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myherodreaming · 4 years

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Okay sooooo Todoroki , Tamaki and Shinsou when starting a family. Like fron being told that they are going to be dads to the moment the baby says its first words ? They all are going to have girls and Todo has twins because I'm weak to the knees with that hc. Sorry for bothering you

Omg no, it’s not a bother at all!!!! Dad AU is like my favorite thing of all time, I live for it tbh! And I also got your ask about writing for Mirio instead Shinsou, and I can definitely do that, no worries, it’s really sweet that you took the time to do that, I appreciate it ^^ When I start writing for Shinsou I’ll be sure to let you guys know! (Also - I’m not going to name the kids bc I suck at that, sorry!)

TODOROKI SHOUTO

For Shouto, even deciding to take the next step forward in your relationship was huge for him - fatherhood has a different weight for him than it might for someone else. He just knows that when he becomes a father he wants to do the best thing for his child(ren) and be the father he wishes he could have had.

So when you tell him that you’re pregnant, it’s a Big Deal to him. He immediately gets a little teary-eyed and holds you soooo tight. He just buries his face in your neck and murmurs, “I’m going to be a dad.” When he kisses you, you’re both smiling into the kiss.

He’s thrilled, but also super aware of the responsibility it is. From day one he does not take it lightly. He is reading up on everything about taking care of babies and making sure that everything is ready for when the baby comes.

He is the most caring when it comes to morning sickness or any other discomfort you might be feeling - he will do whatever he has to do to make things easier for you.

He pays special attention to your stomach nearly every night, talking softly and promising that he’ll do his best as a dad and saying how much he already loves him/her.

And then you find out that it’s actually TWINS and he is SHOOK - in his mind this kinda changes everything. He was mentally prepared for one baby, but not quite two so it takes a short adjustment period.

But the two of you talk it out and formulate plans for financially and logistically taking care of two babies, and it puts both of you really at ease again, and honestly he just starts to get excited that now there will be two babies to love, and that can’t be so bad, right?

And before he knows it, you’re calling him to say “This is it, it’s happening, I’m in labor *general panic ensues*” so naturally, he rushes home and takes you to the hospital, and he wants to freak out too, but he keeps a calm face hoping it will help you to stop panicking so much, he hates seeing you like this.

He holds your hand the whole time, lets you scream at him, and prays you don’t break any of his bones (you have quite the grip, it turns out)

But all of that is forgotten when you both hear first one, and then another cry, and when the nurse sets the babies on your chest for you to have a look at them, Shouto peers down too, and he is instantly in love in a way he hadn’t realized was possible.

You and your two beautiful, perfect baby girls are suddenly everything in the world to him. He looks at you with wonder in his eyes and presses one soft kiss after another to your lips, then ever so gently kisses each tiny forehead.

The two of you pass the babies back and forth and coo at them and just look down at their tiny scrunchy faces in awe - you can hardly believe this is real, it all feels like a dream. Finally the nurses come to take the babies away so you can have a bit of a chance to rest and you suddenly realize how tired you are.

Shouto spends the entire night in the hard, uncomfortable chair by your bed, and every so often he’ll just reach out to brush the hair away from your sleeping face. He just loves you and your daughters so much.

Life with two babies is hard. It definitely takes some time to work out the best way to take care of them both, but somehow, the two of you do it. You make a great team, and that’s especially evident now.

He’s such a caring, attentive father - he wants to make sure each and every need is met and that both of your girls get plenty of love. He’s always kissing their chubby cheeks and blowing raspberries on their stomachs to see them giggle. It’s heartwarming to watch.

They both say their first word on the same day - one is “kitty” because she’s obsessed with your cat, and the other is “Daddy” (he’s gonna pay for that later but he’s so over the moon he doesn’t even care)

Bottom line, sometimes he worries whether he’s really the best father he can be for your girls, but you’re always the one to assure him that he’s doing the best you could possibly hope for and you wouldn’t change a single thing about your life right now.

AMAJIKI TAMAKI

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to Tamaki that you’re pregnant, because the two of you have been hoping for a baby for a while now, but you know your husband and so you know that you have to tell him as gently and carefully as possible because you know he’ll still freak out.

You take his hands and smile at him, and he can tell something is up so oh god he’s getting nervous already, but your soft voice calms him like it always does. “Tamaki, I took a test today. I’m pregnant.” And he’s just... blink. blink. realization. When it hits him, his eyes go so wide, and he covers his face with his hands and leans into you.

You wrap your arms around him and ask if he’s okay, and he finally takes his hands away from his face so he can hold you close and murmurs, “I’m just so happy.”

And he is - he’s absolutely over the moon, nothing can ruin his high. Whenever he’s cuddling you, his hands are always at your belly, giving it feather-light touches as he talks softly to your baby.

Your morning sickness does make him a bit nervous, and he’s always there to rub your back and make sure you’re okay, he wonders if you should stop working now and you just laugh - you’re on desk duty anyway, you’d go crazy if you stopped working with 7 months of your pregnancy to go.

He’s always asking you how you’re feeling and doing everything he possibly can to ease your workload at home. He takes on most of the work in the nursery because there’s no way he’ll let you be around the paint or the heavy lifting involved in assembling all the furniture.

The closer it gets to your due date, the more worried he gets about all the things that could potentially go wrong, and you end up having to reassure him a lot.

When the day comes, he’s a MESS. He feels like he’s floundering around while you’re the one taking charge which just makes him feel worse, but he gets you to the hospital and he refuses to leave your side the whole time despite the urge to puke which never quite leaves him - he knows you’re going through much, much worse. He keeps talking to you, and finally it’s over.

When I tell you he cried when he saw your daughter for the first time - he took one look at the little tiny face and the teeny pointed ears and just lost it. Part of him wanted to curl up into a little ball to process all of this, but that would mean he had to take his eyes off of you and his daughter and that is one thing he will not do.

He gives you a very salty, wet kiss before he settles in next to you, half-sitting on the bed so he can get the best view possible of this impossibly tiny little human that was created by the two of you. He doesn’t even know how long the two of you spend, just looking down at her.

He doesn’t even care about any hospital rules or whatever, he just crawls into the bed next to you as soon as the nurse leaves, and cuddles up to you, telling you to sleep now because you’ve had a long day and you deserve it. Meanwhile he just lays there with you in his arms and thinks about you and your daughter.

He is the sweetest Dad ever. He always makes time for her, even when he has to go back to work he talks to her and kisses her little face and helps you out as much as he can.

HE IS SO PROUD OF HIS DAUGHTER. He wants to show her off to everyone. He cannot get enough of her.

Her first word is some form of the word “butterfly” because he points one out to her whenever he sees one and one day she saw it first and pointed to it and tried to say “butterfly” and his heart exploded in his chest, rip Tamaki.

He tells you every chance he gets how happy he is, and how he wouldn’t trade his life for anything.

TOGATA MIRIO

(Have you seen Mirio with Eri? SWOON, he’s going to be the best dad EVER)

The two of you have spent so much time with Eri that it isn’t long after you’re married that you decide to have a child of your own. It just seems like the natural next step.

The two of you are sitting there side by side waiting for the test results, and you’re practically shaking in anticipation, he has his arm around you to keep you calm - but you snatch up the test the moment the timer is up and when you see the positive result you both SCREAM.

He is cheering and spinning you around, he is so excited to take this next step with you because he can’t wait to watch you be a mom to your child. Then he sets you down very carefully because he’s remembered that there’s a baby inside of you and he wants to be gentle.

He is the one kissing your stomach at every opportunity, telling the baby how much he loves it and how excited he is to meet it. He has full blown conversations with your stomach, which makes you laugh, but you can’t helping feeling all warm inside when you think about what a great dad he’s going to be.

He is right there every step of the way, helping you out with whatever you need and taking care of anything that he can so you don’t have to. He just wants to make life as easy for you as possible since you are growing an entire human being.

He goes all out with the nursery, making sure that your baby has the best of the best in everything, and as many toys as possible. The room is stuffed to the max, you can hardly move in it.

You wake up in the middle of the night and realize that this is happening so you shake him awake, and he immediately sits straight up - he practically carries you all the way to the hospital (you have to remind him that cars exist)

Once you’re there, he’s right by your side, chanting as much encouragement as he can at you and insisting that you squeeze his hand as hard as you need to. Seeing you in so much pain is very hard for him, he nearly cries (and it’s totally not because you’ve just crushed his hand), but soon enough it’s over.

When he sees your little girl for the first time, it’s all over for him. He’s absolutely smitten. He just wants to hold the both of you in his arms forever. He alternates between kissing each of your foreheads, saying “I love you” over and over again.

It feels like the two of you are in your own little world, floating on a cloud of happiness. Even with all of the struggles that come with taking care of a baby, you face everything together, and your little girl makes it all so worth it.

She’s so cheerful and happy all the time, the sound of her laughter makes Mirio’s heart practically beat out of his chest. Making her laugh is his new single mission in life.

Now, you know that Eri is absolutely smitten with her. She sees her as much as possible, always playing with her and making her giggle. So when her first word is “Eri”, it doesn’t really come as a surprise, but it sure stings a little. She’s so cute when she says it, though, that it passes quickly.

Mirio is just BIG HAPPY. He couldn’t ask for a better life or family, and he makes sure that he tells you that every day.

#I AM SO SOOOFFFTTT #mha x reader #bnha x reader #Todoroki Shouto #Todoroki Shouto x reader #Todoroki x reader #Amajiki Tamaki #Amajiki Tamaki x reader #Amajiki x reader #Tamaki x reader #Togata Mirio #Togata Mirio x reader #Mirio x reader #request

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hold-my-hand-kuroo · 4 years

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now that my notifs are back, take this word vomit. i’m not really sure what this is. also i’ve stopped being a bitch and have learned how to put things under a cut-

pairing: kuroo x reader

Your first meeting with Kuroo isn’t exactly the ideal. Initially, you knew him as the tall guy in your first-year class with the terrible bedhead and the loud, cackle-like laugh. People called him the volleyball nerd, and you could understand it well. When he wasn’t fighting with his shorter friend, all you ever heard him talking about was volleyball this, volleyball that. It wasn’t that you were eavesdropping; he just happened to be your seat mate, and anybody that loud could be heard from the next room over.

By your first meeting, though, you knew him mostly as the pest.

“Please, Yaku,” you hear the tall boy croon with a roll of his eyes. “Dogs are where it’s at. They actually react when you’re around.”

“The sheer silence and peace from cats are superior to whatever a dog can give you,” the shorter boy replies. So that’s Yaku, you think.

“Now, that’s where you’re wrong,” Kuroo cackles, too focused on the conversation to realize that another student was walking toward him.

Before he was able to even take a look at the area around him, the said student bumps into his arm, shaking the drink that he was holding with a loose hand. The next thing you know, you’re drenched in what smelled and seemed to be canned coffee. You hear both Kuroo and Yaku cuss, but you’re way too preoccupied with figuring out how to get the stain out. Leaving your desk immediately, you rush to the bathroom, taking off the wet jacket you were wearing and fruitlessly wringing it.

You spend nearly half an hour in the bathroom, and you’re definitely late to first period. Today sucked, and so did Kuroo. Walking out of the bathroom, fuming, you’re internally bracing yourself for the humiliation as to why you have a giant coffee stain on the shoulder of your white uniform shirt. It’s not subtle at all, and you didn’t even bring your gym clothes today, seeing that your gym periods were only on Thursdays and Fridays.

Awkwardly opening the door to your classroom, you’re hunched over, walking quietly toward your desk; however, two things surprise you. The first is that your math teacher doesn’t chew you out like he usually does to late students. The second is the Nekoma jersey and note resting on your desk. Eyeing your seat mate, Kuroo gives you an apologetic smile and wave and points to the note on your desk.

“I’m really sorry about this morning. Take my jersey to cover up. It’s still clean. Also, don’t worry about the old man. I already explained it to him, and he really gave me an earful.”

Looking back and forth between him and the note, you feel a small smile creep up on your face. The jersey has sleeves long enough to cover your hands completely, so you have to do some folding, but it’s warm and smells uncharacteristically fruity for a guy like him. You almost want to write a note back and ask about the detergent his household uses.

When lunch break starts, both him and Yaku give you a formal apology and a juice box. You start to think that the spilt coffee was worth it; you’ve made two new friends and have come to the realization that you maybe don’t hate Kuroo.

II.

Second year is when things get wild for you once Kuroo introduces you to his “favorite best friend” Kenma Kozume. Within your friend group consisting of Yaku, Kuroo himself, and Kai (one of the newer editions), you thought that it’d be good to get closer to Kenma as well, seeing that he was already closer to the other three because of volleyball.

Talking about games was easy; you weren’t much of a gamer, but Kenma, although usually silent, talked most about strategy. Once you understood most of the mechanics, discussing grinding methods or ways to increase avoidance rates was no problem for you. You hadn’t thought it was strange when Kenma decided to talk to you more, though. Wasn’t it natural for someone to open up once they found a common ground?

Kuroo, on the other hand, was beyond shocked. Ecstatic even.

“You have to be our manager!” he pleads for almost a month straight before you actually agree on the account that he treated you to ice cream after every practice. Then it’d be a fair deal.

Being the Nekoma manager was tough work, especially considering the fact that there hadn’t been a manager before you. Sure, the third years tell you what to do from time to time, but you find them a little intimidating with their intensity and strictness. Nekomata and the second years helped you get started the most, and after a few weeks at the job, you have it down to a T. You’ve heard from some of the players that their time in the gym is a lot easier thanks to you and your attention to detail, but really, you’re only focused on you’re favorites.

Of course, that included you and your second year buddies, but you also have a soft spot for Kenma. He always seemed tired, and you’ve heard that he did consider quitting, but you think Kuroo would be devastated if that actually happened. It was such a shame to see him so miserable at practice, mostly at the cause of the third years; you figured that Kenma’s sharp game sense would give him praises, but it only brings him criticism for him to do even better.

It only motivates you to do better at your job; washing uniforms, keeping track of plays, and consistently refilling water bottles, you did your best so that you could support the others. Training camps were always hectic with the schedules you had to prepare. You even find yourself going to school earlier before practice started to help tutor those who needed it; exams were always important, and passing them was the only way to keep the team intact.

“You know, Y/N, I’m really glad you’re our manager,” Kuroo muses one day after practice. He walks over to the usual freezer where your preferred brand of ice cream sits and turns around in search of a Pocari sweat.

“You’re just saying that because you didn’t want to wash the sweaty jerseys anymore,” you quip dryly. “Oh, don’t forget an apple pie for Kenma.”

“How lucky of him to be spoiled by you,” Kuroo chuckles, glancing outside of the store window to look at Kenma sitting on a nearby bench while playing a game. “You should spoil me more. It’s not fair.”

“Why should I spoil you when you’re the one who got the both of us into this mess?” You roll your eyes and take your ice cream from him. He holds the store door open for you, following closely behind.

“Don’t say that when I know you’re having fun. Sometimes,” he laughs, sipping his drink. “But seriously, I’m glad you became our manager.”

“What’s with you getting sappy with me today?” you question, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. “What did you do-“

“I’m just saying. It’s been fun with you around. Kai and Yaku think so, too. And.” He pauses, looking at his childhood friend. “I think Kenma would’ve quit a long time ago if you weren’t around.”

“I’m sure he would’ve stayed for you,” you respond, thwacking Kuroo gently on the back. “Snap out of it. You’re gonna make me puke.”

And yet, you run those words through your head late at night, unable to sleep. Yeah, you think. It has been pretty fun.

III.

The third years graduate, and Kuroo steps up to be the team captain with Kai by his side as vice. You think it’s fitting and even laugh at the idea of the new second years calling Yaku the mother of the team. You’re still the manager all by your lonesome, but with a solid year of experience under your belt, you think you’ll be able to handle the work just fine.

That is, until Lev Haiba in his 6’ 5” glory comes bolting in. He’s a good kid, you think, but he’s quite the handful. Loud and always freaking Kenma out, Kuroo already has a hard enough time dealing with this new wannabe ace. You think he’s fun, though, since it used to be rare when Kuroo would snap. You suppose it’s what happens when you’re given new responsibility, and even people like Kuroo can be serious.

“It’s funny,” you comment, sitting next to the captain as you’re rewatching plays of your next opponent. It’s late, and the only people still in the gym are Kai, who’s cleaning up dutifully, and Kenma, gaming a few feet away. “To think that you’d finally snap. Now you get to have a taste of your own medicine.”

“There’s no way I was that annoying,” Kuroo groans, running a hand through his hair. “And anyways, I’m starting to see a pattern of you preferring all the underclassmen over me.”

“It’s not that hard,” you joke, taking down notes. “You’re super annoying. Right, Kenma?”

Without looking up from his game, Kenma makes a noise of agreement, causing Kuroo to scoff. You two put your attention back to the video playing in front of you, but you don’t notice how close he is until your shoulders brush. You almost flinch, but try your hardest to keep your cool. There’s no way that you’re going to let Kuroo make fun of you for that, so you wait for him to move instead.

Except he doesn’t. Rather than shifting away, the captain continues leaning on you, and you find his head resting peacefully on your shoulder. You don’t dare move, but instead choose to keep taking notes. Focus on writing, focus on the clip, but don’t focus on Kuroo, you think. He smells fruity, just like his jacket from two years ago and even after all the sweat from practice. The scent is so calming and nostalgic, and you almost catching yourself relaxing, but you don’t. You can’t.

“Can we go now?” Kenma says suddenly, breaking you out of your internal panic. “It’s almost eight, and Kai already left.”

“Sure thing,” Kuroo replies, shutting off the clip and getting up. He holds out a hand toward you. “Let’s clean up and get you that ice cream I owe you.”

“And an apple pie,” Kenma adds, walking away, but not before sparing you and Kuroo a glance. He shrugs it off. “I’ll wait outside.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, taking Kuroo’s hand. It’s calloused, yet warm and comforting, much like his scent. “I can’t believe we stayed so late. I still have a lab report to finish tonight-“

“That’s my bad, so FaceTime tonight again?” he offers, laughing.

“Kuroo, we FaceTime every night.”

“Yeah, but this time, I’ll help you finish your paper, since it’s my fault for keeping you here,” he chuckles, finally letting go of your hand after what seemed to be an unusually long time. “And you can help me with literature-“

“I knew you needed something,” you tease, walking to get your belongings. Your skin feels all tingly, and you swear that the temperature has risen. “But, yeah, whatever. I don’t really care if you call or not, seeing that I won’t be sleeping early anyways.”

You hear him cackle before following you outside the two doors, and when you’re out in the open air, you finally feel as if you’re breathing easily again. Oh no, you think. It’s your third year and things have changed. Or rather, things have been changing.

IV.

None of you talk about university.

It’s the elephant in the room that no one dares to address, not until after you guys make it to Spring Nationals. Sure, the third years had group study sessions for college entrance exams every Saturday, and sure, you and Kuroo always studied late into the night through video call, but nobody wants to think about what happens after separation. Not yet, at least. It’s too distracting, and frankly, you think Yaku might cry if you bring it up.

During winter break, you, Kuroo, Yaku, and Kai all go to the shrine and pray for good luck. It’s meant for the upcoming tournament, but secretly, you know it’s about exams too. Sometimes, Yamamoto will ask about future plans, and all the answers are vague, “Oh, just going to university,” or, “Not sure, yet,” but the air becomes tense, and you hate it. There’s an unspoken pack between the four of you to leave details out, but you desperately want to know exactly how far your friends are going and for how long and what you’ll do without them.

January rolls by, and the four of you head to your respective exams on your own. Even after they’re done, and results have been posted, nobody says anything about being accepted or rejected. There’s no celebration party, no consolations. Not when the spring is coming right around the corner.

Even though every day seemed more stressful, more tiring, it also seemed shorter. Sometimes you’d find practice over in the blink of an eye. The match against Nohebi had you on the edge of your seat, practically making you pull out your hair, but even that one ends in a quick victory. Time was quickly running out.

And then, Nekoma loses to Karasuno at nationals. You were so sure that you had the match, so sure that the determination and dedication your team had put in would pay off, but even in the end, you’re not sure how to feel about it. When Kuroo had first mentioned the Battle at the Garbage Dump to you during your first year, you had laughed and called it a dumb name. You weren’t a manager then, but even though you’re a manager now, you still think the name is dumb. Dumb, but a big deal for Kuroo and Nekoma, and therefore, a big deal to you.

There’s some crying on the bus ride home, but Kuroo sits next to you, uncharacteristically silent. When everyone gets off the bus, you see the captain struggle to show enthusiasm for one last motivational speech. It takes his entire will and more not to cry in front his teammates, the ones he had placed all his hopes in. He, like the rest of them, had wanted to go further.

You find him crying in the storage room once everyone’s gone, sitting in the ball against the wall in complete darkness. Not wanting to turn on the lights, you opt to leave the door open instead so that light flows in, illuminating the space around you. Shuffling over to his quivering position, you take a seat next to him, rubbing circles on his back.

“You look terrible,” you laugh bitterly. “So much for the tough guy act you put up ten minutes ago. Almost had me fooled.”

“I saw you tearing up on the bus,” he responds, voice raspy from the shouting. “I’ll keep your secret, and you’ll keep mine?”

“I think Yaku and Kai already knew that you were going to cry, but sure,” you respond. You take a minute to think. “What are you thinking right now?”

“I’m thinking about all the blocks I missed,” he murmurs, quietly sobbing. “All the spikes I could’ve gotten, all the balls I could’ve saved-”

“Mhm,” you murmur, stroking the mess that was his hair. “That’s what I thought you would be thinking. But in the end, you got what you’ve been asking for since three years now, right? The trash can battle or something?”

“The Battle at the Garbage Dump,” he corrects, letting out a light chuckle. You hear some sniffling and offer him the tissues you brought, knowing well that he wasn’t going to take the loss in any other way. “It…It was everything I thought it’d be.”

“Satisfied?” you ask, lifting up his chin to dab away tears.

“I should be,” he grumbles, looking at the floor. “After pushing everyone this much, I know I should be. But-“

“You wanted to go farther, right?” you answer knowingly. “I think we all feel the same.”

And like that, he grabs you straight into his arms, sobbing heavily into your shoulder. You almost wish it were like the other times that he has gotten close to you, the heart fluttering, skin tingling, heat inducing giddiness you felt whenever he leaned close to whisper in your ear or look at your answers for the homework.

But it’s not. It’s heart-wrenching, it’s heavy, it’s something that can’t be done over. Neither of you have a next year to start all over from scratch, to welcome new underclassmen one more time, to try at nationals again one more time. There’s nothing left for you or Kuroo to do except to move on. It’s a little scary, you think.

The next morning, he calls you, and you almost think about making fun of him for having to walk him home the night before, but he asks to meet you. He’s actually already outside your door with Yaku and Kai, and when you tell them that you’re not dressed to meet people, they don’t seem to care and keep ringing your doorbell. Your mother is more than happy to let them in, much to your dismay.

“Nationals are over,” Kuroo says slowly, solemnly, “so I think…we need to talk.”

The four of you talk about college, and like you had expected, Yaku’s the first to cry, followed by you.

Graduation comes at a quick and unrelenting pace. Before you know it, you’re on stage receiving your diploma. There are people crying, but you’ve already done your share weeks ago. You can’t afford to get your eyes puffy and wet, not when you were supposed to be taking pictures with all your friends and family.

“Hey, Y/N!” a familiar, loud voice calls. You don’t even have to turn around to know who it is.

“Yes, Tetsu?” you call, feigning annoyance. “Even though I’m not a manager anymore, I feel like you keep calling me over.”

“It’s picture time,” he grins, pulling Yaku and Kai toward you. “Let’s make this a good one!”

Going between Kuroo and Yaku, you smile for the camera and quickly thank Yaku’s parents. After taking pictures, Yaku and Kai head off with their families to celebrate; the four of you would meet in a few days for a quick senior trip. Rather than heading back home with your own parents, however, you see them off first. Kuroo had asked for you to take a walk with home, and you didn’t need your family teasing you about it.

“So,” he says, waiting for you at the steps of Nekoma. He puts his hands in his pockets and stares pointedly at the pavement. “Uh, hey.”

“Yeah, hey,” you reply, rolling your eyes. You’d miss doing that. “Did you have something important to say or did you just want me to walk home?”

“Both,” he laughs. He throws his head back in amusement, and you realize that you’d miss that too. “But preferably with me.”

You don’t know how to answer. In the past, he also said playful, flirtatious lines that made your heart go crazy, but you never took them seriously. They were just jokes, and you’d laugh along. You don’t laugh along this time, because it doesn’t sound like a joke. He looks at you nervously.

“I mean, if that’s okay with you,” he continues, scratching his head.

“We usually walk home together, so-“

“Well, not like usually,” he quickly interrupts. Then, he groans. “I mean like…we could hold hands while we do it this time.”

Cue stunned silence. You almost can’t believe he’s doing this in such a roundabout way. Sure you’re relieved, but you’re just so exhausted with him beating around the bush.

“Tetsu, just say it to me directly,” you say, chuckling slightly. At the sound of your laughter, confidence practically surges through the boy, and his shoulders straighten a little bit.

“Oh? I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say,” he teases, looking smug suddenly. You laugh again at the change in mood.Two could play at that game.

“You hate me never want to see me again after high school,” you mock. He gasps in feigned surprise. The two of you laugh for a while, exchanging jokes. It’s been a while since the mood has been so relaxed, and it’s only another thing that you realize that you’d miss.

“In all seriousness, how does a long-distance relationship sound?” he asks and winces slightly at his words. “I mean, if you don’t want to-“

“No, I do,” you reassure, looking at Kuroo straight in the eye. Taking his hands in yours, you take a deep breath. “It’ll be hard, but I want to try.”

“Yeah?” he mumbles and is slightly amused at himself for having it come out as a question. “I mean, yeah. That’s cool. And in reality, you’re only two hours away.”

“Only?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’d travel two hours back and forth to see you whenever you’re feeling lonely,” Kuroo chuckles. Oh, you hated how smooth he was and how lovely he looked when he was happy and blushing. “Just give me a call, and I’ll be there before you know it. Hey, hey, hey, are you crying?”

“I’m not,” you sniffle and wipe away your tears. Leaning toward your face, Kuroo stares at you for a moment, silently asking for consent. When you nod, he presses a kiss on your cheek and gently wipes away a stray tear with his thumb.

“Right, you sure aren’t,” he murmurs closely to your ear.

“Remember to text and call me a lot,” you manage to add, struggling between sobs. He struggles to find a handkerchief for you and opts to use his sleeve instead.

“Of course,” is his answer. He’s glad you’re crying and covering your face, because honestly, he’d hate for you to see him tearing up too.

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo #tetsurou kuroo #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #tetsurou kuroo x reader

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shining-red-diamond · 4 years

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Halloween Surprise*

Word count: 1.5k

Pairing: Taeyong x Savannah (OC)

Rating: SFW

Warnings: mentions of vomiting

A/N: Bolded words mean they’re speaking in Korean or Chinese, depending on the couple.

October 31, 2018. 7:21PM

The event was decorated extravagantly for the holiday, giving the atmosphere a spooky and exciting vibe. All of the SM artists attending were dressed as various characters and inanimate objects of pop culture. Some groups under the label were all assigned seats along with those who had significant other’s who joined them as dates.

This wasn’t the first SM Halloween party Savannah and Taeyong attended, but it was their first one as a married couple. He had dressed up as Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura, and she was dressed as Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon. Savannah had a friend who was a seamstress and was able to take the time to make her costume, resembling each aspect down to the last detail. She brought her costume with her to the SM building to get ready with the other girls in a separate room from the men. All day, the two had been ecstatic to have a fun evening with their friends after a relaxing honeymoon in Bali; and the moment Taeyong saw his new bride step out in her costume, he couldn’t help but smile widely and chuckle with his cheeks turning pink as cherry blossoms. Savannah even beamed at how adorable her husband looked, contrasting the handsome groom aesthetic he had sported over the last two weeks. It wasn’t that she didn’t swoon over him looking finer than a prince on their wedding day, but there were times where she swooned over his softer side. He has such a strong presence that it was easy to forget what a sweetheart he actually was.

However, Savannah had been feeling nauseated in the mornings over the past week or so. She thought she might have eaten something bad while in Bali, but she would have already been sick and over it while they were there. Fever was out of the question, because she never felt any flu symptoms despite it being cold and flu season. Her period was also five days late. Relief swept over her when she didn’t feel sick that morning, but she did come to one last conclusion that could explain her symptoms. The night before preparing for the party, Savannah went out and bought two pregnancy tests before Taeyong got home after practice that evening. She had a talent at hiding things, so she was successful in concealing the two tests from her husband.

Once he had left, Savannah took them, and both tests came back positive. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mom. There was a human forming inside her. Overwhelmed with happiness, she cried tears of joy before she had to get ready for the day.

Now, at the party, everyone else could tell Mrs. Lee Taeyong was over the moon about something, but they guessed it was because she had just married the man she loved and was happy. Little did they know, Savannah had something else life changing to tell, but she wasn’t planning to tell anyone until she told Taeyong.

Throughout the event, Savannah chatted with almost everyone there and took in the other couples’ costumes. There were a few who coupled up, some who grouped up, and a few who were independent with their costumes. Alice, Carrie, and Ivy were dressed as the Powerpuff Girls, Yuta and Nana were Snow White and the witch, Renjun and Violet were Peter Pan and Wendy, and Lucas and Sydni were Thor and Black Widow. Maggie came as a glamorous, white cat, Yoori dressed as a magical unicorn, and Megan cosplayed Ms. Frizzle. Lanying showed up as Annabelle, and her scar added the creepy effect to her costume.

“I’m surprised you didn’t dress up as Rose,” Savannah said, taking note of Alexis’s biker babe version of the Queen of Hearts. “You look amazing, but I thought you and Jaehyun had something planned this year.”

Alexis chuckled and shook her head. “Nah, he and Jungwoo wanted to do it as a joke, but he ended up putting every beauty queen out there out of business. I’m just rollin’ with it.”

“Well, you look beautiful, regardless.”

“You have got to be the prettiest Sailor Mars here,” Seulgi spoke up. She was dressed as a vampire, her dyed blonde locks bringing the look together.

“Thank you,” Savannah smiled. “I need to remember to repay my friend back for making it for me.”

“Give her my regards. She’s talented.” She leaned into her friend’s ear. “And maybe have her make costumes for my groups’ next comeback.”

The two giggled.

“Well, maybe I ca-“It hit her. The nausea she thought had subsided for today had returned to torment her again. She felt that snacks she had devoured earlier rise back up.

“Are you okay?” Alexis asked in concern.

An awful taste coated the inside of Savannah’s mouth. She wasn’t about to vomit in the middle of the party, so she dashed out the room into the nearest women’s restroom. Flinging open the first stall door, she fell onto her knees and everything she had eaten that day was released from her mouth into the toilet bowl.

A pair of hands held her hair back. “Just let it out. I’m right here.” Seulgi.

Once Savannah had finished puking her guts out, she flushed the toilet, sat on the floor, and her friend gave her a paper towel to wipe her mouth.

“How does one get sick all of a sudden?” Seulgi asked as she knelt by her.

“I don’t have a fever,” she weakly responded after cleaning around her mouth. “And it’s not food poisoning.”

Seulgi stared blankly at her friend before the realization hit her. She gasped as her eyes grew wide. Her hand covered her mouth in shock.

“Are you-?”

Savannah nodded. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my gosh!” Seulgi threw her arms around Savannah in glee. “Does Taeyong know? Savannah, I’m so happy for you.”

“Not yet. I wanted him to be the first to know.”

Seulgi pulled away. “I’ll act surprised.”

“Thank you.”

“Savannah,” Taeyong’s voice sounded from the doorway.

“I’m coming, honey,” she called back. Seulgi helped her up, and Savannah tossed the paper towel in the garbage can. The two women exited the restroom, meeting a worried Taeyong at the door.

“Thank you for checking on her,” he said to Seulgi before she walked back towards the party. He faced his wife again, his hands cupping her face. “Are you okay?”

Savannah nodded.

“You had disappeared from the party, and Alexis told me where you went.”

“Nausea hit me,” she explained, Taeyong’s arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her close to him. “But I’m better now.”

“Honey, you’ve been feeling nauseated every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Are you sure you’re all right? Do I need to take you to the doctor?”

She couldn’t keep it from him any longer. She hated when Taeyong got worried. Idol life was stressful enough, and she didn’t want to add to it by hiding her pregnancy another day.

“Well, I will go see a doctor eventually,” she hinted as her hands wrapped around the back of her husband’s neck.

His left eyebrow was now raised in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

With a small giggle, she kissed his cheek and said, “Taeyong, I’m pregnant.”

The NCT leader’s expression transformed from confused into a look of shocked joy. His brown eyes widened and sparkled with happiness, and a giant smile stretched across his face.

“Savannah, are you serious?” His hands returned to her face, and she nodded. “When did you find out?”

“This morning after you left for practice. I wanted to tell you when we got home and show you the pregnancy tests I took, but Seulgi beat you to it.”

Taeyong couldn’t stop smiling as he pulled his beloved wife in for the biggest yet gentlest hug he could give her. Joy overwhelmed him so much in that moment he couldn’t stop the tears beginning to fall down his face. Savannah began to weep herself.

He broke away from their embrace and wiped her tears away with his thumbs, completely ignoring his own. “Can we do it? Raise a baby? Our baby? I mean my schedule is hectic, and you’re working for another group.”

She sighed. “I’ve been excited all day, but now that I think about it, I’m not sure of anything right now, Yongie. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be a mom. I don’t even know-”

Taeyong cut her off by pecking her lips, disregarding that she just vomited in the toilet less than five minutes ago. He then pressed his forehead against hers. “Don’t say things like that, baby. You’re going to be a great mother, because you take such good care of everyone else around you. I mean, sure, they’re not infants, but that kind of love and care can be carried over to any age.”

She was silent for a moment before whispering, “I’m still scared, though.”

“So am I, but how about we take this a day at a time?”

Savannah began to calm down and steadied her breathing, even though she hadn’t realized she was heaving out of nervousness.

“Okay,” she agreed. She pulled back enough to meet Taeyong’s eyes. “Can we go home, please? Fatigue is starting to kick in.”

“Of course,” he smiled before kissing her head.

#kwritersworldnet #thekpopnetwork #nct #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct taeyong #lee taeyong #nct taeyong imagines #nct taeyong fluff #nct taeyong scenarios #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #nct x oc #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #13 (1979)

This cover reminds me of at least three different nights in college.

One time in college, a drunk friend of mine fell UP the stairs and injured himself. One time in college, a guy down the hall invited me to drink with him and he was telling me about all the dead cockroaches he found under his dresser when he suddenly just vomited all over the front of his shirt. One time in college, I snuck into the top level of a factory in Los Banos which was really just a bunch of creaky catwalks in the dark and I stole their fire extinguisher (I did not go to college in Los Banos. Do they even have a college?!). One time in college, a girl in my Steinbeck class told me all about this cartoon she was watching called Sailor Moon and I desperately fell in love with her (and I also started watching the cartoon and super fell in love with that). One time in college, my friend Soy Rakelson looked at me confused after leaving our Lit Theory class and he blurted out, "Why doesn't he just tell us what is true?!" One time in college, my teacher wrote on one of my homework assignments "Please speak up in class more!" because it was a humanities course focusing on American History, Art, and Literature and all the dolts who did speak up in class were business majors and idiots. One time in college, I...no, you know what. I'm not telling that story. Never mind. One time in college, I went with a friend to a meeting where they were starting a new fraternity and everybody who was starting it automatically was in but my friend just missed that cut off and when they held the vote, he didn't make the cut. He left hurt and angry and pleaded with me to stay after he left to maybe find out more information about why he didn't make it. When they asked me if I were interested in joining, I laughed and said, "Fuck that," and left. One time in college, I had to describe my Halloween costume to my creative writing teacher because she was blind (I was Alice Cooper in Wonderland). That same day in college, my Children's Lit professor just laughed when she saw me and said, "Great costume." I wish I had a picture of it. Basically I wore the Alice blue dress and smock deal and Alice Cooper's make-up while carrying the decapitated and bloody head of the white rabbit. One time in college, I got wasted on Long Island Iced Teas at the Portland Rose Festival with my thirty-something year old coworker and we wound up running around the deck of a battleship when one of the Navy guys invited us on. One time in college, I sat next to my lesbian professor of 19th Century American Literature at the movies where we laughed and joked the whole way through Demi Moore's The Scarlet Letter. One time in college, I read my version of a scene from Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest in the style of Shakespeare and everybody after felt too intimidated to read theirs. Man, some of these stories are really sad! And I've purposefully left out the thousand or so stories that would have begun "One time in college during our Warhammer campaign...". Look, I really agonized about the punctuation at the end of that sentence but it wouldn't have been true to the punctuation's job performance to put all four periods within the quotes! I just realized I forgot to discuss the Aardvark Comments at the end of the last issue. It seems the expansion to two pages has stuck. The only part I remember was Dave Sim explaining that because of his nervous breakdown, he actually spent four days in a psyche ward. So I guess he went way past just shitting himself. Dave's Swords of Cerebus essay reveals one important fact: Necross the Mad was based on Exidor from Mork & Mindy. The issue begins with a bird shitting on Cerebus' snout. That's a portent I should use more often in my roller playing campaigns. Roller Playing Games should also have a simple rage statistic. Sort of like a saving throw but it gets harder and harder to save against every time some minor annoyance aggravates the player until they simply explode, becoming so careless from rage that it reflects in all of their dice roles. Or is that simply what going berserk is for Berserkers or Barbarians? Plus, there are so many Roller Playing Games, I'm sure one of them uses those rules in their system. Cerebus is captured by some farmers and taken to a Priest of Tarim to determine what sort of sorcerous monstrosity he is.

Cerebus pleads future violence.

The priest decides to dump Cerebus in the foyer of the castle of Necross the Mad, a sorcerer who has been plaguing the villagers of Lower Felda. His plan is that they'll simply kill each other and he won't have to deal with them anymore. Praise Tarim! Sometimes I wish I had become a priest but I don't think I would have made it through Divinity School. I'm fairly certain everybody would frown on my constantly yelling "Pshaw!" after every few passages from The Bible. I probably don't have to admit this because nobody was around to witness it but I just hopped up to turn on the light and then danced around humming the theme song from I Dream of Jeannie. One time in college, I went to see Ken Kesey speak after which he and his (new?) Merry Pranksters performed a sort of The Wizard of Oz play but about climate change. It was such a train wreck that halfway through, my friend Aaron Voorhees streaked across the stage. Or kind of duck waddled across the stage since he didn't take his pants off, he just dropped them around his ankles. The priest of Tarim has a lackey take Cerebus into the lair of Necross and it doesn't go too well.

Yikes. I'm more evil than this guy.

Sometimes I run outside in the morning to throw out garbage or something and I won't put my pants on. I figure it doesn't matter too much because I wear boxers and those are pretty much shorts. But today in the early morning hours, I was outside with my cat Gravy (on a leash) and I was up on the little hill in the backyard under the tree which enables me to see over all the backyard fences and two houses down, I caught sight of the woman there running back inside in her red panties. It was pretty awesome. I told that story because this guy's confession of looking down women's dresses reminded me of the moment and also because I wanted to tell people that I saw a woman in her underwear. This guy also confesses to having "impure thoughts about farm animals" which I totally have never done except in a rhetorical or theoretical or maybe even philosophical conversation. What I mean is I've never thought "I wonder what it would be like to fuck a goat?" but I have said to friends "You would probably fuck a goat, right?" Necross the Mad materializes so that he can speak with Cerebus (after disintegrating the guy who wants to fuck goats or sheep or chickens). Necross, being mad, decides to prove to Cerebus that he isn't mad. But his proof that he isn't mad is just more evidence that he is. That's what happens when you're mad; you're not the best advocate for yourself. Necross introduces Cerebus to Thrunk, a sixteen foot tall stone golem which Necross intends to bring to life at some point. That some point is soon and not in the way Necross intended because in a few pages, Necross is going to be killed and do an emergency transfer of his spirit into Thrunk.

Okay, less of an emergency transfer and more like an accident.

The priest's mob rushes into the tower where Thrunk begins to smash them all into jelly. While that's happening, Cerebus decides it's time to leave. As he wanders away to more sane territories, Necross the Mad realizes he's trapped in the only reinforced room of his tower. But if you think that's the end of Thrunk, you haven't read Church & State yet! Aardvark Comments just proves that a lot of people were discovering that Cerebus was one of the best comics on the market in 1979. Reading the Cerebus phone book in one sitting never allowed me to realize just how quickly this comic book finds itself and begins gaining momentum. It's truly inspired that Dave Sim, by issue thirteen, has created so many wonderful characters and written so many gags that stuck for decades inside my head. And I'm not a quote person at all! I'm more the type who thinks saying something new and unique and true to myself is dozens of times better than puking out some pop culture reference that everybody will recognize. Sure, I do it sometimes! But when I do, I do it all M. Night Shyamacock style! Cerebus #13 Rating: B+. I've given a lot of issues A grades so I thought I would change it up. This one is actually probably an A as well. I especially loved how Thrunk complains about the bottoms of his feet being sticky after stomping all of the farmers to death. We all how annoying that is, right?

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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greatonpaperblog · 4 years

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The Week From Hell.

Hi Everyone!

I’m late on the draw this week. I was exhausted last night after mopping my salon floor with bleach and had a terrible headache. I assume if you read this you are looking for more content than just: fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. SO- I waited until tonight to post.

Remember when I had a super positive post last week about my life? Well, I’m here to turn the tables. My last 8 days have been purely from hell and I would like to go over some things I've experienced.

1) The malfunction of every.single.electronic I own. We use a google home in my salon for music. On Tuesday it decided not to play anything. At all. CAN WE TALK ABOUT how fucking awkward it is to be in a room of 12 adults who mostly don’t know each other in silence? It's really weird you guys. Like, really weird. And then you look around and we’re all wearing masks like some handmaids tale kind of shit.. anyway. In an effort to fix it, I removed it from the network. Could I find the fucking network again? No. Did I almost burst into tears looking for the “Settings” icon on my phone because my latest update changed where it was? Yes. Following this, we had a tropical depression in the salon because our heat pump malfunctioned. Apparently something iced over. All I know is today a man (THAT I WINKED AT ACCIDENTALLY I MAY ADD) is fixing the problem and soon I can go to work without risking heat exhaustion. So that was Tuesday. 2) I don’t know how many men read this. I would like to think that there are very few - that may be ok for this section. If you are of any orientation and period talk makes you feel weird then gladly skip this part. I fucking wish I could have.

I’m going to start our by saying - yay! I'm not pregnant. I’m a lot of things, but pregnant is not one and the arrival of my period monthly is always that small victory. Let me be clear - I don't want to be pregnant. If I WERE, I'm at an age where that would be ok and I would be a parent and that would also be fine but it’s just not what I am choosing at the moment. Instead of bringing me a child, my period is always a time where Lucifer himself decides to grace uterus with the worst cramps ever. I’m not joking. I’m at work, I’m eating midol, I’m crying, I’m laughing.. I'm not sure if I still have a pulse. I have actually planned and invited my immediate family to a funeral for my uterus. A place to pay their respects for an organ that is surely just going to implode one of these days. My mom got me flowers for it once and I've never been so touched.

3) Due to work/period/life exhaustion.. I went to bed early one night this week. That doesn’t sound so bad you say. Going to bed early is great you may even think. Let me enlighten you. I have 2 cats. I don’t talk about them often because they are their own people and prefer to stay out of the public eye. I FEED these 2 cats at night. I don’t know why. It’s just something I’ve always done. They seem to sleep all day? It made sense? Thursday night in particular, I fell asleep and I did not put their 40$/bag kibble in their dish. What I woke up to on Friday morning felt like a tornado had blown through my home. An angry tornado named Barber and William. Things they demolished: - 2 of my plants. They knocked them off of shelves and at each leaf and stem on them down to literally nothing. Which THEN resulted in them puking because these plants were out of their reach for a reason. - A box of crackers that was sitting out on my counter. Together, they ate an entire sleeve. - An oven mitt - A roll of toilet paper What the fuck?! I’m investing in an automatic feeder now because next time I’m worried they’ll just burn the fucking house down.

4) I looked at my Christmas schedule and it’s almost full. FULL. Normally during holiday season in the salon I'm doing 2-3 people at a time and now with covid that’s not allowed. 5) A guy who I went on a few dates with keeps showing up in my texts on random Saturday nights when he has a few drinks.I barely reply, I don't really humour him.. but boom. There he is asking to visit and being sorry things didn't work out. (I wasn't aware there was anything to work out really?). What do you even do in this case! I don’t want to like.. never talk to him again because before this mess he was actually a friend and I truly like him as a person but I don’t know how to handle it. Why do I feel like a jerk here?

So you guys - last week wasn't my week. THIS week is shaping up to be better. I got some groceries today and in them I purchased a box of lucky charms. Cereal always makes me feel better. I’m going to continue on with my Tuesday evening where I listen to murder podcasts and do my laundry. I hope you ALL have a much better week and if yours is looking like mine.. I can tell you that you’ll make it. You may feel like you have truly been drug through the eye of a tornado, but you’ll make it. Get some lucky charms and we’ll talk next week.

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newhologram · 7 years

Text

2016 diary of a spoonie

Rereading my diary from 2016 for some perspective (not ready to open my 2015 one, I know it’s going to be even more difficult). Remembering some mental places I've been and that I made it through them and I’m still here.

Here are some parts I'm okay with sharing, hopefully it will help someone realize they are not alone and that as difficult as things get, there is so much more to life than being sick even if we have to deal with it often in isolation.

It’s also good to keep in mind that when we have illnesses that affect our brain/mood, it can drastically warp our perception of the world, our lives, and ourselves. That’s why I started trying to keep a diary, to record these moments when I’m not myself, when my illnesses make me think things that aren’t true, makes me have horrible tunnel vision, and then be able to look back on them when I’m not in that mental state and try to get an understanding of it.

(warning for suicide mentions in some excerpts because Mr. Brain can be kinda bananas sometimes, it’s pretty heavy and a lot of it is me scribbling when dissociating pretty badly so I say some weird things)

This is also probably a cautionary tale to NOT BE LIKE ME, I’m a bad spoonie. I can’t believe I forced myself to have such a full schedule, no wonder my body broke down by December.

1.5.16 8:49 PM: Everything in my life is so turbulent. Why? I feel like someone cut and pasted me here.

1.19.16 2:51 AM: I barely slept. Puked a little, dry heaved a lot, sweated so much. Cried my eyes out in the shower.

I have to leave for work in 2 hours. I hope it's not a long day.

I don't know where this mood swing came from. I feel so weak. I was just crying and crying because I can't stand myself. I can't stand being me. I feel so alone and lost. I feel so stupid.

3:18 AM: Dry heaved again. I'm shivering and I feel horrible. Why does this happen to me? I thought I was done with this. I feel like I'm shriveling up.

What's going to happen to me?

1.20.16 10:56 AM: Yesterday was rough. First depressive mood swing of this year. I suddenly felt like no one would ever love me. That I’m just an immature slob. A burden. A loser. Dirty.

I don’t even have a best friend. I’m not close with anyone. I can’t organize my room or my life. I just sort of work, play games, and sleep. I’m so lonely. I’m stressed and overwhelmed. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I live in a fantasy world but really I’m just alone here in my room.

I feel so pathetic. I feel so stupid. Who could ever love me?

1.26.16 4:59 PM: Wow! Worked 7am-3:18pm. Didn’t see Miss Piggy. Again!

But since I got out so early I was able to run and errand, do yoga, aerobics, read, and stuff.

Now is definitely meditation time but I’m worried I will fall asleep. Too tired to bathe/eat.

Going to open my heart chakra! Yay!

1.31.16 5:57 PM: Holy stress. Still no word about the shoot. Aaand there was some asshole.

Gotta let it go. They don’t dictate my day. I do. Only me. I am in charge. No one else.

2.3.16 10:48 PM: No spoons for laundry or putting clothes up. I desperately need to do that. My room is overflowing with clothes.

BAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(drawing of a newlamb)

たりないよ　(it’s not enough!)

2.5.16 10:54 PM: I feel so strange. Like I’m a thousand lifetimes apart from New. I don’t know who that person is.

I guess it’s okay not to know.

Right?

2.14.16 1:15 AM: よふかししてるの (I’m stayin’ up late)

Um... too much mental energy. Body is done and tired but my mind all よ～～～～～～～～～～！

Kinda woozy today. But I got FFX-2 running so I’ve been doing that. Maybe too much.

2.21.16 10:30 PM: Oops, 4 days of not writing in here.

I didn’t work Thursday. Friday I went to Hollywood w/ ______. We saw Frozen, she gave me my presents, we had tea and a chicken burger at Chado tea room and we goofed around doing touristy things. Had so much fun, I really missed her.

I was so tired I fell asleep at 8pm. I woke up at 3am but I was having so much fun sleeping that I just went back to sleep until 8am.

2.24.16 8:22 PM: I was having an okay day. I was doing okay. Right now I want to not exist. Two auditions tomorrow. What am I gonna do?

I wish I was never born.

I don’t feel much. Now would be a good time to do it. But I don’t want to hurt my dad.

Wish I had someone to talk to.

I’m so done. So done. So alone.

If I died a lot of people would be really sad but it wouldn’t change much.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be me. I hate who I am. I hate me. I’m too stupid to work retail. I can’t do math. I can’t edit, I was too stupid for editing school. My body can’t work or I get sick.

I don’t know how I’ll be able to support myself. I can’t rely on my dream. It might not come true. I’ll be 30 in 4 years—will I still be living here, relying on my dad? I’m a joke. I’m not a real adult or person.

My cats would be sad if I died. Would they understand? I don’t want to hurt them either but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on.

I’m not okay right now but I have no one. I’m all alone.

A few tears came out.

That’s all I have.

2.25.16 1:12 PM: I’m so sad right now. The pain is already bad. I don’t have money for more edibles. I had to cancel one audition because I was too sick. Too depressed. Too much anxiety.

I went to Sprouts and very nearly had a freak out. I tried to meditate. I can’t focus on editing. I feel trapped. I feel like the walls are caving in.

How am I gonna get out of this one? I’ve done it before. Time is crawling.

Bad pain spreading. Bad thoughts. bad urges. I need distractions but the problem is that I’m too depressed to actually focus on anything fun.

I can barely cry. It’s like a blockage.

FUUUUUCK!!!

(lots of scribbles)

2.26.16 12:05 PM: Much better today. Body is tired but I’m not depressed. Nope! Had a shoyuu tamago. Mm! It’s still really early but I think it’s time for a meditation nap.

3.2.16 10:03 PM: It’s March wtf... okay.

3.11.16 1:46 PM: I soar. I am worthy. My dreams will come true.

3.13.16 2:51 PM: It’s Nikki’s birthday.

I feel like all I do is edit, play games, RP, watch cartoons... :(

Even though I love that stuff, it doesn’t make me money. It makes me happy, so happy, but. Where am I going in my life?

I just feel so fragile I’m worried that if one day, my family snaps at me and says how they hate having to support me, that I won’t be able to take it. That I’ll run away, or worse. I’ve had some suicidal ideations lately. I feel like my family hates me. I know it’s silly but. Maybe at the very least they resent me.

:( I wish I wasn’t like this.

3.21.16 1:42 PM, Monday: It’s so hard not to feel like he [my dad] hates me. I keep having horrible dreams about fighting with him or other family like my sister. :(

Things will work out. Things will pay off.

Lots of pain right now. I have so much to do always. Always trying, always in pain, never have money.

Caught int he swirl.

I am something and someone.

3.28.16 1:19 PM: If I get that job it’s going to be really difficult to balance with bg work but what choice do I have? I can’t afford my bills right now.

(written out weekly schedule with a drawing of Bill crying and saying, “you can do it”)

I can do this. I can make it happen.

4.4.16 8:37 AM: Bad morning anxiety again. I kept waking up with my heart pounding. Dry-heaved a bit at 7am.

So much going on in my head. Wish I could stop it.

4.29.16 8:45 PM: Ugh!! MOOD DOWN, CAN’T FOCUS!! SAD!!

5.29.16 12:25 PM: Wow. Really been in la la land. Mood crazy. My period came 11 days late and I am 900% sure I felt a cyst pop.

I haven’t been meditating... I really need to get back into it so I won’t fall apart. also I lost out on 3 bookings, ugh. :( It’s just a dry spell. It will get better.

I just want to cry in bed. A lot.

6.13.16 8:52 PM: Whoops. I have no memory of actually writing that last post.

Still having a hard time with this summer depression... Trying to hang in there.

I had 2 insane customers stress me out the past 2 shifts. Shoots are still only about 1/week...

I’ve been keeping busy despite my health though. Been editing and stuff a lot, though rest breaks get me down.

BUT SO. I moved my room around. Don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.

(drawing of my room before and after)

So much nicer. I think I’ve been sleeping better. And now there’s not all this junk space under my bed or to the side. Love it!

Well so... Friday I had a bad audition. It sucked so hard. Had to cry, tried to prepare, couldn’t cry... fuck.

Whatever. Life goes on. My confidence has sucked lately.

Sigh (drawing of New in lamb hat with eyes full of tears)

There was a bad shooting. Worst in US history, at a gay club in Florida. 49 dead. The whole world is crying. I feel numb.

6.14.16 11:45 PM: I love my dad more than anyone in the whole universe. He has done so much for me and other people. He deserves the best love. He deserves to be happy.

I’m so sick of women hurting him like this. He tries so hard to make things work.

I hope he’ll be okay.

I just want him to know how special he is.

6.28.16 1:11 PM: Colonoscopy and upper endoscopy in an hour. Period started. Depressed.

Keep making mistakes at my part-time job. Worried. Stressed.

Tuesday now, been eating nothing but jello since Saturday.

Just feeling really down about my situation. My health, work, school, friends. Everything.

I hate the snarling monster inside of me. I hate who it makes me. I hate myself for yelling at my dad yesterday.

I just really don’t like myself.

What can I do?

7.1.16 1:20 PM: Shooting a chronic pain thing in my room right now.

Camera in my face.

Feeling tired but pretty good.

7.24.16 10:38 PM: There’s so much to say but it’s late, gotta take my meds, and I got a shoot.

I release pain. I release guilt. Namaste.

8.11.16 2:22 PM: Why do things have to be so hard? I’m trying my best. I really am. But it’s not enough. Will it ever be enough? Will I ever live alone, be independent, be happy?

I feel like my dad resents me. I know he loves me but I just have so much pain and guilt for existing. I know I am capable of so much more and that life has so much to offer me... it’s just so hard.

9.3.16 8:17 PM: Hooey, it’s September. 3rd week with no bookings, taking an extra day at part-time job.

Since I’ve had all these days off I have been dividing my time to get things done, rest, play games, better myself. Even just a little at a time is good.

9.11.16 11:13 PM: Finally got work. Which means I worked 5 days. Yay.

I’m still trying to improve my writing. My problem is I never really have a plan—or I get stuck at words, instead of just writing.

9.12.16 10:49 PM: Oh, hell... My agent called today, I got booked on some shoot. But it’s for tomorrow, so. I can’t since now I work Tues as well. So last week I worked SUN, TUES, WED, THU, FRI... hooly shit. No wonder I feel awful.

Of course when I tried to talk to ___ about it they made me cry. Fuck. Been depressed all fucking day. Fuck fuck fuck.

I’m okay. I have distractions. I have coping methods.... I have myself. Soon is paychecks. I’m okay.

Tomorrow is... let’s see.

7 AM wake, meditate, yoga 8 AM tea, tumblr 9 AM edit 10 AM read 11 AM rest 12 PM ?????

I can do it.

9.23.16 12:27 PM, Friday: My body is struggling to keep up w this schedule.

I worked Sun Mon Tues Wed, had yesterday off, now I have to be at a shoot in a few hours. I’ve had to seriously up my self-care game to be able to do this. Tomorrow is school and acupuncture. I’ll be wiped out.

But... money! Also I’ve been meditating a lot with amethyst and rose quartz.

(a row of crystals)

On Mon my shoot was so hard, I was having such a rough time but then I met two cool Japanese women. One is Michiko Nishiwaki, a famous stunt woman. She and the (other) Michiko seemed really impressed by me and want me to get on TV. Yay.

Okay, I feel woozy so it is time to read.

10.11.16 12:12 pm: Last week was two kinds of intense.

SUN-WED: bad depression. bad pain. bad bad bad.

TH: Doc, got dmv handicap parking placard, bloodwork, x-rays, narcotics. FRI-SAT: pain so easy, feeling happy.

SUN: pain back after good massage

Now I’m feeling depressed again.

I’m so scared for my future. I just can’t bear the thought of still being in this situation at age 30.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

10.20.16 12:30 PM: I booked a short film. Happy about it but feeling depressed about my health again.

It’s like a merry-go-round.

(sad crying face)

10.31.16 11:46 PM: (arrow pointing to previous entry) I don’t remember writing that. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Well. Tomorrow is November.

Yikes. Where was I last year around this time? Only doing bg, no vlogs to edit. No Overwatch.

What did I do during down time? How did I keep sane?

This year has brought a lot of change, but ti’s easy to see it only as the same because my career is so slow going.

Just keep swimming.

11.25.16 4:15 AM: I start my hostessing job in 5 hours. New job. 3rd job.

Idk. I’m so sad rn. Anxious. Woke up w racing heart. Pukey. I wanna cry.

I didn’t do anything wrong.

12.1.16 9:48 PM: I threw up a lot, just now recovering a week later.

Things:

New job: shift got cut Tuesday

Universe made up for it by having casting call me with work. Cult member. Very far but this should be interesting.

Doc today gave me gave more tramadol + xanax ☆ Nice.

it’s December wtf

Made a Patreon

12.12.16 10:02 PM: Energy is focused. Going to set up 2017 to be a great year.

12.16.16 3:07 PM: I intend to heal. I feel terrific. I love myself. I release guilt. The universe supports me. Today I expect that something wonderful is going to happen.

My Dharma is to guide, inspire, teach, and help.

All is perfect. All is well.

#spoonie #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #narcolepsy #invisible illnesses #personal #teku #long post #suicide mention

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laseroy89 · 6 years

Text

I Hate My Smelly Neighbour

It’s starting again.

I squeezed my headphones onto my ears, trying to drown out the commotion. But no matter what I did, the noises pierced through, as clear as day.

This happened every night. Always started around 8pm, according to my roommates. Of course, I’ve changed my schedule to avoid being home around this time, but the library closed early today, so here I am.

Despite living here here for four fucking months, I couldn’t figure out how the hell my neighbour was making these sounds.

It sounded like….gargling. Like someone filled his mouth with water and swished it around a million times. Then, he faced up and exhaled slowly through the water, taking care not to spill any water and to make as much noise as possible. Of course, that’s not possible - for gargling to be this loud, the person would have to be some dinosaur-sized giant.

And I’m sure it wasn’t just water through the pipes either. That would just be a constant rattling noise that faded into silence after at most five minutes. These noises were unpredictable, varying in volume and intensity - they sounded alive.

It was stopping…..no, it wasn’t, it got louder - my table was vibrating from the damn cacophony of gurgles and squelches. I turned to the wall behind me, which separated my room from my neighbour, and raised my middle finger. Fuck you, Rancid Reaper. Fuck you and your stupid, irritating, disgusting sounds. You annoy the fuck out of me, you miserable, imbecile piece of shit.

As you can see, I hate my neighbour a lot. Let me explain why I’m so furious at him.

Five months ago, I chanced upon this place that’s really close to school, and is really, really cheap. Doesn't matter that the place looked really crappy - the corridors were filthy with a musty smell, the walls were pretty thin and the doors couldn’t close properly. It was dirt cheap because the current tenants were desperate for a new flatmate to share the cost, so they lowered my share a little. The proximity to school meant that I could save time, and spend less on transport. At that time, that was what mattered to my naive mind.

After finalising everything and moving in one month later, I found out why the previous occupant of my room left the place in a hurry.

First reason is the lifts. There are only two elevators serving fifteen storeys, and each storey has ten units - this is just plain insufficient. The wait can take up to twenty minutes in the morning, when most people are heading to either work or school, and in the evening, when everyone is heading back home. My predecessor must have been caught in one too many jams.

Second reason is my roommates, and some of my neighbours. Jake leaves a mess everywhere he goes - unwashed dishes in the sink, stains on the coffee table, weights all over the living room floor - worse than a cat, really. Han stays in his closed room 99% of the time he’s home, studying and doing who knows what else - he’s quite distant as a result. The people upstairs break out some tapdance-like routine at random intervals in the night. And the neighbours to the right fuck like rabbits, and scream really loud when they do it.

But….it’s cool, I can cope with all these. I can force myself to wake up earlier to avoid the morning peak hour, and I’ll just return home in the late afternoon or much later at night. As for the people aspect, Jake eventually cleans up after himself, even though it’s more out of necessity (so that he can move around the apartment), and it’d be probably around four hours after the initial mess appeared. Han does acknowledge me with a smile….from time to time. The Riverdancers upstairs don’t thump the floor every single day, and the Rabbits’ cries of joy normally don’t last more than five minutes.

The only thing I can’t stand, is the Rancid Reaper to our left.

Most of his habits - hell, just the sight of him never fails to rile me up. One of them is the constant disgusting gargling noises emitted from his house periodically - my table is currently shaking from the sounds as I type this, and it’s already the third time tonight. But I’ll come to that later; I’m gonna start with his nickname.

Remember what I said earlier about forcing myself to wake up earlier? It just so happens that Reaper’s routine coincides with mine - he’ll emerge from his house at the same time. Sometimes a little later, when I’m already in the lift lobby. He’ll walk to the landing, and stand a few metres to my right.

That’s when the smell will hit me.

It’s hard to describe the overpowering odour - it’s like someone put wet dog fur, rotten eggs and two-week-old vomit into the blender, drench some stale dirty laundry with the mixture, then wrap the revolting piece of cloth around your nose. Maybe….maybe it's the stained wifebeater and crumpled black shorts he’s always clad in - does he ever wash them? Does he even bathe? I’ve never seen him wear any other clothes; I've never seen him without greasy hair or a sweaty brow.

I can’t avoid getting into the lift with him. I can’t wake up earlier - sleep is precious, yo. I also can’t wait for him to leave first, because I risk getting into the morning jam, and I’ll be late for my classes. Therefore, I have to hold my breath for the entire ride down the block, to keep myself from puking right there and then.

I remember this one night when I forgot to pack my stuff, causing me to rush around the next morning. As a result, I was a little out of breath in the lift with the Reaper. When I finally let go and inhaled, the stench had become unbearable in that confined space, causing me to double over and retch repeatedly. I was too nauseous to walk straight by the time I reached the ground floor. I’m sure I almost died that day - that’s how he got his name.

I tried to mention the smell to him politely a few times, but….I don't think he understood a single word that came out of my mouth. He would just respond with a blank stare aimed at the centre of my face, right at the top part of my nose bridge and just between the eyes - actively avoiding any eye contact. There would be this awkward silence, before I back away and resume holding my breath. It’s like he knows, but he just doesn’t give a shit about it.

The reason why he gets up so early is so that he can shop at the grocery store nearby, which is coincidentally where Han works. Han hasn’t seen what the Rancid Reaper buys - he works the night shift - but he has overheard the conversations between his gossiping coworkers, who love to talk about the Reaper (his stench probably got to them as well). Apparently, he often purchases huge bags of baby diapers, tissue papers, baby milk powder - essentially stuff for babies.

This is really weird, because he definitely doesn’t have a child at home. He doesn’t even seem capable of caring for his own personal appearance: his grey hair is always unkempt; his skin dotted with liver spots and criss-crossed with wrinkles; his lips are perpetually half-open, revealing his worn, yellowish-brown teeth. He looks in no shape to take care of a child. Besides, we would have heard some telltale noises - crying, laughing, playing….

But no. We get these stupid gargling noises, instead. I suffer the brunt of it, since my room is right next to his unit.

It wasn’t this bad when I first moved in. Of course, I was quite shocked the first time I heard the noise - who wouldn’t be shocked when a ear-splitting, disgustingly moist bubbling sound rocks the entire room? But I got used to it, because….well, it only happened twice every night, at 8pm and 10pm.

Then it increased in frequency, to four-five times every night. That was when I decided to take action, and face my neighbour. As mentioned before, his reaction was a typical emotionless stare in my direction, and I couldn’t get anything else from him.

The gargles continued growing in frequency, to the point when it disrupted my studies and sleep. I often banged the wall in frustration, trying to make him shut up. That only made the noise even louder though. I feel like just storming to his house, bashing the door down and club him with a crowbar or hammer or some hard object, but I can’t; I’m not a confrontational person.

So the only thing left to do was to adapt.

I shifted my bed to the other side of the room, and made some modifications to it. It’s essentially a blanket fort, ventilated with plastic tubes and small fans. It muffles the sounds and softens the vibrations, and thanks to the fans, it’s not so stuffy inside. I’m not an engineering major, so I’m kinda proud of myself for building this to overcome the noise problem(cue the “Improvise, Adapt, Overcome” meme). I’ve also decided to study in school instead, too. The environment is much more conducive there, and I return home only to do chores not related to academics.

This new schedule started around a month ago, and I’m happy to say that I feel more productive during my study sessions. However, since I’m returning home at a later time, I’ve started noticing some suspicious activity outside the Rancid Reaper’s home.

Every three to four days, a woman would be loitering at our level at around 9pm. Sometimes she would be leaning on the wall outside the Reaper’s house, other times she would be at the far corner of the lift lobby, using her phone. Despite seeing her so many times, I don’t remember any distinct facial features - in fact, I don’t think I’ve actually seen her face clearly, as her long, flowing hair obscured her face. She would turn to face me if she heard me walking, but would immediately glance away when I look at her.

The most common way to recognise her is her petite figure - she only came up to my shoulder, and I’m not a tall person either. Her attire of choice is normally a black or navy blue figure-hugging dress, together with black high heels and a black smartphone. Even though I’ve never seen her face, I could say she’s kinda attractive, an opinion shared by Jake, who keeps ogling her through our window. Dammit Jake - yeah, it’s a tinted window, but you do know that she can see you when the inside of our flat is brighter than the corridor outside, right?

Her behaviour is….odd, to say the least. I think she spends most of the time outside the Reaper’s flat - she occasionally stands in the lobby so as to avoid me (and Jake, of course). While she’d be using her phone for most of the time, she would periodically stroke the wall or the Reaper’s door tenderly - longingly, like she misses it. This is pretty strange, because I’ve never ever seen any relative or friend of the rancid old man. In fact, I have never seen anyone else enter or leave the flat - as far as I know, the Reaper lives alone. Which makes perfect sense, because who in their right mind would put up with that smell?

There was this one time when I was stuck waiting for the lift with the sex-crazed Rabbits, and we made up some small talk. Yup, as you guess it, the topic of our conversation was our dear friend the Rancid Reaper.

Apparently, the old man wasn’t always like that - in fact, they think that he’s actually around 40 years old, even though he has the appearance of a poorly-groomed 60-year-old. He used to be pretty normal - happily married with a beautiful wife; dressed in proper, clean clothes; quite friendly, would greet most people with a smile, and make some small talk in the lift. Then around a few months ago, I guess….something happened. Suddenly the wife was nowhere to be seen, and the man became increasingly withdrawn, and….he started his transformation into the Rancid Reaper.

I think the Rabbits may have been drunk when they told me this outlandish origin story. But is this mystery woman the wife? I don’t know, but she seems like she knows the Reaper. Oh, and she definitely knows what causes the gargling noises - because whenever she hears a gargle, she would become emotional. She would squat down, put her hands on the door, and start sobbing loudly. When this happens, I stop and hesitate for a moment, wondering what I should do: should I ask her if she’s alright and see if she needs help, or should I continue taking off my shoes and head inside, ignoring her?

I always pick the second option. I don’t know her well, and she seems pretty guarded against strangers, so I don’t want to bother her.

I know she’s outside right now. I heard the familiar clicking sounds of her high heels against the tiled floor outside about an hour ago. Jake heard it too, and I caught him sashaying to the window to creep at her. Again. Damn the horny bastard.

Only thing is….I think something’s wrong next door. It’s been silent for more than half an hour. I’m not saying that’s not a good thing, but the gargles typically come at a rate of every twenty minutes. Also, while they fluctuate in volume, they fade into silence gradually - not like the last gargle, which cut off abruptly.

There’s a knock on my door. It’s Jake.

“I think there’s something happening at the Rancid’s. We need to check it out.”

“There’s no way I’m sticking my nose into his business. I have had enough of his smell already.”

“I can hear shouting and screaming over there, man. Something’s happening and we need to know what’s going on.”

“Hey buddy, take a good look at my face. Do I look like I give a fuck? I can’t hear anything from where I’m sitting, and that’s a good thing - so I’m gonna sit down here and enjoy this silence, and there’s nothing you can do to make me budge from my bed.”

“Hey bro, this is an emergency, man. The hot chick went into the Reaper’s house. Yeah, she stepped in about half an hour ago - then all the shouting started. Think I heard stuff being thrown around as well. We really need to check it out - man, I don’t want the hot chick to get hurt.”

I didn’t move, choosing to stare resolutely at Jake instead.

“Alright, man. You do you. I’m gonna check it out, and you know, if anything happens, if I don’t come back….call the police, will ya?” He left the room.

I think it’s better if he doesn’t come back. The house will be neater.

But….I don’t want to pay a higher share of the rent.

I stepped out after him.

(I'll update this two days later)

#story #spooky #horror #writing #smelly #stinky #demon #neighbour

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