#I cannot IMAGINE the horror of learning from a distance of the things they did after that

[imakemywings]

I do love Celebrimbor takes where post-death/rebirth he actually has very little to say to his family until they show some signs of remorse or personal growth from the atrocities they committed in Middle-earth.

#let him be angry!! #he left for a reason!! #and I don't think he wants comfort from a guy (MAEDHROS) who slaughtered an entire culture and killed and kidnapped children #if he's going to anyone for comfort it's cousins and other extended family #he left Curufin and Celegorm before the Second Kinslaying was even on the horizon because he couldn't defend them anymore #I cannot IMAGINE the horror of learning from a distance of the things they did after that #I honestly cannot imagine he is very interested in having a relationship with his father/uncles after this #at least not without some SERIOUS repenting on their parts #rambling #celebrimbor

[brineffxiv]

Descending via the Thirty-Third Facet, we arrive in Merryall Agronomics.

There are no gleaners in the immediate vicinity, yet the workers are just as harried. Time to investigate!

I ask around a bit and perform some menial tasks, and eventually find myself on this little hilltop in front of these pretty glowing flowers. Which I know are Important because of how the camera lingers on them.

A passing botanist sees me admiring them, and stops to inform me that these flowers are like mood rings and their colors reflect the ambient emotion - right now they're a dull grey because of the anxiety and stress the workers are under. Despite knowing why they do the thing they do, no one has been able to get to the bottom of how. We also don't know where they come from.

Interesting. I am sure this will be relevant eventually, but I cannot imagine how.

We spy Erenville from a distance, arriving presumably to give the report he mentioned to his superior. We bet this superior is a forum member, and resolve to eavesdrop.

Krile is worryingly distracted by the flowers.

Y'shtola... turns us into toads. So we can spy better.

I. Was not aware this was a thing that could happen.

Alphi-toad and Ali-toad!

Omg I am losing it.

TOADS.

...Okay. Okay.

We find Erenville meeting with a forum member, and it seems he has a bone to pick with them himself.

A momentous duty they were charged with? And open acknowledgement of the Final Days? Jackpot.

While walking away Erenville notices us, and recognizes us instantly, lol.

Returning to Y'shtola we split up to find Krile, who has turned back due to not feeling well. I find her back at the flowers, where she picks one and casts a spell on it to keep it from wilting before giving it to me.

Uh... "She?" I think I can hazard a guess which She we're talking about.

Hello again, Hydaelyn.

Yes, I had gathered you were unable to save the First yourself. That wasn't my issue. My complaint was about your lack of communication. Surely you could have spoken with your champions as you are with me now. You could have told them what needed doing; you could have asked them for help. Failing that, simply speaking with them would have eased their suffering, instead of ignoring their pleas as you did.

...I forget if I learned about the aetherial sea through the game or if one of my friends let it slip by accident that that's where the dead go. Hmm. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

...Are you telling me that the sea is separate between the reflections?

I mean. I suppose that makes sense. I had just assumed it was all one thing. But... Oh, of course that makes sense. Or else the shards of the sundered souls would have the potential of meeting themselves and getting mixed up. Then, that means that those who die in a shard are forever trapped there, regardless of where they originated.

Thank you, then. That was... surprisingly considerate of you. On behalf of Minfilia, of Thancred, of the rest of my friends. Genuinely. Thank you for bringing her home. The idea of her separated from those she loved and who loved her in return, for eternity, is a horror I didn't know I had to consider.

I can think of several who died, but none who are both natives of the Source and not your enemies. Who else did you bring back...?

...Wait. It's not Emet-Selch, is it? Is that why he's narrating??

Gah. I don't know if that actually makes sense or if I'm just a horribly biased fan and can't not think about him. Why would Hydaelyn do anything to aid her mortal enemy? But, only Emet and Elidibus were natives of the Source, and Elidibus got absorbed by the Crystal Tower...

*sigh*

This is a mystery that will only be solved by progressing the plot. I will just have to live with not knowing for the time being.

You mean I'm not tempered? Is that what you're saying? Or is it that you won't impose your will over mine?

I will try. It's what I always do; try my best.

And then She is gone, and Krile is herself again. Not that I'm not glad Hydaelyn is finally communicating with us... But I am leery of seeing those blue eyes on another of my friends. I can never forget what happened to Minfilia.

On that we can both agree. Why She feels the need to be so cryptic is a mystery to me.

Uh oh. (And here I will cut the post, because this is getting quite long.)

#ffxiv liveblog #rhesh'a tag #krile baldesion #hydaelyn #y'shtola rhul #alphinaud leveilleur #alisaie leveilleur #erenville #TOADS #baseless speculation #thoughts on lore

[altairattorney]

I really didn't want to write this post but like... I cannot STAND that trend of the narumitsu fandom where some people think it's cute and funny for miles to constantly belittle phx and be aggressive because he's a tsundere or whatever the fuc

First of all that's the grossest misunderstanding of how Miles works. In general. Sure, in part he was written as a tsundere as a trope, but being the brilliant writer he is Takumi always makes characters who are deeper than that. The reason he acts like he does (and I must underline, almost all of it is at the start) is that he thinks he's committed an unforgivable act of evil and he feels undeserving of support and care and help. He doesn't want ANYONE to care about him. Then he at least considers suicide out of overwhelming emotional pain, and eventually decides to take time and space for himself - but not without helping Phoenix when he's in need. He still has a lot of bs to sort out, and Phoenix doesn't really understand but still cares for him so very much. You can see so clearly that he reverts to distancing people in high distress/overwhelming emotion situations, because like all people who have trauma he has deeply learned defense mechanisms!!!! Which can be dropped almost completely over time if you do psych work!!!

In the Takumi body of work, that's where we leave them. If you ship them and paid attention to how much they care for eo, there is literally every reason to imagine Miles will work on himself and sort through stuff, Phx will understand him, and they will have the most loving, supportive relationship

On the other hand there is NO reason at ALL to assume that they both will have 0% growth as people and their relationship will be a constant struggle of emotionally EXHAUSTING banter that is like WRIght you are SO DENSE i HATE you why did I EVER marry you

YKIES

You could go "eh but he doesn't mean it for real and Phx is in on it and does that too". You know how much that actually matters to whatever partner is on the receiving end of that bs? Zero. Constantly being berated and insulted is nerve-racking and destroys your self-image, especially if it comes from the person who's supposed to know and care for you better than anyone else. "I said it as a joke" is the prime excuse of ppl who mean it for real, but can't get caught abusing their partner because it's Socially Distasteful. So they pretend that those words somehow won't have any impact if they claim they aren't serious

It's so fkin painful for me to see this because like, I really am in a relationship with a spouse as kind-hearted and sweet as Phoenix, who cares for me so deeply and soothes and supports me through the horrors of ptsd. We are both deeply aware of how trauma wreaks havoc on the mind and reinforces one's complete lack of self-esteem, how insulting words are felt by patients deeper than anyone, and send them spiraling into endless episodes of despair and self-loathing. Even random words or gestures that are not insulting at all and are not meant to be negative in any way can trigger your trauma

So MILES OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS. People like him who have begun their journey to healing and renormalizing their social interactions just Know and especially do not take kindly to "humorous" insults/rudeness (spoiler: nobody will ever say such nasty things to you without meaning them, no matter how much they insist it is a joke).

So what about their relationship? Go off I guess, but I have zero understanding of how anyone can possibly relish and romanticize a relationship where two people, completely against BOTH their own personalities, enjoy being incredibly mean to each other, argue for the stupidest things, call each other demeaning names in an endless cycle of unforgivable emotional abuse (because YES, this is NOT throwing the word around at random, this is textbook abuse and it occurs a lot more commonly than you would expect)

Even more baffling when said ship can be so easily imagined as having the most healing and loving future, where two people with such a strong bond and a whole lot of past damage can find comfort and joy in each other without having to hide the respect and adoration they already have for their partner in canon.

I really never meant to voice these feelings because I really don't want to rain on anyone's parade, and let me clarify - this REALLY isn't a moral condemnation of anyone's person or behavior. I know the american culture makes ppl have puritanical goggles installed in their minds and forces them to treat everything as a sin or a virtuous act, but that is not the case for most of the world. Anyway, I do understand that in fiction you can do anything you want. You can take any characters, make them act any way you want and explore any dynamics you would be interested in. I usually just refuse to engage with this vision of narumitsu and don't bother the creators, out of politeness.

But still, what I wanted to say is that I sometimes have the feeling people mistake emotional abuse for "sexy banter" (whatever that is, I must clarify I am not in the position to understand it) and that sends me to a place of genuine concern. I know shit's difficult to figure out and understand, and that's why we have fiction, but I just want to say -

Maybe if you look at ships like narumitsu like this, with characters who never would choose that trapping themselves in a spiral of eternal insults and ball and chain jokes, well, maybe stop for a second and genuinely ask yourself why that is what you want to see.

[roscgcld]

HEADCANONS + GOJO SATORU || sweet but ‘scary’ s/o

request: How would Satour react if crush/future s/o was sweet and caring person, but could turn into a deadly assassin badass when they need too?

note: i feel like you’re a returning requester because the of the typo for gojo’s name lol. I see you reappearing in my inbox so much. i’m chilled with it, it makes me happy that you enjoy my writing enough to come back c: i did change the request a little cause i couldn’t finish it after writing half of the headcanon lol - so i hope you don’t mind c:

i based this around this post!

pronouns: them/they

everyone knows you as the ‘sweet and warm sensei’ that everyone can turn to when things start to get too much

a parental figure that will listen to their issues without judgement, or feeling the need to give them advice; just someone who they can just rant to without needing to hear anything back in reply 

on days where they are just overwhelmed with work, you’d come into the study room with bags of snacks, asking if they want to go to the rec room in their dorm for a well deserved break

you’re the same for your co-workers/fellow graduated classmates - when you were a student in the college, you are considered as the sweet and caring senpai who bakes snacks for everyone

so you cannot believe their shock when you had gotten together with gojo - to which everyone threatened gojo at least twice to take care of you; unless he wants to feel their wrath 

and i headcanon that even though gojo always claims that he is the ‘strongest sorcerer alive’ - an angry shoko never fails to send shivers of fear up his spine

but in general, after awhile they realised that somehow, you managed to tame the ‘wild and rambunctious’ gojo satoru into becoming your doting and ever loving boyfriend. who is still a huge pain in the ass, but at least he is loyal lol

you’d help to do the group laundry on your off days because you hate the idea that everyone is running out of fresh clothes, whilst teaching nanami and haibara how to use the washer and dryer (cause nanami gotta learn how to be the perfect man from someone)

on days when you’re on dinner duty, no one misses them because you cook the best and most warmest meals for them all - makes them miss home a little less

although you always have this super sweet and caring front, there was a side to you that gojo had never told anyone of; it’s nothing bad. but when he first saw it, he was definitely taken back

he witnessed it when you are sent on a mission together - there were a group of troublemaker kids who had entered an abandoned hospital that had been inhabited by a Special Grade that seemed to be trapping them inside

so you two were sent to go and retrieving the kids if they are alive, but your job is to exorcise the curse no matter the outcome 

gojo knew that you hated that answer, so he allows you to drag him about the many hallways of the school, trying to find the young kids before the curse gets to them

when you found them, your motherly side came out as you fussed over the sniffling and crying kids; using the small first aid kit you had on your person of all time to help them clean and bandage any scratches and wounds they had on their body

gojo was annoyed that you seemed so focused on the kids, but he still stood guard like you had asked him too; arms crossed and an annoyed pout resting on his face

he was about to whine to you again, asking when you’re done when he freeze at the sudden strong source of Cursed Energy that was radiating from somewhere

he had just turned to warn you when a sudden blur passed him, causing him to blink his eyes in shock as he glances over at where you were moments ago; only to be faced with equally shocked kids

“wha-” he mutters before he turned to poke his head out the classroom you had taken refuse in, just in time to see you with your weapon drawn and already stabbing the Curse without hesitation

he was stunned at the sight of his lover, his sweet and kind bunny, going absolutely ham on the Curse; exorcising it within a second

gojo just stared at you in shock, which was rare as it is; his mouth parted in awe as he watches as you dust yourself off and made your way back towards him; your kind smile painted on your features once more

“well - shall we leave then?”

gojo had gone back to the college with you after you had dropped the kids off with the cops; unsure of how to bring up at how different you were when you are serious and have your head in the game

because of this, he had never really told anyone about this side of you; since he really saw no reason to reveal it. he just learns to accept it, and that it is just another part of you that he loves as much as he loves you

fast forward a few years, now you and gojo have been together ever since the third year of high school; having raised megumi together as a couple, and had officially became one of the teachers of the school

many of the students had yet to see this ‘side’ side of yours. whilst people like nanami and ijichi had seen it first hand; and had both unanimously decided to never piss you off

however, your beloved students just saw you as the sweet sensei who made them muffins and cakes on their birthdays, who teaches them things they’d need to know to become an adult

you’re a familiar pillar that they can lean on during the darkest of times; so they never believe when Yaga-sensei or Nanami try to tell them that beneath that kindness there is something that they should watch out for

the students cannot imagine their kind and soft-spoken sensei to be this scary killing machine that is known to be one of the best sorcerers to deal with heavily infested areas

they had no reason to believe so - until Yaga-sensei had approved for them to shadow Gojo-sensei and you for your latest mission

they stood at the side with Nanami and another First Grade Sorcerer to watch as the both of you entered the abandoned office block on the outskirts of tokyo

you had noticed the students, and after giving them a warm smile and wave you and gojo made your way inside of the building as the curtain was completed; blocking the outside world from looking in

at first the students were not sure what they were actually waiting for, since they couldn’t really see any action from where they are standing - which was the entire reason for their trip 

they questioned nanami as to why they had to stand at such a distance away, but nanami just held his hand out and told them to be patient and wait for a few more moments

suddenly there was a huge bang! before what seemed to be a figure shooting out from the exploding rubble; a manic glint in your eyes as you spun your weapon in your hand so it pointed downward as you started to fall 

the students watched in horror and shock whilst you seemed to be having the time of your life, gojo just standing behind you with a soft grin as he protected your back; yet made no real move to get in your way 

they watched in horror at the sigh of you exorcising the Curses around you without hesitation, a dark and determined look shining in your eyes. a far cry from the sweet smile you always have on your face

no one knew what to say as they continue to watch as you exorcise the masses of Curses. too shocked to really process everything happening before them. even megumi was stunned, since he had never seen this ‘dark’ side of you before

whilst gojo looks like he was having a blast, even cheering you on from the sidelines, nanami was just shaking his head with a tired sigh

“so much for ‘educational purposes’,” nanami hummed tiredly as he turned to the other first grade sorcerer, who just smiles back in response. “shall we grabbed some hot chocolate for the kids? there is a cafe that we passed whilst driving over here.”

when the other person agreed the two of them started to usher the kids away, nanami waving off gojo’s whine of how he was going to be missing the best parts

“you fawn over your lover by yourself, gojo - i am going to make sure the kids don’t go into further shock then they already are.”

© roscgcld — all rights reserved to me, rose, the author and creator of these works. do not repost/translate/claim my work as yours on any platform.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen headcanon #jjk headcanon #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk hcs #jujutsu kaisen hcs #jjk gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #jjk gojo #jjk gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru headcanons #gojo satoru headcanon #gojo satoru fluff #jjk gojou #gojou satoru #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo sensei #gojo headcanons #gojo hcs #gojo satoru x you #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen x y/n

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

#marvel #fanfiction #x reader #bucky barnes x reader #loki x reader #peter maximoff x reader #pietro maximoff x reader #quicksilver x reader #ralph bohner x reader #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo x reader #zemo x reader #hank mccoy x reader #vision x reader #tate langdon x reader #kit walker x reader #kyle spencer x reader #jimmy darling x reader #james march x reader #james patrick march x reader #kai anderson x reader #nick valentine x reader #hancock x reader #poe dameron x reader #armitage hux x reader #general hux x reader #kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #han solo x reader #finn x reader

[remsmoonlight]

— title : calming the waters

— word count : 2.3 k words

— pairing : rick grimes x reader

— summary : the switch from surviving on the road to living in a cookie cut neighbourhood hasn’t been easy on anyone, especially the leader of your group, you leave it to yourself to remind him it’s not all on his shoulders

— warnings : only brief descriptions of blood and violence .. usual stuff for twd

note: only at the end did i realise i left the opportunity for smut but im too tired to continue damn

Life in Alexandria has so far been strange to adjust to, you continue to find yourself waking up regularly through the night. Your body has relied so long on a broken sleep cycle it simply cannot switch off the switch as easily as you wish for it, and wish for it you do every night before bed. However, life refuses to heed to your desires, preferring to disregard them completely. Your family finds it amusing to tease you about the dark circles under your eyes, that is after you have had anything with caffeine in to rattle your system into a state of alertness.

How the residents have made it this far agitates you to no end, while you and your family have suffered tragedy and loss at the hands of people like the Governor, to the people at Terminus while they sat sheltered and safe from the horrors of this new world crawls under your skin. The thought scratching inside of you, they’ve never known pain as you have, the realisation comes as one of the sons of the Monroe family accosted you the moment you set out of the door.

“ ⏤ she keeps going on about this pasta maker. I’m telling you, she never stops. “

“ she never stops, huh? “ you ask, placing yourself on the porch step with your head lazily resting in your hands. You felt as soon as he began speaking to you it was going to be a conversation you would not be interested in.

The you from twenty five minutes ago happens to be correct.

This all began because Rick thought it appropriate to let you sleep a while longer, and while you do feel more rested than you have in the longest time you can remember, you can feel irritation tickling the back of your neck intensely. Oh, I’m going to kill him when I see him. A silent thought interrupts you rudely, you almost shake your head to be rid of it and focus back on Spencer.

“ yeah, she’s not someone you wanna be caught right now by. She can talk your ears off for days. “ he informs with a chuckle, completely unaware of your blasé attitude or uncaring for it.

“ you know, I can really imagine that. “

Every inch of you is buzzing with an uncomfortable energy, you don’t want to integrate with their community just yet, preferring to feel around and understand the dynamics of how everything works. When society fell into the flames from humanity’s last fight with the walkers, you were lucky enough to have been able to seek safety with your group back in Atlanta at the quarry, and these have been the same people you have spent time with, shared your meals with, everything done has been with them. Quiet town life has been a memory of a past life that has faded into nothing more than a grey blur, shrouded in fog. To live here? It’s like learning how to ride a bicycle after many years of letting it gather dust. Your ways are not perfect, but they’re perfect for you. For your own pace and peace of mind.

“ has my mom given you a job yet? “

“ uh, yeah actually she has. I used to be a preschool teacher before everything went to hell. “ you explain to him, your memories of the children you used to teach had been painful until Judith. The little girl had been what you needed to confront your past that you had been so quick to push away in order to survive. You can’t count how many times you’d come close to thinking about their little faces, and if they’d survived the initial chaos, refusing to even put a face to a possible death. You’d spent many days and many hours getting to know their audacious and bold personalities, it cut you deep to even imagine the days they were supposed to have, the lives they should have been promised extinguished so prematurely as if they had been no more than a flame of a candle burning in the night.

“ well, those classes are really small. You won’t have your hands full. I suppose you’ll probably be helping with the afternoon classes, we’ve got more teenagers here. “

“ mhm, I thought as much. “ your words are a small acknowledgement, though it deterred him little.

Spencer keeps talking and talking, every once in a while you mutter an ‘ yeah ‘ or an ‘ mhm ‘ and even at points humming in response. It’s obvious he means well and is trying to get to know you all but it’s just a simple clash of cultures, it’s why you’re unable to cut the conversation short so rudely. Even during the apocalypse being respectful hasn’t been wiped away.

Yet.

“ hi, Spencer! “ the sugary sweet tone of Carol interrupted the interaction as she greets Spencer and yourself, the broad smile ignites her features.

Although, you know her better to know this is not one born of genuine emotion to see the man.

“ I was hoping to borrow my friend here. Rick’s looking for them. “

Recognition lights his features up, his eyes widen in understanding her words. Never have you been more thankful for the older woman than currently, if there’s one thing Carol can be, is a miracle maker. Spencer backs away with little to say, bidding a goodbye to both of you.

“ Carol, thank you. “ you breathe, your hands move up to scratch your scalp as tension eased away into the open air. “ I thought he was never going to leave. “

“ yeah, I thought you were in trouble. I thought you were ready to kill him. “

“ believe me, if he spoke for two more minutes I was coming close to getting very creative with one of those blunt dinner knives in there. “ you speak, a short giggle plummeting from your lips at the thought.

“ he’s at the gate ⏤ Rick, that is. If you want him. “

A few more words of light hearted humour are exchanged between you, just little things. You have known Carol for a long time, one of the few people to continue to see her as a human after losing Sophia, yes she was in mourning, but she was still human. You never tiptoed around her, you offered her support as best you could and for that she continues to be grateful. Even in the prison, you became closer, as time passed on she took up something of a parental role in your life. Though you were old enough at the time to not need one, you accepted it. A slice of normality granted to you for what reason you have never found out, but one you wouldn’t seek out either, for some things happen without cause or reason, a mystery of life.

Turning around a corner, you’d realised you took a wrong turn around one of the houses, your sense of direction would have been your downfall had you not found the people you now call your family. Admittedly, you’d not spent much time exploring the vast environment that is home to these large homes, you still dedicated some time to mapping all the twists and turns. However, not even that has aided you. Despite this, you find a silver lining to getting lost.. you have been able to shake off whatever blades of irritation that sorely wished to cling to your being for longer, you wanted nothing more than to approach Rick without anything that could set him off.

Though few words have been shared between you both about how you all feel about being in Alexandria, it doesn’t mean you haven’t noticed a tension building its blocks within Rick. Knowing all he has been through, you’re worried that he will reduce himself to being no more than a caged animal, biding his time to break free. It’s why you’re searching him out, a discussion is sorely needed before anything should happen, chaos has a way of trailing your family like a puppy following its master.

“ there you are. “

Rick lays his sights on you in the distance, waiting for you to move closer before saying a word. You would go so far as to say it has been one of the few instances of genuine contentment as his features relax from the lines of strain it held not even a few moments previously. Your hands move straight to your hips, standing a few metres away from him.

“ oh, you were actually looking for me? “ eyebrows raise ever so slightly, you thought Carol had been simply nudging you in his direction.

“ just to check the perimeter. “

“ and you need me for that ? “ you question him as your hands move to rest on your hips, a knowing smile lifting your expression as you observe him.

“ ‘course I do. “ Rick’s tone matches yours, it’s been a while since you’ve heard even the faintest hint of amusement associated with the intense male. It’s alien in a sense, though you’re welcoming of it.

Few words are exchanged with the Alexandrian who has been tasked with guarding the gate, exchanging the barest of information you realise as you watch Rick. You hope that even an hour outside the walls of the town is enough to soothe even the slightest of the negative energy that surrounds his being. Your situation is not perfect, and it’s inverted to what you had been experiencing previously, but you believe in your heart that this has to work. The thought of your family not being able to survive yet another bout of the outside world terrifies you to your core, the ice that is your fear erupting from your centre at the idea.

“ is there a real reason why you wanted me out here? “

“ it’s been a while since it was just us, gettin’ hard to breathe in there. “

“ Rick, you know I’m always here if you need it. I hate to see you carry everything on your shoulders the way you do. “

The hardness that had embedded itself into his face slowly eases at your words and thanks you for your support, he reaches out in between the distance that separates you to slip his fingers between yours. A comfort warms you in a way that no heat could at the action, you’re unable to stop the laugh that bursts free with a splutter. Even back on the road, and he was at his wits end, he was never this affectionate. It’s not something you hold against him though, there were many more things on his mind that required more attention.

“ somethin’ funny? “ he questions you immediately.

“ seeing this side of you, it’s just a bit weird. A good kind of weird, though. “ you assure, continuing to walk over the overgrown branches. “ you’re doing okay? Like, really? “

“ just hard to get used to. These people have just been lucky. “

You nod in understanding, it’s been your first thought every morning since walking through that gate with months of dirt and grime that had accumulated, clinging to every inch of your skin. While blood from the dead dried into your skin, becoming part of you, they lathered themselves in floral perfumes and sprays. As much as you want to allow the venom to pool within you, to form a monster born of hate ⏤ you can’t.

In this world you can’t be driven by such emotions, to aim them at innocent people. Had you been in their position, would it be such an easy position to leave this protected bubble? A piece of the previous world left untouched by the cold, ghostly grip of the dead.

“ we can’t hold it against them. “

“ they’re weak, they could get one of ours killed. “ he quietly grumbles in response, his head shaking at the thought. They’d lost too much already, and he would be damned if he lost any more members of his family, especially now they’d reached an element of safety.

“ or they might not? “ you counter his statement, your eyes pleading as you stop where you stand, your hands still connected.

“ we can’t deal in maybes, we deal in certainties. “

“ what are you suggesting, Rick? That we take over? “ you ask, your brows dropping lower. You’d seen enough death and violence to last you a lifetime, you’d had enough for now. You can’t confirm if you have enough energy for another fight. Too much has been lost.

“ if it comes to it. “

“ this is their home now, our home. They’re not bad people. “ you argue lightly, not wishing for a heated disagreement out there. Any walker around would be attracted by the noise and then the smell of the living, you’ve begun to get used to not having to slaughter walkers every day.

“ no, but they’re unprepared. “

“ so were we at some point! “ inch by inch, you close the distance. You rest your grip on his forearms, trying to calm him no matter how useless it may or may not be. “ Rick, you’re trying to create a problem. I get this is an adjustment and if anything does happen, we’ll have you back. We will fight, but for the sake of safety.. we have somewhere to actually live. “

Against his better judgement he nods, just to put a stop to the conversation. He’d wanted to spend some time alone with you that held no prying eyes from Alexandrians, nor the entertained gazes of your group.

“ let’s just see how things go, and try not to keep things bottled up. It never works out. “

“ I’m not sure you want me to share my deep, dark secrets. “ he asserts with a playful inkling hidden poorly within his words.

A smirk lines itself into your features, you’re feeling the energy from Rick and you can’t deny that it feels good. You lift your chin higher, inching your lips closer to his, the warm glow beginning to burn brighter ⏤ a silent dare in the form of a quiet whisper on your tongue. “ try me. “

#twd imagine #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes imagine #rick grimes oneshot #twd oneshot #twd fic

[softranswolves]

Mournful Monkshood

LAURA HALE APPRECIATION WEEK - DAY ONE THEME: LAURA DIDN’T DIE

Rating: T

Words: 1151

On AO3 here

Sitting on the steps of what once was Hale House, Laura glances over at the sparring teens, amusement playing at her lips. It's been a solid year since everything happened, and she sees the grove of monkshood in the distance, far enough to not tamper with her pack's senses but close enough to still see. Deaton planted it this past spring as a surprise, and Laura couldn't be prouder.

As Scott, Stiles, and Derek throw down in the treeline, honing their werewolf senses now that the fight with Peter and Kate is over, Laura feels a small bit of peace. Being called back to Beacon Hills amid the pain and horror of losing Cora so violently and unexpectedly tore her world apart. Derek's too, but he wasn't the Alpha. He wasn't the one responsible for their baby sister.

It had all started with Peter regaining his powers enough to go hunting. At first, he was simply drawn to the moon's bidding and killed without consciousness, but he came back to himself much quicker than he admitted to anyone, even his now-dead nurse. He hatched a plan during those months of isolation, free from his coma but enjoying the freedom of being presumed brain dead. He wanted to draw Laura in, kill her to take the family's spark that he felt rightfully belonged to him. Cora found out. She had already been tracking him, distrustful of him even as a child before everything happened. Apparently it wasn't just the Alpha he was willing to kill in his quest for power.

"Laura!" She hears Derek's voice, loud and alert but without true danger. "Laura! Get your betas off me!" Scott and Stiles have crushed him underneath their bodies, giving up on the actual training only to puppy-pile and force him to cuddle.

He was still warming up to them, though helping his big sister get justice was even more of a motivator. She'd asked his thoughts on building the pack back when they first returned, seeing how inquisitive the boys were as they searched outside of Stiles' father's purview for the body. It started as a simple way to start their sophomore school year with excitement, but quickly morphed into wanting to do the right thing.

After she and Derek talked it over, she explained the option of the bite to them, what it would give them as well as what it would cost. She didn't try to convince them, merely gave the facts, but they accepted without too much hesitation. They trusted her, and she had to learn how to cope with that, after losing one of the only other people she had already been given the responsibility of.The others were changed shortly after, though not originally out of a desire to build the pack. As the teens investigated at school, particularly the guidance counselor that seemed to know a little too much, Scott's connection to the Argent daughter bloomed into something deeper. Her aunt, the woman responsible for Laura losing her family to begin with, had returned to town. Laura implored Scott to not trust Allison, but as teens are wont to do, he didn't listen.

When Allison inevitably found out about him and Stiles being werewolves, she was fearful, but her mind hadn't been warped by the Argent legacy and forbears yet, and she came to accept him. On a routine hunt, her aunt accidentally shot her instead of Scott, and her father was the one to ask Laura for help. He'd been connected to her mother, a genuinely peaceful treaty drawn between them before hell broke loose. He knew what the Hales were here for from generations back, and he swore he wanted to uphold that tradition. As she lay dying in his arms, he offered to join her pack; when told he could stay human and still be pack, he practically snarled, saying he needed to show they were still human. Laura thought he meant the Argent family, but she was wrong. Chris was a good man, and he only became stronger and more focused after the bite.

Laura is broken out of her reflection when she hears the sound of a car pulling up, though it takes longer to actually see it on the trail. Standing, she listens for who it is, relief washing over her when she hears. The car finally parks, and out comes Laura's favorite redhead and deputy, the former running to jump into Laura's arms for a hug. They hold tight for a few moments after Laura spins them around and places Lydia back on the ground, pressing a kiss to her forehead before turning to Jordan for a kiss on the cheek."

You made it," Laura breathes out.

"Of course we did," Lydia says, gentle smile on her face. "She was important to you, so she's important to us." She squeezes Laura's hand and follows as they walk back to the house, skirting around to the back instead of inside.

Allison and Chris already stand at the grave, Chris' arm wrapped around Allison's shoulders. Victoria stands on the other side, still somewhat prickling with discomfort but willing to not only be there, but stay as well.

"Thank you for coming," Laura says to the Argents, two of whom are more officially a part of the pack. They have continued to hunt with Allison's new code, to protect those cannot, and Victoria's love for her husband and daughter encouraged her to stay with them and adapt to the changes. She didn't have as much of a stake in events as Chris, considering it was his sister who started the entire mess, but she still took responsibility for not seeing the threads of manipulation sowed by Gerard sooner.

"It's our honor," Victoria says, meeting Laura's eyes. "I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose your sister, especially when she was pack. I know my world changed when I almost lost Allison." She shifts her gaze to her daughter and gives her a tight smile.

Derek, Scott, and Stiles join the group, their panting breaths breaking the tension. Derek goes straight to the headstone and sits next to it, leaning his forehead against the side as he used to do with Cora when she was alive. Laura steps forward and places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing tight.

"She'd be proud of you," Stiles says. When offered the bite, Stiles was the first to accept, remembering playing with Cora as a child when Laura would babysit him. Scott was sometimes a part of those memories, but that was before his dad left, when his home wasn't filled with emptiness and loss like Stiles'.

Laura turns to Stiles then, tears in her eyes, and pulls him in for a hug, not wanting to let go. She savors the knowledge that she has a pack again, and they'll do anything to protect her.

#tw fics #laura hale #LHAW2021 #*fics

[carolina-bleus]

~Something You Read: From Rick to Michonne~

“I cannot believe he actually logged into class this morning from his bed! I think he’d just woken up like five minutes before. He could barely hold his eyes open and had bed hair and everything. Who even does that?” Michonne scoffed.

Rick chuckled. “That sounds exactly like something Shane would do.”

“Mr. Horvath even had to tell him to put on a shirt...which got a lot of grumbling from some of the girls.”

“You included?”

Rick outright laughed at the look of disgust Michonne shot him through his phone’s screen.

“Richard Sutton Grimes, I am offended! You know I have better taste than that. No offense to Shane, but it would have to be the end of the world and we’d have to be the last hope for continuation of the human race before I’d even consider him anything other than a smug nuisance.”

“Ouch! So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Take that as a hell no!”

“Michonne Colette Richardson with the potty mouth! I’m gonna tell your mama and daddy.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? I get grounded and confined to the house and not allowed to go out with my friends? Too late, Miss Rona already beat them to that,” Michonne replied glumly.

“Yeah, it sucks. I can’t believe this is how we’re spending our senior year of high school. I thought everything would be back to normal by now.”

“I don’t even know what normal is anymore.  I certainly hope this isn’t our new normal...going to school online, not being able to hang out and only seeing each other “face to face” through a screen in class or during phone calls.”

“I never thought I’d say this...and if you tell my mama, I’ll deny it...but I actually miss school. Not the work,” Rick quickly added. “I miss interacting with everybody, even Eugene and his mullet.”

“Really, Rick? Of all the classmates you could name, you pick Eugene...and his mullet...and not me?”

“You know you’re not just my classmate. You’re my best friend, Michonne. Of course I miss you.”

More than you even know, Rick thought.

“I miss you, too. The two of us haven’t been in the same space in what feels like forever and I’m over it. We don’t even get to go the mountains for Christmas this year,” Michonne lamented.

The Grimes and Richardson families were extremely close. The teens’ parents grew up together in King County and had been close long before Rick and Michonne were born. The families had been planning to spend Christmas break in a vacation home rented out for the holidays. But, now instead of a big Christmas celebration in the mountains, the families were doing as they had for Thanksgiving and keeping their celebrations small and confined to immediate family. Gift giving was even different this year.

The families decided to keep it simple and follow a modified version of the five-gift rule. Each household pulled the name of someone from the other household. The gift recipient told the gift giver what category they wanted their gift to represent. Luckily, Rick and Michonne pulled each other’s names. But even if they hadn’t, they would have managed to get a gift for each other a gift anyway. Michonne wanted “something you read” and Rick asked for “something you want.” Michonne’s gift was already wrapped and ready on Rick’s nightstand.

The canceled vacation and altered holiday routines were just another reminder of how different things were this year. Rick and Michonne had been inseparable since they were babies. They’d seen each other just about every day before pandemic brought their in-person interactions to a halt. The physical separation was something neither teen had really gotten used to even after so many months.

Michonne sighed. “You think it will be like this when we get older if everything does go back to normal and we can get on with our lives?”

“What do you mean?” Rick asked.

“We’re about to go off to college in some form or another and start the next phase of our lives. Do you think this is what it will be like...never seeing each other except through calls or whenever there is a holiday?”

“You think we’re going to grow apart?” Rick asked with a tilt of his head.

Michonne shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not. But I never thought I’d live through a pandemic either. Life’s funny that way.”

“I know you want to explore the world and go to all these exciting places during and after college. But what about later? Do you think you’ll come back home? To your family?”

To me?

Rick had been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember. He’d never quite found the words to tell her. He thought maybe he’d ask her to prom and do it then but prom most likely wasn’t going to happen this year. Rick worried if he’d even get the chance to hug Michonne again before they went off to different colleges next fall.

“You mean come back home to live?”

Rick nodded. “Yeah.”

“Is that what you’re going to do...come back home after college?”

“That’s been the plan.”

“Have you ever thought about living somewhere else?”

“Not really...but I guess I would for the right reason.”

And the right person.

“What reason would that be?”

You.

Rick shrugged. “I guess I’ll know when I know.”

Michonne looked away briefly before clearing her throat. “Oh...well, we don’t have to worry about that for a little while longer, anyway.  Soon it will be Christmas break. And then it will be New Year’s Eve and we can put this hellish year behind us and start looking forward to the future...wherever that takes us.”

“Michonne, I---

A knock sounded on Rick’s door.  It opened and his mom stood in the doorway.

“Honey, I know it’s distance learning but you still need to get some rest for tomorrow. Michonne, you do as well,” Mrs. Grimes added, knowing without question who Rick was talking to this late.

“Yes ma’am,” the teens replied in unison.

“Alright. Goodnight you two. Love you both.”

“Goodnight, Mama.”

“Goodnight, Auntie Suzanne.”

Once his mother closed the door behind her, Rick turned back to the screen.

“Rick, what were you about to say before?”

“Oh...umm...just that I hope you like the Christmas gift I got you.”

“You always pick out the best gifts, so I’m not worried. Well, I guess we better head to bed. Talk to you in the morning before classes?”

“Of course. Goodnight, Michonne.”

“Goodnight, Rick.”

The best friends ended their call and Rick slouched down with a sigh. He had been about to confess his feelings to Michonne right then and there. Her conversation about them growing apart scared him. He didn’t want to lose her.

But what if telling her how I feel pushes her away?

Needing to get his feelings off his chest somehow, Rick tore a piece of paper from his notebook, grabbed a pen and began to write.

Dear Michonne,

You’ve been my best friend since before we could talk and I hope you remain so even after I tell you what’s in my heart. Michonne, I love you...I’m in love with you. Whew! It feels good to FINALLY say that. I’ve loved you since...well, honestly, I can’t think of a time when I didn’t love you in some way.  Every moment that’s meant something in my life has had you in it...holding my hand when I was scared on our very first day of school, when you helped me study for and win the spelling bee in third grade, when we took down the school bully, Phillip, on the playground in fifth grade, being each other’s first kiss in sixth grade and each other’s date for our first high school dance, sitting and crying with me when my grandpa died from the virus, stressing about applying to college early decision and celebrating together when we both got into our dream schools. The serious moments, the fun moments and everything in between...you’ve been there.  And somewhere along the way, my love for you grew beyond friendship.

I can be my whole self with you because you bring out the best of who I am and you inspire me to want to be even better.  You’re the one person I can tell anything and everything to without hesitation. You’re the only person I want to tell everything to. So, you’re probably wondering why I never told you how I feel. Well, I haven’t told you for the same reason your question about us drifting apart scared me...I don’t want to lose you. I can’t imagine...I don’t want to imagine...us not being in each other’s lives. I didn’t want to risk pushing you away or making you feel weird. I still don’t want that. But this year has taught me more than ever that life is short, time is precious and you have to let the people in your lives always know how you truly feel about them while you can.

Whatever you feel for me, please know that your happiness and our friendship are the most important things to me. And I want us to always remain friends, and in each other’s lives, whether or not we ever become a couple. I know we’ll be walking different paths for the next few years, but I hope those paths always lead us back to each other.

This is my first love confession I’ve ever written so I’m not really sure how to end it. I guess, thank you for reading it.

Love always,

Rick

P.S.- If you don’t feel the same way, you don’t have to say anything. We can just pretend this never happened.

Finished, Rick neatly folded the paper in half, wrote Michonne’s name on the front, and placed it on his nightstand beside Michonne’s gift.

Now the question remains if I’ll ever give it to her.

*****

Before Rick knew it, there was only one more week until school let out for the holiday break. He’d decided to have a change of scenery and attended school in his dad’s study today. Returning to his room, Rick plopped down on his bed and reached for his phone that he’d left on the nightstand. To his horror, the phone was there, but Michonne’s gift...and more importantly, Michonne’s note...were both gone.

“MAMA!”

“What?! Why are you yelling?”

“Mama, where’s Michonne’s gift?”

“Your Aunt Sheila and I did our socially distanced gift exchange this afternoon. I dropped their gifts off on their porch and ours were waiting there in a box. I already put them under the tree.”

“So you got Michonne’s gift from me off of my table?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to the piece of paper that was there as well?”

“Well, it had Michonne’s name on it, so I put it in a nice envelope...since you neglected to do so...and added it to her present.”

“Oh, Mama, you didn’t,” Rick groaned.

“Yes, I did. It was beside Michonne’s gift. It had her name on it. It was meant for her right?”

“Yes, ma’am. It was.”

“So why are you looking like I just destroyed your world?”

Because you may just accidentally have.

“Uh...it’s nothing,” Rick hedged. “I uh...I just wanted to exchange gifts in person.”

Mrs. Grimes nodded sympathetically.

“I know sweetie. We all wanted to do that this year, but we have to take the necessary precautions to keep everyone safe.”

Unfortunately, my heart might have just become collateral damage.

The morning after he wrote it, Rick had decided not to give Michonne the letter. He still felt the same way, but he just couldn’t run the risk of his confession altering their friendship in a negative way. However, now all he could do was wait and hope Michonne didn’t take an early peek at her gifts like she used to do when they were kids.

Rick looked at the date on his phone...December 10...fifteen days until Michonne opened the letter. He smiled wistfully at his lock screen.  It was picture of him and Michonne that she forced him to take on the last day they saw each other before their world got turned on its head. They were lounging in the hammock in his family’s backyard just talking about their hopes for senior year and beyond. It had been a perfect afternoon. He’d almost told her how he felt then but backed out at the last minute. Now the decision to tell had been taken out of his hands.

Man, I hope I didn’t make the biggest mistake of my life.

 *****

As the days to Christmas dwindled down, Rick didn’t notice a change in Michonne or their interactions. They still spoke every morning and every night and she acted the same as always. Rick didn’t know if that meant she hadn’t yet read the letter or that she had and was just not saying anything because didn’t have any romantic feelings for him.

Rick had tried to bribe Michonne’s younger brother, Noah, to find and destroy the letter. But that ended in utter failure. Noah couldn’t find the letter and he got yelled at by Michonne for snooping around her room. But Noah was true to his word (and the fifty dollars Rick sent to his cash app) and never implicated Rick in the plot.

~Christmas Eve~

Rick’s nerves were shot.

One more day until I know if I need to ask to go live with Granny Grimes down in Florida to finish out senior year.

Rick hadn’t spoken to Michonne at all today, which was a rarity.

Maybe she’s avoiding me.

Rick trudged glumly down the stairs so lost in thought that the sudden ringing of the doorbell scared him.

“Did y’all order food?” Rick called out to his family.

“No! It might be a package though,” his father yelled back.

Assuming the delivery person left the package on the porch, Rick pulled open the door without hesitation. He nearly fell over when he saw who was waiting.

“Michonne?! What are you doing here?” Rick started to push open the storm door, but caught himself. “Wait, a second.”

Rick grabbed his mask off the hallway table and put it on before stepping outside. The teens stood on opposite ends of the porch.

Michonne offered a small wave. “Hey, Rick. I came over because I wanted to see you.”

“Why? It must be important if you came in person.”

Oh, man. Is she going to break my heart in person?

“I promise to explain. But, first, I need you to answer some questions.”

“Questions? Why?”

“You’ll see.” Michonne pulled out her phone and unlocked it. “Okay, have you experienced any of the following recently...fever, cough, or headaches?”

“No.”

“Good. Fatigue...muscle or body aches...loss of taste or smell?”

“No.”

“Sore throat...nausea...diarrhea?”

“Michonne!”

“Rick, just answer the question.”

“No.”

“Has anyone in your family experienced those symptoms recently?”

Rick shook his head. “No.”

“Where have you been in the past fourteen days?”

“I’ve been home.” Stressing out over a letter.

“You haven’t gone anywhere outside? Not even to the grocery store?”

“Other than the porch or backyard, I’ve been in the house.”

“Good. I’ve haven’t gone anywhere for the past fourteen days either. I’ve been in the house and avoiding anyone who doesn’t live in my house...basically a self-imposed quarantine.”

“Why?”

“So I could do this.”

Michonne removed her mask and walked over to Rick.  She reached up and removed his mask, smiling at the question in his eyes before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on his lips. After a moment of shocked delay, Rick quickly responded by wrapping his arms around Michonne and deepening the kiss.

Needing a breath and a moment to process it all, the couple slowly broke off their kiss and stared at each other with twin smiles on their faces.

“I take it you read the letter?” Rick asked.

Michonne nodded. “Exactly fourteen days ago.”

“You read it the first night?! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I’ve never had anyone confess their love for me before...at least not outside of a daydream. I needed time some time to deal.”

“And do you feel the same way?”

“Rick, I quarantined for fourteen days just so I could kiss you. What do you think that means?”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Michonne rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep the smile off of her face.

“I love you, too, Rick.”

“Romantically?”

“Yeah.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as I can remember.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

Michonne shrugged. “It’s the same reason you didn’t. I was scared and I didn’t want to lose you in case you didn’t feel the same way.”

“But we both feel the same way. So...we’re a couple?”

“Almost. There is something you have to say first.”

“What?” Then it dawned on Rick and he flushed, suddenly shy. “I wrote it in the letter.”

“Maybe I just want to hear you say it.”

Rick chuckled at his words being thrown back at him, before he turned serious.

“I love you, Michonne.”

Michonne’s face lit up with a smile that took Rick’s breath away.

“Now, we’re a couple,” she declared.

Rick took Michonne’s hand and led her over to the porch swing.  The couple drew close under the blanket Rick’s mom kept there for the chilly winter nights.

“Guess I won’t have to open any gifts tomorrow.”

“What do you mean?” Michonne questioned.

“Christmas came early. I have everything I want now.”

Michonne smiled and pulled Rick into a hug.  When they separated, a sudden question occurred to Rick.

“Hey, did you open my actual gift I got you to read?” Rick asked.

“Not yet, I was waiting until tomorrow. I only opened the letter because I thought it was a card. I’m glad I didn’t wait though because that letter was truly the best thing I’ve read in my entire life.”

Rick blushed happily at Michonne’s words. 

“Well, maybe you’ll read something even better one day.”

“Like what?”

“Our wedding vows.”

Michonne’s eyes widened before she smiled sweetly, “Yeah, maybe one day.”

The couple shared another kiss before they cuddled against each other and slowly rocked in the swing, enjoying the Christmas lights shining across the neighborhood.

@richonnefics

#richonne5 #richonne #because teenage Rick and Michonne would be adorable #forgive any typos...I'm tired lol

[padawanlost]

Hey love your content.

Just wanted to ask you something. There's a claim I've seen coming up in fandom a few times now that Obi Wan knew Luke would bring his father back to the light and redeem him. That he even planned as much and this is supposedly evidenced by his not killing Vader in A New Hope and telling Luke to face Vader but not kill him in Return of the Jedi

I'm not convinced, but can you offer a more conclusive answer rebuttal or whatever.

I’ll be honest with you, this is the first time I’ve ever heard such theory so I’ve no idea where it came from or what arguments are being used to support it. All I can show you is the OT itself. The movies make pretty clear that Obi-wan and Yoda were preparing Luke to kill Darth Vader, and that Anakin’s return was something considered impossible until that point.

Because I don’t keep track of DisneySW, all the evidence I provided is strictly based on the original canon, as developed by George Lucas. So if Disney retconned something, I won’t be able to help :)

That being said, that theory doesn’t make much sense to me, sorry. For Anakin’s redemption to be part of some Obi-wan’s master plan, the character would have to have an impossible foresight into everyone’s involved past and future. For Obi-wan to be able to manipulate people and events to push Anakin’s into going back to light, he would first have to understand why Anakin fell in the first place. And if there’s one thing Episode III makes painfully obvious is that Obi-wan was nowhere near Coruscant when Anakin made his fatal decision, nor was he aware of the circumstances that led him to it. Everyone who knew what truly went down were either dead or his new worst enemies.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at Obi-wan’s (alleged) ‘master plan’:

In Episode IV, we have Obi-wan openly lying to Luke about where he came from and dueling Vader (literary to the death). Not exactly the actions of a man who wants the son to save the father’s life.

In Episode V Obi-wan tells Luke not even Yoda had the power or skill required to see into the future of Han and Leia. Considering they were captured by one of the most even being in the galaxy, it wouldn’t be that hard to guess their future did not look pretty.

Luke: But, Han and Leia will die if I don't. Obi-Wan: You don't know that. Even Yoda cannot see their fate.

The idea here is tied to an important concept in SW: free will. The characters are fundamentally free to make their own choices. Anakin, despite being manipulated by Palpatine, ultimately made his own bed. This is true to all of them. Palpatine’s ‘master plan’ wasn’t about controlling people into doing what he wanted, it was using their own nature against them. He nudged them into the making poor decisions, he never stripped them of their agency.

Obi-Wan: It is you and your abilities the Emperor wants. That is why your friends are made to suffer. Luke: That's why I have to go. Obi-Wan: Luke. I don't want to lose you to the Emperor, the way I lost Vader. Luke: You won't. Yoda: Stopped, they must be. On this, all depends. Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his Emperor. If you end your training now, if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did, you will become an agent of evil. Obi-Wan: Patience. [...] Obi-Wan: If you choose to face Vader, you will do it alone. I cannot interfere.

Unless you see Obi-wan as a manipulative, cruel person who wants an untrained Luke to face two of the most powerful beings in the galaxy alone for his own personal, secret plan, I’d say the movie is pretty clear in showing us that neither Yoda nor Obi-wan want Luke to face Vader at that point. If the plan was to get Luke to going, wouldn’t have been easier to just let him go instead of creating an huge argument about it? Hell, they are willing throw Han and Leia under the bus to keep Luke from leaving. If that wasn’t shady enough now we are supposed to believe that was part of an even worst scheme involving pretty much everyone?

Yoda: Told you I did. Reckless, is he. Now... matters are worse. Obi-Wan: That boy is our last hope. Yoda: No. There is another.

Yeah, it doesn’t sound like using Luke to redeem Vader was their ultimate goal here.

There are some pretty big holes in that theory in terms of character development and narrative structure. I know everyone loves the idea of Vader and Obi-wan having some badass duel in ANH but the truth is Vader had spent the last 20 years training and killing pretty much all kinds of enemies imagine while Obi-wan mediated on Tatooine as grew shockingly old for his age.

As proven on Mustafar, raw power only takes you so far. Anakin has always been much, much more powerful than Obi-wan but in the end Obi-wan won because of skill, training and discipline. Unfortunately, for Obi-wan, he didn’t get much training in his isolation. He couldn’t have because he was in hiding! If that wasn’t enough, the EU confirms that Obi-wan sacrificed himself to allow Luke to scape. There was no secret plan.

Obi-Wan risked a glance through the hangar’s open doorway and saw four stormtroopers guarding the Falcon. He also sensed that Luke was nearby. Hoping to cause a distraction that would allow Luke to board the Falcon, he attacked Vader more vigorously. The noise of clashing lightsabers echoed into the hangar, attracting the stormtroopers’ attention. With his peripheral vision, Obi-Wan saw the stormtroopers leave their stations beside the Falcon and run toward him and Vader. He continued his attack on Vader, and several exchanges later, he sensed Luke’s movement and knew his plan had worked. He risked another glance into the hangar to see several figures racing for the Falcon’s landing ramp: the droids, Chewbacca, Han Solo, Luke, and — Leia! Obi-Wan hadn’t known that Princess Leia was on the battle station, but he recognized the girl in the white dress from the hologram that R2-D2 had displayed. Obi-Wan did not believe in luck or coincidences, and seeing Luke unwittingly reunited with his twin sister, he knew that it was not a tractor beam that had brought him to the battle station, but the will of the Force. His fleeting glance also registered that Luke had paused behind his friends. Luke stood a short distance from the landing ramp and was staring straight at him, gaping. Obi-Wan realized there was only one way Luke, Leia, and the others would escape the battle station alive. He smiled as he looked away from Luke, then closed his eyes and raised his lightsaber up before him. Darth Vader did not hesitate to strike. [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Imo, this theory ruins the character of Obi-wan by making him pretty much omniscient and way more powerful and manipulative than he was in canon. Obi-wan wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t palpatine level of manipulative either. He had no ‘grand plan’ beyond using Luke to kill vader and save the galaxy in a desperate attempt to save the galaxy.

On top of that, let’s remember that Obi-wan had no hope left for Anakin. He did not believe Anakin could be redeemed after Mustafar. If you do not believe md, believe George Lucas.

After the first complete take, Lucas and McGregor discuss when he should say each line: “As you watch Anakin slide down, how about if you take one step forward,” Lucas Suggests. “For a moment, you think about it. Your first impulse is to save him – but then you realize you can’t”. As the takes multiply and the actors find their rhythm and emotions, the scene becomes more and more powerful. Christensen yells “I hate you!”. McGregor says, “I love you. But I will not help you”. Lucas explains that what Obi-wan’s really saying to Anakin is: “Your were our only hope and you blew it. Now we don’t have any hope”. Take. After Anakin implores Obi-wan to save him, George asks Ewan to say “I will not…” softer, almost to himself. Take. “After he burst into flames,” Lucas directs, “it’s as if you’re talking to a dead person. To a piece of toast”. He suggests, to drive home this point, that McGregor change the words in the script to the past tense, “I loved you.” The actor acquiesces, but points out that his subsequent line would have to change to “But I could not help you.” Lucas agrees, and Tenggren alters the script accordingly.[ The Making of ROTS]

Another thing that George is very clear about is that Luke is the one who redeems Anakin.

It really has to do with learning. Children teach you compassion. They teach you to love unconditionally. Anakin can’t be redeemed for all the pain and suffering he’s caused. He doesn’t right the wrongs, but he stops the horror. The end of the saga is simply Anakin saying, I care about this person [Luke], regardless of what it means to me. I will throw away everything that I have, everything that I’ve grown to love - primarily the Emperor - and throw away my life, to save this person. And I’m doing it because he has faith in me; he loves me despite all the horrible things I’ve done. I broke his mother’s heart, but he still cares about me, and I can’t let that die. Anakin is very different in the end. The thing of it is: the prophecy was right. Anakin was the chosen one, and he does bring balance to the Force. He takes the ounce of good still left in him and destroys the Emperor out of compassion for his son. [ GEORGE LUCAS - THE MAKING OF REVENGE OF THE SITH; PAGE 221.]

This brings us back about what I said earlier about narrative structure. This is Luke’s story. Obi-wan is the mentor, that’s it. It’s Luke’s actions, Luke’s choices. To suddenly reveal that everything happened was the result of Obi-wan’s plan would be narrative equivalent of a slap in the face. We watched Luke’s hero journey only to find out his journey was a lie and his choices weren’t really his own. How disappointing!

Not only that but redemption comes from within. Even if Obi-wan had planned for everything, Anakin would need to WANT to change. and knowing it was Luke’s selfless actions that drove Anakin into killing Palpatine, suddenly finding out an ulterior motive behind Luke’s actions (beyond the character’s own goodness) would diminish the weight of Anakin own choices.

But, again, Obi-wan couldn’t have planned for Anakin to return to the light because he didn’t even believe one could be redeemed after such evils.

Obi-Wan’s spirit was invisible but present when Luke arrived in the Endor system, where the Empire had constructed a new Death Star battle station. When Luke surrendered to Darth Vader on the Endor forest moon, he listened as Luke maintained his belief that a remnant of Anakin Skywalker remained within Vader and had not been entirely consumed by evil. Luke urged his father to let go of his hate. Vader said, “It is too late for me, son.” Then he signaled to two stormtroopers to escort Luke to a waiting shuttle that would carry them to the Death Star. As the stormtroopers moved up behind Luke, Vader added, “The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force. He is your Master now.” Luke stared at Vader for a moment before he said, “Then my father is truly dead.” Obi-Wan’s spirit wished he had convinced Luke of this fact earlier. [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Even as they fought, Obi-wan didn’t believe Luke could save Anakin. It was only after witnessing Palpatine’s demise he started to realize what it meant.

Obi-Wan knew that Vader would never help, and he felt almost overwhelmed by a sense of dread. Luke would soon be dead, and Vader would remain the Emperor’s puppet. In fact, Obi-Wan was so convinced of Vader’s nature that he was stunned by what happened next. Vader grabbed the Emperor and lifted him off his feet.  [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Had Obi-Wan’s spirit not witnessed Vader’s action, he never would have believed it. Vader, the same monster that Obi-Wan had left to die on Mustafar, had sacrificed himself to save his son. And suddenly Obi-Wan realized where he had failed. For unlike Luke, Obi-Wan had not only believed that Anakin was completely consumed by the dark side, but had actually refused to believe that any goodness could have remained within Vader.  [Ryder Windham. The Life and Legend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Btw, in ROTJ, Obi-wan doesn’t try to talk Luke out of killing Vader. In fact, the oppositve of that happens:

Luke Skywalker: There is still good in him. Obi-Wan: He's more machine now than man. Twisted and evil. Luke Skywalker: I can't do it, Ben. Obi-Wan: You cannot escape your destiny. You must face Darth Vader again. Luke Skywalker: I can't kill my own father. Obi-Wan: Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope.

Star Wars, at its core, has a very simple message about love and the power it has over people. in the end, the good guys won because they were good, not because they were being guided there by some powerful guy. In the end, it was love that won the war and saved the day. Everyone’s love. Luke’s love for Anakin, Anakin’s love for Luke, Han’s love for Leia, etc. Selfless love makes better people and good people do good things. It’s not about manipulating actions, people or even knowing everything. In fact, I’d say it’s the appositive.

Luke didn’t know he could save Vader, but he tried anyway and that’s what makes him a hero. It’s the not knowing but having faith in someone out of love, faith they can be better than they are. That’s what saves the world. It’s not knowing everything and still acting out love and compassion.

Anyway, I honestly don’t know where this idea of Obi-wan knowing Anakin’s future and planning for it came from. But I do know it’s not supported by the movies, the EU or George himself.  

#ask #englishlady #what if #obi wan kenobi #sw meta #meta: fandom #txt #meta: anakin #meta: obi wan

[blueares]

Ruination Rewrite: Shadow Isles

Shadow Isles Part I

The light of the Wayfinder fades and is almost instantly replaced by an oppressive gloom. Though you have witnessed many Harrowings by this point, they all pale in comparison to the sight before you: The Shadow Isles, birthplace of the Ruination.

“I hate this place already.”

“I don’t suppose we could try and recruit more Sentinels first?”

Lucian: “Keep your nerves about you, Rook. The undead here are worse than anything you’ve seen so far, and they can smell fear a mile away.”

Diana: “A land trapped in endless night, yet obscured from the Moon’s pale glow… One can scarcely imagine what manner of horrors might lurk here.”

Graves: “Pardon the interruption, but there are a heck of a lot of graves here… And I ain’t talkin’ about myself.”

Sure enough, a cursory glance of your surroundings reveals that the Wayfinder has brought you to a massive graveyard, with rows upon rows of headstones stretching out all around you. Upon closer inspection, you realize that a number of the graves even appear to be recent.

“Who dug all of these?”

“Whose graves are these?”

??? response 1: “That would be me.”

??? response 2: “Mostly travelers, like yourselves.”

The Sentinels wheel around to point their weapons at the source of the voice, only to find an old, hunched man with a shovel staring back at you, unfazed.

Vayne: “Hmph. So this the kind of ‘horror’ lurking on the Shadow Isles? Should be easy enough to handle.”

Shen: “Wait! This man… His soul is touched by the Mist, but he has not been turned by not. Not wholly.”

Yorick: “That’s right. I’m just a humble gravedigger. My name is Yorick Mori, last gravedigger of the Blessed Isles.”

Riven: “The Blessed Isles? Where’s that?”

Yorick: “Before this place became the Shadow Isles that you all know, it was a place of learning and prosperity: the Blessed Isles. When that mad king came, he unleashed the Ruination, corrupting every living thing in this place with undeath… Almost every living thing.”

Suddenly, a wicked figure appears behind Yorick, speaking out in a voice that somehow calms and terrifies you at the same time.

???: “Join us, Yorick. Cast aside those measly droplets and be one with us.”

Jayce: “Look out!”

Yorick: “Don’t fret. The Maiden has whispered in my ear for a long time, but these ‘measly droplets,’ the Waters of Life, keep me sane.”

You stare at the Maiden uneasily, though the more you do, the more strangely familiar she seems.

Lucian: “Look, this is all fascinating, but we don’t have time to stand around and talk! We’re here for that Ruined Creep, to bring him down once and for all! If you know where he is, old man, you’d better speak up.”

Yorick: “You want to challenge him with these measly numbers? I can see you carry Relicstone, but that alone will hardly be enough.”

Akshan: “Do not count us out yet, old man! Akshan is here, and that makes up for at least a few missing soldiers.”

Yorick examines your group briefly, as though sizing you up. He strokes his beard in thought, then turns his gaze to a large tower in the distance.

Yorick: “…It is a fool’s errand, but perhaps this is the only chance I’ll get.”

Olaf: “What’s he on about now?”

Lucian: “Enough. If you’re not gonna help us, old man, then-”

Yorick: “You’re not the only one who wishes to bring an end to the king. Since the Ruination began, I’ve been amassing corpses here, using what little influence I have to keep them from rising in his name. You say you want to storm the king’s throne, but to do that…”

Yorick raises his spade and slams it into the ground. All around you, the graves burst open and grotesque creatures break free from the dirt.

Yorick: “You will need an army of your own!”

At Yorick’s command, the living corpses all seemed to stand at attention, awaiting his orders. You guess that they number somewhere in the hundreds, but you can’t be sure.

“So we’re going to fight the army of the undead… With our own army of the undead?”

“Lucian, what do the rules say about this? Can corpse monsters be Sentinels? What about old men with creepy ghost ladies on their backs?”

Lucian: “…Frankly, at this point, all that matters is findin’ that bastard and gettin’ Senna back. Oh, and Gwen, of course.”

Yorick: “Then the time is at hand! On your command, warriors of the light, we march!”

Lucian: “Alright then. Sentinels! Corpses! Let’s move!”

Shadow Isles Part II

With the Sentinels and Yorick’s ghouls at your side, you storm the gates of Helia, only to be greeted by Viego’s twisted forces. The ruins of the city quickly become a battlefield filled with screams of the undead.

Lucian: “Sentinels, stick together! Remember your training!”

Though clearly not as experienced as Senna, Lucian still does his best to take command of the situation while fending off the undead that get too close.

Lucian: “Olaf, Jayce, you two clear us a path! Graves, you and I will cover them! Akshan, Vayne, Rengar, you three scout ahead! The rest of you, stick with Rookie and try to keep him safe!”

The Sentinels spring into action at Lucian’s command, clearing their own respective paths through the battlefield. You linger behind with Riven, Shen and Diana serving as your protectors, cutting down the undead who dare to get too close.

Riven: “Don’t worry, Rookie, we’ve got you covered!”

In that moment, an inhuman roar cries out from somewhere above you. You look up to the sound of wings beating and your heart sinks at the sight of a familiar wyvern.

“That’s Shyvana!”

“How did she escape the dragonguard!?”

Shyvana soars across the battlefield and lets loose a stream of harrowed flame, scorching the entire battlefield with reckless abandon. As the flames draws near, Shen focused and conjures his spirit blade to form a protective barrier around you and the other Sentinels. Shyvana’s fire passes over you harmlessly, though you can still feel the raw hear even through the barrier.

Shen: “Is everyone unharmed?”

“I’m good, thanks!”

“If Shyvana is here, then…”

As if on cue, another figure descends from the sky, crashing down onto the battlefield like a meteor. Your heart sinks further as Diana speaks the name that’s on your mind.

Diana: “Pantheon… So Atreus has lost control once again. I… Look out!”

Diana shoves you behind her and wraps herself in a barrier of light just as a massive swirlseed slams into her. Dream dust scatters around Diana and you feel yourself stumble from breathing it in.

Riven: “Rookie! Stay awake, alright?”

You struggle to remain conscious as Lillia’s dream dust starts to take hold, but just as your eyelids are about to close, Riven delivers a sharp slap across your face. In an instant, you feel yourself snap to alertness.

“I’m awake!”

“Ow! Thanks, but ow!”

Riven: “Glad to see that worked.”

Your relief is short-lived as your eyes catch sight of another massive figure orbiting the battlefield: The Dead Pool, held aloft by clouds of Black Mist. At the ship’s helm stands Gangplank, though you recognize three other figures beside him.

“That’s Draven!”

“That’s Tryndamere!”

“That’s Viktor!”

Draven and Tryndamere both leap from the ship’s prow, dropping to the battlefield without care. Viktor, meanwhile, seems to direct a number of drones powered by Black Mist to follow suit. You soon realize that Yorick’s girls are diminishing in number, while your Sentinel allies are steadily pushed back.

Lucian: “Damn it! Everyone regroup! We have to-”

Whatever Lucian was about to say was cut off by the sound of explosions. The Dead Pool’s cannons let loose a relentless volley upon the battlefield, scattering the Sentinels in all directions. One shot lands especially close to you, slamming you into a nearby building.

Your vision blurs and your ears ring as you try to regain your footing. You feel a large hand suddenly wrapping around your neck and hoisting you up. You recognize the face of the man holding you, but his eyes now glow with an unearthly light.

Fetu: “Hmph. I can’t imagine why the Wayfinder would have chosen the likes of you.”

“Fetu?”

“You’re the Sentinel from Buhru…”

Fetu: “So you remember me? Then you remember that you left me to die. Me and my comrades. We held out for as long as we could, but we were no match for the Black Mist. No one is.”

Suddenly, something sharp pierces your stomach. You look down to see one of Fetu’s blades lodged deep in your gut. Pain fills your body as you cough up blood.

Fetu: “And you, you will share our fate, young Sentinel.”

You fall to the ground as your life begins to fade. Tendrils of Black Mist creep around your body, sweeping over you until they engulf you completely. Your vision fades and darkness consumes you as you take your final breath…

Shadow Isles Part III

You linger silently in the darkness. You feel nothing, hear nothing, see nothing. Your thoughts and memories are scattered. Who are you? What are you? These are the answers your mind seeks, but is unable to grasp.

???: “…me?”

???: “Can you hear me?”

You hear a voice calling out to you. It feels familiar, yet you cannot discern why.

???: “Can you hear me?”

“I hear you.”

“Why are you?”

A glimmer of light emerges from the darkness, growing brighter in your line of sight. The light takes on the vague likeness of person, but you can’t discern the details.

???: “I’ve been with you all along. I am your guide, but I am also the cause of your anguish.”

The figure moves closer. You can vaguely discern that the voice belongs to a woman, but her face remains obscured. You think you feel fingers running against your cheek.

???: “This all began with my untimely death, which set my husband on this twisted path. He was a good man, once, but the Black Mist brings out the worst in one’s soul. Pain. Regret. Anger. That’s all my husband is now. I want to bring him back, as well as all those corrupted by his influence.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Does that mean you’re…?”

???: “I’m not who I once was. I am only a fragment of her, hidden away with Relic you carry. It was I who chose you, because I sensed you had a good heart. The Wayfinder was a tool crafted to help bring the world together in its time of need, and I offered what little power I had to that end. Now, I offer that power to you, young Sentinel. Though it means revealing myself to my wayward love, I am prepared to take that risk. I… Am prepared to place my faith in you.”

Suddenly, the darkness around you starts to fade. Your thoughts become less scattered. Feeling returns to your limbs.

???: “Our time is nearing an end. I can offer you my strength, but victory will depend on your own. You are not a warrior like your allies. Yours is the power to touch the hearts of those around you and draw out the best in them. Go, young Sentinel, and become a beacon in this dark time…”

The figure fades away and her voice falls silent. Slowly but surely, you climb to your feet, your memories slowly returning.

Akshan: “Ah, good! You are awake!”

“What happened?”

“Where is everyone?”

Akshan response 1: “Well, you were slain, but I have restored you to life! Do you still doubt the Absolver’s power?”

Akshan response 2: “While you were dying, everyone else has been fighting their hardest. Alas, I fear may we require a hasty retreat, which is why-”

Just then, Akshan’s gaze moves to the Wayfinder at your side. You look down to see that a segment in the base of the Relic has opened up. Hallowed Mist pours from the Wayfinder, and you recall your unusual encounter with the figure in your dream.

“Akshan! I know what we have to do!”

“Akshan! I need you to carry me!”

Akshan: “Oh? I am not quite certain what is happening, but I like the look that is in your eye! Very-well, hold on tightly to me, and try not to fall!”

Akshan grapples you up to the roof of a nearby building and sets you down. From this vantage point, you can see most of the battlefield around you. As you gather your bearings however, Shyvana sudden swoops down and lands before you, nearly shattering the roof.

Shyvana: “Burn all in dragonfire!”

As she prepares to engulf you in flame, you raise the Wayfinder and focus. Tendrils of Hallowed Mist pour forth and wrap around the half-dragon, stopping Shyvana in her tracks.

“Is that what your friends would want?”

“This isn’t you, Shyvana!”

Shyava: “Silence! I… I am…”

“You’re not a monster! You’re a soldier! Jerik said you’re the best he’s ever seen! Is this how a member of the Dragonguard should act!?”

“You’re not a monster! You’re the friend and protector of Demacia’s king! Didn’t you swear to defend him!?”

Shyvana: “Grrr…. RRRRAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!”

Primal fire engulfs Shyvana and her dragon form vanishes. Before you stands a woman with purple scales and crimson armor. Her hands and eyes burn with flames imbued with Hallowed Mist.

Shyvana: “I will never forget my oath! This Ruined King thinks he can tame a dragon? I’ll show him what happens to the enemies of Demacia!”

Shyvana transforms again, kneeling her head down to you.

Shyvana: “Climb on my back, and hold tight!”

Akshan: “Aha! Wonderfully done, Rookie!”

You do as Shyvana tells you and climb onto her back. The half-dragon carries you into the air and over the battlefield as you cling for dear life. As you ascend, your eyes scan the battlefield to pick out those who have fallen under Viego’s influence.

Shadow Isles Part IV

*From here, the player may choose which Ruined champ to go for in which order.

>Pick Tryndamere

Shyvana descends toward the Barbarian King, surrounding him in a ring of Hallowed Dragonfire. Tryndamere looks up at you and cries out in fury, but you respond by angling your Wayfinder at him. Hallowed Mist shoots forth, striking Tryndamere in the chest.

“Tryndamere, calm down! Is this how a king should behave?”

“Are you a man or an animal!? Get ahold of yourself, Tryndamere!”

Tryndamere: “Rrrgh… Grah!”

“You’re supposed to be the king of the Avarosa! Why are you bowing down to a guy like Viego!?”

“I thought you were supposed to be a might warrior! How can you let a guy like Viego tell you what to do!?”

Tryndamere: “I… I… I’LL NEVER YIELD!!!!!”

The Black Mist scatters from Tryndamere as he lets out a cry of defiance. In its place, Hallow Mist wraps around his form, imbuing his blade with cleansing power.

Tryndamere: “I fear no man or monster! COME AT ME!”

Tryndamere charges back into the fray, cutting through flames and undead alike. Though rage still consumes him, you notice that his movements are more focused now, his rage directed toward his adversaries in the Black Mist.

Shyvana carries you back into the air to seek your next target.

>Pick Draven

You spot Draven standing atop the remnants of an old monument, looking rather bored with the battle around him. Only as you approach does he look up, his attention drawn by the sound of beating wings.

Draven: “Oh, here we go! This this should be good!”

Draven winds up to hurl one of his axes, but you beat him to the draw. Tendrils of Hallowed Mist shoot from your Wayfinder and cling to Draven’s body.

Draven: “Hey, what gives!?”

“Draven, I’ve always wanted to meet you, but not like this. What a let-down.”

“I never imagined the Glorious Executioner would turn into a bit-player for some undead king.”

Draven: “What’d you say?”

“Come on, you’re supposed to be the star of the show! Why are you playing second-fiddle to Viego?”

“Draven what would your fans think if they saw you like this? Are you really gonna let them down by borrowing Viego’s power?”

Draven: “Hey! Draven IS the life of the party! Just you watch, kid!”

The Black Mist around Draven vanishes as the Hallowed Mist takes its place. He turns and chucks both axes, bouncing them off a pair of flying wraiths. Then, with practiced ease, he catches both axes and laughs.

Draven: “Ha! How’d you like that? Don’t get too excited, though! I’m just warming up!”

You and Shyvana watch as Draven leaps into the fray, but neither of you stick around to watch the show. Instead, you quickly ascend and begin seeking your next target.

>Pick Lillia

You spot a lot figure hiding amidst the ruins and direct Shyvana to descend on them. Lillia cries out in surprise as the half-dragon crashes down behind her.

Lillia: “Eep!”

She turns around to try and attack with her branch, but tendrils of Hallowed Mist engulf her before she has the chance.

“Come on, Lillia, you’re too cute to be one of Viego’s flunkies! Be brave! Fight back!”

“Lillia, aren’t you supposed to be a guardian of dreams? How can you be siding with Viego?”

Lillia: “W-What? But… Viego’s dreams are… So beautiful…”

“Viego doesn’t dream, Lillia! Not anymore! The man you’re seeing died a long time ago!”

“Viego’s dreams may be pretty, but his reality is a nightmare! He’ll ruin dreams for everyone, forever!”

Lillia: “T-That’s awful! I… Eep!”

Lillia lets out a startled gasp as the scatters from her form, then calms down as Hallowed Mist takes its place.

Lillia: “Oh, what’s this? I… I see an even lovelier dream. Not of the past, but of the future: a bright future, where nobody has to be afraid anymore. I… I understand. I’ll help spread this dream! Maybe Mother Tree will like it, too!”

Lillia takes a deep breath and scampers off into the fray, doing her best to sooth the dreams of the wraiths. You and Shyvana ascend once more to search for those still under Viego’s control.

>Pick Pantheon

As you and Shyvana scan the crowd, a flaming spear soars through the air, grazing Shyvana’s scales. The halfdragon cries out and makes an uneasy land. You do the same as you lose your grip and fall to the ground. Just as you start regain your footing, though, you see a figure marching toward you, shield raised. You try to use the Wayfinder, but the Hallowed Mist glances off Pantheon’s shield.

The war god lunges at you, but you narrowly dodge to the side to avoid being impaled by the spear that’s magically returned to his hand. Before Pantheon can try again, however, Shyvana lunges, engaging the war god with tooth and claw. As they struggle, you see your chance, and try again. This time, the Hallowed Mist takes hold.

“Atreus! I know you’re in there! You have to fight it!”

“Some god you are, Pantheon! I like your human half way better!”

Pantheon: “…Ngh! S-Silence…”

Pantheon struggles to break free, but Shyvana aids in restraining him.

“You’re not a god or a slave! You’re a warrior!”

“Your time is over, war god! No one’s gonna pray to you now, especially not like this.”

Atreus: “My name… IS SOLDIER!”

Two voices cry out at once: Atreus in triumph, Pantheon in despair. The Black Mist is replaced by Celestial power once again.

Atreus: “By my spear, they will know war!”

Atreus moves in the blink of an air, raising his spear to shield you from the axe of undead minotaur. In the same motion, he impales the beast, felling them in an instant.

Atreus: “Go! Rally our comrades! This battle is not yet lost!”

You and Shyvana both nod in acknowledgement before taking to the skies again, searching for those who remain under Viego’s influence.

>Pick Viktor

You spot Viktor amidst a crowd of possessed drones, which seem to swarm around him like a protective barrier. The drones become hostile as they notice you, but Shyvana effortlessly scatters them with her fire. You spot Viktor kneeling in the flames, staring up at you through his metal mask.

Viktor: “Why? Why you deny progress? Why do you deny salvation?”

In response, you raised the Wayfinder and let Hallowed Mist wash over the Machine Herald, binding him in place.

“Viego’s not trying to save humanity, Viktor! He’s trying to destroy it!”

“You call this progress? Turning people into a bunch of mindless wraiths hungry for souls!?”

Viktor: “Ngh… Illogical… Your argument is…”

“Viego’s a man driven by emotion, not logic! Open your eyes, Viktor!”

“Viego doesn’t care about humanity! He just wants to make everyone suffer!”

Viktor: “I see… It seems my own judgement was flawed. I must correct this error. I must adapt…”

The Black Mist pours out of Viktor’s mechanical body, replaced instead by the gentle thrum of Hallowed Mist.

Viktor: “And improve!”

Viktor turns and destroys the remaining drones with his laser.

Viktor: “Core upgrade complete. Now operating at maximum efficiency. Yes… Embrace progress!”

You and Shyvana leave Viktor to his own devices, soaring back into the skies to search for more of Viego’s thralls.

>Pick Gangplank

You advance toward the Dead Pool, holding on tight as Shyvana narrowly evades the ships cannons. Once close enough, she lets out a stream of flame that engulfs the entire ship, sending it crashing toward the ground. You scan the wreckages and see a lone figure limping out: Gangplank.

Gangplank: “It’ll take more than that to sink me, boy!”

Gangplank fires a few shots with his gun, but the bullets glance harmlessly off of Shyvana’s scales. You return fire with tendrils of Hallowed Mist, holding pirate lord in place.

“I’m not trying to sink you, Captain! I’m trying to save you!”

“You’re already drowning, Gangplank! I’m here to pull you back up!”

Gangplank: “What nonsense! I’ve finally got the power to take back my city! I don’t need any help from the likes of you!”

“Viego won’t give you your city back, Gangplank! If he wins, there won’t be anything left of Bilgewater!”

“You really trust Viego that much? You’ve gotta know there’s only room for one king in the world he’s trying to make!”

Gangplank: “…I see now. So, that slimy wharfrat thinks he can double-cross me, does he? It’s about time he realized…”

Gangplank grabs hold of the Black Mist around him, discarding it like an old coat that’s outlived its usefulness. In its place, the Hallowed Mist seems to restore the Gangplanks torn and tattered clothes to something resembling their former glory.

Gangplank: “Dead men tell MY tale!”

He turns and fires a bullet into a crowd of wraiths emerging from the remnants of his ship.

Gangplank: “Go and rejoin your crew, boy! I’ll discipline mine, then find that Ruined King!”

You and Shyvana take to the skies again, once again searching for allies amidst the Black Mist.

Once you’ve freed everyone you can from Viego’s control, you scan the battlefield for your fellow Sentinels. It’s not long before you spot flashes of light in the darkness, and direct Shyvana to set you down at their source.

As you descend, you see your allies have all huddled together near the base of the tower, making one last desperate attempt to push through. Shyvana lets loose a stream of flame that scorches the wraiths around them, before touching down and allowing you to dismount.

Lucian: “Rookie!? That you?”

“Hey, boss.”

“Happy to see me?”

Vayne: “What happened to the dragon? And to the Wayfinder? That looks like… Hallowed Mist.”

Behind you, Shyvana reverts to her humanoid form and addresses the Sentinels.

“He’s freed me from Viego’s control, as well as the others under that monster’s sway. Go and do what you have to, Sentinels. I’ll hold these creatures back!”

Shyvana wraps herself in flame again as she charges back into the fray, burning away any undead that try to get her.

Lucian: “I’m still not sure what you did, Rook, but I guess now ain’t the time to question it.”

Yorick: “You’ve awakened the final piece of her soul… Then the time truly has come to put an end to this madness.”

You and the other Sentinels gather before the gates of Viego’s stronghold, steeling your nerves for one last push.

Lucian: “This is it, Sentinels! Let’s show this Ruined Creep what we’re made of!”  

Shadow Isles Part V

With Yorick serving as your guide, you storm the ancient, dilapidated building that now serves as Viego’s castle. The gravedigger leads you through ancient hallways teeming with the Ruined King’s undead warriors, adorned in faded, rustic armor. Though more fearsome than the lowly wraiths you’re accustomed to, they fall quickly before the Sentinels’ onslaught of light, set to rest after centuries of servitude.

Finally, you push through one last door to emerge in what seems to be a makeshift throne room, the walls and ceiling broken away to reveal the lightless sky overhead. Across the room, a lone figure stands with his back toward you, the tip of his massive blade touching the ground.

Graves: “So that’s the Ruined King? Thought he’d be bigger.”

Jayce and Olaf: “Don’t let his size fool you!”

Viego: “Sentinels. How good of you to come. How kind of you to bring the final fetter.”

Viego turns to face you, and you get the sense that his power has somehow grown even more since your last encounter. A chill runs down your spine as you examine the room, seeing all the fetters from around Runeterra gathered neatly in a corner. They seem devoid now of life and light, nothing more than ordinary objects. Among them, to your horror, is a familiar-looking doll…

Lucian: “Enough stalling, creep! Where’s Senna?”

Viego: “Lucian… All who oppose me are hypocrites, and you may be the greatest of all. We share much in common, do we not?”

Lucian: “I’m nothin’ like you!”

Viego: “No? I know of your deeds, Purifier. You once scoured the world in pursuit of your lost love, just as I do. You place her safety above all else, even your own duties. If it meant saving her, you would damn this world without a hint of remorse.”

Riven: “What is he talking about?”

“Lucian, don’t listen to him!”

“Don’t let him get inside your head!”

Lucian: “You’re right, Rook! If this bastard won’t talk, we’ll just have to make him! Sentinels, open fire!”

On Lucian’s orders, the Sentinels charge Viego, the light of their relics illuminating the throne room. With a single swing of his blade, Viego unleashes a torrent of Black Mist that renders your attacks moot and forces you all back.

Viego: “This is the best resistance you can muster? Did you truly think yourselves a match for me, merely because you got past my armies?”

You clamber to your feet, only to find that Viego has vanished. You look around, only to find a hand wrapped firmly around your neck. Before you can even register what’s happening, the Wayfinder is snatched from your grasp and you find yourself on the floor once more. Viego reappears on his throne, examining the Wayfinder with amusement and contempt.

Viego: “To think that they would hide you away from me in such a trifling toy, my queen… But at last, the final fetter is truly in my grasp.

“Viego, stop! Isolde doesn’t want this!”

“Even if you bring her back, she’ll never love what you’ve become!”

Viego: “Silence! You know nothing, child! NOTHING! This cruel, twisted world took from me the only thing that ever mattered, the only thing that gave my life meaning! Never again! I will absorb every last piece of her soul. She will reside within me forever more, and we never be apart! No one will ever take her from me again!”

Diana: “You are mad! That… That is not love!”

Viego stands and tightens his grasp on the Wayfinder. You watch in horror as the light of Isolde’s soul fades, absorbed into the ceaseless darkness of Viego’s absent heart.

Viego: “It matters not what you think! I can feel her within me, granting me strength… She loves me, as I love her. Witness, Sentinels, the strength of our bond!”

You watch as the Black Mist pouring from Viego’s chest grows even more potent, wrapping around his body. A jet-black armor forms from the corruption, and a cape of pure darkness billows in the still air.

Viego: “You see? She and I are nearly one. Only one more piece remains, and then…”

Just then, a portal opens to the right of the throne. Vex emerges with her shadow in tow.

Vex: “It’s done. Oh, these guys are here?”

Viego: “Pay them no mind, Vex. They are no longer of any consequence.”

Vex: “Trust me, I’ve been trying my hardest to ignore them from the start. Anyway, that Sentinel chick’s nice and secure, just like you wanted.”

Lucian: “Senna…”

Viego: “Excellent. Then this is where we part, Sentinels. Do not fret. I will leave you with one final parting gift.”

With a snap of his fingers, Viego calls forth several wraiths from the sky above, which descend onto the throneroom in a screaming cloud. Viego and Vex quickly gather up the now lifeless fetters, preparing to make their escape through the portal.

Vayne: “Damn it! We have to go after him!”

Lucian: “I’ll go! The rest of you, cover me!”

With Relic light enhancing his movements, Lucian darts and dashes between the storm of souls, leaving the rest of you behind to deal with the wraiths as he makes for the portal. Amid the chaos, your eyes fall upon the now-lifeless Wayfinder, only to hear a familiar voice speak out to you from behind.

Yorick: “The king thinks that he’s won, but he’s overlooked something crucial.”

“What’s that?”

“What do you mean?”

Yorick: “Your piece of the queen was hidden from him, but there is another that he’s overlooked all this time. Take my cloak, child, and hurry.”

Yorick removes the shroud of darkness clinging to him and hands it to you. As you grasp it, you can hear countless voices whispering in your head as one: the voice of the Maiden.

Maiden: “Join us. Surrender to us. Be as one.”

Just then, Yorick opens his vile and sprinkles a single drop of water onto you. You feel the voices in your head growing fainter, but not completely silent.

Yorick: “Do not heed her, but keep her close. She’ll serve you well when the time comes. Now go.”

Yorick returns to the fray, summoning what few ghouls remain under his command to aid in the fight. You look to the portal and steel yourself before sprinting through the chaos, snatching up the Wayfinder as you make for the closing portal.

Riven: “Rookie! Where are you going!? Rookie!?”

You offer no response as you dive into the shadows once more, letting darkness engulf you once again.

#Ruination Rewrite

[maxskulline]

Max has had an issue with narcotics for a long time. But she always managed to control it - to not fall into addiction. She uses strong alcohol and the occasional drug (her drug of choice is Ketamine for the numbing and dissociative effects it provides, but she also smokes weed and takes party drugs from time to time), as a means to numb herself to the onslaught of guilt and self hatred that she always carries within her - even as a teenager - and to numb the pain of, well, simply existing. The same goes for sex: it is a device Max has learned to master because the bliss of pleasure is a short-term relief, because it helps her forget and ignore the everpresent shadows in the back of her mind, digging in their talons until every meager ounce of self-esteem has been torn to ribbons. 

But it gets worse from there. And there is a point in Max’s life where the leash on her habits slips, where it is all she can do not to fall apart completely - or maybe she does it solely for the hope of falling apart to begin with? 

I already explained that Max finds a purpose on Paniola Ranch before she and Rosie ultimately ship off to Galar. But what happens before the ranch? How did she end up there? 

After the events on Aether Paradise, a few months pass before she ever sets foot on the ranch. In the first, initial month, Max is bedridden and recovering from the poisoned wound Gala inflicted on her during her battle with Guzma. She doesn’t know what horrors had happened to Rosie until a while later, but it is a demon of guilt that starts nagging and nagging until she can’t take it anymore. Even looking at her friend will result in Max wanting to double over and puke, or run to the next window and fling herself out of it, that is how unbearable the guilt weighs on Max. 

For letting this happen to Rosie. For letting this happen to her best friend. For letting her Pokémon be almost killed by the man she thought she had loved. For letting Guzma get to this state to begin with. For being so weak that she could not protect anyone - anyone she loves. For killing that Pokémon, so many years back. For being an utter, disgusting failure, a waste of a person.

Failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure failure

Max never, ever lets these demons show. It is a battle she fights with herself, silently, and mostly at night when the memories come to the surface - memories that she spends so carefully forgetting, dissociating until the daggers barely scrape her. Rosie does not know of the battles she fights, because Max doesn’t tell her - ever. She cannot bear to burden her friend any more, and she can’t let anyone see how much she utterly hates herself. 

But the demons begin showing in other ways. Because when Max is well enough again, she begins to frequent bars, and when she comes home she is pissed out of her mind. If she comes home at all. Latter doesn’t always happen. Sometimes, Max finds herself waking in the middle of a park, or in the bed of a stranger, unable to recall their name or how she had gotten there. Leaving Rosie with Plumeria, where they’re currently squatting at, unable to imagine that Rosie could be possibly worried about her. Because why would anyone be? Why would anyone want to even see her alive- she is a failure, a wreck, weak - Guzma had shown her that she was nothing. That she never meant shit to him, too. Her inability to save her friend or her Pokémon showed that her parents had always been right.

So she drinks, and she fucks, and she dances, drowning out the thunder in her head for a few hours. Leaving Rosie worried, neglecting her Pokémon and irritating Plumeria. Hitting rock bottom. Clinging to the blissful numbness in those precious few hours where Max lets go and forgets, even herself. Max loses weight again during that month, and it becomes very obvious to others that this girl is slowly killing herself. That’s when Plumeria’s patience snaps - and that’s when she finds out Rosie is pregnant.

It does not take a second for Max to piece it all together. How this had happened - where, and when. Feeling trapped in what feels like an event horizon, a bottomless pit of darkness that she cannot escape from, because this is her fault, too. 

Plumeria knew about Rosie before Max did, and could sense what the information would do to Max. That’s why she had arranged a setup to get them both settled into Paniola Ranch, where Rosie would be safe and taken care of, before the news cracked. Max could not go on like this - Plumeria would not see it happening. If it seemed like a cruel decision, Plumeria could rest well with the knowledge that it came from a place of love, and worry. If she let Max go on like this, she’d last no longer than a month. She was withering. But she could not be the one who snapped her back into reality, give her cold turkey - it had to be a more drastic measure, of giving Max a purpose, something she currently absolutely lacked of. And, because Max was so intent of pushing everyone, including Rosie and her own Pokémon, away, Plumeria reached a treshold with her patience, too. 

The news did not go down well with Max, of course. A nasty arguement ensued, in which things were said that drove a temporary rift between her and Plumeria (and is one of the reasons Max initially cut all ties with her when she left for Galar). Plumeria compared her to Guzma - and while she spoke the truth, it was the wrong thing to say to her. 

Max and Rosie left for Paniola Ranch, because Max was given an ultimatum. Either go, or leave - without Rosie, who would always have a place with Plumeria as long as she needed it. Max, who did not ever want to live on the streets again, had no choice but to take the bait. It would not be until many, many months later that she saw Plumeria’s actions for what they were: to save her life. 

For the first two weeks on the ranch, Max could not bring herself to leave her room. Had locked the door and shut the windows, and she would only eat the food she was brought every other day. If her depression was bad before, now it rendered her motionless - incapacitated. Unable to leave her bed, with nothing but the roaring silence around her, and the shadows in her mind. Telling her what she told herself, over and over: she is worthless, she is a bad friend, she is weak, she is useless, and she utterly, utterly failed Rosie. The distance she put between them were for two reasons: to avoid Rosie’s disappointment at seeing her like this, and to keep the girl away from herself because she brought nothing but trouble to her. She could not fathom the idea that Rosie might need her more than ever, and she could not be that person - for anyone. 

Rosie met Rocky around this time - unbeknownst to Max, he would prove an anchor to the both of them, although even more so to Rosie. 

Eventually the Ranch caught up on her shit, and she was practically forced to do her share of work. It was hard at first, due to the detorriation of her body, both from malnourishment, alcohol abuse and because she was still recovering from the Golisopod inflicted wound. She did not manage any heavy lifting and started to tend to the Pokémon instead. Cleaning out their boxes, feeding them, all whilst keeping her distance from other people still. Until Rosie introduced her to Rocky - with such a sunny, carefree demeanor that it was very, very hard not to feel comfortable in his presence. Seeing Rosie befriending him did something to Max. Some sort of relief washed through Max - despite everything that had happened to her friend, she was still capable of forming connections. And shame. Shame for not being there for her like she should have been. That someone else started to fill this role. It took her another week to process it, and finally, finally show some semblance of change everyone was desperate to see in her.

Max left her room more often to spend tentative time with Rosie, although she never discussed anything that had ocurred on Aether Paradise. Keeping it casual, as easy as she could, Max did try to mend the bond between them. But the nightmares still haunted her at night, reminding her of how close she had been to losing everything she cared for. Rocky could sense it - through whatever empathy he had within him, he could sense what sort of demons haunted Rosie’s friend.

And offered to train her, and her Pokémon.

For so many years, Max had been behind the training of her Pokémon. It was the sole reason why Guzma had come so close to killing them - killing her, even. And the offer did scare her, a lot, because it is hard to shed the level of overprotection Max held over her team. Still, if there was one thing Max knew she could never let happen again, it was this:

She would not be weak anymore. Her Pokémon deserved to be prepared for everything. Her Pokémon deserved to be trained.

So she accepted. Every morning, for two hours before her work started, she would meet Rocky and train with him. And when she finished work and he was busy, she would take her Pokémon to the fields and do it herself. It was the one purpose she had missed in the past two months, a void that slowly filled, a sense of doing the right thing. The healing slowly began.

But, even years down the road, Rosie will still not know that the guilt had never left Max. It is the one truth Max swore to take into her grave. 

#💀 headcanons #💀 V: The Queen of Nothing #I am still on hiatus. Somewhat. But I have been feeling more depressed these days and writing this... was therapeutic. #I have started reading A Court of Silver Flames and Nesta Archeron reminded me so much of Max. It inspired me to write this. #drugs tw #alcohol tw

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Hey, I was wondering if I could request a fic where the reader convinces Geralt to go on a quest to help her retrieve a notebook that a dragon stole from her. And along the way, Geralt catches feeling for the reader and can't figure out why he has such a compulsion to protect her. And then it dawns on him that she's half witcher, and maybe that's where maybe some angst kicks in?

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Geralt x ReaderWord Count: 1,925Rating: TTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle @writingstudent @mlleecrivaine @coffee-and-stories @ultracolorfulnerdcollection @astouract@your-not-invisible-to-me @kemmastan a/n: This was an interesting premise! I hope I did it justice! Thanks!

Geralt was at a point in his career where he could pick and choose jobs as he wished and yours wasn’t the kind he’d usually pick. Retrieving a notebook from a dragon seemed ridiculous. At first he’d gruffly rebuffed you, telling you to buy a new notebook and getting up to walk away. But when you’d called after him that you’d just go on your own if you had to, a strange feeling overcame him. He’d immediately turned around and accepted the job, barking that you’d leave tomorrow at first light, and turned back around before he could see the relieved smile light up your face. Something about you compelled him to keep you safe. He hadn’t felt that kind of pull since Ciri had entered his life but you were no child and the way he felt as he looked at you was far from paternal. He was a professional, though, and he would escort you there and back and that would be it.

That was his plan, at least. A well laid and ultimately useless one. For all that he tried to wedge distance between the two of you, you found your way in. You were funny and charming and the way the fire illuminated your face made you lovelier than all the stars in the skies above you. More than once he felt the urge to pull you close but he fought against it. Partially out of professionalism but more out of fear. He didn’t know what caused this intense attraction but he didn’t trust it.

“Tell me about yourself,” he said one day, hoping that he may learn something that would help him like you less. You walked alongside of Roach and glanced up at the witcher who loomed large above you.

“Why?” you asked bluntly.

“If we are to travel together we may as well learn more about each other,” he replied.

“Alright,” you said, “You go first.”

“I asked first,” he countered.

“What do you want to know?” you asked, pretend he hadn’t just given the most childish rebuttal imaginable.

“Tell me about your family,” he offered. You were quiet for a long moment and he began to regret the question. He had a soft spot in his heart for people with unfortunate families.

“I don’t know much about them,” you admitted.

“Orphaned?”

“Yes, you?”

“Don’t remember them so yes,” he replied.

“Any family at all then?” you asked, seamlessly taking up the mantle of interrogator. Geralt thought of Ciri and Jaskier and everyone at Kaer Morhen.

“Some,” he answered, “Yourself?”

“Some,” you replied with a little smile playing about your lips as you thought of the people you’d come to know and trust in your life.

“So tell me something,” Geralt said, trying another tactic, “Why a witcher to retrieve a notebook? Do you want me to slay the dragon because I can tell you right now that unless the beast is going around eating people I will leave it as it lives.”

“Of course I don’t want you to kill it,” you answered, tone severe and face contorted into a scowl, “I happen to have a tenderness towards monsters. If it were just a matter of killing it I’d be fine. It is specifically because I don’t wish to hurt it that I asked a professional monster wrangler to aid me.”

Geralt’s face crumpled into a very disgruntled expression. You’d answered perfectly and what’s worse his heart had skipped an already slow beat at your mention of feeling tenderness towards monsters.

“Stupid,” he bit out, “It’s stupid to feel tender towards monsters. Good way to get eaten.”

You stopped walking and he paused Roach’s steps, looking back at you. You gave him a cool, withering expression that cut through the layers of thick leather armor on his body, chilling him to the bone.

“Do not underestimate me, Witcher,” you said, “I know of what I speak when it comes to monsters.”

You began to walk again, striding ahead with your head held high as Geralt grumpily trotted after you, falling into a silence that was far less enjoyable than the one before. This, Geralt thought to himself bitterly, is what comes of small talk.

That evening Geralt scouted the area around the campsite twice, senses heightened with the need to ensure your safety. The anxiety for your wellbeing buzzed in his mind like a particularly persistent gnat. You were oblivious it seemed. You made the fire while he was gone and even fed Roach and, to Geralt’s horror, was brushing her coat when he returned. The horse seemed as enchanted with you as Geralt was and his stomach pitched at the thought of how well you seemed to fit into their little life together. He went to his bedroll without a word and went to sleep while you stayed up a bit longer tending the fire and petting Roach.

Somehow Geralt fell asleep but when he woke it was to a sharp spike of panic running through him. He stood up, already reaching for his sword, and a hand clamped around his mouth. He tore at it but he soon recognized it and stilled as you leaned to whisper in his ear.

“I think we found our dragon.”

A brilliant flash of golden scales, illuminated by the fire which was a pile of glowing embers now, rustled through the trees and you kept your hand on Geralt’s mouth, face pressed by his as you watched carefully to see if the dragon would come towards you or move on unimpeded. Geralt’s mind was torn between focusing on the threat and trying to figure out how you had perceived it before he did and how you were strong enough to keep your hand clamped tight around him. The only person who had ever been able to sneak up on him in the past was a fellow witcher and you were not-

Geralt glanced, your face closer than it had ever been and even in the darkness he began to notice little things. Your eyes, though Y/E/C and not the usual witcher’s yellow hue, glowed slightly even in the dark. Your skin wasn’t pale per se but there was a wan quality to it that some may mistake as sickly, but there was nothing weak about your grasp on him. And then Geralt realize your heart wasn’t beating. He listened carefully, your body pressed close enough that he should have felt its rhythm, but there was nothing for 1… 2…. 3…. Thump. You relaxed your grip and stepped back.

“It’s left for now but we should probably get moving,” you said, moving to stir water into the campfire.

“You’re a witcher,” Geralt said, not a question but a confused revelation. You paused and sighed heavily.

“I’m not,” you said.

“Bullshit,” Geralt replied, “I don’t know how it took me this long but you are one, I know that much.”

“I’m not,” you insisted, turning to face him, “I’m… well I suppose at best I’m half.”

Geralt blinked a few times in confusion, trying to process what you’d said.

“No such thing,” he argued, “Witcher’s are sterile and cannot procreate. And those who fail the trial of grasses die.”

“Yes,” you agreed, “They do. But not all stay dead.”

Geralt didn’t have a response for that, just a relentless stare that you met head on. You knew this was a battle of wills that you would try to win but you also knew there was no walking this back, you may as well tell him.

“Girl witchers are rare,” you said, continuing to round up items around the campfire and keeping your voice low, “But not unheard of. I was taken in much as I’m sure you were, offered up by family shortly after birth or maybe being found, I’ve heard different things from different people. I trained and I was submitted to the trial of the grasses but something went wrong. There was an attack that was unanticipated and I was left for dead. Until a mage found me, compelled by something, they say destiny and who am I to disagree with them though I feel it does a disservice to their work. They say there was just enough life left in me to bring back and so here I am. Not a witcher, but not a human either. Something different. Something that doesn’t quite belong anywhere. So yes, Geralt of Rivia, I know monsters. I am a new breed of one. But I dare to think that like that dragon, I deserve to live. Not all would agree. Not all of your own order would agree. But there it is.”

By the time you were done talking you had packed everything up and even saddled Roach while Geralt watched in stunned silence, listening but hardly believing what you told him. He could tell you were being honest, though.

“That’s why I’ve felt so….” He began and then stopped himself. You turned swiftly and looked at him.

“That’s why you’ve felt what?” you asked.

“I’ve felt a sort of… connection with you,” he said, “I thought maybe I was just… but this is why. You’re… well, you’re almost…”

“I know,” you said with a rueful smile, “What to call me? You understand why I don’t really lead with it.”

“But surely somebody knows,” he argued, moving closer and taking the reins from your hands, “Someone in the council knows. Vesemir at the very least must.”

“Don’t,” you said suddenly, face tense and terrified, “You cannot tell anyone. You’re right, some know of me, and none want me around. At best I’m a curiosity to be investigated and dissected. At worst I’m collateral damage and an unnatural thing to be taken back out of the world. If you tell anyone, you write my death sentence.”

“I am a witcher first and foremost,” Geralt said, “I know my people. I would not put your life at risk-”

“The only way you keep me safe is to stay silent,” you protested, “If you cannot, then at least let me get a head start. I’ll stay out of your life, hell I’ll find a mage to try and clear your memory for you if I have to, but know that you tell someone, I am dead.”

Geralt considered your words. He felt certain that he could, and absolutely should, tell his old mentor that you existed, perhaps even have you join them since you clearly possessed some of their abilities. But your words also rang true and the idea of putting you at risk felt as possible as rending his own limbs off. You stared at him in breathless anticipation of what he would say and when he finally looked up at you, you knew he had his answer.

“Go.”

You ran into the night, not looking back or giving him half a chance to think twice about his decision. Geralt watched you go as a deep sense of grief washed over him. If destiny had spared your life it felt that destiny must had brought your lives together for some reason. Though his heart ached as he climbed atop Roach’s back and stared at the spot you’d long since disappeared from view in, he felt a strange sense of certainty as well.

He would see you again and next time, whatever the cost, even if he had to eliminate every threat with his bare hands, he would ensure your safety and if he was lucky he may even get to keep you close.

#miyakokurono #Geralt x Reader #geralt imagines #geralt drabble #geralt angst #reader request

[asimawv]

I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.) 

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style. 

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

#darkest dungeon #playlist #song reccomendations #fic: the myth of sisyphus #give me that hozier baby

[loekas]

struts onto the stage and grabs a microphone

Let’s imagine a Kingdom Hearts universe where Sora is never born. Kairi takes his place as the Keyblade wielder instead. How would that change things?

Disclaimer; I haven't played KH3 yet and don't know the meta in that one. But I've played most of the other games and know the story/meta of the ones I haven’t played. 

So, we start at the beginning, with Ven, Aqua and Terra. Kairi, as a newborn heart, is the one who helps Ven heal after Ventus’ heart gets split into two. This makes much more sense tbh, because Kairi is a Princess of Heart, and thus has special heart powers. Like help stabilise the light side of a heart torn into two.

Flash forward to when Ven and Vanitas have their epic heart battle, ending with the heart recombining and the Ven side being dominant, but also being on the verge of death. Again, Kairi is the one who offers Ventus refuge in her own heart. Then Malificent attacks Radiant Garden, and Kairi ends up on Destiny Islands with no memories left of her past. Kairi and Riku meet and become best friends. Terra still met with Riku on his journey as well, and still made him heir to his keyblade. 

Flash forward to the start of KH1. The relationship between Kairi and Riku is a little different than in canon, because they're both friends and rivals (instead of just friends like in canon, where the rival part is occupied by Sora) Kairi is the one Riku races on the beach, she’s the one who battles him with wooden swords.

Unlike Sora, Kairi is a-okay with Riku being better than her. Sure, she likes to win, but it isn’t necessary for her to have fun. Which is good, because it means there’s no friction between her and Riku. Riku’s competitive streak is satisfied by being more skilled than Kairi, and Kairi has fun with the games they play. 

Like in canon, the two of them are making a raft to go see different worlds. But lets add in one very important difference with canon.

Before leaving on their adventure, Riku and Kairi share a paopu fruit. Why? Because if you've shared one, then no matter where you go, you'll hearts will always be connect. You’ll always be able to find each other. (And this is true. Paopu fruits are genuinely magical. Share one and your destinies/hearts become intertwined) 

(Except this paopu fruit isn't shared by two hearts. It's shared by three. Ven is still within Kairi...) 

Ansem still tricks Riku into opening The Door of their world. The heartless still appear. 

Kairi is the one who finds Riku on the beach. Kairi is the one who begs him to leave (because this is wrong, she knows that with every fiber of her being. The knowledge isn’t conscious but she knows their world is being consumed by darkness. She knows because she’s a Princess of Heart) (She knows because she saw the same thing happen to Radiant Garden)

Kairi and Riku are consumed by darkness, and they lose hold of each other. Riku is brought to Hollow Bastion and Kairi is lost to darkness.

The darkness is broken by the Kingdom Key. By the Keyblade linked to the Realm of Light.

Who better to wield it than a Princess of Heart?

Kairi now has a weapon against the darkness. She has a weapon against the heartless swarming her.

She fights the heartless with skill she shouldn't have. She fights them with magic and acrobatic feats, she fights them as though she’s been doing so her entire life.

She fights them with the skill of Ven and Vanitas. Ventus’s heart is always there, but when Kairi holds a Keyblade, his heart surges to the foreground (but neither Kairi nor Ventus are aware of this. Kairi just knows her body moves on its own, and Ventus isn't consciously making her move like that. Ventus is still slumbering. He responds to Kairi’s surroundings and feelings, but all of it is done unconsciously) 

(Like Sora, Kairi doesn’t know that she holds Ventus’ heart. She was a newborn when they first met, there are no memories there. And when she offered Ventus’ heart refuge the second time, she did it on instinct. Princess of Heart powers are handy like that)

But while she’s ignorant of the heart within her, during that fight against the heartless on Destiny Islands, Kairi remembers her past. She remembers Radiant Garden being destroyed.

Like in canon, she ends up in Traverse Town after the destruction of her world. And the meeting with Leon and co is much more emotional because THEY KNOW EACH OTHER!!!! They come from the same home. 

Kairi realises she isn’t alone after all. She hasn’t lost everyone. Yuffie and the others are still alive.

So is Riku. Kairi knows that through knowledge born from the paopu fruit. She knows that Riku is alive in the same way she knows how to breathe.

She has to find him.

Kairi meets Donald and Goofy, and goes on a quest to find Riku. 

Meanwhile, Riku still ends up with Maleficent, and still ends up manipulated by her. Things proceed mostly like in canon. Maleficent feeds the darkness in Riku’s heart and makes him jealous of Donald and Goofy. 

Unlike canon, Riku only sees Kairi from a distance. He only sees her through scrying spells, through images shown by Maleficent (Maleficent claims she can only scry for Kairi, she can't determine her exact location. This is a lie)  (Unlike canon, having Riku meet with his best friend would be counterproductive to Maleficent’s plans. She can’t turn Riku against Kairi in the ways she could turn him against Sora in canon. She has no leverage in the form of a third best friend. So she takes a different route to getting Riku in the shape she needs him to be)

Kairi and Riku only meet after Riku has already become skilled at wielding darkness magic (and thus, has left his heart vulnerable to that darkness. That’s the only way to wield it after all). They only meet after Maleficent is confident it won’t ruin her plans.

By now, Maleficent has fed onto Riku’s OVERWHELMING guilt at opening the door his world, at letting the heartless in. One of the reasons she can shape Riku to her liking so completely is because Riku is struggling SO HARD with guilt and denial and horror because he DESTROYED his world! He killed everyone he ever knew and loved. 

Everyone but Kairi. Like Kairi, Riku knows that she’s alive in an instinctive manner. He clings to that knowledge even more than he would have if they’d just been seperated. He clings to the idea that if they just get back together, everything will be alright again.

But he's still drowning in guilt. Worse, he’s in complete isolation. Maleficent is the only one he has significant contact with. The deck is stacked against him here. Even if he avoided being manipulated in one way, he couldn’t avoid all the other ways.

The most insidious manipulation is this. Maleficent, who lied about Hollow Bastion, who claimed this to be a remant of her world, tells him; if we open Kingdom Hearts, all the worlds destroyed by the heartless will be restored. Your world will be restored... 

So when Kairi and Riku finally reunite, there are, first, a lot of hugs and tears (they've missed each other so much). But then the cracks in Riku start showing. He struggles with his jealousy towards Donald and Goofy (and Kairi doesn't understand that jealousy because she loves Donald and Goofy in a different way than Riku. And Riku is way more important to her than they are, he’s her best friend. So why be jealous?) but the real breaking point comes when he shares his plan to find Kingdom Hearts with Kairi. Riku tells her, and her immediate reaction is this.

The Kingdom of Hearts must never be opened.  

She says it without thought, she says it on pure instinct. But every part of her knows it's true. The Kingdom of Hearts must never be opened. (she knows this because she's a Princess of Heart. She's a remnant of the key that once opened the Kingdom of Hearts)  (She knows what will happen to the universe if the Kingdom of Hearts is ever opened again)

And Riku breaks because how can she say that? Doesn't she want their world back? Doesn’t she want their parents back, their friends? 

And Kairi doesn't know how to explain because yes she wants her home back, she wants her adopted parents and friends back, she wants it so much but the Kingdom of Hearts CANNOT be opened! Even if it means the loss of her home and family, even if it would mean losing Riku, the Kindom of Hearts cannot be opened. 

Eventually, they fight. Unlike canon, Riku doesn’t manage to call the Keyblade away from Kairi (because no matter how much better he was at things than her, Kairi has never felt inferior to him. Because she’s a Princess of Heart, and the Kingdom Key belongs to the Light as it belongs to no one else)

Kairi beats Riku. Riku might be incredibly talented, but he’s fifteen years old. He hasn’t been training with magic for years. 

He doesn’t have the experience Ventus does. And Kairi is fighting with the skill of Ven and Vanitas both.

Riku can't handle the loss. He was ALWAYS better than Kairi at stuff like this. Except he no longer is. She's leaving him behind, she's pulling away from him and she no longer needs him.

He can't handle that. Not after destroying his world, not after fixating so hard on the idea that everything would be alright again if he just found Kairi again, if he just found his best friend. But everything isn’t alright, she’s fighting him and she’s trying to stop him from restoring their world! He can’t deal with that.

And finally, Riku is in the state that Maleficent wanted him to be. He’s on the verge of being consumed by darkness, on the verge of becoming a heartless. But he isn’t one just yet.

That is exactly the state that Ansem needs Riku to be in.

When Ansem approaches him after the fight, Riku agrees to open himself to darkness. And Ansem possesses him.

This is where the real fun begins. See, I have elaborate headcanon on the Ansem we see in KH1. In later games, we learn that this Ansem is actually the heartless of Xehanort. But this Ansem came into existence after Xehanort had already taken over Terra's body. 

So, I headcanon that this heartless is actually a combination of Xehanort and Terra. His goals are still that of Xehanort (find Kingdom Hearts) but Terra's wants are there as well. Except they've been twisted because he's a heartless. The part of Ansem that used to be Terra still wants to find his friends, Aqua and Ven. But what he feels for them is no longer true love. It's possession, it's obsession. They're his and no one else's. 

And this desire is why Ansem is very interested in Kairi. While observing her on her journey, he recognised her fighting style. He recognised Ven’s and Vanitas’s moves. 

And now that Ansem FINALLY has a body back, now that he can finally use a Keyblade again (headcanon that the reason he needed a body is because he couldn't use a keyblade otherwise), he can act on his need to get Ven back.

(But because he used to be Xehanort as well, he first makes that special Keyblade that contains the hearts of the six Princesses he and Maleficent have already captured. Only after does he go after Kairi)

Ansem has deduced that Kairi holds Ven's heart, and he wants Ven back. So he fights with her, he taunts her. He uses Terra’s Keyblade against her (I know he didn’t use it in the game, but this is an exercise in having canon make sense. And seeing as Riku was the heir to Terra’s Keyblade, it makes sense for Ansem to be able to use that Keyblade after taking over his body) (Riku being Terra’s heir is the whole reason Ansem went after Riku in the first place...)

Ansem keeps taunting Kairi. Or rather, he taunts Ven. He calls him out, uses the names Ven and Vanitas (and Kairi hesitates because she knows those names. Somehow she knows them, somehow she knows what they mean) (She hesitates because Ventus does)

The hesitation is quickly shaken off and replaced by rage. Because this isn’t Riku, this is someone who took over his body. He’s controlling Riku and he will give Riku back! (He’ll give Terra back. Because Ventus recognises that fighting style in the same way Ansem recognised his. Ventus isn’t conscious, not truly, but he rages because he knows that keyblade, knows that magic, he knows the monster that stole his friend!) (The monster will give his friend back)

Kairi and Ventus are in synch as never before. 

It isn’t enough. Terra and Xehanort have always been stronger than Ven and Vanitus. 

Kairi and Ventus can’t beat him. 

After awhile, Ansem goes; well, this was fun, but it's time for you to come home, Ven. And he uses Terra's Keyblade to unlock Ven's heart. 

Except he fails. Because Kairi stops him. She does it on instinct, she does it in a way that shouldn’t be possible. Keyblades can't be stopped like this. 

Not without the power of a Princess of Heart. 

And Ansem realies. Kairi is the final Princess. The one they lost all those years ago, the one they've been searching for ever since. He gets it now, the reason Kairi was hidden from all scrying spells is because of Vanitas. Ventus' heart slumbers within her own, and Vanitas' darkness hid that Kairi possesses no darkness of her own. 

Ansem laughs. What a fortunate twist of fate. The final piece to his plan was right in front of his nose all this time. 

He attacks Kairi again. He uses his keyblade against her heart again. Except this time he uses the Keyblade created by the Princesses of Heart. 

This time, he aims at Kairi's heart instead of Ven's. 

Kairi’s heart is consumed.

And Riku is back control of his body. Because Kairi's power is no longer being contained by her body, because he has a direct link to that power by holding the Keyblade that holds her heart. Because they shared a paopu fruit and that created a magical bond. (And Ansem screams because Ven is lost! There was only a brief window in time to capture his heart as Kairi's was unleashed, and because of the switch in control, that window is gone! Ven is gone. Ansem rages) (Ansem is powerless as long as Riku keeps hold of that Keyblade) 

 And Riku, who was screaming inside Ansem the entire time he was fighting Kairi, goes no, no, no, this can't be happening. I can’t have killed Kair, can’t have killed my best friend.

I need to save her. 

In this world, Riku is the one who breaks the Keyblade and returns the Princesses their hearts. 

And Ansem is back in control. 

Things go mostly according to canon again, with Kairi going after Ansem (because he will give Riku back!)  (because the Kingdom of Hearts must never be opened) 

It ends with Riku and King Mickey closing The Door on one side, Kairi, Donald and Goofy closing The Door on the other side. But before closing it, Kairi makes Riku promise that he'll come back to her. He promises that he will (which is a good thing, because Riku is pretty suicidal right now and things would not end well without this promise) 

Kairi and Mickey close Kingdom Hearts. And Kairi returns to Radiant Garden (because that's her original world. That's where she was born). Donald and Goofy go to that world instead of their own as well, because Kairi instinctively uses Princess powers to keep their hearts with her. The final image is Kairi, flanked by Donald and Goofy, looking up at all the stars that are back. 

End act 1. Now, we get to the good stuff. Now, the butterfly effects really come into play. 

Kairi is a Princess of Heart. They are incapable of creating Nobody's. So when her heart was released from her body? Nothing happened.  

In this world, Naminé doesn't exist. 

Roxas does. 

Except he's not Kairi's Nobody. He's Ventus. He's a heart that exists without a body, something possible only because of the connection he has with a Princess of Heart. 

But without being inside Kairi’s heart, that connection isn't enough to protect him. Slowly, Ventus is turning into a heartless. 

The part of him that is Vanitas is TERRIFIED. That part of him remembers how hollow he always felt, how it always felt like something was missing. How that feeling only went away after merging with Ven. He doesn't want to go back to that. This desire is unconscious though, because Ventus/Roxas has lost his memory. 

Roxas is still found by Xehanort, Ansem's Nobody. Roxas still becomes the thirteenth member of Organisation XIII. 

But Kairi never goes to Castle of Oblivion. She never has her memories manipulated by Naminé. There’s no failed coup within the Organisation. So when Kairi finally does meet the Organisation? 

Things look very different indeed...

And that’s all I have on this. Thank you for coming to my TED talk! If anyone wants to speculate on what happens next, be my guest!

#kingdom hearts #meta #kairi #riku #wayfinder trio #destiny trio #except it's a destiny duo #unless you count in ven #which i do #then it's the destiny trio again #ven can belong to more trio's than one #as a treat

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Hellraiser Fandom and the Invisibility of Women’s Abuse

I’m starting to come to terms with why the Last Drive In interviews stuck with me in a bad way.

It kind of eluded me for a while, but to give you guys the emotional lead-up to what was underlying my sense of discomfort and irritation, let me explain a few things. When I heard the interview was going to happen, I watched some portions of a different Last Drive In episode to get a sense of what the whole thing was about. It’s your standard hosted horror movie show. 

It’s also awkwardly sexist. They have a character on it, Darcy The Mail Girl, who as far as I could tell in my first viewing, basically exists on the show to be ogled and be the butt of sexual humor. The men filming would even break the fourth wall to snicker and whistle when she would say something sexual. In 2020, it was extraordinarily cringe-worthy to watch, and I’m at a loss that we’re still living in a world where this is normalized. It was like watching something from the 80′s. She is extremely objectified on the show. 

I don’t blame her for this. Apparently, she was the victim of some awful bullying and body-shaming fairly recently, and I don’t want to put more suffering on that girl’s shoulders. I respect her. I think she respects herself. The circumstances surrounding a woman being in a position like this are complicated, and I do not pretend to understand her situation. She’s also allowed her own feelings about what she can and cannot handle, and what is and is not okay with her.

Nevertheless, the segment I saw in that other episode with Darcy was alienating and even rather upsetting. I felt a second-hand humiliation and pain. I didn’t feel like Darcy was put in a position where she was in control of her own sexual expression. Perhaps Darcy’s actress disagrees with me, and that’s fine. But as a female audience member, I was already feeling a sense of unease and unwelcome.

So I was obviously primed for discomfort before the interviews even started.

Joe Bob Briggs (the host) said a few things that did not sit quite right with me. Quite frankly, he repeated some more annoying fanboy statements that tend to stick in my craw. His rather basic interpretation of the film, juxtaposed against the awkward, stifling feeling of watching Doug and Ashley try to explain the deeper concepts that eluded him reminded my of my own frustrations listening to the male fans of these films’ constant comprehension failure.

How many times does Doug have to repeat the words he’s basically memorized by heart regarding the tragedy and complex nature of Pinhead? Why does this get forgotten, glossed over, even retconned so much?

Why does it always feel like Ashley gets disregarded? Every time we see an interview with her (which is comparatively rare), nobody really speaks to the deeper thoughts she expresses on her character or the narrative, but every man in the comments has something to say about her hotness level.

When we got to the point that Ashley tried to explain to Briggs that she thought Pinhead was fair in a certain scene, and that Pinhead was speaking to Kirsty’s accountability for her own desires, Briggs responds incredulously; “You think Kirsty OWES Pinhead?!” 

Ashley had spent a portion of the interview having to dismiss the relevance of characters like Steve and Kyle in Kirsty’s life, and was now suggesting a deeper subtext in her interactions with Pinhead that both A) did not cast Kirsty as pure and sexless and without culpability, and B) did not cast Pinhead as her aggressor but as her psychological mirror. 

This is the subtext that is most often disregarded by casual fans and some hardcore fans alike, that Kirsty may not be the innocent and sexless Final Girl, and that Pinhead may not be the predatory Slasher monster intent on using a sharp weapon to penetrate her violently for his own gratification, and that dynamic may not be the be-all-end all of their relationship for the rest of time.

I’ve been turning Brigg’s incredulous response around in my brain for a while. And it’s made me realize something about how men experience Hellraiser’s narrative, and why it differs so greatly for many women.

Doug has more than once spoken to the fact that women react to Pinhead very differently than men. He was of course speaking of the sexual interest he would get, but he has remarked upon the fact at least once that he’s not entirely sure why that is, exactly.

It’s...not that strange to me that women desire rather than fear the character, or that Ashley would have a more positive response to Kirsty’s relationship with him rather than her relationships with the seemingly benign boys of the films. 

There is an order to which women first learn about sex. For some it’s a little different but I believe this is a fairly common experience: The very first thing we learn is that it’s going to hurt (but maybe also feel good after). The second thing we learn is that boys will want to take it from us and will manipulate and lie to us to get it, but that it’s supposed to happen in a loving relationship. The third thing we learn is that we want it too, but we aren’t supposed to because it’s dirty and wrong for us to want it. 

Women grow up with an inherent anxiety around sex, an anxiety that is complicated by our own desires.

Everything in Hellraiser is perfectly reflective of a reality that men clearly do not have the context to fully comprehend, because women’s real experiences of desire, and of male violence, are a blind spot.

The men who hurt women don’t have pins in their head and wax gothic poetry about suffering. They don’t wear dark capes and turn into bats and hypnotize women from their windows to drink their blood. 

The men who hurt women look like Frank, or J.P. Monroe, or Trevor, or Channard, or every bumbling aggressive fool Julia seduced home. 

They look like Larry and Steve. 

Larry let his wife scream “no” and “stop” several times before he responded, regardless of the true reasons she was screaming those words. And when he finally did stop, it was out of anger rather than concern. This is, as far as I’m aware, the most common form of sexual violence a woman can experience - a man they give their trust to suddenly doesn’t respect a “no.”

So, so many times, I have heard men say how badly they felt for Larry, how innocent poor Larry was. 

Men live in a fantasy world where it’s more comfortable for them to imagine characters like Larry as good man, a victim of Julia’s callousness who isn’t in Hell not because he never touched the box, but because he is inherently innocent. They live in a fantasy world where it’s odd that Steve abandoned Kirsty the minute something deeply traumatic happened to her (Briggs remarked upon this). Raise your hand if a man has done the same to you when the cards where down.

Steve’s response to Kirsty getting too drunk to stand properly was to “jokingly” tell her to lie down in this sleazeball way that indicated he was insinuating taking advantage of her intoxicated state. Also one of the most common forms of sexual violence a woman can experience.

The men who Julia took home would respond aggressively when she chickened out of sex, either blindly or in an attempt to shame and guilt her into proceeding.

Should we talk about the fact that Kyle is a psychiatrist who shouldn’t be romancing a traumatized patient in his care who’s parent was just fucking brutally murdered? Or does that feel too petty in comparison?

The men who hurt women are more typically their friends, their fathers, their uncles, their boyfriends, their husbands.

What’s so funny about all of this is that Pinhead somehow does better at consent than these men, at least in a manner of speaking. He’s the only man who legitimately listens to Kirsty, and responds to her “no.” No matter what he threatens, he always stops to hear her out, lets her do what she wants, is always talking about her desires and pleasure, and in the end always ends up destroying the men abusing her rather than going through with ever harming her. 

Briggs seemed keen on viewing Pinhead as a Satanic figure. Historically, what is the role of women who are in a position to encounter the devil? Usually, they are witches, wanton women who gain magical power through sexual communion with the devil. A framework of propaganda that men have historically used to persecute women.

The men who hurt and oppress women in real life don’t look or act like Satan, but they sure as hell are ready to write narrative after narrative of Satanic figures menacing women while they save the day, and they sure as hell like to blame women for preferring “bad boys” and “assholes” over the “nice guy.” 

It’s more comfortable for men to imagine Pinhead as this cool figure of pure evil with no feelings or capacity for mercy, because they can live vicariously through his violence (particularly when they’re writing him doing it to half-naked women, looking at you H3) and yet simultaneously distance their moral identities from him. 

It’s more comfortable to compartmentalize what good vs. predatory masculinity looks like in a way that benefits their self-image and the status quo. This is a lie men tell themselves.

It’s safer for men to point to Pinhead and say, “this is what a predator looks like,” while curiously never speaking of the callous, scummy and predatory behavior of every single other man in the films, even to the point of occasionally discussing the perceived tragedy of fucking Frank’s spiral into darkness long before they can feel entirely comfy imagining Pinhead as having a past where he was a good man with sad feelings, or regard his act of self-sacrifice for Kirsty as anything but a moment of weakness that was “bad writing” and therefore should never have happened.

There is an extraordinary irony in a man arguing with Pinhead’s own actor over the nature of his evil, while running a show where a female character’s fuckability is her main characteristic and it’s okay to behave as if she doesn’t even have real feelings.

All this nonsense in the spaces I go to have fun, while we’re dealing with the background radiation of a President who’s sexual abuses are swept under the rug, his masculinity praised regularly and his violence against our people gaslighted. While we’re dealing with the mass-recorded aggressive violence of police - white men in positions of authority whom we are supposed to trust to keep us safe. While men make other men laugh about the violation of girls so they don’t have to deal with the reality of one of the “nice” funny guys being a predator.

Fuck you. I’d rather burn.

#Hellraiser #rape cw #abuse cw

[joachimnapoleon]

Meet the Bonapartes: Pauline (3/3)

[Part 1] [Part 2]

Following the untimely death of Leclerc, Pauline’s brothers were anxious to find her a new husband--preferably a politically advantageous one. Napoleon had hoped to marry her to Francesco Melzi d’Eril, a wealthy Milanese nobleman who had just become the Vice President of the Italian republic (Napoleon himself being the president), but Melzi respectfully declined. On August 28, 1803, Pauline was married to twenty-eight-year-old Don Camillo Filippo Ludovico Borghese, Prince of Sulmon and of Rossano, Duke and Prince of Guastalla, who, in the words of Hortense de Beauharnais, “was not particularly clever but good-looking and who possessed a great fortune in Rome.” Napoleon was lukewarm to the match and, like Pauline, quickly came to regard Camillo as “an imbecile” (Napoleon, who adored bestowing derogatory nicknames on people, would also style Camillo as “His Serene Idiot”). The pair had no real chemistry and the marriage turned sour in no time. 

[Camillo Borghese]

In the summer of 1804, however, Camillo, still enthralled by his wife’s beauty, commissioned the sculptor Antonio Canova to immortalize Pauline in white marble. Canova was initially reluctant to accept the commission--until he laid eyes on Pauline in person, after which he agreed to begin working on it within a month. To Canova’s suggestion that he depict her as Diana, the virgin huntress, Pauline laughed, saying “No one would believe in my chastity.” She insisted on being portrayed as Venus, the goddess of love. 

[Canova’s statue of Pauline as Venus Victrix]

It was in August of 1804 that the relationship between Pauline and Camillo ruptured, and it would remain ruptured seemingly past the point of repair for the next twenty years. On the 14th of August, Dermide, Pauline’s only child with Leclerc, died in Rome after falling ill with a fever. Pauline was in Tuscany at the time, trying to reestablish her poor health. The news was first received by Camillo, who, anticipating his wife’s blame, had it kept from her for several days. “Pauline will regard me with horror!” he declared. “Wasn't it I who wanted her to leave her son in Rome? No doubt he would have died anyway, but she is bound to accuse me of his death.” Finally, one of Pauline’s attendants was forced to reveal the news after arousing her suspicions. Pauline raged at Camillo as “the butcher of my son” and ordered him out of her sight. The break between them was complete, and quite public. Pauline viciously hinted to her companions that Camillo was impotent, declaring that "to give oneself to Camillo was to give oneself to no one." She showed no interest in attempting to provide him with an heir, and took great delight in humiliating him by embarking on a series of openly flaunted love affairs. For his part, Camillo soon began a long-term affair with a distant cousin, the Duchessa Lante. From this point, Pauline and Camillo would lead mostly separate lives, until the final months of Pauline’s. Having never truly enjoyed Rome, she now grabbed any opportunity she could find to escape it.

In 1805, she began the first of the only two of her numerous affairs in the aftermath of Leclerc’s death in which she showed a legitimate, deep attachment to her lover. While taking the waters at Plombières, she met an artist, the thirty-year-old Comte de Forbin, and fell madly in love with him. Pauline soon made Forbin her chamberlain, so he could be with her constantly. The affair lasted for the next two years and, writes Pauline’s biographer Margery Weiner, 

was so intense, passionate and almost fatal because her obsession with him was so great that she declined visibly, although nothing would persuade her to detach herself from him; no doubt in temperament Forbin had much in common with Murat.

[The Comte de Forbin]

The eventual decline in her health was so great that a renowned gynecologist, Dr. Hallé, was called in, to consult with Pauline’s personal physician, Peyre. Hallé explained the situation in a letter to Peyre as follows:

Her habitual and constant state is one of uterine excitement and if this state is continued and prolonged it can become alarming. The spasms I saw in her arms were hysteric and so were the headaches. Her general condition is one of exhaustion. I talked to her in general terms about everything which contributed to the uterine irritation and I thought she listened to me but I'm afraid not sufficiently. One cannot always make douches responsible and one must suppose that in a young, pretty, sensitive and solitary woman, who is visibly fading away, there is a constant cause for this decline. Whatever this cause is it is time and more than time to eliminate it.

Napoleon was greatly displeased by the stories reaching him in Paris of his sister’s behavior in Rome. “Do not count on me for help,” he wrote to her, “if at your age you let yourself be governed by bad advice,” adding that if she continued to quarrel with Camillo, “France will be closed to you.” For good measure, he had their uncle Cardinal Fesch, write to Pauline to tell her, “on my behalf, that she is no longer pretty, that she will be much less so in a few years, and... she should not indulge in those bad manners which the bon ton reproves.”

Pauline’s affair with Forbin ended only when Forbin accepted an appointment in the army--whether at his own request, or at the insistence of Napoleon, remains unclear. Pauline soon moved on to other amusements. While staying in Nice during the winter of 1807-8, a young violinist, Felice Blangini, caught Pauline’s wandering eye. Pauline offered him the post of her chef d’orchestra (she had no orchestra). Blangini was a shy man, of a much humbler station than his predecessor Forbin, and found his suddenly elevation vaguely terrifying. "I knew,” he wrote later, “that the Emperor was kept informed of what his sister did, the names of her intimates.” But he lacked the will to stand up to Pauline, and submitted to being paraded around by her in public. It was with considerable relief on Blangini’s part that the affair was abruptly ended when Napoleon appointed Camillo governor-general of the Transalpine Department of the French Empire, and ordered him and Pauline to travel to Turin together to take up the seat. 

Pauline, disgusted at finding herself shackled to Camillo once more, made the journey to Turin as quarrelsome as possible. At one point she reminded her husband "in a not very amiable fashion that he was only governor-general by virtue of being her husband, and that he would be nothing if he had not married the Emperor's sister. Which," recounts Maxime de Villemarest, the secretary who accompanied the pair, "had some truth in it." To which Camillo responded in "the most piteous manner" (in the words of de Villemarest) with cries of "Paulette! Paulette!"

By mid-1808 she had already found a way to escape from Camillo and Turin (she insisted to Napoleon that the climate was bad for her health) and was back in France once more. Added to her delight was an increase of her income by Napoleon to six hundred thousand francs, a sum that Napoleon rendered off-limits to Camillo. In Paris she presided regularly over balls and cercles, and in no time had resumed her position as one of the central figures in Parisian society. In the words of one of her neighbors, Stanislas de Girardin, 

Pauline Borghese was then in the full brilliance of her beauty. Men pressed about her to admire her, to pay court. And she enjoyed this homage as her due. In the glances she exchanged with some of them, indeed, there was a recognition of past favors granted or hints of romance to come. Few women have savored more the pleasure of being beautiful.

She was one of the few people in whom Napoleon found comfort following his divorce with Josephine--an event which pleased Pauline greatly--in December of 1809. She was less pleased at Napoleon’s choice for a new bride--the teenage archduchess Marie-Louise--and sulked with her sisters over having to carry the bride’s train at the imperial wedding. The Countess Potocka has left this innuendo-laden description of Pauline from around this time (the italics are hers):

Princess Pauline Borghese was a type of classical beauty to be found in Greek statues. Despite the things she did which hastened the ravages of time, in the evening, by the aid of a little artifice, she captured all suffrages, and not a woman would have dared to dispute her the apple which Canova awarded her after unveiled contemplation, as it was said. To the most delicate and regular features imaginable she added an admirable figure too often admired. Thanks to so many graces, her wit passed unnoticed; nothing but her gallantries were spoken of, and certainly they gave plenty of matter for discussion.

After brief liaisons with Russian general Prince Alexander Tchernitcheff and Polish general (and future Marshal) Józef Poniatowski, Pauline embarked on her second of the two aforementioned love affairs in which she genuinely seems to have fallen for her partner. This time, her lover was a young hussar from Berthier’s staff named Jules de Canouville, who became fiercely devoted to her. At Pauline’s request, Napoleon made de Canouville a baron, but the young man (and his affair with Pauline) soon incurred the Emperor’s wrath. Napoleon sent him to Marshal Masséna in Spain, bearing dispatches (and a secret order to Masséna to keep the young man in Spain until further notice). It didn’t go quite as Napoleon had planned. Pauline’s biographer Fraser describes de Canouville’s journey:

Even in the midst of this duty, de Canouville thought only of Pauline. Knowing that, with her, to be absent was to be soon forgotten, he covered 170 relays at a gallop, a distance of over seven hundred miles, and arrived a few days later, covered in mud, at headquarters in Salamanca. There he learned that the supply lines to Portugal were cut and resolved to return the next day to Paris with the news, rather than pursue his quarry further.  An hour without Pauline, he said, was a desert, and he whiled away the evening while telling all who would listen that Napoleon had charged him with his mission only by way of vengeance.

[Jules de Canouville]

In 1812, he departed with the Grande Armée for Russia, where he served on the staff of Pauline’s brother-in-law Murat, who kept Pauline apprised of de Canouville’s whereabouts--and also informed her of his death at the battle of Borodino on 7 September. News of de Canouville’s death hit Pauline hard. “Apparently this braggart cavalier,” writes Fraser, “with his joie de vivre and optimism, had touched in Pauline some chord that her other, more sophisticated lovers had not. Weeks later Pauline's librarian and confidant Ferrand wrote: 'She does nothing but cry, she doesn't eat, and her health is altered.'"

She remained at Nice throughout 1813 and into 1814, her health continuing to decline, and her anxieties over the future of her brother’s reign mounting. She made efforts to prepare her finances for any potential catastrophe that might befall the family, but evinced no concern for her personal safety. When Napoleon was finally defeated and forced to abdicate in April of 1814, Pauline prepared to join him in exile on the island of Elba--after first going to Naples. She stayed in Naples from June through October, residing in a villa loaned to her during this period by her sister Caroline, the Queen of Naples, and reportedly helping to broker a reconciliation between Napoleon and the Murats, though there is no trace of any correspondence between Napoleon and his brother-in-law from this period. She also worked to quickly sell off her remaining properties in France, rather than risk having them sequestered by the Bourbons. Her final property, Neuilly--formerly belonging to the Murats--was sold to the British government, to serve as the residence of the newly-appointed ambassador to the court of Louis XVIII, the Duke of Wellington.

Pauline finally joined Napoleon on Elba in November of 1814, the only one of his siblings to do so. Her presence delighted Napoleon, and this delight in turn gave renewed life in the British tabloids to the long-recurring rumors of an affair between Napoleon and Pauline. At any rate, Napoleon soon began to fall into a state of depression, which Pauline worked to cure by arranging various balls and other entertainments to keep him occupied. She apparently attempted to coax multiple generals into affairs on Elba, and was turned down repeatedly, and Napoleon’s Mameluke servant Ali was highly critical of her conduct. Displeased with Napoleon’s plans to escape the island and return to France, she confided to Marchand both a diamond necklace for Napoleon to sell if he needed money, and her fear that she would never see her brother again. She was proven correct.

When it became known that the Allies intended to exile Napoleon to Saint Helena after his defeat at Waterloo, Pauline wrote to the Pope to request asylum in Rome. It was granted (partly on account of her brother Louis, now residing there himself, arguing on her behalf) and she made the journey in October. Like the rest of the Bonaparte siblings, she would remain, until the death of Napoleon, under heavy surveillance by multiple governments. The further intervention of the Pope ended a dispute between Camillo and Pauline which enabled Pauline to return to the Palazzo Borghese. Pauline received many British visitors here while Napoleon was on Saint Helena, and tried to charm as many influential Whigs as she could, knowing that they were sympathetic to Napoleon’s situation. As the years passed, reports of Napoleon's deteriorating health caused Pauline great anxiety, affecting her own health in turn. Visitors described her as "much altered" and "grown thin." The Canova statue--and its obvious contrast with her own now diminished figure--suddenly brought about in her a marked insecurity, to the point where Pauline eventually asked Camillo not to show it off to visitors anymore, using the absurd excuse that "the nudity of the statue approaches indecency." 

News of Napoleon's death in 1821 left Pauline both heartbroken and outraged. As she had following the death of Dermide, she lashed out for a scapegoat, finding it this time in the English people as a whole. “I have made a vow to receive no more of the English. Without exception they are all butchers." To Hortense she wrote, "I cannot accustom myself to the idea that I will never see him again. I am in despair. Adieu. For me life has no more charm, all is finished."

She fell deathly ill in Rome in late 1823, but recovered enough to continue to charm visitors and dance at soirees again the following year. Another reconciliation was affected with Camillo (this one also via the Pope), and Pauline moved back into the Palazzo Borghese--this time for good--in 1824. Surprisingly, their relationship seemed at last to be taking a genuinely positive turn, even inspiring a local poet “to write an ode on the subject of their matrimonial felicity."

In the spring 1825, Pauline's health began to fail for the final time. She suffered greatly--her bedchamber woman writing later that Pauline had been in pain for over eighty days. Her last letter was written to her brother Louis in Rome on 13 May 1825. "I do nothing but vomit and suffer, I am reduced to a shadow. They are repairing the street and I can't stand the awful noise. The Prince is going to take a villa in the suburbs here where we shall spend the month of May. It is impossible in the state in which I am to think of going to the villa in Lucca.... Embrace Mamma and I send a thousand good wishes to the family. I am ill, ill, but I embrace you." She also confirmed herself as a devout Catholic. "I die without any feelings of hatred or animosity against anyone, in the principles of the faith and doctrine of the apostolic church, and in piety and resignation." She died on 9 June 1825; a stomach tumor was attributed as her cause of death, as it had been for her father.

“Her greatest quality,” writes Margery Weiner, “was hidden except from those who knew her best; lovable herself, she was capable of the greatest devotion.... Not as Queen of Hearts, not as a woman given over to frivolity, narcissism and promiscuity should Pauline Bonaparte be remembered, but as a perfect example of a devoted and loving sister.”

***

Sources:

Broers, Michael. Napoleon: Soldier of Destiny. 2014.

Broers, Michael. Napoleon: The Spirit of the Age, 1805-1810. 2018.

De Beauharnais, Hortense. The Memoirs of Queen Hortense, Vol I (ebook, 2016)

Fraser, Flora. Venus of Empire: The Life of Pauline Bonaparte, 2009.

Roberts, Andrews. Napoleon: A Life. 2014.

Stryienski, Casimir (ed.), Memoirs of Countess Potocka, 1900.

Weiner, Margery. The Parvenue Princesses: Elisa, Pauline, and Caroline Bonaparte. 1964.

#Meet the Bonapartes #Pauline Bonaparte #Napoleon #Napoleon Bonaparte #Joachim Murat #Jules de Canouville #Camillo Borghese #Louis Bonaparte #history #19th century