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strongheartneteyam · 11 months

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Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Neteyam is aged up.

Chapter 2

Synopsis: Reader is unhappy with her human life. She works for the lab as a cook. She's a Dreamwalker and she spends every free day she gets walking through Pandora's forests. In one of those days, Neteyam sees her but she doesn't notice him. He falls in love, seeing how happy she is amidst nature. Neteyam finds out she's actually a human in an Avatar, so, he finds a way to go where her real body is. He hates to admit it but, seeing her in her human body, he realizes he still loves her. After watching her, he notices how she's always happier when she's in her Avatar, so, he develops a deeper connection to her. However, he becomes obsessive. Reader has only heard about him, the famous son of Jake Sully and future Olo'eyktan, praised for his great achievements as a young Omatikaya. After getting reader's attention, Neteyam asks her to choose to live forever in her Avatar, becoming his mate and making tsaheylu with him, gaining a new home as a fresh member of his tribe. Reader is scared and torn, since, even though she's intensely attracted to him and only truly enjoys life when she's Dreamwalking, she doesn't really know him and she's afraid of dying when trying to go past Eywa's eye. But Neteyam just won't give up on her that easily.

♡ This is Reader's Avatar

☆ This is the official playlist for this story, the songs I listen to while working on it.

CW: angst, reader hates her life, neteyam is like her "secret admirer" but he eventually becomes obsessed, so, it gives off some creepy vibes, possessive neteyam, forbidden love, neteyam is REALLY protective over her, neteyam isn't really fond of humans (hates them) and only makes an exception for reader, TRIGGER WARNING for a few depression symptoms (such as reader holding back tears and looking miserable really often), stalking, obsessive behavior & possessiveness

•

Finally, this fanfic is out!! lots of people seemed to love the tiny sneak peek I posted so... I hope you guys will love the fanfic itself too hehe I'm so relieved I could finally post it ooof My environment is the worst EVER rn & i haven't had any motivation or focus to write lately BUT i seem to be getting out of that damned writer's block I was in (ITS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD UGH HATE IT TO DEATH)

Not proofread. My life is a hurricane, so, we don't work with proofread stories here. Hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me, my angels :')

na'vi words:

yawne - beloved

tsaheylu - the neurological bond the na'vi make with their mate, through their tendrils, at the end of their long braid.

Chapter 1

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I love your touch, cold as ice

And I love every single tear you cry

I just love the way you're losing your life

Oh, my baby, how beautiful you are

Oh, my darling, completely torn apart

Gone With The Sin (HIM)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Neteyam would look at you every moment he could. He didn't have that much free time since he was the Olo'eyktan's son and had so many responsibilities weighting on his shoulders. But he would always make any sacrifice he needed to make to find time to see you. Even if it meant using the few hours he had to himself to contemplate you. His sad, gloomy-eyed, beautiful girl. You were not actually his yet, but, he was determined to make that change.

Neteyam saw you holding back tears way too damn often, so, he was always deeply worried about you, and, that was one of the reasons why he was always creeping around, high up in branches of trees located in Hell's Gate, watching over you, almost every day, ready to help you, defend you from any danger, to say "screw it" to how out of the blue it would be if he - a stranger, a male na'vi stranger - just came up to you and said "hey, I've been watching you for a while, and… I'm so, so in love with you. Please, leave this damn idiotic human life you live and let Eywa help you be transferred to your Avatar body for good, just like she helped my father. You're so insanely pretty like this - and I have never felt attracted to any female of your demon kind before, so, believe me when I talk about your beauty - but you look even prettier when you're in your Avatar form. Let me make you my mate, let me make you the future Olo'eyktan's mate. I can give you a far better life than the one you have now"

He knew he was just a weird alien boy (as the humans would probably say), stalking you, always up in the highest tree branches he could find and reach, watching a girl while she cooks - as it was your job - like a hunter watching their prey. But he meant no harm. On the contrary, he meant to take care of you, to save you from it all. Because he wasn't blind. Neteyam saw how unhappy you looked while peeling potatoes (he knew what they were because his dad who was once human told him and his siblings about how delicious that vegetable from Earth tasted, especially when it was made as French fries) to cook on the high-tech stove the humans used to prepare their meals in and prepare mashed potatoes to those damn lab guys who invaded his Planet and did nothing but harm.

Neteyam thought it to be unnecessary. His future mate could easily prepare the same potatoes in a bonfire he would light up for you in the Omatikaya forest. He knew they would taste even better roasted in the natural fire than just plainly cooked in that energy fueled cooking device the humans used. He could give you a life so incredibly better than the one you had right now, it pained him to see his yawne working so hard to feed every damn scientist in that cold, air-conditioned lab while not being as appreciated and thanked by them as you deserved to be. You could be preparing food to feed his children instead, the sons and daughters he would give you, if only you accepted becoming his forever mate.

He hated the humans. They didn't know how to lead a proper life. But you were different.

Neteyam knew how breathtaking you looked in a na'vi like body because the first time he saw you, you were in your Avatar body - as you were a Dreamwalker - and that's when he fell in love with you. But he learned to love your human body too. He could never hate you, even in your human form. You were the only human he did not despise.

The day Neteyam first saw you, he was out in the forest to hunt and gather food, collecting bladder polyps, lionberry seeds and trying to kill a hexapede, so, he could bring all of it home and him and his family could eat a nutritious dinner.

That's when he heard a squeaky, funny laugh. It was a female voice, he recognized. Neteyam followed that sound just like he was a sailor and the girl whose laugh he heard was a mermaid, bewitching his senses and drawing him closer.

When he saw you, it was like his heart was going to explode in a thousand pieces, so fast it was beating inside his rigid ribcage, so strongly the blood was being pumped through his arteries. He knew he had to make you his mate, to have you forever.

Neteyam had always been a practical and rational young man, he had to be. He was the eldest son and had to look after his 3 younger siblings and not show a single sign of weakness when his father would scold him in a harsh tone, whenever any of his siblings - specially his younger brother, Lo'ak -, got into trouble and somehow, Neteyam ended up having to take responsibility over their actions. "But that girl… that beautiful, ethereal girl… she makes me believe in things I've never even considered before. I know it sounds stupid to say that about a girl I just met, only some minutes ago but I don't care", he thought. Only he and Eywa herself knew the raw, powerful feeling he was experiencing at that moment. He just wanted to let go for a while. To not force himself to be all brains, zero heart for once, just once. And you were gifting him the opportunity to do just that. Your beauty was so enchanting, it could leave any creature in awe.

His father had once told him about Christianity, one of the most popular religions back on the glory days of the Planet Earth, and, of course he didn't follow those beliefs, his spirituality was completely based on Eywa, the Great Mother, the spirit and moving energy of Pandora, but, if the beings called "angels" his father talked about were real, Neteyam was utterly sure that they could only look like you.

You were perfect. Every curve of your body, every bioluminescent freckle, every pattern of your stripes, your long dark braided hair falling like water on your flawless back, as you kept smiling and touching every single flower you could see, playing in a foolish way, just like a child. He felt a primal urge coming from his guts to make tsaheylu with you right there, right at that moment.

So many thoughts roamed through Neteyam's mind: "I need her… right here, right now. She's… ugh… I've never felt anything like this before… What's going on with your stupid mind, Neteyam?! You can't just choose any girl to be your mate, you'll be the next Olo'eyktan, remember?! The best choice would be a girl who has a calling to be Tsahìk. Maybe your parents will try to arrange a marriage, to find the perfect match for you. Damn! Who am I trying to fool? She is the only perfect match for me…"

Neteyam started to watch you go about the forest every chance he got.

When he found out you were actually a Dreamwalker, a human in a body created in a laboratory, a hybrid of demon and na'vi, a freak... It was like his world was falling apart, piece by tiny piece crashing on the floor. How did he not notice your fifth finger before?! Was he that much under your spell, that blinded by how beautiful and charming you were?, he asked himself.

So, he told himself he was going to find a way to at least see what your true form looked like. He hissed at the thoughts and feelings you had caused him the whole way to Hell's Gate, where the laboratory was and where he knew all the humans that stayed in Pandora and had an Avatar stayed.

When Neteyam saw you in your human body, he got hit by something as strong as lightning. The moment he sniffed your sweet scent (the smell you had in your Avatar had notes of your original human scent, as your DNA was used to build that body), the moment he recognized that melodious voice… The expression in those eyes, that smile, that laughter… it was you. His yawne.

He didn't understand how that was possible, what he was feeling. Nevertheless, he realized he still loved you. His heart still beat fast for you. It didn't matter which physical form you took. Na'vi or human. You were you. And he loved you. Madly.

His people had a great contempt towards the ones who Dreamwalked. They were "demons in false bodies", like his grandma and his mother always said. And Neteyam himself felt the same. Worse, he had felt disgusted by the love and desire you made him feel, back when he watched you wandering around the Omatikaya lands, when you would jump like a little kid, so happy playing with the bioluminescent, neon plants of the forest.

But, still, that feeling lingered inside him. The attachment, the deep affection, the devotion… He could not comprehend it.

All Neteyam could grasp was that he hated all humans, but you were the only exception.

Even though you were originally human, you had a na'vi heart. He just knew that. As crazy and impossible as it sounded, he figured out it was true. And that blew his mind. That sorrowful girl he was seeing cooking in a small technological kitchen was not the same one he had seen at the forest. But it was, at the same time. It apparently made no sense, but it actually did. You were not where you belonged. You did not belong imprisoned among those four walls that the other humans kept you in. That you were keeping yourself in. You belonged free amidst the Pandoran trees. You did not belong in those big human clothes. You belonged in a comfortable loincloth and a big leaf necklace covering your beautiful breasts, letting the wind hit your skin.

You seemed out of place in that environment you were currently in. And that made Neteyam feel something so overpowering. He knew it was useless to try and fight it. He was not even sure if he even wanted to fight it anymore. That feeling was good. It felt just like what he felt when he thought you were a na'vi girl. He even felt attracted to you, even though he still thought you looked much prettier in your Avatar body.

He was fully aware you were one of the demons. But you were not like the rest of them. You were special. He could tell that. He could tell you'd be a hundred per cent happier if he could convince you to become na'vi. And that's exactly what he was planning to do. He still did not know how, but he would find a way.

༊⁀➷

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starry-nights-garden · 6 months

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Ateez Reaction ✧ Seeing your ex in public

✧ Ateez all members x gn!reader ✧ genre: reaction, some angst, comfort ✧ warnings: implications of unhealthy relationships in the past in some parts

Hongjoong:

tonight is supposed to be unforgettably wonderful as you're on a date with your boyfriend to see an artist you both like a lot performing live for the first time

instead it becomes unforgettable for an entirely different reason, because only a few songs in, someone eerily familiar stands right next to you

you're not sure if your ex has realized yet that they're standing right next to you, but you sure are aware of it, and you instinctively get closer to your boyfriend

the latter uses the opportunity to whisper something about how glad he is to be sharing this moment with you in your ear, until he too spots your ex standing right next to and he wraps his arm tightly around you

"Wanna get out of here for a minute?" he asks, his mood immediately becoming serious

it takes merely a weak nod from you for him to lead you through the crowd and away from all the people

as you're visibly uncomfortable, he does his best to comfort you until you start crying in his arms because you feel so sorry that now he can't enjoy the concert because of you

however, he assures you that it's not your fault and tells you not to think like that, while doing whatever he can to help you calm down until you feel okay again

Seonghwa:

your boyfriend knows that you have a bit of a difficult history with your ex, even though you're mostly over what happened now

so when you suddenly spot your ex as you're out in public, he seems more tensed up about it than you are

his grip around your hand becomes firmer immediately, and you can tell he's not sure whether he should try to play off his feelings or openly glare at your ex

so you quickly suggest to go take another route to your destination, and when your boyfriend doesn't immediately comply, you get a bit pushy because you currently can't imagine a more awkward situation than those two actually meeting

he does eventually let you lead him elsewhere, but his mood stays the same all throughout your date, until you're finally home and you confront him about it

that's when he realizes he hasn't been doing you any good with his behaviour, and he finally apologizes for it

"I'm really sorry... I didn't realize I kinda ruined our date with that. I just... can't forgive that person for hurting you like that," he explains

and though your date wasn't as fun as it could've been because of that you also understand that his reaction is simply another proof of how much he cares about you

Yunho:

you're on a walk through the city together when you suddenly spot your ex with their new partner walking towards you from afar

them not having noticed you yet, you quickly grab a clueless Yunho by the hand and pull him into the next best store, the poor guy not knowing what's going on at all

"We could've just walked in normally if you wanted to check out this store so badly, no need to pull me in like you're running from someone," he jokingly comments, hoping for some kind of explanation for your sudden change in behaviour

there's serious worry in his eyes for a moment when you tell him that you are in fact running from someone, but he relaxes once you explain to him that you saw your ex walking in front of you and you really don't want to run into them

he understands and so he suggests actually looking around the store you're in for a while until your ex has hopefully passed you by

you end up having fun looking through the shop's assortment and once you're done joking around about the most questionable fashion items you can find inside you've already forgotten all about the awkward almost-encounter earlier

Yeosang:

a few weeks after starting to date Yeosang you run into your ex together

you split up on friendly terms so even now you sometimes talk to each other whenever you happen to meet each other

you current boyfriend mostly stays quiet as you introduce the two to each other, and only after a short conversation and saying your goodbyes does it dawn on him that that was your ex

it takes him literally the entire way home to process that fact and his feelings about it kalsdjföjs

"That was your ex??" - he asks that question in disbelief once you arrive at your place and you can't but chuckle at his delayed reaction

he keeps awkwardly asking questions about your ex throughout the evening until finally you figure out that he's jealous

so you give him a kiss on the cheek and you reassure him that there's nothing going on between you and them anymore

he'll probably need a few more kisses and some time to truly understand that you're nothing more than friends now, but eventually he'll be fine :')

San:

as you're out on a shopping tour he's still busy talking to you about the coat you've both been looking at and that he thinks would look good on you

however, when you suddenly stop responding he finds you staring at something else and as he's about to tease you for getting distracted, he realizes who the person is who's standing just across the street

he doesn't hesitate to take you by the hand, his firm and sudden grip startling you out of your shock and making you look at your boyfriend instead

"Let's get out of here. I know a better place to buy you a new coat," he says, even though it's clear he has a different reason for wanting to get you out of there as quickly as possible

will pull you a good distance away while always keeping his eyes on you, and when your ex is finally out of sight he makes you sit down on the nearest bench or wherever

"Do you need me to do anything or get you anything?" - asks that question while cupping your face with his hand and running his thumb across your cheek

will do whatever it takes to make you feel better and to forget all about that unfortunate encounter

Mingi:

he's a little slow in grasping the situation fully when you arrive at your favourite restaurant and you immediately ask him to go elsewhere

after all you've been looking forward to this date for so long, so your reaction makes no sense to him

that's until you manage to point out to him that your ex is sitting just a few tables away

he still tries to argue that it can't be that bad but you insist that it's horribly awkward for you, so eventually you leave together to find a different place to grab dinner

you can tell he feels bad about not immediately leaving with you as he seems absentminded the entire evening after that

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was that awkward for you to be near your ex," he eventually apologizes when you're back home but you assure him it's okay and no big deal

it really is just awkward for you after all, no hard feelings

and so the situation is quick to be resolved in his mind as well, and you spend the rest of the evening having fun together, forgetting about the encounter quickly

Wooyoung:

the urge to jump at your ex and fight them is huge when he spots the person who's suddenly making you tense up

however, with how you're freezing up and stopping in your tracks while staring at them in horror, he knows better than to make a scene

instead he puts his hands onto your shoulders as gently as he can so as not to startle you

"Are you okay?" he asks carefully, as if the answer wasn't obvious - and he realizes how stupid that question was too, because now he's trying to get you to move again without waiting for your answer

positions himself so he's covering the frame of your ex in your vision and once he can see you react to his action, he puts his arm around you protectively and starts walking with you

leads you away from that person first of all, and once he decides you're a safe distance away, he offers you a comforting hug which you accept

in case you have to cry out the shock, he'll make sure to take you somewhere you can do that undisturbed

Jongho:

you're out on a date when you can suddenly feel the mood changing

protectively has his arm around your shoulders and is pulling you close before you even notice that it's because your ex is just a few steps away from you

only when you find him lowkey glaring into a certain direction do you see their face and you shudder

upon feeling your reaction in his hold, he immediately turns all his attention to you and steers you away from that person

"Come on, let's go elsewhere," he quietly says, keeping his voice down in an attempt to calm you down

won't let go of you for as long as you're in distress, and if he does end up getting too far away from you and you cling to him, he'll go right back to holding you close

is going to buy you your favourite snack to share in order to distract you for now, and might even be a little too cute about it and deliberately embarrass himself to make you laugh

#ateez reactions #ateez comfort #ateez angst #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #wooyoung x reader #jongho x reader #ateez scenarios #reaction #angst #comfort

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resisteverything · 3 months

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You know what I just did? Rewatched the Hazbin hotel pilot. And… it made me so disappointed to see what this show could have become but didn’t. It’s a small thing, but I think you’ll get it.

There was a scene where a random demon in a bar was laughing at the fact that Charlie is trying to redeem sinners, and I was thinking… this dude has lived in constant suffering for years to the point where he has given up on things getting better. Imagine a story where Charlie has to get through to that guy, gave him potential hope for something better than what he has.

I’m imagining him making fun of Charlie and her dumb hotel, but in his darker, messier moments, where he feels emptiest, he thinks about it and sees all the people in it from his window, feeling this hopeful positive energy that he just doesn’t have in his life, and wonders if he’d be happier there. Until eventually he can’t take it anymore and shows up, looking guarded and vulnerable, saying he wants to try this. He is slowly coaxed out of his shell and starts to feel truly fulfilled. He makes real friends, and he starts to let down his emotional barriers and opens up about how he ended up in hell anyway, and how the guilt of what he did has haunted him forever. Then he is reassured that he is not broken, and can be better.

That was what kind of thing the premise of this show promised. That sounded amazing. But fuck no, what this show was really about is daddy issues, and some old boomers hatred of TV for some reason, and what if heaven bad, and the impending war, and trust falls, and a sexy music video of explicit rape scenes.

Literally follow the show’s trajectory episode by episode in terms of what the plot did.

1. Charlie tries to win over heaven and fails.

2. Sir pentius joins the hotel because Charlie sang and awful song.

3. The war is suggested and we find out who killed an angel.

4. Angel dust character development.

5. Lucifer gives her a way to deal with heaven.

6. Heaven meeting happens and fails.

7. War is planned.

8. War happens.

Notice how at no point was “Charlie rehabilitates a sinner and gives him hope for a better life” in there. It could have been a great story about hope and redemption and love but no what it really needed was a dragonball laser to slice the hotel in half even though no one cares and it affects nothing.

Hazbin was never even good, we just gave the pilot a pass because it was a setup for good ideas that we expected to come but never did.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical

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itsfairly · 3 months

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Two Negatives Make a Positive // Nanami Kento x f!reader

word count: 2.4k

cw: f!reader, neighbors to lovers, valentine's inspired (not mentioned but that's the main idea), not proofread

summary: dating can be tricky and nanami has confirmed that fact tonight on his date. but as he gets home and sees his neighbor alone by the stairs, he gets the feeling he isn't the only one with a bad night.

notes: i have no notes other than you can tell when things started to flow for him in this one.

liked this? show it with a like, reblog, and/or comment. each is greatly appreciated and celebrated!

His date wasn’t going well. Not because his date was rude or not interested, but it didn’t feel like a date. Rather than feeling his cheeks hurt from how much he was smiling, Nanami felt he was just being polite rather than smitten. Maybe he was jumping to conclusions so quickly, he thought, maybe as the date went on things would fall into place to meet again.

But things never seem to fall just right. Conversation was bland and when it seemed like it would get better, the moment didn’t seem to last for longer than a few seconds whether because of an interruption or because that was the end of that thread. They couldn’t seem to find their pace, resulting in multiple occasions when they ended up interrupting each other mid-sentence, maybe her sneaking her phone down the table as if to escape the awkwardness of the situation, which only made it worse in his eyes. It was obvious to know that, despite the kind “we should do this again sometime”, they wouldn’t meet each other for a second date.

After walking his date to their car, Nanami sighs, running his fingers through his hair. This one wasn’t as lucky either. Neither was the last, and the one before that, and the one before that…when did dating become so complicated? Even with this many ways to meet other people, the universe didn’t seem to help him much with his cards. Again, it wasn't like the people he met were horrible, they were always polite and even lovely, but it didn’t seem to click with any of them. Nanami was beginning to think that maybe he was looking for a spark that didn’t exist for many people, that he was having too high of expectations and he had to lower them to his dismay.

For now, he just wanted to be alone, maybe have something to get rid of that sad taste in his mouth once he got home. The drive was nothing noteworthy, simply love songs playing on the radio no matter how much he tried to avoid them by changing stations, almost as if the universe decided that mocking him was much more fun than helping him in his predicament. But eventually he gets home, but he also sees you. His neighbor was all dressed up and sitting by the entrance of the building with your phone in your hand.

Of course he knew you, but he had to admit he had to double check to confirm it was you. He just never caught you looking so…elegant like this, you were always rushing out of the building and coming back so exhausted from work that you always kept your appearance simple to make it easier to maintain. Not tonight. Tonight it was obvious that you took the time to impress someone: flowery dress with heels, blush and glossy lips, string earrings that match your necklace, along with a small purse that kept you company on the side. Another thing that was different was your face, not because of the make up but because of your expression. Rather than the bright and confident look that you always wore, you were looking down with a soured expression, letting out a frown as you put your phone down and buried your face in your hands.

While Nanami did know you, it wasn’t anything beyond neighbors. Hello and good evening accompanied by small talk for the sake of being polite, nothing more. But it wasn’t like he could just walk past you when you were obviously distressed. It might not be his place as a guy that happened to live in the same building as you, but he couldn’t ignore that you were alone outside and all dressed up. His mind made two and two together and decided to walk up ahead to you.

“Seems like I’m not the only one ending the night on a bad note.” Nanami said, trying to sound as casual as possible. He didn’t want to seem as if all he wanted was to downplay what you were going through.

You run your hands up through your hair, looking up at Nanami before you. Just like you, he was dressed quite elegantly, his blazer hanging around his arm and revealing the rest of his white shirt and black vest. He always dressed quite professional, being a businessman and all, as well as always looking quite stressed. Tonight though, he seemed let down, just like you did.

“You’re a man, right?” You asked, sounding gloomy. Before he could express his confusion to the question, you continued with, “explain to me why a guy would cancel a date five minutes before it.”

So it was as he thought, he got much luckier than you by not getting stood up by his date like you were. Offering a sympathetic chuckle, he sits down one the stairs with you. Not by your side but on the opposite side of the stairs to you. It was one thing for a date to not work like this, but it was another one to get canceled at the last minute, practically to be denied the chance to know whether or not it would lead to something more. It was a quite immature move to cancel so quickly and out of nowhere, especially when it seemed like you really put a lot of consideration into tonight if you looked like that.

“Do you want a polite answer or my answer?” He asks, bringing his hands together as he rests his elbows on his legs.

“Whichever is more real.” You mumbled.

Nanami sighs, looking up at the night sky as he searches for an answer. He didn’t want to make you feel worse, especially considering that your date’s actions are nowhere near your responsibility, but he knew how it could be so easy to beat yourself up over it if you looked distressed over it.

“Maybe he got cold feet at the last minute, realized that dating isn’t his thing or found someone else. Regardless, if he canceled minutes before your date, they are not worth your time if they disrespect you so quickly.”

You nodded, wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your head on your knees, looking straight ahead. Nanami could only hope that his words weren’t too harsh on you, so he decides to add onto his answer to soften whatever blow he might have landed.

“Besides, a man doesn't cancel a date so close to it. Maybe you got lucky avoiding such an immature guy just now.”

You chuckled, the corner of your lips lifting for a second in appreciation. You turn to look at him, your back resting against the stairs rail with a sigh.

“I know it has nothing to do with me or that I did something wrong, it’s just that I was excited for tonight. You know, that giddiness that comes on a date, getting to know each other, and…just hoping for more…”

As your words trail off, the two of you sit in silence, letting those feelings of disappointment come back up for Nanami. Those experiences you described were the ones he felt he was left out of tonight, instead getting brushed to the side at times by getting interrupted or his date focusing on something else other than their date together, as well as hoping for the date to either end or get better rather than wishing more of it. Of course, you probably felt the same as him, deprived of what so many people call the purpose of life. What a joke, he thought. If the purpose of life was to find someone you loved, then why was it so hard for some over others.

It felt weird for this to be his first conversation with you outside of small talk and other neighborly matters, but at the same time there was this odd comfort in knowing he wasn’t the only one feeling robbed of some romance for tonight, someone to share his misery with, even if you two were yet to know each other better.

“Being on the date isn’t easier either,” Nanami broke the silence with a light scoff.

You raise your brow at him, taking a good look up and down before asking, “Is that why you're all dressed up? I mean, you’re always looking very fancy and elegant. It’s just that tonight you looked like you were headed to somewhere nice.”

He chuckled, surprised at the subtle compliment, he doesn't comet much about it. “I did. It just wasn’t the date I was hoping for.”

You softened, your brows pinching together as your shoulders relaxed. “Was it that bad?”

“It wasn’t bad. She didn't do anything outrageous, but it was just uncomfortable. Not because of first date nerves, but because we didn't really click.” Nanami explained, shrugging his shoulders to show that it wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t that things didn’t work out on this particular date that bothered him anyways, it was that things weren't working out for quite some time and it was growing frustrating for him.

You nodded, taking in his words as well as his frustration. It was a different kind of frustration to yours at the moment, but it was the same feeling. You two were still looking for that romance that simply didn’t seem to come to either of you just yet, no matter how hard you tried to find it.

“Seems like dating is hard for the both of us.” You chuckled, resting your head against the railing. “It’s too tricky. Maybe we should start a support group for the romantically challenged."

Nanami chuckles, no, he laughs. It was enough to lift up his spirits after bringing them down. He shrugs, looking at you with a sympathetic smile, “That would mean we would have to find other people to join in.”

“I think people would be embarrassed to even join. You know, between dating apps and all, they would feel like there’s no excuse to complain about being single.”

“Then it can be just the two of us. It seems like we understand each other right now.”

You smile, making Nanami’s mood improve when he sees that smile that you always wear. That smile simply pulls your look together, brighter than the jewelry you’re wearing and softer than the dress around your body. It was strange. He just came out of a nice restaurant, the kind that has a nice dinner with dim lights, and he was having much more fun at the stairs of his building with his neighbor. One moment frustrated that his date didn’t click and the next feeling his lips curl up because of your smile, a smile that was because of him.

It took a second for him to realize that he was smiling much more sincerely before you than he did before his date tonight, a smile that not only reached his cheeks but also his eyes. That his chest was warming up with that feeling he has been seeking for longer than just this evening. That things were clicking.

After a few seconds of silence, he speaks up, his voice softer and tender, “I should’ve said this before, but you look really pretty tonight.”

Your smile softens as your head tilts downwards to look down at your clothes, as if you had forgotten that you had gotten ready for tonight, before looking back up to him, “oh, thank you…you look very nice yourself. Well, you always do, considering that this…” you signal to his clothes up and down with your hand, “...is what you wear on a daily basis. It’s a really good look on you.”

He chuckles, looking downwards for a second as he thinks on what to respond before he realizes he has a blazer on his lap. He looks up at the sky, the moon high on the night with the stars shining all around it, making him remember your smile and the earrings that frame your face nicely. He thinks that sight of you looks just as beautiful as the sky right now…

“Thank you. I wasn’t saying it to be nice though. I meant it and it’s a shame that they canceled and missed out on such a lovely person.” He reaffirms, scooting a bit closer to you.

You hummed, not scooting away from him or pushing him away. In fact, it seemed like your eyes couldn’t drift away from him. Whether it was the moon shining on them or something else, there was a shine to them now. He liked it. He really really liked it.

“Say,” Nanami clears his throat, swallowing his nerves as he looks at you with a hint of shyness now that he realized how much of a reaction he was having at the moment, “since we’re both so dressed up, what if we go out for a drink? To end the night on a better note.”

You chuckled, nodding at his proposal as you extended your hand for him to grab. “Thought you never ask.” You say playfully, your smile reaching your eyes as they squinted slightly.

Nanami chuckles as well, getting up from the stairs and standing in front of you to take your hand. As he lifts you up the stairs, he wraps his blazer around you, meeting a soft “oh” from your lips. When you try to take it off, insisting that he doesn't need to, he shakes his head.

“Please, it’s already late out here and cold. At least until we reach my car.” He insists, tilting his head down towards you to meet your eyes.

You keep your hands on his blazer, pulling it closer to you by the edges of it as you thank him. It was a nice feeling, maybe this is what he meant earlier when he called the guy that stood you up as immature because here he was as his contrast. Nanami wasn’t even your date until a few seconds ago and he was already making you feel all those butterflies in your stomach, that giddiness, that excitement of getting to know him…maybe this was what it meant to go out with a man that knew the kind of relationship he wanted. Secure and upfront, but also tender and considerate.

Opening the door of the car for you, Nanami helps you into the seat and then walks around the car on his own, a genuine smile on his face as he drives off to a café you recommended just now. As he drove, those same love songs from earlier keep playing on the radio, making him thank the universe for letting things play out the way they were supposed to. Now, not only did he know you two would do this again soon, but he also got that spark he has been looking for with you.

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amarthine · 2 months

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ꪒꪒ synopsis. cuddling w the main four — how they cuddle !

disclaimers. pure fluff, brief mention reader being referred to as “doll”,

notes. motivation is backk : ]

eric cartman.

really comfy cuddler !

hes pretty warm, and when cuddling he clings onto you like a stuffed animal, though his grip on you is pretty light, enough to move around and or leave.

whenever you ask he pretends like he hates it, and its suchhh a big inconvenience to him, but he really likes laying with you, gives him a sense of comfort that you’ll never leave him.

eventually he gets used to the occasional cuddles, ends up actually admitting he likes it, if anything he expects it now.

everytime you sleep over or vice versa you will almost always wake up in his arms, whether you were sleeping on the other side of the bed, or fell asleep on the couch.

actually mutters out “love you”s beside you when cuddling, he becomes a lot more mushy, in his words when he cuddles.

after a short cudding nap, he kicks you out of his bed.

kyle broflovski.

lovesloves cuddling with you, hes the first one who initiated it, and he made sure everything was perfect.

hes usually pretty cold, so he relies on blankets or your warmth to keep himself warm.

lets you play with his hair while you fall asleep, it also helps him fall asleep, the feeling of your hands running through his hair just makes him feel comforted.

holds your hands the entire time, hes very physical during cuddles, his thumb is rubbing against your knuckles, hes pressing kisses against your neck, all of the above.

super lovey dovey when it comes to you, hes just happy to lay with you and feel your body against his own.

after those naps he usually just lays and stares at you for a bit with an adoring smile, before stopping because he felt like a weirdo for that.

nowadays, if hes in public with you and wants to cuddle, he just keeps you with an arm around and leans his head against you. If anything hes either romantic or a bit nonchalant about it.

kenny mccormick.

he wears a parka a majority of the time, so expect to be met with a warm embrace everytime you two cuddle, as well as the smell of weed and cologne mixed.

teases you the first time because to him he just loves to hold you im his arms while your flushed.

“You must’ve been dreaming of this moment, huh? Can’t blame ya.”

but truthfully, hes the one who’s been dreaming of this moment, and besides all the teasing, hes really gentle whilst cuddling you, loves just to lay there in silence with you.

carries you into the bed when you cuddle, and carries you out of the bed, he might be lean but he’s grown to be a bit buff.

says your his doll, especially says that when he carries you.

gives the best hugs and cuddles. :)

stan marsh.

most definitely has a playlist of songs while you cuddle, just thinks it makes the thing 10x better in his opinion. you two share the playlist so you both just add whatever music you think would be good.

its not intentional cuddling either, you two are usually on your phones a majority of the time, and then fall asleep.

but that does not mean hes not paying attention, he feels your presence is enough, but if you wanna talk or just nap he’s totally fine with that !

he likes to be held, gives him a big sense of comfort, especially since its you, but also doesn’t mind holding you. Hes kind of a nonchalant guy, so as long as its comfortable for both parties, he doesn’t care.

has a big bedd

tons of blankets too, not sure why—he doesn’t even use all of them, but he hides them in his closet when you come over so he can have an excuse for you to lay in his blanket with him.

a bad habit of his though is hogging the blanket, you could be sleeping and suddenly feel the blanket being snatched, he also drools, but thats not as often.

#jujuupdated. ഒ #south park x reader #south park #x reader #eric cartman x reader #eric cartman headcanons #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle broflovski headcanons #kenny mccormick x reader #kenny mcormick headcanons #stan marsh x reader #stan marsh headcanons

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tomorrowillbeyou · 22 days

Text

Thursday 2005 demos

These are some early demos for A City by the Light Divided which were stolen from the band and leaked in September 2005. I haven't seen anyone post about them so I thought I would myself. Below are lyrics and some extra context. I have tried to transcribe the lyrics as best I can but I have pretty bad auditory processing disorder so there will inevitably be some errors. If you spot a mistake, let me know and I will edit the post. The formatting and details of the lyrics are mostly based on the CD booklet.

Blog post

After the demos were leaked, Geoff made this blog post on the Thursday website on September 21 2005:

1 - At This Velocity - Lyrics

Hey friends-

SO… we see that the early demos we did for the record have FINALLY leaked. In this day and age anything and everything that passes through a computer eventually ends up being available to everyone at the click of a button. Many of you know that Thursday is one of the few bands that actually supports file sharing!!! We love the fact that music is available to everyone whenever they need it. We have always told our friends and 'fans' that they should download any of our albums that they can't afford or can't find in stores.

These demos, however, weren't ready for anyone to hear. These songs have all changed substantially since those demos and will probably change between now and the recording. Just to help you guys understand these demos, here's a user's guide: 1. most of these songs don't have names because the lyrics are still being written… a song only really becomes a song for us when we figure out EXACTLY what it's about. 2. One of these songs is actually the reincarnated out-take of a song that we cut from war all the time. 3. Andrew had just joined the band as a full fledged member when we recorded these and his keyboard parts were still sketchy at best. 4. There is one song, however, that is much closer to finished than the other's. It's called "At This Velocity" and it's about a crash landing in an airplane on the other side of the world. This song was started when we were in Australia on tour with the Flaming Lips, the Mars Volta and Poison the Well. The first line of the song is, "We were safe, Now we're paralyzed, Suspended in flight…" We hope you enjoy it.

On a related and timely note, we are very excited to announce that we will be heading into the studio with Dave Fridmann at the beginning of October to start on our new album. His work with the Flaming Lips, Weezer, Mogwai and Sleater Kinney has produced some of the finest albums of the last ten years. Dave is one of the few modern producers really pushing the medium and he's one of the nicest guys in the business. We started preproduction on the sixteen songs we've written. In the short amount of time we've been working with Dave he's already pushing us to new musical and emotional ground.

Anyway, thank you all for the love that you have always shown us. These demos aren't really a good indication so try not to listen to them too much (we don't want you to get used to them this way!!!). We're just happy that all the really great stuff on this album is still a secret!!!

Keep checking the website for updates and tidbits.

thanks and love,

Geoff (and all the Thursday boys)

We were safe

Now we're paralyzed

Suspended in flight

At this speed it makes no difference

Where I start and where you end

Or if you sit in an emergency aisle.

We could be dead

Complete the equation:

Our names are X and N

We have no value

In these calculations:

We're placed on a plane,

Pointed straight down,

Traveling at five hundred feet per second,

Five thousand feet from the ground -- how long will it take us to hit?

How fast will we start the disintegration?

No time left - just keep moving

How fast will it take us to hit?

How long till we start the disintegration?

2 - Telegraph Avenue Kiss - Lyrics

We could be safe here, forever,

Floating in the clean blue air.

Somewhere between the sun that gives us light and the ground that puts it out.

And we'll kneel in the aisles

Press our hands together, close our eyes, speak these words so softly into the black box

And it goes:

"Mother, father, can you hear this?

I want to thank you for all the sweetness.

I'm not coming home, we're never coming home."

She's the song that you tried to sing

And the note that you couldn't hit

So you locked her up in a music box

Turned the key on all of us

She spins silver strings in the dark

With metal teeth that ring in her heart

When the cover drops

The world just fades away, away, away

From her, waiting, waiting, waiting for her to say:

It doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

A book of matches and a cigarette

A love note that you never sent

You can fold it up but you won't forget

You can strike a match but it still might not light

Now I'm the one that's stuck inside the silver cage,

The bird that can't fly away, clip its wings if it sings

Of the way, the way, the way that it hurt

Waiting, waiting, waiting for her to say:

It doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

Doesn't matter what you say,

Doesn't matter what you think you mean,

You know our love's not unconditional.

The music box is open

It's spinning with the room

If you're the record playing, I'm the needle in the groove.

Listen to our song:

You're in my heart,

In my hands

In my lungs.

3 - The Other Side of the Crash / Over and Out (Of Control) - Lyrics

We move like a carousel

Streak lights and mirrors in our eyes

It's time to let this go

Can't stop spinning

Around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around, around

You know our love's not unconditional

Unconditional

You know our love's not unconditional.

Note: This contains a section from Panic On The Streets Of Health Care City, the "reincarnated out-take" mentioned in the blog post. Panic later appeared on Kill The House Lights.

The lights go down, outside (before our cars collide)

The city silhouettes itself (in forty shades of fire)

Do you know where these lies are leading? I'll meet you there.

I'm covering up my eyes

Before they cover up your eyes

And wrap your body all in white,

And we awake in the light of all the lies

This can't be happening

These sirens are for me, yeah

We wake up

Covered in the marks of all these razors

Racing up our veins

We'll live and learn to love again

Open up your eyes and we'll be safe again

From the razor's edge.

And the hospital ward sleeps

Through the surgery

Hiding needles in the drawer

(for emergency)

While upstairs they sleep

In maternity

Fever and the pitch.

It's a brand new day,

Just to be awake,

This is how it feels

To live and learn to love again

Open up your eyes and we'll be safe away

From the razor's edge.

4 - Autumn Leaves Revisited - Lyrics

The I.V. drips, the days drag on

The anesthetic's not wearing off

Adjust the light switch in the hall

Someone has left it on,

And maybe the x-ray screen keeps it from getting dark

The bulb burns out when it gets too hot

Keep crashing this car (over and over)

I can't keep crashing this car

Still it spins out of control

So hold me close or I might disappear this time

Out of control

We fight currents in the water

When we can't let go of the shore.

We've lost control.

The leaves will fall and so will you

When you do, bury me under them too

Seconds pass, we'll make it through

Eventually we all go home

It won't be long

I live with a girl who’s been waiting

Seven months left till they bring home the baby

He swore he was paying for school

They shipped him over. Now he scatters on the front lines

He swore he would follow his conscience

But done the wrong way follows his orders instead.

When he shoots, he sings this song

But he doesn’t know that she’s been singing it, too.

It won't be long

Until they find a way home

We walk along the wire tied between horizons

You close your eyes like it's nothing at all

Throughout the rise and fall, everything, everything

Changes, I will be here when you die

Did you hear the trumpets play the day your father died?

Did the violins swell those circles under your eyes?

Did you play the part straight like a march?

Or get lost in the beat, thinking and feeling…

Did the drums in the streets make the people dance?

Or fall to their knees from the sound?

Knock the leaves from the trees,

and they fell from the branch?

They looked beautiful

As they hung in the air

Spinning around

Did you float in the air?

Spinning around?

There must be somewhere that cigarettes burn through the night

And the leaves don't abandon their trees to the light

Where the sky's always clear and the summer never ends…

Won't you take me there?

5 - Untitled - Lyrics

The leaves will fall and so will you

When you do, bury me under them too

Seconds pass, we'll make it through

Eventually we all are going home

Note - this didn't end up on ACBTLD, but did make it onto Common Existence as Last Call.

The center cannot hold, the side collapses

Full of broken words, sing the song inside the dark arcade

Color me in city greens

The streets unwinding, spitting flames

Cars around the arteries

We scream and swerve and fall apart.

Everything we love, it falls apart,

And the architect abandons us.

I'll save us from the sky until a feeling burns, you try

It plants a seed of fire that flowers in the corner of your eye

Circular breathing

We'll keep them always moving

Heart attack efficiency,

Erase the figure as it falls.

Everything we love, it falls apart,

And the architect abandons us.

Everything is falling apart.

The city shakes like tired hands

The light divides what darkness mends

Our bodies echo in our plans.

Everything is falling apart.

The wedding starts

The guests appear

The church bells ringing endlessly

The bride and groom are hand in hand

And everything goes as it's planned:

The parents smile,

The priest chokes up,

The organ plays "Amazing Grace"

And underneath the thin white veil

And the people sing:

La la la la, da da da…

Everything is falling apart.

The city shakes like tired hands

The light divides what darkness mends

Our bodies echo in our plans.

#thursday band #a city by the light divided #oh god i hope i didnt fuck anything up ive read this over like 6 times now

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ayylovley · 2 months

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Could you do some windbreaker characters with a fem s/o that likes to wear lolita dresses :) you can choose the windbreaker characters I can’t decide they are all so hot ^ - ^

Yess hope you enjoy ✨

𝔚𝔦𝔫𝔡𝔟𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔨𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔵 𝔏𝔬𝔩𝔦𝔱𝔞 𝔣𝔢𝔪 𝔰/𝔬

✧.* JayJo

Once he saw you for the first time he’s bug-eyed and curious. Normally your style isn’t common so you stand out a lot. Some people around you compliment you and ask where you got your outfits. Others are annoying and mean and want to make fun of you and sometimes it’s very subtle. But Jay is very observant and can see the talking shit behind your back, and he’s not going to have any of it. Even if he doesn’t know you that well your style grabbed his attention, so little by little he’ll start talking to you. Being one of the people that compliment you but something was different with him, his smile was warmer and his body language exposed slight interest. Whatever you wear is his excuse to talk to you, for example if you’re holding an umbrella on a nice day he wants to talk about your outfit and then ends up asking more questions.

Conversations become about what type of music you guys like, what artists, recommendations, anything you recommend he will listen to it once he’s at home while he’s studying. But he can barely concentrate because you’re on his mind constantly. The music turns into eventually exchanging phone numbers to talk more, Jay is trying to stay friends for very long though because a month later he asked you out. Now that you guys are dating anything you wear he loves, even looking up the Lolita style online to search for dresses and accessories and send you pictures of them ‘Do you like this?’ ‘This reminds me of you.’ ‘I think you’d look good in this one’

He’s more protective of you because ain’t no way he’s gonna let anyone make fun of you now. Warnings and threats can turn into physical fights because people are so petty. He teaches them a lesson though, and he’s extra romantic with you afterwards. He admires your confidence and how you embrace yourself he doesn’t want that to end. A confidence booster, for sure. He’s your biggest fan, probably wants to take pictures of you a lot. Even if he doesn’t show it, trust me he’s obsessed with you and wants to be around you every second of every day

(That was long idk what happened just brain meats poured scenarios out of my head)

✧.* Vinny Hong

(This got a bit angsty)

Ok Vinny isn’t going to be as… responsive to how he likes your style, but he still thinks it’s really cool. If you’re dating him since he’s poor he’ll feel guilt for not being able to afford to buy you more outfits but at least he can afford flowers that match the color of what you’re wearing that day on a date. Whatever he can’t afford, he comes up with a plan to give whatever he has. He acts cold but he genuinely cares about you and wouldn’t want to lose you for the world. If you’re still dating him when he’s rich that’s when he’ll spoil you. He doesn’t expect anything back he just wants you to be happy.

You won’t be able to see Vinny as much due to crew business, but once he makes time for you he doesn’t want to leave you. These times are actually the hardest because if he’s going through it he will want to hold you. No need for words when you finally see each other he just wants to be in your arms again. And once he has to leave again he is even worse than before, your smiles just give him peace and comfort again and he needs that more than ever.

✧.* Dom Kang

Dom is simping… you’re a goddess to him that whenever he sees you he gets flustered and embarrasses himself a little. He’s not shy about showing how much he loves you, random kisses, hugs from behind, lots of compliments. He likes to brag and show you off (didn’t mean to reference the Doja Cat song lmao) But seriously he does… Especially when you’re rooting for him during the tournaments and he wins. He’s proud of himself and especially when you shower him with praises and hugs. Watch him melt and turn into a puddle.

✧.* Shelly Scott

One of the most romantic characters and your biggest supporter. If you don’t pull the strings she does and a lot of the times being the flirty one. You got her attention with your stand outish style like Jay. She genuinely wanted to be your friend at first, but she fell first and she fell hard. You fell hard too from how her charismatic personality and caring so much was pulling you in. It’ll take a little longer to confess to each other because you both assume you might not be into girls. But with little hints from Shelly, it started with subtle flirting comments like “If you were my girlfriend I’d spoil you.”

Finally she got the courage for just one date and see how it goes. Pretty much by the second date you’re official. She’s a bit clingy but that’s just her way of showing that she loves you. When she was training hard twitch her dad to help Humming Bird unfortunately she couldn’t reach out to you much but would send occasional texts like ‘😚’ or the cutesy love gifs

✧.* Wooin Yoo

Wooin might fun of you… Especially when he met you, but in his head he thinks he looks good and he can think it’s pretty hot that you don’t care what people think. And just like Dom, I feel like he enjoys when you watch him during his races. But compared to Dom, Wooin is kissing his own ass, “did you see how awesome I am, babe?” So you’d probably be mostly quiet until he’s done talking about himself or notices that you’re not saying anything to hype him up and comments on it

If someone made fun of you that’s when his limit comes because only he can make fun of you. He doesn’t care who it is even if his crew were to make fun of you. Though that wouldn’t really happen because 1. They know Wooin would be pissed 2. They actually don’t care how you dress. Surprisingly when you spend more time with The Sabbath Crew they aren’t as mean as you thought. Well, compared to your own boyfriend. But really when it comes to Wooin he is on high alert when you’re out with him making sure no one is looking at you the wrong way

✧.* Joker

Joker is the quiet type. But he’ll make up with it with physical touch and kisses. Just like Wooin he can’t stand it when people talk shit. Except Wooin doesn’t get into fights unless he’s provoked to, Joker on the other hand is violent. So he isn’t giving any warnings he’s giving a punch to a face. If you tell him that you don’t like when he gets into fights he will just not do it in front of you

On the cutesy side of things you met his brother and he thought you were cool. And his new puppy might finally have a babysitter while he’s in tournaments if you’re ok with it. If not he can just take the puppy with him like usual. Now he has someone to gush over animals with.

#sorry dom’s was so short I was struggling to think of anything besides he’s just a sweetheart #windbreaker x reader #windbreaker

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firesnap · 3 months

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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

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bradshawssugarbaby · 4 months

Text

She’s So High - Jake Seresin x Reader

A/N: Inspired by the song She's So High - Tal Bachman.

pairing: Jake Seresin x Reader

warnings: pining, mentions of death/combat, swearing

word count: 1.7k

“First class and fancy-free, she's high society. She's got the best of everything, what could a guy like me ever really offer? She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?”

“Oh, Bagman’s got it bad,” Javy teased, smirking as he took a sip from his beer glass, the draught’s foam catching on the top of his lip as he took a drink.

“Aw, leave Loverboy alone, she’s too good for him, he’s trying to numb the pain,” Bradley quipped as he gave Jake a slap on the back, grinning ear to ear as he saw his friend and usual rival squirm in his seat at the mention of the girl he’d been pining after for a couple of weeks now.

“Ha. Ha. You guys are killing me with your humour,” Jake retorted, shaking his head.

Jake wasn’t the crushing type. He hadn’t had a crush since he was 16 - crushes were juvenile and cowardly in Jake’s mind - he was a man who knew what he wanted and went for it when he saw it. He couldn’t remember the last time he fell this hard for someone who barely even knew his name, he was always found no-strings-attached relationships easier, no one had unrealistic expectations, there was little to argue about, and no one ended up heartbroken when things fizzled out and inevitably ended a month or two later. He knew he was getting too old for it, and eventually women would start to become disenchanted by a man in his mid 30s with a fear of commitment, but, he’d cross that bridge when he got there. He was happy with how things were in his life - he never got hurt, and neither did anyone else when he got shipped out halfway around the world or relocated.

That was, until he saw you. Jake played in a beer league baseball tournament on weekends, and she had joined his team a couple of weeks ago as an alternate player. You were the sister of one of his teammates girlfriends, and just happened to have played ball in high school, so you volunteered yourself to play when their second baseman broke his ankle earlier that week.

You'd become a regular replacement for second base, and the entire team was in awe of your talent on the diamond. Jake had noticed right away, your long, sporty high ponytail, piercing eyes and the way you looked in a pair of athletic shorts was enough to get his heartbeat to race, taking away any and all focus he had during the game.

Instantly, he was captivated by you. He caught himself feeling things he hadn’t felt in a long time, and he didn’t know what to do about it. In retrospect, he should have just let it go, or sucked it up and said something to you on his own accord like he did with every other girl he’d liked, but, instead, he confided in Bob, a member of his flight squadron, who apparently, can’t keep a secret to save his life.

Bob had accidentally let it slip to Natasha during a flight exercise, and Natasha couldn’t resist the juicy little tidbit she could now hold over Jake’s head. She kept it to herself for about a week, until the new object of Jake’s affection had entered the Hard Deck one night with another of the baseball teammates and his wife.

Jake was caught off guard, for once in his life, rendered speechless and vulnerable, unsure of how to proceed. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole right there, not wanting to say a word to her, especially not with his friends around. His friends were great towards him, and he had no doubt that if he did ever bring an established girlfriend around them, they’d welcome her with open arms, however, a girl Jake had a crush on? He wasn’t ready to admit to it, and he knew he’d have to if they caught his reaction.

Natasha, however, was able to put two and two together when she noticed Jake slinking down in his seat in an effort to hide himself behind Bradley’s shoulder. Bob gave a bewildered stare at Jake’s odd behaviour, until his gaze drifted towards the door and landed on the girl Jake had been describing to him. Bradley, not wanting to be left out of the secret, but also having the loudest mouth of the group found out, and once that happened, just about everyone in North Island had learned of Jake Seresin and his not-so-secret crush.

“You’re telling me you can fly into enemy lines and shoot down planes, staring death in the face and laughing at it as a pilot, but you can’t…ask a girl on a date?” Javy taunted, trying his best to keep a straight face as he quizzed Jake about his nerves and reservations about asking her out.

“It’s not that I’m nervous. I don’t get nervous,” Jake replied with a cool tone.

“Come on, Bagman, everyone gets nervous.”

“For the last time, it’s Hangman, and not me.”

Jake sighed as he sipped his beer, running a hand through his perfect, sunkissed hair, golden honey coloured strands becoming tousled free from the hair gel he’d used to comb it into place. He frowned as he set the glass down on the table. He knew his friends would never let him live it down if he didn’t go over and at least talk to this girl, and the longer he waited, the more his friends would egg him on. He stood up from his seat silently, taking a deep breath before shooting the group one of his infamous cocksure grins - trying to force a look of natural confidence without coming across as being mistaken for arrogance.

“Alright, I’ll go talk to her, watch and learn boys, and lady. Watch and learn.” He said, thickening his accent to mask his nerves as best as he could.

With a cheer of encouragement from the table, and a hopeful thumbs up from Bob, as well as a wisecrack from Natasha about how there had to be another woman out there who was able to resist his southern charms and graces, Jake walked over towards the girl he’d been pining over for the last few weeks. He’d never pined for someone like this before, and the thought of feeling this way over a girl he barely knew was completely foreign territory to him. He’d never admit it to anyone, but fuck, he was nervous.

He’d never been good at addressing his feelings, having grown up in a military family in Texas - emotions weren’t something you shared or acted on typically. At least, not the positive ones. Love itself was almost a foreign concept - sure, he’d had girlfriends. He thought he’d been in love with a few of them, but these newfound feelings towards her? They had him questioning everything he had ever known about love. Maybe the feelings for his exes leading up to this point were something less intense than love, or, maybe this was something more intense. He couldn’t quite tell. All he knew was that for the first time in his life, he was lacking all confidence.

You were tall, almost taller than Jake was at just under six feet tall (though if anyone asked him, he stood at six-foot and half an inch), and you looked like something straight out of a magazine, with long flowing hair, piercing eyes, and a radiant smile. You were the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. Stunning, and nothing short of perfect.

And he was…he was Jake. He knew he wasn’t bad looking, in fact, he usually figured he was one of the better looking guys in his squadron, save for maybe Javy and Bradley - Javy was smoother than he was when it came to flirting, it was so effortless for him, whereas Jake always felt like he was trying too hard, and Bradley had the one thing he didn’t and couldn’t - a mustache that actually suited his face. He couldn’t help but feel like she might be more suited with one of them, they were certainly better matches for her in his mind. He just hoped and prayed that she’d give him at least a drink shared between the two of them before she’d meet Bradley and be swept off her feet by him.

“Hi darlin’, what brings you here?” Jake said with a smile, immediately regretting his decision to go with the pet name.

“Hi! Jake, right? I’m just here with Derek and Alexis, you know, third-wheeling their date,” You laughed as she sipped her cocktail, and for a moment, Jake thought he was in heaven.

“How about coming to sit with me for a drink? I’m sure Derek and Alexis won’t mind if I steal ya for a few minutes, right?”

Jake held his breath for a moment as he waited for you to respond. Was he taking it too far? Was he coming on too strong? Should he backpedal and clarify it as friends? Should he leave it and let it go? Should he just turn around and walk away, spare himself the heartache that he was sure would inevitably follow if he waited for you to reply.

“I’d like that. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind. Do you play darts?”

“Do I?” He laughed softly, breathing a sigh of relief as he nodded his head, his lips now curling up into a grin at you, “You’re looking at the darts champion of the entire bar. Hasn’t been a single serviceman or woman who’s been able to beat me. I’m somewhat of an undefeated legend around here.”

“Oh, is that so?” You challenged, a wicked grin forming on her lips as you laughed, “You’re on, Jake.”

As you walked towards the dartboards, Jake followed behind, completely on cloud nine. He passed by the table where his friends were seated, and at their thumbs up and silent applause for him, he simply mock-saluted before keeping his eyes on the girl of his dreams. You may end up leaving him tomorrow, finding someone better for her before you even leave the bar, but for now, you were all his, and he wasn’t going to fuck this one up.

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multifandoms27-blog · 4 months

Text

I tend to never be satisfied with my potrayal of Jeff. I'm going to try to nail it down today though.

Content: Jeff the killer HC's

Warnings: Bullying behavior (cyberbullying), toxic behavior, psychotic episodes, impulsivity, aggression, obsessive behavior

Notes: Inspired by my Toby list and my EJ list, and the song Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge. This one is probably my longest one.

• ───────────────── •

(Art by kawacy on DeviantArt)

❥General

Okay, we should all know the drill by now. Jeff is psychotic, often hurting and humiliating others for his own entertainment. He's the biggest bully in the mansion.

When you join, he will immediately target you. He'll make fun of your appearance, try to cut you or burn you so he can get a sick laugh (normally when he's in an episode)

Why would you ever want to be anything more than acquaintances with him? He doesn't seem trustworthy at all, and he'll likely spill you secrets to BEN, who will then tell everybody online.

He's constantly getting into fights to prove to the others that he's "top dog," and that he isn't scared of anybody. Ironically enough, the only one he doesn't really try is Eyeless Jack. Motherfucker could eat him in like, two bites, so I understand.

Honestly, as much as he bullies you, you will never be as much of a target as Jane is for him. Which is good, that's a good thing.

When he isn't in his psychotic episodes, he'll still be very snarky, but he won't be going around and getting into people's faces anymore. It's during his calmer moments when you'll be able to start befriending him.

• ───────────────── •

❥Romantic

Jeff won't really be receptive to you trying to befriend him for a while. He knows how he treated you, he knows who you are. He doesn't care about you, but he'll stick around while you talk to him about whatever. He's just kinda shocked that you've decided to try to get close to him of all creeps. But he'll come off as indifferent.

Don't trust him with your secrets right away. Even if he's not in an episode, he's still going to tell BEN everything.

Just making an effort to talk to him though, not really attempting to get to know him, will start to make him interested. You know who he is, yet you're not...interested in him? His past or why he looks like this? At all?

That was new for him, considering Jane, Liu, Nina, BEN and Slenderman. In fact, he thinks about it so much that he'll begin to obsess about you when he goes back into a violent episode. He'll rip you away from anyone you're with - if it's not a creep, he's killing them on the spot - and will try to force you into his room.

He'll want to talk to you for hours on end, about you. He wants to know you. Why aren't you interested in his past? What was your past? Why are you here?

He goes from not caring about you, to caring about you way too much. Anything negative he's told BEN, he'll go to him and threaten him to take it off the internet, completely scrub it. BEN is confused, but he does it.

Jeff will use that as evidence to him being good to you. He won't admit that he wants your approval, but its pretty obvious.

He begins to spend less time with BEN and more time with you. He wakes up before you? He's pounding on your bedroom door until you open it so you can be up with him. You want to play a game with another creep? He's either watching or forcing his way into the game.

This guy will eventually try to spend every waking moment with you

He goes from not wanting to be around you to becoming OBSESSED

He wants to know everything about you, but he wants you to tell him when you're alone with him. Others don't deserve to know things about you, especially BEN.

This would be around the time he begins to develop feelings. Now, he's still in an episode, so he'll be impulsive with it. It doesn't matter how long you guys have been friends, he wants you and he's going to have you.

He'll pound on your door and when you open it, he'll kiss you on the lips. No prior notice as to how he feels about you, no warning about the kiss, nothing.

You think he's messing with you and you shut the door in his face. He angrily pounds on your door again until someone else comes to take him away.

He thought that was you rejecting him and he went back to hating you. He told BEN a shit ton of things you told him in confidence and you sobbed as you saw gossip about yourself online, along with rumors that weren't true.

Jeff made you out to be the mansion whore, sleeping with anyone for anything - benefits, food, clothes, whatever. It didn't have to make sense for it to spread.

Your other creepypasta friends came to your aid, which irked Jeff even more. Especially your guy friends

It wasn't until he heard you tell Toby about your feelings for him that he realized how much damage he had caused

This whole time he thought you didn't like him...oh, he fucked up

He takes to the internet to debunk the rumors and fight anyone who kept up with them. He once again told BEN to scrub any evidence, leaving the boy confused.

Jeff will come to your aid, but his heart clenches when he realizes that you don't trust him anymore.

He begs and begs for forgiveness, and finally you give it to him so he'll shut up

He's back to following you around like a puppy, and his feelings resurface. He's not in an episode now, and he wants to handle this delicately

His way of doing it delicately is by...giving you one-liners. Yep.

He'll stalk you on your social medias and check out every account you follow, and get jealous if you follow another guy. He's not even in a relationship with you yet!

Finally, he asks you out while you two were playing a game. You had to pause it to look at him and see if he was even serious

So, the two of you start going out. He goes full blown crazy boyfriend

He forces you to move into his room pretty soon, and he keeps tabs on everything you do

He's super paranoid you'll cheat on him, so he's always hanging around in the mansion. You'll never be alone with your friends again now that you're with him.

You don't dare fight him on it, he's the most unstable one and can be super aggressive at the drop of a hat

Probably installs a tracker on your phone so he can monitor where you go and when you leave the mansion if he can't be there for whatever reason

Knife fights anyone who brings up his past behavior or the rumors from before about you, and always wins. He uses this to get praise from you

He wouldn't trade you for the world - you are his world, and he'll make sure everybody knows it. You will never know peace again, even if you manage to run away from him, leaving a breakup letter behind.

You're stuck with him.

• ───────────────── •

Here is my Masterlist in case you want to request, or look for more of your favorite character!

#jeff the killer #creepypasta #creepypasta jeff the killer #jeff the killer x reader #jeff the killer x you #jeff the killer x y/n #Spotify

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bartxnhood · 1 year

Text

teardrops on my guitar | l.h

luke hemmings x songwriter!fem!reader

summary: your feelings for your friend go unnoticed, but one night you finally told the world how you felt through your music.

warnings: unrequited love :’(, luke is one oblivious mf !, crying, angst.

a/n: 5sos stans and luke people this one is for you !!! everyone say thank you to the slaysos gc for this beautiful idea. AND YES THIS IS INSPIRED BY TAYLORS SONG. i hope i executed it to your desires. enjoy all my loves !! lyrics will be italicized. feedback is appreciated.

a/n pt2 ALSO this is in no way to hate on sierra, i just couldn’t think of anyone else SO PLS DONT THINK I HATE HER I LOVE HER SM.

read part two here !!

requests open

not proofread

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(this feels kinda rushed but i still hope u guys like it.)

you and luke had been close since grade school, always attached at the hip. wherever he went, you were right there with him. so, when he introduced you to the members of his new band they were forming you made it your mission to be friends with all of them.

whoever luke is friends with, you had to be friends with. it was your law of nature. and by luck, you had to find out you were one hell of a songwriter so of course luke kept you close even as the band took off. often you’d help them with songs. and you grew even closer with the boys, especially calum, creating a very close bond with the boy. only to realize, you had some feelings growing up for your blond best friend.

you don’t know what made you realize that you were indeed falling in love with luke hemmings. maybe it was when he’d lean in too closely and your breath would hitch, taking in all of his beauty, or, it was all of the times he made you laugh without effort.

whatever it was, you were slowly falling for him.

and as you did, 5 seconds of summer took off and were now on tour. it was unreal to you how they gained success but you couldn’t be more proud of the people they were becoming.

while they were out chasing their dreams, you decided to dip your toes into the industry and started to write the songs for your debut album. most of the songs were ways to express your feelings, and once released you did pretty well. a couple of your songs even charged for a few weeks.

time was flying by, you were growing to success following behind your friends.

soon, it was time for their tour and they approached you with the idea that you could open for them. when you first heard of the idea, you declined it. but, calum eventually talked some sense into you

your friendship with calum was a bit unexpected, luke said you’d probably get along with ashton the best, but he was wrong. calum became your right-hand man (behind luke of course). so, after you declined the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity calum talked to you.

“you should reconsider” he started, and you just shook your head. “calum” “no, listen to me” he pointed at you, “you’re good at what you do, you’re talented so please just consider opening for us. they guys want you on your, i want you on tour, y/n.” you stood with your hands on your hips. “okay. fine, i’ll do it. but just for you.” calum grinned.

tour started. it was magical, you were going to places you had never imagined you’d be. it was wonderful, and you continued to thank calum for talking to you and reconsidering. you were able to spend months with your best friends and the boy you were head over heels with.

during soundcheck, the boys would always come to mess around while you sang, oftentimes acting out your songs or ashton would casually drum.

it was memories you’d never forget, from interviews across the world to sleeping in hotels you’d sworn you wouldn’t stay in again. but most importantly, it was fun. you and luke had been closer than ever, thick as thieves. and then, it was coming to an end.

the last stop of the tour, you prepared for your set. your outfit was extravagant compared to previous stops, you wanted to change it up and make it more special. you were about to go on, but luke stopped you. “y/n?” you turned around, and he smiled “you look beautiful. knock ‘em dead, gorgeous.” you felt your cheeks warm up, “thanks, lu. i’ll see you after”

after the show, you met with him and he grabbed you into his arms so quickly. “you did amazing! that was the best show i’ve ever seen!” he spun you around, and you laughed. “thank you so much! that was amazing. that crowd is wonderful. you guys will have an amazing show.”

then a week away become a month, a month into a few, and eventually it had been well over a year since all of you actually had time to be together.

it was hard, because not only did you miss you friends but you missed your best friend, the one you loved most.

later, all of you found yourselves living in los angeles and so naturally you all became close again. hanging out every other weekend, and going back to your regular antics. everything was going well for 5 seconds of summer and yourself. you had made a name for yourself in the industry, especially after opening for their tour. you always thanked calum for talking some sense into your thick skull.

but, the more you were around luke, the harder it was to hide your feelings for him.

“y/n?” you jumped, eyes wandering up, and found luke who was standing over you. “guys want coffee, wanna go with me?” you closed your journal, nodding “sure” you smiled.

so, you sat in the car with him in the usual traffic of los angeles, on your phone with light music playing from the radio. “i’ve missed you” he said, you looked up, raising your eyebrow “you saw me last week, lu” “no, like in all the time we were away. i missed you, a lot. it wasn’t the same without you” you smiled, “i missed you too. but hey, we’re together now and i don’t plan on leaving anytime soon”

the car fell silent after, you returned to your phone and luke focused his attention back on the road for some time. “how’s writing going?” he asked, you turned off your phone and let it rest in your lap. “good, i have about half of my songs written. just kinda going through a phase, no inspiration, yknow?” he hummed, “oh, yeah i do” he laughed, looking at you. you smiled back.

there it was, that beautiful smile.

“you’ll get there, it’ll come one day and you’ll be writing for hours. i know how you are” you laughed, luke raised an eyebrow. “you’d know, i learned from the best” luke laughed, shaking his head. “you are something, y/n/n” he teased, “whatever, you love it” you retorted.

“oh, i do love it, and you” luke replied.

for the rest of the day, it was all you could think about. it was such a small thing but you just couldn’t help but get butterflies whenever you thought about it. but then you noticed all the times he was slowly coming around more and how close he would be towards you.

at first, it was subtle. maybe his state would linger just a bit too long, or he’d sit unusually close to you when there was the whole rest of the couch open. then, he began to see you on days you weren’t working together or hanging out with your typical friend group.

then, he’d start to hold your lower back if the two of you were in a public place. you had a little too much to drink that night? he was the first to take you home and stayed with you until you were okay on your own. luke was always glued to your hip, always holding your hand while rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, or his hand resting on your back. it was such a 180 from his usual behavior

everyone around you was talking about how good of a couple you two would be. saying, ‘oh, my god, you guys are like perfect for each other!’

could he possibly like you back?

youngblood was charting number one, so what does one do when one reaches such an achievement? party. ashton decided to hold a party at his place and everyone he knew was invited, including you. luke was your ‘date’ so, he was by your side most of the night like any other get-together. but this night changed things, for the worse.

ashton approached you, luke, and calum with someone following him. “guys!” the man yelled over the loud music. “this is sierra, a new friend of mine. wanted to introduce her” calum shook her hand, saying hello, then she got to you.

she shook your hand smiling, “hi! i’m such a fan, your music is amazing. you’re also so pretty in person!” you smiled, returning her kindness. “thank you so much!” but, when she got to luke you saw his eyes light up.

sierra was a nice girl, very welcoming and sincere. plus, she was probably the prettiest woman you had ever seen. so, who wouldn’t want to know her better?

since that night, luke and sierra hit it off. she was at every gathering with the boys, eventually taking your place in luke’s heart. at first, it didn’t bother you. luke would still hang out with you on his own, he’d still check on you if you got too drunk. but it all started to disappear. luke got distant. but maybe it was you who was pushing him away, knowing you were no match for sierra.

then, it happened.

luke announced that he and sierra had made it official, they were dating now. the guys cheered and all congratulated him, you just stood there in silence. “y/n?” you blinked, coming back to reality. you flashed a smile, “congrats luke!” the blond grinned and hugged you but you didn’t return it.

it was only a matter of time before it just got worse. anytime you’d hang out with them luke was always bringing up sierra. “oh sierra this!” or “oh sierra does that too!” in the beginning, it didn’t bother you, you tried to suppress those feelings because he was now with someone else but it hurt. you couldn’t lie about that.

you wanted him to say that about you, you wanted luke to tell everyone how proud he was that you were his. you just wanted him to see you.

one day, luke asked if he could hang out with you just like the old days. you said yes, of course. so, the two of you sat on the sofa for hours talking about anything and everything.

“i’m proud of you, lu” he shook his head, “you should be proud of yourself too, you help us write it” you shrugged. “just happy to be apart of something as wonderful as that” you smiled.

“you seem happy” luke nodded, “happiest i’ve ever been, y/n/n” you were happy to hear that, his happiness was everything you wanted for him. “sierra..she’s just so amazing, y’know? like i finally got it right. i’m so in love with her.”

oh.

gathering at parties was even worse, he was always holding onto her like she was his most prized possession. so, you found yourself distancing yourself from the group.

calum was the first to notice this, and it worried his heart. you were his closest friend, what was going on in your mind to cause your sudden drift?

you huffed, throwing your pencil down and stood up from your seat, and headed to the door. the constant knocking was getting on your nerves. when you opened the door you saw calum. “cal? what are you doing here?” you asked. “we need to talk”

calum sat across from you on the sofa, his heart heavy with guilt. he said, “where have you been?” you shrugged, “well, calum, i have an album i need to finish so i’m sorry if i’ve been busy trying to wri-“ he cut you off, “no, it isn’t that. because if it was, you would want our help we always wrote as a team” he knew you were lying, calum knew you too well. maybe even better than luke knew you.

you knew it wouldn’t do any good to lie to him, you hesitated, picking at your fingernails. “it’s just..” you didn’t know how to word it properly and you didn’t want to sound crazy. “i love luke..” you finally said, calum laughed “we all love luke.” “no, calum i’m in love with luke” calum froze, his eyes going wide even though he probably knew it himself. “oh..” he whispered. it was all connecting now.

“so, i’m sorry if i’m a little distant now it just really fucking hurts to see someone i love with my entire heart with someone else, and yes i know i should’ve said something. but id rather have him in my life as a friend instead of losing him and never hearing from him.” you were getting a bit emotional now, so calum came closer and hugged you. “it’s okay” he said, rubbing your back. calum wasn’t the best at comforting people but he cared about you and he had hoped it was enough.

“it’ll be okay, just don’t shut me out, okay?” he pulled away to look at you. “you’re strong and you’ll figure this out, and i’ll be by your side for all of it” you nodded, wiping your eyes. “thank you, calum.” you smiled, he nodded. “of course”

after he leaves you sat there for a while, you were left with your emotions. you weren’t sure how long you were there just staring at the wall. you decided that the only way you could deal with your feelings was to write a song to help the feelings go away.

days passed, you went back and forth removing and adding lyrics to the song and eventually took out luke’s name, and inserted a mysterious ’drew’. you kept your songwriting journal close, especially when you were around calum. no one needed to see it, it was for your eyes only. it was just for you to cope with the pain.

eventually, you had finished the song but if you were going to add it to your album, you didn’t know. maybe it’s too personal, or maybe it just wasn’t good enough to be released. it was just for you.

you sat across from calum, tapping your finger against the leather couch of the recording studio and staring down at the book in your lap. “what’s on your mind?” calum proposed, you hummed looking up at him. “i finished a song, i think i’m gonna go to that open mic night and perform it. i haven’t been on stage in a while” you suggested. calum agreed, “i think that’ll be nice. i’ll be there” he grinned, which earned a laugh from you.

you entered the building with your guitar and looked around before finally spotting calum, he grinned walking to you and wrapping his arms around you. “you look great” you chuckled, “thanks, cal. and thank you for showin up” he nodded. “anything for you, i’m excited to see you perform again. it’s been a while” you hummed, “yeah, it has” you agreed, calum patted your back. “break a leg!”

you laughed, walking past him, and headed up the few steps to the small stage, opening the case and getting your guitar out.

“hi everyone” you smiled, sitting against the stool and looking at the small crowd in front of the stage and you saw calum smiling. “so, most of you guys know me, if not i’m y/n. i’ve been writing and performing music for some time now.” you lightly strummed some cords. “some of you may know i have an album coming out soon, but tonight i thought i’d share an unreleased song that i’ve just finished.” you smiled, meeting eyes of a couple of people. “so, yeah. i hope y’all enjoy”

drew looks at me i fake a smile, so he won't see that I want and I'm needing

everything that we should be.

i'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about and she's got everything that I have to live without

drew talks to me i laugh 'cause it's just so funny that i can't even see anyone when he's with me

he says he’s so in love, he’s finally got it right

i wonder if he knows he’s all i think about at night.

you take a breath, about to enter the chorus and then you spot him entering the room, with her. luke spots you, throwing a smile your way but you looked back at calum and continued singing even though you began to get choked up.

he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

the only thing that keeps me wishin' on a wishing star

he's the song in the car i keep singing, don't know why i do.

drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

and there he goes, so perfectly

the kind of flawless I wish I could be

she'd better hold him tight, give him all her love

look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky 'cause

your eyes find luke in the crowd again, his arm wrapped around sierras shoulder, who, was also enjoying your performance.

(pretend y/n sang the whole song lol i didn’t feel like writing it all sorry)

so, I'll drive home alone as I turn off the light

i'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight

'cause he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

he's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do he's the time taken up, but there's never enough

and he's all that I need to fall into

drew looks at me I fake a smile, so he won't see

everyone can tell what you’re singing about is coming from the heart and they’re giving you sympathetic looks. after you finish you quickly excuse yourself outside to take a breather “thank y’all” you smiled, standing up from the stool and leaving the stage as the crowed continued to applaud for you.

luke, for the first time in a while, notices something is wrong so he follows you out. not before cal intercepts, he could see that calum was kinda frustrated. luke asks “what’s going on? is y/n okay? she’s never done that” calum nods. luke sighed and asks “we’ll tell me! what happened?” calum says “think about the song she just sang and then ask her yourself.”

you were behind the building, pacing back and forth trying to stop the overflow of tears pouring from your eyes. “y/n?” you stopped in your tracks hearing the voice, you turned around and met with luke.

upon seeing your disheveled face, his eyes softened. luke asked, “are you alright?” you sighed, chewing on your lip. should you answer him honestly? or continue to lie, which you had gotten pretty damn good at for some time now.

“not really.” you answered. luke took a few steps closer to you and asks, “is that song about someone?” you nodded, but luke still couldn’t figure out why you never told him. he was your best friend since the two of you were just little kids. “why haven’t you told me? who is drew?”

you take a deep breath contemplating telling him, this would be the moment that changed everything. luke sees the hesitation and touches your arm “you can tell me anything you know that, y/n/n” he looks so earnest so you answer “it is about someone and i couldnt tell you because, well, it’s about you.”

luke falls silent, a wave of emotions coursing through his body. he starts to speak a couple times but stops before he can get an actual word out. “i wish you would’ve told me sooner.” luke had always been in love with you way before sierra came into the picture, maybe he just didn’t know how to show it properly. plus, he thought for sure you just saw him as a friend.

at this point, you were crying. tears falling rapidly as he was talking. he says,“do you know how many songs i’ve written about you? hell, you’ve even helped me write some of them.” he took a few steps closer towards you. do you remember when we wrote meet you there? i thought for sure you’d see right through it and know the truth. but you didn’t, and now..now i’m with sierra..” now he was beginning to tear up. “and i—i don’t know. i just wish i’d known sooner”

“luke..i..” you wiped your eyes, it was so hard for you to hear that when you had spent all your life with him only to lose him in the end. “i’m sorry.”

luke shook his head, “no, i’m sorry.”

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 1 year

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12th house and the inner alchemist

I notice people with this placement become deeply aware of what frequencies they want to be around. Like if you want something that is more 'jolly, fun, and whimsical' you might search for it in your mind , and then you start to find it in your body. It starts with the spirit first, then you go into meditation to connect with this energy through the art of imagination. That 'jolly, fun, whimsical energy' could end up taking you to a cool coffee shop, end up taking you into a colorful shop with weird looking food , or hell may take you to the circus ! because what youre looking for is the feeling/energy not the 'thing' itself.

I love to say 12th housers are like the boy in this book called 'The Alchemist', where he wanted to look for a treasure to make all his dreams come true, ends up going on a long journey before he finally finds the treasure that was in his hometown all along. In the end he realized what he wanted wasnt about the treasure, the treasure was a symbol to what he wanted to do in his reality which he eventually did without the treasure itself. The treasure is the idea of the energy he wanted in his life, not the thing itself.

Because the imagination brings things to us, and all though we aren't able to explain exactly what it is we are looking for, we go into meditative states to jump into this reality (manifestation) and then follow it with our bodies. And one by one, piece by piece, we enter into the worlds of our psyche through the physical reality.

One thing I can say about 12th housers, you have to let go of the IDEA because it is just that, an IDEA. it is useful for when you are looking for the spirit/energy of the thing you are looking for.

Also since I brought up the alchemist. The story was about making a way for yourself no matter what obstacles you go through, no matter if you dont have that 'thing' you need to get there. You create your reality as you go.

the boy had a simple intention to go find this treasure because he believed it would allow him stop talk taking care of sheep (he was a sheep boy), he could travel all around the world, find a wife, and live the life of his dreams. He evidently did all of that without the treasure! He made a way without even thinking of it, because he knew since he had left his hometown and the sheep there was no other choice but to make something happen!

I believe 12th housers have that inner alchemist inside them, which is why they are so good at painting, drawing, and whatever other art you can name cause its a lot (lol).

12th housers are great at using these things to attract what they want in their life, they follow the frequency/energy knowingly and unknowingly. I call them he universes messengers because they rely messages to the collective without having to explain to us whats the message.

I notice 12th house individuals show this with their music. like I said with frequency a lot of them know the type of energy they wish to convey in their songs because thats the vibe they want to keep with them as they journey through life.

think of sza, a fellow 12th houser with 4 planets (venus,uranus, saturn, and neptune) and she is known to connect to a certain frequency that sounds like 'fairies, sirens, and anything magical' (im honestly referring to ctrl and her older works from 2013/14)

It can also be a 'curse' one type sza tweeted how singing 'supermodel' off her ctrl album 'summoned' the guy she was talking about in the song.

12th house rules over the subconscious, so sometimes your art can attract what you dont want to you. you have to move around it, learn how to use it as a repellant as it can attract fleas (I say this about pisces/neptune peeps a lot, y'all do tend to attract flies).

using your mind to control your reality can be mastered if you continue to heal the shadow. your shadow is just what you've been accustomed to believe that it is shameful, and cant be seen in the light.

the shadow is who you are, dont be ashamed and run from it.

blessings to all my 12th house individuals you guys have a wonderful gift inside that interesting brain of yours! keep it up.

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theetherealbloom · 1 year

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UNEVEN ODDS — CH. 4

Chapter Four: An Orchestration of Dissonance And Innocent Surrender

Summary: The Reader is dragged into the Last of Us universe and has no choice but to watch the events unfold or will she be able to change what was already written?

Paring: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Age-gap Romance, Violence, ANGST, Swearing, Mention of catcalling, men being awful, tiny fluff, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, the pandemic, character death, Zombies, eventual SMUT, MY SCIENCE IS WONKY, probable plot holes, rusty writing

Word Count: 11.1k

A/N: HELLO UM! THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU AGAIN! UM AHHHH T^T I love you guys so much, thank you for all the kind words and comments. The reblogs and then PUTTING ME IN FIC RECS WHAT– O_O Thank you guys again so so so so so much! You deserve the world <3 And as always, I put my little outline and thoughts at the end notes! Mwa ilysm

Song: Bigger Than Love by Oh Wonder

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

TLOU WORLD – 2023

OLD ABANDONED TRUCK STOP– DAY

You three are at an abandoned truck stop and fully aged, weathered vehicles surround the area. The sun shone on your skin as you waited for Ellie just outside the restroom door after she demanded privacy for a bit to relieve herself. You didn’t question the kid, it was the least you could do for her.

You’re secretly admiring Joel from a distance, and you watch Joel prepare the red large gas can, a clear long tube, and a siphon. Promptly, you hear the sound of the restroom door slamming open and you look at Ellie, “You good?” She nods cheerfully at you, “Yep. All good.” And then you both approach Joel, the gravel crunching beneath your feet as you did, and you slowly take notice that the asphalt has lifted from the ground strangely. You stop walking and quizzically stare at the lifted asphalt, your eyebrows knit together and you kneel down to take a better look at it, Ellie looks at you like you’ve gone insane, “Are you alright?” she asks you, and you keep your eyes focused on the ground, “Yeah, just… It’s hopefully nothing.” You say in response and push yourself upright, “Let’s go see what Joel is up to.”

Joel is currently kneeling on one knee and feeding both tubes in the tank, Ellie stands in front of him while you stand to the left of her, “We have to do this every hour?” she asked in a bored tone. Joel glances at her in acknowledgment then continues on with the siphon, “Gas breaks down over time. This stuff’s almost water.” He grabs a rag to create a seal around the tubes, “Back in the day, we’d drive 10, 12 hours on one tank. You could go anywhere.” He says as you and Ellie continue to watch him keenly, “So where’d you go?” she questioned, and he looks up at the both of you, “Pretty much nowhere.” Joel subsequently blows air into the short tube, which forces air through the short tube and increases the pressure of the air above the gas in the tank, causing it to flow through the longer tube and into the gas can. You lean your weight on one of the rusted cars and fold your arms in front of you.

“Nice! How does that work?” Ellie asks Joel and you tilt your head to the side to listen to his response, “It’s a siphon. It’s when liquid… travels against gravity because pressure…” Ellie’s lips are pressed together as she says, “You don’t know.” He stares at her before asserting, “I know it works.” She chuckles and you smirk at him, “Want me to explain it or…” He only mumbles, “Smartass,” and you roll your eyes, something truly possessed you to be bold for a moment, because you teasingly reply, “But you secretly like it.”

It earns you a look from him that causes your heartbeat to accelerate and it suddenly becomes a little harder to breathe, he only pulls away because he spots Ellie turning around to wander off, “No wanderin’.” He tells her seriously, she stops short and sighs, before saying, “Okay. This is your fault then.” She places her bag atop one of the abandoned, rusty cars, and pulls out a book with the title ‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston’, Joel watches her bewildered and perplexed as she reads out one of the puns from the book, “It doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary.” She gives a little laugh and you smile at her merriment as she shows Joel the book cover, “‘No Pun Intended Volume Too by Will Livingston.’ Volume Too. Look. You get it? ‘Too’ Like, T-O-O.” And Joel huffs and begins to stand up with a peeved look, “Oh Jesus.” But Ellie pushes on and says, “What did the mermaid wear to her math class?” You and Joel look at each other, then at Ellie, waiting for her to say the punch line, and you watch her as she slowly leans forward slowly before saying, “‘An algae bra.’ Like, algae bra.” She laughs out loud before speaking again, “I stayed up all night wondering–” To which Joel shakes his head at her, “No,” but this doesn’t deter her at all and goes on, “ where the sun went and then it dawned on me.”

Seemingly annoyed he gruffly says to her, “Feel free to wait in the truck,” and she exhales, “Okay, but just know, you can’t escape Will Livingston. He’ll be back.” Ellie puts her book in her pack and before leaving you both she says, “There’s nothing you can do to stop him.” Joel says nothing as he also leans on the old rusting car with his arms crossed, and Ellie goes to wait in the truck. You let the silence settle and give him a little bit of peace before calling out to him, “Joel.” He says nothing but he does bring his eyes to look at you. “You know it’s okay to like her. Right?” You said with the softest eyes and kind smile, and he just shakes his head, “I can’t.” You deeply exhale and push yourself off the hood of the car to stand in front of him, “You can’t or you won’t?” And he looks down at his boots, “Can’t.”

You didn’t want to put any more discomfort and decided to simply nod instead, “Okay.” He slowly brings his head up to give you a suspicious look, “Okay?” You nod, “Mhm, okay.” His eyes narrow, “That’s it? No tryin’ to change my mind?” You shrug in response, “I have a feeling you’ll do that on your own. Anyways, the gas can is full.” You raise your eyebrows, “Need any help carrying that thing?” He grumpily bends down to pick up the heavy gas can and his voice timber and low says, “I could carry you and this back to the truck if I wanted to.” You feel your brain short-circuits for a second, the warmth spreads throughout your whole body and your eyes widened in embarrassment, “Um, I’m just gonna… mhm.” And you turn to run to the truck. Joel lets out a breathy chuckle, smirking the whole time as he watches your figure run.

ON THE ROAD - NOON

The blue Chevy pulls out of the gas station and Joel has one hand on the steering wheel and his right rest on the console, while you are sitting next to him in the passenger seat, looking out at the window studying the environment, and Ellie is content in the backseat. You feel an unease settle in and create a home in your bones, not knowing what could happen terrifies you. Every possibility in your mind pops in and out, and you ponder which part of the video game did they keep or change.

“Must’ve been some truck.” Ellie says as she peers through the window glass at the back of the vehicle, Joel grunts in agreement and explains why the highways are so clear, “Yeah, they used to stick big ass plows on the back and clear the road for their tanks and such.” Ellie finds all of this very exciting and exclaims, “I wanna see a tank!” Joel looks at her from the rearview mirror and simply says, “You will.” Your eyes shift to look at Joel as he keeps talking with a wearied cynicism, “Tanks, choppers, all that stuff, but they’ll fight the wrong enemy. Just scattered around now.”

Ellie digs through the utility pocket behind the passenger seat to find another cassette tape, she raises up enthusiastic and eager, “I got something. Here. This make you all nostalgic?” She says as she pushes up to show Joel, he takes it and you peer over to look at the title cover, ‘Hank Williams, The Original Singles Collection’, Joel replies, “This is actually before my time.” And Ellie goes to sit back properly in the backseat, “Great.”

He hums appreciatively, “It’s a winner, though.” When he places the cassette tape in the player, the rattling sound of plastic can be heard before the music begins and he cranks up the volume. Joel miraculously smiles as he listens to the song, “Oh, man.” And you raise an eyebrow at him, “Of course, you’d like this, it’s cowboy music.” You said and he lets out a small but beautiful chuckle, which causes your body to heat up. The young girl continues to explore the back of the truck, digging through the other utility pocket, you hear a quiet rustling of paper as she whips out a magazine, “Got something else.”

Joel looks at the rearview mirror again to look at Ellie, while you turn to look at what she has and your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets, and so does hers. “It’s light on the reading, but it has some interesting pictures.” Your shoulders begin to shake as you try and hold in your laugh as Joel seemingly panics, “No. No, no, no. Put that back, that’s not for kids.” Ellie doesn’t listen and continues to flip through the pages, “How would he even walk around with that thing?” God, you tried to hold it in but couldn’t anymore, you’re now full-on grinning and laughing so loud and carefree, while Joel is trying his best to get Ellie to cooperate, “Please get rid of it.”

“Hold your horses. I wanna see what all the fuss is about.” Ellie says as she analyzes the magazine, while you’re practically wheezing and happy that they incorporated this part of the video game. Joel practically gives up but Ellie decides to innocently say, “Why are all these pages stuck together?” Joel has a baffled look on his face as he lets out an, “Uh… The…” Your mouth hangs wide open for a moment and you curl your hand into a fist, bringing it to your mouth to bite back from cackling again. Ellie puts him out of his misery and slaps him on the shoulder, “I’m just fucking with you.” And throws the adult magazine out the window, it flutters out into the wind and onto the side of the road, yelling out, “Bye-bye, dude!”

You smile and think to yourself, joy itself always seems to end before we want it to. Brief and ephemeral. So, this time, you decide to let go and in this moment you can breathe. It lives in your periphery. In the corner of your eyes. Suddenly, it shows up and the surprise adds to its beauty. A gratitude for all that follows

ON THE ROAD AND TO THE FOREST - CIVIL TWILIGHT

Time moves quickly as Joel continues to drive and Ellie silently watches the view from the window. You take note of the cows grazing on grass, the cars that were left to rot, and the familiar landmarks crumbling down as mother intended to take back what was hers. They must have cried themselves a hurricane because there was an earthquake and an avalanche of change. The echo, as vast as the equator, spreads across a world of bottled-up anger, and it's too late to prevent it now.

As the hours pass by and the sun slowly begins to set, you check on Ellie from the rearview, she looks fatigued from all the driving and so do you, it’s been a while since your last road trip, and you barely had time for yourself since you were stuck in the lab all day and night. Joel sees your weary eyes and frown, he also sees a similar look to Ellie, and he decides to tell you both, “All right. That’s enough for today.” He places both of his hands to turn the wheel to the right, driving off the road and into the field, straight into a thick forest filled with tall evergreen trees.

The truck comes to a stop and you all prepare to camp out for the night. You help Joel cook and prepare dinner and Ellie keeps herself occupied as she pokes around the dirt with a stick. The smell of canned ravioli fills your lungs and your mouth begins to water. Joel taps the edge of the pot, indicating that it’s cooked and you call for Ellie to sit down for dinner. The three of you sit down in a semi-circle, with you in the middle, and Joel and Ellie on each side. You gently blow on the hot ravioli before bringing the food into your mouth, chewing quietly, and amusingly watch Ellie scarf down her food quickly. Joel looks at her kind of bothered by her manners, “Slow down.” He said, and she replies with a mouthful of food, “This is slow. What am I even eating?” Joel cuts hit food using his fork and knife and answers, “That is 20-year-old Chef Boyardee ravioli.” Ellie brings another piece of pasta and answers while chewing, “That guy was good.” Joel hums in agreement, “I actually agree.” And you nod appreciatively as you finish your food.

“How long are we staying out here?” Ellie asks Joel and you look to him for his response, “I figure I’d sleep tonight and drive tomorrow all day, all night get us to Wyoming by next morning.” Ellie plays with her food as she asks, “So can we start a fire? I’m freezing.” Joel gives a pointed stare, “Now why am I gonna tell you no?” She shrugs and guesses, “Because the infected will see the smoke.” He shakes his head at her, “No. Fungus isn’t that smart. This is too remote for infected, anyway.” The answer dawns on Ellie and asks, “People?” And Joel nods, his answer to her question. She continues to press for more information, “So what are they gonna do? Rob us?” And you frown, knowing exactly what people do during war or a crisis, morals are thrown out the window and everyone can do as they please. Every crime, assault, and misdemeanor is seen as means to an end, which is to take and survive. Your knuckles turn white as you grip your fork, angry at the world and the people who choose to do all forms of wrong. Joel warns her, “Well, they’ll have way more in mind than that.” Ellie nods while pouting, “Okay.”

LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – NIGHT

Your eyes are well-versed in the dark and the mind was then created to illumine the heart. And when every constellation suddenly emerged, the remote was drawn so close by telescopes and computations. You inhale, exhale, and reset. Realizing, every living creature is in a continual state of uncertainty. Even with all of your past, you’ve just scratched the surface of what it all implies. Ellie prepares her sleeping bag and so do you, placing yours in between hers and Joel’s. “Actually smells kinda good.” Ellie said as she continues to unfold the sleeping bag, you hear Joel comment, “Well, that would be Frank’s then.” She tucks herself in and you help her as you do, lightly patting the blanket as she settles comfortably. You do the same and now you’re flat on your back as you gaze at the stars illuminating the darkness and listen to the quiet rustling of the branches and leaves of the trees, the melodies sung by the chirping of crickets. Joel checks the chamber of the rifle and ensures that it’s loaded and ready just in case of an ambush, then he places it next to him. You hear Ellie take something out of her backpack and you had a sneaking suspicion it was the No Pun Intended book. The light of the lantern slowly fades away and the shadows follow the rules and the darkness expands around all of you.

Joel is facing away from the both of you and Ellie whips out her flashlight and quickly glances at her favorite book, clicks off the light, and aloud she calls out both of your names, you look at her but Joel doesn’t respond at first, you slide out a little to lean a bit forward to his side and tap him on the shoulder, “What?” he asks, and Ellie responds, “Can I ask you a serious question?” And without hesitation, he says, “Yeah.” You smile knowingly at what was about to happen as she questions, “Why did the scarecrow get an award?” A beat passes between the three of you, and you and Joel whisper simultaneously, “Because he was outstanding in his field.” Ellie rises from her sleeping bag and exclaims, “You dicks!”

A large grin spreads across your face and Joel turns around to face the other direction, Ellie begins to interrogate the two of you, “Did both of you read this?” You hear the smile in Joel’s voice as he answers, “No.” And you give an airy chuckle, “Nope.” He sighs and then tells you both, “Now go to sleep.” Ellie makes a noise of suspicion but says nothing as she tucks the book into her sleeping pouch, the hoot of an owl can be heard from above, and the howls of coyotes from a distance.

Ellie is also gazing up at the stars with you now and begins to appreciate the way they glow and shimmer. You move your head to look at Ellie and whisper, “Psst. Ellie…” She turns her head to your side, “Yeah?” And in a hushed tone, you ask, “Do you wanna learn something about constellations?” She nods enthusiastically, “Yeah!” And you begin to whisper the explanation and details, you point and trace your fingers at the stars, your rickety astrology determined to give her hope, “Orion's belt is right above the equator of the Earth. Everyone, and everywhere can see just stars in that area. A star placed above one of the poles, such as the North Star, and concealed from us in the opposing hemisphere, obstructed by Earth itself.”

She is looking at you with her eyes as big as summer tomatoes, full of admiration and awe at your intelligence like you have all the answers, and wonders if she will ever be a woman like you. She seeks an answer to her next question, “Is Orion like a place?” You smile and in a soft voice you say, “No, he’s someone from greek mythology. In the stores, he was a giant and very handsome hunter, who had many affairs and lovers. Either his assault on or admiration for a goddess named Artemis, another god named Zeus placed him amongst the stars as punishment. Stories and text sometimes get lost in translation.”

This is when she learned to wish on stars, content she hums an appreciative thank you and you give a small smile in return. After another beat passes, Ellie poses a new question, this time aimed at Joel, who had been listening to the two of you the whole time but stayed quiet, “Those people you said… there’s no way anyone knows we’re here, right? No one’s gonna find us.”

Her words hang in the air briefly, “No one’s gonna find us.” Joel reassures her and Ellie responds with a quiet, “Okay.” She turns in for the night and begins to fall asleep. There is a sudden weight on your chest when she asked her query, and you suddenly feel nauseous at the thought of anything happening to Ellie and Joel. You close your eyes and swallow away the urge to vomit, and with the darkness, you’ve seen, your tired eyes rest and allow yourself to sleep for a while. But if you had stayed up just a little longer, you would have heard Joel leave his sleeping bag and reach for his rifle, and his footsteps walking a distance away from you and Ellie, ensuring your safety as he watches and anticipates any sign of danger, his guilt for scaring the girl keeps him up all night and the thought of you getting hurt. He holds his rifle ready, protecting the two of you who quietly snore into the night.

LOCATION UNKNOWN, A FOREST – DAWN

The sound of chirping birds wakes you and you groggily sit up. You look to your left to see Ellie who was still sound asleep, and then you see Joel standing watch with his rifle, you have a suspicion he didn’t actually sleep and Ellie’s concern kept him up. You sigh and quietly leave your sleeping bag, down your arms, a thousand satellites discover the cool breeze in the air, causing you to shiver and wrap your arms around yourself to salvage some warmth. You stretch your arms up to the sky, trying to wake your body to begin the day, then you hear the lime-green grass rustle and shake, creating whispers of sound beneath Joel’s boots as he walks toward you, glancing over your shoulder before turning to face him.

You feel his confident presence and your heart skips a beat, he greets you with his voice thick and smooth, “Mornin’.” You warmly say good morning to him in a hushed voice, you take a good look at him to see his deep eyebags, completely exhausted, and you ask, “Did you even sleep at all?” He doesn’t deny it as he shook his head, “No, I couldn’t.” You hum in response, already confirming what you thought, next, you inquire, “Do we have any coffee that I could brew? I have a feeling we’re going to need it.”

“Did you not sleep well last night? Could hear you snorin’ from where I was standing.” Joel said with his tone straightforward and deep, you shrug, “Sometimes I wake up tired, and besides, I enjoy a good cup of coffee to start my day, it’s my morning ritual back home.” You make your way to the pouch of coffee grounds, open it, and inhale the aroma, and Joel observes you as you do.

You begin to brew both of your coffee, making enough to fit two insulated tumblers. You make your way into the forest, already telling Joel you needed to pee, and him reminding you in his thick Texan accent, “If you don’t get your ass back here in five minutes, I’m comin' to look for you.” After finding a bush and relieving yourself, you stand by one of the tall thick trees, leaning your weight against the trunk of the tree and crossing your arms as you watch Ellie and Joel from a distance.

You close your eyes for a moment to steady yourself and your breathing, trying to recall parts of the game you’ve seen, a little peek at what could be adapted. Unfortunately, you knew the ending of the first and second games, and you knew there was nothing you could do for the first, but the second one however…

Joel yells your name, telling you to come back already and you jog your way back, not wanting to make them wait. No one says anything as you pack up camp and hop in the truck, this time letting Ellie sit in the passenger seat while you sit in the back. The engine of the truck revs to life and Joel drives you out of the woods and back onto the highway.

Joel takes a loud sip of his coffee while you are still blowing away the steam, Ellie doesn’t seem to be impressed with the drink as she comments, “Is that seriously what those Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” With one hand on the steering wheel, he lowers his thermos and retorts, “Well, theirs was a lot fresher than Bill saved up but, yeah, this is what they sold.” The young girl looks at it in disgust, “Smells like… burnt shit.” Joel wanting to be slightly petty, takes a long, loud, pointed sip of his coffee, before turning to Ellie saying, “Eyes on the map, or else I’m askin’ you to switch seats with Birdie.”

Your heart flutters at the nickname but you hide your smile by sipping your own coffee, looking out the window as you do. Ellie smirks knowingly at Joel but doesn’t push any further, she begins to give directions, “76 West, and then… 70 West for, like, ever. Where in Wyoming did you say your brother was?” And to your surprise, Joel indulges her, “Last contact came through a radio tower close to Cody.” Ellie straightens the map to find the tower, “Cody. Cody… Cody. Man. That is deep up in there.” Joel glances then reply, “Yeah.” The young curious kid asks him, “And if he’s not there?” He thoughtfully sighs, “Then odds are he’ll be near a settlement probably close to another city out there. Ain’t too many of them in Wyoming.”

“Chee-Yen.” Ellie tries to pronounce it, and Joel corrects her, “Cheyenne.” She looks at him in disbelief, “Che… Really?” He nods as she goes on to trace her finger along the map, “Cheyenne, Laramie… Casper? What’s his name?” Joel then asks, “Whose name?” She throws back, “Your brother.” He grunts out, “Tommy.” You smile to yourself, knowing that tone of voice is him trying to build invisible walls around himself to protect whatever he has left of his family. “Younger or older?” Ellie persists, and he answers immediately, “Younger.”

“Why isn’t he with you?” She asked and you watch Joel try to evade her inquiry, “Long story.” Ellie never knowing when to give up, persists, “Is it longer than twenty-five hours? Because I think that’s what we got.” Joel looks at Ellie with a pointed stare, mouth slightly open ready to scold her but realizes she has a point. He glances at the rearview to see you looking back at him, waiting for his choice.

His eyes go back to the road as he speaks, “Tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. Dreams of becoming a hero. So he enlisted in the Army right out of high school. A few months later, they ship him off to Desert Storm.”

Ellie turns to him quizzically but stays silent as he carries on, “It’s what they called that war. It doesn’t matter. Point is, being in the Army didn’t make him feel much of a hero. Cut to twelve years later, outbreak happens. He convinces me to join a group making their way up to Boston which I did, mostly to keep an eye on him, keep him alive.” He glances at the rearview mirror again and this time you aren’t staring back, you’re resting your head on the window, listening intently, “It’s where we met Tess.”

He takes a swig of his coffee before continuing, “And that whole crew, we… Well, for what it was, it worked. And then Tommy meets Marlene. She talks him into joining the Fireflies. Same mistake he made when he was eighteen.” Joel shakes his head in disapproval and his tone shifts into cynicism, “Wants to save the world. Pipe dream. Him, Fireflies, all of them… delusional.”

You blink blankly and frown, not agreeing with his view but understanding where he’s coming from. His world ended when Sarah died, and since she’s gone he has no reason to go back to the way things were.

“‘Course, last I heard, he quit the Fireflies too. So now he’s on his own out there and… I gotta go get him.” He states and takes a long sip of the rest of his coffee, while Ellie tries to make sense of his story, another question pops into her mind as she quietly asks him, “If you don’t think there’s hope for the world why bother going on? I mean, you gotta try, right?” A beat passes, and then he answers grimly, “You haven’t seen the world, so you don’t know. You keep going for family. That’s about it.”

Ellie moves her eyes to look at him, “I’m not family?” And he shakes his head, “No. You’re cargo.” Your form shrinks a little bit and think to yourself, and you secretly figure that Joel doesn’t mean that, but doesn’t want her treating him like a father yet.

You quietly exhale and will yourself to stop bouncing your leg up and down, grounding yourself. “And I made a promise to Tess. And she was like family.” Ellie nods before bringing up more possibilities, “What if you don’t find him?” It doesn’t take him long to reply, “I will.” She shoots back, “How do you know?” With a voice so sure and confident, he says, “I’m persistent.”

And you swore you saw him glance at you from the rearview mirror for a millisecond, but you weren’t so sure, you chalked it up to your wishful thinking. It was quiet for a bit before Joel speaks to Ellie, “You got up pretty early. If you wanna grab more sleep…” Ellie immediately replies, “Pfft. I’m not even tired.”

Ellie was in fact tired, after ten minutes of saying that, she fell into a deep sleep, and her snores echoed in the car. After two or three hours Joel pulls over at the side of the road, telling you to switch seats with Ellie since he needs help reading the map. You decided not to question it and got out of the truck as he did the same. You watched him quietly open the door, and carry Ellie from the passenger side to the back seat where he gently set her.

You climb into the passenger seat and wait for Joel to sit in the driver’s seat. The map was now on your lap and you gently traced the piece of paper, lines stretching out, with too many miles to count. Dots reminds you of where you’ve been, sometimes it feels like your inner compass breaks, and your steady true north fades. You try and reassure yourself it’ll be just fine, that whatever comes next, you’ll handle it together.

Joel quietly speaks your name so as to not disturb Ellie, you look up at him from the map, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the armrest console, “Tell me somethin’ good about your world.” He grumbles, and you stagger a bit before saying, “You actually believe what I said back then? You believe me?”

He shrugs with one shoulder and taps on the steering wheel, “There’s a fuckin’ apocalypse. My guess is that anythin’ could be possible now.” You lightly chuckle, “Yeah, I guess so.”

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to come up with an answer, any kind of answer, and you settle for the truth, “I don’t know. Besides the fact, we have no infected and our technology is more advanced, everything is still the same. Same landmarks, problems, the people hate the government but still need it, choosing the lesser of two evils and everyday people trying their damn best.”

He gruffly says to you, “Would prefer that over this shit.” You let out a huff, “Yeah, that’s valid.”

“Tell me about your home.” He says, and you raise an eyebrow, “Are you asking or demanding? Also, why are you suddenly so curious about me?” He’s unsure for a moment but he answers, “You already know stuff about me. It’s only fair.” Your lips form a line as you press them against each other, and your eyes shift to look at the map instead of him, “I thought you didn’t want to hear about any of our histories?”

“I think we broke that rule the moment Ellie kept askin’ about my life.” Your eyes wrinkle as you smile, “There isn’t much to say, and also I don’t really like talking about myself.” He harrumphs, “Why? You’re a scientist and incredibly smart.” You bring your eyes back to him and give him a look of disbelief, “Did you just say something nice?” His face sours and grumpily murmurs, “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Oh, I’m definitely telling Ellie later,” You smile teasingly at him, and he shakes his head, “So, what did you research, discover, or whatever?” And that question causes you to inhale through your nose deeply, “Um, in 2022 three scientists were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for experiments with entangled photons, establishing the violation of Bell inequalities and pioneering quantum information science. Basically, they got awarded for their research and I took an interest in what they found. I had a theory with what they discovered with quantum teleportation.”

Joel didn’t really understand the science jargon that was spitting out of your mouth so fast like lightning, but he was intrigued, “What was your theory?” You nervously removed the dirt from your fingernails as you replied, “It’s a little complicated.” He retorts, “I’m beginning to think that’s your favorite line.” You bite the inner walls of your cheek and exhale loudly through your nose. Joel senses you didn’t want to discuss it any further and the quiet returns. Only the muffled rumbling of the engine and the sound of the tires rolling on the pavement. The only occasional noise from the two of you was asking for directions from Joel and you giving him a prompt reply.

The hours go by quickly and the sun is beginning to set, the orange glow illuminating both of your faces. The truck begins to pull up to the outskirts of Kansas City and you silently pray that this will all go smoothly.

TLOU WORLD – 2023

KANSAS CITY - SUNSET

Ellie awakens shortly after you pull up to the tunnel and Joel slowly presses on the brakes to put the truck to stop. Joel turns off the engine and turns to you both before opening the door, “Stay put.” He grabs the rifle from the back and proceeds to scout the area. Ellie kindly asks to switch with you again and for a moment you almost decline, your gut feeling telling you something is wrong, but couldn’t resist the kid and again move to the back while she moves upfront.

Joel sees the tunnel to Kansas City is blocked by a SaraLee bread truck and you watch him make his way back to the truck. He opens the back door and places the rifle beside you and goes back to the driver's seat. “Where are we?” Ellie asks and he quickly replies, “Kansas City.” Ellie gives him the map and you lean over Joel’s shoulder to analyze the map, “How far back do we have to go to get around this?” The young girl questions and you watch Joel trace his finger along the many red lines. He shakes his head and sighs in frustration before deciding, “Screw it.” And he turns the key to start the truck up again. “What are you doing?” Ellie asks and Joel answers as he performs a three-point turn, “We can jog right around this tunnel take the next ramp and we’re back on the road, minute tops.” You look out the window and see the rusting cars and burned corpses of people, shuddering, you try and remember a portion of the game for some clue of what was about to happen. You weren’t in Pittsburgh, but the way this was adapted would still have the very important elements of the original intellectual property. Fuck.

Joel enters the city and it’s eerily quiet, you take note of the empty streets and zero signs of runners. “Where the fuck is the highway?” Joel states frustrated and Ellie retorts, “I can’t tell from this. I’m all turned around.” You hear him get irritated, “Don’t look at the state map. Look at the inset.”

“I don’t know where we are in that either! It’s my second day in a fucking car, man. I mean, I think we’re heading north?” Joel continues to drive and you keenly observe your surroundings and see something unusual, you spot a pile of ash and remains of people as he drives by. “It’s gotta be right. What the fuck?” He says and you try and voice your concerns, “Joel, there’s um,” but he quickly fires back, “Not now Birdie.” And you deflate a little but keep trying, “Joel, something is–” But Ellie yells out, “Stop!” The tires shriek as he steps on the breaks, and Ellie stares at something wide-eyed and you do too, “Is that the QZ?” The gates were wide open without a single FEDRA officer in sight and completely vacated, your mouth hangs open, “Shit.” Ellie presses on, “Where the fuck is FEDRA?” As if on queue, you hear someone yell, “Hey!” All three of your heads whip to the sound of the man’s voice, he’s clutching his lower abdomen and yelling out, “Please help!”

“Put your seatbelt on,” Joel demands and you and Ellie follow, you clutch on the assist grips above the car, knowing this isn’t gonna go well. “Aren’t we gonna help him?” Ellie asks innocently, “No.” You and Joel answer quickly, he floors it and the man moves out of the way screaming, “Fuck! Go… go!”

Ellie looks above and shrieks, “Joel!” And a cylinder brick falls from the sky, crashing atop the windshield glass, cracks, and fractures are created and you hear the tires pop, and you assume they’ve laid down spikes. You gritted your teeth as Joel tries to get control of the truck, and another man tries to shoot you all down, “Fuck!” Having no other options, he crashes the truck into an old laundromat, and the impact causes you to jerk forward, hitting your head slightly in the seat in front of you.

“Are you okay?” Joel worriedly questions, “Yeah.” Ellie replies and he turns to see you slightly bleeding from your head, “Hummin’ bird, you okay?” And you quickly compose yourself, “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just a scratch.” He then asks Ellie, “You’re not hurt? Nothing?” She shakes her head, “I don’t think so.”

The sound of gunfire cause the three of you to flinch and duck down for cover, Joel yells and commands, “Belts off. Fast!” And what he says goes, immediately you grab your pack and rifle from the backseat, the loud popping sounds of gunfire continue as you get out, and duck behind the truck. You toss Joel his rifle and you pull out your gun, you hear the taunts on the other side, “Let’s see you, motherfucker! Give us your shit, you’ll make it through this! We promise!”

Joel pulls off his safety and makes sure his rifle is loaded, he spots a hole in the walls of the laundromat and asks Ellie, “Hey, you see that hole? Can you squeeze through?” The gunfire doesn’t let up and she shakily nods, Joel realizes that time is running out before the enemy decides to push forward, he instructs Ellie while looking at her directly, “When I say go, you both crawl to that wall and you two squeeze through and you don’t come out until I say, okay?” You try and protest but the sound of another bullet swiftly breaks the class of the truck and all three of you flinch.

Your breathing quickens and you feel the adrenaline coursing through you, while Joel’s chest bounces up and down as he pants, “And they’re not gonna hit you.” But Ellie isn’t listening, too scared and afraid of all the chaos ensuing, Joel growls, “Look at me!” She twists her head and her wide doe eyes look at him, frightened and unsure, he reassures her, “They’re not gonna hit you. You stay down, you stay low, you stay quiet.” Ellie nods reluctantly, “Mhm.” A pause during the gunfire, and you realize they’re reloading. “Okay.” He says and Ellie parrots to him, “Okay.” Joel takes that as his signal and yells to you both, “Go!” Ellie stays low and crawls through the wall, safe and secure for now. You however help Joel and shoot at the enemies. He yells your name, “What the fuck are you doing? I can handle this now go!” You shake your head and exclaim, “No! I can help you.”

He pulls you down, both of you crouching on the ground and cups one hand to hold your face, “Right now that kid is scared shitless and shouldn’t be alone.” You try again to object, but he stops you, “No, listen to me. Go through that hole and be with Ellie, she needs you.” You feel your eyes water and give him a sincere look, your voice breathy as you reply, “We both do.” His mouth parts and his eyes dart to your soft lips for just a second, so fast you almost missed it if your faces weren’t so close to each other, and at that moment your heartbeats were synchronized, and both of your breathing unsteady. Warmth fills you both and causes both of your eyes to dilate, similar to an eclipse.

Another gunshot rings out and it hits the cement on the ground, causing you to jump, Joel wipes away some of the dust on your cheek and intently says to you, “I’ve got this. I promise, now go.”

You blink back your tears and whisper, “Give 'em hell.” He stands up again to cover you while you crawl into the hole, to be with Ellie. Both of you have your back against the wall, and you try and steady your racing heartbeat.

“What about Joel?” She asks you, full of worry and concern. Instead of answering, you hug her close to you, and she buries her face on your stomach, as you try and shield her away from the noise and gunfire. Then there is a sudden silence, and you and Ellie take a peek from the hole in the wall, the sound of footsteps stepping over broke glass fills the space and you have your gun ready in one hand just in case and shield Ellie with your body.

He steps a bit closer to your hiding place and instantly there was a gunshot, you and Ellie turn away as you also held back a scream. Stillness fills the room and you try your best to listen for Joel to tell you to come out, only hearing him try and unjam his rifle. Then, the sudden slam of a door opening, and another loud pop could be heard. You hear grunts, groans, and yelling from the intruder and Joel, and Ellie urgently whispers, “We need to help him!”

You nod, and Ellie swiftly sidesteps you and climbs out of the hiding space and you go after her. You and her quietly step out and to your surprise, she’s holding her gun out, aiming directly at the unidentified man’s head, before you could even utter a word or try and stop her, she shoots him in the spine. Joel rolls over to the side coughing and wheezing as he tries to catch his breath. You gently approach Joel as he side-eyes Ellie but continues to cough, you begin first aid, loosen any tight clothing, remove the top button of his outer shirt and place your hand on his back to try and feel his lungs, and hear Ellie step a little closer to the man, her gun still aimed at him.

The man begins to plead, “No, no, no! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s over, we’re not fighting anymore.” Ellie doesn’t say anything and still has the gun pointed at him, “I’m gonna go home. I’ll tell everyone you’re good.” His face scrunches up and he begins to cry, “I don’t know what to do. My legs don’t work. My mom isn’t far if you can get me to her.”

Joel’s breathing returns to normal and you whisper, “You good?” And he only nods, angry and upset that he got caught off guard so easily. You help him up and hear the man still begging for his life, “We could trade with you guys. We could be friends. I didn’t know. I’m Bryan. I’m Bryan. What’s your name?” He continues to sob.

Joel looks at Ellie angrily, and she sniffs. He doesn’t say anything but holds out his hand and she hands him her gun which he places in his back pocket. Joel pulls out his revolver, slowly turns around, and Bryan continues to beg, “Wait… wait.” He pulls out a knife and says, “You can have it. It’s a good knife.” You stand next to Ellie and watch Joel lean down and pick up the knife. His eyes are dark with rage as he looks at you and Ellie, his voice deep and dominant that fills a warmth in your belly, “Get back behind the wall.”

Bryan instantly sobs, “No, no, no. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, we could just talk. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” You slowly grab Ellie to gently coax her away, and she follows, Bryan screams for his life as you step back inside the hole. Ellie hugs your middle as she lets a single tear roll down her cheek, and you hug her right back, covering her ears from his yelling and pleading. You hear the slashing of a knife and the sound of blood splattering.

You try and calm Ellie and stroke her hair as you murmur reassuringly, “We’ll be just fine.” It was quiet for a second before you hear Joel’s booming voice calling you and Ellie, “I gotta get in there, I can’t fit through.” You wipe away her tears and gently pat her cheek, “We got this, yeah?” Ellie nods, “Mhm.”

You and her take a look around the room and Ellie yells out, “There’s some stuff against the door.” Joel is quick to reply, “Can you both move it?” You and Ellie nod at each other and work together to pull the table aside while Joel uses his arm to push the door open. He manages to get in and slams the door shut, “Let’s go. Fast.” He states and all three of you push the table back in its place. Joel looks at the both of you with concern, but Ellie quickly gets her bag and says, “I’m okay. I’m good.” You say nothing and also reach for your bag, quickly grabbing a bandaid from your first aid kit and then throwing it over your shoulder. Ellie approaches Joel and opens her pack, “I got some food in here still, and I got your light still.” He grabs it from her while you are on the side quietly and swiftly, placing a bandaid on your head, no time to disinfect it yet.

“What now?” Ellie asks, trying to be brave, and Joel observes her for a moment before saying, “We go up.” And she throws her back over her shoulders, “To get a better look?” You follow them both to a door and Joel responds, “Hopefully, we spot a clear route out.” He pushes the door open and clicks on the flashlight to check if it's safe, the only sound you could hear was the dripping of water from a leaky pipe, he turns to you both and says, “Stay close.” Ellie nods, “Got it.” Joel moves forward and Ellie and you follow him to a narrow alleyway. He has his revolver in one hand and you also have your gun out.

You three duck behind a rusted car, and you hear and spot multiple vehicles driving by. They were all armed, carrying various weapons and knives. Joel signals you two to wait and walks across to open a black door, he flicks on the flashlight and with one look, signals both of you to run across the street and into the next building.

You take cover and hide in a neglected bar, with newspapers covering the large windows. Joel peeks through the uncovered patches and watches the hunters pass by, searching different buildings. “They’re not FEDRA, and they’re not Fireflies. So who are they?” Ellie asks and Joel plainly states, “People.” You and Ellie are also looking through the small patches, she quietly asks, “Are we okay in here?”

“For a little bit, maybe. Looks like they’re checking apartment buildings first. But they’ll be coming through these places soon enough.” Joel says and walks away to stand away from the windows. And you decide to sit, choosing the floor by the door of the old bar, and tend to the wound on your head. Ellie is still looking through the small patches of glass, “There’s a really tall building, like, four blocks away.” Joel’s voice is rough as he replies, “Yeah, saw it.”

“So that’s the one?” Ellie questions him, and he immediately answers, “As soon as we don’t hear a truck, we move. Fast as we can.” Joel slowly sits down on the cushion and eyes you as you busy yourself disinfecting and cleaning up the blood on your head. Ellie sits down next to you, her knees close to her chest, and by now you’re done cleaning your wound and placing a new bandage on your head. Joel has his hand on his head, his face was expressionless and exhausted. Ellie asks you and him the same question, “Are you okay?” You nod and Joel replies with, “I’m all right.” He struggles with the debrief but he gets the question out to Ellie, “Are you all right?” And she simply replies with, “Yeah.”

You watch Joel struggle to find the words to express his emotions and feelings, his reserved nature is slowly crumbling, brick by brick. He shakes his head, “Thing is, is I didn’t hear that guy coming, and… You shouldn’t have to… You know.” Ellie brings her eyes to look at him, “Well, you’re glad I did, right?” She said. His voice falters, “You’re just a kid. You shouldn’t know what it means to… It’s not like you killed him. But… shooting or… I know what it’s like the first time that you hurt someone like that.” The young girl says nothing and simply stares at him in silence. He tries again, “If you… I’m not good at this.”

“Yeah, you really aren’t.” Ellie says, and if it wasn’t so somber, if you were safely at home watching this, you would have laughed. You wonder if you should say something, but eventually figured that you needed to let them both bond and understand each other, it’s important to their story. While you believed your presence here was an accident. You push aside your feelings and stress to let them talk it out.

“I mean it was my fault. You shouldn’t have had to… and I’m sorry.” Joel sighs and looks away at Ellie, and begins to cry silently with her face turning red, you let her lean her head on your shoulder and it’s quiet. She goes to speak but her throat closes up, “It wasn’t my first time.” Joel looks at her after that to see her pure raw honesty.

Joel plays the idea in his head for a moment before coming to a decision, he reaches into his back pocket for the handgun he took from Ellie earlier, unloads the magazine, and removes the shell of the previous bullet from the chamber. The girl's head lifts from your shoulder as Joel kneels down on one knee in front of her, handing her the gun back, “Show me your grip.” Ellie does as she’s told and you watch Joel teach her the proper way to hold a firearm, “Finger off the trigger.” She holds it with one hand and Joel is unimpressed, “Now, who taught you that?” She mumbles in reply, “FEDRA school.” He nods his head, “Figures.”

Joel teaches her how to hold the gun with two hands, “Your thumb over your thumb. Left hand, squeezes down on the right. You got it?” She nods, her thumbs interlocked, which makes it harder to drop the gun when it recoils or if someone were to try and grab it. Joel holds both of her tiny hands in his calloused rough ones, “There you go. Look it.” He shakes it and the gun doesn’t budge, completely steady. She giggles as he tries again and you smile, Joel then says, “Okay?” While Ellie nods, seemingly happy, he gestures to her to give him the gun and he loads the magazine back in the gun and then hands it back to her.

Ellie takes it and as she is about to place it in her back pocket, Joel stops her, “Nuh-uh. You put it in your pack. You’ll shoot your damn ass off.” He groans a little as he stands up again and you give Ellie a high-five and she laughs again. Joel walks to your side and this time it’s your turn, he kneels in front of you and you’re wide-eyed. He gently brushes away some of your hair and checks on your wound, you feel his fingertips graze along the plaster of your band-aid. Lightly, you touch his wrist and say, “I’m fine. Promise.”

None of you move for a bit, but then he slowly pulls away and stands to remove the wooden planks boarded up on the door, you also get up to help him. He holds on to the door handle and sighs, “We’ll get through this.” Ellie blinks once and then nods, “I know.” A beat passes and he pulls open the door, you and Ellie following him out into the setting sun of the city.

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – NIGHT

The midnight blue covers the sky, the stars shine above you, and see the moon glimmer. You three find the side of the building but find the service door to be locked. You look above and point out a vent, Joel nods and turns to Ellie. Taking notice that Joel is this close to passing out on the ground after all the events that have happened, staying up all night to protect the both of you, driving for almost thirteen hours to get to Kansas City, and shooting a bunch of hunters. You offer to boost Ellie up to reach the vent, “Here, put your foot on my hand and then… One, two…”

“Oh shit.” She curses and you reassure her, “It’s okay, I got you.” And she manages to push open the vent and climb inside, “Okay I’m in.” And Joel decides to give out instructions, “Take a look around first. Ellie.” But she doesn’t reply, he harshly whispers, “Goddamn it.” And you say to Joel, “Just give her a second.” And a moment later, Ellie swings the door wide open, “Where would you be without me, huh?” Joel frowns, “By now, Wyoming.” You smack his shoulder, which does absolutely nothing. He glances at you and you stare back, he then walks forward into the building as Ellie takes it in stride. “Oh, yeah. Walked into that one.” The door slams closed behind you three and you take out your own flashlight to click it open.

All three of your footsteps echo around the building, while lights from your flashlights moved about the space. A minute later you see the door to a staircase that leads to the rooftop, you all walk over to it and Joel says, “All right, we’ll make our way up, and come morning, I’ll take a look at the city and find our way out.” He pushes the door open, and it squeaks as he does, shining the light in one hand and his revolver in the other, checking the dark area to make sure there’s no threat.

He walks straight while you and Ellie trail along, “We’re going up forty-two flights?” She groans, and Joel adds, “Forty-five.” The door behind you closes and you shine your flashlight to the ceiling, looking at the seemingly never-ending staircase. “But no. Not all the way.” He says, and Ellie asks, “How far?” Joel takes a breath, “As far as I can make it.” You and Ellie giggle at him and follow right behind the grump, footsteps sounding on the concrete steps of the building as you make your way up each floor.

After twenty flights of stairs, Joel is gripping the hand railing, slightly winded already, you are trying to manage your breathing with all the cardio, while Ellie is only lightly panting, she takes an opportunity to ask a question, “Hey, you know that guy who said he was hurt? How did you know it was an ambush?” Joel stops before the next landing and catches his breath, “I’ve been on both sides. It was a long time ago. We did what we needed to survive.”

“You and Tess?” She asked, and he nods, “And the people we were with. My brother too.” He looks up to check how many more to go, while Ellie can’t help herself, “Did you kill innocent people?” He turns to look at her with an unreadable expression, but doesn’t answer her question, “Come on.” But already you both already knew the answer, and still followed him anyways.

It’s a few minutes later and Joel pushes the fire exit door open and holds it out for you and Ellie to walk through. “Holy shit.” Ellie curses and Joel leans on the wall, “Yeah.” And slides down the wall completely exhausted. You are soaked with sweat and trying to catch your breath, using one hand to lean on the door as it closes by itself. “Thirty-three floors. That’s good.” The young girl comments, and you hear Joel wheeze, “It’s gonna have to be.”

Ellie makes her way over to him and kicks his boot, “Come on.” And holds out her small hand, Joel groans, “Give me a minute.” But Ellie doesn’t agree, “Get up, you lazy ass.” That does it, he grips his hand with hers and helps him up, while you finally got enough oxygen back into your system. Joel grits his teeth, “Lazy ass. Fifty-six years old, you little shit.” Ellie giggles and you smile wide and continue to trail after him.

Joel grabs a fire extinguisher to break through the glass of one of the office doors, the sharp sound of glass shattering rings throughout the room, and Joel reaches in to shake the handle open.

You and Ellie prepare to sleep, and you realize that there aren’t enough cushions for the three of you. Joel scatters glass on the ground as Ellie sits on her makeshift bed, and calls out his name as you sit cross-legged on the carpet, silently contemplating sleeping on the floor. He doesn’t hear Ellie the second time, too busy dumping out the glass.

But the third time she yells out his name he finally turned, “What?” He grudgingly says, and she asks him pointedly, “What are you doing?” And replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “I don’t want someone sneaking up on us while we’re sleeping.”

He puts the bucket down and Ellie realizes what he meant, “Oh, I get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch…” He walks over to the couch cushions on the floor and Ellie questions him, “Are you sure you’re gonna hear it?” Joel takes offense to her asking him that, “Of course, I’ll hear it. That’s the damn point.” Ellie leans back, “Okay. Well, good night.” And he gives a small, “Yeah, goodnight.”

You prepare to sleep on top of your backpack and Joel says your name, “What are you doing?” You turn your head to him and swallow, “Um, there’s not enough cushions. It’s okay though, I’ve slept on the floor before.” His eyebrows furrow and he huffs, “You sleep on mine then.” You shake your head, “Joel, you stayed up late, floored it all the way to Kansas City, fought three hunters, and then walked up thirty-three flights of stairs. You’re literally fifty-six and wheezing. You’re exhausted, so it’s okay, you can have it.”

Joel places his hands on his hips as he stares down at your figure, “That isn’t right though, you’re equally as tired and you got injured earlier. So take the damn bed.” He argues, this was slowly going to become a full-on debate that could have lasted till the morning, but Ellie butts in, “Why don’t you guys just share?” Immediately, your eyes go wide, and feel your face grow warm. You begin to stutter as you try and explain to her why that would be inappropriate, “Um, Ellie… I don’t think that’s—”

“Fine.” You hear him say and your head quickly turns to look at Joel, almost giving you a whiplash as you did. You blink wildly at him and shakily say, “You don’t need to–” He gives you no chance to finish your sentence, “I said fine. Do you want to share or not?” Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell is happening? He didn’t just offer that, did he? Your mouth gapes open like a fish out of water, not knowing how to act or find the right words for this. You take a deep inhale and try not to stumble over your words as you stared into his dark chocolate-brown eyes, “Are you… sure?”

He nods and gestures to you to lay down, you pinch your lips and swallow away your nerves and climb atop the cushions, using your own jacket as a pillow. Joel quietly does the same and faces the opposite of you. You bring your hands to your mouth, they’re slightly trembling as you try and calm your racing heart. Ellie is looking at you with a smirk, that cheeky little shit, she’s playing matchmaker. You mouth out the words, “Fuck you.” Which causes her to grin wider, happy with what she’s accomplished.

“Hey.” Joel's voice is deep and low from behind you, and you raise your eyebrows at Ellie, she replies, “Yeah?” He proceeds to ask, “When we were talking about hurtin’ people, what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” You give Ellie a sad smile knowingly, the places may have changed, but at its core, the story stayed the same. She changes her position to lay flat on her back and stares at the ceiling, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He doesn’t push her and settles, “All right.” After a second he rolls over to his left and lifts his head up, to look at Ellie, you are now inches apart from him brushing his hand on your waist, he tells the kid, “You don’t have to. I’m just saying… it isn’t fair, your age having to deal with all of this.”

Ellie looks to the both of you, “So it gets easier when you get older?” You snort, “God, no.” And Joel shakes his head, “No. Not really. But still.” Ellie doesn’t say anything back to him for a bit, and he sighs, you feel his breath along the back of your neck, causing your spine to shiver at the sensation. “The reason I asked whether you’d hear the glass or not, is because Miss Birdie and I have noticed you don’t hear too well from your right side. Is it ‘cause you were shot there?”

“Probably more from shootin’. So if you wanna keep your hearing, you stick to that knife.” He says and lays back down again, rolling back over to his right side and closing his eyes, Ellie says both of your names and you look at her, waiting, “Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” He glances over his shoulder, “What?” And Ellie continues, “Yeah. It runs in your jeans.”

You didn’t know if your humor was broken, or if you were traumatized, or just exhausted, but you giggled with her and hear Joel whisper, “Jesus.”

He shakes his head, and you and Ellie continue to giggle, “That is so goddamn stupid.” But Ellie points out, “You laughed, motherfucker.” You hear the smile in his voice, “I didn’t laugh.” The kid throws back at him, “Yes, you did.” And you agree with her, “Yeah, you most certainly did, cowboy.”

He mumbles, “Jesus, I’m losin’ it,” and you loudly agree, “Yep, you are and so am I.”

And then his invisible walls came down and allowed himself to be vulnerable, to laugh at Ellie’s stupid joke. Finally, letting his baggage down, if he was being honest, he was so tired of being afraid, and this feeling of weightlessness felt like euphoria. Your cheeks rise to meet your eyes and lines appear as you smile, listening to both of their laughter. Though the storms will push and pull, you three are slowly beginning to form a home. The years, while they were here, haven’t been so kind, but the melody of laughter reminds you to keep your heart open wide. Slowly finding the strength and the nerve it takes to keep going because you know what lies beneath is the greatest thing you have. To trust that there will be light always waiting behind even in the darkest of nights. Somehow you will all be okay.

OFFICE BUILDING, KANSAS CITY – A FEW HOURS INTO THE NIGHT

You feel something heavy and warm draped over your waist, and your head resting on something firm beneath your head. You hear Ellie yell out both of your names in urgency and blink your eyes open to find yourself wrapped up in arms, with your head on his chest. You take a deep inhale, turn your head slightly, and tap Joel awake, his eyes open, alert and confused, to see Ellie kneeling on the cushions with her hands up and Henry pointing a gun at her head. Shit.

And you both turn to look in front of you, a little boy, Sam, with orange paint on his face resembling a superhero mask, pointing a gun at you both, he brings his pointer finger to his lips, indicating for you to be quiet. Joel tries to shield you from the boy, covering your figure with his large frame, gripping your waist so tight, and breathing through his nose heavily. You feel a little paralyzed, as you can’t help but watch the train wreck about to happen right in front of you.

Previous Chapter -> Next Chapter

END NOTES:

This was probably one of the most difficult chapters to write because of all the technicalities and this episode was definitely more centered around Ellie and Joel’s relationship so I didn’t want the reader to completely overshadow that HHEHEHEHE ONE BED TROPE The moment I watched that episode, I immediately thought, I’m writing a one-bed trope (idk if i got it right tho lol I tried to make it realistic??) I had to cut a huge ass important memory from the reader but decided again it's TOO SOON also it wouldn’t add anything to the plot so I’ll add that in later My bad for taking too long to finish this chapter, it was the most intimidating episode for me to write, the loss of innocence is also the main theme of this part of the show, and my experiences with losing innocence are WAY DIFFERENT so it proved it harder to write about You can see Joel slowly giving in and opening up to both you and Ellie Tbh, to me, this is one of the more mediocre chapters I’ve written thus far but I can’t seem to edit it anymore T^T Ellie absolutely adores you and 100% looks up to you hehe (Also she definitely wants you to get with her father figure) cAN SOMEONE UPDATE ME IF THEY WERE AT A TRUCK STOP OR GAS STATION BCS I’ve read sO MANY DAMN ARTICLES trying to figure out what it was and I just settled for a truck stop T^T Thank you, guys, so much for all your kind questions, comments, and feedback aHHH IT TRULY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME Lastly, this is the last call for the taglist before I close it! OKAY BYE OFF TO EPISODE 5 I GO WRITE HNGGGG - Grace

TAGLIST:

@memento-mora @elijahssuit @tartiflvtte @lillylilly2 @kyuupidwrites @amethystwonder11 @syd-vixious @kidkrow666 @soulofapatrick @ponyboys-sunsets @superflymaterial @chaotic-imposter @vainbimbo @eva-stark @loki-an-idiot @littleshadow17 @undermoonlightwalk @afternoon-evening @notmysunnydale @slurmp69 @gyllord @aerangi @mac5323 @friskynotebook @earth-to-lottie @chaotic-imposter @kodzuvk @hawkins-2000 @reallysparklychaos @trust-dreamcatcher @darkened-writer @memeorydotcom @welcomebackfelicia @rainbowpitofdoom @omg-its-typical-aesthetics-fan @marvelsimpcz @dorck26 @evienorville @munsons-queen @little-miss-bi @mxltifxnd0m @ohjoelmiller @coalix @taestrwbrry @avengersheart @gyllord @valentine-babe

Edit: Sorry for the notif twice! The taglist completely bonked itself :,)

#uneven odds joel miller #unevenoddstaglist #uneven odds #unevenodds #joel miller x reader series #joel miller x poc!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x modern reader #joel miller x reader au #joel miller x reader tlou #tlou rewrite #tlou remake #tlou series #joel miller x reader masterlist #joel miller x reader series masterlist #ethereal writes

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c0smoshit · 8 months

Note

Hi hi! Just wanted to know if you were doing requests at the moment, and if so, I have one!

A Cloud Strife x fem! reader that’s based off the song “From the Start” by Laufey? Fluff and ends in a cute little confession!

AHH I love your writing, keep up the good work! Don’t forget to hydrate and stay healthy!

Requests are still open!! So don't worry honey :))

But anyways I love Laufey😭 Her songs are just 😙 🤌 chef kiss

Thanks for the support love ♡♡

Oh the burning painミ★

⋆ ࣪. ℙ𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 ≫ Cloud Strife/Reader

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 ≫ fluff, lovesickness, hugs and overall soft hour Cloud, not proofread!

⋆ ࣪. 𝔸/ℕ ≫ Idk if you just read my mind but I was planning on writting a fic with a Mitski song...

⋆ ࣪. 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥 ≫ 3.862

You finally got to rest after an exhausting day of long walks and longer fights, your feet ached, begging you pry them off the confines of your burning shoes.

Midgar was now far behind your back but although you had escaped the loud noises and the crowds of stressed people, you were still pretty dizzy.

Hurriedly your hands touched the cold surface of the handle on the door that you supposed led you to a room. Sighing audibly when your theory was proven right, you entered inside.

The wind creaked through the big window right above the bed, creating a cool ambience inside you had been craving since you stepped outside the walls.

Although the room wasn't as big as the one in your appartment, it still felt the same size after the mess you had been through. Your bag was long forgotten besides the small wooden night table, your shoes followed soon.

The sun was still up in the sky, it was eventually going to dissapear with red and orange brushstrokes, so the group agreed on resting till tomorrow morning.

And you were so grateful you guys did, having some privacy you knew you were going to seek on this ambiguous long road. But not only you loved the privacy, you loved how your mind could wander around freely.

You thought and thought, how fresh the air slid inside your nostrils, nostrils that were used to the imminent pollution that big city had enveloping it's buildings.

How bright the sky was, a huge lake of natural crystal water beyond your hairy crown. Your eyes burned whenever you looked at the sun, pupils shrinking hastily.

The ground felt different too, both in your eyes and the feeling of it against your curious fingertips. It felt hot and funny, millions of little children frenziedly running down your wrist, some of them tiredly resting on your palm.

You had forgotten about those starry and clear nights you were dying to see once again.

. . .

"Do you think we will still play together when we grow older?"

He stopped walking but he didn't look at your face like you thought he would.

"Yeah, you'll see me on the news when I become a SOLDIER"

You would always tell him that you didn't like talking about those boring guys, that instead he helped you get your doll out of the wooden plank it had fallen on.

But the visible sparkle that appeared on his iris whenever he talked about them, how he seemed to gesticulate more, be happier with you.

Maybe you didn't mind those boring guys that much.

. . .

He would take you to the mountains behind the village, walk with you like he would when he was all alone.

"Look!"

Your dress touched the hard rocks bellow your feet as you crouched down, your face lightening up as you looked at whatever was in front of you.

He tried to peek in, but when he got closer to your back you unexpectedly turned around with something between your little hands.

He had a confused face, eyebrows furrowed while his eyes looked at your big grin before looking back down.

He quickly took a step back with an audible gasp, he had a flower or some silly snail in mind, not a squirrel. Yet when he looked back at the cute baby animal, he was curiously pleased with the sight.

"It's so small and fuzzy!"

Your plump cheek rubbed the side of the little furry gentleman and he felt something inside his belly.

You looked cute like that.

He wouldn't have picked up that animal like you did, maybe because they wouldn't go near him. Something emanated from your body, an aura of kindness that kept him close to you.

You were the only kid he thought wasn't weak, someone who wouldn't judge him if he didn't make it to SOLDIER.

He would have never told you how much he missed you sometimes, the swings felt colder without your colorful skirts resting on top of them.

You brought joy into his life, he liked to play hide and seek with you although you weren't the best at hiding. You were the best at making him crack a smile sometimes.

He swore he would never let a soul like yours get hurt ever again.

. . .

The window was wide opened by your hands, eternal fields of green and vivid grass in front of you. Oh how you would love to lay there right now, you pictured a thin layer of dew wetting your clothes at night, welcoming you with a warm sunlight-bathed blanket when the biggest star came back.

You wondered about those two short memories that popped up inside your head suddenly, maybe it was because you finally smelt fresh mountain air after so long.

Your nose often reminisced you about your memories, the hot and sweet aroma of fresh baked strawberry muffins, the ones you used to bake with your father.

You missed him, you missed home.

But now you finally filled that hole once again, not with your own blood but one that appeared to be the same shade.

You were lost, but he was too. And when you saw him again in those sad streets, his uniform placed carefully on top of his skin and that distinctive sword.

You knew he hadn't changed a bit.

So you brought him back with Tifa, helping her getting him into your group. At first he was bitter with the idea, whining about how he didn't care about the Planet, he just wanted to fulfill his pockets.

But eventually he just needed to warm himself up with everyone, at the end of the day you were all he had left. You opened your backpack.

"You sure you're fine?"

Your head perked up when you heard that distinctive kind voice, your feet stopping right when you were going to reach the end of the metal stairs.

Then you heard a huff, your mind almost immediately picturing a black gloved hand shaking in the air, silently answering her question.

You didn't know why, but your body thought the best idea was to hide behind a wall next to the stairs. You knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but you were too curious to care.

"Okay"

A sigh fell from her lips, the sound of a door creaking following right behind.

"If you want anything else, we can always get it-"

"There is one thing. My money. You guys owe me two thousand, remember? "

Greedy bastard.

Of course he had to bring his gils up, right after she kindly asked him if he was doing alright. You had to bite your lip in order to surpress a laugh.

You heard the feminine voice talking again, but it was too muffled out for you to make out the words. However, you stayed there for a little while.

You lived right next to his door now, you figured out Tifa was showing him his brand new appartment.

He was back home once again.

The voices quieted down, some footsteps could be heard to the tune of the chilly dark air. His sword still rested on his back too, you began walking towards your door.

But then you saw it, you saw Tifa enveloping him with her delicate-looking but strong arms. You freezed once again in the same spot.

Had Cloud ever enjoyed one of your hugs?

His arms akwardly stayed by his sides for a few seconds before he patted her back softly, her arms were wrapped around his chest and she had her head next to his face.

You noticed that she was whispering something into his ear, his mouth stayed tight in response. They both were so close, you took a step foward.

Tifa let go of him and he still stood stiff on his shoes, his eyes were the first ones that noticed you.

You gave him a small wave, quickly marching towards your door as you fumbled with your damn keys. He just looked at you but you were stopped by a swift hand.

"Y/n! "

You spun around, offering an akward smile before her arms were around you for a brief moment.

You had hugged her multiple times before but this one felt just different, for some reason it didn't feel as warm and sweet as they always did, managing to boost up your mood.

"Cloud's our new neighbour now"

She gave you a cheeky grin, her hand now resting on your shoulder. Your mouth opened but you closed it as fast as a butterfly flapped it's colorful wings.

"Yeah... Goodnight you two"

The last thing you saw before your hand made contact with the icy metal handle of your door was her puzzled face, you read some worry in her eyes too.

You were too tired to even think about it, all the tasks you had to do today burning inside your head, now mixed with some sort of sudden... irritation?

Maybe it was the weather, the pollution you hardly tried to scrub off with soap and water. You felt a wave of guilt dragging you down to the deepest places of the ocean, embarrasment seaweeds brushing your face.

Why did you have to run away like that?

What do they think about you now?

They were your friends, she was the one that had offered you fresh drinks and a warm shelter in the first place. It wasn't fair.

♪ I don't need reminders of how you don't feel the same ♪

You mind was stuck by the same rope, constantly trying to pry your ankle from it's prision, scratching and clawing at it. But you only appeared to be dragged further away.

Had he got any romanticism under that thick skin of his?

Maybe he did, deep down, tightly secured by his cold demeanour. But those feelings were definitely not caused by you, you saw the way Aerith seemed to talk to him. How a little yellow flower changed his life.

And the black-haired girl was up there too, her strong but intelligent mindset made her really attractive.

You could spend hours talking about those two girl's beauty, not only from the outside because they were clearly gorgerous under any gaze. They were even prettier when you got to talk to them. Maybe he found them as pretty as you did, maybe he was attracted to one of them.

Okay, slow down.

You were supposed to wind down tonight, finally able to rest properly after a tiring day. And yet you were laying on top of the soft mattress, madly thinking about that damn blonde.

You missed him as a child, he had the cutest cheeks and the softest hair. You missed when he talked honestly with you, without any lies.

But those days had gotten off your back a while ago.

You wanted to drown those thoughts with your bare hands only for tonight, they tortured you enough when it was bright outside. But to top it off, he was sleeping right beside you.

You wanted to walk to his door and when he opened it with that frown of his, pin him into the wall and beg for him to please tell you how he felt. How he felt about you.

♪ Run to me, confess your love. . . ♪

He was cold and warm with you, he offered to help you with your chores, he had waled you home. But he also didn't speak as much as he did when he was younger, his words had turned short and sharp.

Why was he so enigmatic?

A white hall full of endless closed doors, some of them were slightly open meanwhile others had big locks on them. You would need years to open all of them.

Maybe you need a shower.

The morning sun slid through your pores, filling them up with ( not so fresh ) vitamin C. The city was peacefully quiet as it was sunday and most families spent their day inside, together. Oh how you wished you were one of them right now.

But the loud clank of two pairs of shoes kept your mind away from your peace.

♪ Me and you and akward silence ♪

You were kindly asked by Jessie to help her do some shopping for the bar, and of course he had to come with you.

Lately you'd tried to distance yourself as further as the metal buildings let you from him, you didn't want to weird yourself out like you did last time.

Maybe he thought you were acting weird?

You hurried up your steps, his own ones following you close.

No matter how hard you tried to shove inside that thick skull of his that he didn't have to help you with anything, that you were perfectly fine on your own. He didn't seem to give two shits, he was always a gentleman and he was going to keep his maners.

"Alright, this one or that one?"

It was a stupid question, he was probably going to let you choose because he didn't know much about Tifa's stuff for the bar like you did. But you didn't want to make this moment more akward.

He also seemed weirdly calm, he hadn't talked to you about what was happening inside his head or how trapped he felt inside the city but you knew that something was wrong with him.

Maybe you shouldn't have ran out like that in front of him.

"Ughh"

Tired huffs were heard inside the small store, coming from your mouth as you tried to get some soap off it's shelf. You stood on your tippy toes, your shirt riding up a bit as your hand reached high.

However, someone was tall enough to reach it, and before you scoffed at the strange person, you felt his clothed chest on your back.

His slight but intense aroma filled your nose, his spikey hair trickling your back. You had been closer to him, why did this feel so intimate?

You knew the reason why, you had always knew the reason for all your bottled up emotions, but you were too embarrassed to admit them out loud.

"Here"

Before you could enjoy the moment, it had already burned itself on your memories. He had done it again, the warmth of his touch being harshly replaced by the coldness of his voice.

You distracted yourself for the rest of the trip by buying whatever you needed and looking at whatever you didn't. You needed some sort of escape before you went nuts in front of him again.

Maybe your hormones were acting up again after completely destroying you on your teenage years. You hadn't been this lovesick since that guy you had crushed on a few years ago.

After giving Jessie what she wanted, the sun was already getting himself prepared to sleep.

You enjoyed lonely walks outside with this weather, the sun kind of brought joy into the depressing slums. You were happy, the air screamed a change of the seasons, time to bring out the warm clothes out of your drawer.

But some metal clank reminded you that he was, in fact, still beside you.

Ready to de-stress after doing some chores and keeping the city fairly safe even though he didn't really mean it. The walk home was quiet as you had suppossed it would be.

You reached the stairs without the need of hiding once again, a grown out chocobo following behind you. The first time your eyes fell upon that horizon of blonde mess you thought they looked like those big and super cute birds.

As a kid you only got to see them in pictures, some of them too blurred out to make out their big blue eyes. However, they were way cooler in person.

You remember the time you first bumped into one in Midgar, his owner let you pet him and you could've died in that field of softness. You and Tifa both agreed that Cloud was just like them, but he wasn't as funny and joyful obviously.

He reached his long awaited door, your own one was on on his right. He opened the door and your mouth was still sealed shut, his eyes found yours once again, waiting for you to wave him goodbye or something.

"See you tomorrow then"

He wouldn't have nodded unless his eyes weren't looking at your lips, your tone matching the silent breeze of the afternoon air.

The cold water trickling down your skin calmed your body and certainly your mind, you missed this sort of loneliness. Having the time to properly wash your body, your hair.

Your back hit the mattress once again, but as soon as you did, the same scorching warmth invaded your thoughts again. Something bothered you, and you knew what you had to do to ease that itch.

But you were too shy to do it, not now you thought. But when?

Sepphiroth was out there, Shinra had polluted almost every corner left on this Planet. You had to do it.

. . .

"Fuck"

Your quivering hands fixed your clothes, your knuckles ready to bang the do-

"Hey"

You stood there like a rock, the door was wide open in front of you and a fresh out of the shower Cloud welcomed you. You hadn't expected him to be the one who opened the door before you.

His shoulder was empty and his leather belt wasn't there too, he looked calmer like that. You liked that view, a more "informal" sight.

But the best part was his hair, it still had droplets of water travelling through a rainforest of blonde locks, desesperately trying to find a way out. His brows were a bit ruffled up too, and you had to contain your urges to brush your fingers over them.

"H-Hey"

His eyes looked at you up and down, you read confusion writen all over them once again. He probably didn't expect you to be there either.

"I just. I just wanted to talk"

You finally breathed out, your heart felt like it was about to explode inside your chest. Why didn't you feel like this when you were fighting the Turks?

"Come in"

God, why did you have to follow the voices in your head.

The room was identical to yours, but his bed was on the left side of the room. Your own one was on the right, he was going to sleep next to you.

What?

No he wasn't, there was a wall dividing both of your little worlds. You were going crazy at this point.

♪ Unrequited, terrifying ♪

He sat on the bed, next to a soggy white towel you figured out he had used for his hair. His knees were slightly appart from eachother, his bare hands resting on top of them.

It was the first time since he began living next to you that you had seen him without those gloves. And you certainly didn't know how they weren't already worn out.

They were pretty and surprisingly glowy, maybe it was the water that smoothed his fingers out, maybe his gloves kept his hands soft. You wanted to feel them, on your skin, on your face as he brushed away a strand of your hair.

Now you knew why those strange massage ladies talked wonders about him, he had the most gorgerous hands you had ever seen. A shame he wasted it's potential by soaking them up with blood.

How long had you been staring at them already?

"Okay..."

A sigh slipped through your lips, the nautical twilight soon about to turn into an astronomical one, flooding your senses.

"Don't wanna sound weird"

An akward laugh filled his brain, he watched you from his seated position your crossed-arms standing one. He was hoping you would sit with him.

"It's just that-"

♪ Love is driving me a bit insane ♪

You bit your lip, taking your pupils off him before you mentally facepalmed.

"Forget it, you're probably tired"

You turned on your heels, your mind already reminding you about how embarrassing this was, how you shouldn't have gotten off your bed in the first place.

Yet his hand grabbed your wrist.

It was indeed as soft as you had imagined.

Silence fell over the room, your face searched his under the clear fog of the night. Your feet slowly shifted into it's initial position, the warmth still lingering on your right.

He didn't need to talk for you to know exactly what he wanted you to do, so you let yourself fall next to him on the mattress.

Your cheeks were burning at this point and you didn't dare looking at his eyes, little did you know he had learnt to surpress those same feelings better than you.

His fingers unlaced the soft bracelet from your wrist, laying down close to your pinky. You looked so cute blushing.

The next movement stunned both of you, your swift arms enveloping his neck and your rapid heart beating wildly on his chest. His hands stayed beside him for a few seconds, not knowing where to put them. But like everything in life, they eventually found their place on your waist.

♪ Have to get this off my chest ♪

"I love you"

You hugged him tighter, trying to ease the anxiousness that was starting to consume your guts. You shouldn't have said that out loud, god, you had really fucked up your relationship with your only source of comfort in this nasty world.

He brought you closer to him, you thought he would pull you away.

You both stayed like that for a while, a while you wished the moon would grant you an eternity like this with him.

♪ Confess I loved you ♪

"I do too"

That simple mumbled out words were like a burst of arrows shot directly to your chest, maybe this were your last minutes alive before your heart exploded.

♪ Just thinking of you ♪

"I thought you and, you and Aerith. . .?"

He shifted on the bed but his arms were still around you, securing you into his lean form.

"We're not like that"

You felt as if you were running between flowers, the air striking your face as you laughed and cried happy tears.

You were finally in peace.

You had loved him since you two were little kids, quietly waiting for him to go out and play with you, always having a sudden burst of energy whenever you saw him on the village.

It was finally happening.

You didn't want a kiss tonight, maybe he wasn't ready for that.

You just wanted to be held like this, his strong arms keeping you away from anything that could've harmed you. You wanted him closer, you needed his touch.

And so did he.

♪ I know I've loved you from the start ♪

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