#MAKE BAD ART. IF I HATE MYSELF THE PATRIARCHY WINS. I NEED TO KEEP SCREAMING THESE THINGS AT MYSELF OVER AND OVER

[musical-chick-13]

I want to sing through some Weird Emotions, which has the effect of me wanting to share art, but also no one perceive me ever.

#mc13's complicated relationship with art #like...something something songs are for when words aren't enough you need to express yourself to truly connect with people but also YIKES #TERROR. #like again I do NOT want to do this professionally but I miss singing FOR something. I miss sharing music that I like and being able to go #'oh hey look I paid tribute to this thing I hope it can evoke some of the same things in you that it did in me while I was singing it' #but I'm also just...so Scared™ about that? like 'if I do this badly I will forfeit my right to membership in society' which is. ridiculous. #but such is o.c.d. #MAKE BAD ART. IF I HATE MYSELF THE PATRIARCHY WINS. I NEED TO KEEP SCREAMING THESE THINGS AT MYSELF OVER AND OVER #like GENUINELY as unhinged as I get on this blog there's a lot of vulnerability that I don't put here and that I don't put ANYWHERE #and yeah haha look it means that I keep a lot of unpleasant things at a distance but it also means that I don't ever actually show myself #and that was fine for like. idk a fair amount of years but it is getting unbearable now. truly it is eating at me day in and day out #and truly it is preventing me from ever actually enjoying life and WHY IS THIS SO HARD WHY IS HUMAN CONNECTION AND SELF-ASSUREDNESS SO HARD #WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SIMPLY BE ONESELF AND EXIST IN THE WORLD