#I don’t really care cause it wasn’t like it was a solo or anything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xxzlushiez · 1 year

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Can you do tom x f!reader who's in the band and they were always like bestfriends no feelings for eachother or anything but as they get older like around 2007/08 he starts to realize he's totally in love w/ reader and tries to get rid of his feelings by sleeping w/ a bunch of girls but nothing helps because he can only think of reader? And they end up going to a party together and having fun and shii and then they end up on a balcony outside just drinking out of solo cups totally plastered and tom confesses to reader and kisses her but reader is super shocked and surprised and doesn't really know what to say so she doesn't kiss him back and just stares at him, and he doesn't take it very well he's just like "...oh.." and then gets up and reader tries to stop him and he's like "no, no I'm just gonna go back to the party" and stumbles out w/ a broken heart but in reality reader liked him back too but didn't know she did until he confesses so over the next few weeks she realizes how much she's in love with him and she goes to his room to tell him all romantic and shit and they end up having soft sex (or not wtv you're comfortable with) ty sm!! I love your writing btw!

EEEHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE IM SO EXCITED TO DO THIS (and tysm for the compliment❤️)

Miscommunication

T! Kaulitz x F! Reader

Synopsis: you and Tom have always been good friends, but he realizes he wants to be more..what’ll happen when those feelings don’t falter?

Notes: 18+, Name is in the band, flashbacks to ‘Devilish’, drinking, getting drunk, concerts, parties, jealousy, talks of unrequited feelings, Tom being a attention whore💀, insecurities, platonic! Bill x reader, oral, soft sex, underlying sub! Tom (I hate using that word but idk how else to describe it???)

A/N:tysm Anon for requesting and I hope this lives up to your expectations, I decided to right this in normal style instead of bullet points, I hope you don’t mind. This is was frustrated I wanted to get it out on the 3rd😭 bro this is a few days later and it took so long because i just hate the way it turned out im so pissed at myself rn

“I act like I don’t care, that’s cause I don’t care”

For as long as you’ve lived you and Tom have stuck together like glue, you lived a few streets away but being one of the only kids their age in the neighborhood it was hard for you to not gravitate towards them.

You guys weren’t exactly alike, but more like you complimented each other, he was all brash and broody like almost every other boy going through puberty and you were kind and sweet always helping whenever it was needed.

Soon you were invited into a band that consisted of two other troublemaking kids you hadn’t met yet, you traveled around to small talent shows and state fairs to perform music. It was a rough start; you weren’t popular by any means and were made fun of for what you liked to do.

It didn’t get to you like it got to Tom yet you let him rant and yell about it to you because you knew, along with everyone else, that it was just a matter of time before you five would be praised for your talents instead of bullied.

And you were, your band became a hit, Devilish became Tokio Hotel, garage performances became studio practices, and backyard shows slowly became country-wide concerts. Tom also changed, from a little boy who would yell at anyone who messed with his friends to a teen that couldn’t even bother with people hating.

It was different, you were all different, but it was a good difference. Bill became confident, Tom became more open, Gustav wasn’t shy, and Georg was well…Georg was amazing to begin with, it just doubled. The few fans that consisted of you guy’s parents and a few old neighbors became thousands, girls and boys alike paid to come and watch the five of you perform live.

When 2009 rolled around you were known across all of Germany and a few other countries. You couldn’t have been more successful, as the years progressed Tom morphed into someone completely different. Everyone knew of his reputation, a boy who had a new girl in his car every day.

You guys didn’t drift per se, but you didn’t talk about all the things like you used to. That was okay, some things are better left unsaid, but it was weird. You both used to talk to each other about everything and it just changed so suddenly it left you confused for a while.

But you learned to accept the fact that he wasn’t the same and took advantage of that time to get closer to the rest of the band, especially Bill. He became your number 1, always there with you whether it be shopping to helping you get ready. This was one of those instances where you ended up in your shared hotel room with him and Tom.

“This is going to look really good on your Name I promise!”

You let Bill practice his makeup skills on you, a little hesitant at first because of the particular style but when you saw how his face lit up when you agreed you couldn’t say no. Bill also said the style suited you perfectly.

Tonight, was particularly special compared to other nights. It was a large party hosted by a company in celebration of Tokio Hotel’s rise to fame. Bill made it a goal to doll you up in fancy lipstick and glittery eyeshadow before leaving, which Tom wasn’t too keen on.

“Bill hurry up the party starts in like 20 minutes.”

You looked over a Tom from the corner of your eye. He was sprawled out on your bed flicking through the channels on the hotel’s tv. He was already ready and had been ready for at least an hour now.

“Be patient Tommy not everyone can just wear whatever they find on the floor.”

Bill let out a laugh when he saw how offended his brother got at your insult before turning back and applying pretty shade to your lips.

“Tom wah wah hurry up the party starts in 20 minutes blah blah blah!”

He mocked his brother in a high-pitched voice before pulling his brother from the bed and onto the hard floor with a thump! grabbing your hand and running out of the room leaving him behind as you laugh.

“What the fuck you two! Get back here, I’m literally your ride to the party!”

———

The party was boring if you were being honest. But that was probably just you. There was no one you knew except the band and some celebrities and they were all doing their own thing so you were stuck lying on one of the many plush sofas the company had lying around.

Your eyes trailed over to Tom as he walked towards you, handing you a vibrant red solo cup while he settled himself next to you on the couch, moving your legs to lay comfortably over his lap while you stared at the contents of the cup.

“What’re you doing just sitting here? You’re always in the mood to party.”

He was right, you loved to party. It was one of the only times you could let loose when on tour. Today you just weren’t feeling it like you usually were.

“I don’t know, I think it’s the fact that I ordered a Pina Colada and got vodka. But who knows.”

He hummed as he absentmindedly observed the area. Tom had an unusual habit of wanting to be around you but never talking, preferring silence, it never bothered you so you let your head lay against the armchair swirling the drink around in your hand as you observed him.

He was never really good at taking your compliments, always avoiding them in some way with a “What’re you talking about?” Or the “Name just shut the fuck up”. You figured it had to do with the whole ‘I’m too cool for compliments’ thing he had going on, but it never stopped you from slipping up and saying something every once in a while.

“You're so beautiful Tom” and he was, honestly. His eyes reflected the neon lights that flashed above giving him that euphoric effect, the curves and dips of his face were perfectly sculpted to him. His true smile was so unbelievably cute, one that only you and the band had the pleasure of seeing, and his laugh…oh my god his laugh. You were definitely drunk. Whatever.

He gave you a quick side eye at the sudden praise before getting up and grabbing the cup out of your hand successfully spooking you.

“Let’s go smoke.”

‘Let’s go smoke’ was usually his way of saying “you're being annoying, let's get high” but you nodded and took his waiting hand as he led you through the busy crowd and out some double doors.

When out on the fairly sized balcony he grabbed a joint from out of one of the side pockets on his pants, while you flicked open your lighter that you had found stuffed under some gum and candy wrappers in your handbag.

He always enjoyed it when you smoked together, the delicate flame illuminated your face just enough to see the features that he’d always admired. Maybe that’s why he hated it when you complimented him, because he always wanted to do the same but couldn’t.

Nervousness wasn’t something he felt. There was no reason for him to be nervous. Nerves were for insecurity, anxiousness, that was bullshit to him, well until it came to you, and that oh so familiar feeling bubbled up in his stomach when you looked at him under the dim light.

He concluded that he had a thing for you pretty early on, when he was about 16. One time you pulled a fan on stage that you told the band you found particularly attractive. Bill teased you and Georg and Gustav laughed as you all made your way to the bus, but he stayed back. Deciding that the pit in his stomach wasn’t jealousy like he thought it might be and just that natural protective feeling for a friend.

He didn’t want to think about the possibility that he liked you. You’d always been best friends and that was how it was supposed to say. He remembers how Bill would always tell him “Being best friends with someone like Name isn’t a good idea” because he wouldn’t wanna be just friends. Bill was right and that scared him.

After that realization he took notice of who he gravitated towards in hookups, they all looked in some way, like you. He thought it was weird. It wasn’t like he selectively picked out the ones with similar features as you…right?

“-Tom, are you listening? Pass the joint you hog”

You plucked the blunt from his hand and he stared as you inhaled some of it, releasing the air into his face, looking at him with a weird expression. You watched him stride forward and suddenly his lips were pressed against yours.

You pulled away after a few antagonizing seconds and hesitantly looked at him. You saw the way his face dropped, probably realizing what he just did. Shit.

“Tom I... you're drunk. It’s fine, okay? You won’t remember this in the morning let’s just...let’s just go home, okay?”

That nerve quickly turned into frustration as he rolled his eyes turning towards the entrance and muttering something under his breath before pushing through the doors back into the party, leaving you alone on the cold balcony with a burnt out joint and heart.

———

It had been a few weeks since the incident on the balcony, and you concluded that he did remember it the day after as he wouldn’t talk or even be around you alone. It was fine at first, but by the time the second week rolled around it was starting to affect everyone else.

His performance was slower than normal, and he brought more girls to the hotel who unsurprisingly leaked where he was were staying and crowded around the hotel to catch a glimpse of the five of you.

He was being so unprofessional; he didn't give you time to voice your feelings about what happened and just up and left you in the dark. Like how do you even bring that up?

“Hey Tom, yeah I know that I didn’t kiss you back even though you totally unexpectedly pounced on me and it looked like I rejected you because I thought you were full-on plastered but like I’m in love with you so could you stop ignoring me?”

Yeah, that’s a no. So, you just endured it for a while until he decided to lay off. That point happened around the 3-week mark when the band was on a small break from tour.

He made it his goal to stay inside his room the whole time, sulking as Bill told you. You were at ends meet, if he couldn’t just talk to you about it like adults then you would have to do it yourself.

This leads up to the moment where you’re standing in front of his door contemplating all your life choices.

Crrrrrreeeakkk

Are you serious, the one time you were hesitant about your decision he just had to open the door and make it for you?

“Name?”

“Hey, Tom uhh..can we talk about the party?” This is so awkward. What the fuuck.

He stood there hesitant for a second before opening up the door for you to come in. You ducked under his arm and situated yourself at the edge of his bed as he stared at you from the doorway.

“Okay um..so I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment and I just wanted to ask you something.”

He gave you a small nod of acknowledgment and you continued.

“Do you like me? Like I don’t know if the reason you kissed me was just heat of the moment and you just got upset because you were drunk and your feelings were all mixed or something but I really want us to go back to normal…I miss you a lot and it's weird not seeing you at our practices”

You watched him closely for any signs of discomfort but his face was unwavering except for a light smile at your words easing your nerves only a little.

“I like you; I’ve liked you for years And Scheiße I miss you too but don’t wanna be just your friend anymore and if that changes things between us just forget about this whole thing”

You smiled softly walking towards him and cupping his face with your hands, bringing your lips to his feeling him relax into you.

His breath caught in his throat when you grazed your fingers against the front of his pants, slightly palming him through the jeans when he abruptly pulled your hand away.

“Name I wanna do this with you…but I don’t wanna have sex like I normally do. I want it to mean something because you really mean something, I just don’t know how”

“Let me show you, Tom.”

——

Tom groaned when your lips pressed against his pelvis, muscles flexing underneath you at the feeling. You hummed in contentment before coming back up to him and giving him a quick kiss and taking off his boxers.

He’d never had someone take their time on him, it was foreign, different, you looked so pretty as you toyed with his cock. Seeing what made him shiver and what gave him goosebumps.

Laying your tongue flat you licked a thick strip up the underside of his dick watching the way his eyes roll back in pleasure.

“Mhm…just- just like that Name please mhm…keep going.”

Voice slightly weak, he begged you to continue, not like you’ve ever heard and it encouraged you to continue, hands slick with his precum you stroked him at a controlled pace, squeezing slightly at the head hearing his soft curses get louder.

“Let’s empty that brain of yours ‘mkay?”

While you made yourself comfortable on top of him you felt his hips shift under you, his hands finding place on your hips. You align yourself with his cock, sliding down and listening to the way he mutters your name like a prayer as his cock disappears inside you.

“Shit this is much better than I ever imagined… s’much better...” his eyes raked your body seeing his hips met your thighs. You push down on his legs to keep him steady and use them as leverage to grind against him. Not even minutes later did his quiet concealed groans turn into gasps and random obscenities.

Seeing your pace begin to slow he flips himself over taking you with him, letting your legs rest flush against his shoulders next to his ears. He experimentally rocks his hips finding a comfortable rhythm, laying his hand flat on your stomach feeling at the bulge.

Now it was your turn to be a noisy mess, covering your face with a pillow in an attempt to muffle yourself but it was quickly discarded somewhere on the floor by Tom.

“Don’t- don’t do that- you look so pretty writhing under me like that, I could stare at you all day…shit shit shit.. if you keep tightening around me, I won’t last long...”

You smiled as you looked up at him. His eyes were closed tight and his jaw was clenched tight, focused on how you squeezed around him. You let your hand travel to his face tracing his features. His eyes opened at the touch and he sucked in his breath, feeling his high approaching.

You were glowing, your hair fanned out on the bed, your eyes slightly glassy from his pace, sweat collecting on your hairline, suddenly every part of him felt so sensitive and his lips connected with yours before his hips stuttered letting out a guttural moan making sure you had ridden through your orgasm.

You cried out in his neck holding him against you as he continued for a little longer before coming to a halt, collapsing on top of you. Holding you against him in a vice grip.

“I love you Name, a lot”

1K notes · View notes

killshotbabe · 1 year

Text

Title | Overheated

Pairing | high school friend’s crush/bf!Jeno x reader ft. nct dream (minor appearance)

Warnings | minors dni! mention of smoking and alcohol consumption, use of swear words, reader stuck in an “uncomfortable” situation, close proximity, drunk!reader at some point, sexual tension, cheating/affair, jeno gaslights reader (or does he really?), fingering, implied solo masturbation, slight somnophilia, a bit "dub non-con" in the beginning, overstimulation, sex under the influence (reader only), dirty talk, unprotected sex (please wear protection!), implied public sex, no romance in any type of context

Word count | 4.5k

Song(s) | red - santino le saint, link up - kid travis

A.N | May or may not have dreamed about the idea of this lol. Just finished it today so happy valentines! (this one-shot won't make you blush that way...)

You’re not sure why your friend decided to it would be a good idea to go out with someone like him to begin with.

At first, you thought she’d get over him like usual, hoping it’s just a part of her “hyper-fixations” just like how she’s got maybe five crushes all at once (from what you can recall in one of those nights you spent hanging out in her bedroom) but much to your horror, it wasn’t as simple as that.

You remember her gawking at him at the cafeteria after she had jokingly pinched you, nudging you to check him out in which caused to roll your eyes and proceed to open the cap of your cold tea.

You didn’t care about crushes at all, and yes, he was cute, handsome even but the only thing that piqued your interest at the moment was that sleek navy blue motorcycle he brought to school. You’ve always wanted one and to say that you were jealous of him flexing one at such young age is nothing but an understatement — you wanted what he had even if you couldn’t afford it.

And that wasn’t fair to you. Not when he barely has to do anything when you’re out here working part-time at a pizza parlour and you can barely even pay half of the bills at home.

Him and his old money status can go to hell, you think. He doesn’t even need to show up to any of his classes and you’re one-hundred percent sure he’ll be able to get into any top universities so easily, he just has to maybe tell his parents—

“Hey, are you listening?”

You blink away from your train of thought, the faint bustle of the library buzzing into your ear.

You realize you’re still in the same place for about three hours now, trying to study with the same friend (which would be your only friend, not best friend yet though because you don’t like getting attached to things, let alone actual people) who had been yapping about him for the past hour, and you may or may not have told her to shut the fuck up in your head twice.

“Wait, sorry.” You lie, typing away as your friend broke into a sly grin after finally catching your attention. “What did you say?”

“I said I’m gonna talk to Jeno today.”

Jeno.

Him.

You couldn’t help but squint, almost bursting out of laughter.

You didn’t mind your friend at all.

She was fun, even if she’s the complete opposite of you. Loved cute things like pastel colours, calico critters and dressed the part as 1/4 of the future art majors in your campus (quirky, and she happened to obsessed with colour yellow), and collects a shit ton of squishmallows she even has a separate storage for it. She’s literally the true epitome of cute, preppy and pure.

Way too pure when it comes to that said department actually.

You weren’t even sure how someone like you were friends with her, and why she wouldn’t leave you alone but she was quite persistent with you — having to initiate things first after meeting you then following you around until you decided to just let her have at it.

Ever since then the two of you had been inseparable.

Though that didn’t mean you two were automatically best friends (even if she did say this a couple of times) and you would be lying if you saw it that way too when she mostly talked about herself, her hobbies, her interests, etc. unlike you who just sits there and listens, nodding your head off as if you do agree (mostly you don’t because you can’t relate or it’s just not your style) but you don’t really have the heart to tell her that… not when she’s generally nice and hasn’t really done anything to offend you.

You just admire the fact that she keeps dragging you around and never gave up on you. You don’t even know what made her want to work her butt off to earn your approval and have her invade your space like that, but you guessed that maybe she’s just someone you might need in your life.

…And that maybe, she’s there for a reason you can’t quite guess.

She hasn’t done anything stupid anyway.

…Until today.

“What?”

You balked, brows raised as she sighed dreamily, already planning her wedding dress for when she ends up marrying Jeno, her “soon-to-be high school sweetheart” as she mentioned just a few times and might have tried to manifest too with you in her room in front of her mini crystal collection she’s been obsessed with lately.

“I’m gonna say hi to him today! I’m sick of him not knowing who I am.”

If anything, you weren’t really surprised with this sudden revelation.

It was about time for her to finally try to introduce herself to him after crushing on him for two months now, and you do know she would have the great confidence to almost pursue anything, including him but you didn’t really want this day to come (hell, the thought of it was already dreadful) because you already knew what was bound to happen once she approaches him.

It’s like… surrendering a fawn to a den full of lions, and you can’t do anything but watch her get eaten, figuratively-speaking.

“You don’t look too happy, but that won’t stop me y’know.”

She winked mischievously, stealing a tomato chip off your lunch as you shook your head, a little smile playing on the edge of your lips.

“Do whatever you want but don’t rope me into your shit.”

You shrugged only to earn a scowl from her, her round eyes practically begging you to tag along when she introduces herself to him later on.

“But… c’mon! You don’t even have to say anything you just have to be there for moral support, pretty please?”

You could only sigh, pausing whatever you were doing just to look at her in the eye, already incapable of saying ‘no’ to her because in your defense she looked too cute.

You couldn’t afford to break her heart by saying no.

“Fine… whatever! Just get me ice cream after then we’re good.”

“Oh, I was about to say that too in case he rejects me ha ha,” she laughs off as she sipped on her watered down mango juice. “But at least I tried, yes? Then we can just enjoy our little ice cream date but I might cry…”

You weren’t even worried about that all, but you don’t say that part to your friend because guys like Jeno fancied cute girls.

Especially the innocent ones.

And your friend just might be the perfect girl for him.

To say that you weren’t right would be a goddamn lie, and you wished you were anywhere else but here, inside Jeno’s black sports car, the posh leather seat cold under your lap.

It’s been a month since the day your friend had introduced herself to him with such spark in her eyes you thought Jeno’s friends might have fallen for her too. One of them was even eyeing her from head to toe, visibly amused after seeing her short little skirt hugging her little frame.

Your friend, on top of being the real embodiment of cute, was still gorgeous and easy on the eyes, so it didn’t really surprise you when Jeno ended up giving his number to her as you tucked yourself away from his plain sight, hiding behind your much shorter friend when she confessed her feelings to him with so much confidence, it made you gag.

You weren’t really sure what happened overnight but just a week after, you found yourself on your own as your friend started hanging out with Jeno, his friends and their equally cute “girlfriends”, but she still made sure to spend half of her lunch break with you, even trying to drag you to their table but you could only reject her offer and excuse yourself because you had to catch up on an “assignment” when in reality, you would rather sit in the library by yourself than sit with them.

Then, today, you and your friend was supposed to go shopping by train but what she didn’t tell you was Jeno was gonna be there to drive the two of you so you don’t have to commute on the way to the mall and on the way back.

At first, you fumed having to deal with him being in an inclosed space as you, but it was indeed cold outside now that it’s halfway October and you certainly didn’t want to wait for the train with you friend in this type of weather (and maybe you did want to see his car up close and personal…) so you begrudgingly agreed, letting her yank you off your misery and plunge you into it all when she voluntarily pushed you to the backseat, your eyes drifting to Jeno who’s still talking to one of his friends, Mark, another guy from his group you do find just as attractive.

You could only roll your eyes as your friend wore her seatbelt on, giddily humming to herself. You gradually shifted your attention elsewhere, quite amazed with the clean and sleek interior of his car, but again it made sense.

Jeno was neat, never messy.

“Sorry, Mark was being clingy.”

You briefly hear him quickly apologize with a low chuckle as he slipped behind the wheel, his classy, citrusy scent invading your senses.

You cross your arms and looked away, trying to get him off your head as your friend’s slightly high-pitched voice cooed him “it”s okay!” and that “we can wait” ultimately, ignoring that fact that she just called him “babe” after.

This was one major thing you couldn’t bring yourself to fully admit — the fact that he’s now officially “seeing” your friend not even after a few months in which you felt no ounce of happiness about.

Your friend did inform you about it just a few nights before when she asked if you could come over and watch a scary movie with her because she noticed you were too busy and had no time with her (and you did feel bad because even if she’s always with him, she till spent some time with you only for you to run away for the most part) but she didn’t confront you about it at all.

If anything, it seemed like the usual chill nights you’d share with her until she brought him up and dropped the bomb on you without some sort of a warning beforehand especially when she can tell you’re not fond of Jeno nor his friends.

It felt like a sick joke, and it just feels like you friend is doing her best to make you change your mind about him which you don’t plan on doing so, not when you catch him doing PDA with your friend here and there you couldn’t help but swear at him in your head and look away.

The more time you had to spend with those two, sometimes with their friends, made you want to crumble or run off to the opposite direction.

They were exactly like what you imagined them to be, a couple of rich, privileged kids with filthy heads, the filth your friend is too innocent to be able discern.

They were sneaky about it too especially that Haechan guy who might have tried to get into your pants before, and you hated him so bad you had to tell him to back off you in which he called you feisty in return with the sinister promise of “you’ll want me someday.” before he left you to go smoke.

The rest of the group hasn’t really said anything to you yet. Sometimes they did but it was shallow and the girls hated your guts which is fair because you hated them as much (and with passion too). The only person you could perhaps stand in the group was Renjun.

The guy didn’t make any back-handed comments and he kept to himself for the most part but he did flash you a gaze occasionally wondering why you’re even here to begin with when it’s so damn obvious you don’t like anyone except your friend who always made sure you were included even if you tried to get away, and when you do try… it always ends with her getting what she wants.

And now you’re here, lost in your thoughts as you bore your full attention to the rows of yellow lights in the tunnel, the loud laughter your friend shared with Jeno mocking you.

He did leave the two of you alone to go shopping, and just came back to pick the you up as promised, then he’s supposed to drop you off first before her then they might go on a date like she told you earlier with so much excitement she couldn’t even choose between the two purses at a high-end store you were helping to choose from.

In the end, the two of you walked out the store satisfied — her with a new heart-shaped purse and you with a cashmere scarf you’ve been fancying on for months now that was on sale (which did hurt your bank account but your friend offered to pay half of it so you can just pay her back with instalments) this then provided some sort of a distraction for you, even offering to buy her a warm drink from the cafe as a sweet treat but since Jeno was already parked by the exit, you had to hurry.

They were still giggling as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, the urge to strap your headphones around your head getting stronger the more you tuned in, even rolling your eyes when Jeno asked for her hand so he could give it a kiss as if you weren’t just there, witnessing the horrors.

Much to your looming demise, you try to relax and lay your head back with a determined attempt to lull yourself to quick nap anyway since your apartment is around thirty minutes away, so you fold your arms, turned your head to face the window and closed your eyes.

Not even ten minutes later, just when you were about to actually let sleep take over, your hear the deep rumble of Jeno’s voice.

“She’s asleep isn’t she?”

There was a slight movement from your friend, causing you to hold your breath as you feel her check on you.

“Yep, she did say she was tired.”

“She doesn’t talk much. Why are you even friends with her?”

Jeno snickered, taunting you from the rear-view mirror as you tried your best not to reach out and strangle him god willing.

He doesn’t even know you like that.

“She’s nice! Just give her some time.” You friend sighed, defending your honour which you almost snorted at but pretending to be asleep at this very moment was more ideal for you, you think.

You pushed yourself to further into the door, eyelids slightly parting just in time to see him give her a sleazy wink before you saw his hand land on her lap, making your heart drop at the sight.

You weren’t sure if you liked where this was going at all.

“She’s sleeping Jeno…”

You clawed on your sleeved, clenching your jaw when you hear Jeno whisper rather suggestively.

You knew it was meant for your friend, but he didn’t even bother hiding it, assuming you’re fully knocked out at the back seat.

“If you can keep it down, she won’t know.”

You swore you almost cried, knuckles turning white for how hard you formed into fists when you hear your friend’s shy giggles which enveloped to a series of quiet moans from the front seat when he began touching her down there as he drove, the soft r&b blaring from his speakers in an attempt to suppress the noises your friend was trying so hard to hide so she won’t wake you up, when in reality, you were very much awake to witness all of this happening.

At this point, you genuinely wished you were dead, begging for the door to just unlatch itself so you can slide off your seat and fall into the road to your death than sit here, being forced to hear your friend let out a strangled moan as he fingered her, easily dragging her close to her peak.

You wanted it to stop — for them to just cut it out and put an end to your nightmare but it only got worse as the time went by.

You can practically hear the lewd noises Jeno was making with his fingers as he played with her sheer arousal and the way he was talking to her in such a dirty manner for the sole purpose to make her cum in which she violently did just a few minutes later, an animalistic high-pitched squeak leaving her lips before she heaving and moaning his name shakily with him still fucking her with fervour, overstimulating her.

The subsequent scarlet hue spread on your cheeks, heating your face up, second-hand embarrassment kicking in as you chewed on your lip until you drew blood from your cracked ones, neck craning all the way to your side so your scarf could hide the horrified expression on your face.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to cry or laugh — cry because he had the audacity to finger your friend at your presence or laugh because of the high-pitched noise your friend made. You think it’s a mixture of both and you think you might have gone clinically insane from that alone as this was not a part of your bingo card.

It’s only been a few weeks. Have they fucked already?

You try to contain yourself as you kept still when you hear them share a languid kiss in which your friend giggled to before she flashed you a quick gaze, making sure you were in fact, still asleep.

“She probably didn’t hear that did she?”

“I’m sure she didn’t.” Jeno’s mocking tone caused you to move slightly, but not enough to make him think you were awake all along.

Your neck became stiff after what seemed like forever, and as much as you wanted to stay in this painful position you knew you had rouse yourself up just because you couldn’t handle “sleeping” anymore, so you waited until your friend led him to your street as she navigated for him.

It was then the only time you stirred yourself up, alerting the both of them that you were now “awake.”

“Hey, sleepy head!”

You yawned, trying to look at her in the eye in the dark as you borrowed into your scarf, hiding half of your face.

“Yo.”

You diverted your to the windows and recognized your surroundings as the car halted just in front of your apartment complex, relief surging through you in sudden realization that you’re finally home.

“Thank god.”

You murmured under your breath, hand already fixed to the door handle, about to yank yourself out of there when your friend stopped you just before you can leave.

“See you next week!”

She piped up, her pupils shaking in pure excitement you almost asked what the hell she smoked to look like that when you already knew it was due to post-orgasm high.

You couldn’t help but to mirror her expression, but with a completely different reason.

You think you might want to commit right there if you kept smiling for ten more seconds, much like an unhinged criminal.

“Yeah! See you and thanks for the ride, Jeno.”

“Anytime.”

You see him nod at you, acknowledging your thankful nature (he probably though you were incapable of doing that) before you sprinted off, the two of them watching you attentively as you pushed yourself inside the lobby, cursing vehemently under your breath.

You didn’t even sleep that night, not when you find your underwear being wet from your own arousal after thinking about it again.

You don’t even like Jeno to any degree and yet, you still dreamed of him but not for good reasons.

Not at all.

And if your friend was to find out, it would be game over.

“I might have a friend who can take me in so Tony can come and fix this.”

You sigh, seeing as how the flooding got worse over the weekend due to the nonstop rainy weather and you, unfortunately, still rents the basement of a hosting family your mother personally knew but since they were on vacation in the UK and the main floor is locked, you can’t even access the floor and camp in the couch until the flooding issue gets fixed.

You’ve been on the phone with your host for an hour now explaining everything, and that they were going dispatch a friend to fix the damage shortly but still advised you that you’ll probably want to look for a friend to sleep over at for the mean time which you were okay with but you didn’t really want to do that even if you had no choice.

Hotels were costly so you dialled your only friend anyway whilst chugging what’s left from your coffee cup before tossing it in the nearby bin.

You’re in a local library now, left with nothing but a small suitcase you hastily shoved most of your every day necessities in to cover one week’s worth. Your host did say it should be okay to come back in a week or less so you made sure not to overpack, and you didn’t really want to stay there for longer, not when the slightly murky water felt cold around your feet.

“What? Are you serious!”

You sighed for what seemed like the 100th time today as you told your friend the whole situation.

“Not sure if this is going work but do you think you can take me in?” You inwardly groaned. “I can pay you.”

“Boo, I wish I can but my aunt’s over with my cousins I don’t have a space for you. Maybe after four days? They leave on Friday!”

“Well that won’t work, thank you though. I’ll go find a hotel—”

“No, no that’s going to be more expensive I can get someone to take you in though if that’s ok?”

You hummed, picking on your nail at the thought. Might as well give it a try.

“Sure…?”

“Ok, great! Give me a sec!”

You hear some sort of a movement from the other line before you hear your friend’s muffled voice once again.

“I just texted Jeno! He should be done working out right now. Where are you?”

“What?!” You let out a harsh whisper, trying to calm down realizing you’re in fact, still in a library. “Jeno—? I didn’t even agree just yet!”

“Well, he’s the only person I one-hundred percent trust with you even if you guys don’t talk but he’s got a huge place you can stay in and then he can even pick both of us up for school!”

“No,” You clutched your head in annoyance, trying your best not to hiss. “I— I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“What? Why? He already said he can do that though just now and I really don’t want you to spend money in a hotel. Too expensive. Good luck with Jeno though because he’ll say no with paying so you’re in good hands!” She laughed a little, making you huff on the other line. “Please? Maybe you guys can be friends. It gets so awkward when I’m with the both of you and you don’t even talk to him…”

“It’s just…” You try to explain. “I don’t know I feel like it’s so rude of me to just—”

“Honey, you’re not being rude! He literally said yes, and he’s got like two cars over there that you might like. If you ask nicely, maybe he can let you drive one to school? How about that?”

You wished she didn’t mention that at all, especially knowing that sport scars were your weakness in general and Jeno happened own two more aside from the one he drives to school.

You weren’t even sure if you had any ounce of dignity left at this point.

Hotels were costly, and you didn’t want to ask your mom for money to spend in a hotel thinking you’ve got a friend to cover for you, plus what you make from your part-time job wasn’t enough to foot the bill if you were to opt for a hotel.

If it was someone else, perhaps Mark or Renjun, you would probably agree without missing a beat (not like they would offer themselves in the first place, but if they did, you’d rather be with them) but this was Jeno.

The guy you’re friend is “seeing” and the same guy you thought about that night when you shouldn’t have.

You don’t even know if you could look at him in the eye anymore, and now you would have to stay over because he’s that nice?

“Heeeey, are you okay? I thought you ended the call for a second there.”

You cleared your throat, trying to make up your mind.

Am I gonna do this or not? Why the fuck would he even agree to this…

“I’m here sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? I really want you guys to start talking… Don’t you think this is a good idea? He thinks it might be good too.”

“He said that?” You almost laugh. “Thank you, but…”

“He did actually and no buts! Do this for me please?”

“You… fine, fine…” You say as you give up, letting her win over you again.

“Okay! Yay!”

You hear her clasp her hands together before she asked where your exact location was again, intending to forward it to Jeno.

In the end, she simply gave your number to him so it would be easier, logically speaking, but you didn’t even want to save his number at all or have that exchange. It felt so weird to have him there, in your short list of contacts when you don’t even consider him a “friend” for that matter.

You weren’t even sure if you were doing your friend a “favour” even if she did say she trusts Jeno because deep down, you knew she shouldn’t be putting all the trust to him, not when you’re in the picture.

Especially not when you’re about to be confined in one space with no one else but him for god knows how long.

He didn’t even bat an eye when you slipped into the front seat of his car as he was in the middle of a conversation what you can assume would be Jaemin, blabbing something about some new pc game he got, so you strapped your seatbelt on quietly, not sure when would be the good time to thank him when you can’t even look at him in the eye.

“K, heading home. Talk later.”

He didn’t say anything either so you slowly fixed half of your attention to the road ahead of you and his one hand steering the wheel expertly, then gradually moved past that so you can finally glance up there, to his gorgeous side profile in which you admire a little.

He’s even more handsome this close, with his tall nose, perfect jawline and glowing fair skin — you thought you might have forgotten your words but you quickly look away, feeling the nervous energy course through your veins.

“No thank you?”

There was a slight tinge of tease in his tone, so you clear your throat, refusing to actually spare him another glance afraid that he might catch you looking more that you should have.

“Sorry… Just sad about the whole situation, but thank you for taking me in. I hope that’s okay with your parents…”

“Don’t worry.” He chuckled a little. “They’re in the Caribbean Islands right now. No one’s home.”

“Oh, that’s great.” You weren’t even sure if that offered some sort of relief on your end. “Always wanted to go there.”

“Maybe if you start hanging out with us more then I can take you there for the summer with the group?”

You think he might be joking, so you treat it as such, trying not to derail from what seemed like a pleasant conversation you two are actually having.

You knew your friend would be happy to hear the fact that you can actually get along just fine, but because of how you see Jeno and his friends in such a negative light, you’re not sure if you had the ability to stop being stubborn for once.

“Maybe.”

You sigh, now shifting your gaze to him again, noticing his muscular, yet lean upper body hugged by just one layer of his black turtle neck. You couldn’t help but to ogle a little, but you do look away, feeling the slight guilt creeping down your spine.

He’s literally one move away from dating your friend, so why do you find it so hard to look away? Not when there are more conventionally attractive guys in the group? Like Mark? Renjun?

I have eyes. I can look, that’s it. It won’t hurt.

“Oh, c’mon the more the merrier.” There was some sort of a drawl in his tone you couldn’t quite miss, but maybe you might have been imagining things. “Let’s see if I end up liking you enough though then maybe I’ll work so hard to drag you into the group and come with us to the Caribbean next summer vacation, yeah?”

Or were you really imagining things?

The first night wasn’t bad.

You learn that your friend wasn’t exaggerating when she did tell you he lives in a mansion.

There was a huge fountain in the middle of a private cul-de-sac, two mermaids made out of a slab of rock perched in right in the centre, flowing water trickling from the matching queen conches.

The gate was tall, and the impressive gigantic lot is nestled in what seemed like a canopy of endless tall pine trees. They literally had no neighbours close by and the entirety of the driveway was an actual boulevard, you think they could possibly fit another house over the area.

It felt like you entered a different dimension — the gated community of the rich didn’t feel real at all. Even the air felt expensive, and just when you thought that wasn’t enough, Jeno allowed you to spare a longing gaze to his two other fancy cars parked in a quadruple-door garage.

He did notice your obvious interest with the exterior of his cars so he lets you have your fun until you found yourselves darting inside his own floor which could pass as some sort of a penthouse.

You think he might not even see his parents even if they were in one house altogether halfway in. Hell, if there was party being hosted by him for two days in a row his parents won’t probably hear any of it.

“I have a spare room when the guys sleep over so you can stay there for now. Don’t think I’d have anyone over soon so you’re good.”

You stand in the middle of the spare room, checking the surroundings like some sort of a curious cat.

It was super neat, had some distinctive art pieces by the walls, but it did look like where they would hang out judging from the game consoles tucked into the black drawers under the gigantic screen tv and the mini fridge with a snack bar situated in a corner surrounded by neon lights.

“Thanks again, Jeno.”

You tell him as he leaned against the doorway, a pleasant expression on his face upon noticing the way you looked awestruck with the room arrangement.

“No probs. I’m just one door away so let me know if you need anything. Usually up until 1 am. My maid isn’t here she’s on vacay so just it’s just us two.”

“Sure.”

He left you alone like that, letting you bask at thought of him even having a maid. You think he might have an entire staff like a “head chef” running the house, but sooner or later you learn they’re all on vacation since they were all related which leaves you and Jeno all alone in such a big house, though despite that, you couldn’t help but feel the foreboding anxiety blaring through you like fire alarms.

There was an itch you couldn’t pinpoint and it drove you crazy the more you stayed over, and even if the first night went equally well like normal, you couldn’t help but feel some sort of guilt wrecking through you, so for the next two days you got in touch with Tony, the maintenance guy, in hopes to hear something positive about the situation back home so leave early.

Much to your demise, it won’t be until a few days so you gave up, trying to calm yourself down as you tucked yourself to bed right after doing your homework on your third night.

Your friend visited you a few hours before but since her and Jeno had plans for the night which involved the guys, Jeno might be coming home around dawn. You couldn’t help but feel the crash of relief to be finally alone for once which was bad for you to admit since you’re literally staying in his house for free, but having him there to share a space with made you feel too damn guarded and you hated that.

It wasn’t like he was watching you either — if anything, you’re the one who was doing more of that especially when you ate together after he offered to cook, and if he did order take-out, he asked what you wanted and delivered it right to your door just because you didn’t feel like going downstairs when you should’ve offered but upon finding out he was in the ground floor from their own home gym, you decided not to.

He didn’t even bother putting a shirt on when he knocked on your door, letting you see his bare abs through the wide split of the door so you were quiet thankful you didn’t make your way downstairs even when the damage has been done and it did nothing but make things worse for you.

“The passcode is the last four numbers of you number.”

He concluded as he gave you a quick rundown of instructions in terms of the security system.

You nodded obediently, quite touched at the fact that he made you your own designated password even if you’re only staying for a couple of days.

You weren’t friends with him yet, but he sure made things easier and was quite civilized the entire time, even putting all the trust in you to be in the house but the cams were all on so he can literally see what you would be up to unless you lock yourself in your room.

You follow closely behind him and your friend now holding hands with him as the three of you entered the garage. Your friend gave you a little pat on a head muttering a “good girl” in a light, teasing tone before they eventually drove away, leaving you by yourself for the next few hours.

You actually planned to do a mini tour and explore the other floors besides Jeno’s floor but because you didn’t want to end up falling to any “trap” doors (Jeno did mention that once as a joke but you didn’t want to risk it) you chose to stay in your room instead and watched movies on netflix with a plan to reheat the leftover pizza from last night.

Around midnight, you found yourself by the mini bar, wanting to try some of the alcohol he had so you pop a Hennessy from the glass shelf into a mug instead to pair with some sun chips to munch on at midst of a thriller movie you picked.

After downing what seemed to be a couple of glasses within the passing hours, you nursed an impending headache throbbing in your head. You could only curse, the thought of being completely hangover the next day already pissing you off.

You were more of a social drinker, but you think it’s been a while since the last time you attended a party and back then, it wasn’t so bad. You were still able to walk and say sentences incoherently after a few shots but this was worse.

You’re severely tipsy at this point, gaze all hazy as you attempt to shut the tv off, squinting over the rolling credits you can barely read off from.

You yank your crewneck over your head after feeling too hot, opting for just a mid-length slip as you tumbled out of your room, wanting to head to the bathroom with the sudden urge to splash some icy cold water on your face but you weren’t fully thinking as to where you were heading until you managed to somehow push into Jeno’s room, arms splayed in the dim-lit space.

You stumbled your way into his own bathroom adjacent to his bookcase, locking yourself in.

You were about to pass out inside, suddenly too sleepy to function but still made it out of there only to end up locating his equally large, yet better bed, his sheets cool under your skin which eased up the liquid fire running in your bloodstream.

You weren’t really sure what you did next, but the faint smell of his citrusy scent from his nice, cold sheets, you didn’t care about anything else and instead, slept through the great comfort of it all.

Unbeknownst of you, Jeno did end up going back home earlier than planned, but without your friend this time.

He was too exhausted to even notice that something was truly off by the time he got into bed, shirt off, sleep knocking him out a few minutes in.

“She won’t know.”

He placed your arms on the curve of your back as he pinned you to the wall in a hallway absent of any light.

You feel his sweet, minty breath on your nape, his strong hand tight around your wrists in a vice grip with the intention of not letting you go.

You were so breathless now, letting him do what he wished, his free hand tracing the outline of your thigh as he yanked the hem of your dress upwards, groping you from behind, whispering sinisterly in your ear before kissing the slant your shoulder, his hand snaking dangerously inside the silk fabric until he replaced your bra with his, playing with your breasts in a manner that drove you nuts.

“You’ve thought about this haven’t you?” He pressed, as you whimpered helplessly, back arched with your behind brushing against his. “Answer.”

“Y-yes…”

You sigh, unable to control the soft moan emitting from your throat when he eventually slid his hand in your underwear, callused fingers rubbing your clit now covered with pure arousal, spreading it all over your aching sensitivity.

“I didn’t even have to spit.” He hissed sardonically. “But I think you’ll like that, yeah? What do you think? Do you want me to spit on your pussy?”

“F-fuck… yeah…”

You feel him pull his fingers off you, causing you to whine at the loss of contact when you hear him spit behind you, immediately sliding his hand back into your soiled underwear after doing so, messily mixing the glob of his spit with your slick arousal you think if he kept this up, you would cum in no time without even having him fuck you at all.

“You’re disgusting…” He hummed in satisfaction, ultimately parting your pussy lips so he can pump a finger in, his lips leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down your spine. “I like that.”

You hear him groan at the feeling your tight walls around his long, slender fingers, a series of swears rolling off your mouth when he began fingering you, fucking his spit into your throbbing hole all desperate for him and him only.

You rubbed your thighs together in a desperate attempt to itch the pulsating sensation between your legs, the bundle of nerves you eventually pressed on in your sleep made you whimper softly, the pleasurable feeling intensifying the more you rubbed yourself.

This was the second time Jeno had unmercilessly plagued your dreams again — like an incubus haunting you in your sleep, but in the end, he gives you what you desire — to come so hard you thought you’d black out.

You’ve never even drawn yourself to that type of high before you even knew who he was, but after what happened in the car, you couldn’t help but think of how good it would be to have him fuck you instead of your friend.

You did feel guilty for having this type of thoughts about your friend’s own boyfriend, but having him wreck havoc in your head after hours, was mind-numbing, it was almost addicting.

You’ve tried and fought so hard to stop thinking about him, trying to replace his face with someone else like Mark, or even Renjun or some other celebrity you fancied but when you’re just a minute away from reaching your peak, you can’t help but bring him back and let him take over you, his face alone making you come so hard your legs would shake as the raw lust mixed with shame riddled all over your skin.

Tonight was the same, except you were actually in his house and on his bed, touching yourself without any awareness about your surroundings and absolute care in the world, not when you had creeped your finger inside your now wet underwear, intending to finger yourself on your side, but before you could do that, you tucked yourself under the comforter seeking for warmth, back flat on the mattress as you slide your hand back in, moaning at the contact once again, legs propped with your knees bumping against each other as you played with yourself, eyes tightly shut.

“It hurts…” You whimpered lightly, still dreaming as you tilt your head to the side, brows furrowing in frustration. “I need…”

Jeno, who had been sleeping just right beside you, eventually stirred, turning to face you with a sigh, starting to be aware with the noises you were making but thought it was a part of what seemed like a dream for him too so he made no move until you inched closer and closer, now only one move away from touching him.

You’re facing him now, his familiar sweet scent elating your senses, it being the only thing to make you move faster, your middle finger playing with your growing wetness before you eventually slid it in, biting your lip at how tight you felt and wishing it was him doing it for you instead.

“Jeno…” You huff, you free hand snaking under your slip to grope your breast, hissing from how hard your nipples had gotten.

Jeno, now half-asleep, responded with a tired “hmm” as he hovered closer, his hand landing on your hip to pull you closer to him, sealing the small gap between the both of you with his face now resting on the curve of your shoulder.

He hears you purr sweetly, fingering yourself faster when you feel him lay a light kiss on your bare skin, his hand finding your jaw so he can tilt your chin up, kissing you there but deeper.

You didn’t even care anymore. No shame surging through you thinking this was a mere wet dream even if it felt too real, so real you could actually see him in the shadow but because the lights were so dim, you couldn’t make a face but his beautiful scent and warmth was more than enough.

You just needed to feel him, have him ruin you more just like how he does in your dreams.

“Aren’t you tired?” He whispered huskily, realizing you were fingering yourself when he circled his own around your wrist, stopping you. “What are you doing?”

“I want…” You mumbled, distress coating your tone when he yanked your hand from your underwear ever so gently. “I want to cum…”

“Want to?” he cooed, keeping his eyes close as he parted his lips open to suck your slick arousal from your fingers, earning another moan from you before he let you grab him on the shoulder, his own hand now snaking inside your underwear.

“Fuck, just-just put it in, please…” You begged, circling your arms around his neck as you lifted your leg, resting it on his hip.

You hear him hum, the deep rumble of it making your head go numb.

He wasted no time, pleased with your whines when he slid his finger inside your soaked pussy, fingering you slowly until you found yourself in a verge of breaking out of a sob, your knuckles turning white on his shoulder as he fucked you faster and harder at your request, fully attentive with the way you were squeezing him, sucking him further into your throbbing cunt, making him go crazy for how increasingly wet you’ve become.

“J-jeno!”

You half-screamed, back arching as he hovered on top of you, his head disappearing on the crook of your neck to kiss you right there before you feel his teeth bite the strap of your slip, yanking it down your shoulders.

He was going way faster now, fingers curving up to rammed on your sweet spot as you struggled under him, thighs closing tightly around his flexed arm just when you’re about to reach your peak.

“Don’t you want to come?” He smiled sleepily, sucking your left nipple with so much want it only drove you closer to your orgasm. “If you’re a good girl, you will, won’t you?”

It was scary how it feel too damn real — you could even hear him up close and personal and it was too overwhelming, but you couldn’t open your eyes, not wanting this dream to ever end, not when he’s about to make you cum so hard like this.

So you pushed through it, the lewd squelching of your wetness from him fucking into you the only thing you could hear, his equally pleased moans gracing your ears when you tell him you’re almost there.

“Fuck, fuck…fuck! I’m,” You cried, shaking violently as you finally snapped, hands flying on his in an attempt to stop him from fingering you in a brutal pace but he didn’t allow you.

Instead, he forced you to ride through it all as you cursed, head thrown back until you began sob from overdrive, thrashing and squirming under him only to make him pin your arms above your head, your slip pulled all the way to your neck, letting him feel your bare skin, your underwear being torn by him, tossing it on the marbled floors.

“I’m fucking you.” He growled, eyes parting slightly, unable to see you fully but the feeling of having you all naked and weak under him made him a little crazy. He wasn’t even sure if this was just a dream anymore, but he had his own personal desires needed to be taken care of. “You’ll let me, right?”

“Please…” You begged as he lifted your dress all the way to your face, turning it into a blindfold causing you to spread your legs wider for him, too aroused with the way he was trying to limit your senses. “Fuck… just do whatever you want, please…use..use me…”

“Can you even take me?” He smirked, tracing small kisses from your jaw all the way to your sternum as your breath hitched. “You’re this desperate, huh?”

You hear him unbuckle his belt as you begged, wanting him to give it to you already, afraid that this dream might come into an end.

“Please, Jeno…”

“Sounds better when you say it like that…”

He sighed, giving himself a few generous strokes before you felt the tip of his hard cock rub your pussy, giving you a few jabs before he slowly slipped inside you just halfway, wanting you to get used to his size so he waits for a tap which came just a few moments later, and gives it to you, a matching lustful moan being knocked out from yours and his.

“So b-big…”

You grabbed his biceps as he held his breath, trying his best not to fuck you like a wild animal for how amazingly tight and warm you felt around him, squeezing around him repeatedly, almost drawing him to the edge.

“Your pussy can take it…” He whispered, fucking into you slowly. “If I fuck you like this, you’ll take it…and if I go faster?”

“Ah!” You cried as he snapped his hips into you, the wetness of your pussy coating his entire cock, drawing him deeper into your cunt. “Don’t stop… fuck, f-fuck feels so good, so so good.”

“I know, baby…” He hissed vehemently, face buried into the crook of your neck as you let him fuck you faster, the slightly deep baritone of your tone intensifying the fact that he wants to ruin you, even if this wasn’t reality because god knows what he will do it had been, but for some reason, he didn’t felt any type of shame if this wasn’t a dream— just the carnal desire he felt for you, the girl who seemed to hate him for no valid reason.

You clutched the sheets as he pistons in and out of you, ultimately driving the both of you to each other’s peak.

He doesn’t let you touch him, his hand fixed to your wrists on top of your head as your jaw went slack, breath hitching as your legs trembled, alerting him that you were there.

“Fuck, spread your legs wider.” He demanded through gritted teeth, strong thighs stuttering against yours as you obediently did what he asked. “That’s it, pretty girl.”

It didn’t take long when the two of you finally came, you being the first to snap as he followed-through just a few seconds later, pulling out of you so he can cum on his bed sheet instead.

You immediately fell asleep right after, smiling through it all just like he did, the looming taste of regret awaiting to ruin everything in the morning.

Or would it?

You awoke to an unfamiliar bed, already panicking upon finding out you’ve been sleeping in his room the entire time so you quickly pad down the silent hall, disappearing inside your own room with a huff.

You ignore the throbbing headache in your head as sat on your bed, a little shaken and not knowing to go about explaining what just happened if he was aware of it, but you think he’s not even home or if he was, did he end up sleeping elsewhere?

You grabbed your crewneck and fixed yourself in front of the mirror, about to head downstairs and find him when you feel something odd, so you lift the hem of your dress, discovering that you didn’t even have an underwear on.

The memory of him taking it off you haunted your train of thought — last night felt too raw, too real and you think it maybe because you’re starting to be delusional, using the advantage of staying in his house and touch his stuff that weren’t yours.

You assume this might have catered to it all and you weren’t even sure if that’s something to be happy or angry about.

You figured it wasn’t — in fact, it was too wrong and you wanted out so you immediately text Tony for an update before heading downstairs to find Jeno.

Jeno, you learn, was not alone.

It was a Saturday after all, and he happens to be on the phone by the living room, his full attention watching the glowing fireplace in front of him, energy drink on-hand as your friend darted from the kitchen, immediately seeing you.

“Oh, she’s up!” She announced, running to hug you with a beam. “Jina and I are going to get our nails done and she’s picking me up, you wanna come?”

“Oh, um… that’s okay.” You falter as Jeno turned to look at you, gaze unreadable. “I’m leaving soon anyway, like going back to my place.”

“Oh! Well maybe next time? Jeno is leaving soon too but won’t be dropping me off. Jeno, help her okay?”

You avoid the way he’s looking at you now, quite embarrassed with the fact that you literally just slept in his bed and even dreamed of him fucking you. You just hoped he had no idea, and if he did know, you knew you couldn’t bear to show face any longer.

“I’ll plan us another date. Just you and I. I promise!”

You let your friend drag you to the entrance and albeit dazed from the unholy thoughts you were suddenly having about Jeno, you managed to brush it off and watch your friend leave, waving her a small good-bye, the guilt surging through you once again after seeing her.

You were just about to lock the door when you feel him hover behind you, the hairs on the back of your neck raising at the sound of his deep voice invading your cloud of thoughts.

“I’m gone for one night and you’re suddenly touching stuff that aren’t yours?”

So he did know. But does he know?

“I’m sorry…” You exhale, sighing regretfully but refused to look at him in the eye. “Got a little drunk then looked for the bathroom—“

“See… that wasn’t the only thing I’m upset about though.”

You gulped as you feel him walk closer so you slowly back away, the shocked gasp leaving your lips as you feel the pressure of the door behind you, him towering over you now.

“What?”

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” He questioned, a little on edge. “Don’t act dumb now.”

“I said I was drunk and I’m sorry.” You apologized sincerely, the overwhelming silence skyrocketing your anxiety. “If there was any damage—”

“No, that’s not…” You hear him chuckle as he drove his hand to the door, cornering you like a predator, but you remain still, stopping yourself from looking up or it was going to over. “Do I have to explain?”

“I don’t…”

“You don’t care about your friend, do you?”

Your eyes rounded in shock, immediately tilting your chin up so you can look at him in the eye this time, suddenly angry at his accusation.

“What made you say that?” You snapped, watching him shake his head in amusement but you weren’t buying it. “Jeno.”

“You’re something else.” He whispered softly, eyes searching something in yours before you feel him inch closer to your ear, his lips brushing across the shell of your ear. “You’re insane. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Jeno, what the fuck?”

You pushed him off you but he could only laugh, head tilting to the side, a smirk now evident on his face.

He was too handsome, it almost drove you nuts if it wasn’t for the way he just insulted you.

“Guess I’d be the first but don’t worry, I’m not that angry, you know?”

You clenched your jaw, watching him advance to you again with an intent to pin you against the door.

“You’re full of shit. I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about when all I’ve done is —”

“We fucked.” He sighed, reeling closer when you clamped your mouth shut, looking away from him. “Why, you thought you were dreaming?”

“You’re joking.”

“See, I’d like to think I was. The whole time I thought the same until I find you in my bed in the morning.”

You faltered, unable to think straight when you feel him trace the outline of your jaw, grabbing you by the chin gently to make you shift your attention back to him.

“Jeno.”

“You said my name too. Just like this.” His darkened gaze pierced yours, pupils blown. “You like me that much?”

“We can’t do this.” You grab his wrist, pushing him away with a huff. “It was a mistake!”

“I’d like to think the same but for some reason…” He took another step, completely caging you in just like you were always meant to be for him. “You’re fucking everything up.”

“How is that my fault —”

“You should’ve pursued me first, that’s all.”

Your eyes widen as he cradled your face, drawing you completely speechless.

Turns out, he was crazier, even more sinister with the way he’s touching you so inappropriately right now you feel like pushing him off and running out to escape but you simply couldn’t. You knew you wanted him too even if you shouldn’t.

Not when the damage has already been done, and you’ve opened a pandora box, unleashing his hidden desires on board with yours, the sinful thoughts you’ve been trying so hard to seal away for no one to figure out.

“You don’t give a fuck about her?” You swallowed a lump in your throat, a pained expression on your face as he kept up with his ministrations, his hand now holding yours. “Why are you touching me…”

“I like you.” He confesses with a shrug like it was something so simple to do, his piercing gaze meeting yours again. “You think I’m into your friend?”

“You’re sick.”

You say through gritted teeth, raw anger still there but the more you allowed him to stare you down like this, the more it dissipated. The desperate hold you had around it vanishing to thin air.

“And you think you’re not?”

There was that same fiery edge to his tone now, his grip around your hand tightening. You try to break free from his grasp until you hear his phone ring. You were just about to use that as way to completely push him away, but he cut you off, demanding you to stay still.

“We’re not done.”

You watch him answer the call, fear on your eyes when you discovered it as your friend asking if he could pass the phone over to you just because you weren’t answering yours.

“Talk to her.” He demanded, his stern tone sending shivers all over your body when you placed his phone near your ear.

“Hey,” You greeted your friend, trying to sound as normal as you could before shying away from the way Jeno’s eyeing you right now. “Was in the shower. What’s up?”

You let your friend take-over, asking if you wanted anything from a specific shop near the nail salon she was in and had been trying so hard to get your mind out of the gutter for the past minute that seemed to flow by in forever. You found yourself stuck in the middle — part of you wanted to tell her about what you did just like that no matter what the consequences were but the other half simply haunted you, did you really want to stop? When the guilt should be burning you alive right now but for some reason, you hardly felt anything and you weren’t sure what to make of that.

“You don’t care about your friend, do you?”

“The one with stars is cute but you don’t have to— it’s okay,” You shook your head, completely missing the fact that Jeno had gotten even closer. You catch on to him before he lowers his head to the side of your face, about to murmur something.

“Stop.” With the phone away from your lips, you attempt to get away but he only holds you still, hand fixed to the curve of your waist. “Jeno—”

“Just tell me the details later!” Your friend squealed over the phone. “And tell Jeno to read my text!”

The call ended just before you could utter something but the phone from your hand was snatched away in a millisecond, suddenly finding yourself gasping when Jeno placed his knee in between your thighs, feeling you up with his clothed knee, his hand now groping your breast.

“Quit it, won’t you?” You bit your lip, hand fisting his top as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on your collarbone. “You want to run away so bad but I can see it in your eyes. You want this as much as I do so don’t lie to yourself.”

“Jeno, stop,” You begged, arousal already pulling in your underwear when he forced you to grind down on his thigh, holding all your weight up alone with just that alone. “Jeno…”

“I’ll let you go f that’s what you want.” He grunted as you began to grind on him, growing more aroused with the way you were whining, struggling on his thigh. He challenged you, even if he knew you wouldn’t be able to resist all of this.

Resist him.

You whimpered as he removed his thigh between your legs, letting you off but you don’t make a move.

“You want to go?” You could only gaze back at him, completely in trance as he grinned down at you, his sardonic expression reeling you in. “Then go.”

It didn’t take long until you finally snapped altogether, crashing yourself to him to latch your lips on his in sheer frustration, an audible groan coming from him as he nibbled your bottom lip, lifting you up, hands all over your body.

Sooner or later, you found yourselves in bed, having to have exhausted each other but there were no words shared after it all.

You weren’t even sure what to do next as you laid there beside him, watching him sleep on his back, head turned away from yours. It was then you felt your heart crumble into pieces, the immense jolt of pain suddenly waking you up from trance.

Do I really want to do this?

You left the next morning just like that, not wanting to pursue this wrong deed at all, and without a word other as you hailed a taxi. You deleted and blocked his phone number and made a plan to somehow try to avoid him and your friend for the next few months, but it wasn’t simple like that, and yet, you tried to stay away.

For the next six months, it was like that — with you and your friend slowly falling apart because you no longer shared classes for second semester and you made no amends to even see or spend time with her, having to have met other friends you shared classes with and then her, with the boys and their girls.

You were also thankful of Jeno not pursuing anything with you too. You barely saw him around due to the fact that he did sign up for more sport-related activities so naturally, he disappeared from your sight. He must have thought that it was clearly a mistake just like you did, and you fought to repent for your sins and you wished he did too.

You didn’t keep track about anything that had to do with them anymore and decided to focus on your studies like you’ve always had from the beginning to prepare yourself for graduation and university requirements. Your great efforts did pay off in the end, having to graduate with almost on top of all your classes and getting into one of your top three universities.

Life seemed great for you — quite elated for the next journey you’re bound to go on for the next two years now that senior year was over and so was the evening dinner you had to attend because it was mandatory despite wanting to opt out of it but you made sure to leave early as you had no plans to sit in the fancy banquet of a five-star hotel and “get entertained” when everyone either sat around to chill or lose themselves in the dimmed down dance floor.

By 11 pm, you bid your goodbyes to a panel of teachers, one of them being your favourite, just in the next room in the hall, then gunned down to the parking lot where you parked your car.

You dug your keys in your purse, humming to yourself when you spot someone’s slick black shoes right next to your car so you stop and blink, shifting your attention the wide plain of his familiar broad back, his white dress shirt being the only article of clothing he has on with some tailored black plants that probably cost five months worth of rent.

“Jeno.”

“Nice ride you got.” He drew the cigarette away from his lips, grey smoke hitting your face as you slowly took a step back, unable to form any coherent sentence upon realizing that he’s standing before you now. “New model too. Gift, maybe?”

You do know you’ve been trying to avoid him.

As much as you tried however, he was there, always in a crowd and you never missed a handsome face like his. He burned in the back of your head so easily, but it was too difficult to get him out no matter how many distractions you could come with, and even if most of it worked in your favour he still lived inside your head like a parasite.

A parasite you may never end up getting rid of.

“I’m going home.” Was all you said, trying to stay stoic and unaffected as he advanced to you, even more irresistable now that he’s worked out more and grew his hair a little longer, a strand from his gelled back fringe curving on his forehead and it did nothing but clench your jaw.

He was just too handsome, you were close to believing no one would be able to resist him at all, not even the new arm candy he brought as a date to dinner since your he has apparently broken up with your friend a month before graduation due to a sudden drastic change in her family’s living situation.

You soon find out she was never coming back, and apparently “long distance relationships” wasn’t Jeno’s thing.

“This early?”

There was a coy smirk on his face, cigarette resting between his lips. You stood there, liking the smell, reminding you of your father back home so naturally, you stayed where you are, feet starting to hurt from the five inch heels you regretfully wore to dinner.

“Yeah, I have work the next morning.”

He’s one step away from you now, his full attention scanning your red dress from head to toe, liking the tight fit around your soft curves. You try to stand your ground anyway, albeit about to burst into shivers from the way he narrowed his eyes to you now, blowing another puff of grey you ended up inhaling into your system as well for how damn close he’s gotten, invading your comfort zone.

“That’s a shame.” He circled around you like some sort of a predator, but without touching you until you feel him stop just inches away, his hard chest brushing against your back. “Well go on, your car is right there.”

Your breath hitched as you began to walk to your car, unlocking the back door to throw your purse into with a slam. You don’t say anything as you placed your hand on the handle, chewing on your lips as he quirked an eyebrow, wanting to know what seemed to make you look a little stressed and all tensed up.

“Your date.” You slowly met his amused gaze. “How long?”

“Didn’t sleep with her if that’s what you were wondering.” You didn’t even want to lie — the wave of relief crashed through you, engulfing you in so you let go of the handle and headed to him, letting your burning desire drag you all the way to his arms as he pulled you into a suffocating embrace. “I knew you couldn’t resist me.”

Jeno flung his cigarette off his lips to kiss you hungrily causing you to moan in his mouth, tasting the peppermint candy he’s had and the slight bitterness from the cigarette but you didn’t care.

You didn’t care until he threw you in your backseat, ripping your underwear off you so easily and gave it to you right there and then, until you were in a verge of tears, unable to think straight as you moaned his name all over again like some sort of a mantra, dragging the both of you into eternal hell.

And to hell with him it is.

#jeno x reader #nct jeno smut #jeno smut #jeno x you #nct dream smut #nct smut #kpop smut #lee jeno smut #one shot smut #killshotbabe

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lemony-and-zesty · 4 months

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Omg not another drabble for hitman!JD :]

This one’s for you especially @elijah-doodle ;)) Since you wanted to know and all :)

Silly side note cause I thought it was funny but this is titled “The one that got away” in my drafts 😭😭

———————

The small apartment John Dory found himself living in was pretty peaceful, all things considered. Especially this early in the morning. JD was fast asleep in that slab of concrete he called a bed, finally having managed to pass out a couple hours ago.

There was a sudden, loud knock on the door.

“Hey! Git up! Boss wants ta see ya.”

John Dory groans, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“C’mon kid, he ain’t gonna wait long.”

He crawled out of bed, rubbing a hand down his face before huffing out an, “Alright, alright. Gimme a minute.”

The voice at the door seemed appeased at this, and JD could hear his footsteps fading.

Stupid.

He took his time getting ready, it really was too early for this.

After sliding on his coat and goggles, he yanked the door open. He wasn’t surprised to see the other troll hadn’t gone far.

He gave JD a sharp nod, “Good. C’mon kid.”

JD held his tongue at that.

He let the other man lead him, despite knowing the way like the back of his hand. Best not to start a fight over something stupid.

They left the apartment building off into a back alley.

JD shoved his hands into his pockets and let his mind stray for a bit. As per usual, he found himself thinking about his brothers. He can’t help but wonder what they’d be up to now. Shit, how old would they be again?

He starts trying to add it up in his head, counting it out with his fingers.

It’s been, what? 10, no 15 years? Maybe? He couldn’t be sure until he got a glimpse at a calendar.

His mind continued to wander for a bit before he’s suddenly jolted out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder.

Reacting quickly, he spins around and sweeps the assailant’s legs. They tumble to the ground with a, “Aw SHIT-“

JD unsheathes the spikes on his glove’s knuckle, preparing to strike the person before coming to a dead stop.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

“-HELL kid, the fck’r ya doin!”

JD stumbles back, his hands going to his coat. He brushes at it, not just trying to play it off but also to soothe his shaking hands, “Sorry. Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

The man who’d been walking him glared up at him - partly out of shock, partly out of fury. After a moment he shakes his head, “Whatever kid.”

JD snarls at that, “For the love of- Stop. calling. me-“

The door behind JD slams open, “Ah! Johnny! You’re right on time.”

A stocky pale yellow troll with golden, slicked back hair dressed in a gray pinstripe suit sets his hands on JD’s shoulders turning him around and lightly shoving him into the room he’d just burst out of, “Now, if you’ll excuse us.”

He kicks the door shut behind them, not sparing the man another glance.

He leads JD to his desk, his grip tightening on his shoulders before releasing him altogether.

“B-Boss I can explain-“

He holds a hand up to silence him as he rounds the desk and takes a seat, “No need. It’s not my business what you get up to outside of work. As long as you don’t kill any of my employees, I couldn’t care less.”

JD gulps, once again rubbing his hands against his coat.

“Now, what is my business is, well, my business. So,” He reaches into a drawer, pulling out a slip of paper - his next hit, JD assumes - and sliding it across the desk for him to look at, “Let’s talk business.”

John Dory freezes the instant his eyes see the paper. No, not paper. The poster. It was a poster for a concert for an up and coming solo artist.

No. No no no no no.

Staring back up at him were the eyes of a troll he hadn’t seen in 15 or so years.

No. Anything but this. Please.

Staring up at him was none other than Floyd. His baby brother.

#zesty posts #hitman!john dory #john dory #trolls band together #trolls oc

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sturniolos-blog · 5 months

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-okay this is my first like part of anything and i think it’s gonna come out like shit but womp womp anyway hope yall like it.

warnings: swearing??

Band - Matt sturniolo (part 1? lmk if i should do a part 2 and continue making stories)

9:37 pm

I walked into a bigger bar than usual, hearing my phone buzz,

bae i’m sorry, please come back home, i miss you

I rolled my eyes at the message, jonathan being a fuck head, we had just gotten in a big argument, bigger than the ones we have everyday. crazy i know.

why i’m still with him? good fucking question, but i also live with him, it’s harder than you think.

come home right fucking now Y/N i’m not playing around no more

I sighed as i shook my head, my eyes scanning over the last message,

don’t fucking play with me i’ll beat your ass and you fucking know it i can’t wait till you come home you know you’re going to have too at some point,

I swallows harshly, putting my phone away before walking to the bar, smiling at the guy that was bartending,

“2 shots of tequila and a beer, please.” I said as the bartender nodded,

“coming right up.”

I sighed playing with the bracelet jonathan got me for our 1 year anniversary,

love you forever

it read on it, what a load of bull shit, didn’t know love came with a black ey-

“Let’s make some noise for the sturniolos plus rachel!” My thoughts get interrupted as I hear some guy announce that from the stage, the small bar crowd all clapped.

My eyes lock on three guys and one girl, the first guy I noticed had a sort of mullet, reddish hair, noticing some tattooes as he had headphones around his neck, wearing jeans and a light brown khaki colored shirt, a design on the front of the shirt that i didn’t really care to look at, he was standing in front of a DJ set up, interesting.

My eyes wandered to a longer haired boy, looking exactly like the last guy, no tattoos, sitting down in front of a drum set with chains around his neck, wearing an all black outfit, he flipped the drumsticks in his hands, waiting for the song to start.

I then looked at the last guy, the one who was right next to the singer, he had tattoos going up his arm, wearing a black T shirt with cargo pants, followed with a black vest, he was holding an electric guitar, tooth pick in his mouth as he clenched his jaw, looking at assuming her name is rachel since that’s what the announcer said. Waiting for a queue.

holy shit.

they all may look the same but this one is-

“here you go ma’am, sorry it took so long.” The bartender smiled kindly, placing the two shots and the beer bottle in front of me.

I thanked him and told him it was okay, downing the first shot before looking back at the stage as a tune starts,

“Oh yeah, don’t need permission, made my decision, to test my limits, cause it’s my business, god as my witness. start what i finished,” Rachel sung, dangerous woman by Ariana Grande, she wasn’t that good of a singer, but who was I to judge? I make my own shitty music in my studio at home with my abusive boyfriend, i don’t think i can criticize much.

The song went on as i kept my eyes on the guitarist, his fingers strumming with delicacy but still really into the song, i didn’t even notice the rings that were just on his pointer and pinky fingers. god that’s hot.

“All that you got, skin to skin, oh my god don’t ya stop, boy..” She continued singing as the guitar and the drums got louder.

Downing my other shot, I decided to move on to my beer, watching the guitarist some more, i scrunch my face up in disgust as i sip on my beer,

“why the fuck would i get this..” I muttered to myself, beer taste like shit, i knew that. must’ve forgot or something.

I put down my beer before looking back to the stage, it was a guitar solo, he was stringing the guitar with a lot of power, his forehead was sort of sweaty, probably from the spotlight, but he kept playing,

His part sped up as rachel began again,

“Something about you! makes me feel like a dangerous woman!” She belted, not bad seriously, but i could give her some tips. As i subconsciously criticized her my eyes wander back to the guitarist, his eyes were on me, still playing as rachel sang,

I tilted my head and licked my lips, looking down at his guitar before looking back up, he smirked at me and looked down at his own hands, still playing as the song came to an end.

“Something bout you..” Rachel finished.

The small bar crowd erupted in a bunch of applauses, i clapped to from my spot at the bar, guitar boy was still looking at me when i looked back at him, I gave him a confused look before I saw him smirk once again and bite his tongue, looking away as his group made their way off stage, I saw the DJ, the drummer, and rachel go to the back of the bar, but guitar boy came up to me.

I saw him walking up and I immediately turn around in my chair, facing towards the bar now, really hoping he doesn’t come up to me.

I hear a grunt next to me and at the corner of my eye see him lift up his guitar over his head and place it down between the stools we were sitting on.

He clears his throat,

“you’re new, never seen you before.” He said, taping his fingers on the wood that my elbows were rested on, I let out a sigh and looked towards him, shaking my head,

“I come here all the time, maybe you’re the new one.” I said, playing with my bracelet.

“huh..” He says before it goes silent, “That’s pretty.. where’d you get it?” He asked as i looked up at him, noticing his eyes were on my bracelet,

“from someone not important at all..” I shook my head, obviously not about to tell my life story to this extremely fine man.

“Must be someone important if you still wear it,” He shrugged,

“not at all.” I scoffed, breaking eye contact as i look back down at the bracelet.

As we sat in silence for a couple more seconds, i asked, “Okay do you need something?”

“Me? no no.. nothing.. it must be you that needs something,” He says as he plays with one of his rings,

“Huh?” I looked at him as i was so confused.

“Oh please you were eyeing me up and down the whole song..” He pointed out, saying it in a duh tone.

“I was enjoying it..” I mumbled, looking away.

“Sure.” He says quietly.

“plus I like the guitar..” I mentioned.

He let out a breath of air, “oh yeah? you play?”

“Uhm.. you could say that, i play a mix of everything, but electric guitar is my favorite.” I told him.

“Damn that’s cool.. so what do you sing or something too?” He half joked.

I looked up at him before looking away.

“no way! I was just joking but that’s awesome, seriously.” He let out a laugh as I shook my head.

“So what’s your name?” He asked me.

“Why would I give you it? I don’t know you,” I scoffed.

“Well you could get to know me starting off by giving me your name..” He nudged my shoulder, I let out a laugh.

“Y/n, now what about you, guitar boy?” I joked,

“Guitar boy? that’s new..” He tilted his head and swallowed, “Uh the names Matt.” He put his hand out.

“Nice to meet you Matt..” I shook his hand,

“We should talk more, what’s your num-“ He started off saying before someone came up behind him and hugged him.

“Baby!” She giggled and kissed his cheek, I looked at the girl, it was the singer.

I swallowed harshly and looked away. Damn.

Matt let out a chuckle, “Hey rach..” He said lowly.

The red haired girl looked at me, “and who’s this?” She asked as she went and sat on matt’s lap, staring at me.

“um this is y/n, she was telling me how much she liked the song..” Matt covered up for his girlfriend, i nodded.

“Yeah nice to meet you, i thought you did great.” I put on a fake smile and put my hand out, but she looked at my hand and the looked away. I nodded and put my hand down. okay then.

Feeling very uncomfortable as rachel starting kissing matt, my phone buzzed in my pocket,

Get home right fucking now

who are you with rn huh?

fucking brace yourself when you get home, come home now and i’ll make it easier for you

i decided to text back,

i’m on my way now, sorry my phone died

I sent. Seeing jonathan start typing before stopping, i sighed and turned off my phone, shoving it in my back pocket.

“Um nice to see you guys.. I guess.” I rolled my eyes in disgust as they made out. I walked out of the bar and got in my car.

What the fuck.

#matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #bar #electric guitar #matthew sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo

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loveharlow · 2 years

Text

LOVE SICK: THE PREQUEL

PAIRING‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Ex!Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚ [1.6k] A quick glimpse into the pain and emotional turmoil caused by the breakup between JJ and Y/N...

WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, mentions of a failed relationship, mild angst, irrational jealousy, self-isolation, no fluff in this y'all

A/N‧₊˚ This is the first part to something that was requested and honestly I fell in love with the concept the moment I read it. Anyway, this is a small prequel to Love Sick. Now, I'm making this request two parts because I honestly could not think of a way to transition from before the events in Love Sick to after sooo, yeah. This is also loosely inspired by Dynasty - MIIA.

Italicized paragraphs are flashbacks.

˗ˏˋ jj masterlist ˎˊ˗

“OH, I REMEMBER THAT!” Sarah cackles from her place on John B’s lap, throwing her head back and slapping a hand on his chest as everyone else laughed along.

Except me. I forced a smile and swirled what was left in the bottom of my red solo cup as we all sat around a bonfire at the Chateau. It was super late but we didn't care.

I was trying to have a good time. I really was. But it was like no matter how hard I forced a smile or choked out a laugh — I still found myself turning my head and wiping away any tears that would fall at the sight of him.

Having the time of his life with Kie. You would think they were together. It was stupid, I know. My best friend and ex-boyfriend didn’t like each other and they’d never do that to me. Maybe I was just bitter at the sight of him talking to everyone but me.

But that was my own fault, I guess. He’d greeted me when I’d gotten here, or tried to. Almost too cheerfully, as if he didn’t rip my heart into two just a week ago…

“Are you alright?” I questioned as the blonde paced quietly around my room. He stopped in his place, faint track marks in my carpet from his previous relentless movement. He shifted his gaze up to mine, rubbing his hands nervously on his cargo shorts.

He’d texted me asking to come over and of course I told him that that was fine. However, ever since he’d walked through the door, something seemed off. Wrong.

“I think...we should break up.” JJ spat quickly, his cheeks flushing red. I stared at him blankly for a moment, eyes darting back and forth between both of his own that I wasn’t completely sure were filling with tears or not.

All of sudden, catching JJ off-guard and myself as well, I laughed. “Yeah, right.” I scoffed, my mind flying to the best case scenario of this being some kind of joke. When no smile broke out on his face and instead a lone tear rolled down his cheek and he looked away, my sarcastic demeanor fell and I could almost physically feel my heart drop to my feet. “You’re not serious, JJ.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and turned away from me completely, rubbing a calloused hand down his face. I took a swift step towards the distressed boy and put a firm hand on his shoulder, pushing it back to swing his body towards me. Not aggressively, no. I’d never hurt JJ.

“Tell me you’re not serious.” I pleaded, willing the tears in my own eyes to go away.

“Y/n…”

His tone said it all. And soon I was the one backing away, hot tears falling past my water-line and trailing down my cheeks that felt hot. My ears too — my heart was pounding and my throat felt tight. Then, I was whipping around to face him so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. “Why?” I choked out.

Then JJ was running a hand through his hair as I shook my head and walked over to my bed, plopping down on the mattress carelessly. “It’s just not working out.”

“Oh, don’t give me that shit. Don’t lie to me, JJ. The least you could do is tell me the truth.” This was me and JJ we were talking about — we always worked out. As cheesy as it is, I truly believed he was my soulmate. The only piece of the puzzle that fit my own. The soul that I’d meet in any timeline you threw out there.

“That is the truth. I’m sorry, okay? But that’s all it is.”

…And truthfully, anything from that night on is a blur. I’d been trying to act normal, do my best to get over it, y’know? But it was too much. Everything was just too much.

Nothing felt right anymore. Suddenly, my friend's laughter and loud voices became increasingly annoying, the sight of Kie’s hand on JJ’s shoulder made my blood boil, and the sight of Sarah cuddled on John B’s lap as she ran her fingers through his hair made my chest tighten knowing that used to be JJ and I as our friends told us to 'get a room'.

Standing up from my place on one of the fold-out chairs, I held up my cup as all eyes turned to me. “I'm gonna refill.” I announced before setting off into the kitchen as I heard their chatter start back up.

I was cracking open a cold can of beer when I heard the most distinct footsteps enter the quiet space. The heaviness of them gave it away. “You doin’ alright?” The blonde inquired as he leaned against the countertop next to me.

I shrugged and met his eyes for a brief second, plastering a smile on my face. “Just fine. You?”

I could see his head turn away from me as he took a sip of his own beer. “I’d say I’m doing okay. I haven’t really seen you around much.”

“You’ve seen me everyday this week.” I spoke shortly, tossing the empty tin can into the garbage and swirling my cup around to scatter the ice.

“You know that’s not what I mean-”

“Yeah, well that’s usually what happens when people break up, JJ. They distance themselves.” I snapped, my fiery gaze now on him as he straightened himself out. I could see the guilt swimming in his eyes and it made me feel guilty myself. Letting out a harsh sigh, I dropped my eyes to the floor.

“Sweetheart- Y/n. I didn’t know you were still upset about that.”

Suddenly, my head shot up and I no longer felt guilty as my eyebrows pinched together and my eyes squinted, my head tilting in the most judgmental stare one could ever receive. “You didn’t know I was still upset- JJ, what the fuck? Of course, I’m still upset. I gave 2 years of my life to you. I was in love with you. And you break up with me for what?” I hissed.

His blue eyes went wide as he sputtered to find the words to respond. It was a rare moment when I’d get angry at JJ. Throughout the duration of me knowing him, even before we got together, I always held a certain gentleness with him — knowing the nature of the relationship between him and his father, I tried my best to keep it civil and calm even when he worked my last nerve.

So, taking a brief second to collect myself and breathe, I spoke again. “You have to understand that this isn’t easy.” I muttered, already feeling my throat start to constrict itself.

He nodded and palmed the back of his neck. “I know that. And I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make it easier.”

Biting my lip and nodding my head slowly. “It’s fine. That’s not your job anymore, anyway.”

Then I felt his touch on my arm, holding back a sob that caught in my throat as I turned my head behind me as I felt the tears start to roll. “You’re still my best friend. I’ll always care about you. I’ll always love y-”

I slammed the plastic cup on the counter, some spilling over the edge as I shifted my gaze to the floor in front of me and moving back from his burning touch as his fingers slipped from my arm. “Please, stop. I can’t..” I struggled to compose myself or form a coherent sentence so squeezing my eyes shut and shaking my head, I wiped my eyes and looked up at JJ.

“I can’t do this.” And before he could so much as part his lips, I was power walking out of the door and back out into the yard of the Chateau where the others were gathered. I did my best to avoid eye contact with them all as I grabbed my phone and car keys from the chair I previously sat on.

“Woah, you okay?” Pope piped up as I stumbled behind his chair on my way to leave.

“Oooh, Is y/n tipsy? How many beers did you throw back, party girl?” John B joked, mistaking my distressed state for drunkenness. I choked out a laugh but it even sounded watery. I never met any of their eyes once.

“I'm not drunk, asshole. Not everyone is a lightweight like you.” I tried to joke back, talking loudly as I walked to my car — unlocking it as I approached the door where I’m sure it was too dark for them to make out any of my features from far away.

Kie turned around in her seat. “Are you leaving?”

Opening the driver side door, I waved my phone in the air knowing they couldn’t see the screen from such a far distance, anyway. “Yeah, it’s getting late anyway. Don’t want mom to worry.”

I could hear their murmurs of understanding just when the door of The Chateau flew open again, JJ moving to stand on the porch — beer in hand as he followed their lead and stopped his gaze on my fleeing figure, feet away in the darkness.

Bidding farewell and getting into my car, I drove off, sparing a glance to my group of friends as I left — not missing the seemingly comforting hand Pope laid on JJ’s shoulder.

I had to pull over halfway home because of how hard I was crying. I needed JJ Maybank more than I could care to admit right now.

WHEN I GOT HOME, I HAD A TEXT FROM KIARA ASKING IF I WAS OKAY. Somehow, she always knew when I was lying. I’d texted back assuring her I was alright but she called me when she, herself, got home and demanded I’d talk to her.

I told her everything and she listened as usual. I was always grateful for her moments like this — moments where she would comfort me even if I’d just admitted I was jealous of her for no reason.

She’d also advised me that JJ kind of sulked the rest of the night and went to bed not long after I left but she said he looked drained. Needless to say, I told her I probably wouldn’t be coming around as often and she understood for the most part.

I just needed time.

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.

©loveharlow

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nrrrdgrrrl2002 · 2 years

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I don’t usually compare rise and 2012 cause I love both and think they both have their perks and flaws but I feel like the rise movie really made up for 2012s season 4 finale, owari, which I found a good but frustrating episode. Mainly in the field of the lesson of working together

Now. It’s not like owari didn’t try to show the importance of teamwork

The main issue comes from the final battle, which I felt like screwed up showing how important teamwork is

For starters, I personally felt this scene was hand of the writer baloney. If april didn’t have the energy to lift even one of them up at the time, why doesn’t she look at all exhausted? This isn’t anything against april, but the writing of this excuse to make the final battle just Leo and shredder

Which, I personally really don’t think should’ve just been Leo and shredder. Yes. Leo deserved some payback towards shreds cause shredder did A LOT to this poor kid, but shredder also did A LOT to the others, and he did A LOTTA LOT to Karai but that’s a story for another day

Now compare this to the rise movie

Where the main reason they were able to defeat the krang was the turtles actually working together

Did Leo pull a solo self sacrificing move? Of course. He’s a Leo

But it’s certainly not him defeating the big bad by himself

Hell. He was getting his ass kicked doing things by himself

It was his brothers working together that saved him. It was all of the turts working together that saved the day. It was april, Casey and splints working together that took care of lady krang

2012 wasn’t terrible at showing the importance of teamwork, but they did have a bit of an issue of making things too much about Leo towards the later seasons. And I do feel like the rise movie tried harder and did a lot better showing just how important it is to listen and trust your teammates.

#tmnt 2012 #rottmnt spoilers #rottmnt movie #rottmnt

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kanerallels · 1 year

Note

For the three sentence (or paragraph) fic challenge: Kanera but the AU is Hera was the jedi, not Kanan.

This, uh. This got longer than I expected, so it's going under a cut!

He’d thought the Jedi were gone, all killed when he was a teenager. He’d seen the wanted posters for the survivors, the warnings that they couldn’t be trusted, the propaganda— not that he’d ever really believed it.

And he’d watched them all dwindle, until there was no one left. It was just the Empire, ruling over them all.

But then, Kanan had come to Gorse. And he’d met the most incredible woman in the galaxy— beautiful, smart, an amazing pilot, and brave.

Finding out that Hera Syndulla was a Jedi wasn’t really a shock. He was certainly surprised, but it made so much more sense— the way she’d managed to pull off some of the tricks, flying and otherwise, that she had. The way she’d stared at him when he’d offered to help her, like she could see through him, before accepting his help. The fact that she was still traveling alone.

Even now, after dropping off Zaluna, she was getting ready to politely but firmly send him on his way. He could tell. Kanan still couldn’t tell why exactly she’d let him help in the first place, but he knew she was usually a solo act in her fight.

As they made it to the hangar where her ship was waiting behind closed doors, Hera turned to him, her expression more hesitant than he’d expected.

“Wait,” he blurted out, and she lifted a curious eyebrow at him.

Kanan could have said anything. He could have told her that, ever since he first met her in that alleyway, he’d known he would never meet someone who called to him like she did. He could say that when she’d saved his life on the Star Destroyer, she’d practically glowed. She’d looked at home in the pilot’s seat, and using the Force, she looked like she had a purpose.

He could have told her that, when he was very young, his parents had died, killed by the Black Sun when they tried to fight back against them. He and his younger sister had changed their names and fled, living in fear for years. The Black Sun had never come after them, but it had been a long time before they’d felt at ease again.

He could have told her that the Jedi had saved his planet as a kid, or that he’d never liked the Empire, especially once his sister Devorah had enlisted when she turned 18, or that he’d never been one for a cause until now.

But all he found himself saying was, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Hera’s eyes widened in surprise for just a moment before she frowned. “And what makes you think I need help?” she asked, but Kanan could tell she was mostly teasing, with a hint of curiosity.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re incredibly good at what you do,” Kanan told her, deciding honesty was the best policy. “I almost believe you could do it all on your own. But that’s the thing— none of us can. We all need someone to watch our backs and take care of us. To help pick us back up.”

“And you want to be that someone?” Hera asked. “You know, it’s not exactly a sought after position. Not with— with who I am.”

He didn’t miss the slight hitch in her voice, the loneliness. Kanan understood it. “I do. For you, at least. And I’m willing to take the risk if you’re willing to have me around for a little while longer.”

Hera nodded slowly, her expression thoughtful. Kanan could tell she was considering it, but not what she would choose. “It won’t be safe,” she said quietly. “I’m not safe to be around, not really.”

Lifting an eyebrow, Kanan said, “Considering the last few days, do you really think safety is my biggest priority?” Not my own, anyways.

That made her laugh, which had been his goal. “Okay,” she agreed. “But if things go wrong, I have the right to throw you out.”

“Absolutely. It’s your ship, after all, Captain.” But Kanan had a feeling things wouldn’t go wrong. He had a feeling he would stay with Hera for as long as he possibly could.

Call it a good guess, or fate, or maybe even the Force. Who knew? All Kanan was really sure of was that he wasn’t planning to leave Hera. Not if he could help it.

#thanks for the ask!!#kanan jarrus #hera syndulla #jedi!hera #kanera #kanera is love kanera is life #the thing is i cannot imagine anyone but hera being the pilot #so we have hera the incredible jedi pilot #and then we have kanan. who is just some guy. but he wants to take care of hera if he can #and he's also a gunslinger and amazing at making waffles and adopting kids #star wars rebels #swr #writing stories is a kind of magic too

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luci-in-the-stars · 9 months

Text

College Decisions|| Solo

TIMING : May of this year, a few days before graduation

LOCATION: Luci's old high school

SUMMARY: Luci is called in by her worried Principle about her college decisions. No one's mind is really changed but she manages to get her way.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Sibling death (vaguely) tw

There was a light humming of the phosphorescent lightbulb sitting above Luci as she was pulled into yet another principle meeting. He was a kind man, Mr. Smith. He wanted her to succeed - and Luci could appreciate the effort as he led her into his office, his slightly to big grey suit matching the grey in his hair. Luci wasn’t trying to be mean, but she sat down a little grumpy being pulled into a meeting on her last week of highschool. Honestly, she hadn’t even done anything wrong.

“Sir, I have made my decision. I don’t want to go to Brown, and I’ve already accepted the University of Maine’s offer.” Luci said immediately at the pause, knowing exactly why she had been dragged into the office again. She was the only one in her class that had gotten into an Ivy League - and she had turned it down without batting an eye. It was the cause of a lot of gossip - at least that was what Penlope had told her in hushed tones that morning while they got ready for assembly for ‘college pride’ day. Everyone was shocked as Luci came up in a different sweatshirt. She however, didn’t quiet understand all of the looks, after all the odd cow cryptid was actually pretty charming to her as she had carefully put the crew neck over her regular button up shirt noting how the collar’s yellow color matched well the red on Bessie’s horns. It was cute, and much better than the B on the sweatshirt she could have gotten from Brown. Even Tia had said so, even if she was confused on why Luci had a change of heart.

“- It isn’t even a full ride -” Mr. Smith started, seemingly already grasping that Luci had figured out why she was here and starting on point one of his challenges.

“Actually I managed to apply for some scholarships and it should all be covered. If that was what was concerning you, Sir, I have taken care of it,” Luci replied, cutting the older man off her voice sounding almost robotic as she cycled through the answers and solutions she already had. She had hoped to make the conversation brief if only because she really didn’t want to miss the last advanced chemistry honors class. They were going to make smores.

“But -” He started again to which Luci just sighed and droned out until he stopped speaking. It wasn’t that she wanted to be rude or didn’t respect him, he just was doing the arguments she’d already written responses for. She just needed him to finish and as soon as he did she paused for a moment before starting. Making it look like she listened when she really hadn’t.

“Look. I promised Tia I would graduate, and I promised that I would go to college. I am doing both, Mr. Smith. I don’t particularly think it’s your decision where I go, and I want to go there and they’ve accepted me. So I’m not sure what the problem is.” While the man seemed flabbergasted Luci pulled out her notebook, noting that it was a great way to shut him up.

“Ms. De la Vega! This is an important decision and can lead to a lot of regrets if you don’t consider everything.”

With the idea that she hadn’t considered Luci sighed the click of her pen noting that she had stopped scribbling down answers. “Mr. Smith, I’ve considered everything. I really have. I know what you all think that - this is a ‘cry for help’-” Luci’s hands made scarquotes around the words partially distracted by her very fluffy green bauble that she had attached to her pen. “-but whether it is or not, it’s really not up to you what I do in my future. Besides, I can get an excellent education there.”

That and the part she didn’t say out loud was she had found Milo there. He wasn’t particularly careful in hiding, and she’d found him months ago. The only reason she hadn’t gone immediately was she had made promises. She had promised Tia and Gen to finish school and go to college and Luci felt a pull to do so even if she didn’t care about all of it. It’s why she was the head of the speech and debate club and track and field. It’s why she studied to get the best on the SATs she could. It’s why even now there were four or five people at this school that glared at her wondering when they would get the top grade. It’s why she had carefully curated and prepared her college applications - mostly alone. She had followed her promises even going so far to apply to the school that her sister had teasingly pointed out would be a good fit.

She kept her promises even when she really didn’t want to.

She just wanted to know why he hadn’t and if it meant that she went to a strange little town, it meant that. If it meant that she got the truth and that she can start piecing back her magic that’s all she wanted.

So she made a promise to herself. She was going to Wicked’s Rest and no one would stop her.

With a sigh Mr. Smith looked at the youngest of the family and nodded, gesturing towards the candy bowl, which Luci carefully plucked a green jolly rancher out of waiting for the other man to talk.

“I am sorry, Luci. With everything that happened, and I know it’s your choice I just - don’t want you to regret your decision. I can see that you are firm with this, and I think that determination will get you far. Just be careful.” His eyes seemed to know more than Luci was super comfortable with him knowing. She had been careful not to mention she had found Milo - not wanting anyone to stop her from going. Still, she wondered if he had figured it out and that’s why he suddenly reduced the pressure.

“Okay. I will,” Luci said quietly standing up and shoving notebook 5 - her school observation one- back into her bag quickly before reaching out her hand to shake his. “ I’ll see you on Saturday at graduation then, Sir.” Only her Tia would be there. Luci was pretty sure of that, but part of her did hope that her siblings would be there too.

“See you then, Luci.”

#sibling death tw #reason dislocates ; solo

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romanarose · 2 years

Text

Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside: Chapter 24

Steven Grant X OC X Marc Spector

Story Masterlist

Chapter 25

Fic Summary: Steven meets Sam and they strike up a quick relationship, both kindhearted and loving, they fall fast. But both have a lot going on. Steven had Marc and Moon Knight, and Sam has mental health problems of her own. Slowly, Steven starts to put together pieces of her story as Sam starts to get to know Marc and Jake.

Chapter Summary: After the fight, Marc and Sam need to have a talk. Some nice Sam/Jake content <3

Warnings: Talk of child abuse, self-harm, scars, bodily harm, various traumatic things but not in detail.

A/N: You can check out my master list for this fic, where you'll see roughly how many chapters are left. Right now, it's looking like 33 chapters total, so we're likely about 10 chapters away from the end. LMK if you'd like to join the tag list, but you can also follow on AO3, Romana_Rose. You can also find a Han Solo story on there, Revenge and Regret, that deals with similar themes as SSSB does, so you might like that one too!

******************************

In the morning, Sam woke up to her phone alarm going off. Memories of last night flashed through: blood, sex, love, Metallica… the fight. She groaned, scrubbing her face. She wondered if Marc would finally talk to her after a night's sleep. She heard shifting in the bed. “Marc?”

“Morn’n”

Jake.

“Please don’t take this as an insult, but what are you doing here?” Sam rubs her eyes, memories of last night reorienting her. “You’re just… not usually here.”

Jake looked remarkably more like Steven right now. He held none of Marc’s tension, all of Steven’s early morning grogginess; his curly hair flopping down his forehead the way Steven likes, and Marc couldn’t stand. He didn’t reply. Sam assumed Marc left, and Jake too over so Steven didn’t have to.”

Sam sighed and poured him a cup of coffee from the machine she rarely used and only pre-set to make coffee when Marc was staying over. “You hanging out with me this morning?”

“If that’s okay.”

Sam smiles. “Gladly.” She pauses, before continuing with a tense shift “Is Marc here?”

“No,” Jake huffs. “The idea of being open with someone who loves him was enough to scare him away.”

Sam turns around to glare at him, a look which he smirked at. “You’re so nosy. How much did you hear?”

“That’s my job, Carino.”

“Who gives you these jobs? ‘Cause it’s not Marc, he didn’t know you existed until this year.”

Jake seemed to think on this, then shake it off. “You are going to have to get used to him keeping secrets. He’s never going to be honest with you.” He notices the hurt look on your face, and tries to regroup. “I don’t mean that personally, I just mean… you have Steven. You are going to have to okay with loving all of Steven and half of Marc.”

Sam stared at him for a minute, considering this idea. Steven and her, things were good, great even. They had decided on honesty, and she really felt like she knew him… but that isn’t true, is it? They had agreed that Marc’s past wasn’t a part of their deal, but how can she really know Steven if she doesn’t know Marc? Marc’s past is Steven’s past, and the scars on Marc’s body are the scars on Steven’s. There was no way she could ever be satisfied not knowing Marc fully, no way. Sam loved him, she cared about him and worried about him. But even if she took Jake’s suggestion and was content with knowing Steven, the logic didn’t work.

She shook her head. “No, that’s not going to work for me.”

Jake shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee. “Have it your way.”

A pause. “Does Layla know what happened?”

Jake started to answer. “She- Aht! Nice try. Got any creamer?”

Sam groaned dramatically, but found some creamer, and watched as Jake turned his coffee almost white. “Hm”

He looks up, defensively. “What? You drink sugary iced coffee every morning and you wanna judge my coffee?”

Holding back a laugh, she tries to hide the laugh. “I didn’t say anything! And Jake… that's not coffee, that's a cup of creamer.”

“Marc’s the one who pretends to like black coffee, not me. I’ll even drink a fruity mixed drink, you gonna bully me for that too?” Despite his tone, a small smile was quirking up.

“Nope, nope I’m done.”

After breakfast, Jake even walks her to work. It was cold as shit, Jake grabbed Steven’s scarf and Sam made a mental note to make Jake a one.

“Don’t even think about it.” He says, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Hm?”

“I don’t need a scarf.” He says flatley.

“Okay, Marc.” She quips.

Jake turns to you, mouth open. For once, he didn’t have a witty reply.

She turns to him, smiling fondly. “You’re getting a scarf. Don’t fight it.”

“Fine.” He mumbles. “But I’m getting you a coffee.” Jake steers her into the coffee shop he must know from Steven. Sam orders her usual, and Jake orders another coffee, drowned in creamer. The barista gives Jake a look that Jake couldn’t read at first. Sam latter explained that she is there most mornings, and is probably very confused that ‘Steven’ is suddenly speaking in an American accent. Oh well. He pulls out the card to pay.

Sam tried to stop him. “Ohhh no, you’re not paying for my coffee.”

“Don’t worry.” Jake said as he swiped. “I’m using Marc’s card.”

Just Sam: Hey Marc/Steven/Jake, who's ever fronting. Can I talk to Marc”

The text was almost immediately seen, but it took a while before the three dots appeared.

Steven with a V: One sec, Marc’s being a bitch -J

Steven with a V: Ignore Jake, we’re just having a talk -S

Just Sam: Hi Steven!!! And Jake, be nice.

Steven with a V: No.-J

It was a good 5 minutes before Sam actually got a reply

Steven with a V: Can I come over?-M

Just Sam: Always. I’m off at 6, but you can come over whenever.

Steven with a V: Okay-M

Just Sam: See you soon, love you.

Steven with a V: Love you.-M

Marc was a man of few words.

When she finally got home after a day full of anxiety and cursing herself for forgetting her pills, she walked in up to her door to see smoke coming from the crack. Sam burst in, seeing Marc looking panicked and holding some dish. She dashed to open the windows to let the smoke out. “Marc, honey are you okay?”

“It’s fine, I just…. Burned dinner.” He starts coughing, looking guilty.

“Oh honey…” She was touched by his gesture, but when he didn’t stop coughing, Sam grabbed his arm. “Come on, step outside” She practically had to drag him out to the hall. “Stay.” Sam pointed at him, face firm so he knew she was serious. Sam went back inside, turning off the smoke alarm, placing the smoking dish on the windowsill, and calling her landlord, letting him know that nothing is burning to the ground.

When she stepped back outside, Marc looked at her with worry, as if she had gone into a burning building. “Sorry… I wanted to surprise you…”

Although she was still annoyed with him about their fight, she couldn’t help but fall a little more in love. He looked like a kid who burned the toast he was going to surprise his mom with for breakfast in bed… “It’s okay Starlight.” His sad little face lightened a bit when she used his nickname. “Come on, let's get some food.”

“You don’t… Want to talk?” Marc looks so nervous and disheveled, he looks more like Steven.

“I do.” Sam smiles softly “But let's eat first, okay?”

He didn’t relax at all, he remained tense the entire dinner. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was nervous. It reminded Sam of how her and Marc were when they first began knowing each other. When they got back to Sam’s apartment, it was cold as hell. This was to be expected with leaving the windows open, and Marc closed the windows while Sam got her space heater and several blankets. They sat on the couch, leaning against opposite arm rests. Sam touched her ever-cold toes under Marc ass for extra warmth, finally illiciating a smile from him, as small as it was.

“Can we talk about it?” Sam speaks quietly, hesitating.

“If we have to.” Marc replied, but did not start the conversation.

Sam shuts her eyes tightly, taking a breath. She told herself to keep calm, be patient. She opened up to find him staring at her with those beautiful eyes, looking painfully vulnerable. “Can you… tell me something? Anything? I… you don’t have to tell me everything, and I’m sorry for pushing you… but if you could just give me a little something every now and-”

“My brother drowned.” Marc interrupted Sam. He kept going, afraid if he stopped, he wouldn't start again. “And you’re right, it’s hypocritical of me to insist you be open but not tell you anything. It was my fault, I should’ve… I should’ve kept him safe.” A deep breath. “I was supposed to be watching him, but I didn’t and he died.”

Sam had known he died, and that he blamed himself. “How…” Sam hesitated, not wanting to push him. “How old were you?”

“8, Randall was 6.”

Randall… She finally knew his name. “It’s not-”

“Don’t” Marc shuts his eyes tightly. “Steven says it all the time.”

“He’s right…” Sam loved how they took care of each other, and she hoped Marc could get there with Jake…

He opens his eyes again, and smiles, so, so, softly, and so, so, sad. “I don’t… I dont know how to talk about the other stuff.” He looked apologetic, and Sam immediately felt bad for pushing him, even if he was being hypocritical.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, Marc, I’m sorry. The fight was stupid….”

He shakes his head. “No, you’re right… My mom… It got really bad… She blamed me…” Marc was choking out the sentences, his breath shaky.

“Honey, it’s okay-”

“Ask about a scar.”

Sam stood there, stunned, unsure how to proceed. “Huh?”

Marc takes a deep, steadying breath. When his chest fell again, he looked calmed. “Ask about a scar, I’ll tell you what happened. My mom, Marines, Moon Knight, accident, whatever. I’ll tell you.” He looked at her so earnestly, so prepared…

“The big one on your lower back.”

“Belt, my mom.”

Sam felt like she could cry. Her dad hurt her, but she had a feeling it wasn’t anything as bad as what Marc endured. “Baby I’m sorry…” He powered through, attempting to keep a straight face, but his eyes couldn’t hide the pain he was in.

She has an idea “It's your turn.” He doesn’t say anything, just gives her a confused look. “Ask about a scar. I’ll tell you if it’s self-harm, my dad or an accident.” Sam slithered out of the blanket and took off her dress, revealing her body and the mass of scars that accompanied it.

His face finally relaxed, just a bit. The apartment had warmed up, so Marc in turn stripped off his shirt and pants. His eyes scanned her body with the bit of hunger he always looked at her with. “The one on your lip.”

Sam actually laughed at this, despite the morbid topic they were in. “That was Benedict.” Marc viewed her incredulously, but curious. “He was working on cutting out shapes when he was 5 or something, and I was trying to help.”

Marc huffs out a small laugh. “And by help, you mean…”

“I mean I tried to do it for him because he was doing it wrong, of course,”

“Of course.”

“Well, he took the scissors and cut my lip open.”

“Jesus!” He was shocked, but couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of a 5 year old committing an act of violence.

“Yeah” she giggled softly. “Yeah, I think that’s why we are the way we are.” She shrugged. “Okay, the scratches on your back.”

“Marines, the barbed wire. I got up too soon when I was crawling under.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. Okay, the cut on your hip bone.”

Sam winces. “Cut myself.”

Frowning, Marc thinks about this. “Why there?” It was outside her usual patches of scars, he didn’t think it was intentional.

She shrugs. “Heat of the moment? The one on the top of your foot.”

Marc’s face was a confusing mix of emotions, almost wistful. It was sad, but thinking happy of memories. “Um… the cave where Randell… well, we used to go there a lot. I scratched my foot climbing, and it ended up getting infected. I couldn’t wear shoes to school for 3 days.”

Marc was talking about good memories with his brother… “Sounds fun…”

“It was…” Marc scanned her body again, landing on her arm and nodding towards it.

Sam followed his eyeline. “Oh…” She hesitated.

“It’s okay, you can tell me.”

She knew it wasn’t fair to not tell Marc when she had pushed the subject, but she didn’t want to upset him “Remember, with the mirror, I told Steven it wasn’t the first time I picked glass out of skin?”

“Ah.” A familiar wave of guilt washed over his face.

They continued going back and forth.

‘Fell of my bike’

‘pushed into a table’

‘Cigarette burn, that one was an accident’

‘staff infection’

'Belt'

‘tried slicing an onion, it didn’t go well’

'Believe it or not, infected mosquitoe bite.'

'sword fight'

‘I thought if I cut there, maybe someone would notice’ ‘

‘fucker pistol whipped me’

Swapping stories with the scars until they just swapped stories. Growing up, the good and the bad, college, marines, siblings, cousins. Mostly lighthearted, some darker… He didn’t talk about Layla or his time as a mercenary, and he didn’t voluntarily bring up Moon Knight… but that was okay. He talked to her, he opened up. He trusted her. And that was enough for now.

*************

Next chapter

Spotify playlist: if you have ideas for more songs, send them in my ask!

Thank you so much for reading! All the kind comments you guys leave here and on my other fics mean the world to me <3

Reblogs help a lot!!!

@ahookedheroespureheart @kr-mlk @mt2sssss @cherryvalentine1 @tippycakes26

#sunshine starlight sweetheart brightside #marc spector #marc spector fluff #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector you #marc spector oc #moon knight fluff #moon knight fanfiction #steven grant #jake lockley #Jake Lockley is a good friend #moon knight #oscar isaac #Jake lockley being annoying #marc spector needs a hug #soft marc spector #marc spector reader #loving marc spector #marc spector x reader

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hext00ns · 2 years

Text

Identity (Originally written for Follow Your Rainbow @fyr-zine an LGBT+ Sonic Zine)

AO3 link in comments

Ships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog/Sally Acorn/Amy Rose

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

Description: When Shadow is dragged to Pride by his significant others he begins to question his identity.

The warm summer air seeped through the cracks and corners of the house, only cut some by the fervious efforts of the air conditioner that was working double time the past few days. Though, Shadow didn’t particularly mind- or even really notice- the scorching heat. In fact, if it hadn’t been for his blue counterpart, he doubted he would have thought to turn on the air conditioning in the first place.

However, that same counterpart was currently being a Grade A nuisance. Sonic had been bothering him all morning. He’d been attempting to convince Shadow to leave his work and go with him and the others to some block party happening at the time. Shadow momentarily wondered if he were to turn off the air conditioner would the blue blur leave to escape the heat. Unfortunately, he doubted it. Sonic had always been a most hard headed individual.

“It’ll be fun!” Sonic had said that about three or four times now.

“I have work to do,” was Shadow’s instantaneous response, which had also been stated at least three or four times.

Sonic let out a groan and fell to his back against the table. “It’s paperwork!” he cried out, throwing his arms to the air above him in exasperation. “Can’t you do it any other day?”

“It’s best to get stuff done when you can and not put it off,” Shadow hissed out back, giving Sonic a pointed look. “Even so, I don’t see why you’re so insistent that I come with you. Can’t you take the girls?”

Sonic rolled to his side, pushing around some of the papers to the side and causing Shadow to give a sound of annoyance. “I am! Or- trying to.”

Shadow gave a raised brow.

Finally sitting up, yet still on the desk, Sonic moved to explain: “It was Amy and my idea! But we wanted you ‘n Sal to come with. So I was tasked with convincing you and Amy went to grab Sal!” Sonic smiled proudly and shoved his thumb to his chest. As if convincing Shadow to go with their cluster to a party was a noble quest he’d been sent on. Shadow felt more as though it were his own personal purgatory.

Shadow had never been the kind for large groups of people. He liked solo missions and small meetups. He wasn’t big on large get togethers and definitely not parties. Especially not parties that took out almost all of City Square to host in its area.

As it were, however, it always seemed that if anyone could get Shadow into large groups it would be the very hero that sat with him now. Sonic dragged him around like an antisocial dog on occasion; assuring others that he didn’t bite and was safe to pet. It baffled him how insistent Sonic was on such things. He tended to notice a similar phenomenon happening to Knuckles as well. Only made more curious by the fact that Shadow knew Sonic could be just as independent as himself. The blue blur was just as weighed down by a need to be the lone wolf as Shadow, or even Knuckles tended to be. Sonic had always been strange in those regards, as he still seemed to have a near constant gaggle of allies and friends at his side on the regular.

“You know I’m not one to go to these sorts of things,” Shadow finally sighed, crossing his arms and looking up to the other. “Why are you so adamant about me going along?”

Sonic’s legs began to swing as his upper body rocked slightly along with the motion. “It’s not just any party. It’s Pride! Don’t you know anything about that?”

“Of course I do,” Shadow huffed out. “I’ve never been but I see no reason to. I understand it’s a celebration and I get why others would be interested. What I don’t see is why I should care.”

“Well, you’re gay for starters.”

Shadow gave Sonic an unimpressed look. “Your evidence isn’t very compelling.”

Sonic gave a dramatic sound of frustration. “It’s-” he lifted his hands but paused as his words started to trip over themselves. He took a short moment to reorganize whatever was sitting in his head. Shadow waited patiently for the other to clear up his thoughts. Finally, he started again, his hands waving along with his words. “It’s more than just a celebration! It is. But it’s also a big part of our history, you know? Also it’ll be fun. People go to this kinda stuff with their friends and partners all the time.”

Shadow’s frown stayed but did begin to soften some. It was clear this was important to Sonic; if not also Amy, Shadow was willing to guess. He understood the history. He understood, to at least some extent, its importance. That didn’t change his stance on wanting to go or not.

“Plus,” Sonic started up again, “it’ll be the first one since we all got together.”

Shadow looked at the other. He had a sincere, if not somewhat nervous smile. Shadow now understood the real importance such an occasion had to Sonic and Amy. It had been just a little under a year since the four of them had really figured out what they were and how the relationship would work. And where there were still some stumbles here and there, Shadow couldn’t lie and say the change in his life hadn’t brought something that made his days feel just a little brighter.

Finally, Shadow gave a sigh. He ran a hand over his face and rubbed at the side of his cheek. “Fine,” he groaned out.

Sonic straightened up and looked at him surprised. “Wait- really?”

“Yes. Really.”

Sonic jumped up from the desk, the sudden motion throwing some of the papers into the air. He let out a cheer of success and suddenly had his arms around Shadow, pressing an over dramatic kiss to his cheek.

Surely, it couldn’t be that bad.

It was that bad.

After just barely an hour, Shadow felt like any energy that would normally give his body the motivation to move had suddenly been zapped from him. Leaving him empty and lethargic. There was just so much happening all at once. He hadn’t had much time to really work himself up to going in the first place, having agreed because of his partners’ own interests in coming to such a large gathering.

He could hardly focus as they walked from point to point. He felt stiff and every ability to see or hear blurred into one large mass of sound and movements. His mind both on red alert and foggy all at once. It wasn't till a hand fell to his arm that he snapped out of the fog and faced worried pink fur.

“Are you okay, Shadow?” Amy questioned, her thumb gently running against the fur of his arm. He didn’t know if the motion was comforting or overwhelming.

“I…” his words fell away from him. Sally and Sonic were also both now looking at him with a matching concern. He tried to shift through the pros and cons of lying and saying he was alright, while also forcing the feeling of drowning out of his throat.

Before he could respond, Amy’s hand was gently taken from his shoulder. Sonic, now holding her wrist, spun her around with a smile and quickly to Sally’s side. Both giving Shadow much needed space, while also pulling a giggle from the pink hedgehog.

“Me ‘n’ Shads are gonna go take a breather,” Sonic explained, stepping to Shadow’s side but still giving the hybrid his space. “Things are gettin’ a little ‘a lot’, if ya’ catch me.” The blue blur gave the two a wink and a finger pistol. “We’ll catch up with you two in twenty.”

Amy looked like she wanted to object or ask to help. However, Sally stepped in and locked their arms.

“Alright,” Sally replied. “I’ll take Amy to get something sweet then.” She looked to Amy to see the pink hedgehog brighten at the promise of a treat before giving Sonic an understanding nod.

As the girls took their leave, Shadow could just make out Amy chanting “cake! Cake! Cake!” and Sally only chuckling in response.

His attention was brought back to Sonic when the other bumped him with an elbow. Sonic motioned his head to signal Shadow to follow him. Needing no other word, the two ran off and out of the crowds.

Sonic had led Shadow up to a rooftop. They sat in a comfortable silence and looked out over the festivities.

“We don’t have to stay the whole time,” Sonic finally said after a good while.

Shadow looked over to him, only to receive a smile in return. “We’ve barely been here an hour,” Shadow responded, looking away again.

“Yeah and you already look like you’re ‘boutta kick it,” Sonic chuckled. “Crowds can suck. I get it; and the girls will too. I’m happy you were willing to try and come at all, honestly.” Sonic gave a shrug at his admission.

“The crowds are bad but…” Shadow’s lips thinned as he tried to find where that thought was heading.

“But?” Sonic encouraged.

Shadow sighed. “I don’t think it helps that I feel out of place.”

“‘Out of place’?”Sonic raised an eye ridge in question, his ears flopping in a way that animatedly matched his features. “Wudda ya mean by that?”

Shadow looked to him again. “I always feel stuck out in a crowd. Even then, this gathering is for your community.” Shadow’s eyes fell to the roof below, frowning. “I don’t know how much I really belong in it.”

There was a pause of silence. The longer it was pulled out the more Shadow could feel the spines and fur on his back begin to stand on end. Finally, he gave in and looked up at the other.

Sonic was only looking at him. Eyes open with confusion, as if he were trying to figure something out. “You… don’t think you belong?”

Shadow, where already not the tallest of their group, somehow felt worlds smaller under Sonic’s gaze. As if he had just admitted to some grave injustice or unforgivable transgression. Not that he truly believed there was much he could do that the blue blur specifically wouldn’t gladly try to pull him back from. But this wasn’t any of this. This was Shadow feeling, in some manner of speaking, insecure and overwhelmed. Why he would ever feel wrong or bad for being honest with Sonic, with any of them, was beyond him. It was downright ridiculous when he thought about it. He could almost laugh. But he didn’t laugh. Instead, Shadow only nodded to confirm Sonic’s implied inquiry.

“We’ll, you’re definitely not straight,” Sonic said with ease.

Shadow looked to him with a confused frustration. “How can you possibly know that? I don’t even know if I’m sure of that.”

“I mean, you’re dating me and Sal- and she’s only a girl in the same way a sword is.”

Shadow looked to him as he gave an easy shrug. As if it was all so simple and conclusive. But to Shadow it didn’t feel that way at all. In fact, he found himself avoiding the mental subject, as he only felt lost at the concepts.

“Look man,” Sonic started up again. “You don’t gotta know all this stuff right away.”

Shadow looked back out to the crowd below them. His eyes zeroed in on Sally and Amy. Both of them had stopped at a small stand with flags of different variety. After a moment Sally pointed off somewhere and then walked to leave.

Sonic must have followed his gaze as after Sally left he knocked his elbow against Shadow’s own. “I’m gonna go back down.” Sonic stood up and stretched out. “If you wanna stay up longer or go home the girls won't be upset.” He then was gone in a flash. Leaving Shadow on the roof alone.

Shadow decided he would go find the others. He wasn’t fully convinced he wanted to leave. Nor was he fully convinced he wanted to stay either. Both seemed to have numerous cons to them that he didn’t want to cause. He tried to focus on the pros to make his decision but gave up on his midday roof sitting adventures either way.

Instead, he hopped off and started towards where he’d last seen Amy. He had watched Sonic speed off to find Sally earlier. Unsure if Amy had already grouped back with them or not.

Apparently not, as he found her exactly where they had left her. She was looking through a pile of multicolored scarves, skirts, and other trinkets. Most of the flags he didn’t recognize.

When he walked up to her she turned and gave him a wide smile. “Shadow!” she called out excitedly. She opened her arms, ready to envelope him in a hug but paused. “Are you still too overwhelmed for touches?” she questioned, tilting her head like a curious cat, her arms still outstretched but paused in place.

“I’m better,” he replied. “But nothing too big, please.”

She nodded and chirped a happy “okay!” before taking his hand in both her own to give it a soft and affectionate squeez. “Help me pick out a skirt!” She gently tugged at his hand to pull him closer to the stall.

“You’re getting a new skirt?” he asked.

“Well, most my pride stuff is old flags so I wanted to get something new!” She beamed up at him.

“Old flags?” Shadow questioned with a raised brow.

Amy nodded and took back one of her hands from his. She picked through a few different things, setting aside a couple as she went through. “You know,” she started up, drawing out her words in a sing-songy way. “Years pass, things change. I don’t really identify the same way I did when I was thirteen.” She gave a giggle, as if the joke was obvious.

Shadow wasn’t sure what the joke was.

She must have noticed the confused look on his face. Her smile turned to understanding as she explained, “some people’s gender or sexualities change over the years. I mean- are you the same as when you were a kid?”

Shadow looked back down at the multicolored clothing and trinkets. When he was a kid he was still in the Arc. “I… suppose not,” he finally let out. “But I don’t believe I had any sort of understanding of any of this when I was that young.”

“What, like, gay stuff?” Amy questioned.

He only replied with a muted nod. “I’m not sure how common it was on the Arc fifty years ago,” Shadow explained. “And even if it were, I wasn’t knowledgeable of it. Or really any time to myself to ever question anything of the like.”

Amy gave a nod, as she listened she began to throw scarves and cheesy sunglasses onto Shadow, as if to look and see how they look on him. “Well!” Amy declared, throwing a lesbian flag scarf back into the pile. “No time like the present, right?”

“How did you know?”

Amy looked up at him, pausing in her work. “Know?” She gave a thoughtful hum and looked back to the stand. “I mean, it takes a while,” she started. “Or, I guess it took a while for me. Knowing I was pan hinged on realizing I was a girl.”

“I guess it makes sense that they would be more or less hand in hand.”

Amy nodded in agreement. “It’s like,” she raised up her hands to wave them around lightly as she went, “when I was little I knew I liked Sonic. But it was a weird, like, hero worship thing.” She let her hands fall back to the trans colored skirt before her. “But, romantically liking guys- or even girls for that matter- felt weird.” Her hands began to fidget with the ends of the fabric. “When I realized I was a girl though, I realized I was imagining myself in relationships as a guy. Which wasn’t what was right, you know?” She looked up at him. Her smile was reminiscent and soft. “It felt good. Like a breath of fresh air.”

“How did you know you were a girl, though? How does one even know that sort of thing?” Shadow mumbled out the last part of his question.

Amy reached over and placed her hand back on his. “Honestly?” she started. “It’s different for everyone. Sometimes you just wake up one day and you know. Sometimes it's a lifetime of slow steps towards what you might not yet realize.”

Shadow met her gaze. He then let his eyes fall to their hands. “Sometimes I think I know who I finally am,” he began quietly. The words only meant for her, not the hundreds of people around them. At this point they’d all fallen to the background. The sounds and sights muted, completely focused on Amy and their conversation. “Then sometimes I feel like I have no clue.”

Amy just gave a gentle giggle at that. “Yeah, life can make you feel like that.”

Shadow took the risk and looked back up to her gaze. Her eyes were soft and comforting as usual. But there was an extra sentence there. More words that were left unsaid but were understandable by the way she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. The patient and loving look she gave. The comforting gesture given to show that she understood. Beyond the regular life experiences. Beyond the normal emotions of the everyday young adult. She knew Shadow’s feelings on the matter ran much deeper than that. Her words were not meant to lessen or trivialize his struggle, but to assure him that on some level, he wasn’t alone.

“But now I gotta ask,” she started up again. The bright chipper tone coming back full force. “Why the sudden questioning? Never thought you cared much about that kinda stuff.”

“I don’t,” Shadow quipped back without thinking. “I-I mean. I didn’t. Or,” his words became mumbles as he looked to the ground beside him. His eyes zeroed in on some silly string left behind. “I didn’t think I did. I suppose, coming here has… caused me to re-evaluate those opinions.”

“And your conclusion?”

He paused this time. Not wanting to give an immediate answer. He thought back on the conversation he’d had with Sonic earlier. About the things he did know about queer identities and how they worked. He then sighed and looked back at Amy with a small smile of his own. “I’m definitely not straight.”

She blinked before busting out into another fit of giggles. “No,” she squeezed out between laughter. “I didn’t think you were either.”

Shadow couldn't help the chuckle bubbling out. Once their laughter subsided, Amy began to swing his arm gently.

“I will admit,” Shadow said with a small sigh. “I’m not sure how I feel… on the other end.” His face lowered with his eyes. He hated the forein feeling of embarrassment that bit at the corners of his mind. Just enough to make the skin under his fur become warm, but not enough to be visible.

Amy pushed her face closer to Shadow’s from below, clearly chasing after his gaze with a cat-like smile of her own. “Other side?” She questioned, her tone now holding something more giddy. “Do tell.”

Shadow’s face only grew hotter with her pressing. He moved his head back a bit more, puffing out his chest with a huff. “You’re enjoying this.”

“Oh totally,” she agreed with a nod. “Now spill!” she giggles out, gently smacking his chest with her other hand.

“I’m not sure if I can even word it,” he mumbled back, his posture slowly moving back to normal. “The feeling is alien to me, though I can’t say it never existed just…”

“More center stage now?”

Shadow nodded.

Amy returned the nod in understanding. “You know who you should really talk to about all this? Sally!”

“Sally?”

“Yeah!” Amy nodded again, this time more enthusiastically. “They’re definitely the gal to talk to with gender stuff.” Amy straightened out her own posture. Still keeping close to Shadow, but now fully instead of just his face. “My gender journey, even if it took a while, was like a total straight path,” she began to explain. “And Sonic always tells it that he knew the second he could talk. But Sally’s run through different identities and different directions of gender expression than either of us! She’s probably gonna have like,” Amy raised her hands and wiggled her fingers, “old wizard style smart gender advice.”

He let out a humored breath at that.

Shadow parted ways with Amy, leaving her to continue her quest of finding the perfect skirt. He started in the direction he had seen Sally go off to the first time she’d walked off on her own. He decided to walk instead of run or anything that could get him there faster. For the moment, he felt like he needed the short time between talking with Amy and talking with Sally to breathe. The conversation with Amy hadn’t even been that hard to have. At least, it shouldn’t have been.

As he walked through the streets and the crowds he saw numerous familiar faces pass by him. He thought about each one. How he didn’t really know any of their explicit identities. All he really knew about any of them was what he was to call them and, if they were in a relationship, what that relationship was. For a guy who’s current job had a lot to do with working in the field of intel, it felt as though he was missing plenty of it.

He wondered if that was another nail in his coffin? Was he supposed to know such details about everyone? Was it all common knowledge? He wondered if he were to figure his own out today would he be expected to tell the world? He supposed that would be ridiculous, now that he’d given it serious thought. After all, for one most of these people were friends of friends. Acquaintances he’d made through Sonic or Rouge. And on the other hand, why would he need to know such personal details about all these people’s identities? He was making a mental mountain out of a molehill. His anxieties over his own, now realized, insecurities causing every red alarm in his mind to blare off at once in rapid succession.

He thought about what Amy had said. About how her own journey had been a long one. Shadow wasn’t sure he could handle something like that. Not knowing something about himself felt like standing before a cliff with nowhere to go. Learning new things about himself was one thing, it was exciting to say the least. But to not know something at all, to have some sort of gap in his perception of who he was… Shadow’s identity was everything to him. He’d clawed out of the depths of every hell imaginable so that he could stand as he did and feel confidence in his life; in his very existence as a person. For all of that confidence to be somehow undone by the anxiety of what could only be described as a momentary question of his gender identity? It was infuriatingly laughable.

And yet, when Shadow really pushed himself to think back, he wondered if ‘momentary’ was the right word. It was hard to describe, even to himself, the one person who, arguably, didn’t even need an explanation for the way he was feeling. But there was something there. Some wordless nagging at the back of his mind. An old itch that he never learned how to scratch; instead opting to shove it to the very back corners of his mind where it would no longer bother him. An emotion that, at first, seemed to have no substance or reason but after just a moment of consideration would come to understand it was full of questions and need for… something. Something Shadow was unsure how to have or obtain.

Shadow’s thoughtful walk was cut short by the sound of someone calling his name. He turned towards the sound, hoping it was what he heard and not just the noise of the bustling streets getting the better of him.

It was Sally, waving its arms to get his attention as it walked over to him. “Hey, Shadow,” it greeted more casually once they were in normal ear shot of each other.

Shadow took a few steps to meet it halfway and nodded a greeting to it. He then looked around and noted the absence of blue. “Where’s Sonic?” he asked curiously.

“He ran off to go find Amy when he saw you coming,” it explained. “To regroup and everything.” Sally gave a chuckle and shook its head. “I didn’t mean to leave her alone for so long but I ended up getting distracted.” Sally then looked up at Shadow. “What about you?” it questioned. “How are you doing? Any better?”

Shadow nodded. “I met up with Amy before coming to find you.”

Sally chuckled at that. “Feels like the four of us are playing tag at this point. Come on,” it said and began to walk back where Shadow had come from. “Let’s start back so hopefully we can catch them before we lose them again.”

Shadow started after it, keeping an easy pace. He let silence slip between them as he tried to pull back any thoughts he had before running into it. He wasn’t sure how to go about any of this. He supposed ripping the bandaid right off would have to be the best bet for now.

“Sally,” he began, grabbing its attention. “I wanted to ask about…” He looked to the side, as if looking for the words he needed. “About gender?” he questioned, sounding too much like a question in the wrong way.

Sally looked at him for a moment, as if to try and figure out what it was he was trying to ask at all. It then smiled. “Lemme guess, you’re questioning the whole cis versus trans thing, right?”

Shadow responded with a nod. There was a pause, clearly Sally giving him a moment to say more. He gratefully took it. “I never tried to focus on these sorts of things before. Even now I’m not sure how well I understand it all. I feel out of the loop and like there’s more to me I don’t know and-” He was stopped by a hand on his arm.

Sally had gently taken hold of him. “Hey, you know you don’t have to figure this all out at once, right?”

Shadow nodded. “Sonic and Amy said similarly.”

“Well, they’re right. For once, in Sonic’s case at least.”

Shadow let out a humored breath at that. “He has his moments. I think you and Amy are to thank for that.”

“I’d like to think so too,” Sally nodded with a chuckle.

“I just feel very… lost, not knowing things,” he continued. “Almost frustrated by it. But it feels as though there's so much I don’t know about this sort of thing already, that there’s no way I could ever make sense of it for myself.”

“Like queer identities, you mean?” it asked.

Shadow nodded.

“You know none of that really matters, right?”

Shadow paused and looked at it. “Huh?”

Sally gave a chuckle. “There’s a ton of identities not because you’re expected to memorize all of them but for the people who want them.”

“I’m still not sure I follow,” Shadow mumbled.

Sally tapped its finger against its chin for a moment. “You know, like gynosexual?”

“Huh?”

“Okay,” Sally sighed with a smile, “gynosexual is someone who’s only atracted to girls basically. Because of this a lot of non-binary people who are only into girls will use it.”

“Alright,” Shadow nodded, to show he was following along.

“But they don’t have to use that if they don’t want to,” Sally added on. “It’s just as normal as if someone identified as a non-binary lesbian. They’re still non-binary and they’re still only atracted to girls. It’s just more up to them how they describe that and identify it.”

“So then, some of them can mean the same thing?”

Sally gave a hum in thought at that. “I guess by a technicality they all mean different things. But it matters more how the individual interprets them, less how society does. It’s your identity, you can call it and describe it however you want.” Sally then smiled and with a chuckle added, “I once had a friend who didn’t know if they were pan or bi for a while but stuck with pan cause they liked the colors of the flag better.” It put its hand back to Shadow’s elbow, letting its fingers run up his fur and to his shoulder affectionately. Comfortingly. “These words aren’t made to hinder anyone or to make anyone feel more lost. They’re made to help and to be comforting. If you don’t find comfort in them then just don’t worry about them. Easy as that.”

“What about you?”

It paused for a moment at the question. “Amy’s probably told you that when it comes to identities I’ve ran with just about everything under the sun at one point or another.”

Shadow nodded.

“Sometimes you just feel differently. You grow and change and that scares people sometimes but honestly it only excites me,” Sally explained. “I like change and growth. It feels good. It feels like the world is still turning and I'm turning with it. Who knows what I’ll feel next, all that matters is what I feel now.”

“Now…” Shadow mumbled to himself, as if to test the word on his tongue.

“What do you feel right now, Shadow?” it asked gently, giving him a patient and soft look.

“I-”

“There you two are!”

Sally and Shadow both whipped over to look towards the shout.

Amy and Sonic were making their way over. Amy was sporting a trans colored skirt while Sonic had on bi colored dog tags.

“We’re glad we found you two before we got split up again!” Amy called happily. She skipped over to take Sally’s arm and slide on a fuzzy non-binary colored wrist band.

“We were on our way to the both of you, too,” Sally explained with a chuckle, smiling at its new gift before giving Amy a peck on the cheek.

Amy let out a giggle before making a sound of surprise, “Shadow!” She grabbed his hand and pulled it to her chest. “Did you talk to Sally about The Thing yet!”

“The Thing?” Sonic questioned looking from Amy to Shadow. “What Thing?”

“Same Thing from before,” Shadow responded.

“Oh! That Thing,” Sonic nodded in understanding. “Wait, you talked to Amy and Sal ‘bout the Thing?”

“I love all three of you so much,” Sally began, snapping all attention to it. “But the next person who says the word ‘thing’ like that I’m going to hit.”

Before anyone could say anything Amy smashed her hand to Sonic’s mouth who only did the same to her in response. The two matched glances and only began to snicker wildly.

“Yes,” Shadow finally responded. His voice laced with fond exasperation. “I had mentioned my thoughts on it all to Amy and then was just now speaking with Sally about it.”

“Soo, then what’s the verdict?” Sonic asked curiously.

Shadow paused, not sure how to answer. Did he even have an answer yet? It really didn’t feel like it.

“How about we go get some food and sit to keep talking about this,” Sally suggested, saving Shadow momentarily.

The group migrated to a nearby cafe and sat at an outside table with their snacks. The cool drinks were a refreshing welcome to the four of them having spent a number of hours in a large crowd in the hot summer sun.

Finally Shadow spoke, bringing back the past three conversations, “I’m questioning a lot of things, I believe.”

“Like?” Sonic questioned.

Shadow tapped his finger on the side of his drink. Frowning into the liquid from behind the transparent plastic. He was thankful for the momentary silence from the other three. A part of him felt nervous under their watchful gazes, but ultimately he understood they only wanted to listen and help. He wanted them to listen and help. There were very few other people he would feel so comfortable talking about such things with. The only other people being Rouge and possibly Omega or Knuckles. Even though some days, Shadow was convinced the latter two were just as lost with the times as he was.

After a moment Shadow let himself lean back into his chair and look up towards the others. “I want to figure out my gender before all else.”

“Sounds like a good place to start.” Sally nodded.

“Got any starting points to jump from?” Sonic asked, pulling the straw of his drink into his mouth to take a loud sip.

Shadow gave a nod. “I don’t believe I’m cis, for one. I’m not sure how I feel viewing myself as a ‘man’. It feels…” He frowned in thought. “Off, somehow.”

“Like a ‘wrong’ off or a ‘to the left’ off?” Amy asked.

Shadow only responded with a confused eye ridge.

“Do you feel you may be a woman, instead,” Sally translated.

The hybrid shook his head. “No. I don’t believe I'm trans.”

“Trans is more than just boy to girl and vice versa,” Sonic added in. “Trans is anything that isn't cis. So like, non-binary shit too.”

“Do you think you might be non-binary?” Sally asked.

Shadow thought for a moment. “Possibly? But I’m not sure to what end.”

“Whaddaya mean?” Amy asked past a mouth full of muffin.

“Non-binary is also an umbrella term, correct? It’s not a third gender. If I am non-binary, I wouldn’t know in what way or in what direction.”

“There doesn’t have to be any direction,” Sonic suggested. “Like, you could be agender. That’s like, no gender kinda thing.”

Shadow mulled over the idea, but ultimately shook his head. “I don’t feel like that’s it.”

“What about demi-boy?” Amy added. “Like boy but not really boy.”

Shadow, one again, shook his head. “No. That’s not it. I don’t feel like…” He sighed and frowned. He wasn’t trying to seem frustrated, and yet the feeling was slowly creeping into every action. He pushed a hand over his face and let out another sigh. “I have a gender. But it has nothing to do in relation to ‘male’ or ‘female’. That is how I feel. At least, as best I can describe it.”

“You don’t have to give it a name, you know,” Sally said. “You can be just non-binary and leave it at that. There’s plenty of people who also just identify as queer and leave it there.”

“Queer is an identity?”

“It can be!” Amy nodded in agreement. “Some people use it as a gender, sexuality, or both!”

Shadow let his canines gently tug at the inside of his lip. Queer sounded simple. It wasn’t some big thing or an unfamiliar sentiment. It felt familiar and natural and… nice. “I think… I think I like that.”

“Oh shit!” Sonic called out, throwing his hands to the air excitedly. “Do you wanna change your pronouns too?”

“Oh, um.” He hadn’t even thought about pronouns. “I still want to keep the masculine ones. But… I think it would be nice to try out ‘they/them’ and see where that leads?”

“Of course!” Amy clapped with a bright smile.

“If you ever want it changed, just tell us,” Sally mentioned. Sonic and Amy nodding along in agreement.

“Alright,” Shadow said. Their own smile forming. The frustration and complicated feelings that had been haunting him all day had begun to dissipate. They continued to rotate the word in his mind.

“Oh! Also!” Amy called out. “Here Shadow, I got you this!” She pulled out a small, braided, rainbow colored bracelet to hand them.

They took it and slid it onto their arm, looking down at it with fondness. “Queer,” they mumbled out. “That feels a lot better.”

#sonic the hedgehog #sonadow #sonamy #sonally #shadamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #sally acorn #fan fic #fiction #writing #mywriting #this took forever for me to post here cause im LAZY ihguyuhi and forgetful so yk Waugh

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