Everyone stop what you’re doing please, not only am I going to be an auntie again, but I’m gonna be an auntie to a little girl! 😭😭🩷🩷 I already have the most amazing nephew and I can’t wait to see him as a big brother to his sister 😭😭😭
She dreams of how the lord would hold her heart, a beating thing, still bleeding in the snow, his crown of antlers woven through with pine fronds.
She feels his fingers buried in her chest, his claws against her skin, the empty, gaping hole left in her rib cage. The drumming that surrounds them has a pulse, almost a murmur in the cloudless darkness.
She dreams that she steps closer, watching, knowing. The lord will laugh, and then the dream will end.
She's not sure what it means that he has picked her.
We talked again. You asked me to hang out with you and at first I was afraid. You wanted me to join but was it for her? You told me no, that you wanted to hear from me. My heart raced. I adore you. I was elated. I always felt that you talked to me out of obligation or a sense of guilt. Do you actually like me? I don't know why. I don't know why anyone would like me. I'm comfortable with myself, but what is it about me that you like? Why did you like me? Why did she. Why do they. What is it about me that people love so much? I'm so flawed. I'm sensitive and I cry and argue and my tongue ties at the thought of the word sorry. I'm mean and petty and bitter and critical. I'm lazy and selfish and self centered. Why...
We talked for 6 hours. I missed our talks. Your voice gives me butterflies. Is it anxiety or a warning? I'm so scared. I'm so sad. You're only reaching out to me because of the time. You promise to reach out to me, but I know you'll move on. I'm so stupid. You will always be the one that got away and I think that there can't be anyone after you anymore. I'll always hold you in my heart the same way I hold everyone. My first love.
Tomorrow will feel emotionally liberating. Your subconscious is being uplifted and hurt parts are being healed. There will also be some emotional blockages and feelings that get in the way of responsibilities. Don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself grace. Allow yourself to just feel and release so you can move forward. The longer you avoid the longer the kettle will boil...
I’m painting a clementine and made the fatal error of not having any in my fridge. Then I went and made another fatal error of not buying enough of them, bc who tf just buys two?? Could eat a whole 1.5kg bag of them, how are they so addicting???? Gonna be another clementine-grocery store trip tmrw; I’m hooked again