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wixhing0nastar · 1 year

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Abuse Narratives in RWBY: Yang Xiao Long Edition (Feat. Ruby Rose)

We've all witnessed and talked about Blake and Weiss being abuse survivors for years. Blake escaping from Adam and Weiss escaping from her father were both huge, impactful events that have shaped the narrative of the story in many ways.

Yang on the other hand has managed to fly mostly under the radar with the abuse she's suffered up to this point. Her jokey, happy-go-lucky facade tricking the audience just as well as it has her friends and family for years.

(Note: this is going to be a long post, so strap in. Also this is your warning I am not going to be holding back in my criticism of Tai, so if you don't want to see me go into detail about how exactly he abused Yang, I highly suggest turning back now).

TL:DR: Yang was neglected and parentified (aka: abused) as a child and that’s the root of a lot of the issues that she’s currently struggling with in Volume 9 and a large part of her healing is going to be centered around her relationship with Blake going forward.

Let's start by establishing what exactly I'm referring to when I say that Yang has been abused. Because while I'm certainly referring to her being neglected after Summer's death, I'm more so referring to the years of Parentification that was caused by said neglect (in addition to the verbal and emotional abuse hurled her way).

Let's start by defining what exactly Parentification is since it's where most of Yang's current problems stem from.

[Parentification is] a disturbance in the generational boundaries, such that evidence indicates a functional and/or emotional role reversal in which the child sacrifices his or her own needs for attention, comfort, and guidance in order to accommodate and care for the logistical and emotional needs of a parent and/or sibling. (Hooper, 2007b, p. 323)

Ruby establishes in Volume 9, Chapter 1 that Yang was the one who raised her. It's important to note that in the context of her saying that, she's telling Yang that Yang was the one responsible for her moral development as a kid.

Research has shown that the building blocks for morality are generally in place by the age of 4. However, "children need adults to help them at every stage of childhood to nurture these seeds into full development." (Harvard, Raising Caring, Respectful, Ethical Children, p. 1) With "childhood" commonly considered infancy to age 12.

Using this we can reasonably assume that Yang was Ruby's primary caretaker or at the very least co-parenting with Tai from the time of Summer's death to at least age 14 (when Ruby was 12)... which mind you, is already over a decade total and only three years before the show starts.

Now that we've got some of the science out of the way, let's start looking at the show itself to see just how bad the situation was.

Burning the Candle

This iconic scene actually paints a fairly horrifying picture of Yang and Ruby's early childhood when you start to break it down.

I waited for dad to leave the house.

Meaning that by that point, probably only a few months after Summer's death based on the timeline Yang establishes, Yang already knows Tai will reliably leave her and Ruby alone without supervision for extended periods of time in order to pull this off.

I must have walked for hours.

Meaning that it likely took several hours for someone to even notice they were missing in the first place. The fact Qrow knew exactly where they were indicates that Yang either left a note or clue about where they were headed and I'm willing to bet the only reason it took Yang that long to walk was because she was like two feet tall at the time (since Patch is like... a tiny island... which brings me to the next line...

A toddler asleep in the back of a wagon

Again, to clarify, Ruby was a toddler. Toddlers are between 1-3 years old... meaning this all happened when Yang was a maximum of (and likely, based on their physical appearances) 5 years old.

So to summarize, Tai was regularly leaving Yang, his five-year-old, home alone and in charge of her three-year-old sister... which would be horrifying to think about on its own but this is Remnant.

Which means that Tai was regularly leaving his grieving five-year-old at home alone when they didn't live inside a kingdom's border and there were known wild Grimm in the area... who are attracted to negative emotions.

Wow... I wonder why Yang felt the need to try to diffuse the tension with humor and keep everyone in high spirits all the time. It’s almost like it was a life or death situation growing up. (/s)

Anger, Fear, and Burn

Before jumping into the next big narrative piece, let’s talk a little bit about Yang’s semblance, Burn, and how it works. Because it’s important to establish before starting to dig into Volume 4.

Let’s start with how Ruby describes it:

Don't worry! With each hit she gets stronger, and she uses that energy to fight back! That's what makes her special.

Notice how Ruby doesn't mention anything about Yang needing to be angry to use her Semblance? In fact, while it’s unclear if this is entirely true, it has been stated previously that Yang’s powers come in part from her hair and no one has refuted that claim in like 8 years so it holds some weight.

Moreover, recent volumes have actually been hinting that Yang likely doesn't even need to use her anger to activate/maintain burn. And that she just does so out of habit more than anything.

Now, why exactly would someone intentionally limit themselves by tying their semblance into in emotion like that? Well, first let’s answer the question, why anger?

And well... anger is a secondary emotion.

A secondary emotion is an emotion fueled by other emotions... masking your feelings of sadness, hurt or grief with anger can be easier than experiencing the primary emotion.

And moreover,

The feelings that anger commonly masks include fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, embarrassment, betrayal, jealousy, sadness, hurt, and worry. (Alta Loma, Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion, Web, emphasis added).

Fear is, of course, a bit of a running theme in RWBY, there was a whole speech and song about it at the end of Volume 7, after all.

But more than that, there've been two people on two separate occasions who've called Yang out for being scared when she's posturing: Ren and Raven.

And while Ren was pointing out that she uses humor to try to deflect when she’s scared, when Raven said this to Yang she was absolutely outwardly angry... and Yang admits to being scared in the moment yet still standing there.

Also note that humor = friends/winning, anger = enemies/losing.

Which makes you wonder, what was happening growing up that made Yang instinctively react to fear of danger with anger and planting her feet instead of running away? For that let's go back to what we learned from Burning the Candle and the V5 short real quick.

We know there are living Grimm on Patch. Maybe not as many as elsewhere, but both times we are given glimpses into Yang and Ruby's childhood on Patch they are attacked by Grimm, which isn't a great sign.

How old do you think Yang was the first time she or Ruby had a bad day and attracted one of them on accident and she had to fight it off on her own (because she couldn't run, she had to protect Ruby)?

How many nights do you think Yang would spend reading Ruby stories and telling her dumb jokes to get her to laugh to try to make sure they weren't attacked? How often did Ruby have to force herself to be okay? For both their sake?

Volume 4

Now let's talk about Volume 4, aka: when Tai had the chance to step up and didn't.

Now right off the bat he's okay. There's nothing inherently wrong with him bringing her the arm and being excited at the thought because he doesn't know how she's going to react to it though it is a little weird he opened her mail without permission.

The rest of Yang's first V4 episode, however, makes it very clear both to us as the audience and Tai that Yang isn't doing okay... but Tai doesn't do anything to attempt to help her.

Which is why what happens in the next episode is kinda messed up.

Yang wakes up from a nightmare about losing her arm in a seriously traumatizing event and goes downstairs when she realizes there's a distraction people are over.

Then we get the fight and despite Yang laughing it off in the end... honestly Tai is being very condescending towards her, which Yang even points out. Like, someone made a slightly adult joke in front of her and he flies off the handle and starts a fight with her and starts making digs about her not being a real adult ready for the real world and let's just break that down before dealing with the actual problems in this episode.

Yang, as established, has been fulfilling the role of parent (while barely getting any parenting herself) for years. She's been fulfilling the role of an adult since she was 5! And at this point in the show she's also legally an adult. So not only is it condescending, it's also untrue.

Then we get this line.

I guess you lost some brain cells along with that arm.

Not only is this beyond callus, Yang is clearly actually upset by this.

And notably, she only treats it as a joke after Oobleck dropped his cup. AKA: after being reminded that they aren’t alone in the room.

(And remember, Yang uses humor as a coping mechanism).

And both Oobleck and Port can clearly tell that this wasn’t appropriate at all and immediately following that, they pointedly step in to ask Yang how she is doing with everything.

Which Tai has not done.

And Yang opens up to them! And she tells them that she’s still struggling and coming to terms with what happened to her. Which in turn causes Tai to finally talk to her about it, but he’s being pushy about her getting back out and “being her new normal” and even refers to her PTSD as moping when she just got done saying she’s still trying to process and recover.

And it’s again Port specifically who steps in and gives her some genuine advice without trying to push her her into anything she’s not ready for and then Oobleck joins in and they go out if their way to ham it up to make her laugh.

So overall, Tai’s being extremely dismissive of the trauma that she’s gone through and minimizing her feelings at every turn.

Which then leads to this scene...

Which is when Tai’s dismissiveness starts to make sense (and I’ll come back to this when I’m analyzing the last episode).

Let’s break it down. To start, Tai knows that Yang is going up to her room, they pointedly have her call out goodnight from upstairs so Tai knows where she is physically and what her intentions are.

Secondly, there’s no way that Tai doesn't know you can hear people talking from the front door from Yang’s room. He’s owned this house for like two decades minimum at this point.

So when Oobleck and Port ask after Ruby, there’s no way he should assume Yang won’t be able to hear everything he says. And he very much lays the burden of Ruby’s safety at Yang’s feet. He’s not going after her because he has to “look after some things.”

AKA: Yang.

And then she comes to him literally the next day wearing the new arm and wanting to train and he doesn't question her at all, even though 12 hours earlier Yang was very much not ready?

We then don’t see her at all for five episodes until we get the scene where she’s training with Tai and honestly, his advice is kinda horrible.

To start, even he says his advice is based on watching her Vytal Festival fights, meaning that everything is based on watching three matches.

He points out she uses her semblance to win every fight after the qualifiers (which is true), and Yang rightly points out that everyone uses their semblances to help them win. Then Tai says this:

Because not everyone else’s is basically a temper tantrum.

Not only is this very unlikely to be true, but even if Yang does need to rely on her anger to activate her semblance, calling it a temper tantrum isn’t accurate at all.

In fact, the way Yang uses her semblance takes a great deal of emotional regulation to pull off. She not only is able to make herself angry enough to use it at will, she’s also able to stop using it at will. Meaning Yang is capable of instantaneously switching from one emotion to another.

That’s not a temper tantrum, that’s someone with superb emotional control choosing what emotion to feel when it’s most appropriate.

Furthermore, the “what happens if you miss” comment is so ridiculous I don’t even know how to start other than saying we literally saw exactly what happens when Yang misses her first attempt in Volume 2! When her semblance is being revealed! And the answer is... she gets another shot.

And if they’re stronger... like not using the thing that makes her ridiculously powerful is certainly not going to help.

And honestly... Yang doesn’t do what Tai says. He says it’s useful in a bind but Yang doesn’t use her semblance only in emergencies from here on end. In fact, what she actually does is pick up some tricks from Pyrrha and she starts hiding her semblance from people!

And noticeably, Tai isn’t the one who tells Yang to fight smarter. That’s a line of thinking she develops on her own between the first and second times she faced Adam.

And then Tai takes credit for her “suddenly” getting better like she hadn’t successfully hit him so hard he needed to take a pause and the fight he did win was only because he attacked her when she was being vulnerable with him... her father who she’s of course not going to assume is going to attack her while she’s opening up to him... because she wouldn’t do that to Ruby.

And then we get to Yang’s last (real) episode of the volume when she’s setting out to get Ruby. Remember when I said Tai’s dismissiveness started to make sense and we’d come back to it? Well we’re back to it.

Note how Yang pointedly doesn’t tell Tai that she’s leaving, despite him having indicated to Port and Oobleck that the only reason he wasn’t also going after Ruby was because he was staying with Yang?

And how in the end he doesn’t leave with Yang to go find Ruby even though supposedly the only reason he hadn’t was because he wanted to make sure Yang was okay? And now Yang’s going after Ruby? Alone?

Paired with how pushy and condescending he was acting towards her in the other two Volume 4 episodes he was in, on top of having neglected and parentified her for at least a decade, this really reads as him wanting Yang to get better so he can shove her out the door to go after Ruby, and not him caring at all about her as a person.

(Which is why I really struggle to feel bad for him in his V8 scene... if he was so worried he could have been there).

Yang’s Actual Temper Tantrums

Let’s address these really quick before moving on to the final section. We’ve actually seen/heard of four different instances where Yang actually was having something resembling a temper tantrum while using her semblance.

I’m going to start with the Neon fight because it’s the easiest. But Neon as a character relies on knocking her opponents off balance by getting under their skin in a fight. She tries to make them angry and yes, it does work on Yang in this instance. But that’s Neon’s whole thing, in any other match up Yang would have been fine.

The other three times all had to do with her hair (namely, when Junior gets her hair in her trailer, when the ursa gets her hair in the Emerald Forest and... in V4 when Tai refers to her having a rough first haircut).

Going back to the bit about how Yang’s powers, in part, come from her hair and this actually makes a lot of sense in the context of Yang’s childhood. If she was regularly in charge of protecting Ruby and some of the finite power she did have as a kid was because of her hair, of course she gets freaked out by losing some... and we’ve already talked about Yang using anger as a mask for fear.

Bumbleby and Volume 9

So let’s talk about where we’re going now, because of all three of the abuse survivors in this show, Yang is the only one who hasn’t really been confronted with and forced to deal with it yet.

Because at the end of the day, being parentified and neglected for years has left Yang scared to open up emotionally and more than that, uncertain of her identity outside of being Ruby’s parent.

Because up to going to Beacon, that was basically Yang’s entire life. It’s entirely possible the only reason she went to Signal was to learn how to protect Ruby better all things considered.

Which is why the development between her and Blake is so important this volume. Yang desperately needs to be valued as something other a caretaker and protector and so far they’ve been emphasizing the fact that Blake loves Yang because she’s a goofy dork who makes her smile, not because she’s strong enough to level a mountain.

And while Blake’s relationship with Adam was abusive, unlike Yang, Blake does have a framework for health relationships thanks to Ghira and Kali and she’s worked through her own trauma from being abused romantically enough that she’s in a place emotionally to help Yang start working though hers. Starting by giving Yang a person she can trust not to leave who also isn’t and has never been dependent on her to muck up Yang’s healing process.

Because there’s a difference between someone choosing to stay and someone not having any other choice because they were/are dependent on you. And (absolutely no shade to Ruby here) she’s already had someone in the latter position choose to leave her anyways.

In Conclusion

Yang was abused as a child and into her late teens and is in desperate need of some type of unconditional love and affection that she doesn’t feel there are strings attached to in order to finally begin healing...

And therapy, but they’re a little low on that for the foreseeable future.

#RWBY #RWBY Spoilers #RWBY Analysis #Yang Xiao Long #Bumbleby #When I say long I’m not joking #This is more than 3k words

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aashi-heartfilia · 11 months

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BnHA 392: Ochako gets stabbed. No she's not dying.

Yeah so what if she got stabbed? With stabby pants Toga around this was bound to happen.

Doesn't mean that she is gonna die!

And even if it looks serious, I don't think it will have a serious consequence or anything. She might as well get a cool scar like All Might at most.

And I don't even wanna talk about that grab scene on the next page. I think it's a mistake that will be corrected during the volume publish, remember how inking on Ochako and Toga wasn't on point either in the last chapter.

With Hori's declining health, I think it's a very likely case.

Anyways, we'll have to wait now for two weeks to see if our babygirl is all right or not.

Contrary to popular belief, I think she's fine. Great infact, because now she'll fight more seriously.

Remember how in her battle vs Bakugo during SF, when even her friends underestimated her and thought she needed help?

But she proved to everyone that she's more than capable of handling herself when the time calls for it?

And this is a battle she cannot afford to lose, we have lives on the line. Not just her fellow heroes but Toga herself is also in danger and Uravity is a hero who wants to see everyone smile.

I think this is bound to come sooner or later. Like what kind of hero Uravity will be?

Like Ingenium is a hero who guides lost children to their home, Uravity will find a way to save Toga and the entire battlefield that is dealing with Sad Man's Death Parade.

Now, it's more important than ever because we've seen that Pixie Bob is down for the count. She was the main person containing the clones but now that she is down and Toga has created multiple doppelgangers of our beloved heroes, everyone is at a risk of getting stabbed.

Since the last two chapters were about Toga, I think the next chapter will be about Ochako.

Personally I would love an Ochako Uraraka: Origins chapter and then a Rising Chapter following it!

This will be one of the biggest moments of the series where a character gets an Origin and a rising chapter simultaneously.

A chapter that shows us Ochako's life before she joined UA.

Just like Toga, we only had a glimpse of Ochako's past. Bonus material suggests that she used to sleep to save money and bear the heat in summers because her parents could not afford an AC. But that's not all.

Horikoshi has been hinting at this dynamic for a long time. So I feel like there has been something about Ochako that has been hidden from us, as readers.

It was always hidden in plain sight, just like how those postcards were a foreshadowing for Ochako getting stabbed in the stomach.

The author said that there is a scene between TOGACHAKO that he is itching to draw.

Personally I don't know what scene it is. It could be Toga stabbing Ochako in the recent chapter, or it could be something entirely different. We won't know for sure until this arc concludes.

As for this arc, I think this fated battle will last for at least 3-4 more chapters.

Everything is in complete chaos and it will take time to wrap this up. Even if a miracle were to happen, I don't see a direct solution to TOGA's Sad Man Parade unlike Dabi where Shouto just reaching on time was everything.

Not only Ochako will need to convince Toga to stop her Parade but also deal with the existing ones that are running rampant around the battlefield.

Also, can I just say how much I loved Ochako just casually flying over the entire parade?

Also her jet boosters are finally coming in handy!

Also I just loved how much control she has over gravity now. She literally pulled both Toga and Tsu out like it was nothing! Plus the Twice clones surrounding her!!

Toga using the blood from the battlefield totally caught me off-guard. She really is playing 5D chess now.

Guess, it goes to show you how smart she actually was up until now.

Ochako and Toga are two faces of a coin. Of course, they're both smart.

Plus I think Toga is still not using her full power, as the Curious vestige suggested. She's still hiding her true self.

And maybe that's the answer to everything. Ochako will try to appeal to whatever goodness is left of her.

Ochako knows that Quirks are nature and just like Toga, she's been hiding her true feelings all along. And I think the feeling that she's been hiding is envy.

She was jealous of how 'normal' everyone else is and how they get to express their love and she doesn't. It is not a form that society will accept.

But in the world of MHA, how do you even decide what is normal and what isn't?

Her parents literally denied her humanity.

I also loved what Tsuyu said here about Heroes following the rules. If killing was the only way, Ochako and the heroes were more than capable of doing that.

But it's not about killing or arresting her anymore but rather about confronting a little girl who has been rejected her entire life, even by her own parents.

It's about a young girl with a big dream who wants to see everyone smile and yes that includes Toga too.

It was never a story about killing people because violence leads to even more violence, it's about understanding and sympathy, care and compassion and this is how true heroes are born.

Cheers! Sunshine!

~Thanks for reading

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class1akids · 5 months

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I had yesterday again a long discussion with a "Toya should die because that's what he wants" person, and I've been thinking again about what exactly happened in "Shoto:Rising" (haha, Hori is driving me insane with that chapter, leaving it hanging like that)

Anyways, you know the page... - Something clearly happens here and Touya's POV of Shouto changes from seeing Shouto as a monster to seeing him as a crying child.

The quote coming from Ch 350, where Touya talks about surpassing his limits - and everything is flipping around. But right before that scene, he talks about wanting to go home, wanting to see what changed, wanting to be still seen and walking away feeling that his existence is pointless and that the family left him behind.

Touya chose to become Dabi, chose to surpass his limits and destroy his body because that's how he can leave a mark on the world. If he cannot be his father's legacy, he can be the one to destroy that legacy.

But then when Touya goes to Gunga, he gets the things he wanted to see:

Being seen by his father

The family changing and welcoming him

And sees that it would have taken so little to not end up like this.

The grief and unfairness of it all makes him crack, unable to turn off the fire:

Or in the volume version, where the sequence is different:

Everyone arrives

Endeavor watches him

3. Dabi fades into a shadow - a shadow with pupils - and it's revealed to be Touya, who just for one moment gets his "happy ending".

4. Then Dabi starts to crack apart because "if it was so simple, why not sooner"

The next time we see Touya is when Shouto enters the fire ball that's breaking apart:

If the first (Ch 350) "flip" or "black and white inversion" (as the Japanese says) is Touya turning into Dabi and instead of wanting to go home and find meaning there, he wants to find meaning by burning down the home

Then I think the second (Ch 390) black and white inversion is Dabi turning back into Touya - realizing that he wants to go home, he wants to live. And Shouto is the one who can give it to him.

As usual with Touya, we get an unreadable word - so we don't know what he's saying, but Touya's desperate eyes and Shouto's crying face does remind me of the "you looked like you needed saving" moment.

I hesitate to take too literally Touya's ranting afterwards - especially because of the way Natsuo reacts (someone who is very familiar with Touya's rants doesn't seem to take it literally like Touya wants to die.)

And I think especially because the apology let Touya express finally the rage that he's been trying to express through his Dabi persona's destruction:

He is really really ANGRY.

So I do feel like the "flip" / "black and white inversion" inside Touya is this realization that he does want to go home after all, mixed with the anger / grief of "why not sooner".

I don't have the feeling that he want to die anymore, even if his words are angry and desperate. And even if he wants to die, I don't necessarily agree that villains should get everything they want even if they are victims themselves.

I think it's fitting that Shouto stops the Endeavor-Touya murder suicide and I think just like Endeavor doesn't get the hero way out, Touya also shouldn't live and die only on his own terms.

#bnha meta #dabi #todoroki touya #todoroki shouto #bnha 390 #yes i did write an extremely long ramble about touya #i don't feel like he wants to die anymore #but it's a bit hard #it was left off on a strange note

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redgoldsparks · 2 months

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March Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 4 by Ryoko Kui

I'm reading these books so fast I can barely remember which parts of the plot happened in which volume but know that I am still having a great time!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 5 by Ryoko Kui

Oh, this story has taken a darker turn, and also just introduced a whole bunch more characters. Will I be able to keep track of them all? I hope so!

Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, read by Anne Flosnik

Unfortunately, this is definitely the weakest Robin Hobb book I've read so far. I was expecting to like it less than the glorious, 5-star previous trilogy, but I actually think I'm going to skip the rest of the Rain Wild Chronicles and read summaries online to get to the next Fitz books. This book follows five main POV characters. This works fairly well for the first half, when the characters are all in different physical locations. However once all of the characters meet up, we start getting the same scene from multiple different POVs, which feels extremely repetitive. Also, almost EVERY SCENE includes a flashback, often a lengthy flashback, sometimes to something that happened only the previous day and could have been told as present-moment action. This writing choice baffled me. It's something I can't remember struggling with in any of Hobb's previous books, but by the end it was driving me up a wall. The book also moved very slowly; the stakes feel lower, and the character far less emotionally true than in the two Fitz trilogies. Disappointing, but I will keep moving forward towards the next part of the series I want to read.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 6 by Ryoko Kui

Damn, a lot of characters get murdered in this volume! Good thing almost everyone who dies in the dungeon can be revived. Also, very excited to finally meet the cat ninja I've been seeing fan art of since before I even started the series :3

Delicious in Dungeon vol 7 by Ryoko Kui

I am still completely caught up in this series. I love the glimpse of Senshi's past revealed in this volume, and the lore of the dungeon that is still being revealed. There was a line in here about how the dungeon leaves you alone if you don't ask much of it, but that if you have strong desires it throws even more obstacles into your way. Our heroes have such big goals right now, but they're marching ahead regardless!

School Trip by Jerry Craft

A satisfying new installment in the New Kid series from funny, talented, charming Jerry Craft! I appreciated how this volume started to complicate some of the students who had been left a bit one-dimensional in previous books. Several people stood up to and called out a bully; new friendships were built; and Jordan Banks left Paris even more inspired than ever to follow his dreams of becoming an artist. This series has a lot of jokes, but also a lot of heart!

A Frog in Fall (and Later On) by Linnea Sterte

Minor frog is less than a year old, and is dismayed when winter begins to steal all of the light and warmth from his world. Instead of bunking down safely with his mentor to wait for spring, he sets out on a journey with two vagabond toads passing by on a quest to make it all the way to the tropics. They tramp through the Japanese countryside, encountering tree spirits, new friends, dangers, and views the likes of which minor frog had never even imagined. This is a gorgeous book; every page worth pouring over, an economy of line and detail building a beautiful and mysterious world of talking animals and miniature packaged foods. Made me want to draw.

Dark Rise by CS Pacat read by Christian Coulson

In 1820s London, orphaned Will tries to earn enough as a dockworker to survive- and evade the killers pursuing him. Violet dresses in her half-brother's clothes and sneaks onto a ship in the Thames to watch a man be branded with his master's mark. Katherine excitedly anticipates her engagement to one of London's richest and most mysterious lords; his gallantry nearly makes up for the fact that he's twice her age. And in the bowels of one of that lord's ships, James tortures a man for information. All of these characters are 16 or 17 years old, but all of them are tangled in an ancient conflict between the Light and the Dark which stretches back into an age of magic before history. This is CS Pacat's YA fantasy debut, and it contains a lot of tropes very familiar to both YA and high fantasy- there are shades of both Tolkien and Rowling in this. Its fast-paced and action-packed, but especially in the first third of the story, the characters all felt fairly thin. None of them have quirks, hobbies, career hopes, relationships outside of immediate family, school, or work; or much more than a brief sketch of past. It took until the mid-way point for what I consider Pacat's major strengths as a writer to emerge: intense, homoerotic interpersonal sparring between characters operating under major power imbalances. Every scene in which the seductive, manipulative, powerful evil gay faced off against the good boy chosen one crackled with energy. Unfortunately, there were only four of these scenes in the whole book. It ends on a cliff-hanger, because of course it does, with a tempting set up for book two; but that doesn't entirely excuse the fact that the first 50% felt like set up. I will definitely keep reading, but long-time Pacat fans should take note that this is toned down version of what I expected based on Captive Prince.

Feeding Ghosts by Tessa Hulls (re-read before event)

What an accomplishment! I savored every page of Feeding Ghosts, absolutely floored by the labor and courage that went into the writing of this book. The inking is gorgeous, the history is clear, digestible, and devastating. This book threads the line between honesty and compassion in a way that I appreciate so much in any memoir, but especially one dealing with family. Hulls lays out the story of three generations of women starting with her grandmother, Sun Yi, a Shanghai journalist who faced intense persecution during the rise of Communism in China, who penned a popular and scandalous memoir and then suffered a mental breakdown. This left her only daughter, Rose, a student at an elite boarding school with no parental figures and no other family to lean on. Eventually Rose earned a scholarship to an American university and in the end moved her mother into her California home. Sun Yi haunted that home during the author's own childhood. The unexamined trauma and codependency of Sun Yi and Rose drove the author to the extreme edges of the Earth, seeking freedom from their ghosts. But in the end, she stopped running from her family history and turned, instead, to face it. Shelve this book with Maus, Fun Home, Persepolis and The Best We Could Do. Re-read it for a second time and got even more out of it on a second pass.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 8 by Ryoko Kui

Laios and company realize that their encounter with changling mushroom rings had more consequences than they'd realized- its the body swap episode! This visual humor is contrasted against increasing dangers from both above and below, as nastier monsters and political machinations begin to close in on our heroic adventuring party. I'm now over halfway through this series and almost feel like I should start reading it more slowly to savor it, but I'll probably just keep devouring it instead.

Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and Leuyen Pham

High school senior Val grew up knowing her family was unlucky in love; for generations, relationships in her family have ended in heartbreak. Her childhood love of Valentines Day ends with a shocking family revelation and what feels like the beginning of a curse. Then her Vietnamese grandmother sweeps her off to a Lunar New Year celebration in downtown Oakland and a pair of cute lion dancer boys catch her eye. Could one of them break the spell on her heart? This story offers a classic and satisfying rom-com, with Val torn between an outgoing, rich, but flaky boy and a broody, shy, loyal one. The story takes several kdrama style twists and includes ghosts, saints, red envelopes, confessions, fights, reunions, tears, and kisses. For a comic, its wordy; the pages are dense with small panels and thick with dialogue, but also illustrated with such warm, humor, and realism. I really liked that the story included as much of Val's relationship with her family and best friend as romance. And the lion dancing scenes practically leap off the page with color and energy!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 10 by Kamome Shirahama

This series remains as visually stunning as ever but I'm struggling with how every single book expands the cast. There are so many characters now that I don't care about that much, and have trouble remembering from volume to volume. I wish the story line would stick more closely to Coco, her classmates, and their main mentors!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 9 by Ryoko Kui

Oh the stories are all converging! The savior at the bottom of the dungeon is probably a demon! Ituzumi saves the day! I am still having a great time reading this series.

A Dowry of Blood by ST Gibson read by Abby Craden

A short, very queer, very poly retelling of Dracula focusing on his coven of enthralled lovers. I liked the way the book breezed through history, as the dysfunctional little family moved from one major European city to the next, with snatched moments of glittering joy interwoven with violence and plague. The story is fairly simple, and has a happier ending than I expected, or honestly think the characters deserved.

City of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I DNFed the previous book in this series and just read a summary online before skipping ahead to this one. I think that was a very good choice for me. This third one was more engaging and a bit more action packed, with some cool discoveries about the city of Kelsingra and the nature of Elderlings. But the Rain Wild Chronicles as a whole do not stand up to the quality of the Farseer books. There are so many POV characters that a few of them get only two or three scenes in this whole book. I don't feel that I deeply know any of these characters; while at the same time watching Hobb pair them off at an extraordinary rate- in the last book five sets of characters got together and in this book an additional two couples are developing feelings for each other. Between this and a kidnapping, a birth, a murder, and a lot of blackmail, this series feels like a soap opera.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 10 by Ryoko Kui

Almost two TPKs in this volume, yikes!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 11 by Ryoko Kui

You know shit's getting serious when the character who has been the series main villain up until now is partially devoured by a different, worse villain. Exciting changes coming to this dungeon under it's new lord and master!

Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

When Becca gets invited to sit with the popular girl clique at her new high school, she's thrilled. But the friendship turns bloody and complicated when she learns that her new friends are actually werewolves who need to kill and feed on a human once a month. If she joins them, Becca will gain superhuman strength and a pack; she'll never have to fear a male predator again, because she will be a predator herself. I loved the queer rep and the twist on werewolf lore; I wish it had been a little longer and more developed. Give me multi-page transformations sequences!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 12 by Ryoko Kui

I love seeing all these plot lines come together! Building towards a wild climax.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 13 by Ryoko Kui

I went out and *bought* vol 13 of this series because my library didn't have it yet, that's how hooked I am. And now I have to wait until JULY for the final volume! (But also, thank goodness I didn't get into this series any sooner or I'd have a much longer wait).

#book reviews #books #reading #comics #manga

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sophiamarieispinkbunny-chan · 6 months

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Thoughts on Short Chapter 90.1 (Long Post)

First of all, what in the world just happened? That short chapter was so unexpected for a short chapter.

Endo is really good at messing all of our brains in just four pages. Upon seeing it as an extra chapter, I thought it’s going to be on a lighter side but I don’t expect it to be dark and centered around Anya!

So here are some of my 6 takeaways. (Long post again sorry!)

1.Anya is probably not the real spelling of her name or not even her real full name

-Anya is pretty sure herself that her name is spelled as Ania, she spelled her name the same way in the Eden Entrance Exam.

-And the expression in her face when Loid corrected her tells a lot. (I’m really amazed how Endo conveyed this without the readers letting know what is going on in Anya’s mind. Meaning that he still doesn’t want to reveal that snippet of her thoughts process since it surely would reveal something about her past) Her expression was so subtle but it tells that for her, she's certain that it was really letter I. Then settling with oh, but not like a happy and excited or enlightened ‘Oh!’ But just a simple, Oh, okay... Like she had no choice but to just agree.

And her lying in her bed thinking about the name, saying it aloud as if familiarizing it.

So here are my thoughts about Ania/Anya’s name:

Ania is part of a longer name

Maybe Ania was a nickname given to her because she has a longer one.

I just told my sister days ago that Anya’s name sounds like Ostania and maybe that is where her name came from. So maybe Ania is just what they named her deriving from Ostania itself.

Ania could also be an acronym for something. Like the A could stand for Apple since the experiment is called Project Apple. The rest of the letters however I have no idea.

Ania could also be an experimental name (Like what I saw on some posts here the AN1A one so they decided to call her Ania but it was not a name but a label for her.

2.Why Loid assumes it was Y and not I

In the documents Franky had given him in the first chapter, her name is spelled Anya with a Y. Meaning, the orphanage thought her name is spelled that way but we can understand for Anya it was always spelled with I not Y. (The document is not readable in the manga but it was clear in the anime)

3.Endo has plans for everything, especially for the three main characters and their back stories

Endo often says that he thought things in a spur of a moment in terms of making this manga (Reference: fanbook Endo interview page 176) like how he decided Anya being a telepath on the last moment and called it luck that it worked out lol. But this was clearly planned and the anime creators, directors and writers are aware and is working closely with Endo. What he pulled in this short chapter isn’t something that can be thought for the last minute. It is planned from the very beginning. Probably some of the little details in the manga might mean more that what meets the eyes. (I saw a video before and in that video they showed Endo's studio and they showed miniature models of the designer chairs on the volume and there are chairs there that were just briefly shown that is yet to appear. I saw the video before the release of Volume 11, the one with Emile and Ewen and I saw their chairs in the line up of the models. So you can't convince me that he hasn't planned anything where he wants to take the plot next.)

4. The Anime on Anya's nameplate change

Anya's name changed in her nameplate, from Ania to Anya at exactly end of Season 1 Part 1 episode 12. Anime have been very persistent in showing that nameplate.

(Episode 3, not in the manga)

Then Episode 11, we saw the change of her name spelling on her test. So the short mission 90.5 took place before she got her first stella.

The Season 1 Part 1 Finale, we see this nameplate and I went to check the short mission of this in the manga and no, the manga didn't show the change of nameplate in that particular chapter.

Now I'm rethinking that it was really a well thought decision of Clover and Wit to make the Aquarium episode and this episode in the finale rather than starting the dog arc crisis and it was smart and sneaky of them.

Anime is doing a lot of work to elaborate the manga and I love them for that!

5.Like Father Like Daughter

It would make sense that in this family Loid and Anya would be the one who bears fake names. Yor being the one whose name being real symbolizes how she doesn’t lie about anything besides being an assassin, and there are times when she isn’t even keeping the fact that she is one. She always does things, mainly, because she genuinely cares for Anya and Loid not for her job at all (as the story progress she thought less about them being just a cover for her). Yet Anya and Loid often does things for their own ulterior motives (Anya for wanting a family for herself and Loid for his mission). They’re the ones who actively kept protecting their secret identities. The ones with the most the secrets. Both have names different from their real ones. Really makes sense don’t you think?

6.We could get an Anya backstory arc, if not by the next chapter, sooner than we expect.

We might have snippets of Anya’s backstory but I believe that Endo would not give out the whole thing. It’s too early to reveal it and what could Anya’s trigger be for her to think about everything that happened in her past?

Loid is triggered when he was rendered unconscious by Anya’s tonitrus

Yor is triggered when she’s thinking about Yuri

How about Anya?

What could trigger her to remember everything she went through?

-Will she perhaps see something or someone that will make her remember her past? (I read a fanfiction about her meeting a man who used to adopt her, it’s from coloredice I think and I can’t help but seeing it happen in canon)

Yet this is a short chapter, maybe Endo will continue this with another short chapter or give us a full chapter in the next two weeks centering around Anya. But it could also be not, since it could also just a way for Endo to add additional details to the narrative. But why bring this up now? for sure, it was a reminder, maybe a preparation on what the future ten chapters to the 100th holds.

Now it’s time for you to tell me what you think? Let’s be Twilight and overthink this four chapter short because our man's too attached to even care about knowing Anya’s background.

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peterneptune16 · 1 year

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Top 5 reasons I love RoseGarden

1. They help each other grow as people - Ruby and Oscar have really just helped each other flower into being the people they truly are meant to be. Oscar has became who he is due to support from the others, most commonly being Ruby. Meanwhile Ruby has became more of who she truly is with Oscar’s help in more subtle ways. With Oscar, she clearly has someone she wants to constantly look out for and make sure that he’s doing okay no matter what. Showing just how loyal and true of a friend she is to others, and how great of a protector she can be.

2. They’re incredibly supportive of one another - The two of them have done everything they possibly can to show how much they really support one another. Ruby was there to support Oscar when no one else really did all the way back in Volume 5. Then in Volume 6 she continued to express support for him and was the only person to remind him he was his own person. Later on in Volume 6, Oscar openly supported Ruby, letting her know he knew her plan would work. Then in Volume 7, they supported what each other chose to do and didn’t do anything rash until they came upon the agreement to be honest with Ironwood. Finally in Volume 8, Ruby expressed support for Oscar despite him seeing himself as a failure after not being able to convince Ironwood to listen to him. Then there’s also how the two of them have a habit of looking out for one another and being pretty commonly concerned for each other. Ruby’s concern for Oscar in V6, Oscar yelling out Ruby’s name multiple times, Ruby being the one to go out and look for Oscar in V8, and even in V9 Ruby showed concern for Oscar’s well being both in the first episode- and the other scene, no major spoilers here but we all know the one.

3. The amount of parallels is INSANE - Okay so, I’ll try my best to not spoil things as well as I possibly can. But oh my God the amount of parallels these two have is so freaking cute and really makes you think. Oscar in V7 & V8 foreshadowed so much that Ruby’s actions would mirror in V9. But even more than that, the two of them parallel other canon ships in the world like Summer/Tai and Ozma/Salem to a degree. They even have the whole Sun/Moon and Red/Green thing going on, not to mention Oscar only started wearing Red after he met Ruby and it’s been pretty much confirmed that people in Remnant will wear the colors of their partners/love interests. Then there’s even ones that have yet to get the proper payoff. Like- Oscar and Ruby FINALLY hugging, let’s hope that finally happens in V10.

4. The idea they found each other at the right time - They seemed to have found each other right when the other needed someone to help lift them up. Oscar had just been randomly chosen to be Ozpin’s next host and the information clearly weighed super heavily on him, and Ruby’s kind words clearly helped him feel so much better. Meanwhile, for Ruby, she had just lost a ton after all that happened at Beacon- so her having a new friend and someone who really trusts and believes her no matter what, it had to be helpful and make her feel like she’s really doing the right thing.

5. It’s too adorable to not love - This is the simplest reason, but they’re just two little dorks and it’s beautiful. The one reason that’s really not complex at all. I just love them.

#rwby #ruby rose #oscar pine #rosegarden #rwby rosegarden #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 9 #rwby volume 9 spoilers #rwby v9 spoilers #rwby rosepine

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h-c-u · 1 year

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No longer a secret pt 4

Summary: The one with goodbyes and introductions.

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader

W/C: 6.7k (i don't know what happened, but I can already say that the next one will be shorter)

Rating: PG, age gap

TWs: none

A/N: Not me finally having to set the story in time and realising I fucked up the dates, because I wrote the first part as a favour, knowing exactly 0 things about F1. Nope. Couldn't be me. (so yeah, the qualis FOR SOME REASON were on Friday here, with the race on Sunday. I will not be taking any notes about that cause I know I fucked up.). Also - protective Toto, my beloved <3 Also also - a fair warning - I am sick. So this part was written in one sitting mostly by fever, stuffed nose and proofread by my lovely cough.

Taglist: @crimeshowjunkie, @omgsuperstarg

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | List of tags | Playlist for the series

He didn't have to say anything for you to pick up that this moment of serenity was about to end.

- You have to go, don't you...? - you were the first to break the silence and he sighed.

- I told them I'll be in the motorhome in an hour, and well... It's getting pretty close to that. But... I was hoping that you would come with me to officially meet everyone. And we could swing by your hotel after the meeting. - you turned around so quickly, that you almost strained your neck. Objectively - it was a logical next step, even though you've already met most of them in passing, but never as a, well... not-a-reporter. - Unless you're not ready yet, then I completely understand. - you loved that he even took that under consideration because even though you just announced it to the whole world, he understood how big of a step that was.

- No, no, no... It's not that. It's just... I might need some time adjusting, so my first reaction might be still influenced by muscle memory, you know... I still might look over my shoulder to see if anyone is there, I might take away my hand when we're in public... - you started to explain. - And it will have nothing to do with you, I just have to unlearn a few things that I've carved into my head over the last year. And I might need a few reminders every now and then. - you gave him a soft smile, and he pulled you closer as if he wasn't the one who said you should be going.

- Then I will do that... Every now and then, that is... - he placed a soft kiss on your lips. - I think I might actually enjoy it. - you chuckled softly and took a deep breath, inhaling the subtle scent of his cologne.

- Sounds very reasonable, but let's go now. You don't want to be late, Cariad. - you ran your hand through his hair, ruffling them up a little, so they'd have more volume. He looked handsome in every rendition, but when he was more casual... it just did things to you, and he knew that; that's why he didn't even bother to change whatever you did.

You got up first and offered him your hand to help him get up. He didn't need it, but even a few seconds of touching you were too appealing to pass on.

- I'm going to grab my bag and I'll be ready. - he finally got up and you could feel his hand sliding over your body because he didn't want to let of you just yet, but he knew he had to. Besides, it's not like you were saying goodbye forever. The bag was already packed with the necessities in the other room; a habit you developed, because you never could find everything in the morning, so it was easier to gather all you needed in the evening and have it ready to go when you were about to leave.

He was ready to go when you returned to the living room. Even though it was the middle of July, the weather was awful, but it wasn't currently raining, so you didn't take your jacket with you, since this time you knew you'd be able to hide somewhere under the roof in case it started raining. Besides - if it did - you were hoping to steal Toto's again because the perspective of being surrounded by his scent was more than appealing.

- Oh, I almost forgot... You should have your own. - he said just before you left. He took a key card to the room from his pocket and passed it to you, while you stood there confused - I requested one in the morning, before the gym, but then things happened, and... yeah. Anyways - you should have your own since it's going to be your room too. - somehow this small gesture seemed more meaningful than the fact that you agreed to move in with him because it was so obvious that your brain chose not to think about it... But he did.

- Thank you... - you finally recovered from a temporary shock, took the card from his hand, and put it in your bag. Somehow, he managed to prove to you time and time again, that you didn't have to think of and do everything alone, and even after a whole year of being with him - it still surprised you, because, throughout your whole life, you never had that kind of support from anyone else; in the end, you were always alone. And with Toto... you simply weren't.

On the way to the elevators, he wrapped his arm around your waist, and you put yours on his hip, only letting go when you got to the car, where his hand quickly found yours again. For some people, this amount of physical contact might have been excessive or overbearing, but for you, it was never enough, considering that for the longest time, you couldn't even look at him too long without risking rumors, so this change was something you were more than excited about. Sure, you were still in the car, which was in the garage, but the knowledge that you simply could start doing those things in public was enough.

- Should I know anything before I meet everyone? - you asked when you were getting close to the track, finally focusing on what was about to happen.

- Not really... You already have them at a disadvantage, love, because you've listened to me talking about them for a year. All they know about you is that you're damn good at deceiving. And that you're a great reporter. - he chuckled lightly, bringing your hand to his lips just to place a soft kiss on the back of it. - You have nothing to stress about. - just as he was finishing, your phone started to ring, and you had to dive in to see who wanted something from you.

- Good afternoon, Ms. Y/l/n, I'm calling from the Silver Hotel about your checkout. The cleaning staff went in and it seems like you haven't vacated your room just yet, is that correct? - oh how much you wanted to swear and scream, but you knew that what happened wasn't the concierge's fault, so you just took a deep breath.

- Yes, that would be correct. I apologize for that. I assume there is an option for a late checkout in your offer. I would be happy to cover that fee. - your tone of voice changed so much from your regular, that Toto looked at you surprised; but that's what happened if you were dealing with customer service after working in customer service, and before you went into journalism - you had to earn money some way.

- Yes, of course. - you heard some clicking on the other side of the phone. - I see that this room is still under the Network's account. Would you like me to add that fee to the standing bill? - and you just knew that the concierge knew exactly what was going on. You couldn't help but smile, because that's what happened when you were unproblematic, nice, and tipped well.

- That would be perfect, thank you so much for offering. I could be there in about half an hour, maybe a bit more, would that still be within the late checkout? - you asked, and Toto looked at you with a question in his eyes.

- Not a problem, Ms. Y/l/n. Yes, the late checkout is till 2 PM, so you would be more than fine. Is there anything else I can do for you, ma'am? - he asked, you denied, and that was it. Only after the call ended you sighed heavily, just as you were pulling to the track.

- I have to go back to the city, to get my things from the hotel because my wonderful former employer canceled my room with today's date. - you explained when Toto stopped the car in front of the first gate.

- Bastards... - he mumbled barely audibly, but you still heard it and saw his hand tightening on the steering wheel.

- It's not that bad. The concierge was super nice, and they'll charge the fee to the network’s account. So, I'll get the taxi, get my things, leave them at the hotel and be back in what... About an hour, maybe a bit more. Would that be ok? - what you meant was if there would still be enough time to meet everyone, but it seemed like he understood your words differently.

- Nonsense. You won't be overpaying for a taxi this weekend, and considering how long it will take for one to get here... Just take the car, it'll be much easier, and you'll be back quicker. - he said it so casually. It wouldn't be the first time you drove his vintage Mercedes, but it would be the first time without him in it.

- Are you sure...? - you asked, and he just smiled, a little bit amused by your unusual lack of confidence.

- Of course, I'm sure, Schatzi. I trust you. - he smiled, and got out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. It took you a moment to gather your thoughts again, to the point where Toto was able to get around the car and open the doors for you, and only now you were hit with the cacophony of sounds coming from the other side of the gate.

You took his hand to get out of the car and he pulled you closer for a kiss he had to lean in for, even when you stood on your toes.

- This is me... - he whispered in between the kisses. - Reminding you... - you felt him smile and you couldn't help but do the same. - Every now... - your hand easily found its way onto his back. - And then. - he dragged the last one as long as possible, and you couldn't help but flinch when you heard the camera’s shutters opening and closing from afar, even though you didn't know if any of them were pointed at you two. - It's ok. - he added, immediately noticing that something was wrong and pressed his forehead to yours, so you could calm down quicker. - We're ok...

- We're ok. - you echoed with a weak smile that didn't reach your eyes. You couldn't shake the feeling that what you did a couple of hours ago was a bad decision and the consequences will be bigger than you expected. - See you in a bit. - you stole one last kiss, and he finally let you go, so you could get around the car and get behind the wheel.

You were glad that he didn't leave first and waved you goodbye until you were out of eyesight because you hated watching him walk away under any circumstances.

The ride to your original hotel was quick and uneventful, although, in the beginning, you were stressing out more than you expected. But eventually that feeling disappeared and you pulled in front of the building and passed your keys to the valet. As soon as you did that, your phone started blowing up with notifications and requests for comment from people whom you worked with only in passing. You will definitely have to get a new number since instead of reporting on the news, you somehow became one. You muted your phone, choosing to deal with all that mess later.

You quickly entered the hotel and went to your room, but before you managed to open the door, you heard a familiar voice calling your name, and when you turned, you saw the whole crew that came with you to the GP.

- Hi guys... - it was hard for things not to get awkward because just yesterday you were all talking about your plans for tomorrow's race. For a good moment, you all stood there, just staring at each other in the hallway, but someone eventually laughed, and the atmosphere immediately changed.

- Congrats on getting out! You gotta give us some pointers on how you managed to do that so quickly! - the same friend you were talking to this morning finally broke the ice. You were working closely together because it was hard not to be in constant communication with the commentators, and under those conditions, it was impossible not to become friends.

- Sure, sure... You got it! Do you want to come in and talk while I pack? - 7 people in a small room would definitely be crammed, but it was doable; you all knew that from the experience.

- No way! Have they already kicked you out? That was quick.

- Yeah... And I found out from the hotel because I kind of assumed I'll have time till tomorrow. I mean, I was still going to leave the room today, just... you know... later today. - you finally opened the door and let everyone in... Two commentators, three camera operators, one drone operator, and you. You weren't sure who closed the door, but as soon as they did, the questions started, even before everyone sat down anywhere there was space to sit.

You were expecting it to be awkward, but they seemed genuinely happy for you, even though some questions were wildly inappropriate, but considering that you were traveling together for a good part of the year, it was hard not to get close. You often talked about private topics and technically it wasn't any different, except for you it was, because you were serious about Toto. And as soon as you expressed that, they dropped it down a few notches.

- Oh, yeah! Have you heard who will be sent to take over? - you shook your head, while you were closing the zipper in your suitcase. - Fucking Jenny.

- Oh shit, I'm so sorry guys... - you couldn't help but laugh. - Especially to you, Nat... - you gave an apologetic look to your ex-camerawoman, and she pretended to be shot in the heart, all in good faith though.

- You know I know how to make her look worse on camera, right? - she laughed, and everyone joined in. - I was making you look so good because you have some heavy blackmail material on me. - another wave of laughter rippled through the room.

- Ehhh... I'm gonna miss this, not gonna lie... - you sighed because it was true. Whatever the Network was doing, you had your people there... People who were there for you in good and bad times.

- It's not like we'll stop being friends. And! Since we most likely will be covering F1 till we die, we'll still see each other. – you weren’t sure who said that, but it was true.

- You know you can always visit us, right? And you know, maybe smuggle some good snacks for us from the VIP lounge. - Gabe, one of the commentators said and pulled you into a hug, with such force, that you fell on the bed with them.

- Deal... But I got to go, I promised I'll be back on track asap. By the way, why are you all not there? - you sat back up.

- Because we don't have a reporter...? - well now the answer was obvious. There were no races today, so no need for commentators, and nothing interesting to film, besides interviews. - So, we have you to thank for a day off work, a great parting gift. - Nat gave you a radiant smile. - By the way, I still can't believe that you were able to hide it for a year, because I saw you interviewing him up close so many times, and I didn't clock anything! Even now, knowing that you were with him - I can't pinpoint the signs!

- Yeah... We really tried to think of everything, and to be honest - I still think it was worth it because the info is out for what... Two hours? And I already had to mute my phone because it turned into a vibrator. Social media, people from other networks requesting either a comment or an exclusive. Like, I knew people were recognizing both me and him, but this... This is excessive, and I really hope it will die down soon. - you sighed heavily, letting Gabriel play with your hair like he did so many times in the past. - And with it being a secret, we had the opportunity to learn whom we were together without our every move being overanalysed under... - there was a knock on the door. - ...the microscope. Yes?

- Ms. Y/l/n, I'm sorry to interrupt. It's 2:15 PM. Is the room ready to be vacated? - the unfamiliar voice asked through the closed door.

- Yes, I'm so sorry, I'm leaving now. - you replied and the crew got up and out with the speed you recognized from them packing the gear so you all could go and party. You were the last one to leave the room with your suitcase, remembering to slip a tip for the cleaning crew.

Your friends walked you to the elevators when they gave you one last group hug.

- I'm really glad we had a chance to do this, guys... - you whispered, not minding at all that you were being smashed in the middle of the circle.

- Yeah, you take care of yourself, ok...? Be careful and don't forget about us. - you laughed, trying to hold back the tears that started to gather in your eyes.

- Never. Even if I wanted, I couldn't. Too much blackmail between all of us. - you joked and finally stepped into the elevator. You waved them goodbye while the doors closed, and only when they couldn't see you anymore, you dried the tears and made sure in the mirror that your makeup didn't smudge because of that. It, fortunately, didn't, so when you stepped into the lobby, there were no signs of sadness. You returned the keys to your room in the reception and got your passport from the concierge, whom you recognized from your conversation before, so you made sure to thank him again and give him a huge tip because he definitely deserved it.

The ride back to the track was calm again, although getting out of the city took you a moment due to the sheer number of tourists and fans of F1, but as soon as you got to the open road, you put on some music and just enjoyed the ride. Despite it being an older car, it was still in great condition (which could coincidentally be said about its owner), and the engine pleasantly purred when you were handling it just right (which could also coincidentally be said about its owner).

Only when you got to the gate you remembered that you don't have any kind of pass or ticket with you, which meant that you were a bit stuck, so you shot a quick message to Toto.

"Hey, I'm back in front of the gate. Don't have a pass. Help please...?"

"Still in a meeting. Sending someone to get you."

The reply came almost immediately and while you waited, you started chipping away at the mountain of messages you were getting, mostly with just 2 words "No comment". But then you got to the notifications from different websites because of course you did. You will have to turn off the alert with your own name at least for a bit, because it looked like gossip sites found their next victim, and it was you. You still couldn't wrap your mind around how it happened because you were just a reporter. With a loyal following, but still. Your name was never mentioned in mainstream news, in a non-professional way, and now... Ehhh... And even though a few titles made you laugh (especially the one called "Little Red Hood and the Wolff", because you never thought that your red flowy dress would be a reason for such a header), you still turned the notifications off, because you knew from experience that reading about yourself wasn't exactly healthy.

When you heard the knock on the window you jumped and dropped your cell, because even though you were expecting someone, you got so deep into what was happening in your phone, that the outside world stopped existing.

- Hey Y/n, can I hop in? - Valtteri asked and you couldn't believe that Toto chose to send him. You were expecting an assistant, or literally, anyone else from the team, definitely not the driver.

- Hi! - you gave him a huge smile through the window. - Sure! - you quickly moved your bag from the front seat to the back, so he could have a place to sit. - Good to see you again! - you said when he was in the car.

- You too. - even though he was smiling, there was this nagging thought in the back of your head. It was the first time you saw him not in a professional capacity, so maybe you were just imagining things, but you still made a mental note to keep an eye on him. - Here's your ID, and you can get almost anywhere you want around the track with it, not counting other teams’ motorhomes and garages.

- Thank you so much for getting that for me. - you took the pass from him, put it around your neck, and started the car again to finally get to the track.

- Not a problem. By the way, I'm kind of jealous that he lets you drive this car... I asked so many times to take it for a spin… - you chuckled a bit, but you weren't surprised.

- Yeah, sometimes I can't believe it too... How are you by the way? - you drove up to the gate again and showed your fresh ID to the security guard, who checked something on his computer, but as soon as he saw, who was in your passenger seat - he instantly stopped and let you through.

- I'm good, thank you for asking. - and there it was, that feeling again. After all your years in journalism, you could tell when someone wasn't telling the whole truth, but you didn't know him well enough to dig deeper. Maybe one day...? - How about you? - he flipped the question on you, while you drove in the general directions of motorhomes.

- In the middle of a shitstorm I caused, but I don't want to scream or cry every 5 minutes, so I think I'm handling it pretty well. - this time his laughter was genuine, and you smiled.

- Yeah, you kind of sprung this on everyone, and people still have trouble believing it. Although Lewis is bragging to everyone who will listen, that he already knew. He didn't, did he...?- you couldn't help the laughter. Valtteri was surprisingly easy to talk to off-camera, but you couldn't help but wonder, how much of that was rehearsed behaviour and you couldn't wait to get to know the real him...

- Sorry to disappoint, but he did. - Bottas mumbled something in Swedish, which you suspected was a swear. - Not by much, but yeah. He found out yesterday after the qualis. - you offered a bit more information.

- Are you kidding? He's making it sound like he knew for months! - you couldn't help but laugh when you finally got to the familiar outline. Technically you were never inside any of the motorhomes, but up until yesterday, it was your job to know where everything was.

You reached back to get your bag and both of you left the car, and you double-checked if it was for sure locked.

- Well... I can tell you when we made it official between us... If that would make it even. - the driver opened the doors for you and with a gesture showed you which corridor to choose.

- I would love that. - he seemed genuinely excited to know more than his teammate, and you chuckled at that competitiveness.

- It was right after France last year, literally right after the race and right before my interview with Lewis. So, you can rub it in his face just a little bit. - you smiled, and his expression was more suited for a pirate who just found a cave filled with gold, but after a moment he got confused.

- Wait, I thought Toto said that your first date was in Berlin...? - Valtteri wanted to clarify.

- It was. Wait! You watched my live? - you were genuinely surprised.

- The whole team watched it on TV! Our PR and social media teams were pissed that they weren't informed about anything because they're kind of in crisis mode right now. - he laughed, but you didn't; you knew how intense managing this sort of news could be.

- Oh, shit... I didn't even think of that. I should have... I’ll have to apologize to them. - you said in a bit more serious tone, making a mental note about it. - But yeah, since all the teams were slowly getting to Austria, there was no chance for someone to look for either of us in Germany. So, we stayed in Berlin for a few days, went on a road trip to Prague, and then flew in to meet with everyone on track. - you got to the correct room just as the meeting was ending, at least that's what you assumed, because everyone was closing their laptops.

- Thank you for that! Can't wait to rub it in his face! - and then it finally clicked. You knew exactly how and what he felt, how could he not...? But you didn't want to talk about such a serious topic in the middle of the corridor, just as you were getting to know him. But soon...

- Just not too much! And Valtteri...? - you said just as he started to walk away after accomplishing the mission of delivering you to Toto, but he turned around. - Take care of yourself, ok? - he looked confused for a second, but very quickly shook it off and replace it with a smile.

- I will! - you knew that wasn't the whole truth.

- Pinky promise? - you asked, extending your little finger in his direction, masking your seriousness with a burst of small laughter. You could see the hesitation on his face when he looked at you, trying to figure something out.

- Pinky promise. - he eventually said in a much quieter voice, but he wrapped his pinky around yours and you shook on it. - See you around, Y/n! - and just like that he was back to his happy, bubbly self,

And that's exactly when Toto saw you through the glass doors and invited you in with a gesture.

- Hi everyone! - you put on a giant smile while you pushed the door and entered the room. You recognized few of the people on the team, but definitely not all of them. There were a lot of greetings at the same time, so you weren't exactly sure who said what, but Toto immediately pulled you into his lap as soon as you were within reach, and placed a soft kiss on your temple. You couldn't help but notice the surprise on a some faces, and you wondered if it was the first time they saw their boss this affectionate with anyone.

- So, most of you know who this lovely creature is... - he said, bouncing you a few times on his knees, which made you audibly laugh. - What you guys might not know... - he wanted to continue.

- They might... Apparently, the whole team watched our live together. - you cut him off with a quick comment, and by the look on everyone's face - you were right.

- Oh. - his face dropped as if the consequences of going public just got to him. - You were right then, Schatzi... The news indeed travels fast. - there were a few nervous chuckles from the team, but Toto quickly composed himself and started introducing everyone in the room, and you couldn't help but notice that they were either engineers or in aerodynamics.

Overall, it was nice, but meeting so many people at the same time still felt a bit alien. Even though you remembered the names, all the facts about them started to merge into one blob in your head, and you felt a bit bad about it because you cared, and you wanted to remember everything correctly. They were meeting just one person, while you already met at least 25, and that was not all.

Because after the engineering, Toto took you to PR and socials, to which you apologized profusely, and even though you saw how much work they had on their hands - they were super nice about it. They only asked you to make an official post with them and after good five minutes of brainstorming the ideas, and Toto looking super confused the whole time, the suggestion of using a "Nobody's gonna know" sound won, and you quickly let them film you mouthing the lines, so they could use it later when they'll have all the material.

And just as you were about to move on, Joanna came in and introduced herself without prompting, and asked you if you had your passport with you because she'll need to add you to the jet manifest for the next trip, which was apparently another thing Toto already thought about before you. Fortunately, you had it in your bag, because you just got it back from the hotel, so you passed it to her, and after a short "It's nice to meet you" she was gone, and you couldn't help feeling more and more like you made everyone's job much harder, and all that during race week.

Before you managed to spiral down deeper, Toto took you to the garage, where there were even more people to officially meet, and fortunately - down here - not every name and face were brand new, because you knew them from doing interviews around the pit, even if only in passing. But you had the chance to finally speak with them a bit more, and when you got to a young build component logistics coordinator, you instantly clicked, and Toto had to pull you away because you very quickly lost track of time. But before you went, you quickly exchanged numbers with Georgia; she was the first one from the team whom you did that with, but you couldn't help yourself. And as soon as left the garage, she sent you the pictures of her cat, exactly as she promised.

- You're going to have to make me a cheat sheet so I can learn everyone's name because right now I'm not sure I remembered even half... - you laughed quietly when the gust of fresh air hit you.

- Or you could just talk with everyone and get to know them naturally over time... - he chuckled, pulling you closer, to the point where you had to grab him not to lose your footing. - How was the checkout, by the way, everything went smoothly? - he asked when you started guiding him to the place you parked.

- Yup, no issues. I even got to say goodbye to my crew, which was nice... I didn't realize how much I needed it until it happened. - You pressed your cheek against his shirt, searching for more affection, and then you heard someone calling Toto's name. You instinctively turned that way, but all you saw was the camera flashing. You could hear the swear leaving your mouth, because you realized what was about to happen and it was already making you sick, so you quickly dove into your bag in search of the car keys; fortunately you weren't far away and Toto could just tell that something was different, even though he couldn't exactly name it, because until now his experience with journalists was tame. Sure, they got in his face with the cameras, but never to the extreme.

But this was no journalist... This was a fucking paparazzi. You realized that immediately when you saw that he was alone, with no crew, just a camera with a giant lens and even more of them fastened to his belt.

- Toto, we have to leave. Quickly... - you whispered, putting the keys in his hand, and when you looked over your shoulder again, the paparazzi was already running in your direction.

One look at you and Toto knew you were serious, so he placed a quick kiss on the top of your head, trying to calm you down. And even though you were trying your best not to show any fear in your expression, it started bubbling under your skin. You knew it wasn't rational, you knew you wouldn't get hurt, and you knew - if it came to anything - Toto would take the brunt of it until the security would arrive, but you couldn't help it. You witnessed it too many times to be ignorant of what could happen in the worst-case scenario.

As soon as you got to the car, he opened the door for you and made sure to close it before the paparazzi got closer, so he wouldn't be able to shove the camera right in your face. You heard the questions asked and they made your skin crawl, but Toto calmly circled the car, completely ignoring the camera and saying that he was not commenting on that at this time. He was cool, collected, and professional, and it calmed you down a little, especially when he got in the car and very quickly adjusted the seat without saying a word. He gave your knee a gentle squeeze before he turned the key in the ignition, and just as he did that, you noticed more paparazzi running in your direction.

The first one was blocking the front of the car and was still taking pictures and screaming questions, but Toto quickly put the vintage Mercedes in reverse and started driving away. He had to slow down when he got to the swarm of photographers trying to get a shot, and you slowly got surrounded to the point when it was hard to move even centimeters in a desired direction without hurting the vultures around the car. You subconsciously reached for Toto's hand and gripped it tightly with both of yours, while he did his best to maneuver the car in the direction of the gate to the sound of camera shutters and the flashing lights. You did your best to keep your expression neutral, but you were shaking with fear, your usual confident self currently forgotten; it was the first time ever you were in this type of situation, and even when you were with the press, you always condemned this kind of behavior.

But then the wave of anger overtook you. It wasn't normal. It shouldn't be happening. Neither of you deserved it.

You quickly unlocked your phone and even quicker started an unannounced live stream. Only a few seconds had to pass before people started to flood in. You were careful not to show Toto's face because this wasn't about him. This was about those bastards who were attacking you. You've waited a full minute before you said anything, but the comments were already on fire, getting furious right there with you.

- Someone asked me earlier today why we waited so long before sharing the fact that we're together. This is exactly why. Not because we don't respect you, not because we’re ashamed, not because there were any restrictions on either side, but because of this kind of people. - you made sure to show everything that was happening around the car. - Don't interact with this type of media because this is not journalism. This is assault. - you've added and you continued to stream without saying another word, and you felt Toto's hand gently resting on your thigh, and when he looked at him, there was a soft, comforting smile on his face. And that was enough to calm you...

You continued the live stream in silence for few more minutes until the security showed up and dispersed the crowd. After you ended streaming, you cross-posted the 7-minute video on all of your platforms and put your phone back in the bag.

You wanted to say something, to apologize, but you got the feeling, that if said even one word, all that anger you were currently experiencing would disappear and you would break. And you weren't ready to do that just yet, so you covered Toto's hand with your own and let his thumb glide over your skin.

You couldn't help but wonder if revealing your relationship to the media was worth it... The impulsive thoughts entered your head again, and even Toto's calming presence couldn't stop them. The relationship itself was something you could never regret, not in a billion years, but shining a light on it...? It was something that started making a spiky nest in your brain and filling it with doubts. Wouldn't it be better to just wait? At least till after the race, or even better - after the season, so neither of you would be so accessible, because now - everyone knew where both of you would be. Well, not every single minute, but during the races, and it was enough to get to the both of you. How long will it drag? How quickly people will get bored? Will you have to face the same treatment back home, or will it die down after the season? Or was it just a fluke and it won't happen ever again?

You didn't even register when you got back to the hotel, because the dark thoughts were clouding everything else. Only when the door on your side opened, you realized where you were. You took Toto's offered hand, but instead of reaching for your suitcase, you pulled yourself closer to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, while his chin rested on the top of your head, and his hands were gently running over your back. All the emotions finally spilled out in the form of tears you couldn't stop. Neither of you said a word because you simply didn't have to.

He knew exactly why you needed to do that, and you didn't have to apologize, because he wasn't blaming you for anything. It took you a few minutes to eventually stop the silent sobs, and he moved his hands to your face, to dry away the tears his shirt didn't manage to absorb.

- We're ok. - he said, and you gave him a weak smile.

- We're ok... - you echoed the thing you said every time something serious happened, because no matter what - you two were going to be ok, and it was enough to either push you to fight or to calm either of you down. And it worked wonderfully. He placed one last kiss on your forehead before you let him go.

You were just about to get your suitcase and bag from the car, but he was already doing that. He didn't tell you that he loved you very often, reserving it only for special occasions, but he showed it to you in everything he did, and it was much more powerful than any words.

You took the bag from him and put it over your shoulder, but he kept the suitcase in one hand, wrapping the other around you, and you did the same, hooking your thumb through a beltloop on his pants, only letting go when you were in your room again.

He didn't even take out his laptop this time, even though you knew he was itching to go over the graphs a few more times before tomorrow. Instead, he proposed watching a movie, so you wouldn't start thinking about all this craziness again because he knew that you eventually would, and he wanted to give you a few more moments of peace.

Both of you slipped into something more comfortable and while he was ordering popcorn from the hotel kitchen (which you thought was crazy, but it's not like either of you thought about buying it in the store), you chose a French romantic comedy about a secretary who took part in a typewriting contest and fell in love with her boss while training for said contest. And Toto didn't even bat an eye when you quickly summarized the plot because he simply didn't care; and as long as you were happy, he could watch a romantic comedy with you, and even make comments about the plot.

But the thing was... When the movie started, there was still adrenaline in your veins from before, and only when you were in his arms, your body started to relax and come down from that overdrive. And with Toto's warm torso against yours, and his gentle touches wandering mindlessly over your skin, you finally felt safe enough to let everything else go, and you didn't even realize that you fell asleep to the sounds of soft music from a dance scene coming on the TV.

Part 5

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤#📏#No Longer a Secret by G.

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sparklecarehospital · 25 days

Note

Heyy Eve! I'm so sorry for the Disqus thing that happened. I must say though I absolutely ADORE this webcomic to bits (To the point that I made this character you see here! it's a self-insert-) it's been basically a little anchor for me for timekeeping for a bit while volume 4 was up (I started reading with my partner near the end of volume 3) and I gotta say I love your characters and the story overall! Sparklecare, Cometcare, Darker Matters etc etc. I am always excited to see stuff from the you and the ZCP! My uh, current favorite character is Brigh, so I'm really excited for the next volume! I hope for everything to work out well, Eve!- Let's hope you all can work these issues out sooner or later- Kind regards, Kay Otik (Cipher!), Your local chaos-loving feline

Thank you so much!!! I'll be real, comic updates actually helped me timekeep as well. I don't have a traditional job or go to school or anything so my schedule isn't really super structured, and I kept track of time based on update days. It's funny, literally on Friday I had no idea it was Friday because the updates had been keeping me aware of time passing.

I'm really glad you enjoy all of the stories! They make me really happy too. :] and I also absolutely adore Brigh so I'm also pretty hyped about V5 LOL plus the fact the next volume is gonna be readable through the new site. I really hope that the new site will make reading the comic on every device a lot more comfortable because I know atm it's genuinely a nightmare trying to read on mobile OTL

I'm hoping too!!! Wish me luck 🙏

#answers

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klausinamarink · 7 months

Text

One Kid Gone, Another Up and Vanished (part 9)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 | next: Part 10 | ao3

If you miss a path, you take a new one or go back where you started (hiya! It’s been a minute ^^ i hope you’ve all been patient since the last update. and October is already almost over what the f-)

To say the drive to Forest Hills is a quiet one is barely an understatement. Because a quiet car ride wouldn’t send Joyce’s insides on a frenzy and make her debate about just opening the passenger door and jump out like in her younger years.

Wayne hasn’t spoken a word since he offered the ride to his home. He occasionally sends glances at her, but otherwise his eyes are on the road. Despite his soft expression, Joyce is certain that Wayne’s opinion on her is already changing.

At first, Joyce had been relieved that somebody actually believes her about Will. But now, she feels like a soulless bitch. Because what the hell was she thinking about throwing Eddie’s name to Wayne and manipulating his grief? What if the Eddie is with Will isn’t even Eddie Munson? And what would’ve happened if Wayne never believed her? How even would he reacted?

“This is your problem, Joyce. The second you hear someone having the same issue as you, you immediately assume you know everything and you bring them close just to hurt them. Just like how you keep hurting me. Can you please stop using people’s pain against them before this town decides to hurt you back?”

Joyce bites the skin around her thumb. She’s suddenly seventeen or nine again, head down to her chest after the clinic appointment or another school fight with Nicole Crawford. Her mother’s driving with her furious eyes on the road, never glancing at Joyce. And she’s giving the same scolding again and again-

Heavy guitar music suddenly fills the truck. Joyce jumps in her seat with a shriek. She looks over as Wayne immediately slams on the radio, stopping the deafening noise. A cassette tape pops out and he snatches it.

“Sorry about that.” Wayne says sheepishly, fondling the radio dials to a lower volume as another station comes on. “Sometimes Eddie sneaks in those tapes of his unlabelled. Swore to me up and down that it’s supposed to be some kind of wake-up alarm for my early shifts, but…” He trails off, staring at the tape long enough that Joyce’s worried they’ll drive off the road. But Wayne shakes his head and puts it on the dashboard.

Soon he tunes into a station that sounds like country music. Joyce looks at him again anxiously, but Wayne’s already staring through the windshield again. “Thought some music would help.”

“Oh.” Joyce says softly. She looks down at her thumb, already abused by her teeth and the hangnails torn off. She doesn’t say thank you because she’s certain that Wayne won’t like it right now.

The drive is still quiet, but some of the tension eases out of Joyce.

Eventually, they arrive at the Forest Hills park and Wayne’s pulling up to his trailer. Already, Joyce feels the resident’s stares on her even before she steps out. It might just be her paranoia, but she doesn’t dare turn around to check.

She forces her gaze forward as she follows Wayne up the porch steps. She notices how he freezes for a few seconds before he creaks the door open slowly. He pokes in his head through and Joyce wonders if there’s someone else there. But Wayne’s shoulders drop with visible relief and walks right in.

“C’mon in.” He tells her with a tiny beckon of his head. Joyce looks down at the threshold, takes a deep breath, and crosses it.

The Munson home is a bit bigger than Joyce expects, but she feels the rest of her stress lift away almost instantly. It could be just how homey it looks and feels. Warm and inviting without a single space left for the cold.

She just hopes that it wouldn’t turn against her.

As she looks around, Joyce sees a phone laying on the ground with one end almost blackened. A sense of déjà vu overcomes her as she picks it up. She holds it by her ear but, when she hears nothing, hangs it back on the hook.

“So.” Wayne starts, leaning back against the kitchen counter. He suddenly looks tired.

Joyce looks around, eyeing every lightbulb she sees. “W-Where exactly did your lights flicker?”

Wayne points over at the kitchen. “Saw ‘em at the living room too. One of the lamps next to the couch though. And I think one by the door.”

Joyce bites her lip as she studies the kitchen first. She starts making her way towards there, glancing at Wayne for silent permission. He gives her a small nod and she continues forward.

“..Will?” She calls out softly, watching the lights carefully. Wayne’s eyes are burning through her back, judging her. Joyce wraps her arms tight around her stomach, breathing slowly. “Will? Are you there?”

The lights don’t respond.

It brings her back to that first day when her lights had went haywire. Before Joyce had realized it was her boy trying to speak to her. It makes her nervous thinking about it. Why isn’t Will communicating to her?

“Eddie?” She tries, carefully keeping herself from glancing back at Wayne. “Eddie, are you here with Will right now?”

The lights remain dark.

Joyce feels herself biting around her fingernails again and forces herself to stop. She finally turns to face Wayne. He hasn’t moved from his spot, although she notices the lines around his eyes seem to harden. Her heart falls and she’s almost ready to let herself give up and apologize for hurting Wayne like this.

Instead, she braces herself again and asks, “Do you have any Christmas lights?”

Wayne furrows his brows in bemusement, “Christmas lights?”

Joyce nods, “It was better for me to talk to Will. Well, I had to paint the alphabet on the wall so I could understand…”

Wayne finally moves then, walking away further down the trailer. For a moment, Joyce believes he’s leaving. But then there’s sounds of rummaging and he returns, carrying a coil of Christmas lights on top of folded sheets. The ones with bigger bulbs that Joyce also uses.

“We don’t celebrate, but better to decorate and pretend.” Wayne muses, handing the lights to her. Joyce hesitates, waiting for him to snatch it back and bark at her to leave like the psychotic bitch she is. He doesn’t do that - only looks at her with weary eyes that seem to be more sad than angry. Like a man desperate enough to turn to such weird practices to find his nephew.

It feels like a truce when Joyce takes the lights. She’s careful in untangling them and finding one of the outlets to plug it in. She turns back to see Wayne laying the sheet down on the floor. It’s a ragged white with a few grey stains and a faded alphabet spray painted on it.

“When Eddie came to my door, he couldn’t speak at all.” Wayne starts, laying his hand over to smooth down any wrinkles. “The home he grew up in with his parents… it was pretty bad enough to make him mute. I had to do baby steps on figuring how to make him talk again. So I created a couple games.” He sits down on one side of the sheet, nodding at Joyce.

She kneels down first, carefully lining the lights up over each letter, listening.

“This game I made with this,” Wayne continued, “well, it doesn’t have a name, but how I taught him was I would throw a word at him, ask him what letter it starts with, and he would point at one of these letters.” He taps on the ‘M’. “I’d say, ‘Say, Eddie, what does the word muse start with?’ And he just walks over to the sheet I hung on the wall and points at the M.”

After the lights are done with, Joyce mirrors Wayne, sitting crosslegged. His gaze is on the sheet, almost watery.

“After a few weeks of that, I start pestering Eddie a bit. Tell him that he doesn’t need to get up and point all the time. He was a smartass even then so just he points at the alphabet and I have to tell him that I can’t see which letter he was pointing. And eventually… he starts saying the letters aloud.”

Wayne cracks a smile, “He had the most adorable voice. I nearly cried when I heard him for the first time because that’s my nephew, who wouldn’t love him? After that, he starts talking more, all in full sentences. So I folded the sheet, put it in the closet, and that’s how the game ended.”

He takes a shuddering breath, blinking rapidly and rubbing two fingers over his lips. Joyce blinks away the tears that were welling in her eyes and slowly reaches over to wrap a gentle hand around Wayne’s wrist. He meets her gaze and she offers a smile that she hopes is beyond than just sympathetic.

“You sound more like a father than an uncle.” Joyce says quietly.

Wayne shakes his head, wiping under his eyes. “I get that a lot.” He leans back, although he’s careful not to completely rip away from Joyce’s hold. He takes a few breaths before he looks back down at the Christmas lights and sheet. “Now, how is this supposed to work?”

—

“Country roads, take me home…”

The lyrics aren’t as familiar in Will’s mouth as the walk back to his house. He had heard the song a couple times on Jonathan’s car radio and the chorus was pretty catchy, but he doesn’t remember the rest of it too well.

But it’s better to fill the silence between him and Eddie. Maybe a change of songs would help Eddie talk again.

“To the place, where I belong…” Will sucks in a breath and cries out, “Indiana!”

He looks up at Eddie expectedly, but the older boy’s still staring ahead blankly.

Will sighs, feeling guilty for he wanting Eddie to be better and back to normal already. He squeezes Eddie’s hand three times as he looks up. His house is just appearing in view-

and so does the demogorgon.

Will immediately freezes in his tracks. He barely keeps himself from falling over when Eddie continues walking until Will roughly tugs his arm to a stop.

The demogorgon is stalking along the side of his house, its long claws dragging on the wall. They’re both far enough not to catch its attention, but it doesn’t stop Will’s heart from racing wildly. He watches as the monster walks to the front, altering between going on all fours to two legs, its flowery head fluttering close by the windows as if peeking through the glass. Even from this distance, Will can hear it growling.

When it rounds to the other side, Will slowly takes a step back. His grip on Eddie’s hand is deathly tight as Eddie mindlessly shuffles back with him.

They keep going even when the demogorgon disappears behind the house. Once the house is out of view and much farther, Will finally comes to a stop.

This is bad.

He almost can’t think with how hard his heart is racing all the way to his head. The demogorgon is here. It came here. But why would it go to his house instead of Eddie’s when they were there almost all day yesterday?

He tries to rack his brain more clearly. Tries to think about the demogorgon’s stats and the last time he’s seen it. Maybe he had actually managed to stab it with the spear and it had given the monster enough damage to stay in the yard and heal? That makes sense, but if it got better, it could’ve followed him and Eddie to the trailer park again.

“Oh no..” Will whispers when the realization hits him.

The demogorgon’s expecting them to come.

It has enough intelligence to know how important WIll’s house is. So like any predator, it would wait there instead and then-

Will gulps, huddling himself closer to Eddie’s side. He looks at both directions of the road and then at the woods, trying to make a plan. They have to escape, but they can’t go back to Eddie’s trailer. They have to risk going to town and hide there somewhere instead.

But where?

The possibilities suddenly feel too overwhelming. Will sucks in a shaky breath, tears welling up in his eyes. He doesn’t know where to even go and he feels like he doesn’t want to. Squeezes Eddie’s hand so hard that it should make the older boy to react, but looking up to see Eddie still blank-faced only makes him feel like he wants to rip his chest out.

There’s a funeral for him, he can’t go to his house, he can’t hear his friends or talk to Mom, the monster is still stalking them, and Eddie’s unresponsive. He feels cold and tired and little sick. All of it is crushing Will on his back and he wants to kneel on the ground and scream.

But if he does that, then it might attract the demogorgon and it’ll kill them and neither of them will go home. So Will lets himself cry as quietly as possible, hugging around Eddie’s legs as he does.

After he’s done, Will’s other hand goes to his pocket and finds the ZIppo lighter. He flicks the lid open and feels absolute relief when the tiny flame sparks to life.

“Will the Wise, what is your decision?”

“I attack the demogorgon with fireball!”

“Then roll for it!”

Will huffs softly at the memory, not even few days old yet feels like forever ago. He knows he can’t attack the demogorgon in this state. If only Eddie can do his DM voice again to help him out-

A lightbulb goes over his head.

Will takes another sharp breath, twisting his head towards the other end of the road. They can’t go back to the trailer park, no. But he can take them to a place at last where the demogorgon should never find them again.

With a renewed sense of vigour, Will once again tugs Eddie with him. Hopefully, their journey would feel like a few minutes pass by the time they arrive.

—

The sun sinks in the horizon behind the trees, turning the sky to a dark orange-red haze and making the leaves glow. On another day, Jeff would loved the sight.

But today isn’t that day. Even a nature walk can’t lift his spirits up.

He’s alone again, walking to a direction he hopes would led him to some secret place where Eddie might be. Alive, of course.

After their own thorough search through some of the woods yesterday with no luck, Frankie had told Jeff that they should go home and start tomorrow. But then Frankie called this morning and said that with that funeral for the Byers kid happening, he couldn’t bear to go looking again.

Jeff had been kind, telling Frankie that it’s okay and he would still look for Eddie by himself. But now Jeff wishes he could’ve either stayed home or that Frankie hadn’t chickened out today because he’s feeling really depressed being alone right now.

It’s been a new feeling that he can’t shake off him since he had seen Eddie’s poster. Or maybe it started when Wayne had asked about Eddie’s places. No matter, it doesn’t stop making his side feel raw like the worst road rash in his life.

He wishes he can take back every comment of calling Eddie a thorn in his side. Because nobody should feel like they’re bleeding nonstop after the thorn’s out.

Jeff kicks a pebble. A twig. Another rock. A few leaves. It makes him feel a little better until he remembers one story from Grandma how after the war, she had once found a body after kicking some sand on a beach. Their face, to be specific, with glassy dirty eyes staring at nothing yet staring at her too. Jeff shudders and keeps his shoes from kicking anything else.

He climbs up a hill, a small one but it feels like a mountain to him. He looks around and shouts, “Eddie!”

It echoes and vanishes. Just like every time before.

As Jeff glances down, he startles at two people suddenly appearing just a few feet away. “Oh shit- sorry! I’m just, uh, walking by. For no reason.” He grimaces at his excuse, but they’re just strangers so why they should care?

One of them, a teenaged girl with her arms crossed and pinched eyebrows, takes a step forward, “Well, sorry to bother you, but do you-”

Her companion, a boy probably about a year or two older than her, clears his throat discreetly. Jeff squints at him, trying to figure out why he looks familiar. The girl turns to the boy and makes some sort of expression that Jeff can’t decipher.

“We’re just leaving. Sorry, bye.” The boy ducks his head in further and starts to walk away, but the girl grabs his arm to stop. She hisses something to him under her breath, to which he responds in a low mumble.

Recognition hits Jeff. He snaps his fingers, catching the duo’s attention. “Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers, right?”

They stare at him for a moment that makes Jeff wish he didn’t say anything and just go back home. But then, Byers nods stiffly, “Yeah. Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.” Jeff replies slowly. “I’m, uh, sorry about your brother. Hope you and your mom are doing okay.”

Byers gives him a stare that almost looks a thousand-yards away of throttling him, but then Wheeler clears her throat. Speaking of which, why are these two on a walk together? Isn’t Wheeler Steve Harrington’s new girlfriend on the line?

“Sorry, your name is..?”

He’s not surprised that Harrington’s girlfriend wouldn’t even know who he is. “Jeff. Jeff Endes.”

“Oh!” Wheeler’s eyes light up in recognition. “I think we have geography class together? With Mr. King?”

Huh. Never mind. Jeff’s lips twitch to a small smile with warm butterflies in his stomach.

“Right, this might sound weird, but have you seen anything unusual recently?” Wheeler asks.

Yeah, my best friend is missing and I think his uncle is butting heads with the cops. Jeff almost says aloud, but he swallows it and shakes his head. Instead he says, “Not really, no.”

“So you haven’t seen Barb around here?”

Jeff tilts his head at her. “Isn’t she your best friend?”

Wheeler’s smile is strained. “Yeah, but-”

Byers gives her another elbow nudge at her arm, which makes her glare at him. And then they’re back at the whispering argument. Seriously, what is up with these two? Jeff wonders if he’s now a victim of a very weird prank right now and wow, doesn’t that remind him of a hypothetical scenario that Eddie had wrote in his Munson Doctrine.

They both look back at him. Jeff contemplates in just sprinting off when Wheeler opens her mouth again, but then Byers says-

“We’re tracking down a rabid bear to kill it.”

Wheeler gives him a wide-eyed look. Jeff blinks slowly, expecting Byers to burst into laughter and give him a pat like Relax! Just messing with you! But Byers’ gaze is dead fucking serious.

“You.” Jeff begins slowly. “Are. Looking. For. A rabid…” He trails off, not bothering to finish that sentence.

“That’s.. something like that.” Wheeler smiles, tight and sweet. There’s a moment where Jeff spots a maniac gleam in her eyes.

“Yeah, okay.” Jeff starts walking backward, something he wouldn’t normally do in the woods but it’s time for desperate measures. “You two enjoy, uh, that. Bye!”

He turns around and starts speed-walking the way back. He doesn’t dare to look back, afraid he’s going to fall in some weird-ass rabbit hole with Wheeler and Byers. Which, again, begs the question: why are these two together bear hunting??

He probably doesn’t go too far when he hears a faint sound somewhere on his left. He narrows his eyes and goes over to investigate. As he walks closer, he registers the sound as a whine as if someone is in pain.

Jeff’s heart quickens. He breaks to a run. Maybe it’s Eddie and he’s been hurt all this time-

He comes to a stop.

“Oh.”

It’s not Eddie. Almost a bit of a relief, but not enough to keep his stomach from turning at unpleasant sight of a wounded deer on its side.

Its head keeps lifting up, emitting faint squeaks of pain. Whatever happened to it must’ve been some wolf or a bear based on its nasty gashes on its flank and belly.

There’s a crunching of leaves as a certain pair approaches. Jeff looks up to see Wheeler covering her mouth with a hand as she sees the deer. She makes a tiny sympathetic noise, muttering, “Oh no…” Byers almost looks more distressed than she is.

Jeff breathes out slowly and catches their gazes. He gives them an unspoken question: What are you going to do?

Wheeler lowers her hand, biting her lip. She looks at Byers, who’s still staring at the deer. He catches her eyes for a moment before he pulls out a small pistol from his jacket pocket, clicking the safety off.

Byers glances back at the deer and a steely expression comes over him. He slowly lifts the gun up, aiming at the head.

Oh god, he’s actually doing it. Jeff shuts his eyes, turning his head away. The last thing he wants to see tonight is deer brains splattering on the ground.

Several seconds pass without anything happening. But then there’s some sort of thudding and Wheeler giving a loud shriek. Jeff opens his eyes and turns to see the deer is gone. Nothing left of its existence except for the bloodstained, disturbed leaves.

“What the-?” He looks at Byers and Wheeler but they’re both staring ahead.

“The- It just-” Byers stammers. And then Wheeler darts off before he could even give an explanation. “Wh- Nancy!” He calls to her before he chases her.

Jeff watches them run off. He wonders if he can run off the other way instead because who the hell goes after something that grabs a deer right in front of them?

But Jeff’s used to idiotic shenanigans so he groans and starts following them.

He’s already lost sight of Wheeler (whelp, she’s dead) but he can see Byers (probably good for another minute) through the trees. Jeff manages to run a little faster just before Byers stops in his tracks and they almost collide.

“Shit- sorry, man!” Jeff pauses to catch his breath before continuing, “Where did Wheeler go?”

Byers doesn’t answer. He’s looking down at something, blinking in bafflement. Jeff follows his gaze to-

What the…

On the trunk of an oak tree, there’s a large hole. At first, it looks like what a fox would dig for a den, but foxholes don’t really look like they’re glowing pink with weird cobwebs in front.

Jeff rubs his eyes before staring back at the hole, unsure if it’s some colour hallucination. But nothing about it changes except that the glow looks a little more orange now.

“I saw Nancy…” Byers swallowed. “She, uh, I think she…”

Jeff very slowly turns to him. “She went. Inside?”

Byers gives a slow nod without breaking his stare from the hole. Jeff looks up at the sky for a long moment, praying to his ancestors for advice to avoid further white people stupidity and apologizing for the most idiotic thing he’s about to do.

“Give me your gun, man.”

Byers shoots him an incredulous look. “What?”

Jeff shakes his empty hand out. “Give me your gun! I’m not going in there even with a very large branch.”

Byers hesitates before he hands the pistol over. “You know how to use it?”

Jeff doesn’t answer, only snatching the gun and crouching down to enter the weird foxhole. He hears Byers calling his name but Jeff ignores him as he ducks his head inside.

It’s… definitely very weird. A little bit squishy and uncomfortably fleshy. Jeff hates it even if he’s in it for three seconds. When he comes out, he takes a thankful gasp of air and almost chokes at the drop of the temperature.

Jeff stands up, brushing his jacket sleeves. When his vision adjusts to the dark, he feels like every blood in his body freezing up.

This is.. Well, he knows this is the woods. The same woods in Hawkins that he swears he just left a few seconds ago, but it’s not. How can it be the same when it’s much darker than night with weird ash sprites floating in the air and thick vines wrapping around the trees?

Jeff keeps a steady count of his breaths, slow and deliberate. He calls out, “Wheeler!”

“Jeff?”

Jeffs whirls around, almost shooting the damn gun in his hand. But it’s just Nancy Wheeler coming right around the tree with the hole - or a portal?

Wheeler looks as bemused as Jeff feels. “What are you doing here?”

Jeff raises his eyebrows. “Seriously? You crawl in a hole that leads to whatever this part of the woods are and you are asking what I’m doing here? What about you?”

Wheeler almost seems ready to argue but she shakes her head and looks around, “I-I saw it. Came through here and I- crap, I don’t really know what even is this place…”

Jeff feels a violent shiver ripple through him. He rubs on his arms in an attempt to get warm. Holy crap, it’s freezing and he can see his breath. Wheeler is shaking too and it’s probably not because she’s scared.

“Hey, listen, how about we ask about the meaning of this place when we go back-”

There’s a low growl.

Jeff snaps his back up straighter, whirling around. Wheeler spins her head to another direction, her sharp blue eyes examining through trees. Whatever the hell it is, it seems to come from everywhere and isn’t that a pretty sign. It almost sends Jeff back to Eddie’s brutal campaigns, but he shoves the memory away before it comes to further fruition.

Wheeler gasps, “Over there.”

Jeff follows her gaze, trying to spot what she’s seeing. He can only see some kind of wolf devouring something not far from them-

“Nancy! Jeff! Are you guys still there?”

Byers’ voice comes out of nowhere. Like literally nowhere because even when Jeff spins around and expects to see him, he only sees

“Jonathan?” Wheeler calls out. Jeff bristles and slaps her arm to remind her that there’s an animal right in front of them.

But it’s too late. It catches the wolf’s attention too as its head snaps towards them-

That isn’t a wolf.

Wolves definitely don’t look large and human-like with slimy-looking skin with a head that opens up like a flower and screeches at them with multitudes of teeth.

Jeff and Wheeler scream together and run.

Except when Jeff rounds back to the tree with the portal, Wheeler runs past him.

“Wheeler, where are you going!? Exit’s this way!” He shouts. But she keeps running and the not-wolf thing is already thundering close.

“Nancy! Jeff! Where are you?”

Jeff facepalms himself and chases after her. He tries to ignore the hairs on the back of his neck standing up as the not-wolf growls closer.

He manages to catch up to Wheeler and grabs her arm. She shrieks, her hand flying up to his face. It stings a bit, but Jeff ignores it and pulls her back to the other direction. He looks up in time to see the not-wolf, toothy face wide open, barging right towards them.

Jeff thanks his wits for taking Byers’ gun. While he screams unceremoniously at the sight, he instinctively takes aim and fires at its mouth. The bang almost deafens him and the recoil nearly makes him drop the weapon.

The monster collapses on the ground, its clawed hands gripping its head, making pained whimpers. Jeff’s not sure if he actually hit it or if the gunfire sound blasted its eardrums. Either way, he takes half a second to catch his breath before running again, gripping tight around Wheeler’s wrist.

“Oh my god…” He hears her mutter and he’s inclined to agree. They dash back to the tree and Jeff sees the portal. But as they get closer, he sees that some of the bark is starting to close over-

“C’mon!” Jeff yells. There’s another inhuman shriek from behind.

“It’s getting up!” Wheeler gasps out.

They make it to the tree. And then Byers is popping his head through the slimy webs-

“Oh no, you don’t!” Jeff puts a hand on Byers’ head and shoves him back, ignoring his yelps as he hurriedly crawls through the gross hole again, dragging Wheeler behind him. Suddenly, it feels too tight and Jeff’s chest constricts at the thought of being trapped and crushed.

And then a whoosh of fresh warmer air refills his lungs.

The three of the them collapse on the ground. Jeff rolls on his back, taking big gulping breaths. The muscles in his legs are spasming mad and he knows they’re going to hurt like hurt tomorrow.

“Wh- What…” He hears Byers say, but he doesn’t bother to try and answer him.

He looks over at Wheeler, seeing her kick her legs free just as the slabs of bark close over the portal. The pink-orange glow remains just for a few seconds as thin rays of lights before it fades away. Like there’s never a hole to the cold woods with a monster.

Jeff stares at the tree where the portal used to be. Then he looks at Byers and Wheeler, then back at the tree.

He stands up with shaking legs. Then he points at the tree, “Fuck that. Fuck that thing.” Then he points at the two people he doesn’t ever want to see again. “And fuck you two. I’m going home.” He throws the pistol at their feet, turns his back at them, and walks faster than he ever did in his life.

—

Taglist: @unclewaynemunson @steves-strapcollection @hellion-child @sidekick-hero @mmmmwaffles94 @hbyrde36 @princessstevemunson @sirsnacksalot @tartarusknight @lyriclight @kodaik97 @plsdontdrinkmylavalamp @bookbinderbitch @gutterflower77 @soaringornithopter @angeldreamsoffanfic @panicatthediaz @renaissan-vvitch @manda-panda-monium @newtstabber @little-trash-ghost @niniel-karenine @tinyplanet95

#hmmm i wonder where will is going?#sorry jeff but you’re in the main cast now #you can’t just walk away from a horror genre like it was nothing. steve almost tried that and look where he is now #klaus writes #eddie and will in the upside down au #wayne munson #joyce byers #will byers #eddie munson #jeff stranger things #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things

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sparklingmusicofstars · 5 months

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Hamefura romantic's progress

Hi everyone I was thinking about it for a long time and now we will talk about everyone's romantic's progress recently.

1) Geordo

Geordo is without any doubt the one with the most sweet moments, he kissed her a lot of times and we even had a chapter and some bonus stories on his feelings so I used to see him as the man lead but...in the chapter 5 in the light novel 13 Geordo ended up banned from the Claes House because he forcibly kissed Catarina out of jealousy so maybe the author wants to let the others have some moments too or maybe it will be ignored in the next novel. So there are still some chances. But Geordo is first for the time being. So don't worry Geokata's fans.

2) Keith

Keith is still behind Geordo but he doesn't really make any progress, he protects Catarina from Geordo and scolds her but that's all. His sweet moments seem a bit minors too. But at the end of the light novel 13 he seemed quite imposant while talking to Geordo so there is still some hope for him. But Keith is still shy about it so maybe the next sweet moments will be a bit late for him but he still have the avantage of being one of the only ones who confessed to her and he have their father's cheering. For the time being he is still mom zoned.

3) Maria

In the late volume Maria seems to have make some progress and even glared at Cezar, a royal, because she was afraid he will take Catarina to another country as his fiancée. And Catarina saved her from Sarah and some thugs but I don't think we have any sweet moment. I think she only glared at Cezar because she wants to stay by Catarina's side and if she is married to a foreign royal, it will not be possible anymore. Moreover she realized that Cezar is interested in Catarina. Still I personnaly see her as Catarina's personal bakery in my mind. But now she is protected at the Ministry of Magic so I don't know if we will have any sweet moment soon.

4) Raphael

I had a hard time to choose but it seems that Raphael is suprisingly one of the person who makes to most romantic's progress. I was suprised, generally we don't really mention him but in the last volume we talk about him a lot at the beginning and at the end of it. With Catarina blushing at his praise, thinking that if he was serious there would be no women resisting him, him worrying sick about her and agreeing with Laura when she said Catarina was too cute so a foreign prince could fall in love with her at first sight. What's more, the mysterious man Cezar and Catarina met is heavingly suspected to be his father, Marquis Dieke. So maybe the plot will be focused on Raphael for a while... Maybe the author felt bad for leaving him out ? For the time being Raphael seems to be seen as a love interest again so he still has his chances.

5) Cezar

The last volume was mainly focused on Cezar, we learn at of things about him and he was officially introduced as one of Catarina's love interests and he has Jean on his side , who now definitely wants Catarina to choose Cezar. Cezar is still in Sorcier at the end of the volume so I don't know if the story will still be focused on him or if his moments will be minors again. What's more we still don't know if Cezar will pursue Catarina even after what happened with Geordo or if he will try to contain his feelings again. Catarina doesn't seem to see him as an ordinary friend too... But I guess his position will depend of the next volume. He is a prince after all so he can rivalised with everyone.

6) Sora

Sora seems to have at least one sweet moment per volume and it's generally at the Ministry's gate. He is slowly but safely making progress. Catarina seemed to have big brother zoned him. But in the volume 13 he almost didn't appear .Maybe because it was mainly focused on Raphael and Cezar. But in the light novel 12 he is the only one to know a bit about Catarina's secret and biggest fear. He is also one of the only ones who know more or less Catarina's relationship with Cezar because the two of them wanted to save Catarina during the kidnappings at the Harbor ocean. So he still has his chances. Maybe an another rival will help him to step in. Anyway, for the time being he doesn't make any significant progress.

7) Alan and Nicol

Alan and Nicol unfortunately don't have any sweet moment since the light novel 11 where they got only one or two which are minors. Maybe they will have more sweet moments in the next volumes, who know ? But now they don't appear much and not with Catarina alone, so they should stand up a bit. Maybe the commotion with Cezar will help them. So don't stop cheering for them.

8) Mary

In Mary's case Catarina only seems to see her as a friend so we rarely ever have any sweet moment between these two. But Mary still gives her best and work hard for it. And of course protected Catarina from her others rivals.

9) Sophia

Even if Sophia is in love with Catarina, it seems that she isn't seen as a romantic interest anymore. She is seen as one of Catarina's best friends and Acchan's reincarnation. So we don't have any romantic progress with her but she still cheers up on her brother and wants to help him, we have a lot of funny moments with her and she is quite important in the plote too.

No ranked) Aaqil

The new character and love interest, I feel like I shouldn't ranked him yet since we only see him in the movie (and of course the light novel of the movie) but I don't think we should forget him. He seems important and I'm sure he will come back soon. And I love how bold he is, kissing her hand in front of everyone and even call her his "ranyamu" alias "beloved". I thought "How bold of him" He swore he will come to Sorcier again to meet Catarina so we can look forward to it.

The secret target :

??????

Don't forget that it is only for the time being so It can changes anytime. Keep on cheering your favorite one !

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schoolmysteryno69 · 11 months

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META ANALYSIS - Mitsukou (part 1)

General topic - how they’re written as a one of the romantic couples in the story

Before I start, I need to say few things:

1. I’m not native english speaker. I’m probably going to make a lot of errors and mistakes, mix times, have a lacking vocabulary etc. Please be ready for it. I want to write my meta post anyway, so I would be happy if you will stay to the end with me!

2. If you do not like Mitsukou/hate this ship or anything like that - maybe this post it's not for you. It's totally okay to ship different thing and like different things, I don’t mind. My post is not a starter for a discussion tho, I’m not interested in discourses, argues and hate. I don’t really plan to “prove” anything to anyone or force you to change your mind, whole post is only MY analysis and my point of view. You are not obligated to feel the same way I feel, to see things the same way I see them.

3. I’m not interested in proving if Mitsukou is going to ever be canon or anything. I don’t know that. I’m also not going to analyze if they’re ever going to be a CANON COUPLE or an ENDGAME COUPLE. It’s only about if they’re written as a romantic relationship, and being written as a romantic couple =/= being a canon couple, they’re a lot of pairs in media that definitely are written as a romantic relationship without them being together ever or being an endgame. I’m not going to speculate about endgame, especially when one of the characters is supernatural and one is a human.

Okay, I think we can start now!

Let's start from the beginning. Because my first language is not english my post may be a little bit chaotic, putting all my thoughts in at least some order and with at least some sense it's actually hard, haha. In part 1 I will try to cover the first meeting between Kou and the ghost of Mitsuba.

So!

They first met during chapter 18. And it was meeting between Kou and ghost of a Mitsuba Sousuke, so it wasn’t our currently Mitsuba - it worth to mention they're not the same person, even if they are extremely similar, share a lot elements of their personalities, they look nearly the same, and current Mitsuba even share some dead Sousuke's memories because of School Mystery No. 4 Shijima Mei and her Picture Perfect arc. Still - not the same person and Mitsuba Kou met in chapter 18 is not the current Mitsuba.

At the beginning they're not really that much written as a romantic, their short arc was more like something starting Kou’s personal arc and his development. He got some background, some motivation, some angst, he changed. For most part Kou behaved pretty normal, just like himself - a selfless, lively boy that really wanted to help a lonely, sad ghost that Mitsuba was. (he wasn’t traumatized yet). Even if some of their interaction could be readed with a shippy glasses, there wasn’t anything that was inherently romantic about them.

I think it's kind of ironic how this is literally their first panel in the manga. Mitsuba literally looks like some kind of eldritch horror and he says “Did you forget about me?”. Yeah Kou, did you? This quite sums some elements of their arc. We know that Kou actually did forget about Mitsuba, who was one of his classmates. Also, Kous' trauma, related to everything that happened to Mitsuba, hunts him for the rest of the story. He also, clearly has a problem with recognition of both Mitsubas, with dealing with Ghost Mitsuba death and with the idea of forgetting someone and leaving someone. We also know that, when current!Mitsuba was made by Tsukasa, he didn’t remember Kou. That's why this quote here is very ironic.

There is nothing really to analyze here but I find it funny. Yeah, you quite literally just haunted the wrong guy and it’s going to be a problem for you and said guy for the next 15 volumes of the manga. Good luck.

Even after calling Mitsuba an “evil spirit” Kou still tries to help him and even decides to “take the big tough guy approach” to make Mitsuba feel safer about him. Kou is not really “the big tough guy”, even if he tries to pose as one. He is a 14 yo kid with kind of fucked up situation in life, even, if he doesn’t recognize it yet.

Maybe you could learn something from Kous stupid earning, mr. boy who DIED in the car accident.

It's definitely not an accident that Mitsuba died hit by a car and Kou has a BIG earning with a big caption “TRAFFIC SAFETY”. Even after reading all chapters up to 103 I’m not really sure how I should interpret this exact symbolism in their relationship, but it's definitely done on purpose by the authors. I think it may symbolize that Kou, with a “traffic safety” earning will save Mitsuba, who previously died in a traffic accident from dying another time? Like, now Mitsuba have Kou by his side and maybe Kou will manage to keep him safe. His earning is mentioned by Mitsuba too many times, it's done so we can notice it, for sure. And I wonder how it turns out.

It’s the first time Mitsuba suggests that Kou either has some kind of feelings toward him, tries to do something dirty towards him or something similar. Every time he just jokes or tries to provoke Kou or something like that. At first I thought it's just how Mitsuba is, some people love to joke like that, but then I noticed, later in the story, that Kou is quite literally the only person Mitsuba ever does this to. Sure he does not have many friends “his age” but still during the manga it would be possible for him to behave like that toward other characters, but he does not. He jokes like that only toward Kou and I think during the next parts of my writing I will point it out more.

Even after 20 minutes of insulting he is still concerned about Mitsuba. That's so funny and sweet.

Yeeeaaah sure it totally does not relate in any way to the fact that ghost Motsuba got to die after taking a photo of KOU out of everything yeeeeaaaah nada nope. It's crazy how the authors planned this because Hanako really started as some kind of funny manga about kids and ghosts and supernatural things, but the angst we get later is actually top notch and kinda scary. There was few moments I really had to like, stand up and walk in my room because of the emotions I felt after reading.

Look how happy he is with the idea of being a model to the Mitsubas photos. He is bright, smiling and even blushing. The next ironic thing is how he cried after actually seeing a picture of himself made by Mitsuba. Also I like how prominent his earning is here.

Mitsuba is very particular, he really made pictures only of animals, plants and other non-human things. That's probably why his photo of Kou hit me like a train. That's literally narratively confirming that Mitsuba saw Kou as something (someone) he likes, someone that is important to him. Kou also realized it after seeing the picture, that was one of the reasons why he was so devastated.

There are few things about that whole scene I would like to point up. The first are doves. Mitsuba, especially Ghost Mitsuba, is often presented with doves as a form of his symbolism. Doves and cherry blossoms are probably the most prominent symbols of his character. I’m not really that good when it comes to symbols, but I think doves symbolize things like peace, but also some form of innocence/purity and love. Some sources also say about transformation and spirituality. I think one of the reasons for choosing doves is to symbolize how he didn’t deserve to die like that, that his soul is actually good and seeks for peace. In Kou’s eyes he is also someone innocent, definitely. Especially when we are talking about ghost Mitsuba at the beginning of a story.

ALSO I’m pretty sure birds are foreshadowing to current!Mitsuba being made from the school mystery no. 3 who looked like a bird and who current!Mitsuba gained a lot of his characteristics from. Current!Mitsuba hair looks like feathers, his hand looks like talons etc. He is heavily associated with birds from the beginning. Even if Ghost!Mitsuba is associated with doves more and current!Mitsuba with ravens or crows.

The next thing about this scene is Kou finally realizing he knew Mitsuba and it hit him. Understanding that Mitsuba actually KNEW Kou and it was Kou who didn’t remember him probably made him feel remorse and generally really bad about himself. That’s not a nice thing if you forget about a boy who was with you in a class, and the fact that ghost Mitsuba actually tried to talk to him and asked him “Did you forget about me”... It's hard for me to even imagine what Kou felt at that moment.

Also, Mitsuba surely didn’t know about Kou being from an exorcist family, so he wouldn't expect that Kou will take direct action after meeting a ghost lol. If it comes to Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure it was very scary.

I wish we could see more of them like that. Just like two boys having fun with each other. I love angst, trust me. But I think they deserve rest and to just have a chance to play and talk a be… normal for once. Everytime when they get a chance to have fun they’re cute and hilarious together.

Rain can symbolize sadness and hard emotions soooo yeah, I’m not surprised it started raining. I think it sort of symbolizes feelings of both Kou and Mitsuba here.

They’re going to the third floor and I’m sure it's foreshadowing to Mitsuba becoming a School Mystery no. 3.

I’m still impressed how much foreshadowing is during their first meeting (chap 18-20). Like the birds, nr 3, traffic safety earning, motif of remembering/forgetting etc. You could also think that photography would be something like that but… it's not. Photography becomes a thing that is helping recognizing human/ghost Mitsuba from current supernatural Mitsuba. They’re similar but not the same person. Photos were one of the main characteristics of the original Mitsuba, both in this arc and during a moment with Mitsubas mother later. It was always about photos, but it's never about photos when it comes to our current Mitsuba.

Yeah, that kind of explains why Kou didn’t remember him immediately, even after seeing how Mitsuba looks and hearing his surname he should know. Because, like, Kou should remember him, they were in the same class, sit close to each other etc. But the mask that Mitsuba created was so strong that made him nearly imperceptible (like, you know, a ghost hah) and at this point tbh I don’t think Mitsuba liked it very much. He is actually a pretty bold and cocky person and all of this probably bugged him. Of course he wasn’t bullied, but was it worth becoming somebody different, somebody boring and bland to others? I think there is some form of regret. But also I don’t think that ALL of this was a mask, because Mitsuba definitely has some of a calmer and more sweet side to himself, he showed it a lot of times.

He tries to fix it up by recognizing him now for who he is. With both his positive and negative aspects, even if he points out mostly his flaws. Still, this is the Mitsuba he met, the Mitsuba he knows and the Mitsuba he IS GOING TO remember. Mitsuba he befriended now. It actually means a lot for Sousuke. He is dead, he may have thought that it's the end for him and for all of his relationships he ever had. Its funny how Mitsuba said he is a ghost because he still wanted to do photos, but the truth is he wanted relationships, but the true ones. Not based on his “fake” nice self, but on real him with all his flaws and that's why he haunted other students rather than just… go do photos or something. He tried to connect to others, because he subconsciously thought relationships and friends he had when he lived weren’t really true and real. It’s ironic how it resembles the current!Mitsuba in Picture Perfect act.

Kou started to realize who Mitsuba was and how tragic his situation was, he started to empathize. Kou has a martyr complex, so he wanted to help Mitsuba any way he could. It was also shown that he does LIKE Mitsuba even with his twisted personality, Kou said it himself and it surely means a lot for Mitsuba who wasn’t liked before for his true personality. That was probably the moment Mitsuba felt a real bond towards Kou and become attached to him.

And Kou even blushed a few times.That would still be read as platonic and sweet tho!. I think it was, personally. The most important thing during their first meeting was, of course, how it ended, because, in my opinion, it was a moment when most (not all tho) Kou's mental problems started. There was still his family, of course. Teru loves Kou very much, but still his mentality and behavior was a root for Kou’s low self esteem and some other elements of his personality, tho I think it may be a topic for a whole different post.

In this small arc, in my opinion, the moment that was the beginning of me perceiving them as written as one of the couples, a romantic relationship was this exact moment:

“I don’t know… maybe something important to me?”

And also a moment when Kous saw this picture for the first time, when he developed photos, and how this cracked him.

Generally, becoming friends with Mitsuba was very important to Kou. Not only because he wanted to help him (and, internally, also making Kou feel better about himself) but also it was probably the first time when… Kou may feel somewhat special? He always was in the shadow of Teru, he wasn’t an “official” exorcist, he wasn't going to missions in the town, he wasn’t very strong (Hanako literally KO’ed him without a sweat and Kou couldn't do much to Hanako), the girl he got a small crush on (Nene) clearly had something with Hanako… Kou was always pushed back and now, with Mitsuba, he made an actually special relationship between the only two of them. He felt NEEDED, and we all know how much Kou desperately needs to feel NEEDED. In his own mind, he was the only one that could help Mitsuba and that understood Mitsuba, that's why Mitsubas ghost death was so hard for him. He finally got something special for himself and he couldn't even protect it and he let lonely, poor ghost tragically vanish. That's some trauma for you.

I’m not going to write much about Mitsubas feelings there because it was Sousuke Mitsubas feelings - and currently I’m going to focus more on a School Mystery Mitsuba. Tho Sousuke definitely perceived Kou and his help as something special to him. That's where their fated bond started.

“You can help me develop them tomorrow and then… I think I’ll be okay”.

Yet we can’t see his eyes when he speaks, and that suggests he thinks something different that what he speaks. Not showing eyes is a common motif to show that a character is lying or saying something he does not think or hiding something. Here is just like that - it’s not about photos, it's about KOU. It’s because of Kou he is going to be okay, not because of the photos he took today. Something changed for Mitsuba when Kou recognized him for someone he actually is and wanted to become friends with him. For Mitsuba it means a lot because when he was alive he couldn’t get true friends and real relationships with others.

Yeah walk walk trauma baby. I know I mention ‘trauma” a lot when it comes to Kou, but the whole manga is like a one big parade of traumas for this boy and it's not even funny. I’m not surprised he is starting to become more and more insane with every next arc. Especially in the Night Out small arc we can clearly see how detached from actual reality Kou starts to be and how he stops recognizing differencs between supernatural and real word, good and evil, selfless and selfish behavior etc. It’s all the result of the traumatic situations he was put in for like 16 volumes straight. And he is bearing it A LOT WORSE than Nene is.

Ouch.

“You wished for people remembering you but now youre happy with just a one person?” That hits hard but also I’m angry at Tsukasa, like leave that boy alone.Even one person can make a change in someones life, and thats what Mitsuba felt at a moment. For Kou he was someone, he was real, he had a personality, Kou recognized him and that gives him a true sense of identity. For him it was enough

You met like half of a day before and you are calling him your friend and fighting for him with an unknown dangerous supernatural who looks exactly like your other friend. Bruh that's some dedication. Kou is desperate to save Mitsuba, but Kou is generally desperate to be a savior. He tries to “save” Nene a lot of times even if it’s not really necessary, because Nene also has other friends and people who support her and is pretty clever and capable of bearing problems on her own (most of the time). Yet Kou still treats Nene like some damsel in distress that need his protection when it's CLEARLY not like that. Sadly, Kou mostly fails anyway. He fails now with Mitsuba and if it comes to Nene, if she needs saving, the person who (usually) saves her is Hanako. Kou rarely has something he can actually do and it's cracking him up mentally.

Yeah, “I’m supernatural who grants wishes” not “I’m a ghost of a boy who once lived in this town”. Yeah. It was right here from the beginning.

I just hope it’s not a form of foreshadowing.

His last words were “Minamoto-kun”, it's so sad. On this last panel he actually looked a little brighter than on the previous panel of his transformation, and that's because he looked at Kou.

I need to say, seeing a person you treat important to you and calling a friend dying in a horrible way and hearing their last words being your name must be pretty stressful. It would probably haunt me for a long time and I’m sure Kou is still affected by it.

On the 20 chapter cover Mitsuba is together with the rest of the main squad (Nene, Hanako, Kou). It was pretty weird back then - he literally died and looks like he was going to be a one-arc character that started Kous character development, but this cover was a hint that it's going to be different and Mitsuba, probably, is going to play a whole different role in the story. He, also, had a hand around Kous head and nearly touched his hair gently - its a symbol of intimacy.

That was a proof how strong, narratively, their relationship is and is going to be during the progression of a story. And, in my opinion, a foreshadowing to Mitsubas feelings. Because I think currently, our Mitsuba is aware of his feelings toward Kou, but I’m going to cover this topic a little bit later.

On this cover there is a lot more symbolism,especially with Hanako and his role in the story, but it's also a thing for a whole different post.

What Tsukasa said was that Mitsubas wish was ‘“ want to stay with my friends forever and ever”.

That’s literally what I said earlier.

It’s a recurring topic with current!Mitsuba and his relationship with Kou. Mitsuba feels lonely and… Kou also feels lonely. Even if he has a brother, father and friends (Nene and Hanako and other school friends) Kou is incredibly lonely because of his inferiority complex. He desperately needed to be needed, needed to be special to someone, needed to be important to someone, and that person was Mitsuba. Right now, he is the most important person to Mitsuba and that's both good and very bad for Kou. Good because he finally feels like someone important and someones one and only, but bad because of how traumatic his relationship with Mitsuba is to him and how unhealthy it is. And by it I don’t mean they’re toxic or bad people - they are kids who want to be loved and who want to have their place in the world. But Mitsuba is a monster, he is a supernatural, whos life is stained away by his instinct, who needs to eat other monsters and who does not really… have any actual bright future and Kou is traumatized boy with low self estem, problems with his selfworth, with martyr complex and some sort of suicidal tendencies. They have a lot to work out.

Kou is going to be a supernatural / is going to try to be a supernatural / is going to be forced to be supernatural - hint number one.

Yes, I will go back to this topic, because I’m literally scared of it so much. It's prominent during the whole story that Kou is foreshadowed to have a plotline related to becoming supernatural in some way. And when this topic is touched it's usually related to his plotline with Mitsuba. I’m kind of scared of HOW it’s going to happen or if it’s going to be only a try or Kou really will become supernatural in some way. But it's too much of a recurring topic of Kous WHOLE character arc to not being important and to not happen. It's even hard to call it foreshadowing, its literal hints everywhere.

Kou spent with Mitsuba literally… one day, outside of being in the same class for a while (Kou didn’t even remember this time THAT much, time they spend together this day was more important) and yet he CLINGED SO HARD to the idea that Mitsuba is his “friend”. He desperately needed to be wanted, needed, to have a special bond, to being able to help, to save someone. And yet he lost Mitsuba at this moment, he couldn't do shit to save him, he was absolutely… just useless during a fight. It affected him a lot.

During the scene when Hanako “kills” Mitsuba, there are sakura petals. They’re heavily associate with Mitsuba and are one of his symbols:

This scene, narratively was a scene that said to us he is GONE. For good. It was a “goodbye” for him and Kou, he is dead. That's all. At this point we couldn't know we are going to meet current!Mitsuba, so we could thing that is the end of Mitsuba and the beginning of a Kous arc. And… it was both of these things but in the whole DIFFERENT meaning. Of course it was goodbye to the Sousuke, he is dead, he can’t come back. Of course it was a beginning for Kous development. But… it was also a beginning for our current!Mitsuba, for slowly progressing Kous insanity as an effect of his trauma and the beginning for Mitsuba and Kous actual arc and relationship. We thought it was the end but it was actually the beginning that changed… the whole Kou, to be honest.

I think it's related not only to Mitsuba but to Hanako, too. Imagine what Hanako could feel at that moment. He is a ghost and a supernatural who know how doomed he is and he only protects school and Nene. But Kou said it's bullshit and clearly believes in what he says. Sadly, Hanako is so stubborn.

One of the symbols related to Kou is a lion. Lions may symbolize a lot of things, like strength, courage but also - protection. Just like Kou tries to protect everyone and tries to be strong and courageous for others. I actually think it suits him quite well. Lions also symbolize the sun and it was shown a few times that Kou is like a sun to Mitsuba.

At some point of a story he is definitely going to do some crazy shit I’m telling you. He really tries to believe that he can find a way to change how the world works and it can end up good but.. it can also end up INCREDIBLY BAD. It’s not that good to mess up with life and death and when you cross up a border there is no coming back. With every arc the manga is becoming a little bit more dark and serious with topic it shows and och boy I’m kind of scared for Kou and Mitsuba.

You can literally hear me crying. It was probably the first moment in the manga that actually had any impact on me, I was really like… I had to stand and walk for a bit before reading. Kou sees a photo of himself and remembers Sousuke saying “Who knows? Maybe something important to me?” and starting crying was like. I wanted to cry too. I can’t even imagine what Kou felt at this moment, it was probably absolutely heartbreaking.

This small arc finished with chapter 20.During the next arc, Kou, already affected by Mitsubas death, gets to know that Nene also has a shortened lifespan and it's going to die very shortly. That wasn’t too good for his mental state and he literally fixated on a goal in saving her. When Kou learned about Nene’s situation, Hanako even related it to Mitsubas situation, so we can clearly understand these two examples are related to Kou. He doesn’t want this situation to happen again.

“Just like with this boy, there is nothing you can do” - Hanako you little shit

But yeah. Again Kou understands how useless he is. How weak he is, how he can’t save anyone the way he is. How he could do nothing about Mitsubas situation and how he can’t do nothing about Nene’s situation. That's tragic. And it's clear Kou doesn’t know what to do about it. Thats why, when current!Mitsuba appeared, he started to find such a ridiculous (and unhealthy) solutions to Mitsubas (and Kous) problems. He don't know what to do but desperately needs to do… something. Anything. To help, to be important.

It's sad. He said he dont know what he is gonna do, but HE WILL DO SOMETHING. And yet… we know how it all goes for him. He is a brave kid, who is determined and wants others to be happy and alive.

He even tried to stop a kiss between Hanako and Nene after reading Nenes book and failed. He always fails.

There is also an special page

It is titled “Love stories” that should be about Mitsuba. And it contains both Mitsuba and Kou. It's just a joke, but I need to point out that Mitsuba generally wasn’t shown to be interested in any girl during the progression of the story or never talked about it in general. He also does not crush on Nene, even when both Hanako and Kou felt something toward her at some point in the story.He also talks about how cute he is A LOT and I’m going to say something about it someday, but not now.

I think it's enough for part 1! I think I covered everything I wanted for their first meeting. Let's see at Mitsubas resurrection in the Hell of Mirrors!

#Mitsukou #minamoto kou #mitsuba sousuke #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shonen hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #meta post #analysis #long post #yugi amane #hanako #yashiro nene #Yugi Tsukasa

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wellhalesbells · 1 month

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Best of 2024 - Q1(ish)

✨✨ I forgot I told myself I was going to start doing this this year. A few people I follow do kind of a 'best of' thing and since I forget everything that happens almost immediately I thought: hey, that's a good idea for you, you should do that. So here I am with it sorta on time-ish \o/ ✨✨

Books

The Warm Hands of Ghosts, Katherine Arden. I tend to go into books with very little to no idea of what they're about (on purpose) so absolutely everything here was a surprise in the very best way. If I could've directed it, I would've directed it in exactly this way!

Voyage of the Damned, Frances White. This was such a lovely surprise?? I'm really enjoying these cross-genre books and this has to be the one that absolutely nailed both the best. It's a fantasy murder mystery and both are very involved - the world-building is excellent and the murder mystery is fun and terrifying in the best way!

Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt. I love books that like people, that prize connection, and that want to build community. Basically books that remind me that people are generally good and willing to try and that's this! Plus: octopus!

Empire of the Damned, Jay Kristoff. Empire of the Vampire was one of my favorite reads in 2022 (when I read it) and the sequel definitely lived up to its predecessor. The story is so compelling and the characters are so impossible not to fall in love with. Happily, this did not suffer from middle book syndrome: so much happened and so much moved forward.

Dinner on Monster Island, Tania de Rozario. I took this out at the library on a whim - it was available and it had a cool cover so I was in. I learned so much. I knew next to nothing about Singapore so everything to do with that blew my mind and Tania de Rozario's voice is wonderful, not to mention she connects so much of her life and surroundings to horror movies and that is a touchstone that I have in spades.

I should also special mention Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones, which I adored.... though it did completely ruin the movie for me (which I had also never seen and watched a few days later), haha. Sophie is the catalyst for absolutely every single thing that happens in the book and Howl is useless and dramatic without her and to see her be so very ineffectual in the film (and have things that happened because of her be taken away from her) while Howl was so powerful was like.... wha??? It was beautiful animation but... yeah. And Stardust by Neil Gaiman, which was so enjoyable! It has that irreverent, this-might-as-well happen humor that I love in fantasies.

Comics/Mangas/Manhwas/Etc.

On of Off, Vols. 1-3, by A1. Um. Can I just say that I love when one of the characters in a queer couple is a big huge dude? I don't know, a few years ago a switch got flipped in my head and size difference is now VERY MUCH A THING for me. I don't really want a small dude, I just want a big huge dude and a normal-sized man. (Or a big huge woman and a normal-sized woman - see Cosmoknights, which.... I'm realizing now probably had something to do with the switch and its aforementioned flippiness) Voila! I also like when the big huge dude is like: I'm not really that into it and then falls hardcore in love and has a dramatic: "What in the actual fuck just happened?" moment. This and The Dangerous Convenience Store have that exact dynamic and I cannot stress enough I could read it 100,000 more times and not get tired of it.

Saga, Volume 11, by Brian K. Vaughan. Just bring back Marko. Like, just do it. Every time it teases me with it, I want it more. Bring him back, gimme, I want. I remain in love with this series but, crap, does it just want to rip my heart out every chance it gets.

The Other World's Books Depend on the Bean Counter, Volume 4, Kazuki Irodori. This is my shit. It's a fantasy world that a completely ordinary corporate worker is sucked into and he ends up entirely reorganizing the structure of their accounting department so it a) actually functions and b) is accountable (ha). However, he has no resistance to "magicules" and the best way to acclimate him to all the magic that constantly surrounds him is for him to have sex with a very attractive soldier. Like, that's just brilliant writing is what that is, no notes. I love it, it wins all the things. (It's based on a novel that they only just began releasing in English and the comic is the superior version for me at this moment in time.)

Cherry Magic!, Vols. 9-10, by Yuu Toyota. I cannot believe I'm still so invested despite the fact that the original hook for this manga has disappeared and it's essentially just a very domestic, slice of life story now but it's just so nice to see them both happy and married and together?? So the original plot of this was there's essentially some old wives' tale that if you're a virgin at thirty you get magic powers. Cue Adachi turning thirty and he can suddenly read people's minds when he touches them and finds out through this power that his coworker, Kurosawa, is in love with him. It's a really cute, fun series and I am happy for it to go on forever. (Also, they made an anime out of it this year and it's stupid cute. There is also a live action series that I haven't watched yet.)

Therapy Game Restart, Vols. 1-3, by Meguru Hinohara. So, Minato is pile of endless insecurities in a trenchcoat and Shizuma is his confused but calm partner and it turns out I am really into that? Consistently surprised by how much I am into that but I am, in fact, into that.

Special mention to The Third Ending by Chobom - I really hope this is getting an official printing at some point because I am in love with it and I will buy the fuck out it (the fact that it's behind a digital paywall right now is the only reason this isn't number one). It is so exactly, specifically to my tastes it's ridiculous. So the idea here is Joon confesses his feelings to Yoonseul in high school, when he doesn't know him too well but likes what he sees, and Yoonseul turns him down a little harshly (he was mad at someone else and was a little less careful with his words than he would've been otherwise). Yoonseul starts having bad days on nights when he dreams of that memory and the two meet again and start hanging out so Yoonseul can assuage his conscience. They become really close friends and they end up drunkenly kissing, Yoonseul knows it's a mistake and Joon overhears him talking about it to a friend and how much he regrets it. Joon confesses his feelings again and Yoonseul, again, turns him down because he can't imagine anything physical happening between them. That should be the end of it. Except, very slowly, Yoonseul realizes he is completely in love with Joon and he's fucked this thing up to high heaven. Cue my absolute FAVORITEST dynamic - the chasee becoming the chaser.

Fisk (s1-2), Netflix. This is an Australian comedy about probate lawyers and if you're on the fence about it watch the episode with the Popovitches (season 1, episode 3). I very nearly peed my pants.

Only Murders in the Building (s3), Hulu. Okay, I'm a big fan of musicals and it's not a love I indulge very often so when I do watch them, I tend to get way too into them. (Yes, I bought this album immediately.) I adored this season and I adored Howard - making him a series regular was ingenious.

The Righteous Gemstones (s3), Max. This season was so good. This show in general is so freaking good but I really loved this season. This family is so genuinely fucked up but to get to the last episode and have them rise to the occasion and figure out their brand of love was so satisfying. And I do adore that they tried to copy other functional families they saw before realizing that was just never going to work for them.

Mr. Villain's Day Off (s1), Crunchyroll. Okay, I love this manga and the show is so exactly this manga. Like, I've reblogged a ton of shot for shot comparisons so when I say 'same,' I mean 'same.' The entire idea is this monstrous alien bent on destroying the world enshrines his days off with reverence and diligence - he's just a normal guy, obsessed with pandas, who's only evil at work, thank you very much. It's just so silly and weirdly heart-warming?

Girls5Eva (s3), Netflix. There's something about Renee Elise Goldsberry for me that is magnetic. I love everything about her, I love getting to watch her do comedy, I love hearing her sing, I love her character. Also, the singing? I've mentioned how I am weak for the singing, yes?? (Yes, I have these albums too.)

Minx (Starz) was also really, really good but I wish it hadn't been canceled prematurely! It definitely wasn't finished, y'know, and it was so unfortunate to end it with Doug on the wrong side of things - I want to see the resolution, dammit!

Movies

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022). I haven't laughed at a movie like this in a long time. I've watched it twice so far this year; I went home two weeks ago and made my dad watch it with me and tears were streaming down our faces by the end. Pedro Pascal should never not be doing comedy because he was made for it.

Bottoms (2023). This is so exactly my sense of humor? The ridiculousness of this was just *chef's kiss* Also more Ayo Edibiri in everything.

Talk to Me (2022). I had been waiting for this movie to get onto some streaming platform so I could watch it and I think the best compliment I could give it is that I wanted to watch it again the next day. Great horror, great resolution!

John Wick 4. I expected this to feel so long and bloated and yet it didn't at all. I was invested the whole time and I think it helps that I watch action films, like, once every three years so these feel like fun little treats more than anything.

Nate Bargatze: The Tennessee Kid. There's a joke in here that I relate to so hard it's almost embarrassing. Talking about ordering coffee, he goes: "If you could just do whatever you think it is and if it's wrong, I won't even tell you, how about that, I will walk out of here as if that's exactly what I ordered. I will go outside, I will throw it away, and go try again at a different Starbucks." That is exactly how I would handle that and this entire special is filled with that. I giggled so hard.

Also, special mention to Taylor Tomlinson's specials Look at You and Have It All. I love how honest she is on stage and how open she is with her audience. It's rare to have that and I think it feels so special because it is.

See you all again in Q2 (ish, probably, lbr) *salutes*

#ummm don't read or watch illegally *wink wink*#but do utilize your local library!#since i don't have a legal way i read the third ending i didn't link it lolol #but here it is the #best of the best #(for me specifically)#2024 #also all the streaming platform things are us-based so sorry if i lead you to something that doesn't exist there for you :(

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