#I am too young for this but tbh my body is a haunted house of disease and dysfunction

[moondust-bard]

Apologies for my unplanned histus, moonbeams. New medical Things happening to my body always freak me out and exhaust me, but this new one… somehow feels so much worse. I’m trying to remain calm about it and not spiral until after I meet with a new specialist next week. I’ll leave you with this short script I wrote.

Doctors: you’re too young and passably attractive according to society’s ridiculous standards to have the thing you have all the symptoms of. Besides, you’re already disabled. You can’t have all this chronic illness, too.

Me: test me anyway…

Doctors: begrudgingly do so

Doctors: sooo it turns out you do have the thing…

#luna babbles #luna is stressed #I’m fine but also not happy ya know? #I am too young for this but tbh my body is a haunted house of disease and dysfunction

[speechlessxx]

Bring Him Light - x (King!Steve Rogers x Reader)

Chapter Summary: The truth finally comes out.

Warnings: brief mention of sex, mentions of death, really shitty writing tbh, dialogue driven. (NOTE: when concerning the flashbacks, he’s actually explaining to the reader what happened)

Word Count: 2.5k

Note: Feel free to send me any questions because I know this is a really crappy chapter. (of course, I’m not going to reveal the rest of the plot)

<- Last Part -=+=- Next Part ->

You could still taste the salt from the sea on your lips. The memories of what happened aboard that ship still fresh like a wound that you’d carry forever. You stared at your hands that were conjoined with your husband’s. The wedding bands glistened in the dimmed room.

“Will you believe me if I told you everything?” Steven asked. His thumb drew soothing circles on the back of your hand. His grip tight as if he were afraid you’d disappear again.

“Everyone’s lied to me.” You whispered. You looked towards Wanda’s body, still covered with the bloodstained tarp. “What would make you any different?”

“This is the truth,” he promised. “The complete truth.”

When Steven was young, his mother doted on him because he was a sickly child. He grew up to have her compassion, optimism, and idealism. He was sixteen when his father unexpectedly died, and he was hailed King of Brooken. He wanted to carry his mother’s ideals into a new age for Brooken, but he underestimated what it meant to have a crown on his head.

The sacrifices he’d have to make, the betrayals he’d have to face, the blood he’d have to spill. He’s told more lies that he could count – all in the name of protecting his reputation and his power. A cruel king is respected after all. The lies were like storm clouds that poured hard. He drowned in them and got lost in the darkness those clouds brought. The lies burdened him more than anyone would ever know.

You squeezed hand, breaking him away from his thoughts. “Steve?” Your tone was soft, coaxing him back into reality. He welcomed the calm you brought. It eased the storm inside of him. You were ready for the truth – perhaps, you’ve always been ready. “Unburden yourself, my love.”

“I don’t know where to start.” He said, honestly. It was true. There was so much to the story. He wasn’t quite sure where it began.

“Start with Margaret, perhaps?” You suggested.

“I was young,” he began. “Twenty-one years old. Five years on the throne. They told me I needed a wife.”

“They?”

“Pierce and the old council.” He answered. “Brock’s father had just died, so he took the vacant seat. At first, I thought having my cousin on the council would alleviate the tension. The lords on the council were nearly twice my age, if not more. They saw things differently than I did. They wanted different things. Sometimes I felt as if I were their puppet. I was young when I took the throne. Sixteen. I didn’t know what to expect, so I leaned on their counsel. I depended on them,” he scoffed, remembering his earlier years on the throne. “They told me I needed to continue the line succession. Thanos was beginning to make a name for himself by this time. He had lovers and spawned two daughters. His line was growing, and the Rogers’s wasn’t. So, I asked them to find me a match. Pierce brought in Lady Margaret of House Carter. I was smitten when I first laid eyes on her.”

Steven sat tall upon his throne. The room was empty. Brooken had a tradition that detailed that those in royal betrothals must meet for the first time in private. He was giddy with excitement. Lady Margaret’s portraits were presented to him a month ago. She was easily one of the most beautiful creatures he’d ever seen. Lord Pierce made the arrangements and they were to marry within a week. “House Carter is a respected house in the Old World,” Pierce advertised.

The doors opened wide and a young woman walked through. Her hair was dark as night. Her lips painted a bright red. She smiled at him and bowed. “Your grace,” she greeted. “I am humbled to make your acquaintance and, of course, honored to be your betrothed.”

“I didn’t know her, truly. I didn’t realize how manipulative she was from the beginning. She charmed and enchanted me to do her bidding. We were married for nearly a decade. No children. She didn’t want children. I didn’t want to lose her, so I agreed.

“She had many faces. A face she’d show the people that made them love her. A face she showed me that hypnotized me. And the face she’d show my allies, which were her foes. She fought with James incessantly – even tried to make me banish him. I refused. He was my oldest friend. I promised the moment I took the throne, my riches, my blessings were his to share. She was trying to isolate me. She banished my allies from court. James warned me she was a devil. I refused to listen. I thought her a gift from the gods themselves. Until I caught her poisoning my mother.”

“What?” You gasped.

Steven nodded. The haunting memory pained him still.

He woke up alone after a long night of making love to his queen. It was early in the morning; the sun had barely risen. Orange streaks painted the sky. He searched for Margaret, wanting to jest her for allowing him to wake up alone. He found her whispering to his sick, elderly mother who was bedridden due to a broke hip.

“You won’t get away with it. My son will find out,” his mother croaked.

“Not from you,” Margaret gave her a wicked smile as she slathered arsenic-riddled paint on his mother’s toast. The thick substance looked like jam, but Steve knew better. She force-fed the queen mother the poisoned bread.

“What are you doing!” Steve boomed into the room, pushing his wife aside as his mother choked. “Guards! Get a physician!”

“She died later that evening.” Steven shook his head. It was your turn to console him. You released one of your hands from his grip and rubbed his arm. He took a shaky breath. “I stabbed Margaret in the heart in front of Rumlow, Pierce, James, and Sam’s father. I didn’t know, yet, that her betrayals were much deeper than the murdering my mother.”

“Enter Sharon?” You asked.

“I was widowed for a year. Pierce brought her in. The younger cousin of Margaret.” He continued. “Married two days after her arrival in Brooken.” He chuckled humorlessly at his naivete. “I should’ve never marry a stranger.”

“We married in two weeks.” You noted. “We were practically strangers, too.”

Steven shook his head in disagreement. He didn’t feel that way. In the two weeks he grew to know you, he learned the innerworkings of your mind, your soul. He knew he was in love with you, truly, even before he wrapped the cloak around your shoulders during the wedding ceremony.

“We weren’t strangers.” He said. “Far from it. Sharon was distant. Defiant. We never consummated our marriage, not that anyone would know. She refused to sleep in my chambers, refused to be held, or anything, really. It felt as if I had married a ghost that everyone could see. I couldn’t touch her, but she still haunted these halls.”

“You beheaded her.” You said. Steven bit his lip as he nodded. “Pierce said you beheaded her out of spite.”

Steven cocked his head to the side, brows raising, as if he entertained the idea. “Well, she was spiteful.”

“The men in the prisons… They preferred her over you and you imprisoned them, correct?”

Steven sighed. He was disappointed that you were so quick to believe rumors and lies about him, but he blamed himself for not being completely honest from the start. “Sharon plotted a coup on behalf of the Mad King.”

“How can you be certain?” You asked.

“She admitted it when she was caught.”

Steven stared down at the blonde. Her eyes wide as he finished reading her encrypted letter. “You’re not subtle. You’re not discreet.” He spat at her, crumpling the paper and throwing it at her feet. “You work for the Mad King. You’re here to topple me. Rip the crown from my head and give it to him. The game’s over, Sharon. You’ve lost. Your followers all caught and imprisoned. I will get a confession and you will die for treason.”

She recomposed herself, rolling back her shoulders with confidence. “You think you can just kill off another queen? What will people think of you, Steven.”

“I am pulling the weeds from my kingdom.” He snapped. “You Carters are all the same. Traitors. Liars.”

“Margaret was good.” Sharon complimented. “She had you wrapped around her finger for a decade. If she hadn’t been caught killing your mother, then she would’ve convinced you to ally yourself with Thanos.” She turned her head to the side and gave him a smirk. “Then, she would’ve killed you along with your mother. Such a shame, she was caught.”

“You admit. You’re a traitor.”

“Of course, I admit it. But mind you, your grace, your enemies are all over Brooken. You cut me down today, someone else will cut you down tomorrow.”

“I beheaded her for treason.”

“You didn’t tell people that your queens were committed treason. You allowed rumors to spread about your cruelty to your wives.” You frowned.

“As I told you before, a cruel king is respected.” Steven muttered. “But I never wanted you to be afraid of me.”

“Isn’t it odd?” You asked. “Both queens chosen by Pierce were traitors.”

Steven nodded. “They pushed me to get married once more, but I told them, this time I’ll choose my bride.”

“Me.”

“It’s three years after the War between the North. Tony and I were close before. I fought alongside your father when York was invaded ages ago.”

“You fought over a disagreement over land.”

“More than land. He wanted James dead. James’s father killed your grandfather. Since James’s father had died long before, your father asked for my friend’s head. I refused. So, a war erupted.”

“You traded blows with my father on the battlefield.” You recalled. You remembered your mother’s cries and pleads with the gods, asking for them to protect your father’s life. “He returned to my mother bloodied. You cut through his armor. But you looked him in the eyes and called the war off.”

“No one won.”

“No one.” You agreed. “Three years later, you ask my father for a wife.”

“I needed a wife I could trust. Although we had our differences, I trust your father with my life. I know Tony’s blood. I know how you would’ve been raised to be loyal. You took after your father and your mother.” Steven explained. “I didn’t trust Pierce to find me a wife that could slit my throat in the night.”

“You trust me?” You asked.

“The moment I stared into your eyes and saw fear… I knew you knew the rumors. I knew you thought of me as cruel – our first encounter made that clear.” He smiled at you softly. His fingers lightly traced the scars of your wrist. He brought your wrist to his lips and pressed a light kiss onto the skin. “But, truthfully, my trust in you waned when I saw you with Brock and Pierce leaving the dungeon. I began to think you were conspiring with them.”

“I – I – I wasn’t.”

“I know that now.” He said. “I realized you were afraid of disappointing me because you didn’t … you weren’t –“

“Pregnant.” Your voice wavered, immediately brought back to the painful memory of losing your baby alone on the boat. “I should’ve told you I was, though. But I was afraid. I thought you were going to kill me. You struck me.”

“I’m terribly sorry.” Steven shook his head. No amount of apologizes could ever make up to the faded scar on your cheek.

“I was afraid for my life and the child’s. They manipulated me because of my fears. They prayed upon it and convinced me to trust them. And I did. In turn, I – I lost my best friend and my baby.”

Steve pulled you to him. Your head rested in the junction between his neck and shoulder as you cried softly into him. He rubbed your arm, comfortingly.

“They tried to turn you against me.” Steven whispered. “They tried to weaken me by trying to kill you on that boat. I thank the gods that you’re safe now.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth.” You muttered.

Steven nodded and kissed the top of your head. His arm around you tightened a bit. “You should sleep. Get some rest. You need it after what you’ve endured.”

You agreed. Steven untangled himself from you before he leaned down to press a kiss to the scar on your cheek and a kiss on your lips. He began to walk away when you felt panic begin to settle. Your hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm, preventing him from taking another step.

“Please stay.” You begged. “I… I don’t want to be alone.”

He gave you a soft smile and nodded. You scooted over the cot to make room for your husband. The positioning was a bit awkward considering his massive build, but you immediately felt safer once his arms wrapped around you once again.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

You woke up alone in Steven’s bedchamber. The sun had already set, the full moon up in the sky. The pain had subsided after nearly a day of rest. The truth settling in inside your mind.

At least now you knew everything.

The doors opened suddenly to reveal your husband. He smiled at you as you sat up on the bed. “You’re awake.”

“You left me alone.”

Steven’s smile faltered. He couldn’t register if there was sadness in your voice or not as he walked over. “I – I hadn’t meant to upset you.”

You shook your head. “I understand. You’re a king. Your duty is to the people, not to me.”

“I am your husband, first.” Steve argued. “My duty will always be to you, my love.” He took your hand in his and helped you off the bed. “Come. There’s something I must show you.”

He led you to the balcony doors, opening it and allowing the air rush into the room. You breathed it in. The mixed scents from the gardens below overtook your senses, washing out the pained sea salt smell that still haunted you.

Steven guided you out onto the terrace and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you in front of him. You gasped as you looked up to the sky. Along with the bright moon and the stars were lanterns that floated into the air and painted the dark sky.

“For years, I stumbled alone in the darkness. Feigned love with false queens who sought to destroy me. And here you are. The true gift the gods bestowed upon me. I truly believe you were crafted to be my soulmate, (Y/N).” He murmured in your ear. “I wish I could take away the pain you’ve endured, but I cannot. I can only tell you whatever comes next, we will face it together as husband and wife.” Tears swelled in your eyes and cascaded down your cheeks as you stared up into the bright sky. “I love you, my light, my love.”

You smiled and turned to him, cupping his bearded cheeks in your hands. “I love you, Steve.”

#bring him light #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #king!steve rogers #king!steve rogers x reader #king!steve rogers imagine #chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #captain america x reader #captain america #captain america imagine #marvel au #marvel royalty #royalty au #medieval au #avengers medieval

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can i request seven with mc who is being kidnapped (posibbly getting hurt/tortured) because of sometrouble related to seven's agency work, maybe they want revenge or smth, its up to you mc ends up dead or alive when seven finally found her (i prefer her dead but idk tbh i just want to see saeyeong suffer rn lmao, and i like to watch my own heart breaking after that T-T) THANKYOUU IF YOU R DOING IT ♡♡

Oh shit hell yeah T_T

I think I made it a bit dark, so maybe we’ll add a happy end

ALSO HEY! Listen to the saddest song you can if you want to! That way you can get the full experience lmao

Regret:

(Saeyoung x MC, TW: May include mentions of suicide, sexual abuse, and torture, so if you feel uncomfortable with any of this please don’t read it! I think I made this a bit too dark, so please watch out!)

The sun was setting. It had gotten cold, since they were in a mountain. There was no sound, and only if you were paying attention, you would notice the three men hiding behind some trees and bushes.

A bit farther away you could see a big old building. A few men guarding the entrance.

To Saeyoung Choi, the building gave him the feeling as if he was suffocating. But right now he couldn’t focus on that.

He was currently hacking into the building’s security cameras. He was checking the layout of the place, checking how many guards there were, places to hide and places where you might be locked up.

“Hey, zero seven, are you sure they aren’t leading us straight into a trap? It was way too easy to find them, barely took us a month. You know better than anyone that finding their spots takes way longer than that.” Vanderwood said, as he took one last puff from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stepping on it to put it off.

“Lets just trust him for now. And could you please not smoke in the forest? You’re making me want to puke.” Saeran, who was crouching beside his brother glared.

“Hey, I didn’t even want to come here. The least you could do is let me have one last cigarette if I die.” But Vanderwood silently complied and didn’t touch a cigarette again.

Finally Saeyoung, who was looking at his computer intensely turned around and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright, I memorized the layout. I know places where we can hide, and I think I know where she is being held. We’re going in at midnight.”

Both men nodded and waited until the time came.

.............

“Where is she?! Did you have anything to do with this?!”

Saeyoung grabbed Vanderwood by the collar and shook him, hard. He scoffed and glared at Saeyoung.

“I left the agency with you, remeber?! Why would I be back again with them, that place is fucked up...and...if they got hold of her then we should give up. She’s probably already dead.”

Before Vanderwood could say anything else he felt an immense wave of pain on his cheek. Saeyoung had just...punched him. He had the nerve to punch him.

That night, well, both men ended up bruised. But then Vanderwood saw how much he cared. And how much it hurt him.

He agreed to help, but only if he got a reward. He said he only did it because he wanted to make some quick cash, but deep inside, Vanderwood was also worried. He honestly didn’t want anything to happen to you.

............

Saeran wasn’t allowed to go in, so he stayed outside, trying to look out for any danger.

If Saeyoung or Vanderwood sent him an SOS he was supposed to immediately leave, and send some coordinates to the chatroom. Jumin would know what to do.

Of course Saeran got mad. Saeyoung said he was only trying to protect him, but he wasn’t having any of that shit.

When Vanderwood and Saeyoung left for the building, they hadn’t made up, and Saeran was still mad.

Both men made their way slowly to the building. Saeyoung had always preferred being sneaky instead of taking out every guard they found. But Vanderwood decided to not take any chances, and whenever he could he would kill one of the guards.

Still, they walked quietly, hiding in the shadows, and of course they went unnoticed I mean, both of them were the best of the best. Sneaking through those guards was a piece of cake.

Slowly, Saeyoung and Vanderwood reached the third floor. In there, Vanderwood had to take care of a few...nuisances....but quickly the made it into the door and opened it.

The room smelled horrible. It smelled strongly of iron, and of something...rotten.

There was an endless pile of corpses in front of them. Saeyoung quickly got over to it, searching and scanning, hoping that it wasn’t true, that he was wrong.

“Zero seven!!! In here!” Vanderwood screamed and Saeyoung quickly looked behind him.

Vanderwood was in a corner, his gun pointing at the door. “You go get her out while I look out for any more guards.”

Saeyoung quickly nodded and went over to where Vanderwood had pointed.

And he felt his knees buckle.

You were tied up, undressed, with your arms above your head, your face and body filled with cuts and bruises.

Parts of your stomach were a deep purple, and your arms had x’s cut all over them.

Saeyoung...he froze.

Seeing you like that.

It was his worst nightmare.

It was the one scenario that had always haunted him, that made him unable to sleep at night.

And it was happening right now.

Saeyoung made his way over to you, and you let out a dry gasp as you tried to squirm. Saeyoung felt his heart crack as he saw your terrified eyes look up at him.

But then...your expression. It changed. It went from scared...to being glad. To being happy.

Saeyoung...he thought he’d never see that expression again.

“Sae...Sae...young? Sae...young is...is it....really you? I’m...I’m not....dreaming am I?” Your voice cracked, as you tried to let the words out, and your eyes started filling with tears.

Saeyoung sniffed and he cupped your cheeks.

“It’s me. Y/N....it’s, it’s really me...”

When he broke your chains you fell to the ground, but Saeyoung quickly caught you and hugged you, running his hands through your hair, crying, sobbing. You were alive....you were alive and he had found you.

Saeyoung took off his sweater, and gave it to you. As he helped you out it on, he slowly looked at your body.

Cuts and bruises. All recent. He saw them on your neck, on your legs, everywhere. He had to control himself to not go on a murder spree right then and there.

“Hey. We don’t have much time. Move it.”

Vanderwood said, and then his eyes widened as he took a good look at you. His hand tightened around his gun, and his expression became dark. He didn’t say anything, but he along with Saeyoung helped you stand up.

You could barely walk, since your legs were so beaten up.

The whole time Saeyoung carried you he cried. He just...this was all his fault. Everything.

He was so shcoked that he could barely breathe, everytime he looked at you he felt a pamg on his chest. This was all because of him.

You quietly made your way down to the first floor, you whimpering every time you walked a bit.

“Hey...hey Y/N. Look at me. It’s going to be alright, everything is ok.” Saeyoung tried to encourage you, to try and show you he was confident everything would turn out alright.

But he was lying.

He knew that as soon as you got to a hospital he had to leave. Leave you, leave his brother, leave the RFA, everything. If he stayed...he would only hurt them. He would hurt you.

“SAEYOUNG FUCKING MOVE THEY’RE BEHIND US” Vanderwood screamed, and Saeyoung snapped out of it.

He carried you on his back, running as fast as he could, the guards close behind you.

Gunshots and yells could be heard everywhere, Vanderwood kept turning around to try and shoot, but he only managed to get a few guys.

You cried, as you heard shots so near you, so near Saeyoung.

You didn’t want him to be hurt.

Then, as you were finally near to the exit, only three guys remaining, Saeyoung screamed and fell, bringing you down with him.

Vanderwood cursed everything, and turned back to shoot at the other guys, trying to cover you both.

You slowly crawled over to Saeyoung, who was on the floor, screaming in pain.

They shot him in the leg.

You cried, as you tried to stop the bleeding, but Saeyoung managed to stand up.

He didn’t hear yours or Vanderwood’s protest as he grabbed your arm and led you outside.

Thankfully, Vanderwood managed to hurt all of the remaining guards, shooting them in the legs, and making them unable to move.

Vanderwood came out first and called out to Saeran, telling him to call an ambulance, now.

Saeyoung thightly gripped your hand, and led you out of the building.

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the blue night sky above him. And he couldn’t help but smile.

They got out.

You were safe.

You were alive.

Saeyoung couldn’t believe it. His heart was pounding and he could barely make out the yells of Vanderwood and Saeran in the distance, and they ran toward him.

He squeezed your hand, not caring about his wound, not caring about anything. He was just happy, to finally be getting out of that horrible place.

But then the next thing he heard, was a deafening explosion behind him.

...........

“I love you so much.” Saeyoung whispered, and you blushed, hiding underneath the sheets. He laughed and pulled them down.

“What? I really do. I love you. A lot. So much that....that I want to have a future with you. I want to take it to the next step. I’m serious.” You giggled and smiled up at your boyfriend, who grabbed you and held you tight, both of your bare chests against each other.

“Saeyoung Choi, are you proposing to me right after we had sex?” You said teasingly, and Saeyoung chuckled.

“Even though this may have been the best sex we’ve ever had, I’m afraid not. But don’t worry, one of these day’s I’ll catch you by surprise, and you’d better say yes. I’m not kidding Y/N.” He caressed your cheek and kissed your forehead.

“I want to marry you. And I will. I want to spend every single moment of my life with you. I want us to get a big house, with a huge backyard. And then, we can modify it so it becomes the coolest house ever!”

“Ohhh can we have a chandelier that pours the drinks?!” You asked excitedly, and Saeyoung nodded.

“Yes ma’am! Even Jumin will be jealous of our home! And after the house is done...well... I want to start a family. I want to see our kids take their first steps, build robots. I want them to have...the childhood I never had. I want to make them the happiest children on earth. And then, before we know it, they’ll get in first grade, and in the blink of an eye they’ll be graduating, and out of the house. They’ll get jobs, their own partners, if they want they’ll even have kids! Or cats, I’m happy with either. And we...we will still be together.”

Saeyoung kissed you and then gave you the brightest smile. “I want us to grow old together in that house. We’ll be taking walks in the garden, or we can read some books. Sometimes dance slowly in the kitchen, our favorite song playing. And I will make sure that happens Y/N. I promise...and you’d better promise too! If you’re with me, you’re stuck with me for the long run!” You laughed and pinched his cheeks.

“Of course I promise! Let’s grow old together, Saeyoung!!”

.........

There was smoke.

The smell of metal, and burning flesh.

Saeyoung looked around, coughing, and then he realized what had happened.

The building had blown up.

Wait...where were you!!?

Saeyoung looked around, his heart about to go out of his chest.

I mean, he was holding your hand wasn’t he? He was?

He could...he could even feel it still around him.

Saeyoung sighed and looked to his side, ready to carry you up and get you away from there.

But then...you weren’t there.

But....he was....holding your.....

Saeyoung looked down, and saw a bloody arm tightly around his hand.

Then everything went black.

He didn’t hear anything.

He couldn’t feel.

He couldn’t think.

He didn’t feel the burns in his back.

Or his broken leg.

Or when Saeran ran over to him and shook him, screaming something.

Saeyoung didn’t notice when a helicopter arrived, and Jumin and some paramedics got out of it.

He was...his head was....it was blank.

If you ask him about the following weeks after the incident, Saeyoung couldn’t reply.

He didn’t remeber.

Everyday, Saeran would come and visit his brother and Vanderwood, who had been hit by a rock and was currently unable to wake up.

The doctors said, ironically, that Saeyoung was absolutely lucky, he did get some very grave burns and everything, but he was somehow still alive!

But he wasn’t either of those things.

The love of his life had been blown to pieces in front of him.

And inside...he didn’t even feel alive anymore.

He didn’t want to...live anymore.

Saeyoung only ate when they forced him to eat, and he only slept when they forced him to sleep.

Saeran would always visit him.

He knew...he knew what it was like. To feel nothing, to not think or to not feel.

And Saeran...he cared for his brother. Deeply.

Saeyoung never noticed him. But sometimes Saeran would go to the corner and cry a bit.

After all....Saeyoung wasn’t Saeyoung anymore.

..........

“Hey.” Saeyoung heard a deep voice call from behind.

He didn’t turn around.

“Oh wow Vanderwood, you woke up? Why yes Saeyoung I did, thanks for caring about me you little brat”

Vanderwood said sarcastically, and then he plopped down on a chair near the bed.

He was wearing a bandage around his head, and he looked thinner.

Vanderwood looked at Saeyoung for a while, and then he gently placed a hand on his head.

“Kid. I’m sorry. She was...she was amazing wasn’t she? Always positive, smiling. Y/N, she made all of our lives better. That’s what she always did.”

Saeyoung clutched his fists when he heard your name.

Before Vanderwood could say anything else Saeyoung spoke up.

“Leave. And don’t say her name ever again or I swear I will fuckign murder you.” He said coldly.

Vanderwood’s eyes widened, and he stood up and stomped out of the room, slamming the door.

Saeyoung immediately regretted his words. But he only bit his lip and quietly cried until he fell asleep.

.........

The funeral was held after Saeyoung had healed. Fully. There was no problem delaying it, since there was literally no body.

Everyone in the RFA showed up.

The day was sunny, and Saeyoung bitterly laughed as he thought that of course the day of your funeral you’d make the weather be so perfect.

.......

Saeran made Saeyoung see a therapist.

Saeyoung didn’t want to. He refused.

But one night Saeran couldn’t find his brother anywhere, and he saw that one of the cars wasn’t in the garage.

He managed to track his twin’s phone, and he quickly drove over to where Saeyoung was, not caring about following any of the signs or to care about other cars.

He got there quickly. And he saw Saeyoung....standing on top of a cliff.

Saeran felt his heart drop, and he slowly made his way to his brother.

“S-Saeyoung! Please listen to me!” Saeran begged. He had been doing that for so long now, every time getting more and more desperate. Saeyoung shook his head and explained that he was a failure, he was only going to cause harm.

“Just, let me be Saeran! You’ll all be better of without me...”

“Don’t say that you fuckign bastard.” Saeran grabbed Saeyoung’s shoulders when he least expected it, and quickly pinned him down. “I NEED YOU SAEYOUNG. I really do! Please, PLEASE don’t make this stupid fucking mistake! You think Y/N would have liked that?! For you to become a mess, to KILL yourself? I’m pretty sure she’d kick your ass if you ever even thought of that!”

Saeyoung looked at his brother, an emotionless expression on his face. He didn’t seem to care that Saeran was crying for him. That he was yelling at him, telling him to stop, that he loves him, and that he doesn’t know what he would do without his brother.

After that he went to a therapist. Even though it did take time, Saeyoung got a bit better. He started talking more, and he didn’t stay in his room all the time.

Recently he’d been prescribed anti depressants, so that was supposed to be helping him.

But Saeyoung still felt empty.

.........

“Y/N. Y/N was...is...the love of my life. You know, I promised her I’d never stop loving her, and I never will. She was...the light of the RFA. She helped us all., she was always there for us. Now...now that she’s gone....everything seems so colorless...meaningless. She was one of the few people who...who saw me for me. She put up with all my shit, always with a smile on her face, no matter how much of an asshole I was, she’d be there. She was there for all of us. Now...now whenever I wake up it’s in an empty bed. I won’t get to hear her cooking in the kitchen, dancing or singing along to cheesy pop songs again. She won’t be there to watch those cringy reality tv shows, to, to nag me when I don’t eat something healthy. I always thought that...that we’d end up together forever, which is why I never really appreciated those moments. I’m sure she’s nagging at me right now for being so depressed. Y/N...Y/N...she, she didn’t deserve this. If I could go back in time...I’d make sure that instead of her, it was me. She’s a much better person, and she didn’t deserve any of this and....I’m sorry. I should probably shut up now, uhm, Jumin it’s your turn.”

Saeyoung left the funeral early. He couldn’t handle it.

Saeran offered to bring him home, but he smiled and told him it’s alright. He was just a bit tired.

As soon as he turned on the car, the radio started to play your favorite song. And he tightened his hands around the wheel.

He rode home, silently.

He didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He quickly went to the bathroom, and washed his face. When he looked in the mirror, he could barely recognize himself. His eyes were red, with big eye bags, and his hair was greasy and messy. It had been so long since he last got a haircut.

He looked awful.

Then he went to his bedroom, and grabbed something from under the bed.

It was a red box.

Saeyoung made his way to the bathroom once again, and sat on the toilet, slowly opening the box.

Inside was a beautiful ruby ring.

He had gotten it six months before you got kidnapped.

He was going to propose soon.

But you had a fight.

He doesn’t even remeber what it was about.

But that day you went home early and Saeyoung went over to Yoosung’s, along with Saeran.

When he came back home to apologize, the place was a mess and you weren’t around.

He spent sleepless nights looking for you, finding out everything he could.

And then he screwed everything up.

If only it had been him the one who died.

If only you had never tried to get close to him, if only you had fallen in love with someone else.

You’d be alive right now.

Saeyoung sobbed, and squeezed the ring tightly in his hand.

“I’m sorry my love. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you. That I wasn’t strong enough. And I’m sorry....about what I want to do. Please forgive me.”

And with that, Saeyoung got on top of the toilet and managed to lift a part of the roof up. It was one of his hiding spots.

Right now, Saeran was doing amazing. Vanderwood too. Everyone in the RFA would slowly feel better, they would manage to accept what happened and will surely, but slowly move on ....except him.

Saeyoung sat on the toilet again, and placed the cool metal object against his head, tears slowly streaming down.

He closed his eyes, and imagined your face, your sweet laugh.

He imagined the both of you holding each other in a heated embrace, or watching movies together, or even traveling the world!

“Y/N...I’ll be there soon...I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

As he smiled bitterly, fantasizing and remembering all the moments he spent with you....he pulled the trigger.

———-

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry if that was way too dark. If MC died because of soemthing like the agency...Saeyoung wouldn’t forgive himself. No matter what.

He will blame himself and will try to distance himself so that no one else encounters the same faith. Once again, sorry for making it super angsty

If you have any advice for my writing it’d be greatly appreciated!

#mystic messenger #saeyoung choi #mysme #saeyoung angst #saeyoung x mc

[hermionegranger56]

ok lads its time for my breakdown of folklore, something absolutely no one is asking for but here we are!! this album. thIs ALBUMMMM. dear GOD. the intersection of my two favorite things, taylor swift and indie folk???? i feel like i’m dreaming. when she announced the surprise drop i literally burst into tears and evidently for good reason lol.

anywho here’s the thing. Red has been my all time favorite album for 8 years now. it holds such an important place in my life and i never thought anything she did could come close (though Lover almost did). but this. THIS IS BETTER THAN RED

the lyrical genius is unmatched here. taylor isn’t just writing songs here, this is POETRY. every song is nuanced, intricate, devastatingly beautiful, with words that’ll haunt me for a long time. and the fact that it’s stories, literal folklore, no longer just about her own life is incredibly creative and is executed so well for someone who has interwoven her life into her entire body of music thus far. folklore blends facts with fiction so seamlessly and is a true exhibition of taylor’s power as a songwriter.

and the vibessss!! from haunting heartbreak songs, to ethereal lost-in-the-woods vibes, to a comforting return to her old self, this album has everything. taylor is without a doubt one of the most versatile artists of our generation, having success and skill in multiple genres and folklore only solidifies this fact.

ALL RIGHT KIDS LETS JUMP IN

the 1: hell yeah explicit tswift give it to me lol you ARE on some new shit!! ok when i first listened to this i hadn’t read her statement about the other perspectives and i was about to RIOT about her and joe breaking up (like they could ever lol). this is such a catchy beat, such a casual?? look at such a painful feeling? a really good start to this album. the part where she goes another day waking up aLONE killlllllls me wow

fave lines: “in my defense i have none/for never leaving well enough alone”

cardigan: (don’t get me started on the mv it’s gorgeous) YES THE TEENAGE LOVE TRIANGLE suchhh a good concept!! the melody of this song is unreal, the chorus makes me want to scream it’s so beautiful, the i-i-i is SOMETHING ELSE. it’s crazy how just the melody makes betty’s pain so palpable, but so enchanting at the same time. it’s bittersweet and cinematic and i’m in love. PETER LOSING WENDY GOD. easily top 5 song here

fave lines: “when you are young they assume you know nothing”, “cause i knew you/ heartbeat on the high line/ once in 20 lifetimes i” “you drew stars around my scars/but now i’m bleeding”

the last great american dynasty: watch hill!!! her watch hill house!! i live near there!! oh i think this song is so clever and i love how it ties into mad woman as well as harkens back to starlight. i LOVE the way she ties her self in, “and then it was bought by me” like ughhh her mind? and its catchy AF

fave lines: “i had a marvelous time ruining everything”

exile: YOU KNOW HOW TO DO AN INDIE ALBUM??? BRING BON IVER INTO THIS SHIT!! wowww this song is haunting and is definitely the “i’m you but stronger” version of The Last Time. the overlap of both of them singing and their parallel lines are flawless. i could play this on repeat for hours and contemplate my whole existence

fave lines: “you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs”

my tears ricochet: ok somehow a track 5 with tears in the title is not the saddest song here but DAMN is it good. I love the visual of someone watching over their funeral and reacting. the music is stunningggg here. ALSO i am pretty convinced this is about the whole scott/scooter drama, like the lyrics fit so well? and she said it was the first song she wrote so the timeline kinda fits?? geniusss

fave lines: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace”, “and if i’m dead to you/why are you at the wake?”

mirrorball: ohhhh this one is so pretty!! it just makes me want to dance around the kitchen with the person i love??? its comforting, ethereal, happyyy ugh i love it. I also think it could be about her relationship with her fans? like her music shows us different sides of ourselves idk? or just absorbing into a relationship?

fave lines: “on my tallest tiptoes/shining just for you”

seven: i’m gonna call this now: this is going to be the most underrated song on this album. it is STUNNING. POETIC. HEARTBREAKING. the music is so hauntingly nostalgic. and the lyrics, holy absolute shit. they’re a delicate testament to childhood, memory, and innocent love. it’s gut wrenching and i love it so so much

fave lines: “i’ve been meaning to tell you/i think your house is haunted/your dad is always mad/and that must be why”, “and just like folk song/our love will be passed on”, “before i learned civility/ i used to scream ferociously” ALL OF IT

august: and now we get the girl james cheated with’s perspective, which i think is great. its sunny, wistful and sad underneath all that beautiful production. when she slides from the chorus to the “back when we we’re changing for the better” and hits that “mineeee to lose” GOD, it just fills your chest. i feel like even if you never have, this makes anyone feel like they know exactly what a summer fling feels like. one of my faves

fave lines: “august slipped away/like a bottle of wine”, “cancel my plans just in case you call/ and say meet me behind the mall”

this is me trying: the slow pacing of this melody serves to show these EXQUISITE lyrics here. this is so intimate and personal and i feel like everyone can relate to this feeling of just trying to hold on and put on a brave face?

fave lines: “they told me all of my cages were mental/ so i got wasted like all my potential”

illicit affairs: ok all you need to know about this one is a) I’m obsessed b) this is the closest she has come to creating a bridge that makes me feel like the All Too Well bridge has, like scream sobbing in the car type vibe??? its unreal. and this song makes me feel that shitty feeling of: “this was supposed to be casual but oops its very much not” hmmm maybe that’s where the scream sobbing comes from hahah

fave lines: “don’t call me kid/don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string: this. THIS is probably her most stunning love song. like. i thought it was Lover. i was wrong. this one is confidently from Taylor’s perspective, about Joe and dear lord i want a love like theirs. and shit does this song put the folk in folklore, the music is so simple and gorgeous and harkens back to her country roots without losing this new sound she has. and the first few notes remind me of Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens so instantly im sold. this and betty are tied for my number 1, it’s just too beautiful

fave lines: “time curious time/give me no compasses/give me no signs” “isn’t it just so pretty to think/all along there was some invisible string/tying you to me”, “cold was steel of the axe that i had to grind/for the boys who broke my heart/now i buy their babies presents”, “hell was the journey/but it brought me heaven”

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVERRRRRR!!! yes taylor said fuckkkk ugh i LOVE this vibe, the revenge of the mad woman that the town cast out is so eerie and powerful, i’m obsessed. it ties back into the maddest woman of TLGAD and it feels like a spiritual sequel to The Man, the same feminist thread weaving through it. the lyrics are razor sharp and biting, i love it

fave lines: “and you poke that bear/till the claws come out/ and you find something/ to wrap your noose around”, “it’s obvious wanting me dead has really brought you two together”

epiphany: so uhhh THIS is the saddest song on folklore. fight me. the seamless comparison between wartime and the pandemic and waiting for some epiphany that could make sense of all the horrors surrounding the both. idk man, as someone who’s been a covid nurse since March, i just….this one HURTS. similar to Soon You’ll Get Better tbh

fave lines: “hold your hand through plastic now/doc i think she’s crashing out/and somethings you just can’t speak about”

betty: OH I LOVE IT WITH MY WHOLE HEART! this is such a TRIUMPHANT return to old taylor, it is so joyful but sad at the same time?? the harmonica?? the last part of the love triangle?? it sounds like Taylor Swift and Fearless all grown up and it makes me ache for back then, but love where we are right now. tbh the first time i heard this i sobbed through the whole thing just out of pure nostalgia. she’s back but at the same time she never left. this feels like a love song to original fans and it. is. incredible. my favoriteeee goddd

fave lines: THE WHOLE CHORUS BABYYYYY

peace: it’s gorgeous, especially the guitarrr ugh. this feels like delicate’s quiet older sister. i think it’s definitely about joe and how taylor, despite loving him, still has these insecurities and fears about what a relationship with someone in her position could be like? like there will be struggles, but he’s her family and she “would die for you in secret”. stunning

fave lines: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm”, “the devils in the detail/but you’ve got a friend in me”, “give you my wild/give you a child”

hoax: i’m surprised she ended it on a sad one (but we still have the lakes!!) but this song is hauntingly beautiful WOW. every line of this absolutely floors me. i think this one will also be largely underrated, but it is pure poetry and deserves so so much hype

fave lines: “stood on the cliffside/screaming give me a reason/your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in”, “it still hurts underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark” “my kingdom come undone/ my broken drum/ you have beaten my heart”

ANYWHO TAYLOR HAS PRODUCED HER BEST WORK TO DATE AND IM READY FOR SAD GIRL AUTUMN

#taylor swift #folklore #tswift #folklore the album #taylor swift folklore #ts8 folklore #folklore era #betty #august #cardigan #exile

[doctorguilty]

omg i forgot to talk about the full contact haunted house!!! omg ok ok 

subtly horny on main im Sorry 

omg ok it started with like. a non-contact section as like, a warmup, but even that was more involved than I expected!! more than the regular haunted house I went to and ones I remember in the past! all the actors were like. so into their characters and looked like they were havin so much fun and like i said last time.. i’m a very perfect Participant cause I get genuinely scared and I also get immersed in the whole like, roleplay immediately and respond like,timidly and stuff and they are just SO entertained by that! 

so it started with a corn maze thing and right away there’s these like monster girls spooking me and stuff but omg there was this scarecrow guy like. who was RIDICULOUSLY hot,,, with like FANGS and shit... who separated me from bog and made me get down and crawl through the maze into a dead end and like, omg i was like literally getting scratched up by whatever it was around me doing that!! and dirty and leaves all over my clothes n shit! and i was backed up on the ground and the scarecrow dude was like looming over me and threatening me or whatever and he gets like really close to my face and says like “I bet you’re in this position a lot” and im like JKDSAHKSAFHDSKGDFS wowo fucking DIE s !!!!!!!!

and then eventually i get chased out to the end and there’s like this, crucifix, and the girls tell me to get up and stand on the platform and put my arms on my cross , and I do, and they started laughing and rocking it back and forth as i held on like holy shit thats the NON contact part omfg!! 

then the contact part had different thremes like one of the early ones was a clown that smeared fake blood on my face and made me and bog crawl into a box and shut us in and like hit the box with a bat and shit ajdhkdf!!! and there was other themed rooms like, clowns, a butcher/cannibal theme one, there was one that was like! a doll room with doll parts everywhere and this lady actor held out hands and played ring around the rosie of course ending with like WE ALL DIE!! like ,, ass that was cute!! and she pushed me around laughing and called me a puppet like wow , you own me tbh 

a lot of it was getting pushed and shoved and people getting close to my face and wiping blood on it or saying threats in my ear but it was like super cool how everyone had a story like it wasnt just, walking through quickly like there were rooms you completely stop as a character goes through their narrative with you like there was, admittedly Problematique but you know how it is, like a Crazy Person in hospital gown but I really really liked her roleplay objectively like she had a cute/spooky story, like listen im mentally ill and ive been to the ward i have rights, but anyway she leads us to her friend who was supposed to be a little girl (like not played by a little girl)but shes like, violently wants to be friends like hugs me and then like snaps immediately and shoves me back like omg i honestly wish i could go through a second time for the Stories 

OH and at one point i got shut in a coffin that was cool omg!!!! 

omg but the best part. like i cant stop thinking about it. this burly lumberjack guy grabs me and shoves me against the wall outside the next little house to go in, and he says “you like that don’t you”  and i just fjsdfksdg instinctively responded “maybe” like really sheepishly, and the like hillbilly friends laugh and shove me into the next place and I was alone at this point and I hear one of them shout “she likes it slim!” which i guess is a codeword,,, because. im in almost pitch darkness and i can barely make out like, part of the clothes of some big guy in the room, and he grabs me and throws me, and i mean THROWS me, into the wall full force like rocking the planks of the wall with a big bang,  and im so stunned i just stand there and he grabs me again, drags me forward and throw me into another wall, full force no hesitation, it happened like. almost 10 times or something?!?? i cant even see where the walls are. its just darkness and my back hits it... i didnt even scream or nothing i just like yelped when i git the wall but i was otherwise quiet i was like,,,, just in some wild mental state.. until finally he threw me towards the next hallway and at that point i like toppled over onto the ground and like, shambled back up and through the door .... 

i dont even know how to fully explain it but. i cannot overstate how much i enjoyed the fact that happened... like you know how i complain how everyone thinks im weak and fragile, like, emotionally, and physically? everyones scared to touch me, scared i’ll just shatter or something, i am only 117 pounds and not super tall or big i guess.. and i look young and i guess innocent....... no matter how much i tell people i like KNOW that i like roughhousing they hesitate and go easy on me and i hate it so much .. like i know im sore all the time from having a shitty body prone to joint pain or whatever but my pain tolerance for just like, getting roughed up is so high??? so im just like. this dude. bless him. he sees me, a little twink looking mf (though also afab which was everyones impression of me which is also like! relevant to the whole deal with my alleged fragility) walk in and doesnt think nothing of it. he just fucking throws me like a ragdoll over and over  ......like, thats what i payed for thats what i wanted, FULL CONTACT and i wasnt shirked out of that for being small!! because thats what usually happens! everywhere! i wish i coulda thanked him personally like i hope wherever he is he knows i appreciated him sm.... weird sadist man in the dark .. you’re my hero 

HWAHH thats like! the long and short of it though, i came out covered in fake blood and. in total bliss like!! that was probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life, i dont know where else you can go and just. pay to get beat up by actors roleplaying monsters and shit.... im honestly sad i have to wait another year to go back ...... im so glad i did it though, and tbh it was WAY less jumpscares than other things because i imagine the point is more the roleplaying!! which im so like into!!!! 

omg and like. my legs have bruises on them and one of them has a DEEP purple sizeable bruise that like, dully hurts still . and im just. ecstatic about it, nobody was too scared to hurt me ... /w\ finally i feel.. so respected !!  

#seth speaks

[zesbian]

Blush, breeze, daylight, delightful, docey, gem, heart, kitty, ladybug, starlight, soft, sugary, sunshine, treasure, wispy? ✨🌙💕

Blush, what was your stuffed animal as a child?

- it’s a kind of bittersweet story actually, so we have a family friend (who I call my Aunt, but she’s not lol) Aunt Cindy, who had a son, Grant, that passed away after I believe only a few months to a year. He was born very sick and there was a lot of complications. anyways, he had this white soft teddy bear, and when he passed away, Cindy gave it to me, because I was a newborn at the time. So I had this bear I named Teddy and he had this incredibly macabre and sad backstory, but I didn’t know about it of course as a kid. I slept with that bear every single night (and waaaaay too long lol I probably stopped when I was like 13-14 fjfjdjjdjdjd) and he was worn and his “fur” did the thing where it covered his eyes and he got all matted and his stuffing got all pressed down inside him so he got rly hard and small but I loved that thing like it was alive. i talked to him, hugged him, cried to him; he was almost like an imaginary friend. I couldn’t sleep without it, and I was get incredibly anxious if I ever had to. I had multiple stuffed animals that came and went but Teddy always stayed. Looking back it almost feels like some sort of like supernatural blessing from Grant, who I do believe I would have been best friends with, if he hadn’t sadly passed so young. But yeah that’s the story of Teddy, my most likely poltergeist stuffed animal lol. I wonder where he is in my attic??? I feel bad now djdjjdjdjd

breeze, most precious childhood memory?

- I honestly barely remember anything from my childhood tbh I don’t have a favorite memory

daylight, favorite album of all time?

- this question gave me full body chills, I could honestly not tell you haha

delightful, concerts or museums?

- concerts, because they only happen like once but museums stay almost the same always (minus like certain pop up exhibits) and are stagnant buildings so you can go whenever you want

docey, any paranormal/magical experiences?

- see question one. lol no but I grew up religious but no longer am, but recently had something rly scary happen to me (well you technically lol, and since you know the context and it’s private, I won’t say here lol) and I started having an anxiety attack because I needed to fix it but couldn’t figure out how, and I just screamed “PLEASE HELP” alone, in my house, and immediately got a DM from someone also in the situation who knew how to fix it. literally right after I asked ~whoever~ for help. creepy huh? oh also I’ve had a ghost “attack” a friend and I once at a haunted bridge in her car, true story.

gem, who are your favorite tumblrs?

- those cottage core bloggers that just post pictures of pie and cows and never talk about anything else, y’all keep me sane, thank u

heart, silk or lace?

- silk always

kitty, what’s your favorite time of the day?

- early early morning, or the blue hour

ladybug, what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

- I have more of a sadness playlist lol

starlight, what was your favourite show as a child?

- Avatar the Last Airbender, and yes it still holds up!!!!

soft, describe your favourite spot in your house.

- my room, in my bed lol

sugary, what traits do you value most in friends?

- kindness and understanding. you can roast me and be sarcastic and joke around with me, but you can’t truly be my friend unless you know when you’ve reached that line and won’t cross it. also I’ve got a lot going on, and I appreciate when people get that and don’t get angry with me for it.

sunshine, do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

- aesthetically pleasing hdhdhjddj

treasure, what was something that made you smile today?

- I made an arrangement for my nana for her birthday and she liked it (also pls don’t judge me too hard, I had to work with Trader Joe’s flower section and they barely had any greenery lol)

wispy do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

- I mean it’s okay, but the negatives outweigh any positives. and I’ll probably live close by, but I don’t want to live here my whole life.

[thegreymoon]

17 mutuals 17 questions

Tagged by: @brokenfannibal and @bisexual-merlin 

Thanks, guys!  ❤️

are you named after anyone? No, my mom just thought the name sounded cool. 

when was the last time you cried? Yesterday, multiple times, over that robot that died on Mars, alone in the cold and the dark. Mars is a hellscape. 

do you have any kids? No. 

do you use sarcasm a lot? Not often, tbh. It’s a hostile kind of humour, but I do use it. There is a lot of humour in general that I don’t respond to very well. 

what’s the first thing you notice about people? Definitely the hair, if it is long and pretty. Otherwise, it’s the eyes. Sometimes, it’s their body and gait, how they carry themselves, but for the most part, I find people generally unremarkable. I deal with many people on a daily basis and will forget them all very quickly unless there is a meaningful personal interaction involved that will anchor them in my brain. 

eye color? Green.

scary movie or happy ending? Definitely happy endings. I don’t like scary movies. I find them either gross or boring and sometimes downright illogical. For example, I enjoyed The Sixth Sense because that was my first time coming across this particular twist, but then The Others was a yawn because the twist is the same. The Blair Witch Project bored me to tears and left me angry and unsatisfied because we never got a proper story, explanation or closure. I find zombies and slasher movies disgusting and illogical, vampires heroic or romantic, werewolves are totally my jam, and any kind of supernatural stuff falls into action/romance/fantasy for me rather than into scary movies. I have very little patience for Christian mythology and propaganda, so demons don’t do much for me either. The most recent fail of this kind was Damien, but mind you, when I say ‘fail’, I mean it from purely the horror perspective, because there was never a single moment when I wavered in my sympathies for the Antichrist or found him creepy in any way. Also, my reaction to the Hellhounds was, ‘Aww, cutie! Who’s a good boy? Who???’ Especially after they saved Damien from the overdose. I enjoyed the show immensely for other reasons *cough*BradleyJames*cough* but never found it scary at all. Speaking of Damien, I can say the same for The Living and the Dead. The ghosts bored me to tears and I watched for Colin Morgan (who is excellent), the music, the pretty costumes and the downright gorgeous scenery. The scary part just didin’t work. The scary movies that did genuinely frighten me and that I found good and satisfying to boot are few and far between  (off the top of my head, The Skeleton Key and the Japanese version of The Ring). Full disclosure: I have recently gotten my hands on the Korean zombie show Kingdom, which I expect I will enjoy a lot, so I guess there are exceptions to everything. 

Yeah, tl;dr ☹️

any special talent? I used to be good at writing (or so I thought) and at stories in general, but that has been dead in the water for a while. I’m still trying and hoping it will come back, but I’ve been unsuccessful so far. 

where were you born? A site of enduring trauma for me. 

hobbies? Writing, reading, drawing and painting. Also, doll collecting. Yes, I’m fully committed to my transformation into the creepy old lady who never married and lives alone in a haunted house with endless dead-eyed dolls and a horde of cats who will eat her when she dies. 

do you have any pets? None at the moment. I used to have cats, but they all died and I didn’t get any more because my life is very unstable and I don’t live in the same place for very long. 

what sports do you/have played? I always hated sports and never played any unless forced. The competitive aspect of it induces anxiety and resentment. I can’t even watch most of them, especially the popular ones that I feel are forced on me. I go running and cycling for exercise, usually alone. Going with friends turned out to be counterproductive, unsatisfying, limiting and stressful. 

how tall are you? 1.62m

favorite subject in school? If you had asked me this in school, I would have said probably art, history and literature, but the real truth is that I liked these things independently of school. School was a nightmare and these subjects were always taught in restrictive or downright incompetent ways, so my answer is that I hated all subjects and school in general. There was a period of time when I went to good schools when I was young and that was fun and enjoyable, but everything since then has been a disappointment at best and trauma at worst. 

dream job? The long-term goal right now is to be a translator, optimally a freelance one who can work from the comfort and silence of their own home and deal with people only through email. Maybe a freelance illustrator too, if I can ever get my art to come back to me. 

I am tagging: @blue-sky-and-sunny-day @the-once-and-future-love @8verity8 @schweetheart @sophielaurentscribes and @inchofsalt  

Of course, please only do this if you want to!! If anyone else following me thinks this is fun, please consider yourself tagged too! 

#tagged #personal

[lilahharlow]

( FREYA MAVOR , FEMALE, SHE/HER ) I, LILAH HARLOW am a LEGACY student and would hereby like to submit my application to Kingswood Boarding School. I am SEVENTEEN years old and will be a JUNIOR. I would describe myself as DRIVEN and RESILIENT, but also VAIN and UNRELENTING which I plan to work on during my time here. This is my request to join the ELIZABETH building as a house MEMBER and look forward to hearing back from you. 

hi lmao u thought u saw the last of me?? sike bitch!! u thought !! (none of u r bitches i love u all <3 <3 <3) anyway here’s lilah she’s a bitch and i love her

TW; ALCOHOLISM, DEATH, ABUSE KIND OF ??

born to eleanor and anthony harlow; both legacies down lines of legacies

eleanor was originally eleanor du pont, from a family of old money that found fortune through gunpowder manufacturing and whatnot

eleanor’s father has been involved in breeding and racing thoroughbred horses and establishing several racehorse venues; like many in the family

eleanor found that life boring, and sought out fame on the west coast

quickly became tv’s sweetheart due to her lovable and soft characters in several tv shows; including a then-popular sitcom

eleanor retired after becoming pregnant with her first child, but still remained in public eye due to her career and her family--would still do interviews and photo shoots to remain relevant

anthony’s father owns the law firm harlow & harlow with anthony’s older brother after anthony’s father’s father’s passing

the firm works only with significant figures in society and they’re well known for winning cases--regardless of whether they’re on the morally right side or not

anthony himself took a different path and became a renowned neurosurgeon in the US, considered an expert on the brain and spine

his younger brother is heavily involved in the FBI, though nobody is sure of his position

they had met briefly during kingswood, anthony a senior and eleanor a freshmen--it wasn’t until she moved to california that they met again many years later, anthony only in town for a medical convention

they had fallen in love fairly quickly, and it hadn’t taken long for them to marry. super cliche shit; when anthony went back across to the west coast, eleanor followed

they moved to pennsylvania due to how many members of eleanor’s family resided there

eleanor officially retired from acting when she was pregnant with rhys, their only son and eldest child. a year after that, lilah followed suit. another year, and laurel was born.

they were a typical american family, anthony was constantly at work and so eleanor took care of the children with the assistance of a few nannies

lilah was always an especially bratty child--almost entirely always impossible to please; she found fault in everything and always wanted things to go her way

her sister took after lilah and developed almost the same entire personality, though there was a sweetness to laurel and lilah simply did not possess. rhys was the tamest out of the bunch, but simply because he never gave a shit

when the children were all too much, eleanor and the nannies sort of just...left them to their own? they resided in an old victorian-esque mansion with a backyard leading into the forest; almost fairy-tale like

lilah often found herself in the forest, playing snow white on her own because rhys always refused (he enjoyed hitting things with sticks) and laurel only wanted to pick flowers and stay close to the house

when lilah was seven things took a turn for the worse

anthony had cheated on eleanor with a nurse six years prior, and the past had come back to haunt him.

it was soon revealed, after an unfortunate accident involving the other woman, that she had left behind a child whose father was listed as the one n only anthony harlow

he took the child, a girl named ramona, in. she was laurel’s age, with only a few months difference

this broke eleanor--she was heartbroken, but remained married to anthony for the sake of the children.

never treated ramona as her own, and lilah took after her mother (and her brother--who also was incredibly against the idea of having another sister); becoming relentlessly mean to the younger girl

eleanor began to drink herself away to deal with the misfortunes that had struck her, which only worsened her temper (which was...only directed towards ramona)

it was during these years that lilah went from a normal nightmare child at both school and home--to an extreme nightmare child. she took things when she wanted, stopped listening to adults, normal child-acting-out things.

around the same time that it was all happening, lilah found herself running through the woods more often--simply to get away from the drama of it all

most of the time she was always alone; nobody roamed the forest, despite several other homes having the same backyard situation as hers

‘course, one particular day, lilah found that she wasn’t alone

she ran across a boy of similar age, who had gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole. when asked his name, he called himself ‘fox’ and that was all. this, to a young child, was perfectly acceptable and lilah deemed herself as ‘sparrow’--unsure as to if his name was really fox, or if he was making it up

after freeing him from the hole, they soon deemed themselves best friends for life.

they played princess and knight until the sun set, then they’d part ways until the next day

these adventures became lilah’s safe haven--even as she got older, and meaner--fox was one of the few people who she showed kindness towards. part of it was because of the mystery of the boy, and part of it was because lilah was, well, lonely. 

feared at school, the kids who were her friends were only her friends because they were scared of her. or they were her sister, who didn’t really count

despite her popularity status, lilah hated school. words never formed correctly on the paper, and she struggled immensely with reading, though she tried her best to hide it

the only subject she enjoyed was art, tbh

rhys also acted out a tons and got into a bad crowd of boys; they would terrorize the younger kids and vandalize mailboxes. y’know, just little baby crooks in the making

eleanor stopped taking care of the kids, she often locked herself away in the bedroom, leaving the nannies to care for the children when needed

lilah never saw her mother, only heard her; breaking glasses or falling down in the halls late at night, or a shout towards ramona

laurel and ramona soon got closer, the more lilah pushed her family away by playing fantasy in the woods, and by the time their mother died--laurel didn’t want much to do with lilah or rhys

eleanor died when rhys was 13, lilah 12, laurel and ramona 11

her body couldn’t handle it anymore; anthony found her body, sprawled across their kingsized bed with a shattered wine glass and pearls scattered around the sheets. romantically gruesome.

the funeral was filled with distant relatives that all mourned eleanor, as if they had been crucial parts of her life--though perhaps they had been, lilah never knew much of her mother’s side of the family. there were old costars, neighbors, family friends, and a distinct closing of lilah’s throat at the stuffiness of it all. the air stank of death and roses.

she had left early, finding herself in the woods once more.

and there was fox, as he always was. it was the only time lilah had ever felt secure.

but, soon after the funeral, anthony decided to pack up and move the family out of the state. there were only bad memories in pennsylvania, so they moved to massachusetts.

lilah never got to say goodbye to fox. it is one of her few regrets

and a few months after that, rhys began attending kingswood to wreck havoc there instead

(he got into some shit, but always talked his way out of it; always a troublemaker yet somehow made his way into edward house his junior year. probably for the drugs he sells. is currently a senior)

lilah herself remained a devil in school, distracting herself through several sports and her one drawing class and avoiding her sisters.

the year after, she began to attend kingswood as well

the year after that, laurel and ramona also began attending

lilah is currently in her junior year and not much as changed.

she’s an incredibly cold girl, extremely elitist

often refuses to associate herself with those she considers ‘lesser’ than her; scholarship kids, kids from ‘lower’ houses, underclassmen, the whole ordeal

has learned how to manipulate others to get what she wants; usually includes making the other feel special and think they’re different from the others when they’re painfully...not. 

all she really has to do is bat her eyelashes

is big on sports and has joined several; has an extreme interest in anatomy and all her drawings/sketches are based on people--hopes to become a surgeon of sorts, funnily enough

still fucking hates english and history and anything else she can’t understand; dyslexia is a bitch

kind to her friends and would defend them with her life; is the kind of bitch who’ll get into petty cat fights if she overhears somebody talking shit about them

at the same time, she loves spreading rumors and gossiping about literally anybody else

it’s ... a good thing, to be her friend. she’s endlessly loyal, even if she has odd ways of showing it

she’s rude and mouthy--has no problem saying awful things; whether they’re rude, mean, or morbid. has definitely made the freshmen cry multiple times.

refuses to associate herself with her sisters and barely talks to her brother; thinks they abandoned her when family is supposed to be forever

really doesn’t trust anybody but herself; even if she does love her friends, she’s not exactly known for letting her emotions be known

literally she’s just a typical rich mean girl, like, if she doesn’t like you then she’ll just be relentlessly rude.

definitely sleeps around, though, and is unashamed of it. is overly confident in herself and her looks , and her . . . abilities

simply does not give a fuck about anything that doesn’t involve her, and will talk her way out of situations she doesn’t want to be in

has recently been in contact with her mom’s side of the family, sucking up to them and whatnot

wanted connections; yes i’m lazy please excuse me

best friend - the only person who can really break through to lilah, not that they really want to. same mindsets and same values.

other close friends - lilah made it a point her freshmen yr to befriend only the best of the best bc she knows what she wants out of life and it’s being untouchable

friends who like...think theyre friends but lilah is kind of like lol sike

ex-boyfriends - she broke their heart, they broke her heart, yadda yadda

ex-hook-ups

current hook-ups

ex-friends

enemies

her tutor lmao

roommate

her childhood friend !!! uwu

‘first love’ but lol is she capable of love

teammates

etc etc etc

#kings:intro #u kno the drill

[joyfullynervouscreator]

The Walkers pt 6

Chapter 6 - this is long ;)... but so are most of the chapters in this work tbh...

 Somehow, the small bird’s insistence gives him hope, forces him onwards, his long strides eating up the miles as he walks through the autumn weather; it is still sunny, but the nights are beginning to chill. Beorn is glad of his other skin when night falls, the fur keeping him pleasantly warm and protected from the wind that cries across the plains, bringing with it the first nip of winter.

Running.

As you flee, your lynx body has never run faster, and you don’t care about possible pursuit, don’t care about being spotted, you simply need to be somewhere you won’t be found by a Man when it comes at last, when the fire takes over, burning away all reason with furious need. You feel desperation licking at your heels, knowing Ordred will be back soon, along with his parents and siblings. You curse your biology, but there is no way you can explain to Athelstan’s family why you’re crying out in the barn, why you’re begging for your mate to quench the fire, why you’re covered in bruises. At best, they’ll think you’re insane, but at worst… at worst, Ordred will get his wish. You do not think you could survive that, not when you return to your right mind to find that you’ve mated with him because he was the only one available. Even Men might be affected by the scent of a female in heat, or simply look for their own pleasures. You have not had cause to test it. Athelstan was away for war the first time, but he kindly went to visit his sister the second time… you do not think Ordred will show you the same kindness, remembering his roving eyes and covetous gaze.

Even mated females are weak afterwards, relying on the care of their mate… It is a lesson your mother told you, her eyes pained with old sorrow as she spoke of her sister, set upon by Men, because she had strayed without care and used until she had no more to give, then left for dead. ‘You need your mate to care for you, or you need to make arrangements for your own care’, she said, and it was a lesson that stuck, having watched Lillia work herself bloody in the throes of what is now coming for you, dreading the agony even though you have gone through it before, survived before… but that was with Beorn, or at home on the farm, a small voice in the back of your head worries, with ready access to food or even just water. You snarl at the voice, your tail swishing as you put on another burst of speed towards the dark blur on the horizon.

Fear keeps you moving, keeps you running, a different fear than the last time you ran for your life, but no less potent, your lungs heaving in air as you push your paws to go faster, further, faster. You have to get far enough away that no one will find you, will force you into a bond you would not want if you could choose. There are reasons for mating in non-heat years, for learning, and building, and trusting, even for love – before there are cubs to tend and raise.

 As you run, the embers light, consuming your flesh with more and more fire, until you feel like you are ablaze with it. You keep running, pushing away the mindless need with boundless fear. The trees beckon.

 In the coolness of ‘haunted’ Fangorn, you surrender to yourself, feeling a wry amusement that your screams will add to the tales of the ‘evil’ trees if anyone hears you. They will not dare investigate, even if they do.

  Beorn almost doesn’t believe it when he catches her scent, her territory marked around the boundary of a small farmstead; the smell is a little stale, but unmistakably Ullrae. He’d know her anywhere, even though it has been so long since the last time he smelled it. His heart beats faster, as he sets off in a run, loping with long strides towards the farm.

“Ullrae!” he calls, his voice hoarse with emotion. Ullrae does not appear. Instead, one of the straw-haired Men appears in the doorway. Beorn sniffs. He does not like the scent of this man – is this Ullrae’s friend? Her mate? – who picks up an axe before he steps any closer. Beorn smirks, wondering if the Man thinks himself a threat. The thrush chirps from its perch in his wild mane, scolding him for jostling it with his run. Beorn chuckles at the small bird, before focusing on the man with the axe. He is young, and looks strong – for a Man, at least. Behind him, an older woman appears. The resemblance is clear: his mother, most likely.

“Who are you?” the young man asks, staring suspiciously at Beorn’s smile. Beorn smiles wider, breathing in the scent of unease wafting from the man. Good. He does not smell like Ullrae; even if he did, Beorn isn’t sure he would have been any less intimidating. In fact, he might have been more so. He wants answers, and he wants them now.

“Beorn is my name,” he replies, nodding. The man seems startled, but then his face closes off in anger. Scenting the air, he does not think Ullrae is still here, but Beorn has to ask; he is so close, he can almost feel her, safe in his arms where she belongs. “I am looking for the woman Ullrae. Golden eyes and brown hair, about this tall,” he indicates; Ullrae is a little shorter than him, “sharp features.” The older woman opens her mouth, but the young man pushes her back inside the house before she can speak.

“Aye, she was here,” he says, darkly, “she’s dead. We buried her yesterday, by the pasture.” Beorn can’t speak, turning woodenly to the plot of upturned earth the Man indicates. He feels nearly paralyzed. “Now get you gone, tall one, there’s nothing for you here.”

Moving slowly, Beorn walks towards the new grave, falling to his knees beside the dirt. The thrush chirps, but he pays no attention to the tugging of its feet in his hair. Ullrae… her scent is here, faint, but he can’t deny that it is fresher here than at the borders of the farm where he first found it. Fresher… and mixed with the scent of death, the sweet decay of meat.

He is too late. He has not kept her safe, protected his mate… again.

Burying his fingers in damp soil, Beorn begins to sing softly. It is an old mourning song, learned many years ago, and he barely remembers the words as his tears water the earth around his clenched fists.

 In the grasslands rivers flow In the mountains Walkers roam Hear my song of sorrow, mourning; for now I Walk through life alone.

She joined the Hunt Eternal forever wild she will run her kin her welcome gladly as they play in the rays of the sun

I walk the world on my own only silence meets my roar Until we join once again and, as spirits, spread wings to soar.

 “ULLRAE!!” her name is a roar; the bear’s roar of utter agony. There is no response; the thrush has flown away, though Beorn does not realise, staring numbly at her grave.

 Beorn does not move until the last rays of the sun has long-since set. He knows at least one Man is watching, but he does not turn to see if it is the woman or the man, sees nothing but the path north as he removes his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the ground. Behind him, someone shrieks, but Beorn does not care, simply begins walking, naked, as his heart is torn apart, shredded by the vicious teeth of separation; separation so painful he does not know how he keeps walking. He believes he will find her once more, find her in the Hunt when he dies, but it is little comfort, one thought screaming in his head. Every step he takes, it resounds in his mind, breaks another little piece of his heart.

I am the last Walker.

He though so before, but he’s had thirty years of peace from that fact, and now… now he is alone once more, and he knows that this time… this time he will fight for vengeance alone, no longer caring whether he survives his hunt for the Orcs who destroyed his people.

  “Why did you tell him she died?” Mildwyn frowns at her son. She has only met Ullrae a few times, and she is worried about what happened to her, why she has left so suddenly, leaving all her clothes and things behind. If that man knows Ullrae, maybe he’d be willing to help search for her? Folcwine had offered to stay and help, but she’d convinced her husband to return to Aldburg; the inn had been left in the care of less experienced hands for several days already.

“She will be my wife, mother,” Ordred replies, smiling. Mildwyn does not like that smile; it is too dark for her son. “When she returns, I will make her mine; whoever that man was, he will not come back, will not try to take her away.”

Mildwyn shakes her head. Ordred seems so certain of his future, but Athelstan said Ullrae did not want him; he wouldn’t… force her… right? Walking to the window, she looks out at the giant man who is crumbled by her brother’s grave; Mildwyn recognizes the motion of his shoulders as sobs. She cannot hear him, but there is no mistaking the grief in the lines of his body. Ordred is wrong to trick him so, she knows, the sight of such a powerful man brought low tearing at her mother’s heart, even if she doesn’t know him at all. It is clear that Ullrae was important to him; he has that same look as she did, something unusual and a bit animalistic – perhaps she is his kin? Making a swift decision, Mildwyn moves to the doorway, intending what she doesn’t know, but Ordred blocks her path easily. Looking over his shoulder, she watches the man undress, her mouth falling open at the sight. Ordred turns, and she pushes past him in his distraction, but he pulls her back into the house with a violent tug that makes her cry out in surprised pain at the strength of his grip.

“Stay here, mother,” he commands harshly, before ducking out of the small farmhouse. Mildwyn stares after him, heart racing. She wishes she had returned to Aldburg with her husband. This man… is not like the son she raised.

  The bear moves among the trees, the Man little more than a ball of red-hot agony in the back of his brain. It doesn’t matter; the bear simply moves on, instinct guiding him towards his enemies. The bear does not think, it only knows that its mate is gone, and with her any hope of cubs – of a future. There is only vengeance left, only the siren-call of blood to be spilled, death to be dealt – and found.

  You feel weaker than ever before when you come back to yourself; unable to move. You know you must, know you have to get up, get moving. Unless you wish to die here, you need food, but you don’t care. Grief envelops you as you lie in the mulch, too tired even to whimper, almost too dried out to weep. Athelstan will have been buried by now, you know, and you had not been there to witness it, had left before anyone came to the house. You wonder briefly what Mildwyn and Gyda will think to find you gone, but the thought disappears into a hazy doze. For a long time, you simply lie there, listening to the trees overhead, the sounds of animals uncaring that you are dying beneath the branches. You have stopped screaming; peace is once more restored in the forest and slowly the sound of a trilling bird fills your ears. You close your eyes, feeling the calm of the green world around seep into your bones.

 The thrush is back, Beorn realises absentmindedly, and because he’s become so used to following the chirpy little thing the bear turns away from his straight north course, turns away from the straight path to vengeance and death and follows the bouncy ball of feathers as it hops from branch to branch, leading him to a small clearing.

Leaves cover the body, dirt streaks her skin; she blends in so well he’s almost stepping on her before he sees the naked woman. Nosing her neck, the bear whines, knowing that she is important, but the Man does not care to make sense of what he sees, what he feels, content to sit in his heart-ache and replay her face in a million lights and moods. The bear huffs, nosing cool skin again. The woman whimpers, but her eyes do not open. Lying down beside her, Beorn manages to grab her arm in his teeth, rolling over to pull her onto his back. Her wrist snaps, which makes him wince, but the woman does not even cry out at the pain. He walks, slowly, letting his nose lead him to water as he roars at the part of him that belongs in human skin.

They have to act fast; together, if there’s to be any hope at all.

  Beorn has a weight on his back. That is odd. It’s his first coherent thought in a long time; it’s odd that his bear side is carrying something; bears do not usually carry things on their backs, except sometimes their cubs. When the scent hits him, he thinks it is no more than a memory; it is Ullrae’s scent, mixed with something indescribably delicious that makes his blood thrum wit recognition, but overlaid with a discordant sweet smell of approaching death. He shudders in revulsion. The thing on his back makes a sound, halfway between a moan and a whimper. Beorn freezes, staring into the stream he has reached as full consciousness slams back into him, two sides re-joining to form a whole, staring into the reflection in the water.

The face is achingly familiar beneath the dirt and the bloody trail of a split eyebrow that has already grown back together.

“Ullrae…” he whispers, changing back to his human shape before he is even aware of making the choice, laying her down on her back and looking at her battered form. Beorn whines low in his throat, pulling her up against his chest, frowning at the coolness of her skin. Cupping his hands in the clear stream, he brings them to her lips, whimpering when the water simply trickles into her mouth and back out, trailing down her chin. Kneeling on the ground, he shifts her, turning her back against his chest and hissing as her cold skin touches his warmth. In desperation, he pulls her up higher, lifting her into his lap and off the damp leaves, tilting her head back onto his shoulder and tries again, rubbing her throat to make her swallow reflexively. “Ullrae, please,” he whispers brokenly, hardly daring to believe this isn’t simply an exceedingly vivid dream soon-to-become the kind of nightmare where he can’t save her, having to watch her die in his arms. “Please, my love, you have to drink.” He needs to hunt something for her, but he doesn’t dare leave her alone; she’s too cold. If she was a lynx, he might trust to her fur to keep her warm, but he doesn’t know how to make her change shapes unconsciously; an oversight after twenty years of cohabitation. In desperation, he tries stroking the pressure points that would encourage his own shift, but nothing happens. Either it doesn’t work on her kind or she’s simply too weak.

Cupping his hands once more, he manages to get her to swallow another mouthful of water. She whimpers, huddling into his warmth. “Can you shift for me, wild thing?” he murmurs, but she doesn’t respond. Burying his face in her neck, drawing in her scent, Beorn’s tears fall onto her bruised flesh, streaking trails in the dirt that covers her. He would wash her, but the stream is icy, and she is already too cold, too pale, too still.

She needs food, but she needs to be warm before he can leave her… Beorn has an idea; it’s crazy, but it just might work. He doesn’t stop to think about it, using his teeth to score his wrist lengthwise, pressing the bloody wound against her lips. A moment passes, his other arm wraps around her, his fingers stroking her throat, trying to coax her to swallow his blood. Ullrae swallows once. Her tongue moves lightly over his skin, pleasingly rough as she laps up his blood weakly. This isn’t how mates are supposed to care for each other, he knows, but still feels a wild part of him sing with a combination of male pride and lust that he is caring for his mate, caring for her needs, giving her sustenance with – after a fashion – his own hands. Beorn smiles wryly. Ullrae swallows compulsively, sucking lightly. A distant part of him feels relieved she isn’t so far gone she would try to bite off his hand, or tear open his veins further. She only needs enough to spark her own survival instincts, get her body back on track.

“Be…orn…?” she whispers faintly, her head falling back against his shoulder once more. She is trembling.

“Hush now, wild thing,” he murmurs against her temple, bringing his wrist back to her mouth, watching his blood dribble between her chapped lips, watches her swallow the potent red fluid. He knows when she falls asleep, true sleep; the kind of nap she always needed after her heats – Beorn knows what has happened; what is only just finished happening. He can smell it on her skin, feel the answering stirring in his own loins, in his own blood. As much as he hurt her by staying away when she was in heat, he always spent those three days in a haze of lust himself, the smell of her more than potent enough to make him empty into his own fist, even when she was safely locked in the barn, far away from him and his base urges. He does not think he ever told her that he spent those three days locked up in the house himself, fighting the need to go to her, listening to her cries as penance.

As he licks the last drops of blood from his wrist, watching the small cut clot, his lust is overridden by his concern for her, his need to care for her; it’s a deep imperative, even if he rationally knows that she is not carrying a cub – his or anyone else’s. Shifting into his bear-form, he rumbles happily when she snuggles against him, wrapping his strong limbs around her to keep her warm. The bear watches her sleep, his eyes roving over her features again and again as he lets the sound of her breathing fill his ears.

  It is hours later when she stirs, his blood crusted in the corner of her mouth as she stares blearily up at him, confusion in her golden eyes. She blinks.

“Be…orn?” she asks again, lifting her hand weakly to stroke his face, wincing slightly. Beorn feels a little guilty, remembering the way he sprained her wrist when the bear picked her up. He huffs, licking her cheek in apology as he rolls them, getting to his feet. When she makes to move, he growls at her to be still, knowing she can’t understand the words, but she will recognise the command. Ullrae crumbles back to the ground, making him wish he hadn’t left his clothes at what he had thought was her grave. Feeling a moment of complete panic at the memory of the freshly turned earth, he lopes back to her, licking her face again. Ullrae smiles weakly. The smell of death no longer lingers on her skin; she smells of him, now, smells like she is his. Satisfied, he gives her another lick before moving off among the trees, his nose scenting the air. She needs meat, and plenty of it.

 You fall asleep once more, curled up in a small ball to keep the warmth Beorn has given you, your mind far too tired to make sense of hows or whys, checking out with the swift and silent steps of a lynx on the prowl.

You wake at the sound of a thump, something hitting the leaf mulch in front of your face with enough force to waft a leaf onto your nose. You sneeze, opening your eyes to see the carcass of a freshly killed deer in front of you, the meat still steaming.

You pounce.

It’s bloody and messy; you’re tearing strips of meat off the bones with your fingers and it’s glorious. When the first bites hit your stomach, you growl at the bear who has wisely retreated to the other side of the clearing, watching you eat with a smug satisfied air. Growling, you change skins, your sharper teeth and claws making greater inroads in the kill until you’ve gorged yourself on all the best pieces, filled the emptiness of your belly. Looking up, you catch sight of Beorn, truly registering his presence for the first time. You stare. His muzzle is bloody, something you know he dislikes, and you don’t even think before loping towards him, cleaning him with your tongue before you set to cleaning yourself, yawning widely. Beorn huffs at you; an amused sound, passing closely by you as he moves to the leftovers, eating what he wants and dragging the bare bones off into the underbrush to bury somewhere. You turn to the fresh stream, lapping greedily. Feeling pleasantly full, you change back, washing the parts of your human skin that are not raw and tender to the touch. You hiss loudly when you try to sit in the stream, the chilly water running red as you clean off the blood you have spilled over the past three days. You know you have scratched yourself bloody, feel the throbbing ache in your most abused flesh, but the coolness of the water numbs the pain a little.

“Ullrae,” Beorn whispers, making you look up at him. He reaches for you, seeming unsure all of a sudden and making you feel unaccustomedly shy about being naked. Looking down, you feel tears pressing, weeping for Athelstan and a little for yourself. Beorn’s arms wrap around you, pulling you from the icy stream and carefully wiping off the water with mullein leaves as he cradles you on his lap. “Spirits help me, Ullrae,” he whispers, and you can feel him tremble against you. At first you think he is chilled by the water, but the broken sound of pain he utters when you try to shift off him, combined with the way his arms tighten around you, convince you to stay were you are. You’re pressed against his chest, feeling safe and cared for as his face hides in your hair, his shoulders shaking with hard sobs; filled with a desperation you wish you could heal. You hide your own tears against his warm skin, bury your nose against the side of his neck, the soft and bristly hair on his furry jaw warming your face. A strange contentment fills you, dozing off as you let his familiar scent comfort you.

“Beorn?” you ask him, when your tears have stilled. His face is still buried in your hair, but he is no longer sobbing. His fingers press into your thigh.

“I thought you were dead,” he admits, crushing you tightly against him with a whimper. You reach out to stroke his arm, snuggling into his embrace. “I found your farm, and… and the Man told me you were dead, showed me your grave.” You stiffen, a snarl escaping you. Ordred! “And then I found you… Ullrae…” he can’t seem to say it, though you know what he means: you nearly died.

“I am here,” you whisper, your voice still hoarse from screaming. Beorn makes a wounded noise deep in his throat, his arms tightening around you. Turning forcefully, making him loosen his grip, you move to straddle him, keeping your weight on your knees. Pressing his head against your breast, you place your hand over his other ear so all he will hear is your heartbeat; strong and steady. Beorn’s arms are tight around your back, and you feel tears sliding down your skin, sliding down your own face too. You curl yourself around him, offering comfort the best you can.

“Don’t ever leave me,” he mutters, pressing his lips into the skin above your heart. “Never leave me,” he begs brokenly. It tears your heart apart to hear him sound like that, so far from his usual quiet rumble; his deep voice contorted with pain.

“What… what are you saying, Beorn?” you whisper, pulling on his long mane to get him to look up at your face. Your heart beats wildly, hope taking wing in a flutter of pure love as you stare down into his eyes; the colour of uisge and dark with emotion you don’t dare name. You want to kiss him, kiss away the pain he feels, licking your dry lips as you watch emotion swirl in the amber depths.

“I don’t want to live without you,” he says, stroking your cheek. You close your eyes, leaning into his touch with a soft purr, “I love you, my wild thing, I have always loved you; even when I was too stubborn to see it.” You want to believe him; you do… but you can’t. Your eyes snap open as you draw back, pull away from his large palm.

“What about Berveig?” you whisper, because you know the spectre that stands between you must be acknowledged, but hating that you’ve put sorrow into his gaze for even a moment as you watch the shadow pass across his eyes. “What about your son?” You can see him again, a small ball of dark brown fur looking up at you with blue eyes; you wonder suddenly if your own cub would look like that, if Beorn sired him. You stiffen, pushing the image out of your mind, not wanting to remember the small corpse Azog flung at you when he had had his fun.

“Berveig… I did love her,” he admits, his grip tightening around you when you try to move away. “And I am sad for her fate, the fate of our son… but she never stirred me to half the feeling the thought of losing you has done,” he whispers, pulling you back to him. You can hear the truth, the broken jagged edges of pain bleeding into his voice.

“Why did you never come looking for me?” you ask, leaving his confession hanging in the air between you. If he feels this way… why did he let you go? “It’s been more than nine summers since I last saw you,” you murmur sadly.

“Nine?” he asks, looking surprised. You frown, nodding; it’s been nearly ten, in fact. Beorn chuckles, getting to his feet slowly, keeping hold of you as he helps you find your own feet. “I was stubborn.” You smile; Beorn certainly is that. Your hands rest lightly on his chest, as you look up at him and wait for something to happen, break the tension thrumming between you. You open your mouth to speak, but Beorn continues quietly, “I spent a long time as a bear; enough time that I nearly forgot how to be a man. I was… lost.” You stare at him, abruptly frightened of what might have happened; once a Walker forgets how to Walk, they become the animal, in truth; it is the way of elders seeking death, seeking a natural end to a long life. Your fingers grip him tightly, a cry of fear spilling from your lips; you had not thought he would feel so, not after reading your letter. Beorn hushes you gently, his warm hand running down your back as you press your face into his chest. “My life was nothing but killing orcs and missing you. It is not the life I want,” he whispers, making you look up at him, hopeful but still a little scared. Dipping his head slightly, Beorn brushes a kiss across your nose. You wrinkle it in response, wanting more than that, wanting reassurance. Turning your face back to press into his warm skin, you breathe in the smell of him. “I want you, I want your love, if you’ll give it to me,” you mewl lightly, tilting your head up. Beorn chuckles, rubbing his nose against yours, “One day, I want your cubs, if we can, but if we cannot, I would still rather live my life with you than alone.” You tighten your hold at that, seeing again a small black-and-brown bear cub before your eyes. You’ve never dared hope he would want to… but now you do, and the feeling is nearly overwhelming.

“Are you sure?” you ask, when he presses his lips against yours in the softest of kisses.

“I love you, Ullrae Léonasdottir,” he murmurs, deepening the kiss. “Mate with me, make me yours as much as you are mine.” His hands press you closer, let you feel him press against you, even if he is careful not to use too much force on your still-tender skin. The bruises will take days to heal, even if shifting will help you mend quicker. You’re hungry again, though not only for food.

“My Beorn…!” you growl possessively, winding your fingers through his hair and pulling him back to your mouth, “I love you…mate.” With a joyously wild cry, he steals another kiss from your lips, grinning happily as his hands stroking your skin, relighting a few embers of desire despite your exhaustion. Attacking him with a frenzy of kisses, you still wince when your abused flesh rubs against his hard body. Beorn slows down, stroking lightly across your skin, careful with your bruises. You growl at his self-control, even though part of you knows that you are too weak still for more than a few kisses.

“Come home, ferhþlufe[1],” he murmurs against your lips.

“Have to return,” you reply, knowing you won’t be able to enjoy the new life you see before you if you do not let go of the one you have shared with Athelstan. “Have to say goodbye.” Beorn frowns unhappily, but he nods slowly.

“I’m coming with you,” he growls, shifting once more. You smile. Noting a few new scars in the fur on his face you had not spotted earlier, you trace one with your lips. The bear yips, an amused sound you’ve missed more than you realised. Kissing him once more, you take a step back, suddenly swaying with fatigue; unsure if you’ve yet regained the strength to shift, to move even. Before you, the massive black bear stands, huffing gently at you once, before moving to you and lying down on the leaves beside you.

“I may have overdone it a little, héahlufan[2],” you admit cheekily, and the bear huffs the equivalent of a laugh at the memory of your first hunt. You smile, running your fingers through his shaggy fur. Beorn nudges you lightly, nosing at your side. With a groan and a hiss of soreness, you climb onto his back, surrendering to his strength once more. This is your place, with your bear to keep you safe from the darkness without… and within.

Burying your face against his neck, you breathe deeply, enjoying the smell that is at once wild and home. You can feel the smugness radiating off him as he sets off at a smooth ground-eating pace. You try to stay awake, but you drift off to sleep as the large bear carries you away, moving easily through the forest while you rest.

  [1] Heartfelt love

[2] Great love

@life-is-righteous

#beorn #beorn/reader #The Walkers #The Skinchanger Chronicles

[xlivvielockex]

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE HORROR MOVIES OF ALL TIME

I feel like horror/suspense/thriller, they are all kind of fluid categories so I just went with my gut on this. Like some movies people consider horror like Aliens, I think of that as SciFi instead and then there is the whole category of “funny” or deliberately camp horror movies. Ugh, so many!

There are actually way too many favorites even when I narrowed it down so I went ahead and did 10 cause RULEBREAKER! (The thing is, I could EASILY do my top 25)

1. Get Out. Hands down one of the most perfect films in any genre I have ever seen. Done and done.

2. Psycho. It’s a classic for a reason. I even love the terrible spin off movies they did, yes, even including 4.

3. Fallen. This one is iffy for the horror category but IDC. This movie scared and still scares the living crap out of me. I’ve talked about this before but after watching it, I refused to touch anyone for weeks. 

4. Rosemary’s Baby/The Stepford Wives: I am putting both of Levin’s movies on here because I feel like the tone and the feel of both of them is very similar. It’s one of those movies where the twist comes at the end after wondering the whole movie if the protagonist is suffering from it all being in her head.

5. Bram Stoker’s Dracula: Keanu is terrible. Gary Oldman is perfection. Hopkins is phoning it in. Winona Ryder’s accent is a crime against the English. BUT! It’s gorgeous and the story is timeless and damnit if I don’t love it.

6. The Shining: The Kubrick one. I am older than dirt and this movie STILL scares the ever living crap out of me. (But really any of the 70s/80s Stephen King movies are on my watchlist)

7. Let the Right One In: Beautifully shot, haunting, great story with lots of opportunity for metaphor and discussion. This is cerebral horror I feel like. 

8. Cabin in the Woods: Fuck Joss Whedon. I hate him so much but I do love the hell out of this movie. Why does it have to be so good while he is so terrible?

9. Shaun of the Dead: If I had a separate funny horror list, this would be top of it. There are so many great funny horror movies, I wonder if I should do that too. But anyway, even though zombies scare the living crud out of me, this movie made it better.

10. Invasion of the Body Snatchers: I saw the Sutherland one when I was pretty young and it has stuck with me ever since. When I was on Zoloft, I thought I was living it tbh. So that tells you what an impression it made on me.

Honorable mentions go to : Misery, Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street, Final Destination, Scream, Happy Death Day, The Omen, Fright Night, Evil Dead, House on Haunted Hill, Interview with a Vampire (if it counts?), Village of the Damned, Children of the Corn, Any Stephen King book brought to the big screen tbh (except for Cell, even I have limits).

I bet I am forgetting so many more. Like I didn’t even touch on the terribad movies that I love like Motel Hell, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, Night of the Lepus. Real MST3K stuff I love unironically. I stg the late 70s/early 80s was the best for terribad horror movies. If it was on MonsterVision with Joe Bob Briggs, I have fond memories of it. 

I love the horror genre with the exception of torture and gore porn. I need something more than just let’s see how many naked girls can we mutilate and kill in 86 minutes. 

#about me #horror movies #top five #top ten #this got really long #i didn't know i had such strong feelings on horror films #apparently i do #loisfreakinglane

[archive-03012022]

great comet 8/24/17 (matinee with dave malloy + blaine krauss u/s anatole)

ok so this is more for me to remember than for anyone else but here’s a song-by-song breakdown of great comet from when i saw it lol (lots about technical stuff)

i was in the top row of banquettes which is honestly the best place to sit in the entire theatre. we could see every part of the theatre (balcony and mezz included) without having to spin our heads around like owls and there was a+++ audience interaction (i’ll get to that later)

pre-show

ok so everyone literally burst out of the entrances randomly without any warning and just started talking to everyone it was great

a man with a sparkly mustache made sure we were all ok with strobe lights and if not to just deal with it and cover our eyes

i got a pierogi box thrown at my face. fun times.

theres an announcer guy that starts speaking in russian and english before just switching over to english

announcer: cameras? ensemble: NEIT!

my grandmother got super into this format and started shouting along #quality family bonding

prologue

dave malloy is a god end of story

but seriously the prologue is such a jam 

before the song actually starts theres a super sad scene of natasha saying goodbye to andrey and she hands him his coat and letters and he gives her the locket (she has a hearbreaking “no!” as he starts leaving)

the lights go from basically pitch black to full blast at the line “anD THIS IS ALL IN YOUR PROGRAM”

denee benton is so beautiful

the ensemble was roaming around everywhere and came over to where we were a LOT

bolkonsky made his entrance right next to us after his costume change right before the minor characters line by screaming and jumping through a curtain with his guitar 

the whole ensemble gathers on the platform by the doors for the beginning of pierre

pierre

dave malloy is a god end of story

while they’re all gathered watching pierre for the first bit of pierre, sonya is rubbing natasha’s back, reassuring and soothing her

i love the ensemble,,,,,, so much,,,,,,,,

helene conducts all the women dancing during “he is charming he has no sex”

the “good russian men” part singled out azudi and he looked so offended at pierre lol

all of the “ahhhh”s were magical

theres not much that hasn’t already been said about this song tbh?

oh and right after it’s over all the ensemble members drop out of their poses and deadpan, walking to the exits with bored expressions like “alright shows over, bye guys, our job is done”

moscow

marya? hates sonya so much?

but when they’re introducing each other natasha is super prim and proper and sonya does this awkward, lopsided bow with her little hand puff half hanging off brittain is such a dork im love her

natasha’s humming is so childish/naive i love it

“you’ll read to me while i K N I T”

marya casually roasting the audience? iconic

marya’s whole speech to natasha is honestly just great

mary walks between marya and natasha when she’s mentioned

private and intimate life of the house

he

draws

out

every

single

word

“people enjoy me though” got a really good laugh

gelsey bell? the godsent angel? yes, Her

B R I N G M E M Y S L I P P E R S (he finally started screaming it again)

“natasha is young and worthless and dumb” natasha literally looks so offended its great

mary picks a “suitor” from the audience and he was so confused

BOLKONSKY KISSED HIS “CHEAP FRENCH THING” ON THE LIPS FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND HER DAUGHTER WAS LITERALLY DYING BEHIND HER

paul pinto’s servant character. that’s all.

marya plays the cowbell during the “where are my glasses” breakdown and generally looks disappointed in him the whole time 

natasha and bolkonskys

there was a 12 year old boy who had no clue what was happening and kept getting in the way of them putting the stools down it was great

all of bolkonsky’s interjections are met with a really quick spot on him and idk it was just super funny to me (he also did this really weird/hilarious lip trill at the end of “i do not wish to see herrrrrRRRRR”

denee and gelseys harmonies 

mary and natasha’s fake laughter

“says the mean old man in his underthings”

HOLY SHIT GUYS WAIT

WHEN MARY SAYS “AND HE LOOKED AT HER ONCE / HEAD TO TOE” BOLKONSKY MUTTERED “NOT IN MY HOUSE” AND I DIED

bolkonsky exits past marya who, once again, just sort of glared at him

no one else

the blue light change??

all of the light bulbs slowly start coming down and fading on to look like stars its gorgeous

at the “we were angels once, don’t you remember?” she said it right to this teenage girl at a table who literally grinned and turned away to be like “holy shit that just happened” it was really sweet

natasha is so innocent throughout the whole song its honestly so beautiful

andrey is shown in a blue spotlight with snow falling around him and he unwinds the red ribbon from her letters (and wraps it around his wrist like a bracelet for safe keeping) and starts reading them 

when he leaves and runs into the darkness natasha steps into his spot under the snow and starts singing the “you and i”s after him

the opera

marya is such a godmother is so cute

sonya’s narration is gorgrous and i’ll never get over it

ensemble members twirl mirrors around natasha at the beginning

this song makes me think about how important it is for natasha to have people like her which makes the ending even more sad :(

helene’s entrance is honestly so her idek how else to explain it

pierre’s fist pump when he says “though i’m enjoying myself at home :D”

marya is super obvious about mentioning pierre to helene since she’s with dolokov

the curtain “rising” is shown by the lightbulbs going back into the ceiling

the opera is such a good satire

GELSEY’S GOT SOME PIPES

when the dancers are “dying” they’re making this really funny, drawn out sighing noises and its amazing

denee’s face was hilarious after the dance seen she was just like :o

anatoles entrance is so extra

with every little *bum* *bum* he moved his head in a different direction and the lights flashed

helene and anatole have this creepy little moment where they’re standing under a light bulb and anatole taps his cheek for her to kiss but turns his head so she kisses him on the lips and right as their lips touch the lightbulb goes out

the opera singers continue miming in the doorways of the balcony and it was really cool to see

the ensemble was in costumes on the stairs acting out the opera as well

not only was anatole constantly looking at natasha, so was helene,,,,,,,,,

natasha hallucinates andrey’s dead body being torn apart, holding out the ribbon that held her letters together towards her

natasha and anatole

anatole checks himself out in the mirror before entering the box (blaine was really funny in purposefully pulling down a single curl over his forhead for ~fashion~)

i feel like he sings deeper than anatole but its wayyyy smoother like damn

when he’s asking natasha to the costume tournament her little “oh (:? oh,,,, i (:” when shes feigning modesty gives me life

blaines voice holy s h i t

when he grabs her from behind its really sensual and denee moaned really loudly and i

have i mentioned i love blaine’s voice

when anatole steals her flower natasha looks so scandalized

at one point he smells it and seems so in love

helene is watching the whole thing go down (basically the whole time the two of them are “alone” together she’s watching them)

after chasing each other around the stage a bunch them sitting down next to each other was treated as a Big Moment

the duel

in between songs anatole walks to pierre’s study fist bumping and grabbing at his head like “YES! YES YES!”

at “oh dear andrey’s betrothed?” anatole did like this little so-so hand gesture that was hilarious

the strobe lighting was way more intense than i expected

i watched grace mclean grind on a riding crop and then put it between her teeth it was great

lowkey threesome up in the mezz/balcony

and the girls were essentially using the railings as stripper poles

during “just as a duck is made to swim in water, god has made me as i am” anatole moonwalks, does the chicken dance, and gets grinded on by two girls

there was just A Lot during the duel

but i was too focused on celia mae’s glow in the dark thong to notice most of it

“here’s to health of married women.... and their lovers ;D”

oh i just remembered there was girl passed out drunk over someone’s box and all the people sitting in it were howling with laughter

helene’s voice is cracking when she says “he will kill you stupid husband” and might i say,,,,,,,,,, character depth

paul pinto’s announcer voice for duel

helene screams when the gun is shot

when pierre holds out his arms to be shot but starts looking around in confusion omg

idk but i love “we live to love another day”

dust and ashes

dave’s version is honestly so gut-wrenching

i never noticed in the recording but the strings on this song are honestly so beautiful??

he acts the hell out of this song and its just so :(

during the “we are asleep until we fall in love” the ensemble lines up in the orch aisles and in front of the mezz all backlit and its just so haunting 

as their “ah”s get more and more intense the lights don’t change at all and it just seems very church choir-y

sunday morning

sonya and natasha seem like they’re sneaking around in the beginning and its really cute

“everyone sees a man” is delivered so well, like she’s trying to reassure her 

the whole time natasha is staring into the mirror pierre is standing right behind her looking at her through the mirror

marya still hates sonya

charming

helene enters through the double doors with her face covered by her cloak and its sort of a mystery who it is until she starts singing

natasha seems embarrassed at first (since shes basically in her underwear) but then starts fixing her garters and stuff almost like she’s trying to impress her

amber gray holy shit

since natasha is still in just her corset and garters helene gives her her cloak 

“he was thinking about you, kept sighing about you” natasha literally lights up and puts her hand over her mouth and walks away like a middle schooler lol

when natasha gets her dress on first she runs around and twirls but then starts imitating helene but its still really childish

helene yanks andrey’s necklace off of natasha before giving her her own and keeping it for herself

in summary this song is Not Straight Whatsoever

the ball

all of the couples enter from the doors doing this weird little movement before going down the stairs 

two girls danced in front of us together (edit: it was gelsey and katrina i only just remembered) and it made my day 

all of the dancers (all through out the theatre, all the way into the balcony) are doing the same movements as anatole and natasha but since they’re in dark greens/black and anatole and natasha are in white it’s easy to not get distracting

blaine as anatole,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yeah

the “i love another” seems a bit forced on natasha’s side like she’s just saying it out of habit rather than for real

helene is still watching them

the kiss

lasts

a

long

time

BUT

when you look away you see that everyone has wine glasses and are putting their fingers around the rim to make the little noise

helene has a lightbulb over her and a spot. she’s the last one to stop.

the way natasha’s little part after the kiss goes it makes her look like she’s going to choose andrey because she’s singing to the orchestra but turns to anatole to sing the “i will love youuuu” part

the ensemble is lined up on the staircase, “ahhh”ing and holding their glasses up to toast them

anatole and natasha run through the doors together

letters

the whole cast comes in through the double doors

my grandmother screamed “HEY HANDSOME” when blaine passed by wlfkjvbvjnrev

most of the cast had stuck their letters to audience members into their bras/shirts

andrey stands on the platform in front of the doors (the same place he enters pierre and andrey) and pierre speaks directly to him for his letter

at “it is NAPOLEON” the portrait of napoleon on the wall (which was right above my seat lol) lights up and pierre starts pointing the gun at him

anatole and andrey stand on walkways next to each other when natasha is writing her letter

pierre, natasha, and mary all stand in a circle around the study singing at each other and it looks really cool

ok so anatole’s love letter..............

dolokov was holding the letter

they actually made the woman passing the letter walk up on stage to pass it to natasha

blaines “just says yes”s were suuuuuuuuuuper stretched out but he was pressing his face in her chest, stomach, thighs and trailing his hand up her whole body and it was uhhhhhh way more sensual than how lucas steele plays anatole

sonya and natasha

sonya steals the letter from natasha while shes’s sleeping

their argument is honestly everything

“its seems to me i’ve loved him a hundred years............ :)” sonya is just like “what the fuck natalie”

“would you think so badly of me??” brings me back to how much natasha just wants to be loved and cared for 

sonya and natasha yelling at each other is so heartbreaking

her letter to mary is all very final

sonya alone

the whole theatre is dark and theres a single lightbulb and spot on sonya as she sings

natasha makes her way up the stairs to the mezzanine (PASSES ANDREY WHO’S SITTING THERE WATCHING HER)

and wanders all the way across the mezz and back down the stairs on the other side

the whole time, sonya never takes her eyes off of her

i think we need to appreciate that in the realm of musical theatre, there are no other songs about just loving your friend? and wanting to help them?

“i know you’ve forgotten  me” natasha is back in front of the stage left stairs, but a light bulb lights up over her and she stops, looking at sonya

“it’s all on me” kills me she’s so selfless shes sacrificing her friendship with her best friend just to save her and just kjvn;efvaer

preparations

pierre literally doesnt care about what anatole’s doing 

theres a spot on sonya and natasha when they are mentioned

helene brings dolokov the tea

anatole shaves in front of a mirror

there was still shaving cream left on his face and dolokov had to wipe it off his face while they were arguing lol

the two of them were arguing really aggressively it was intense

i think helene was playing the drum during this whole part

balaga/the abduction

paul pinto deserved a tony

my grandmother stole egg shakers from the row in front of us

balaga runs up into the mezz and starts wreaking havoc it’s great

the musicians were all running all over the place saying hi to audience members and generally being great

anatole’s “woooooooooooo” and cape spin was a sight to behold tbh

blaine did a little “mm” noise when everyone went quiet after the big "WOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHH”

his “gooooooooooooodbye” was so stretched out that the ensemble started swaying really slowly but then had to go the other way before starting again it was really funny

during the goodbye my gypsy lovers part marya slid on the end of the banquette seats i was in and i was freaking out so she blew me a fucking kiss and ran away

everyone dancing in a circle around the study

there was a little accordion-off 

alex gibson came over and was like “WATCH ME! WATCH ME OVER HERE!” and had a dance off with a guy all the way up in the balcony

there were people dancing allllllllll over these platforms through out the theatre there was never a dull moment

alex gibson also started humping a drum next to us and banging it while he moaned

he was so into it that he didn’t realize he was blocking lauren zakrin from chucking pages of war and peace everywhere (which i caught out of the air which is pretty neat)

one of katrina’s braids was coming loose so she started helicopter-ing them in our faces

i saw helene and marya make out and it was great

all of it was so completely organized chaos that was so incredible watch i love rachel chavkin with all my heart

when anatole sat down on the banquette next to the girl he made her kiss him on the cheek and did the “stretching” to put an arm around her thing it was hilarious

the girl leaned her head on him and they just chilled out (they actually looked like a real couple tbh) for an awkwardly long time before they all ran up the stairs

marya’s entrance is just as incredible as you would imagine

anatole did like a little smile like “uhh, hi” and then sprinted down the stairs away 

in my house

grace mclean deserved a nomination for best featured. seriously.

the maid servant tries to apologize to marya but she just points her back inside the doors

ok so grace kept it all super calm and contained until she exploded on natasha

she honestly plays this scene so well she’s ocnstantly jumping between concern, disappointment, and pure, unfiltered rage

natasha screaming is terrifying

when natasha “falls to the sofa” (she’s stand completely upright with her arms crossed) marya softens and becomes very calm again but when sonya tries to go to her she snaps again

natasha? still? thinks? anatoles? coming? :(

a call to pierre

the letter is followed by the light bulbs and lights under the mezz as it makes its way across the stage

paul pinto is the best

he stretches out the announcement

so

much

“........................................w h a t”

grace and dave have such good chemistry

the ensemble’s vocals make this scene so much more tense

“natasha and A N A T O L E  K U R A G I N”

marya’s whole demeanor changes when she hears that he’s married

find anatole

pierre literally walks down to the study, back up, puts on a coat and is already wheezing its actually pretty funny

“the club” is just the ensemble along the stairs and mezz dimly lit and gathered in small groups pantomiming its really realistic

“he cant BE MARRIED!” is said in complete disbelief and heartbreak

helene sits with anatole’s head on her lap

on his way to the study anatole passes sonya who glares at him

and if looks could kill

pierre and anatole

blaine plays off anatole as faking his confidence from the very start of the scene thinking pierre will just let him off

pierre literally pins him down and almost bashes his head in with a paperweight

OH WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED

helen is watching the whole thing from the stage right staircase (she was right in front of me) as if she’s eavesdropping from the hallway or something

she flinches when pierre stars grabbing at anatole and reaches her hand out to help when he’s about to hurt him

the letters look almost exactly like the ones natasha gave to andrey #parallels

anatole sits at someone’s table pouting and covering his ears like a child throwing a tantrum

“amuse yourself with women like my wife” helene actually seemed a little surprised at pierre actually knowing about their relationship

it hit me during the show that the only reason that anatole is upset is because pierre is calling him names which is just so childish considering everything happening

natasha walks between them arguing and pours arsenic into her glass, chugging it and then lets out this guttural scream

she runs up and meets marya and sonya who rush her through a curtained exit

blaine can hit the petersburg note 

natasha very ill

this song is honestly just so haunting

dolokov plays guitar in the double doors

the whole stage is dimly lit and its all very ominous

pierre and andrey

andrey enters through the same doors he left during the prologue and speaks to pierre on the opposite side of the stage before they meet in the middle platform

the “well, how are you?” seems a bit comical and sarcastic

i could write essays about how much “theres a war going on” does for the story at this point

andrey acts like he doesn’t really care about the whole ordeal and like he’s already trying to distance himself from it, almost laughing at himself

“i much regret her illness” is so cold and passive aggressive that it hurts

oh and if this scene didnt hurt enough, mary is watching the entire thing

after “dont every speak of this again” he shoves pierre. hard.

when he leaves, he passes mary who smiles and tries to hug him but he just puts his hand up and walks past her before taking his place in his father’s chair and folds in on himself

natasha and pierre

i’ve been classically conditioned to cry to these piano notes no joke

natasha comes down the stairs really slowly, relying heavily on the railing to help her

pierre tries to help but she brushes him off

she’s in a white, shapeless nightgown (she only wears white through the whole show), is barefoot, and has her hair in a braid and looks like a little girl

when she starts singing its very weak

ALL 👏 SHE 👏 WANTS 👏 IS 👏 LOVE 👏 AND 👏 TO 👏 BE 👏 FORGIVEN 👏

oh and all of the ensemble members since find anatole have taken places all over the theatre and are just. sitting. watching the ending of the show. i noticed mostly courtney basset sitting cross-legged on the walkway in the orchestra

when natasha begins to cry, its not crying. it’s loud, almost primal sobbing

pierre is just so tender towards her and :’)

when pierre tell her that she can talk to him they both look confused

right before the proposal natasha is making her way up the stairs and turns back around when pierre starts talking

dave’s delivery of the proposal is So Good

he choked on the “and for your love”

the mini pierre reprise is heartwrenching

natasha made her way really slowly back up to the doors, but seems hopeful

the great comet of 1812 

ok so

the song is song in complete darkness, theres barely even a spotlight on pierre

veeeeeery slowly individual light bulbs start fading on but you cant see much

then the chandeliers start to slowly light up

but this is all super gradual and doesn’t really become notciable for a few minutes

hearing the ensemble coming in from all sides is gorgeous

then the comet prop above pierre’s study starts lowering (i think around the time its mentioned by name for the first time)

as most of the chandeliers are coming on, a tiny light on the bottom of the comet fades on and starts illuminating the larger comet

now the entire theatre is lit only by the lightbulbs, chandeliers, and the slwoly brightening comet. no table lamps, no stage lights, nothing.

as the final minute or so approaches all of the lights start to dim except for the comet until it’s the only thing remaining lit

and in 100% honesty every single one of the 1200 people in that theatre had their eyes fixed on it for the final moments of the show

then, as the song ends, the lights on the comet fade until only the tiny light on the bottom remains. pierre is collapsed in his chair looking up peacefully and the conductor raises his hands to praise it as it’s dimming until the theatre is in complete darkness

anyway this really wasnt for anyone else to read but if you made it this far? im sorry? this was a complete mess i’m still a wreck from this show

#great comet #mine

[robnosh]

#1-104 please (alternatively, you can just answer #25)

*cracks fingers* Ok let’s do this:

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?- I’d ask how she even were able to get all the way here in the first place since she lives in Spain.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?- It’s complicated….I’d rather not talk about it.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?- I would, I have a big personal opinion on drug use but if it’s medicinal and actually is prescribed as help against something I wouldn’t be opposed.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?- Well nine is longer that six, so yeah it is.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?- Sober.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?- I think I have but I’m not sure.

7. What does your last received text say?- “Nice!!!”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?- Haven’t really counted but in all I suppose it was around 30 or 40 times in the 4 weeks we were physically together.

9. Where was your last kiss at?- At the Buenos Aires Airport in Argentina..

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?- A couple of hours ago.

11. What do you drink in the morning?- Milk or coffee.

12. Where did you sleep last night?- In my own bed at home.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?- Considering that out of the three relationships I’ve had only the last was an actual serious relationship I can’t really tell if they are hard or not.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?- There isn’t much I would change, some things would still be the same anyway.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?- Awkwardness, possibly not talking to me at all or as little as possible.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?- Rainy, but then being inside myself.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?- Don’t have a middle name, though I know multiple people with my first name.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?- Undies, it’s night, I’m in bed and I’d die of the warmth if I were to wear a pajama. (I have a rather warm body temperature)

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?- God I hope so.

20. Does anyone like you?- As far as I know, yes. A friend of mine. *squints at my friend pam in Spain*

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?- Yup, was my first girlfriend Sarah.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?- Well they are Pan so that would be the case.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?- BOY DO I?! An old friend of mine whom did something worth getting beat up for.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?- I have but am still unsure about it, it’s the Outsider’s Mark from Dishonored for on my left hand (like in the games)

25. In the past week have you cried?- two days ago.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? -Uhhhh…idk man.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?- Outside of the shower, still in the bathroom though.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?- Nope

29. Do you think you’re old?- Nah, 21 is young.

30. Do you like text messaging?- I do! I like it, though I don’t really get texted.

31. What type of day are you having?- I’m having a night actually.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?- Nah, I’m not into getting anything from my body pierced.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?- Cold weather, you can wear swearers and beanies and just be warm at the fireplace.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?- There are a couple, all good friends of mine.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?- A relationship for sure.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?- I think I’m rather simple.

37. What song are you listening to?- Currently nothing, but I did listen to Dance With The Dead - Kickstart My Heart a while ago.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?- Always

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?- Not a girl, but yeah there is a person that does knows pretty much everything about me.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?-They were a funny, goofy and a somewhat nerdy/geeky person, like me.

41. When did you last receive a text message?- Around 23:00 - ish

42. What is wrong with you right now?- Can’t sleep.

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?- Good enough, have known her for quite a few years by now.

44. Does anyone disgust you?- I hope not..

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?- Well If it’s a complete stranger not inmediately, if it’s someone I know then maybe give it a shot and see how that goes??

46. Are you in a good mood right now?- I’m in a tired mood.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?- My mom.

48. What color shirt are you wearing?- None, same reason as for the pants question, warm body.

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?- Not that I can think of.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?- Nobody.

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?- No, I still like them actually.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?- I have not.

53. Do you like rain?- I do, I love the sound of rain on my windows at night.

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?- I don’t, however I do somewhat care about the amount. As in so that they don’t get sick or black out or anything like that.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?- Nope, told them all I liked them at the time.

56. Do you like to cuddle?- I love cuddling, makes me feel nice.

57. Are you shy?- I wouldn’t call myself shy.

58. Do you get along with girls?- I do get along with a lot of girls, pretty much all became friends of mine.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?- I have not, but I wouldn’t mind at all (looking at you pam)

60. What do you carry with you at all times?- Phone, - wallet, - keys, - 2 usb’s - and as weird as it sounds, a small glass heart.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?- I might do it, for the experience and come on, I can do a lot with that amount of money.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?- Last one was almost 2 years so yeah I think I’ll do just fine.

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?- I was…and then I wasn’t anymore..

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?- Absolutely!

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?- My cat Jay was super cuddly with me.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?- Right now they are 19, 19 and 20.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?- I’d pay someone to do it, better than me with zero experience.

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? -Leopard.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? - I HAVE A CAR???!!!

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? - None of the two.

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? - iPhone 5s to be exact.

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?- Never, we don’t have a Pizza Hut in the Netherlands.

73. Do you like diet soda? - Nah man.

74. What color are the walls in your room? - White/broken white.

75. Are you 16 or older? - 21 my friend.

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? - No I don’t.

77. Do you have a job? - I work as a dishwasher at a restaurant.

78. What are your initials? - R. S.

79. Did you ever have braces? - Still have one on my lower teeth, to keep them in place.

80. Are you from the south? - I’m more a bit up north.

81. What does your last status on facebook say? - Uhhhh……crap, never check it tbh.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? - Used to yes, but we just got out of touch.

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? - Mom for sure, my sister is closer to my dad.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? - Non of the above, I’m not that athletic.

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? - Valerian: The City of a Thousand Planets. Loved it since I read all the comics.

86. Do you smoke? - Nah man, no smoking for me.

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? - Heels if it’s in the sence of those fancy leather shoes, have a pair myself.

88. Is your phone touch screen? - Well iPhone is a touch screen phone yes.

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? - Naturally curly as it is my friend, long curly hair.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? - I have once when I was super young, I was still in the neighborhood tho.

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? - Lake, has almost no currents and definitely no chlorine in it.

92. Have you ever made out in a car? - Tried to but they were still too shy since they basically met me in real life about 5 minutes before that.

93. …Had sex in a car? - Nope.

94. Are you single or in a relationship? - Single and ready to die.

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? - Being at the birthday of a friend of mine.

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? - Earlier this month, people can’t wait for new years eve.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? - I do, much better than the last one.

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?- No

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? - Never, I don’t drink that much.

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? - I hardly use facebook but no.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? - Never.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: - I don’t listen to her or even know the songs by name.

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?- None at all, didn’t go on vacation somewhere. Had to work on my house.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? - Hahaha nah but that would look funny.

Ok wow that was a lot of questions. Took me a while since I’m on tumblr mobileThanks for asking! :D

#ask robnosh #heck-its-kerrigan

[ace-take-the-prndl]

@emeracco

you asked for it

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? 

I’m not suprised

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Nothing because I haven’t kissed anybody  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

If it was weed I probably wouldn’t care but any other kind yeah..

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Still never kissed anybody

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

No?

7. What does your last received text say?

lol

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

09. Where was your last kiss at?

nowhere

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I saw my oldest sister like 2 days ago, I can’t remember the last time I saw my other sister. She doesn’t hang out with us anymore

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Some nice cool and refreshing H2O. Stay healthy kids.

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed?

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I answered this one already

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Nah that’s too much work. and I wouldn’t fuck with the past

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Yeah that I’m alone

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Answered this already too

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

omfg a lot of people. My middle name is unoriginal for a middle name

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

like pajama shorts

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

God I hope so

20. Does anyone like you?

idk if they do they better tell me because I’m clueless af

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

No

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Still haven’t kisses anyone

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

there’s a lot of people I CANNOT stand tbh

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yes! I want a bunch tbh

25. In the past week have you cried?

Probably I don’t even pay attention to when I cry. I’m an emotional person okay.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Mixed breed

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

Both?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

Nope

29. Do you think you’re old?

Hell no I’m still young

30. Do you like text messaging? 

Yeah its quicker and easier sometimes

31. What type of day are you having?

A chill one

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I actually just got my nose pierced a few weeks ago! I’ve wanted it for the longest time, both my sisters and mom have theirs done.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

COLD. I hate the heat so much, I get hot easily and then I get sick. Warm weather, gross.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

eh not really

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

A relationship. I’ve never been in one and I want something meaning full in my life and not just a fling

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I can be both

37. What song are you listening to?

Also answered this already

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Of course 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Yeah I’m sure my friends do, I don’t keep things from them even about myself if I did it’s because I forgot to tell them or something 40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

???? 41. When did you last receive a text message?

Today 42. What is wrong with you right now?

You got me buddy 43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

I’d say pretty well 44. Does anyone disgust you?

Yes. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Depends I guess 46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yee 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

idk my dad?  48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Like a really dark blue 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

No I’m an opened person and I’m always ready to listen to someone even if they’re telling me I’m a shit person I’m like thank you and now I’ll go change myself so I’ll be less of a shit person and don’t cause people trouble or pain 50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

None that I care for 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No, I’ve never fell hard for someone

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Nope. I know when I need to walk away to better my health I won’t let someone hold me back. 53. Do you like rain?

answered already 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nah. Just as long as they’re not an alcoholic I’m cool with it 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Yeah. Story of my life tbh. 56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES 57. Are you shy?

eh not it depends on the situation like around adults I can be meh… But grouping outings and stuff I’m pretty out and about 58. Do you get along with girls?

yeah 59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

no 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Money. Hand sanitizer. Chapstick. Basic shit. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

For 1 million dollars yeah, I’d fight a ghost for 1 million dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yeah 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

sadly no 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I left my sister’s house and my sister texted me a minute later saying how my nephew asked were I was at and she told him I left and he goes “but i didn’t get to say bye..” I thought it was cute. Usually they hate me lmao

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

never been kissed

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?  

My nails are shit I’d rather pay. I only ever got them done twice in my lifetime so far.    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

Leopard print     69. Do you have any stickers on your car? 

I don’t have car…    70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?  

LUKE BRYAN. I actually really love Luke Bryan don’t hate me   71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?   

Well my first smart phone was and Anroid so I’m going with that 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

God I can’t even remember I hope it’s soon I could go for some PIzza Hut     73. Do you like diet soda?    

Ehh.. Yeah I don’t drink a lot of pop to begin with though. Like I hate pop. But I LOVE root beer 74. What color are the walls in your room?  

White   75. Are you 16 or older? 

I am 76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

No but I’ve heard of it 77. Do you have a job?    

No… I need to get one. I gotta worry about school so putting a job on top of that would suck. and I have no way of transportation so..   78. What are your initials?   

JH  79. Did you ever have braces?    

I actually got denied braces a couple days ago which pisses me off because I need braces, my teeth are shit 80. Are you from the south?  

I don’t think? I’m horrible with stuff don’t ask me this. 

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

It’s just a video I reblogged, I don’t post much on facebook     82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? 

there’s a lot of kissing questions isn’t there?    83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

I don’t like to choose though I feel more comfortable joking with my mom on some stuff. It can be a little awkward with my dad because I’m like his little girl and idk.. Sometimes it’s like or this is fine and sometimes I’m like why. It’s nothing ever addressed towards me or anything no, it’s just things you’d like tell a friend and have a laugh about you know? But also my dad does do a lot for me. So I’m close to both of them.

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

Hell no 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?   

Kong: Skull Island  86. Do you smoke?    

No I’d literally die. Asthma my guy, I ain’t taking any chances. 87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? 

Heels. I can’t walk in heels which I REALLY WISH I COULD. But I hate feet and flip flops is basically just showing you people’s feet and I just want to gag   88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yep 89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

Straight 90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

No, I’m a good noodle 91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

 I’ve only ever swam in a pool it’d be fun to swim in a river or lake. But then large body water phobia might kick in

92. Have you ever made out in a car?  

No :/   93. …Had sex in a car?    

….. No 94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

Single 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?

Probably watching videos on youtube     96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

July 4th :P     97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

Fuck no it’s a piece of shit 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  

No.   99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? 

Lmao no    100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?

No I ain’t no fake bitch if I hate you why would I add you on facebook 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

No 102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Probably Cannibal I don’t know why but I listened to that one a lot back in 2010 103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

No I can’t tan for the life of me. I got 2 shades Larry the Lobster and Casper the Friendly Ghost 104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? 

I don’t think I’d ever wear cowboy boots lmao. I’ve worn boots with shorts before they just weren’t cowboy boots 

#and finished #now nobody send in any numbers #i literally just answered them all #told you not to test me what #it took me like what a hour i'm tired now #replies #the ghost talks