#I hate how lonely I am I hate how misunderstood I feel

[grison-in-space]

I am not particularly interested in a “redemption” narrative for incels. That is a question for those individuals to ponder. We do not implore the victims of other forms of terrorism to absolve and educate their tormentors. Nor do we require that other extremists be acknowledged as some kind of wounded, misunderstood victims. It is ironic that so much pressure is brought to bear on women to allow for the humanity and individuality of fallible men when it is precisely this courtesy that incels unfailingly refuse to pay to women.

But I am interested in the men in between. The boys who fall through the cracks. The “good” men who feel scared. The ones who went looking for help, because they felt frightened or sad or lonely, and haven’t been able to disentangle themselves. The ones who just haven’t heard about any of this yet. The ones who look the other way on the bus. Because we can’t change anything without those men. So how do we reach them?

Laura Bates, Men Who Hate Women (2020).

Importantly, she's just spent a lot of time talking about men-led feminist groups that do good work, both in terms of reducing domestic violence and other "traditional" feminist concerns and in terms of providing other narratives, support structures, and information about things that men, like all people, care about: how to keep yourself safe physically and emotionally; how to cope with feeling frightened or uncertain; how to communicate with other people in a world that feels zero sum and frightening.

It's a good, thoughtful discussion of what it means to respond to radicalization in an effective way: you reduce the pain points that funnel people towards radicalized groups, you provide them with positive things to do to help themselves, and you provide empathy to anyone who is willing to provide empathy back to you. But you don't immolate yourself on the altar of healing people who already hate you: you focus on the ones who are easy to help first, the ones who need only a little help, and then you expand.

It's a heavy book, but well worth reading—and not only if you're interested in online misogyny and radicalization. I would recommend the book to anyone with an interest in gender, building a better world, deradicalization, and effectively handling terrorism.

#laura bates #Men who hate women

[autisticsupervillain]

Autistic Avatars not realizing that they're Avatars because they're just "like that": a thread

The Eye

Special Interest in the supernatural = constant food for The Watcher

You know about Interest? TELL ME EVERYTHING

"Hey man listen to me infodump about this horrifying ghost story I read for twenty minutes, alright?"

I need to Know everything about something before I partake in it.

"How did I Know that? Eh, I probably hyperfixated on it at some point."

I cannot be misunderstood so I'll beam the facts into your brain.

The Web

I must plan everything 200 steps in advance before doing anything.

I have prepared for all possible outcomes, I can now have this one conversation.

If I set up all these variables long in advance, then I can do everything correctly and Win the social interaction.

I cannot do anything before The Plan says to.

"I practice my social skills by talking to my spider friends." -Martin "Autism" Blackwood

The Stranger

I cannot socialize without being Uncanny.

If my socialization seems like an act, that's because it is. I practice it in the mirror every day.

Theater Kid

How do you Normal Human?

The Anatomy Class.

Assuming fellow Stranger Avatars also just have the 'Tism. They're not trying to be creepy, honest.

Can't do faces. Doesn't notice when you get replaced.

Being subtly off is too subtle for me.

The Lonely

"I have failed the social interaction. Let the fog reclaim me."

Talking to people is draining my batteries even faster than ever. I need to be alone for approximately 384,400,000 years.

Nothing can overstimulate me in the cool, blinding fog.

Nothing unpredictable can happen in the fog.

The fog is your friend.

The known connection between autism and depression feeds the fog.

The Dark

Why is the sun so god damn bright? I'm going to blow it up I swear.

Night Owl.

Everything's decently quite at night and people leave you alone.

Same overstimulation preventatives as the Lonely tbh. Dark and fog are good concealers.

The dawn is your enemy.

The dread florescent lights shall never bother me again. They break upon my arrival.

Can and will infodump to the monster under my bed. Even now it feels like it listens.

The Spiral

Autism makes getting other mental illnesses recognized hard.

Autism dissociation from body and mind. When did it become 3 AM and why do I hurt? Why am I grumpy? What vital self care task did I forget?

Literal mind doesn't often match reality. Reality is specifically unspecific.

Spaced out and wandered off. Where the fuck am I?

I'm not a mental baby, please stop treating me like it.

I'm not inherently dangerous, please stop treating me like it.

Memory problems my beloathed. Did that happen? I dunno.

What Is Time?

What Is Me?

The Gender

Why do things only make sense to me? What does no one else make sense?

The Flesh

Autism Genderfuckery = Flesh fueled dysphoria.

Meat is the only texture that's palatable. Especially the Mystery Meat.

Will never try any other foods. Too picky.

Infodumps about the horrors of meat processing at dinner and ruins the meal for everyone. More steak for me.

Hates PETA.

Double the arms means double the stim. You weren't using them, right?

Working out is a great stim.

The Corruption

Practices social interaction with the bugs who live in my walls.

"Insects are disgusting. I love them!"

Will protect endangered insects by any means necessary.

According to all known laws of aviation-

Relationship boundaries struggles.

Difficulty noticing sickness symptoms.

Is that nausea or am I overstimulated? *Accidentally causes supernatural plague outbreak*

Difficulty getting diseases diagnosed because of both Autism and noticing too many symptoms so the doctors assume they're faking.

Forgot vital hygiene needs.

The Bugs Are My Friends! They keep me company when I'm sick!

The Buried

Weighted blankets are insufficient, I need the Earth to reclaim me.

Avoid social interaction by tunneling everywhere like a mole.

101 facts about worms.

Forgor hygiene again. Time to become dirt.

Digging a hole is good stimming.

That guy who had to be buried alive to sleep properly. What do you mean you don't want to be buried?

The End

Aradia Megido from Homestuck.Com

That's it, that's the list.

The Desolation

The Autism Temper.

Losing relationships and friendships to ableism and your own disability constantly.

The Fire is a wonderful stim board. Watch it crinkle.

Just watching candles melt for hours.

The fire and thrill gives my life passion again.

Jude Perry.png

The Vast

Accidentally terrifying people by infodumping about the horrors of nature.

The stimulus of falling.

Nature/Space/Weather Documentary on in background always.

Okay, but from how high did you fall? I want to calculate your velocity as you fell through the void.

Weirdly enough... power scaling?

Power scaling is just the art of determining how easily your favorite characters can destroy mankind so... yeah, I can see it.

Brain empty, only terminal velocity.

The Hunt

Cat Autism

The inherent hyperfocus of the hunt. The chase. Your prey.

Studying the habits of your latest hyperfixation/Hunt assigned prey for days at a time.

I've spent so much time hunting in the woods that I forgot about human society. The Missing Person's Bureau have written you off for dead.

Returning to society to sell your wears and realizing you aren't human anymore.

That's okay. Social interaction is random. The Hunt makes sense.

It's black and white. Predator and prey. Humans hunting monsters. It Makes Sense.

The Slaughter

The incredible human WW1 documentary.

"Did you know?" *Describes horrible historic warcrime*

Takes apart puts back together guns from their collection.

The list of known casualties from this war is incomplete. With my help, they can expand it. :)

The Extinction

The world is spiraling towards its end and only you seem to care.

It hurts to be this passionate about a lost cause.

You Will Make Them Care.

#the magnus archives #autism #the eye #the web #the stranger #the lonely #the dark #the spiral #the flesh #the corruption #the buried #the end #the desolation #the vast #the hunt #the slaughter #the extinction

[sanigopiece]

why uta is a well-written character

reposted from twitter since i saw uta get a lot of hate on there. a lot of people seem to not get her character so i am writing this post in hopes of getting people to see the light. anyways here we go,

1. her motivations are well supported by her backstory. it all began in the tragedy in elegia years prior where shanks took the blame for the destruction of the city and left uta in the care of gordon. this led uta to being forced into a life of loneliness and isolation for the rest of her growing up years.

these feelings accumulate while she studies music until she eventually finds a den den mushi to livestream her performance. here she learns of the harshness of pirates in the outside world and coupled with her resentment towards the red haired pirates for leaving her motivates her to revisit her old dream of starting a new genesis. this is a solid way of story cohesion between uta's backstory and her actions in the present. everything ties in very nicely & its easy to understand & empathize with.

2) i've seen some complain about how uta saying that she knew all along that she had caused the destruction of elegia & called it bad writing. this was actually her way of coping with the years of isolation but also her grief in shanks leaving her.

i speculate that uta realized she caused the destruction of elegia when she learned about tot musica and when faced with this, she chooses to find someone else to blame because guilt ate away at her so she chose to continue believing the lie that shanks did it. so it isnt bad writing because we are given more context on her mental state at the time and it is meant to be a gateway for viewers to empathize with her more but i guess people missed that.

3. she is not entirely evil. yes she is a villain because she believes she is doing whats right in order to achieve her goal however she still has goodness in her heart. she could've easily kept people trapped in the song world after tot musica was defeated.

but she didnt because she realized that what she did was wrong and she changed for the better. yes there's moments in the film where she does upsetting things like tearing shanks's hat but these were done in her mentally unstable state so it is unfair to entirely fault her for her actions. she is merely a misguided and misunderstood lonely girl with a dream so dont be so hard on her. she is good deep down.

4. her character is unique. already a given since we dont have that many music centric characters except maybe brook but even brook's powers aren't linked to music so uta is really special. also her songs carry so much meaning and not only does it set the mood for most scenes but it also adds to the story. i highly recommend checking out the lyrics of each uta song because they really tie in to the events of the story and you might just enjoy her character more.

5. her canonity adds more flare to the story. oda recently confirmed uta to be canon and this means a lot to both shanks and luffy's backstory. it does not detract from their backstories but rather it gives more context like how we understand a lot more about luffy's dream and why he wants a musician in his crew thanks to uta.

as for shanks, he now has more reason of being and we also got some clues to his lineage in the movie. this is really nice since most shoe horned characters have issues when they're added to canon.

alright so thats all. its been quite the long thread but i love uta and i want more people to appreciate her instead of hating or mischaracterizing her. if i missed anything do let me know. thanks and have a nice day <3

#one piece #one piece film red #one piece film red spoilers #uta is well written #uta one piece #im tired of dudebros mischaracterizing uta #imagine hating uta wtf #for the fans of uta #i love uta so so much #shanks #luffy #elegia #UTA MY BELOVED

[the-whispers-of-death]

stone x bartender stone x bartender pls write like 8000 'chapters' about them i'll read it all

Alright, one more for you. (Not that I'm intending on stopping, I had just burned myself out answering so many asks at once so today I'll be taking breaks in between. Feel free to keep sending asks though, I'll get to it, eventually).

Stone walked to the park where you and him had scheduled your meet-up. It was one of the few days he had where there were no missions, no shift in the base hospital. It was free time and usually he'd hate it because it left him feeling lonely, but today he was going to be with you.

And that made it all better.

"Am I late?" you asked, making Stone turn around. The two of you had just entered the park at the same time. "Sorry, my cat had been crying at me not to leave my flat."

"You have a cat?" Stone asked, brushing your unnecessary apologies off. All he could focus on was that you had a cat, you were an animal lover.

You smiled at the way he was so intrigued by you having a cat. You started walking further into the park with him following you. "Yeah, I have a cat, she's five. Her name's Toffee," you answered. "Do you have a cat?"

Stone nodded his head. "Well, not officially," he said. "She's a stray cat that roams around base, but I give her food and cat toys. I named her Monster." He looked out in front of him as you two continued to walk. "I'm thinking of officially adopting her when my deployment's over, if I can."

"Why is she called Monster?" You were curious, it was a unique name for a cat. Usually it would fit more with a dog, and you wanted to know more about this cat who endeared herself to this enigma of a man.

"Ah, she bites and scratches all the other soldiers whenever they come close," he replied, grunting in disapproval at the memories of the other soldiers saying she should be run off the base. "She's just misunderstood, though. The first time I saw her, she came up to me and meowed so sweetly. She's a sweetheart."

Your lips twitched into a smirk, unable to help yourself as you looked up at him. "Guess she's like her unofficial owner, huh?" Your smirk widened when you saw confusion flash across his face. "You're a sweetheart underneath all that coldness and stoicism, aren't you?"

The result was so beautiful, the way he whimpered ever so softly at being called a sweetheart. So cute, so you just had to keep going.

"Yeah, you're so sweet. I remember the way you melted when I called you handsome." You both stopped walking now, facing each other fully. You reached out slowly, resting your hand on his broad chest and he so sweetly leaned into the touch. "Mm, you're a handsome sweetheart. Not used to being flirted with, but you enjoy the attention, hm?"

Stone couldn't help himself, he nodded. "Please keep flirting with me," he blurted out, practically begging.

Your eyes sparkled at that, you had no intention of stopping. You two resumed your walking again, enjoying the nature all around you. You learned more about him, learned that he was a Fleet Marine Corpsman, that he had been in the military for fifteen years and counting. He told you his favorite color, how he listens to Bollywood music on vinyl records.

Each new thing you learned about him made you want to take care of him even more. Which was why when you two stopped near a snow cone vendor and you saw him eyeing the snow cones, you dragged him—though you speculate that he allowed you to do so—to the stand. You both ordered what flavor you wanted and you refused to let him pay for it.

"Don't be silly," you said, your voice practically a purr. "A sweetheart like you deserves to be pampered. When was the last time someone took care of you?"

"Never," Stone admitted softly.

And it was true, no one had ever taken care of him really. The closest was medics patching him up when he himself couldn't, but that didn't really count. They were just doing their jobs.

Your eyes softened in sadness at the answer and so you gently pushed the hand with his wallet in it away. "Let me take care of you, please."

He stared into your eyes for what felt like hours but was only minutes. He was searching you for a hidden agenda, a lie. But he then relented, nodding.

You two enjoyed your snow cone together and continued walking around. You gave him soft touches on his arms every so often as you walked and spoke, relishing in the way he leaned into every touch. He seemed so touch-starved.

By the end of it all, Stone didn't want to leave. But you had work tonight, so you two had to part ways. "Until next time?" he asked, hoping this outing hadn't made you not want to see him again.

His heart melted when you said, "I'm definitely seeing you again." You lifted yourself up slightly to kiss his cheek, smiling at the way he stood there frozen at the touch.

He hadn't moved until you were long gone, his mind replaying the kiss on his cheek for several minutes afterwards.

Reblogs are welcomed & appreciated! Asks are open, feel free to pop in and talk or request something! (SFW requests only, please and thank you)

#call of duty #cod mw2 #cod mwii #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod #task force 141 #task force 141 oc #call of duty oc #cod oc #task force 141 oc: stone #call of duty oc: stone #cod oc: stone #cod oc x reader #cod oc x male reader #male!oc #desi!oc #oc x reader #oc x male reader #male oc x reader #male oc x male reader #male oc #stone x reader #stone x male reader #bartender!reader #Stone was so babygirl here #take care of him please #he needs someone #he makes me want to squeeze his cheeks #just go squish #:)

[kayforpay]

i am specifically demanding johnkat please and thank you, 69

"I hate the way he talks to you." John mumbles, around a mouthful of over-salted popcorn. He swallows noisily and settles into the couch deeper, comfortably taking up enough space that Karkat doesn't even feel like he could fit. Without making it a thing, anyway. "You're not even dating Dave, why is he trying to tell you where you should be?"

Karkat shrugs, turning the volume up pointedly. This isn't the first time his strained friendship with Dave has come up, and he's kind of fucking sick to death of it. "Watch your movie, Egbert." He shifts against the base of the couch, leaning his head on the edge of the cushion next to John's thigh.

"I just mean, like, is he gonna be this way if you do start dating someone? Dave is my best friend, but, like, you have to do what's good for yourself." He crunches loudly, over the opening dialogue to the stupid movie he demanded they watch. "It's like he's marking his territory or something."

That makes Karkat perk up, turning on his knees with a sharp glare. "What the fuck does that mean? I'm not territory. Are you calling me a barkbeast piss-post?" He slaps the remote, stopping the movie in the middle of a sentence.

"No! I'm not calling you anything, Karkat!" He spills some of the popcorn when he drops the bowl on the floor, leaning forward to be closer to eye-level. "I just mean how Dave is acting, not you. He acts like he expects you guys to get back together." John's voice is annoyingly sincere, and Karkat forces his hackles down in response.

It isn't like John is wrong. Every time Dave has been lonely in the month or so since they split, he's called Karkat. It was so much easier with trolls; sure, it was awkward for a while with Terezi and Sollux, but it was different. They never expected Karkat to be all their quads. If anything, Terezi was the one telling him to back off from trying to do it himself.

Dave wanted a human relationship, though. And, apparently, still does, which is more annoying than anything he has ever had to fucking deal with in his stupid life, including when he almost died in the game all those times.

"I don't want him not to be my friend." Karkat grits out, scrambling up onto the couch now that John's nervousness at being misunderstood has shrunk the spread of his legs to a reasonable size. John nods a little, encouraging, and Karkat sighs. "That's all. I'm just trying to be... Respectful, or whatever. It isn't like I don't want to date. Or at least get fucked."

John's ears turn red, but he nods again, and looks at the frozen screen. "That's understandable. You guys kind of... It sort of just went out, didn't it." He says, not a question.

"Yeah. It did." He looks at his phone, pinging with another message from Dave. Never demanding, never serious. Always edged with enough irony that he can talk his way out of it. That was why they didn't work. Karkat wanted him to be honest. "I miss Gamzee. I've been trying to keep Dave from freaking out so much I haven't even seen my palemate in weeks, unless it's in public, and that sucks. I don't like public affection."

Still flushed, John nods. "I mean, you should just see him. Dave is an asshole sometimes. And you're the first like, real relationship he's had, I think. Jade and Davesprite are not really the same, and even then, he was weird for a long time with her, too."

There's a stretch of silence that feels almost comfortable. The electric whine of the plasma TV rings in Karkat's ears, and he presses his foot down on one of the spilled kernels of popcorn. Not his house to clean, anyway.

Finally, he scratches his nails down his thighs, pulling at the minute ridges of his jeans. "What should I do?" It feels weird, asking John of all people for advice on anything. Especially on dating. John had never even been with anyone, as far as Karkat knew. Maybe Vriska.

"I think you should just do whatever you want to do, Karkat. I can't promise things are gonna be okay, but." He turns, finally looking at Karkat dead on again, and smiles his buck-tooth smile. "You are my friend, and I am not going to let someone be shitty to you. If I need to, I will even beat Dave up myself."

Karkat blinks. "Isn't that the kind of talk that was in the movie last time you picked? Do you think I'm your human offspring?" He doesn't sound as grumpy as he wants to.

John chuckles, flopping back onto the couch. His thigh presses against Karkat's own, densely muscled. "Obviously I don't. Weirdo. I was mostly offering so you would think I'm really manly and cool, so you would want to keep spending time with me."

Face suddenly hot, Karkat leans down to snatch the remote off the floor, and pushes play. The human Nicolas Cage starts talking again, his strangely intense monotone droning senselessly in Karkat's ears for a second. John delicately retracts into his own space again, without a word.

He hits pause. "You have to stop making the popcorn so salty. And I pick the movies twice a month." He speaks in a rush, awkward, and John turns to look at him with obvious questions. "Hold on. I'm saying, if we go out, if, then I'm setting some rules. Like don't expect anything on the first date. Which is now. I guess."

"Okay!" John grins, and bumps their shoulders together. "That's fine, Karkat. But I can take you out, too, if you want. I know you don't like PDA but we can eat somewhere together, or I could fly with you, or we could go swimming--"

The movie starts with another jarring return to the music. "Don't get excited. We're barely dating. And you haven't even beaten Dave up, so I don't count tonight after all."

#anon and on and on and on #thnks fr th qstns #drabbles #johnkat #john egbert #karkat vantas

[fortheloveofwonderland]

🎵 Scarlet’s Milestone Concert Celebration 🎵

To celebrate reaching another milestone I am inviting you all to Scarlet’s Concert 🎵

As most of my fics are named after songs, I have complied a list of some of my favourite songs. Send me a pairing and a song lyric and I will gift you a little fic. Lyrics with gender specific pronouns can be changed at request. Come join the concert! 🎵

🎵 Pairings 🎵

Spencer x Reader

Spencer x Luke

Luke x Reader

🎵 Song lyric prompts below the cut! 🎵

🎵 I’ll admit I’m impressed by your vanishing act. Place your bets on your best guess of when you’re coming back - Swan Song by Set It Off

🎵 “Just give me a chance,” she said as I packed my things. “But I already did four times, don’t you remember?” “I won’t blow it again,” she said, with her fingers crossed. But she forgot about the mirror behind her - Plastic Promises by Set It Off

🎵 Pick up the phone, I know I’m drunk again. And you know my intentions ‘cause it’s 2am - Ancient History by Set It Off

🎵 And tomorrows now misunderstood, ‘cause it’s reading “outlook not so good”. If these signs would point to “yes” she could maybe feel the same - Magic 8 by Set It Off

🎵 I got your letter and the poetry you sent me, postmarked in December of last year. I really hope you’re doing better, all your friends close by your side, one step closer to recovery - My Reply by The Ataris

🎵 Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete. I’d ditch them all for a night with you. I know you don’t believe you mean this much to me, but I promise you that you do - I Won’t Spend Another Night Alone by The Ataris

🎵 But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you’ve been here before? - Pompeii by Bastille

🎵 I wish that we could save today, but I know we can’t stay the same. And I keep pushing you away, don’t wait for me - Home is Such a Lonely Place by Blink 182

🎵 A little drunk, waiting on your phone call. A little numb, maybe I can’t feel at all - I Really Wish I Hated You by Blink 182

🎵 Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him? I’m just a notch in your bedpost but you’re just a line in a song - Sugar, We’re Going Down by Fall Out Boy

🎵 But you didn’t have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough - Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

🎵 I’ve got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy you’ll ever meet sweetie, you had me - Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic at the Disco

🎵 Can we forget about the things I said when I was drunk? I didn’t mean to call you that. I can’t remember what was said or what you threw at me, please tell me - My Own Worst Enemy by Lit

🎵 I’ve been trying to call, I’ve been on my own for long enough. Maybe you can show me how to love, maybe - Blinding Lights by The Weeknd

🎵 If I go crazy, then will you still call me superman? If I’m alive and well will you be there and holding my hand? - Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down

🎵 I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new, and the reason is you - The Reason by Hoobastank

🎵 Tried to be so strong, but you see through the cracks. My defence is gone, come take me home tonight - Home by Goo Goo Dolls

🎵 I don’t mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while - She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

🎵 You kiss me like an over dramatic actor who’s starving for work, with one last shot to make it happen - Slow Down by The Academy Is

🎵 You’ve been broken into fifty pieces, today is gone, I’m the only light that you see. You need someone, I know all you needed was me - Sunshine by All American Rejects

🎵 You’re the cure, and your eyes have dug me out of my grave more times than I could ever count. You’ve always been the one to breathe me back to life - The Cure by The Movielife

🎵 Why don’t you find someone who will love you the way you deserve? The way you deserve, never puts you down and comforts you when it hurts - The Way You Deserve by New Found Glory

#milestone celebration #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #luke alvez

[mochinek0]

Heartache

"I am Heartache!" the akuma roared, "Everyone will know the pain I feel. Everyone keeps pain bottled up inside and I'm tired of hurting!"

Ladybug and Chat Noir looked around their surroundings. When people were hit, they were forced to admit things that hurt them. They were shouting how much they hated their jobs, some of them how much they hated their families, some were saying how much they hated the person they were dating. It wasn't their best day.

They carefully avoided the attacks, but Ladybug accidentally got hit. She collapsed on the roof and curled up in a ball, trying to keep her thoughts inside. She didn't.

"I wish I was never made Ladybug! I wish I wasn't the Guardian! I wish I could be normal! I wish the boy I have a crush on liked me back!" she shouted.

No one spoke a word. Chat hovered over her and frowned. In a way, it humanized her for all of Paris. They had all seen a heroine and savior, but here was this girl, terrified of what she had been doing. She hadn't wanted to save them, but she was forced to. They watched as Ladybug began to sob. Chat Noir quickly picked her up and rushed away.

Chat settled them against a rooftop, hidden from view. Ladybug curled up in his lap and continued to cry. The Weilder of Destruction held her and purred, hoping to soothe her. Her sobs quickly turned into sniffles and then stopped, all together. The Weilder of Creation took a deep breath and pushed away from Chat's chest.

"Thank you, Chat." she whispered, "Let's go get the akuma."

"Ladybug, you just-" he began.

"It's part of the job, Chat." she answered, with a smile "Think....Elsa. Conceal; don't feel. Don't let it show."

As she jumped onto the next roof and rushed towards the akuma, Chat Noir couldn't help but wonder how many fake smiles she had worn.

Adrien was walking back onto campus when he heard something. It sounded like arguing.

'Maybe, I can stop an akumatization from happening. Bugaboo will be so proud on me! '

Adrien crouched and moved closer to the sounds of the yelling. He could easily transform from the spot up ahead and prevent anything from getting out of control. Adrien peered around the corner of the building and watched as Lila shoved Marinette down on the ground.

"You're just as pathetic as I thought!" Lila sneered, "Soon you'll be lonely and friendless. Everyone will think it was your own fault. Once I win, Adrien will cast you aside. He already hates you. Everyone thinks so and what everyone think, is seen as true. I have all of them wrapped around my finger. It's only a matter of time until I get you expelled again."

Lila laughed and walked away. Marinette laid still for a moment, on the ground.

'How long has this been going on? Why hasn't Marinette said anything about this?'

Adrien walked closer to confront Marinette about what he just witnessed.

"Conceal; don't feel." She sighed, "Don't let it show."

Adrien froze. He watched as Marinette dusted herself off and adjusted her hair. Marinette smiled and walked away, heading towards the classroom. She never even noticed he was there.

'Marinette is Ladybug. Lila has been hurting M'Lady. She's been suffering silently this whole time. That bitch is going down!'

Adrien sat across from Mrs. Rossi, in their home.

"I'm sorry for the sudden visit, but I really need to talk to you about your daughter." Adrien declared, "I thought I should tell you everything before she ends up sued with a mountain of lawsuits."

"Sued?" she shouted, "Lawsuits?"

"Well," he answered, "she's been sexually harassing me. Father takes those kinds of things seriously. He even bans people from events and photoshoots."

"Why would you sue your girlfriend?" Mrs. Rossi asked "I'm sure if you told her, she would stop. Maybe she misunderstood something."

"Mrs. Rossi, I am not dating your daughter. I have never dated your daughter." Adrien replied, blushing, "I'm actually in love with a girl with black hair and blue eyes. She....she's my best friend. She's amazing, confident, and smart."

'He really seems to like this girl. Why would Lila tell me they were together? He doesn't seem to be lying to me. I wonder what kind of lies my daughter has been telling. It's obvious she's already lied to me.'

Adrien continued with a smile, "She reminds me of Ladybug. I even call her my 'Everyday Ladybug'."

"That failure?" Lila's mother questioned, before she could stop herself.

"Failure?" Adrien shouted in surprise.

He quickly brought out his phone and brought up Alya's blog. He purposefully brought up Alya's first time interviewing Lila, saying they were best friends.

"This is from the first day your daughter came to school. She quickly became popular, saying she knew Ladybug's identity and they were best friends." the Agreste heir explained, "Ladybug actually stopped her in front of me and called her out on her lies. Ladybug said she had never been to Italy, nor had she ever saved your daughter. She went on to list that they weren't 'best friends'. Your daughter got akumatized and tried to force me on a date as an akuma."

"She got akumatized!" her mother exclaimed, "She never told me that!"

"She's been akumatized several times." he spoke, "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but she keeps lying at school She keeps promising classmates help with all these 'celebrity connections'. Almost everyone believes her. I've been trying to ask out my best friend and your daughter keeps bullying her! The girl I like, she keeps trying to tell people your daughter is lying to them. Your daughter starts to cry and says she's not lying, so she ends up plays the victim. She's been saying my best friend is bullying her. I saw your daughter bully her with my own eyes. She laughed at my best friend, telling her how she was almost all alone. Anytime I try to be alone with her, your daughter gets my arm and drags me away."

Adrien lifted his shirts to reveal nail marks.

"I just saw Layla shove her down the other day." he continued, "She even told the school she has a disease that makes her fabricate evidence when she's under so much stress. She blames you for pulling her out of school so much and forcing her to travel with you, all over the world."

Mrs. Rossi couldn't stand to listen to another minute of this.

'I need to get to the bottom of this. I don't think he's lying, but I need to hear this from the school.'

"Let's get you to the school." she smiled, "I'm sure you would rather talk to that future girlfriend of yours."

Adrien blushed and looked down at his lap.

'Yeah. That's definitely a boy in love.'

"Marinette!" Adrien shouted, "Will you go out on a date with me?"

Marinette blushed as the whole class focused their attention on her.

"You.....You like me?" Marinette questioned.

"Yeah." Adrien spoke, rubbing the back of his neck, "I've been trying to find you all week. I wanted to ask you, privately, but I just couldn't resist waiting anymore. So will you?"

"Huh?" Marinette blinked, still confused.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Adrien asked again.

"Oh!" Mari answered, "Yes!"

Adrien quickly hugged her. Marinette kept still as her face was buried in his chest. She could hear people around them cheer.

The moment was quickly ruined by Lila's sobbing.

"How could you cheat on me?" she cried out.

"What are you talking about, Lila?" Adrien asked, pretending to be confused, "I have a thing for girls with dark hair; you're hair is brown. Even my ex has dark hair."

Lila couldn't help, but see red. She had worked so hard on her plans. She told everyone they were dating and keeping it a secret from Marinette. She had even told them that she had talked to Adrien about Marinette's habit of following him; that he said to ignore her. Now, here he was asking her out! He ruined everything! Lila stormed through their classmates. No one had ever seen her so pissed off.

"I don't even know what you see in her!" she shouted, pointing at Mari, "She's a useless nobody!"

Adrien glared back, "For one thing, Layla, I know she's not a liar!"

"It's-" she began.

"Layla Rossi!" her mother called out from the doorway.

"Mama!" Lila yelped, in shock.

She turned her glare away from her daughter and smiled at the model, "Thank you, Adrien, for letting me know how much my daughter has been misbehaving in school. Oh, and I see you finally asked out the young lady. Congradulations on making her your girlfriend."

Adrien smiled, brightly, "Thank you, Mrs. Rossi."

"We're leaving." her mother stated.

"But-" Lila tried to argue.

"You are going back to Italy and I already have a school in mind." Colette declared, "You will also be starting the school year over."

Lila looked at her mother in tears, "Why?"

"Your fake lying disease, for one!" her mother snapped, "How about missing half the school year, while you were at home. You lied to me, Layla! You told me everyone in your school was akumatized and you were terrified!"

"Mama." the Italian pleaded, "Please. I want-"

"I no longer care what you want; I'll be doing whatever is necessary to make sure you get what you need! Layla Rossi, we are leaving and you are grounded until we leave! No phone. No internet. No electronics." Her mother insisted, "I've already disconnected your phone and changed the wi-fi password."

Alya looked between Lila, Adrien, Marinette, and Lila's mother. She didn't understand what was going on. Why would Lila say she was secretly dating Adrien, but he was asking out Marinette? Lila accused him of cheating, but he said she wasn't his type. Why was her mother thanking Adrien and why would Lila tell her mother everyone was akumatized? What lying disease? Why would her mother say she missed half the year? She went on trips with her. Now, she was about to change schools!

"What's going on?" Alya asked, interrupting the serious conversation.

"I had been looking for Marinette so I could confess. Instead, I saw Lila shove Marinette down and heard Lila threaten her. Lila was telling Mari how I would be 'hers' and how she had 'all of you guys wrapped around her finger'. She told Marinette she was going to be all alone; friendless. " Adrien admitted with a smile, "Once I saw Lila was bullying Marinette, I decided to tell her mother. I had to learn from her mother that she was telling people that we were dating."

"I listened to Adrien, but I also came to the school to see what was going on for myself." her mother declared, "I found out that Layla has been skipping school, telling you that she's been traveling with me, and that she has a lying disease that makes her fabricate evidence when she is stressed. I've already reprimanded your prinicipal for his idiocy. It sounds like you got caught up in a lie and just didn't want to be punished."

"So, the celebrities?" Rose squeaked.

"Lies." her mother huffed, "Like all of the trips."

"Why?" asked Kim.

"We would have been friends with you." spoke Mylene.

"Yeah." replied Ivan.

"Not all of us are celebrities like Chloe, Adrien, or Marinette." stated Sabrina.

"How is Marinette a celebrity?" bit out Lila.

"Marinette is Jagged Stone's personal designer." Adrien answered, "Not to mention, both my father and Style Queen love her work. I've already worn something designed by her on Father's runway. Style Queen, herself, offered her an internship."

Marinette blushed under all of the praise. Lila looked at her in shock.

'That's how she knew.'

"Marinette doesn't brag; that's another thing that sets her apart from you. She could be at my father's level and she would still be this sweet, innocent, humble person." Adrien continued, before kissing the top of her head.

Marinette quickly turned and buried her face in his chest. Everyone could see the soft look he was giving her. They could tell the Agreste heir really did care for the girl in his arms. Mrs. Rossi could see the hurt in her daughter's eyes, but more than anything, she could see anger.

"Layla, let's go." she spoke up.

"But-" Lila tried to beg.

"Now, before I send you to boot camp." her mother declared, walking out of the room.

Lila quickly followed. No one knew what to say. They were all still in a state of disbelief. They had listened to a liar and turned their backs on someone they trusted.

"Is it alright if I sit with you?" Adrien spoke up.

Marinette nodded her head. He smiled as he followed her to the seat in the back row. Adrien took out a piece of paper and quickly wrote something down. With a smirk, he slid it over to Marinette. Confused, Mari took the note and took a peek.

Got to have my partner's back; don't I, Bugaboo?

Marinette froze and could feel her face heat up. She turned and looked at him, only to find him already looking at her. He just smiled and winked. Immediately, Marinette buried her face in her hands.

'It really is him! Adrien was Chat all this time! I rejected him constantly and confessed to him twice!'

Adrien smiled to himself as he watched her blush creep up to the tips of her ears.

'Cute. My little bug. I knew I would recognize her. I even called her my 'Everyday Ladybug'.'

He slid the note towards himself and quickly added another comment. With another smile, he passed it back. He tapped it and let her look at the note.

I knew I would fall in love with the girl behind the mask.

Marinette quickly turned to him in shock. Very quickly, she added to the note.

Seriously?

Of course.

Marinette looked at the paper in disbelief. She could recall confessing to Chat Noir and him rejecting her. He had been arrogant enough to claim he was so awesome he would have married himself, if possible. She even remembered Adrien saying he was in love with another girl to her face; ironically, it was her. Marinette smiled and wrote on the paper. She slid it back to him and waited to see his reaction.

Then, how come you were too blind to realize you were the guy I was rejecting you for? I'm pretty sure I'm 'just a friend'.

Adrien looked at the note and turned red. He looked up at her in shock. Marinette just winked at him.

'Game on, Kitty.'

Seriously?

Yep

All this time?

Way before the rooftop with the petals. (That was beautiful by the way) It was always you.

Adrien put his face on the desk, in shame. Marinette could barely make out what she was hearing, but it sounded like a kitten trying to sound intimidating. She couldn't help but giggle. Adrien turned to her with a pout and giant kitten eyes.

"What?" Marinette asked out loud.

Adrien grabbed the paper, wrote, and slid it back.

Do you really want to date the model version of me?

Marinette rolled her eyes.

I never liked you for being a model. I like the you that was honest with me and your laugh. We can talk more at patrol.

She slid the note over. Adrien smiled as he read it. She could tell her answer meant a lot to him.

"We'll have to discuss rules." Ladybug stated, during patrol.

Chat Noir just whined.

"Ladybug and Chat Noir can't be seen in a relationship." she declared.

"Why not?" He questioned.

"Hawkmoth will come after us more then ever." Ladybug stated.

Chat sighed, "Fair, but if my father forces us to break up, then can Ladybug and Chat Noir date? There's no way I'm losing you just cause of some stupid fashion appearance he wants for me."

"Fine. No nicknames dealing with our hero selves in public." she continued, "Keep the flirting to a minimum."

Chat Noir simply pouted.

Ladybug smirked, "You can still visit, but we can't be distracted."

The weilder of Destruction leaned towards her, "Are you saying you find me distracting?"

Ladybug blushed and quickly looked away. She was still getting use to the idea of Adrien and Chat Noir being the same. Adrien flirting with her was too much at the moment. Chat looked towards his lady and found her cheeks were still pink. He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face.

'She's so cute and all mine.'

Chat Noir grabbed her hand and kissed it. By impulse, she pushed him away by his nose. He simply winked and left the tower, leaving Ladybug flustered.

"See you in an hour, Bugaboo!" he called out.

"Stop calling me that!" she shouted and quickly fled in the opposite direction.

TAG LIST: @animeweebgirl @a-star-with-a-human-name @meme991001 @vixen-uchiha @abrx2002 @alysrose-starchild @fandom-trapped-03 @dood-space @moonlightstar64 @saltymiraculer @marveldcedits20 @09shell-sea09 @icerosecrystal @animegirlweeb @insane-fangirl-of-everything @blueblossombliss @nickristus-dreamer @megawhitleycalderonpaganus

#miraculous ladybug #heart ache #pain #depression #secrets #ladybug #chat noir #crying #frozen reference #conceal #dont feel #lila rossi #lila salt #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #adrien finds out first #he knows #adrien tells her mom #adrienette #ladynoir #lila rossi exposed #adrien tells #identity reveal #she knows #dating

[thomine]

This is my five billionth time trying to come up with something, so let’s go. Thank you! <3

I’d consider myself an ambivert that primarily prefers being alone to indulge myself in my hobbies, but also hates being lonely. While I wouldn’t consider myself sociable, I’m a friendly person. I can easily chat with most people. I love learning about people and hearing what they like to talk about. But my natural inclination is to cling to my alone time.

I am a very analytical person at heart. I like studying things to know why and how they work. This applies very much so to people. Because of this, I tend to be known as a smart person. At work, I am fast and accurate. I understand how my duties and others work in the big picture. I’m quick to notice when things are wrong and can point out where the error lies. I have a reputation for being a quick and reliable helper.

I’m generally known as a logical person. While I do have a temperament, I’m not seen as emotional. I make decisions with a level head. I’m not weak either. I love debates and arguments. I enjoy raising my voice. I do not hesitate to stand my ground if need be. If I get mad at someone, it’s typically because they’re contradicting themselves or saying something that makes no sense.

That being said, I’m lacking in many ways too. I’ve been told many times that I am a mean person. Apparently my way of speaking makes some feel like they’re being humiliated or mocked. I lack sympathy. I’m too outspoken. I serve primarily my own motives, not others. I’m stubborn, a know-it-all, selfish, etc etc etc.

My biggest insecurity is being misunderstood. I have a hard time verbalizing my feelings/opinions and conveying my intent which has gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past. That being said, what bothers me isn’t being seen as a good and kind person, but simply as being perceived inaccurately. I want to be understood as I am without changing myself to be more palatable to others. I may be selfish and unsympathetic, but I’m more than that.

So who would you pair me with? 👀 @paimonial-rage

this is a gift.

if you would like one of your own, please read my post here that lists what i'm willing to do and what to expect for a non-gift.

i wanted to pair you up with zhongli, ngl. but anyways, picture this:

you're in a debate with someone, temper agitated and argument points hot enough to dissolve your opponent's ego in the akademiya building. such a sight is common in the school, so you don't bother with the stares and looks knowing they'll treat you like background noise eventually. you raise your voice, disturbing those in the vicinity, but your adversary is literally covering their ears to combat your logical brilliance. it isn't long till they declare a stalemate. when you and your opposer part ways, you want to go home quickly but someone taps you on your shoulder...

it's tighnari. maybe you briefly recognize him considering his reputation in the academia and among the forest watchers. maybe you don't, but that doesn't bother him. reputation is just the backdrop of a person, not the person itself.

although... tighnari has heard of you. as you said, you're known as an analytical person, someone smart. he has a penchant for such people, and bonus if they can speak their minds. you're efficient, quick, reliable, which is everything tighnari wished he had in his colleagues. in some sense, perhaps he already has a small admiration for what he heard about you, but he's wary to place labels on these feelings. he doesn't know if you have a favorite color. he doesn't know if you like mushrooms. small steps, it's what he believes in, so when he sees the chance to approach you, he takes it without hesitation.

your debate intrigues him, and he has a few questions. he doesn’t mind talking to you there and then, but he has something to rush for in a few minutes. exchanging addresses to mail each other letters is the ideal thing to do.

you're not a sociable person, but that's not an issue for him. he's alright with initiating. anyways, he approached you, didn't he? after you exchange details, don't be surprised if you receive a letter here and there. at first, it's to expand on your argument, but casual topics are gradually discussed. and conversation, i believe, will flow smoothly with how you're open to hearing him ramble about his interest in plants and the ecosystems of the forest. it will be comfortable, and exciting in some ways, to have him write to you about the contraptions they use at the forest. from traps to capture berserk animals to their machinery of conveniences.

perhaps at some point in your brewing relationship, he invites you to the forest ranger's headquarters. tighnari's hands are shakier than expected, temperament more fragile than ice in the summer. he warns his colleagues with an infamous streak of trouble to not do anything silly, but of course something has to happen. a forest ranger carelessly discarded a trap they used in an old mission, causing the injuries of a wandering adventurer.

he's livid, marching silently towards the crime scene. he insisted that you stay at headquarters and wait for him, but somehow you find yourself tagging along. the guilty forest ranger is doing his best to deal with his mistakes, but his lack of knowledge on medicine makes it worse, causing tighnari's rage to grow.

it's not long till he raises his voice, eyes aimed at one person, tongue reprimanding left, right, front, center. the forest ranger shivers as if stripped naked in winter, and tighnari quickly deals with the adventurer's injuries.

he doesn't bring it up on the walk back or when he accompanies you out of the forest after a long day of planned (and unplanned) activities. instead, it's you. it's a levelheaded conversation, of tighnari's reaction, of the forest ranger's reactions, and ends with practical suggestions on how such situations can be minimized. he had people talk with him about his temper. they always say he acts out of line, but you don't, at least, not without understanding his point of view. you can see why he would be angry.

something clicks in him, and such a situation makes him crave your essence more.

hanging out with tighnari isn't tiring. he is a busy man so time is precious to him. he will plan and arrange days to do certain activities he thinks you might be keen on, but he'll also arrange times to do as each wishes, understanding the need to invest and indulge in one's passions. he doesn't need quick responses from his letters, and neither do you. it seems like he's an uptight person with all the planning, but he's actually extremely flexible, as required in the nature of his job.

of course, not everything is sunshine and rainbows. there are times your harsh and straightforward ways of speech has irked tighnari in his times of stress. he does not appreciate having your words slice through his already thinning patience, and arguments can erupt. it doesn't help that both of you are stubborn. but, he does not fault you for the way you speak or the sides you take. in fact, when others call you selfish, he calls you reasonable. the first rule he learned in biology is that fools don't look after their own needs, and this also applies to humans.

eventually, after having thought through thoroughly of each person's position, logic will prevail. consensus and compromises formed, and arguments quelled.

you say your biggest insecurity is being misunderstood. tighnari is not one to quickly place judgement on people. since the very beginning, he is aware that what he hears of someone is not everything. as researcher of plants and organisms, he knows how assumptions suffocate the growth of a plant. one needs to pause, to observe, to notice, which is exactly what he is. he relies on his senses and experience and less on prediction and universal rules. he is someone in tune with his surroundings; always open to be proved wrong. as a researcher, isn't it exciting when you're faced with the truth that you don't know everything? there is no worry of making yourself palatable for him. he appreciates you as you are, and will do the best within his knowledge and means to make sure he understands you as you.

i hope you liked my analysis.... i'm sorry if it's not a structured as what you did for me, or as interesting or accurate (idk??). i found it pretty hard to write without incorporating some sort of scenario or story so i hope that's alright!

#genshin impact x you #genshin reader insert #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x y/n #ok but abt pairing you with z.hongli it was a joke and then i realized it's ACTUALLY ok. like not too bad of a pair #and at some point i wanted to go with a.lbedo but then at some point i figured this character was a better choice #i have some notes but like i dont know how to explain them at all #ALSO so sorry for the wait. i called myself slo for a reason.... sloth... and slow...... both are me..... orz #this was sent in like the start of the year. this took more than a month omg HAHAH #u know i did joke abt u and a.lhaitham being a good pair but after writing this #i don't think it's bc you make a good pair with a.lhaitham. i think you fit much better with this character #but. but. but. you are literally one of the few selected person i can see a.lhaitham possibly being interested in #and among the smallll list of characters i can see a.lhaitham with you'll be one of the top choices

[blood-injections]

give me your party poison thoughts now

On it boss!

Okay so. Massive fucking hypocrite about everything, like being a classic Overprotective Older Sibling with Kobra and dissaproving when he starts liking Ghoul or someone or starts racing becuase That would be a Distraction or Thats Dangerous meanwhile. They stare at Jet the same way kobra stares at ghoul or they take the am out for a joyride and drive as recklessly and its as dangerous as racing is. Or they always tell the others not to sacrifice themselves or put themselves in unnecessary danger, that no supplies or mission is worth their lives- meanwhile Party Poison is The Ultimate Martyr Complex Haver and constantly puts themself in the line of fire despite their own orders, putting themself in danger instead of the others and refusing to run away instead. Brave but stupid.

They're just like.. really lonely. Like classic case of cool person everyone idolizes and puts on a pedestal but that they don't actually know, leaving Party singled out in a way and misunderstood and so, lonely in that aspect, as well as the because they tend to isolate themself, putting on that mask of bravery and put-together ness and hidng behind it, being a good, strong, level-headed leader first and just a fucked up human last. Because thats what they actually are, theyre mesed up, they bottle up their troubles and convince themself theyre so fine when theyre not. Their personality is completely fake but at some point it becomes real, a mask theyve kept on so long it becomes their face. "I became such a strange shape from trying to fit in" or something.

They never let the others in or tell them how they feel and if pushed theyll fight before they break and spill, and when they do break, they fucking shatter, sobbing and letting everything out and just building their walls right up again when its over. The others hate it but they'll always be there for them. See: this paragraph from a wip. Yeah.

"Hey!" Ghoul snaps, grabbing Poison's fist before they can try and punch him again. "We're crew! So like it or not you're family, so stop trying to fight me and fucking tell me what's wrong!"

They have tattoos, not as many as Ghoul or Kobra(Ghoul has the most, Kobra the second most. Jet only has like three but they are bigger) but the few they do have are all very meaningful to them in some way, emotionally or religious or just symbols they love. They have a matching snake with Kobra on one arm and a seraph on the other, a tribute tattoo to the Phoenix Witch thats the eye of the Mailbox with the i forgive you in the center of their chest, they have the moon from Le Voyage dans la Lune on the back of a shoulder and they have some stars up their side. I'm still in the process of coming up with a few more special ones for them.

I think they'd be really good at origami, always making little things and leaving them around the diner and the zones. Giving them to their friends is their love language. Their favorite things to make would be cranes, crickets, dragonflys, and deer.

Obsessed with space, after meeting Jet Star they couldn't not fall in love with the sky as well as her, since its kind of a package deal. Star could be an astrophysicist or something, she always dreamed of being an astronaut, and Poison could only listen to her talk about the stars for so long before falling in love with them too.

#party poison

[f1ghtsoftly]

While being gender critical is a foundational part of who I am, I really resent how much of my intellectual and creative identity it’s constrained. I’m more than my belief biological sex is politically relevant, but I’m also not willing to concede or empathize with people who believe butch lesbians are secretly men and that if I work hard enough I can enjoy male bodies. I find both sets of beliefs a real insult to the humanity of lesbians and I consider the people that hold them to be, on some level, a threat to me.

And it’s scary how briefly gay rights was mainstream and how quickly everyone folded right back into homophobia. Disturbing how much they insist they didn’t.

It’s a reality that honestly alienates you from almost everyone. I can tell a lot of lesbians feel the same way, but they’re worried about the consequences of breaking with LGBTQ+ or feel ostracized because a lot of mainstream GC feminists really don’t represent our experiences or point of view. But even amongst the small population of lesbians in the west experiencing this change to the power structure, we’re isolated from each other by how we choose to respond to it. Deep down, the observations and experiences between me, a lesbian FTM and a queer friendly, but cis, lesbian couple probably look the same. That being said the latter two have chosen a compromise with power that allows them to assimilate easier into het society, usually at the expense of real authenticity. And I lose too when I stake everything on not compromising my sexuality, I lose potential friendships, professional opportunities, a sense of ease. I’ve used a lot of survival strategies at various points in my life. Each has benefits and drawbacks and living “authentically” is as much a lie as pretending you’re a man or completely shutting up and saying whatever the social powers that be want you to say. Nobody believes or listens to me anyhow. And it’s lonely.

And I just can’t accept it. I can’t accept that this is my lot in life. I can’t accept that the general public would hate gays and lesbians if they understood us. I can’t accept that I’ll be misunderstood forever. I’m not traumatized or hateful or misinformed. Im much more informed than many of the leading voices or radical young people dominating these conversations and I can see in the faces and behavior of my peers, the way they justify this identity or perspective-that I’m much less alone than I think I am. But at the same time, seeing it isn’t experiencing it and everybody is still too afraid and too tired.

I just don’t know how to make us brave. To speak with each other honestly and privately. To find community in each other again, without what feels like the whole world peering in.

#char on char #I’m going to tag this because other rad lesbians seeing it would be good #but also this like something I would put in my diary #radblr #radical feminism #radical feminist #radical feminists do touch #radfem safe #radical feminist theory #radfems #gender critical #radfem

[thefisherqueen]

Another day of my Granada Sherlock Holmes marathron I'm on, and it's time to watch The creeping man! The weirdly out of place science fiction story reminiscent of Jekyll&Hyde with the highly creepy professor

Starting with the prelude: I don't like that they changed the daughter's reaction to the figure in front of her window from frozen terror to fainting. The realistic and sympathetic depiction of a common yet often misunderstood reaction to danger - simply freeze - stood out in the story to me. I do love, however, that she treathened to end her engagement to her fiancee if he didn't believe her and contact Sherlock Holmes. You go, girl. Insist he listens to you

Holmes alone at Baker street, obviously feeling lonely and pining for Watson was wonderfully done. He just misses his Watson to talk to! Jeremy Brett's expression as he stared out of the window tore at my heart - the pained longing in those eyes and around his mouth, oh my. Edward Hardwicke's depiction of exasperation when he turns up is also really well done! I appreciate how they show Watson standing up against Holmes and telling his opinion, but still, that tension between them, kind of hard to watch! The sad "maybe I'll see you tomorrow" as Watson angrily walks out and slams the door, oh my dear, I want to hug him

"He is, after all, three times her age" *shudders* Glad the episode doesn't brush that fact aside. And even further expands on it by adding a conversation between the two daughters. It really shows how young and vulnerable the professor's fiancee still is - quite literally his daughter's age, perhaps even younger - scared to stand up for herself or even tell him her preferences. The impication that this is an unequal relationship and that he's taking advantage of her is strong

"Hardly an adress to inspire confidence" Sure, professor in being an asshole "I have never sought to inspire confidence in others, I have quite enough of my own" What a line 💙 Great expension on the canon material here

"Forgive me mr. Holmes I should have told you myself, but-" "But you didn't" Holmes being sassy:)

Loved the scene where the two rascals pull a knife upon Watson and you can see the coffins on the other side of the streets. Great visual storytelling

Poor Lestrade, having to call out Holmes and utterly failing to impress him. The way Lestrade's (played by Colin Jaevons) eyes nearly popped out :D The characterisation in this series of Holmes - as a man who, the more he is harrassed and threathened, the more he won't let go of the case, is amazing

Holmes inside of the monkey's cage to investigate, oh I love him

The professor actually calls his fiancee "my dear child" I HATE HIM

Oh she calls off the engagement in this episode! Good for her! Now where did you get that unethical monkey poison for professor? She doesn't want you! Now I hope he leaves her alone. Somehow, I doubt it...

"Are you game?" "Delighted" That's his Watson 💙

Miss Pressbury looks gorgeous in that smart suit dress in the finale, would give a lot to have that costume

The monkey professor in the tree made me laugh so much, they really went all in on that!... actually, never mind that, turned extremely creepy once he tried to get to his former bethored in her bedroom. Good dog for tearing his throat out

Glad they left the social darwinism out of Holmes speech at the end. "Well, I'll leave the philosophy to you, Holmes" "Quite the best Lestrade, I always do" Haha, good for you Watson

The racist caricature music figurine, more so than the special effects, is what really makes this feel dated. This episode is as old as I am and the makers clearly thought it cute. Jeremy Brett dancing to the music, however, is adorable

I did not like the original story much, so I'm surprised how much I liked this episode. By adding some material, changing some things around, and using the visual medium to their advantage - not to mention fabulous acting - the makers actually really made this work. It's a little corny, but in an enjoyable way

#sherlock holmes #granada holmes #the creeping man

[mang0tang00]

Scenario: Feeling alone but Viktor isn’t there to comfort you this time.

Viktor x NB! Reader

Word count: 634

Warnings: Angst, rambling, description of abandonment-ish, no happy ending just hurting, not proof read

Loneliness .

lonely.

alone.

You.

You are alone.

Waiting.

You've been waiting.

Waiting for who?

Viktor.

Why wait for someone when you know the outcome of every conversation about the loneliness. Why do you let it get this bad? You didn't mean for it to get this bad. You hate the way your mouth becomes stitched shut once you want to become vulnerable. When you thought you were being vulnerable, you have many more walls you didn't know you had. You know why you're alone. But being alone is what you're afraid of. What's that saying again? You attract what you fear? Is it true then? I’m attracting the loneliness I so desperately want to escape? But my escape was Viktor. Where's Viktor?

You look around the darkened room. When did it get so dark? You get up from the desk and look at the ticking clock. Almost midnight again. Again. Again. Again. Again.

You slap the clock onto the floor. You never liked that clock anyway. You closed your notebook filled with what reminds you of him.

Viktor, him, your partner. Where was he again? Oh right the lab, only other place he'd be.

Gathering your things you look around the space you two live in together. The small corners on the tables and stands dulled from the constant dumping and rubbing against. The room where personalities collide into harmony and a beautiful story. Except it's just you. Alone. Should you go to him? No, let him come to you.

Stubbornness.

It's what's driving you two apart.

Viktors fear of inadequacy rising, being unnoticed, un spoken and causing a tremble.

Your fear of being alone, not being able to rely on those you trust. More trembles.

Trembling becomes violent.

Clashing. Yelling. Words never meant to be said to the one you love. Mistake.

Was it a mistake? No you were right he's wrong. Viktor acts like a no it all so just this once can he be wrong…?

But he's not, he knows you. You're hiding from him again when you're right in front of him. You promised to let him know when things got bad again but in the wrong way. He knows now but it came out too snarky, too aggressive, too misunderstood. Festering.

God why can't you just let him in. Why can't you just let yourself in? Stubbornness?… no wrong word again. You are afraid.

Afraid of what you are not a child cowering in a bed, trembling because of the darkness and your eyes tricking you into seeing something scary. But you are trembling while standing at the door making an illusion of something you know is not true. Viktor understands now, you talked. Talked? No, it was yelling. He is right. You’re pulling away and fulfilling the same thoughts you two share.

You’re inadequate for each other .

Lies.

Lies.

Loneliness.

“Viktor please I’m sorry…” you heaved with such sadness that sounds like regret, unwillingness?

“Y/n?” You look up like a puppy in trouble. Hesitation is clear to Viktor.

“Look Viktor… I’m sorry, my words hurt and I’m so sorry. I felt alone again and scared. Scared about how you’re knowing more and more about me. Too many things that make me vulnerable…” That's good! You’re getting good words out. He understands, hopefully.

“I just have a hard time putting my feelings into words. I don’t want to lose you but I am. I am and I hate seeing it happen and don’t know how to fix it!.”

You finally make eye contact again.

Void.

Void of emotion.

Void of life.

This is why you bit your tongue. This is why you sat like a dog loyal to an owner who doesn’t care. No words. No movement. Not anything. This isn’t Viktor.

This is the Machine Harold.

#viktor arcane #viktor #viktor league of legends #viktor x reader #viktor x y/n #viktor imagine #viktor x you

[eyesaremosaics]

Having helped raise a girl from six years of age to 12… it’s been an emotional ride. I’ve mostly helped raise boys—and been a great success at it. My mother wounding/female betrayal trauma is so strong that it is making it hard for me to relate to her as a growing person.

I had such a horrible time at her age, and she is becoming the kind of girl I loathed in those times. A mean girl. A popular girl. We were so close when she was little… all those nights staying up late reading Harry Potter together. She was such a lonely, misunderstood child. So imaginative, with a big heart. So tender of feeling. How she would cling to me like she never wanted me to leave. She used to tell me I was the only one who understood her.

Now she dismisses me like an unwanted thing. It’s a part of the age, but it’s so hard. It makes me think of that scene from Toy Story 2 when the little girl leaves Jesse in a box on the side of the road…

When somebody loved me

Everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together

Lives within my heart

And when she was sad

I was there to dry her tears

And when she was happy, so was I

When she loved me

Picking flowers up by twin peaks during the pandemic. Braiding her hair at night after a long day. Doing tarot cards together, going to the little mermaid sing along. Pretending to be mermaids at the children’s quarter playground. Lost among the artificial waves. Climbing them in all their statuesque beauty.

Spending hours making props for her Harry Potter birthday. The brick wall of platform 9 3/4. All the hours of drizzling glue gun glue over paper towel rolls, painted starkly white with electric tea lights to give the illusion of floating candles. Teaching her improv games, taking her to see the theatre. Her ambitions to be an actress just as I was…

Through the summer and the fall

We had each other, that was all

Just she and I together

Like it was meant to be

How she used to tell her parents that she was glad to have me help her through her troubles in life. She would push away her own mother and say she wanted me when she was hurt. She would run into my arms. When I left for Paris for ten days, she chased my Uber down the street crying. She had such a hard time without me being there.

And when she was lonely

I was there to comfort her

And I knew that she loved me

The sleepover parties, the makeovers. The trips to the mall, pin curling her hair for decade day. Lending her my vintage clothes. Sharing all my stories, how hungry she was to listen to them. One day when picked her up from school she said: “I wish you were my mom.”

So the years went by

I stayed the same

But she began to drift away

I was left alone

Still, I waited for the day

When she'd say, "I will always love you"

Taking her to her first school dance. Having her tell me when she first got her period. She told me first that the boy she liked asked to be her boyfriend. I was there when she was bullied at her last school, and was there to see her become popular at her new school. I was glad to see her shine. Just as I knew she was always meant to. How beautiful she is becoming. Such a young lady now.

Days turned into weeks, months, and now years that she has grown distant. This is what happens with children in middle school. I hated middle school so much. It was so traumatic for me. Glad as I am that she is enjoying it, the difference seems to divide us further. We relate less and less.

Lonely and forgotten

Never thought she'd look my way

And she smiled at me and held me

Just like she used to do

Like she loved me

When she loved me

There are moments when she puts her head on my shoulder still. Or randomly asks me to do her hair, or tells me something personal. I miss how close we used to be. I wonder if she will even be sad the day that I leave.

How awful it feels, to be disposable.

My grandmother said: “she doesn’t show it, but I bet she will fall apart when that day comes.”

I just don’t know…sometimes it all feels like a dream. It went by so fast. I always care more deeply about others, than they care about me. The ultimate agony. I hate feeling like all my love and effort went unappreciated. Not that I give expecting anything in return, but a little gratitude would be nice. Taking on a “motherly” role… makes me realize how thankless of a job motherhood is.

Grieving the loss of that little girl, and realizing that this is a part of life. The cycle goes forward, and as children become autonomous, they let you go and don’t even realize. The empty nest syndrome is real. Having felt it more than once in my life… has made me wonder if having children is in the cards for me. I love kids, and they love me, but they grow into people… and it’s hard to let go of who they were when they were small. It’s so hard for me to detach.

I let her be, I give her space. The silence grows between us with each passing day. Time rots like old wood.

She doesn’t need me anymore.

“I’m always going to need you” she once told me when she was little. I hope in her heart of hearts, that’s still true.

It’s so hard to keep opening my heart to women, just to be abandoned or betrayed by them. The wound just grows deeper as I age. In spite of my active resistance. I know she is just a child. I would never put this on her, but tonight I feel sad about all of this. The purge was necessary.

#me

[circesays]

IM AM SO MAD THAT TUMBLR ERASED MY FIRST VERSION OF THIS. WHY. Time to rewrite 30 minutes of editing.

Frustration aside, here’s some notes for a fun “villain” Tango and hero Jimmy friendship story! Features Rancher Duo, misunderstood dungeon master Tango, unwilling hero Jimmy, ravagers, wardens, and adventures, oh my!

(I put most of it below a cut because I wrote a lot lol have fun!!)

———— :) ————

Jimmy is the prophesied Hero and member of the legendary Minecraft Adventuring Guild (MCAG), whos party has abandoned him due to his clumsiness to “protect” him, leaving him at home with a sense of betrayal and some very reckless ideas.

Tango is the mighty villain and ruler of Deep Frost Citadel, menace to all who live… yeah except he’s not. Tango actually runs a Ravager and Warden sanctuary, where he rescues abused ravagers from pillagers and maintains a healthy skulk network for his Wardens.

Jimmy marches into DFC and finds Tango with no intent to harm him (he was prophesied to defeat Tango and was kinda forced into it by his village and adventuring guild) and is like “I’m here to negotiate. Stop terrorizing people. Also please don’t murder me” and Tango instead is like “actually we don’t do that here. You seem kinda lonely and bored, how would you like a job?” (And a boyfriend and/or beloved friend cough cough-)

Jimmy and Tango run Deep Frost Citadel and Decked Out (the sanctuary/dungeon run) for a couple months together when finally Tango senses the heroes’ party approaching and decides to absolutely Clown On Them.

So they enter and are like “We’ve come to end your evil deeds once and for all!” And Jimmy enters the room like “Babe, Janet just gave birth to two absolutely amazing, healthy baby ravagers and ohmigosh they’re so cute you gotta come see them- oh hey guys!”

Cue absolutely flabbergasted stammering and indigent arm/hand motions until Tango and Jimmy just break down laughing.

-More Pieces/Story elements/headcanons-

-Tango can sense when someone is approaching Deep Frost Citadel with the intent to harm

-he usually attempts to ward them off with snowstorms and negotiation, but very very rarely is forced to kill intruders to defend himself and his assistants. He mourns every death and always returns them to the nearest settlement

-Tango has run Decked Out for years, a dungeon run that’s healthy for the ravagers and the Wardens and allows people to gamble for treasures with only risk of minor harm (they can enderport out at any time)

-Most people nowadays believe Decked Out is actually a villainous scheme to provide raids with ravagers and create an army to destroy the world with Wardens and ravagers.

-Jimmy’s old party consists of Grian, Lizzie, Joel, Scott, Pearl, Gem, Sausage, Fwhip, and Scar (who is now the clumsiest but still skilled with the bow). He loves them dearly but hates how they underestimate him. He’s not very good at swordplay or archery but he’s charismatic and funny and people like him.

-Jimmy could never hate his old party but it took him a while to stop being bitter

-Jimmy is the son of the town fisherwoman, and he loves fishing and swimming. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to continue his hobby while out training to fight

-Jimmy and Tango both know MCSL (Minecraft sign language lol). Everyone in DFC has to know it because of the Wardens, but Jimmy learned from the children of his village because he wanted to be able to talk to lots of different people

-the MCAG is a large and extremely famous adventuring guild that consists of many inner-guilds and parties, including the popular Hermits, Empires, and DreamSMP (Dream’s Survival-Magic Parties)

-Captain Sparklez leads the MCAG because of course he does.

-Jimmy’s old party is unusual because it consists of Empires members and Hermits. But his party was also a “temporary” party that was only supposed to last until Tango was defeated

-the question that remains after all of this is… what now?

Please please feel free to use any of these ideas. This is just for fun. I might write it later.

#mcyt #empires smp #jimmy solidarity #hermitcraft #solidaritygaming #tango tek #tangotek #team rancher #ranchduo #fantasy AU #hero Jimmy #villain Tango ish #fic ideas #mentions of DreamSMP #hc x empires #hc x dlsmp #honestly lots of crossovers here but it’s funnnn

[okcomputeroknotok19972017]

to start, i know that psychiatric diagnoses are not exact -- they're our best label for treating clusters of symptoms that tend to go together, but the borders get very fuzzy and they mesh and meld together and every person's experience and exact combination of neuroses is different. listing out all of the potential mental illnesses and developmental differences i have been variously diagnosed with makes me sound ridiculous to many people, like i'm collecting labels for the fun of it: major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, inattentive ADHD, autism, possibly bipolar ... it all really comes down to being a generally neurotic and obsessive person, prone to bouts of suicidal depression and social isolation. i just call myself an eccentric.

psychiatry is strange. i was evaluated for ADHD but my case was 'subclinical' because i wasn't struggling enough academically at the very moment i was evaluated. i'm personally not interested in being evaluated for autism because as likely as it may be, i don't have a comorbid intellectual or cognitive disability that impairs my functioning and being treated for my other mental health issues would probably do more for my social difficulties than anything else. i know i'll never stop having circumscribed interests or feeling fundamentally different from other people, but when i don't feel so sad i get along better. i sometimes explain to people that i'm very likely autistic and they forgive/stop making fun of some of my strange tendencies, but that's about as far as that label takes me. i definitely have OCD and that's one label that i find extremely fitting. my therapist and i have talked extensively about it and done some acceptance therapy, i wasn't ever clinically evaluated but she was the first one to bring it up as a very obvious struggle of mine and understanding myself as obsessive-compulsive has helped me a lot.

i wouldn't normally be so worried about untangling the differences between three very similar mental illnesses given the fuzzy boundaries, but the question of if i have bipolar disorder has really been nagging at me -- mostly because my symptoms make me want to kill myself. bipolar disorder runs in my family and i've been questioning for about two years now if i've got bipolar ii or cyclothymia or if my frequent depressive episodes are just being exacerbated by my OCD and that neuroticism and urgent panic is similar to what would be known as hypomania. getting this figured out matters to me because finding the right combination of therapy and medication that is usually used to treat these symptoms would really help me. i'll say that lamotrigine/lamictal, commonly prescribed for bipolar patients, has been the single most helpful medication i've ever been on. if i weren't on it, i would be a wreck.

hmm. i'm not asking any commenters to armchair diagnose me, i guess i'm just thinking out loud. i'm not really sure how to broach the topic of bipolar with my psych or my therapist without setting off "google doctor" alarm bells ... and i have to admit, i'm worried that people will look at me differently with that label attached. i'm used to my OCD being misunderstood and stigmatized but people usually have a better understanding of it after i explain what it's really like, but bipolar is extremely stigmatized. i'll see it listed as a severe mental illness (and i suppose it is, but i still get that defense "hey! you don't know what it's like!" sort of reaction to it), most people are scared of it or hateful towards it, and i guess there's a kernel of truth to it somewhere. my grandmother had a pretty acute case. she was a very complicated person, and she really hurt some people. lithium helped her. it helped my mom's major depression, too. i'm scared that i am going to hurt people. sometimes i feel so angry that i want to hit something, i want to make someone else feel as bad as i do, sometimes i feel so desperately lonely and terrified that i cling onto people like they're the only thing keeping me afloat. ultimately i'm far too nervous and passive to do much of anything and i'm very good at holding in my most extreme emotions, but i fear it leeches out of me. i break everything i touch. i don't want to break people.

i look up things like "bipolar celebrities" to make myself feel better and like there is hope, and all the lists are the same: this person killed themself, this person killed themself, this person did something awful and lives in disgrace, this person killed themself, this person killed themself, this person killed themself ... so far it's not done much to soothe my nerves. i guess carrie fisher did alright for herself though, yea?

... i don't want to be my grandmother. i don't want my neuroticism and irrational emotions to be taken out on the people i love, taken out on anyone, really. world's longest sigh. i'll get shit figured out eventually. my recently upped dosage of lamotrigine should keep me afloat for a while. i'm gonna play minecraft now

#long post

[aprilsadviceaskblog]

Looking for validation

I really fucking hate experiencing PMS when i already have BPD because my symptoms get so so so so much worse for those few days i tend to have the worst outlashes and breakdowns and take everything so much more negatively than usual. Here I am crying about how my best friend doesn't care about me even though they didn't say anything harmful at all. I'm having the worst trauma flashbacks right now and I feel so fucking lonely and misunderstood because I don't know how to explain to people why I'm so horrible to be around right now. I don't know how to explain that it's uncontrollable. I'm getting ready to see my friend that was upset about and I've been crying the whole time and I'm overthinking if I'll ruin their mood and I'm scared they don't understand. I just needed to let this out I'm so sorry. I'm stressing myself out so much and it's so incredibly draining.

Hi anon,

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I get it. Even with as much recovery as I’ve done, I feel like all the most extreme BPD feelings come out right before my period.

I have to rely on my coping skills extra and it’s so hard.

I don’t say this to invalidate you but because as someone with BPD, I struggle with emotional permanence so this reminder helps me.

This is temporary. It will pass. How you feel now is not forever. It will pass like it always has. You’re going to be okay.

You are so valid and your feelings are so understandable and I’m wishing you nothing but good and a hope that this passes quickly.

#april answers #period #menstruation #pms