#I could rant abt this more if asked

[indigo-constellation]

It's taken me far too long to have this thought out in public

Daniil should be Artemy's sacrifice in the termite ending.

tl;dr Haruspex route is the only one Daniil doesn't fit the criteria for a sacrifice in and it's been haunting me for years.

NOW, what's the criteria we get for the sacrifice? Beautiful young woman who is in love with Artemy right? well, yes, but that prophecy is given to the player by Katerina, the false mistress, all of her other prophecies are in some way wrong, why is this one followed to the letter? Well there is another definition to the sacrifice Artemy must make, two actually. (it's one, I know, but this is easier for me)

The first is that it has to be equal to the udurgh, which the polyhedron isn't. This is why Artemy does not become the foreman in the termite ending and why that ending feels so deeply unsatisfying and unfitting for him, because he never actually fulfils his goal (THIS IS WHY HARUSPEX ROUTE UTOPIAN ENDING IS SO MUCH BETTER but I already ranted about that) Aglaya fills that criteria.

Now you might ask why, and that leads very cleanly to the second point, the real need in the sacrifice to be equal to the udurgh is that it isn't a man, and in Aglaya's own words, "Simon was almost human. And me-I'm not quite human." Aglaya is not quite human, because she is aware of her status as a doll.

What does this have to do with Daniil?

Well, Daniil is "not quite human" himself in the two other routes.

Bachelor route is very simple to explain, not only does he get to discover that he is a doll, but even if he doesn't heal another bound and meet the powers that be, he is still the player character, he still has this level of separation from the world caused by the player, this distinction between the player and the character is made most clear in the Haruspex route where it's explicitly said that Aglaya isn't in love with Artemy, she's in love with the player, as the player themselves say, "Did you fall in love with him because he was free? But that wasn't him; it was me." Meaning that the player is separate enough from their character to justify the player character being "not quite human."

Now Changeling route is where this gets interesting. because there it is also not his route but Daniil is still aware of his status as a toy in it, claiming it to be the third time he's been deceived, outright stating, "I'm a plaything! And so, undoubtedly, are you." Now this obviously makes him fit the criteria of "not quite human" as established by Aglaya, but, this is where it gets interesting.

Because in that same conversation, Daniil can say, "Self-denial is the meaning here, silly. Deny yourself and you win. Yes, that's how it is! That's the essence of my discovery." And this, this line. This one line, which is specifically set after the player played the Bachelor's route, implies that he has known since. Now that might be a bit of a stretch but with the recommended order of playing being Bachelor -> Haruspex -> Changeling, how hard is it to believe that there is a chance that he is aware during the Haruspex's route? Honestly that makes that possibility so fascinating, because he is right when he's saying that he only wins by self-denial, because by denying to himself (and to Artemy, ie, still himself) the fact that he is a doll, he is keeping himself alive. Because otherwise, he would fit the criteria, being a Healer, a past (or future) player character, and "not quite human" he would very well fit the criteria to be an equal sacrifice to the udurgh.

Let us revisit the prophecy by Katerina, by Artemy's own description, Daniil is handsome, he is 28/29 so arguably young, not a woman, and well, in love with Artemy. Considering the fact that Katerina's prophecies are never outright true, this is as close to confirmation as I am going to get.

Why do I care?

WELL, one, potential, so much potential, I have a wip waiting about this.

But also, it would make the problem of Haruspex route termite ending being a kind of boring and unfulfilling ending not be that, and add another layer of tragedy to it. Let me explain, the problem with termite ending (Artemy route) as it is, is that Artemy makes the wrong choice, it's said multiple times that the right choice for him, is to destroy the town, this is stated in Clara's ice prince story, in the character selection screen, as well as the conversation with the executor in the end which states that "inevitability" is the only true villain. Daniil being his sacrifice would prove that wrong. It would give Artemy a way out of that trap laid for him. It would mean the acceptance of the butchers and Artemy gaining access to the living blood below the earth, not just what will spill from the polyhedron's base. It also adds another interesting aspect to the game in that this would be the one chance for a player character not your own to die, and it will be by your hand. Which assuming the player played/is planning to play Bachelor route, would hurt.

I'm not even going to go into the queer interpretation of that possible ending just know that I am thinking about it constantly

I hope this was somewhat coherent, I have been thinking about this specific thing for years and it's not leaving me alone.

#pathologic #daniil dankovsky #artemy burakh #burakhovsky #yes I will ship tag this no one can stop me #murdering a man for your town is gay as shit #no because the game expects you to take all of Katerina's prophecies as controlled by the rat prophet #and then perfectly accept that one #I don't like termite haruspex as it is #it's boring sorry it lacks panache this thing could fix it #I could rant abt this more if asked

[ink-the-artist]

forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.

ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol

#it was a weird class #it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow #I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy #and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess? #she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason #standing is a lot more tiring than walking #i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life #did not like the teacher tho #on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies) #which is very nice #but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it #like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now #and also kind of racist #she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person #and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner #im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist #she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist #she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately #like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all #also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once #also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips #she was like a walking russian stereotype lol #anyway heres some ink the artist lore

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.

#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually #also having her say “actually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things #doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously #supposed to believe shes wrong #anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr #anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope #also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and #any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther #actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other #stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss #anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller #and silver swan. and she had a “yuck WHY” to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less #informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller #and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours #or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah #interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pérez #and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also #like british colonization a lil bit #but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight #vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves #whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell #i got off topic here #blah #swishy rant #also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should #always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag #sui sq

[rollercoasterwords]

I have been in a grave for the past 2/3 weeks, first bc of uni work and then bc I was a sick and. Today. I FINALLY re-emerge back into online society just to find that. They’re remaking Harry Potter into a “faithful” tv show?

You know what. Out of everything that I could have been greeted with upon my return this was not at ALL one of my guesses and I still very much feel like I’m in a fever dream of some kind????? my sick brain is struggling so much right now to comprehend this WHAT HAPPENED, RAE? What did I MISS? 🤠

yeah i just heard that hbo was "in talks" a few days ago so. :/ if there have been new developments i am not the right person to come to for news bc i am. really not trying 2 see anything at all abt this. tbh

on the one hand maybe it shouldn't be shocking to see corporations going after a cash-grab by beating the absolute shit out of a long dead horse considering how many remakes/reboots/live action versions/etc etc etc are being made these days, but after the way the prequel movies flopped so hard i was honestly feeling hopeful that hp was just slowly deterioriating in terms of cultural relevance and would soon be permanently relegated to the pop culture graveyard of "cringey"/uncool/unpopular. unfortunately that does not seem to be happening.

honestly i've been sort of frustrated with the amount of responses i've seen that have been along the lines of "ugh doing an hp reboot THIS way will be so bad, they need to do it THIS way"--as in, people complaining about the reboot not bc it will function as a direct monetary pipeline to funding transphobic and specifically transmisogynistic violence, but rather bc they're worried it won't have like...certain types of representation, or because they'd rather have a "marauders" show or whatever. obviously a reboot that stays "true" to the original books will be bad because the harry potter books are bad, but even if hbo made like....the Perfect Cool Woke HP Reboot, that would still be money going straight into jkr's pocket, which is like feeding dollar bills into a transmisogyny vending machine. so for me personally entertaining the idea of creating any sort of for-profit hp media is a pretty big red flag and that's the main reason i have been trying 2 stay away from the whole conversation :/

#ask #sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but. yeah #not happy abt this but also just...not really trying 2 give it more attention y'know #like i do not care 2 discuss in what way an hp tv show could be done 'correctly' #bc i do not think there is. a 'correct' way. 2 make an hp tv show. so!

[fartface025]

#some of you guys would eat ur own foot rather than treat a brown character normally and yk when u cannot name the specific instances but it #looms over you and it makes u jaded thags what i feel #white gay ships (not an indictment on having a white gay ship) and fandom racism intersect v frequently. fandom can be so fuckin #annoyinf w mf ships between woc and other people. Ohhh what abt friendship. this is fucking fanon i also did nt ask ??? #and you guys are nust so AAUGGHH #i love my queer ships i love shipping but i would rather kms than talk to a white genshin fan about brownwashing #this isnt even a god all slash ships suck. i just wish yall could be fucking normal god bless #fandom. ihy #woc x white woman lesbian ship the woc is the protective strong one and the white woman is the gentle quiet one ill fucking kill u #brown women bottoming more of thag. center brown women in these relationships mroe or ill fucking Kill u #and men #U GUYS GET NORMAL NOW #fandom racism rant fuck all of u

[dandyshucks]

second life tip in 24 hours: pls do not drift by lunch esp if u have mental health struggles as is, you will suffer the quencies severely T^T

#i ran out of food in the house fhfjdkl bc i did not get groceries last week #so I've been scavenging the last couple days #and rationing stuff before that #and man. I shan't say more but. yeah. the quencies. #sifting thru many articles and studies abt covid also did not help my well-being but i needed to to send to my mother fjfjdl #she finally asked me to show sources when i said some stuff abt how every infection and reinfection heightens ur risk for MORE reinfection #so i had to go thru my stockpile and find some updated stuff to prove that she needs to continue to mask #and anyways fhffjdksl that took a definite hit on my brain for tonight. SIGH #i smile and nod along w so much bullshit but i could not keep my mouth shut on that one #rgrhrhrhh. holding myself back from ranting any more abt any other stuff going on. sigh. #lets just say... i am very tired fjfkdl this is no way to exist but alas!!! it is the cards I must play with !!! #im going to hopefully be able to work on art tonight fingers crossed fjdkdl i Need it fndmkl #vent // #dandy.cmd

[pyreofsunflowers]

I finished hellsing ultimate and it pissed me off so bad 😭 nothing in that show makes any senseeeeee. One of the most infuriatingly badly written things I've watched in a WHILE.

I'm gonna start 2001 today and see if maybe that story is better since it's not a retelling of the manga. I'm gonna be really sad if it also sucks because I luv these characters and the concept sooooo much.

My main problem w it is that nothing any of the characters do really has motivation or explanation and when they do its so poorly explained that they might as well have none.

But also the pacing is just generally poor (which is really inexcusable because there working with about 8.5 hours of screen time and there's 90 minute movies with better character development + pacing.) and the worldbuilding towards the end completely falls apart. Your telling me an entire army of Nazi zeppelins made it across the Atlantic to invade Britain and not a single other country noticed? No bombs? No missals? Not even a heads up to Britain? Also what the fuck was NATO doing, what the fuck was the British army doing? HOW DID THE VATICAN GET ITALY'S APPROVAL TO GO MURDER BRITISH CIVILIANS! Why did the entire rest of the US just let the capital be overrun and the president get turned into a vampire. I don't understand.

Don't even get me started on my questions about the characters. I have a bone to pick with some decisions made in the last fucking episode regarding Alucard + Walter but that can probs wait.

there's ways to make this story work and it could be sooooooooooo good. It's like. The stakes either need to be lower (nazi takeover in a yugoslavian state - boom. it works w/ the Nazis motivation too because historically there murder/pillage campaigns were in Eastern Europe because they really really really didn't like the Slavs fun fact. ) or if it had more players (at the very least the British military, but probably more like a shit ton of NATO soilders.) and if you don't like the idea of a military thriller THAN DON'T SET IT IN 1999. That wouldn't fix everything but then at least the final battle would make sense and the plot would work. Ughhh Who knows maybe my anger at this will get me back into writing - I doubt it though lolz

#ramblinggggggggggggg #Hellsing Ultimate #anime review #i guess #more like a rant abt it #it could be so good #and that makes it hurt moar #please ask me to share more problems I love screaming abt this show

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

Where is squip in all of this is he like a bad guy misunderstood anti-hero like what's his purpose in this universe if he has one

Oh I'm sure you'll find the Squip to be perfectly understandable

#asks #merms #jeremy heere #squip #tag as ship and i’ll shove your spine so far down your throat you’ll be shitting bones for a month #the squip is the Worst. not in an evil for the sake of evil way #but in like a charismatic sociopathic way #i could go on a whole rant abt how the squip (in fanon not this au) is just Done Wrong #but this isnt the post for it #be more chill #bmc #bmc musical #be more chill musical #bmc jeremy #bmc squip

[creepfactors]

we (yes I'm guilty as well) ship suneo and gian, but I think that realistically speaking gian would be homophobic 💀

I think you're wrong, for the most part. It's not really realistic, but it's a possibility.

See it's a little difficult to claim really how bad any of them could potentially be when it heavily varies? Not because it's 'complex' but because sometimes the characters just do things for the sake of humor or the plot. For example, Suneo having a rabid dog attack Nobita one episode vs episodes where he worries for his safety over minor health hazards. So I kind of judge on the behavior on average, or just go more with the movies because I enjoy those more. Besides, this series is old. Things can tend to get a little homophobic, though I can't recall anything from this series outside of like.... just very eye roll worthy gags like 'isn't it funny how two boys kissed, laugh now!' I wouldn't take that so seriously.

But even when you take the movies, and even series, into account I'm pretty heavily doubtful he'd have such an attitude. He tends to be a lot more in tune with his emotions than expected, and also you look at this and tell me 'oh yea he'd be a bigot':

It's all about how you interpret them, how you can pick and choose canon. As an example, I'm not going to call Nobita a weirdo pervert 'realistically' just because some things had him being a creep to Shizuka, because that in general isn't fun to consider or sit through.

#not art #doraemon chatter #i could go on a very long winded analysis about gians character but i just woke up and i dont appreciate asks like these #no offense anon im sure you didnt mean to come off this way but coming up to a gay person and going realistically speaking this character #you like would hates you is not like... amazing in general putting bigotry in something does not make it more realistic inherently #im not going on a rant abt that tho... i think you get the gist #anyways now heres my essay about why nobita would be homophobic /j /j /j JOKING NOT SERIOUS #also ur not guilty of anything you saw two characters with chemistry and shipped them thats pretty normal

[chiisana-lion]

man i wish i could be cooler rly

#duck rants about something #ive made peace w the fact im not the best in the looks or personality departments for a long time already tho really #but just once it would be nice for someone to think i look cool. or handsome even would that be too much to ask #well its swagever. me and my 5/10 mediocre swag #like yeah sure kids in elementary up til middle school i heard calling me uglyass and the like and you know what! so what if i am its #literally not hurting you that i look the way i do leave me alone!!!! #i guess i got a Bit more confident these days but i sometimes i wish i could take a hammer and break every mirror and reflective material i #come across. its 😔 #welp not much to be done about that 👍 #just kinda funny when i see my friends going through pictures they took and going oh i look so cute here and omg gw cakep banget kyaa n stu #and i just nod and go yep you sure do!! knowing i could never rly say the same abt myself

[fellhellion]

Hm. Something I’ve been thinking about (since I never shut up about Miguel apparently) is the idea that maybe there’s not supposed to be, to his understanding of what happened, a singular canon event that he breaks when dipping dimensions, it’s more the idea that he “breaks” canon by no longer being present to carry out his own canon events, by wanting something outside of what was apparently predestined to him, and the universe punished him for it.

I broke [canon] once myself, he says, but he doesn’t name the event even as the examples he pulls up are labelled.

Perhaps the “event”, as the characters perceive it, could just be something as simple as by virtue of replacing alt!Miguel he negated the intended effect of the man’s death upon the world around him.

But I just wonder. Because the way Miguel speaks of this to Miles portrays his own wanting for something different as being what he thinks invoked that destruction.

“We all want to live the life we wish we had, believe me I’ve tried. And the harder I tried, the more damage I did. You can’t have it all, kid.”

I wanted something more, but Spider-Man’s fate is set. Any and all events, regardless of their nature. And defying that fate, trying to live a life beyond what it asked of me killed people.

If you alter your course from canon in any way, you hurt people.

#tunes talks spiderverse #long post #idk idk just thinking thoughts #I find it interesting to think of different ways we can interpret the same information #interpret the characters’ thinking in different ways #maybe they DO think alt!Miguel’s death was a canon event and our Miguel just didn’t know at the time #but i wonder. considering there’s a big overhanging metanarrative question about the purpose of suffering in spiderman stories #- asking us who suffers (Gwen being constantly fridged) and why - #it could be a matter of the characters thinking if they try escape or outwit ‘predetermined’ suffering the universe will only take more from #you #it’s so interesting to me because Miguel pre-dimension dip left because he felt such an absence of joy in his life #he was deeply unhappy and wanted something as simple as a happy family life #he doesn’t WANT to be in pain. some part of him resents the idea that this seems to be his lot in life #he resents it as much as Miles does. but he believes he needs to bear it because look what happened when u wanted better you hurt people #and like. have yammered about this in a previous post but I think part of his nasty rant at Miles is abt offloading some of that suppressed #resentment for the toll this fate has taken on him onto Miles #he blames Miles because Miles is THERE. you can control that at least. it’s not the intangible cosmic force that would apparently as soon as #murder you than change #it’s unfair of him to do so (offload onto Miles I mean) DEEPLY unfair and inappropriate behaviour. #but also god. is the desire not to hurt anymore so human. is the idea of RESENTING that hurt being ur lot in life human #the narratives…they’re foiling….

[butchviking]

tbf there are women (like me) who when we put on makeup are fully aware that we are putting it on only to conform to gender norms and avoid social stigma. like yeah it’s different than women who have never worn makeup, but i feel like there’s more of a scale. i only wear it once or twice a month and honestly it makes me a little angry when i do. if/when i become more willing to take on the consequences of eschewing gender norms i will never wear it again

ok so that post was one i put in my queue when i was angry - bc u shouldnt argue on the internet when ur angry lmao and i do too often so sometimes i put shit in queue to discuss when ive calmed down. problem is my queue is currently over two weeks long so sometimes i forget exactly what prompted the post. HOWEVER.

if i recall correctly that was abt this attitude i see, more often than not from gender-conforming women, that gnc women who disidentify with their sex are. basically self-absorbed sexist idiots who, by disidentifying, are implying that all women except them must love the female gender role and must love being oppressed. like a ~im not like the other girls~ thing. but with 'not like the other girls' i think a lot of ppl are now coming to recognise that, yeah, sometimes it's a sexist statement bc one particular woman thinks she's sooooo much deeper and more human than the other women around her - but sometimes, it's because she can see very clearly that she's NOT like other women. and has felt ostracisation and loneliness about that nd has felt like there must be something wrong with her for being so unlike the typical women in her life. and with trans identity it's often the same thing.

i just can no longer make the space in my heart to sympathise with gender-conforming women who act like gnc women disidentifying w womanhood is some kind of personal attack on them, or on all women. women in makeup and heels who act like it's a slight against them for a gnc woman (who will pretty certainly have faced shit in her life for being gnc) to look at them and say. i'm not her. i'm not whatever she is. i must be something different because if that's what women are then i'm not one and i don't want to be one. it's an argument i'm so fucking tired of hearing and nine times out of ten i will stand w a gnc female who identifies as trans bc she doesn't see any room in the definition of womanhood for her any day before i stand w gender-conforming women who mock or belittle her for that.

i recognise there's a scale of gender conformity, and makeup was just one example, and i know not all women who wear makeup wear it all the time - but, as you say, it is a concession to avoid social stigma. so to me it's like. let she who is without sin cast the first stone. how's a woman who makes concessions to gender because she doesn't have the strength to face the repercussions of refusing to conform going to criticise other women for the concessions they make to get through the repercussions they are facing for refusing to conform.

and one extra point: you say 'it’s different than women who have never worn makeup' but, while i know there are such women out there (and by god, good for them), it's worth noting that for some women - for me, personally - they might have made concessions to gender at times. because they felt like it's what they had to do. what they were supposed to do. as a girl. as a woman. and sometimes, it's disidentifying with womanhood that makes them feel like they're ALLOWED to not do that shit anymore. for several years as a teen i shaved my legs & my pits, wore light makeup most days, even wore skirts and dresses at times. it made me feel like an alien. i hated it. but i'd always been given the message that it was just What Women Do and it's part of growing up that you have to get used to that. and when i discovered i didn't 'have to be a woman' there was a freedom in that for me. i could stop shaving. i never had to wear makeup. when someone told me i walked like a man or dressed like a man or talked like a man or whatever, it didn't have to be an insult. i could take pride in being as masculine and as free & unconstrained by the trappings of femininity as i liked. sure, that's a concession to gender in its own way. patriarchy isn't going to be overthrown by women only feeling comfortable with gender non-conformity when they convince themselves they aren't women. but patriarchy isn't going to be overthrown by women wearing heels and makeup so people will be nice to them, either. you're no better than us.

#ask #anonymous #hope this makes sense i just got off a 12hr shift and i have a fever lol #note i know i said 'you' at the end there but i dont actually mean u anon <3 #u havent pretended to be better and this whole rant ofc isnt really aimed at u #just smthn i had 2 get out & is aimed at those who DO act holier-than-thou abt this #ps this is also NOT aimed at proud gnc women who feel anger and a sense of abandonment at other gnc women who disidentify. #i could prob say a lot abt that too nd i still dont agree if they mock or belittle but. ultimately i am much more sympathetic 2 their angle

[fuckjod69]

i want to reread gtn and htn but i know it will do irreparable damage to me and my reading pace atm so i’m resisting but my god would it cure me

#also reading n//ona would definitely cure me too #of what? #everything #i don’t have anyone to talk to abt this lol but i want to buy crystal skulls to add to my lil shrine #but i’m unsure what crystals to do for each book.. #i like a couple :/ but idk if i can get all 4 without knowing the last cover #or i could say fuck it and buy them anyways LOL #sigh.. #idk i wish i had friends to talk to abt tlt because i just love it so much and my friend that’s read the series doesn’t remember much so we #cant…. talk about it and it weighs on me a lot lmao #and when i told her i don’t bring up the series much anymore bc i wanna talk abt it and she got mad at me bc she never asked me to stop #talking abt it but like it’s fucking difficult to talk abt something excitedly and only get ‘yeah’ in response lmfao #i want to have a conversation about it i don’t want to just say a million things and only get ‘yeah’ it’s fucking disheartening #so. we don’t talk abt the series at all anymore lmao whatever #whatever! #went on a rant my bad i’m just. i feel repressed with my love for the series bc i can’t talk abt it so i just get depressed and block it out #instead #so i’m gonna try to be more active on here and talk abt tlt bc i really do love it a lot it ruins me its my death #cliche: if u wanna talk to me abt tlt please do!!!!! i’m dying!

[polarfarina]

I was going through my fandom blog and the comments I've received on fanfic to reflect on a certain negative experience I had but actually was overwhelmed with tons of really positive messages that people have left me over the years and it makes me want to re-engage with fandom like that again so bad. But I know it's not the same as it was in 2018/2019... like people don't send asks or reblog posts like they used to

#ghostly posts #damn. a blog with 300 followers could ask for opinions and get some #anyway the only thing to do about it is to start doing it again! #I got my bad feelings out by writing a post I saved as draft complaining :) I love complaining #actually woukd not mind ranting to somebody else abt it a bit more but I think I don't feel strongly enough anymore at this time #to post publicly about it. and god what if somehow they saw. they wouldn't but what if they did #<-about an anonymous person who I think I know who they are and if I'm right they don't follow this blog so I'm fine

[zyafics]

omg hi!! hope ur doing well i love ur writing btw, (play fake is one of my fav fics ive EVER read!!)

could u do a fic where rafe and reader are like best friends, and they’ve always both kinda liked each other but they dont really act upon it, until rafe gets a buzzcut and reader starts acting like real shy and clumsy around him bcs she’s shocked abt how he could get even MORE attractive, and then he gets linda confused so he asks her why she’s acting so different and then she tells him? make it as smutty and fluffy as u want! 🫶🫶

first off, ily 🥹 and omg, YES!! i've been thinking about this ever since i got your req in my inbox, so here's my very earnest attempt at doing it justice 🩷

masterlist

pairing rafe cameron x bsf!female reader

content (5.3k words) 18+, fluff, smut, soft!rafe to reader only, protected p in v, f receiving oral, lots of banter!, nicknames used: baby and wildflower. — reader type kook, spontaneous, loves adventure, hates silence, loves noises, doesn't exactly like her reality, and friends with topper and kelce, but is only close to rafe!

dedication to @mintforadollar for helping me with the nickname and for @erwinsvow for her lovely fic, which i drew inspiration from and i've been obsessing over for the past two weeks <3

lıllılı Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer

"I want to run away."

It takes a moment for Rafe to register your confession and his response is a drowsy laugh. "Buy a guy dinner first."

You let out a groan, slumping against your wrinkled sheets and abundant pillows spread across your bed. "I'm being serious, Rafe. I'm tired of this house. It's too empty and quiet. I can't stand it. At night, I think I can hear my skin buzzing."

Rafe is accustomed to your sporadic calls regarding whatever issues you had with the world. Last week, it was about the insufficient amount of family portraits that frame the halls of your mansion.

"Maybe you just need to change your sheets."

"Stop!" You chastise. Rafe chokes up with another beat of laughter, low and rich with the deep timbre of his voice. The sound temporarily draws you away from your rant, igniting a small ember in your stomach. You brush away those tingly thoughts. "You're not listening to me."

"I think I'm listening to you perfectly fine, wildflower." He reassures, the solemnity of his tone takes you off the edge. Rafe shuffles on the other line, moving to a sitting position against his headboard. "What do you want? Do you want me to come pick you up?"

You cower from his offer, tucking one of your pillows under your chin. "You don't have to..."

"Don't get all shy with me now. You can't act this way when you're waking me up in the dead of night to report about your getaway plans."

"I feel bad."

Rafe sighs, getting off his bed. He knows the outcome of this conversation and rather prepares himself for the short drive. "I'm heading over."

"I could walk."

"It's freezing outside."

"Your house is down the block. I can survive."

"I'm already out the door. Just stay put." Rafe announces and before he's about to disconnect the call, he adds. "I'm serious."

He arrives in record time. Honking his truck with no regards for the nearby neighbors and you pad downstairs with a bag, descending down the driveway to the passenger side of his truck. A little shiver travels down your spine at the cool North Carolina weather.

"God, what did I tell you?" He scolds, noticing your lack of outwear, and reaches for the blanket in the backseats he keeps just for you. He throws it at your face, suffocating your air with a fluffy white fleece. You roll your eyes, covering your shoulders with it as Rafe reverses. "Where do you want to go?"

"Thought I'm supposed to buy you a meal first."

He doesn't bother entertaining your retort with a glance and flicks the side of your head with his fingers. You giggle. "We're not running away."

"Who said you're included in this adventure? I remember it being a one-person job."

Rafe scoffs. "You can't run away. You'd miss me too much."

"No, you'd miss me too much." You tease back, watching his lips pull to an upward curve at your words. It makes your heart flutters, knowing you always manage to get this side of Rafe. To the rest of Outer Banks, Rafe is seen as a precarious, self-absorbed playboy, but to you, he's your best friend.

And a little more.

The truck parks on the roadside of Tannyhill, the silhouettes of the estate surrounded by shadowy oak trees and a deep reflection of the moon on their waterfront view. Rafe doesn't make a move to leave, nor turn off the engine, before he turns to you.

"You okay?" He asks gravely, all humor stripped off his handsome features. You feel the air of your lungs stolen, at the amount of attention he's paying you, and the atmospheric change turns you to a bashful version of yourself.

"Fine." You answer, looking to your lap. "You know..."

Despite your house being a near-identical model to Rafe's, you hate yours. It's nothing about the architecture but rather the emptiness of the hallways. The cold floors sweep with minimalist decors. The echoes in the chambers where you can hear every little whirl in the air conditioner and creaks in the pipes. You'd rather be at Tannyhill.

Rafe doesn't say anything for the next few moments, observing you, before conceding a sigh. "Tell you what. I'll take you out on the Druthers tomorrow. We'll go bright and early, sail out for a couple of hours, watch the sunrise and it'll be something."

You lift your head, eyes lit up. "Is this our escape?"

"We gotta come back, though."

You frown but the offer remains enticing. It's better than nothing.

"Okay, deal." You nod, holding out your pinkie finger. Rafe scoffs at your gesture, but nonetheless, returns it. "Don't look so glum. You get to hang out with me."

"You do realize we have about three hours of sleep?"

You glance at the clock on his dashboard. He's right. But, you don't want to hold it off till another day. "I can go by myself. Just give me the keys for tomorrow."

He rolls his eyes, as if he would even consider that suggestion, and shakes his head. "I'm coming with you."

"Aren't you afraid you won't get your beauty sleep?"

"Shut up and get in the house."

You laugh and hop out of his truck. When you enter through his bedroom, you throw your bag to a random corner and stroll over to his closet in search for one of Rafe's tees to sleep in.

When you settle on something, you strip out of your clothes—in the middle of his bedroom, just as Rafe enters—and exchange it for his shirt. He had little regard for your act, having grown accustomed to you changing in front of him and vice versa. 

All Rafe does is pull off his own shirt, because he likes to sleep naked, and turns back to you. Unlike him, you're never going to get used to seeing him naked—the defined muscles of his chest, the toned planes of his abs, all those hours spent at the gym are clearly not wasted.

You flush, realizing you're ogling him longer than appropriate, and lift your gaze to find a smirk curving his lips. "Oh, shut it," you push his shoulders, causing him to laugh. He takes the opportunity to capture your hand, pulling the both of you onto his mattress, and you yelp.

Rafe changes your position so you're facing him, an arm sprawls over your waist, and there's about a couple of inches of space between the two of you. Here, in the low streams of the moonlight glistening through the veiled curtains and the faint aroma of his cologne on his pillows, you can hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

You say nothing. He says nothing, You stare into his cerulean eyes, knowing all this little emotions you're feeling all over—the light pricks on your skin where he touches you, the lapse in your breathing from how attentive he is, and the sharp incline of your heart rate pulsing through your veins—is because of him.

His voice is low when he says, "you know you're my best friend, right?"

You couldn't find it in you to answer. You just nod.

Rafe swallows hard, not having the ability to string together the next sentence. Instead, all he does is nod along, leaning forward to place a light kiss on your forehead, before falling asleep.

The next morning, just an hour before the sunrise, Rafe and you head to the ports to board the Druthers. Despite the lack of adequate sleep, you were giddily and strumming with high energy. He holds out his hand to guide you up the stairs, afraid your enthusiasm would cause you to miss a step. 

When the Druthers is far enough from shore, it pulls to a halt, gently bobbing on the ocean waves of the tame morning. You settle on the deck and Rafe slides into the spot next to you. Here, you have the perfect view of the sun slowly rising from the horizon, painting the sky in a palette of red, orange and yellow.

You're grinning. You're feeling much better, especially after your melodramatic episode. Your head rests on Rafe's chest, observing the skyline until the sun reaches its acme, while he watches you. Something about you, happy, content, and with him brings a warmth no one can replicate.

"We have to go swimming." You announce suddenly, twisting your head to look at him with excitement bubbling on your features, doe eyes pleading with a want.

His expression is flat, trying to contain his emotions. "It's seven in the morning."

"So? When has that stopped me before?"

"It's freezing cold."

"That's your excuse for everything." You scoff, before tilting your head in a challenge. "Are you scared of a little water, Rafe Cameron?"

There's a twinkle in your eyes, something about the way you talk to him, he would never allow from anyone else. It's just you. He had to look away, pretending to shake his head from the idea but knowing, at the end, he lost.

With a long dip into the ocean, you swim around the Druthers with light splashes thrown in his face, causing Rafe to chase after you for your little stunt. When the pair of you returned to the boat, dripping wet on the floor deck, laughter exchanging at the break of dawn.

"You cheated!" You accuse, grinning.

"I did not. You're just slow."

When you change out of your bikini and Rafe changes out of his swim trunks, you return to the cockpit where Rafe dons a new attire: khaki pants, a polo shirt, and his backward baseball cap. The air shifts, a more solemn expression on his face.

"You had enough now, wildflower?" He tips his head to your direction, as you approach him. "Ready to return back to the real world?"

You groan. "What's so special about that place?"

"Nothing that matters to you," he declares, "but I have a couple of errands I have to run today. I have to get back, but I won't leave until you're feeling better."

"Hm." You consider your satisfaction. Standing before Rafe, you watch as his lips curl in amusement at the way you're mauling through the finer details. The itinerary of your day and whether it was enough. When your eyes lock with his, you offer him a sweet smile, albeit a little reluctant.

"What?"

You don't answer him, reaching for his hat and taking it off his head, before plopping it over your own as a keepsake souvenir. "Now, I am."

—

After spending your afternoon with Topper and Kelce at the Country Club, distracting them from their tee time with your commentary about their swings, Rafe finally arrives to join you.

But it's different.

When Rafe said he had a couple of errands to run, you didn't ask for their specifics. He just said he'll join you later and you were content with that assumption.

You should've prepared yourself.

Rafe got a new haircut; a buzz that took away his dirty blond locks and a clean fade on the sides. For some reason, it makes your heart accelerate. Your breath shortens. Rafe has always been attractive before but now, you couldn't even look at him.

When he tries to approach you in greeting, you dip out of the way and return to Topper and Kelce. However, in the middle of your path, you nearly tripped over some hazardously-abandoned golf club one of the boys threw out, but Rafe caught you. A hand on your elbow, his brows drawn together in concern.

"You good?" He asks. You can't help but let your eyes stray up to his hairline, finding it voided of the curtain bangs it previously occupies and the strands you like to mess with. Your gaze instantly drops to the ground.

"I'm–I'm fine." You stutter, heat rising to your cheeks from the embarrassing fact that you couldn't even make a clean getaway. Rafe helps you find your balance and you slip out of his grasp as you excuse yourself back to the other Kooks.

That's how the rest of the evening went. Through another round of golf and a dinner at the restaurant inside the Country Club, you try to ignore Rafe to the best of your abilities. It was a difficult task but a necessary one. Your emotions were fuzzy and harder to control. You couldn't even look at your best friend without flushing or revealing everything on your face.

You thought you could wait it out till you get home.

"Come on, wildflower." Rafe grabs your wrist, just as you're about to join Topper in his car, and you turn to face his contempt expression. Annoyance written over his features. "I'm driving you home."

"No, it's fine. Top said he can give me a ride—"

"We live nearby each other. There's no point for Top to do all that. Right?" Rafe cuts a hard look to the blond in the driver seat, to whom easily backs off with two hands raised in surrender. Coward. Rafe turns back to you. "Let's go."

You end up in the passenger seat of his truck. On the long drive back to Figure Eight, you were uncharacteristically quiet. Often, you would fidget with the stereo, messing with Rafe's presets on country and rap stations, to which he always has to swat your hands away. Today, you sat obediently in your seat, hands tucked between your thighs, looking anywhere but Rafe.

"You're not going to listen to music?" He asks, trying to cut the silence. You shake your head.

"I'm not feeling it."

You try to count the seconds. You try to distract yourself by looking out the window and listening to the chirps of crickets coming out, but all you can focus on is the sound of yours and Rafe's breathing. The acute awareness of something in the air. The amount of space between the two of you. The way something deep in you changed about him.

It isn't his fault. Whatsoever. It's all yours. All those times spent at Tannyhill, stealing his shirts to wear to sleep, cuddling up in his bed after sneaking out of your estate, running around with Rafe doing god-knows-what. You developed something for him. A crush. An inkling.

You always told yourself you could control it. It's natural for best friends to like each other at one point. It'll fade away eventually.

But, unfortunately for you, that isn't the case. it got worse. It grew more desperate. With each inching territory into something else means a larger consequence it can have on your friendship.

You can't lose him.

"Hey." Rafe calls out, his voice softens considerably from the aggression he used with Topper a while back. You don't turn to face him, despite that being his sole objective, and you respond back with a light hum. "Am I driving you home or Tannyhill?"

To you, those are the same things. Home is where Tannyhill is, where Rafe is. But, you knew what he was referring to.

"Tannyhill." You answer in a chipped tone. "I forgot my bag."

"Of course, you did." He teases, trying to break the tension with some lightheartedness. It doesn't work. You don't answer, too lost in resisting the urge to look at him.

Rafe sighs when you refuse to acknowledge him and turns back to the road. That's when you spare a glance from the corner of your peripheral; just a small peek.

And there he is: Rafe with the fresh shave that is such a strange yet welcomed sight. It brings out a clearer definition of his handsome features, the planes of his sharp profile, the cut of his jawline and the wrinkles around his eyes you always adore. It's too much for you.

You can't let him know that.

He's your best friend.

When he reaches Tannyhill, you leap out of the moving vehicle and race up the porch. You take the hidden key from under the mat and turn the lock, slipping into the familiar foyer and up the large stairwell.

Racing against an internal clock, once you enter the bedroom, you search for your bag, but you can't seem to pinpoint its location. When you manage to miraculously find it underneath the covers, you throw it over your shoulders and sprint to the exit.

Only for Rafe to block it.

"Why are you in such a rush?" He asks, his brows furrowed together as he examines you. You quickly drop your gaze to the ground, pretending to be interested in the patterns on the marble.

"I just..." You stammer for an excuse. "I just got to get home."

"Why? You hate your house."

"I don't hate it." You lie. The conversation tips into an awkward tension—the exact thing you were trying to avoid. You think you need to spend a day, or two, or a whole week, to collect yourself and force yourself back to normal. Back to when you can look at him without revealing everything on your face.

"God, what is it? You don't like it?" Rafe laughs with an ounce of nervousness and the sound takes you back. You look up, finding him running a hand over his buzzcut. "It's my hair, isn't it?"

He didn't know why he decided to buzz it off. He just did. He didn't care if his father didn't approve or if Wheezie would make fun of him for the sudden change in appearance. That didn't matter to him.

But your opinions did.

"What?" Your lips part. Were you that obvious? "I never said that."

"You didn't need to. This entire evening, you've barely looked at me."

He's right.

"I was busy."

"Playing golf with Top? You hate that shit." He retorts, dropping his hand to his side, clenching them into whiten knuckles. "And when we were at the restaurant. You were sitting with Kelce. Why the fuck were you sitting with him instead of me?"

You swallow hard. Your throat is tightening with all the words you can't reveal.

"Maybe I just want to change it up. I am friends with them too—"

"But you're my friend first."

You scoff. "Possessive much?"

"Very." He answers nonchalantly. Your heart skips a beat. He can't say that; it's not fair. "And knowing you for so long, I know what you're telling me is complete and total bullshit."

His hand slides under your jaw, lifting your gaze to meet his, and you can't help but feel your walls crumbling. You're afraid. You're so afraid.

"Come on, wildflower." He murmurs softly, swiping his thumb across your cheek. "Tell me the truth."

You have always been able to do that. In ways. When Rafe asks something of you, you're always able to tell him straight. It's one of the qualities he likes about you. Now is the first time you're going against your nature. Because it's too close, too real, that it can change everything.

Your throat grows dry and you lick your bottom lip, causing Rafe to glance down.

"I..." You begin, trying to string together a coherent sentence that won't damage everything. He raises a brow, waiting. "Sometimes it's hard for me to look at you."

You close your eyes after the confession. Your heart is in his hands.

All the air in the room stills, as if the air conditioner turns off and you're all left with a tense, palpable silence. You can't bear it. At least, at your house, you can blast your speakers on full-volume to create some level of noise and block it out. Here, all you can hear is the thumping of your heart in your ears.

"Say something." You urge.

"Sometimes it's hard for me to look at you too."

Your heart drops. You think he doesn't understand. He thinks you can't stand him physically, especially after his haircut, and this is a similar sentiment shared by him about you.

He doesn't feel the same way.

"Oh."

You open your eyes, trying hard not to cry. You can feel them swelling with hot tears but you blink fast, trying to not let Rafe see.

He immediately recognizes the look, drawing back his hand. That’s not what he meant. "Don't cry."

You're not doing a good job at hiding anything today. "No, it's okay," you say with a crack voice, "you don't have to—"

"No, fuck," he swears, "what I mean is that, sometimes, when you look at me, I just—" He couldn't explain himself, not in time, not in the way he wants, that he covers your eyes, flooding your vision with darkness and heightening every other sense.

Rafe releases a deep exhale, collecting himself. "Those eyes..." He mumbles, the resonance of his voice so close, it's as if he's right beside you. You feel his breathing fanning against the curve of your neck, raising goosebumps. "They drive me fucking insane."

Then, he kisses your neck.

The act jolts you by surprise.

"Everything about you drives me insane." He confesses against your heated skin, the vibration of his words sending straight tingles through your body. "I can't go a day without thinking about you. About wanting you."

Not just as a best friend, but as a whole. Everything about you he needs. In his life; forever. Sometimes, he can't believe you exist.

You're overwhelmed with all these new emotions. Your heart is swelling. "Rafe..."

"You're my best friend, right?" He muses, delivering kisses up the column of your throat to the underside of your jaw, and making his way closer to your lips. "But you're also the only one for me."

Before he gets to your mouth, you grab his wrist, the one holding you blindfolded. He stops in place—afraid this is your time to reject him.

"Rafe." You breathe out. "Can I see you?"

He slowly removes his hand, allowing your vision to flood back with his presence. This time, the sight of Rafe doesn't push you into overdrive. There's a new sense of clarity and calm, an elated comfort you don't share with anyone else.

You take your time drinking him in. From his face, to his lips, to the fresh haircut you're feeling entirely too grateful for. You do it all without fear.

"What?" He demands, his insecurities skyrocketing through the roof. "Don't like it?"

"I love you."

His heart lunges in his chest. He couldn't believe the words coming from your lips. When it completely registers that this is not some sweet, wet dream he's going to wake up from, his hands reach forward to cup either side of your face and he finally kisses you.

His force pushes you back against his bed and you land on the mattress with a soft thump. You laugh into his mouth and Rafe grins against your lips.

"Eager, much?"

"I wanted to hear you say that for so long." He admits, his hand travels down your waist to grab your hips and pull you closer. Rafe deepens the kiss, swallowing the little sounds you're making, until you have to pull away to catch your breath.

You can't believe this is happening.

"I didn't know you were such a good kisser."

"Yeah? You wanna know what else I'm good at?"

Your eyes drop to his pants, seeing the subtle outline of his erection straining against his zipper, and he chuckles lowly. "You want it tonight?"

You nod timidly. Your eyes dropping to your lap again, but this time, Rafe doesn't allow you to do such things.

He grabs your chin, forcing your gaze to his. "Don't do that, baby. You know how I feel about you getting shy from asking what you want. Use your words."

The new nickname is making you lightheaded. You can't believe this is real. "I want you, Rafe."

Sweetest goddamn words he ever heard.

He tips his head to your clothes. "Take it off."

"You first."

He laughs at your competitiveness, always trying to challenge him, but he doesn't resist. He pushes himself off the mattress, pulling off his shirt and removing his pants. All that is left is his boxer-briefs, which reveals the outline of his bulge. "Your turn."

You take off your shirt and your shorts and decide, last minute, to go the extra mile and unclasp your bra too. It falls over your shoulders and you throw it out onto the floor.

Rafe takes his time, staring at your tits. He has seen you naked before, the consequence of your intimate relationship that pushes the boundaries into blurred lines and the inevitable collision of morning showers in his ensuite and drunken exchanges after parties.

But this time, it's different. This time, it's a sight that's intentional—just for him.

"Do you know how long I've waited for this?"

You gawk at him, the words send a thrill down your spine. "Do you know how long I waited for this?" You gesture back to him, at his naked frame, and he smirks.

"You got an eyeful last night."

"Oh, shut up," you use your leg to kick him, but Rafe catches your ankle in the process. Your eyes widen as he uses the opportunity to spread your legs apart, sinking between your thighs. His gaze finds your soaked panties.

His thumb traces across your panties, drawing out your wetness against the fabric and collecting your arousal. You whimper, aching into his touch.

"Rafe, please." You beg. His eyes lifts to find yours in a self-satisfied grin. He loves knowing you're this desperate for him, only him, that his fingers hook under the band of your panties.

"Lift your hips for me." He commands and you obey. He pulls off your panties and hauls you to the ledge of his bed. With that, his fingers caress your wet slit, drawing out a low moan from you. "Fuck."

He has imagined that sound a thousand times over, but it's incomparable to the real thing. To know you're feeling this way because of him. He feels himself growing harder, straining against the thin fabric and begging to be inside of you.

But he wants to pleasure you first.

Rafe lowers himself and covers your clit with his mouth. He proceeds to suck, his fingers grazing your entrance before plunging a thick digit inside.

You tip your head against the mattress, reveling in the feel of his tongue against your swollen nub, the way he thrusts into you with a steady pace and the additive finger. Your legs drape over his shoulders, closing him in.

"Fuck, baby, you taste so sweet," Rafe mumbles against you, the vibration of his words stirring something inside of you. "I can't believe I haven't been tasting you every single fucking night."

You draw out with a breathy moan, feeling yourself clench at his words. "We have all the time now."

"I bet I can make you come on my face fast, though."

You don't get a chance to entertain the response before Rafe sucks harder, pumping inside of you with a determined speed that causes you to arch off the mattress and claw at his sheets.

"Shit," you whimper, squeezing your thighs together at the intense pleasure, forcing Rafe to use his free hand to push your legs apart. You feel your climax rapidly approaching. "Oh, god, oh, god."

You come on his face, as promised, and you slump back against the bed, catching your breath. Rafe removes his hand from your cunt, the emptiness causes a little whine.

"What?" He looks at you.

"Nothing," you mumble, "I just want you inside me."

He laughs. "God, you're needy," he teases, causing heat to rise to your cheeks. "Don't worry, baby, you'll get it soon."

He goes to his nightstand and pulls out a condom. Just as he's about to tear it open, he glances down at you, extending the small square. "Want to do it?"

You nod, pushing yourself upright and taking it from his hands. You rip it open, as Rafe removes his boxers, and his cock springs free, red and swollen with a bit of precum. You smile, glancing up at him with your doe eyes. "Is that because of me?"

"Shut up."

You giggle, rolling the latex over his length, taking your time to admire his size. He's big and perfect, the tip of his cock dripping with his precum that you almost wish you could take him inside your mouth instead. However, despite the recent orgasm, your body wants him inside.

"Lay back." He commands thickly. "Spread your legs."

You do as he says, throbbing from the control he has in the room. Rafe sinks his knees into his mattress, approaching you as he pushes your thighs apart and lines his tip against your entrance, causing your breath to shorten.

"Come on, wildflower, breathe with me."

You nod shakily, closing your eyes for a moment to inhale a calming breath before he plunges deep inside you, filling you to the hilt. A gasp escapes you, his girth stretching you out, but it soon fades into a pleasure unlike any others.

"God, you feel good," he mumbles, lowering himself to your mouth and capturing your lips into a hot kiss. Your hand drapes over his shoulders as he begins to thrust inside of you. "Too fucking good."

You feel perfect. All of this is too perfect. The way you press against him, your fingernails scraping his back, the way your pussy grips him with the ideal amount of pressure, and the way your lips sync with his as if you were made for him.

The air fills with your whimpers and mewls, increasing in volume with each thrusts that enters and leaves you, while Rafe is heaving in breathy grunts and moans. He pushes your legs back, forcing the new position to grant him deeper access into your sweet cunt.

He's hitting new spots you didn't know were possible. It's making your eyes roll to the back of your head, your cries coming out with desperate pleas, that he had to cover your mouth with his to swallow all the noises.

When you feel yourself reaching a familiar high, the buzz tingling between your legs, you grip his shoulders tight. Rafe feels your walls fluttering around him, and he quickened his pace, sweat breaking across his forehead.

Your breath is heavy, your heart is racing, and as you ascend into your peak, you moan out Rafe's name with such euphoric satisfaction, he comes with you, emptying into the condom.

When he finishes, he falls into the space next to you. His breathing is rough, trying to catch his own breath, that you can't help but turn your gaze to his, examining him under this new light.

Rafe catches you staring, the way your eyes lift to his hairline, and he reassures with a soft brush against your jaw. "It'll grow back, I promise."

"it's not that." You declare, dropping your gaze down to his face. You still can't believe the embarrassment you still feel by how attractive he is. "I like it."

"You do?"

"Why else would I hide from you?"

Rafe scoffs, shaking his head with a ghost of a smile on his lips. His hand drops to your waist, pulling you closer to him until you're skin-to-skin, your breasts pressing against his chest.

"You couldn't tell me the whole time?" He mumbles, kissing your nose. You giggle.

"If I did, we wouldn't be here having sex."

He takes a moment to consider your words, before finding some merit in them. "Fair." He declares, just as his eyes find yours again. This time, he can look at you, knowing you're his. "I guess next time I get a new haircut, I can propose, huh?"

Your heart drops. Your smile fades from surprise. "What?"

He laughs at your expression. "You think I'm letting you go after this? It's either us or nothing."

Maybe reality isn’t too bad. 

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[chironshorseass]

ok i really really really enjoyed watching the first two episodes and i think the show is already so faithful to the books in ways the movies wished they were BUT i’m gonna be a bitch just because i can and rant about a few insignificant but at the same time very important Things the writers didn’t Understand:

percy is angry.

and i know this is seen with his anger towards poseidon in the show, but i’m talking angry. as in, generally speaking. when he’s with grover and they’re talking about nancy, percy says something along the lines of “we should fight back,” and grover’s like “noooo we can’t stand up to bullies.” and then percy stands up to her and blah blah blah…but in the books percy’s first line is “i’m going to kill her” after she throws a sandwich at grover. grover talks him out of it because he’s already on probation.

with just this scene we know percy stands up to bullies, and that’s partly why he has so much trouble at school! in the show, he stands up to nancy, apparently for the first time, and gets kicked out because of it! sorry but as someone who worked in a school, i know for a fact that kids can get away with so much more before they’re actually kicked out lol. it would’ve made sense, like in tlt, that he’s already at risk of suspension so him “pushing” nancy is the final straw. it’s just very weird, considering it could be only a line of dialogue that makes percy’s anger and the connection between his outburst and him getting kicked out more clear.

consequently, percy arrives at his appartment and gabe is just a general (still admittedly abusive) jerk instead of a drunk, violent (also abusive) man. when we meet gabe, it makes a lot of sense why percy has so much trouble with his anger. it’s easy to see that connection. literal child + alcoholic abusive father figure = there’s bound to be some trouble….that’s not really the case in the show, especially in the way that sally easily stands up to him. people have said a fair bit about this topic already, so i’m not gonna expand on that, but i really wish the writers had focused more on percy’s internal anger, as it’s such an important part of his character and affects the way he reacts to things throughout the books; it just worries me that in the first episode it wasn’t as established. i. e. he hates dionysus on sight because he reminds him of smelly gabe, he hates the gods—is angry at poseidon—because, where was he when my mom and i were suffering at the hands of smelly gabe? ok i’m not gonna talk about more of this or of sally because other people have said it and i could write a four page essay of what the show got wrong plus i want to talk abt other things before this gets too long:

the monster scenes.

the mrs. dodds being a fury reveal felt sooo…weird? even the movie version did it better lol. it felt super rushed and strange how percy’s just standing there and the next he’s on the ground, but he had riptide with him so he just impaled her and then she turned to dust??? in the books, not only does she get percy alone, but grover tries to stand up to her—which is a big deal since he knows what she truly is and shows how much he cares for percy in that moment. percy has time to be genuinely terrified bc he’s alone with a literal monster and he’s about to die…and chiron throws him riptide just in time, but then he too vanishes so percy’s left wondering if he imagined everything. but no, in the show mrs. dodds comes out of nowhere and attacks him, and it’s so fast that percy doesn’t have time to dwell on wtf happened. the situation doesn’t seem as serious as it does in the book; in the book she tries to interrogate percy bc she thinks he’s the lightning thief, and when she doesn’t get her answer, she attacks him. this is another thing: the stakes. they don’t feel as high in the show because there’s no annabeth trying to ask percy what was stolen, no hellhound, no fates cutting a string, and no alecto/mrs. dodds interrogation. there’s not much of a lead up to the quest, really.

theeen the minotaur scene, which also feels super weirdly paced and there’s just not that same sense of urgency. again, other people have talked about this, so i’ll just stick to another main concern of mine: grover’s role in the scene. it was so strange how in the book he’s semi unconscious and in the show he’s fine (so fine that sally does something completely out of character and makes grover swear to keep percy safe? she would never put that much pressure in a child???) ok so he seems fine in the show, but then when they’re running percy’s holding him as if he can’t walk???? they’re not even fully sprinting, given that a monster is chasing them lol. (the problem with the stakes; i mean with the way they run and have an entire talk with sally makes it feel like they’re not in any real danger).

back to grover: he was perfectly fine, and he got percy back safe. not at all like in tlt, where percy has to practically carry him back, after loosing his mom and killing the minotaur. THEN percy passes out and later wakes up at the big house. this is important, bc grover’s entire THING is being percy’s protector, and he couldn’t do that properly bc he was indisposed. he felt awful. of course he did. his character arc is overcoming the guilt and insecurities—that he’s not a proper protector and therefore can’t search for pan; his main character motivation—by successfully completing the quest and helping percy retrieve the master bolt.

these are just little seeds that needed to be planted in the first two episodes of the show…so that the rest of the show feels cohesive and makes sense with what happens in tlt. if these character traits and scenes are looked over and not given proper importance/not replaced with something similar, then the show will have a different tone than it does to the books. i don’t think it’s necessarily bad, but it is disappointing that the details sprinkled in the source material are lost in translation. they may have seemed insignificant to the writers, but not to meeee!!!!!!

#pjo adaptation #percy jackson #grover underwood #they should’ve hired a couple of insane pjo girlies to read and revise the script. just saying!!!!