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trashlie · 10 months

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You brought Nol and Yui up and elaborated on their dynamic beautifully, I just wanted to add something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. Nol isn't only a threat to Yui because he is a potential heir. He is also a threat because if he ever exposes what she did to him in the Hirahara mental facility, it could be her downfall. The incident between the brothers was something she was personally, directly involved in. It all boils down to her. Whatever the contents of Yujing's article will be, Yui will probably be able to weasel her way out of any accusations. (I don't see her standing trial for murder or any of the Kim's crimes anytime soon.) But this? This is not something she will be able to get away with that easily once people start digging and questioning things.

To prevent it all from coming to light, she needs to keep Nol in this miserable state. Similarly to how she needs Kousuke to have this warped perception of reality, the same applies to Nol. She needs him isolated, internalizing the guilt, believing he deserves everything that happened, that fighting back is useless and only leads to more pain. But if he ever breaks free from her control, finds support, starts unpacking everything that has happened... That's when he becomes unpredictable, and unpredictable is dangerous. Back then, Yui got rid of Nessa but let Nol live. I wouldn't be surprised at all if a day comes when she really regrets that decision.

And this really makes me wonder how exactly Nol remembers the incident. Does he remember it clearly, or was his memory warped? Does he stay quiet because it's his word vs Kousuke's Yui's the media the whole world so he knows no one would believe him? How did he process his time in the facility? Does he remember it clearly and would be able to talk about, or is it all a haze? Does he recall names, faces? Would he be able to recognize the people he met there again?

Related to this, I have this feeling that whatever was going on in the mental facility, is... bigger than Nol. Bigger than just one kid getting abused and brainwashed. What if he isn't the only victim. What if it is the entire facility, or at least a subsection of it. What if Yui, since she runs the facility, fostered this kind of environment? This is a sensitive subject so I'm trying to find the right words... Unfortunately, this is not as unrealistic as people might think. It's horrible and absolutely disgusting but abuse in mental asylums, as well as institutions with a similar framework like nursing homes, is not a rare occurrence, because of the power dynamics in place and the residents being isolated from the outside world. Unfortunately, not every nurse, doctor, or medical staff is a good, caring, kind person. Some of them are the worst, most heartless people who simply want to have power over others. And power is such a key theme in the story already, isn't it. Given the author's background in the medical field, I would not be surprised at all if this is something she is planning on commenting on in season 2...

[Content warning: In my response I will talk a little about implied sexual assault related to Yui.]

Oh man, this is such a GOOD message and I think you're bringing up something that hasn't been explored nearly as much so far! That, yes, as we move into s2 we are going to start seeing the much darker underbelly of the story that has been sort of held off for so long, things that have only been danced around, until our characters grow older, aaaaahhhh!

But yes, re: Nol and Yui, that's such a good point! Like... something that I've talked about with a lot of people lately is that maybe Yujing is actually working on two stories - one as a favor to Rand, to help rectify Nol's image and reputation, and the other her much bigger story about Yui and the Kims, because I agree, there is no way whatever she has right now is going to be able to make the necessary dent, it will be so easy to bury. But if it turns out she IS working on two stories, this does a couple things. First, it plants that seed of credibility. If Nol was, in fact, an innocent person pushed to take the fall of the Hirahara's partner's son, then what can that say about Yui, the Hiraharas, the Kims? What does that say about corruption amongst the elite?

And what does it say about Nol's past?

If Nol's image can be redeemed (as much as it can be, because I have no doubts there will be people would brush it off, but fortunately Yujing bears a reputation for her honest work and reporting) while planting that seed, then later in the future when Yujing has even more dirt, even more testimonies, even more events to report on, people will be more willing to accept it, to believe it, to start to see that corruption, and how good people lose their lives (whether because they actually die or it's a case like Nol, who hasn't really been "living" all of these years as much as going through the motions).

Being able to expose the kind of manipulation and meddling Yui has done would be big, for her both as a Hirahara and also overseeing the health facilities, the hospital, etc. Someone of her status and position manipulating and drugging her own child and step-son, institutionalizing someone who didn't need it, the things that went on in there? ;A;

You're right that it's very likely Nol is not the only person who was abused in that facility, and I think it's very likely, too, that we might see this further explored. Something I think about re: Yui is that she has some kind of trauma, too. Not just the whole "I am a woman and I resent the patriarchy for what I have never been afforded and I have had to work harder in order to get what I have" and the survivalist mentality of needing to be at the top so that no one can take your position, which is already... uh... a lot lol. But on top of that, I think it' very possible that Yui was possibly assaulted when she was younger (perhaps even by one of the Kims which is a whole other can of worms) and that in never getting to process what happened to her, in not getting to get much needed help, perhaps she internalized that in a very damaging way. That mentality that this happened to her because she was weak, because she wasn't vigilant, because she wasn't powerful enough could be a part of the way she treats others, how she has this almost.... doesn't it feel like she treats people like her prey, that they dance for her amusement? That maybe if they were stronger, if they were more powerful, she wouldn't be able to play them like a fiddle? And I think, in an insidious way, this goes hand in hand with what you're bringing up - about fostering an environment where people who thrive on power can lord that over others.

It's especially sick and dark because yes, you are right - there are people who do often need that help and don't get the help they need because of the kinds of people who work in those institutions. We do see that a lot in nursing homes! And given that Nol was institutionalized on a basis that seems to be largely fictitious, or at least that it wasn't what it appeared, it feels even more hand in hand that powers of abuse were at play in there.

I have a few thoughts additional to this, too.

Something I think about Nol at this time is that he probably WAS an angry, hot-headed kid. His mother uprooted him and moved them to a foreign country where they live as undocumented immigrants in a home that Rand pays for for them, but they aren't living as citizens of this place. They're effectively living in hiding, in the shadows of Rand's Other Family. He must have been so alone! He must have been so upset. His father is this man who has a whole other family, he's MARRIED, and his mother is essentially his mistress, The Other Woman. She uprooted their lives for THAT. To be near him even though they couldn't actually BE. Nol wasn't part of their lives, part of that world. Every interaction we've seen of Kousuke and Nol spanning those years is just Kousuke refusing Nol, demeaning him.

In 219 when Nol and Shinae are talking about not celebrating his birthday, he talks about abusing the cow that became your burger and it makes me wonder if Nol and Nessa argued when he was younger, when he was hot-headed and bitter and angry and upset about being forced to live like this for a man who never once showed the side of him that his mother insists exists. Did he say terrible things about her choices, about what she was doing? Did he say hurtful things?

And to this thought... did Yui ever drug Nol via tea with something that might amplify and exacerbate his already hot-headed, bitter, angry feelings? That made him lash out at an old brother who treated him like dirt. At a family that made him feel like an invisible monster, like a mistake? Could the incident that happened the night he was taken away have involved something like that? And even if not then, we know Nol has an aversion to tea, which means it could still have been anything else. And not only an aversion to tea but an aversion to Yui's touch, to her presence...........

Whenever I think about the time he was institutionalized, I think of it a lot like what I think conversion therapy sounds like. They took this kid who is, for the most part, pretty normal. Is he having adjustment issues? Probably. Is his anger misplaced and out of place? Probably not. They took this kid and convinced him that something is wrong with him - that he himself is an anomaly, a mistake. That everything would be better if he didn't exist. Like, I feel deep in my heart that what happened to Nol was deeply brainwashing in nature, psychologically impacting how he sees and perceives himself, how he thinks about these incidents in the past that he was involved in. That everything would be so much better if he just didn't exist. His mother wouldn't be dead. His father's family would know peace. They convinced this kid that bad things come to those he cares about, because he is a blight. That he was a terrible son and he lost his mother because of it. I feel SO STRONGLY that this must be why this mentality is so deeply ingrained in him, why it's something that he cannot just let go of, because his entire identity is deeply rooted in it.

His entire panic about waking up in the hospital, and how he could calm down once he found out it wasn't Hirahara Memorial. His aversion to drugs, even when it was a pain killer given by Kousuke at the beginning of the story. I just.... i just KNOW terrible things happened in that hospital to him, and probably to others. ;_____; I'm haunted by his aversion to Yui's touch, the way he reacts every time she reaches to him ugggghhhhhhhh

So yes, I do wonder how much he remembers of that time - and it's probably going to depend on any drugs they were administering (whether or not he needed it). I think, too, he probably was made to participate in anger management, which probably further just warped his perception of himself and his feelings, and what he's allowed to feel.

But as for that night in question, I get the feeling even Nol doesn't have a clear memory of it, based on the beginning of episode 150. Something we've been picking up on re: memory in ILY is that color is one of the factors that determines how clear a memory is. A good example of this is Shinae's recollection of the formal and how it all works backwards from blurry, black and white images and slowly gains more clarity and saturation as she returns to what wasn't affected by being drugged. Other things is stuff like in Kousuke's memory where Nessa's face is scribbled out.

Nol's memory of the night he was taken away is jarring - there's no clarity, everything is blurred as if it's in motion, we can't make out the images, the colors are inversed (he himself appears blue and black). I think this implies that he himself has a very tenuous grasp on what happened that night, cannot recall clearly for himself his memory vs what Yui said. The most clear things, in fact, are what he was saying, his insistence that he wasn't doing anything, that he didn't touch him, he just wanted to ask him something.

We've seen even in Shinae's memories that speech can become blurred, so Nol's speech being the clearest part....? Interesting, right? So there seems to be some conviction in what he said and insisted, but the rest of it seems to be vague, easy to manipulate, to convince him he's remembering wrong.

And I think there's two strong possibilities here.

The first is that Nol could have been drugged at that time - and this really plays into the theory that maybe he's been given things that amplify and exacerbate his emotions, make him look like he's a violent, unstable child, make him come across more belligerent. If he was drugged maybe that's why the vision is so blurred, so warped.

The other possibility is this: quimchee has revealed that Nol is practically blind without his glasses, is nearsighted, and that this is, in fact, plot-related. We also know Nol now wears contacts - perhaps so that he can never be left blind if he forgets his glasses (loses them, they're taken from him) and.... what if that's connected to the night he was taken away.

Further, on top of this, Yui is the spitting image of Kousuke, but in a wig. And the night that Nol was taken away? Yui's hand looked like it was scuffed/battered/injured.

So I think it's safe to assume that no one but maybe Yui (and Rand?) has the best understanding of what happened that night. It seems possible that Nol was without his glasses, so already all but blind, and based on this being such a traumatic event, the memory is already distorted, the colors show that. Even if he wasn't drugged when this happened, it seems like it's something he himself can't very well recall, except for the words he spoke. ;A;

And to tie in your initial points lmao yes I think that's a really important thing to remember. Yui needs to keep Nol in a state where he cannot question these things, where it's easier for him to believe these lies that he's been saddled with, to continue to believe that he is a blight, a mistake, something that never should have existed, that wherever he goes, doom follows, that those he cares about are damned by his association. Every time he takes interest in someone Yui sees to it that they are "taken from him" like how Alyssa was pushed into a career that would mean she doesn't get to see him, leaving him alone and isolated, and convinced that this is what happens. It's UGGGGHHHHHH it's so awful, but YES that's very much how she operates, and why it's so so SO important to me that Nol and Shinae talk, because like she told him back at the Parks, nothing changes if he leaves. She still works for Yui, she's still under contract. Rand has reinforced this notion, that she WILL NEVER ESCAPE and the best she can do is to learn to play Yui's games and fight the way she does. As long as Nol is alone, she can continue to isolate him, continue to use the people he cares about against him, to punish him with their harm.

But like you said - maybe if he can get away from that, he can get the much needed clarity. It will take a lot of work and patience to unlearn what has been drilled into his head, but I think being able to talk to Shinae, to be open with each other would be an important first step, so that they can never be used against each other, and so that he can see that it's not him - it's Yui, and it's always been her. ;A;

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY Anon #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Yui Hirahara #Kousuke Hirahara #GOD nonny i cannot overstate what a good message this is i'm literally about to send it to my friends lmaooooo #sitting her with the revelation that the way 150 opens is one part Nol's distorted memory and possibly one part his nearsightedness? AAAAAA #thinking about how yes Yui's favorite tactic is to isolate because THAT'S how you effectively manipulate #and about how i so badly need her hubris to be her own downfall #that the people she played like weapons will one day be turned on her #i NEED it

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waheelawhisperer · 1 year

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Okay gonna post my thoughts on V9E8 now. Took me long enough.

This was certainly an episode.

Oh boy content warning

I’m sure whatever it is will be handled with the tact and sensitivity Rooster Teeth is known for

This episode contains: graphic depictions of suicide, graphic depictions of animal abuse and animal death, violence, blood, and what is obviously someone's fetish.

It also contains the brutal murder of a beloved character's established characterization. Again.

There, I've already done a better job of tagging potentially sensitive content than Rooster Teeth ever has in its entire existence as a company. Not that hard.

Back to first-person perspective. I like this Volume’s willingness to branch out in that regard

Let it all out, Ruby. Love that she’s finally being allowed to show how hurt and bitter she is.

Oh, Ruby, that is not the bridge you want to cross

I think she’s in the Jabberwalker’s acre now, which is the last place she needs to be when she’s alone and upset and Neo is hunting her

Dafuq is this house

Is this a Neo trap or just more weird Ever After shit? Either way, I want Ruby moving as far away from it as possible

Okay it’s a Neo trap probably

I know a little about the Roman/Neo book so I’m guessing the first portrait is Neo and her parents

The second one though lmao girl you are never beating the bottom allegations

You want someone to serve so bad

Bet you’ve got a praise kink too

“What is this?” I fucking wonder, Ruby. Maybe it’s a trap you wandered into.

Okay, Roman’s new voice is… not bad, honestly, and not even bad for him, but it is distinctly different from his old one. It’s not high or nasal or hammy enough, I think. It’s like Qrow’s new voice in that I think it fits him but it’s different enough from the original voice that it bugs me. I would be fine with it if he’d been voiced this way from the start, but now I can’t help hearing the old VA.

Interesting that Neo’s illusions can talk. Not sure if this is the evolution of her Semblance or a property of the Ever After.

Oh now Ruby can whip out Crescent Rose no problem. So much for her previous hesitation. Wonder if her PTSD will get dropped like Yang’s

Nice to see Pyrrha in the new artstyle. Been too long since we heard her voice.

Yeah Roman makes a good point here

Ruby's still having zero trouble wielding Crescent Rose. What a surprise.

Let her fuckin know, Ruby

I feel like this episode kind of wants you to have read the Roman and Neo book, because even the stuff I picked up secondhand made aspects of the episode make more sense

Tree equated with death again:

"Well, if you want me dead, then come get me"

"You don't deserve to die, Red. You deserve to be broken down, torn apart, wiped from existence."

Note that this last part is said just as the leaf lands in the teacup. Neo wants Ruby deader than dead. Gone. Obliterated.

Ruby responds to the attack instinctively and with no hesitation, apparently having fully recovered from that aspect of her struggles in prior episodes.

Nice showmanship Neo, you missed your calling as an actress

So glad Ruby’s at the mercy of a supercharged Neo, no way that can end badly

Once again WBY show no sense of urgency despite knowing that Neo is out there and targeting Ruby and having recently seen Ruby be unable to lift her weapon to defend herself. It's like they've forgotten that stakes exist. You love to see it.

Get a fucking move on you four I’m kind of at the end of my patience with you here

Yang curse count goes up again, and once again it’s “damn it”. At this point she’s cursed more in this Volume than in all her previous appearances put together and I don’t really like this choice. It feels like they want to let her swear properly but are also too afraid to let her cut loose, so they’re splitting the difference and it just feels silly. Either let her cuss for real and fucking commit to the choice or treat her dialogue like everyone else’s and save the profanity for when it has any kind of actual impact like it did in Volumes 5 and 6.

I don’t know Yang maybe she ran away because you all consistently failed to give her the help she needed throughout the Volume, prioritized someone else’s pain over hers, and stood there while Jaune screamed at her. Then you specifically acted like she was a threat to Bland instead of reaching out to her. Great way to be the emotionally intelligent overprotective big sister you’ve been for the rest of the show, 10/10. I guess now that there’s nothing left of your girlfriend to massacre, the writers have started in on you.

Character Assassination: The Volume.

She tried to talk to you, Yang, but circumstances kept interrupting and then you all both failed to push hard enough when you did have time and then focused on Jaune the moment she actually managed to express her feelings

Thank you, Weiss, for being the only intelligent person in this entire season’s fucking cast. You have officially been the best character of this Volume for a while now.

Goddamn Neo’s really tearing into Ruby’s psyche

Not sure how I feel about the choice to skip more or less to Ruby’s Aura breaking. On the one hand, I don’t think we needed to see the actual fight. It’s not what’s important here. On the other hand, this Volume has really not impressed me with the action so far and I would love to have at least one good fight scene out of ten episodes.

"Are you ready for that drink yet?" Just another reminder that Neo thinks that drinking that tea means Ruby fucking dies.

Damn Pyrrha I guess you really can control poles

Too bad you died before you could show that move to Jaune

Why are half these characters here how does Neo even know some of them are dead and why does she think Ruby had anything to do with it

Literally why are Clover and Lionheart even here

Someone on this writing team really loves torturing Oscar, Jesus.

Oh great the Cat is back

Ruby says “I don’t want to be me anymore”. Yikes

What the fuck is the Cat doing hasn’t Ruby suffered enough

“I’ve been trying to wear you down for so long” you’ve known her for like 3 days dipshit don't act like this is the work of years I know your attention span is short but come on

Yeah anyone with a brain could’ve guessed you haven’t been entirely honest you’ve been giving off bad vibes since day one

Okay yeah the Gods remain dicks who casually break people and throw them away, what else is new

GET THEIR ASS LITTLE THIS IS YOUR ONE USEFUL MOMENT IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE BABY

Lmao get wrecked Cat you just got finessed

Wow. Okay. That was a moment. RIP Little you would be missed if you hadn’t been both useless and annoying as fuck throughout the entire Volume but since you were I don’t really feel anything here beyond surprise that the writers would go there. If you want me to feel sad at Little’s death, give me a reason to have an emotional attachment to them to begin with. As it is, I’m just waiting to see what Ruby’s response is. That’s the only part that matters to me.

So there are two possibilities: either this breaks her utterly, or this reignites her resolve and she goes HAM on Neo’s ass. My guess is that we go with option one, that seems to be what this Volume is building toward and it’s too early for her to recover fully.

Okay, yeah, we went there. The main character just killed herself on-screen. Fantastic. What the actual fuck is with these writers and their obsession with suicide?

Also this scene was horrendously executed but I’ll talk about that in a sec

Sorry Neo I don’t care about your mental turmoil oh boo hoo revenge feels empty and now you don’t know what to do with yourself now that you’ve accomplished all your goals. Too bad, so sad, guess you should’ve tried being less of a cunt

Everyone just stands there fucking staring. Lovely.

What the fuck does that even mean, Cat? Who writes this dialogue? It has not been on point this Volume.

Weiss gets ragdolled again lmao this is her purpose in the universe

Lmao good work rabbit creature you saved Jaune’s ass. You’re literally the only useful Afteran

Did we really need such an extended closeup of Neo getting reverse vored? Somebody got to animate their fetish this Volume and milked it for all it was worth I swear to God

Jaune’s too late again it’s his most salient trait at this point, but he still gets more points than everyone else in the cast because at least he did more than stand there staring blankly at any point during this scene

Good riddance Neo you weren’t remotely likable and I can’t make myself feel sorry for you. Get fucked.

Well that’s creepy as shit

but I guarantee you someone on the animation team is aroused by this

Anyway oh look RWBY dropped the ball at the end of the episode again, what a surprise

Most of the episode was mediocre as shit but the end was fucking godawful (just like Episode 7)

You love to see it when 4 trained and experienced combatants see their friend and leader lying beaten on the ground with an enemy standing over her and just fucking stare for 20 seconds of screentime while she drinks fucking suicide tea. Make it make sense. Good work guys you’ve kept up your fantastic track record of failing Ruby for the entire Volume.

No thoughts going on in their entire fucking heads for 20 straight seconds of runtime.

Great showing from the woman who reacted in a fraction of a second and moved on instinct to throw herself in the way of an attack an opponent in disguise launched without warning when she was exhausted after fighting for like two straight days

Great showing from the woman who moved so fast to save her partner that she crossed a platform before the comrade that partner sacrificed herself to save had even hit the ground (way to hand more ammunition to the people who say the Bees only care about each other btw)

Great showing by… Weiss, I guess. She's here. She's participating.

Great showing by Jaune too but honestly I don’t expect anything from him at this point anyway so I don’t care. The other three have the capacity to be useful, so I hold them to higher standards.

The fanbase likes to say they couldn’t have known it was suicide tea but literally who gives a fuck, they know Neo wants Ruby dead, Ruby’s on the ground having obviously gotten her ass beat, Neo’s standing triumphantly over her and sure as hell isn’t bandaging her wounds, and any one of Ruby’s teammates could cover that distance in less time than it took Ruby to raise the cup to her lips. All three of Ruby’s teammates knew everything they needed to know to have a reason to defend her. All three of them have canonically demonstrated the ability to cross the distance between their entry point and Ruby/Neo in seconds at most and have made this exact kind of snap decision in combat situations on-screen. Yang should’ve been firing her gauntlets and parking her ass between Ruby and Neo the moment she saw what was going on, not standing there and drooling like she’d been spontaneously lobotomized the moment she walked into Neo’s House of Horrors and Blake and Weiss should’ve been right behind her

Yang has officially been killed. We now have two corpse-puppets being piloted around by foul necromantic magic and pretending to be characters I once knew and loved. I’m assuming Weiss is next somehow, can’t wait to see what travesties they inflict upon her.

This really is Character Assassination: The Volume, I was like 50% joking before but now I’m not joking at all holy shit I genuinely think the writers hate their characters at this point

Either that or they’re so staggeringly incompetent that they don’t even understand their characters

I bet they blame this shit on the animators again

Somebody please teach these bungling assclowns the absolute basics of screenwriting I am begging you on hands and knees how do you work on a show for a decade and still learn nothing how do you have decades of collective experience and still suck this much it defies belief

Really not sure how I feel about having Neo talk through her illusions but I don’t expect Rooster Teeth to give a shit about a character’s disability in any capacity at this point

Overall rating: DEAR GOD THIS IS AWFUL/10

#rwby

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urionstandby · 27 days

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hi everyone! how r u doing?

i was looking for some advice here, to anyone that might know what to do. just in case this topic is triggering for someone, im gonna talk abt psychiatric medication, mention mental hospitals, some abuse and several other mental issues. im not gonna get into detail but please, if any of these things will make u feel bad, don't read this. I just really don't know what to do.

i had some issues from when I was twelve til I was like 17, when i started getting a lot better. I was in a mental hospital at twelve, fifteen and sixteen, a month and a half each time. I was given a serious diagnosis at twelve and plenty doctors told me later in life (pretty late honestly) that it totally wasn't that. also, every brain scan I've ever had showed no symptoms of this condition that would have totally appeared on the images.

for context, the place I grew up in was a total nightmare. not gonna go into detail as I said in the beginning, but it had to do a lot with the fact that my mother was neglecting me, emotionally and also verbally abusing me from a very young age, and it didn't help at all that she had a lot of boyfriends she'd bring to live with us after only a month of knowing them (since I was four till I decided to gain some inner and mental peace and got a job and moved out, this happened). so the first time I was addmited to the mental hospital, I discovered there a safe place where I was heard and cared for, also a routine and stability I had never had (for more context, at nineteen years old I moved houses about ten times, that I can remember obviously).

so, I been on different medications for the last seven years. the final diagnosis was this thing where my mood can shift from being very happy to very sad (not bipolar disorder), supposedly being about my brain chemistry and not about the fact that I've been on survival mode since my birth until I finally left my mother's house and moved with my father (a very loving, patient and caring man that showed me what compassion and true care really felt like). plenty of doctors told me that I don't really need the medication at all right now, and also I don't have the best psychiatrist honestly. she never really texts me to see how I'm doing or to call me, the only times we talk are when I text her to get my prescription or when I'm feeling down and need to talk. she is being paid for doing nothing basically.

three months ago, I moved in with what started as a three-person relationship, a girl and a boy. the girl turned out to be narcissistic and manipulative, something I learned to detect and stay away from based on my mother and past relationships. she hurt me and this boy a lot, phisically and emotionally, and then acted like it was our fault if we got sad or angry. anyway, with my boyfriend we discussed this and ended things with her, she moved out and we're living alone. it wasn't easy obviously. she wouldn't leave without screaming and saying very hurtful things, trying to turn my boyfriend and I against each other which clearly didn't work. I also would like to clarify that at least my boyfriend and I were very excited with all the future we were planing for the three of us, trying really hard to keep going even though things were very complicated and were making us so sad all the time. we truly loved her, and although I saw fairly quickly what she was all about, I would never get involved in my boyfriend's process and talk shit abt her with him, I would never want to feel like I'm getting in the way and trying to split us up. so I waited even if it hurt, every word and hit and every trigger she caused in both me and my boyfriend. and u may wonder, why did I stayed there after all that? simply bc of the loving boy that showed me some true and unconditional love I have never had; someone so sweet, patient, sensitive, kind, compassionate and so so empathic that hurting me will make him feel just as bad but won't even make it about him. the very few times it happened, he was able to apologize and recognize what he did wrong and most importantly, never did it again. I would never leave him alone in that situation, and what made him see all of this was seeing the way she hurt me, which also made him notice he felt the same way without me saying anything. it may sound like the bare minimum but honestly, I come from a very very abusive (in every way imaginable) past relationship were I was only worth my body and what I could do with it, just showing me the right amount of affection to make me stay there while he just got what he wanted: someone so broken and selfless that wouldn't care how many times she was truly hurt and would run to confront him even though he was the one who really messed up. I'm a lot better now about it, sometimes it hurts to think about those two years I stayed with him but at least now I can recognize the patterns and stay the hell away from them. (don't know if this is important, but I was 17 when we got together and he was 19).

so, now things are getting better, really better. it's so sad that the house feels so much lighter and filled with love and laughter since our ex girlfriend left, but it's also so relieving. my boyfriend and I are able to laugh and dance and love eachother every day although things weren't easy, proving that we are really stronger that anything that can happen.

it's important to mention that when I started taking my pills I was taking a very high dosage (two 100mg pills every day) and it was truly horrible. it only turned off my brain, made me feel absolutely nothing and really sleepy, unable to focus and unable to think straight. thanks to this, I missed all of my high-school years. I was there, but my brain wasn't. with the years and talking with my psychiatrist, I was able to take down the dosage to only a quarter of a 100mg pill. the thing is, in the almost three months I had been with my ex girlfriend, when I was taking half a pill, I missed it for one or two days at a time. sometimes because I forgot and when I remembered, it was late and I knew I wasn't going to wake up for another 16 hours like it always happens, and other times because I just didn't want my brain to shut off like that. it's so horrible that my body just keeps going until it gives up. and almost every time I took the pills, I suffered serious tics until my body gave up and I fell asleep. it was a nightmare. so, I talked to my psychiatrist and managed to take it down to a quarter. gonna be honest, I'm not taking them anymore. I had always hated them, but now I know that I went slowly with it and not suddenly, and that other therapists that really care told me I never really needed them (I just needed to get out of my house honestly. another nightmare I lived in for 18 years). as u can see, I hadn't had it any easy haha.

to make things worst, I started to work again in a very stressful job that keeps me away from home and my partner all day, that started to make me really depressed and so so tired. I wasn't feeling like this before, it all started with this job and as things are very complicated economically, I was willing to try and hold on. it was really turning me into a different person, I was being so impatient and sometimes desconsiderate with my partner, something I only realized after I said some things and got so hurt that I would ever say it and make my partner feel that way. I'm not the kind of person to not think before I talk, and I would never ever hurt anyone intentionally, even less if it's my wonderful boyfriend. I was also feeling so distanced from him and from the only place I could call a home and a safe place, and that hurt so much.

I take a bike for work, and two days ago when I was going to the afternoon shift (I worked morning and afternoon, with enough time to go home at 14:30 pm and stay there for half an hour to eat and talk a bit with my partner before having to go back and come home around nine pm) I got hit by a motorcycle that was going fast and not really looking where they were going. the hit was bad, but at the moment with the adrenaline and the shock I just got up, carried my broken bike for eleven blocks and worked anyway. when I got there, I could barely lift my right arm and everything hurt so much. I was dizzy and felt like I had a fever, and I worked anyway. at night, i told my supervisor (that knew exactly what happened and how I was feeling) that I didn't know if I could go in at work the next day. she got mad that we're short-staffed and she wasn't being noticed with enough time, and forced me to go anyway. the next day (yesterday) I woke up and couldn't get up. I was so uncomfortable and crying from the pain, I actually been needing help getting dressed up, getting up and even going the bathroom and showering. when my boyfriend saw me like this, he talked some sense into stubborn me and I talked with my supervisor to let her know I couldn't go in that day, that I would be going to the hospital as soon as I could. she got really mad and told me that they didn't handle things that way there, and that we would need more organization.

my boyfriend took me to the er that day and we spent the whole day there, me crying from pain and exhaustion and barely moving without help. they gave me very strong medication that did nothing, so they had to put me into the emergency room and give me morphine, which only made me stop crying and feeling everything in my body except for my shoulder. also, in this whole hour I was with morphine and being mistreated by nurses (which had to put the morphine twice as the first time they did it so wrong my arm started to swell and hurt really bad) my partner couldn't even be there bc of the protocol, so I was alone and scared in a white room I found so recognizable with no battery on my phone to talk to my loved ones.

after being in the hospital for almost eight hours, I found out I have a fractured rib and a very badly hurt shoulder. I was prescribed the strongest medication they could give me and an orthopedic thing to cure my rib. I haven't been sleeping well because every position is either hurting me or extremely uncomfortable and not eating well because of the nausea from the two medications I'm taking. I talked to my mom (that tried to be helpful and payed for food and medication but in the process told me that I was exaggerating and other really, really hurtful things a parent should never say to their child even if they think they're joking) and she says that if I'm feeling down or having tics (that only come when I'm truly exhausted and not home) it's just because I suspended my medication. this got me thinking and after a rough night were I slept like five hours and had to wake up from the pain, I woke up so sad. so so sad. I get it after writing all of this that is comprehensible to feel this way, also because I'm probably getting fired and the economy in my country is in such a state that we would need serious help from my father and mother-in-law if I don't have the job. but it also makes me angry, because my boyfriend has been so wonderful with all of this. he has been caring for me and doing everything for me, even helping me to take my pants down to go to the toilet and showering me. also, he made things so easy and I was even laughing and feeling kinda good emotionally when I was with him. he never once made me feel bad about all the help I was getting (and needing so much help for everything is very hard for me, especially bc I was forced to do everything alone since I can remember, the only help I got later being thrown in my face and giving me so much guilt).

the question is, I don't really know if I'm feeling like this bc of my medication. I know I didn't quit taking them suddenly, my psychiatrist told me we could take the dosage down and I went really slowly with it. also as I said, plenty of doctors told me I didn't really need them and that my doctor was just giving them to me to get paid, not really caring about how I was really feeling. I was doing pretty well considering how things are going, and considering I was told all my life I could never live on my own or do basically anything on my own. I've acomplished so much in the last years that everyone that cares is so proud, and I am too.

it's just that after the comment my mother made, I'm kinda starting to feel she might be right. I've been honselty feeling very good in the last time without taking my pills, it's just the situation is so difficult. I don't ever want to take those pills again, they make my brain shut off all day and I can't enjoy anything. they weren't even making me feel good emotionally as they should, they just cancel every emotion.

also, my mother has a history of believing the really bad doctors over me just because they did and said what she wanted, and the only psychologists that were truly helping me and making me feel heard and making me see a lot of things were suddenly terrible and bad for me, so she forced me to change therapists again (one of the therapists I had that she never really let me stop seeing was on her phone during sessions, told me all the time I was exaggerating, and even told me when I was abused by my ex partner that boys are all like that and that I shouldn't leave him just for that. she was part of the reason I stayed with him for so long).

I don't really know what to do. I don't wanna go back to that job but the economy is just so complicated. should I let some time pass and see if I get better (emotionally and physically)? I'm so lost and so sad.

if you read all of this, thank you so much. my current psychologist isn't responding to my texts, she only tells me she'll see if she can give me a time for a session but never does. it might have to do with the fact that I couldn't pay for the last two (and very expensive) sessions because I have no money and no help from the mother who told me would pay for all of this. the therapist know all of this. so, I haven't had any psychological help either. please, if you could give me any constructive advice I would be so thankful. and also, if you're gonna comment, please be considerate, I'm in such a bad place right now I couldn't handle any more bad words.

again, thank u if u read all of this. take care of yourself, drink water and eat something and if u can, move a little. hope u are feeling well <3

#please help #advice #mental issues #tw sensitive content #desperately need some advice

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tresradiossolis · 1 year

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Sunny's Background

I've contemplated how I should best present this information since it's a sensitive topic, but if I'm going to write Human!Sunny on here, then he needs proper warnings and heads ups, so that people know what they're in for. If these topics listed are difficult for you to partake in, do let me know, and I'll tag things carefully. If it's too much, maybe this blog isn't for you.

Trigger Warnings for Mental and Physical Child Abuse, Homophobia, Cults and Religious Trauma.

Sunny comes from an extremely religious (Christian) household, where his father was abusive, while his mother looked the other way, offering no support to her son. One of the most common punishments Sunny had to face for even slight disobedience, accusations of being sinful, questioning or just not doing something fast enough, was to be locked away in the basement below their house with the power off. This would develop into a lifelong nyctophobia, where he'd risk going through a panic attack from just the sun setting while being outside.

In time, when Sunny was around 9 years old, his parents had gotten involved in a branch of Christianity that was founded by a man who lived in their state. One day they packed up all their things, Sunny said good bye to the few last friends he had that he hadn't lost from his incredibly strict curfew, and they moved out to a community on the countryside where everyone else who followed the same faith were gathered.

His family had joined a cult, of course unbeknownst to him.

Sunny loved the community though. They were providing a family environment he had never had before, and while the abuse didn't stop, and sometimes other adults also seemed to cross the line while nobody seemed to do anything about it... he felt like he belonged. He was happy. Or as happy as he'd ever gotten before, at least.

One day when he was 15 years old, he asked another member why all the women always wore skirts. After being told that skirts were for women, Sunny had smiled and responded with "That's a shame, they're really pretty... I'd like to wear a skirt too."

That little comment snowballed into something that would mess up his perfect picture of the community forever.

Suddenly, rumours were spreading like wildfire. At first he didn't know what it was about, but nobody seemed to want to be close to him anymore. Avoiding him and refusing to touch things that belonged to him, even parents were pulling their children away from him when he came near. When it finally reached his dad, he made sure Sunny knew what the problem was.

Everyone thought that Sunny was gay, something the faith did not look kindly upon. Sunny had never been told what gay even meant, and it took him some time to realise what he was even being punished for.

What followed was years of abuse from not only his dad anymore, but his peers as well. Isolation and ostracisation, some older teens even going so far as to physically assault him and shout slurs at his face, calling him disgusting and a pervert. Slaps from mothers if he touched a child of theirs, be it only to help them if they had fallen.

A priest had came and tried to help him "pray the gay away", and the longer the whole thing went on, the more isolated he became, the more he ventured out into the forest to just be Alone, the more he realised that he couldn't stay anymore.

Even if he "converted" (he wasn't even sure if he was gay at all, he didn't really get a chance to even think about it) the picture perfect image of the community had began to crack, and he realised that he couldn't spend the rest of his life in this place.

When he turned 19 years old, he finally managed to gather the courage to leave the cult. He packed up his things and went out into the forest, and he walked until he couldn't walk no more. Until his food supply ran out, until he finally found a high way on the other side of the greenery.

Sunny changed his name to, well, Sunny. Sunny Dipple. His old name didn't matter anymore, it only brought on bad memories... he'd rather be Sunny. Somebody who could live for a brighter future. It took him a long time to assimilate to modern society, since the community hadn't encouraged the use of modern technology, partly to keep them all unaware of what was going on outside.

He's currently working through all the trauma with a professional psychologist. He's medicated and he's getting help, and he's formed a new life doing the only things he felt like he could truly do back in the community: Look after those younger than him, and to trek through the forest for days, surviving on wisdom alone. The years have been rough and he's still struggling with modern society... but it's so much better than his former life.

As for being gay... the mere thought of being gay is terrifying to him. He knows, he knows it's not a bad thing! He is an activist, he fights for LGBTQIA+ rights, he partakes in rallies and he'd take a bullet for them all, but... the idea that he would be gay... or the mere thought of him wearing a skirt... they're Terrifying.

But also... that's exactly what he wants to be, and what he wants to do. He just won't let himself know it.

#child abuse tw #homophobia tw #cults tw #religious trauma tw #deep breaths [ sunny ]#connecting the stars [ headcanons ]#solar flares [ human verse ]#long post

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writteninkat · 3 years

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Switched | Itadori Yuji x reader x Sukuna

summary: fucking yuji means a passionate night until sukuna decides to be an asshole and switches with your boyfriend half way through sex.

F!reader

word count: 2.6k

warnings: 18+, name calling

author's note: i've been thinking of this since i last closed the app and i knew i just had to write it

You've been horny all night.

Your boyfriend, Itadori Yuji, is wearing a simple plain white dress shirt which he folded up right below his elbows. He has two buttons undone and the shirt is tucked in black dress pants, his long legs causing for his ankles to show right above the black boat shoes he has on his feet.

He finished the look with a white silver watch on his left wrsit. Honestly? You could feel your cunt already dripping just by the way your boyfriend looked while the two of you were still at the apartment.

As the group; Nobara, Gojo, Nanami and Yuji sang happy birthday for Megumi, you're busy rubbing your thighs together, proving for the action to be a bit more difficult than it actually is when you're seated.

Megumi blows his candles and everyone cheers, clapping their hands as they begin to dig into the food. You try distracting yourself, scooping in a few scoops of food on your plate but it is all for naught when Yuji leans over, giving you a chance to get a whiff of his cologne.

A strong strawberry scent with a little bit of sweet vanilla and a hint of bold wood. The scent doesn't smell like it goes everywhere at all- it all smells so good together. Yuji uses his chopsticks to place some strips of beef on your food, your gaze immediately on his forearm- veins feintly protruding from under his light skin. The silver around his wrist doesn't help at all and it makes you feel as if you are this horny teenager again.

"Eat up." Yuji smiles, his eyes smiling with him. You force your lips to stretch, sending him a big smile back before eating your food, deciding to forget all about your thoughts by stuffing food in your mouth.

It works.

Well, more or less. You haven't had a single dirty thought about your boyfriend ever since uou began eating, and now Nobara is currently singing her heart off as Gojo and the birthday boy himself are dozing side by side on the end of the couch. Nanami is busying himself by sipping on his drink, a smile feint on his lips as he watches and listens to Nobara sing, looking like how a proud father would.

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn't look too good.

"You okay, babe?" You ask, leaning in to squeeze his forearm softly. He snaps out what seems to be in a caging gaze he was in, looking at you. Yuji smiles, hand fluing on yours to give it a good, reassuring squeeze. "I'm good, baby. Just a little tired, I guess."

You furrow your brows, definitely not buying his lies. "Just tell me. The faster you tell me the faster we can solve the problem." You say, crossing your arms over your chest.

Yuji's eyes slowly and uncontrollably begin traveling down your chest, gaze glossing over your evident cleavage, moving again even much lower, his eyes taking note of how the black dress you're wearing is hugging every curve on your body perfectly.

Yuji leans in, his strong cologne scent causing the butterflies in your stomsch to go insane. "That dress has been driving me crazy the whole night." Your boyfriend's hot breath fans over the shell of your ear, casuing goosebumps to rise all over your body. "Take it off for me, please?"

You breath in a deep and shaky breath, closing your eyes to try and convince yourself not to strip naked in front of your friends and teachers right here on the spot. You stand up abruptly, catching Nanami's attention.

"We gotta go, Yuji has a really bad stomach ache." The corners of your mouth pull down into a fake frown which Nanami buys, nodding his head and waving the both of you off. You take Yuji's hand and pull him out of the Kareoke room, your heels loud as you stomp your way out of the building and to the parking lot.

As you find your car, you pull the front seat's door open only for it to be closed shut again by your boufriend. Yuji pulls you closer by your waist, making you can feel how hard he is inside his pants.

"We're not doing it here."

"My car's windows are tinted." He bites on your ear.

You keep telling yourself not to do it, to just wait until the both of you gets home but Itadori jr. seems to be having other plans for tonight. You sigh, walking over to the back door and pulling it open. As soon as you bend over to get in, Yuji pushes you and slams the door behind him.

The cold winter nights of Japan has the interior of the car all cool and comfortable. Yuji spins you around by your waist, running both of his hands on either sides of your waist. He breathes out deeply, eyes scanning hungrily over your form. His hands begin to make their way down your thighs, he leans in to give you a soft peck on the lips. Yuji looks into your eyes at first before leaning back in to envelope you into a deep kiss, his tongue skillfully brushing and sliding against yours as he sucks on it softly. His breathing his ragged as he feels your body all over, your legs instinctively opening and moving up his hips. Yuji presses his hard member against your clothed cunt, grinding on it for some kind of friction before pulling away when he feels just how soaked you are down there.

He reaches a hand under your dress, pressing two fingers on your wet cunt making you mewl. You've been holding it in for too long and now you're just very sensitive. The corner of his mouth twitches up, "Have you been wet for me the entire night, baby?"

You don't trust your voice, you can't. You know it'll sound needier than you actually are, you know it'll set Yuji off to start teasing you, so you nod your head, your face contorting as you feel him slip a finger between your folds.

He leans forward, hot breath fanning over the sensitive skin on the side of your neck. Yuji's warm tongue runs up the skin once, twice- he's adding another digit into your wet hole and you almost cum at the spot when he nibbles on your soft skin.

"I'll take very good care of you tonight." He presses his soft lips on the nibbled part of the skin, slowly trailing kisses up to your cheek and finally back onto your lips.

You couldn't think straight- your head was full of the boy. You absolutely loved about him; his strawberry pink hair, when he smiles with his eyes, how he can never go through a day without cuddling you at least once, how he does his best to give you anything you want, how he's one of your biggest inspirations in life. This boy- no, this man is someone you can imagine waiting for you at the end of the isle, hot tears streaming down his face as he waits for you at the end of the path, looking at you as if you were the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on- yes, even more beautiful than Jennifer Laurence.

Aoi would be right beside him, rubbing a hand on his back as he tries to soothe his best friend's sobs.

You snap out of your daze when you notice your boyfriend looking deeply into your eyes, a soft blush caressing his cheeks as he studies your face ever so lovingly. "I love you." You tell him.

His blush darkens as he leans into you, pressing his lips once again on yours. "I love you too." You feel the head of his cock press against your entrance for a bit before entering you completely.

You let out a soft whine, arching your back as your lips are trapped between your teeth. Your eyes roll back at the feeling of your boyfriend slowly pushing his entire length inside you, getting you feeling so full of him. "Yuji..." Your voice sounds so lewd, so needy and whiny for him that the sound of it makes you blush. You feel him stop moving once he's inside you fully, and at first you think he's letting you adjust to his size. That is, until he pulls his head back and your gaze falls onto the black lines all over his face. The soft look that once inherited your boyfriend's face is now replaced by a smug, cocky one. He has a smirk on that tells you to push him off and quickly get out of the car- but why don't you?

Instead, you feel yourself clenching around him even more. The look on his face has you dripping wet, your nipples hardening underneath your dress and the butterflied in your stomach going crazy as ever.

"Can't believe that little boy would keep you all to himself." His voice isn't Yuji's- no. It's much deeper, darker, more dangerous. He looks down at your apalled expression, his smirk growing even bigger. He leans over, pushing your legs up to your chest and forcing you down into a mating press. "What's my name, princess?"

You can feel your heart beating rapidly against your chest, your breathing shaky and your head clouded. Without even thinking about it, your mouth moves on their own and out comes your whimpering voice.

"Sukuna."

The curse pulls away with a wide grin, pulling his hips out before thrusting his cock inside you again, the tip of his cock hitting the same spot as it did before. Sukuna's hips are relentlessly thrusting inside you, abusing your needy hole as you moan loudly for more.

His hand finds its way to your boob and you feel something hot and wet lap itself over your hardened nipple. You look down to see the mouth on his hand grinning cockily like him. It wraps itself around your nipple, sucking on the bud and biting on it softly making your eyes rolls back to your head.

You feel something coil up inside your stomach, your mouth opening as you feel yourself slowly reach your high. "I-I'm so, fucking, clo-" Sukuna thrusts his hips hardly once, causing your toes to curl and your body to shake as you move your hips to ride out your orgasm. Heavy breaths fill the car as your legs grow limp on either side of his body and your eyelids become heavier.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Sukuna squeezes your cheeks, making your eyelids lift open. He hooks his arm around your back, pulling you along with him as he sits up.

Your eyes widen and back arches when you feel electricity run up your spine. Sukuna lifts a brow, his hands on either side of your hips, preventing you from lifting them. "Too full!" You whimper out, tears forming on the corners of your eyes as you swallow a large lump down your throat.

"Hah?" He tilts his head to the side, "But I haven't even came yet." You feel him roll his hips once, but it was all it took to have you digging your nails on his shoulders. "I'll pull out when I cum. But for now," He lowers his head to take your nipple by his mouth, his fingers pinching and playing with the other one. ",focus on making me feel good, princess."

Your eyes clench shut asbyou focus on the feeling of his hard member inside your dripping cunt. You move your hips once, you feel goosebumps all over your body. You move your hips a second time and you're wanting to feel that same friction again. You move your hips a third and you're letting your desires take over.

You hump on Sukuna's cock sloppily and roughly, the car is shaking. Sukuna let's out soft groans and moans, the constant "love feeling your cunt around my cock like this" whispered and growled into your ear. His eyes travel down to your chest, eyes gleaming when he sees your boobs bouncing in sync with everytime you hump on him.

When he looks back at you, all his other sense go numb. The sight of you with your tongue out your mouth, you drool dripping down your tongue, your face flushed and your eyes crossed together at the feeling of it being so good has him gripping on your hips tightly. "You're a fucking slut, aren't ya?" He begins thrusting himself inside you and you moan loudly, your toes curling at the feeling of his sac slapping against your skin. "Aren't ya?!" He yells and all you could do is whimper as you nod your head. He's fucking you so dumb you couldn't form coherent words.

He rolls his hips as he thrusts them, making sure you feel every single inch of him inside you. Your moans are in sync with his thrusts, feeling your breath being knocked out of your system with every thrust the curse does.

Your hand flies up your mouth, trying to surpress the loud moans that keep slipping out of your lips but Sukuna wraps his hand around your wrist, pulling your hand away.

"Scream for me, come on princess. Let him know who's fucking you so good right now." His voice is low and deep, it drives you to the edge, almost pushing you off. "Wh-who? Who's him?" You ask, forcing your eyes to open as you look down at Sukuna- your eyebrows raise in surprise at the sight of the black lines on your boyfriend's face gone.

Yuji looks up at you with eyes holding such lust. He has a straight expression on as he looks into your eyes, kind of hypnotising you as he thrusts into you, leading the both of you to your highs.

"Wh-what happened to Sukuna-"

"Why are you looking for him." Yuji's voice is covered in coldness. He combs his fingers on the back of your head and throughyour hair, curling them into a fist as he pulls on your hair. "He's not the one fucking you right now, I am." His thrusts start becoming more aggressive, hinting at you that he's already close.

"You'll cum around my cock a second time and you'll be moaning my name out as loud as you can. Got it?" Yuji growls onto your neck. His other hand grabs onto your hip and begins thrusting into you faster than before. You feel something snap inside you, your orgasm causing your toes to curl and your fingernails to be dug onto your boyfriend's skin. "Y-Yuji!" Your hips shake as you begin rolling them around, riding out your orgasm.

"That's not my name right now, princess." You look back down only to feel your heart drop at the sight of the black lines all over his face. "S-S-Sukuna! Sukuna!" You moan out, your chest rising and falling exceptionally. You hear him chuckle before feeling him pull out, shooting his hot seed all over your naked cunt.

You look back up, checking to see who's who right now. You smile when you see it's your boyfriend. You press your forehead on his shoulder as you try to calm yourself down. You feel his arms wrap themselves around you as the two of you bask in each other's presence.

"You gotta stop doing that, it fucks up with my brain." You mumble onto his chest which only leaves you with a lighthearted chuckle. "But Sukuna says he doesn't want to be left out."

"Whatever, Sukuna can go fuck off." You mumble sleepily.

"Why don't you fuck me yourself, princess?" A deeper and much darker voice speaks up and you curse yourself mentally.

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#itadori yuji #itadori x reader #sukuna #sukuna x y/n #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #itadori x y/n #itadori x you #itadori smut #sukuna smut #itadori fluff #jujutsu kaisen itadori #jjk thirsts #jujutsu kaisen

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kpop-dungeon-dark · 3 years

Text

The King's Bitch. (King!Taehyung x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Pretty much plot credits to @taesluttt.

Warning(s): Non-con, Punishment, King!Taehyung, brat!tamer Taehyung, choking, slapping, spanking, face fucking, hair pulling, sadist!Taehyung, watersports, spit play, historical au, fear kink, royal au, objectification (duh it's me so), anal, just rough shit basically. You're both legal in this. Read at your own risk.

His arms were held behind his back in the royal manner they'd taught to be in ever since he was a little boy, eyes focused on the little figure shivering just slightly due to the chill air of the dungeons from where he was standing, the bars of the prison cell separating King Taehyung and his rather young and newly wedded wife, the younger not having any idea that he was even there in one of the shadows, watching her hug her legs as she rocked back and forth.

"Bring her to me." Instructor Jeon was ordered in the King's heavy voice, it's rumble almost shaking up the walls as the younger man bowed respectfully before one of the dungeon keepers unlocked the cell, followed by Y/n being escorted out who started to try to challenge and fight Jeon, causing him to sigh as he bit the inside of his cheek, just pulling the reckless Queen without any conversation.

"LET ME GO! I AM THE QUEEN! HOW DARE YOU LAY YOUR LOWLY HANDS ON ME YOU IMBECILE! I WILL REPORT YOU ALL TO THE KING! HOW DARE ANY OF YOU EVEN TOUCH ME LET ALONE LOCK ME IN THIS HIDEOUS GOD FORBIDDEN DUNGEON! THAT FUCKING MAID AND YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST WAIT! YOU WILL FACE MY WRA-" her threats turned into an embarrassing loud squeak when a now irritated King exposed his huge figure from the shadows of the dungeon before landing his hand on her soft cheek in full swing to shut her up, catching the young woman off guard as she lost her balance and fell on the ground.

"So very disappointing." Y/n was about to get back up and start screaming when she realises the voice to be her husband's. Oh no. He was one person she had to be good in front of so she could have him bring all her wishes true. Blinking her eyes to get rid of the stars in her eyes due to the impact of the King's slap, the Queen looked up at her husband, bottom lip jutting out.

"Y- Your highness! I've been disrespected so bad!" The man felt himself cringe from her vocabulary. What noble family raised their daughter like this? It was like she was raised in the slums. "You've no idea! I was disrespected by all these cruel people! They put me in prison! The Queen! This is unacce-"

"Enough!" A little gasp left her as he grabbed a huge handful of the air from the top of her head, pulling her up on her feet forcefully before starting to drag The Queen of the dungeon in front of everyone, the girl stumbling as she whined from the pain and tried to keep up, her small figure and strength nothing compared to the 40 year old King.

"I- Owww! Let g- gooooo~! It hurrrrts!" Y/n's cheeks were red in embarrassment as she caught all the staff of the Royal Palace watching her being dragged to the Royal Residency and then their chambers as her husband kept a firm grip on her hair, both of her smaller hands that were cupping over his unable to aid her. "You o- old man!" She grunted to herself as he dragged her towards the double doors of their chambers, a huge pout on her face along the pained expression. "Ugh! I told mother you looked like a cruel old grandpa King! But they forced me to marry you and now I am being abused!" Although she was only mumbling it, Taehyung could hear it and it angered him only more.

So his own wife thought of him as a cold and cruel King with no regard for anyone like the rest of the kingdom too, huh?

"OUCH!" The Queen squeaked when she was swung against the ground as her husband locked the door from the inside, unbuckling the leather belt around his pants before pulling it out of it's hoops and doubling it. "THAT WAS SO CRUEL OF YOU! NOW THE MAIDS WILL THINK DISRESPECTING ME IS OKAY! WHAT KIND OF-"

"Oh, shut up!" Turning around, the King moved before his young wife could even decipher what was happening, grabbing her smaller body and forcing her on her knees by her neck, pushing her further down so she was on all fours before locking her in place like that by the back of her throat, landing merciless belts on her sensitive still clothed buttocks, his strength enough to make it hurt still even through all the layers of fabric she wore. "You talk and complain too much."

Y/n was screeching as she tried to get away from the strong man, starting to crawl like a bitch almost, jerking with each hit as she tried to get away although having no luck, her husband's huge hand holding her nape tightly which controlled her whole body. "AHHH! PLEASE! PLEASE! WHAT DID I EVEN DOOOOO!" The girl pathetically crawled in circles, sobbing already.

"Humiliating me as a King and a husband is what you did." Came an angered reply before the King just ripped her beautiful and expensive robes off from behind, now landing his belt on her exposed skin, causing her to scream even louder.

Y/n hated it. All the fucking maids could hear it too. Nobody would respect her or be afraid of her anymore. She was just a laughing stock now. Being disciplined by her own husband like a child. Spanking at that.

“I DID NOT DO ANYTHING! IT WAS THE MAID’S FAULT! SHE MESSED UP WHAT I WANTED TO EAT- OUCH!” Her ass was on fire as she kept crawling in circles like an animal, whining and crying from the pain. “THEN THEY PUT ME IN PRISON AND INSTEAD OF ASKING THEM YOU HUMILIATED ME IN FRONT OF THEM! THIS IS NOT FAIR! THIS IS ABUSE!”

Taehyung deeply chuckled in disbelief as he finally stopped. “You really do not get it, do you, huh?” When Y/n continued to cry like a child and just stare at him in confusion, the King clicked his tongue in distaste and made his way to the edge of the bed while dragging her with him by her nape like a toy, taking a seat before wrapping the belt around her neck. "This is what they do in your Kingdom? Explains why you are all so illiterate and beaten up by the neighboring Kingdoms." The girl's eyebrows furrowed as he pulled her closer by the makeshift leash, their faces inches away now.

"How pathetic" Taehyung's eyes were dark and full of fury as he stared down at her through the long strands of his coal coloured hair, landing a wad of spit straight on her nose which dripped down to her lips, causing her to whine out only to be shushed with a slap. "You do not even know what you did. Tsk." His hand jerked at her leash when she tried to get away followed by a slap landing on her cheek.

"We do not hit our servants here, you illiterate little disrespectful slut" Y/n's eyes widened at his sudden choice of words, the King's cock getting hard from the sight of her on her knees on a leash like this after getting spanked. Completely at his mercy. "What are you in this Kingdom? An outsider with no knowledge or skills whatsoever; nothing." The girl gulped from his deep tone and harsh words, her hands free by her sides but unable to get up and try to defend herself. "You are nothing. But my mere wife. How dare you think you could order anyone here and then hit them for it?" A slap landed on her face before he grabbed her hair by his other hand, pulling at it and making her cry out, causing her lips to part as tears formed at the corners of her eyes.

"You're nothing without me." Taehyung deeply spoke, maintaining the eye contact while tightening his grip around her soft hair. "You're nothing to order or punish anyone here." A soft whimper escaped the girl when he spat on her tongue, squeezing on her throat just a little bit and cutting off her oxygen, watching her face get red as she ran out of breath, only adding to his need. "You're just a little bitch. A bitch for me to breed and take pleasure out of." While still choking her, Taehyung unclothed his cock with his other hand, pumping the erect organ just a little before loosening his grip. "What are you?" Y/n gasped for air as more tears streamed down her face, drool dripping out of her already swollen lips. "What are you?!" The man roughly jerked her by the throat, eliciting a squeak out of her.

"A- A bitch! A bitch, y- your Majesty!"

"Good." Taehyung's lips curled into a satisfied smirk before he forced her face closer to his cock, pushing it straight into her mouth with full strength, causing her to gag instantly as the girl's eyes widened in alarm of what was happening. "Fuck…" The King threw his head back and arched his hips, getting used to the feeling of her tight and warm mouth clasped around his shaft. "So fucking tight and warm" a shudder ripped through his whole body from the feeling.

Y/n was struggling to breathe as she felt more and more tears escaping her eyes, limbs trembling from the intensity. "Just a bitch…" Taehyung's beautiful lips parted as he threw his head back, starting to thrust in her throat as he made her face meet him halfway, literally stomping it up and down his cock with the help of her hair. "I think I need to teach you your place since I didn't really have the time to when you arrived, hm?" His breaths were getting heavy as he glared down at her, pulling his cock out of her mouth and slowly pumping it, whimpering silently before he started to release his piss out and all over her face, causing it to drip down her chin and on her chest.

"Open up!" Prying her mouth open before landing a slap on her cheek, the male forced his leaking cock in her mouth and moaned, his balls hurting from how horny he was. "Drink it! Don't waste it!" Her face dangled to the side when he slapped it again, spitting on her. "Look at you! Nothing but a filthy little disgusting fucking urinal! Thinking she could do whatever in MY Palace just because she married me!" Tears were escaping her eyes and trailing down her cheeks as her throat slightly burnt from the abuse it underwent a few moments ago and now the hot piss she was being forced to consume.

"Move over" Taehyung growled when he was done, pushing her out of the way before kneeling on the ground and forcing her face against the ground that was wet from his face, pushing it in the small puddle. "Fuck… you're so much better when you're being like this, tsk." Smacking her ass and making her whine from the pain, the King spat copious amounts of spit on her pucker before massaging it in, causing her eyes to widen in realisation.

"Y- YOUR HIGH-"

"Shut it." Her eyes widened to the shape of saucers before rolling just slightly upward when he suddenly tugged at the belt, pulling her backwards all the while pushing his thick and long cock right up her small, unused ass. "You don't get a say in anything, 'dear'." The endearment was a mere taunt, the King's cock twitching in her soft walls as he pulled it out a little before pushing it back in, causing her tiny rim to forcefully expand and restrict it from defensively contracting, drilling the hole in strong and small paced thrusts.

"A foolish fucking child is what you are. No sense of responsibility." His deep voice was firm and Y/n couldn't help but gulp, helplessly being used in whichever way husband liked. "This can't go on like this. The Queen's court is a laughing stock at this point because she is not even there!" Y/n desperately tried to breath as he harshly slapped her ass, trying to force his balls in too. "Only enjoying her privileges!" Tilting her head back by her chin so she was forced to look up at him although upside down, the King spat in her mouth, shaking his head in distaste.

"I- I am sorry! I am sorry! I- I swear! P- Please! Please! I won't b- be bad again!" Y/n was crying as her ass burned. "Please, Y- Your Highness!" He wasn't an old and foolish King like she'd thought. Oh no.

"You better be." Harshly pulling her closer, Taehyung kissed her despite the piss coating her face, hands hastily slipping to her chest and fiddling with the little fabric left on her body, thumbs stroking her nipples and hardening them in an instant as his hands palmed her breasts. "You will only know obedience. I was letting you off because you were just a young little bride that had to leave her Kingdom and family. But I refuse to let you make a joke of my Kingdom and I."

Brats was one thing King Kim fucking despised. All talk no work.

"Y- Yes! P- P- Please stop! It hurts!" His heart fluttered from how she whined and pouted, looking cute even with her face all red and literally piss covered.

"That is the whole point." Peppering kisses down her neck, Taehyung but the tender skin and sucked harshly on it, marking her as his property. "When I have time one of these days, I'll make sure I force fuck some sense of responsibility in you, you pathetic brat. You will be a useful Queen, faithful wife and loving mother." Her eyes widened when she realised what he was saying. "I'll fill you deep and well with my heirs and you will raise each one yourself."

"I A- AM T- TOO YOUNG THOUGH! P- PLEASE!"

Taehyung grunted upon her pathetic attempts to try to break free from his grasp, only earning a harsh pinch to her nipples as he continued to give her hickeys all over her neck.

"You still think you get to decide?!" He chuckled in disbelief, biting down on her skin and softly grunting when he felt his balls twitch, forcing one of her hands to touch them as he tried to force them up her small rim. "No. You take what's being given to you and you be grateful for it! Bitches like you open their legs for their Masters and breed as much children from them as they want. That's all they fucking do."

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guardianspirits13 · 3 years

Text

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

#bnha 203 #bnha spoilers #long post #natsuo todoroki #todoroki natsuo #bnha meta #mymeta #todoroki touya

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rocorambles · 4 years

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I've been thirsting for step bro Hinata pounding into you when your parents and Natsu went out to buy some school supplies 👉👈😔😳

Going to age this up a bit to timeskip Hinata when he was training in Brazil and make it a yandere scenario since I don’t write regular smut for incest and pseudo-incest scenarios

Warnings: Yandere, Pseudo-incest, Rape/Non-con, NSFW

You’re still adjusting to having new family members after your father had recently married Hinata’s mother. Family. What a strange term to use with people you barely know, people who were strangers until just a few months ago, people who only know you as a professional working adult. You’re a single child, or you guess ‘were’ is more accurate, so adjusting to having siblings for the first time in your life was a mental roller coaster. Technically you’re about the same age as the oldest son, Hinata Shouyou, but since he was away in Brazil, you had only met Natsu. The younger girl was feisty and energetic, but you also saw the sweet side of her and you were glad to be able to help fill at least a bit of the gap her brother had left when he went abroad. You’d always wanted a sister and even though it’s not exactly the dream scenario you’d imagined, Natsu and you make do and the two of you get close as you visit her at college and take her out to eat some real food and not the junk they serve in the campus cafeterias. You had finally settled into a comfortable rhythm with your new step-mom and step-sister when Hinata had returned home just as Natsu’s summer break had started.

He’s cute. He’s not quite as short as you had imagined he would be from all of Natsu’s old high school stories of him and you have to tilt your head up to look at his bright smile. But you don’t dwell on thoughts of him too much as you continue living your life, going to work and returning to the shared household day after day. Hinata’s busy catching up with his sister and mother for the first few weeks he’s home and you smile as you see Natsu the happiest you’ve ever seen her. But it was only a matter of time before the two of you would have to begin to get to know each other. There’s only so much avoiding and hiding you can do when you’re all living in the same space.

You’re washing the dishes after dinner one day when you feel a body press against you, far too close to you, far too warm and startled, you whip around only to see Hinata smiling at you as he reaches over to grab and dry the cleaned plate in your hand. You’re uncomfortable, but you’d seen how physical Hinata was about expressing his affection so maybe this was just normal for him. Maybe this was just him trying to be friendly to his new step-sister. Shrugging off your discomfort, you smile as the two of you continue washing and drying the dishes and you ignore the way he seems to edge closer to you until he’s practically leaning against you and you ignore the way his fingers seem to brush your fingers more than they should when he takes the silverware and dishes from you.

Fleeting touches become more aggressive, more intimate. Polite small talk becomes dangerously flirtatious and sexual. And you shiver as you feel a pair of eyes always staring at you, trailing after you whenever you’re home. You consider confronting him about it, maybe telling someone else about it, but you recoil in disgust at where your own trail of thoughts are leading. Surely it’s much more innocent than you’re thinking. Surely he’s just being extremely friendly. Maybe it was just new attributes he had picked up while in Brazil. You know the culture there is much warmer, much more physical than Japanese culture. Yeah, that must be it. You laugh in mortification at having somehow almost convinced yourself that Hinata was actually trying to come on to you.

But your own conviction doesn’t completely dispel your unease and you throw yourself into work, working longer hours, hanging out with your friends and coworkers more, trying to do anything you could to avoid being in the house as much as possible. It’s high time you moved to a place of your own, but you needed to save a bit more money before that.

Summer is coming to an end and you groan, hungover from a happy hour that had gotten out of hand when someone knocks on your door Saturday morning. “Come in,” you croak out. And despite your cotton mouth and the pounding of your temples, you smile when Natsu waltzes in and asks if you want to go shopping with her. The new college semester is going to start and she has a whole list of school supplies and new outfits she wants to buy. You really want to say yes and you almost do, but just as your mouth opens, a particularly painful pulse to your head halts you and you sheepishly tell her you’d need to pass for today, but that you’d make it up by taking her shopping for clothes tomorrow instead. You slump back down into bed as you vaguely hear your parents and Natsu say goodbye as they exit the house and you prepare to get some more shut eye, only to be distracted by the way your door suddenly swings open and Hinata pokes his head in.

You bite back a groan when you see him and you pull your covers over you as you tell him you’re still sleeping and that you’d talk to him later when you’re up and you sigh in relief as you hear the door shut, but you almost choke on your own saliva when your covers are ripped off of you and a figure is suddenly on top of you. Any pretenses of being polite dissipate immediately as you angrily shout at Hinata to get the fuck out of your room while you try and hide your skimpily clad figure only covered by a practically see through lace nightgown you had worn to bed last night. But angry shouts get stuck in your throat as a ripping sound echoes throughout the room and you try to register the sight of the torn fabric in Hinata’s hands and your now completely bare body.

You’ve barely comprehended what’s happening enough to begin to struggle, but it’s too late and you sob as hands maul your breasts and teeth leave stinging trails all over your body. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. It becomes like a mantra for you as you plead over and over again for him to stop. But Hinata’s voice suddenly slices through your panicked haze and bile rises in your throat at his words.

“Call me nii-chan and I’ll stop.”

“You fucking sick piece of-NGH”

Your scathing words are cut off as he harshly pinches your sensitive clit, but your pride and morals still keep you silent and it’s only when he bites your sensitive clit, tearing a pained scream out of you that you give him what he wants.

“Nii-chan, please stop.”

You curl into a fetal ball of shame as you feel his weight stop pinning you down, but your heart sinks at the sound of clothes rustling and you scream as your legs are spread so far apart you’re afraid your muscles might tear. Your hands reach up to push him, but when he shoves his entire length into you in one swift motion they claw at bed sheets instead as your body tries to come to terms with the pain and humiliation it’s experiencing. You’re not even cognizant of the way you wail “nii-chan, stop” over and over again, but Hinata is far too aware of the slip of your mouth and it only drives him to go harder, deeper, and faster. You feel incredibly tight and the fact that you’re forbidden fruit only makes everything even more tantalizing and he can feel his peak coming right around the corner. You brokenly moan as his hand slides between the two of you and begins to furiously rub at your abused clit and despite your best attempts to push down the pleasure unfurling more and more inside of you, your back arches as a loud “nii-chan” fills the room. And that’s all it takes to push Hinata over the edge as he shoves himself balls deep into you one last time and holds you tight to him as he empties himself into your quivering walls.

Feral eyes wickedly gleam as they stare at your spent body still twitching from the aftershocks of your orgasm. He’ll enjoy a few more seconds inside of you before he gets up to find a wet cloth to wipe you with. After all, nii-chan needs to take care of his pretty sister after they’ve played too hard.

#hinata x reader #haikyuu yandere #yandere haikyuu

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kitkatopinions · 3 years

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I feel the need to hear your opinion on this since this is something I've been thinking about recently, and it's how crwby handles complex relationships/abuse in their show... It's infuriating.

I can't tell if they genuinely think they are writing this in a good way or if they know they're half asss-ing it and don't care since the fandom will eat it up anyways. Two big examples that come to mind for me in the last volume are emerald & cinder and whitley & jacques. In both instances the the victim never gets a moment of closure or a moment of breaking away from their abuser, nor are either victims allowed to show any sort of 'hesitance' (for a lack of a better term) related to their abuse.

Emerald (despite being all over cinder before Midnight), just conveniently forgets about her for the finale. Same for whitley. He just completely forgets about jacques (the man who manipulated him from birth) the moment weiss hugs him. On a shallow level, watching a victim pay no mind to their abuser is satisfying, but it being so immediate is just unrealistic and takes away from the pain that we are supposed to think these characters have suffered.

One of the worst things about suffering from abuse is how is affects the victims even when they have left the abusive relationship, but crwby seems to want to erase that completely from characters who should experience that for plot convenience.

It seems like the lesson learned from this is "if you were abused, just get over it and be convenient to our heroes or else!" And it's pretty gross imo.

Thoughts?

I thought that I would put these two asks together and take this opportunity to talk about the abuse victims in RWBY and how they're handled. I've tried to think long and hard about what to say about this, because this is an important topic to me and something that's personal for me. I'm an abuse survivor, but I have a complicated relationship with that part of myself and I'm never really comfortable talking about it much. But despite the fact that I've experienced abuse, I recognize that I'm not a professional sensitivity editor, not a therapist, and not someone who's studied the effects of abuse.

I'm simply writing this based on my own feelings and what I've picked up witnessing other abuse victims discuss their own feelings about abused character. There will be RWBY criticism below the keep reading. Please keep in mind that I'm not speaking for all abuse survivors and am only trying to articulate my own feelings in regards to this issue.

The first thing to note is that there isn't one, correct, right way to write an abuse victim in my opinion. Lots of people have different reactions and responses to abuse, the way they were abused is often also different, causing different reactions.

In the first anon, it's noted that Emerald and Whitley both seem to move on from their abuse quickly and with very little effect on them or their stories. Many abuse victims put their experiences on the back burner or 'in a box' to deal with later, or mask and pretend that they're alright or that their abuse just didn't happen. Some of them let their feelings or their anger simmer over time. There are also abuse victims who do just... Move on with relative ease. I'd imagine that's very rare though. (again, I'm not not an expert or any sort of psychologist.)

In the same way, an abuse victim becoming an abuser in their own interactions is something that one hundred percent happens. Cinder, Salem, Adam, and even Blake and Winter have all acted in abusive ways towards the people around them (though obviously Blake and Winter acted much less abusive than any of the villains mentioned.) It might be very hard for abuse victims to not fall back into those patterns of abuse that they've suffered, especially if they go through it at an early age. I'm not very comfortable talking about my own experiences, but myself and my siblings have all had to fight down toxic, hurtful traits that we picked up either through emulating or through survival. And it's hard to do that. Portraying characters who have been abused that lost that fight and might have abusive tendencies or slip themselves is - to me at least - sometimes even helpful in working through my own feelings.

And there are definitely one hundred percent abuse victims who feel like the way they were treated is deserved, that they 'earned' it, that they must 'make up for it.' Oz is in this category. There's nothing wrong with the concept of a character who feels responsible for their abuser or the hurt their abuser has caused to others, there’s nothing wrong with a character who tends to act as though everything is their fault and who thinks very poorly of themselves.

In theory. But the problem is that in application, there are a lot of pitfalls and struggles that come with writing for abuse victims. Understanding, thoughtfulness, and care are not the RWBY writers’ strength, and any time you portray real life issues that strongly impact the real life people involved in them, you have to be aware and careful with the messages you’re sending. This is obviously very important when someone writes for any minority or oppressed group or the issues that they face, but it’s also important to remember when you write for abuse victims, because they do have stigmas around them and deal with stereotypes and harmful portrayals as well. Let’s look at what I consider some harmful or hurtful pitfalls when it comes to abused characters.

Are the abused characters treated as the victims they are? If the abuse a character faces is treated as comical, treated as unimportant, or treated as deserved, that’s an obvious major flaw. Sad to say, but RWBY does not pass this. On two separate occasions, a character is hit by someone close to them in a way that clearly causes them some pain, with Blake hitting Sun across the face for following her, and Winter hitting Weiss for answering a question incorrectly and again for failing in her training (I tend to be more sympathetic towards Blake’s situation, as it is more gray with her clearly thinking Sun had stalked her which is a clear trigger from her own abuse, but this is an explanation, not an excuse and the fact that it was framed as funny rather than something Blake shouldn’t have done and should apologize for is the problem.) They also do not treat Ozpin like the victim when Qrow punches him in the face, having no one call Qrow out for it and having him never express guilt or try to apologize for it. Yes, I know Ozpin had retreated, but they never showed Qrow even make an effort to get Ozpin to come back so he could apologize. . They also ‘redeem’ Hazel and give him a ‘partially right’ storyline despite his openly beating Ozpin, unfairly blaming him for the death of his sister, and insisting that Ozpin deserved to be tortured. On top of this, despite having been horribly abused by the SDC, Adam isn’t treated with even an ounce of sympathy or understanding and Jacques Schnee and the SDC is treated like a more comical-ish nuisance in season seven and eight. This is greatly flawed. Hitting someone because they lied to you or kept secrets from you is not okay, hitting someone because they said something you don’t like is not okay. This should not be treated as funny and it shouldn’t be treated as the fault of the person who was hit for not being a good enough friend.

Are the abused characters mostly villains, when the heroes have never faced it? The reason for this is obvious, although it’s valid to have a villain be an abuse victim, it’s never alright to villainize abuse victims. Making the majority of your bad guys abuse victims and your good guys have positive relationships is in my opinion, harmful. Point for RWBY, this is not the case for their show. Mercury, Salem, and Cinder on the bad side are all abuse victims with Raven being a possible, but unconfirmed abuse victim as well. While Weiss, Blake, Ozpin, and Whitley are also abuse victims, with Qrow and May both being possible, but unconfirmed abuse victims, and Winter and Emerald are both abuse victims who were on the side of a villain and then turned good.

Is the abuse more severe in the ‘bad’ characters and lighter in the ‘good’ characters? If the abuse that the good guys faced is mostly lighter things and the abuse that the villains suffered is worse and more severe, that might send some bad messages that people who suffer more are automatically worse people, or ‘unsalvageable’ or ‘too broken,’ as opposed to the people that ‘there’s still hope for.’ Unfortunately, I think RWBY is almost a tie? We’ve never seen Weiss or Emerald suffer more than a hit, we don’t know for sure that Whitley or Winter were ever victims of physical abuse. Ozpin and Blake’s abuse is worse, however, as they are hunted down by their abusers who attempt to murder them, make them suffer, and hurt their loved ones. They also were heavily emotionally manipulated and victim blamed by their abusers. And on the villain side, Mercury was beat by his father who hated him and stole his semblance (an extension of your soul, I believe, in canon,) and the abuse led to the loss of his limbs. Cinder was forced to work hard labor by her abusive employer and the ‘stepsisters’ treated her badly, and she was physically electrocuted. We see her abuse extend to Salem using her Grimm arm to hurt her, copying the effects of the necklace. Adam was also a child laborer who worked in terrible conditions who got his face branded by his employer, in the SDC, which had to have been anti-faunus charged due to his bull horns. We don’t see Salem ever physically abused, but know that she was mistreated, isolated, and neglected by her ‘cruel’ father. So it’s not quite a tie, there are more severely abused characters amongst the villains than the heroes, but this is close enough that I don’t consider this much of a strike against them.

In the villains, is the abuse they faced given as ‘reason’ for their villainy? As I said before, villainizing abuse victims isn’t the way to go. A good way to avoid this - I think - is not have abuse be the sole reason for someone’s fall into a life of crime or cruelty. This is something that RWBY... Fails at imo. When showing us Mercury’s backstory, we’re introduced to him through seeing that he had just killed his abuser who cost him his legs, and then gets recruited by Cinder who at the very least likely emotionally and physically abused him the same way she did with Emerald, leading to the conclusion that the only reason he’s there at all is due to abuse. However, he’s just a teen and it’s possible that (like Emerald) he’ll be redeemed. A much more condemning story to talk about is Cinder’s. After people had been clambering for a Cinder backstory since volume three, RWBY finally showed us one. But it doesn’t include Cinder meeting Salem, why she joined her, her proving herself, none of that. Instead, Cinder’s backstory was entirely focused on her abusive situation as a child, entirely focused on her suffering. Cinder killing her abusers and then killing the teacher who decided to arrest her for getting herself out of her abusive situation was portrayed as the only needed backstory, the explanation to why she’s a power hungry, abusive, cruel, selfish, and just plain evil person. ‘She was abused’ is the explanation for why Cinder is where she is and why she is who she is in RWBY. That’s highly problematic to me.

In the heroes, are they “the Perfect, Sanitized Abuse Victims?” As I said before, there is no one type of abuse victim, but if someone has several abuse victims and they’re all either submissive, sad, and self-doubting, but gentle and caring and soft or dropped their abuser like a hotcake and never looked back, never seem affected, never really talk about it after they left... That’s bothersome to me personally. Measuring how RWBY is in this particular subject is... A little harder than I thought it would be. Let’s start by looking at the most prevalent abuse victim, Blake. She’s one of the reasons why this is hard to gauge, because for the first five seasons, Blake was deeply flawed and clearly affected by her abuse in ways that made her ‘unappealing.’ Blake was cynical, stubborn, cold, hard to get to know, she didn’t trust easily, she lashed out at her friends regularly, ran from her problems, made choices for her friends, and had a very negative self image. This didn’t stop her from being a good character and friend with a lot of good sides, too, and she had real, important friendships. This was - to me - a really great portrayal of someone clearly affected by their trauma, with lots to work on, who was still a good person. Some of her faults and problems started to get resolved in a natural way through her journey with Sun in volumes four and five, but when season six came around, many of Blake’s other traits suddenly vanished. No longer stubborn, independent, or cynical, and no longer standing up for herself, or really displaying her temper or hardheadedness or her struggles with getting to know people... Blake became more submissive, sad, self-doubting, but gentle, caring, and soft. Sigh. As the first ask mentioned, Whitley and Emerald both seemed to drop their abusers quickly the second they were removed from their lives again. it’s also worth noting that Whitley was treated with nothing but coldness and contempt by Weiss until he ‘proved himself’ by doing something selfless. Weiss did more or less drop Jacques the moment she left her house in V4, only mentioning him or her experiences when she’s using it to talk about Blake, and when she confronted him again in V7, she did so as someone who is proving she no longer cares. Ozpin seems to be the only one still unable to move on from his abuse and the ‘unappealing’ abuse victim. The first anon is right, there’s something satisfying with seeing an abuse victim move on like their abuser didn’t matter. But when almost all your abuse victims do, and one of the only other ones is turned into a submissive and soft support based / romance based character, and the only really ‘unappealing’ abuse victim is someone we’re supposed to see as ‘gray’... There’s something off there, in my opinion.

Were the abuse victims treated respectfully and thoughtfully by their friends, and if not, were they portrayed as wrong? This probably isn’t something that really even needs an explanation. Abuse victims should be able to set their own boundaries and tell their stories only when they want, when they feel comfortable, Their friends should be understanding of this and not force anything from them. In the case of Blake and Weiss, this is handled really well! Their friends let them talk about their experiences in their own time, and they’re understanding and validate their feelings when it comes up (much more common with Blake than with Weiss, who like I said, seemed to move on from her dad quickly after she left.) However, when it comes to Oz... This is all wrecked. Although unintentional (no one knew how deeply tied up with Salem Ozpin was or how intimate the memories they were going to watch were,) our main characters still forced Ozpin’s deepest and most personal secrets out of him in a fit of upset while he was tearfully begging them not to. He was forced to relive his most traumatic experiences in hi-def with other people watching with him, all his secrets and all his abuse wrenched away from him in what was clearly a very painful way. And then no one showed Ozpin even the slightest bit of sympathy or understanding for what he’d gone through, and no one ever apologized for what they had forced him to relive. In fact, Team RWBY were clearly displayed as in the right, and Oz was displayed as completely wrong for not trusting them implicitly. He had to apologize to them, which they acted begrudgingly accepting of as if they hadn’t shouted at an abuse victim after forcing him to relive all his worst experiences.

Are some abuse victims portrayed as bad for things that other abuse victims aren’t portrayed as bad for? Like the second ask says, in RWBY, Cinder and Mercury are treated as villains for having killed their abusers and Cinder is almost arrested for it, it’s considered a step in the direction of their villainy. But Blake is (rightfully) treated as the victim who was forced, who had no choice, who just wanted the abuse to stop. This is hypocritical and fundamentally flawed. I think this is a reflection of the fact that Cinder and Mercury are meant to be ‘bad’ abuse victim, who had violent tendencies and anger issues, and were already featured as bad guys before their backstory’s dropped, whereas Blake was meant to be a better abuse victim who (by season six) was starting to get written as a soft girl who just wanted to help her friends.

All in all, although there’s some things that I think that RWBY did well enough, I definitely think that I would consider their portrayal of abuse victims to be lacking. This is just my opinion and the way I feel about the writing, but there are a lot of ways to look at it. I think overall, I just really wish that the RWBY writers had been a little more sensitive and spent a little longer focusing on the character arcs involved in abuse recovery. (There’s still a chance for Whitley, Weiss, and Emerald to get more focus in volume ten, though, so long as the writers don’t timeskip!)

#rwde #rwby criticism #rwby critical #rwby hate #rwby bashing #tw; abuse #trigger warning; abuse

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vanchlo · 3 years

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The Partner / Chapter Fourteen, "The Ten"

Word Count: 5.9k words / Story Masterlist / Read The Assistant / Read on Wattpad / Warning: Sensitive and upsetting topics

I wasn't sure what had brought me here. It had felt like yesterday since I'd shut this door last, even if weeks had passed since. I'd never been able to shut it on that day and I knew that I wouldn't be able to, not fully.

"Babe! Are you ready to go? We're going to be late for the meeting," a voice calls from down below. Gulping hard, my heart stays stuck in my throat at the sight before me. It hadn't been the only one this morning that was hard to swallow.

"Coming!" The upstairs guest bedroom door closes behind me. I can't help but look at it over my shoulder, still unsure of why I had come up here. "We're not going to be late, Harry! When was it that you started to become so anal about being early?"

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he doesn't attempt to hide the way his eyes roll at my remark. They finally settle on me, registering my eyebrow raise I challenge him with.

"Since you take fricken forever to get ready in the mornings, and the boss needs to be early," he tuts, nodding his head towards the front door. I hadn't noticed before how he holds it open, but now, the spring sunshine is unmistakable. "Come on already. I put our stuff in the car while you were dilly dallying upstairs. What were you doing up there anyways? It took me a few times to get your attention."

We'd long ago passed the time of saying 'thank you's for holding doors open, but habit aside, I still say it. Pulling the seatbelt across my chest, I ruminate on his question as he messes with the radio beside me. I'd become a master at being able to tell when his eyes were on me, and right now was no exception, because when I glance over at him, he's doing just that. The words hesitated on my tongue because at times I still found it hard to talk to him about her. We shared her and the grief around her. There was nobody else in this world who could know how I felt about her besides him, but the struggle persisted.

Avoiding his eyes had been my go-to when I didn't want to answer him. I did it now but it didn't serve me well, because of what I find instead. It seemed that nearly every time my eyes came upon it, it was impossible to not trace the curves of ink. It had lived on the inside of my wrist for over two weeks now and I still hadn't gotten used to it. When I thought that way, I realize I was never one to get used to things. My mother's abuse. Harry's coldness towards me in the beginning, only to be changed into sporadic softness. Then we became friends and something more, and it was hard to wrap my head around. He got hurt and I almost lost him, and it was something I still couldn't believe. It was a recurring theme in my life, especially as of late.

The permanence on my skin is interrupted by the soft edges and lines of his hand. A relief is kissed onto my skin when his fingers lace with mine, his thumb paying attention to the capital letter P in his handwriting on my skin. I don't know what does it but suddenly, I'm looking at the melancholy lifting his lips.

"I don't know but I wanted to look at her things in the nur- guest bedroom. The sonograms and clothes . . to remember that she was real and ours when . . when today I feel like I need to pretend that she wasn't," the words tumble from my lips as my throat feels tight with remembering. "I miss her."

"I miss her too," Harry says with a softness saved for times like these, which seemed to be quite often lately. It speaks louder when his lips press a kiss to the top of my hand. "But we don't have to act as if she never happened, Becks."

"I want to though. Not to act like- I'm just not ready to talk about her with people at work yet. It's almost been two months and I feel like I should be ready by now."

Repeating in and out inside of my head didn't help to steady the breaths trying to swim into my lungs. What did succeed was letting myself live in the unending sage color of his eyes, wondering what the flecks of gold would feel like if I swam in them.

"That's okay too, honey. People know not to ask and I said not to. It's more so something that you bring up yourself if you want to," he murmurs, thumbing at the escapist tear that got through my guard. "Are you sure you don't want to stay home another day? I can work from home whenever I want, you know."

"I'm sure," he had barely put a period to his words and I was insisting. His nod was fast but I could read the hesitancy in it. I tried to push it out of my mind as the car began to move, my thumb occupied by the same traces of ink on the inside of his right wrist, a P in my handwriting.

It wasn't how I thought I'd be living my life today, carrying the memory of my daughter in my heart and on the inside of my wrist, instead of in my arms in a few months.

I had thought at once that it was a sight for sore eyes, but now I couldn't be more sure that it wasn't. Still, I wasn't certain how I felt about it now. Seeing it had brought forth a nostalgia I yearned for, wanting to go back to a time where we were so naive and unknowing of what the future held for us. It also dug up a pain that could be unfathomable, because I knew how different things were the last time I stood outside his office door, looking in. Our happiness had been unmatched and upon realizing that, I felt my throat grow dry.

He looked more handsome than ever with the short beard he'd come to keep, one that swims into view upon turning around. I'd been caught.

"Hi, bug," Harry says, a smile making the dimples dive into his cheeks. It was small but it brought a glow to his face that I'd missed. "Are you heading out?"

Nodding was all that I could do as I stepped foot in his office. Even if it wasn't the first time today it still stung. Everything I missed was what I thought of when I stood in here. It was the framed sonogram missing beside his desktop, the space behind the guest chairs where I'd showed him the pregnancy test, and on the couch where we spelled out potential names with Scrabble tiles. That was only the beginning of what stabbed at me like knives, even if things had gotten better. It had only been two weeks since we'd started to talk and I had come to feel so much better, almost like myself again. I wasn't sure if I'd admit it but he was right. I'd come back to work too soon and it had been too much. I couldn't decide when I would tell him that I had cried in the bathroom twice today because of it all. He'd wonder when that had happened since I had been at his side all day helping him start on his new case, but I'd thought about her all throughout. I hadn't known that coming back here would stir up so many thoughts about her. How could I?

"Becks?"

"Y-Yeah, soon," I belatedly answer, grateful for his bookshelf in front of me. I know that he knows the truth, but it could seem as if I was lost in reading his titles, instead of consumed by my thoughts. No, Harry was smarter than that. He knew that I had perused his bookshelf more times than fingers I had on one hand, more than one normal person would. "You're sure it's okay that I take the car?"

"Of course. I'll just catch a ride with Myles. We still have a few things to go over anyways. We're not sure if we're sold on that one guy for the new hire or not, so we have to figure out what to do."

I couldn't find it in me to make a comment. Today had taken so much more from me than I had anticipated. I knew that there would be awkward interactions and maybe the curious looks. I didn't know that the team meeting right off the bat would let everybody stare at me to their heart's content, and let me catch them in the act.

"How was today?" his voice comes, interrupting my thoughts. I had come to welcome it, knowing how it broke up my mental web of danger. He had to have known too. "Rate it."

A title catches my eye, replacing the Pain-O-Meter we'd come to adopt since it'd happened. Plucking the book off the shelf, I flip it open to find the familiar title page and a message written in black ink. I'd have a good shot at reciting it without needing it before me even as the words came to blur before my eyes.

"Pass," I mumbled, daring the tear at my nose to fall onto the paper. Brushing it away before it can, I let the words in front of me swim through my mind yet another time.

March 2024

Harry,

I couldn't count how many times I've heard you speak of this case and all that it's taught you, even inspiring you to become a lawyer, you once said. I guess maybe I should have kept it for myself seeing as how you know next to everything about it, but maybe you won't know some of this 'never before seen' stuff. I call dibs on being the first one to borrow it from you, seeing as how it's a new release. I hope that one day we can bring justice and right a wrong like seen in this landmark case. Book aside, I couldn't ever find the words to tell you how grateful I am for you and even though it hasn't been a month yet, how much I love you, Harry. If there's a God, I'll be thanking them forever for bringing me back to you and to your firm to work beside you, and to fall in love with you all over again. I can't wait to hear you talk so passionately about this case and all of the others you look up to when we have our nightly goodnight call. I'll try not to fall asleep the next time.

Love,

Your Becks xo

"Becks?" There had been a time when I'd hated that name and how he'd mistreated it. It wasn't long after that I'd missed it deeply and wished to hear it despite being scared to. "There's no passes."

"Since when? Why can't I just for one time not have to rate my pain, Harry," I almost retort, my chest heaving when I turn to face him. His face remains stoic, that is if you were anybody but the few people who could read his face right now. The shock is clear as day and brings my hands to my mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to explode on you."

"It's okay," he assures me, stepping forward. His hand on my wrist is ginger and reassuring. "What one have you got there? Ah, the good old Glensheen murder. One of my favorite cases."

There hadn't been many times anymore that I couldn't unravel the emotions hiding on his face. Except for now, he locked it up good as he thumbed at the page, nostalgia lifting his lips into his cheeks. It made the sting louder inside of me as his mouth relaxed into its former line, a wetness clinging to his eyes.

"I'd started to think about how I'd tell our kids how I became a lawyer and it always started with this case here," unlike before, a dullness lept into the curling of his lips, a smile dipped in sour memories. "I thought of it with P, telling her how Daddy became a lawyer because of Glensheen . . but I can't do that anymore. It's too hard to think about."

A hastiness filled my actions, first with my hand on his forearm. The velvet button down he'd picked for today felt like butter beneath my fingers, but it was the only easy part about this. No, the wetness spilling onto his cheeks only made it harder and so did prying the book from his hands. It wasn't any smoother looking into his eyes as mine welled with what filled his.

"I'll rate today if you will," my gentle words came, volumes different from mine that had come before.

"Eight and a half," Harry said dryly, clearing his throat afterward. I knew how he craved a glass of water to soothe the cracks in his throat. If only it could do the same to the heart.

"That's your first eight in a week and a half," I note aloud and his acknowledgement is absent. That is unless you count his eyes falling away from mine, focused on dragging his finger along the letter on my wrist as if he could do it forever.

"What's yours?" his question is quiet, but I could hear his voice in the loudest of darks. It was what had dragged me out of my lowest of lows, afterall.

"Nine . . and a half."

It was my turn to stare at my hands and avoid the gaze of the other. I could feel his as I tried to swallow past the heart shaped ball in my throat, trying to forget how quickly his head lifted.

"You haven't had a nine in weeks, bug," Harry remarks and I don't bother to nod. What would be the point? I don't want to make it any more real than it has to be. "Becks, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When you say nine . . do you mean a ten?" his question made sense but I didn't want it to, because that would mean I'd have to come up with an answer. That wasn't something I could do.

Waiting was something I had done a lot of recently and what joined it was my feeling of something being amiss. I had blamed it on losing Phoebe and how it had upset my entire life, but standing here now, both rang too true. I couldn't put a finger on why I hesitated opening the door, even though I had been here just the other night. It had been Harry and I's first double date back with Asher and Skye. We had played Cards Against Humanity and sat around the old rinky dink deep fryer whilst picking our cards.

Leaving that night, my stomach was full from the pizza rolls, cheese curds, steak bites, and more that we deep fried, but that wasn't why my gut felt off. Skye had been acting weird and I couldn't put a finger on it. Sure, things had been different since losing Phoebe, but I knew it wasn't that. Tonight, I hoped it would come to light. If only I'd known now what I would later, I would have never come at all.

There was no answer when I knocked on the door, so I let myself in like usual. Our favorite chicken bacon ranch pizza Skye had promised me wafted from the oven where it cooked. After a quick glance around the open apartment, I find that I'm alone. That's odd, I think to myself, remembering running into Asher in the parking garage on my way from leaving work today. Their cars were parked out front and Skye's purse and keys are scattered across the island. Just like the old times, I muse silently as I begin to toe off my shoes until I stop.

Loud voices carry from down the hallway and immediately I recognize them as the two blondes I'm looking for. Removing my shoes is forgotten as I inch my way into the apartment, trying to listen. Normally, I'd feel guilty eavesdropping and so I don't often do it, but that went out the window when I heard my name. It sounds like they're fighting, but what about? Does it have something to do with me? Why would it? The questions bloom behind my eyes as the sound of their arguing grows when I come closer.

Stopping outside my old bedroom door, I felt more than uncomfortable, but it only grew as I waited. It had been weird at first finding out that Asher and Skye moved into my old bedroom, but knowing that it was the biggest, it made sense. Something inside of me tells me to stop and that I shouldn't be stepping into such a private moment of theirs. If it were the other way around I wouldn't want somebody to eavesdrop on me and Harry talking, and least of all a fight. But I can't stop after I hear my name for a second time.

"Skye, you have to tell Becky. You can't wait any longer."

"Don't you think I know that, Ash? I've been trying to think of how to say it, but for the life of me I can't," my best friend sighs. A whining sound follows her words, presumably after she plopped down onto the mattress. But when it comes a second time, I realize it's drawn from her lips.

"It'll be easier the sooner you tell her, babe. You know that." An unmistakable sigh whooshes from my best friend's lips on the other side of the door. "It can't wait any longer. Maybe you should tell her tonight."

"No! She just went back to work earlier this week and Harry said that she's doing better. I don't want to ruin any of that by telling her."

"She'll understand, Skye, and I know how much you want to tell her, to share this happiness with her. It was all I could do the other night to not talk about it, because I'm excited too," Asher admits with exasperation. Another sound tells me that he's joined her to sit on the bed.

"Of course I want to tell her, but how do I tell her about . . "

I hadn't known how I had gotten here. That's stupid because, of course, I did. But sitting here now, the steering wheel of Harry's car slick with my tears, I still wish I hadn't heard what I did. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't erase it from my memory, and no amount of tears could make it better. Each breath I took sent shoots of pain through my chest as it shook with fitful sobs. The engine still ran, rumbling softly even through the steering wheel my head rested on.

I had lost track of how long I'd sat here after pulling into the driveway. I knew that he would hear the garage door if I pulled in, so I was waiting. He didn't seem to hear or see the car yet, something I was grateful for. I wasn't ready yet, but would I ever be after what I just learned? Just as much as she didn't know how to tell me, I had no idea how I could tell Harry.

The laugh track of a TV show is what I hear first upon opening the door, followed by a wisecrack from Joey on FRIENDS. My heart squeezed at the sound of Harry's subsequent giggle, and knowing how I was about to take it away. I closed the door softly as I could and still knew that he would hear it. It's instantaneous how quickly the TV is turned down and how my unrelenting crying replaces the sound.

"Becks? You're home already, love?" my favorite voice murmurs from the living room before alarm is racing in it. "What happened? Is everything alright?"

I could count the seconds before I hear his rushed footsteps coming my way, and then stopping in front of me. Harry's molasses voice rushes to say my name a few more times but he succeeds in one try to pull me into his arms. Taking my spot sitting against the front door, I melt inside of his arms.

"Baby, please. What's wrong? You're scaring the shit out of me," it was hard to make out the concern in his voice amidst the spinning of my thoughts. It was there but I knew that had things been normal inside of me, I'd be able to hear the panic and fear living in his voice. "Are you hurt?" hurrying to ask, his hands run along my body, as if checking for injuries.

His neck smells sweet with vanilla from his cologne and then woodsy all at once, a smell that used to calm me in seconds. No, not now. Inhaling, I try to focus on his voice and the feeling of his fingers in my hair, but it's more than hard. It's only after snaking my arm out from around him and my fingers into his, do I find my bearings. His chin was sandpapery against my head and although he'd wake me up with the weird feeling, I welcome it now. It's what roots me to the spot and brings me back to him.

"Becks honey, talk to me . . Don't run away from me again," sorrow leaked from his words that began to break on his lips. "Please."

"Harry," his name came out in a sob deep from inside of me. The second I'd heard those words drop from Skye's lips I had wanted him . . needed him. I had known that's the only thing that could ever make it better, but could it after I utter the words that had been spinning webs in my head? "S-Skye . . . "

"What, is Skye alright? Did something happen to her? Did-."

"Skye's pregnant, H-Harry."

What woke me wasn't the feeling of his fingernails dragging along my arm, raising goosebumps. It was a nightmare that I couldn't place once I'd opened my eyes, but that didn't matter because I'd woken up to one. The night before came flooding back to me, making me remember why my throat burned and my eyes stung. It was from the screams I shouted in the car where nobody could hear me, not even God who they were meant for. No, I doubted he heard me or saw the way I chased breaths between sobs.

"Morning, bug," Harry rasped in his voice dripping with extra honey.

Something unspoken hid in his words and in the way he covered my face with loud kisses. I didn't laugh or even break a smile. It was impossible after the newly awake ignorance washed away seconds after waking. I felt the hesitation in his movements, the way his chin now tucking my head to his chest moved when he was going to speak only to stop. He wanted to ask how I slept or what I dreamt about. It was the usual stuff but I knew that he was choosing his words carefully after all of the ones that were said last night.

I felt lost in my own, not knowing what to say. It was almost as bad as before when a chasm broke through our lives, carrying us away from each other. Almost but not quite. The thought made me cling to him with fear, never wanting to lose him ever again after all of the times that I had already.

"Shhh, I'm here. I-I know it's not okay right now, but it will be eventually," he cooed to me, fingers nimble and gentle where they dragged through my snarled hair.

"How, Harry? How am I going to be okay seeing her have what I want? I have to watch my best friend have a baby when- when I should be pregnant with her too. I-I . . ," no other words are possible as I begin to shake in his arms. Again.

"I know, buggie," is all that he says, speaking volumes more through his fingers drawing shapes into my back.

"How many times have they called?"

His hand pauses, frozen in a soft claw against my spine, "How'd you know? I thought you were asleep."

"I was but I know h-how they are . . She was so upset, Harry. I still feel so bad for how it happened."

"They each called about ten times already since last night between our two phones. I've gotten a few texts as well but I don't know how to answer them," he murmurs and I can only nod. His calming humming begins against my hair, some tune by The Paper Kites that he caught me listening to when I was his assistant, saying it was a favorite of his too. "Skye already said a hundred times that she understands that this is hard for you . . It's what all her texts and voicemail said."

"How can she say that she understands wh-when she's never lost a baby?" out it comes and I can't take it back, despite all of the times that I had thought it. His words of comfort begin but I'm too quick to shut them down. "But I should be happy for her and Asher," I whisper into his chest, the familiar warmth of his necklace against my cheek.

"You don't have to be anything you don't want to be, Becks. We don't get to choose how we feel . . However you're feeling is okay and it's understandable," Harry says, tracing circles under his t-shirt he pulled over me last night when I couldn't get dressed myself. "To be honest, I'm quite pissed at the world at the moment and somehow at them too. It doesn't make sense but feelings never do . . I had the hugest crush on you when we met and I had a girlfriend. It didn't make one bit of sense to me."

All that I can muster is a hummed acknowledgement before words find me, "You fought it and it didn't go away though. I want this to go away. I don't want to be jealous and mad but . . I don't know how I can't be. It's not fair, Harry."

Any licks of morning light is doused out by black when I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing that was the trick to keeping the tears in.

"I know, honey bug. Life is never fair, unfortunately . . but we're going to have our own family one day. It'll happen for us when we're ready again . . And if you can't do it, watching Skye become a Mum, then you don't have to. I don't want you causing yourself any more pain. You've already been through so much."

"But she's my best friend, Harry, ever since first grade."

"Then give it time, babe. Healing doesn't happen in a day . . We both know that."

"How can I heal if everyday I'm reminded of it, Harry? Sh-She's going to have a baby and I'm supposed to be there as her best friend, like we've always planned. The best friend plans the shower and is there for the birth, and her bump is going to get bigger. I-," he stops me before I carry on and eventually implode from the feeling bursting from my words.

"You can only do so much, and however much that is - big or small - is okay. Skye will understand," he insists from above, nudging his nose against my temple. "Shhh, shhh. It's going to be okay, babe. I promise."

Harry's words ghost over my face, smelling of the minty toothpaste we use. If my body wasn't shaking with waterfalls of tears, I'd try to care what time it is and why he isn't at work. Part of me wants to ignore it and that's the one I listen to, letting him rock me back and forth inside of the safety in his arms.

"Thanks for staying w-with me," I blubber against his neck, finding purchase with my hands cupping his shoulders.

"Always, my love. Thank you for doing the same. I know it seems like we keep getting hit down as soon as we get up."

"No kidding," I hiccup.

Trying to focus on the Elton John song he sings to me instead of the danger concocting inside of my head is no easy task. It was one of our favorite songs but it still couldn't stop me from thinking about how it should be Skye and me pregnant together. We'd dreamt out loud how many times since we were six that we'd be mothers together and our kids would be best friends. Now, that will never happen, I think miserably, wishing that things could be different just like I had thought for the last two months. Those thoughts spun back into how I'd have to stand by her side through it all, pretending that I wasn't insanely jealous and resentful. That sentence in itself makes me cry louder against his bare chest, because she was my best friend and how could I be so mad at her for something that was so amazing? I can't but I am.

It was the very same thing I'd said last night after the bedroom door had opened, all of our mouths agape. I'd tripped on my own feet, or their news had knocked me off them, I suppose. It had sent one of their plants onto its side and profanities from my mouth.

"Ree . . Oh my god," Skye had gasped, a hand to her mouth, of course. The face I had known for so many years, watched change over and over, had paled so that it almost matched the wall behind it. "Please. I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way. I promise I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how. I-."

"I can't do this, Skye. I'm sorry but I-I can't. I don't know how to," I had muttered hastily, my wet eyes already painting my face only moments before hers.

It was only seconds later that Asher had exclaimed my name for there to be no response. Moments before slamming the door, I heard him call after Skye whose footsteps trailed behind me.

"Ree, please! I'm sorry!" she had shouted after me, in a voice that snagged on the fresh crack in my heart.

"Skye, don't. She'll be okay, just give her time."

With a pained sob just before the door closed, I heard her choke out, "I never wanted to hurt her."

"Is there anything I can do to take your mind off it, bubs? It's not healthy to keep replaying it over in your head, and I know you are," Harry's murmur comes, trying to shut the door on the memory. One that is still too fresh and new, too much like the puddle of red I sat on in this very bed that morning. We'd made our way back into our bedroom and into our old lives, thinking things were going back to normal. Little did we know. Shaking my head does little to erase the thoughts, no matter how many times I do it.

"Your head's not an Etch A Sketch, bug. Stop, baby, please," he insists, bringing a hand to my head, trying to make me stop. If only I could erase the thoughts like the old toy we played with as kids. Skye and I would fight over who used it, even if we both were terrible at it. "Please, just tell me what I can do to make it all better."

"You can't always fix it, Harry. Thank you for t-trying, but . . "

Puffing, the crack in my heart widens at the pain held in just his sigh. "I wish more than anything I could, Becks. I'm the husband, the d-dad. I should be fixing it."

"Don't. You can't a-and that's okay," I say with a voice colored with the very opposite, because it really isn't okay.

"Even though it's not . . okay."

Nodding my head quickly into him answers that then and there, as if the tears loud from my eyes didn't say that already.

"I see now why you've never rated your pain as a ten before today . . ," he didn't need to finish his thought because my mind knitted it up for him. Because I need to save it for when it could be nothing else but a ten.

"I miss her. I never even met her and I miss her so much it hurts," my voice trembles, colored with memories that had just become bearable to recall. Now, I feel as if I need to find the key to lock them back up in their box because they're too painful to think about. "I just want her back, Harry."

"I know, sweetheart. So do I," his lips brush against my temple with his words, pressing a kiss there that stays. At least I have Harry. I can get through anything with him by my side. I find it in me to take a full breath at that realization, holding onto him tighter.

What now, I thought silently but the words spoke volumes. Underneath me the mattress squeaked when I tried to get comfortable. Tugging at my shirt, my eyes fell to my legs clad in a fresh pair of jeans. It felt bizarre to be wearing them. I hadn't gotten dressed in four days, because I could barely get out of bed. It was too much like the last time and it scared me to no end, because I didn't want to lose everything like before.

I didn't want to get dressed today or to take a shower for the first time since I'd heard about Skye, but I did. Harry gave me time and didn't push me, but when he left for work this morning, again without me, I found it in me to do it. My body had already gotten used to the baggy feeling of Harry's oversized shirt and sweatpants. Now, it wasn't sure about these jeans or the warm black and brown Argyle sweater I'd found in his closet. Dragging a brush through my snarled hair seemed like the most work I could do all day, let alone warming up leftovers after it. This time, I hadn't lost myself completely, but I still didn't feel like me. Knowing what I did changed everything once again, and I didn't know how to do it.

Staring back at me, the meticulous plans Harry and I had made seemed impossible now. The blinking cursor nagged at me to type in the shared Google document, knowing Harry would see it. The top listed the logical need to know things and then the places we'd go, followed by the costs and smaller details. It had only been a week since we'd looked at our wedding plans together, but it had seemed much longer now. Seeing the dress decorated with lace and sewn flowers in our closet pained me, making me wonder how I'd get my best friend to do my hair and makeup now. I knew that she would come, even if I hadn't answered any of her texts or phone calls since it had happened. But how could I do it?

#harry styles #harry styles fanfics #harry styles wattpad #one direction fanfiction #harry smut

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justthehiddleswrites · 3 years

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“You should have stopped me, Magnus.”

"I was enjoying what we were doing. Mistress it felt amazing. I like being your Good Boy and pleasing you. Hearing your moan and seeing you gain pleasure from me submitting to you. Of giving myself to you so completely, it gives me great pleasure. Why would I stop you?"

She sighs. “Because being a good boy also means knowing your limits and based on your trembling and wincing.” she leans down to whisper in his ear. “That you are trying to hide. We pushed past some.”

He shivers at the sound of her voice so close to his ear, blushes and lowers his eyes as he knows that she's disappointed with him, can she read him so easily when he himself can't pull himself out of the moment when they play so intensely. "I'm sorry Mistress, I never meant to make you worry for me. I only want to be your Good Boy. Please don't be upset, I cannot bare it." He says sullenly.

She smooths down his wet curls. “I can’t read your mind, Magnus. I need you to communicate with me.” She bites her lip. “I need to be able to have that trust if we are going to keep experimenting in the bedroom.”

"I'm sorry Mistress, please forgive me. I... I shit, I'm making such a mess of this. Mistress please know that I trust you completely not to hurt me. I willingly put myself in your capable hands and I love you unconditionally. I'm just not very good with expressing myself when it comes to my feelings. No one ever cared enough to ask me before, what I wanted or needed. It's been that way since I was a teenager and I struggle with letting people in, letting people see me unguarded and vulnerable." He says, his words falling out in a rush, although still quiet as his head races at the thought of her taking away the exploration of his desires.

Honey leans down and kisses his forehead. “I love you so much baby. I would never forgive myself if you were hurt while we were playing. You have know that. I should have stopped us. I was scared, baby.”

"I love you too Mistress. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I'm sorry that I scared you Mistress, please forgive me." He says softly as he feels her soft lips against his forehead.

"Don't punish yourself please, Mistress I wanted them, I wanted everything that you gave me. If you'd hurt me, or pushed me past where I was comfortable I would have used my safeword."

“I am going to start checking in with you more often when we do more intense play, okay? And no nipple clamps for a while.” She rubs his shoulders.

He nods his head, causing his curls to bounce, some of them falling onto his forehead. "OK Mistress, I understand." Relaxing into the soft touches he can feel the high of their session passing and he struggled to contain a yawn. "No nipple clamps."

She takes several deep breaths. “Are you feeling better?”

"Mmmm hmm, just tired." He murmurs turning his head to the side so he could feel the warmth of her breast against his face as he used it as a pillow. Letting his eyes droop as another yawn escaped his lips. He placed a soft kiss, butterfly light against the swell of her breast as he leaned against her more.

“I’m tired too, baby. Ready for bed?” She shifts around. “You find a comfortable position and I will mold to you, baby.”

"Yes, I'm tired." He whispers as he lifts his head and picks up the bottle of sweet lemon tea and he sits up carefully. Whimpering as it causes the ice packs to slide against his chest, causing another wave of pain to pass through his sore nipples. "I'm sorry that I spoilt things again."

Leaning over to put the bottle on the nightstand he nibbles on his lower lip as he moved to lie in his side, turning his back towards Honey as he knows that if he'd faced her he'd want to be pressed against her back and it wouldn't do the sensitive buds any good. He wriggles under the covers, laying the blanket over his abdomen so as not to cause any additional stimulus to his nipples. Laying his head on the pillows he lets out a loud yawn as he snuggled into the pillows. "Mistress, maybe when they're not so abused we can think about getting them pierced instead." He whispers softly as his eyelids feel heavy as his eyes flutter shut.

- Magnus Martinsson

"I'm sorry Mistress, I never meant to make you worry for me. I only want to be your Good Boy. Please don't be upset, I cannot bare it." He says sullenly.

“You are my good boy. I promise.” She smooths down his wet curls. “I can’t read your mind, Magnus. I need you to communicate with me.” She bites her lip. “I need to be able to have that trust if we are going to keep experimenting in the bedroom.”

Honey squeezes Magnus tight. “I am not mad or disappointed. And don’t think this means we stop exploring. I just need to pay more attention to your cues.” She kisses down his neck. “There will be more kinky sex in your future. And you don’t need to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong, baby.”

"I love you too Mistress. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I'm sorry that I scared you Mistress, please forgive me." He says softly as he feels her soft lips against his forehead. "Don't punish yourself please, Mistress I wanted them, I wanted everything that you gave me. If you'd hurt me, or pushed me past where I was comfortable I would have used my safeword."

“No one is going to be punished. I’m fine and so are you. We are still learning about each other. Mistakes and missteps will happen. But it doesn’t mean I am going to walk away or get mad. We both just try better next time. Okay? I am going to start checking in with you more often when we do more intense play, okay? And no nipple clamps for a while.” She rubs his shoulders.

She takes several deep breaths. “Are you feeling better?”

“Mmmm hmm, just tired." He murmurs turning his head to the side so he could feel the warmth of her breast against his face as he used it as a pillow. Letting his eyes droop as another yawn escaped his lips. He placed a soft kiss, butterfly light against the swell of her breast as he leaned against her more.

“I’m tired too, baby. Ready for bed?” She shifts around. “You find a comfortable position and I will mold to you, baby.”

She watches as Magnus sits up and settles onto his side, the covers hanging low to avoid his poor nipples. Honey slides behind him wraps her allow around his waist, pressing into his back and kissing his shoulder.

"Mistress, maybe when they're not so abused we can think about getting them pierced instead." He whispers softly as his eyelids feel heavy as his eyes flutter shut.

“Whatever you want, baby. I am here to support you. Even if that means piercing your nipples. Let’s sleep.” Honey yawns and soon drifts off curled up against Magnus.

#magnus anon #magnus rp #rp anon #honey oc #Magnus is such a sweet boy #I can’t help but love him

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stanathanxoox · 5 years

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Choices November Challenge - Day 13

gif is mine

Thanks to the amazing @choicesnovemberchallenge for the prompt

Day 13: Alcohol – Ethan Ramsey x MC

A/N: Please be warned that this fic deals with the sensitive topic of loss and alcohol abuse/alcohol poisoning. If either of these are triggers please do not read.

As the alcohol made contact with your tongue, you could taste the oaky flavour as it burned in the back of your throat. Bottles littered the floor around your room, you'd started by drinking cider and then beer, but now you had moved onto the good stuff, barely even bothering to use the glass. You had been making your rounds when you had received the news, Kyra, one of your best friends and one of the first patients you had treated at Edenbrook had finally succumbed to her cancer and you were in mourning. Whilst the others had all decided to go to Donohue's to celebrate her memory you had retired to your apartment and locked yourself away in your bedroom, even your boyfriend had offered you his company but you had refused it. Images of the moments you had shared with her kept on flashing like a slideshow every time you closed your eyes and it was too painful. You slide off the bed and hear glass breaking as it topples over, sirens are racing past your apartment and you look around blearily, panting. You were going mad, you could feel it consuming you, the madness. You barely recognise the sting of pain searing through your body as the glass makes contact with your limbs, tearing a chunk through your arm and leg as you frantically make your way across the floor towards your cellphone on the bedside table.

You dial a random number, the first one that comes to mind, his. Needing to hear his voice when everything else felt like it was falling apart around you and you were losing yourself to the madness.

“What is it Rookie?” he asks, voice groggy as if you'd just woken him up. And you look over at the clock on the other side of the room and notice the time, in your alcohol-infused brain you barely register it but it reads 3.45am and you begin to cry, heart-wrenching sobs make there way out of your body as you continue to hold the phone to your ear

“Rookie?.... Y/N? What is it?” he asks and you can hear the concern in his voice as he wakes up.

“She's gone, Kyra, she's gone” you whisper over and over again and you can hear a shuffling on the other end of the call.

“I'll be there soon Y/N, are you at home?” he asks and you nod before you let out a small

“Yes”. He stays on the line as he makes his way towards you, talking to you, doing everything he can to get you to stay with him on the call. You continue to sob until you hear a loud bang, and then another before the main door of your apartment flings back into the wall as he busts it down.

Ethan is rushing into your bedroom and when he sees the bottles of alcohol littering the floor and the broken glass, he curses

“Sh*t! Rookie, you've really done a number on yourself” he whispers under his breath as he dials for an ambulance, knowing that that's the best way for you to be taken to the hospital. He looks at your cuts on your arms and legs and sighs, he pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you, running his fingers through your hair and whispering

“Ssh, it's okay Rookie, I've got you. We'll get you all better. You need to focus on staying awake, you need to keep talking to me”. You feel yourself slipping away, feel the alcohol beginning to take you and you reach up, cupping his cheek as you whisper

“I-I lo-” before you slip into the darkness.

***

You can hear the beeping of the heart monitor, can feel the tenderness in your throat, as you twitch you can feel the intravenous drip in your arm can feel the stitches pulling at your skin. You hurt so much, not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

“She's coming round” you can hear one of the nurses say, and then you can hear a voice

“Y/N, sweetheart, I'm here”. You feel your heart soar, Ethan was here, Ethan was here and you knew that he hadn't left your side since you had entered the hospital. You twitch again, reacting to the sound of his voice, trying to let him know that you are okay but as you fight the sleep it takes you again. When you do wake, you open your eyes, the bright hospital lights are too intense and they hurt, you blink once, twice, a third time before you finally, turn your head from the harsh light and your gaze lands on that of your boyfriend, his intense blue eyes looking at you and you try giving him a smile, but it falls flat, instead, you give him a grimace.

“You had me so worried Y/N” Ethan whispers as he leans over and places a kiss on the back of your hand, you look down and feel a certain giddiness take over when you see his hand holding yours.

“I'm sorry Ethan,” you say and he moves his chair closer towards you and meets your gaze, giving you an intense look.

“Y/N, I have to ask, was this stunt an attempt to kill yourself? Are you not happy with your life?” he asks and you shake your head, a bad idea as you immediately feel dizzy but you find your voice and say

“No! I am not unhappy with my life Ethan. I just didn't realise how much it hurt to lose Kyra, how much pain it was going to cause me” you admit and he sighs, leaning forward and cupping your cheek

“I know its hard Y/N, I know the two of you were close but she wouldn't want you doing this to yourself, she wouldn't want you throwing your life away because of this” he says and you nod, as tears begin to prick at your eyes.

“I know Ethan, I feel horrible for what I did. For pushing myself that far and for not leaning on you more” you say, feeling ashamed for going about this the wrong way. He gets to his feet and comes to lean over you on the bed,

“I'm just glad your okay sweetheart,” he says before placing a kiss on the top of your head before he whispers

“I love you Y/N, please don't ever scare me like that again”

“I love you too Ethan,” you say before he captures your lips with a kiss, one that you eagerly accept.

Tag List: @tiva-jenry-caskett-rizzles-densi, @jimmybpride, @dressed-up-just-like-z1ggy, @nikkiwierden, @samchelforever007, @kirkspockbones, @xoncisxncislaxncisnolaox, @lasalle-pride-sebastian-love, @haliannej, @brooklyn-99-amyxjake, @mizzezm, @genius2050, @twilight-twihard, @cullencoven2019, @captainxholmes, @luciferxchloeislove, @drethanramsey-ismybabe, @sawyer-oakley-is-mighty-fine

Tag List for Pixelberry fics: @cordoniaqueensworld, @aworldoffandoms

Tag List for Open Heart: @melissagoodwill, @lady-kato, @i-bloody-love-drake-walker, @cxld-play

#choices november challenge #playchoices #pixelberry #pixelberry open heart #open heart #open heart fic #open heart imagine #open heart x reader #open heart reader insert #dr ethan ramsey #dr ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey imagine #ethan ramsey x reader

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chlodani · 4 years

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This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk! Major Fred fluff!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Beginning Special Part 5. . .

Fred's P.O.V.

I knew how Y/n was getting and I didnt like it. I felt for her. I hurt for her. I want to beat the shit out of Neville. I know that dumbass feels for her, just like I do, but he wont tell her. All he tells her is that he has a crush on this girl, but he wont tell her who it is. Neville is supposed to be her best friend and he's basically keeping a secret from her. Way to keep the trust up Neville. If he truly does hurt her, and makes her want nothing to do with him and I have to pick up the pieces of what he broke - I cant promise I'll hold myself back from wanting to beat the hell out of him. Y/n held onto her empty glass staring into it. I knew she was drunk and I knew she wanted more. I wont let her do this to herself. She said nothing to me as I took the glass from her. I picked up the bottle of Fire Whiskey and brought it back to the kitchen, putting it away. I gently place the cups in the sink. Y/n had her hand on the side of her neck, entangling her fingers in her hair long beautiful dark brown hair (or y/h/c)

"Fred? -"

She sounded like she wanted to start crying.

"What is it hon?" I asked her as I walked back over to her.

I sat back down next to her.

"I want Neville," he sentence sounded slurred and she looked like she wanted to cry.

She actually did have tears in her eyes. I sighed as I looked at her. I moved a piece of hair from her face.

"I know sweetheart," I said to her softly not exactly knowing what else to say.

"What do I do about Neville?"

I looked directly into her beautiful bluish/green eyes (or y/e/c/).

"You can talk to him. - Maybe it'll help straighten things up,"

She had a few tears fall from her eyes.

"No!! - He likes someone else and I don't want to hear it again,"

"Maybe he does like you and he just didn't want to tell you, so he phrased it differently, because he was scared,"

She sighed as she looked at the floor. I jumped slightly as she put her hand on my knee. I knew where that would lead for me. Damn physical issues. She moved closer to me.

"Fred?"

"Yes?"

I tried acting casual, but I was having so many issues. Y/n took me by surprise as she smashed our lips together, kissing me passionately. I knew the kind of state she was in, and I would never take advantage of her while she's like this, but I had the urge to kiss her back. To show her the love I have for her. And that I could love her more than Neville ever could. I slipped my hands to behind her neck, pulling her closer. I knew she liked it as she hummed in satisfaction. I still wanted to distance myself. I would never let us, get any farther when she's like this. I felt her hand moving up my leg farther. I moved slightly from discomfort. Not from her or what she was doing. It was what it was causing. I continued to kiss her as her hand stayed on my inner thigh. I wanted her to. I wanted her more than anything, but I wont let it happen. That and despite what Neville has made her feel, I know she still loves him. And I want her to sort things out with him before she makes any major decisions like this. I breathed out softly as she stopped kissing me, resting her forehead on mine. She slowly slipped her hand more towards my front. I wanted to stop her, but my physical needs needed her more. I let her touch me.

"I want you Fred," Y/n said to me in the softest voice she could.

"Y/n, I dont wanna, -"

She had a few more tears slip from her eyes.

"Please Fred, - I need you," she pleaded.

"No, you need to rest," I told her.

She touched her lips to mine softly moving them. Her thumb gently moved in circles.

"Please,"

I said nothing. I want to say yes. I want her so bad. As she can physically tell, but I refuse to let it happen this way. Though I wanted to see how far she would actually get. I slightly nodded. In an instant she had our lips pressed together. She turned our kiss into passion. I let out a soft groan as she moved her leg over, straddling my lap. I let her move her hips down onto me. I wanted her more and more as the seconds passed on. I put both my hands on the sides of her neck, pressing my lips to hers harder. She hummed once more in satisfaction. I closed my eyes leaning my head back, as she moved her lips to my neck. I breathed out softly as she kissed the most sensitive part of my neck. She let her hands, move down my chest moving their way up my shirt. I wanted her so bad. But I cant. Not when she's like this. I wont. I knew I was gonna have to stop her soon. She pressed herself into me harder as she took off my shirt. I pulled myself back from her only slightly. She was trying to catch her breath from kissing me.

"You need some water," I said to her in a soft stern voice.

"I need you," she told me trying to be persistent.

"Water first and then me," I negotiated.

Of course I didnt mean it, but I'm trying to get her to settle herself. At most I'll do is snuggle her close to me as she sleeps. She still wanted to protest as she smashed her lips onto mine once more. I let myself kiss her as I stood up, while holding her. I laid her down on the couch. She reached out to me as I took my lips from hers, leaning back.

"Fred, no," she protested.

"Sweetheart, I'll be right back," I reassured.

I gave her a soft reassuring kiss. Honestly right now all I wish I could do, is go to Neville's apartment and kick his ass. He did this to her, just because he's too afraid to tell her what I did. I let my hand drag from hers as I walked to the kitchen. I sighed as I grabbed one of the regular glasses from the cupboard filling it with cold water. I brought it back to her, kneeling down on the floor in front of her.

"Here hon, drink this, - I promise you'll feel better," I said to her in the softest voice I could possibly have.

She sighed as she took the glass.

"And then I can have you?" She asked hopeful still not knowing what she was saying or what she actually wanted.

"Yes, then you can have me," I lied.

I hated lying to her. I never have before, but I cant hurt her anymore than she already is. I love her too much for that. I held onto her other hand as she started to take sips from her water. I was hoping she wouldn't remember what she wanted from me while she was like this. That way if it ever is me in the future, we can start fresh.

Almost an hour later. . .

I had taken the glass of water from her quite a few minutes ago. As I walked back from the kitchen I had found her snuggled with the blanket at the end of the couch, and she had fallen asleep. That's the sight I like to see. I just stood there for a moment staring at her as she slept. She really is the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes upon. I walked to the other end of the couch. I was as careful as I could be as I crawled onto the couch behind Y/n. She was sound asleep. There was no waking her up now. I put my arm around her, holding her as close to me as I could. Being as respectful as I could be. As she noticed me next to her, while still sleeping, she turned herself into me, snuggling herself into me. I had my head propped up with my elbow. I used my other hand, to trace a finger down her face softly.

"Dont worry Y/n, things will get better - I promise," I spoke to her.

She let a soft noise leave her as she slept. I wrapped both my arms around her, pulling her even closer, letting my eyes close. I wont let anything happen to her.

. . .

Neville's P.O.V.

I sighed as I stood before Fred's apartment door. I was nervous, so beyond nervous to tell Y/n how I felt about her. However, I know Adelina is right. Though the way she's going about this is a little unfair. Again I do agree with her. I have loved Y/n pretty much since we first met. I've always wished I could tell her, but I've always been too afraid. I was just afraid of rejection. Though I really wonder how its actually going to go, because of Adelina's reactions to things I said. I knocked on the door, only to get nervous as there was no response. I knocked again, only to get the same response. I could feel myself getting anxious. Seeing as Y/n was supposed to be here, and Fred usually never goes to bed before three. And with knowing that he likes her, my heart was racing at an uncomfortable pace. An idea crossed me. It wasn't the greatest idea, but I had to know. I took out my wand using the, "Alohomora," spell to unlock the door. I'll apologize to Fred later for breaking into his apartment. As I opened the door and looked at the couch, my heart sank and my stomach fell a thousand feet. There on his couch lay Y/n, asleep in Fred's arms. It looked as if they were as close as they could possibly get to each other, without actually being on top of one another. And to make things worse Fred had no shirt on. I could feel tears coming to my eyes as I looked at them. They were both sound asleep. I backed out of the apartment, softly closing the door. As I walked down the hall to leave, a few tears fell from my eyes. As I stood outside, I could feel anger rising towards Fred. In anger I blasted one of the trees, accidentally breaking one of the branches. Whoops. I walked off. Adelina was right. I was too late and I lost her to Fred.

. . .

The Next Morning. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I woke up, with my eyes in a blur, holding my head as it pounded. I sat up on the couch, almost with tears in my eyes. I scooched forward so my feet touched the floor. I knew I was at Fred's place. And I knew I came here late, but I dont remember much after our conversation about our friends.

"Oh, damn," I spoke out not even being able to handle my own voice.

"What's the matter hon?" Fred asked me as he kneeled down in front of me.

"I have a killer headache," I replied still holding my head.

"I know, -"

Fred moved my hands from my head. I forced myself to open my eyes, looking at him. I questioned why he wearing just his sweatpants and nothing else. My stomach dropped a thousand feet. Fred held out a glass of water to me and a couple of ibuprofen.

"Here take this and drink this," he said to me in such a caring voice it melted my heart.

I took the ibuprofen from his hand taking it, and drinking from the glass of nice cold water. Once I was a little more with it, and my surroundings, I set the cup down, awkwardly turning to look at Fred.

"So, - I'm not so sure I want to ask this, but - um - Did we - We didn't - You know -"

Fred seemed to know what I was trying to ask. He took my hand in a gentle soft gesture.

"No, Y/n, we did not have sex," Fred reassured in a calming voice.

I breathed out in relief as I looked away from him. I knew he was smiling.

"Oh thank God, - I'm sorry but that would've really messed things up,"

"I understand -"

I looked at him again.

"I couldn't let myself give in when you were like that. I would never take advantage of you like that,"

A soft smile passed me.

"Thank you Fred, -"

I locked our fingers together, placing my head on his shoulder. He gently placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I love you so much Fred," I spoke to him.

"I love you too darling,"

I moved away from him.

"But I love Neville too, - And I should really text him, and try to get to the bottom of what's really going on,"

"I understand that,"

I stood from the couch.

"Wait, -"

Fred stood from the couch.

"Let me take you to breakfast first, - Get you back to normal," Fred offered to me as he started to walk to the stand by the door.

"I am normal," I said to him.

"Not normal enough, -"

I pretended to be offended as I gently punched his arm. He chuckled.

"Let me take you to breakfast, - Please," he pleaded.

I sighed as I looked at him.

"There's no talking you out of this is there?" I asked him.

"Nope,"

He put his hand on my back as we walked out the door together. He took his keys before closing the door and locking it. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him. I will be honest, I'm a little scared to find out the truth from Neville. But I have to know. I need to know what he meant, and if he really does like someone else. If he really does like someone else, then I guess my choice I pretty clear.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

#harry potter smau #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #fred weasley #george weasley #neville longbottom #neville smau #neville imagine #neville x reader #neville x you #neville fluff #neville fanfic #fred fanfic #fred weasley fluff #fred fluff #fred x y/n #fred x you #fred x reader

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imagine-loki · 5 years

Text

Yes Mistress

TITLE: Yes Mistress CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 29 AUTHOR: angryolwet ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine after a heated argument with Thor, Loki turns himself into a woman out of spite. RATING: Mature/Explicit NOTES/WARNINGS: NSFW, This is a F/F BDSM relationship. If that’s not your cup of tea, don’t drink it. The events in this fic take place before the first Thor movie.

I AM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOO SO LONG TO UPDATE!!! I meant to post at my usual time but I got very sick at the end of last month and ended up with vertigo for a few weeks as well. If any of you have ever had it, you know reading a computer screen is the last thing you want to do. Not unless you’ve got a bucket handy.

*****Trigger Warnings!!! This chapter deals with descriptions of child abuse and shitty parenting, (not Odin’s for once) and those parts are contained within the asterisks below.*****

You don’t super need to read that part for the chapter to make sense if it’s a sensitive subject for you, but it will give you an insight into Sanna’s family dynamics and those will play into the overall arc of this fic. Yes, there is an arc. And a plot. Despite my best efforts.

Kanelbullar - twisted cinnamon buns

Also on AO3

Slowly, Sanna came back. She felt the softness of the blanket and the sensation of someone stroking her face before her eyes opened.

“Can you hear me Pet?” Loki asked softly.

“Yes Mistress,” Sanna answered dreamily, smiling up at her.

“My good girl. Our meal has arrived. Do you think you can sit up for me?”

Sanna eased herself up and shivered as the blanket slipped down. She pulled it back up and looked at her Mistress.

“It’s alright Pet. You can bring the blanket with you. It’s time to eat.”

Loki got off the bed and stood up, holding out a hand. Sanna took it, wobbling a little when she stood. Loki held her until she was steady, rubbing her back in small circles as they left the bedchamber.

“Thank you Mistress,” Sanna said as she wrapped the blanket more tightly around herself.

“You’ll be warm soon Pet,” Loki tucked a loose tendril of hair behind Sanna’s ear. “You used up a good deal of energy during your edging. Eating will help.”

“Um, Mistress? Before we eat I need to–” Sanna broke off, poking a hand out from the blanket and pointing across the sitting room.

“Of course, Pet.”

Sanna headed towards the bathing room to use it’s facilities while Loki sat on the divan to inspect the contents of the covered dishes on the table. She had just started cutting slices off a rolled joint of spit roasted mutton when Sanna came back out, wrapping the blanket snugly around herself again.

“That was quick,” Loki remarked when she sat down next to her.

“I was inspired, Mistress. The bathing room is rather cool, even with the shielding up.” She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to warm them.

Loki reached out and took her Pet’s hands in hers.

“You are chilled,” she began to rub Sanna’s hands between her own. “Shall I light the fire? I never notice the cold myself, though I’ve heard Thor whine about it enough. You’d think we were on campaign in Jotunheim instead of camping in the forests on a hunt.”

The image of Prince Thor covered in snow and icicles made Sanna giggle.

“I’m alright Mistress. Truly.” Sanna took back her now warm hands and started making up her Mistress’s plate, cutting slices of bread for both of them. “I believe you are right and I just need to eat something. And it has been raining on and off since midday,” she looked out at the damp night and shivered a little under the blanket. “The weather can’t seem to decide if we’re in spring or summer.” The gentle afternoon showers of Garth’s prediction had given way to a cold, soaking rain once the sun had set.

Loki made a face. “All too soon it will be summer and nothing but heat, heat, and more heat.” She loathed the thought of summer, but it did give her an idea. “One day, we should go riding to one of the shaded pools that hide deep in the royal forest. Mmm… Stripping down and diving into fresh, cool water. Tell me Pet, can you ride? Or swim?”

Sanna paused from buttering the bread she’d just cut and turned to her Mistress.

“Hmm. Do you know, I don’t think I've ever been on a horse in my life. Although I do have a vague memory of trying to ride a goat once when I was very small. I remember being frustrated because it wouldn’t hold still long enough for me to get on…” Sanna paused, fiddling with the butter knife. “No. I’m sure I haven’t. We didn’t use them on the farm and none of the neighbors were horse breeders. We did have a rather old and rather surly grey pony that Old Frederick would use to pull the cart when he went up to the manor house for supplies. He was the only person in this realm that animal tolerated, it would bite everyone else that came near.” She resumed her task.

“And I could swim as a child, Dagna saw to that. I haven’t had much chance to since I left our house to serve Lady Audney. There was a wide, slow moving river not far from our farm. I used to go and sit in the shelter of a large tree on it’s banks whenever–” Sanna broke off.

“Whenever what Pet?” Loki paused and looked over. She could see her Pet was upset by the memory.

Sanna chose her next words carefully and blew out a breath.

“Whenever I’d run out of the house. It seemed like everyday I’d be scolded by our mother for one thing or another. Mostly for not getting my chores done properly. She would never let anyone be idle,” she paused and swallowed. Composing herself.

*****

Her mind was flooded with the memories of repeating tasks over and over again until they were done to her mother’s satisfaction. One particular memory –one she’d tried very hard to forget– came suddenly to mind. A memory of scrubbing the stone floor of their house one winter for almost the entire day. It was just before Yule. Her mother had been perpetually unsatisfied with her efforts, even ‘accidentally’ spilling things on the floor for her to clean up. Sanna’s back had ached. Her knees were bruised and her knuckles had cracked and bled. Her hands were numb from the water that had gone cold and she kept dropping the big scrubbing brush, making it clatter on the stones and drawing her mother’s attention to her.

When Dagna had come in from tending the animals outside and saw what had been going on, she’d been furious. Sanna would never forget the sound of her sister slapping their mother’s face and the horrible words they screamed at each other. Sanna had never heard her sister raise her voice in anger to anyone before. She had hidden under the table, curled on her side to make herself as small as possible until the row was over. The bucket she’d been using to scrub the floor had been knocked over near her at one point, but she’d been too afraid to move. She’d stayed still as the freezing water soaked her dress and hair. Wet, cold, and filthy. Hands pressed to her ears, sobbing, trying to drown out the noise. She still hated the sound of angry shouts and raised voices to this day.

Eventually their mother had left the house to go tell their father about what her sister had done and said. While she was gone, Dagna had coaxed Sanna into coming out from under the table. She’d filled the big bathing tub by the fire with warm water and and had helped her get into it, washing her gently and rubbing her sore back. Then her sister had helped to get her into a clean night dress and wrapped her in a blanket. Dagna applied a salve to the cracks on Sanna’s hands before feeding her and putting her to bed.

The whole time Sanna had been terrified and started at every sound, thinking it was their mother returning. She knew her sister must have been punished terribly for striking their mother– it was all Sanna’s fault– but she couldn’t remember how or what had happened for nearly the rest of that winter. At the end of the following spring Sanna had left the house to work for Lady Audney.

But her Mistress didn’t need to know any of that. Or that her mother’s 'scolding’ was usually accompanied by a blow of some kind. Sanna’s pride and her fear would never let her tell her sister, let alone her Mistress. She’d promised herself all those years ago that she would stay silent and do better, no matter what. Never to complain and create more trouble. She wasn’t about to break that promise now. And besides, it was over and done with and would probably just upset her Mistress.

*****

“When it became too much, too heavy to bear, I would run out of the house. No matter what direction I ran in, I always seemed to end up by the big tree near the river. Eventually Dagna would come and find me. Once my tears were dry, she’d take me back. Sometimes we’d go swimming in the river first if it was warm enough. She wanted me to know what to do in case I got too close to the bank and fell in.”

Loki’s face was unreadable as she said solemnly, “I would so very much like to meet your sister one day. It seems she was the only source of happiness or tenderness in your childhood.”

“Oh no Mistress! Not the only source. Our father was quite kind, when he could spare time for us. The farm keeps him very busy, though I now suspect some of that work is to keep him out of the house and away from mother. In the summer he would take us fishing at the river– I mean Dagna and me, Mother hated the river– and we’d laugh and scream and splash each other once the three of us were done hauling in the nets.” Sanna smiled at the memory. “We’d walk home smiling and laughing, soaking wet with that day’s catch.”

She was eager to tell happier memories, she’d had no one to tell them to since she’d left Lady Audney. Marit was sweet, but she had no interest in any form of rural life and had quickly changed the subject whenever Sanna had mentioned her time in the country side.

“I remember one time, Father took me with him on a trip to a neighboring farm. The man kept bees and we went to collect a big crock of honey in exchange for some of our hay. I must have been very young. Probably around the same time I tried to ride the goat. Father lifted me up into his lap and kept me from falling off as he drove us over there and back. He even let me have a spoonful of honey on the way home and made me promise not to tell Mother.”

Sanna looked at her Mistress from under her lashes. “That’s where my taste for it comes from. It’s always been a sweet, secret treat.”

“Mmm… Perhaps I should keep a small jar of it here and let you lick it off me as a reward for your obedience?” Loki purred.

Her Pet blushed a bright red and squirmed on the divan while whispering, “I wouldn’t object if you offered it in any form, Mistress.”

Loki had finished cutting up the meat and divided it between their plates.

“Good to know. Open.” Loki popped a piece of the mutton into Sanna’s mouth.

“Mmm… This is almost as good as Dagna’s. She uses garlic in the dredge.”

“Alright. Now I must meet your sister.”

They both burst into laughter. Once the plates were ready, Loki pulled Sanna over to straddle her lap and tucked the blanket around her. Holding up a bite of meat to her Pet’s lips, Loki asked absently, “Perhaps I shall have Brynhild create a robe for you? Would you like one Pet? In gold and sapphire blue silk, I think? Jewel tones seem to suit you.”

Chewing and swallowing the meat gave Sanna time to think. She offered her Mistress one of the roasted vegetables pieces from her plate and said, “I will wear anything you wish me to, Mistress. I’ve never had one before.”

“I suspect there are a lot of things you’ve never had before, and I mean to give them to you.” Loki promised solemnly, making her Pet blush and duck her head.

“Now Pet, tell me.” Loki held up more food to Sanna’s mouth. “How was your day?”

They fed each other. Sanna spoke of meeting Garth and being reminded of how much she loved planting things and watching them grow. How far she had gotten through the play her Mistress had recommended and what she thought of it thus far. Her initial nerves at being summoned to tea with the Allmother and her relief and joy at finding her Mistress’s mother to be kind and attentive. Loki listen to it all with rapt attention, asking questions and laughing where it was appropriate until the meal was finished.

_________________________________________________________

“So you got on well with my mother then, Pet? Not frightened of her anymore?” Loki teased popping the last bite of her kanelbullar into her mouth and licking her sticky fingers before wiping them on a damp cloth.

Sanna, slightly indignant, finished her own and sucked at her fingers as she replied, “Well, she is the queen after all. And I wouldn’t say I was afraid of her so much as afraid of disappointing her.”

She wiped them off and stood up, gathering up the used plates and cutlery before refilling her Mistress’s goblet and her own with wine and getting comfortable again. She leaned against her Mistress and tucked her feet up under the blanket on the divan. Sanna wasn’t chilled any longer, but the material was soft and felt wonderful against her skin. Loki wrapped her arm around her Pet, pulling the girl close and put her own feet up on the table, long pale legs exposed. She used her seidr to send the uneaten food and dirty plates back to the kitchen. They sat in a comfortable silence, sipping wine.

After a moment or two, Sanna spoke. “The Allmother is so kind. I confess, I do want her to like me. Oh did I tell you, I mentioned to her that I had a wish to improve my stitching and she’s promised to have one of her handmaidens teach me. And I’m to come to tea with her again in a three days, if you can spare me that is.” Sanna looked at her Mistress with pleading eyes.

Loki sighed and toyed with a tendril of her Pet’s hair that had escaped it’s plait, wrapping it around her fingers. “Oh, I suppose I can get by without you for one afternoon.”

Sanna leaned up and kissed Loki’s cheek and settled back down against her. “Thank you, Mistress.”

The comfortable silence resumed.

After a few more minutes had passe, in which Sanna had nearly been lulled into sleep by the good food, strong wine, and the calming presence of her Mistress, she glanced up and saw her Mistress with her head tilted back and her eyes shut.

“Are you tired?” she inquired.

Loki opened her eyes and looked at her. “Hmm? No Pet, not really. But my head does ache slightly. I think I read for too long and sat too still in the Archive today. My body is no longer used hours of inactivity. As a child I could sit and read for hours without noticing the time pass. Now, what was once a joy has become a chore and I’m already starting to resent it.”

“Perhaps you’re striving to achieve too much too fast Mistress? You have years before you are expected to take on your new role. There’s no need to push yourself so hard.” Sanna chided gently.

“Oh, that’s not what I was doing Pet. After I spoke with the Allmother, a new idea came into my head and I put away all of my work to start a new project. It concerns a school of seidr I’ve woefully never bothered to learn. Tell me Pet, did Lady Audney ever speak to you of her role at court?”

“Lady Audney?” Sanna started at the sudden change of topics. “Well, no. Not really. She taught me courtesy and what would be expected of me as a handmaiden to a Lady of the court. She rarely talked of her life before. I think it reminded her of her son, the one she’d lost, and that always gave her pain. She couldn’t bear to hear his name said aloud and never used it herself. She’d just say 'my son’, and even then it was usually in reference to something he’d done as a child, never as a man grown. I can’t recall her ever speaking of Lord Morten. We got supplies once a fortnight from the manor and I know they were from him.”

“Do you know what happened to him Pet? The son that died, I mean.” Loki asked.

“I know he was killed in a terrible accident. That’s all anyone would say. But what does Lady Audney have to do with divination?”

“Quite a lot according to my mother. She wasn’t a seeress herself, but she could inspire and strengthen visions in others who were. Do you recall yesterday, when we went into my storage area downstairs and you found my old cradle? Do you remember what were you thinking of when you touched it?”

Sanna reached out and set her now empty goblet on the table and sat up, turning to face her Mistress. Loki did the same, stretching her arm across the back of the divan.

“Well I– I don’t know. I was thinking of a lot of things then. Mostly what you must have looked like as a baby–” Sanna broke off and flushed a dull pink.

“What else Pet? I know you’re holding something back. I can tell by the blush on your face,” Loki prodded her.

Sanna tugged the blanket back around her shoulders, as if trying to armor herself against her embarrassment. “I… I was thinking,” her blush got deeper and stretched from her hairline down to her chest. “I was thinking about… what it would be like… to… to have a baby. Your baby Mistress.” She ducked her head and bit her lip at her guilty admission.

Loki removed her hand from the back of the divan and lifted Sanna’s chin to look at her. She took both of her Pet’s hands in her own.

“What exactly Pet? Being pregnant or nursing or rocking it in the cradle? What image formed in your mind?” Loki pushed again. “It’s important.”

Sanna heaved a sigh. “I think it was mostly just what our baby would look like and rocking it to sleep.”

“No image of nursing it at your breast?”

“No. Why? What is so important about this?” She was embarrassed and uncomfortable at the unending questions.

“I had a vision while we were down there. When I turned and saw you touching the cradle I staggered for a moment, do you remember?” At Sanna’s nod she continued, “I didn’t say anything then, because I wasn’t sure what had happened. I’ve never had visions before, or any aptitude for divination so I’ve never studied it, but I know now that I had a vision of you.”

“Me?” Sanna squeaked. She was dumbfounded, her eyes were large as she stared at her Mistress.

“Yes Pet. You were in your little room and sitting in the chair I sent up here. I saw you from the doorway. The cradle was at your feet but it had been freshly polished. The room had been painted and was filled with the things needed to care for an infant. You were nursing a black haired babe at your breast. You looked older than you do now. I heard you humming a soft melody and saw you smile at the child. It was the same smile you had on your face while touching the cradle. That’s why I asked what you were thinking of.”

Sanna was speechless and kept staring. The blush had left her face and she had gone very pale.

“I’ve only just started to research the subject and I still have much to learn, but I believe you may have the same ability as Lady Audney. You might be the reason for the vision, not just the subject of it.”

“Me? What? No! I don’t– How? How can I–” Sanna sputtered. She was dumbfounded. Had all the reading today somehow damaged her Mistress’s mind?

Loki continued on as if her Pet hadn’t spoken.

“I used my seidr on you, the first night you slept beside me. Do you remember a dream of us sitting under a tree beside a river? My telling you to raise your skirts? You woke in the middle of the night and I found you freezing yourself in the bathing pool. I used a spell to enter your dreams.”

Sanna’s blush came rushing back at the memory of the dream and what had followed it. Of her Mistress pleasuring her in the safe place of her childhood. She wasn’t sure whether to be angry or ask her to do it again… But her Mistress was still talking.

“…and that’s why I had to know what you were thinking of. If the same images were in your mind and mine, it might have been a hold over from that spell, or some accident of my seidr and not truly a vision at all–”

“Wait! Just, just wait a moment! Please?” Sanna pulled her hands from Loki’s grasp and put them to her own head. “Does this mean I am going to have your child at some point in the future?”

“I– Honestly? I don’t know. I think what I saw was a vision of a possible future, not necessarily the future we will have. Probably. Like I said, I haven’t ever properly studied the subject. And it’s not something I can walk up to the Allmother, or any other seer, and just ask. Not even as a hypothetical question.”

Sanna slumped back against the divan, her mind whirling. Abilities she might have and hadn’t known existed. A possible baby in her future– well she wanted that… didn’t she? It was too much to take in. Her head throbbed.

“Mistress, can we please talk about something else? Anything else?” Sanna pleaded and rubbed at her temples. Loki’s hands replaced her and she sent a tiny burst of seidr through her Pet’s head, soothing it as Frigga had done for her earlier in the Archive.

“Of course Pet. Would you like me to distract you from your thoughts?” Loki had moved the book of plays her Pet had been reading off the table when the servant had brought in their meal. It was sitting next to her, half tucked under one of the cushions on the divan. She pulled it out and held it up. “Shall I read to you?”

“I thought you’d had enough of that for today?” Sanna was beginning to feel like herself again, and her instinct of caring for her Mistress was making her feel less stupefied.

“Well, there is one other thing I can think of.” Loki shot a lecherous smile at her Pet and offered a hand to her. Sanna didn’t hesitate to take it.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #Submitted fic #submission #yes mistress #angryowlet #chapter 29

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joannalannister · 6 years

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Ok I'm sorry I'm asking a lot of questions. Do you think Jaime has a stronger feminine side/is more in touch with his feminine side then most guys in westeros due to his hella close relationship with cersei? And if so, how does it manifest itself in his thoughts/feelings/actions/beliefs? Also, do you think Jaime thinks about women in general differently then other men due to his relationship with cersei? (Btw I've also sent a similar q to queenaly to see what she has to say - is that ok?)

I thought about this for a few days, and I guess I’m not sure what it means for Jaime to be “in touch with his feminine side”? What is a feminine side, exactly?

For example, when Jaime and Cersei switched places as children, Jaime might have picked up a few skills that are considered more “traditionally feminine” like sewing – but Tyrion knows how to sew as well, and he specifically says he enjoys needlework, so could we also say that Tyrion is also more in touch with his feminine side? And Jaime occasionally dressed in Cersei’s clothes as a child, but Samwell was also dressed in women’s clothing as a child, so does that make him more “in touch with his feminine side”?

So I guess I don’t think it has to do with activities or clothing. But I don’t know if the conventional definition of being “in touch with his feminine side” has to do with those things?

I’m literally gonna go google “in touch with his feminine side meaning” because I don’t know how else to approach this?

OK top result on google: “6 Ways To Get In Touch With Your Feminine Side.” This is how it starts:

Everyone has feminine and masculine qualities that define who they are. Your masculine side gets expressed when you’re working toward a goal, making progress, getting things done, and pushing forward.

Ok, wow, y’all should see my face rn reading this is sexist bullshit. I didn’t know that getting shit done was considered masculine.

Google Result #2: “In Touch With His Feminine Side -TV Tropes”

A character who is In Touch With His Feminine Side, also known as a Tomgirl or Janegirl, is a male who lacks certain stereotypically male traits and may adopt some stereotypically girlish traits. Such characters are sometimes referred to as being “sensitive.”

Ok, this is slightly more useful. TV Tropes goes on to list a number of traits, so let’s see if those apply to Jaime:

Lack of athleticism - nope, not Jaime.

Lack of aggression - ohhhh boy, definitely not Jaime

An Open, Emotional Personality - No? Jaime’s rather emotionally guarded? It took him ~16 years to open up about killing Aerys.

Typically (traditionally) feminine interests - No. Jaime likes “swords and dogs and horses”. He “thirsts for battle”

Effeminate or Non-Masculine Appearance - No. “This is what a king should look like.”

“To qualify a character must have a large percentage of these traits and/or have their effeminate-ness be remarked on in-universe“ - No.

Imma say no, not in touch with his feminine side by this definition.

But I think this feminine side/masculine side thing is kinda BS to begin with

(women aren’t athletic? Catelyn Stark wasn’t ready to murder people with her bare hands on behalf of her family? Women have a monopoly on emotions now? See, this is BS)

so let’s try a slightly different question:

Compared to the average male, does Jaime have a better understanding of the female experience in Westeros, given his incestuous relationship with his twin sister?

I think not.

(Honestly, text format can never accommodate my sweeping hand gestures while answering questions.)

Take it away, Cersei:

“Yet even so, when Jaime was given his first sword, there was none for me. ‘What do I get?’ I remember asking. We were so much alike, I could never understand why they treated us so differently. Jaime learned to fight with sword and lance and mace, while I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock, while I was to be sold to some stranger like a horse, to be ridden whenever my new owner liked, beaten whenever he liked, and cast aside in time for a younger filly. Jaime’s lot was to be glory and power, while mine was birth and moonblood.“

“But you were queen of all the Seven Kingdoms,” Sansa said.

“When it comes to swords, a queen is only a woman after all.”

Westeros systemically denies women their humanity. Even a queen is worth so much less to Westeros.

I don’t think Jaime could ever understand what it was like for Cersei to have her body commodified and sexualized since childhood, to be wedded off without any say at all, to be raped as often as Robert liked, whenever he liked, without any recourse at all.

I don’t think Cersei ever shared or expressed these things to Jaime, either. For example, I don’t think Cersei ever told Jaime how Robert would hurt her: “Never on the face before. Jaime would have killed him, even if it meant his own life.” If Robert had hit Cersei in an obvious place that wasn’t covered up by clothes, one that Jaime could see, Jaime would have flown into a murderous rage. So Cersei has to hide that shit.

(I guess this is an unpopular opinion, but I think Cersei is very guarded, even around Jaime? Like, I don’t think she confides everything to him. She never told him about the valonqar, she didn’t tell him about Robert’s abuse, she didn’t want to tell Jaime about Rhaegar as a child when she was drawing that picture. And same goes for Jaime - Jaime didn’t tell Cersei about the wildfire / killing Aerys. Even in his own POV, Jaime leaves so much unsaid to Cersei / says it only to us. How close are Jaime and Cersei, really?)

(God, I sound like an anti! Sorry! But my love for Cersei and Jaime derives from the tragedy of their relationship. Their misconceptions. The ways they hurt each other. The intensity of their love and hate. Their mutually-assured destruction. Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold….)

Also. There’s this passage in AFFC, and it has one of my favorite lines:

“I took her on Raymun Darry’s bed after stepping over Robert. If His Grace had woken I would have killed him there and then. He would not have been the first king to die upon my sword … but you know that story, don’t you?” He slashed at a tree branch, shearing it in half. “As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, ‘I want.’ I thought that she meant me, but it was the Stark girl that she wanted, maimed or dead.” The things I do for love. “It was only by chance that Stark’s own men found the girl before me. If I had come on her first …”

“As I was fucking her, Cersei cried, ’I want.’

Jaime thinks he understands, he thinks Cersei wanted something as simple as one dead child.

I don’t think he understands at all.

Cersei’s wants are so deep, so vast, that she doesn’t even have the words to articulate them. “I want _______.”

Cersei wants everything, she wants it all, everything that’s been denied to her.

And Jaime’s had all these things. They all came so easily to him that he valued them very little.

“You were Robert’s queen. And yet you won’t be mine.”

I really don’t think Jaime understands at all.

(If anyone understands what it’s like to be Cersei, and what a precarious position she’s in, I think that’s Tyrion. Cersei was denied, because she is a woman. Tyrion is denied because he is not able bodied. Like, there’s this quote of Tyrion’s in AGOT:

“Tyrion wondered what it would be like to have a twin, and decided that he would rather not know. Bad enough to face himself in a looking glass every day. Another him was a thought too dreadful to contemplate.”

That’s one reason why Cersei and Tyrion hate each other. They’re twins, in a way. It’s hard enough for each to face himself/herself. Cersei and Tyrion facing each other … “too dreadful to contemplate.”)

So how does Jaime’s complete lack of understanding of the female experience manifest itself?

In really gross ways tbh:

Sansa Stark, that ought to put a smile on Tyrion’s face. He remembered how happy his brother had been with his little crofter’s daughter … for a fortnight.

When Jaime hears that Tyrion has married Sansa, he thinks nothing about how Sansa was a hostage, married off into the family who murdered her father. He thinks nothing about a little girl, not yet 13 years old, being forced into a relationship where she must always be available for sexual intercourse with a member of the family who murdered her father.

Literally all Jaime’s think of is, “Way to go, bro!”

Sure, in very obvious cases of rape, Jaime is against it. For example, he wants to protect Rhaella from her husband, because he could hear her crying out. Jaime’s not 100% awful.

But it didn’t really bother him that Sansa could have been raped on her wedding night.

And now he wants to smash Cersei’s teeth in, because she’s slept with other people. He’s mad at her, because she hasn’t been faithful, without understanding that Cersei never had the luxury of being faithful to Jaime.

Jaime’s misogynistic. He’s not as bad as someone like Randyll Tarly, but that’s setting the bar pretty damn low.

So I’m sorry, I don’t think this was the answer you wanted.

You said you also sent this question to @goodqueenaly? She writes much better things than I do, so maybe she can give you a better answer?

#rape tw #liashara-river #replies #nina might be able to give you a better answer here #cuz i think i was stuck a lot on the premise #jaime x cersei #jaime lannister #cersei lannister #jaime meta

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