#HAVE WE NOT FUCKING LEARNED

[sometimesraven]

And this, my friends, is why we don't believe anything the tabloids say about Doctor Who until the BBC confirm it themselves

#doctor who #dw #ruby sunday #ncuti gatwa #varada sethu #millie gibson #the amount of people i've seen like ''shame ruby is only a one season companion :(('' #SHAKES U SHAKES U SHAKES U #DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SEE IN NEWS OUTLETS THAT AREN'T THE RADIO TIMES OR DWM #HAVE WE NOT FUCKING LEARNED #THEY DO THIS “omg actor is leaving dw after only ONE SEASON” *EVERY TIME* THERE'S A NEW ACTOR IN DW #ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE A WOMAN

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[notquiteaghost]

re: that fucking staff post. obviously death to algorithms, but i also wanna interrogate the wider underlying assumptions of their logic there cuz. is 'success' having lots of followers & lots of popular posts??? why is that the end goal of using this website. i don't open tumblr to get attention from strangers, i open tumblr to read funny jokes and interesting commentary and to see cool art. encouraging clout-chasing will only increase user engagement if you successfully get people literally addicted to the associated dopamine hit. what if we didn't have to do that!!! what if a website could be a place you went to on purpose because you had fun there!!!!

#yelling at clouds #you cannot be tiktok. we already have tiktok. #there is a limited number of people on this earth with smart phones and the free time to rot their brains online #your goal cannot be Endless Growth you stupid fucking capitalists #like sure the site is confusing at first. because you have to learn how to use it. #be better at explaining it do not fundamentally change it there is no such thing as universally intuitive design

[captainjonnitkessler]

I truly, TRULY do not know how to say this, because the fact that I have to say it makes me feel like I am losing my grip on reality. But no, in the post-capitalistic anarchist utopia, I will not be relying on “autistic minecraft girlies” to be building inspectors because - and this may shock you - one of those occupations takes years of education in how to read and interpret hundreds of thousands of lines of regulations based on complicated math and physics that were the result of decades of tragedy and death, and the other one involves playing a children’s video game.

#i am begging this website. BEGGING it. to stop acting like building codes are state oppression #and please stop reducing blue collar jobs to 'so easy any handyman could do it with a youtube video' #that's how people fucking die #i didn't spend five years learning how to do my job safely to watch people online tell me it could've just been a course in high school #i know that this is like. a minority minority opinion and not really worth getting worked up over #but it's so annoying to see supposed leftists denigrating blue collar jobs like this #same poster also opined that we won't need garbagemen #because 'if the trash is bothering people they'll figure out a way to clean it without having to pick it up' #like what??? does that even fucking mean???? #construction

[julijbee]

in awe of the beauty of the world

#art #tes #skyrim #sort of anyways. hes from skyrim so that is how i will classify what is going on here #teldryn sero #tes fanart #i fucking love this guy #sidetracked my quests to give him a walking tour of skyrim after his deeply endearing reaction to the college of winterhold #as someone who never used companions in all my years of playing this game i was thrilled to learn everyone likes this guy as much as i do #also he gets extra points because chitin and netch armors have my heart #the goggles send me joyous places #anyways the state of my sketchbook ever since i descended back into my tes fixation is pretty catastrophic #what with the amount of vivec happening. so look forward to that at some point i guess #ash yams.. hackle-lo.. goggles.. kwama egg.. sujamma.. cup... we are making tinctures tonight

[dontron-9000]

Cass’s Apocalyptic Series has a death grip on my heart... and has been ripping it to pieces with this latest update.

But I trust Cass, and their reassurance that there will be a happy ending; and that it’s not the end for Uncle Tello.

Unfortunately, that triggered something in my brain that I absolutely had to get out before it killed me.....

Please accept this meme to help cope

@somerandomdudelmao​ I am so, so fucking sorry.....

#cass apocalyptic series #cass uncle tello #cass donnie #cass kraang #donnie #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #donatello #my fucking heart #ow cass ow #we all knew it was coming but we were still not prepared #please have some memes to help with the grieving #save rise of the tmnt #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #save rottmnt #I wanted to try your style Cass!!! #I have so much admiration of your speed and focusing on what matters rather than perfection #perfection is hard to let go of #so I want to learn more of your ways #kraang prime #rottmnt movie #rottmnt movie spoilers #speculative spoilers #rise donatello #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #hamato donatello #dontron 9000 art #hoodiefox art #my art

[comradekatara]

a really defining moment of aang and sokka’s relationship is that sokka literally lets himself get beat up for aang’s amusement and entertainment like a day into knowing him. like he is literally letting aang drop him onto the ground from a not insignificant height over and over again just to see aang smile and laugh. he is putting his own safety and physical wellbeing at risk because it makes aang happy. and there’s a lot we could get into here about how sokka fundamentally views himself and his body as a vessel through which to provide services to others instead of a whole human being in his own right, but what matters for the purposes of this post is that it’s very immediately established that sokka will do anything to see aang enjoy himself, to the point that he will quite literally put up with physical abuse without complaint to make aang happy. so when people are like “it’s crazy how sokka is so smart and yet loses all his braincells whenever he’s around aang,” it’s like yeah, teenage boy adhd2adhd communication will do that, but also a large part of it is sokka contorting himself into an image that he thinks aang will appreciate, because he knows just how valuable preserving aang’s childhood joy and laughter is.

and what’s beautiful is that through actively becoming this person for aang’s benefit, he also actually starts to internalize the sentiment. through the process of letting himself be silly and goofy for the sake of making aang happy, he also absorbs some of that sillygoofy happiness and regains some of his own childhood joy and laughter and sense of wonder he truly thought he had lost forever. he’s not just helping aang retain his childhood, but aang is also helping sokka regain his sense of humanity. the sokka of book 3 is someone who enjoys “wacky, time wasting nonsense” and throws beach parties, a far cry from the sokka of book 1 who thought fun and joy were luxuries no one could afford. his selfless love for aang is also self-affirming, helps him to embrace aang’s point of view, to love himself slightly more than he otherwise would have. because to love aang is to necessarily let kindness into your life; it’s to learn how to be free.

#sometimes i remember that aang is fictional and i cannot actually be friends with him and i feel genuinely distraught #but i am comforted by the knowledge that we WOULD be friends were he real and that’s what matters #aang #sokka #aang&sokka #analysis #there are a bunch of rly fucked up directions i could take this post #but i think I’ve talked abt the fucked up aspects of their relationship plenty lately #and there’s also smth just so beautiful & poignant & sweet about how sokka doing his whole ‘denying the self to serve another’ shtick #kind of just backfires with aang because he inadvertently learns how to have fun #i do also think suki is really the person who increases his general happiness levels the most tbh #but like. aang laid the groundwork for sure #holds them….

[puppyeared]

obsessive

#did i put more effort into this than i needed to? yes. did i put myself through unnecessary pain drawing fighting scenes? yes #but i learned how to outline my strokes so maybe i won after all #i thought about it and i think it turned out ok drawing the eyes differently. like the way i usually draw em #although i dont know if that says much since i change my art style every couple weeks but eh #had fun playing with grayscale and limited palette. i want to do that more often dhghdg #although idk whens the next time i will have enough energy to commit to the bit and do.. this #theyre fucking stupid your honor. for every art we get of them acting dramatic and yearning (/pos) i make dumb shit like this #equivalent exchange girlies! #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #lmk shadowpeach #shadowpeach #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #sun wukong #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #my art #myart #doodles #comic #lmk monkey king #lmk fanart

[deelovesbooks]

ko-fi

#burrow's end #burrow's end spoilers #d20 #dimension 20 #lmao this came to me while in the shower #and is honestly a fairly accurate representation of my expression after that first episode #like 'what do you meeeaaannn the show with the ominous title isnt just gonna be a heartfelt stoat season' #lmao when we first learned of the season and some people were all 'well is d&d 5e really the right system for this? #theyre cute animals theyre probably not even gonna be battles there are better systems suited for just cozy animal ttrpg' #how are u feeling after that fucking bear in ep 2 eh? 😂 #have trust and faith in Aabria #theres still 8 fucking episodes to go this is gonna be crazy #i am prepared for the emotional turmoil it will cause in me #my textposts

[polter-heist]

Dp x Dc prompt 7

(most likely a limital!amity park)

a feud between Amity Park residents and the Justice League but it's one sided.

any time an Amity Parker goes out of town and ends up in a location where the Justice League gets called or any member gets called, an Amity Parker Will Take Care Of It.

Amity Parkers have dropped-kicked Lex Luther, ganged up on the Joker, punted Mister Mind, and more.

The Justice League and Villains are desperately trying to find out What Their Problem Is for different reasons.

When confronted, the answers vary but a concerning consistency is "If our dead teenage superhero can take care of world-ending threats by himself, we can take care of the little things."

#this one isn't very good I'll admit but. it's special and fun. to me. #the JL probably didn't even *know* about amity #maybe cause of John labelling it as ''Don't Fucking Touch'' #it be really funny if this was how the JL learned about Amity #if we go the ''no mans land Amity'' route then it might be more interesting #also i firmly believe that two of those Amity residents were Sam and Jazz #Sam was at a gala held by the Waynes and one of the rogue gallery decided to fuck around and find out #and before any of the waynes could even disappear to suit up Sam just Went For The Kill #and Jazz? #We Don't Talk About What Jazz Did To The Joker #but anyways *throws this prompt into the void* have at it #polter prompts #dp x dc #dc x dp #dp x dc prompt #dc x dp prompt #dp x dc crossover #dc x dp crossover #danny phantom #amity park #amity park citizens #liminal!Amity Park

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

#vanitas no carte #vanoé #doomed yaoi save me...save me doomed yaoi #play on the opening song + visual sequence + the fact that vanitas could only ever be happy in an alternate universe also #+ the other fun little fact we learn about him from episode one #i have complex feelings about this anime #its pretty damn fucking good #but im a leeeeetle iffy about the way it developed the female characters.....they had potential and i was actually excited to #to see some good solid female characters even the respective romances with their l/i's felt good at the start #not jeanne obv. they fucked up a perfectly good woman and her whole dynamic with v could have gone sooo well without the reall #really forced flirting behaviour.... i liked the more serious relationship they had it made me actually not hate what they had at the start #but yknow. whatever. sorry about going off about another ship on this but im just....i love jeanne a lot. i wish they didnt do her so dirty #my girl deserves better than this asshole #you want white/black dynamics??? let her get married to domi and then we can talk #i enjoy this show and i enjoy vanoe a lot #very yuriyaoi if you ask me #my art

[astrobei]

in my heart of hearts mike wheeler is absolutely an athena kid but i also have to offer up a concept that i think has extreme comedic and dramatic potential aka: repressed gay teenager mike showing up at camp half blood unsure of who his godly parent is and feeling insecure about not having powers and one day when he’s making not-so-secret heart eyes at his best friend and son of apollo will byers is when a bunch of glowing floating hearts show up above his head. and that’s how mike gets claimed by none other than aphrodite, the goddess of love and sexuality, and is in full denial about it for three days because he thinks it’s some kind of sick and twisted JOKE

(on aphrodite’s end, she’s upset mike is throwing away the gift of true love and keeps trying to trick him out of repression by making more and more improbable and hilarious gifts appear when he and will are hanging out. mike hands will a book and it turns into a box of chocolates and he has to fling it away like a frisbee before will sees it. they’re having lunch and romantic music starts playing. she gives mike the same blessing she used to claim piper and will can’t even look in his direction for a full day because he starts blushing so hard. fifty bouquets of flowers show up at the apollo cabin’s doorstep with a note that says love, mike and by the end of it, mike isn’t even repressed and unsure about his sexuality anymore — he’s just trying to not throw himself into the bonfire out of sheer embarrassment)

#also shoutout to piper mclean bc i think her arc of not believing she is an aphrodite kid bc she doesn’t fit the model for it and having #been teased and made an outcast of sorts kind of jaded her and made her actively rebel against being an aphrodite kid #i just think that is very mike wheeler of her #n then she spends five books learning what love means and what being an aphrodite kid means #again. very mike. to Me #credits to abby bc i said ‘what if mike shows up at chb and he is repressed and gay and immediately gets claimed by iris the rainbow goddess #and she said i see this and raise you aphrodite #and i said oh my fucking god. #anyways might write this. (is opening a google doc) #but we will see. #again like in all actuality i think he is super an athena kid to Me anyway. although i think a pjo/st au is one that is very open to inter #*interpretation #i just think this hc has a little kick to it #before anyone gets MAD and says no that’s STUPID and he would totally be Blah Blah Blah. i don’t want to hear it #byler #mike wheeler #/astro posts #pjo

[rugwurm]

she rips out my bones, just like an animal

#fnaf #michael afton #ennard #uuuuuuuuuu #png of violent man saying “artists when they have an idea they cannot execute” well #need to do a learn a lot more these days. but i say fuck it we ball and draw what i do not know anyways #myart

[bardicblast]

#dnd #curse of strahd #rahadin #dnd rahadin #dnd art #artists on tumblr #dnd character #dungeons and dragons #drow elf #dnd drow #i am goncharoving my way out here guys #wanting to do art featuring our rahadin but we dont know anything about him so im filling out the gaps vaguely #peeking just a little into his wiki page with half my eye so i can confirm One Thing #i am fighting the hardest battle over here trying to not spoil anything from how the original lore went down #i learned my lesson not to search for anything bc the guys on reddit wont bother hiding imortant details from the title #i am still laughing..when i was like collecting and writing names together i stumbled upon the name vasili which i did not remember where #that came up so i went okay imma just search it and a piano dropped on me immediately #i am still torn between: this detail fucks im glad i know vs it would have been bonkers if i experienced the piano drop during session #plus the amount im on the cos tag this info is everywhere so there is no way around it anyway

[o-vera-nalyzing]

look i know the most likely option for why kipperlilly hates riz specifically is that he like has amazing grades and good friends and is one of agueforts faves while like chronically skipping class and breaking the rules (and laws) but i also have 18 stupid ass reasons i wrote down from rewatching s1 that i think are funnier

#i have not stopped thinking about her mentioning him in counseling since we learned ab it clearly #i also wanna know if it was before or after gibbons died caus it would be really fucking funny if it was quite literally the first day #also it’s crazy she felt comfortable talking to jawbone about all that considering the bad kids basically got him the job #thought i think jawbone would very much understand anger issues and feeling unfairly treated in the system ngl #anyways #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #fantasy high #fhjy #kipperlilly copperkettle #riz gukgak #jawbone o'shaughnessey #original overanalyzing

[tomwambsgans]

greg said actually i wanna take YOU out and I'M gonna pay for it

#also it's so cute how he says 'visited' instead of just 'been to' like you can tell he learned how to talk from tv #tomgreg #greg hirsch #which side are you on? #fr why is this part not talked about much beyond the Thor Loves Poptarts-ification of greg loving cpk #tom says my gf is out. so let's go out to dinner. the moment greg understands that it's a serious proposal he's SO excited #and it's clearly NOT for any notion of fine dining. he doesn't ask tom 'where are we going' #no. he wants to go out with TOM!! he has a restaurant in mind that's a treat for him and he's excited to share that with tom #i think he is feeling a tiny bit snubbed at the end by the way tom refuses to let greg have the upper hand #like tom asked him out and greg literally asked him out right back. and rather than be excited tom is like no I'M doing the asking out!! lo #but yknow ultimately tom has his own thing that he already really wanted to share with greg #he IS delighted that greg has unrefined tastes bc it means he gets to treat him. he gets to be the reason for greg's awe #also he just thinks it's cute imo #and greg took to it as much as one can when they've already been more or less forcefed (much like the ortolan he eats lol) #anyway. tom's need to feel in control is his detriment bc greg wanted to treat him to some cajun chicken linguine and then fuck him silly #mine