#I do just feel unloveable as a whole

[whimsyprinx]

going to be sad again rq and say that I have gotten closer to giving up on believing that I am loved or like worthy of love

#whimsy whispers #I do just feel unloveable as a whole #I’m like every imaginable aspect #by myself as a person by others be it in any shape or form #I like gave up on being love romantically a while ago because like all romance is to me is a joke at my expense #but like even as a friend or in a familial way I don’t feel all that loved or deserving of love #sometimes I feel like only the cats in the household I live in love me and I’m tempted to say that’s just cause they know me as one of the #ppl who can supply them with food #I know at least a few friends do love me that’s not like something I mean to overlook I know without a doubt at least four of y’all care #despite my efforts to chase y’all away ahdjfjf but like #at the end of the day overall I feel unloved and like I don’t even deserve to be loved #even if I were loved by more people it wouldn’t feel deserved #idk like #like I said I have fully given up on like ever being in a relationship I don’t expect anyone to ever like love me like that and at this #point after everything I don’t know if I want anyone to #and I just feel like I’m close to giving up on love in general also #I’ve already given up on like goals and hopes and dreams so why not love as well? #idk it’s another ‘everything is pointless and I’m unhappy’ post #life is just nothing to me except for sadness and repetition

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads

The Spider And Her Demons

YA Australian urban fantasy/horror

about a Malaysian-Chinese girl who’s half spider-demon, just trying to keep her head down and survive high school

when she accidentally kills and eats a man in front of the most popular girl at school, they strike up a strange friendship and she starts to learn more about herself and the supernatural world

aroacespec/sapphic ish

#The Spider And Her Demons #Sydney Khoo #loveozya #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #you give me a teenage girl with giant hair spider legs who scuttles across her bedroom wall on page 3 #and then eats a man and i am already sold. #also aus books are always so familiar compared to US books :) #and yes sexuality stuff is ambiguous but basically: a bunch of discussion on relationship hierachies (ie friendship equally/more important) #themes of feeling unlovable bc you're different and different forms of love #multiple times the MC says she has no interest in dating or relationships and also is touch (and maybe sex) repulsed #- but of course that Also has to do with the whole Being A Monster thing #and it definitely shows some kind of attraction to dior - ie looking at her lips/bare skin; blushing; etc #and ends on sort of hand kiss / 'is this something??' vibes #I asked the author and they said they see them as QPR / platonic soulmates but are not at the point where they would know what to call it #which makes total sense to me! #the part of me who wants more obvious aroace YA wishes it was a little more specific #but also I DO love ambiguity and I think it wouldn't be true to the characters #who are clearly not even ready to start figuring that stuff out. #and also. aroacespec sapphics is like. also something i want #also like. I think it's reductive to assume just because 'looks at lips' is a common allo attraction trope....doesn't necessarily mean #it has to be that. yknow. #anyway. i loved it a lot. #gross spidergirl (affectionate)...... #also dior is such an interesting and complex character. like another book could have made her nicer or less fucked up

[iangallagherisadeadman]

post-s11 Tami definitely gets tired of Lip and leaves him.

yes, I do like them as a couple, I think it is an interesting dynamic and that Tami is good for him honestly, even though they lived completely different lives and crash so many times because of it throughout the last seasons.

fact is Lip won't ever change and will keep making the same kind of mistakes and she will get fed up with it eventually. they'll go different ways, maybe keep a somewhat friendly relationship, and she will get a new partner and Lip will have a Sean kind of relationship with Fred: that kid is the most important thing in his whole life and he's constantly hunted by the fear of drinking again and hurting Fred.

#headcanon? #its not that i desire lip to be unhappy and unlovable i just feel like he wont get his happy ending living the way he is #making the decisions hes making treating people the way he does #i feel like he is going to mature by the power of love because of fred i truly believe that #also no fucking way hes going to be poor for the rest of his life hes a genius and a southside he will get up and fix this up #i like him as a mecanic but that one s11 scene that he saves that dude a lot of money in the computer doing a super simple thing #means to me hes not done with the whole engineer thing. he just will need lots of money and labs he used to have acess at college and doesn #anymore but he will do whats necessary and turn things around definitely #maybe he thinks he can pull this off without going back to college and eventually realises he cant and then has to try to pick up his credi #and finish somewhere near? i dont know i dont understand lots about US educational system #honestly my dream is for him to work for debbie so she could be his boss it would be his life karma and make her happy #but that would never happen unfortunately #lip gallagher #tami tamietti #fred gallagher #shameless #shameless us #og. #fic idea

[ctrl-lupin]

Yes, I would be very interested hearing your head canon (@tim-ribbert-56) (in response to this post)

I have decided for my personal entertainment that Clarisse de Cagliostro is related to Lupin III, and here's why.

-pulls out Arsène Lupin's Wikipedia page-

In the novel La Comtesse de Cagliostro, a young Arsène Lupin (at the time going by the name Raoul d'Andrésy) was courting Clarisse d'Etigues, a young lady of a well-to-do family, and trying to win her hand, despite her father's disapproval.

Throughout the course of the novel, Lupin meets and falls in love with Joséphine Balsamo, aka the Countess of Cagliostro, and abandons Clarisse in favour of her. To clarify, Joséphine is not actually countess of anything, she is (or claims to be) a descendant of Giuseppe Balsamo aka the Count of Cagliostro (who was also count of jack shit), a famous conman from the 18th century.

Shenanigans ensue, which I will not go into in details on, but oh my god I am insane about Raoul and Joséphine, I want to dissect them and study them under a microscope. It turns out Joséphine aka Cagliostro is evil as fuck, Raoul/Lupin realizes that and goes back to Clarisse (whom he had previously abandoned like an old sock, I fucking hate this guy), marries her, and a few years later has her kid.

Unfortunately Clarisse dies in childbirth, and Joséphine, who was still around and very very pissed at Lupin (and jealous as hell of Clarisse whom, may I mention, had never personally antagonized her in any way whatsoever, Joséphine is just fucking bonkers). Joséphine also kidnaps Lupin and Clarisse's son, Jean, and raises him as her own son. (I have not yet read the following novel The revenge of Cagliostro so I don't really know what Jean's deal is, I just know he's an antagonist).

The following is my headcanon, based on these events. In the universe of Lupin III, Joséphine Balsamo was actually countess of the small kingdom of Cagliostro (maybe Giuseppe was count, maybe he conned his way into becoming count, maybe he bought the land and built a fake kingdom with a fake history, who knows).

After the events of The revenge of Cagliostro, Jean settles down in the country of Cagliostro, gets married, has a child, and that child will later have a daughter of their own, who they name Clarisse, after their late grandmother. Clarisse de Cagliostro, of Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro fame, would thus be the great-grand-daughter of Arsène Lupin, making her Lupin III's cousin/niece/whatever you call this specific degree of separation.

I am choosing to make Clarisse de Cagliostro a great-granddaughter of Arsène Lupin, rather than a granddaughter, because Arsène Lupin was very young when the events I described unfolded: he is 20 years old when he meets Clarisse d'Etigues and the whole Cagliostro debacle happens, and 25 by the time Jean is born. I'm assuming he had Lupin II much later in his life. So Jean and Lupin II (half-brothers) would have a significant difference in age, and so Jean's hypothetical child (grandchild of Arsène Lupin, so of the same generation of Lupin III) would be much older than Lupin III. Clarisse de Cagliostro is younger than him, maybe around the same age if you stretch it, so she's have to be a great-grandchild.

Now I need to read The revenge of Cagliostro and study Arsène Lupin's wikipedia page in more detail to determine when exactly Lupin II was born and who his mother was. And also where Albert's family branched out, because the fact that he's called D'Andrésy should theoretically place him as a descendant of Arsène Lupin's mother but not of Arsène Lupin himself; but Jean was also going by that last name, so who fucking knows.

No I am not insane I promise, I am just a gigantic nerd.

#i have very mixed feelings about Papy Lupin Original Flavour #cuz you see in the first books he was pretty much like his grandson #a charming little bastard; smug as hell but also charming enough to make up for it #like. an ego the size of the eiffel tower but it's highly deserved #if he robbed me i would just thank him #you wanna punch him in the face but like. lovingly #then around The Hollow Needle he started acting weird #and after that his ego grew into a god complex the size of the eiffel tower and he just lost all the charm #like. just a huge dick honestly. #i thought that was a logical evolution after (SPOILER FOR THE HOLLOW NEEDLE) his wife got brutally murdered in front of his eyes #mere HOURS after they got married and he gave up his whole career as a thief for her #which would be an understandable evolution #but no he's also retroactively an asshole in The Countess of Cagliostro which is a prequel #i guess leblanc just decided 'lupin's a dick now' #which sucks #but on the other hand it's very funny to kinda hate-read The Countess of Cagliostro #i was honestly rooting for Joséphine for most of the book #she is fucking insane which is exactly what raoul/lupin deserve #you know that Mountain Goats song 'no children' ? #'hand in unloveable hand; i hope you die i hope with both die' #or that post that says 'i don't ship them they're too toxic / well i hope they kill each other mid-fuck' #well that's me with them #just reading on to see how many more life-ruining decisions raoul can bodily throw himself at #also leblanc did joséphine dirty!!!!!!!! #LET MY GIRL BE EVIL FOR GOD'S SAKE #none of that 'her fragile feminine nature' and fainting after murdering someone because deep down she can't bear her own cruelty #what the fuck #let her be genuinely unhinged!! let her bash raoul's head in with a meat hammer!!!! #(yes that is something that she tried to do) #anyway. justice for Joséphine Balsamo. god forbid women do anything

[ilynpilled]

That post about the concept of deserving when it comes to ASOIAF makes me think of the arguments about Jaime deserving Brienne

i mean i obviously hold the same opinion on that whole conversation too. this is a fictional story where relationships serve a thematic purpose. i can understand doylist criticism of certain trends in grrm’s writing (like the age gaps), but i personally will never give a shit about what a character “deserves” because they are not real people. they are tools to tell a story. brienne being a good person doesn’t mean her romantic arc being with an ideal/perfect partner that “deserves her” or whatever would make an interesting fictional story. jb is extremely thematically central as a relationship when it comes to exploring gender, constructs of beauty and ugliness, the battle between cynicism vs idealism, and synthesis when it comes to interrogating knighthood and its deeper existential meanings in the context of the text. if you take out the uglier parts of it then that story is no longer there, or the story is not as strong. i like jb bc i think it is a very thematically functioning dynamic, that is also very interesting to follow in canon. and i like the dynamic at a surface level too. i am fine with ppl who do not like it or care for it, but this brand of criticism means nothing to me personally. if you want more ugly female characters to be given romantic arcs that is understandable, which would mean a diversification of relationship dynamics, but this is one example with a specific intent, and it excels at that in my eyes.

#ask #also i do not think the text is saying that love is something we have to deserve #if u go down that rabbit hole u can say ohh but jaime deserves better than cersei this character deserves better than this character #no one is worse than this character therefore they should remain unlovable #who cares #witholding love entirely is what leads to characters being consumed by darkness #its a big part of tyrion’s story #and ofc this is not about romantic love necessarily but thats often the implication of this whole comment #idk there r a lot of layers to this whole discussion that i find very interesting #i get the whole women shouldnt have to rehabilitate men trend like ofc but brienne doesnt really do anything but show an example #she doesnt fall in love with him until he reveals himself to be different #she doesnt desperately want to change him #she just hates him thru most of asos #he changes independently #and jaime doesnt want to court her either he doesnt even know what he feels bc he is stupid

[siriuslynephilim]

my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and

#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls #girl #and i was so tired #am so tired #i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't #i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne #i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭 #just. kya batau main #i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i #liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest #i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic #everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much #draining and destroys my peace and then they leave #it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship #whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night #every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on #pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking #into a million tiny pieces everytime #i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the #sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's #she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of #i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her #but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna #die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i #need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy #does that make sense #okay bye i should really start writing a diary

[yay-depression]

the repressed neurodivergent experience of thinking “no one will ever love me with all of my neurodivergency the way i love them with their neurotypical-ness.”

#me my whole life: got made fun of for exhibiting ND traits among other stuff #me in middle school: well if i simply pretend i am neurotypical people will stop disliking me for being ND #spoiler alert: i was not very good at faking neurotypical-ness #me now: very very good at faking being neurotypical to the point that i am perceived as having very few distinguishable traits #my family my entire life: you are weird (aka neurodivergent) stop being weird #my family my entire life: if i simply do the thing that my child hates maybe they will grow out of hating it #another spoiler alert: no the FUCK i did not #tldr my entire life i’ve essentially suppressed most of myself to make the people i love comfortable bc that’s what they wanted from me #and in response they routinely ignore some of my most important boundaries and still try to act like they’re helping me #my therapist keeps telling me that one day i’ll get a family even if it’s found family #because sometimes found family is the best kind of family #but no one i’ve met is willing to actually put up with who i am as a person and not abandon me #every non-familial person in my life anytime i’ve shared deeply personal things with them: nope no thank you goodbye #and the deeply personal things were always just like ‘i’m actually pretty insecure in friendships and i feel deeply lonely’ #it wasn’t even traumadumping bc they always seemed fine with that!! bonding over shared trauma was like a group activity #and then anytime i was like ‘hey could i maybe get some validate that y’all don’t hate me?’ everyone would be like #no. why would you need that we never said we hated you stop being over dramatic #my dad pulled that last one all the time!! except he added the ‘how could you even think i hate you when i’ve been nothing but good to you!’ #come to think of it my friends did a lot of that too actually #anyways i have a core belief that i’m actually just unloveable and people just tolerate me and it’s been confirmed repeatedly

[butchdykekondraki]

honestly wild i managed to even have someone as nice as my partner love me in the first place . wild

#[jay] #[duckie posting] #not because im like. unlovable. #but in the sense that like. i AM hard to love. #thats not something i can really deny. #i have npd and bpd. im not someone whos easy to love or care for. #and somehow by some fucking chance i have managed to fall head over fucking heel for someone who loves me like its breathing #and its?? so natural?? and so sweet?? #and shes so kind??? #i mean seriously i have been through the fucking ringer and she has seen it. #they're well fucking aware of how i am. dice *knows* how i can get. he's seen me in the fucking trenches of life #and every single time she's just. right there waiting. every single time. #there have literally been times where i was just. on the fucking brink of life. just so so fucking close to the edge. #and every time my first thought has been ''but i would miss duckie'' #and somehow by some fucking miracle that has worked every time. #and yeah. i DO miss duckie. #every waking fucking second of my life that i cannot be with him i miss him #but its not like. a BAD feeling of missing her. its a good feeling. its a feeling of being loved whole yknow?? #anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk i love my boyfriend

[callilouv]

eugjghg........

#ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ idle chit chat #i love(?) belial sm #his whole character is so complex and i just!! wow..... #he blurs the lines of love and hate for me so so much #like.. i hate him so much that i kinda love him but at the same time its just not that simple? #hes just so fascinating to me hngjfng #no matter what i try to type out i cant seem to find the words to describe how i feel abt him😭 #i want to love him and i CAN but hes just so........ unloveable...... #the things id do to make him feel reciprocated love/devotion but at the same time hes just too deep into it that he'd self sabotage #and its not that simple either. there r so so so so many unsaid feelings and emotions when it comes to him #he is the literal emobdmiment of chaos #HE is a MESS #his mind is a mess. the way he thinks is a mess. his whole situation is a mess. quite literally everything about him is chaotic!! #craving chaos so much that chaos itself becomes a part of your very soul.... #'Look into the abyss of his heart and what does one find? A feeling of insecure narcissism or is it altruistic benevolence?' THIS11)(!@* #you literally dont know what ur getting into when it comes to him . hes a surprise #hes just so untrustworthy and unpredictable that it messes with my mind #but its ok.... i still love him in a very complicate and complex way #sory i read a bunch of rlly good fics abt him and just wanted to ramble hngnfnjg #its 1am sobs and my mind is filled with him #i want to say SO SO SO SO SOOOO many more things but . but im at a loss for words tbh #i hate and love him so much at the same time

[robertsbarbie]

hmmmmmm

#[redacted] #i will never have a normal and open relationship ever in my life #because everytime i try to be vulnerable with my mother and tell what is upsetting me #she turns it around and says i deserve to feel that way and maybe if i respected her more she’d actually stick up for me #and literally told me she has absolutely no respect for me and to get out of her face cause me being upset put HER in a bad mood #and it’s like i don’t know what to do i can’t have this crazy flip flop and it’s not even like she wants to hear the good things either #she shows visible annoyance when i try to tell her about my day #or brushes off my accomplishments as if it was pure luck and nothing else #or states how everything lines up with not doing enough somewhere else but won’t tell me how to fix it i’m just #i’m so lonely when i’m at home and there’s nothing i can do to fix it #i have nightmares of her leaving me to burn in a fire #her crashing the car on purpose with me in it of my future spouse meeting her #and her spending the whole time criticizing me to the point this person leaves me #i feel so utterly and completely alone and unlovable which is crazy! because i know my friends love me #i know i’m capable of love but i am so deathly afraid she’s right #and i’m too hard to love #and i hate it i just want a normal relationship with my mother and i would take all the standard #‘complicated mother daughter relationship’ if my mother even tried to act like she loved me #but she doesn’t and i know that and it’s pathetic that i want her to #anyway having a great night as you can tell 😵‍💫 #eris: text

[mansplainmanipulatemalewife]

It is not the beloved. I am not beloved by others. *cuddles* thank you. I did need a hug.

WRONG everyone that comes here is beloved I have a lot of love to give

#and that includes u anon this is non-negociable #Anyway u can have as many hugs as u want bc u deserve them #also like pls try not to think ur unloveable all it does is make everything more frustrating for the people who DO care about u #anyway uhhhh if u haven't already come talk to me if u want i don't really get the whole romantic feelings shit #(not that i would expect u to tell me that was u) #but like i love hanging out with people and having more friends #and that applies to everyone else reading this too not just anon #asks #anon

[the-acid-pear]

I'm sooo frustrated with my dad atm. I'm exhausted in general as previously mentioned but my dad's refusal to solve anything which directly affects me because I depend on him. Like I'm fucking disabled that's the thing and the more I'll stay the same if I'm not given the tools and help and etc I need.

#luly talks #takes a dramatically long drag from my cigar this relationship is driving me to madness this relationship is making me feel unlovable #because i need people i depend on people to exist but he treats me needing help as an annoyance it's very shitty!!! #and this is the main and only face to face relationship i have so OF COURSE it affects me OF COURSE it affects me to know i can rely on my #family for even the most important of things!!! #might have come to this realization thru conversation with a certain Blondie for the record very important stuff #on top of this tho like today i just ate an egg half an onion and like #a quarter of an eggplant. because he ate all the noodles and i am TOO FUCKING TIRED TO COOK #LIKE THAT'S THE THING THE MORE THE ISSUE GOES ON FOR THE WORST IT'LL GET #issue being: my back is in shambles #and like after i ate that bc he said last night there's 4 eggplants left for you tomorrow (!!!) i TOOK HIS WORD #BECAUSE HE SAID THAT #and at 1 pm he calls me because i didnt COOK FOR HIM #LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION?! #I'VE BEEN COOKING ALMOST EVERY DAY NOW AND its going from this fun creative endeavor to a task I'm not even thanked for!! #like im not talking cooking some noodles frying some milanesas I'm talking standing there UP TO A WHOLE HOUR COOKING #and i don't even have a matress i can sleep in that won't double my back pain!!! #I'm soooooo tired i feel sooooooo lonely

[wonderfulxhappiness]

.

#wowie zowie vani is feeling bad again <3 yaaaay <3 /s #anyway. i am. literally so stupid. so dumb! #all i want is attention and love and yet i shove people away and pull them back in this stupid hot-and-cold ritual #somehow people put up with it but like. of course i have like zero irl friends. i never go out. i never talk to people #i sit alone at meals. i sit by people i'm friendly with in classes or as close to alone as i can. i spend most of my free time in my dorm #hell i got rejected by the job i applied to and my first thought was 'lol just like everything else <3' #sigh. and then i'm the dumb one for still holding on to a little bit of hope bc one of my confessions i wasn't outright rejected on #so there was always this tinge of 'maybe i still have a chance' but that was so fucking stupid of me #i never have a chance. but its whatever. i can't blame anyone but myself for keeping my own hopes up despite all the evidence #i can handle it though. bury the tinge of grief in my schoolwork and stress. ignore people. pretend its all okay #i've deluded myself into thinking i was fine before. i can do it again. i can ignore the loneliness. the little bit of hurt when i see #other people having what i want. i'm good at that. sooo good at it. #maybe i don't dislike some of the people i think i do. i just envy them. they get to have everything i want. #i guess that's just what having zero self-confidence or self-esteem does to you though. ah well #its all my own fault anyway. i'll be fine. #and hey. maybe no one wants me because i'm just damaged goods. but that's a whole other can of worms #i know i'm tainted and unlovable but man. i can hope sometimes. #anyway. im not allowed to drop out and i'm not allowed to hurt myself and i'm not allowed to die. gotta remember all that at the minimum. #vent in tags #anyway. don't worry abt me if you read this far. i'm okay. mostly.

[alchemiclee]

what if I made an application for people to fill out to become my potential partner that helps me move to canada fbdndnej i dont get how people just meet someone and they start dating. I feel like I need a whole application and review and interview process to try to choose the best candidate ?????? 😅

#i feel like this is probably the most aroace thing ive come up with #but when i only judge people as potential partners by their aura/energy and how it interacts with mine..... #baaically how i feel around someone. if im comfortable and we match well. that makes it hard to know what i want in a partner? #if that makes sense. making an application form and thinking about actual characteristics could help #then the interview judges their energies #getting into canada seems impossible for me because im useless and they dont want me but if i had a partner there #its super easy. no braincells need to die. but it would also be nice to have a life partner too that actually matches me you know #the two friends i live with are partners and im their 3rd wheel but they really want me to live with them #and i cam help their financial situation with working so we can have our own place but another income would also help #why is this so hard. why am i useless with no degree or skills to get a skilled job work visas require #why am i unlovable and undateable and cant just easily scoop up a partner to make it easier #my one friend is on disability so she cant marry her gf so they keep saying i just marry her and get in that way #i am a bad liar and would ruin it but also feel bad because they do want to marry and id ruin the chance if it actually came? #like if laws chnaged and my friend can be on disability and also marry or we got good enough jobs to support her without it? #ugh i hate this. i just want to escape my shitty family and living situation. help their living situation. and LIVE WITH NY FOUND FAMILY #the type found family ive wanted in my for.....my whole life. the thing thats been my life goal since i was a lonely depressed child #byt of course they have to be in canada and im in the US and they dont make it easy to move there at all #lee rant #lee rambles #lee text

[bluemoongoth]

babygirl i have anxiety issues you would never have thought of

#I haven't really been able to sleep for days #when i do i only have very stressful dreams or just straight up nightmares l #all my extremities tingle nonstop and its very intense #i am short of breath most of the time #so tired and so sleepy the whole day #and i can't bring myself to to the stuff i have to OR want to do #i feel like crying most of the time #im stressed im sensible im sensitive and i feel unloved #all this contributes to me thinking im a weight in ppls lives and easily replaced too #nd i also feel ugly tbh.... i cant stand my own reflection #and i cant stand my thoughts and really. anything l #anyways #seven talks #my.post #my.personal #might dl

[handcat]

where’s that catcrumb of a cat screaming UNLOVED UNLOVED UNLOVED pls i need to post it for attention

#maybe i’m unlovable maybe it’s just one am #who knows #i also woke up past noon and said i’d get my sleep schedule back on track #yet here we are #oh i did get an interview for a work study job tho! #one good thing! #idk i think just not having anything to do is making me evil #or maybe it’s the mental illnesss… #idk but i was thinking abt ghosting my therapist earlier so i don’t have to tell her abt how i didn’t do what i said i would do over break #i won’t but like… i want to… #i need to stop doing that lmao #dragging myself to therapy like taking an animal to the vet #i hate it and i’ll scream the whole time but it’s for my own good #i do hate it though #what if i just decided to be a fucking mess and ruin my life? i feel like that is also a valid option #fuck getting better i’m going to start robbing people #in weird point in my life i think #don’t know what i need #probably gay sex #maybee big sword #love maybe? #probably not tho lol #it’s one am