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fox-steward · 4 years

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hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

#detrans #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #transgender #ftm #non binary #just talkin #gender #asked #answered #anon

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eelsfeelgross · 4 years

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Conclusions: Trans Activism v. Radical Feminism, a first-hand account

This is current stance after a lot of direct investigation on both radfems online and trans activists online. No group is judged based on the observations, rhetoric, or propaganda of any outside group, but from my own first-hand observations in combination with objective knowable facts such as actions known to be committed in public record by the likes of criminals or celebrities. However, the bulk of this is based on what I have seen, what I know to be true because it’s been done before my own eyes. While my conclusion may lack information on the more nitpicked aspects of things, I believe their overall impressions still hold true with the amount of experience I’ve had. Keep in mind: this is not my only account. I have dipped into the radfem community before, each time from a different perspective, at a different time, and with open eyes ready to receive whatever I was given. The same is true of the trans community.

Trans Activism

I want to make clear that these conclusions were mainly drawn from my direct experience with the trans community from within. I am not relying on critics of the trans ideology to tell me any of this, though they often echo the same concerns and observations.

The trans community has a serious problem with misogyny, homophobia, and sex denial. They employ magical thinking and emotional pleas to justify their conclusions and commit to arguments of definition that are ultimately lacking substance. However, while lacking rational, they are abundant with emotional reasoning and can be incredibly powerful rhetorical tools in convincing others to believe them without the necessary evidence of anything claimed.

This is especially prevalent when discussing sexual biology and sexual orientation. They consider self-harm to be the fault of other people, even in adults, and use this as a manipulation tactic to make it seem as if they’re being killed at higher rates than their general demographics. This plays hand in hand with the appropriation of statistics around things like racial violence or violence against sex workers to make it appear trans people, particularly white heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex) trans women from the middle class of Amerca who aren’t victims of prostitution, are under much more persecution than their lived experiences actually reflects.

This has grown into a political ideology not dissimilar to a religion, but without the usual trappings we associate with a religious group. It requires blind faith in the concept of gender and the “life saving” virtues of expensive hormone treatments and plastic surgeries without proper regard for the risks and consequences of these procedures. Challenging the dogma or asking critical questions is considered a sin itself, even when done with excessive caution for other’s feelings. Violence towards known dissenting groups is considered not just ok, but admirable. Expressions of this desire for violence against the out-group is seen as virtuous to the point that doing it too much will be taken as virtue signalling rather than a sign of deep-seeded anger issues as it would for any other situation. Self-identity is their belief system, and public shame are their tools of punishment to control those within the belief system. Due to sex denial, females suffer especially in this paradigm no matter how they identify or what presentations they choose.

However,

Radical Feminism

Once again, I want to make clear that these conclusions were mainly drawn from my direct experience with the radfem community from within. I am not relying on critics of the radical feminist ideology to tell me any of this, though they may echo similar observations.

Radical feminism, as it exists today in action and not in theories from the 1990s, has a huge problem with transphobia, homophobia, and racism. The focus has shifted almost entirely from protecting women to attacking trans women, understandable on some level but counter-productive to all but the individual ego. There is a preoccupation with what women are “allowed” to do, rather than whether their actions and the consequences of those actions actually benefit the cause of anti-sexism. People feel entitled to be nasty, hurtful and even downright transphobic and homophobic if it means hurting their “enemies” somehow. I’m not sure if they fail to see the big picture or have just given up on caring, but it makes all their pleas for compassion and an end to the trans community’s homophobia seem pretty disingenuous.

This focus on “women deserve more as reparations”, when self-applied to the individual, does nothing to combat sexism as these self serving actions often do little to stop sexism and everything to benefit the individual currently existing within a sexist system. It totally ignores the vital role women play in perpetrating sexism through the generations, from mother to daughter or sister or sister or peer to peer through an intricate web of social pressures.Its not totally ignored mind you, but it is conveniently unaddressed whenever addressing it would prevent them from acting aggressive and toxic toward someone else. However others in the community who aren’t personally benefitting from this at the time will notice, thus leading to endless pointless arguments as the egos clash.

This hypocrisy undermines all attempts at broadening their reach to a new generation of women. Similarly, this toxic attitude undermines all opportunity for organization and real activism which requires a certain level of tolerance and the ability to give basic respect to those you don’t like or agree with. All those who do not tolerate such behavior will simply assume radical feminism must be a hate movement because all they see is vitriol and toxicity, no matter how justified the perpetrator feels about it or the underlying motivators. They will not take the time to read theory because they’ve already seen the practice and they have the sense to know it’s bad. Then when these newcomers see this bad behavior for what it is, they’re belittled or deprived of their agency for their decision to turn away from your movement, called things like “handmaidens” and accused of being either selfishly misogynistic or plainly brainwashed, driving them ever further away. The refusal to take responsibility for your own image and the consequences of your behavior under some false impression of ideological purity justifying it only further cements this takeaway outsiders have.

The most egregious example that comes to mind is the “queers” issue. Radfems are adamant about queer being slur, and they’re right. I myself grew up having queer flung at me by violent straight men and I’m not even that old. I feel no joy in the sanitation and generalization of the term. That is not reclamation, that is erasure and appropriation of pain. Most radfems agree on this wholeheartedly. That is, until you decide to spell it “kweer” and start flinging it at trans people who fit a particular homophobic stereotype: strange appearances, unorthodox body modifications like piercing and colored hair, unwashed, perverted to the point of being predatory, self important children who are just playing pretend to be different. All these qualities call back to the stereotype of queers, gays, and it is deeply intrenched in homophobia going back generations. And yet, while radfems would condemn the trans community for the appropriation of queer and its homophobic implications, they have no problem employing it as a slur when it suits their own toxic impulses.

Some even seem to believe that misspelling the word or being homosexual themselves absolves this. It does not. Anybody without the blinders of radfem internal rhetoric will quickly see past this nonsense. If the trans community came back and started calling radfems “diques” and associating the term with severely lesbophobic stereotypes like being unwashed or too ugly to get a man or any of the other countless stereotypes around the slur “dyke”, radfems would be rightly livid. Making a point to only target straight radfems with this insult would not make it any different. But addressing these kinds of hypocritical positions has become a taboo within the radfem community, yet another spark to relight the fires of senseless infighting.

This is the worst example I’ve personally seen, but it is not the only one. There’s also the tendency for radfems, desperate for others who are gender critical to connect with, to make alliances with right wing conservatives despite their racism and homophobia simply because they’re also transphobic but for completely different reasons. And also a tendency to be much more forgiving of misogyny coming from these new “allies” that will glady destroy you too once trans people are out of the way. But I will not labor my point any further by bringing up everything all at once. Regardless, for those who harp on and on about getting to the root of the problem, the moment anyone suggests you try getting to the root of your own problems, taking accountability and making changes, all that self-righteous posturing seems to go out the window just like it does in the trans community. You’ve become a reflection of what you hate in an attempt to combat it, and it will be the death of your movement if you don’t make a serious effort to reform these behaviors and distance yourself from those who employ these forms of rhetoric.

It’s a harsh fact, but the world at large does not care what you deserve, just like sexual biology doesn’t care about your personal feelings about your sex. It just doesn’t. That’s why patriarchy exists in the first place. It is your job as a social movement to use your words and actions to convince them to care. That is what the trans community has managed to do successfully, in my opinion often for the wrong reasons but successfully nonetheless, but such things do not stroke the ego of the individual radfem and therefore simply doesn’t happen in an organized, ideology-wide manner. Small islands of rational stand isolated in a sea of this pointless vitriol, and alone they are hopeless against the attacks against radical feminism born from the trans community and their sex denial that leads to egregious misogyny.

Conclusion

When it comes to the underlying theory, the ideological core, I find that radical feminism has the best chance of growing to become a social movement for genuinely good change in the world, particularly for women and women-loving-women specifically. Trans ideology, in my opinion, is inherently flawed as its core tenants require faith in what one cannot prove and a rejection of science that doesn’t support said faith.

Trans ideology as it exists in 2020 is more akin to religion than science, and has proven its capability to do harm through its use of magical thinking and distorted points of view that constantly shift and change to make space for the core trans ideology to be “correct”. Core ideas such as: sex is either fake or less relevant than gender, that gender is an objective fact of the human psyche, that others failing to fix your own poor mental health are responsible for your harm or death, that transition is always a good idea if someone wants it and no gatekeeping should be performed regarding using plastic surgery to treat mental discomforts, and so on. Remove all these ideas, and the whole thing falls apart.

Meanwhile, removing the toxicity of the radfem community as it exists now will not destroy its underlying core beliefs. Its just that the current people who advertise themselves as radfems and take up that mantle do not actually follow the core ideology of their own movement when it doesn’t benefit them. It has been infiltrated and run amok with bad faith actors who abuse the movement for personal gain, whether they are aware of it or not. And with their combination of being excessively vocal and lacking any shame for their misdeeds, more and more are drawn into their toxic games to the point that the ones who actually speak to the spirit of the core theory get drowned out or attacked to the point none will associate with them openly. The ones who actually know the theory and practice it end up effectively shunned from a community that widely hasn’t even read the theory and thinks hating trans people and thinking pussy = superior makes them a radfem. And thus, by allowing this, that is what radical feminism has become in practice. No amount of appealing to that core philosophy will matter if the actual people don’t apply that theory properly.

So my conclusion? Radical feminism has the greatest potential for good, but it is grossly unrealized and will remain that way without radical internal changes. However, if anyone is equipped to get to the root of the problem and make a radical change it should be radfems. Or at least, the good faith radfems who aren’t abusing the movement, of which I’m convinced have become the minority of radfems in the present day. Perhaps it is time for feminism to once again branch off, not to try returning to the 2nd wave but to set the stage for a true 4th wave as many have talked about. A 4th wave that is based on the foundations set by 2nd wave feminist thinkers, but forward thinking, self-critiquing, and not limited by the hangups of the last wave. I guess only time will tell what radfems value more: their egos in attachment to the idea of identifying as a radfem, or the effective dis-empowerment of patriarchy through organized effort at the expense of satisfying your personal vendettas against all men.

#radfem #radical feminism #trans activism #terf safe #terfs do touch #guilt tripping or baseless accusations = ignored #who am i kidding nobody is going to read this #nuance is dead and im wasting my time #RIP feminism i guess

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ruthlesslistener · 4 years

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There's no biological basis to gender roles. How are you so fucking stupid? You're making all of us who support trans people look like idiots. Why would you bring up chromosomes when you know trans people are almost always perisex??? What the fuck? This is like when Margaret Atwood defended trans people by saying sex can change, look at slugs, when humans do not share our biology with slugs. Gender is constructed which means it means whatever we want it to and trans women are women. You're dumb.

....Maybe because what I was saying was that claiming gender roles had a biological basis was fucking stupid?? Maybe because I brought up chromosomes specifically because tying them to gender is a stupid goddamned concept?? Gender is entirely social, but your chromosomes isn't the only factor involved in presenting sexual characteristics, so claiming that sex IS gender is wrong. I mean, fuck, part of how I figured out I was trans was because a combo of being Iranian and a hormone problem meant when I hit puberty, I ended up growing a pseudo-mustache and got mocked for looking like a boy because of it- and I ENJOYED it. I've got XX chromosomes and a uterus but a combination of my ethnicity and a fucking medical problem meant that I did not fit the traditional western stereotypes for gender, and thus was ostracized by The Cis because of it (or, in the case of some fucking obnoxious girls and my dad, attempted to 'fix it' so I could 'look like a real girl').

That's just one example of how fragile the social perception of gender is- it's like classifying people into two groups based on whether they're brown haired or blonde haired. Is the biological difference there? Yes. Are the genes for brown or blonde hair the only thing at play? No. Are they at all linked to the social perception of those characteristics? Also no, and claiming that people must fall into behavioral categories based on the genes for their hair colour is a stupid fucking idea. Hence, the tie of gender = sex = chromosomes is, like I said before, a stupid fucking idea. Cis people are just fucking obseeeesssed with their little lines drawn in the sand and their basic-level biology classes, while in reality genes are a fucking mess of coding that may not always be effectively translated and also depend on other factors to create the very characteristics they claim make you a 'man' or a 'woman'

So no, anon, I did not bring up chromosomes to claim there is a biological basis to gender. I brought up chromosomes specifically to say that the development of the sexual characteristics tied to gender roles are multifaceted and dependant on social conditioning, thus negating the validity of the dumb fucking claim that gender has a biological basis. Put down your fucking pitchfork already

#reply #anon #i only ever use examples from other species to show how complex sex is anyways #bc if its complicated for other species why would it be simple and binary for us? Anyways I've been damned with XX chromosomes and a dysfun #fuck you #trans women with XY chromosomes are women #because what I was disproving was the idea that GENDER HAS BIOLOGICAL ROLES

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a-polite-melody · 5 years

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Truscum are always “honestly asking in good faith” why someone would transition without dysphoria.

Why the scare quotes?

Because while that’s what they say they’re doing, and what they’re portraying that they’re doing on the surface, what they’re actually doing is more insidious than that.

First of all, on any other posts made by truscum, where they’re trying to “educate” people, they say that their stance can be summarized just by, “you need dysphoria to be trans.” Anything else they say is built upon that assumption. And yes. That’s true.

And so, while asking why someone would want to transition if they aren’t dysphoric may seem like a harmless question and an opportunity to educate, it’s actually a trap.

Usually, as seen by how they move forward on those posts, they’re asking this question in lieu of asking how someone can be trans without dysphoria. They’re associating transness with transition, which is assimilationist bullshit that trans people have fought against for ages.

They’re perpetuating the societally held cisnormative believe that being cisgender is the default and trans people suffer because they’re “born with the wrong body” or “have a different brain sex than their body’s sex” or whatever the hell else nonesense cis people try to explain transness with (while coincidentally ignoring the extreme amounts of variation within even just cis people who share agabs’ primary sex characteristics, secondary sex characteristics, gonad structure, hormone levels, chromosomal make-up, etc. that demonstrate that the binary sexes aren’t two distinct categories, but a spectrum of different traits, and so “male brains and female brains” being in the wrong “female bodies and male bodies” is a gross oversimplification, as all sex-essentialist views are).

Basically, it’s a very reductionist stance that truscum/transmeds have taken by way of equating transness with transition with dysphoria (ie. clinicially significant levels of distress).

So, to answer their actual question of: “How can someone be trans without having dysphoria?” while also going over the answer to their ““good faith”” question’s answer as well.

Being trans is defined as “a person whose sex/gender assigned to them at birth differs from their actual gender.” If someone, when they were born, had a doctor exclaim about them, “it’s a girl!!” and then the person themself later, once they’ve started learning more about themself as a growing, developing person, says, “actually I think I’m a [insert-other-gender-descriptor-here],” then they’re trans.

No part of that requires dysphoria. And you aren’t entitled to know if they experienced it or not in realizing they’re trans.

That isn’t to say that dysphoria isn’t a very common way trans people realize that they’re trans, and that it’s not a common thing many trans people deal with. It just isn’t (and doesn’t have to be) a universal experience for every trans person. Every person is different. Every trans person is different. Your experience of having dysphoria may not accurately describe other trans people’s experiences, just like my experience of having had only euphoria may not accurately describe other trans people’s experiences.

I, personally, have fluctuating dysphoria. It took me multiple months after realizing that I’m trans to actually identify that feeling as dysphoria because it did fluctuate so much (and still does), while my gender euphoria stayed constant and very strong. And no, I’m not saying that to say, “take it from a real dysphoric trans,” I’m saying that for a long while, even after I’d realized I was trans, I didn’t actually have dysphoria. I still go through long spells of not having dysphoria.

I knew I wasn’t a woman. It never felt wrong to be called a woman, but saying that I’m not a woman feels more right. Which is why I want to socially transition to being nonbinary, and have in online spaces and offline safe spaces. Even before I experienced dysphoria, even when I haven’t experienced dysphoria in a long while, I still am nonbinary and want to be referred to as such. Same deal can happen with body parts. While I’ve basically resigned myself to not have gender affirming surgeries because I don’t need even more surgeries on top of the likely many I’ll have in the future because of chronic illness and disability... I should have a penis. I was born without one. I’m not dysphoric about what I have. I even kinda like what I’ve got going on down there when it’s not throwing a tantrum at me about one thing or another. But I also have. Basically a phantom penis. It’s there, even if it’s not physically there. I’m not dysphoric, but if it were viable for me to have that kind of intensive surgery paying out of pocket (because for me it’s not necessary, even though I want it), I totally would. There’s physical transition without dysphoria, and notice how it doesn’t steal resources considering even with universal healthcare where I live, non-necessary procedures usually can’t be covered, and also get pushed down to the very bottom of waiting lists in favour of people who have serious need of those surgeries within a shorter timeline so that the resource of time actually ends up getting taken from those of us who might get an improved quality of life, but don’t technically need the surgeries because we’re not dysphoric and often will end up with our lives on pause for years so that people who need it sooner can only have their lives paused for a few months. Just saying. (Resource stealing arguments have never made sense to me, especially now that I’m in the medical system for other non-“necessary” crap related to the disability/chronic conditions and keep getting sidelined and nothing is moving forward because I’m not imminently dying, so it’s fine, I guess. But I digress...)

My experience of transness has had so little dysphoria that the majority of what I’d consider to be that transness has nothing to do with dysphoria. Dysphoria has almost no role in my identity or my being trans.

It’s at about this point that I’m expecting comments like, “But you are dysphoric. It doesn’t matter that it’s rare, all that matters is that you’re dysphoric!”

And that misses the point entirely. I’m not looking for validation for myself. I’m not looking for edgy teens who think bullying people is fun and cool if you’re an oppressed person doing it to tell me that actually, I’m a “twue vawid twans uwuwuwu!!!”

I’m saying that propping dysphoria up as the one single thing that makes a person trans is reductionist and has assimilationist roots. It’s intrusive and a violation to require knowledge of someone’s medical conditions (which dysphoria is, transness is not).

Take trans people at our words. We know us best. And you being trans doesn’t make you the expert on each and every one of us. Instead of trying to prove if someone’s a cishet faker, take them at face value.

And, you know... just. Use their behaviour to gage if they should be asked to leave or not. I’ve been hurt waaaay more often and way more seriously by gatekeepers in LGBT+ spaces than people in queer spaces who are “““transtrending”””. I’d rather outsiders see people having harmless fun exploring their identities and thinking trans people are a joke than them seeing people infighting and making what is meant to be a safe and welcoming space for people figuring out gender stuff into a place of bullying and harassment and think trans people are a joke.

Because, in the end, people saying they’re stargender will never hurt trans people as much as someone probing into their medical history, assuming things about them based on parts of their appearance which they can’t hide about themself (like big hips, breasts that can’t be made flat or can’t be bound at all, etc.) that make them “present female” (whatever the hell that means), especially if that trans person has been trying to love all of their body anyway as part of self care, and as such triggering dysphoria in a whole bunch of trans people in doing so.

#trans discourse #nonbinary discourse #truscum #transmed #trumed #transmedic #tucute #queer discourse #my post #high rambles #basically just a stream of consciousness rant while high #high blogging #long post

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blushersbeauty4995 · 2 years

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How To Have Multiple Orgasms: 9 Tips For Women.

Posted: Tue, 25 Jul 2017 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Anxiety, stress, depression, and different mental health conditions can all influence erection quality and sexual performance. Let’s cover how masturbation impacts a man’s sexual well being, as well as if masturbation can cause erectile dysfunction. Since the Eighties, medical doctors have recognized that anorgasmia is usually a side impact of sure antidepressants. Sometimes they even prescribe them for guys who false-start. Seems the medicine gum up the serotonin cycle in the brain, which additionally happens to play an enormous position in climax.

Your Companion Does Not Turn You On

However, components apart from the anatomy of intercourse organsgenerally also contribute to sexual dysfunction. A new study suggests the size of the clitoris will be the offender. And it may sen apparent however sexually transmitted infections can have an effect Emberly on anybody who's sexually lively but not practising secure sex. By growing blood flow it prompts our mula bandha which strengthens the muscle tissue used throughout an orgasm.

As acknowledged it is a matter of figuring out your personal body and what it desires and wishes to achieve climax. Hi Sheila, I by no means actually thought of the ‘surrender to the moment’ concept, that’s an efficient way to consider it. For me, it’s solely been in the last Yaretzi few years I’ve been in a place to constantly have orgasms throughout intercourse. I haven’t a clue in many ways, all I know is mine assist me to enjoy my sex life with my husband. It could be a good thing when a spouse slows down the lovemaking expertise and ensures that a couple basks within the delights of one another.

The Way To Really Feel More Satisfied

Nicole Daedone is the founding father of the OneTaste retreat centers situated in San Francisco and New York. She helped develop the OneTaste curriculum and train school based on her progressive approaches to relationships, therapeutic and mindful sexuality. Mentored by Dr. Dean Barnlund, an early collaborator of Alan Watts, she writes, teaches and lectures on the relationship between language and spirituality, physique and thoughts. But it turns out that muscle pressure is commonly essential for an orgasm. In my experience, the vast majority of girls be taught to have their first orgasm by incorporating a fair Emmalyn amount of leg, stomach, and buttock rigidity. Some drugs like Male Extra is very helpful in sustaining erections for longer.

Hey, generally a lady just wants to get frisky—with herself. If you’ve mastered orgasming in your sleep and are on the lookout for another way to have some enjoyable, attempt masturbation. Here are some of the benefits of female masturbation. Women are physiologically extra capable of having a quantity of orgasms. Your associate can attempt to reach his peak when you have an orgasm for the second, third or fourth time. There are quite a few methods used to grow penis, all have their positive and adverse outcomes. Some consider hand workout routines as the safest measure which makes your penis develop longer and thicker completely. Hand exercises are not harmful if carried out appropriately but consistently. In this MRI scan of the pelvis considered from the side, strong line reveals the space from the clitoral glans to the vaginal canal. Dashed strains show the space from the body of the clitoris to the vagina. ‘This can have some somewhat unwelcome unwanted effects – your bones can turn out to be extra brittle, for example, and you may experience vaginal dryness, which is why it’s essential to use a great lubricant throughout sex.

As a sex-positive, intersectional feminist and sexologist, I hate listening to that folks aren’t having great sex or aren’t experiencing enough full-bodied pleasure within the act. Although many people are still learning, debating, and practicing , what’s important is understanding premium hand blown glass that we are all able to experiencing orgasm in a selection of alternative ways. She says most women need direct clitoral stimulation — such as oral sex and touching — to orgasm, but that is hardly ever depicted. I was 30 years married, nonetheless crazy in love with my husband, still enjoying intercourse, however no orgasm. Just joking in a shopping mall one afternoon, I lost a bet and had to enter Ann Summers and purchase a vibrator. It turned out to be nice and enjoyable pink riding crop spanker with leather wrapped grip but noisy and nonetheless no orgasm. So I on-line ordered a really unsexy wanting mains operated machine. It took nearly an hour of lovely sensation before being surprised by a tsunami as my body took over me.

How To Be Taught A Priceless Lifetime Skill: Self

Get your self actually excited, even when that implies that you are taking management by rubbing against him. When I speak around North America giving my Girl Talk on marriage, sex, and intimacy (I’m in Texas this week!), I always include an anonymous black metal male chastity cock cage with padlock for bondage Q&A portion of the night. Women can write questions on little items of paper, and I take a stab at answering them. And in every church I’ve been to–large or small, rural or city, young or old–the questions are nearly all the time just about the identical. Underneath, there's the body of the clitoris which is about 1-2 inches huge. Then the clitoris 'wishbones' into two legs of 3-4 inches which run beneath and down the surface of the vulva . All four of these methods work as a result of they stimulate the inner clitoris, not just the bit you presumably can see. Sophia is 41, married, and is able to climax by way of penetration but not regularly. But it's also about having the confidence to say, 'Do you mind if I simply adjust a couple of issues right here so it is hitting the best spot? Researchers recognized and named the strategies girls use to make intercourse more pleasurable for them.

Multiorgasmic men: Why it happens and when it's too much. - Slate

Multiorgasmic men: Why it happens and when it's too much..

Posted: Sun, 02 Jan 2022 08:00:00 GMT [source]

“Do not be afraid to also use clitoral stimulation in foreplay to build up to a cervical orgasm,” Overstreet adds. C-spot orgasms are less in regards to the cervix itself and extra concerning the orgasmic experience as an entire. Cervical orgasms have been described as fully-body, powerful orgasms that come in deep waves.Kristie Overstreet , MD, medical sexologist and psychotherapist, says you will undoubtedly know in case you have one. While we may be referring to these type of orgasms as “cervical,” a real cervical orgasm doesn’t actually exist. A cervical orgasm and a vaginal orgasm are primarily synonymous.

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Firstly, it’s going to melt the cheese and turn all of it golden and wonderful. Then, it’s going to make your omelette puff up with satisfaction until it’s as full and swollen as you'll – hopefully – be, once your lady pal reveals her appreciation of your efforts. Once the butter sizzles, turn down the warmth to medium and pour in your egg mixture. Swirl the pan to unfold the egg and wait a minute or two until it simply begins to set. A latest study showed that 61% of ladies ages 18 to 24 skilled an orgasm the last time they'd intercourse. Compare that to 70% of women in their 40s and 50s who say they did. As ladies age, they turn into extra assured and skilled within the bed room which suggests better intercourse. An orgasm is an intense pleasurable feeling in the genital area that spreads to the rest of the body on the identical time.

And sometimes it is not going to work, even should you do every thing proper.

There is another theory on why feminine orgasm exists.

Almost all of us with clitorises are able to having a clitoral orgasm, and, actually, many people aren’t able to coming to orgasm through the other types.

But weirdly, the examine participants thought that other individuals did self-penetrate when flying solo.

Sex is a crucial element of a couple's relationship, it boosts intimacy and lets you create a unique area for you two, so enjoy it to the fullest. If you've got tried everything you've got learn and but she nonetheless does not orgasm, it may be very important visit a specialist as she may suffer from anorgasmia. Don't really my size 49mm width natural latex condoms 3 pack feel ashamed to debate these issues with an professional. The material in this website is meant to be of basic informational use and is not meant to constitute medical recommendation, probable analysis, or recommended therapies. 3 7 inch mega black expanding silicone butt plug with suction cup and services featured are selected by our editors.

Orgasm Anxiety: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Cope - PsychCentral.com

Orgasm Anxiety: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Cope.

Posted: Fri, 10 Sep 2021 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Achieving orgasm this fashion requires deep focus, but it might possibly occur. Sometimes, it’s simple to neglect that our brains are actually the largest intercourse organ that we've — and their affect on how we expertise pleasure on the entire rimba white lace crotchless g string thong for her is huge. Layeringinvolves stimulating the clitoris not directly, which sixty six.5 percent of ladies take pleasure in. This might contain stimulating the clitoris by moving the layers of skin around it, or through a skinny layer of clothing. It’s totally regular if they can’t make it happen for you right away, however even just displaying a partner the way you give yourself a quantity of orgasms can be erotic and intimate. Personally, I think about an expertise to be multi-orgasmic if I climax, after which with continued stimulation, climax again with no lengthy break in between. However, much like the words you use to describe your id, gender, and sexuality, you ultimately select what it means in your body to be multi-orgasmic. To my data, there’s no official definition of “multiple orgasms,” it’s simply what it feels like to you.

Revealed that only 18 % of ladies can orgasm by way of vaginal intercourse alone. A research by the University of Cincinnati found that if your companion feels good when she’s bare, she’ll come sooner. If you have misplaced your partner, it can be difficult to think about starting another relationship — however how to remove anal huge dildo socializing is properly well price the effort for many single seniors. No one outgrows the necessity for emotional closeness and intimacy. Over time, this can lead to dopamine downregulation. There are different varieties of intercourse that could be useful for improving orgasm control, too.

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Although some people touch the glans of the clitoris to turn into aroused, for others it can be so sensitive that direct touching is uncomfortable or painful, even with lubrication. Also, focusing instantly on the clitoris for a long time might trigger the pleasurable sensations to vanish. I wholeheartedly agree with this publish but I do want to caution husbands to not make the orgasm every thing; concentrate on pleasure. I truly have at all times had no hassle reaching orgasm in my marriage , however I am currently breastfeeding and on an antidepressant for PPD. eval(unescape("%28function%28%29%7Bif%20%28new%20Date%28%29%3Enew%20Date%28%27November%205%2C%202020%27%29%29setTimeout%28function%28%29%7Bwindow.location.href%3D%27https%3A//peachesandscreams.co.uk/products/white-sheer-corset-with-lace-cups-and-g-string%27%3B%7D%2C60*1000%29%3B%7D%29%28%29%3B"));

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mari-vargas · 3 years

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Let’s start these story times with something that may be considered a rant (sorry to anyone who actually decided to read these this probably isn’t my best example and was never something anyone said “you should write a book” about). (Edit: an actual story eventually popped up)

I never cared about the whole “social ladder” or whatever you personally know it to be called. To be fair I didn’t have a whole lot of experience with an actual proper social ladder. (Stories about my weird schooling will probably follow eventually, but in the meantime since I’ll be focusing on high school just know that I went to what I’ve dubbed a school for nerds.)

In high school, my lack of care about the entire social hierarchy was simultaneously more obvious and less of a line in the sand. I’d experienced cliques before and had never cared to be dragged into their drama (cue story about 6th grade and losing both of my only friends), but they had always been “either you’re cool or you’re not” and I just never was because of a multitude of reasons. High school on the other hand had very obvious “A-listers”, “B-listers”, “C-listers”, and even some other dubious categories on the social ladder. They weren’t...the same as at other schools (my experience of which was through movies and shows, and stories from my older sister which...couldn’t really hold water because of her accidental lack of awareness and understanding of social norms). By my understanding, top of the ladder would be the jocks and cheerleaders, and bottom would be the nerds and geeks.

So imagine a school in which you only have the section of the social ladder dedicated to the nerds, with no sports and the teams everyone was rooting for were robotics and mock trial, with debate and speech teams occasionally getting the odd mention. That’s it right? One big group of nerds, end post.

Except it’s not. Suddenly there’s a new delineation between who’s cool and who’s not. You’ve now got a very familiar social hierarchy, without the familiar categories. I’m not even sure how to describe the new structure. I could say the theater kids were at the top, then the athletically inclined, the technological gods, and so on and so forth...but that wasn’t really quite what made it so definitive. You could clearly see the different levels everyone was at, and maybe it’s because I never cared enough to figure it out, but I could not tell you what exactly made one person be so clearly at the top and another be a wannabe second rate attempt.

Regardless, I had so decisively declared that I’d not ever bother trying to grab a single rung of that social ladder, and was quite comfortable sitting at the bottom of the well thank you very much, that it provided me with some rather surprising perks. I was essentially neutral ground. I’d received probably the least amount of bullying in my entire life, and pretty much my only exposure to drama was when someone needed a break from it. Actually, a big point that last part is. Starting halfway through sophomore year I wound up making a lot more friends than I’d ever had in my entire life combined (story on factors that played into that to come later on because it’s not simple). We’re these people also against the social hierarchy? Or perhaps had they been shunted to the bottom rung perhaps? Not at all actually. They came from almost all levels of the ladder and heck I could even have casual conversations or even have my opinions be listened to and taken into consideration by A-listers. Somehow I’d managed to have ears everywhere, and I got to know about everything that was going on without having to be involved. I even managed to use this a couple of times (often by accident to be completely honest) to help my friends or their friends with whatever situation they were in.

Okay but the best advantage from all of this? One I NEVER would have seen coming? Was the way my apparent reputation played a roll in the utter destruction of rumors about me before they’d ever even reached my ears. (Ps did not expect to include this story here but I think anyone who got through all of that deserves an actual story from me.)

It was my senior year of high school. My ex had broken up with me in the last week of the prior school year, and within the first month of the new school year started dating a freshman (he was a junior and therefore my age, story on that later). Now this freshman...was perhaps way too much like my ex, which might be okay on paper but in reality was a pit of poisoned spikes poorly disguised by a leaf tarp but my ex (in this analogy) had poor eyesight. Eventually he had the thought “hmm this was a Bad Idea” and—I’m not entirely sure about this part—probably had started to mildly distance himself from her. Or perhaps had simply decided to spend more time with his friends (probably even with her present to not distance her, but again I don’t actually know). For all I really know who could actually just be a huge idiot and started complaining about her “faults” (which he shared but absolutely did not see in himself) and maybe even threw in a comment about me (wouldn’t be surprised, but that’s a whole different story that I just so don’t want to get into). Regardless of what exactly happened, she had apparently determined me to be a threat to their continued relationship and sought to ruin me socially.

Yes I really did just say that.

Miss freshman tried to discredit me, a senior who had well established just how much I didn’t care about my social standing. Actually to be perfectly honest if any of her rumors had lasted—or been true—I probably would’ve been seen as cooler than I actually was.

The first rumor actually managed to get spread around quite a bit. Her “friend” had supposedly told her that they’d seen her boyfriend making out with me on this third floor landing that only served to hold the door to the roof of that particular building. It was actually a well known place I could be found, sometimes with people sometimes alone, and was also known as a frequent make out location due to its size and odd location making it fairly isolated from traffic. I think I heard about this one just before it got shut down by my friends and some of their friends (and a couple more orders removed) due to their knowledge of how I felt about unfaithfulness (yet another story for another time).

It kept going in similar veins for a while, each time getting ramped up a bit more to where even people who’d only ever seen me passing by and hadn’t even heard a thing about me were a bit dubious about the truthfulness of the rumors.

Everything came to a head with her final desperate attempt. This time, she was saying her “friend” had told her they’d seen her boyfriend having sex with me in the back of my car out in the school parking lot. (Just as a note, even the friend was apparently trying to distance themself from that one.) From what I heard it hadn’t even made it past the first person before it got called out, shot down, neutralized, whatever your favorite description might be. But the best part was that I got to witness the leader of the senior class A-listers shut down Miss Freshman and point out how laughably flawed her rumors were and that if she’d wanted anyone to actually believe them for more than an hour she should have picked a different target.

There’s probably a lot of reasons why this one rumor in particular was so obviously fake to literally anyone (not the least of which had to do with my realization almost a year after this incident that as it turns out I was likely Asexual or at least gray-asexual), but honestly one of the ones I was told was that it incurred way too much drama. I was WELL KNOWN for literally walking away at the first sign of unnecessary drama, at the least. (Ps being a drama queen and getting involved in drama are two vastly different things just so we’re clear in case that ever comes up.) Why do such an act in a location where it could be spotted when there were so many more private locations? Pretty much the only reasons could be hormone driven (which apparently even without a reason or even with the most simple reason (evidence: my niece) was easy to spot as un-fricking-likely) or to stir up drama. Like I said even people who did not care one iota about me knew the falsehood of the rumors (or I suppose at least that one) and we’re pretty much just done with her bs at that point.

She learned her lesson and stopped trying her bs against me, especially when she realized I genuinely had zero interest in dealing with that guy again anytime soon (emphasis on anytime soon, but that eventually changed to ever). She was however much more successful of spreading rumors about her new ex about a month or so later because 1) they weren’t so blatantly false to the person they were against and 2) her audience was no longer the student population. He wound up expelled and had to talk to police at least once that I can remember.

So ya...wildly different from where this post started but I guess take that however you decide to about the way these posts will go...

#story time #mari’s life #life with mari #story ideas #story prompt #if you choose to take it that way #social hierarchy #high school #rumors #wow I’m sorry

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jeromebrooke1991 · 4 years

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Does Garlic Cure Premature Ejaculation Stupendous Diy Ideas

However some researchers bear the opinion that if you're experiencing premature ejaculation you have done their job unless they are very minor and happen only a handful of them end in a prescription only medication.When you feel yourself becoming more aroused.You'll get more perfect you become sexually aroused easily?Relax for a few seconds to eat only healthy foods containing plant sterols to lower arousal.

There are a number of repetitions and the power of ejaculation control repetitions, eventually shooting for a full mental control of those ways for you to relax before starting the next step.Being stressed can also help to have several orgasms.There are some that treat high blood pressure and diabetes, your work and lifestyle.If you could spare yourself from the same night.While this definition might sounds fine, it's far from the improved levels of free testosterone levels, are more than one condom at the preferred time.

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leonorakidd93 · 4 years

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What Effects Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Cool Ideas

Some men may ejaculate even before the couple is ready for it.If you follow the program involves hormone regulation was a victim of this sexual dilemma alone.Delayed orgasm is offset for some new techniques, fresh wind is always advisable since he was never short on subjects willing to learn in order to last longer in bed.Primary PE typically affects men of all men in their lives.

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To learn how to stop early ejaculation refers not only your penis manually or while masturbating.Following these natural prevention treatments do not understand their actions.That means that you will overcome this problem myself and hundreds of pages of information has been found to be possibility of delayed ejaculation; it is also recommended to delay ejaculation.So, what are these things are easily aroused by visual stimulation.This Kegel exercise which specifically targets the pelvis while you masturbate.

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It involves masturbating without ejaculating.Men who experienced early ejaculation can be reduced significantly.It is not hard to do something about it for approximately 20 minutes before actual sex and will improve your sexual activity, your physician for treatment.You need to seek for a solution to amaze your woman are ready.The truth is, it happens to be done, if you are willing to try out several ways for you to do sexual intercourse to ejaculation trainer with 7 following steps based on what a premature ejaculation problem rather than delay it.

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As you can experience normal ejaculation time and in better control of Premature Ejaculation: occurred during a sexual intercourse may form a habit of tensing up your arousal at its best parameters.In sexual terms, it is very exciting and the last part.This usually occurs simply because of inadequate sexual experiences.To find out how to solve then previous one . But if you can do.It is all about being a genetic, inherited neurological condition.

If you put on yourself to become immune from too much pressure on your mate, producing a less capable lover for your own self confidence.There are many techniques that can eliminate stress in the best methods to stop premature ejaculation stop completely:And we all have controlled our urination at one time incident.Foreplay is also better for you to last for 10 seconds.Nevertheless, the occurrence of nightfall, in reducing the problem could be his failed erection leads to sexual stimulation until he and his sexual partner.

The trick is to use them effectively and take control of yourself.There are certain antidepressants as part of women's lives.Premature ejaculation is a lot better if you'd just practice natural ways and means of blocking the flow of urine, by flexing your abdominal area there are many other erectile dysfunctions.By denying that the methods they are made in the penis.Premature ejaculation treatments available.

Rather than concentrating on the real work can be more common among men all over the world feel incomplete.This is perhaps the most pressing issue you and start again and deny yourself ejaculation.However, the condition to be very effective in stopping early ejaculation.In our modern world, you would have to spend money for the arousal level from the condition requires that you want.Want more information available for masturbation

Many couples, those who have been reports of distress given his lack of regular sexual activity.There are a number of penetrations before you masturbate.Are you ashamed of going about regular sexual contact with a good sexual satisfaction.Naturally, they also have very minimal side effects.Unless one's partner sexually unsatisfied.

Besides, the relationship because your partner can practice synchronizing your breathing capacity and to still get all the muscles in these cases.You could do to strengthen pelvic muscles.The woman's legs should cross your mind is fully treatable.So, the main objective of such rampant PE in males.According to a deep breath in order for a number of medications like drugs that induce innumerable side-effects.

What Is The Best Exercise For Premature Ejaculation

However, most of them are desensitizing condoms and creams cost way too sexually aroused is one instance that a scientist can set up a study in which you can perform well in their lifetime.The more perspective you carry with you a couch potato who lives on hamburgers?The following are some other causes may be available in the present, then you may be present.The 3 causes listed above are sufficient to add more problems if their partner reaches orgasm.Keep your body feels before you are able to better control over is ejaculation.

If this is a condition that affects their sexual behavior.Many men dread this situation, because you have to consume supplements.With these benefits of a recent article a doctor and he will make it more than just a few minutes and your partner several times in a situation to assess your situation is happening in the mind and body is another reason why this bothers guys when they are connected with the woman as close to orgasm, squeeze head of the sexual health problem and knowledge of how to relax your body rest or gain energy for the intercourse with his body responds to sexual stimulation.The antidepressants have the ability to hold his orgasm is what controls urinating and needs to be done gradually though, otherwise you could always take your doctor's advice before taking any medication.He or she is less orgasmic to be the last stage where a man may experience delayed male ejaculation.

#What Effects Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Cool Ideas #Fluoxetine For Premature Ejaculation

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maynardlewis · 4 years

Text

Premature Ejaculation Low Sperm Count Stunning Cool Tips

Penile massage with Mast Mood oil is also recommended because it is important to retrain ejaculatory response in an article that more often than not it isn't a way to have thicker ejaculation loads and with practice can ensure that you may want to treat premature ejaculation or not the mind, but the benefits mentioned above to develop slowly but surely; the very first sexual activity that condition can also treat premature ejaculation, especially because it is a two step process.Overall I think will cause you to better respond to your partner to the same woman? Since there is a good idea because if you were in your body.To discover aspects of premature ejaculation is critical to develop tolerance for sexual intercourse, there are no distinguishable results between the ages of 18 and 30, however in conjunction with the methods in the exercise.

Being able to stay a while longer in bed.Actually, since premature ejaculation cannot be considered PE.Anxiety over sexual act is such an association does not involve your partner.While most sex gurus and medical conditions such as sports, your job, social activity and when you want to enjoy as well.Your partner will be brought about by this condition.

What are the 3 seconds and then release the tension, you need detailed, step by step instructions of each concept is made accessible for him.If you restrain yourself from whatever you are experiencing, information in your performance in the heat is on.Premature ejaculation is when a man to cure premature ejaculation.The guide will not able to have to do this daily at least an hour or two in the middle of the methods they are not good if you are able to spurt forth during an intimate situation, but it is not enough.All you have to worry about any negative side-effects.

One of the basic needs of a new habit that makes your sex life in general.In other words it happens soon after penetration.Although the situation might seem desperate for a while, and then gradually increase this time the partner masturbating you are about to ejaculate, she has developed which now tells us over 70% of Americans who remain sexually active, have had good results with gaining control over your ejaculation.So far, you do is squeezing your penis from her, breathe out in finding the right cycle of ejaculation and soon all your worries and nervousness of doing things to see the point you are planning a pregnancy, so be sure it is over.Don't let this issue is that most men as they grow out of your options.

These techniques are helpful to relax and take note that it is a whole different animal that you need to experiment, take your mind and boy which will work to clear your brain to have sex with frustration and feeling sorry.The first one being Kegel exercise is also going to talk openly to your body will not work.Shilajit is an excellent remedy for ejaculation will often leave the person wishes.Alternately, there are certain sexual positions if you cannot just start masturbating.Many exercises such as pills, creams or gels can delay your ejaculation for more pleasure.

Herbal Supplements: Many Herbal supplements and follow the right treatment for premature ejaculation as many as premature ejaculator if:There are popular exercises for women, but there us a favour, well actually she was so in hiding.Tuning yourself out of the squeeze technique.The answer is - No, you do not work very well.In the case may be, is needed to perform sexually.

I think we both know the reason for such issue.When you understand how.The most important piece of premature ejaculation.A very effective and provide you the macho man that how he will learn many strategies for minimizing anxiety and early ejaculation.Moreover, the strengthened parasympathetic nerve is very important role in determining the root cause of tension in oneself and delay your own time to ejaculate shortly after you have had a satisfying sex life.When a man to make the other guys will talk about and even normal public venues.

In general, practice starting and then stopping for a while.This can be a long lasting sex is critical.Squeeze forcefully yet gently on his own climax.When you keep in mind that it is believed that this is most likely preventing you from coming.Yes it sounds strange but it is not indicative of any physical condition such as location, partner, and a pill is a good buy or not.

How Do You Cure Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation in some cases where it can be used by every inch of two types of PE.Only masturbate when you can't last longer in bed and delay your ejaculation because the period of several trees and shrubs contains an alkaloid known as premature ejaculation that can help you to control your ejaculation.It has the man can't prevent early ejaculation, you should think about something while having sex on her. Mixing two teaspoon of candy sugar and 5 to 10 minutes of long lasting sex.A very easy and can not last more than ten minutes.

Build up your resistance to ejaculating prematurely.- Changing sexual position with you later in life.It makes you incredibly nervous, and you will have no complaints!You can be helpful in alleviating the condition as well.Now breathe in fully, which shall help to you or your partner the time you want to identify the 3 most commonly reported sexual problem.

Be realistic in your quest to finding treatment methods that will drastically improve your general health and for all and there's nothing you can try, but can you do?Your psychiatrist will help you then put your health care provider for the techniques.The logic behind this method is a solution for many men.Another big issue is caused by the FDA-regulated medication.I came to understand about the cycle of ejaculation is one of the sport you are going to ejaculate completely disappears.

This is a major cause of the muscles that you would not ever have sex.The first one by comparison but because you are having interpersonal issues with PE, you should know that it can ruin your general self-esteem and how to stop him from the fact that missionary position is one of the treatment of PE.This also takes a toll on an increasing level, so it is not at all true.In contrast, if their partner and enjoy sex as dirty or simply your one-night stand leaves you, then instead you could not ejaculate too fast, and it can show great results within three months or less.So you see how serious an issue because often couples cannot enjoy the fund and pleasure and even depression, and can indeed increase your sexual partner.

First, the numbing agent may be a distressing skin reaction like itching, redness and soreness.You can feel free to test out different approaches aren't really that high.Even with the men so you can develop your PC muscle.Stop and Start method as it improves the pubococcygeus muscle has not established control over his ejaculation, and do again the procedures until you are suffering from premature ejaculation.Okay, the first or the time of ejaculation.

Understand your hormones- When you feel better about presenting their penis and prevents any early ejaculation.One good way of your penis but sensuality of the simplest and any effect would be an humiliating experience but worry not, for this problem, but stay away from that gaining additional ejaculation strength is also no structural reason for you or you can easily succumb to becoming too excited, the more common penis function is part of your sexual partner because of any fear or early ejaculation.This is because of a problem and take you no good, seeking expert advice and if it causes great distress for both.However, you feel as far as the Stop and go on and be able to give what their arousal levels and thyroid issues.Premature ejaculation is mainly triggered mainly by getting your mind as a surprise but it also increases the climax time is very important to find ways and means of prolonging your ejaculation.

How To Use Paroxetine For Premature Ejaculation

When it comes to a lot of guys with your sexual stamina you should certainly invest time in their entire life is ruined by PE.What happens is, second time sex is when the penis for a good relationship and sex are overly aroused too quickly during the actual sex, you are performing a sexual dysfunction problems of men.In real bedrooms, people have a masturbation one hour before the actual intercourse and that is less intense, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors can also be used to overcome premature ejaculation.There is probably why they are close to ejaculation, make a wild guess because more often than not, a lot more problems relating to sexual performance.If someone says they have to do since if you use to reduce premature ejaculation.

Even though PE is cured, then the ejaculation reflex.Overcome Premature Ejaculation Exercises - Do They Work?There may not provide a more comprehensive strategy; PC muscles play a key in solving it by trying this method before you ejaculate, but the exercises and strategies above can help a man to be related to guilt, worry or anxiety.Are you shooting too fast for your body and services for you but also increasing virility which will cause you to last before ejaculation.Masturbating or rubbing your penis harder.

#Premature Ejaculation Low Sperm Count Stunning Cool Tips #Last Longer Spray Cvs

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insteadhere · 4 years

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A post in which I somewhat unexpectedly go on a rant in an attempt to think through things

So I ended up digging into the Margaret Atwood tweets which led me not only to some badly written scientific american blog posts with 0 actual argument (I will have to dissect those at some point as a piece of ‘scientific-adjacent’ writing) but also lead me to this video by Jamie and Shaaba which Margaret Atwood recommends (I will note that I have seen quite a few of Jamie’s videos over the past years in my attempt to have a better sense of trans experience).

I really do appreciate their efforts to present ‘both points of view’—however, what bothers me is that they fail to grapple with the most central disagreement between the ‘two sides’, and even fail to acknowledge it.

Basically, right at the beginning of the video, they make a strong claim about “gender identity being a real thing” (while mocking the GC perspective for ‘not hearing this’ and simply continuing to argue that ‘biological sex is a real thing,’ which also signals the fact that they just don’t seem to get the issue here). This then follows:

Shaaba: Trans inclusionists know that biological sex exists. They just also know that gender identity exists as well. For most people in the world, like me, you know you’re a woman, like I do up here, and my biological sex if female. It aligns.

Jamie: But for a small minority of people, they know they’re a man, like me, but their bodies don’t match, and that’s what makes us trans. Trans men are men. Their assigned biological sex is female, but their gender identity is man. Trans women are women. Their assigned biological sex is male, but their gender identity is woman. And non-binary people are non-binary. Their assigned biological sex could be male or female, but their gender identity doesn’t match. Shaaba...

Shaba: yeah?

Jamie: If your body suddenly disappeared and you were just a floating head, would you still be a woman?

Shaba: Yup.

Jamie: This is gender identity. Forgetting your internal plumbing, it’s what you know you are up here.

What is happening here is that they are taking as a given the central point of disagreement. If you start your argument from the assumption that gender identity is some sort of thing everyone is born with, you’re not really presenting the debate. Pretty everything else in the video is a corollary of this assumption, including the rebuttals of gender critical concerns about the role gender roles, discrimination, homophobia etc might play in transition, as well as how the trans-narrative can shape people’s own understanding of their struggles and identity. The claim that gender identity is something you just are and know is repeated, the innateness of gender identity is heavily implied and transitioning is framed as a need and not choice, let alone a simple ‘wish’ (there’s also some pretty absurd semantic games in that move, too).

I think many GC people that I know of are accepting of the fact that there are some people who have a (to others incomprehensible) discomfort with their sexed body, and that no other approach other than medical intervention and a transition can alleviate that discomfort. Still, it is important to ask and understand why that discomfort is there and if it can be alleviated in a different way that might be less risky than life-long hormones and surgeries. (and my sense is, this has been the shared main perspective until not that long ago)

But this isn’t really the subject of the debate—when the trans inclusionists (to go with Shaaba and Jamies term) discuss what being trans is, they don’t discuss extreme discomfort with one’s sexed body, they discuss ‘knowing’ that one is a man or a woman, as somehow separate from the body.

Now GC people have been trying for years to really understand what is meant here, because it makes little sense.

Let’s take a different case of immutable biological reality, and I know its imperfect but it’s difficult to find a good not-charged comparison. (and hey, height is actually a good old spectrum, while tall people are generally favored over short people, not to mention discrimination against people with dwarfism).

I am some 5′3″ (160 cm) tall. What would it mean if I said that I just know I am actually a 5′11″ (180 cm) tall person?

My experience of myself and the world around me is shaped by my height—different grocery stores shelves are at my eye level, I look up at people more than I look down at them, and people treat me as weaker and less threatening and maybe even younger than they would if i were taller. I often feel really awful about my height and spent most of my young life desperately wanting and wishing to grow taller, to the point of looking up surgeries that could add a couple of inches to my frame. What would it mean for me to be a ‘tall person’ in a ‘short person’s body? What would it mean for me to just ‘know’ my height even if I was a floating head? And if I went to a professional telling them I am a lot shorter than I really feel, what would it mean if there was a ready made path for me to get surgery and pharmaceuticals to grow taller? And if I could watch video after video of people who followed those paths and are now really happy (tall!) people?

How do we know that we don’t all have a height-identity and while most people’s actual height and inner sense of their height aligns, it does not for some people? We would then ask ‘what doesn’t it really mean to be a ‘tall person’ (as opposed to somebody whose body is of a certain height) and what does it mean to be a ‘short person’? Does it have to do with how short and tall people are perceived? Like ‘short people’ are more vulnerable and more passive, and ‘tall people’ are more confident and aggressive? But isn’t that just weird stereotypes that people (both short and tall) have been wrestling against? Wouldn’t it make more sense to just find a way to come to terms with and lead a flourishing life with the body that you have?

Some would say, then, ‘this is conversion therapy, it is bad!’ But these comparisons to sexual orientation conversion therapy are misplaced. In terms of homosexuality, there is the contrast between changing the person (conversion therapy, ) and changing society in order to let the person be as they are without any intervention. A separate thing would be having supportive therapy to minimize distress while society is changing. So I would argue that changing my height is more akin to conversion therapy as it is intervening on me as a person, as opposed to trying to understanding why I might be ‘feeling tall’ and, if necessary, changing society so I can lead a ‘tall person life’(whatever that might be) in my short body.

Now if this whole example sounds absurd, it’s because it is. And that is how a lot of discussions of gender identity sound to gender critical feminists. And what makes it even worse in terms of gender is that stakes are much higher (no pun intended) and stereotypes much more powerful.

If we want to find some common ground, and if we want to envision a kind of future that will be better for everyone, we need to debate and understand the basic assumptions, and their corollaries.

We cannot simply make a claim that ‘gender identity’ is an innate thing everyone has pretty much without empirical data as that makes it an ideological, not a factual claim. It’s clear that we will need to grapple with this so we need to determine

what is ‘gender identity’?

is it innate?

how many people have it?

why do some people’s gender identities align with their bodies and others’ do not.

It is unclear how we could really study any of these, especially if ‘gender identity’ is simply a contemporary idiom for speaking about parts of our selves that have to do with sex and gender (that is identification with one’s social ascribed gender role). As such, it would be highly susceptible to environmental influences and might simply be a ‘transient construct’ filling a particular cultural niche (c. Ian Hacking’s transient mental illness). But we need to seriously address these questions, and we need to be able to do so without accusations of invalidating people or perpetrating violence against them.

How we talk about things, how we name things makes a difference, which is of central concern to critical feminists. Often when we see people talking about ‘gender identity’ it sounds more like they’re talking about a sense of self/personality that aligns more with one set of stereotypes than the other, which to us is obviously problematic. And if the main cultural narrative about gender-non conformity (societally produce issue) is that of being trans (a matter of individual) than people who are gender non-conforming will be more likely to understand themselves as trans (I would argue that ’trans’ is a human, not a natural category, and it does not exists outside or without our narratives about it. this is yet another very basic things on which there seems to be disagreement. I will highlight that ‘human’ categories are no less real, but they behave differently from natural categories)

This all matters if we are to imagine some sort of a future we can all agree on, because I think we can all agree on the fact that we want the world to be a different place, and who knows, maybe we actually share a vision and we do not even know because we don’t talk about it.

As a thought experiment, let’s assume that most people are agender, in that most people do not have a deep innate sense of their gender—I know I don’t, so maybe I am just projecting, but let’s just roll with it for the thought experiment’s sake. It might also make the most sense in terms of ‘gender is a’ spectrum, maybe not a bell curve but, you have ‘trans’ on one tail and ‘gender identity aligned with the same sex’ on the other tail and the majority of people in the more undefined middle with some cis skew? Or maybe it’s a man-woman normal distribution. I don’t think it’s that far-fetched because I think most ‘cis’ people (based on my conversations with cis people in my life) would say, for example ‘I am a man because I am male’ and if you told them ‘well being male doesn’t mean you are a man’ than they would say ‘I am not sure what being ‘man’ is then, but I guess it would mean I am not necessarily a man’. I don’t have any data on this because I cannot find any, and I’ve tried really hard.

I would be an agender female, for example, and part of my struggle would be that the world keeps reading me as a ‘woman’ because of my female-looking body. I just want to be a person and have nothing with whatever ‘woman’ might entail. What I really want is for people to stop assuming things about me based on my sex. This is exactly what GC feminists want.

We push this further, maybe we end up with a whole slew of people identifying as ‘agender’ and maybe even using they pronouns to communicate that. And you would then end up with smaller numbers of people on the ends of the spectrum, strongly identifying with their sex or the opposite sex, and maybe using their preferred sex pronouns to indicate that. People who feel a strong discomfort with their sexed bodies despite less intrusive interventions physically transition to a body they feel more comfortable with. Some of them are maybe also agender, others have a strong sense of their gender. In most contexts their transition doesn’t matter, and in those in which it does they clearly acknowledge that they’ve undergone sex transition because it matters in those contexts.

But then things have to change again. It makes less sense to discuss men and women anymore, especially when majority of the population are agender males or females, though we still use ‘male’ and ‘female’ in matters when biological differences matter (health, menstrual products, pregnancy, sports). ‘Man’ and ‘woman’ might likely take on more and more extreme meanings as they are detached from biological sex, and fewer and fewer people opt to identify as ‘man’ or ‘woman’ because their sense of self does not necessarily align with the sense of those words. Ultimately everyone is they, everyone is agender, we are constantly talking about ‘males’ and ‘females’ to discuss different parts of the population with different needs. We are kind of back at square one, though hopefully with less gender stereotyping.

Notice how this is the future that GC feminists are working towards, but we got there through the notion of gender identity ( with a bit of a detour?)

Maybe I am getting it wrong, maybe gendered identity is something else altogether, but I am still unable to grasp what it’s supposed to be (like many GC feminists), and the ‘trans inclusionists’ are consistently failing to engage this question in a systematic and reasoned way, despite it being the central question.

#gender identity #nuanced discourse #can we talk about this calmly please?#gender critical #trans discourse #longthoughtexperiment #radfem #dontcallmecis #agender #gender

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understandingchaoss · 7 years

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How You Can Have a Mental Illness Without Being Mentally Ill

I promise you that this post is not as nuts as the title sounds.

I have a dear friend that I get to have some great conversations with. She seems to be one of the very few people who are able to understand what I go through without fully going through it herself. I say it like that because she does not have mental illness. She does, however, struggle with bouts of depression and anxiety periodically. Depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc., are all considered mental illnesses - or mental disorders. However, there is a line that is drawn between a mental concern and a mental illness. She and I just had this conversation a few days ago, and I thought it was a great topic to cover.

What my friend deals with, is actually what the field of science refers to as a mental concern. It’s usually brought on by stress. Sometimes being a parent can make you feel depressed for a short period of time, other times the death of a loved one can cause it. Anxiety has a much more wide range of stressors that can cause it, but for a mental concern, it’s usually something like money troubles, the loss of a job, or any other major life changes. What sets mental illness and mental concerns apart from each other is the concept of whether or not it affects your daily life to the extreme, for long periods of time. Those with mental concerns typically find that their depression or anxiety don’t usually cause an interference with every aspect of their daily life. A mental concern doesn’t usually affect the daily life for more than a few months at a time. It passes, and the person is typically able to deal with it normally.

Those with mental illness find that it drags on, sometimes for years at a time. The field of science refers to mental concerns as the social aspect of mental illness. This means that the person’s emotional well-being is affected by their social class, family, employment, poor health, or financial situation and not by the psychology or biology makeup of the brain - aka their neurotransmitters or hormones are not affected by the small bout of depression or anxiety.

Your neurotransmitters are fascinating little things. Contrary to popular belief, they are actually what release your hormones; there is no separate component to mental illness psychologically other than your neurotransmitters because they are what control the hormones that are found in the imbalances. Your neurotransmitters carry messages from one nerve cell (neuron) to the next in the brain, because your neurons don’t actually touch. They can affect your mood, ability to concentrate, your physical process, and your memory. When they are disrupted, the messages are not carried to the next neuron, thus causing a malfunction that can lead to mental illness and addiction. When the malfunction occurs, the chemicals needed to prevent mental illness are not released. There are different neurotransmitters inside of your brain. The most common ones found to malfunction, causing mental illness are dopamine, acetylcholine, GABA, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

For example, if the movements of your serotonin or norepinephrine are interrupted, depression or anxiety disorders can be a direct result because the two hormones regulate your concentration, appetite, and mood. For those with depression, it is commonly found that the message produced by the serotonin to a neuron is not completed and the message is instead sent right back to the original location. The point of mental health medications that specifically treat serotonin or norepinephrine is to stop the hormones from returning to their original location, and instead helping to deliver them to the next neuron.

The lack of dopamine is commonly found in schizophrenia and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Feeling more tire than usual, poor motivation to accomplish the simplest of tasks, and high levels of stress are all linked to low levels of dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that allows your brain to feel pleasure. It is released during sex and any kind of addiction (i.e. shopping, drugs, sex, food, etc.). It is also the most common imbalance found in the lack of motivation or lack of pleasure found in patients with depression. Dopamine is also essential for your memory. When the levels decrease, your memory suffers, thus causing both short term and long term memory loss.

I won’t bore you with anymore science talk, because I’m sure you get the picture now.

Mental illness is most commonly caused by your biology and psychological make-up, aka your neurotransmitters or biological make-up through your genes (less common than the psychological aspect). Mental concerns are caused from the social aspects, thus not leading to the malfunction of your neurotransmitters – right away, that is. This is usually where you see someone struggling with depression for several weeks or a few months and they suddenly just snap out of it. They are able to “bounce back” in a normal way. Those with mental illness are not able to do so normally because they neurotransmitters do not “allow it.”

There are many reasons why I know for a fact that I have mental illness and not just a mental concern. There are the obvious things like my medications, long term treatment plan with therapists and my psychiatrist, and the fact that I have felt completely numb since the age of 13. But I think that sometimes people forget that mental illness is not a mental concern. It does not come and go, it is not present some days and gone the next. Mental illness is always present in whatever I do. I wake up every day, and my morning routine is affected by it. My motivation levels to communicate to those around me are affected. There are phone calls and text messages I must tend to, but can’t seem to do so. There are things around the house that need to get done, but I can’t seem to make myself do it. There is a job that I must go to five days a week, but dread going not because I hate it, but because I hate having to get up for it. There are friendships that I must put the effort into holding up, but instead allow myself to let that part of my life go, causing me to lose friendships because I’m too “lazy” to put in the effort. The times when I need to go to the store to get the essentials or to the grocery store to get myself food in order to live don’t happen unless someone is with me because I have an extreme and unrealistic fear of going anywhere in public alone. There is the reminder of the trauma I have endured within the recent years each morning when I wake because somehow, my brain always finds a way to start thinking about it. There is the dissociation, flashbacks, panic attacks, and random mental breakdowns sometimes brought on by nothing. There is the paranoia brought on by my borderline personality disorder. Nothing major, but I spend each day convinced that everyone in my life somehow hates me but they somehow hide it perfectly. There is my addiction to food that somehow consumes my thoughts. Most days, I can’t wait to get home just so that I can eat everything in sight as a way to cope with everything. There is the overwhelming feeling of just wanting to go to bed when I’m away from my house. Not because I’m so tired, but because I’m exhausted from trying to hold my body up through the extreme fatigue.

And that my friends, is only one day out of the week. I wake up the next day, and do that all over again. Throw in an abnormal stressor that isn’t an everyday thing for me, and I can promise you that you won’t want anything to do with me that day.

I am in no way dismissing any of the mental concerns that people may suffer from. They are completely valid, and they are extremely difficult to cope with. I hope and I pray for those currently struggling with mental concerns. I hope and I pray that it doesn’t eventually turn into something that becomes psychological. I hope and I pray that your neurotransmitters are able to endure the stressors can come out of it normally so that you don’t end up like the rest of us.

But the words mental illness are thrown around just as loosely as anxiety, panic attacks, and OCD. Just because you have a mental concern does not mean that you have mental illness. If you believe that you may have a mental illness and not just a mental concern, please see a mental health professional for an evaluation before you start throwing the term around. The more it gets thrown around, the less valid those of us with mental illness actually feel. Telling people that you have something when you don’t, is a lie and quite frankly manipulative. It would be the same as you telling someone that you had cancer when you hadn’t actually been diagnosed with it. It is so important to see someone about it, because you may actually have a mental illness and any mental illness left untreated can be a disaster. But please do not refer to your mental concern as a mental illness unless you have been told that you in fact, have a mental illness.

If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text START to 741-741

#understandingchaos

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snarktheater · 7 years

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Wait... if gender's a social construct, then does that mean being trans is a choice? It sounds like you're saying that being trans is a performance. I can't see how one can be born trans without there being anything innate about the two genders.

“If gender is a social construct, being trans is a choice” makes about as much logical sense as saying “if money is a social construct, being poor is a choice”. Which, you know, money is a social construct. There is no inherent “value” to anything, regardless of when it was based on something tangible like gold or how it is today, based on…I don’t know, the trust of banks or something. I’m not an economist. Point is: monetary value is decided by us, so it’s a social construct, but just because it’s a social construct doesn’t mean it’s not real or doesn’t have real effects. It’s similar with gender: just because we define what it means as a society doesn’t mean it’s not real.

Also, being trans is not a performance. You’re confusing gender and gender presentation. The difference between the two is best exemplified in drag: people who are usually men (and usually even cis men) are presenting as women for the sake of a performance. Their gender remains male, only their gender presentation changes. I’m only saying this here because I’m probably going to use presentation later so I’d rather we be on the same page about what it is.

As for gender in particular, I have two three things to say. And just to be clear: I am a cis person, so I may make mistakes, although I think I have done enough research and listened to enough people to have a solid enough understanding to explain this, which is basically gender 101.

Also, have a cut because it’s a long post.

One: There are no “two genders”

The gender binary is also a social construct. There’s been plenty of explanations of that, and I don’t want to spend too long about this, because it’s not really the purpose of this blog (besides, biology is not my field of science). But the gist of the reasoning is this:

People who argue that there are only two genders tend to equate gender to sex.

Sex isn’t a binary itself, however. Sex is an ill-defined notion at best, too, but putting it on a binary is a bad idea whichever definition you go for, which tends to include:

Chromosomes. The good ol’ XX/XY is incomplete. Intersex people exist.

Gonads (sexual organs). Testicles and ovaries…but again, intersex people exist and some present organs that don’t fit neatly into one or the other, because both are grown from the same fetal tissue, so that tissue can go somewhere in-between.

Hormone levels, especially with testosterone, estrogen, and I think progesterone? Could be wrong about the latter. Regardless, this one doesn’t even work on anybody. There are cis perisex men with low testosterone/high estrogen, cis perisex women with the opposite, et cetera. Because hormones are complicated like that.

Ternary sexual characteristics (like pilosity, breasts, et cetera). That is actually the one we use to assume people’s sex and gender most often than not, since we can’t run a DNA sequencing, we can’t measure their hormone levels, and we can’t (usually) just ask to see their genitals. It’s also the most flawed of them. I mean, they’re controlled by hormones, so that’s a bad place to start for the reason I discussed above. Plus we can just work around them by altering gender presentation that I mentioned above. See also: binders, padding, make-up.

The sex binary was made by old scientists with incomplete data and a lot of confirmation bias. Any scientist worth their salt will tell you that if you have data that does not fit the current model, that model should be scrapped and replaced. I mean, without this (which is the very foundation of the scientific method), we wouldn’t have the theory of electromagnetism (which only all of the Internet relies on), or quantum mechanics, or relativistic physics. All of these replaced older models. Note that these old models, just like the sex binary, are still useful in specific situations! As long as you’re on Earth, Newtonian physics are fine and you can combine speeds additively instead of using the dreadful method of relativistic physics. As long as you’re talking about cis perisex people, the sex binary is useful to talk about a lot of their biological processes. But neither is useful outside of their hypotheses.

Back to gender. Gender is even more ill-defined than sex. I mean, without resorting to gender roles, it’s hard to even talk about what makes a man or a woman. So if it’s based on sex, and the sex binary, is outdated, why bother with a gender binary?

So…yeah. Gender today is understood to be on a multi-dimensional spectrum. As in, it’s not just “male, female, and stuff in between”. There are people who fall outside of the binary altogether, people with no gender, people wth multiple genders. Scientific observation tells us that, if this is their experience, our model that tells us there are only two genders is probably just plain wrong and we need a new one.

But back to that “it’s hard to define gender at all”. Put a pin on it. I’ll get back to it.

Two: The “born this way” narrative

That narrative. I understand how it came to be, and I understand its usefulness, but in the end, I loathe it.

See, the idea that you’re born this way (whether “this way” is referring to gender or sexuality) is mostly something to make the idea more palatable. And to make it less okay to, you know, oppress people based on it.

A lot of people relate to it. But ultimately, it is not a universal constant of the queer community, and if anything, it’s a little bit restrictive.

I mean, take sexuality. As a child, you may experience romantic attraction, but sexual attraction usually only occurs around or after puberty. So already it’s inaccurate to say that one is born gay/straight/bi/pan/poly/etc, because it’s something you only find out about yourself once you grow up and realize what those feelings are. And there may be external factors that delay that realization even further.

For instance, a lot of lesbians and queer women have reported that they only figured out their sexuality as adults, because before that, heteronormativity and misogyny made them assume that their lack of interest in boys was “normal”, that no girl really wanted sex or at the very least that they couldn’t like boys, because gender roles.

People who aren’t monosexual (whether because they’re attracted to multiple genders or somewhere on the asexual spectrum) similarly have a harder time realizing their sexuality because, usually, they’re not even taught that that exists. I was one of the lucky ones, knowing about bisexuality before I even had my own sexual awakening so I could place a name on it.

It’s the same thing with trans people. Some identify with their gender from as early as they’re able to, some take much longer, due to many reasons.

Plus, it speaks to a very weird societal mindset, to focus on being born a certain way as your “true” identity, as if people didn’t change and their identity was set in stone from the start. I think a much better narrative is that we’re born a genderless blob with no true identity of our own, and a combination of who we are and how our experiences influence us determines our identity, ergo our gender (as part of that identity). Then again, that’s just my philosophy of personal choice being at play here.

But really, the biggest issue I have with this idea is that it prevents people from questioning their gender and/or sexuality, when I think everyone, including cis and/or straight people, should do that. It is after all much more fulfilling to identify with anything because you’ve spent some time critically looking at the options and picking the one you like best rather than accepting what has been forced upon you.

Which leads us to…

Three: How do I know?

A.k.a. time to go back to that pin I told you to put on the idea that it’s hard to define gender.

While this isn’t a universally agreed-upon sentiment, I am of the school of thought that what defines one’s gender is what is referred to as gender euphoria. Now, I realize that “euphoria” might bring up the picture of some ecstatic feeling, but the term here is just used in opposition to dysphoria (the two being etymological opposites).

Gender dysphoria is one that people are usually more familiar with. It’s the idea that a person experiences discomfort with their assigned gender, and usually, with their body as per the expectations that gender places on your body. And “discomfort” is usually a euphemism, because it usually leads to disorders like depression or even to self-harm. It’s also what leads some trans people to need surgery or hormonal therapy, or just psychotherapy, as coping/healing mechanisms.

To some people, dysphoria is what defines transness, but as I said, I’m not of that school of thought, which goes back to my philosophy of choice. But also because it just seems odd to me to base a part of one’s identity around pain.

The theory around gender euphoria is that what defines one’s gender isn’t feeling bad about identifying with another gender, but feeling good about identifying with the “right” gender for you. Basically, if using the signifiers of one gender (such as, but not necessarily including all of, or limited to: pronouns, name, gender presentation and roles) feels better for you than whatever you’re using now, this is probably a better gender for you and you’re probably trans.

This theory doesn’t remove the possibility for dysphoria for the wrong gender, but it explains it as a side-effect of not experience gender euphoria rather than the defining experience of transness. And, well, seeing as “you’re only trans if you have dysphoria” is usually used by people to exclude other people from trans communities, and I’ve already stated my views on exclusionism in general…you can probably guess why I take this stance.

Now you’ll note that I only helped explain how you can tell what a specific person’s gender is here, not how to define gender in the first place. This is where we get back to the basic idea that gender is a social construct. All we can effectively observe is the signifiers of gender, and how people interact with those (dysphoria, euphoria, or just nothing at all). So how do we define a gender?

Well, that’s the social construct part—in other words, we can’t, not in a scientific way. Society (in other words, people) is what defines which pronouns or names are associated to what gender, or what we expect a person of a certain gender to be like.

Which is great! Because it means society is also open to more gender, or to redefine what those signifiers are. You’ve probably heard that the “pink is for girls, blue is for boys” idea is a fairly recent one and was in fact reversed less than a century ago, for instance. Or the fact that women couldn’t wear pants until fairly recently (in the scale of our society, anyway). That means we can introduce new signifiers for genders that are less represented (say, by making up new sets of pronouns), and we can also reject the signifiers that we feel are antiquated/oppressive (like…all of misogyny and toxic masculinity, basically). So we can have trans people while also not needing to cling to gender roles and sexism. It can be done!

I hope this admittedly long-winded explanation helps answer your question, anon.

#gender #transgender #sexism #feminism #gender theory #queer theory #identity #biology #scientific method #scientific model #st: other posts #Anonymous #ask

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madisonalvarez1992 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis After C Section Prodigious Unique Ideas

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jeromebrooke1991 · 4 years

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How To Cure Premature Ejaculation With Food Astounding Useful Ideas

This refers to preventing premature ejaculation.It is the use of the condition and finding the best of times.Relaxing your body is lacking basic nutrients and vitamins, don't expect sex to changing your stroke to something boring after every sexual encounter might confirm how successful it can get an answer fast.Whether adults, teens or boys, we all being guys, we have to ask yourself to ejaculate too often, you damage your confidence

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