#I did not need this in my head

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[united-under-skyfall]

leverage is so fucking funny. man manages to find the most mentally ill and neurodivergent group of thieves on the market + an even more mentally ill guy whose literal job description was trying to chase all of them, and forces them into a found family speed-run by trying to blow them all up. they lowkey stage a full fucking country wide coup and are like eh 🤷 just another wednesday. this might be a fun place to vacation tho i guess. sophie shows up to her own funeral twice. they're so good at convincing people of their shit that they make a guy's body start reacting to an illness he doesn't have because it isn't real. go completely out on a limb and basically hand this one guy a new password for his computer so they can get into it and he goes with it. parker and hardison have straight up just "fake it 'till you make it"d into the fbi without even attempting to cover their tracks beyond just These Two Guys. half their clients never asked to be their clients and don't know they're their clients, and the other half are random people who find them who fuckin knows how, meanwhile no government agency can track them down without selling their soul to sterling. they make a point to have a dramatic scene w a Big Bad Shadowy Government Guy who doesn't actually get caught or brought to justice or anything telling them he's going to hunt them all down, and in any other show this would probably earn at least a minor arc later on but he literally never shows up again. an entire season finale hinged on a cake and a bunch of clams. they accidentally made eliot a celebrity not once, not twice, but three times. parker blew up her foster parents' house when she was like. nine. and it's hardly a footnote. hardison is just casually an artistic prodigy but it's only ever brought up for the most background of background gags. eliot's biggest beef with parker and hardison for like two and a half seasons is that they won't stop making weird food with lasers and refuse to realize they can't make a decent beer to save their lives. sophie's immediate response to being shot is to call her shooter a wanker. there's a character who has literally killed a man with a mop and they had the audacity to only put her in one episode.

#leverage my beloved <3 #ramble #leverage #i also feel the need to point out that. while yes sophie did show up to her own funeral twice. she also technically was the driver to bring #her own ''corpse'' to wherever interpol was sending it lmfao #re: eliot being made a celeb 3 times bc some people are confused—country singer; baseball player; hockey player #didnt count the knockout job bc i think that was p local focused? could be wrong #re: character who killed a man w a mop = mikel dayan (hitter from the two live crew job) #this post is getting people interested in leverage lets goooooooo #this post has also officially surpassed the number of people i expected to ever know or care about leverage by several thousands #bc even though logically i know it aired as an actual tv show over several years and a lot of people probably saw it #that does not compute in my head #leverage spoilers

[inkskinned]

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

#writeblr #warm up #something something something took a lot of words to say #um my goals are really specific quiet things #and they're still valuable #bc i used to literally only have the goal of <3 bad things <3 #i was like ''who needs to picture the future? imma head out before then" #good news!!!!!!!!!!! ur in the future!!!! and u stayed!!! and thank god u did bc u actually fucking made it kid!!

[jaydarino]

Human sukuna sketches

Close ups:

#my head is rotted over his backstory #gege please. its a base need.. #i did so much research about heian fashion #only to draw him shirtless 90% of the time #who needs historical accuracy when you have hot man #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #true form sukuna #heian era sukuna #i neglected to do college work for this

[chalkrub]

do you think it’s a friendly wolf

#my art #werewolf #anthro #furry #wolf #oc #els #illustration #the answer is NO but we should also remember looks can be deceiving #guys i accidentally started buying pokemon cards again. i'm never going to financially recover from this #but have you seen the crown zenith subset with full art cards of underappreciated pokemon....did you see....I NEED it #i haven't brought ANY cards since early sun/moon and even then it was just a little collector's box because i wanted the arceus pin/promo #please god forgive me for spending money on pokemon cards again PLEASE #i'm your weakest soldier anud i require your strongest card pulls so i can get simisear vstar thank you amen #and also bibarel thievul lumineon and miltank thank you amen #GRAAAAAGAGHHH WHY DID I SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON PIECES OF CARD I'M NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD!!!! #monster art

[slavhew]

charmed, i'm sure

#homestuck #hom3stuck #jake english #dirk strider #dirkjake #jakedirk #admin draws #fanart #thats what you get for shrimping bro. i told you about the shrimping #to anyone whos been around for a while you can tell im quite obviously obsessed with that pose. that specific way of hugging urself #dirk was never escaping that #i need to draw some janeroxy too it bangs sm and i need to balance out this sausage party ive had going on in my head for the last xyz #how long has it been. how many weeks since ive seen natural light. #whatever. #id keep this to post in a batch with other drawings but it did well on its own on twt so i might as well post it here as is #feel like batchposting several basically finished drawings doesnt do me much good anyways. better serves smaller sketches on the same theme #ramble ramble

[artianwen]

You're in "the good place".

#I'VE HAD THIS IDEA IN MY HEAD FOR LITERAL MONTHS AND I COULD NOT REST UNTIL I GOT IT DOWN YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND #EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST WEEK I HAVE BEEN CRAFTING THIS #THE GOOD PLACE X PERSONA 5 ROYAL CROSSOVER...... #i have a thing where i can make everything a persona reference and and i did it again i okay i need to tag ACCORDINGLY #persona 5 #persona 5 crossover #(!!!) #persona 5 royal #p5r #p5 #p5r spoilers #p5 spoilers #takuto maruki #dr takuto maruki #dr maruki #kasumi yoshizawa #sumire yoshizawa #third semester #the good place crossover #the good place #p5r fanart #artianwen #persona #persona 5 royal spoilers #god i hope someone gets this

[age-of-moonknight]

“Systemic Approach (Part Two),” Avengers Unlimited (Vol. 1/2022), Infinity Comic, #64.

Writer: Mat Groom; Penciler and Inker: Caio Majado; Colorist: Pete Pantazis; Letterer: Joe Sabino

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Avengers Unlimited #Avengers Unlimited Infinity Comic #Moon Knight comics #latest release #Moon Knight #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Steven Grant #Captain America #Steve Rogers #hey Mr. Groom excuse me but how did you get access to inside my head because this is pretty much exactly what I could have wanted in life #because don’t get me wrong I love Mr. MacKay’s run but one thing I’ve been missing is just Steven - Jake - and Marc interacting #(and I was hoping that the name of this arc was in reference to the Moon Knight system but I hadn’t dared hope too much) #which means there’s so much I love here #love Jake’s jacket and the acknowledgement that the people he mingles with are in no way lesser than Steven’s socialite #or Marc’s superhero ilk but rather the people who often just need some help (whether that be through Steven’s funds/business acumen #Jake’s hands-on social support #or Marc’s /very/ hands-on support method of boxing villains over the head) but could be the least likely to get it #and !!!!! an acknowledgement that the system is a strength and an invaluable asset to Moon Knight work !!!! #and that it was Khonshu’s influence that was largely the problem as opposed to the system’s neurodivergence !!!! #and an acknowledgement from Cap of all people! I WEEP #it just means so much to me: Marc getting some support both from the system and from Cap #as well as how in character this is for Cap #as some of my favorite moments of his are where he reaches out to those deemed by others too ‘unstable’ or ‘unreliable’ to ever amount to #much in the grand scheme of things and he asks them to be Avengers #recognizing what invaluable talents they posses #could the cynical say this reads like a Saturday morning psa? sure but this is an infinity comic with Cap. Enjoy it for what it is akshsksj

[xiewho]

could i get a fabian pretty pls… possessed would be cool but anything with him is fine

based on that one fake bad kids twt thread that i Cannot find for the life of me

#my clerical gnomance logo made by veddabredda #<- forgot to add this a while ago aaah sorry #i already had the possession wip in my files when u sent this ask #so i decided to draw another fabian ehe #idk if uve seen it anon but i did end up finishing and posting the possession piece :D #IF ANY1 FINDS THE ORIGINAL FAKE TWT THREAD PLEASE TELL ME BTW ILL RB IT #in my head he's talking to jawbone but this might be the most uncanonical thing ive ever drawn #fabian has not thought once in his life that perhaps he needs therapy. Perchance #fabian seacaster #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #my art #guys i will get to all....most....(some) art rqs eventually in uhh due time #i get distracted drawing other stuff xd #asks #reqs

[mobius-m-mobius]

#Sir Derek Jacobi is just gonna keep getting away with it huh 😔 (insp)

#doctor who #good omens #david tennant #john simm #michael sheen #derek jacobi #aziraphale #crowley #tenth doctor #the master #the metatron #good omens 2 #bless text posts bc this popped into my head while watching too but i often forget i can gif any ridiculous things i want lmao #would've loved more of jacobi!master except him immediately finding ten hot like oh OKAY two can play at this game is so valid 🤧 #don't get me started on the horrifying look from the metatron btw it gave me actual chills #(and no john didn't really need to be in this but previously being user johnsimms lives on in my heart so yes he did 💖) #good omens spoilers #dwedit #goodomensedit #dianagifs #gos2spoilers #flashing cw

[im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley]

If Crowley can feel what happens to the Bentley... what the fuck did this being feel when the car exploded?

#This was a question I did NOT need in my head #good omens #crowley #anthony j crowley #jay and... jay what are you doing?

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

weeee more fantasy au doodles

#ft. the chanel boots <3 #or. wait. what's a pun on chanel incorporating either 'demon' or 'patron' #cha... chahell... patronel... no that just sounds like citronella #whatever doesnt matter its 6 am i havent slept and i have a low grade migraine I Cant Pun Right Now #on another note i gave poppy a lil neck corset bc. uh. runs away #and her little sling for carrying wally in puppet form! keeping him safe and secure! #and of course barnaby & wally snuggles <3 #yall would not BELIEVE how many doodles i have of them cozy together. its absurd #its just! the size difference i have stuck in my brain is Perfect for wally curling around barnaby's big ol head! #and also Perfect for barnaby holding wally like a stuffed animal! #your honor i love them! #wh fantasy au #scribble salad #I LOVE WALLY'S TALL ASS BOOTS #he needed some HOOVES #and a couple of extra inches. i imaging that while wearing them he's as tall as if not taller than julie/sally #little man on stilts... #and his apple belt! his Eye Shirt! #its not often i so thoroughly enjoy my own outfit design but i think i really did go off with this one

[buckys-metal-arm]

Marvels After Credit Scene that Didn't Happen but is Canon in My Heart:

So I really want a scene of one of the Flerkittens (white with blue eyes) to be wandering around the street meowing and then we see boots coming up to it and two hands reach out and then you see it.

The metal arm.

It picks up the kitten and walks off, maybe if you're feeling really fancy maybe a few lines of quiet "hey, hey, it's okay Sweetheart" or something like that and then BOOM we have Alpine in the MCU

Then cut to Thunderbolts and Bucky still has no idea that Al is a Flerken until they're in a fight and she gets attacked and Bucky is terrified they're gonna hurt his cat and then Alpine just gobbles them up and then like Yelena is like "JAMES BARNES WHAT THE FUCK"... Cut to Bucky looking equal parts horrified and impressed and just picks up Alpine and goes "uh...good girl?"

#bucky barnes #alpine the cat #the marvels #flerken #flerkittens #i saw a theory hc of Alpine being one of the flerkittens on here once before The Marvels came out and it has lived in my head ever since #the marvels spoilers #kinda? #they didn't even have to have Seb on set they couldve had one of his stunt doubles and just not see his face #if they wanted to they couldve had him come in and adr him softly trying to calm Al but as long as the audience sees the arm they'd know #give bucky his cat 2k forever #anyways back to theorizing about things that *did* happen in the movie but i needed to get this out #kes rewrites the mcu

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

#look...i know it's been a month but hear me out- #guys don't yell he's really trying okay!! #NOT a mean ww truther bc he really isn't mean like at all #not in an intentional way #he's just stressed and embarrassed and tipsy here give him a break #he's swagless & thinks it's yet another reason he's unlovable (untrue) #dont worry woowoo vash also severely lacks in the swag department #but funny doodles aside i have other more serious art of them already posted + in the works #their understanding of each other ends up being so deep #but at the same time they manage to be so utterly stupid about it #how do they manage? i don't know #they just make me want to tear my hair out #you're important to each other!!!! get!! that!!! thru!! ur! HEADS!!!! #neither of them think they deserve what they want/need #i'm inconsolable actually nobody talk to me (talk to me please) #see using words isn't so hard. stupid fictional men #(she thought she did something with those tags) #times are hard but i stay silly #by that i mean i re-read vol 10 #on the daily. #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #trimax #trigun #tzarrz

[ghostsfruit]

So.

I could be so wrong about this but I gotta get it out of my head.

Vincent and Rody would make a slightly better pairing than Manon and Rody-

HEAR ME OUT.

The reason why Manon broke up with Rody was because of the fact that he was far too self-sacrificing in thier relationship. Which like GOOD FOR HER, THAT AIN'T GOOD-

But when you take a look at Vincent's actions, he's just as self sacrificing, just in a lot more of a brutal way. Going out of his way to KILL PEOPLE just to make some food that Rody would enjoy. The same way that Rody would constantly want to get money to get Manon things to keep her in his life.

It wouldn't be HEALTHY, both of them being far too self-sacrificing and just obsessive, but it makes sense for them since their both the same level of batshit over whoever they feel either romantic to [or have a general wanting to impress, like Vince with wanting to make food for Rody]

#I COULD JUST BE SPITTIN BULLSHIT BUT ITS STUCK IN MY HEAD #rody lamoree #vincent charbonneau #vincent x rody #Also to anyone saying that Manon did Rody dirty for leavin him #No- Rody is WAY too self sacrificing bro- He needs some hugs and therapy 💀 /lh #BOTH VINCE AND RODY DO #dead plate #Mori.preaches

[ricciardosgirl]

" just friends. "

tw ; smut , smut and more smut.

situationship , rough sex.

————————————————————————

you were friends , until he had you bent over some random dorm room sink. you were friends until he fucked you. you were friends. just friends. nothing more — nothing less.

passing glances , agony fills your system each time he pretended to not know you. fallacious hope after every night he ravaged you. you'd be lying in his dorm room. he's sat on his windowsill , cigarette in mouth as he ignores you . . waiting for you to just leave.

you'd hesitate , eyes wandering around his crowded messy room — taking a moment to breathe. " round two or are you leaving ? " he'd ask coldly , not even turning around to face you. he already knew the answer , you always stayed.

he'd only talk to you in private , and even then the conversation barely lasted — the only thing it seemed that the two of you had in common was love for the art of fucking. it had been a common dance between you two , varying from time to time.

sometimes , he'd be sweet. you'd almost think he's making love to you , but he's just doing this to make you stay. other times , most times , he'd fuck you so hard to where you could barely move afterwards.

" yeah , you like my cock ? say it. " he'd spit on your face , large hands grasping at your throat just right. you gargled out something , but that wasn't good enough. " say it. " he would slap the soft flesh of your ass.

once , only once , he papered you. on your birthday of all things. it was the only time that you ever felt like he gave a fuck about you. he laid on near the edge of your bed , mouth covering your soft sensitive bud. his face already soaking wet and practically dripping onto the sheets as he edged you closer and closer to your release.

that was a good day , a long time ago however. you still think about it.

maybe you aren't friends , maybe this is more than that , maybe it isn't. you saw him take orher girls into a party bathroom or his dorm , it bothered you. and it bothered him because it wasn't you.

" such a fucking whore for me. " face squished into the mirror , farleigh's hands cupped your cheek - his thumb in your mouth. he was driving himself so deep into you . . all you could do was sit there and take it.

" need a cig ? "

he asked , eyes stare over at your semi - covered figure. this was the first time he'd ever said anything different. the first time he actually offered something. " sure. " you came over , joining him on his windowsill after a long night of intense fucking.

you expected something good , something worth coming over for. you lit the cigarette , taking a long drag before he spoke.

" we should stop. " cold , your heart stung. " why ? " he should have at least some integrity . . he should tell you. but instead , he stayed silent.

you walked away that night , tears streaming down your face pathetically.

so much for friends.

#saltburn #farleigh start #smut #i heart saltburn #i cannot get him out of my head #fanfic #oops i did it again #i need to like not write so much for him