#I can't believe I'm getting to do this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chaoticgremlinwholikescheese · 3 months

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Today was my first day at the National Military Archives to research my veterans for my book. It was an incredible experience. It was holy, spiritual, I don't know how to explain it. It was just... powerful.

Here are some of the things from today that stuck out to me:

Russel Braga's item list

This stuck out to me because it was so simple. There was no military jargon. It's simply a list of what he had with him when he died. There are two ways of looking at it; in one way, this is almost cruel. He's been relegated to a list. No longer a person, only left over objects.

But to me, it didn't feel like that. Most of what I know about him is army related. This, this gave me an idea of who he was. He smoked a pipe. He wore sunglasses. He wore a watch. He had a religious medallion. Letters from family and friends.

When I read this, I started to cry. It was both out of joy, joy that I'd found information about him. But also grief. Grief for a man I'd never met, who died long before I was born. But now, I can keep him alive in some way.

This is why I do this research. Not for the military aspect; in fact, I have a deep hatred for the military industrial complex. It's for the stories. For the memories. For the people I have gotten to know.

2. Phillip Doty's death form

All the death certificates were impactful. Phillip Doty's hit even more than the others. I knew he died in a plane crash. I didn't know the exact details of his death. Reading about the burns, the way he suffered, and eventually died, struck me in the gut.

I asked my dad about the medical stuff, and the clarification helped me to understand what he went through. He suffered. I had to take a moment to process what I was reading before I could move on. These people have come to mean a lot to me. They're more than just names on paper.

3. Letters from Wagner's mother

The letters from family members asking for information about their kids were powerful. You could feel the pain, the fear, in their words. They still held out hope. But reading these now, I know the outcome. I know that the hope was in vain. I felt like an intruder. I was never meant to read these, yet I did anyway.

What struck me as well was the way the government responded. It was the same letter each time. It was from a template, the names and basic information filling in the formatted blanks. It was so bureaucratic. It made me feel angry. There was no empathy.

There is so much emotion in these letters. It's intense. Holding them in my hands, it was almost like I could feel their emotions flowing through me. They're long dead now. But their words live on.

4. Bassett's recommendation letters

Bassett was a theater nerd, just like me (and undoubtedly many of you). He even had a patent for a dolly system. Reading about his accomplishments, and how highly everyone thought of him, was a fun experience. I found myself smiling at the kind words people had written.

Bassett received multiple promotions. He was highly respected and well liked by both his commanding officers and fellow soldiers. One officer put him up for a promotion, but Bassett was refused the promotion due to him not knowing shorthand well enough yet. In my opinion, that's a stupid reason to deny a clearly qualified candidate a well deserved promotion. But, thus is the army.

I loved getting to know Bassett through these letters. I'd like to think we would have gotten along as fellow theater nerds. He was a good guy. He seems like a kind soul.

5. Their signatures

There was something so fucking incredible about seeing their signatures in person. I could trace the ink they wrote with. Their handwriting was unique, a view into who they were.

I touched a piece of paper they touched. It was a sort of connection across time. It was a powerful experience. I can't really put it into words. It was just... it pierced my soul in a beautiful way.

I don't think there's any way to explain what I've experienced today. This was one of the most important, life-changing experiences of my life. I can't put into words what it has meant to me.

In a way, I finally got to meet the people I've been researching all these years.

#I'll post more like this tomorrow #God this has been fucking amazing #I can't believe I'm getting to do this

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bookshelfdreams · 5 months

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yk when you see someone share a finished handmade item that they clearly spent a lot of time and money on and it's just. The absolute tackiest thing you have seen in your life. And then you ask yourself why someone would waste all those resources on such an eyesore.

(no, of course you can't relate to that because you're a much nicer person than me)

In any case.

BEHOLD!

A wool coat!

The top fabric is handwoven and handspun, the whole thing is sewn by hand, too.

Leftovers. Barely anything, all things considered, which is very satisfying.

This thing took me well over 3 years to make, on and off. And now I'm done.

Thank you for your attention.

#carry on XD #i hope y'all realize that when I say tacky it's with nothing but love in my heart #yes it's ugly. that's the whole point.#everyone should have an item in their wardrobe that will get Looks and raised eyebrows #it's good for you #anyway can't believe I'm done! this is a huge boost to my crafting hubris I CAN DO ANYTHING #wizard bathrobe adventures #handweaving #handspinning #hand sewing #look what i made #crafts #overall I'm happy with it even though there's. things that aren't ideal #the pockets are set a bit too low #and i should have made it a tiny bit longer not much but maybe like 5cm #anyway #overall it's a nice coat i think #Now That's What I Call Slow Fashion

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 1 year

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putting my prediction on record now that the coming decade is going to see the rise of viral-marketed fancy at-home water filtration systems, driving and driven by a drastic reduction in the quality of U.S. tap water (given that we are in a 'replacement era' where our current infrastructure is reaching the end of its lifespan--but isn't being replaced). also guessing that by the 2030s access to drinkable tap water will be a mainstream class issue, with low-income & unstably housed people increasingly forced to rely on expensive bottled water when they can't afford the up-front cost of at-home filtration--and with this being portrayed in media as a "moral failing" and short-sighted "choice," rather than a basic failure of our political & economic systems. really hope i'm just being alarmist, but plenty of this already happens in other countries, and the U.S. is in a state of decline, so. here's praying this post ages into irrelevance. timestamped April 2023

#apollo don't fucking touch this one #serious post #not a shitpost #hope i forget about this post and have no reason to ever look back on it one day #fyi i'm aware that access to potable water is already a major issue in parts of the U.S. yes i know flint michigan exists #i'm saying that this issue is going to GROW unless local & federal governments work together to fix it.#so it's a matter of if we trust them to fix it. And well--do you?#what are the chances the government just denies there's a problem until the water actually turns brown #at which point it's already been common knowledge for years and people have just become resigned and that's our new normal #i'm mean come on. how many of us already believe that we're being exposed to dangerous pollutants we don't know about and can't avoid #like that's pretty much just part of being a modern consumer. accepting that companies will happily endanger your life for a few pennies #and the most you'll get is like a $50 gift card as part of a class action rebate 20 years down the line #probably the history books will look back on Flint as a warning and a harbinger that went ignored #luxury condos will advertise their built-in top-of-the-line filtration systems--live here and you can drink water straight from your tap!#watch the elite professional class putting $700 dyson water filtration systems on their wedding registry #while the rest of us figure out how to fit water delivery into our grocery budget while putting 90% of our paycheck towards rent #also eggs are $15

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seventh-district · 26 days

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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 3 - Random Screenshot Edition

[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]

#hsr spoilers #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr textpost #hsr incorrect quotes #honkai star rail memes #hsr memes #honkai star rail meme #hsr meme #stelle #hsr trailblazer #boothill #jingliu #bailu #dan heng #blade #kafka #jing yuan #yanqing #dr ratio #aventurine #sunday #ough so many character tags. what a mess of a post. as always i sure do hope none of these have been done before!#anyways i've once again spent too long on these and can't tell if they're actually funny anymore but oh well i'm still postin' em #i've once again struggled and done my best to make good ID's in the alt text but i still don't know if they're done right aaaaa #also realized while doing so that i forgot to put Jingliu's face over the tumblr post's icon but i'm not fixing it now! just pretend i did #i don't believe i'll make any more like these bc it's harder than you'd think to find the exact images/screenshots to fit with the posts #but these were most of the ones that i felt needed the extra context anyways. now i'll return to my usual lower-effort edits #oh god also ignore how the sandpit one is flipped. i had to do that to get them on the right sides to match the messages 😭

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uncanny-tranny · 8 months

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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.

If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.

Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.

#positivity #disability positivity #partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability #i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue #and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect #but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy #but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do #and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst #man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried

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show-tunes · 8 months

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Let your branches fork my veins, let your honey tide in me, blood loving, poison whispering

Inscryptober Week 1: Corruption

#i can't believe i've been in the fandom for almost 2 years and i've never tried drawing kaycee before #i didn't really have a set design in mind for her though so if/when i draw her again she'll probably look different #also there wasn't any particular october art thing that caught my eye #but i didn't get to do inscryptober last year so i wanted to try taking a crack at it!#i'm probably just gonna do a mix of differnt october art prompts this year #kaycee hobbes #inscryption #inscryptober #my art

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kittyandco · 3 months

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does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them #i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard #it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him #no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me!#i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved #they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows #i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that #no one does #and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER #he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh #hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him #anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now #self ship

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kerryweaverlesbian · 2 months

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Dean Winchester of Supernatural fame is NOT reading parenting books he is putting on Cheaper By The Dozen, Daddy Daycare and Honey I Shrunk The Kids taking notes.

#i woulda said full house but dean's more a movie guy than a tv guy #it doesn't help. btw. lol.#if dean read a gentle parenting guide he would scoff and roll his eyes and throw it across the room #and eventually start silently weeping if he was convinced to keep going bc HE was a kid and HE didn't get treated with respect or gentlenes #dean in an argument with those mommy bloggers he follows saying something like 'please. i was left in a motel room with my brother #from like age 7 upwards I think little Timmy will be okay in the car by himself for 3 minutes 🙄“#and someone hits him with 'I'm so sorry that happened to you' and he tries to brush it off all day and complain about it to Sam #and Sam's like. yeah it was kinda fucked up though. and Dean's like WELL I KNOW THAT BUT HE WAS DOING HIS BEST #(not fully believing it bc he certainly can't picture leaving a 7 year old alone in the world they live in no matter what)#(and Dean's never fully actually agreed with their dad but he feels attacked by Sam's agreeing)#(but old habits run deep)#cawis creates

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vashstash · 11 months

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Figured I'll join the bandwagon! A splash art for the Simmons' route that I had an honor to make when I was a part of rvbfds project. Hope y'all like it as much as I enjoyed making this piece!

#rvb #red vs blue #richard simmons #rvb simmons #It's been a while hello everyone I hope you're doing well!#I know I can't believe it too #Simmons? Getting a date?#if you're seeing this artwork that means you're now a part of the date as well ngl kinda cringe bro #Y'all don't see donut pulling off the spider-man to blow the stupid petals just so you're distracted from his lack of game #I'm joking around but in all honesty I had a wonderful time working on this artwork it's such a great setting agh #Happy I can share it and hey hope it makes you smile fellow simmons enjoyers !

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mswyrr · 3 months

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After twenty years, the thing I still don't get is that everything cruel that can be said and has been said against Zutara romance can also be said against their friendship--and Zuko's friendships with the other characters!--and yet somehow friendship is always good and pure but romance would immediately make their healthy friendship dynamic bad and abusive???

But that's not how relationships work. If they can have a healthy friendship, then they could have a healthy romance. If any romance is inherently unhealthy, then the friendship must be inherently unhealthy too.

You've got the original writers saying women who think that Katara and Zuko should be together will forever have "failed relationships"... and then, at the same time, those same writers are like yay let's write them bonding and building a friendship.

People calling a brutally abused child who went on a redemption arc and turned against his father's ways a "colo/nizer" when it's a romance, but when it's friendship it's all good somehow. If lips never touch, it's not possible for a relationship to be toxic??? But if lips DO touch, then a healthy friendship based on mutual respect immediately becomes a Lifetime movie about toxic boyfriends...

The only way this logic works is if you think romantic love immediately "corrupts" or "taints" in a way friend love doesn't. And that's an incredibly ugly, sad idea to push.

#zutara #atla meta #i'm actively hoping that if the live action does k/a they do it better #and in a way where K is treated more like a heroine #falling in love #than an object of desire for K #but... at the same time #i can't believe the stuff people say about z/k #i get my ship isn't going to be canon but i don't think it needs to be to be a good interesting dynamic nonetheless #and people just say the wildest most asinine things

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inkskinned · 1 year

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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.

#IF you do the therapy to stop being an asshole and make a POINT of being like #''i used to be a jerk about this but now i'm not''#..... we can reevaluate ....#btw i hope this doesn't need explanation and everyone can be normal on this post #and not be like #what if i am a DOCTOR and i was aSKED #like we all know what i'm referring to here #you're like in target and lizzo is playing in the background and they're like #DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIZZO IS FAT?#or ur on instagram and like some dude's comment is like #NICE ART BUT WHY ARENT YOU THIN #like .... okay we get it. we get it . go to sleep . go to therapy. bye.#ALSO BTW i am in recovery for an ED and im saying this AS someone with Brain Problems #pls do not clown on this and be like ''actually i'm allowed to be rude and judgemental''#no u aren't. none of us are. having an ED is not a pass for being a fucking dick #it can make you ACT like a dick. that isn't something you should be proud of or seek to continue #hence.... therapy!!!!!!!!#i know it's kind of controversial to say it but frankly i don't believe in infantilizing mental illness #by being like ''oh they can't help themselves''#bc that kind of thinking is .... unbelievably toxic lmafo #you might not be able to control your split-second thoughts/judgements #i have ocd i understand #but like. . . .. you know #we both know #this post is not about ''u blurted something u regret''#this post is about. THAT GUY

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butterflysonnets · 4 months

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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

#eve text #elmike #stranger things #byler #only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol #tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS #god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear #i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable #i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts #elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about #even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike #i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up #the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me #and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me #and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin #also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK #so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows #i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk #tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO #stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest #anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul #i need frivolity #ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show

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demigod-of-the-agni · 6 months

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A little special something for something even more special. Hint: it's about love and fears and birthdays and new beginnings

(@/marvel hire me <3)

#pavitr prabhakar #spider man india #atsv pavitr #across the spiderverse #sandman #spider man fanart #comic #artoftheagni #mythic mumbattan au #inspired by the cover for spider man family business #it's so dynamic and for what!!#WOOOOOO anyway just gotta do some final editing on the birthday fic and then WE'RE HERE..... MMAU IS REAL..........#im so excited you guys. the amount of lore and stories and fun things i'm going to shower you with..... unreal #giving my baby boy what he needs (trauma pain suffering and a power up and a birthday party!!)#kalaripayattu pose is the horse stance. if you want to know #why can't i write FASTER GRR #anyway i believe in ghungroo supremacy. moon knight with his “i wear white so the bad guys see me” well-#-pavitr's schtick is that he sounds like christmas when he approaches. get scared #new fic incoming in a few days.....

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jtl-fics · 1 year

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Fluent Freshman - Part 22

Y’know how sometimes you have something that you need to do or something that you know is going to happen but you just keep…putting it off? Like you know at some point it is going to happen but you put it off over and over and over and over again? You’re getting increasingly anxious every time you put it off because you know it has to get done but you also know that the longer you wait the worse it is going to get. Finally, FINALLY, the anxiety is just a little too much and you end up having to deal with it.

You finally deal with it and the whole ordeal takes maybe five minutes tops and it was in no way shape or form worth the level of anxiety that you put yourself through. Like you worried about this for a good and long while and it wasn’t even that bad?

That is currently how FF feels about being stabbed by Andrew Minyard.

This is what he was so worried about that he had lost sleep, had nightmares, had lost weight, and had exacerbated his stress ulcers over.

Getting stabbed wasn’t anywhere near as bad as he had thought it was going to be. Maybe it was the fact that it was just a single stab wound instead of the Psycho levels that he had been imagining (Wow, showers were going to be so much less stressful now that he didn’t have to confirm Andrew Minyard’s location before triple checking the lock). Maybe it was the fact that he is PUMPED full of adrenaline from his fights against Jackson and Romero but the stab wound didn’t even really hurt at the moment.

This isn’t even the worse thing that had happened to him this year!

That honor still goes to the joint winners of when his Step Family and mother found out that he had a full-ride to Palmetto and when he had tripped up the same step on the stairs at school three times in a row as people watched and laughed.

(Maybe also the solitary congratulations from his Grandma in regards to his graduation but FF doesn’t let himself think about that, won’t think about it.)

He wouldn’t necessarily call being in a state of ‘stabbed’ a pleasant time but Andrew was being so NICE about it.

“Stop trying to sit up you fucking idiot!” Andrew shouts at him.

Well….Andrew’s version of nice.

(This is the same version of nice that he had misunderstood for months at this point. Maybe FF is just enough in shock from the stab wound in his stomach that he’s starting to grasp the basics in the difficult language of Andrew Minyard’s niceness.)

Andrew had gotten off the phone with 911 and then started pulling off his own jacket before draping it over FF’s upper body, wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear, and then Andrew started to apply pressure to his stomach wound.

Ow.

That is not a great feeling. This stabbing may eke out past the great triple trip of March 2010.

“No, take back your jacket. You’ll get cold if you don’t have it on.” FF argues because his own jacket is barely doing the job. Maybe it’s the cold pavement of the alley, maybe it’s the blood loss, or maybe it’s the cooling sweat he’d worked up but he is shivering pretty badly.

A thought occurs to him as he feels the weird wet stickiness of his own blood sticking to Nicky’s shirt. “Can you help me get my jacket off?” He asks looking pleadingly at Andrew, “It’s my dad’s. I don’t wanna mess it up with my blood.” He clarifies when Andrew looks at him like he’s a lunatic.

Except his second call must connect right then because Andrew’s answer is non-sensical to what FF had asked, “Neil, let Roland know the police and ambulances are en route.” There’s a brief pause and the pressure against his stomach increases as a muscle in Andrew’s jaw jumps. “Smith got stabbed.” He says and he looks angry, angrier than FF had ever seen Andrew when he’s talking to Captain Neil. There is another pause, more than likely Neil saying something or asking a question, “No, it wasn’t them.” Andrew grits out and the pressure on FF’s stomach hurts, “Just get out here, I need help with smith and making sure these two assholes don’t go anywhere before the police come and grab them.” He says before he pulls one hand away from Smith’s stomach (wow he really is bleeding isn’t he?) to hang up the phone.

Andrew’s gaze turns back to him fully, “You’re not moving an inch Smith, your jacket can be cleaned.” He hisses. “Now stay still and don’t fall asleep.” He orders.

Andrew seems stressed so FF complies. He can’t help but notice how Andrew’s hands seem to be shaking as the press down on his stomach. He kind of wishes he had a pillow or something for his head because he’s starting to feel a little dizzy. Andrew’s jacket would be safer from his blood if it was a pillow instead of a blanket. Still, FF would sooner die than spit on any of Andrew’s current efforts to make him more comfortable.

He looks at the knife sticking out of his stomach. Well, he might die regardless of whether or not he spits on Andrew’s efforts.

He needs to take his mind off this.

“Should we take it out and pretend the Dundee knife stabbed me instead??” FF asks letting his mind go to the first thought in his head so that he could be distracted from his own mortality. “I think it’s still under the dumpster over there.” He moves to point one of his hands towards where the knife had remained throughout this entire ordeal.

Andrew’s knee pinned his arm before he could move it, “Stop moving Smith.” Andrew reminded him before moving his knee. “We have to leave the knife in. You’ll bleed to death otherwise.” Andrew reminds.

“I guess that’s true, so do we just say that Romero got a handle on your knife and stabbed me?” He asks fighting his own shivers since he’s a little worried that any shaking on his part would just make the stab wound worse.

“I stabbed you Smith.” Andrew says looking at him with a furrowed brow.

“Yeah, I know,” FF agrees, “but we’re not going to say THAT to the cops.” He says and shock really is one HELL of a drug because he thinks he might have actually given Andrew Minyard an incredulous look with his atrophied face muscles. It’s either Shock or the knowledge that even if he irritates Andrew, what’s Andrew going to do about it?

STAB HIM?

“You’re going to lie to the cops?” Andrew asks, “I STABBED you Smith.” Andrew repeats.

“Yeah, I know!” FF repeats back, “You stabbed me on ACCIDENT.” FF makes sure to use the same intonation that Andrew had used to emphasize the word Stabbed. “Jackson wanted to stab me on PURPOSE. You saw that knife Andrew.” He tries to gesture towards the knife again but again Andrew’s knee pinned his hand.

He could use his other one but the reminder to stay still is enough.

“I still stabbed you.” Andrew says removing his knee again when it’s clear that FF wasn’t going to try and gesture again.

“Well, if I was going to get stabbed by anyone, I guess I’m glad my first time was with you.” Andrew let’s out a bark of a laugh that sounds more like it was punched out of him than anything, “Honestly, I don’t think Jackson would have given me his jacket afterwards or try and help me keep my blood in my body.” He says and it feels like a victory (not a both hands in the air victory cry level victory but it was close) when Andrew’s face settled into one of faint amusement.

“Probably not.” Andrew agreed, “He doesn’t seem big on Aftercare.” He says.

FF doesn’t know what that means but nods like he does, “So, Romero got a hold of your knife during our tussle and he’s the one who stabbed me. Okay? That’s the story I’m going to stick with no matter who asks me.” He looks Andrew in the eye.

“Alright Smith,” one of Andrew’s hands leaves his stomach and clasps around his shoulder and FF can’t help but notice how neither of Andrew’s hands are shaking anymore. “We can lie to the police.” He squeezes FF’s shoulder.

“Nice.” He says and lets his head fall back onto the concrete. He hears a siren in the distance and hopes it’s coming for him.

They sit in silence for maybe 30 seconds before the door slams open and only Andrew’s hands on his stomach and shoulder keep him from shooting straight up in a panic. Captain Neil seemed to take in the scene at lightning speed but it was Andrew who spoke first, “You left Aaron and Nicky with Roland?” He asks.

“Yeah I did,” Captain Neil confirms and FF can see the moment that his eyes land on the knife handle jutting out of FF’s stomach, “Andrew, what are we going to tell the police?” Captain Neil asks and FF could already see Neil crafting a lie to cover Andrew. That’s one of the things that FF likes about Captain Neil and Andrew’s relationship. He thinks it’s nice that both of them have someone who no matter the circumstances would be there with a shovel to help bury a body. He even thought it was nice when he thought it’d be his body!

“The second guy stabbed me.” The lie comes out smoothly which is good because he is planning on committing to it and Captain Neil blinks and looks at him, “He got hold of Andrew’s knife during the tussle.” He adds.

Captain Neil looks to Andrew, “You said it wasn’t-“

“I guess Smith can lie to a liar.” Andrew interrupts.

Captain Neil’s eyes widen before a wicked grin spread across his face that made FF just a little uncomfortable but only because Andrew’s grip on his shoulder suddenly tightened and his nostrils flared the way they did before the two usually started speaking in Russian.

He can handle being stabbed, he cannot handle being in shock and pretending that he doesn’t know what the two of them are saying to one another.

“Can you tell Nicky I’m sorry I got blood on his clothes?” He asks and both Captain Neil and Andrew’s gaze snap away from eye-fucking each other. He looks down and the clothes are black and they haven’t moved the knife so the wound is plugged still but yeah there’s definitely blood seeping into the shirt, not to mention the hole. “Could you tell him I’m sorry about that?” He asks.

“You are going to tell him yourself Smith.” Andrew hisses, “You are going to be fine. Do you understand me?” He asks before turning to Neil, “Can you bunch your jacket under his legs, it’s better to keep them higher than his head and heart?” He asks.

Aw.

Andrew is just so nice.

He can’t BELIEVE he thought Andrew wanted to hunt him for sport.

He’d apologize for thinking that but he thinks it’d be better to just let that particular misunderstanding go unmentioned.

Captain Neil bunches his jacket up and puts it under FF’s legs before he goes over to check on Romero and Jackson. In the corner of his eye he sees Captain Neil pause at the sight of Romero before moving over to Jackson.

“Why is he in these?!” Neil asks baffled.

“It’s a weird sex alley Captain Neil! I don’t know WHAT to tell you!” Yeah he’s definitely going into shock. The sirens are getting closer though so he’ll probably be okay.

***

The cops all have a bit of a laugh about Jackson’s cuffs until Neil tells them exactly who they are taking into custody. Neil could admit that he’s a little irritated with Andrew that at no point did the man clarify that the people who FF and Andrew were dealing with were Romero and Jackson.

Those are his father’s goons.

“They were here for me.” Neil says to the police officer and Andrew’s hand tightens in his, “They tried to take Smith because he’s my friend.”

They had decided on their story before the cops came. FF had no idea who any of these people were and was just defending himself. He’d gone out to catch his breath in the alley when Jackson had shown up. Neil had asked how in the world FF had handled Jackson on his own but FF must have been getting kind of loopy from blood loss because all he said was, “He told me to sing so I did.”

Neil can find out the full story later.

The important part is.

“Jackson went after Smith but Smith won the fight.” Neil says looking at where the cops are trying to decide how to get the fuzzy pink handcuffs off of Jackson to get him in the far more secure police issued handcuffs.

“Your friend said that you and he took out Romero together. That Romero is the one who stabbed him with your knife.” He says.

“Yes.” Andrew answers simply and Neil squeezes his hand as a reminder, “I went out to grab a smoke and Romero followed after me. Romero got hold of one of my knives in the struggle and stabbed Smith.” Andrew says with his usual deadpan affect.

“Yeah that’s what your friend Smith was saying too.” The officer says. “Well, I’m sure the FBI will want to talk to you all further but for now it’s a pretty clear cut case of self defense and no one but your friend has any serious injuries.” The officer pats Neil on the shoulder and Neil manages not to shirk away from the touch. The officer retracts his hand, “You guys are free to go tonight.” He says and turns back towards the car where a dazed Romero is in the back seat.

“Where did they take Smith?” Andrew asks since they’d been shepherded away from Smith the moment the ambulance had come. They hadn’t been able to ask which hospital Smith was going to be taken to so they could go and get updates.

“Lexington.” The cop answers, “Go on and see your friend. He seemed pretty loopy he kept talking about some beauty contest thing when he was getting loaded into the ambulance. I’m sure he’ll be a riot on painkillers.” The cop goes for a joke but it twists something in Neil’s stomach to think of FF so out of it that he’s talking nonsensically.

He feels Andrew’s hand stiffen in his and knows he’s not alone.

“Thanks.” Neil says before they head towards the front of the club. The club had been emptied out when the cops had come so Roland was babysitting Aaron and Nicky for them while they talked to the cops and FF was loaded out to the hospital.

In a way it’s almost a blessing that Nicky and Aaron are both so blasted that they aren’t comprehending any of what’s going on. They’ll have to drop them off back at the house before they go to the hospital. They’ll beat Wymack there easily even after the interrogation and drop off.

FF had asked them to call Wymack to let him know what was going on “I gave him the rights to make health care decisions for me if I’m incapacitated.” FF had said so Neil texts Wymack the hospital and the address after Andrew rattles it off for him.

“I don’t like that you hid it from me.” Neil says in the car.

“They wanted to kill you.” Andrew won’t apologize.

They still hold hands on the drive back to the Columbia house.

Andrew takes care of getting Aaron into bed while Neil helps Nicky.

Nicky who looks at Neil with a loopy smile and Neil hurts knowing that tomorrow when Nicky finds out about tonight and how he was too blasted to do anything to help FF.

Andrew and Neil reconvene in the Maserati and make their way to the hospital before either of them realize the issue.

“What is the name of the patient you’re looking for an update on?” The receptionist asks.

Both Andrew and Neil freeze.

Fuck.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

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#Fluent Freshman AU #Andrew: Smith is in the hospital.#Wymack (half awake): What did you do #Andrew: He got stabbed #Wymack: I thought you LIKED Smith #Wymack: Whatever admit to nothing I'm on my way #Twenty minutes later Andrew gets a text informing him that Kevin is coming #Andrew: Great just great #FF is having the time of his life in the ambulance #They gave him something for his pain #FF: You get what I mean right? Like that was a funny line since it's about Miss Congeniality?#EMT: Now that I understand the context that's a solid joke #FF: THANK YOU.#FF: I can't BELIEVE none of those cops got it #FF: I was so glad you loaded me in here because I thought I was going to die of shame when no one laughed #EMT: Well we wouldn't want that #EMT: How's your pain by. the way buddy?#FF: Wow four friends in one night. I am on a ROLL.#AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG Fic #Andreil #AFTG AU #My Fic #FF - Part 22

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