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itsprashimusic · 1 year

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Don't Let Me Down

Summary - You loved him, really. But in the end loving him was more like your poison than your antidote.

Pairings - ex!Harry Styles x singer!Reader

Warnings - suicidal thoughts, mentions of wanting to die, ANGST, failed relationship, cuss words, using a real-life singer's songs for this fic, death of parents, absent partner, Harry is an asshole at the end (he threw things at reader), not entirely proofread Happy reading<3

Word Count - 4.5k

A/N - reader is female but can also be read as gender neutral. suicidal part will be labeled with (💔) for those who want to skip it.

flashbacks are in italics

also please reblog this, i spent a lot of time on it and reblogging it with tags would really mean a lot to me. love you❤️

You were getting ready for you first live concert in months. The familiar rush of adrenaline was coursing through your body. The type that only comes when you are performing. This was probably one of the best parts of your job as a singer. The better parts are probably the free items people give you just because you are a celebrity. The bad worse parts are definitely the paparazzi and publicity of everything in and about your life.

Your fans were wanting more music, and so that is what you gave them. A few months earlier you released an album. A lot of fans were expecting maybe some love songs surrounding your rumored relationship with famed singer and actor, Harry Styles.

You kept your personal life hidden from public view. But still they always were trying to guess who the current 'man in your claws' was. This time it was Harry Styles, but it was true. You and Harry had been dating for nearly 3 years.

Key word: had

You both had broken up. You weren't sure who broke up with who, but one thing was clear, it was not mutual. It was messy, very messy. Your house looked like a tornado went through it twice and again. Things were thrown, hurtful false accusations were thrown around, when you called him out on his bullshit, he just gave you another lame excuse as to how it was your fault for that specific flaw of his, you get the idea it was just a bad break up.

Fans around the world mourned your break-up, even though no official statement was given by either of you for almost 3 months post the breakup.

It has been nearly a year since your breakup, and you are still not over it. You admit it, you really did love Harry. He was the world for you. In the back of your closet sat a little box with a simple gold band resting in it, waiting to be worn by your life partner. You had a date planned out on which you would propose to him, two days after your break-up.

The part which hurt the most was knowing that he would've said yes, if things were fine in your relationship.

You stood in your dressing room. Being finished with your warmups, you stood, simply doing nothing. You just stared at yourself in the mirror. It was your supposed to be your largest tour. So of course, your nerves were on edge. You were standing in your dressing room, clutching the table with a grip so hard even you were surprised by it. You knew you were not doing well. A lot of the people around you even pointed out you looked unwell. You started feeling nauseous.

You were aware it was coming, the panic attack. Breathing became a bit difficult. You knew there was only one thing that would calm you down. A person to be more specific. Little did you know that this very person who could calm you down was rushing through the corridors, pushing people aside, just to find you. He knew that you would be having a panic attack.

Just as you were about to fall down, the door to your dressing room broke open revealing your boyfriend. He ran in enveloping you into a hug, hiding both your view of the others in your dressing room and their view of you, a gesture you were grateful for. One arm around your back, the other around the back of your head.

"It's ok darling, I'm here now." he said, his voice making things better, his deep soothing voice. He gestured for the others to leave the room so that the two of you would be alone. They left and shut the door giving the two of your privacy. You and Harry just stood there, him hugging you. You knew eventually you'd have to go out and perform, but for now just standing there felt right.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you could see the tears forming in your eyes. This would be your first concert in a long time, and you wanted it to be one of your best. You remember that one concert, it was the best. The type that everyone remembers, has countless edits of, even years later, that kind.

You looked at the clock. 10 minutes. You stared yourself down in the mirror. 9 minutes. You paced up and down doing your warmups. 8 minutes. You nervously sipped water from a bottle. 7 minutes. You were called outside to get your earpiece put in. 6 minutes. Your hands were getting sweaty, so you rubbed them against yourself. 5 minutes. The earpiece is in and working. 4 minutes. You could hear the crowd waiting for you to make your entrance. 3 minutes. You and your backup dancers huddled up together. 2 minutes. You made your way to where you were supposed to come out from. 1 minute. You clutched the tissue paper that you took from the dressing room. You clutched it hard, knowing that the last time you were up on stage it was someone's hand instead of a piece of somewhat soft paper. 10 seconds. You got your cue and could hear the intro music playing and the smoke machines going off. And from then on everything felt like a dream but even through the performances, your mind was somewhere else. Harry.

It was oddly quiet in his house. Normally there was some type of noise, whether it was the heater, AC or just some new air purifier he found and thought you might like. Your keys jingled while you were unlocking the front door to Harry's house. He said he would be meeting you here and so you didn't expect anyone to be at home.

But little did you know Harry was standing behind the door waiting for you to come. He saw your car pull up below the building. He had a surprise that he wanted to share with you first. Just as the door swinged open the lights turned on and a bunch of confetti flew out from somewhere. It startled you and you yelled. It took you a few seconds but then you saw Harry standing behind the door with a sheepish smile on his face. "Honey, what is all of this?" you asked him, coming closer to him. He pulled you in by your waist and said, "My new album's coming out on December 13th. I want you to be the first one to know."

"Wait, you have another album coming out? I didn't even know you were working on one!" you said. "Love, I never stop working. And to answer your question, yes, I have another album coming out. It is going to be called Fine Line."

That was all years ago. You remember that day clearly. It was the day you thought he was the one. So much followed after that. You walked him backwards onto the couch, hands tangled in his soft curly hair, lips on his. Just as he fell onto it his head made contact with some leftover food that was lying around. It was messy and cut your make out session short. But it was sweet. After getting him cleaned up you both sat cuddled on the couch and continued watching Modern Family.

"How are we doing Manchester!" you could hear the crowd cheering through your earpiece. You finished the intro and now you were starting to get more comfortable. "You know, it has been a long time since I have performed here. I just got the warmest welcome of all time, and it's time to return the favor," you say just as a short whistle tune is played over the speakers making the crowd go wild. "Usually, people love dancing around to my songs, but for this one we have to sit still," you say, teasing the crowd when another whistle tune is played.

The song got over and slowly transitioned into your other single.

Crashing, hit a wall Right now I need a miracle Hurry up now, I need a miracle

It was a really low time in your life. You had just lost your father to covid, and your mother wasn't doing so well. Add to that, your boyfriend was stuck in England and you in America. And the cherry on top, your name was plastered all over the news. People were bored and decided to pull and poke fun at you and some of your songs to keep them busy.

But it sucked for you. You were dangerously close to swallowing a bunch of tablets and it sucked. You were on your own, got calls daily from the nearby hospital about your mother's health, which was declining and going through grief over losing your father 1 month ago. All you needed right now was a miracle. Only a miracle could save you.

Stranded, reaching out I call your name, but you're not around I say your name, but you're not around

You had just received news from the hospital saying that your mother had not made it. Being in the hospital for so long had benefitted her but in the end, she contracted covid. You did not take the call well. The second the doctor said the words 'I'm sorry' you felt your heart split into tiny shards of glass which embedded themselves into every part of your body. You did cry, you didn't sob, not even a voice crack by the time you finished the conversation.

You were numb. The only person you wanted was him, but it was impossible to reach him when he was on an entirely different continent. You called him. You texted him. You messaged him. You emailed him, but there was no response. You even tried Instagram but that resulted in nothing. You attempted to write him a physical letter, but there was no response.

You had no idea why he was ignoring you. And it wasn't like you called him 3-4 times a day. You called him 15-20 times a day, you were surprised no one was responding.

Right when you needed him the most in your life he decided to shut you out. It hurt more than any break-up ever did. It was like you were stranded on an island with no way to escape. And the person you were trying to contact to come and save you was not there, almost as if they didn't exist.

I need you, I need you, I need you right now Yeah, I need you right now So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down I think I'm losing my mind now

That was when things started going south in your and Harry's relationship. When he finally responded back, he was nothing like the man you fell in love with. Though you were so desperate and elated that he finally responded, you didn't even notice the shift in his attitude. By the time you realized how out-of-love he was with you, you were ready to propose to him.

It's in my head, darling, I hope That you'll be here, when I need you the most So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down

For the longest time you kept hoping that at some point Harry would respond. That he would come and save you from the hell you were in. That he would be there to put an end to your turmoil. But no. He didn't show up (not like he even could), he didn't call, didn't text, nothing. You were left to pick up your own broken pieces.

Don't let me down

'Harry please pick up, please'

A sob racked through your body, making you tremble.

don't let me down

'Leave on seen, even that will do, just please say something, please'

You were getting hysterical, one sob after another, pleas falling from your lips like a prayer, repeating it to yourself again and again and again.

down

'Letter number 12 and I will keep writing more, just please respond'

Ink was dripping down the paper like the tears on your face it was mixed with. Your vision was a blur.

down

'Maybe today he will respond, it's been 6 months, things are starting to open up, maybe I can go see him'

With each passing day your delusional hope kept getting stronger. You never knew you had this much motivation in yourself.

'Please don't let me down…'

You whispered to yourself every day, almost as if he could hear you begging him to save you, to heal you, to do some thing.

(💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔)

Running out of time I really thought you were on my side But now there's nobody by my side

You sat on the kitchen floor, three different items sitting next to you, each one waiting to be used. You thought of the knife and how if you used that it would be painful, but then when you were found people would talk about how much pain you would have had to endure to die.

You looked at the rope and the ceiling fan and how that would also be painful but at the same time a bit faster. It would certainly be the most dramatic way to go, overrated but dramatic. When you would be found, someone would see you hanging off of the ceiling suspended in air in the middle of the room. Headlines would be something about you not dying of the virus but of ill mental health. Maybe it would raise awareness.

You looked at the bottle of meds. Certainly, the most painless way to go but when you would be found and it would be announced that you died of an overdose, people would think you were desperate to die. Well, they wouldn't be wrong, just that you don't want people to every think you stooped to that level.

Look at you, thinking about if people thought you stooped to the lowest level of suicide when suicide itself is low. But what other option is there really? You father died around 8 months ago, your mother followed him about 6 weeks after, your sibling was in the military with absolutely no way to contact them and your boyfriend was blatantly ignoring you while the media has been having fun with ruining your name and songs because they are bored at home.

It felt like a clock was ticking, like time was running out fast, but for what? Your death maybe, that would be satisfactory for you but this clock felt like it was ticking down to something else. 'Well, if there is something worse, let it happen'

(💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔)

"Don't let me down." you reached your high note with practiced ease. Goosebumps erupted all over your skin as the crowd yelled loud enough that you could feel the sound waves. You kept going on for another 2 hours until the show ended, Harry not crossing your mind for the remainder of the show.

"Thank you once again for this lovely evening. Goodnight Manchester!"

You were in your hotel room, thinking back on your opening show. A smile played on your face when you thought back to fans' yell when the whistle tune played through the stadium speakers. But that smile left your face when you remembered who was on your mind as you sang the song which followed your opening track. Looking around you realized that the hotel room looked very similar to the room in which you felt your heart probably actually break.

You both had just returned from your best friend's movie premiere. It was late at night, which in your case meant getting a bit clingy and touchy. Nothing much, just hand holding, hugging, some neck kisses. You thought the night would be perfect, given that you were in the city of love itself. But little did you know that Cupid had a cruel joke in store for you.

You and Harry reached the hotel just fine. The night went better than imagined, it started in the bathroom and continued on in the bed until neither of you could keep your eyes open any longer. But then things changed in the morning. And it all started with, obviously, an article. This time the headlines were about the premiere last night.

When it comes to talking or interacting with people, you act the same with everyone and this included your best friend's co-star. He was a tall, brunette-dyed-blonde with 'sparkling silver eyes' (as the article put it). You were freaking out before the event and since you were meeting Harry at the location, you had no one to calm you down, so you decided to have a drink or two. By the time you reached the premiere, you were a bit tipsy. Harry knew this, of course, you tell him about almost everything that happens to you.

As you made your way around after walking the red carpet you were talking with people, socializing, networking. Oof, but the people who wrote this article only had pictures of you interacting with your friend's blonde co-star. You touched his arm at one point, were smiling widely when he cracked a joke and gave him a side hug when he wanted a picture with you. But this was enough evidence for people to think you were cheating on your boyfriend, someone who you almost worship.

Morning came, you and Harry were still acting touchy from the night before, you sitting in his lap while eating breakfast. You were having a shower when the room service came to pick up the dishes. Harry was mindlessly scrolling through his phone when he got a text from someone, an old friend who he started talking with and hanging out with recently. It was the article.

Now if Harry had seen this article 6 months ago, he would have probably just brushed it off as the media trying to stir up drama where there isn't. But sadly no. For the past 6 months you and Harry's relationship has been more than strained. There are constant fights, accusations about if the chicken got burned because of you or him and many cold shoulders. The second Harry read the article (and a few more covering the topic), he was hammering on the bathroom door demanding you come out immediately.

You had just finished your shower and had dried yourself when he was banging on the bathroom door. You opened the door to Harry angrier than he had ever been. He questioned you about the article. You told him you knew nothing of it.

"Baby, I swear I have no clue of what you are talking about."

"Then take the damn phone and read the bloody article!" he yelled, making you jump. You started realising that he wasn't just angry, he was furious.

As soon as you saw the pictures you realized what it was about. "Harry, you know me. I was not flirting with him, let alone cheating on you with him. The media just likes drumming up things that have nothing attached to it!" you saw, trying to get your clothes on.

He rolls his eyes, an unamused smile plastered on his face, "Do I know you, y/n? Hm, do I? Because over the past months it seems as if you are nothing like the person I met in 2018." "What do you mean 'nothing like the person I met'?! You are nothing like the person I FELL IN LOVE WITH!"

"Its just like you, always playing the victim. Instead of accepting that you're at fault you just find a way to blame it on me."

"Oh? Since when do you know so much about me? Didn't you just say I am nothing like the person I was before. And for your information, it's YOU who is at fault here. I have been the same person this whole time."

"So I'm the one at fault here? Huh, then tell me one thing that I have done wrong." By the time the argument reached here, you had all your clothes on, and Harry had grabbed a lamp out of frustration.

"With pleasure. Over the past 10 months whenever there was an article about me and someone else you would get jealous and think that I was cheating on you. You say that as if I don't worship the bloody ground you walk on, the water in which you bathe, the mirror in which you look at yourself. When you talk about something you like I give you my undivided attention. Even when I am exhausted, I still listen to you and respond with my 100% enthusiasm. Yet when I am excited about something you are either too busy, too tired or just plain uninterested. Oh and did I mention that for 8 months you did not answer one of my calls, any of my texts or emails?! That you were not there for me at a time when I needed you the most. That I nearly killed myself when you were not responding to me or the 15 letters I had sent to you. I called your mum, I called Gemma, I even resorted to Mitch and Sarah yet none of them could get me through to you because YOU TOLD THEM TO TELL ME YOU WERE UNAVAILABLE, WHY?! "

When you started talking about him ignoring you he rolled his eyes at you, folding his hands, gripping the lamp even harder. Ignoring everything you said before that he said, "Every single time I ask you to elaborate on what I did wrong, you bring that up. I have told you so many times that I told no one to tell you anything and for the last fucking time I did not receive any call/text/email or letter from you!"

When he screamed the last sentence he threw the lamp he was holding at you. It narrowly missed your head. The expression of shock was all over your face. You were no longer angry at him, you were scared of him.

"Harry what is wrong with you?! You threw a lamp at me." your chest was heaving, you looked at the lamp and back up at Harry. He took a step forward but you took a step back. "You keep saying that there is something wrong with me, that I am the one who changed, but please look at yourself first. Throwing things at people and not being bothered by it."

"You have no life outside of your work. You 'hangout with' Sarah and Mitch more often than you eat your food. Oh, and not to mention Leigha. You spend more time with her than with me, but do you see me complaining? There are more articles about you and her specifically. Yet you throw a fit about 1 article with me and a guy whose name I don't even remember."

"Don't you fucking dare say one more thing about her!" Harry moved closer towards you, picking up a vase at the same time. But you were more focused on calling him out to notice it. "And what about you and Louis? This actor might be a one time thing, but what about him huh? My old bandmate, you practically act like him with how much time you two spend together."

"Why? Do you care too much for her? Your 'old school friend'. And leave Louis out of this, I stopped hanging out with him long ago because you didn't like it. He was one of the only people who were there for me at my lowest, so shut your mouth about him. Plus, for your information, Leigha is nothing more than a self-obsessed man whore who was a nobody when you were in school." you were starting to get extremely riled up, your voice raising with each sentence. By the end of your sentence, you had pick up multiple items and left them all over the room, it was an anxious habit you formed. But you didn't stop there, you continued, "She failed senior year 3 times and got around the football team more often than other students studied. The only reason she attached herself to you was becau-" You were stopped by a vase hitting your head.

The anger on Harry's face could not be described. But the pain you felt could. Both the physical and emotional. The 3 inch cut on your forehead hurt really bad. You found it bleeding when you attempted to touch it. Emotionally, you felt betrayed. It didn't matter what Harry said next. You knew that this was the last straw, that it was the end.

Maybe if you kept your mouth shut there would have been a better chance he would have stayed with you. Maybe if you went ahead with your fatal plans those many months ago, you wouldn't have had to endure all this. But who are you kidding? The only reason you are alive right now is because of your sibling whose deployment ended. They flew from England and surprised you on a random Friday. After coming back they reminded you about how much you still have left to achieve, with your music, your future plans on a family, they reminded you of your fans and how they would feel, how your friends would feel, how they (your sibling) would feel, how Harry would feel. Though right now, you knew Harry would've felt nothing.

You only zoned back in when Harry was physically shaking you "Are you even listening to a fucking word I am saying?!"

"No, I am not. You just threw a vase at my head and are not even bothered about the bleeding cut on my forehead. You know what, I am done. I should killed myself a long time ago when I had the chance, because you don't love me anymore."

"Well, you got one thing correct; I don't love you anymore."

As soon as Harry said that you packed up your suitcase. Within three minutes you were out of the hotel on your way to the airport, taking the first flight back to Heathrow.

And during the flight, you kept rotating the box in your hands. The only which contained a simple gold band in it. As a tear streaked down your face you wiped it with the back of your hand. 'Why did I let him gaslight me for so many months?' you kept thinking this and many other questions relating to your relationship. 'It was so toxic, it was so unhealthy and moreover he was a dick.'

You sent a text to you sibling stating that you were on your way home. You even sent one to Louis. He was always there for you. Being your childhood friend and all. You both auditioned for the Xfactor at the same time. He got put in a boyband while you signed a contract with Simon separately. When your careers started, you both started hanging out less, but you remained good friends. The only One Direction member you met was Zayn and Niall, and that too on accident. The plane landed, and because no one was expecting you to be at the airport, there was no paparazzi for once. You quickly got a taxi and headed to his house after calling him.

You spent the entire night venting about your entire relationship.

a/n - this is probably one of the longest things i have ever written. let me know what you think. i hope i'll be able to write a part 2 to this, unless you feel i should leave it at this?

also i sincerely apologize to any Leighas out there.

Hope you enjoyed reading<3

#don't let me down fic #harry styles x reader #ex!harry styles x reader #harry styles x singer!reader #ex!harry styles x singer!reader #harry styles fanfiction #itsprashimusic #harry styles angst #not a one direction fic #louis tomlinson x reader

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sunflowerskies00 · 8 days

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sun to me, part 4

so i stayed anyway

series masterlist

In a turn of events that everyone saw coming, Luke and I quickly became friends. Much to the dismay of Josie, who was hoping I would've 'jumped his bones' at this point (her words not mine). She was now on a fully blown friends-to-lovers conspiracy. Informing me that at some point I would realize I was in love with him and blah blah blah. Josie has a wild imagination and gets carried away often. But it's also what makes her one of my favorite people so I can't complain.

My newfound friendship with Luke is how I ended up at this place on a Tuesday after my team's practice, absolutely fuming. I was not having it tonight, it was a shit show practice, and if this was any indicator of how the season was going to go, we might as well give up now. Luke, bless his heart, looked terrified when he opened the door, not sure if I was through with my yelling he had heard on the phone or not.

Normally when there was a bad practice I ended up going to the gym, by myself, not wanting to have to let my roommates see me so upset. Not that they cared, they'd normally agree with my anger and egg it on, instead of trying to tell me I was being irrational, which I normally was. However, when I texted Luke, he said I could come over so I ditched my normal gym routine and headed to his house.

"Well, don't you look like a picture of happiness," He offers as I step inside. This was the first time I had been at his place, it was nice, very nice.

"Idiots. I play on a team with a bunch of idiots," I slide my shoes off, and he closes the door behind me before leading me through their home. "I mean is that hard to pass the damn puck. You obviously aren't going to fucking score so just pass the fucking puck. We aren't going to win when fucking Lauren thinks she needs to score every fucking goal. Another thing, she's not even that good, oh and she's a fucking rude bit-," I stop myself mid-rant, not just to take a breath but because I realized his brother was here, and me yelling about a bitch on my team isn't the best first impression. Luke is stifling a laugh.

"Jack, this is Edwards' sister, y/n. Y/n, this is Jack, my brother," He introduces us.

"Nice to meet you," I offer him a slightly awkward smile.

"You too," he says, having more of a smile than I do. "Now please continue about this puck-hogging bitch?" My cheeks turn pink at that.

"I was just going to say she's a rude fucking bitch who flirts with other girls on the team's boyfriends and has no remorse," I cross my arms over my chest. "That's it," I finish.

"She sounds awful, but I'm sure your coach will take care of it. Well, at least the puck-hogging thing, I don't think there's much to be done with the boyfriend stealing, that's just a character flaw," Luke offers. Which honestly, is probably what I needed to hear. If I had been with the girls, it would have been full-fledged agreeing with all of it, and agreeing that I should just plow her into the boards at practice and just accept getting reamed out for it.

"She does sound like a rude bitch," Jack nods in agreement. "But Luke's right, your coach should deal with the on-ice issues, not much you can do about the other things, but try not to do anything that makes you seem like the ass." I nod, accepting what they're saying, and knowing that their advice is the most rational, and anything I had been concocting in my mind on the way over here, was irrational and should probably never see the light of day. "We were just going to have dinner, want anything?" Jack offers.

"Sure," I nod. Luke sits on the couch and pats the spot next to him. I flop down and slump. Freaking Lauren had drained all the positivity and energy from my body.

"So, is you ranting about teammates after practice a common occurrence?" Luke asks me. I shake my head.

"No, I mean don't get me wrong, I practice more often than not pissed off about something, but it's normally related to me and how I performed, very rarely is it because of one of my teammates. Lauren is a transfer, and she's made approximately zero friends on the team," I offer as an explanation.

"So, if you hadn't come here were you just going to stew in your anger?"

"No, well sorta, I go the gym, well if it's something that I think has to do with me, I go to the gym. Otherwise, I rant to my roommates but they normally encourage the anger and irrational ideas to deal with it," I lift a shoulder, not really knowing what else to say.

"You go to the gym? After multiple hours at practice?"

"I know, it's not good, but it's habit," I mumble, my cheeks turning pink, for no reason. He's being genuinely curious, it's not like he's scolding me. Luke doesn't say anything else because Jack yells something about food.

After dinner, I get ready to leave, not wanting to overstay my welcome, when Luke tells me we're going somewhere. Once I'm in the car, he informs me we're going to get ice cream. I protest, trying to tell him I don't do sugar during my season, but he tells me to loosen up and to treat myself, especially after my shitty day. I don't protest anymore, giving into his reasoning. We get to a little ice cream place not far from his place and against my wishes he buys me ice cream, not letting me pay for myself, and we sit outside at a little table. Luke has a triumph smirk on his face as I narrow my eyes at him.

"Stop being so grumpy, you have ice cream, and you're hanging out with me, what could you be mad about?" I roll my eyes at that, a small smile slipping through at his playful arrogance.

"Some dumb man wouldn't let me pay for my own ice cream."

"Yeah, well it was his idea, and he wanted to see his friend less grumpy, so stop frowning and enjoy the mint chip," He points his spoon at me. I roll my eyes but smile, taking a bit of the ice cream.

By the time I get my car from Luke's and get back home, it's late. Really late. I'm expecting everyone to be in bed, not asleep, but in their rooms. I'm wrong, they're all sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

"Hey," I offer them a smile.

"Hey yourself, where were you missy?" Josie is the first to speak. "You left after practice which was approximately, 6 hours ago, and we haven't heard from you since, just tracked your location to see you ended up at a random house, and then some ice cream place, back to the house, and then here," she recalls my locations. I'm going to delete Life360 so these weirdos can't stalk me anymore.

"Nice stalking skills," I tease her.

"This is serious, where you were you?"

"I went to Luke's, I told him I was in a shit mood and he told me to come over, so I hung out there for a while, and then he insisted on ice cream, and then we hung out at his house for a while before I came back here," I give the brief rundown of my actions for the evening.

"You sure spend a lot of time with him for claiming he's just a friend," Ava's voice isn't accusing, just observing.

"He's a good friend," I shrug my shoulders, that really was all the explanation I had. Luke is an amazing friend, and that's something I didn't say about many of Ethan's former or current teammates. I also had a tendency to not get along with them, big egos on those hockey players (of the male variety).

"And will he remain just a friend?" Lindsey asks. I just shrug, I wasn't sure. Luke was good-looking, anyone with eyes could see that, and I loved spending time with him. But in the weeks that I had known him, he had become such a good friend, and that wasn't something I was willing to give up.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. They must sense my discomfort because they change the subject, dropping Luke from the conversation.

#umich hockey #luke hughes #luke hughes imagine #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes x y/n #jack hughes #quinn hughes #nhl imagine #ethan edwards

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sapphire-weapon · 9 months

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Please tell me more about how Chris is on the list of people who loved Leon without caveats and not like, a lot of other recurring cast members. I mean I agree I just want to hear the good word of our himbo and hero Chris Redfield and this hot traumatized mess named Leon S. Kennedy.

So, the thing about Leon is, he has a lot of people who like him. He's a well-liked guy with very few actual personal enemies. But very few people tend to think about him beyond that point.

Claire likes Leon just fine, for example. So does Jill and Rebecca and Helena and Hunnigan and every other person who's ever worked with him. People value his insight and experience, they enjoy his company, and they overall have very high opinions of him -- but that's about it. None of them ever seem to go out of their way for him (except for Hunnigan, who only does it because it's her ass on the line if she doesn't) or have their lives affected by him in any personally meaningful way.

There are other people, like Ada, who have a certain degree of affection for him. Leon has a soft, special place in Ada's heart, sure -- but she also has a very out of sight, out of mind attitude towards him. The biggest debate in this fandom, sometimes, is what her actual feelings are.

And then there's someone like Ashley, who is the tragedy of the love that never was.

But then there's Chris.

Chris is the only person in this series who actually thinks about Leon just because he cares about him. There's actually a moment in RE6 where Chris radios him just to check on him and his location and make sure that he's not somewhere that's about to blow up or get destroyed.

The only time that was ever done in this series was in RE0 and RE1, because that was an entire team of people who all worked together trying to make it out together. After that point, everyone works pretty independently of each other, and any "check-ins" that happen end up happening purely by happenstance (think Leon and/or Claire actually glimpsing each other on a CCTV and trying to call out to the other at the end of RE2). But in RE6, Chris buzzes Leon out of nowhere just to check on him.

There's also a thing about Chris Redfield where -- one of his major character flaws is that he gets extreme tunnel vision. He's also stubborn as all hell and can't really be talked out of something once he sets his mind to it. Name a character that has teamed up with him at some point, and there's an example of him not listening to their plea/advice to do or not do something.

Chris listens to Leon every single time. Without question.

In RE6, Chris won't even listen to Piers when it comes to his blind fury and relentless pursuit of Ada -- Piers, who Chris handpicked himself to be his own successor.

Chris listens to Leon the first time, without question or much pushback, and he never goes back on it. All it takes is Leon saying one time "let the Ada thing go, I can speak on her behalf" -- and Chris, somehow, magically and miraculously... does. There's a real argument to be made here, due to this moment, that Chris trusts Leon as much as or more than he trusts Jill, even.

Throughout Vendetta, Chris defers to Leon's judgment and goes out of his way to get Leon at his side, when a simple phone call could have sufficed. And when he finds Leon in the state he's in, suddenly his focus isn't on getting his professional opinion anymore -- suddenly, it's all about Leon's physical and mental state. Chris is pissed not because Leon's refusing to help them, but because of Leon letting his depression win out and his drinking problem take over. Chris tries to take the booze from him not once but twice.

If Rebecca hadn't been there to keep them both on track, this would've stayed and continued a personal dispute. It wasn't about the mission anymore, for Chris. It was about Leon. And Rebecca had to remind him why they were even trying to talk to Leon in the first place.

And I know that there were Chreon moments in DI, but I've only watched it once so far, so I'd have to watch it again to talk further about it.

But suffice to say, Chris loves this man. Chris loves Leon more than Leon loves himself. That's for damn sure.

Hunnigan even describes them as a sort of love at first sight thing. It's impossible to know just how close they actually were in the time between their first conversation during the events of Code Veronica and their first face-to-face meeting in roughly 2008ish, but once they were together, they have had a partnership to rival any other in this series.

I actually hate to think how much worse Leon's depression might have gotten if not for Chris looking out for him -- because I think it's a really safe bet to say that they keep in touch between missions.

In fact, if the entire dev staff of Division 1 showed up at my house tomorrow and tried to say that Chris and Leon have no relationship outside of work, I'd call every single one of those devs liars LMAO

#resident evil #leon kennedy #chris redfield #chreon #i know theres other examples and details im missing #but im at work with no ability to doublecheck/reference stuff #i can rb this with additions later when i get home if i have to

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taddymason · 11 days

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What do you think about S6 Jay? I've always felt conflicted about his character due to this season, (but that comes from the fact that Skybound is a total mess). I didn't like how he used his wishes to impress Nya so she would date him. It annoyed me that he kept making decisions that wronged his friends because he couldn't let go of the idea she didn't want a relationship with him. I'm conscious this is the consequence of the messy love triangle from season 3, but it would've been nice to see Jay growing up from his relationship with Nya. (And if the writers were so desperate to make Jay and Nya endgame, at least they could've shown us Jay apologizing for everything he did during the season (lying to his friends, not accepting her refusal). They could've shown us Nya bring up the love triangle, and why she went for Cole when she was with Jay. You know, resolve the problems in their relationship and the things each of them did).

But no, they show us Jay making his final wish: "I wish you had taken my hand, and no one ever found that teapot in the first place". That decision feels like he hasn't progressed about his relationship with Nya from the start of the season. At the beginning of Skybound, she clarifies she doesn't want to be with him, so why would Jay wish she had taken his hand? Like, she's dying, and he's still thinking about that moment. What the hell? There were so many ways that scene could've gone, instead of Jay making her do something against her will. (Kind of? I think that depends on the interpretation of each person).

On the other hand, I didn't like how Nya's feelings were handled. One of the main problems her character had to face in season 6 was feeling she wasn't able to choose her destiny. She found out she was destined to be with Jay, and Nadakhan was forcing her to be with him. She literally said she felt that her whole life had been defined by other people, rather than by herself. However, at the end of the season, Jay wishes she had done what she didn't want to do at first.

I don't know, Skybound feels like an amount of missed opportunities for Nya's and Jay's character development.

Oh, skybound. skybound.

This season is a disaster for me and probably the season I feel the most conflicted about.

Overall I think most of the characters this season are pretty ooc. From Cole making sexist jokes for no reason, to Lloyd remaining strangely quiet throughout the EP5 conflict, to Jay throwing his own friends' security out the window to be with Nya. NOT EVEN S3 JAY (which was also a low point) WAS LIKE THIS. Even with all of his insecurities or rivalry with him, as soon as the situation demanded it or Cole was in danger (S3EP9) Jay could focus on what was at stake.

Instead, for some reason during the middle of the season Jay is EXTREMELY desperate to be with Nya to the point that he doesn't even care about his own team.

Look, I don't even mind that they make a season where Jay is an asshole and has to confront the consequences of his actions to learn to be more mature and aware of what he does (most of my fics are like that anyway). Do they want to do a season where Jay lies until his mistakes blow up in his face and where his selfishness is finally tested? I'm on board. If there is something that makes him such an interesting character, it's his flaws. Jay is selfish, he lies very often, he is opportunistic, and that makes his arcs so different from everyone else's.

Now, I hate that this is all solely because of his obsession with Nya. I've said it before but the worst thing about Jaya is when she becomes Jay's only motivation and interest to do everything he does. The season punishes Jay for resorting to wishes, not for continuing to believe that he has the right to be with Nya as if it were a necessity for him. The moral of the season shouldn't be "if you wish something enough, you'll find a way to make it happen" but; you don't need to be with someone else to be happy. Jay doesn't have to depend on Nya for his own happiness, and the season surprisingly never says otherwise.

From start to the ending, Nya remains Jay's final motivation. Literally her final wish is him imposing her will on her again (I know the wish supposedly didn't affect Nya but I think it's a mistake to make a character's wishes remain static from the beginning to the end of history).

so basically the season is a bunch of wasted potential that could have been a really good season to develop both characters. There are good things in S6, I'm not going to deny it. Jay from EP6 onwards has some pretty good moments, like him learning to be a leader, showing that he is a capable and intelligent member who ends up motivating others (Jay inspiring people is a rant for another day). And it's probably the most seriously the show takes his character.

I think the season would be better if it ended up addressing other things as well. There are many hints of Jay feeling worthless, Jay being insecure because he is poor/weak, believing he needs to be with Nya to be happy. And the season doesn't do much with this anyway. So, wouldn't it be better if the season wasn't Jay and Nya getting back together, but rather Jay realizing his own worth as a person? What if Jay resorts to wishes because he doesn't feel valuable as a member of the team? because he starts to believe that Nya is a better blue ninja than him? Or because his powers begin to fail and weaken as he is not maintaining his true potential by allowing himself to be consumed by his own insecurities? There are MANY ways to resolve this conflict without having Nya come back to him as some kind of prize.

...This is spoilers for my Skybound rewrite btw

but yeah, I agree with everything you say, Jay and Nya deserved better this season and I think what affected it the most was making the ending have to be these two getting back together with just ONE episode of them speaking sincerely

Sorry for the long post, Ty for the ask! ^^

#jay ninjago #ninjago #jay walker #ninjago jay #Ninjago Skybound #Ninjago Skybound AU #ninjago analysis

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taylortruther · 11 months

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I think there are plenty of songs since Lover that show us Taylor and Joe were having problems, or that Taylor was trying to work through her emotions when she was hurt by Joe. I just never thought about it too much because it seemed pretty normal for a couple to have issues. Part of the human experience is being deeply hurt by the people you love and, while they don't mean it to, it can feel like your scars are reopening.

I don't like going back to her pre-breakup song and be like "oh she was always scared of him leaving" "there were always signs they'd breakup" because you can find flaws in any relationship. Being in a relationship is constantly making the choice to stay, despite everything. Despite your trust issues, despite their struggles to communicate. You choose to stay because the sacrfice is worth the prize. You choose to stay until it's not worth it anymore, or maybe you choose to stay again and again until either of you die. But in Taylor's case, she realized she was choosing something that, by this point, was destorying her instead of building her up.

your second paragraph is *chef kiss.*

to be honest, a lot of the conflict taylor described in her music sounded like something i'd never want - but i also really love how beautifully she describes her own journey in figuring out her flaws and facing them in order to make her relationship work. and the only option we have is to trust her judgment about her own life. if she stayed 6-7 years, we have to assume there was reason for that and i don't think we need to have discourse about how "she should've known better" or fans should've seen it coming, you know?

and, yeah, conflict is a normal part of relationships and i believe it's very common for issues that will eventually tear your relationship apart to be present at the beginning. it's just that at the beginning, you might be endeared by them, you have the energy/desire to work through them, you think they might change, or the issues actually just get worse over time.

as taylor said in renegade, "if i would've known how many pieces you had crumbled into, i might've let them lay" - that indicated their issues were serious at the time of writing, which i discussed with you guys at the time, but it was also very relatable. people can go through shit together after 6 - 15 - 20 years that would scare you at year 1.

also, some people made it hard to discuss any of this at the time without becoming the joe defense squad, becoming the taylor hit squad, or immediately turning this into "joe and taylor are gonna break up" discourse. so like. yeah. lots of reasons why we didn't or couldn't talk about these things in the moment lmao

#i love this topic tbh weird as that sounds

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hamartia-grander · 11 months

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Please I’m begging you on my hands and knees please elaborate on Luis and Ada being foils

I am SO happy that someone finally asked me to talk about this I know I asked you to ask me I love you so much thank you because once I had this realisation it made me love both of their characters - and the re4 remake as a whole - so much more than I already did.

Explanation below the cut:

So first lemme define what a foil is when it comes to characters, not because I think you personally don't know Wilfred but in case anyone's reading this and wondering why I'm calling these characters aluminum wrap. I'm not, I promise it's a real narrative device. A literary foil is "a character whose purpose is to accentuate or draw attention to the qualities of another character". Essentially, a foil requires two characters to be identified, and they exist to contrast, reflect, or exist in an opposite way to their co-foil so as to highlight the other character's weaknesses, strengths, and personality. However, they are often also very similar in technical ways, and thus their behaviours and/or quirks that set them apart show the audience how some things just work for one character but not the other. Think of it like an inverted image, how some details look better in negative space but worse in positive space. This is true of narrative foils. In the remake of Resident Evil 4, Luis is written as a literary foil to Ada.

We first meet Ada in re2, and she's introduced as this mysterious woman who claims to be of the FBI but reveals no further details about herself. We as the audience/player behind Leon have to trust her to get to where we need to go, and she proves herself worthy of that trust. Leon doesn't question why she's helping him, because he believes that she really is FBI and that helping people is her job. He doesn't know her goal, but he's willing to help, and receive her help. However, at the end of re2, we find out that she's actually not FBI, that she was using that as a cover and she is actually a mercenary and spy, whose goal was to acquire a sample of the harmful G-virus and bring it to Wesker who was obviously going to use it for nefarious purposes, and she knew that. Leon (the audience) doesn't know this until the very end.

We first meet Luis in re4. Now in the original, he barely had any substance as a character, and his personality was simply an expression of cultural stereotypes and misogyny, masked under "charming flamboyance". In the remake, however, Luis does have substance as a character. We not only get more out of his personality, but we now know his goals, his flaws, and his interests. And just like Ada, he is a mysterious character with a dark past that led to him making bad decisions and aligning himself with bad people. However, the difference between them and the beginning of what sets them up as foils is that Leon (the audience) finds all of this out about Luis almost immediately. Unlike with Ada, where Leon took her word and went the entire game believing what she said, Leon was sceptical of Luis and had Hunnigan look him up - and sure enough, Hunnigan was able to find all sorts of information on Luis, despite Luis actively trying to make that information as well as himself untraceable. So rather than having the audience trust Luis outright like we did with Ada, and then having that trust threatened when we learn who she is later one, we learn who Luis is immediately, setting him up as someone who we should be sceptical of.

With Ada, by giving us a character to trust and see good in for an entire game only to end it with the reveal that she's actually working for the "bad guys", we are led to think that all of her actions up to that point were fake, that she was simply putting on a cover of kindness and care for Leon. And of course that's the wrong idea, as she clearly does care for him, which we see when he stupidly dares her to shoot him. And she refuses. IDK, even if I loved Leon, I would've shot him then just because he was being a cocky shit about it, but Ada is certainly stronger than me. Ada's actions prior to us finding out who she really is now are tainted, and we're led to see her actions as that of a facade. Adversely, with Luis, by giving us a character who's bad past we know outright and repeatedly meet up with throughout the game, we are led to see all of his actions from that point on as acts of redemption.

We first see Ada as a Good character and therefore all of her actions are that of someone just being herself, but with Luis we first see him as a Bad character, and therefore all of his actions are that of someone who must redeem himself. However, they are both very similar characters; but in the way the stories introduced them to us, and in the order they revealed information about these two characters to us, the narrative influences how we see these characters. Imagine if we had gone the entire game not knowing Luis used to work for Umbrella, thinking he was just Some Guy who happened to live in this village. Leon most definitely would have trusted him much quicker. But that 'Umbrella' background being the first real thing we learn about Luis means that his dark past will always be on our minds when we see him next. And it makes sense to us, given the events of re2, that Leon wouldn't trust Luis, even if the audience does. (Same with Ada; the audience could be distrusting of her, but narratively we see why Leon would've trusted her implicitly in re2.)

Both Luis and Ada are mysterious characters whose real moral alignment we are uncertain of for almost the entirety of their games. Both Luis and Ada tell lies to protect themselves or their cover. Both Luis and Ada withhold information they either feel too ashamed to admit or can't admit, again, to protect their cover. Both Luis and Ada - specifically in re4r - have a recurring theme of change. They both speak to Leon about people changing. They both show their own relationships with change. And yet, their endings are vastly different.

Where Ada withholds information and succeeds, Luis withholds information and is found out by Hunnigan. Where Ada can double cross Wesker and escape, Luis attempts to double cross Los Iluminados and gets found out and captured, which is how we meet him. Where Ada gains Leon's trust almost immediately and loses it at the end, Luis doesn't gain Leon's trust until the very end. Even when Leon shows situational trust in him - accepting Luis's help in the safe house, agreeing to partner with him to get the suppressant for the plaga for Ashley - he still doesn't trust Luis's motives, his goal, or even his character. Leon constantly questions Luis throughout their interactions, unwilling to believe this man would help them unless he had some ulterior motive.

That brings back up the theme of change. Luis asks Leon if he thinks people can change, and then Leon asks Ada if she has changed. Luis's death scene could very well be the first time - or at least, the first significant time - Leon has been forced to confront the idea that people change. His confusion regarding Luis's real motives the entire time as a result of learning that Luis used to work for Umbrella seems to be proof enough to Luis that Leon does not see him as someone who has changed, even though Luis desperately wants that to be seen. Adversely, Leon desperately wants to see some proof that Ada has changed, that she's not using him. He's learned from Luis, but he's stumped by his own personal lack of change. Leon doesn't understand how to identify that kind of change in someone; or at the very least, he doesn't know how to voice it. Ada replies "what do you think?", and this could be passed off as her usual way of avoiding the truth, but really she's asking him "Are you even able to know if I've changed? Did you ever pay attention to who I am, or did you lose sight of my character as soon as you learned something bad about me? Have I changed, or has your perception of me changed? Can I change to you if you never really knew me at all? What do you think about how people change?" (And I love this about her.) Luis is Ada's foil because the way Leon perceived Luis's change was so abrupt that now Leon is looking for change in everyone, even himself. And where Luis doubts himself and has to ask Leon - as he's dying - if Leon thinks people can change, Ada is sure of it.

And of course I have to add some serennedy in this. As @thebrokengate kindly mentioned, the dynamics between Leon and Ada, and Leon and Luis, are opposite. Leon trusts Ada and then that trust is broken; Leon doesn't trust Luis, and then that trust is earned, but too late. Luis isn't just a foil for Ada, but his relationship with Leon is also a foil for Ada's. We see where Luis fails in ways that Ada succeeded when it comes to their characters; but when it comes to their relationship with Leon, Luis succeeds where Ada failed. And it makes his death even more devastating as he had the potential to go further with Leon than Ada could, but he was killed, leaving Leon alone regardless. In both instances, Leon lost someone who affected him personally; but where one was lost with trust broken, the other was lost with their life taken.

Again, by giving us Ada's personality first and her background last, we soften up to her as a character before having to question everything we thought we knew about her, as who we find out she is contradicts what her actions have been. However, by giving us Luis's background first and his personality last, we start out sceptical of him, and when his actions contradict what we found out about who he is, we forgive him. I'll also take this opportunity to point out the misogyny in this fandom, as many fans still dislike Ada or believe her to be a bad person, when they love Luis. in many ways, they are the same character. We were just given details about them in a different order that influenced how we perceive their actions.

#this was. really disorganised and all out of my brain so I'm sorry if I failed to convey some things I just have so many feelings ab this #Ada Wong #Luis Serra #Luis Serra Navarro #serennedy #resident evil #resident evil 4 remake #re4 remake #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #re4 #re2 #leon kennedy #leon s. kennedy #literary analysis #asks #Thank you sm Wilfred I'm sorry for making you read so many words #resident evil analysis

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 2 years

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i am once again thinking abt the frankfurters scene at the beginning of episode 4

my original thought after watching that whole episode was that ed keeping his plan a secret for the purpose of a dramatic reveal was stupid of him. if he'd talked abt his plan with izzy (talk it through as a crew), they could've pointed out the flaw and they would've had time to come up with a plan b

then i saw posts that talked abt how ed was trying to tell izzy his plan, but izzy just thought ed was goofing off, bc izzy is bad at reading ed's language (and also just. people in general). and i was like "yeah, fair point, but ed still could've just. came right out and say it. why'd he have to play coy"

but the more i think about it tho?? the more i think about it

they're fucking pirates. they're sailors. they navigate the sea by boat.

if your pirate captain asks you about the clouds one morning, you should fucking realize he's talking about more than just the fucking clouds

sailors had to know how to read the sky and predict the weather if they wanted to have even a chance at surviving at sea. izzy even says himself that he thought blackbeard was the most brilliant sailor he's ever met. when i think about it this way, it's actually baffling that ed started pointing out the clouds and izzy literally had no idea what ed was talking about. he thought ed was just fucking around!! which is kind of fucking insulting, when you think about it!!!

like, this tells me two things:

izzy is not a good sailor. izzy doesn't know shit about boats. izzy's singular talent is sword fighting. ed does all the navigating, the crew does all the boat stuff, and izzy just sort of sits there and glowers. maybe waves his sword around if someone's slacking off. he's good in a fight, in a raid. if they're not raiding, izzy's not good for anything (which oughff puts his reaction to ed saying "why are we even being pirates?" into perspective. if they're not being pirates, then izzy is no longer needed)

unless ed is being like, brooding and straightforward, izzy doesn't fucking respect ed enough to think ed might take things seriously. because ed was like, giggling over stede's trinkets and talking about the clouds, izzy did not seem to consider that ed might've come up with something. if he's really been such a loyal right hand man for so many years, if he really respected ed as the most brilliant sailor he's ever met, that cloud conversation should've been a dead giveaway that ed knew what he was doing

and like, ed's frustrated "it's like pulling teeth with you sometimes, man" line makes it sound like this is normal? that izzy often brushes ed of when he talks abt things this way. and if i were ed, it would've been so fucking annoying to see my first mate ignore what should be some very obvious hints because he thinks im just fucking around. why would ed bother with being direct with his plan if izzy doesn't respect him enough (and also isn't a good enough sailor) to realize the cloud conversation isn't just about clouds.

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #ofmd meta #edward teach born on a beach #edward teach #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #blackbeard #txt #mine #meta #og #s1e04 #izzy critical

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penguicorns-are-cool · 6 months

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I don't think we talk about the antisemitism of The Great Gatsby enough. Like, before reading the book I was very prepared for the sexism and gayness, but I didn't have any idea what would be coming with Meyer Wolfsheim

Meyer Wolfsheim is a greedy Jewish mafia person who has definitely killed people over money, done corrupt and sketchy business dealings, and may or may not have killed Gatsby himself.

He is introduced when Gatsby invites Nick to a business lunch meeting and at that meeting Wolfsheim tells a whole lot of stories of sketchy business deals, people he's killed multiple of whom were killed for money-related reasons, and some violent (money-related) family drama. After referencing a deal he has with Gatsby he leaves and Gatsby says that Wolfsheim was the guy who rigged the 1919 world series. This isn't just significant for the "Jews control everything" set of conspiracy theories but also because it's referencing a real guy, Arnold Rothstein, who was the head of the Jewish mafia and accused of rigging the world cup in 1919 (there wasn't enough evidence to convict though)

At this point, Nick thinks that Gatsby is the most perfect amazing person of all time except for the fact that he works with Jews. He really genuinely believes that Nick is perfect other than his deals with Jews.

Later on, Gatsby is dead and Nick has reason to suspect it was Wolfsheim. He describes the death as a holocaust which is problematic but not for the reason you probably think. Before the Holocaust happened, holocuast referred to burnt sacrifices by the Greeks and Jews. So here, Nick is comparing Gatsby's death to a Jewish sacrifice which falls under the whole barbaric talmudic rituals and blood libel forms of antisemtism

Then Nick goes to Wolfsheim's house to invite him to the funeral. He fights with his wife who tells Nick he isn't home and when Wolfsheim does come to the door he says he can't come cause he can't associate himself with any deaths or he might be accused of something. There is also an implication that he's hiding from debt collectors.

The entire book is criticizing rich people's lifestyles but ends up having the message of, rich people crazy but overall good and while they may do bad things it's justifiable cause most of them fought in WW1 and are having a mental crisis. Like can you really blame Gatsby or Daisy for that hit-and-run where they killed someone cause Daisy was having a mental breakdown and Gatsby couldn't just not let the woman he has a big major crush on drive just cause she doesn't know how to drive and was in a bit of a violent mood. However, the rich do work with Jews and that's bad, bad for everyone including them. See Jews like Wolfsheim ultimately control the rich cause if they don't want to make deals with Jews they can just kill them. Look at that, Gatsby is dead cause he decided to do business deals with Jews such a shame he had such a major flaw like works with Jews otherwise maybe he would've been able to move on from Daisy and stop borderline stalking her.

like please, the antismetism of this book is crazy. And I'm not saying like don't read it cause of that. I'm saying we should be reading this book and analyzing the antisemitism. Cause that antisemitism is really blatant and a really great example of antisemitism in the 1920s US and what rhetoric they used at all. Like we should be talking about that portrayal and how antisemitism today presents in similar or different ways.

#great gatsby #antisemitism #jewish #meyer wolfsheim #arnold rothstein #f scott fitzgerald

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notwarriorswiki · 1 year

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How come Hollystar got her 9 lives after the great battle but Harestar didn't? And why would anyone follow Darktail after he killed Onestar!? Or was that a secret harestar kept to himself on how his dad died?

Hollystar gets hers during the Great Battle to honor Firestar's dying wish and being right there next to the Moonpool. Jayfeather knows they're about to lose access to StarClan when they defeat the Dark Forest, so against his better judgement he allows Hollyleaf to connect with their ancestors one last time. Of the thousands of ancestors fighting, nine of the cats who had died in the battle by that point come forward to give what many think will be the final gifting of nine lives.

Hollystar's nine lives come from...

Stormheart - Life for Diligence

Petalnose - Life for Protection

Otterheart - Life for Fearlessness

Tornear - Life for Strength

Applefur - Life for Open-mindedness

Cedarheart - Life for Fortitude

Leafpool - Life for Empathy

Firestar - Life for Honesty

Brambleclaw - Life for Love

Harespring is too weak to travel to the Moonpool from where he is, much less have the strength to leave his father's side. Him and Onestar were particularly close, and no one expected Onestar to die considering he still had a considerable amount of lives left. If Jayfeather knew, he likely would've tried to get Harespring his as well before the connection was broken, just as he strived to do for his sister.

It should also be noted that Jayfeather is not being objective - like ultimately the arguably best course of action is to close the connection as soon as possible and halt the battle NOW, but he is written to be, while snappy and standoffish, incredibly emotional and is very swayed when put face to face with someone's troubles. He couldn't close the door on his sister even if it meant ending things, and while he does once she's safe and sound, he illogically delays ending the connection to ensure Hollyleaf returns to them with her nine lives. This is, while a charming trait at times, also a flaw of Jayfeather's as he is the complete opposite of Chi's bizarrely playful apathy.

As for following Darktail - it's much less about Darktail and much more about the hopelessness the clans feel after the battle. They fought and fought, but here stood WindClan without a leader - sure Harespring is the rightful leader, but with no nine lives many question if they should follow him. Furthermore many members of the clans, while happy to be alive, now feel as if they're no different than rogues or any other cat. AVoS in my rewrite is meant to really draw attention to the amount of xenophobia the clans feel and how they put themselves above others by validation of StarClan. Cats like Cloudtail understand the meaning of being a clan cat, but others think none of it matters without their ancestors there. As such many of the cats who follow Darktail are young, inexperienced, and begin to wonder if Darktail has a point. After all, even if he killed Onestar, StarClan didn't give them a new leader, so perhaps this is too twisted fate. While certainly not the majority of people follow Darktail, in fact it's a very small minority and not all of ShadowClan turning on Rowanstar in this, he strives to continue rebuilding The Kin, which stands for something many of the cats now find intriguing once the dust settles.

In Alderpaw's case, he sees the horrific state many of the cats are in, some more hostile towards the clan than others, and wishes to help them, partly out of a motivation to reason with Darktail and his goons rather than attack the clans when weakest as Darktail had planned. What's even more surprising is when Darktail actually takes young Alderpaw up on this...

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fox-daddy · 4 months

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My Mc and their Li dynamics;

Kyle;

Nadia;

(4'4/5'10)

When first meeting Kyle's whole height and demeanor would be a suprise. Kyle is nearly a foot and a half shorter than her, not only that but he wears a cheerful attitude that can make them seem aloof and like an easy target when in reality he's paying attention to everything around him. On the other hand Kyle would've been slightly intimated that the countess decided to go to his shop but would keep as much of his cheerful exterior as he can. While finding a lot of things about the situation interesting like the fact she seemed confident he was the one she was looking for.

As for their dynamic itself Nadia is definitely the one in charge and it's not hard to see that at a glance. However, theirs a lot more there than you'd see at first glance. Despite Kyle for the most part seemingly staying out of Nadia's business this couldn't be further from the truth. Rather Kyle takes internal notes of everyone he's talking with having a sharp intuition on who he can trust or not and quietly passing onto Nadia if he has any bad feelings about the people their talking to. In more quieter moments he works great as someone for Nadia to bounce thoughts back and forth with. Willing to point out any flaws he notices in what she's saying or bring up any worries. When it's not about work it's not hard for them to come up with an intresting topic to talk about. From philosophical questions to discussions about local animals.

In general they tend to have a soft dynamic where Kyle will keep his eyes and ears open and keep up with Nadia's work and support her while being unafraid to question her. Nadia appreciates Kyle's thoughtful loyalty and flustering him by spoiling him.

Asra;

(4'4/5'8)

The first time they met Kyle was drawn to Asra's set up stall at the back of his aunts magic shop. He ended up buying one of Asra's masks between some chatting and conversations. For Asra it was interesting discussing stuff like tarot and magic with someone who seemed at first glance almost carefree and energetic but even just scratching deeper was clearly observant in his ability to pick up on small details and make intresting observations about the world around them. Neither of them expected it to go further than another interesting person they've met at a party. Let alone for it to bloom into such a close connection.

The dynamic itself it's also a very soft ship with Kyle being soft and sweet and Asra playing into the more mysteriously mystic vibe. A lot of their dynamic is expressed through physical touch, Asra leaning over Kyle, Kyle gently taking their hand, Asra kissing the top of Kyle's head or even scooping him up or Kyle burying himself into Asra's side or gently pulling them over to the bed. Their also both fierce magicians knowing a lot about magic leading to a lot of discussions about magic and the world around them. As they tend to look to eachother for advice for as much as Kyle is good at keeping his head on straight and thinking logically he can get too focused on details and sometimes needs Asra's help remembering to look at the whole picture and vice versa as they tend to lean on eachother to help keep them grounded. This doesn't mean they both can't get distracted in which case they might need a third party to help redirect them towards the original goal. Most of the time their distractions tend to loop back to what they were originally doing.

In general their both very touchy and enjoy cuddling and eachothers touch. When focused on a goal they can be quiet the force but it's also not uncommon for them to get sidetracked.

Hunter;

Muriel;

(5'4/6'10)

When first meeting Muriel thought Hunter was overly agressive for no reason and Hunter thought Muriel was too much of a pacifist who let people step on him.

Their dynamic overtime has shifted as Hunter as learned from Muriel that they don't always have to accept a fight and it's okay to just let stuff go. In return Muriel has learned his own wants are as valuable as others and despite his past he deserves nice things and to be happy. Most of their time together is quiet with not a lot said between them theirs a deep sense of understanding between them where this quiet isn't due to a lack of things to say or a lack of connection but an understanding that actions speak louder than words. Where a gentle smile encourages Hunter to relax more and a gentle nudge is an offer for Muriel to say whats on his mind.

In general their dynamic is quiet focused more on action than word but also one where they can lean on eachother and offer the other support and a place to talk when they want without the pressure to always be talking about something.

Portia;

(5'4/5'1)

Similarly to Muriel Portia's first impression of Hunter was overly aggressive but she was also more used to Julian's over dramaticness so it wasn't too hard for her to guess Hunter was just being dramatic. Hunter originally saw Portia as loud and energetic but also sweet and smart.

Over time Portia's first thought about Hunter just acting dramatic would be proven correct as she indirectly got them to act more friendly in public and introduced them to more people knowing that even when Hunter made more friends that they seemed to still look towards her during discussions since she knew how to handle them a lot better than they did. Instead standing with her and offering support being a great help at forcing people to actually hear what she was trying to say. After a few baking accidents Portia started to slowly teach Hunter how to cook while also banning them from using the kitchen unless she's there.

In general Portia helps Hunter with their social skills and making friends around Vesuvia and Hunter helps Portia make sure that she knows she is worth listening to and that she isn't just a background character.

Julian:

(5'4/6'4)

Julian and Hunter's first meeting neither of them were sober as Hunter helped Julian escape the guards seeing an opportunity to fight. First interaction sober was Julian being dramatic and Hunter pretty much going 'K, when is breakfast?'

If I had to summarize their dynamic as a meme it would be 'you can do that, as long as I can as well' While their relationship started with Julian being dramatic and willing to surrender himself at the most trivial point it also had Hunter being just as stubborn as Julian is dramatic as they are. Despite Hunter's at first rougher exterior even early on they were able to keep up with Julian's dramaticness able to react just as dramatically when they feel like it.

In general their relationship is two idiots who only learn healthy coping mechanisms by focusing on the other person. As they spend most of their time traveling, working, drinking and being that one couple in drama class. The one that calls their love like Achilles and Patroclus.

Bluebell;

Lucio;

(6'4/5'10)

With how Lucio is during the beginning the first thought he would've had about Bluebell is assuming the more skittish magician would be easy to manipulate with his good looks. Bluebell saw through it immediately but wanting to find out the truth played along while refusing to give in to Lucio's darker thoughts as they originally don't like Lucio at all but force themselves to deal with him.

Overtime their relationship slowly grew into Bluebell trying to help Lucio understand why what he did was bad while also showing him it doesn't have to be who he is anymore. As they slowly grow to appreciate their open boldness. At the same time Lucio seems to only grow more determined to help Bluebell gain more confidence in themselves. Still confused why someone powerful in magic (even mainly healing) wouldn't be confident when they can do so much. It's probably for the best Lucio travels with Bluebell since their able to tell Lucio if a creature is endangered or not and give him puppy dog eyes not to hunt the rare creature and instead having rabbit one more night wouldn't hurt that much. They'll even cook it however he wants, just don't go after the endangered animal, for them?

In general Lucio gives Bluebell more confidence to just exist and to be unapologetically themselves even if it's obsessing over the wildlife they encounter. Bluebell helps keep Lucio's more wild idea's in check and does their best to show Lucio that theirs more to the world than riches and fine wine.

#vesuvia weekly #MC/LI dynamic #the arcana game #the arcana #the arcana mc #the arcana fan apprentice #mc kyle #mc hunter #mc bluebell

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agonycrossbow · 2 months

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No one in RE canon loves Leon the way Chris does

The thing about Leon is, he has a lot of people who like him. He's a well-liked guy with very few actual personal enemies. But very few people tend to think about him beyond that point.

And then there's someone like Ashley, who is the tragedy of the love that never was.

But then there's Chris.

Chris listens to Leon every single time. Without question.

In RE6, Chris won't even listen to Piers when it comes to his blind fury and relentless pursuit of Ada -- Piers, who Chris handpicked himself to be his own successor.

And I know that there were Chreon moments in DI, but I've only watched it once so far, so I'd have to watch it again to talk further about it.

But suffice to say, Chris loves this man. Chris loves Leon more than Leon loves himself. That's for damn sure.

#resident evil meta #chreon analysis #OG RE analysis

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bluespiritshonour · 3 months

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IDK why Azula stans hate acknowledging the fact that Azula is both abused and an abuser? Do you know why?

Okay. I gotta make one thing clear: I really like Azula. Is she terrible? Yeah. Is she iconic? Uh... Also yeah.

I really like Azula and I have no problem acknowledging that she's a terrible, terrible person. And a villain.

This is not aimed at you for asking the question, anon. I just wanted to clarify that I absolutely love both Azula and Zuko. 😅

And for that I've often had people come at me for posts that slightly favoured one over the other like—guys, I like them both? They both also have flaws? They both also did horrible things and committed war crimes?

The only difference is that Zuko got a redemption arc while Azula didn't. But... Pointing out one's mistakes in one post doesn't mean I'm trashing them.

Azula did abuse Zuko. She was also abused by Ozai. She and Zuko were both abused by Ozai and in some ways, Zuko had a support system that she didn't.

They both also suffered. But in different ways. Azula had her father's approval but never his love. Her abuse was psychological. While Zuko's was physical and psychological. They're both children abused by a terrible father.

After Zuko breaks free of his need for his father's approval you see that he doesn't hate Azula anymore. Pre-redemption Zuko would've rejoiced winning an Agni Kai against her.

(Which he would've never won because pre-redemption Zuko would also never have accepted Katara's help and she's technically the one who defeated Azula).

But Zuko that has matured simply feels bad for her because no one knows better than him what growing up with their father is like.

Azula looks out for him too. Like, when she knows he's visiting Iroh in prison and doesn't rat him out. She warns him to be careful. She's a lot more brainwashed than he is—but she's also younger!

It's just... complicated.

As someone who loved Azula because she was efficient—and who also loves Zuko because of everything!—like, damn that kid faced the consequences of his actions, didn't he?—well, it doesn't have to be a fight?

To answer your question, I've seen both Azula stans and Zuko stans that do not want any sort of nuance.

I think it has to do with internet extremism and purity culture. People no longer think “I don't like it”—they have to put a “this is morally wrong” spin on it.

I like Azula and she's a terrible person. Doesn't mean she's irredeemable though. I'd love to see an Azula-redemption arc. Since she's a kid and she deserves to heal.

But I can also say that Azula and her war crimes are fictional, I think she's cool. What she does is wrong. People forget that you're allowed to like villains. You're allowed to like grey characters. And most of all, people really need to learn to distinguish between fiction and reality and where what is acceptable.

Which is why a present day piece of media can never pull off a redemption arc like Zuko's. Because of internet purity culture. Like, fuck it, people can barely handle Taigen!

It's okay to like Azula. You don't have to justify her actions for it. You're not a coloniser sympathiser for liking her as long as you realise what she did was wrong and accept it.

—Yours Sincerely,

A citizen of a formerly colonised country who's very painfully aware of the harms of imperialism.

Trying to use her abuse as an excuse isn't the way to go. Same for Zuko! I love ATLA because when Zuko apologies to the gaang, he doesn't once bring up his tragic past. It's not an excuse!

Anyways, anon. Thanks for the ask. I really needed to rant. Sorry it became this behemoth though. Haha.

TLDR: the reason is internet purity culture. People feel guilty for liking a villain. Trust me, liking a fictional bad guy—or a morally grey—or complicated guy—does not make you a bad guy. People need to learn to distinguish between fiction and reality.

And even then, in real life you need to learn what makes criminals if you're to stop crime. For example: how poverty leads to crime and eliminating poverty would go a long way in stopping crime than incarceration does. Like, how probably education and societal change where rape is as unthinkable as cannibalism would do more to prevent rapes than purity culture would. If you get what I mean.

#atla #zuko #azula #avatar the last airbender #anonymous letters #rape mention #for those who might want to filter the tag

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eerna · 9 months

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Hi! I was the one complaining about Bird Harrow. It's been bugging me enough I rewatched the first couple of episodes. From a writing perspective, they introduce the Soulfang Serpent! It's only purpose is to do a body-swap! This scene serves other purposes, so it could just be a prop, but the snake comes back later. It serves to show Viren is kinda cutthroat about his goals (theoretically condemning another person do die in place in Harrow) and Harrow is a Paladin (Boy Scout) about stuff.

It's pretty good characterization! It shows Viren really likes his plans, especially because they're His Plans (which kind of makes it weird later when he's just super down for Avaros' plans. I know it's spelled wrong but I'm not looking it up. Moving on). He's an egomaniac, and Harrow carries guilt over the events that happened, and sees his impending doom as an atonement, though is still planning to put up a fight because it's his duty. Great, good. Next Episode!

Viren's still got the snake! Argument ensues! it's the one they had last episode, to remind everyone of their dynamic.

Bird alights on shoulder! This was a deliberate choice! for a reason! You don't just set this up because it's Dramatic!

Viren appears, sans snake. So at this point, we have two options. Either the animators made a... not necessarily a continuity blunder, but a real interesting choice, OR it's missing for a reason. (I'm being heavy-handed with this but I'm annoyed at the wiki) Yadda yadda, the "Invincible" Moonshadow elves apparently narrowly succeed in their assassination attempt. Suggesting that if Harrow had actually been allowed to fight they probably would've been fine, actually.

But he doesn't Fight. He doesn't emerge from his quarters at all! Really weird for a dude unwilling to sacrifice people merely to save his own life! Gosh, something must have happened in there! But What could it be????

anyway, next episode.

awesome armor aunt is introduced.

AND THEN THIS SHOT.

Viren doesn't care about this bird. There's no reason to cage the bird. The bird does not appear to have a cage, prior to this. It's an incredibly distinctive element they spent a lot of work on that, as far as I can tell, does not appear again. And most importantly. They never show Harrow's Body. Which is kind of an odd choice, if he wasn't a bird. Since if he wasn't a bird, it would be a dramatic shot! Nevermind the Dramatic Fight he could have had with the assassin! If he was a bird, well, you'd probably not want to show the king fighting like a bird in a man's body just for the dignity of it, and also showing his corpse would muddle the VERY OBVIOUS IMAGERY YOU'VE SET UP TO THIS POINT THAT THE MAN IS GONNA GET BIRD'D! Deep Breath. At SDCC 2019 creator Justin Richmond said that Harrow was killed by the elven assassins. This enters the realm of speculation, but unless he's just outright lying (which is... boring) it would indicate to me that this idea was cut at some point after most of these shots were finished, and it would be too expensive to remake them. So... most of the connective tissue was left, kicked under the rug as best as they could, afforded little other choice. Because the alternative is that they're incredibly, fundamentally unskilled at visual storytelling, which frankly, seems wild. The show is very, deeply flawed, but they do consistently demonstrate proficiency in the shots chosen for other threads in this opening plot. So many choices are done carefully and deliberately, that to fumble this one Major thing? Seems nutty. And it's really disappointing because Ezran coming home and chatting with Dad Bird and unravelling Viren's plot is Way more compelling than anything else they actually did do in the show. Come to think of it, maybe it's when they decided to have Aravos as the/a big bad. idk. Viren's dealing with Asarov to seem mildly-to-fairly inconsistent with his characterization in these early scenes. and not in a way that demonstrates any kind of meaningful arc.

Rant over. Thanks for listening. I doubt we'll ever get a good answer to this.

This was a highly entertaining read, np! I felt the same way when I rewatched the beginning of the show dsnjkavkas. Those first few episodes are directed much better than the rest of the show, and you're right, it's so weird if they are really meaningless. There is also a shot at the end of the season showing the bird escaping the cage, and then we NEVER SEE IT AGAIN. It shows up again only in Viren's imagination in s5. SO WHAT WAS ALL THIS FOR HUH. But honestly the show LOVES to introduce concepts and then drop them, so I wouldn't even be surprised if they just did it for the vibes and making it seem like a Cool Mature Fantasy Thing where the villain keeps the dead hero's animal companion in a cage instead of any proper writing reason.

#dmgloom #eernask #eernask talk tdp #tdp dunking

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chidoroki · 7 months

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182 Days of TPN - Day 177

Chapter 177: "Mother"

This chapter.. this damn chapter never fails at getting me emotional. I'm still so very upset that Isabella dies this way too when we had other characters such as Emma and Barbara also get impaled by fierce demons and survive with their scars, so why not my queen huh?? I know there's that whole neverland fairy tale idea where adults aren't allowed there, which would've been an interesting concept for our series given the several adult deaths we had already, but that would've cancelled out some of the oldest Goldy Pond kids who are already older than 18 at this point. However, with how Emma phrased the new promise to allow all humans raised as food to cross over into the human world, there wouldn't have been any issue. Isabella could've easily joined them then, like c'mon Shirai, couldn't ya at least let these kids have one parent join them, please? They already lost Yuugo and Lucas, we didn't need to add another!

As if stabbing this woman wasn't enough, this bastard goes on to taunt her, saying that she'll never make up for her past mistakes no matter how hard she tries. First off, to hell with this guy. Secondly, that's such nonsense. I know this moment is supposed to be seen as "Isabella's big redemption moment," but it totally didn't need to happen this way. I'm gonna sound like a broken record when I say this, but this woman's redemption arc started way back when she first admitted defeat on the wall while watching her precious children escape GF. From gathering the ropes they used so the demons wouldn't know which direction they ran, to secretly planning an entire uprising within the farm system in hopes to one day assist her children when they returned. She even used her newfound power as Grandma to help spare the lives of other children at GF by lowering the amount of harvests that took place. Granted, walking the children to their deaths as caretaker and her treatment of Ray are certainly her biggest flaws that can definitely outweigh all the good she's done during those several years as a mother, but again, it's not like she truly wanted to act that way! It was her job; a job she only took because she valued her own life so much (& honestly, I would too), but she excelled at it for their sake. She's renowned for being the best for providing such high quality meat to the farm (which sounds bad when ya think of them as food, I know), but it means her children were raised with such rich emotions and were able to reach a reasonable decent age because they knew what happiness and love felt like and she did everything within her power to keep them alive as long as they possibly could. So to hear this demon make a statement like this just irks me because while it's true this one mama bear moment may not be enough for Isabella to be redeemed fully, it completely disregards every other motherly act she's done for her children over the years.

Literally the only positive I can take away from this highly unfortunate demon encounter is how damn strong and determined Isabella is. The fire in her eyes and the intense grip she has on this demon that straight up prevents it from moving to hurt Emma or the other girl.. aahh it's such a badass moment! What a queen!

Every single time I come across these panels, all I hear in my head is that Mushu quote: "You missed! How could you miss? He was three feet in front of you!" Seriously though, I can understand with how quick everything happened and the intense new threat could've caused Ray's aim to be off a little, but my boy, this could not have been a more worse occasion to miss. I don't wanna say it because it'll be so mean but s2!Ray could've done better.

Bro I remember so very clearly when a couple panels of this chapters were first teased before the official release (& yeah I was a complete mess back then too), but when this panel was going around, it was cropped short to where Ray wasn't seen at all, so people were going nuts about where he was, why wasn't he also surrounding Isabella, if his hatred for her really went so deep to not wanna be near her while she's at death's door, etc. It was kinda wild and absolutely made me anxious, but thankfully the panic was short lived when the full page was available. Sorta. I mean, it's still not a pretty panel, seeing my favorite villain minutes away from losing her life, but at least Ray is present along with all the other GF kids.

Seeing Isabella being more concerned about everyone else aside from herself after a serious stab wound.. what a bittersweet "like mother, like daughter" parallel.

Crazy how Krone's actions and words lead the kids to believe Isabella's intentions were just as heartless. Yeah both ladies wanted to survive and would choose to achieve that by any means necessary, but at least Isabella cared for the well-being of her children. That's already a whole lot more than what your typical mom or sister is capable of.

Having this panel placed in the middle of all the heartbreak is very much appreciated because I definitely need some adorable flashbacks to make me feel a little better before diving right back into my puddle of tears. Seeing her smile and laugh alongside the trio is the most adorable thing, especially that head pat she gives Emma. Also love that reference to ch95's extra page where Gilda was working so hard at the shelter that a sleepy Chris mistakenly called her "mom." Oh, my poor boy Chris.. he's gonna have so many things to catch up on once he wakes up and learning about Isabella's death ain't gonna be easy.

Say it louder, sweetie!!! And most definitely repeating myself once more by saying that I'm so glad the second season animated that panel of Isabella hugging the trio despite this chapter's events not happening.

I love this idea of Isabella & Yuugo being the "what if" versions of the kids. Isabella's situation could easily be applied to any of the girls, though most people associate it with Emma which is fair, just as we usually make the connection of Yuugo to Ray due to them both witnessing their family getting killed and all that time they spent alone, whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally. All three honestly.

Seeing all the children beg Isabella to hold on, along with them confessing how much they love her.. oh my goodness, I think so often how thankful I am that this scene wasn't included in the anime because seeing the pain on their faces is hard enough already, imagine how loudly I would sob if I heard the emotion in all their voices.

Oh, if any version of her lullaby played here, my heart would shatter. I already feel close to tears. She probably dreamed of hugging all her precious children and openly declaring her love for them once more without any fear of what the farm system might do to her and/or them, and now that Isabella finally gets that chance, she has such a thankful smile on her face and I'm happy she gets to experience these warm feelings one last time.

I dunno about anyone else, but this chapter always feels like a "try not to cry challenge, level: impossible" for me. Doesn't matter if they added in this cute scene of her hugging the trio with such a beautiful smile, my heart is still in pieces on the ground. I'm the one who needs the hug!

Favorite panel/moment:

If you haven't learned how much I love Isabella, Ray and their complicated mother-son relationship yet, then I haven't rambled on long enough. But yes, as much as her death absolutely wrecks me, I'm relieved it allows us to get one final interaction between her and Ray. By now we have a pretty good grasp about Ray's feelings towards Isabella, so the fact he kept his distance this entire time until she called out for him is so sad. We can't really tell if he rushes to her side or if he takes slow steps, but what matters is that he didn't deny her request.

It means so much that this moment is just between the two of them too. Sure it was undeniable sweet to see all the children cry and huddle around Isabella, but she and Ray have such a deep history so they deserve one last scene together. Although it's a very fragile relationship, that doesn't prevent her from giving him a personal apology with the very last bit of strength she has. Aahh, how terrible she must be feeling right now, thinking back on all the times she wasn't allowed to show him the same level of affection as a mother would normally show her son or for making his life such a living hell. She could've very well chosen to be angry at herself here or let the pain show on her face, and yet she chooses to smile instead. Not a smug or confident one Ray's probably used to seeing her use, but a gentle one that really conveys how strong her regrets are.

Having her last wish being for Ray to protect everyone is so perfect with how it shows that right til the very end, Isabella's children have always been her top priority and she'll always think of them first. It's also sweet that she wants Ray to hold onto this promise because us readers already know how committed Ray is to providing for his family and keeping them safe. Hell, his compassion and protective instincts were on full display last chapter when he jumped in to shoot at that demon bastard and when he accepted all the moms and sisters to join the kids in the human world back during ch164. Those were such great opportunities for Isabella to witness just how caring her son really is and how much he's grown. I'm certain she's so proud of him. To this day I still wish Isabella had actually spoke that "I love you so much" to him, but I know she was steadily growing weaker by the minute that even speaking or seeing clearly was becoming a challenge for her. The nice thing with Isabella though, is that she doesn't really need to say such words out loud for Ray or any other child to know how true her feelings are, as Emma confirmed earlier during her moment of reflection, that Isabella's actions speak far louder to the point where everyone was able to recognize how strongly she loved them all. What completely breaks me about this entire chapter though is seeing Ray finally breakout into tears as he holds onto his mother's hand. This boy just found out his mother was alive, along with becoming their enemy once more, saw her betray their common enemy in order to assist the children, which sparks his discussion to forgive her and wish for her to join him in the human world, only to realize that won't happen as she jumps in to protect one of his best friends and ends up critically injured all because he failed to killing a demon. That is so much to experience all in one day. It's a miracle he kept his emotions in check to begin with, but now he's hit with the realization that he's losing his mother for good and.. damn it 'yall. Can we please give my boy a break?? And my queen too while we're at it?? Both of them seriously had two of the worst experiences in this world and instead of having them reconcile and build a better mother-son relationship in the human world together, we gotta make them suffer once last time, huh?? Fucking hell man.. I said it way more than once and I'll say it a million more times up until I'm on my own death bed, but the decision of having Isabella stay alive is by far the absolute best thing to come out of season two.

I want to wish their moment was lasted longer than a page and a third, but I'd probably never recover from all the emotional damage if their tearful goodbye had more focus. AAhhh.. seems like I should've wrote out a lot more considering the amount of time I spent on this chapter and how passionate I get about my favorites, but ya know, the emotions are hella strong today.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

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