#DISCLAIMER: dont take this as me saying you should be pushing your mentally ill friends

[thedisablednaturalist]

I think when people think of mental illness and what helps, especially with things like anxiety and depression, the treatment involves pushing yourself. Pushing yourself to get out of bed, to exercise, to take a shower, to go out in public, to order your own food from the cashier, etc.

And because the mental health movement has grown so much, people think that's the default of ALL illnesses. That the only way someone will get better is if they push themselves. That practice makes perfect. That you'll become more comfortable or strong over time the more you do something.

But what people need to realize is, with physical disabilities and chronic illnesses, pushing yourself in most cases is DETRIMENTAL. Pushing yourself past your limits can lead to flare ups or further injury. That's why it's important to know your limits, how certain activities may affect your condition, and learn how to either adapt or get help to complete the activity in question.

Also, most of us are already pushing ourselves. Most of us don't have access to the help or equipment we need. Most of us live in places where we frequently encounter inaccessible obstacles. Most of us NEED to rest.

So please don't try to be our physical therapists or doctors. There are people specifically trained to help us navigate our own conditions and limitations. There are people trained to help us strengthen our body's resilience without causing flare-ups or injury. Do not tell us "it'll be good for you" or "you need the exercise" when we say something is too heavy or too far or when we say we need our mobility aid(s). Your friend with depression may need to be encouraged to get out of bed, but your friend with chronic illness definitely doesn't.

Respect our rest.

#wrenfea.exe #DISCLAIMER: dont take this as me saying you should be pushing your mentally ill friends #this is more about how physical conditions often differ in how they are treated #also dont like. force your friends or anyone with anxiety to do things they dont want to #thats what therapists are for #also most mental illnesses require medication alongside therapy before they can get better #but even chronic illnesses and disabilities that benefit from exercise still require knowing your limits #and not being pressured to push past them #ive noticed some professionals who help both mentally and physically ill patients tend towards the push method #like my therapist and sometimes my counselors fall back on that method #and i have to remind them i am already pushing myself #and i need to adapt rather than push forward #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #disability #chronic illness #cripple punk #cripplepunk #cpunk

[demonic-imposter]

(Vent because holy fucking shit I need to scream somewhere)

(Disclaimer: I'm safe. Everything is just way too much and I don't really have any outlet rn. Was promised a therapist but once again our contact person has decided to disappear, so that's not happening rn apparently)

So like- adults keep being all "oh, I'm sure you and your dad will work it out eventually" and I get it. They relate to my dad, so they'll try to put themselves in his place. A lot of them probably have kids and have done stuff to their kids they're not proud of and they wouldn't like to be in my dad's position, but do they fucking ask why? No. And sure I'm being dramatic for just cutting him out of my life but like- I fucking cant rn. I already want to die and already hate myself as it is and I cant deal with all of the pressure that comes with trying to be his and my stepmom's perfect "daughter". I can't. Dear fucking dad. You kept telling me I should never let anyone pressure me into trying to lose weight, yet you're the reason I went for long periods of the day hungry because I was afraid of being fat. I still fucking do that shit. Because you told me I had gotten too fat. I was a fucking child and you told me I was too fat. Fucking thank you for that. I had a panic attack when someone suggested i should start working out because all I could hear was that i had gotten too fat and I can barely run around people because all I hear is you and my stepmom mocking me for being out of breath and all that translates into is that I'm fat. Yesterday I went without eating for about 6 hours. That was without breakfast so it's really longer, but from I woke up until I actually ate. I felt dizzy and almost lost my balance at one point. I also weighed myself, obsessed over trying to figure out whether I was overweight or not. Felt proud that I was close to underweight. Kept hoping I'd find some fucking page that would say that I was underweight. I felt proud for all of that bs. Apparently my body fat is too low. Halle-fucking-lujah.

Dear dad, you say that you don't recognize all the problems they're describing at the psyk. You say that it doesn't sound like the happy girl you knew. I'm not a girl but thanks. I didn't feel like I could come to you because for as long as I can remember you've taught me that mental illness is wrong and that people are just being lazy. You didn't have to say it with those words. You said it about my mom. You wouldn't hear any other story than the one in your head and it sorta seems like that's still the page we're on.

Dear dad, you say you weren't angry but you said you were in the message you sent me. You said you were angry and disappointed and worried about my absence from school. You were angry because I included mom and not you. Tbh I didnt want to tell mom either, partly because you pushed me against her, but also because she really couldn't and cant take it. I had to because otherwise I couldn't go to the doctor. Calm down?

Also why the fuck couldn't you message me to tell me to get my stuff? My stepmom had to? And she had to deadname me? Thanks

And you know what- dear mom, I'm not your friend. I'm your son and I want to die basically every week. I'm so overwhelmed by the smallest ammount of stuff and you venting to me is not helping that. I understand that you need someone to talk to, but you know what? I dont think that should be me. It has always been me and you know what? I really dont have the energy to be the mom in this relationship and just... please stop treating me like a friend. I'm not your equal. I'm your child. I'm tired. You feel guilty about me being like this because you feel like it's your fault and honestly it partly is. I have had too big of a burden on me since I was a kid and it's never going away it seems. I can't deal with that.

Dear void. I want to die, but I won't because my mom will blame herself and if she fucking tries to kill herself that'll devastate my brother and he can't be alone. My mom keeps talking about our relationship as if it's just this equal thing where I listen to her problems and she listens to mine. Sure, I'm totally not her responsibility in some way but okay let's just talk about how it's bad for your mental health that I finally admitted after 10 years that I'm not doing so Gucci. Everyone keeps saying they didn't see it and like- no shit. You didn't create a space where it felt safe to show it and you still don't. I tried to tell you but words aren't enough apparently. When I was 9 I used to fantasize about killing myself so my mom would realize she loved me, but honestly now I just want peace. I'm not even sure she'd react the way 9 year old me would've needed her to either way. After all, she didn't do anything that day when she thought I was gonna leave. Why not?

#suicidal thoughts tw #suicidal thoughts #tw suicidal thoughts #vent #negative #personal #death mention #tw suicide #suicide mention

[xxlovendreamsxx]

I have a personal question to ask you, if you don't feel comfortable answering it it is perfectly fine but, I have depression and anxiety, and I have dark thoughts about self harm. I try to tell my mother, but she doesn't really listen to me, she tells me to push through and that I should stop being lazy, my dad isn't really in the picture. I don't really feel comfortable, talking to anyone of my friends, I don't know why, Im so shy, and I barley felt comfortable asking you this, but I saw (1)8(

That you had the same disorder that I have, do you have any thoughts on what I should do. I have been bullied in school a lot, i just want your thoughts on what I should do, again in you don't feel comfortable don't answer(2)

Oh honey, I will always, always, always feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing, especially for those of us that don’t have other people to turn to when going through something like this. Throughout my teenage years tbh I didn’t even really understand what was going on with me and much less how to handle it. I was a mess and a very moody wreck that always lashed out, so it never helped my parents understand. I was fortunate enough to have a mother who took me seriously when I told her I think I needed therapy, but I get that not everyone has that luxury. Though even there, getting on good terms with my parents about my mental illness has never been an easy job.

I don’t know what your relationship with your mom is, but if you guys get along fairly well, I’d tell you to try to maybe compile up a document full of things about depression and anxiety, and to print it out for her to read if you think she’d be willing to. This method worked for my mom and my sister, who before had such a hard time understanding that they made everything worse with comments like your mom gives you. It wasn’t anything super long or complicated, I googled up things like “how to help someone with depression” or “what not to say to someone who has depression” or “understanding depression” and just copy pasted thing that applied to how the mental illness was with me, and what things they did that was really hurtful. when people like your mom and my own family are ignorant about what depression really is and stuff, they often don’t realize how hurtful they really are.

if you and your mom aren’t really too close, i’d advise to try and talk to her in that way that doesn’t feel accusatory to her. my therapist calls it “emotional communication”. it’s when you just tell someone how you feel about something they did, without being aggressive about it. things like, “do you remember when you told me that i was just being lazy? it really hurt me when you said that, and i wanted to tell you how much it upset me because to me, this all feels very real. i’ve been having really dark thoughts that are scary to me, and when you say things like that, it makes me feel really alone” or something like that. it should help her realize that what you feel isn’t some petty little mood thing, and that you’re very serious about it all. adults often have the habit of brushing off the way children and teenagers feel when they talk like that because to them, children and teenagers have no actual reason or capacity to actually feel that terrible. you could even go the route that i took when i told my mom i needed therapy: i told her upright, “mom, i’ve genuinely been feeling like i want to kill myself in the past few months. im scared. i think i need therapy.” disclaiming your mental illness to anyone is really frightening really, and reaching out for help really isn’t as easy as most people seem to think it is, but you should know that what you’re doing is already an important step. you should be proud, okay?

as for the bullying, i have to admit that im kind of torn about what to tell you about this. all through kindergarten and sixth grade, i was bullied relentlessly at school, so i know how terribly damaging it can be. it only stopped when i punched one of my bullies in sixth grade at the end of the school year, where i broke his nose---but i’d never recommend to anybody to punch their bullies as a way to end it. as much as people believe, not everyone can end their bullying by standing up to their bullies; sometimes, as we all know, it makes it worse. i was lucky enough that i was tall and of larger build, which i guess made people scared to face me. still didn’t help people from making fun of me behind my back all throughout the rest of highschool though. but i’ve found that what has made it easier to deal with it so realize why people bully us. they do it to feel better about themselves, to tear someone else down because that’s the only way they feel validated and powerful. they dont know how to bring themselves up any other way. what they do or say to you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them, and the person that they are. and i know that it’s always easier said than done, i know that its hard to ignore the bullies and what they say or do, but if you can bring yourself to make yourself believe it, i promise you 1000% that it changes things. bullies thrive on attention and reactions.

other than that, im not sure what else i could advise you to do, else than to do your utmost to perform self-care. find something you love, take long baths if that makes you feel better, take walks if that helps freshen your mind. find a way to vent your negative feelings, whether that’s writing everything out on a page or taking boxing classes or something. and learn to tell yourself that it’s okay to have bad days, that what you feel is valid and real, that no one has the right to dictate your feelings. it is okay not to be okay, even if someone has it worse, because your hurt is still real hurt, and no one can take that away from you. and on your bad days, give yourself credit for whatever little goal you accomplish. getting out of bed is an accomplishment. showering is an accomplishment. eating something is an accomplishment. talking to someone and giving them a smile is an accomplishment. every little step counts, okay?

please take care, anon. and i’m always going to be there to talk if you need anyone, all right?

#Anonymous #asks