#I hate myself right now HAHA

[tenebsolis]

teeth are so fucking stupid like all that bacteria all that decay and you still haven’t found a way to adapt better. like it’s my fault I wasn’t encouraged to follow dental hygiene growing up now I have to suffer forever I think we should ban teeth. I wish we had ROCKS for teeth

#UGHHHHHH I FUCKING HATE TEETH #like okay whatever I have insurance now so I can fix my problems. Probablt. but im so fucking scared of doctors it’s so ughhhhhhhhh #I especially dislike dentists bc I can’t see what they’re doing in there #guys I’ve cured myself of cysts before why do I need a doctor right haha #complaining about something like this is such a first world problem but I fr only have one fear its doctors #UGHHHHHHHH delaying a dentist visit will only make things worse BUT I FUCKINF HATE DENTISTS SO MUCH

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

#tw vent #By the time I finished writing the post I was no longer a mess about it but im still gonna post it #I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF I SEE ANYONE APOLOGIZING FOR MY OWN ISSUES IM GONNA BE PISSED #yall read all the tags its beneficial lol #Ngl SOME of this jealousy hits hardest with Gummy #because Ill FINALLY get fed some simp food for myself #and then yk #theyll kinda show up and ask to receive the same stuff #or act jealous #gummy #babe I love you #BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU HAVE FEEDING YOU GUMMYBUNNY CONSTANTLY???? #Like mine is rare and far between #and I dont draw much selfship unlike you #LET ME HAVE SOME THINGS DAMMIT #And then Darken over here when I get a cool new friend just like: #... is for me? 🥺👉👈 #/nm for both things #im the embodiment of envy and greed arent I... #I hate upsetting people #I just keep it to myself and internalize my emotions mostly #haha now you guys know how possessive and jealous I am #its giving yandere 🥰💅✨🗣💃🕺😍😘😼🤠🤭😇🙄🤩😜😝🤑🧐😈 #i regret my life choices right about now

[feluka]

why did i end up with such selfish classmates

#few days ago everybody was sneezing and coughing in class. unmasked. and of course i got sick from them despite masking. #i came to class today and sat far away trying to avoid contact because i know i'm sick. #and they kept joking and teasing 'don't be afraid of us just embrace it we're all sick here anyway join the party haha' #and telling me to take off my mask #ignoring that 1- i'm masking because i don't want to pass it on to OTHERS #and 2- it's NOT funny or 'haha no big deal we're all sick!' #i have an immunocompromised mother that i'm caring for!! #and i can't afford to keep my distance from her because my stupid father and brother will never lift a finger to care for her and just leav #so i can't stay away from her but if i DON'T stay away i'll pass it on to her and she CAN'T take being sick right now! #it's just so frustrating and i hate that i'm always the 'unfriendly' and 'antisocial' classmate and that they already dislike me i believe #so i can't bring myself to blow up on them and i just. laugh and nod. okay. i love getting nowhere!!

[whiskingskin]

Just really fighting the urge to cry at work rn because for the 3rd month in a row I am struggling with rent!!!!! I haven't gone grocery shopping in 6 weeks!!!! I am working as much as I can!! And it is still not enough!!!!!

#rent strike #rent strike march #depressed as FUCK haha #i always feel stupid for wanting to die but then i remember #its die or live the rest of my life struggling for money #its getting a lot harder to convince myself its worth it fellas <3 #everyday i just feel a smidge more numb and now i can barely fucking summon the happy politeness i NEED for work #11 years of therapy babes #yeah thats right i get free fucking therapy thanks papa insurance #and for 11 damn years ive cried and panicked and wanted to kms over money like #damn ur supposed to marry someone sfter 4 years of knowing eachother but i cant kms after 11 years of knowing i want to??? #seems whack but okay #[not okay] #i WANT TO FUCKING TEAR MY INTESTINES OUT AND HANG MYSELF WITH THEM HOLY FUCK DO I HATE LIVING IN CAPITALISM #its so funny because yall i really enjoy my job!!!!! #i am a lovely little worker fucking bee!! i would work even if i didnt get paid [IF I COULD FUCKING LIVE COMFORTABLY] #but i cant so!!! my desire to work is just shredding itself into tiny bits #who wanna suicide pact yall 💀 #/j....unless?

[orcelito]

Omfg I never actually posted about this but just like 2 days ago I realized that no it is Not normal to experience lightheadedness near daily when I've gone just a little too long without eating

I looked it up and apparently lightheadedness/dizziness CAN be a part of fibromyalgia (which I think I have for a number of different reasons), so like. It all makes sense.

Fuckin fibromyalgia. It's the source of like 95% of my physical problems, I swear. Every Damn Thing can be traced back to it. What a pain.

#speculation nation #'what a pain' haha get it bc chronic pain #frankly speaking the chronic pain part of it isn't the Worst. it's only a few times a month that i get my arm and leg aches #(though sometimes ill have bouts that last longer. like in january i think when i had arm aches for over a Week) #then again my rib cartilage inflammation is a permanent thing. my ribs Always are fucked up. #and i dont know 100% that it's bc of fibro but this condition has been linked to fibro and it didnt go away with anti-inflammatories So #in the end the pain isnt my biggest concern for treating my fibro. aside from the frequent headaches. i Would like to counter those. #what i really need is help with my chronic fatigue and weakness spells #i hate how fragile i feel so much of the time. bc im NOT weak. for my size im actually surprisingly strong. #but im quick to tire and if i push myself too hard then im practically bedridden #i will literally get symptoms of sickness if im too fatigued. including nausea and coughing and headaches #all fixed after ive gotten some rest. so im not Actually sick. #im tired and fed up with how finicky my body is and how i have to eat on time always or i'll be threatened with passing out. #havent passed out Yet but ive had some times where i end up Having to sit bc i get tunnel vision and my scalp is prickling #and it feels like my brain is squeezing and i know i Have to sit down Right Now #idk. there are many things like this. and i am sooooo tired of it. #i want a fibro diagnosis so i can actually get some help for the things that make life so hard to live. #im not depressed im just chronically fatigued. and so very tired. #give me some Energizing Meds or smth. help me please 😭😭😭 i hate living like this 😭😭😭😭😭 #i wanna be able to do things without being bedridden for the rest of the day 😭😭😭😭 please 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[leatherbookmark]

an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.

like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.

#thinking back to my early c/q/l days where i reblogged this dumb ass meta abt how jgy FOR SURE pushed lxc away because he WANTED HIM #to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing #i was like oh... THIS IS SO RIGHT... because it felt bittersweet and painful and i am Still guilty of accepting/agreeing with headcanons #or interpretations that aren't 100% what i think because i have this ingrained idea that other people are always more mature and #sophisticated and smarter than me and so they Know Better #the person (i think?) later went on to write a meta abt how jgy is a badwrong narcissist. so #(this is also the reason why i spent months praising and getting excited abt a fic where jgy was dating nmj for like a decade despite #not loving him; and why he cheated on him many times with lxc Just Because. i didn't think jgy would do something like that but everyone #else was like omg this is SOOOOO good so i was like shit i guess it is! IT'S SOOOO GOOD OMG;;;;; have i mentioned i have no brain on #my own? yea) #anyway i'm not gonna paint myself as this genius from the first watch because I Too had wgxn goggles fucking ON and didn't even notice #the box hand touch during my first watch. (have i mentioned i am not very smart or observant) and when wwx was whistling ghosts at jgy #and jgy was clearly Going Thru It in the guanyin temple i was like 'haha good for him' #but iirc i Was nonetheless drawn to him (although xy was first <3) and it was like. well he's evilbad but maybe he felt bad when he murdered #his child? --> well maybe he's not 100% evilbad... maybe... --------------> a-yao did nothing wrong and i will kill you if you even suggest #otherwise. (<-- a joke.) #anyway a whole bunch of antis seem like kindasorta stuck in that initial wgxn-centered; everyone else either has 2 personality traits Max #or is either wgxn allies (good) or wgxn Haters (we hates them forever!) just like. unwilling to accept any new viewpoints At All #and then there are Types of those jgy antis because you have people who hate him for Other Reasons and people who hate them because they. #honestly seem like they've only read moralistic books for young children where the brave kind hero is the one you're supposed to cheer for #and want to be like; and the villain has all the traits you're supposed to know are Bad (mean greedy selfish lazy etc) AND NOTHING ELSE. #its like that *man who only saw boss baby watching another movie* damn this is giving me some serious boss baby vibes ! meme #anyway. love it when the tags are 3x longer than the post. cheers #shrimp thoughts

[isan0rt]

This post makes me want to tear my fucking hair out every time I see it. I feel like an old fogey but are you fucking kidding me?? THIS is WHY the reading comprehension on this site is piss poor. TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND people apparently relate to "I don't look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary the first time I encounter them, I just guess at what they mean, and then continue just guessing at what it means and if it makes sense going forward'? Without having any sense that that's...a problem?? That that's not actually comprehension of the sentence?? I read books constantly as a kid (many of them old-timey!) and yet have literally never had the problem described in the op because I owned a goddamn dictionary and I looked unfamiliar words up in it.

Like, I understand this is not the fault of The Kids and the schools have been teaching kids to """"""read""""" (read: guess what the sentence means with no real comprehension) like Predictive AI for decades now but like. I'm just floored reading the notes in here that "haha yeah I just know it makes sense I don't know what it means" is an acceptable state of affairs for people who consider themselves well read. If you don't know what it means you're not actually understanding the sentence!! You are acting as a human chatGPT.

You understand why that's bad, right?? You understand why this causes fights on this site and the wider internet, why people attack you because they didn't comprehend a post you made?? When people are just guessing at reading and at what words mean?? Words mean things!! You can't guess the meaning of unfamiliar words and expect to understand the meaning of a complex work!! You don't need to be able to drop the dictionary definition by memory but you need to be able to at least paraphrase or rephrase what the word means.

Dictionary.com is free. You have access to the internet if you're on Tumblr. I still look up unfamiliar words now the first time I encounter them, every time, on the spot, with my magic internet device grafted to my hand at all times. If someone tells me I'm misusing a word I also look it up, on the spot, and correct myself going forward if I'm actually wrong about the meaning.

I'm not also misinterpreting the meaning of the post here, or at least the way it's being taken, because I went through the tags and it's full of people saying specifically that they don't know what a variety of common words actually mean and have never been inclined to actually find out and they think this is a relatable joke instead of a catastrophic failure of our education system.

Anyway if this is you it's not your fault but please bookmark dictionary.com and also take a listen to the podcast Sold a Story to find out how you have been completely fucked by Marie Clay and by Big Reading Recovery.

#I'm not reblogging the post itself cuz that seems mean. #i get that people have to be taught to read and that the kids are not being taught to actually read text #please listen to Sold a Story but only if you want to rage vomit. #like. someone in the tags was like 'haha i don't know what facetious means just that it's a spicy mean word' my friend #facetious means 'acting like you're serious but you're joking' #like the notes were full of people listing out incredibly common words #and having no indication that they intended to look them up even while listing out words they don't know what they mean!! #i just don't understand it. look it up!! on your phone!! in your hand right now!!! you could know!! #not knowing how to PRONOUNCE a word you've only seen read is completely different but not knowing the MEANING is an easily fixable problem #I'm just flabbergasted. Reading by vibes. I can't even. #i already hated the concept of 'vibes' but if i ever hear the word 'vibes' said seriously again I'm flinging myself into the Mystic River #i will swim away never to be seen again

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

Cw

#the next person that complements me when i mention that im very skinny is getting smacked #that's why i hate diet culture #your brain is so fucking rotten that I'm asking for help and you are complementing me #and it's never “I'm so skinny haha'' #i always say that I'm underweight and keep loosing weight #and for some fucking reason their response is always yeah your body looks so good i could never #i shouldn't either #but something isn't working right and hasn't since i was an infant #i sometimes just don't feel hungry and i just don't eat #and especially in therapy i get called lucky #so i never continue talking about how i managed to connect hunger with something positive #so now when i feel hungry i feel good about myself and when i don't i just don't eat bc i really struggle #it's not normal sustaining yourself with one or two small meals #but i can't help and feel good about my body #i shouldn't #my body is weak #i want to build muscle but i can't bc my body needs that energy

[jockpoetry]

tried to sleep. failed. realized something I should’ve done differently with that video

#talkin to myself #I say that. but in reality I can’t stop thinking about Palestine and Sudan and Tirgay and Acapulco and Maine and - #the world is so full of hate. it is is so full of evil it is so hard to exist right now without guilt there is blood on my hands #there’s blood on all of our hands and it’s disgusting that we all just have to keep going about our lives #like oh whatever ! haha oh gotta work! gotta cook! gotta just exist in the world #and I get to say all this from the comfort of my bed which none of these people can say #I hate this country I hate Biden I am so glad I had the ability not to vote for him but fuck the cowardly reps of this state and Fuck Bernie #I am so tired of being a person I am so tired of the horrors I have lived through #but I have lived through them which others cannot say and I will not let my own guilt and sorrow and rage deter the hope that is so #so important and necessary right now in my heart I believe #from the river to the sea palestine will be free

[bicon-crange]

update on my horrendous situation btw: it is still ongoing and at this point i am considering self sabotage

#IT IS SUCH A. SUCH A 5TH GRADE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL MINDSET IM STUCK IN RIGHT NOW #im like wow im over here so deep in it and this person does NOT fucking think about me at all like i truly am a footnote of a footnote #and its like. would i say something. yeah. if i thought i had a CHANCE. but i so totally do not its an absolutely hopeless situation #so in my head im like ok. either i can be soo super nice to them so they like me more or i can just start being fucking evil #and get my attention fix that way. yknow. #bc im so absolutely convinced that its not reciprocated never ever in my life going to BE reciprocated not even transactional not even #so its like. why not yknow. #IDK IM GOIN NUTS OVER HERE ITS BEEN ACTUAL WEEKS #in all likelyhood ill probably just freeze up again and not do anything and go back to being like haha omg youre so smart ur so cool ♡♡ #whenever they say ANYTHING. like a total absolute baby. #but whenever i do that HEY FOR THE RECORD GUYS WHENEVER I DO THAT I WANNA PUNT THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF #LIKE HOW EMBARRASSING YKNOW. HOW TOTALLY DEGRADING DEAD INTO THE GROUND #ITS LIKE BEING A POP STAR STAN OR SOMETHING AND PEOPLE JUST STARE AT YOU AND THEYRE LIKE HEY.... BTS DOESNT KNOW WHO YOU /ARE/ #im going to gnaw my fucking fingers off my hand. i HATE IT HEREEE I HATE IT HEEREE GET ME OUT GET ME OUT

[harlequinrabbit-archive]

officially hit the two month mark 👍 i love being in recovery.

#For reals though this feels. bittersweet. to put it nicely. like woooh!! im getting better!!! but am i? i dont think im trying Hard Enough. #like yeah i can SAY im in recovery and that im healing but am i putting in the work? have i really unlearned most of my unhealthy habits? #like do i count calories and spend every second thinking about my daily intake anymore? not usually. but do i weigh myself every chance i #get and then act accordingly depending on the number i see? sometimes. do i still Hate the fact that my body looks and feels this way? hm. #i just wish this whole getting better thing was easier; yknow? i wish i could just. have a healthy relationship with food. #i feel like there are just. too many triggers right now in my life that are making it harder for me. i wish this wasnt so scary nd isloating #being disordered feels so much more familar and comforting than the unknown heathyness. or whatever. idfk im rambling sorry haha. #i just have. complicated feelings when it comes to this i guess.

[musical-chick-13]

I want to sing through some Weird Emotions, which has the effect of me wanting to share art, but also no one perceive me ever.

#mc13's complicated relationship with art #like...something something songs are for when words aren't enough you need to express yourself to truly connect with people but also YIKES #TERROR. #like again I do NOT want to do this professionally but I miss singing FOR something. I miss sharing music that I like and being able to go #'oh hey look I paid tribute to this thing I hope it can evoke some of the same things in you that it did in me while I was singing it' #but I'm also just...so Scared™ about that? like 'if I do this badly I will forfeit my right to membership in society' which is. ridiculous. #but such is o.c.d. #MAKE BAD ART. IF I HATE MYSELF THE PATRIARCHY WINS. I NEED TO KEEP SCREAMING THESE THINGS AT MYSELF OVER AND OVER #like GENUINELY as unhinged as I get on this blog there's a lot of vulnerability that I don't put here and that I don't put ANYWHERE #and yeah haha look it means that I keep a lot of unpleasant things at a distance but it also means that I don't ever actually show myself #and that was fine for like. idk a fair amount of years but it is getting unbearable now. truly it is eating at me day in and day out #and truly it is preventing me from ever actually enjoying life and WHY IS THIS SO HARD WHY IS HUMAN CONNECTION AND SELF-ASSUREDNESS SO HARD #WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SIMPLY BE ONESELF AND EXIST IN THE WORLD

[angria]

Love having a huge attachment trigger with T in the last 10 minutes of the session 🙃🙃🙃 Said something about his kid. That I desperately want to hear from him.

He tried to talk about it, reminding me of his care, but I completely shut down. So already dealing with attachment and abandonment triggers, now get to pile my stupid fucking wish onto the raging dumpster fire.

Going to go sob now. Want to SH myself to shreds. I'm so fucking done with everything, everyone.

#therapy #haha what is my life #just want to rip my skin off #blasting trigger music #disordered attachment #dealing with so many triggers #i did not need this right now #fucking hell i hate myself #it's not fair #i wish i had that #currently sobbing #angriadm

[spade-club]

Reminding myself that I did all of my goals I had for this year. Even if some of them turned out to be mistakes, I've come a long way in the past half a year especially, and even if I am currently struggling with the weight of it all right now, these achievements are nothing to ignore or take value away from.

#anyway considering quitting my new job because I almost died for it already and I cant handle all of the all of it. #I had to call out sick today and I got told off and a manager basically said he thought I was lying because I didnt want to work there. #it felt so bad and I just.... ugh #its just all so overwhelming #like. I'm incredibly sick right now. dealing with a whole cheating scandal going on. Christmas was hard as fuck. this new job is overwhelm #I just... cant handle it all. #plus my old job never gave me my last paycheck so I have to deal with that #and I am trying so hard to get in contact with this new therapist guy but I keep just not having time to set things up. #im overwhelmed. so much. #the one good thing I have going for me is my friends and even then I'm starting to feel like a burden on them for struggling so much #idk! its just a lot! #but hey. I didnt kill myself this year! and instead I have been living a life and thats not nothing #checked *kiss a second person* off my list. yeah they were also kissing many people I didnt know about including their girlfriend but ! yk #things happen haha (im devistated) #and I checked off *get a job* and *leave the state I was living in* and *start driving* #and two of those are still going well! #mostly I mean. I do still kinda hate driving and have almost killed myself on accident twice #but really the point is im trying lots of new things and figuring out what works and what doesnt! #im not just living but im alive and thats all that needs to matter #the pain of all of this is the proof im alive and I can still feel. I just am convincing myself thats a good thing

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the thing about me is i hate making decisions #im literally worrying myself up and down over things i literally cant even make decisions abt now bc i dont know that ill actually be #accepted into the programs. like im just stressing bc for the program in the uk i have to try for scholarships #bc i dont wanna have to pay to go to school over there when i have equally enticing oppertunity here that will pay me for like 5yrs #so i have to get a full ride scholarship and to do that i have to collaborate with the guy and im gonna feel so bad it it flops #and im gonna feel even worse if i get the scholarship and then get sniped by another school #bc right now my heart kinda wants to go to this school in [redacted] bc i could get a 4-5yr phd in ecology and Evolution #the lab is set up with a bunch of other evolutionary genetics ppl. its near a rad national park. and the reasearch is sick as hell. #like it sounds so good. my heart wants to go there. if theyll have me which i wont kno for literally months. but the uk thing is like #if i get the scholarship i cant say no. like i mean i cant. it would look insanely good on a resume. id get to do directed evolution and #photosynthesis stuff with a guy who has controversial photosynthesis ideas lmao. but idk hes just starting out so it feel more like a leap #of faith. and ive done uk courses they r not as soul crushing as american courses and i want them to crush my soul #and its like a wanky good school. so like i cant say no to that. ugh but the [redacted] school also has nasa and astrobiology connections #and then theres the Canadian guy who's reasearch also sounds sick as hell. and again this is all stupid bc i havent even applied to any of #them yet and idk who will even take me but ugh i dread the decision making #ugh i just need to shut up and work on my applications. but i dont wanna think abt the present bc im not happy doing what i do now #id rather think abt the future where im somewhere else #but i guess ive got time to write this weekend bc our sampling plans were busted by the rain rip #so idk we have to go back at some point. sigh.. #i wish everything could just be easy haha #unrelated #also ive possibly been exposed to covid thru my boss who got an alert that she was in close contact with someone who test positive rip

[todayisafridaynight]

i dont want to dampen ur mood but.. isnt the idol fan daigo sprite an edit…….. like his ribbons say “mayu” which I’m almost certain is the name of the twitter user that made it. Like she does these cute self ship illustrations and I think she made the sprite edit so that he’s cheering for her…….. I might be wrong but I don’t think it’s canon as much as I’d like that to be the case 😭

i aint even mad at this point fuck it i'll shake mayu hand for the convincing cap. plus her art's cute and she seems like a sweetheart so if i HAD to accidentally make fanart for someone then i wouldn't mind it bein for her

i'm hunting OG anon down for sending me falsehoods tho. fool me once shame on you but let me RB it months later with no other comment clarifying it was an edit then shame on me

#snap chats #made myself a fool twice this week i might as well commit seppuku right now #ooooh i hate getting upset cause i get really warm and im already wearing a jacket- NO ILL WILL TO YOU ANON BTW #you aint at fault here you just givin me the scoop its on me for not double checking #I Repeat i will shake OG anon tho. #i doubt og anon with us HAHA but if you are uhm. Hm. this is very awkward #i do not actually wish harm on you :) i do not like feeling foolish tho #'but snap youre foolish everyday' OK BUT IM AWARE OF IT i dont like bein blundered without my consent 😭