#I can’t even test until Thursday because you’re not supposed to test until 3-7 days after exposure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mcrmadness · 3 years

Text

I’m just wondering about ADHD again and how the doctors here say that there’s no need for testing me for ADHD because I had “no signs of ADHD in my childhood”. Well, I was born in 1991. The whole terminology and the knowledge over ADHD was different back then.

I was talking about this with my mom a couple of days ago and she said that I had troubles with homework - not that I would have not understood them, I just had such a hard time focusing on them. She said that she constantly had to remind me that I need to focus on the homework and not draw doodles or do other stuff. She sais she asked even from the school how deal with a child who cannot focus on their homework and from school they just said “Make sure the table is completely empty so there is no distractions.” but my mom told them “Do you really think that helps? All they need is a piece or paper and a pencil.” and those were the tools I had - my school books and pencil. I didn’t need distractions on the table in order to get distracted from homework.

She then also said that back then no one even talked about ADHD. It was still known as MBD aka Minimal Brain Dysfunction Syndrome and since I was not “stupid” and definitely did not show signs of learning/developmental disabilities - in fact I was learning faster than other kids - there was no need to worry about this syndrome. (Nowadays it’s apparently removed from the Finnish list but can still be used as an umbrella term for things like ADHD etc.)

I was trying to google this term now, to understand when was the term replaced by “ADHD”. I only found that this was done in the US already in the late 80s but I could not find anything about Finland, but I know for sure that what comes to things like mental disorders and neurodiversity, Finland has always been running late when compared to e.g. the US... I could only find some sort of Finnish ontology and thesaurus website and it says that the article about MBD was created in 1986, but the article about ADHD only in 2000. That would mean I was 9 years old (and my social anxiety and selective mutism were starting to really grow), and ADHD was still considered very much the “disorder of hyperactive boys”. This website does not even know the term ADD so I have no clue when did they start using it for the first time (in Finland). I just know that my sister got the diagnose along with an Asperger’s Syndrome somewhere in the mid 2000s. Now I’m starting to feel like I want to go find some old books about psychiatry just to see when did they start talking about ADHD and ADD in Finland and how did they describe it as BEFORE they discovered it exists also in girls (and since I’m afab, I most likely have the inattentive version), because this is just driving me so crazy.

I just... I don’t know. I just feel stupid because why is it me who needs to read about the history of psychiatry? Shouldn’t it be the psychiatrists doing so? But I do wonder what would he say if I went to him and really said that “no wonder they never suspected AD(H)D in me as a child when the term literally did not exists in Finland yet”. I just feel like I need to start writing down something like a book about my experiences. Collect EVERYTHING I can find that I have written over the past 15 years in the internet and copypaste them into a file and print this out to him. My brain just empties itself when I’m supposed to talk to a doctor but then I just face these things in everydaylife 24/7. And he just wants to give me antidepressants for anxiety. Okay, he did offer me occupational therapy too but I am afraid that it will just... kill my creativity again. I mean, look at my “timetable” for one week if we think I’d have a random person visit me once a week, let’s say e.g. on Tuesdays:

Monday: Nothing - the resting day after weekend aka no way I’m gonna get anything done. Know that there will be occupational therapy next day - don’t get anything done because mentally trying to prepare yourself for that. Tuesday: Hypothetical occupational therapy. Not possible to get anything done beforehand. Afterwards you’re so tired and the day is done so just sit around the flat and feel like going crazy from bored but be unable to do anything because TIRED. Wednesday: Nothing - the resting day after the therapy. The next day is a grocery store day. Start mentally preparing for that. Can’t do shit because of that. Thursday: Grocery store day. Can’t do shit before or after. Before because can’t start anything in case unable to stop in time - and when having to force a hyperfocus to stop when it’s not stopped on its own, it makes me so irritable and absent minded because can’t think of anything else but that one thing I was hyperfocusing on. Friday: Nothing - rest day after grocery store day. Mentally prepare for the weekend on which I usually always visit my parents on both days. They live in the same city, just less than 2km away but I still can’t start anything before that really, and I come back home so late I won’t be able to do much. Weekend: Visit parents on both days.

And then repeat. So when am I gonna draw? Edit videos? Write? I always do the creative things at night because PEACE and because my brain just works better at nighttime - ALWAYS has. I even found a diary entry I had written when I was 13 or 14 and I had been fighting with my parents because I always did my homework so late and my dad didn’t understand that, and I was then screaming in my diary that they just don’t understand that I am not ABLE to do my homework earlier than in the evening/at night, it’s just not possible to do them right after school.

Already now as I have about 3-4 free days in a week, sometimes even 5, I feel like I need more free time from my free time. I’m constantly thinking about how I want to do this and that, like I want to draw, write, edit videos, write... they are on the top of my mind 24/7 but still it takes weeks or months to get anything started. I just wrote about this yesterday that I feel like I have two moods: either too little time AND energy or too much time but a plenty of energy. There’s no in between. Now I am lucky to have too much time for myself but it also means I have all the time in my hands so I can always procrastinate and do everything the next day because I have time. Which means I won’t do shit, because I have no deadlines, and I start doing those things only when everything lines up perfectly. It’s never a decision to take my sketchbook and start drawing. It’s more of an impulse - I just feel like now it’s the day for drawing and suddenly find myself holding the papers and pencils in my hand.

Same happens with chores, chores just never make me feel good unlike doing one of these fun things. Oh and chores are also something that will make it hard to do the fun things because I kinda... don’t let myself start doing the fun things if I have the not-so-fun things undone. Which means again procrastinating and postponing something like dishes for days. I am not sure where have I got this mentality. Because like... wouldn’t it be a lot smarter to let myself to draw instead when I KNOW I can’t start doing the dishes, instead of punishing myself with “no washing dishes, so no drawing either”? Because as a punishment it does nothing. It does not motivate me with the dishes. They will be there for days or weeks anyway and they will be done only when I get that impulse to finally do them. Or, usually it’s not an impulse even. It’s just me needing food and in order to get food, I need to cook and in order to cook, I need clean pots and pans and in order to get those, well, I need to do the dishes.

I think this mentality partially comes from my school time. I aways knew how to prioritise my homework so that I get them done the most efficiently I could. Which meant that I always made the less-interesting homework first and the homework from subjects I liked, the last. I did this because when I started with the stuff I had harder time focusing on, it made it easier to focus on the interesting stuff. If I had started with the interesting stuff, I’d have had a lot less concentration and energy left for the less interesting homework and the chances of understanding a word of what I read would have been very minimal.

I still pretty much use this with everything I do - work first, fun later. I guess for neurotypicals this is not a big deal and probably something they all do, but my brain really wants to do the fun first and the work never. (By work for myself I mean things like chores etc. When I was actually working, it actually went: work first, fun never - because I was so tired after work I could not do anything that involved brains.) If I start with the fun, I literally will never do the work part. So I have to have the work first, even when it means I will procrastinate with EVERYTHING else too. But that is the only way to get it done at least at some point. It’s just that I feel like my life is nothing but work. I always have to shower, do the dishes, clean the kitchen table or start cooking. (Let alone the rest of the stuff like cleaning the HOME.) It’s a neverending worksite. I barely have time for fun because I don’t let myself to do that because the work is not done yet. But it just... never ends.

I think the reason why I hate chores is because no matter how many times I do them, I still always have to do them again soon. I shower, but I need to shower again in a few days. So it feels like it’s a waste of energy and time! Why to shower now when I have to do that after a couple of days anyway??? I do the dishes but there they will be again in a few days as I keep eating from them! Washing a plate after every use is also not an option - then “it’s just one plate” so it’s easy to put it in the sink because it’s not a big deal to wash it with other plates after a couple of days. Until it’s been 2 weeks and there’s again the rest of my plates in there and I hate my life again because I never remember how much washing the dishes also makes my back hurt but I need clean utensils because food.

But when I create something or play a video game, there is always a finish line and once you get past that, you don’t need to start over UNLESS you want to! When I draw something and it’s finished, it will stay like that! It’s not going anywhere, it won’t fade, I don’t need to draw it ever again if I don’t want to! So it’s not waste of my time, it’s something that will last almost forever. And I love the dopamine rush I get when I look at a finished product, but I don’t have the dopamine rush when I look at my cabinet with clean plates because I know they won’t stay like that forever. They won’t stay like that even for a few days. And that literally kills my motivation with every chore I need to do.

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #adhd #adhd inattentive #long post

9 notes · View notes

mybeloved73 · 4 years

Text

My name is Chelsea and I’m a ITU Nurse.

I’m also a newly qualified nurse - I literally left Uni last year and began my job in the September.

My background - I didn’t always want to be a nurse. I wasn’t cut out for that sort of compassion or care. I dreamt of being a PT, an athlete, anything that was sports driven.

Until my boyfriend had a bike accident, that then left him in ITU. He later succumb to his injuries and passed away. The nurses looking after him, changed my life. Shining light kind of moment - I want to be just like them kind of thing.

Granted it took me 4 years to build up the courage, battling my PTSD, severe depression and anxiety to even apply to uni. But I did it - and Sept 2019 I got my Pin as a registered nurse.

Now, if you 1) think covid19 was made up, a conspiracy or the numbers have been made up as a scare tactic or 2) you actually believe wearing a face covering will cause ‘respiratory arrests’ ‘acidosis’ blah... stop reading. Because this isn’t for you. Or even 3) you have the view of ‘its their job’ - back away from your screen.

You’ve seen in the news about the public sector pay rise? That nurses aren’t included, nor the junior doctors, physio’s etc (I use etc as there are so many people being forgotten in all this and it is used lovingly and not to cause offence)? Honestly, Im so glad that others are being recognised for their input and help during this - the teachers who put in extra work for children of key workers, who sacrificed their home life to entertain little ones every day and try give them the education they need and deserve, to the police, military - anyone receiving this recognition. Honestly you deserve it. And the NHS will not shadow that or take it away from you.

We agree’d to a 3 year pay deal, that had the options of being reconsidered earlier than the final date if there was a change in circumstances. Covid19 should really be considered as a change in circumstances. I mean being told that you’re already ‘unskilled’ and watching people clap to STOP pay rises... was hard enough. But to have everyone else recognised for their vital contributions and lay something that was agreed in 2018 - is inexcusable.

You realise that most nurses didn’t get to see your claps on a Thursday? That’s handover time. And due to covid19 if their handover time was earlier - they were usually late because of how busy it was and still missed it.

I saw one. Because it so happened I had come off of nights the night prior.

So! My life during covid19 starts off with the busiest winter that my hospital has seen in ITU. We have 10 beds. We are funded for 7/8? We had to open an escalation centre that we stole from our day surgery unit to give us a further 3 beds.

Which in itself is hard - looking after seriously sick patients away from your actual designated and designed ward and without the continuous presence of doctors.

That wasn’t enough.

We had to then stole half of the recovery room, which usually houses patients post surgery whilst they wake up.

Going up to 16 patients. Remember - at this point. I’m THREE MONTHS qualified.

Learning is hard, steep, and in-depth. You’re suppose to be trained over the course of a year as a newly qualified, with study days and help from mentors etc. I couldn’t attend some of those days because we didn’t have the staff to look after the most patients our ITU had ever seen.

Now I know ITU is hard. I picked it.

I knew what it entailed, well partly.

I have to maintain my patients artificial airway. They either have a tube in their mouth or in their throat.

They’re then connected to a ventilator.

Every single setting on that machine, every button - changes something drastically.

From the fio2, PEEP, PS, PC, TV, MVE, PEAK, RR, PF ratio, ... one button, one alteration or mistake... literally can stop this person breathing. Cause respiratory distress, arrest.. trauma? anything.

Did you know I have to move that tube in their mouth every hour to stop pressure sores developing in their mouth? And I still have to brush their teeth and give oral care?

I have to suction down their throat and clear their lungs? Or suction their actual mouth for extra secretions?

And record all this data hourly.

To ensure that this patient is comfortable with this tube... I have to medicate this patient.

I have to keep them in an artificial coma.

Titrating the drugs to their optimum levels.

Some are measured mg/hr, mcg/hr, mcg/kg/min..

some have limits on maximum dose per hour you can use.

Some have really severe side effects.

Such as noradrenaline. Which can literally cause your fingers and toes to become necrotic.

I have to monitor someone’s glucose - whether you’re diabetic or not, and correct it if needed with insulin or dextrose.

I have to give diuretics but not allow your body to become too negative, I have to give fluid challenges to ensure you’re not vascular depleted.

I can help your kidneys with the use of a dialysis machine. Literally filter your blood of toxins your body can no longer remove without help of a machine. This requires constant blood tests to ensure that you aren’t collecting dangerous toxins or you need additional support from the machine.

I can use a machine to check your cardiac output and interpret it to make sure that you have enough fluid vs a drug that’ll help squeeze your heart instead.

I can read an ECG and tell if you need additional supplements such as potassium. Do further tests for magnesium, phosphates etc. And deliver those.

I can feed you through a tube down your nose, and ensure you absorb it. But it’s okay I can give you medication to also help that - these require me to do daily ECGs though, and interpret the data of your QTC to make sure it’s not affecting your heart.

Now. If that’s not enough. Covid happens.

Now remember our record was 16 patients?

Try doubling that.

We worked in our ITU,

Escalation centre

Recovery - we took the whole thing.

Next - we took over operating theatres.

3 patients in theatre 6

3 in 5

3 in 4

2 in 3

We stole theatre staff, recovery nurses, ODPS, ward nurses, retired nurses, health visitor nurses, anyone we could relocate to help us.

March - I’m 6 months qualified.

I’m now the most qualified ITU nurse in my theatre.

I have people who have never looked after a ventilated patients before asking me for help. Please don’t silence my alarm if you don’t know why it’s alarming. I know it’s loud and annoying but it’s telling me everything I need to know with enough time before I need to panic.

Now - covid patients weren’t just sick. Weren’t just needing help to breathe. These patients were all sorts of ‘new’. Nothing made sense!

These patients COULDNT be ventilated. We needed to paralyse them to literally be able to take over their breathing properly! No amount of sedation worked! Their lungs were fibrous and acting like elastic under tension.

Side note - if your patient wasn’t sedated enough compared to paralysis - they could be silently awake, but completely paralysed. Knowing everything happening to them. But unable to do anything - not even breathe. Every time you start rocuronium you need to remember that. If you’re withdrawing treatment - TURN THE ROC OFF FIRST. And wait before you do anything else.

Back to it. They were so unstable that you try roll them, which we usually do 4 hourly to prevent pressure sores - they desaturated to numbers so low that you would usually see some hypoxia brain injury after.

We couldn’t roll these patients without risking that. So you know what. You don’t roll.

So we couldn’t protect their skin integrity. You just watch them, and feel guilty.

Nursing school 101 - pressure sores are PREVENTABLE. Roll your patient. Skin care and hygiene is your best friend.

Now covid went against everything a nurse knows and holds dear.

Our ITU never had pressure sores. Until covid. Some had grade 4’s.

Maggot therapy.

Vacuum dressings.

These patients were also clotting, and sending off clots to their kidneys, liver, heart, brain. Covid made your blood super sticky!!!!

People were having strokes whilst being sedated, going from fit to multi organ failure in days. I’m trying to save these people, knowing they could possibly wake up with complete left side paralysis? Never talk again? Never be them again?

Now you know about these past medical histories etc?

You realise what that is?

that it could be Type 2 diabetes?

Hypertension?

That was it for some.

None of this thinking they were super sick, with lists longer than my arm, and that’s why they didn’t make it. No.

Literally things that happen with age. Poor diet? That 120/80 you’re happy you got - THATS PREHYPERTENSION.

I was probably hypertensive the entire time with anxiety.

Did you know We had to use the old anaesthetic ventilators. None of us had used those before. Those big bellows you see in films going up and down rhythmically. Those.

That was scary.

I’m use to a single touch screen button (hello modern technology) to deliver 100% o2 if my patient needs it. This has a switch to a bag, a button, dials to titrate o2 with normal air. And if I didn’t monitor the crystals in the bottom my patient would retain their own co2 and I wouldn’t know why.

New found love for anaesthetists and ODPS - these machines are NOT designed for prolonged use. But they helped us keep our patients alive. By literally guiding us and helping us look after the machines so we could do our job.

Now. All of this is made worse by PPE.

I’m hot.

It’s hot.

And intense and I’m working hard because tonight, I have 3 ventilated patients. By myself.

I have a gown on.

2 sets of gloves

An apron

An FFP3 mask

A hat

A visor

And no air con.

But I’ve got this. I can’t do my hourly checks because I am one person.

My super sick patients now have 2 hourly because it is physically impossible.

Where are the other staff?

Sick.

You’re watching these people struggle to breathe on machines and then being told your close friends at work, your mentors, your seniors are spiking temperatures. Some being admitted to hospital. Some not being able to come back to work for weeks.

Some ending up on your ventilators. It’s okay. I’ve got this.

I’m an ITU nurse right?

CPR wearing that get up. Is TOUGH. 27mins. I cried that day.

We lost 3 patients in 12 hours.

I held the hand of so many people as I turned off their ventilators because their families couldn’t be with them and no one should die alone. No one. I tried my best.. and then once my day had finished, I had to come home to my dad who is immunosuppressed. Who doesn’t understand boundaries. “Kevin stay in the other part of the house!”

*knocks on bedroom door with dinner*.

Proning. What an experience that is. And doing it Daily. The complications of that were scary before you even approach the patient.

So I’m going to flip my patient - who has a tube down their mouth to help breath, who is on medication for sedation, paralysis, to keep their blood pressure up.. from laying on their back - to laying on their front.

Seems easy?

Well it’s not. And requires like 8 people.

8 people.

We don’t have enough people as it is. So we now develop a proning team made up of everyone.

There are consultants, there are experts in their fields, there are physios and then I don’t know who else.

Honestly I couldn’t thank these people enough. More people would have died if we didn’t have a proning team. But now, people spent 23 hours laying on their front. Pressure sores on their faces. Potential of going blind? New complications of not being able to breathe we never expected.

We are finally back into one unit now. I’m still less than a year qualified. And I’m still running on adrenaline expecting this second wave. Those still reading, I know you’re thinking that she picked this job.

She knew what it meant.

And you’re right! Give me those complex drug calculations and ventilators. Oh and the scrubs!

But a pandemic? I didn’t pick that. The world didn’t pick that.

Honestly thank you, to the ward nurses - your lives got flipped upside down.

The physios who became best friends.

Consultants who literally got down and dirty with us.

To the domestics who cleaned furiously for us.

OT’s To literally orientate our patients when they’re waking up like 70 days later.

Every

Single

Person

Who

Helped.

Oh communication team made up of medical students, who updated the families because... I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave my patient. Not like this!

Matron who literally had to facilitate all this, with people who knew nothing about ITU. Being in ITU. Looking after ITU patients. Whilst her own ITU staff were sick, in hospital, or newly qualified, or working to the point they broke.

To the countless companies sending food, goodies, moral support !! Oh my god that was incredible to come to after not having a break for 6+ hours ... mmm... food!!

Did you know they’re offering support for the nurses to stop PTSD, or anxiety or just to help up digest what we saw? Psychological support for just doing your job?

But it’s okay.

We got a deal in 2018 for the pay.

We got clapped thursdays.

We all know that’s not enough, but we will still turn up for work.

We can’t leave our patients.

We can’t strike.

They’ll always mean more to us than pay. And the government knows that. Abuses that.

540 NHS staff lost their life doing ‘just their job’ - today the NHS staff walked through London protesting, to be heard. To be listened to. To be acknowledged. To be paid fair.

Sign the petition for us. Because we aren’t just here for covid. We’re here for life.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/316307

And just put your mask on - please - for that hour you go shopping.

I’ve been wearing mine since March 6th. 13+ hour days. Developed a nice grade one on my nose, my friends faces bleeding from using a rubber respirator....

And We’ll be like this for the foreseeable future.

Now that we have the stocks to do so anyways.

Oh and I’m pissed my graduation was cancelled! All that and I don’t get to wear the hat and gown. Bastard virus. (I understand there was more lost but humour me).

Signed, your registered ITU nurse. We will always continue to monitor.

8 notes · View notes

star-villager · 4 years

Text

Ezra: Month 1 of Animal Crossing New Horizons!

Hello all! I’m here to tell my journey of the first month of New Horizons on Cillia Island!

There’ll be lots of pictures! I hope you enjoy! Future updates will probably be daily because this is... long at first... but I promise it slows down!

This post covers 32 days (skipping a few). It is indented to be a fun, long, read! I’ll say it’s a 10-15 minute read just to be on the longer side!

-Ezra; Island Resident Representative; Local Island Decorator; Mayor of Cillia (if it had a mayor hehe!)

Thursday, March 19th, 4pm -7GMT. The virus is present, but just starting. I have been home for not even 24 hours of my job that was supposed to keep me out of town all March. I make a phone call to a local Gamestop, asking if they’re still open, and how the midnight release of Animal Crossing is going to work. The worker tells me I can go pick it up right then, because they’re going to be closing early and had JUST gotten a phone call from corporate that they could give it out early - you can assume what I did /immediately/ after lol.

~~~

Starting was incredibly easy! I’ve had my dead name as my New Leaf Mayor forever, and I loved that city name so Ezra and Cillia it was! And we began! My starting villagers were Cherry and Roald with Cherry Trees (fitting!), and I said I wasn’t gonna restart no matter what... so here we go!

I picked a town that had a West Beach River Mouth as well as a South River Mouth - which matched my town in New Leaf! (The south exit, and the flow of the river - but the west exit would be where my original upper waterfall was so the shape was the same). Picked northern hemisphere (where I am). And placed my house right in a river bend (with the initial plan to section me off into my own island within an island!). Cherry and Roald’s homes were placed along the west-running river right at the top, with not much effort or forethought. Not that it was a bad thing! I knew they wouldn’t be permanent villagers, but wanted to give them some beautiful scenery while they were here.

I can definitely tell that I’m still acting and thinking like a mayor even thought I’m only an island rep. ... this doesn’t change bwahaha!

Day 1 March 19th, was all setup and prep for our REAL day 1! Blathers already was about to have a decent encyclopedia, and I was getting nook miles left and right - already expecting a house instead of a tent the next day. I wasn’t too surprised, I’ve done this song and dance before, and I’m just here to have a great time in my island paradise! Getting Blathers was definitely my highest priority!

Day 2 March 20th, was... difficult... giving 15 things to Blathers one at a time and finding 30 iron for the Nooklings was excruciating lol - but getting fossils and a pole vault to absolutely DECIMATE the weed ecosystem filled me with a glee that I’m sure you can understand. I managed to upgrade my house, get Blathers and Nooks Cranny all in one day *whew*. Now, time to have some fun!

I build my first QR code which was a cool outfit I called PRIDE Coat! It is a black coat with drawstrings and pockets on the front - a lil’ trans flag on the left arm, a bi flag on the right arm, and my (pretty decent!) attempt at a rainbow of paint (in the gay flag colors) falling down my back! And I made an Iwatobi Swim Club Beanie to match the one I wear every day!!

I then played with my Passport a bit to have my title be “Future Fish” which is Free! Eternal Summer (the second season’s) Ending Song!!!! Which I thought was SUPER cute and VERY me. (It’s my second fave anime. I plan on making a Reigisa outfit in the future!!).

Already by the end of Day 2 I had my hair customization options, the tool wheel, and the DIY that I needed to buy. Everything Nook was offering I managed to get my grubby little day 2 hands on! So you KNOW my hair went to pink pigtails IMMEDIATELY. And took /many/ photos. But since my outfits are all the same just imagine the ones you just saw but with pink instead of blonde!

With that it was time to get my 3 villagers that would accompany Cherry and Roald (This correlates to getting the iron for Nooklings!) I wanted to grab the first 3 villagers that I saw just to try some new friends this go around - as I had already planned on making my New Leaf family my permies! So my first three were Ketchup (nice!), Hornsby (Aww!!), and... GALA!?!?

Well how convenient! That was one permie immediately out of the way!! Welcome back, Gala!!! So excited to have you on the island!

Then I caught an Oarfish and saw *GASP* WISP!!!! To which, I immediately ran up to him and demanded he bring my girlfriend, Cece the Squirrel, to the island. He, instead, got spooked, had me collect his spirit, and offered me items. *sigh* Ok - can’t get Cece that way - so I decided to sleep!

How naive I was...

Day 3 March 21st, was both good and bad! I had access to Nooklings, but that was about it. Blathers was getting a crowded amount of critters outside his roped off building, but it would be all worth it, tomorrow. But!! I found my first spider island! Which I sold off to Nooklings and happily went to sleep!

Day 4 March 22nd, had SO MUCH to offer! Blathers, Daisy Mae, Harvy, WHEW. Pretty sure I had a visit from Gulliver either today or yesterday, too! Nothing could POSSIBLY ruin this day!!

Oh how wrong.

How so terribly wrong I was.

Animal Crossing New Horizons is an incredible game that lets you invite so many villagers to your island!

All of them. But 14.

14 Villagers from New Leaf are not available. The Sanrio Characters. And the Amiibo Characters.

No Felyne. No Ganon, Epona, Medli, or W. Link. No Viche or Inkwell. No Rilla, Chai, Morty, or Etoille.

No Toby.

No Chelsea.

...

No Cece.

...

To say that I was devastated would be an understatement. I was absolutely crushed. Not only were 3 of my permies out, but the one villager I couldn’t live without, wasn’t allowed in the game. She didn’t even get a poster.

So I did what any crushed lover would do, and made a memoir to her.

And it started raining. Poetic. (I was only cheered up slightly when I got to catch a Coelacanth!) I didn’t do this until much later (April 4th) but for the sake of not talking about her too much, I would open New Leaf and wrote her a goodbye love letter, which, honestly, makes me tear up whenever I read it.

And I went to sleep.

I have nothing for Day 5 other than scanning all my amiibo cards for the POSTERS which are UNDOUBTEDLY my FAVORITE new feature in the game!!

Day 6, March 24th, GALA MOVED IN! I was so excited, and it was definitely needed. My best friend also came over and we goofed off and we met each other’s villagers! Then I went to an island tour and got A PANSY HYBRID ISLAND!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I went crazy. Absolutely destroyed that ecosystem. I went full feral. MINE. ALL MINE!!!

And I caught my first Sturgeon!! Which was awesome because I only had the rare fish left in my March collection! Trying to get a Golden Trout, I made many many fish bait, and got the 200 clam achievement! Which was exciting because that unlocked “Mermaid” for titles!! I doubt I’ll change from Future Fish, but Mermaid would be a second pick!

For Day 7 I went to a good friend’s village and desperately tried to make Chiyuki Fujito’s blue dress from Runway de Waratte... it didn’t work... but I like the attempt! (Will send pics in messenger if you’re curious!).

Day 8, March 26th, was the day ISABELLE WAS HERE!!! Welcome to your island paradise, QUEEN. I definitely dressed for the part ;)

This, of course, opened up tunes and flag options! Flag was incredibly easy. It’s going to stay my picture of Cece until she’s added back into the game (which will probably be never, so...)

The tunes was much harder for me. But since I couldn’t think of anything else I made it “SO. NO. CHI. NO. SA. DA. ME.” from the first Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Opening (which is, ironically, what is playing as I type this... SO NO CHI NO SA DA ME <- was written in time with the music playing. Incredible.) It’s definitely not going to be that forever, but for now it makes me giggle!

Nothing for Day 9 except for a SICK tarantula island :) love those furry babes! I also built my campsite! Tomorrow was going to be big!! Who on Earth was going to move in!?

Day 10, March 28th, now, I have what I like to call “chaotic luck”. I’ll catch the bus, but my gosh did I almost miss it. I was absolutely positive I failed that test, and I did, but the question I messed up doesn’t count and I passed! Cece isn’t in the game but do you know who’s at my campsite??

OFFICE

HETEROCHROMIA

TSUNDERE

TRANS

CAT

EXTRAORDINAIRE

RAAAAAAAAAAAYMOND!!!!

Can you even imagine my face??? Can you IMAGINE the jaw drop?? I moved him next to me IMMEDIATELY.

Day 12, March 30th, I saw kicks for the first time!!! Love that funky newsie skunk!

Day 13, March 31st, I saw Flick for the first time!!! Went on a mad tarantula hunt and made BANK. Fun story, I thought both Flick and C.J. were girls, so when I learned Flick was a boy I was really upset because I thought a canon gay ship was now straight, but WHOOPS they’re BOTH boys! 😎 Nice.

I also saw Celeste for the first time!!! Gosh how I missed her!! I actually sat and got all 200 stars in one night, just because of how much I like wishing on falling stars!!!

Day 14, April 1st, The Nightmare Begins. Love him or Hate him, Zipper was here. I won’t go on about the eggs. Everyone talks about the eggs. They sucked, fishing was a nightmare, not a big fan. I would end up not getting all the sakura DIYs which was very upsetting (but I’ll just get them next year). In INCREDIBLE news I got a golden trout!!! Which was the last thing I needed in my March encyclopedia - and it was on to April hunting! Every night thing I could get, I did! So I decided to set up my last 4 houses, and focus on getting K.K. Slider finally to my island!

The first house sold naturally to Pecan! NICE! I love squirrels so much! She was very welcome!

Day 15, April 2nd, in the interest in getting new villagers, I went on a tour and there she was: MERENGUE! She’s, truthfully, not a favorite of mine. She’s SO cute, but not someone I wanted permanently. However, she’s my other best friend’s FAVORITE and she doesn’t have a switch. So, there was NO WAY I wasn’t taking Merengue onto my island. I haven’t sent my friend pics, yet, but I hope I can soon!! She’s gonna be so happy!

Today was the first day I met C.J. which... stunning. Absolutely jaw dropping. I’m SMITTEN with a TAKEN BEAVER. He calls me fashionista. Asks about my anglersona. Takes selfies of/with me. He’s truly the ideal. I’d invite him back any day!

Over the next 3 days, Freya and Bruce move in as my last 2 villagers giving us a grand starting total of: Cherry, Roald, Ketchup, Hornsby, Gala, Raymond, Pecan, Merengue, Freya, and Bruce! Not bad not bad!

Day 19, April 6th, THE BEST GIRL IS HEEERE. LABEL CAME TO MY TOWN FOR THE FIRST TIME. I might have cried, honestly. I cannot believe someone that incredible would want to come to my island. She asked for me to give her an official look. Are you kidding me? Easy breezy. For my perfect outfit she rewarded me a Label Hat. Oh? DESIGNER? I was awestruck. The design was IMPECCABLE. The flavor was IMMACULATE.

One of my villagers also happened to gift me a Pink SPRITE COSTUME??? I, honestly, have never been more in love with an outfit in my entire life??? A pink Peter Pan outfit??? LEGENDARY.

Day 20, April 7th, I don’t quite remember what day K.K. Slider visited the island when I hit my 3 star rating - so we’ll say it was today lol. That meant ISLAND EDITING, but I didn’t know what to do, yet, so I didn’t worry too much about it!

Label’s hat came in MORE COLORS in the store today. YOU BET I bought all of them. The talent. But this meant that I had a pink hat to match my pink sprite costume and you bet I was LIVING my best life. I had also finished the Anklyosaurus which is my FAVORITE dinosaur so I was LIVING it up.

Later, Ketchup would approach me and ask to move. I was happy for her to explore new lands and bid her farewell, and gave her a sweet goodbye. With that, it was hunting time, and I found the perfect villager that would set everything in motion.

Day 22, April 9th, Label VISITS AGAIN!!!!!! Unfortunately, she asked for a sporty look, which I couldn’t pull off perfectly :/ So no new item from her... but my OUTFIT WAS FIRE AND WE WERE MAD CUTE TOGETHER.

Day 23, April 10th, the villager has moved in, the cryptid gyroid herself, COCO!!!

And her moving in gave me a BRILLIANT idea. I’d like to keep it under wraps for now, but I’m so, so, SO happy she’s here!

Day 24, April 11th, The Fishing Tourney. The Summer tourney will be significantly easier for me, now that I know you can double your points by fishing with someone else, but it took me HOURS to collect all the clams and get to 300 points. It wasn’t really worth it, but I love fish so much so I wasn’t going to miss a SINGLE thing. I got that gold trophy and I’m SO proud of myself.

Also my fishing outfit could slay for MILES

Straight Fire.

Day 25, April 12th, With a golden trophy in hand and the last day of eggies, I was feeling really confident. I had the means and the idea to change cliffs + water for a couple days and just... made what my brain came up with! I’ll keep this vague for now, because I’m really excited about the final results! Just know that everyday I edit a little bit more and come up with more ideas!

Day 26, April 13th, Happy Homestuck, Neil Bangs out the Tunes, and Thomas Sanders goes to the Wedding Day!! And it did NOT disappoint. Label for A 3RD TIME!!! She must like me as much as I like her >w<!! Today she gave out her cap!!! It’s, honestly, not my thing, I’d rather stick with the brim hats, but I do think they’re cute!! So I would buy them all the next day! The Able Sister’s haul on Day 27 was oh my gosh amazing!!! They had the cap, of course, but they also had THE OTHER SPRITE COSTUMES!! Which I bought all of them. And now I wear, near exclusively, this outfit in 5 different colors bwahaha!

Day 30, April 17th, I got my first golden item!!! The slingshot! Nice! Over the past few days, I’ve just been designing, moving houses, and building ramps! Learning new myth debunks, stuff like that!

I was also blessed with 3 encounters :OOOO I didn’t know this was even POSSIBLE!?

Day 31, April 18th, Disaster Strikes. I’ve been moving so many homes that I didn’t consider that a villager couldn’t move in because you were already doing a home thing for the day. So when I went to invite camper Gonzo to my town he declined!? I was devastated. He was SO cute and I thought he could move into Bruce’s house to keep the peace of personalities! I think he’s someone in the future who I’ll ask for a poster of or ask for an amiibo card of! I know I’m going to check the campsite first before moving any buildings from here on out! D’:

And that brings us to today,

Day 32, April 19th, one month from the day I started. I’ve been having the TIME of my life! There’s definitely been some ups and downs, but I have a goal in mind and it’s keeping me so focused! I organized an entire flower field today!! Due to a turnip mishap, I happen to be 2 days ahead of everyone, but I have been good about time traveling other than that. This means that I am fortunate enough to get my Nooklings upgrade 2 days early and they’ll be open tomorrow!!! I’m... I’m so excited!!! I NEED more flower seeds!!!!!!!

The future looks incredibly bright on Cillia island, and I cannot wait to hear about everyone else’s month!!

Thank you for your time. Please enjoy these random favorite photos of mine!

#Animal Crossing #ACNH #My Post #Cillia #Town of Cillia #Ezra #Island Rep Ezra #Mayor Ezra #Star-Villager #LONG #LONG POST #Animal Crossing New Horizons #Pictures #Photos #New Horizons

3 notes · View notes

sneakers-and-shakes · 4 years

Text

Local Night Owl Tries To Be Morning Person

As you have probably figured out from the title, I’m not a morning person. I have seen more sunrises from staying up all night than waking up early in the morning and I love it. So naturally, I decided to challenge myself and wake up at 7 am everyday, for a week. Twice.

Let me explain. Mornings for me have always been very functional, I get up at the time I need to in order to be on time. So around forty minutes to do my stretches, get ready, eat something real quick, and get out the door for work which runs me mostly on time.

It’s a habit I’ve carried on from high school when I would get maybe four hours of sleep, so in order to maximize my shut eye I would get up at the last possible minute that still ensured I got to school on time.

Now, this isn’t my life anymore, I don’t need to be maximizing sleep. So I thought maybe I can actually try and make the most of my morning. Maybe. I started by creating some goals, what I thought/want to get out of waking up early:

I realize this is a hefty list for someone who is the epitome of a night owl, but this is genuinely what I want to accomplish, and these are goals which means they are meant to be worked towards.

And then I decided to wake up at 7am for a week. Back in May.

Since you’re reading this in June, clearly it didn’t go well. The main reason was because I had to unexpectedly move last month and that threw everything for a loop so I ended up dropping the already failing challenge to focus on the move.

But I still want to share that experience with you because it was my honest first try at this so here’s my journaling from the 3 days I tried the challenge:

Journal Entry Day 1: Sunday:

I failed. I could not get up at 7am even though I was conscious enough to turn off my alarm. This is a probably a mixture of the fact that I stayed up till 3am the night before and I always sleep in on the weekends and can’t motivate myself to get up if I don’t have any plans. I actually got out of bed at 12:30 pm today and am so disappointed in myself. This is not a great start to this week and I’m debating starting over next week instead. I wanted to do so many things and not being able to do them they way I wanted is very discouraging.

As you can see the first day didn’t go well at all. In fact, I failed so spectacularly that I almost scraped the whole idea for this week and considered doing it the following week instead. Then I thought that I shouldn’t let this stop me and if this is going to be an honest post of my true experience, I need to share my failure. And so even though I wasn’t happy with myself, I decided to keep pushing on.

Journal Entry Day 2: Monday:

Well something is better than nothing, got out of bed at 7:40am. I stayed up till 3:30am the previous night reading (this is really quite a trend I’ve adopted) so getting up today was harder knowing that I could actually be getting more substantial sleep.

But at least I woke up earlier than usual and did have time to do both my morning stretches and a ten-minute core workout. I also managed to journal for a little bit, including this entry, but I definitely feel the pressure of time and can’t really take things as slow as I had hoped. Nonetheless, despite feeling rushed, this is progress from before.

I used to get up at 7am when I had to actually drive to work, but in the month or so I’ve been in quarantine, working from home has pushed that time by at least an hour (and usually more). I was able to get some things done on Day 2 despite the late wake up. I know this was heavily influenced by my 3:30am bedtime, but there were times (as my alarm periodically woke me up) where I could have gotten up had I pushed myself but I couldn’t do it, feeling the need for more sleep winning over.

I knew this was a mental hurdle but it felt all the more prominent as I had trouble convincing myself that it’s worth it to get up instead of keep sleeping.

Journal Entry Day 3: Tuesday:

Well I got up at 7:30 today, almost by mistake. It’s become second nature for me to ignore my alarms but somehow I happened to check right at 7:30. The tug of sleep is real. I had a hard time opening my eyes and getting myself to actually get up and move. I wasn’t even that tired, I just really wanted to sleep…

Somehow I’ve gotten myself up, it wasn’t bad five minutes into it when I was doing my stretches though. And from there I managed another ten minute workout and have been able to journal too. It’s definitely nicer to have more time today than I did yesterday. I don’t really feel the need to pick out my outfit (since I’m quarantining) so the next 15-20 minutes or so have opened up.

Adding an extra half hour to my normal forty minute morning routine was something I had been tossing around in my head as I started this. That was what I was actually going to implement into my life after this week long challenge was over. Mistakenly, I was able to test it out on Day 3 to see if I would have enough time with the extra half hour to accomplish the things I wanted.

It turned out alright, but I was aware of the fact that I am still mostly running on time with the added workout and journaling and still didn’t have the leisure time to take things slow the way I had hoped. However, my focus and goal for this challenge was to actually wake up at 7 which as of Day 3 I had not done. But still it was progress compared to the previous two days.

As you can see it was not successful. But it taught me a lot about myself and the habits I’ve created that are the hardest to fight.

-I stay up late most nights, the true night owl shining through, and that prevents me from waking up early

-I still hold on to the mentality that if I can sleep more and still get things done then I should sleep more (hence me running on time even though I was able to get things done)

-Actually getting out of bed is the hardest part, once I’m up and active I’m okay, but that first act is the hardest

-I expect myself to snooze, always have which is why I set alarms before I’m supposed to get up so I can snooze them, but it’s created the habit of me not getting up immediately which is probably why getting out of bed is so hard.

Keeping these things in mind I decided to try again, a week ago, to see if maybe I could do it better the second time around. But this time I decided to focus on only the work week, keeping the challenge to 5 days. I also decided to couple this with a morning routine of sorts to make me feel a little better, things I’d let slip since quarantine.

Now a lot of those probably sound obvious, but small things, intentionally done, create big differences. And I just needed to create a routine to hold myself accountable too. Plus. I work really well with lists so I thought this would be beneficial.

And now, for round 2:

Day 1: Monday:

I was conscious enough at 7am to know I should get up but ended up sleeping an extra 25 minutes. I went to sleep at 2 in the morning so that might have been a factor. But even then I know it has more to do with knowing I didn’t HAVE to get up that early. But I was able to get all the things on my morning list done.

Day 2: Tuesday:

Went to sleep at 3am so really couldn’t get myself up at 7am. I wasn’t even truly awake until 7:45 and didn’t make it out of bed till 8. I was still able to get my morning list done though.

Day 3: Wednesday:

Got up at 7:25 this morning, remember being somewhat conscious of my 7am alarm but once again couldn’t get my self out of bed earlier than I needed to knowing I could still accomplish my list without getting up at 7am.

Day 4: Thursday:

Got out of bed at 7:35 this morning even though I woke up at 6:30 wide awake because of some noise outside. But once I realized I had half an hour left, I went back to sleep and this happened. Once again was able to complete my morning routine.

Day 5: Friday:

I don’t know what I did yesterday that made me so tired that I just could not get myself out of bed. I became conscious at 7:45 and didn’t get out of bed till 8:10. I was so tired, even more so than what I usually feel when I wake up. I didn’t got to sleep that late, around 1:30 or so but I really struggled this morning. Today is the first true flop of the week. I got my morning stuff done, after I started working and if I hadn’t been working from home I would not have been able to do more than just my stretches. It’s actually really disappointing.

(Note: I ended up staying up till 6am, had there been a day 6 I would have failed even more)

As you can see, I fell back into the same patterns. True that I’m (for the most part) able to consistently get up early, but only early enough to accomplish my routine. What I haven't accomplished is the "taking it slow" thing that morning people do.

While there are some parts of my morning routine that do force me to slow down, it's not quite what I had envisioned. And I know this is because my morning is still very functional. I've listed out my morning routine and while it's definitely more positive, I'm still only getting up early enough to do those things.

Then again, I’m not a morning person and I don’t think a week can change that. I still view the night as my area of enjoyment where I can relax, read, write, do whatever at my own pace in comfort.

And that’s okay. I don’t think this needs to completely change me as a person. I know that I don’t want to give up the night the way I would need to to wake up early and while my heart and mind lay in the night I will never be able to truly become a morning person.

Your mindset and intention has everything to do in developing new habits or changing old ones and I know that where I’m at and what I’ve accomplished is what I could given those two things.

So yes, I did fail this challenge, but I’ve still walked away with a better, more positive, lifestyle experience. And moving forward, I will find a compromise between sleeping in and waking up early, perhaps some days I allow myself to stay up late and sleep in the next morning and other days go to bed on time to wake up early.

And there you have it, a night owl tries desperately to be a morning person and…somewhat succeeds? It’s not a white or black answer but a shade of grey as most things in life, and it’s been my honest, real experience.

I hope you guys enjoyed! This was a long one I know, but regardless I hope you got something out of it! If you’re a night owl and want to try this challenge out then please share with me your experience! And if you’re a morning person, please share your tips!

As always, thanks for reading!

See ya in the next one!

#lifstyle #blog #mornings #night owl #wake up #challenge #self improvement #self care #positive changes

1 note · View note

rogersdrumkit · 5 years

Text

i’m with the drummer - part 7

summary: reader is pregnant! also as a heads up, veronica is john’s wife and their first kid is robert.

I’m going to start linking the previous chapters so you don’t have to dig through my blog but I didn’t have time tonight. I’ll do it tomorrow after school. Hope you enjoy!!

previous parts:

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

+++

“No Deacon! I don’t want the lyrics ‘happy at home’ on a rock album!” You heard Roger practically shouting into the phone as you walked inside his flat after a class. He held up a finger as to silence you, since this was a ‘very important phone call’, he had told you later. “Of course I’m happy with y/n at home but there’s more ways to sing about it!” He paused, listening to his friend. “No! ‘I’m in Love With my Car’ is not about her! I told you, it’s a metaphor! I do not fuck my-”

You grabbed the phone out of his hand and said, “Sorry about him, Deaks. You know how sensitive he is about that song,” and Roger’s jaw dropped.

In the background, he could be heard mumbling about how no one appreciated that song enough. “So is it okay if we’re at Rog’s when we babysit today? Brian didn’t handle the sight of us with a kid too well,” you said, and it was true. The first weekend after the tour, you and Roger took Robert to yours and Brian’s apartment, but Brian came home from a date early, while you all were baking cookies, and he had been pissed that you brought Robert over.

“Yes you’ve done it before, but now you’re bringing Roger?” Brian had asked with a disgusted tone.

“Yeah, sounds good, I wouldn’t want you getting in trouble. So V and I are gonna drop him off in a bit, then we’ll see you at your apartment tonight for that dinner Brian insisted on having? You can just give Robbie back to us then,” John said.

“John, that dinner isn’t until next week, on the 26th.”

“Look at your calendar. Today is the 26th.”

You glanced over at the fridge, where Roger kept his calendar, that had dates of your exams, tests, and assignments written on it so that he could make sure to help you whenever you needed the assistance. You saw red x’s on each of the days, leading up until today, which was really Thursday the 26th. But that meant...

No...your period was a week late.

You paused and John asked if you were still there. “Yes, uh, yeah...we’ll see you in a bit to get Rob.”

You contemplating hiding your suspicions from Roger for a while, but you know that would hurt him, and most likely you as well, so you decided that you should be honest with him.

“Roger?” You called, and he came downstairs from his bedroom, kissing your cheek when he reached you. “We need to talk.”

This sent him into a tizzy. “Love, did I do something? Is it Brian? School?”

You gave him a sad smile and said quietly, “Roger, please just listen. This is my fault, and it’s okay if you yell at me, I won’t be upset. You have every right to be mad-”

He cut you off by scooping you up and sitting you down on the counter. “Hey, hey, you’re scaring me. What's wrong?” You looked down at the counter. “Come on, baby girl,” he said, sticking out his pinkie, “I won’t get mad.”

You shook his pinkie with your own, and then he interlaced your hand with his, trying to calm you down. “I think I’m pregnant,” you whispered.

After a moment of no movement, he tilted your chin up so you would be looking at his eyes. Roger said with a small smile on his face, “That’s what you were worried about?”

You nodded, confused at to why he hadn’t blown up at you yet.

Roger pushed your hair back behind your ear. “Doll, that’s not your fault. You know it takes two to tango,” he said smirking, and you giggled. “I already knew you were going to have my kids, and this is just...speeding up the process a little bit.”

You let out a sigh of relief and wrapped your arms around his neck. “I thought you were going to leave me,” you said, mumbling into his neck.

He rubbed your back and whispered, “Never.”

You pulled away, your hands shaking, so Rog grabbed them and pressed them to his cheeks, like always. You sniffled and asked, “What about Brian?”

“Let’s get a test and figure out for sure, then we can deal with him. Surely he’s going to be excited to be an uncle, right?” Roger said, trying to convince the both of you. Then you heard the doorbell ring, and you hopped off of the counter, rushing to the door. You opened it and Roger immediately heard you laughing as you picked up little Robert.

His heart melted at the thought of you with your own kids. Sure, the two of you had talked about having kids before, but you had planned for it to be a while down the line. Roger was nervous, but seeing your face lit up as Robbie waved his parents goodbye washed all of his thoughts away. He knew he wanted you, and absolutely wanted this baby. But he knew that Brian wouldn’t.

“Bye you two! We’ll see you tonight!” you called as John and his wife walked out the door.

Robbie practically leaped out of your arms when he saw Roger. “Uncle Roggie!” the almost 3 year old called and ran over to your boyfriend, hugging his leg.

Roger picked the boy up by his legs and dangled him upside down, making him giggle like crazy. “Down! Down!” Rob squealed.

You walked over to the pair and started tickling Robert, then grabbed him from Roger, jokingly scolding him, “Roggie!” He hated being called that by anyone except John’s son, and he rolled his eyes at you.

The rest of your time together was spent playing hide-and-go seek and tag, which wore Robbie out, and he fell asleep in Roger’s arms on the couch. “So precious,” you said, sitting down next to them and resting your head on Rog’s shoulder. You peeked at his wrist to see that it was almost 7:30, and you were supposed to be back at your place around 8. “If we’re going to go get that test, we better head out now,” you whispered, trying not to wake the little boy.

He groaned and whined, “But I’m comfortable!”

“You can be comfortable with your own kid one day, but first we have to figure out if I’m actually pregnant...Roggie.” You smiled sweetly.

He shook his head in disapproval of the nickname, but complied, his stomach full of butterflies while he was anticipating the verdict of the test you would be getting soon. You picked Rob up from him and whispered for Roger to get the car seat, which John had left for you, and headed for the car.

+++

You quickly went into the drugstore just down the road from yours and Brian’s apartment, dressed in one of Rog’s hoodies and a pair of his sunglasses, so that no paparazzi had the chance of telling the world you were pregnant before you could. “Is this it?” the cashier asked, scanning the pink box.

“Yes, thank you very much,” you said as your handed her the money and took the change, then the bag with the test. There was a pit in your stomach as you walked outside, and you thought you were going to throw up. You and Roger loved each other very much, but you were unsure of how the fans were going to react, and you knew that Brian would not be happy.

You climbed back in the car to see that Robert was up again, clapping and smiling because Roger was singing his famous car song. “See? At least someone appreciates it,” he said.

“Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that, sweetheart.”

You turned on the radio to hear the song, ‘Keep Yourself Alive’, the song that made you first notice Roger. “I’m so, so lucky,” you said with a grin on your face, lacing your fingers with Rog’s free hand.

“Because of me?” he asked, almost surprised.

“Yes, you goof,” you said, watching a smile grow on his face, even though you told him this all the time. “You’re the best thing I‘ve ever had.”

“I’m the lucky one, baby girl,” he said, kissing the palm of your hand. He was being truly amazing about this whole ordeal. You really expected him to want nothing to do with this baby, but he couldn’t have been happier

You were smiling as you pulled up to the parking lot for your apartment. After grabbing one of the tests from the box and scooping Robbie up from the back seat, you and Roger walked hand-in-hand into the building.

As you opened the door, John said, “There they are! We were getting worried.”

“Sorry, we had to stop at the store really quickly,” you apologized to Ronnie and her husband, handing her Robbie.

The boy was smiling and he giggled, “Bought a test!”

Roger was busy helping you get your coat off, but when he heard that, he stopped dead in his tracks, and your eyes went wide and you gasped.

“A test, huh?” Deaky said, poking his son in the stomach, and thankfully neither him nor his wife realized what kind of test Rob was talking about.

“Okay, I have to go to the bathroom, but I’ll be back soon and then we can eat!” You said.

“I’ll be there soon,” Rog whispered into your ear before you scampered off.

After making a bit of small talk with John about the day, Rog hurried upstairs to go find the bathroom you were in, then locked the door behind him. You were pulling up your skirt, having finished with the test. “Now we wait,” you said as you hopped on the bathroom counter.

Rog was tracing shapes on your thigh, nervous for the outcome, while he was reassuring you that this baby would not be a burden to his career. “Baby, I adore the band, but I love you more. We’ll figure it out.”

Time was finally up and you said, “I can’t look, Rog.”

He took the test from the back of the toilet and slowly turned it over, your hand in his the whole time. He let out a sigh and started tearing up, “I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered.

You gasped and practically leaped into his arms, laughing. “I love you, Taylor.”

He twirled you around as you wiped off the tears from his face.

“And you’re sure that you’re happy about this?” you asked as he set you down.

The big grin on his face gave you your answer. “Yes,” he pressed a kiss to your face in between each word as he said: “I. Love. You. And. Our. Baby. More. Than. You. Could. Know,” then stopped to gaze into your awestruck eyes as he put a hand on your stomach.

Your moment was interrupted by a knock at the bathroom door. You opened it to see, Deaky (thankfully), and when he saw you two smiling, he said, thinking you two had just had snuck up here to have sex, “Gross. Get out and come eat. Wash your hands first, though!”

You did as you were told, then headed downstairs to eat dinner. The food was extraordinary, thanks to your brother (he actually learned his cooking from you). Everyone was complimenting him and you chimed in to tease, “Bri, I wonder where you learned how to cook like this?” And you saw him smile at you for the first time in a while, and you enjoyed the moment, especially since he wouldn’t be looking at you the same way when he found out about the baby.

You and Mary offered to clean up the dishes while Veronica put the rest of the food away, and the boys all joined in the living room with a beer each. “So, Mary...have you and Fred considered having kids yet?” you asked.

She chuckled and said, “No, I want to wait until we’re married. Why?”

“No reason,” you said, hoping she wouldn’t press more into the subject.

After you finished cleaning, you joined the boys on the couches. Freddie offered you a beer, but you politely declined, and he cocked an eyebrow at you. He knew you loved to drink, but you insisted you just were too full from the dinner. He thankfully dropped the topic and started telling everyone about how extravagant his and Mary’s wedding would be.

Right as he was starting to explain the alcohol choices, you heard Brian yell from upstairs, “Y/n May!”

You turned around and stood up to see him storming into the room holding a white plastic stick.

He found the test.

“Brian, what-” you started.

“Save it! You’re pregnant aren’t you?” He yelled at you, and you couldn’t help from taking a step back, afraid of what he would do next, and you bumped right into Roger.

Roger stepped in front of you and said, surprisingly calm, “I’m sorry. We made a mistake, Brian, but we are going to keep the baby.” He was stopped by Brian punching him right in the nose, knocking him flat.

Deaky and Freddie rushed to break the fight up, throwing Brian across the room, and helping Roger up to his feet. Roger completely ignored that fact that his nose was bleeding when he saw that you were tearing up. He rushed over to you and embraced you. “Shhh, it’s okay, I’ll take you home.” he whispered in your ear.

He grabbed your hand and started heading towards the door, but you turned around to face your brother one more time. “I’m just going to stay with Roger for a little bit, okay?”

No response, so you turned back around, where Roger was waiting for you with open arms, like always. You would be fine with Roger. You didn’t need Brian.

“Wait,” you heard a soft voice call. You saw Brian walking over, and you let go of Roger’s hand and gathered yourself, determined not to break down.

“I won’t come back if you don’t want me to, Brian. I really don’t want you to-” you said, staring at the ground, but Brian just wrapped his long arms around you and pulled you in for a hug. After a moment of confusion, you hugged him back, and you could hear your brother mumbling, “I’m so sorry,” over and over.

Everyone watched in surprise at the turn of events, but Roger was the only one smiling. “Took you two long enough,” he said.

Brian turned towards the drummer, and you held your breath, but your brother just stuck his hand out, ready to shake Roger’s.

Roger had other ideas and hugged Brian with such force that he almost fell backwards. “Missed you, mate,” your boyfriend said happily.

After they pulled away, Brian brought you back into the living room, still apologizing, and you still forgiving him, because that’s ‘what family does’, you explained. Brian held a hand close to your torso and asked, “Can I?”

You nodded, smiling along with everyone else, as you watched him hold a hand to your belly. “There’s really a baby in there?” your brother asked.

Roger put an arm around your shoulder and said cockily, “Thanks to me. We have had a lot of practice...” and winked.

Your brother glared at Roger and said with a vile tone, “If you hurt her, Taylor-”

“I’m dead, I know, I know,” Rog finished and gave you a peck on the cheek. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

John laughed, holding his wife around the waist, and said, “Oh, you ever heard of labor? Technically that’s your fault too.”

And much to your amusement, Roger asked, “Labor can’t be that bad, right?”

Oh baby. He had a lot to learn in the next nine months.

+++

tags: @16wiishes @cheyismaxi @ohfxxkitsme @excusememecouldyoupleaseleave

166 notes · View notes

bionic-buckyb · 6 years

Text

In celebration of my 8k milestone, I’ve decided to host another writing challenge!

* credit to @bithors for the lovely graphic ♥

✿ Rules and prompts under the cut:

✪ Must be following me (@bionic-buckyb) to participate. However, new writer or experienced writer - all are welcome. ✪ Your fic can be anywhere from 500 words on. No word limit really. Write what you feel. You can write a drabble, one shot, or series. Whatever you want! ✪ Your fic must include angst of some kind. You can write it full on make me cry angst, angst with a happy ending, angst to fluff, angst to smut, whatever you want. Sue me, I like to be sad and then happy. ✪ If you write smut in your fic, please either mark it as sensitive or include 18+ in the fic. ✪ If there are any triggering subjects in your fic, please add it in the warnings. ✪ You may pick any character from the Marvel Universe. ✪ Must be a reader insert (ex: Bucky x reader) ✪ Your prompt must be incorporated in the fic. ✪ Please send me an ask only with the number of the prompt you want, and the character you wish to write for. Please also pick a back up, in case yours has been chosen. ✪ Please tag me in your fic when completed, so I can read it! ☺ ✪ Please use #kaits8kangstchallenge in your tags, in case I do not get your notification. ✪ PLEASE USE THE ‘KEEP READING’ FEATURE. ✪ If I do not like your fic within 24 hours of posting, please poke me with a stick! I will be reblogging everyone’s entries. ✪ Your entry will be due Thursday, July 12th (my birthday!). If you need an extension or to drop out, I understand how life is. However, please let me know up to 48 hours ahead of time if possible.

And now for the prompts…

1. “You look like you’re going to punch me.” “I was actually going to kiss you, but if you’re into that sort of thing then I’m out.” ( @ksgeekgirl - Steve x Reader )

2. “Do you think things would be different?” “How so?” ( @abovecitylights - Bucky x Reader ) ( @hellomissmabel - Bucky x Reader )

3. “I mean, if we hadn’t met at a strip club...” ( @lordsexmachine - Sam x Reader )

4. “Your legs bleeding.” “Oh really? I hadn’t noticed that half of my goddamned blood was flowing out of my leg, but thanks for letting me know.” ( @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan - Bucky x Reader ) ( @stopitchris - Steve x Reader )

5. “Can we start over?” “From where? We were doomed from the beginning.” ( @afangirlrambles - Bucky x Reader ) ( @eyecandybarnes - Bucky x Reader )

6. “This isn’t a conversation we should be having.” “Please, I just need to know your answer.” ( @literatec - Bucky x Reader ) ( @wanderlustingandwandering - Stucky x Reader )

7. “Trying and look at it from his point of view, he lost his brother!” “And I lost my boyfriend!” ( @ manyxmalereaders - Loki x Reader )

8. “Don’t act like this doesn’t hurt you.” “It’s tearing me apart, but I’d rather fake it until the end.” ( @neithsarrow - Bucky x Reader ) ( @barnesrogersvstheworld - Steve x Reader )

9. “How many times has it come to this?” “You knew I was never good at maths, don’t test me.” ( @evanstarff - Bucky x Reader ) ( @teamcap4bucky - Clint x Reader )

10. “Your attitude in this situation is despicable.” “I know, it’s because I’m done with your shit.” ( @oriona75 - Bucky x Reader) ( @captain-rogers-beard - Bucky x Reader)

11. “Are you going to leave me?” “You know that neither us want that.” ( @wintersire - Bucky x Reader )

12. “Don’t be mad at me! I wasn’t the one that killed her, you were-” “Oh so this is my fault? I don’t think so…”

13. “How are you doing?” “I feel like there might be more pressing matters right now.” ( @regulusirius - Bucky x Reader )

14. “Don’t kiss me.” “W-why not? I waited all day for you.” ( @abovethesmokestacks - Bucky x Reader )

15. “How am I supposed to look at you the same way?” “Someone literally just died and that’s what you’re thinking about?” ( @ fandom-and-feminism - Loki x Reader )

16. “Not now, I’m serious, not now.” “B-but you said ‘tomorrow’ yesterday.” ( @50-owls-in-a-trenchcoat - Tony x Reader ) ( @minarawr - Bucky x Reader )

17. “I miss you.” “Don’t lie, I know she’s with you.” ( @cate-lynne - Sam x Reader )

18. “Are you going to break my heart again?” “I can’t promise anything.” ( @whiskeybucky - Steve x Reader )

19. “What did I tell you?” “You said that I should hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” ( @thats-what-i-call-british - Dr Strange x Reader )

20. “I love you.” “I don’t care anymore.” ( @oneshot-shit - Bucky x Reader )

21. “You look like you’ve been through hell and back.” “It’s actually called getting drunk, but you wouldn’t know what ‘fun’ was even if it slapped you in the face.” ( @headinthe-fridge ) ( @littlemissevilsunshine - Peter Parker x Reader )

22. “We should get you home.” “Well, that doesn’t sound very fun or likely.” ( @caddylove - Steve x Reader)

23. “Tell me you didn’t do it. Please say it wasn’t you.” “In your very words, ‘lying never did anyone any good.’” ( @buckthegrump-main - Steve x Reader ) ( @sebseyesandbuckysthighs - Steve x Reader )

24. “Let’s end this.” “Oh, I thought you were going to ask about the pregnancy test I left this morning.” ( @latin-lover01 - Bucky x Reader )

25. “You should think things through before you say them aloud.” “Where’s the fun in that?” ( @justsomebucky - Bucky x Reader )

26. “Did you think we were going to have sex?” “I’m optimistic, okay?” ( @healingbarnes - Bucky x Reader )

27. “You could’ve just told me.” “And risked my social status? I think I’d rather die, thank you.”

28. “What time?” “Wow, how romantic, I love my girlfriend and our fun dates.”

29. “I don’t want to be dramatic-” “I can tell you right now that you are physically incapable of not being dramatic, so continue.” ( @fabicchi - Steve x Reader )

30. “Can we get coffee?” “Is this a date or is it because you’ll end up strangling someone if you don’t get caffeine in your system.” “I shouldn’t have asked.” ( @sunriserose1023 - Steve x Reader )

31. “… and then he came up up to me and kissed me until I was-” “I’m going to have to tell you to shut up now.” ( @captainrogerss - Steve x Reader)

32. “Where is it? I haven’t lost it, I haven’t.” “I think that means you have. By chance, it wasn’t this that you were looking for?” ( @avengerofyourheart - Bucky x Reader)

33. “Stop being seductive.” “I was being myself, but okay.” ( @areyoureadyforsomemeatballz - Steve x Reader )

34. “We should do this again sometime!” “I would honestly rather do anything other than that again.” ( @hashtagswaghashtagblessed - Tony x Reader )

35. “You drank it?!” “Yes, it was quite delicious, did you know?” ( @smile-my-bean - Thor x Reader )

36. “Can you just act normal for this evening. It’s all I’ll ask of you.” “You’re asking for a lot then.” ( @bithors - Steve x Reader )

37. “You need to stop yelling at inanimate objects.” “And you need to stop telling me how to live my life, but things never go as we want.” ( @marvelavengings - Tony x Reader )

38. “I haven’t got laid in like forever.” “Oh sorry, did I look like I was offering? Because I’m most certainly not.” ( @fadingcoast - Loki x Reader )

39. “You look like you’re going to cry.” “Well that’s killed the mood.” ( @actual-bucky-barnes-trash - Bucky x Reader )

40. “We’ve been driving for hours, are we nearly there yet?” “I would honestly like to tell you something other than ‘no’, but life is cruel.” ( @ptvkenzie - Natasha x Reader )

41. “Are you going to kill me?” “Oh, darling, if that’s what you want to call love, then, yes.” ( @vibraniom - Loki x Reader )

42. “Just calm down, things will be fine.” “My husband is being held at gunpoint and you think now is a suitable time to tell me to calm down.” ( @sprinkleofhappinessuniverse - Bucky x Reader )

43. “I hope you don’t think that we all act like this.” “There’s more than just you? Jesus.” ( @foreverbeingthunderbuddy - Bucky x Reader )

44. “You could try and sleep it off?” “I don’t think that will change the fact that I’m carrying your child, sorry.” ( @awkward-walking-potato - Loki x Reader ) ( @softhairbarnes - Bucky x Reader )

45. “I think your going to end up getting hurt.” “I know. I’m used to it now, it’s fine.” ( @docharleythegeekqueen - Steve x Reader ) ( @broadwayandnetflix - Bucky x Reader )

46. “You set the kitchen on fire?!” ”Just a little, but it means we can start the remodeling sooner, right?” ( @lokillaway - Bucky x Reader ) ( @acreativelydifferntlove - Thor x Reader )

47. “I’m just tired.” “That’s understandable. Go and sleep, I’ll sort everything out.” ( @beccaanne814 - Bucky x Reader )

48. “This isn’t something urgent, but please know that I love you and always will, okay?” “No, no, no, this is not happening. Stop it. Stop it!” ( @heartforstan - Bucky x Reader ) ( @hoshijoo - Peter Parker x Reader )

49. “It’s not fair. You keep this up and I just might-” “You ‘just might’ what? Leave me? Hurt me? You’ve done it all.” ( @howlingbarnes - Frank Castle x Reader)

50. “Give me a kiss before you go.” “I know this is all for show, but do we really have to be so bloody domestic.” ( @sebbytrash ) ( @ican-do-this-all-day - Loki x Reader)

51. “Can you give me a massage?” “No, because you moan really loud and our neighbors think we’re having sex.” ( @jadewritings - Deadpool x Reader )

And that’s all folks!

I hope everyone likes the prompts and, most importantly, have fun writing! PS - If you cannot participate, would you mind signal boosting? Thank you, and thank you so much for 8k! ♥

#kaits8kangstchallenge #marvel #writing #i love my followers #writing challenge #i can't wait to read everyone's work #marvel fan fiction #marvel fan fic

174 notes · View notes

kiss-my-freckle · 5 years

Text

Timeline notes

1x1 -

Ressler: Raymond “Red” Reddington attended the Naval Academy. Top of his class. Graduated by the time he was 24. He was being groomed for admiral. Then in 1990, Reddington’s coming home to see his wife and his daughter for Christmas. He never arrives. This highly respected officer up and disappears from the face of the earth until four years later when classified NOFORN documents start showing up in Maghreb, Islamabad, Beijing. These leaks were traced to Reddington. This guy’s an equal opportunity offender, a facilitator of sorts, who’s built an enterprise brokering deals for fellow criminals. He has no country. He has no political agenda. Reddington’s only allegiance is to the highest bidder. Tech: They call him something in the papers. Cooper: “The Concierge of Crime.”

2x1 -

Aram: So he’s looking for someone who lived in D.C. before 1990, has a prescription for Lipitor through Medco, downloads World War II documentaries on Netflix not Amazon and has a digital subscription to both the Wall Street Journal and CatFanatic.

Naomi: I had a life, you know? My daughter had a life with a house and a dog. And then I woke up one day. You can’t imagine what it’s like to have a man like Raymond Reddington turn your life upside down. They accused me of being a part of it? Somehow, I was a suspect. Put my life under a - a microscope every call, every charge. My assets were - I finally convinced them I was innocent. They said I had to go, give up everything. I remember it was a Wednesday afternoon. My daughter wasn’t even out of school yet. And by Thursday, we were in Philadelphia, fending for ourselves.

2x2 -

Liz: I confirmed your daughter was placed in protective custody with her mother in 1990. The Marshal service lost contact seven years ago. She is unaccounted for.

2x8 -

Berlin/Kirchhoff: It was in ’91. The Soviet union was falling apart. A small group of us. Members of the Politburo, the military, KGB, Stasi. Had a plan to push back the progressives, to stem the tide. We were meeting and discussing strategy when a bomb. Red: The Kursk Bombing. Berlin/Kirchhoff: Fifteen died. And with them, our resistance. Rumors began that the Americans were involved. One name emerged. Yours. You came after my daughter. You exposed her as a dissident. She went to jail. After that, my loyalty was questioned. I was exiled to the Gulag, where, one by one, her bones were sent to me.

Liz: You’re working with Berlin? Red: I need to talk to you about a bombing in the Soviet union Kursk, 1991.

2x10 -

Several TV news people: We are just now getting word of a story developing out of Hong Kong. Sources say authorities there have apprehended legendary criminal Raymond Reddington. He’s been on the FBI’s Most Wanted list longer than any other fugitive, but tonight, sources are confirming Reddington was arrested in Hong Kong just hours ago. Reddington was once a rising star at the Pentagon. Sources say he was being groomed for admiral when, on Christmas Eve, 1990, while on his way home to visit his wife and daughter, Reddington vanished. Reporter: Four years later, Reddington resurfaced and was charged with treason in absentia for selling top-secret American intelligence to foreign states.

3x4 -

Red: I was completely swept up in the idealism of the theatre owner - a pipe-smoking cream puff of a German named Gerta. She read “Mother Courage” to me aloud - the whole play in one sitting. A brilliant exploration of the politics of war and those who profit from it. Sadly, it was 1991, and audiences were going in droves to see “Cats.”

3x11 -

Liz. Who is this guy? He claims he’s Reddington? Samar: Yes, and we can’t disprove it with DNA because there’s nothing on file from 1990 when Reddington disappeared.

Devry: March 8, 1985, I ran point on an attack on the Beirut home of Mohammad Hussein Fadlallah. June 1989, I coordinated Operation Minesweep, which provided back office support and oversight for Naval Intelligence operations in Kuwait carried out by the 160th SOAR.

3x16 -

Red: Velov is the one who lied to you, Lizzy, not me. Katarina Rostova committed suicide in 1990.

4x13 -

Red: I first met Stratos Sarantos when he was running guns to Cypriot resistance fighters in 1987. For more than 20 years, he’s overseen my shipping concerns from the Bosphorus to the Suez Canal.

4x16 -

Cooper: Kathryn Nemec is missing? Aram: Yeah, she disappeared in 1991, just dropped off the grid.

Aram: Kathryn Nemec. But she’s been missing since 1991.

5x19 -

Red: In 1990, the KGB and the CIA had almost nothing in common except the mutual determination to hunt down one individual. Jennifer: You. Red: Being a fugitive from American law enforcement is a lot easier than being a fugitive from the two most powerful nations on Earth. And anyone close to a target of theirs becomes a target themselves. Jennifer: Family. Red: Especially family. Unless they’re abandoned on the side of a road on Christmas Eve. Jennifer: After you left, we went into Witness Protection. Red: Put where the Cabal wouldn’t find you.

6x1 -

Liz: Raymond Reddington is a fraud. An imposter who took our father’s place over 30 years ago. The FBI can trace this Reddington forward from ’95. And I know for a fact that our father died five years before that.

6x5 -

Jennifer: It’s not the data, but it turns out the file names were coded using patient-intake dates. October 3, 1991. Liz: The date Reddington was admitted?

6x9 -

Sima: As the ranking officer on that Reddington Task Force, were you familiar with an incident that occurred involving the U.S.S. Gideon in March of 1990? Ressler: I was. Yes. The U.S.S. Gideon was an Ohio-class submarine sunk by the Soviet Navy while on a secret mission in the Barents Sea. 134 men were on board. They all died.

Red: If you found his archives, I need the tape of a phone call he recorded on December 7, 1990.

Cooper: Reddington told us to look for a very specific needle in this haystack. A recording taken on December 7, 1990.

Cooper: We’ll start over. Samar: Uh, I don’t think we have to. December 7, 1990.

Samar: It can’t be a coincidence that Reddington is looking for a recording made on December 7th, and, on December 11th, an assassin injures Bailey and murders a man who appears to have been his lover. Liz: Maybe he used the tape to try and blackmail someone who didn’t take kindly to being blackmailed.

Nuss: A month before the incident, a corporate account was opened in a Cypriot bank known to work with Soviet intelligence. The only person with the power to withdraw funds was the company president. Sima: And who was that? Nuss: Raymond Reddington. Sima: I’m sure many accounts were opened in the weeks prior to the tragedy of the Gideon. What makes you think the activity in this account was connected to it? Nuss: Because a front company for the KGB wired $3 million into the account a day before the incident, and another $3 million the day after it. One week later, the entire amount was withdrawn. Sima: By Reddington? Nuss: Yes. Using fingerprints and a password.

Red: You said the withdrawal required fingerprints and a password. Nuss: It was done remotely. Red: So if someone had a copy of my fingerprints and knew the password, they could have made the withdrawal, and no one at the bank, nor yourself, would have known the difference? Nuss: I, uh - suppose that’s possible. Red: Yes. You know what else is possible? That I was framed by Katarina Rostova, which I could prove if Your Honor would grant me even the shortest - Judge Wilkins: All right, the court will stand in recess.

20, 25, 30 years

Cooper: Remember, he’s been off the grid for over 20 years. (1x2) Cooper: Reddington has brokered some of the most comprehensive international criminal activity in the past 20 years. (1x2) Red: I’ve been moving comfortably through the world for the past 20 years without a trace, and now some two-bit spy killer is gonna put my life and business in jeopardy? (1x3) Fitch: Ray. It’s been, what - 20 years? (1x10) Red: No traffic. No cars to come help. Just me and a car full of gifts. It was more than 20 years ago. (Christmas Eve, 1x14) Tom: Best I can tell, their paths have crossed at key moments in the past 20 years. Quantico, Baltimore. (1x16) Naomi: If you’re looking for him, I can’t help you. You have to listen to me. Reddington - I haven’t I haven’t seen him in 20 years. (2x1) Samar: He’s been on the run for 25 years. His arrest was bound to happen. (2x10) Liz: They put a bullet in your chest, and you have no idea how. You’re the most cautious person I know. The FBI couldn’t find you for 20 years, but they did. (2x21) Aram: Because it was listed in the Fulcrum. 25 years ago, Hanover was a low-level staffer on the Hill. (3x3) Hitchin: I know about the Fulcrum. I’ve seen the list. It’s 25 years old. (3x5) Red: Your past three months have been what my life has been like for the past 25 years. I’m often exhausted. (3x11) Cooper: He disappeared 25 years ago. Could’ve had surgery. (3x11) Dom: I could’ve spent the last 30 years just being her grandfather - you selfish prick. (3x20) Kirk: I’ve been imagining this moment for the last 25 years. (3x23) Red: I know what it’s like to be hunted. I’ve protected myself for 30 years. (4x1) Red: I’ve been disappearing for over 25 years. I don’t need your help to disappear. (4x7) Tom: From 30 years ago. Clearly, it was flawed. (Kirk's DNA test, 4x7) Cooper: But she’s been missing for 25 years. (Kate, 4x16) Liz: He stole it from me 25 years ago. That’s why we needed you to get it back. (Fire memory, 4x19) Red: Understand this was 25 years ago now. I was younger, myself. Intent on building an empire, intent on becoming the powerful criminal the world had been told I already was. (4x19) Red: Nikolaus has been on my payroll since I introduced him to you 25 years ago. (4x19) Liz: From 25 years ago? No. But then, you wouldn’t be very good at your job if I did. (4x19) Red: I’ve spent 30 years building an intelligence network of spies, informants, patriots, traitors. (4x20) Liz: Kaplan spent 30 years tending to his messes while Reddington built his criminal empire, and it took her five months to surgically dismantle it. (4x21) Kate: I’ve been his cleaner, keeper, and confessor for 30 years, and I’m prepared to tell you everything you need to know in open court. (4x21) Dom: My own granddaughter three feet away after almost 30 years, I couldn’t say a damn thing to her. (5x13) Jennifer: Perhaps you’ve heard of him. His name’s Raymond Reddington. He’s been on the FBI’s Most Wanted List for 20 years. (5x18) Garvey: Everything you believed for the last 30 years has been a lie. You’ve spent a lifetime hiding for no reason. (5x19) Sutton Ross: For 30 years, I’ve wanted to be in the same room as Raymond Reddington, the bastard who tricked me into selling the Chinese a dodo bird when they were looking for an eagle. (5x22) Liz: Why he came into my life, why he took your life, why he spent the last 30 years pretending to be Raymond Reddington. I’m gonna figure all that out, and then I’m going to destroy him. (5x22) Liz: Raymond Reddington is a fraud. An imposter who took our father’s place over 30 years ago. (6x1) Liz: We haven’t seen him in over 30 years. He became a fugitive when we were kids. (6x1) Liz: Raymond Reddington. Not the real one, the reinvented one. The one who’s been Raymond Reddington for 30 years, longer than anyone else. (6x2) Aram: 30 years on the run, and a beat cop picks him up at a pretzel cart. (6x2) Sima: You’re aware that, for almost 30 years, he’s maintained a vast criminal empire - (6x3) Red: Getting caught after 30 years? The odds were, I’d be caught after three. (6x4) Red: Officer Baldwin, I’ve been evading the police and law enforcement for almost 30 years. (6x5)

#dialogues

1 note · View note

vacationcalendar · 3 years

Text

7/19/21

Alright bitch, welcome back. Holy shit I make sitting down to blog look fucking impossible don’t I. Alright alright, let’s keep it pg-13 if we can..

I set an alarm for 10am to go off every day that just says BLOG TIME. I’d preferably like to get banging out words onto the page a little bit BEFORE that. It’s a powerful “awakening” activity in my experience, and I should be using that to my advantage. I also want to take as much time as I can on this project, especially if it’s psuedo-replacing a 40hr/week job. The earlier I get started the less I have to worry about what time it is when I’m done. My procrastination on day 2 has cost me the entirety of a sunny day. Well, it’s 2:30 now; so I imagine by the time I wrap this up I’ll have missed peek sun time. But who’s to say?

I’m starting to get that sense of dread again. That feeling I sometimes get when I can see hard plans lining my calendar far too densely populated for my liking. Big dentist appointment tomorrow. Day after that is a wash as far as I’m concerned. Even if my mouth miraculously heals in time to actually enjoy my Wednesday, I can already guarantee the psychic wounds of enduring an hours long, 600$-ish sit under the drill will take at least a couple extended sets of the fitful rest to recover from. Then I leave on Thursday to begin a full weeklong family vacation. And in that week I’ll have to figure out how to keep fucking blogging, or this thing is gonna stall out on the train tracks 100%. Do I have to explain that to you? I mean you get it; you know I’m right about that. I’m a naturally cowardly, sinful guy. I have to build up inertia on any remotely dutiful or healthy task, or I simply cannot keep it up...

So the next 3 days are all going to test my ability to actually sit here and write something. I’m really not going to want to, even though I want for literally nothing else right now. The only thing I want to do more than this creative process is to simply not exist at all. And it’s all compounded by these blasted plans. Fuck these plans. These are the dastardly plans that just cannot get canceled. They’re too high impact, and “good”(?). So then the fact that these blogs are also a “plan” just piles it up too high for me seemingly. It is quite clearly, objectively, not too much to handle. But I cannot help the fact that I feel claustrophobic. I just do. The strategy can’t be to NOT feel that way, it can’t be preventative. It has to deal with the feeling somehow. Hmmm... it’s tricky. To me, in this moment, as I’m typing this, it feels tricky. I honestly think that by the time I’m finished typing here, it WON’T feel so tricky. I’m certainly hoping that’s the case.

Ok new track: Part of why I procrastinated so long today was pretty simple. I was hungover. I was hungover and I didn’t know what to talk about. Instead of going to be thinking about my usual faire, I was just thinking I feel like shit; I hope I don’t throw up. So I woke up late, slow, and with zero thoughts bouncing around my head. So I just watched LCS footage and read twitter, and by the time I got up and made coffee (mandatory for the blog. Blogging without coffee sounds insane. What would you ponderously sip between sentences? Water? How would that even work?) and sat down to write, I had squeezed out another full hour of procrastination. Now I won’t be hungover again for a while. This was a special occasion of sorts. Another one of my dreaded “plans.” Fuck’s sake. It was a 2nd meet up of Olivia’s peeps for drinks. It was penciled in after the first hang so that we could include everybody that didn’t make it the first time. Perfectly reasonable idea. And the first time sitting and drinking was so much fun that I sort of figured I was obligated to, pay my dues I suppose, for this second meet-up that sounded significantly less fun. But it was perfectly enjoyable. It had the energy of a hangout that could happen every single week like a sitcom. Very easy, probably more drinking than one could maintain if it were a weekly occurrence, but not too much. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just record keeping, I guess?

Anyways, this morning was not the le morning that I can usually anticipate. So circumstances withstanding PLUS the procrastination ended up pushing the writing well past 3pm. These next 3 days (and the next 8 days after that, holy shit) are also going to mesh quite poorly with this sloppy, laissez-faire approach to getting this done. So I’m worried about it. Look, I want to do this, but I absolutely don’t want to have to worry about it. Is that asking too much? And obviously I can do this without worrying about it, in theory. But I do not believe in myself, ok? I don’t. I’m telling you that right now. I want to cancel everything and just do this when I fucking get around to it. And, well; here’s the kicker. I didn’t mention this yet, and I probably should have. Once I get back from this GD vacation, my hiatus between jobs will officially be past a full month. I can hear the timer ticking in my head. I am in charge of how much sand I put in this particular hourglass. My mother will fully disagree with me there. I mean, I’m about to spend 8 days with someone who ask me every single day “so have you gotten your new job yet?”

You’re thinking, ‘Max, it’s not just impractical to ask a question with such a clear answer more than once without waiting for any circumstances to change, it flat out does not make any sense at all!’ I agree. We are on the exact same page guy. But you are missing the fact that “it doesn’t hurt to think about it. And maybe you can look online on your phone while you’re here trying to enjoy a vacation.”

Parents are weird. This feeling I’m describing is so relatable to some people. And other people just can’t parse it at all. There are a tiny handful of people in your life that will exist in totality literally forever. I mean one of you will die first, but for that person who died, the other people existed THE ENTIRE TIME. Minus like pre-birth and stuff, but that’s semantics. They are inevitable. They can travel all over the spectrum of human emotion vis-a-vi your relationship, but 99.9% of the grades will result in your staying completely still in your relationship to them. He sucks, but he’s my dad. He’s my dad, he’s fine. He’s my dad, I love him My dad’s the best! These father/son relationships all virtually fill up the exact same liminal space as far as I can tell. The way far ends of the bell curve are where it ever seems to yield different results. My dad is my best friend! One day I will kill my father, and I will finally be free of him. Let’s set those aside for this cross-section (vocab?). Every other relationship ship under the bell curve carries this seeming inevitability to it. These relationships seems like they get “finished” in a way. We know the personality of our parents so completely (and they have stopped changing/growing as people at a certain point), that we don’t actually have to go to them to learn about them. You don’t have to ask them questions or inquire about their opinions, because you can successfully deduce the answer using simple math. But THEN, you have to talk to them still, because they are close to you and want to learn about YOU, because you are still an incomplete puzzle. I don’t know, I just think the part of the parent/child dynamic where you have to share info with a parent even though the conversation has already been “solved;” the formality of it. The chore of it. That’s what it is. It’s chores. We know how chores are going to go, but until you actually do them, there’s this disorder. But instead of a dishwasher it’s a human being, that doesn’t “get” CRT. And if I can’t fucking convince my mother that my 28,000$ in savings will be able to tide me over for more than a week while I actually take a legitimate run at feeling fulfilled in my LIFE, convincing her to dismantle the foundation of our nation’s socio-economic structures in order to save our species from annihilation seems, I don’t know, tough.

Ok, I think I’m done. That took about an hour. I don’t think that’s bad at all. Am I still scared about tomorrow’s blog and therefore the rest of my life as I know it? Yes. Of course.

But at least you’ll be there with me when I get there. Take care bud, eat a good dinner tonight.

Love you

0 notes

fucking-zawa-sensei · 6 years

Text

Don’t Kid Yourself: Chapter 4 - I Take It All Back

Pairing: Erasermic – Shouta Aizawa|Eraserhead/Hizashi Yamada|Present Mic

Categories: pining, unrequited love, slow burn, angst, very very slow burn

Word Count: 5,000+

Summary: The repercussions from their conversation in the car follows Aizawa and Yamada throughout the rest of their week. Something makes Yamada distant and Aizawa tries to ask questions without breaking boundaries.

Notes: Chapter 5, the one after this, will be the last angst heavy chapter of this fic (there will be some sprinkled in here and there, but nothing like the past few). It will focus on Yamada’s POV for the days and events covered in the below chapter. This is why he is intentionally vague here. Everything will be answered in chapter 5. I am trying to get the ball rolling so I can stop torturing you in a couple chapters. I wanted this fic to feel genuine and true to life, so there is quite the slow build, but it will have erasermic eventually. Thanks for reading!

The previous chapter took place on Wednesday. I noticed my timeline might be a little confusing, so here’s the rundown: Monday - Ice cream date Tuesday - Yamada doesn’t talk to Aizawa Wednesday - Yamada doesn’t talk to Aizawa until after class in the car (I’m counting the “day time” portion of Wednesday as one of the two days Yamada gives him the silent treatment). This chapter starts Wednesday night. Aizawa POV.

Read it on AO3 here

Other Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]

Chapter 4: I Take It All Back

Wednesday Night.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Aizawa’s phone shuffles a bit across the wooden top of his bedside table. He’s laid out on his stomach atop his bed covers, pillow comfortably stuffed under his upper chest, reading a book.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

He reaches over to pick up the phone and check who’s messaging him, but the display just shows an unknown number. He unlocks the screen and looks at the anonymous messages.

“Hey did something happen to Hizashi? He seems down.”

“This is Haru, btw. Sorry, he gave me your number a while back just in case!”

“In case of what?” Aizawa mumbles, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

With a groan, he types back, “We just had a talk, it’s fine.”

Imai’s response time is either impeccable, or he already had a pretty good idea of what was going on, because his reply comes only seconds later.

“About me?”

“No.”

“You, then? You and him?”

Aizawa shuts his book and places it on the nightstand. How much does Imai know about what happened between Hizashi and me? Aizawa thinks, trying to figure out how best to respond.

“Yeah,” is the simple message he shoots back, rolling over to face the ceiling and wait for what he knows will be just another incredibly awkward conversation. At this point, Aizawa’s beginning to feel like that’s all the talking he’s capable of doing anymore. That and exasperatedly begging teenagers to not get themselves killed for just one week.

His phone vibrates again where he has it resting between his hand and his chest. He lifts it up to see what Imai has to say.

“Why is he so sad?” Aizawa’s eyebrows raise a bit in surprise. I thought for sure he’d go straight to digging about our relationship.

“Beats me,” Aizawa replies.

“Come on, that can’t be true. I’m worried about him.”

Aizawa hesitates to respond, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. He didn’t particularly want to rehash their whole conversation to Imai.

“Why don’t you just ask him?” he asks. Surely, the dream team was capable of communicating.

“I tried, he doesn’t want to talk.”

Aizawa frowns. Interesting.

“Then wait until he does, it’s not my place to say if he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Aizawa waits for a response, but it seems Imai has accepted his reasoning, falling silent. Aizawa closes down his messaging app and taps his gallery open, then his downloads folder, before opening up the orange kitten in the lion’s mane costume Yamada had sent him a few days ago to cheer him up. Aizawa smiles at the picture, honestly, it was cute.

He rolls back over to his stomach, grabbing his book again, but stops before flipping back to the page he’d been on. Picking up his phone, he copies the little kitten picture into a new message to Yamada and sends it off.

Aizawa doesn’t get another message until he’s 3 and a quarter more chapters into the book and his eyes are getting a little drier than normal. He’s considering just calling it a night, but he kind of wants to finish this chapter. He’s rubbing at his right eye when his phone vibrates and lights up on the pillow next to him.

He looks at the screen and sees this time it says “Hizashi” on the preview with a little unread envelope and 2 new messages next to it.

“Thanks! :D”

I thought you were supposed to be sad.

The other message is another picture. This time of a fluffy yellow duckling cuddled up with a sleeping black cat. Aizawa saves the attachment.

“Cute.” is all he texts back, a small smile starting on his face. He shakes it off. This feels too weird. He’s just pretending it’s okay again.

Yamada sends another picture of someone poking the tiny toe beans of a tabby cat.

“I want a cat! :(“ comes Yamada’s follow up text. Aizawa starts typing out a message about how he can just come play with his cat, Mai, but thinks better of it and deletes the whole thing. If Yamada’s really feeling better, he should be talking to Imai, not him.

“Get one then, you’re an adult.”

“Come with me to a shelter sometime?”

Aizawa would love to go to a shelter and help Yamada find a cat. He can’t think of something better than being surrounded by adorable adoptable cats and watching Yamada grin and melt as he plays with all of them, but adopting a cat seems an awful lot like something people should do with their partners. Especially when they live with them.

“Shouldn’t you pick one out with Imai?”

Aizawa has to wait several minutes before Yamada finally answers.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“He texted me, you know.” Aizawa isn’t really sure he should be calling Imai out, but it’s not like they talked about anything secret.

“What?! Really?!” comes Yamada’s first message, quickly followed by another.

“Shouta, I’m so sorry, and after I said I’d tone it down…”

“I told you that you don’t need to do that,” Aizawa rolls his eyes. He did not want to rehash their fight on a platform he’d actively have to delete it from. It was hard enough trying to get it out of his mind. Aizawa looks back down to his book, still not finished with the chapter. I should have just said he could come play with Mai and left it alone.

“I know. Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Aizawa sends.

“What did he want?”

“He wanted to know what was wrong with you.”

“Oh.”

Oh? That’s it? Aizawa thinks. Guess that answers my question. He didn’t talk to him. Then why is he acting better?

Aizawa glances at the clock, which reads 11:17 PM. He doesn’t usually go to bed this early, but he also doesn’t usually have this much free time to go to bed this early. He might as well take it. He’d been the one to help Yamada for most of his life, but now he had someone else, so Aizawa decides gently pushing him into talking to his partner is probably for the best.

“I’m going to bed, see you tomorrow.” He types out and sends to Yamada. It’s met with a picture of a cat wearing a nightcap and tucked into a tiny bed.

“Sleep well, Shouta.” A little red heart and a microphone emoji is sent with the final message. Love, Mic. Yamada had been ending any conversations that led into either of them going to bed like that for many years. It had been a few months since Aizawa had bowed out of a conversation for rest, though. He almost considers opening up his own emojis to see if there’s an eraser, but decides to let it go. He sets his phone on the nightstand, along with his sadly unfinished book, and turns off the light.

---

Thursday.

Aizawa doesn’t see Yamada at work the next day. He knows the voice hero is in the school, though, because the kids are all still going to English class and leaving without any gossip or questions floating around the halls. There’s even a stack of graded pop quizzes on his desk in the staff room when he stops there to eat lunch. They’re English quizzes, which honestly could be the work of a substitute, but the grades all have accompanying smiling, frowning, or halfway between faces doodled beside them. There’s even one that looks like it’s puking. They might as well be signed, “Graded by Mic.”

Aizawa glances around the staff room. Midnight and Cementoss are the only other two in the room. Kayama glances up from her lunch.

“What’s bugging you?” she asks.

“Where’s Mic?”

She shrugs, looking back down at her food. “He was here earlier.”

“Where is he now?”

She looks up at him, raising one eyebrow. “Why are you so worried about where he is?”

Aizawa gives her the best bored expression he can manage. “It’s unusual that he’s not here.”

“Maybe he’s at lunch with Haru,” she says, but it’s not malicious. She’s frowning, eyes downcast. Kayama had been half the reason Aizawa had enough guts to finally confess to Yamada. Aizawa knew she’d felt a great deal of guilt when he’d gone to her apartment that night he’d confessed, shaking with anger and hurt. He’s not resentful and had expressed that a number of times. In the end, it had been his decision, but Kayama had always been rather outspoken about her feelings. The whole event had put a strain on her as well.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Aizawa pulls out his chair and moves the stack of quizzes over to the side. They all eat in silence.

Aizawa doesn’t run into Yamada at all the rest of the day.

---

The next day is Friday, and it starts much the same as the previous. No signs of Yamada.

Again, he knows he’s here somewhere. He’d casually asked the students if they were prepared for all of their upcoming assignments or if they needed a study period, fishing for information, and was readily obliged by Iida. The boy gave an emphatic run down of their upcoming tests and projects, including a presentation in Yamada’s class today, which some of the students were more than a little panicked about if the way they nervously played with their pencils and looked down at their desks was any indication.

He’d decided to have mercy on them and allow them to use the homeroom period to practice their presentations on each other. He was a little surprised to find most of the class wasn’t actually too bad at English. Yaoyorozu was perhaps a little over prepared, but Jirou’s English could rival Yamada’s, sounding conversational and flowing well. Aizawa wondered if it had to do with the music they both listened to. He’d seen her in the dorms wearing t-shirts of American bands that he knew Yamada also owned merch for.

After the free period, he walked out to give the classroom over to Midnight, but rather than stroll in with her confident walk as usual, she grabbed his elbow and pulled him to the side.

“He’s in the computer lab right now,” she whispered in his ear, then pushed him gently in the direction of that room. Before he could say anything, she was giving the class a cheery “Good morning!” and closing the door.

Now, Aizawa finds himself walking to the computer lab. He wasn’t sure why he really needed to see Yamada. They had nothing to talk about. Space was probably a good thing after the discussion they had in the car, but he kept thinking back to how Imai had seemed so worried, and the way Yamada had cried not once, but twice during their conversation. Aizawa knew why he was suffering, and knew the whole situation wasn’t easy on Yamada either, but he didn’t think Yamada would be this affected by it.

He slides the door to the lab open and finds it empty. He’s not really surprised. There are computers in the staff room, and the students are all in class now, so unless there is an in-class project calling for computers, they’re usually empty before the kids start filing in after class is over to type up papers and work on assignments. Aizawa turns around to leave, but spots a little tuft of blonde hair poking around the side of a desktop monitor a few rows back.

He approaches quietly, slowly. A few more steps down the aisle and he can see Yamada’s got his head resting on his arms atop the table, keyboard shoved to the side.

Is he sleeping? Here? Aizawa thinks. He’s usually the only one doing that.

He reaches out to tap Yamada’s shoulder pad and the blonde immediately raises his head. Not sleeping, then.

Yamada turns around to see who tapped him and his eyebrows shoot up a little when he sees Aizawa.

“Ah! Hey!” he says, straightening up in his chair. The leather on his arms makes a peeling noise as he moves. He’s been lying here a while, Aizawa thinks.

“What are you doing here?” Aizawa asks, looking at the blank computer screen. The little power light isn’t even blinking, which means it’s not asleep, rather, it was never turned on.

Yamada also looks at the screen, then back at Aizawa, scratching his chin a little.

“Uh? Contemplating the universe and life as we know it?”

“Ambitious.”

“You know me! A real go-getter! That’s what my mom always said!” Yamada jokes, pointing at himself with his thumbs.

Aizawa smiles a bit, then pulls out the chair next to Yamada to sit down. Yamada’s hands drop.

“What’s wrong?” Aizawa asks. Yamada sighs.

“That obvious?”

“You’ve been purposely avoiding me for almost two days and now you’re ‘contemplating life’ in the computer lab.”

Yamada smooths out his mustache and then readjusts his headphones a bit.

“Haru and I had a fight that night I was texting you.”

After? It seemed too late for them to fight after he’d said goodnight. Before, then...but he seemed happier than when we were talking in the car, not worse.

“And?” Aizawa asks.

“And I didn’t think it would be appropriate for me to talk to you about it,” Yamada shrugs, “so I ran, I guess.”

“You didn’t get very far…” Aizawa says, “Hizashi, I told you-”

“Not to pretend he doesn’t exist. Not to hide my feelings, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.” Yamada waves him off.

Aizawa frowns. Short fuse today.

“You’re giving me a lot of mixed rules here, Shouta. You don’t want to hear about cute stuff we do together, but you want to hear about the bad stuff?”

It doesn’t feel like a particularly fair way to word it, but he’s not wrong. Aizawa feels kind of guilty.

“I don’t know…” he answers, trailing off.

Yamada bites his bottom lip.

“I don’t want to talk about it either way,” Yamada says.

“Okay.”

“I know you said no about the shelter, but do you want to go to the cat cafe today instead?” Yamada asks. His voice is quiet, hesitant. Aizawa’s not sure why he’s asking that on a Friday, though. Yamada has his radio show and Aizawa is going on patrol. This happens every Friday, without exception.

“Hizashi, do you know what day it is?”

“Of course! It’s-” Yamada’s face very quickly goes from indignant to embarrassed, “it’s Friday…:

Aizawa nods.

“Saturday, then?” Yamada asks, hopeful.

Aizawa kind of feels like they could use some space after everything that’s happened this week, but Yamada seems determined to make plans together.

“Sure, Saturday. Not too early, though.”

“No, of course not. Like, 3?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Great, I’m looking forward to it,” Yamada says, pushing away from the table to stand up.

Aizawa grabs the sleeve of his jacket.

“Hizashi...I know what I said in the car...but things got pretty heated. I don’t want you to think you have to hold everything in just to spare my feelings. You’re right, I didn’t really want to hear about dates you went on with Imai or things he did that you thought were cute, but if not hearing those things means I don’t hear from you...I’d much rather put up with it.” Aizawa looks up at Yamada, whose mouth is open just a tiny bit, eyebrows pulled together. “If you’re upset, you can talk to me about it. I’ll try to be unbiased.”

Yamada nods slowly, smiles.

“Thanks, Sho,” he says, patting the back of Aizawa’s hand with the hand that’s not being restrained by his grip. Aizawa lets go.

“I…” Yamada hesitates, “I’m not really sure I want to talk about it right now.”

Aizawa nods, getting out of his chair to follow Yamada out. Just as the blonde is about to step into the hall, Aizawa pulls on the back of his leather jacket’s high collar. Yamada jerks to a stop.

“Hey! What was that for?” he asks, turning around. Aizawa points up to Yamada’s tower of hair.

“You’ve got a piece falling down,” he says.

Yamada looks up as if he’s going to be able to see the mountain of hair atop his head.

“Where? Can you fix it?” he asks, turning like a dog looking for its tail.

“Yeah, hold still!” Aizawa says, grabbing his shoulder pads on one of the rotations. He reaches his hand up to smooth out the loose strands. They stick easily to the rest of their gelled up brethren. Yamada runs his hand over the spot Aizawa just touched, making sure it’s indeed intact.

“Thanks,” he says. “What would I do without you?”

“Mhm.” Aizawa hums, moving past him to leave the lab.

---

Saturday.

Aizawa’s alarm goes off at 12 PM and despite a full 8 hours, he still feels like he could sleep for 20 more. He hadn’t gotten back from patrol until 4:17 AM last night after some trouble with a gang of small villians who made friends with a troublesome girl who could control the wind. He still kind of felt like his ear drums were being buffeted with hurricane gusts. Aizawa slaps his hand down on the alarm to silence it and rolls over onto his back, rubbing at his eyes, then his temples, then just dragging his hands up and down his entire face.

Maybe I should just cancel plans with Hizashi.

As if summoned, his phone vibrates on the nightstand. Aizawa blearily reaches for it. The light blinds him for a couple seconds as his eyes adjust.

“Excited for the kitties? I am!”

Aizawa knows this is Yamada’s subtle reminder that he should get up. He rolls over to look for Mai, who he knows will be on the bed somewhere. He finds her curled up near his feet. He snaps a picture of her and sends it as his response.

“Perfect princess.” Yamada responds. A moment later, Aizawa gets another text.

“I’ll drive!”

Aizawa makes a face. He doesn’t have a car, which both Yamada and him know, but Yamada shares his with Imai, who typically uses it during the weekends to drive one town over for his production job. They’d been doing onsite shoots for some TV show for the past few months. While he worked in their town during the week, taking the train, Yamada always gave over his car for the long commute on the weekends.

“Is Imai done with that location shoot?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yamada replies, a thumbs up emoji accompanying it.

Deciding it’s not worth his effort, Aizawa gets out of bed to go shower and get dressed. He chooses some simple dark wash jeans and a black sweater for the day and lays them out on his bed.

---

Aizawa is lounging on his couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, waiting for Yamada. He glances at his phone again. The display reads 3:16 PM. He considers asking Yamada why he’s late, but figures if he’s in traffic, he doesn’t want to distract him.

He gets up to go get the book he’d been reading from his bedroom, making it halfway down the hall when his phone rings. He slips it out of his pocket.

“Hizashi?” he questions, staring at a picture of Yamada with his hair in a half-bun and a surprised smile spread across his lips as he claps his hands together in happiness. Aizawa had taken the candid photo a few years ago when they’d gone to a new specialty coffee shop for the blonde’s birthday. Aizawa had requested the barista draw a microphone surrounded by hearts and the words “Happy Birthday” into his latte.

He slides the answer button across the screen and holds it up to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m so sorry!” Yamada’s words come out fast and loud.

“It’s fine, traffic is usually bad on Saturdays.”

“No, uh...I haven’t left yet.”

“Oh,” Aizawa responds, leaning against the wall. He hears Yamada sigh and some rustling on the other end. “Do you want me to just meet you there? I can take the train.”

“No. Shouta, I’m sorry,” Yamada says. Aizawa wants to tell him he’s getting really sick of apologies.

“You can’t come?”

“No…”

“Why?”

“Something came up-”

“No, Hizashi. Why?” Aizawa cuts him off.

There’s a long pause. Aizawa can hear Yamada breathing, then a thud that sounds distinctly like something hitting a wall.

“Haru.”

“What’s wrong with Imai?”

“Shit, Shouta.” Yamada hisses. Aizawa frowns. Yamada’s voice sounds desperate. “I...no. Let’s go to the cafe. I’m sorry, let’s go.”

“Hizashi.”

“Please,” Yamada begs. Aizawa’s chest feels tight. How could he say no to that?

“Fine, but let’s just meet there.” Aizawa suggests, not really interested in the forced privacy that comes with being in a car.

“Okay, I’m headed out now. I should be able to make the train at 3:30.”

“See you there,” Aizawa says, hanging up.

He stares down at his phone for a while. Aizawa drops his head back against the wall. It makes an alarmingly similar sound to the one he’d heard coming from Yamada’s side of the conversation. Aizawa feels like he’s back fighting the wind villain again. Yamada’s emotional state seemed to be changing by the second for the entire week. Aizawa couldn’t keep up.

Still, he’d try.

----

Yamada took a different train line than he did, so they didn’t bump into each other at the station. As Aizawa turns around the corner, he seems him leaning against the side of the cafe’s building, one leg propped up. He’s got his hair completely down, not even in a bun or braid. He’s wearing his clear glasses, some boots and tight, ripped black pants, and a simple maroon pullover with some band logo on it. His hands are stuffed in the front pocket and he’s staring at the ground. All and all, for Yamada, he’s unusually dressed down.

Aizawa crosses the street. He thinks about making his approach purposely loud to break Yamada’s attention away from the sidewalk and give the man enough time to put his fake smile on. It proves unnecessary. Yamada pulls his gaze away from the ground and does a quick look around his surroundings on his own.

“Hey!” Yamada calls, pulling one of his hands out of his pocket to wave at Aizawa. Aizawa nods at him.

“Hi.”

“Let’s go,” Yamada says, pushing the door to the cafe open before Aizawa gets within even four feet of Yamada. The blonde has to awkwardly hold the door until Aizawa reaches it, unwilling to pick up his pace.

Aizawa hands his punch card over to the hostess and waits for Yamada to fish his out of his overstuffed wallet. Aizawa notices the way his hands shake a bit as he hands it over to the woman.

A little calico cat rubs up against his leg and he bends down to pet its head. The cafe is mostly empty, just a few groups of people here and there, waving wand toys, or reading a book with a cat in their lap. The cafe is busier during the lunch hours than this weird half-afternoon, half-evening time they’ve chosen to come.

Yamada comes up beside him and coos at the calico, giving it a long stroke down its back and over its tail. They both straighten up and Yamada points toward a little alcove with colorful pastel pillows piled for sitting. It’s pretty far away from the few other people. Aizawa nods and follows Yamada’s lead, the little calico trailing behind them.

When they reach the alcove, Yamada flops onto the plush pile. Aizawa sits down more slowly beside him. He sits with his legs crossed and the calico steps in, circling twice, then curling up in his lap. He runs his hand down its back and scratches behind its ears. Aizawa looks over to see Yamada is stretched back on the pillows, arms lazily lying across his stomach, head tilted back. His long hair is everywhere and his eyes are closed.

They sit like that for a long while, the only sound the small purring coming from Aizawa’s lap. Aizawa thinks Yamada might just fall asleep here, but abruptly, he breaks the silence.

“We broke up,” Yamada says.

Aizawa’s hand pauses. The cat lets out a small unhappy meow. Question after question start immediately pouring into Aizawa’s head. There are too many to pick just one. He can’t figure out how to make his mouth move. How do words work, again?

“Uh,” is somehow all he manages to get out.

“Uh?” Yamada questions.

“What?” Aizawa asks, looking at Yamada. His eyes are still closed and his face is still pointed up towards the ceiling.

“I don’t know,” the blonde runs his hand roughly through his hair, making more of a mess of it.

Yamada laughs. Aizawa lifts his hand off the cat, afraid he’s just going to end up crushing it with the way his body is starting to lock up.

“I kind of thought you’d be happy...or something,” Yamada whispers.

Anger is starting to feel like a constant in Aizawa’s life.

“Happy?” he says, his voice rough and accusatory. “I’m not a dick, Hizashi. You just ended a two year long relationship. That’s a lot to deal with.”

“Yeah…” Yamada responds, finally opening his eyes. His head tilts slightly in Aizawa’s direction. He looks like he’s squinting, with how little effort he’s put into actually lifting his eyelids. His mouth is just a straight line. Aizawa stares at his unmoving lips.

“I’m not that desperate,” close though, Aizawa thinks, then continues, “I’m not going to just start trying to woo you.” Who says that would even ever work…

“Yeah, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought that. I didn’t really...I...yeah…” Yamada rambles quietly, pulling a strand of hair through his hand over and over again.

Aizawa hesitates to ask it, but he really wants to know.

“Can I ask...why?”

“Why?”

“Why did you break up?” Aizawa rubs the back of his neck, feeling a bit uneasy, and like he’s pushing too far. Best friend or not, people had their boundaries. “You seemed perfectly happy before we got ice cream.”

“Oh...yeah. I don’t really know that I’m ready to talk about all the details...I just have a lot of things I have to sort through right now.” Yamada releases a big sigh. He slinks down further into the surrounding pillows. His green eyes shift away from Aizawa to look at the cat in his lap instead. “Haru...Haru was wonderful. I loved him, really, I did, but...something has been bugging me for a while now, even before we got ice cream. I think our fight in the car just...I don’t know...triggered something. Sometimes things felt perfect and sometimes...they just weren’t. Haru and I had a talk that night, and the next one, and the next one, and today…we’ve been talking for a while now. Before this week. Before this month...we’ve been talking and fixing and trying and...” Yamada trails off. Aizawa lets him take a moment to gather his thoughts.

“I’m just done talking, Shouta. I’ve got a big mouth, you know?” Yamada chuckles at his self-deprecating joke. Nothing Yamada just said settles well in Aizawa’s stomach.

“When you’re ready to talk, I’m here. I won’t tell you to shut up or anything. You can talk my ear off,” Aizawa offers.

“Of course I can…” Yamada says. Aizawa can’t ignore the way his lips almost look like they’re on the brink of a scowl.

“What?”

Yamada moves suddenly, rolling over, giving Aizawa his back to stare at. Aizawa watches one of his hands come up and over his side, tightly gripping his sweatshirt. Aizawa realizes he’s hugging himself.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Hizashi…” Aizawa starts, “Did you break up because of our conversation in the car?”

“Not...really. It was more than that. Like I said, this has been going on for a while.”

“But you seemed happy. Everything you said implied you meant to spend more time together...you said you wanted me to like him, you wanted to talk about him, you-”

“Shouta.” Yamada stops him, tone grave. “I never said I was the one who did the breaking up.”

Oh...

Oh.

Aizawa looks down at the cat, now sleeping happily in his lap.

He hears Yamada shift next to him.

“So...Sho,” he says. When Aizawa looks back, Yamada has turned around and is propped up on his elbows. The voice hero has an uncharacteristic pink hue spreading across his cheeks and nose. “I...uh. I lived with Haru.”

“Yeah…” Aizawa responds, not quite getting the point of bringing it up.

Yamada pulls at a loose string sticking out of one of the pillows.

“I gave up my apartment last year.”

“Yeah?”

Yamada pouts.

“So I don’t have anywhere to go.” he grits out, turning fully to face Aizawa now. He crosses his arms.

Oh.

“You want to stay with me?” It’s not an offer and he sees in the way Yamada glances away that he knows too. Living together would be weird. It’s too soon. There’s too much happening right now. Sure, they’d spent nights and weeks and even months at each other’s places before, just to hang out, to work on a case together, because one or the other was closer to a villain they were tracking, or their apartment needed repairs.

That was all before Imai.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Aizawa says.

Yamada nods slowly, a small, sad smile on his face as his eyes fall shut. Yamada flops back down onto the pillow pile, turning a little bit to lean into them. He spends a long time breathing into the pillows. Aizawa pets the cat again, giving him time.

“Where will you go?” Aizawa asks.

Yamada shakes his head.

Too soon.

Aizawa pets the cat some more and waits.

“Do you think Nemuri would let me stay with her?” Yamada asks after some time, voice quiet.

“Why not?”

“You know why not.”

“Hey,” Aizawa says, giving Yamada a hard stare, but the blonde is still focused only on the pillows. “Look at me. Hizashi. Look at me.”

Reluctantly, Yamada raises his head and looks at him.

“It is not your fault you loved someone else.” Aizawa says, then, “No, listen to me. No,” as Yamada’s mouth pops open, prepared for a rebuttal. “I can’t help that I love you and you can’t help that you love Imai. We don’t get to decide that. Nemuri is not holding that against you. You’re being irrational right now because you’re feeling vulnerable and upset…” Aizawa thinks about the way he was convinced Yamada was never going to speak to him again after he’d been rejected. Pain makes people crazy.

“You know she’s still your friend, you know that,” Aizawa insists. “She came up to you this week to tell you about some book she thought you’d like. You think enemies recommend best sellers to each other?”

Yamada shakes his head, laughing a bit. “No, I guess not.”

The blonde scoots over, closer to Aizawa, and reaches into his lap to scratch the calico behind its ears. It starts purring again. Yamada pulls himself in further, resting his cheek against Aizawa’s knee.

Aizawa tries to ignore the way his heart just went from calm to crazy in .02 seconds. Shit.

Shit. Fuck. Shit.

He might have acted all high and mighty, saying he wasn’t going to woo Yamada now that his relationship was over, but he was kidding himself if he thought his feelings for him weren’t going to get worse now that Yamada was technically available.

He’s upset, you idiot. He needs time. Besides, he never said he was interested.

Aizawa shakes his head a bit. Yamada looks up at him briefly, then back to the cat. Aizawa promises himself he’s not going to think about Yamada like that. He promises himself he will be a supportive friend, helping Yamada through this. He will wait. He will be understanding. He will listen to Yamada if he’s upset. He will let him take as much time has he needs to feel stable again.

He will.

Then, when that’s over...maybe…

Maybe…

Aizawa’s knee feels cold and a little damp. He looks down and sees Yamada’s eyes are closed, but he’s crying. Silent, constant tears sliding down over his cheeks and down his neck, marking his hoodie with little wet spots. The other side of his face is still pressed into Aizawa’s knee, all the tears soaking into the fabric before they really get much of anywhere.

Aizawa clenches his jaw. He hates himself for thinking about a future with Yamada right now, no matter how many months or years off his fantasy might have been from this moment.

He’s crying and heartbroken and I’m selfish.

Give him time, Shouta, give him time.

#erasermic #maizawa #don't kid yourself #erasermic fanfiction #maizawa fanfiction #aizawa shouta/yamada hizashi #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #erasermic fanfic #maizawa fanfic #erasermic fic #maizawa fic #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia fanfiction #my hero academia fanfiction #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfic #mha fanfic

51 notes · View notes

iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog · 6 years

Text

I’m Keeping Things In Perspective, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates,

Believe me, I’m not allowing myself to get too excited. Or at least I’m trying my hardest. After sweeping the Tigers to begin the season 3-0, there were reasons to be slightly more optimistic after what the offseason made me believe. This week took that a tiny step further. A two-game series against the Twins and a four-game series against the Reds isn’t any type of ultimate test, though the Twins are in first place and were a playoff team last year. You were only able to split the series with them but that’s acceptable even at home. The Cincinnati Reds are a team that’s basically been rebuilding since the 2013 Wildcard game, but more specifically over the last two years. Last season, they were in last place and finished 68-94. You played them nineteen times. You went 6-13 with them outscoring you 84-60. Honestly, I was surprised you won six. It felt like they beat you every time. This weekend you set the tone winning three out of four and blew a 4-0 lead in the game you lost. Not that blowing leads is something to hang your hat on, but they were mostly overmatched. That 14-3 thumping on Thursday got the series off to the right start. Your offense has been the driving force behind your 7-2 start. Your .814 team OPS ranks second in all of baseball. You’re averaging over six runs per game. Seven of the eight players in your everyday lineup have an OPS over .800. Three of them are over .900. The pitching talent you have faced so far has been less than stellar but last year you didn’t rip crappy pitching. So far, you have and I welcome the change.

This offense could be something special. Obviously, it’s hard to rely on any of the stats this early but the numbers currently speak for themselves. The biggest differences from last year so far (other than JHay and Mercer having an OPS over .800) is the newest additions, Colin Moran and Corey Dickerson. They have combined for 2 home runs and 15 RBI’s. Dickerson splits of .303/.324/.576 make for a .900 OPS. That .324 OBP is a little low but that slugging percentage more than makes up for it. He has a history of being a streaky player so there are sure to be slumps in the future. I love what I’m seeing especially adding another lefty power bat to the lineup. Moran is the same way. His splits of .345/.387/.517 make for a .904 OPS. If he keeps up at anything resembling this pace, he could make the Cole trade worth it and can make this lineup top tier. That’s if Gregory Polanco keeps playing like he’s been playing and can stay healthy. I have thought prior times that he could finally breakout but I have been disappointed when he hasn’t. This feels different. I still don’t trust his ability to stay healthy, but he looks like a different player. He already has 3 homers and his 13 RBI’s leads the league. His splits of .310/.447/.759 for a 1.206 OPS are video game like. He could change this entire team. If he keeps playing like this, he will be one of the best players in the league. We saw for a few years what that can do to a lineup. But for any of that to come to fruition, he needs to remain healthy. That could determine the outcome of your entire season.

With so much praise, I feel the need to be critical. I am a Pittsburgh Pirates’ fan after all. The pitching needs to improve in both facets. The starting pitching statistically has been strong. The starters’ ERA (3.14) ranks 4th in the majors, the batting average against (.225) is 7th, the WHIP (1.18) ranks 10th, and the OPS against (.637) is 6th. Those are all much better numbers than I expected going into the season. There is an issue that needs rectified. The starters so far have averaged pitching 5.74 innings per start and that number is only that high because of Jameson Taillon. The rest of the starters (Nova, Williams, Kuhl, and Brault in place of the injured Musgrove) have rarely went past five innings and that’s not sustainable especially with question marks in the bullpen. The relievers overall numbers are bad. The relievers WHIP, the most important stat for a reliever, is 1.56 which ranks 28th in the majors. Their batting average against (.252) is 28th and their OPS against (.775) is 26th. There have been positives like Edgar Santana (0.60 WHIP) who has solidified his role as fourth in line. Felipe Rivero, George Kontos, and Michael Feliz all have elevated WHIPs but that’s due to each of them having one bad outing. The rest of the time they have been terrific. The rest of the bullpen has not. Doyydas Neverauskas has been terrible like blowing a two-run lead on Saturday that led to the lone loss in the Reds’ series. Josh Smoker doesn’t appear to be someone who should be on a major league roster and Tyler Glasnow nor recently promoted Clay Holmes can be relied on in any high leverage situations. That’s why longer outings from the starters is so paramount. You can’t pitch the same four relievers every night. You need to find better options than Smoker or Neverauskas (Schugel or Siegrist?) or you will keep getting burned like you did Saturday. Something to consider.

I mentioned Jameson Taillon but I felt it was necessary to expand after his performance yesterday. Taillon pitched the game of his life and looked like a true ace. He threw a one-hit, complete game shutout in your 5-0 victory over the Reds. He walked two and struck out seven over 110 pitches. It was a masterful performance. Combine that with his first solid start in the home opener on Tuesday (5 1/3 IP 4 H 2 ER 0 BB 9 K) and he walks away as the National League Player of the Week. After two starts, he sports a 1.26 ERA and a 0.49 WHIP. Taillon is in the same category as Polanco. He looks different. He looks like he could be stepping into elite status this year, but only if he can stay healthy. The Polanco situation is even different because Adam Frazier isn’t a bad option to fill in during a DL stint. That’s not the case with Taillon. There is no reasonable replacement. He’s the unquestioned ace of this staff and he’s one of the few that can go at least seven innings on a regular basis. For you to be successful, he needs to make it to thirty starts this season. I believe he’s capable. I also believe that now would be the time to try and sign him to a contract extension. With his injury issues and the fact that he’s not a Scott Boras client, it could be possible to get him at a realistic rate. If you wait until after this season and he ends up as one of the best starters in baseball, it might be too late. Something to consider.

Today was supposed to be the beginning of your series against the Cubs but snow showers, in April, cancelled it. Fortunately, because it’s their home opener, there was an off day scheduled tomorrow so it will be made up then. They also play them Wednesday and Thursday before travelling to Miami to face the last place, rebuilding Marlins. The Cubs are 5-4 and hold second place in the division. They are the odds-on pick to win the division and contend for the World Series. Jake Arrieta is gone but they retooled their rotation signing both Yu Darvish and Tyler Chatwood after trading for Jose Quintana last year. They still have a quality lineup, so they are your tallest task in what should be a competitive division. Miami was expected to have the worst team this year after trading away their entire outfield for prospects. They are 3-6 and should be a team you beat down, even on the road. A 4-2 week would be terrific. I’m very interested to see how this offense does against pitching like the Cubs and to see how you generally stack up against that team. It’s still early but your performance in that series could show early signs of your true potential. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but a good performance in that series could get me more excited. Just keep doing what you have been doing and this season could be more interesting than anticipated. Good luck and talk to you next week!

Trying To Maintain Perspective,

Brad

P.S. still stands for “Plugging Something” and I still need to work on that phrasing. Another friendly reminder that the radio play podcast I co-wrote with Chris Maxwell called DEATH AT SUNSET: HARD TIMES AND SOFT DRINKS is still available on Apple Podcasts (aka iTunes), Stitcher Radio, Google Play Radio, and SoundCloud. It’s four 20 minute (ish) episodes of a noir comedy that follows P.I. Jack Dime as he tackles cases in modern day Los Angeles. Please follow us @deathatsunset on Twitter, check out DeathatSunset.com, and please rate and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. I truly appreciate anyone who takes time to read my letters and I would appreciate it even more if you check out this podcast we are very proud of. Thank you so much!!

1 note · View note

thewildavocado · 5 years

Text

A wild ride

I think it's pretty safe to say my first 6 weeks here have been... interesting. Not even a full 6 weeks actually. Most of you know that I went through a lot of trouble to get here, and that I had to fly in to Sasebo a week after Zach got here. The week I was left in Virginia was very hectic and lots of phone calls and running around, and I may have fought tears a few times. Well, that's nothing compared to since I've been here. The first month was easy; we got our apartment within a week and it's amazing and we've made friends.

Let me cut to the past 7 days or so: Zach and I spent as much time together as possible, exploring and eating at new places, because he left Tuesday for deployment. Backtrack a few days, the Sunday before he left (so 2 days before he left, this past Sunday, May 26th), we went to a BBQ in the afternoon. I was playing some backyard football, and anybody that has known me for more than like 15 seconds knows that I'm very competitive when it comes to sports. Like... really competitive. I think the years of 3 hour softball practices and 1,000,000 mph fastball line drives to my face and diving and sliding has turned me into some sort of fearless goon when I'm playing sports (thanks, coach). I'm not complaining, because I still have some pretty bomb reflexes, and during this BBQ, some kid kept calling me an athlete and saying I had to play for the co-ed softball team. WELL, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Because me being me, I got too into it, and I dove for a ball and hurt myself. Mind you, I didn't notice I was hurt. I had a scrape on my arm, and Zach grabs my arm and makes me look at it, and goes, "You need to calm down." So naturally, I shrug it off and tell him it doesn't hurt (because it literally didn't). I have scars all over from sliding and getting cleated, etc. We got home that evening, around 5 or 6 I think, and I looked at my finger and it was kinda bruised near the last knuckle (the little knuckle by the tip, I'll post pictures) and also red and swollen, and the whole tip was bent kinda weird and I couldn't move it. Naturally, I wanted to show off my toughness so I sent a picture of my finger and scrape to my parents and said "When you're too competitive." I think my dad said something like, "That's my girl," and mom said, "Are you sure your pinky isn't broken?" Well, darn it... I got to looking at it, no I wasn't sure it wasn't broken. So Zach probably sighed or something and shook his head, and he starts sending pictures of my finger to people, asking if it's broken. It was getting late by then, and I was advised to go to the ER, but it didn't hurt so I said no, but Zach said I was going the next morning. So we go to the ER on main base (I live 30 minutes from main base at a base extension called Hario), and I walk in and show the front desk worker my swollen, purple, bent pinky and he glances at it and goes, "It's probably fine, I'll give you a splint," and proceeded to look at a kid who was probably 18-20 years old and asked him if he knew how to splint, TO WHICH HE RESPONDED, "No, I haven't been trained in splinting." So finally, a lady who was more knowledgeable came out and told him to put me in the system so I could get properly triaged. Long story short, the on-call doctor didn't come in to look at it, and instead had the kid WHO WASN'T TRAINED IN SPLINTING splinted my finger and sent me on my way. They said to wear the splint for 4 or 5 days, and if it wasn't better or it got worse before that, to go to my regular doctor.

So a family friend who I saw a little later says that I should just go make an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday (I went to the ER Monday). Tuesday was also the day Zach deployed. So I'm on base, I see Zach off around 11am, and my friend gives me a ride over to medical, I make an appointment and they got me in the same day. My doctor said that she didn't think it was broken, but she'd do an x-ray to be sure, and that I could leave and she would call me with results because the treatment would be the same (the splint and ibuprofen). The x-ray tech gets done and asks me what I'm supposed to do, I tell him I can leave and he tells me to wait because he wants to talk to the doctor. My heart stopped. I knew right then it was broken, and I was mad, not only because it was downplayed so much by everyone (except for that girl in the ER), but also because this meant I couldn't play slow pitch softball like I had planned. I was asked into the room by THE UNTRAINED KID FROM THE ER and some girl, to which the kid says to me, "She's never splinted before, can she try on you?" Sure, I'll be y'alls freaking test dummy, even though nobody had actually told me it was broken yet. He goes to make sure I can leave, comes back with doc who, unsurprisingly, tells me I'm victim to a pinky fracture. Well, dang it. I'm told to stay in the splint for 6-8 weeks. Doc also made the kid re-splint my finger, and he kept twisting the splint like DUDE IT'S BROKEN, CALM DOWN. By Tuesday, it hurt, and definitely by the end of that doctor's visit. I think I'm good, right? Suffer for 6 to 8 weeks, then I'm home free. Lol, wrong.

I get a call Wednesday evening from my doctor, who tells me it's actually worse than what they thought, and that I may also have some tendon compromise. I get told I'm getting sent to Yokosuka (which is another US Navy base in Japan with a much bigger medical facility) in the next week or two. Cool, okay, I guess.

Get a call early Thursday morning and get told something like, "Hey, they want to medevac you out TODAY and get you seen in the orthopedic fracture clinic tomorrow, " which is today, Friday the 31st. So a few hours later, I'm on main base, I get told I'm flying from Fukuoka (about 2 hours from Sasebo) to Tokyo, and then taking the trains to Yokosuka.... by myself. That was fun (insert extremely heavy sarcasm).

So my appointment was this morning, and everyone kept dancing around telling me I need SURGERY for stupid little pinky, until I finally saw doc at 11, who is extremely awesome by the way. He explained everything in detail, that the part of my pinky that's broken has some important tendons attached to it that allow me to bend my pinky, but since the bone piece isn't attached to the rest of the bone, I can't move my finger. He told me that he would insert 2 pins in my pinky, WHICH I WILL BE FULLY AWAKE FOR (puke). I was originally supposed to fly out tomorrow, June 1st, but now I'm stuck here until June 19th, because my post-op appointment is June 18th, and I'm not cleared to go back until we're done with that. So basically, it's been a stressful week.

On top of that, when I leave the 19th, I have to come back 4 weeks later so he can remove the pins. 😑😑😑😑😑😑

Y'all, I'M NOT DOING WELL. Lmao

stay wild (but not as wild as me, please jeeeeezus)

❤

0 notes