#I have better friends

[monster-noises]

I came on here to make a different post initially and I may still make that post in the tags but now the main body of this post is gunna be about how weird it is that of all the things I have come on here to Repeatedly Gripe about like some big sad lump I am regularly embarrassed and ashamed to write posts about me wanting a relationship and the troubles my mind has about it? Like it's not Less personal than me writing about any other issue I am dealing with but somehow it Feels Different and I keep shying away from it and it's really backing things up in the ol' noggin, which isn't Great

#monster noises #anyway #here in the quiet privacy of the Tags I will say #I am worried that I won't be able to initiate or maintain a relationship until I fucking Deal With Some Things #Primarily surrounding complexes I have about the people in my life sharing or not sharing my interests #that make it very difficult for me to draw the line between #'it's okay that I like this and you don't and vice versa' #and 'If we don't agree on this then deals off we won't work' #my whole life has been me Not Quiet fitting in in places I Fit In #so to speak.. #and having differing interests even from my closest friends that either get made fun of #though not true nowadays #I have better friends #or simply like.. we can't even enjoy them together casually because they are That radically different #and even probably freak the other person out #and it's really isolating!! for a lot of other reasons involving my social challenges! #and I find myself on Apps and such and in person even too #reflexively writing people off on things that like.. are probably fine #but I don't have a good concept of what Probably Fine actually is??? so like???? ah???? #and I am afeared that this is going to just.. constantly interfere with me even getting of the Ground #and I will be stuck single until I can fucking untangle this knot #but like Cool Rad Cool #Who Wants To Pay For My Therapist For That Or Am I Just Fucked Forever Basically #I Feeeeeeel like actually getting to be in a relationship might help me navigate this because I'm flying a Bit blind here #but you can kinda #see the paradox with That idea already #so like Whomp Whomp

[astronomical-bagel]

#ok no but for real this is genuinely my friend group. #the only one that's a little iffy is the anime catgirl bc 98% of us are dudes. with the exception of me and one other #we even have a union guy 😭 #side note chilchuck's name would 100% be Chris if he was a real guy. he's such a Chris. (I mean it COULD be chuck but. Chris is better) #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #senshi of izganda #izutsumi #marcille donato #laios touden #chilchuck tims #chilchuck #falin touden #astronomically random

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

god i love my friends. shout out to people who love their friends. this is a post for friend lovers

#sorry i thought too hard about everything and got weirdly emotional like hgoly shit #i talk to people here every day and we know stuff about each other and shit and we exchange ideas and waaa #we're like all basically penpals but better #im realizing how revolutionary this is. like had we all been born earlier we never would have met #and even if we did we'd have to talk through letters with weeks if not months in between responses #can you imagine that #every day instead i literally wake up and my friends are there #insane #i love having friends

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[cemeterything]

the thing about "callout/cancel culture" that convinced me it's rotten to the core is the dehumanisation you face once you become the subject of a campaign like that. a lot of criticisms of callout/cancellation attempts appeal to the humanity of the subject, pointing out that it's unfair and unproductive to treat a person, a fellow human being, regardless of how much harm they've caused and how genuinely unlikable they are, like that. but unfortunately the reality of being the target of a mob mentality often means facing the very isolating and traumatising experience of realising that you've ceased to exist as a person in their eyes. you're a representation of your transgressions, an embodiment of harm that needs to be erased like a blemish, a spectacle for entertainment, a means of earning social approval by publicly condemning and humiliating you in what quickly becomes a competition to see who can strike the blow that knocks you down so you never get up again. nobody cares about who you are outside of what you did. people make mistakes and hurt one another, but there is always the capacity for change, for regret and reparations. you are an irredeemable monster. you can't change. the only way to make sure you can't cause harm ever again is to neutralise you entirely. to drive you off and hurt you so badly that you never consider coming back. and it often succeeds. but it doesn't make the world a better or safer place. it just tells everyone that certain behaviours will be punished, so you should conceal them, and harshly condemn them in others so that everyone knows where you stand; nobody will stand up for you if you're accused and brought out for judgement, so you shouldn't trust anyone, and always be on the lookout to take them down before they can do the same to you. you're not creating a safe, welcoming community. you're creating a panopticon built on fear and punishment.

#🐉 #yes ive been the target of multiple harassment campaigns. yes i was in the wrong and deserved to be held accountable. #no i didnt deserve to be treated like that. and no i didnt change because people were cruel to me. #i changed because i was lucky enough to have friends who supported me and pointed out that they wanted me to be better because they cared #their disappointment and earnest belief in my capacity to be a better person was what made me realise i could and needed to do better

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C: #I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!! #not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* #but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ #I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street? #I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C: #I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

[pinkgibbon]

anton chigurh goes to stardew valley

#every1 in the notes asking me why I made this 🙄 art isn’t about why! it’s about why not! why don’t you marry safe art if you love it so much #i got a better shirt for him eventually but i dont have a pic of it #roleplaying as him was the only way i was finally able to bring myself to do joja route #no country for old men #stardew valley #i like to think of him as being magically stuck there for an indeterminate amount of time and trying to survive w/o murdering the whole tow #anton chigurh #marnie stardew valley #i better not see ANY marnie slander!!! #how do u tag them #stardew valley marnie #sdv marnie #morris stardew valley #sdv morris #stardew valley morris #i was not gonna romance anyone obviously but i really enjoyed drawing that pic of him w morris so i got the marry morris mod and it is so #goddamn funny. just the idea of. anton chigurh x morris. me and friends r having the time of our life with it. i even made fanart. #which i may post later if i feel like it #my art #fanart #ncfom

[arsillanola]

They were best friends your honor

#having feels about these two #he grew up and saved his best friend #I just #couldn’t stop imagining halsin as a boy #looking for frogs and bugs with Thaniel #bg3 fanart #halsin #bg3 halsin #thaniel #my art #I also feel like I have better ideas than I can execute #but this will do #artists on tumblr #digital artist

[centrente]

a comic about love and friendship and the power of communication, inspired by that time i heard ask by the smiths on my run and was somehow moved to tears

(i misheard 'the bomb' as 'the bond' but i stand by it. i don't value morrissey enough to respect his authorial intent)

(sensitive wolf fans smash that mf like button!!!!)

#you don't have to smash it's ok #i drew this to make me feel better about a painful friend breakup/real breakup #it did not work but that was months ago and i'm fine now #god tumblr is the perfect place for this comic.... beautiful #my art #sensitive wolf

[choccy-milky]

MC doing what we all wished we could do (aka napping on the floor with ominis )😴💕

#ill never get over how he just sleeps on the floor its so cute to me and seems so at odds with his personality which makes it better #hogwarts legacy #hphl #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x oc #ominis x mc #hogwarts legacy ominis #hogwarts legacy fanart #hey look everyone its my nameless MC aka just brown haired clora LMAOOO #its like when u play a fighting game and you and your friend both choose the same chara. this is clora with a diff colour scheme BAHAHA #this has been in my wips for like a year im not even joking im glad to finally actually draw it properly LMAO #i also love how all of my ominis centric posts involve him on the floor/talking about the floor LMFAOO EVEN THE SMUT ONE #what can i say i just love a man who isnt afraid to chill on the floor ok #also i love a hypocritical man LMAO apparently. i always make seb a hypocrite and now im makin ominis one too #HOW COULD U SLEEP ON THE FLOOR MC? #meanwhile #also srry but dont get ur hopes up for more ominis content anytime soon this was just in my wips and i rly wanted to finally have it done #A RARE TREAT FOR THE OMINIS GIRLIES #choccyart

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #cangse sanren #wei changze #jiang fengmian #It was important to me that WCZ had the hereditary mole. I will die on this hill. #I have been *waiting* for the day to finally arrive when I could finally make this comic. It's been marinating for months. #My mission is to redraw all of qour's character designs one day. They are just *that* good. #CSSR has the vibes of a wandering menace who shows up in towns like a stray cat arriving at a new doorstep for treats. 10/10. #While YZY strongly leads us to believe that JFM was in love with CSSR and that's his whole motivation behind taking wwx in- #-I do think this is (once again) rumour being presented as reality. It's the juicer story to tell after all. #It is still possible that he did love her! But I think that story undercuts the relationship he also had with WCZ. #Yall ever think about how JC and WWX parallel their fathers? How Wei Changze also left the Jiang Leader's side? I do. #Unlike JC though It is far more hilarious and plausible to imagine JFM begging to be CSSR and WCZ's third. You know he would. #My wild headcanon is that JFM and YZY are in a mlm and wlw arranged marriage situation. Deeply unhappy as partners. Better as friends. #they care for each other and I'll admit that there is a beautiful tragedy in them having romantic feelings for each other the whole time. #But I am also here for the gaffs. Let them be unfulfilled homosexuals together. #Meanwhile cssr and wcz are having incredible hetrosexual sex in a bisexual way that WILL leave him pregnant by the end of it.

[neymiiie]

I just want to see him again.

#persona 3 #persona #fanart #p3 #yukari takeba #artists on tumblr #p3fes #persona 3 the answer #the answer spoilers #<- tags I never thought I would use in the year 2024 #me when the 17 year old going through extreme trauma mourning the death of her best friend/boyfriend isnt making rational decisions #currently getting ready to fight the war on yukari in the answer on the side of yukari in the answer #I am not ready to go through this scene again but with good english voice acting #even with the honestly really bad voice acting in fes I still tear up when she says that line #anyway free my girl she did all of that but she deserves better anyway #me: I should try to practice drawing hands in a fun way like while drawing my fave characters! #also me: draws yukari having a breakdown

[thedisablednaturalist]

I think when people think of mental illness and what helps, especially with things like anxiety and depression, the treatment involves pushing yourself. Pushing yourself to get out of bed, to exercise, to take a shower, to go out in public, to order your own food from the cashier, etc.

And because the mental health movement has grown so much, people think that's the default of ALL illnesses. That the only way someone will get better is if they push themselves. That practice makes perfect. That you'll become more comfortable or strong over time the more you do something.

But what people need to realize is, with physical disabilities and chronic illnesses, pushing yourself in most cases is DETRIMENTAL. Pushing yourself past your limits can lead to flare ups or further injury. That's why it's important to know your limits, how certain activities may affect your condition, and learn how to either adapt or get help to complete the activity in question.

Also, most of us are already pushing ourselves. Most of us don't have access to the help or equipment we need. Most of us live in places where we frequently encounter inaccessible obstacles. Most of us NEED to rest.

So please don't try to be our physical therapists or doctors. There are people specifically trained to help us navigate our own conditions and limitations. There are people trained to help us strengthen our body's resilience without causing flare-ups or injury. Do not tell us "it'll be good for you" or "you need the exercise" when we say something is too heavy or too far or when we say we need our mobility aid(s). Your friend with depression may need to be encouraged to get out of bed, but your friend with chronic illness definitely doesn't.

Respect our rest.

#wrenfea.exe #DISCLAIMER: dont take this as me saying you should be pushing your mentally ill friends #this is more about how physical conditions often differ in how they are treated #also dont like. force your friends or anyone with anxiety to do things they dont want to #thats what therapists are for #also most mental illnesses require medication alongside therapy before they can get better #but even chronic illnesses and disabilities that benefit from exercise still require knowing your limits #and not being pressured to push past them #ive noticed some professionals who help both mentally and physically ill patients tend towards the push method #like my therapist and sometimes my counselors fall back on that method #and i have to remind them i am already pushing myself #and i need to adapt rather than push forward #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #disability #chronic illness #cripple punk #cripplepunk #cpunk

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now #writeblr #you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like #u don't HATE their partner explicitly #but ur like. what the fuck y'all #like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic #and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like #frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....'' #and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her. #all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it #or ... that it really IS good #and it's just odd to you #tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship #like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend #it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time #around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like #.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond. #so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think #but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something #but knowing you CANNOT #idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person #edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up #PS EDIT: btw i should have said: #the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every #type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''

[clouvu]

Offering lil doodles of them bc my eyes have been opened

#genshin impact #furina #clorinde #furinde #furina's character story 5 and her voicelines about clorinde has left me so mentally ill in the head #THE WAY FURINA FELT THAT SHE WAS NO LONGER WANTED AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY CLORINDE POPPED UP TO INVITE HER TO A LIL GATHERING AMONG FRIENDS #NOT TO MENTION THAT CLORINDE IMMEDIATELY OFFERED TO PAY FOR HER TO HAVE BETTER LIVING CONDITIONS #EVEN WHEN DECLINED SHE STILL HELPED FURINA TIDY UP HER NEW APARTMENT BEFORE THEY WENT OUT FOR DRINKS TOGETHER #the way clorinde was no longer bound to any sort of contract but still went to visit furina and help her out of her own volition is so????? #AND the fact that little miss stonefaced 24/7 clorinde actually SMILED at furina???? chewing on aluminum foil #oughhhh they scratch at my brain so nicely #ALSO!! ALSO!! THE LONGING IN FURINA'S VOICE WHEN SHE SAYS HOW MUCH SHE TRUSTS CLORINDE AND MISSES HER IS SO!!!!!!!!! #crawling on the walls and howling as we speak #4.2 had made me already so deranged about furina to the point where she shot up from being just a funky lil guy to straight hyperfixation #I just thinjk;;;;;;; she deserves to be happy for once in her life (and have her lil emotional support bodyguard gf w/ her to smooch)

[slymanner]

God dude these two scenes and how roxie moves hurt my heart so so bad 🥹

it's like a mix of anger, feral, emotional breakdown, and complete sadness that just fucks me up soooo fucking bad.

it's like she's a pet who got abandoned by their owner but they see them again after years of sadness and depression of them being gone and leaving them like that and all that anger and sadness just manifest's into one bundle of emotion's towards them they cannot control.

roxie baby ur gonna be okay u deserve better :[

#scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim spoilers #scott pilgrim takes off #roxie richter #ramona flowers #its the fucking fact throughout that whole scene after the hammer she just starts going COMPLETELY feral and just bawl her eyes out #throughout the whole irl fight until the movie shelf falls on them 🥹 #can she like #get a hug or something i get her so so much i get u gurl im so sorry u gotta go through this #this episode really just #shows how important closure is for a relationship/even a friendship #like of course it depends on the person and the relationship but man. #People don't realize how important it is to not just leave a person behind like that without explanation but instead give them closure about #it and telling them how you feel. #it really is as simple as that sometimes...and i think people forget that and just wanna ghost/leave as fast as possible #to not deal with the emotions of the situation. #Like both roxie and ramona finally just talking about the situation does sm for their future as friends and i loveeee ittt #so so much better then the comics version off them I feel like this is PERFECT. #again obviously theres just some situations where talking just doesnt work and you both just have to move on. #but when theres situation's like roxie and ramona? talking is needed. #talking/closure is so so important guys remember that when its needed. <3