his thigh, but the position he was sitting in prevented you from getting them any further. genji climbs off of the mattress and yanks his pants and boxers off himself, then proceeds to do the same with your underwear. the intensity of the hunger between the two of you was so thick it was almost physical, and you can't pull your eyes away from him.
to your surprise, his dick was made of flesh. not that you had any complaints either way– it was just unexpected. you take a moment to admire him, then reach out to pull him back into the bed with you. genji resumes his position between your legs, lifting them up so that your knees are at your chest. the two of you both look down, watching in anticipation as he slides inside of you. he slowly pushes himself in farther, continuing until he bottoms out.
you both moan, almost in sync, at the sensation, and make eye contact again. genji positions his arms on either side of your head and touches his forehead to yours, staring into your eyes, as you dig your nails into his shoulder. one of your hands finds its way back to his hair, gently tugging at the spiky black tufts, keeping him as close to you as you could.
it doesn't take long for genji to find a good rhythm, his thrusts deep and and on the slower side. each movement coaxes noises out of you– his name, mostly, but a few mewls and downright pornographic-sounding moans as well. he kisses you again, lustful and passionate, and slides his hand into your hair to cradle your head. he pulls away, trailing kisses from your jawline to your collarbone, a few of which will surely leave some faint marks. you're not worried about that though– the only person who'd have the gall to comment on it was cassidy, anyways.
"you sound so pretty," he mumbles into your neck.
your breath catches in your throat at his words, and your grip on his hair tightens slightly. he sounded so so hot, it sent a shiver down your spine. "mm," is the only response you can manage.
one particular thrust hits perfectly, and you short-circuit, digging your nails deep into genji's shoulder and whimpering his name. he lifts his head to look you in the eye, his eyes honing in on your lips. his movement becomes more insistent, and he kisses you again, muffling your moans.
for the next few minutes, the only sounds in the room were that of your needy whines, genji's panting and occasional grunts, and the soft skin-on-skin contact. genji was surprisingly much more gentle than you'd anticipated, affection dripping from every action. it was enough to make you start to feel a bit of regret about the whole 'one time only' spiel, but you couldn't really focus on that when he was looking at you, and touching you, and fucking you the way he was.
with the stimulation of genji inside of you, and the way he was purring praise and sweet nothings into your ear in between the barrage of kisses, it didn't take long for you feel your climax coming up. from the way genji was beginning to become more shaky and haphazard in his movements, you could tell the same was true for him.
"genji," you whisper. "i'm gonna cum."
he hums in response, furrowing his brow. "me too."
a few seconds of silence pass, and then genji looks... lost. "uh, where should i...?"
"wherever you want," you say, not really thinking. 'inside' was the first thing that came to mind, but that felt weird to say. was it weird to ask your coworker cum inside you? yeah, probably, but it couldn't be any weirder than the fact that you were having such intimate, needy sex with your coworker in the first place, right?
genji slows down and looks at you with wide eyes. "what? no preference?"
"um, i mean," you cut yourself off, biting your lip to suppress a moan. "i was gonna say inside, but like... up to you."
"are you serious? you want me to..."
so it was weird, you think, instantly regretting that you spoke. "do whatever you want."
genji stops moving, and you let out a pitiful involuntary whine.
"i'm asking, what do you want?"
does he want me to spell it out for him? you wonder. fuck it.
"i... want you to cum in me, genji," you say, looking him in the eye with a serious expression. you ignore the fact that your cheeks are almost literally burning, and also opt to ignore the little voice in your head chastising you for being so awkward.
a choked noise escapes him, and his face turns pink. he promptly hides himself in the crook of your neck again. after a few more thrusts, you can feel the burning pleasure of your orgasm reaching its peak, prompting you to cling tightly to genji. he leans back to watch, and as you clench around him, he loses his composure as well. a soft chorus of each others' names and 'fuck' fills the room as genji fucks you through your orgasm, neither of you breaking eye contact. genji leans in for another kiss as he cums. this time is somehow even more passionate than the others, and you immediately miss him when he leans back and pulls out.
you almost let an 'i love you' slip out, but immediately realize how stupid that would be, and opt to just shut your mouth entirely instead. a silence falls over the room, with the both of you breathing heavily and casting shy glances at one another as if you didn't just have passionate, unprotected sex. genji moves first, sliding into the bed beside you and propping his head up on his hand.
this is definitely going beyond what this was supposed to be, you tell yourself, but really, you're not mad about it. sure, the plan was originally for you guys to have meaningless sex and then pretend it never happened, but that plan started to crumble almost as soon as he walked through your door. you were still worried that you were reading too far into it– maybe he was like this with everyone he slept with.
"can i... be honest with you?" he asks. you nervously look over at him, an overwhelming sense of dread filling your stomach.
"yeah, of course," you reply casually. acting calm and collected when you were pretty sure you were about to hear something you really didn't want to hear was a trait you'd quickly adapted as an overwatch agent, and damn, were you thankful for it right now.
"i... haven't been with anyone in a long time," he admits. "like... since the accident."
you stay quiet. you're unsure of what to say, and you can tell he's not done talking, anyway.
"i couldn't fathom anyone wanting to be with me, considering... you know," genji sighs and averts his eyes. "i've liked you for so long, but i didn't think you'd be interested in me at all. i'm... barely even human."
you're still quiet, trying your best to process what he's saying.
"oh, yeah, sorry. i know you said this was a one time thing, and that's fine. i just thought you should know that you treating me like a person... and making me feel wanted... it means a lot," he continues. "even if it was just sex, i enjoy being around you."
"i'm... really in over my head," you mutter, mostly to yourself. "this is really unexpected, honestly. like, all of it. everything."
genji's face falls, and you realize that you misspoke. he shifts uncomfortably and starts to sit up, obviously preparing to leave. you reach for his arm, wrapping your hand carefully around the metal.
"not unwelcome, just unexpected. i... didn't want to get feelings involved because i was sure they wouldn't be returned," you explain. "you seemed kind of unapproachable. i was taking a shot in the dark."
genji laughs a little. "i seem to give that impression. it's not really the case... or at least, not with you."
you gently pull him back to your side, holding his face in your hands and giving him a quick kiss. you can't find the words to convey the emotions you feel, so you hope that touch would suffice. he presses his forehead against yours and wraps an arm around your waist, and the two of you just lay there, basking in each others' presence. this was... an unplanned turn of events, but you were much happier with this outcome.
"hmm. so much for the whole 'no strings attached' thing, huh?" you say quietly. "looks like there's definitely strings. lots of them."
genji laughs again, and you find your heart skipping a beat at the look on his face. yeah, there were so many strings tethering this man to your heart. you wanted to tell yourself that weren't sure how exactly you ended up like this, but the moment you saw him take off his mask and show you his most well-kept secret, you knew there was much more than sexual attraction there, and that there was no going back.
"thank you," genji says, pulling you out of your trance. "for... overlooking my flaws, liking me as i am. you're truly the most beautiful person i know."
you smile at him, feeling your heart quite literally melt at the way he's looking at you.
"you're beautiful, genji," you tell him. and he was. the scars and metal that made up his body weren't flaws– they were a part of him, therefore they were beautiful, too. they weren't something you had to overlook to find him captivating, but you'd tell him all about that at another time.
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fayes-fics · 3 months
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When The World Is Free: Chapter 6 - J'ai Dansé Avec L'Amour
MASTERPOST PREV | NEXT
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, WW2 AU.
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Warnings: none, really… some kissing and some awkwardness
Word Count: 2.4k
Author’s Note: Multi-chapter fic based on a request by the lovely @amillcitygirl! Please see the masterpost for a synopsis of this story. Well, this isn't the wedding yet, but it's them both dealing, rather awkwardly, with the idea of getting married as they grapple with their attraction to each other. The wedding will be the next chapter. Thanks to @colettebronte for beta reading. Enjoy!
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Montivilliers (just outside Le Havre), September 1939
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Eloise whispers into the inky blackness.
“What other choice do I have?” you whisper back, unwilling to admit how weirdly calm you are about the scheme.
You are lying in the spare room of Solène’s sister, Marie and her husband Jérôme’s cottage. Sharing the compact double bed, shoulders touching as you converse quietly. It must be after 2am. Benedict chivalrously insisted on taking the sofa downstairs despite being stuck on yours in Paris for the last few days.
“I still say we should find some forgers,” Eloise opines; you can hear the shrug in her tone. “You shouldn’t have to go through with a marriage to my brother just to escape.”
“It’s fine,” you placate, waving your hand dismissively, although likely unseen.
“What about Stanley?”
“I’m sure he will understand when I can eventually get home,” you fib.
There is a brief lapse into silence, and outside somewhere, an owl hoots.
“You know we may have to bribe someone to do this regardless, don’t you?” 
“What are you talking about?” you frown, turning your head to face her.
“There are rules about residency for French civil marriages, and you’ll need identification neither of you have with you, like birth certificates,” Eloise points out.
“Ohhh…” you stutter, feeling sheepish you didn’t even know that.
“Although… Jérôme is the mayor of Montivilliers…” Eloise offers thoughtfully. “And he is sleeping just through that wall…”
“He can marry us?” You’re unable to hide the excitement in your voice.
“If he’s willing to overlook a few things… yes… he could marry you in the Town Hall.”
Internally, you are celebrating even as you try to temper your excitement.
“Then, for my sake, let’s hope he is,” you answer, attempting to sound gravely concerned.
Eloise hums sleepily in response, and it’s your last words before she drops off. You lay awake for what seems like hours, staring up at the beam of moonglow on the whitewashed ceiling. A myriad fluttering in your stomach—a cautious optimism that this could work, a strange excitement at the thought of marrying Benedict, and a vague dread that your family could still be upset if it all works out. 
A light, dewy mist lingers in the garden outside the kitchen window as you sip coffee the following morning. A moment of solitary contemplation that has you considering a telegram to your family but deciding against it. Until you know if you can get out of the country, it seems pointless to make them more concerned than they already are.
“Dress shopping?” Eloise asks over a yawn as she plops into the seat next to you at the rustic wooden table in the kitchen, breaking your reverie. “For the wedding…” she adds when you frown nonplussed.
Oh.
“I, umm, was just going to use one I already have, to be honest. That off-white silk tea dress?”
Eloise cocks her head to the side in thought. “Hmm, that might just work - that can be your something old. I have a little faux fur stole you can wear to dress it up - something borrowed. I know you have some powder blue underwear, so we only need something new!” 
“You believe in that stuff?” you frown, taking a sip. It seems so anachronistic for her. You also decide not to ask how she knows about your underwear.
“I know it's not…” she leans in, likely worried about prying ears, mouthing the word ‘real’, before continuing at her regular volume, “...but best not to tempt fate,” she raises a pointed eyebrow, silently reminding you of what is at stake.
“Good point,” you concede as she gets up to grab some fruit.
“Your humble sage at your service,” she jests, taking a comedic bow. 
“But we still have to ask Jérôme…”
“Ask me what?” a genial, heavily accented booming voice rings out from the doorway.
“This one and my brother have gone and fallen in love,” Eloise explains, rolling her eyes. “The soppy idiots want to get married in France as soon as possible. I don't suppose you could help, could you? It would be their dream come true and so very romantic, non?” 
She appears to be piling on the theatrics, but you see that winning smile, the one she deploys whenever she manipulates an unsuspecting man to get her way. Sometimes, you swear it is almost too easy to navigate the world as an attractive Bridgerton.
“Pour vous, ma petit chou-fleur, peut-être…” he responds, an avuncular glint in his eye. It is evident from this interaction and the previous evening when you arrived that Marie and Jérôme have spent time with Eloise, likely in Paris with Solène.
“Merci Jérôme!” she celebrates, kissing his cheek as he affectionately chuckles. “Demain?” she adds cheekily.
“Mon dieu Eloise,” he exclaims as he grabs a croissant, “C'est très bientôt!”
You try to listen in as they rapid-fire converse in French, but you only follow along with every few words, maybe something about paperwork, but really, you are not sure. It mostly seems fond exasperation on Jérôme’s part, so you sit hopeful, just as Benedict wanders in.
“Ah, the other love bird!” Eloise cuts away from their chat. “I know you want to get married so quickly, but please do not make out too much in front of Jérôme!” she titters pointedly at Benedict, her eyes cutting from him to you.
Benedict seems to cotton on very quickly, and you startle as he leans down and brushes a featherlight kiss onto your cheek.
“Bon matin, mon amour,” he rumbles, his minty breath warm, causing goosebumps to break out over your arms.
“Morning, my love,” you whisper back stutteringly, the words almost tacky on your tongue, your mouth suddenly so dry. Your eyes meet, and it's the closest you have ever been, captivated by the tiny flecks of colour in his iris. He doesn't look away, and you seem unable. 
“Oh oui, je le vois, l'amour vrai… ” Jérôme mutters quietly across the room. “I will see what I can do,” he offers in English as you finally tear your eyes away, him giving you a nod before he takes his leave.
“Well done!” Eloise enthuses quietly with a big thumbs-up gesture once Jérôme has left the room. “Really convincing!” she adds before twirling out of the room with an apple jammed in her mouth.
“Sorry about that…” Benedict offers, a little flustered.
“No, please…” you can't think of anything else to say, almost tongue-tied as you replay his kiss on your cheek like a looping projector reel, wanting to add ‘do it again’, a tingle still lingering on your skin. 
There are a few beats of awkward silence where he seems on the precipice of saying something, but you are almost afraid to hear it, as if worried he wants to conjure an excuse to back out.
“I…I need to buy my something new!” you exclaim, jumping up and scurrying out of the room, leaving Benedict mildly perplexed about what that might even mean.
After a successful trip into Le Havre, where you and Eloise found your ‘something new’ - a pair of ivory Mary Janes that will complete your outfit - the day ends with Jérôme and Marie taking you all to a local restaurant. A delicious meal of many courses with flowing carafes of wine under the bright red canopy outside. It turns into one of those late nights with convivial conversation and bonding with strangers.
A band strikes up in the cobbled square, and after a few numbers, Jérôme drags Marie up to dance as the three of you cheer.
“Les tourtereaux!!” Jérôme exclaims after the song ends, gesturing for you and Benedict to join them on their makeshift dance floor.
“Non..non!” you protest, gesturing a no with your arms and laughing, a languid feeling in your bones from good food, drink and conversation.
But it appears he won't take no for an answer, and as Marie giggles and applauds, Jérôme marches over and grabs you both by the elbow, hauling you to your feet.
“Danse!” he commands.
You and Benedict exchange slightly nervous looks but emboldened by wine; then you gasp as a strong arm wraps around your back, and your other hand slides into his.
“Just go with it,” he breathes into your hair, and suddenly, you are spinning, the stars above you twinkling, as he leads you expertly in a swing dance.
“Mr Bridgerton, you can dance!” you exclaim in blithe amusement, clinging to him as you move together in a balletic union.
“As can you, Mrs Bridgerton!” he peels carefree.
Your heart jumps into your throat, and you lose your footing. Benedict has to grab hold and haul you back upright before you collapse onto the cobbles.
“Sorry…” he blusters, his arms still around you, “I…I wasn't thinking…”
“No, no. That will indeed be my name…” you stumble, almost as if that is only just occurring to you now. “I'm just getting used to it, that's all,” you lie, knowing that is not why you lost your footing. 
He seems to accept that with a nod, and after a beat, you begin to move again, tentatively, Until the wine takes over and you are once again both giggling and dancing, his arm a strong brace around your back as you move together for many minutes, a joy fizzing in your veins.
At one point, you glance over and see Eloise with an odd expression on her face before she orders a drink from the waiter, but Benedict whips you around, and you get lost in the dance and in him. The feel of him wrapped around you at once safe and exhilarating.
“Kiss!” comes the yell from Jérôme as the song ends.
“You know, he's not going to shut up until we do it,” you raise, a little breathless from the dancing.
Without you having to say anything else, Benedict’s hands grasp around your waist, and you are lifted off the ground, taller than him. Then he tilts his head up and captures your lips with his.
Time stops.
The feeling is like an explosion and a perfect calm silence all at once. His lips don't open, but they don't need to - even this gentle kiss is a soft, sensual plushness that obliterates all your thoughts. A lingering tang of wine on his slightly dampened lips that you want to lick off, a plunge of lust in your belly that has you fighting the urge to wrap your legs around his hips and open your mouth, demanding a real kiss.
His hands slide around your back in a gentle cage as he lowers you to your feet. What upends you is the breathtaking look in his eye when he finally pulls away, pupils blown, face soft and full of yearning. You could never tire of that look.
“Get a room!” Eloise yells, and there is an uncharitable tart edge to it that breaks the spell and makes you look over at her. She appears much more inebriated than she was before.
“Is she okay?” you ask, your hands still wrapped around Benedict’s biceps, warm through his shirt sleeves.
“I think she ordered absinthe, so maybe not,” he answers, and you feel a pang of sadness as he releases his hold and gestures gentlemanly for you to walk ahead, to return to the table, the moment lost.
Half an hour later, Benedict and Jérôme are on either side of Eloise, helping her back into the cottage, much worse for wear. They get her to the sofa, where she promptly passes out and begins to snore lightly. Marie covers her in a blanket, and you realise it's unlikely you will be able to move her tonight.
“Well, you two will have to share the bed. But do not worry, I shall not tell your families,” Jérôme winks. “I can’t say Marie and I were saints before our marriage,” he adds with a tap on his nose and an uproarious chuckle.
Your eyes dart to Benedict and his to you. Panic, excitement, and apprehension all bubbling up inside—a volcanic eruption in your gut. You trust him not to take advantage; it’s yourself you don't trust.
Jérôme wraps an arm around both of your shoulders, red wine heavy on his breath “Oui, I will marry you tomorrow, mes amis. I can overlook some rules for a true love like yours.”
With that, he takes his leave, with you and Benedict left looking uncomfortably at each other, unsure if you should celebrate. That feeling remains as he suggests you go up first and get ready for bed, and once you are nervously tucked under the covers as he enters from the bathroom, those broad shoulders framed with a white t-shirt and the same bottoms he wore in Paris when you watched him sleep.
“I really wish I'd packed a proper pyjama set,” he sighs ruefully as he approaches the other side of the bed and slips under the covers, seemingly arranging himself right at the far side.  “I'm also so sorry about Eloise landing us in this situation. I can't believe she was that irresponsible,” he adds with his back turned but an unmistakable tinge of irritation in his tone. 
Even then, it’s a small bed, and you can feel his body heat radiating under the covers.
“You don't have to cling to the edge,” you offer hesitantly, “we are to be married after all…”
The last words are a whisper that sounds almost wounded, and he twists over, a look of surprise crowding his features.
“I am merely being respectful...” he replies cautiously.
“I know…” it's barely audible, and you can’t look at him.
The overwhelming awkwardness makes your chest ache, your hands wringing together nervously under the covers. What feels like mere moments ago, you were swept into his arms, and he was kissing you as if your lives depended upon it. And now this… the juxtaposition of reality and the fairytale you both act so well draws a lump to your throat.
“This whole situation is so odd,” you confess quietly, unable to be anything but honest with him.
“I know… I'm so sorry it has come to this.” 
You have no idea if he means tonight, the marriage or even life in general, in a war that could come to your doorstep any day.
“I don’t regret anything,” you volunteer after a beat.
“Neither do I…” his earnest whisper makes something inside you crack open, your palm itching to squeeze his hand.
Instead, you exchange soft goodnights, and you lay stock still for a long time, backs towards each other, feeling at once too close and a million miles apart.
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Benedict taglist: @foreverlonginguniverse @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @amygdtjhddzvb @sya-skies @balladynaaa
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sneepseverus · 1 month
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Stages of Snape Falling in Love
I had this post sitting in my drafts for a few months and decided to finally finish it. Feel free to add your own thoughts hehe
He's vaguely interested in them as a person.
This feeling is extremely rare for him; most people give him the ick, whether it's considered justified or not. Perhaps they talk too loudly while standing right next to him, chew with their mouth open, are too energetic for him, or are just generally unlikable. Even if they don't have a particularly negative trait, they probably aren't special enough for him to care about.
But then comes along that one person who's actually pleasant to be around. They are aware of their surroundings, humble or at least confident without being cocky, don't push him to engage in small talk or meaningless social interactions, and are overall a decent human being.
At this point, Snape doesn't know much about them other than the fact that they aren't insufferable, but he finds himself staring at them from a distance and listening to their conversations with others without engaging with them one-on-one.
Of course, he would never admit to himself that he sort of, kind of, maybe likes them and instead ignores these feelings.
He becomes irritated by their mere presence.
Maybe they laugh a little too sweetly, maybe they smile a bit too brightly, maybe they're overly kind to everyone they meet, maybe they share the same sense of dry, sarcastic humor, maybe they are highly knowledgeable in a certain field, maybe they're just too perfect! They really need to fucking tone down the likableness for him. It's irrational, but he doesn't know this yet because everything he does is logical, right?
He comes up with excuses and tries to find their faults instead because no one can be perfect. If they trip, they're clumsy and don't pay enough attention. If they need help with something, they're incompetent. If they're kind to everyone they meet, they're naive. If they put effort into their appearance, they're shallow.
Or if they're exactly like him, then he hates them because, well, he hates himself.
Somehow, he realizes he's wrong and tries to make things right.
If he is called out for being too judgmental or makes them upset, he actually feels terrible. He sits at his desk alone, trying to complete work, but he can only think about how much he hurt them.
If he never actually did anything to them, he would eventually come to his senses and still feel like an ass for thinking negatively of them.
Either way, he would would apologize for giving them the cold shoulder (it wouldn't sound very emotional, but it would certainly be sincere), and he would learn to be more patient with them.
He greets them when they pass by each other and finds that he actually likes talking to them. He normally doesn't like small talk, but he enjoys hearing the sound of their voice. If they share similar interests, he would have long talks with them without realizing how much time has passed. At this point, though, he doesn't think too much about his feelings and simply believes he's being cordial.
His thoughts become completely occupied with this person.
All of a sudden, he finds himself thinking about them, especially when they aren't around. He's very observant and can easily imagine them and their idiosyncrasies even if they aren't right in front of him. He tries to focus on whatever he is doing at hand, but they still manage to slip into his mind. "Why am I thinking about them so much?" he wonders. "They're just an acquaintance!" Deep down he knows he likes them, but he's so in denial he won't even consider that he may.
When he realizes he's thinking about them when they are around, he feels as though he just committed a crime.
He even begins to have dreams about his crush (a word he would never use to describe his feelings, but let's be honest; he has a crush!).
He tries to avoid them out of fear of being overbearing, but his efforts backfire.
The thing is, he wouldn't like someone unless they showed some level of interest in the first place. So if he tries to avoid them, they'll end up finding a way back to him.
If they're a colleague, they drag him out of his office to share a meal or have a conversation, no matter how "busy" he claims to be.
If they met him outside of Hogwarts, they send him a letter asking him where he is and if he would like to catch up.
Of course, he can't say no, so he accepts their invitations to spend time together.
Despite already being somewhat close, he's incredibly nervous. He fears that they can somehow read his thoughts, even though he's a highly skilled Occlumens and always maintains a stoic expression. He finds it difficult to maintain eye contact because if he stares too long and too deeply, he knows he'll let his guard down. He's not ready for them to even wonder if he has romantic feelings.
Eventually, he reaches his breaking point.
He can no longer deny it. He likes them. Now, there are a few ways this could happen.
They touch him. Accidentally or intentionally. Maybe it's a light brush against his arm. Maybe it's a hug. He's so touch-starved that any sort of physical contact will make his heart burst out of his chest and fall to the ground.
They confess to him. "Severus, I've really enjoyed the time we've been spending together. I like you," they reveal. It leaves him speechless. He'll get back to them in 5-7 business days.
If the feelings are one-sided, then it may be a bit harder for him to realize where his heart lies. But something about their smile, their laugh, their sense of humor, or just anything that is so characteristically them makes him finally understand that yes, he does like them.
Even though he wouldn't know how to proceed, it feels like a weight has lifted off his shoulders. He can finally admit to himself that he does have warm feelings for this person. And it makes a lot of sense! There is no one else who gives him the same level of grace, patience, understanding, and friendship. At this point, it's so much more than a simple crush. "Is this what love feels like?" he asks himself. Instinctively, he thinks, "Yes." The "rational" side of him tries to tell himself that it's not, but he ends up ignoring that part of him. He finally lets himself feel and admits to himself that he's in love.
Now, what happens after? Well, that's a post for another time.
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creepy-friday · 5 months
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Creepypasta x Fem!Proxy
I got a notification via E-Mail that someone left kudos on a fanfiction I forgot about on AO3.I deleted it and decided to rewrite it here.It's not my best work.
Their chatter and the crunching of leaves around the fresh murder in front of you didn't hold the resonating sound of the pen scribbling on your notebook to not fully grasp your attention.
Each word is perfectly put in its right place and with each glance at either the mutilated corpse not too far from you or on the policemen's observations you get closer to the calligraphic and professional sentence you always end every report. Thinking that's enough for today, you placed the notebook back in the backpack you firmly held on your shoulder, the right strap being loose to the mid of your back.
You fade away in their chatter, adding to the crunching of the leaves back in the direction you came from-the woods. You weren't in a particular hurry as today's 'true work' only beggings after two more hours when the manor will 'welcome' a new resident in. The Master dutied you to "welcome them in" as you do to every unfortunate newcomer.
Passing the same route you memorized as the back of your palm, you place your hand on a few oak trees as you pass them, some having so vaguely craved his symbol on them. The oak trees remind you of him as well, his tall and demanding figure only adding to his ghostly white, eerie presence. You were in no place to doubt his wishes, and neither were any of your colleagues-but out of his reach, if that's even possible, you can be curious about his ways of resolve.
The mere thought of a new resident sends shivers down your spine and a pounding headache. To have to deal with another mentally unstable rapist or murderer only adds to the stress of living in his manor.
The crunching on the leaves stops as you grab your bag one more time, ruffling a bit inside of it before pulling your mask out and adjusting it on your face. Not wasting any time you get the notebook out and enter the end point of your destination-an old-fashioned manor that was housing about 15 people. A single push of the enormous marble doors gets them opened, letting the remaining light of the day shine on the dark red material. Closing them back makes you think they're heavier, a deep thud resonating through the silence of the manor before it was accompanied by a pair of footsteps that faded as quickly as they came.
You decided to pay them no mind and to finish your task before the sun could set, ignoring the pair of glowing green eyes that thought they could stalk you from the darkest corner of the room.
"Home so early?" BEN asked with a grin on his face.
The manor has three main floors and many other pairs of stairs, each leading to different parts of the building,but now you were heading to the very last floor, on the very top of it where a room stood out in particular from the others. The last floor was made of a set of 10 inhabitable rooms, in the center of them being one room made out of various shades of red that gave an expensive yet eerie feeling around it. As soon as someone enters the last step and makes their way on the floor, low static begins as the walls start to become suffocating. Each window is shut and hasn't been opened since the day you came here. As you approach the habitated room, the 11th one, the static only grows, but you learned how to combat it, even if the air becomes thicker with each passing secound.
There you stood,in front of The Master of this manor,your rescuer and provider,even with closed doors you felt his gaze piercing your soul,shattering it apart. A different static sound could be heard-the signal that you were free to enter. The room looked as clean as ever, the window behind the tall figure holding no dust particle despite not anyone cleaning it,not even the books on either side of the room had any sign of age on them.
Taking your mask off you reglated your voice and started your statement."I've bought the very few details of Jeffrey's victims."
Silence. Placing the open notebook on the counter you waited for his response,but he didn't even looked at it. Even if his face held no expression,you could feel the tension that beared it.
He finally gave attention to the notebook in front of him for a bare second before returning his head to the clipboard in front of him. A few moments had passed,yet the only thing that was heard was your thumping heart inside your chest.
"Dissmised." you gently bowed your head before you took your notebook back and walked straight out of his office.The familliar creature in front of you turned into something darker as time progressed.
The silence of the manor was disturbed by the chatter of two masculine voices. "Piece of shit Rogers.." a faint click was heard accompanied by some heavy coughs. The man's comment was responded with a few shakes of a pill bottle.
  "You still had some?" you could recognize this raspy voice in any nightmare,Masky's or Tim's bickering being present even in your sleep. Most residents prefer to not use their real name if they can avoid it,mostly to show the lack of empathy and to amplify the need to show that we're strangers to each other.
  "I gotta look out for myself." his partner and friend that lead him to this manor 3 years ago stated. "We're murderers,Brian." Masky replied,half annoyed that his friend isn't understanding of his stress regarding his 'work'. You decided to ignore your partners,making yourself as small and as silent as possible to ride up the stairs to the silence of your room,appealing to your proxy skills,but to not much succes.
 "Where you've been, bitch?" the white masked man barked. "Ditching work for a few notes isn't some lead shit,isn't it?" he continued as he dragged a long puff from his cigar. "Respond motherfucker." he flicked the cigarette down and as he was about to make his way to you Hoodie shaked again his bottle of pills. "You're tired. Get some rest." Masky snatched the pill bottle and walked the other way,adjusting his mask back on. 
Should you thank Hoodie? No,what he did wasn't for your sake,but for this manor's moments of silence before the storm. There were a set of unspoken rules,each one of us knowing them the moment we set foot inside this haunting place. Fights were not allowed inside public rooms,all conflict is either in one's intimacy or outside the manor's quarters. Masky's temper almost made this rule impossible to follow but Hoodie's calm demeanor complimented his fiery personality perfectly. Maybe that's why they came together here in the first place.. "How long now?" Hoodie's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. "One month until the police said they will have a lead." after a few moments of silence his silvery voice responded "Son of a bitch." he got up and walked after his partner,no other word being exchanged in return.
  We were in a sticky situation at the moment,you were only the voice mail of it. Every now and then you are tasked to go out in town to find out if there is any evidence that could lead to the murderous activity of this manor. Every source of evidence is destroyed by any means,the digital evidence is handled by BEN and the human one is handled by the occupats of this manor. Proxies,such as you and the other three men are put to tougher missions,including getting rid of the bodies from the other's killings.
   Recently, Jeff was tasked to get rid of papers in a detective's house but his careless attitude didn't calculate that his wife was home, resulting in his need to get rid of her.
    She managed to run but not too far off as she was killed in the place you just attended. Since his job wasn't to get rid of the body,he called in a proxy,not even bothering to hide the evidence. From what you managed to hear,Toby was the only proxy available at the moment and his arrival was late because of the encounter of a creature on his way out the woods,resulting in others finding the body. You only massaged your temples to the tought of him anxiously walking around his room,waiting for The Master's punishment.
   A few knocks got your attention, making you open the doors in an instant after giving your clipboard one more look. It held the information of the new resident of this manor, its name being on the very top in bold letters, your thumb holding the clipboard on 'Cody's' family name.
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catscidr · 3 months
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I think we have all seen the "Argenti thinks the Reader is Idrila" stuff on here. But what if the reader actually is Idrila? So I wanted to request Argenti/Idrila!Reader (gn or afab reader) headcanons or a oneshot where Idrila, who has taken on a mortal identity after [Insert tragic event here], and meets Argenti. They develop feelings for each other, Argenti finds out she is Idrila, they end up dating. (Maybe or maybe not in that specific order) I thought maybe after protecting her followers from Nanook she disappeared to ensure Nanook doesn't target them anymore? That part isn't as important so feel free to add whatever backstory you think fits^^ Thank you in advance, I really like your writing!
NONNIE omg im booting up star rail rn to stare at him lovingly. also i changed the scenario a smidge so reader is her own person while also being idrila? if that makes sense......?? yeah. also bc otherwise id be writing ten thousand words n i didnt want ur ask to grow dusty in my inbox d(;∀;d) but tysm for the prompt i couldn’t stop thinking about it ueue. also hey gang peep me trying to make my blog look more coherent n nicer looking. am i doin it ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ cw: a smidge of amnesia and soulmate trope (it’s not that bad, trust), fluff, love at first sight (does that even count in this scenario....), argenti and reader are dancing around the topic a lot bc argenti is a gentleman and doesn’t want to pressure her to talk. blurbs to set up the plot + a fic after them hehe. not proofread, writer’s block is killing me  includes: fem reader (he refers to reader as "my lady"), argenti, natasha, luocha is kinda there wc: 2,3k
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-ˋˏ You’d go to Natasha’s clinic at least once every other day because you always had the worst migraines. To the point where you almost got beat up by a Flamespawn one time when you were clearing out calyxes (thankfully there was a Silvermane guard patrolling the area, otherwise you would’ve been charred). The doctor always says the same thing; “Stop looking for fights so often”, “Let your body rest”, “I can’t prescribe you antibiotics”, and your favorite, “Stop slamming my door open I can’t do anything about your headaches”. She was a good friend, but whenever she repeated how she couldn’t be of any help to your predicament, you’d wish you could just take that glass vial hanging from her outfit and chuck it far, far away out of spite. 
-ˋˏ Obviously it wasn’t her fault- she'd done everything she could. Natasha even had you undergo the Underworld’s equivalent of an MRI scan because of how frequently you would visit her, insisting that something was wrong. The symptoms consisted of forgetting important things too often, feeling a foreign buzz in your limbs and brain, having a sudden burst of elemental energy come out of your attacks and a myriad of benign but annoying, irritating signs that something was up with you. 
-ˋˏ It became more of a chore than anything to leave your room. Some days you felt fine, but then when you’d go out again and beat up wave after wave of enemies in Caverns of Corrosion you would keel over, clutching your head while vague images of what could only be described as a fever dream ran through your mind. 
-ˋˏ You decided to leave the Underworld for some time- considering your absence like some sort of “vacation”. You heard of a wandering doctor (and merchant, apparently) by the name of Luocha and, from the people that crossed paths with him, it seemed like he was extraordinary at his job. A trek to the Xianzhou Luofu would be a long one, but after weighing your options you thought you’d give it a try (it was worth it if it meant you’d stop waking up at ungodly hours, holding your head in your hands while hoping, praying that the pain stops.) 
-ˋˏ You (somehow) made your way to the Xianzhou Luofu from Jarilo-VI. As competent as you were however, being stranded on a foreign planet with no map nor local to guide you was... a challenge. In retrospect, maybe you should’ve gotten in contact with that Luocha doctor and had him come to Belobog instead of you going to him since, well, he was a traveling merchant. Going from planet to planet is what he does (you assume). 
✧✧✧ 
If you had read up more on general information about the Luofu you would have been aware of how many enemies were roaming around the docking area. But you didn’t. So, unbeknownst to you, a rogue mara-struck soldier was on your tail, trying to sneak up to you to snag the goods you hid in your bag (which were basically just different types of painkillers and sustenance that bodes well on an upset stomach. He doesn’t know that though.) 
Your head was throbbing; ever since you set foot on the planet, your physical health had slowly dropped down to levels you wouldn’t be enduring if it wasn’t for the promise of a competent doctor once you get to the main city. Painkillers weren’t working, your feet hurt and to make matters worse, you felt the familiar lack of something in your head. It was so bad to the point where you had to have a tangible mark somewhere to remind you that you did, in fact, just take something for your headache and if you took two more painkillers, your body wouldn’t agree with your decision. It was a struggle even remembering what you did five minutes ago, no way were you going to be in top shape, beating up every enemy crossing your way. 
Clouds began covering the bright sun, casting shadows over the desolate, geometric area. You huff, irritated that, from the looks of it, you won’t be able to find a cozy place to set up camp. Though sleeping on a ground made of primarily iron and steel was considerably less nerve-wracking than sleeping on the mushy, cold, dirty ground of Jarilo-VI. So, with a pout aimed at no one in particular, you find some place that you deemed decent enough to set your humble tent. It wasn’t often that adventurers slept outside of safe zones, however with your condition you couldn’t afford to miss out on some rest and possibly get even more lost than you already are. 
You set your heavy backpack down, rolling your shoulders to soothe the ache in your muscles from carrying something so bulky. As you ruffle through your belongings, you open a bottled soda and take a swift gulp, sighing contentedly at the pleasant taste on your tongue. Now that you were sat and could rest your bones (until you started setting up your tent, at least), your ears were able to pick up on some not-so-distant footsteps. 
There’s no time for you to react; the mara-struck soldier that had been following you lunges at you, aiming for your bag. Your eyes widen and you open your mouth to yell, but before any sound can leave your mouth, a long, red and gold spear pierces the ground between you and the rabid man, making you yelp in surprise. You scurry as far back as you can in your current state; however, the soldier doesn’t have time to take advantage of your weakened stature. The owner of the spear lodges himself before your shaking figure and the mara-struck, yanking his spear out of the ground with impressive elegance, and summons an array of thorny vines to catch your assailant. 
It takes little to no effort for the seasoned fighter to take down the mara-struck as he swings his weapon, swiftly knocking the blunt end on the soldier’s plexus, knocking the wind out of him. A strangled scream leaves his throat as he scampers away, leaving your belongings safe with you and the strange red-haired man. He lowers his spear, careful to keep the sharp edge far from you, and turns around to face you properly. His brows raise a smidge for a split second before he composes himself and bows before you, the action short and curt.  
“It would have been a shame to lose a beauty such as yourself,” he says smoothly, straightening his back to look down at you with a warm smile. He stretches his hand out, a polite offer to help you stand up, as he continues speaking. “My name is Argenti, I belong to the Knights of Beauty. What might you be doing so far away from civilization, dear...?” he trails off, waiting for you to introduce yourself. 
You were in a state of shock, your mind still processing what had happened in such a short amount of time, that you failed to notice the lack of pain at the back of your head. As you meekly tell him your name, you hold onto his hand to help yourself up- as soon as his armored glove comes in contact with your hand something flashes in your mind; too quick to allow you to think about it too much, or to recognize what you saw for a millisecond. 
“So far away from civilization... do you know how to get to the city?” you ask as you feel a glimmer of hope spark in you. His words were refreshing, probably the best thing someone has ever said to you in the past month. He nods, reaching into his pocket to fish out a blue handkerchief embroidered with a delicate gold trim. Argenti hands it over to you and you gratefully take it, blotting the sweat and... dust off of your face. 
“I have made my way around the Luofu for long enough to show someone the way,” he says kindly. “Besides, even if I didn’t, I would still offer to accompany you through your trek. It is my duty as a Knight of Beauty, for I must uphold chivalry and distinguished manners, in the name of the Goddess guiding me.” His words resonate within you, making you beam, nodding in understanding. 
Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by the knight. As you hand his handkerchief back, he smiles at you and gestures to your bag. “What brings you so far from your homeworld, my lady?” Argenti asks gently, though a glimmer of doubt swirls in his sparkling, verdant eyes. The question makes you pause, a memory flashing in your mind too suddenly for you to know what it meant. Although, from what you could tell, you knew you could trust him with what troubled you somehow. 
“Ah, it’s a long story,” you start sheepishly, “I’ve been having these incredibly painful migraines recently. And sometimes I feel like my memory is fading too quickly for what would be considered normal,” you say, trailing off slightly at the end. “I’m looking for a healer, a doctor by the name of Luocha...?” 
Somehow, the doctor was currently the least of your worries. You’d never felt so refreshed before, at least not that you could remember; simply being in Argenti’s presence seemed to be enough to make your aches disappear like a starskiff smoothly gliding through a cloudless sky. 
“I’ve seen the man only a handful of times,” Argenti mutters aloud, pulling you out of your thoughts. “I can do my best to guide you to him, but if I may... you don’t seem to be injured?” the knight says, his voice trailing off into a questioning tone despite the observation. You shake your head, wondering how you should explain your predicament to the man. 
“Like I said, it’s a long story,” you say again, shrugging sheepishly. You wondered if you should even go into the nitty gritty- he could always just be making small talk to help you get comfortable or something. Sensing your unease, he changes the spotlight to him instead. 
“There’s no need to delve into details if you wish to keep them secret,” he says with a kind smile, bending down to take ahold of your hand- gently pressing a chaste kiss on the back of your hand. Red flushes your ears immediately, words caught in your throat at the sight of his hair cascading over his shoulders, a beautiful contrast from the gold and silver armor glittering in what was left of the sunlight. 
“As for myself, like I mentioned earlier, I am a Knight of Beauty. I’m on a quest to find my dear Goddess Idrila once more, for I need to pay my respects to them after they saved me from a particularly grim fate.” His words echoed in your mind, your brows knitting together as you felt what could only be described as a cold bucket of water being dunked on your head. “I-Idrila?” you parrot, your voice coming out as a choked noise. Argenti perks up, the hand that had been softly holding onto yours now holding it with a firmer grip, his other hand joining it. 
“Yes, Idrila. Have you ever heard of them? Or...” he trails off, looking deep into your eyes expectantly, almost as if he knew something you didn’t. His eyes seemed to suck you in, bringing a comfortable wave of warmth over you, making you yearn for something. 
“I...” you begin, your gaze falling down to look at your feet. As you thought long and hard about what you wanted to say, what you tried to remember, you slowly look over to his spear, lying flat on the ground- long forgotten since the fight earlier. As if a lightbulb went off above your head, you perk up just as he did, and look at him, beaming. The words were caught in your throat; there was so much you wanted to say, to declare, to do in this moment of clarity, but with how fast your mind was running to catch you up on the current events of your life it was a struggle. 
“Argenti,” you murmur, the name rolling off your tongue smoothly, as you realized seeing the traveling merchant was no longer required. Though the road might have been arduous, and you may have almost lost your mind in the process, being with Argenti suddenly made everything make sense. That’s why your migraines mysteriously disappeared as soon as you were in the knight’s presence, that’s why you had gaps in your memory, that’s why you were freakishly powerful... at convenient times.  
Everything clicked into place. 
The both of you share a pregnant pause, eyes locked together as the world seemed to come to a stop around you. If it were possible, you’re sure there would be delicate, silky rose petals floating around your figures, suspended in the air. You glance down at his lips, and for the first time, make a decision with a clear head. 
His lips felt smooth against yours, the faint taste of vanilla mixed with roses transferring to your own lips. The kiss almost felt like it could be the result of a symbiotic relationship; now that you had Argenti, or at least had him by your side once again, you didn’t think you’d be able to continue on without him. 
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deconstructthesoup · 1 month
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Fantasy High Good Place AU
I am very happy that y'all voted for this, because it's been living in my brain rent-free for the past couple weeks.
So, right off the bat---this is partially self-indulgence, and partially a little exploration of what the Bad Kids would be like as adults if they hadn't found each other... and, well, if they were living in a more mundane world. And, of course, I had to combine and add a couple roles, just to make everyone fit.
Fig: She's in the Eleanor role as the main POV character, and as the first person who decides to learn how to be better. In life, she was a twenty-seven-year-old musician living in Phoenix, Arizona who was still trying to find her big break, and got by via drug-dealing after a string of shitty service jobs. Fig hasn't spoken to her mom in years, even after both Gilear and Gordie (aka Gorthalax) have both died, and she put up a front of selfishness and constant lies due to not trusting anyone and being afraid of being vulnerable. But when she dies and supposedly gets mistaken for a pro-bono death-row lawyer, she realizes that she's gotta ask for help...
Ayda: She's in the Chidi role---a high-strung ethics professor who devoted her life to figuring out the deep secrets of the universe, often at the cost of her own mental health. She's not as indecisive as Chidi, but she's very much of the mindset that ethical standards should always be upholded, and she initially sees nothing wrong with the points system. As Ayda becomes closer to Fig, she starts to pick up on how the system doesn't count for extenuating circumstances, and how much of an actual minefield ethics is... and she starts to reflect on her own life, where she never knew how to connect with others and stayed in her comfort zone of academia. Throughout bonding with the others, she slowly learns how to let her walls down and challenge the system.
Fabian: He's in a Tahani role, as the upper-class socialite who pretty much bought his way into "heaven" and definitely has a bunch of narcissistic tendencies. Unlike Tahani, however, he's very much aware of his own failings, and he constantly stresses about how fragile his standing and happiness is---though, he's become incredibly good at hiding it. Fabian's pretty much been living in the shadow of his late father's legacy for his whole life, and he spent most of that life trying to be just as good, if not better, than him... so, when he supposedly gets into the "Good Place," it's essentially proof that he did everything right. Of course, that still doesn't keep him from feeling like there's something amiss, especially since there's some issues with his assigned soulmate...
Riz: In life, Riz was a P.I. who mostly did petty work for rich people and got used to doing things that were vaguely shady in order to get by. By the time he died, he had a very low opinion of people in general, and had a "dog eat dog" mindset... which was immediately blown out of the water the second he realized that he'd been mistaken for a brilliant secret agent, and he was going to spend his afterlife with a self-centered rich boy as romantic soulmates. Riz being Riz, he immediately started to figure a way out of this situation, eventually finding out Fig---and one other person---and agreeing to take Ayda's ethics lessons if it meant he could earn his spot in the Good Place... though, of course, he's still subconsciously picking up on the little hints that something is off.
Kristen: She's in the "Jason" role... sorta. When she was alive, she was a former member of a conservative Christian cult who left when she was nineteen, spent the next five years trying to find another truth to pursue, and spent the last three years of her life partying her problems away and living high on nihilism. So it was quite a shock for her when, after dying, she supposedly got sent to the Good Place... and only because they thought that she's a humanitarian pastor, and straight to boot. Kristen initially doesn't want to waste time with ethics lessons, but as more and more things start to go wrong, she reluctantly agrees---and ends up reconnecting with that curious, searching part of herself that she thought she'd left behind, over and over again.
Gorgug: When he was alive, he was a physicist who made a lot of impressive discoveries---many of which had the potential to really help people---but due to the fact that he had a lot of issues with standing up for himself and believed himself to not be as smart as he actually was, he tended to let himself get taken advantage of and have other people take credit for his work. Getting into the Good Place kind of confirmed Gorgug's belief that keeping your head down and being humble would pay off eventually... until his assigned soulmate immediately told him that she was a) gay, and b) here by mistake. The two of them do become pretty good friends, and Gorgug even sits in on some of Ayda's ethics lessons, learning a bit about himself as he does.
Adaine: She's Janet---or, rather, an "Oracle," one of many informational assistants made by the Good Place (the Bad Place has Informants, while Accountants have Librarians). Every Oracle is given a name upon being activated in order to distinguish her from others, and, well, hers is Adaine. She starts off as your typical cheery, happy-to-help living Siri, but as time goes on and she gets rebooted over and over again, she starts to form genuine connections with the humans, and with connections come actual feelings... including the rise of mild anxiety. Adaine's grateful for that, though, as she sees becoming more human as an incredible experience.
Aelwyn: Honestly... there was no other character who was bitchy, multifaceted, and weirdly loving enough to be Micheal. At first, underneath her quirky and "cool older sister" angel persona, she's every bit the callous, vindictive, and cruel demon who only lives to torment human souls and prove her worth to her boss. But reboot after reboot, she fails, the humans become closer and figure her out... and she's eventually forced to cave. Aelwyn never fully loses her bitchiness and slightly amoral nature, but she does develop a heart and self-awareness as she becomes friends with the humans---and as she forms a sisterly connection with Adaine. Even a demon can learn to grow.
I have more thoughts, but I've spent a lot of time figuring out how to make this coherent, so... yeah!
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hotjaneaustenmenpoll · 2 months
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Welcome to the HOT JANE AUSTEN MEN bracket! We have just finished voting on all the HOTTEST Jane Austen Gentlemen and Rakes from all the many TV and Film Jane Austen Adaptations.
After nearly two months of voting we have our Winner! Thank you everyone for taking part and all your propaganda I will be taking a little break for a while but look out for more polls in the future...
All polls—including ongoing polls, previous rounds,mini ask polls—can be found in the #hotjaneaustenmenpoll tag. Every poll in the Hot Jane Austen Men Tournament is tagged with the hot regency man and the year his adaptation was made if you need to search for a hot man in particular.
FAQs:
“Where is [my favorite Jane Austen man]?” Have you checked all the polls in the tag? Have you done a tag search for him? Only some of the actors are tagged but if you search for his adaptation and the year he was in it you should find him! If you still haven’t found him, he probably isn't in this poll.
“WHERE ARE THE HOT JANE AUSTEN MEN. I want to see all the hot men competing in one place! -
The Final
Third Place Poll
Semi-Finals Master List!
Quarter-Finals Master List!
Round Three Master List!
Round Two Master List!
Round One Master List!
“Who is included on this list?” We started with 64 opponents readied their duelling pistols to defend their own hotness but only 8 remain! I included men from Pride and Prejudice 1940/1995/2005, Sense and Sensibility 1971/1995/2008, Emma 1996/1996/2009/2020, Northanger Abbey 2007, Persuasion 1995/2007/2022 and Mansfield Park 1983/ 1999/2007 as well as a couple from Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, one from Sanditon and one from Love and Friendship/Lady Susan. Most are the main hero/anti-heroes but there are a few others scattered in too.
Have you included Spin Offs ?”  The only strictly none Jane Austen adaptation I've included men from is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because it is set in the correct time period, the characters are basically the same in terms of personality and I thought the casting was great! In terms of Sandition, Sidney Parker is the only man I have entered as he is mentioned in the book as well as the TV so sadly as much as I love the other Sanditon Men they aren't included!
"Can I submit hot Jane Austen men?”  Submissions are now closed! But my ask is still open for propaganda...
“I have additional propaganda for the hot men!” Great! Send me an ask, tag me in gifsets, fancams etc or reblog the poll and add your propaganda to it. Also feel free to send in any book propaganda!! I'll try to boost as much propaganda as possible
WHy is the propaganda so uneven on this poll? To stay impartial I only add propaganda to the main poll that has been sent in before each round's polls open. If you submit any after then I will reblog or post and add to the winner's propaganda in the next poll. If it's uneven it's because you never sent any in, not because I'm being biased.
"How have you paired up the men ?" I did start to try and vaguely seed the men but I will be honest I did get a bit slap dash towards the end which means a couple of the match-ups are maybe a bit too even but fun I hope!
If you’re submitting propaganda for your hot man, I don’t accept propaganda that is of the actor outside of their Specific Jane Austen Adaptation but I do accept propaganda from them in their respective books. I would love to be tagged in gifsets and fancams, and I'd like to boost propaganda that tells us why your Jane Austen man is your favourite :)
I won’t post or boost negative propaganda. If you really hate that a certain hot man is winning, send me positive propaganda for their hot opponent. I may make exceptions if your propaganda is of another Austen character bad mouthing him though...
If I see repetitive, trolling, and/or bigoted remarks in the comments, I may block you from this bracket. If you want to point out a hot man’s flaws or misdemeanors, that’s fine, but if I see consistent bad-faith trolling, you will be blocked.
On that note—if you have an issue with a poll, offer a solution! I'll do my best to keep the poll happy and fun, and I'll block people being dicks. If you don’t like a poll photo or a description, offer one I can use instead.
“My FAQ isn’t on here :(” send me an ask! I'd love to hear from you guys—just please check these basics first.
Thank you for being here! Enjoy the tournament.
And Thank You @hotvintagepoll for the inspiration!
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drarrily-we-row-along · 6 months
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Hey everyone.
Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.
It turns out that I'm actually ace.
So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.
Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).
(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)
For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.
It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.
Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.
To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.
After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.
I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.
Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.
It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.
The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.
(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)
So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.
And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.
And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.
There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).
And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.
She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)
I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.
I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.
Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?
I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?
I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?
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gemstone-roses · 1 year
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Hannibal
Trigger warning for self harm.
Request is under the read more.
A:N- this is a one off, i will not be doing any other requests on this subject so please do not ask. This is not meant to romanticise or anything, I am writing from past experiences and if any of the themes in this fic are triggering, don't read it. this was requested by @melavoris . Also Thankyou for being so respectful of my boundaries when requesting this fic! 💖
Request: can you do hannibal with a reader who self harms and he sees her healing scars and what he would do.
sorry for this taking so long- I had to take a break from uni and have felt like a complete fucking failure so... anyway, time to crawl out of my self pity hole, here you go! I tried to keep it vague whilst also including the details you asked for.
Warnings: self harm(no actual scenes of this but its the theme of the fic), scars, , hurt /comfort, 18+ only thanku! Female reader.
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it's an avalanche of bad luck that ends with you and hannibal in this four room motel, with only one bed of course, stranded in the middle of the country, with a storm brewing for the night.
Jack had sent the two of you to interview someone connected to the case, you and hannibal worked well together, your skills and knowledge complimented each others work.
"I don't have anything to wear" you whined at hannibal, a smirk making it's way across his face.
"I have a spare shirt you can wear" hannibal says, because of course this man keeps spare shirts in his boot.
The shirt is long enough for you to keep a little dignity at least.
"I'll take the cou- you begin to say before he cuts you off.
"No, you will not, the bed is big enough for us both, the couch is big enough for neither of us" he says, matter of factly. But he's right, you could barely sit two people on the couch let alone lie and sleep on it.
"Um, alright" you say, slightly nervous.
"it's okay y/n" , he reassures you, seeming to sense your apprehension.
By the time hannibals out the shower, you've drifted off to sleep, he chuckles quietly at the sight, one leg flung over the quilt, arm shoved under the pillow.
It's not until hannibal gets in the other side and sees the flashes of red across your thigh.
Hannibal gently tugs the quilt until its free, he puts it back over you, tucks you in softly.
The next morning, your awoken by the shower running, hannibal in nothing but a towel.
"I saved you some hot water" he smiles.
There's a bottle of antiseptic on the shower shelf, thats lucky, you thought.
Your packing up your things to finally get out of this shitty room when hannibal gently catches your arm.
"Y/n, are you alright?" He asks, his voice is comforting, soothing, laced with concern.
"Im okay" you say.
"Hm". Hannibal smiles slightly, but he's not satisfied with your response.
Hannibal cares for you, deeply. You and him are close, he hates to think of you struggling on your own.
Hannibals driving, he asks if you'd like to come over for dinner, since there's no point going back to the office this late. You agree, delighted, his cooking is something else.
You make yourself comfortable while he dots about his house.
"Here, I have something for you" hannibal says, there's that deep comforting voice again that makes you feel safe.
You eye him confused, its a rubber band.
"Some of my patients, they've said it helps, in the short term" he says, his eyes never leave yours, but there's no pity or sadness or anything at all like that.
He's holding your hand in his, his grip tight, but not hard.
"It's okay y/n" he smiles, his hand moves to your cheek.
"Thankyou" you say quietly.
Hannibal doesn't let go of you as he speaks again.
"Whatever it is, y/n, I'm here".
"There are many things to try that can help, if you like, I can work through them with you". He adds.
"we don't have to talk, not tonight, but I want you to be safe and know that I'm not going anywhere, I'm here, I'll always be here". Hannibal soothes.
"okay" you nod, as he pulls you into a hug.
He holds you tight, but softly.
"Okay" he agrees.
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moralesmilesanhour · 3 months
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what you're searching for.
summary: Margo goes to a shitty poetry slam and gets more out of it than she expects. wc: 4.9k warnings: alcohol consumption, and it's like very VERY lightly implied that they had an Adult Sleepover if you get my meaning. Nothing really too suggestive in here I promise. One singular reference to a tiktok. a/n: this took me a whole ass week but I'm very proud of where my writing style is going! somewhat inspired by the film 'Love Jones'. If you enjoyed this pls feel free to leave your thoughts or your favorite line if you have one! EDIT: OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO ADD: the first poem is actually taken from the Junior novel 'Miles Morales: Suspended' by Jason Reynolds! The poem at the end is mine though lmao I'm not the best poet
Margo can’t stand poetry.
Someone gets up in front of you with a piece of paper clutched in their hands, and recites what is simultaneously the most vague and the most painfully obvious string of fragmented sentences you’ve ever heard as if they’d just touched your soul.
It’s not rapping, not preaching, but the ugly middle child standing between them. Some odd bastardization of music for people who thought they were too smart for either of the first two, but weren't brave enough to just give speeches.
Speeches, at least, are coherent, specific, and can be scrutinized.
So far, sitting in the front row of the bar that her classmate Zoe had invited her to for poetry night, no one has changed her mind. 
Tonight’s performances consisted of an assembly line of men (and a couple of women) in vintage sweaters ranting about their exes to the rhythm of bongo drums, or some mildly relevant social issue that none had the lexicon to really say anything in stanzas that hasn’t already been said. She had heard nothing yet that sounded much more profound than an Instagram post.
Although, one girl had come up and recited a short poem about her late mother that Margo thought was quite sweet, and the least tortuous to sit through.
The crowd erupted in snaps again for a poet with long braided dreads and an ankh tattoo whose words she had tuned out. The host took the mic and announced the final (thank god) participant:
“Now this next one I had to practically drag over here to get him to share his beautiful poetry with us tonight. Everyone, please give a warm welcome to one of my close friends and colleagues, Miles Morales!”
A lanky young man–Margo suspects about six feet even, given the way he’s towering over the host–awkwardly shuffles over to the center of the stage, offering the crowd a tight-lipped smile. 
He’s in a plain green sweater with the sleeves hastily rolled up to his elbows and a bomber jacket tied around his waist. As soon as he’s handed the microphone, it seems to dawn on him that there’s no turning back, and his body visibly tenses. 
He clearly just got here, and for once Margo doesn’t know what to expect.
Squinting beneath the bright spotlight, he clears his throat and speaks into the mic. 
“Um, hi.”
A few scattered ‘hi’s from the crowd.
There’s something bright and sweet in the tone of his voice that makes him sound a little boyish, and she wonders what he could possibly have under his sleeve that warranted him getting dragged up here last minute.
He takes a deep breath.
“It’s said
That nobody
Is ever more
Than ten feet
From a spider.”
Miles began the poem carefully, like he was confessing something. 
“They be everywhere you and me are.”
A few members of the crowd laugh, others shudder at the thought and frown. 
“And even though
We see them only
When they big enough to see, or when
They move,
Like a cursor
Across the blank white
Page of a wall…”
His voice loses some of its airiness in exchange for confidence as he recites the rest of the poem, and Margo realizes that he isn’t reading off of anything. 
Either he’s improvising, or he has it entirely memorized.
“Or when we trip
The web-like wire
Of a booby trap
Or when they
Fang our flesh
We should probably
Assume most
Just be right there…”
Miles paused and looked somewhere far beyond the crowd, lifting his arm to point to the back of the room. Then he repeated:
“Right there,
Right here,”
He gestures toward the front row, where his eyes land directly on Margo. It’s not so close to the stage that she can tell for sure, but she thinks she sees a hint of a smile cross his lips.
“Looking at us,
Looking over them.”
Silence. 
His arm falls limply to his side as his eyes frantically scan the audience, searching for some kind of response. 
Then, someone begins to clap. Then another. Then another. WIthin moments, the entire room erupts in applause, causing a shy smile to spread across the young man’s face.
“Uh, thank you!” he says, surprised at the positive reception, before shrinking into himself again and leaving the stage the same way he came.
The host returns and takes the mic from him.
“Miles Morales, everybody!”
-
After the poetry slam, Margo insisted that Zoe take her to the sushi place across the street. It had a bar sitting off to the side, one with significantly less poets. The decorative lights hung directly above the shelf filled with glass bottles and shrouded them in cherry red.
Zoe takes a sip of her sherry and leans in.
“Sooo, how was it?”
“It was a’ight.”
The light-skinned girl’s lips pull into a pout. “Seriously?”
“Hey, I told you poetry wasn’t my thing,” Margo pauses, then amends, “I liked the last guy, though. Breath of fuckin’ fresh air.”
“Right? His style really caught my attention, subtle.”
“Glad you liked it.”
Zoe’s eyes widened as she glanced just beyond Margo’s shoulder.
When Margo turned towards the familiar voice and froze. 
The poet in question was standing just inches away, a friendly smile gracing his features. His jacket is no longer around his waist, neatly folded over his arm like an expensive coat. He is with the excitable darker-skinned man who’d just hosted the event, and a man the shade of sandalwood standing just behind him.
They’re both wearing the same type of muted cardigan as Miles, but they’ve got actual coats.
“Y’all were in the front, right?” Miles asks the both of them, though he’s only looking at Margo.
She nods wordlessly. Zoe picks up the slack.
“M-hm, you were great up there! You’ve really never shown anyone your work ‘till tonight?”
Miles snorts at the wording of the phrase. ‘His work’.
“I wrote that poem in high school,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. 
“Wasn’t supposed to be anything serious, but my roommate…” 
He gives the dark-skinned man a dirty look. 
“...swiped my journal and found it. Told me I should read it out loud somewhere.”
Margo examines Miles’ face and imagines him as a baby-faced high-schooler, sitting in the back of the classroom with a protective arm around the beat-up red composition notebook he’s writing in. He stuffs it in his bag as soon as he’s done, because he has just poured his heart out onto that page, and his crush’s name is in there. Maybe there are tiny doodles of her in the margins.
“Yo,” the sandalwood-colored man claps Miles on the shoulder. “We about to hit up Tiff’s place, you coming?”
“Yeah, in a minute,” Miles nods dismissively. “I’ll catch up with y’all.”
The two other men give each other a knowing look before brushing past him.
“Alright man, catch you later then.”
Once she finally regains the ability to speak, Margo remarks, “You were the only performance I really liked, if I’m being honest.”
“Is that so?” 
“Oh yeah, this one hates poetry,” Zoe places a hand on Margo’s shoulder and laughs. “Tried to change her mind by bringing her over here, but no dice.”
Miles raised an eyebrow. “What made mine so different?”
“Hm, I dunno…” Margo’s eyes float over his form before making their way back up to his face. “Your delivery, I guess.”
Safe to say, he looks amusedly unconvinced.
“My…delivery.”
She catches herself and quickly adds, “I-I mean, it also kinda felt like everyone else was trying too hard. So.”
He tilts his head at the remark.
“Are you just saying that to flatter me?”
.“I don’t flatter people. Too close to lying.”
“That sounds like half a poem already. Maybe you should go up there next week.”
She gives him a lopsided smile.
“Only if you’re there. I need something to actually look forward to.”
His tongue darts out and passes over his lips.
“What’s your name?”
“Margo.”
Miles hums, softly repeating the name before inching his way over to the counter where he leans his hip on it.
“Pretty. Can I buy you a drink, Margo?”
She doesn’t think her name is all that pretty, but he makes it sound that way.
“Knock yourself out.”
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Zoe teases as she rises from her seat. “I’m gonna go order us some sushi.”
Miles takes the stool to Margo’s left as he waits on their drinks, his long legs never needing to leave the ground to do so.
He has a funny way of sitting, hands folded neatly in front of him with his back just a few degrees off from being perfectly straight. As if you needed to look distinguished at a sushi bar.
Church boy, Margo guessed. That, or his daddy’s a military man.
It’s adorable either way.
“You in school?” she asked.
“Yup. Princeton.”
Her eyes lit up.
“Oh shit, me too! I’ve never seen you on campus, though. What’s your major?”
“Physics. You?”
“Comp Sci. Been coding since I was in middle school, so…”
Margo remembers the echoing ‘click-clack’ of her keyboard as she sat in an empty computer lab for hours on end after school because she preferred it to her parents’ house.
The bartender hands Miles two glasses of white wine, and he sets the second glass in front of Margo, his warm eyes still focused on her. 
She’s intrigued by how clear they are - no trace of suspicion or calculation behind them. Just the warmth.
“So, where you from? My folks are over in Brooklyn.”
“Georgia.”
Miles’ brows jump to his hairline.
“Damn. What brought you all the way up here?”
To get as far away as possible. 
“Well, it’s Princeton,” she says beneath a forced laugh.
“Yeah, but you got, like, eight different HBCUs over there. How’d Princeton win you over?”
Margo breaks eye contact to stare into her drink.
“Needed a change of pace.”
When she looks up to gauge Miles’ reaction, skepticism is written all over his face. But he doesn’t push it further.
“That’s fair. Princeton’s got a cutting-edge quantum physics program that I’m aiming for. Had to beg my parents to come here,” he grins proudly, “but here I am.”
Margo is silent for a moment.
“Can I tell you something?” she asks suddenly, beckoning Miles to lean in.
“Yeah?”
Grinning, she half-whispers, “I’m actually here on a scholarship.”
He gives her an odd look. 
“Why’d you say it like that? Nothin’ wrong with getting a full ride. The opposite, actually.”
“Some people might feel otherwise. You’re like, the second person I’ve told other than my parents.”
“And why me?” Miles chuckles. “My poetry was just that good?”
“I just…Hm.”
Margo leans back and takes a contemplative sip of her wine, watching him over the rim of her glass. 
Why did she just tell him that?
“I guess I just sorta felt like telling you.”
Margo cautiously sets the wine back down. She figures if she’s not careful, he’ll have her full government name and social security number by the end of the night.
“Y’know, I actually get that a lot,” Miles laughs. “One time, I had this lady I was standing in line with at Target turn around and just start telling me stories about her dead son and how much she misses him. And it’s like, I’m sorry for your loss, but we’re in Target right now and I literally do not know you.”
“Wait, people just go up to you and…tell you shit?”
“Yup. There was this other time at church, too. Just as service ends and I’m about to get up and leave, this short old dude–Dominican, I think–stops me and starts telling me about his entire life. I’m talking start to finish! Apparently I reminded him of his nephew that died in the military or something.”
“Jesus.”
A crease forms between Margo’s brows. She wishes she could say she didn’t understand the old man at church or the lady at Target, but she does. No, it’s not the poetry. It’s got nothing to do with words. 
It’s the way that Miles looks at people. 
Like he already knows all of your secrets, but you’re not worried because they’re safe with him, so might as well tell them. It’s a merciful sort of gaze; you get the impression that he won’t judge you. You might even tell him more after his friendly ‘boy-next-door’ voice coaxes them out of you. The thought unsettles her because she had done just that.
“You ever had a girlfriend before?” She asks, all of a sudden.
Miles shrugs, “Yeah, in tenth grade, then again freshman year. Didn’t really work out.”
“Why not?”
His brows furrow gently for just a second, as if he’s still trying to figure out the answer to that.
“I…don’t know, actually. It goes well the first few months and then…”
“It fizzles out?”
“I get ghosted. Something about how they’re ‘not ready’. Understandable, I guess, but you don’t have to ghost me, y’know?”
He awkwardly examines his fingers, then his glass. 
Margo feels a bit guilty for suddenly bringing up his exes when they’d just met. Would they end up the same way? She saw herself there too, being in a relationship for six months before his weird pastor’s eyes get to be a bit too much and she takes off.
“Yikes, sorry I asked.”
“It’s no problem,” a smile starts to return to his face. “Onto better things, right?”
“Right.”
“And you?”
“Huh?”
“You ever been in a relationship before?”
Margo smiles awkwardly and messes with one of her fingernails.
“Well…not exactly.”
Miles’ eyes widen.
“Never?”
“I mean, guys offer, and then we talk for a little bit, but then…”
“They flake out on you.”
“Pretty much.”
“Damn shame,” he says with a bit of sharpness to his voice. “Not even a first date?”
“Nope, just ‘Read at 4:15’.”
“You know what I think it is?”
Just as he asks this, his knee brushes against her thigh. Margo isn’t sure if it’s an accident, but it distracts her nonetheless.
“What?”
“You’re too smart for them, I can tell. It scares ‘em.” But it doesn’t scare me, is the suggestion.
He smiles then, the kind that shows the whiteness of his teeth on every vowel. It’s wide enough that a dimple comes out of hiding on his left cheek, and she suddenly wants to tell him everything again. She takes another sip of wine.
“So! What’d I miss?”
Zoe finally returns from ordering their sushi at the front with an expectant grin. Miles still hasn’t taken his eyes off of her friend, while she is staring at him like a string of code, which, if you know Margo, is better than nothing.
“You didn’t miss much,” says Margo. “We were just talkin’ about our majors. School stuff.”
Miles checks his phone and lets out a low whistle.
“Well, it was lovely meeting y’all, but I gotta bounce. After getting dragged onstage, I get to be dragged over to a house party, too.”
Just as he rises from his seat, he stops and points at her.
“Before I go, though, d’you mind giving me your digits? I’d love to talk about, uh…computer science…over lunch.”
She snorts, “Who still says ‘digits’?” but hands him her phone anyway. 
It couldn’t hurt to try. 
“Sure.”
His eyes light up as if he wasn’t expecting her to say yes as he saves his number as ‘poetry slam guy’ in her phone, then hands it back.
“Cool,” Miles begins his walk towards the entrance backwards, holding eye contact for just a little longer before turning around. “G’night!”
“Goodnight!” the two women call out in unison as he leaves.
Margo looks to her left at the now-empty bar stool. The glass of wine Miles left on the counter is full, completely untouched.
It’s still on her mind as she's sitting in her single dorm room, re-writing her lecture notes on cyber security in a meticulous neat print that could almost pass for a font.
Every few minutes her pen stops because she’s distracted by the sound of clinking glass in boxes downstairs, or because she pauses to stare at the white wall in front of her that brings to mind one of the lines of Miles’ poem. 
There might be a spider that I can’t see sitting ten feet away from me right this second, she muses to herself. The thought gives her an idea, and the perfect excuse to call him without seeming too desperate.
Margo unlocks her phone and scrolls through her contacts. She smiles to herself at the contact name Miles chose. Did he think she’d forget his name that easily? 
His voice soon filters through the speaker.
“Hey, you didn’t throw out my number!”
“Yup, lucky you.” she replies. “I wanted to ask you a question? About your poem the other night.”
“What about it?”
“See, I was thinking about that first line. Are we really never more than ten feet away from a spider? Like, at any given moment?”
There’s a moment of silence from Miles before he asks:
“You…called me just to ask me that?”
“What? It’s a very pressing issue! There’s probably one in the corner  of my room as we speak!”
“Alright, I’ll humor you,” Miles laughs. “That’s actually a myth from the 90s. Your distance from the nearest spider really depends on where you’re at, so if you’re in a spot with hella bugs, you’re more likely to see one. You’re probably fine.”
“Now wait just a minute!” Margo gasps dramatically. “So you lied to all those poor folks in there?”
“Sure did. Played ‘em all like a fiddle.”
“Terrible.”
“So, why’d you really call? You don’t sound as concerned about spiders as you say you are, if I’m being honest.”
So much for an excuse.
“Don’t nothing get past you, huh?”
This earns a burst of laughter from Miles’ end.
“You’re a worse liar than me, I wouldn’t recommend making it a habit.”
“Ugh, fine,” Margo admits,  “I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“You could hear my voice in real life, you know. Offer’s still on the table, and I’m free today.”
Their second conversation, and already a lunch date? But as she’s reminded of what his voice sounds like, she quickly realizes that just the voice is not enough. 
Still, she tries to sound casual and makes a non-committal noise.
“Better than being cooped up in my room all day.”
“Great! Where you wanna go?”
Margo shrugs as if he can see her on the other end.
“Wherever you wanna go.”
“Ah, the ‘wherever you wanna go’ paradox,” he chuckles. “Okay, well–lemme ask you this then. Do you like eating with or without music?”
There’s a beat of silence as she considers.
“Hm…is the music good?”
“I’d never subject anyone to a place that plays shit music. Promise.”
“Music, then.”
“Cool, what time works for you?”
“How does two sound? I’ll catch you in front of the Engineering Library.”
“Bet. See you in an hour, then!”
-
The place Miles chose had a live band playing at the front.
A bass player, a keyboard pianist, a saxophonist, and a few background vocalists on occasion. All are propelled forward by the rapid-fire snare of the drummer. It’s jazz - the easy, conversational kind you hear in the background of 90s romantic comedies where the love interest wears nothing but dark lip liner and filled-in brows with a bit of smokey eyeshadow in the crease.
This is the look that Margo has decided to go for as she sits across from Miles at a mahogany table positioned ideally by the window.
It was all she could do other than frantically adjust the braided 'fro-hawk sitting atop her head and spin around in a mist of ‘Champagne Toast’ before bolting out the door.
She doubts he can even smell it right now through the curry and garlic.
“Figured out what you want yet?” Miles asks as he looks over his menu at Margo.
“Eh, I dunno,” she replies, running her index finger down her own menu. “I’m tryin’ not to blow half my paycheck on pasta right now.”
Miles gives her a strange look, then it clicks.
“Oh! Lunch is on me,” he laughs. “Your bank account’s safe for now.”
Her head snaps up.
“You should’ve mentioned that! I thought we were going half and half this whole time, I had my whole budget for the week planned out.”
Margo has to hold back an ugly cackle at the look of horror on Miles’ face right after she says this.
“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that.”
With this new information in mind, she orders a bowl of chicken alfredo with a glass of lemonade that she sips on as the band seamlessly transitions into a cover of Solange’s ‘Cranes in the Sky’.
“So, Margo,” Miles rests his chin on his knuckles and squints his eyes comically. 
“If that is your real name.”
Margo giggles, and plays along.
“It’s not, it’s my alter-ego for when I go on top-secret missions.”
“Is it short for something? Or just Margo?”
“Hm,” she puts on an affected, ‘action movie’ voice, “If I tell you, I might have to kill you.”
“It’s worse ways to die out there.”
Margo looks around her as if to make sure no one’s listening, then leans in.
“It’s short for Marguerite.”
Miles snaps his fingers.
“I knew it!”
“What? You think I look like a Marguerite? Seriously?”
“No, but you got a lil’ country twang in your voice. Ain’t no way in hell Margo wasn’t short for something.”
“Man, alright,” she laughed. 
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that,” he winked, “I like ‘em country.”
“Boy, don’t give me that! You look like you’d pass out at the sight of a jar of pig’s feet.”
“Hey now, I got family in South Carolina. I used to go down there and see about ten of those every summer.”
“Fine, but you were still raised a Northerner. I could hear the Brooklyn from a mile away.”
Miles removed his hand from under his chin to clutch his chest.
“Ugh, I feel like I’m caught between two worlds!”
The reference to one of the more choice lines from the poetry slam makes Margo snort and let out a loud guffaw, which she quickly muffles with the palm of her hand.
“Why would you remind me of that!”
Miles is soon infected by the fit of laughter and has to put all his strength into not doubling over at the table and drawing attention.
“This nigga said,” he wheezed, “ ‘I keep doing the Achy Breaky to Suavemente!’ “
“I thought I was the only one who thought that shit sucked,” Margo sighed as she wiped a tear from her eye. “But I didn’t wanna be mean ‘cuz I’m not like, half Puerto Rican, or anything like that.”
“Well I am, and that whole poem felt like a microaggression. And I knew that guy!” He starts gesturing wildly with his hands at the outrage, which Margo finds hilarious. 
“He's like, one-eighth Boricua. His last name is fuckin’ Schwartz!” Miles scoffs, “He don’t know shit about no damn ‘Suavemente’. Bet he looked it up.”
“You should write your own poem, then. ‘Take up space’, as they say.”
“Hell no,” he said. “I left that behind in high school. The other night was an exception, remember?”
“Look, I’m not one to encourage more people to become poets, but you never know. Something might inspire you.”
Miles calms down and gives her a meaningful look.
“Maybe.”
The rest of the conversation saw Miles slyly gathering intel through bites of roasted chicken. He’d quickly learned from their meeting at the bar that his line of questioning with Margo ought to be less direct.
He even hit her with the ‘what’s your sign’ question, though Biggie would’ve advised against it (Margo was a Libra, he was a Leo). He didn’t actually care for astrology, but Margo wasted no time in proclaiming that she couldn’t stand Scorpios because they were ‘too nosy’. 
Miles’ only error was asking if she’d ever dated–correction–spoken to one, and her eyes hardened with suspicion again. He quickly elected to change the subject.
“Okay, totally random question, but humor me. How do you like your eggs?”
Margo blinks twice.
“What?”
“You heard me. You can tell a lot about a person by what kinda eggs they like, true shit.”
“Alright, fine. I like ‘em fried, with the crispy edges. What that say about me?”
“I dunno, but when I find out it’ll all make sense.”
Margo laughs.
“Okay, well, how do you like your eggs?”
“Scrambled, fluffy,” A childish grin spread across Miles’ lips. “And seasoned with Adobo to make ‘em all orange.”
“Never had ‘em like that before.”
“Maybe I could make some for you sometime, if you’d let me.”
“Maybe.”
She remembers his promise a month later when she wakes up to the aroma of the seasoning and hears the pop of frying oil, letting out a sigh of relief at the realization that Miles is still there.
His back is facing her when she enters the kitchen, the morning light illuminating a tattoo she had never seen before. 
It’s a spider with sprawling legs that cascade all the way down the expanse of skin, the movement of his shoulder blades bringing them partially to life. She hadn’t noticed it in the dark, and he was not one to walk around in anything revealing enough for it to have ever seen daylight. It’s faded, which means he’s likely had it for years.
He’s only twenty-one, she thinks. Did he get it in high school?
Amusement creeps onto Margo’s face at the image of Miles sneaking around the house, darting in and out of the bathroom to clean it without his hawk-eyed mother or straight-edged father taking notice. Picturing this, it’s suddenly much easier to believe that their son would have to beg and plead for them to send him a measly forty-six miles away for school, even for an Ivy League. 
Miles doesn’t turn around yet, but Margo catches the way he stops, tilting his head playfully and placing a hand on his hip.
“Man, I can’t believe I’mma have to eat this whole thing of scrambled eggs all by myself, with the ones I just fried! How sad.” “You’re not very funny,” Margo says with a smile, pulling out a chair from beneath the dining table.
He switches the stove off, then does a dramatic spin to face her with fake surprise on his face.
“Oh! Where’d you come from? I didn’t see you there.”
He turns back around to grab two plates–ceramic ones, not the stack of styrofoam ones–from one of the cupboards to serve the eggs in, starting with fried.
Margo watches him silently. The tiny, squint-or-you-might-miss-it gold chain around his neck catches the light as he moves, and she remembers feeling the cold metal brush across her lips.
“The fried ones, are they–”
“Crispy at the edges?” he finishes, with a smile in his voice. “Yes ma’am!”
“You could really be a detective, can’t get nothing past you.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“See?”
The two burst into laughter, and the ink on Miles’ back does also. His poem was accurate, in a way. For the past five weeks, Margo has been no more than ten feet away from a spider.
They have a brief and quiet breakfast, wherein Margo finally asks to try the scrambled eggs and is delighted by the burst of flavor added by the Adobo. They aren’t too dry or too soggy the way they tend to be in restaurants - just fluffy, as promised. She thinks it might be time to finally start taking Miles at his word as she watches his back again while he’s washing dishes.
Once he is fully dressed and about to leave, Miles stops suddenly, as if he’s forgotten something. He reaches into the left pocket of his jacket and pulls out a neatly-folded sheet of paper, nervously running his other hand through the short dreads sitting atop his head.
“Before I leave, I, uh…I took your advice and wrote a lil’ something.”
He hands it to Margo, who takes it gingerly. 
“Well, good for you.”
“It’s been a while, so it’s kinda rough, but hopefully the sentiment is there.”
Miles plants a quick kiss on her cheek, and she smiles easily for once as opposed to the usual raised eyebrow.
“I’ll be sure to let you know if it is.”
Some time after he leaves, she finally sits down to read it while sipping on a cup of tea, because coffee wreaks havoc on her nerves. His handwriting is strange, overly graphic as if it’s the title card of a cartoon, but she reads it.
I know you don't like poetry 
but you said you liked mine,
and the way you sip your wine
has set my pen to paper,
so I hope 
you'll make another exception. 
You've already claimed
half of my sketchbook 
because I just can't get your eyes right.
I always make ‘em too soft,
or too round.
They don't pierce through me,
like they did when
you stared at me over your glass,
eyes narrowed.
When you search my face
and pick me apart,
I'd like to know what it is 
you're always searching for.
66 notes · View notes
ok-boomerang · 2 months
Note
6 for Zutara please!
“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”
Zuko was feeling good. Really good. Like float-in-the-sky, firecracker-bursting good. He’d been with his friends, whom he loved, and he wasn’t ashamed of loving them, and they loved him back, which was sometimes kinda wild to think about. Because, and this was so funny, it made him laugh sometimes—he once tried to capture them, he was once chasing them around the world. So funny.
In fact, he was laughing right now about it, leaning against the wall of a hallway in the Fire Palace on his way to his bedroom. It was late and no one else was around, just his soft chuckles echoing back at him.
His friends were going back to their rooms too—they were so funny, Sokka was so funny and Suki was so cool. And Aang was so nice and Toph was kind of a jerk. And Katara was so smart and pretty and funny and sometimes he just liked looking at her face. Agni, his friends were great.
After they all had gotten too tired to keep hanging out, Sokka wanted to make sure Zuko could make it back to his room okay, because he was nice and he cared. Sokka was all, “Bro, are you good?” and then he laughed a lot and took a deep breath to compose himself, and then kept giggling.
“I am so good,” Zuko had replied, and then he was giggling too. Because not only was he good, it was so easy to be good! He was not, actually, bad at being good.
Zuko pushes through the door to his bedroom and sighs upon entering, suddenly very tired. He shrugs out of his tunic and trousers but is too tired to put on pajamas. He can’t remember where he keeps his pajamas anyway. He snorts a little at the thought of sleeping naked, but it was his right, because he was feeling so. good.
They’d had some alcohol tonight, so much plum wine, it just kept flowing, and maybe some other stuff too that he can’t quite remember. Pipeweed maybe? But even if so, that’s not why he feels good; it’s his friends and his home and being a human firecracker. All those things are so good.
He shimmies under the sheets, which feel nice on his bare skin and also smell really good, kind of like fire lilies after a summer storm. His mother grew fire lilies in her garden. His mom would have liked his friends.
Zuko vaguely hears a door creak open, and footsteps glide toward him. Which is weird. But not unwelcome. Because he loves people so much. He loves the whole world. He is really tired.
The person who owns the footsteps shimmies themselves into bed, and Zuko vaguely wonders if he has a roommate and he simply forgot.
The person sighs, a tired sound, and he recognizes it as a sound belonging to Katara.
Katara’s here! He loves Katara. What a good friend. It’s too bad it’s dark, because he loves looking at her face. But he’s pretty tired anyway.
“G’night Katara,” he says, sleep in his voice.
“G’night Zuko,” she answers. “You were really funny tonight,” she adds, and her words slur together a bit for some reason.
“You were funny tonight!” he says, shifting toward her.
“Noooo, not like you,” she says, scooting closer as she hiccups. “Remember when—you chased us?”
Zuko laughs, loud and free, and Katara’s joining him soon after.
It’s not a minute later that they’re both snoring.
The next morning, Zuko wakes with the sun.
He feels the fire in his chest begin to simmer, to rise as the star in the sky rises. He feels his breath, notices his breathing, a meditation practice he likes to keep. He feels—a pounding headache on the left side of his head. And also the right side. And also—something soft against his backside—his bare backside.
Zuko blinks away, blinks into the ray of sun cascading across his bed.
That is not the only thing cascading across his bed.
There is also dark, wavy, and long, impossibly long, hair, seemingly all around him.
He is blanketed by Katara’s hair.
Which means—
Zuko blinks when he realizes the softness on his bare butt is Katara’s bare butt.
He is in bed, butt to butt with Katara.
“Um, Katara—“ he tries, but she doesn’t respond, her face so peaceful in sleep.
He sits up just a little and pushes one of her shoulders.
Her eyes blink bearily open. “Zuko, let me sleep,” she says, before closing her eyes again. “Damn firebender,” she says under her breath with a small smirk.
Zuko waits a beat.
And then Katara’s eyes open again and slowly move over to him. “Zuko?” she asks.
“I’m not sure—“ he starts, but Katara doesn’t wait for him to finish. She scrambles backwards, grabbing the blanket covering them, and frantically pushes out of the bed to cover herself with it.
It is at this point Zuko realizes that Katara is—was—buck naked. And so is he. Unfortunately, Katara just pulled the blanket off him.
So he is buck naked, and completely exposed to the world.
He fumbles with a pillow to cover his bits as he yelps “Why are you naked in my bed?!” just as Katara yells, “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?!”
They stare at each other, Katara having already expertly fashioned a dress with the blanket and Zuko still only shielding his privates with a pillow.
“Your bed?” Zuko asks while Katara nods vigorously. “This is the Crown Prince’s bedroom! Look,” he says, pointing to a portrait of himself on the wall. Which was kinda weird actually. Strange art choice by the designers, a portrait of himself in his own room.
“You’d hang a portrait of yourself in your room?” Katara asks, smirking, panic forgotten.
“It wasn’t my design choice! It’s just my room!” he says.
“Zuko,” Katara says with the air of someone saying I told you so. Which isn’t a good sign, because Katara loves being right. “You aren’t the Crown Prince—that’s not a portrait of the Crown Prince.”
Zuko frowns at her, because that’s kind of uncharacteristically mean. One banishment and you’re suddenly not even good enough for your birthright…
“You are a naked Fire Lord!” Katara shouts, before throwing her own pillow at him.
Oh. Shit.
He was Fire Lord, wasn’t he?
He stumbles out of bed to try to dodge the onslaught of pillows as Katara continues to pummel him—why are there so many pillows? His pillow shield has long fallen away. She’s just abusing a naked Fire Lord now!
“I’m—sorry!” he says, but Katara’s laughing maniacally and clutching her stomach in mirth as she finally shoves him into the hallway and slams the door.
And then he hears her lock it.
Well, he did say she was funny.
He turns to four pairs of eyes staring in his direction.
There’s a good five seconds of silence, and Zuko notes that everyone except Toph has now seen him naked. But judging by her smirk, she can sense his nakedness.
It’s good that he’s worked on his self-esteem.
“Do we want to know?” Suki finally asks, breaking the silence.
Zuko shakes his head.
Sokka wordlessly hands him his cloak.
And Zuko covers his bits again, and runs down the hall toward the Fire Lord Suite.
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