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rrickgrrimes8 · 1 year

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Your Bear Part II

summary: you are found (part I)

Joel Miller x daughter!reader, Tommy Miller x niece!reader

warnings: angst, reunion, violence, infected, happy ending :))

not sure if i like this as much as the first part but i hope yall do. i just want to thank you all for the response to my past few fics (especially your bear). its been unreal. i stopped writing for a while and these were my first ones back so this was an insane response to it! thank you so much for your love and appreciation it really does mean a lot!

also! i tagged basically everybody who left a comment asking for part 2 - sorry if thats annoying idk ive never done a taglist before. thanks for the comments tho :)

masterlist

request guidelines (new)

requests are open

word count: 2.3k

22 Years Ago...

The world around you screamed for help. People ran around, skin on fire, missing massive chunks.

You wailed as they passed, hands tightened around your ears. You just wanted to find help. You wanted to save Sarah. This wasn’t what you expected.

“D-ad,” You cried, hiccupping, “D-addy!” You missed his touch. You missed his voice and his face. His laugh. You just wanted your daddy.

But which way had you come from?

You stood, idle, in an alley way you didn’t recognize, a man lay a few feet beside you. Blood seeped from his neck, running to kiss the tips of your shoes.

He twitched.

Your breath caught in your throat, the hair on your neck stood high. “D-daddy,” You whimpered, quieter than before, “Please.”

He looked at you now. His face grotesque, the shape of jagged teeth marked his greyish skin. White, stringy tendrils extended out of his mouth as he crawled to you – his legs being left behind as he did.

You screamed when his nails scratched against your shoe. In the panic, your bear fell from your grasp, landing in the bloodbath.

You tried backing up from the monster, but his hand stopped you. His claws captured your ankle.

You didn’t realise you were falling until your back hit the wet ground. You let out a shriek as he trailed up your body. “P-please,” You sobbed, “D-ad! D-addy!”

The creature didn’t even flinch. He opened his jaws further, searching for your small neck, ready to mark you just as he had been.

But a shot sounded off and his weight settled on your petite body.

A strong force tugged him off you, the same force pulling you into their arms. You wailed, fighting against the stranger’s grip.

“It’s okay, sweetgirl, you’re okay,” She told you, rushing you away from the scene, “You’re going to be okay; I promise.”

You didn’t know what to make of Jackson. It was nice, you supposed. Weird though. It felt like what you imagined before felt like. Not that you remembered much. You remembered how loud cars were, how the TV remote worked, how to strum a guitar.

You remembered your sisters voice, her hair, how smart she sounded even if you didn’t understand a word.

You wished you remembered your dad. He was a blur to you. Like you had missed a chapter of a book and now a new character had no face. You remembered his laugh though. It was sweet, slow. Like a lullaby. You recalled being held to his chest and feeling the vibrations.

You wished you remembered your dad.

Sarah had settled in quickly, at least that’s what you thought. She was happy to be around people other than her mom (you tried not to internalise it all that much).

In the week since you arrived Sarah had grown attached to the strangers that took you under their wing. You still weren’t so sure. But when Sarah made grabby hands to the older man and all she got was a dejected smile in response a part of you hurt. You didn’t understand why.

They’d kept their distance or rather he had. Ellie came round every day. She loved Sarah. She loved you, even if, like Joel, you were a little rough around the edges.

But for a reason unbeknownst to you Joel couldn’t be in a room with you for longer than five minutes. You didn’t let it bother you too much. You couldn’t. You didn’t want to make trouble and get the pair of you kicked out or worse separated.

Ellie had come to you earlier that day, smile wide, cheeks rosy. She had a glint in her eyes, a plan. One you really didn’t want to know about nor be a part of.

Excitedly, she told you about the couple who lived across from her and Joel - his brother. Tommy and Maria and the somewhat new addition of Lily, their little girl. Ellie had told them about you - although missing out some of the major minor details. They agreed to have you over she had said. And despite the age difference between Lily and Sarah the older girl was excited to meet her.

So, there you stood, Sarah shielded from the cold into your chest. You raised your hand awkwardly, knocking a little harder than you expected.

A woman opened the door. She was beautiful, smiley, friendly. You couldn’t tell if that was a façade or not. That made the nerves in your stomach stiffen. “C’mon in, sweetheart,” Maria ushered you inside after she confirmed it was you.

You forced a smile for her, “Nice place.”

Maria nodded, looking around the room proudly, “Thank you.” She urged you to take a seat, letting you know her husband, Tommy, was just dressing Lily.

“So, you’re younger than I thought you would be,” She confessed, “Not to be rude or anything.”

“No, it’s okay,” You cleared your throat, sitting opposite her, Sarah making a home on your lap, “I’m 27.”

“Wow,” She smiled, “And what about her?”

You stroked the top of Sarah’s head, where her hair had slightly begun to grow, “Couple weeks now.”

Maria shifted ever so slightly in her seat, unspoken sympathy in her eyes, “And the father?” You stilled, escaping her gaze you looked towards the coffee table, taking inventory of the odd books they had. “I’m sorry,” She spoke quietly, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“N-no,” You cleared your throat sheepishly, “There isn’t... her dad did what he had to.” You still remembered his screams.

“I’m sorry,” Maria frowned, hands soothing over her jeans, wishing Tommy would appear to aid the situation.

“Don’t be,” You said earnestly, “He got us here, right? One way or another...” Maria wasn’t sure you really meant that. The lost look in your eyes told her what she needed to know. As did your shaking knee. You’d give anything to have him back. She bit her lip, somewhat guessing the rest.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” A males voice cut through the tension, “Wouldn’t stop squirming for the life of me.”

Maria chuckled opening her arms to grab Lily, introducing you as she did. He blanched hearing that name. He near screamed seeing that face - your face but so much different, so much more mature.

Tommy blinked a few times, wondering if his eyes were deceiving him. He whispered your name carefully, as if you were a wild animal, prone for violence.

Maria gave him an odd look, moving Lily over to you and Sarah. “And this is our sweetheart, Lily,” She told you as Lily began fussing relentlessly in her arms, desperate to touch the baby.

“Baby,” She cooed.

“Yeah, that’s right,” You mused, croakily, inching closer to the pair, “This is Sarah, Lily.”

Tommy wanted to throw up. He felt it dancing up his throat, teasing his uncertainty. He felt stuck. He truthfully didn’t know what to do or what to say. Should he straight out ask you? You didn’t seem to recognise him though. Maybe it was a clone? A doppelgänger? Should he run over to Joel’s for safety away from this confusion?

Joel.

Did Joel know? He had to know. He needed to know.

“Tommy what’s wrong?” Maria called to him. He choked a little, eyes trailing over to the plaque that watched over their new life. The plaque he knew had no place for your name. He knew it. You were here.

Maria followed his gaze, a weird feeling in her chest as she saw her husband so unlike himself. She read Joel’s daughter’s name. Sarah. Was he freaked out because they shared the same name?

She gulped - it wasn’t just the baby whose name was shared but yours too it seemed. You couldn’t be, right? No- You died. Joel was so sure you died and despite all Tommy had told her, all the hope he had for you, she always found herself on Joel’s side. Funny that. Any other situation she would’ve made a point to oppose the eldest Miller.

But now... You were just five. You couldn’t have survived on your own. You wouldn’t have had a life in this world.

But again, hadn’t you said you were 27?

“Go,” She told him, firmly, “Make sure.” Tommy nodded, failing to hide his tears as you watched in confusion and darted out of the room with a sense of urgency that unsettled your stomach.

“Is everything okay?”

Maria’s attention snapped back to you, “Fine... everything’s fine.”

A disconcerting feeling swam under your skin and a sudden resolve to flee hit you. “I- We should probably go,” You mumbled, bringing Sarah to your chest once more.

“Wait, please,” She attempted, “Just wait.”

You shook your head, apologising softly before rushing out of the house. You caught eyes with two men across the road - Joel and Tommy. They stood on his porch, seemingly arguing with each other.

You spotted Ellie watching through the window, a guilty look on her face - what had she done?

The brothers stared at you as you left the home. Their eyes didn’t leave you for a second. Tommy called your name, desperately but when he moved to catch up with you, Joel pulled him back.

He clenched his jaw as you rushed back to your home, out of sight. “She was my niece, Joel,” He scowled, “My fuckin’ family too.”

Joel shook his head, shaking off the shame Tommy was trying to force on him.

“You don’t get to keep this kind of thing from me,” He yelled, “You- You are unbelievable, Joel.”

“Unbelievable?” He mocked, “Is it so unbelievable that I didn’t want to advertise to the whole goddamn town that she was my daughter when, hell, I don’t even know if she really is!”

“Bullshit,” Tommy spat, “You’re not stupid. You knew. Of course, you fucking knew. You knew like how I knew. One look. That’s all it woulda took you. No… you knew. You were just too scared - like always. And that, your selfishness, takes us all down with you.”

“Fuck you,” He grunted, storming back inside.

“Christ,” Tommy mumbled, turning back to his own home.

You had a baby.

You were here, alive.

You steered clear from the group for a little while afterwards. The whole situation made you heart clench. It felt like a game that you didn’t know the rules of, but they did. All of them did and they were careful not to reveal anything. But you wanted to know - you needed to.

You knew it involved Joel or at least you felt like it had to. The way he looked at you when you first met. The way he spoke. The way he shook. It had to be him. He had to be the answer.

You gave up on your attempts to avoid them when you came to that realisation.

The same realisation that brought you here, at his front door in the middle of the night. You shyly knocked a few times - no response. You repeated the action with a little more force, a little too much. The door creaked open on the contact, but no one came to greet you.

You sucked in a harsh breath as you debated entering. The door was open right? Fair game? Silently you forced yourself to step inside.

Their home was dark - one lamp lighting a whole room. You frowned looking over to it. Someone had to be here, right? Where else would they be so late?

And then you saw him. Joel. The contradictory man. He was asleep. His body was sprawled all over the couch, an empty bottle of God knows what lay beside him as did what looked like... a bear?

Shakily, you took a step forward, his name dying in your throat as you saw the bear in a better light.

It was... yours.

Why would Joel have your bear? The bear that when you were a child was essentially an extension of you. The bear that chased away all the bad dreams. The bear that your dad had gotten you - your dad.

You gulped - the bear you hadn’t seen since the night you lost everything. Since the night you almost lost your life.

Joel shifted in his sleep, pulling the bear close to his chest, careful of its head as if it was a baby. Your eyes burned. A gasp escaped your lips. You could read the chapter now. You can see that character’s face - your fathers face.

Different but the same.

“D-dad,” You whispered before you could stop yourself and backed away.

Your back met the door, slamming it shut. The man jolted awake, alarmed eyes frantically searching the room before landing on you. They grew small, weaker, like he wasn’t all the way there.

Joel watched you closely, taking note of your falling tears, he spoke your name. You choked on a sob, hand clasping over your mouth. “Baby,” He shot up before he had a moment to think and approached you.

You didn’t flinch away, like he expected. You didn’t stop crying either. You studied him now. The wrinkles. The scars. The grey hairs. The same look in his eyes.

“How long have you known?”

He flinched at that. Your voice so familiar, so broken. “Since we met,” He didn’t have to try too hard to understand what you were getting at. He felt shameful, though. This shouldn’t have been the way, right? This felt too casual, too unknown.

You wanted to ask more, yell at him. Beg him to tell you why it wasn’t the first thing that he told you. But you didn’t. Instead you put one foot in front of the other, until you were mere inches from him. “Dad,” You shuddered.

He hadn’t realised how much he missed being called that, how much he missed being your dad.

“Babygirl,” He took your face in his hands, “My baby grown up.” He watched you closely, tears welling up, “I’m so sorry, babygirl. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, slamming yourself into his chest, “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Oh, baby,” Joel wrapped his arms around you, hand cradling the back of your head.

“With me, babygirl,” He smiled for moment before letting it fall, “Don’t go away again, babygirl, never go away again.”

You smiled into his chest, whimpering softly, “I won’t, dad, I promise.”

@meli-blacky @zaweashtonslover @3zae-zae3 @bbciwp @cloudroomblog @white-wolf-buckaroo @iguessweallcrazyithinktho @myboyfriendisbigfoot @mell-bell @hummusxx @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @dilfsaremyfavourite @specialagentmonkey @slutforstark @lizlil @unsaiduglywords @ellaprime7 @aphrcdites @zynbsblog @imonmykneessir @mandowhatnow @tomorrowseverything @livelovemusic0996 @icarusthefoolish @b-bloop @leemirna @hexaecana @littleshadow17 @sgt-morgan @adorreeabbie @abbiesxox @leviackrmnss @eternallyvenus @hai-kbai @daydreamerblues @abbyrxx12-blog @montenegroisr @chxosunbound @shqwqrma @littlemissporter @wonwoosthetic @riri53 @softsakusas @prettysbliss @katiemars @kik51199 @stupidthoughtsinwriting @ellele19 @newavenger @19891213 @dgraysonss

#joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #joel miller x daughter!reader #tommy miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller x niece!reader #ellie williams x platonic!reader #the last of us imagine #joel miller x platonic!reader

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andersonsgirl · 10 months

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dial dial !

abby anderson x fem! reader

a/n: ignore any spelling mistakes, i wrote this at LITERALLY 3:55 AM and was dying. being a girl is rough. anyways enjoy

warnings - SMUTTT! MDNI! porn without a plot, fingering, use of strap on, r! receiving, praising, dry humping, filth idk what else

masterlist

“fuck.” abby growled, her fingers knuckles deep inside your leaking cunt. You moaned face red inside a pillow, drool spilling lazily from your lips as abby’s fingers moved inside.

“ugnh.. abby!” you cried when her middle finger came in contact with a special spongey spot inside you. The way she rubbed it so quickly had you in a different dimension, seeing stars from the view of other universes.

“hm.. feel good, pretty girl?” she edged on, moving closer to the point of her breath fanning down your neck. “yes! ugh..yes… please..” you begged, eyes staring into her blue ones desperately. She smirked down at you, her pace inside you quickening. “please what?”

you moaned, the sound so loud you pitied your neighbors a little. “please… you know what..” abby halted her movement, earning you to gasp and shake your hips in a desperate attempt to get the friction back inside your sopping hole.

“please what? say it.” abby demanded, grabbing your jaw tightly, forcing you to look at her and ignoring you trying to grind on her fingers.

“please.. please let me cum.” you said, barley having any human thoughts, being too deep into your desperate needs.

“hm.. you’ll have to earn it.” abby pulled her fingers out, your walls desperately clenching around them before they could exit in any attempt to prevent them from leaving.

“abby! please. please let me.. i..” your whines were cut off by her lips on yours, desperately eating your face when you whined into it, allowing her hands to grab your waist and lift you onto her thigh.

you straddled her leg, and she pulled back.

“hump.”

your jaw fell for a moment, looking at her. “huh?”

“you want to cum? do it yourself. I’ll guide you.” her words turned you on like a switch, and you began riding her bare thigh.

the sensation of her bare skin against your wet clit felt incredible, soft whines and moans of pleasure escaping you as you grabbed her shoulders for stability, quickening your desperate pace. She held your hips, guiding you back and fourth, up and down. You could see your slick gleaming against abby’s skin, the sight making you moan out loud.

Your hips quickend, the sound of your pussy against her filling the room along side your overly loud whines.

“fu-uhh— abby. abby.. mhm..” you dropped your head, the familiar coil being built intensely in your stomach.

“yeah, baby?” she whispered in your ear, you could feel her smile against your face.

“I.. i’m gonna—

“you gonna cum?”

“mhm..”

abby had suddenly tightened her grip on you, moving her thigh harshly against your pussy— hitting it directly on your clit multiple times. your moans escaped you like birds from a cage, loud and high pitched.

“oh— my.. my god.. abby abby abby abby—”

you were cut off by her final shove and your last hump, the orgasm swallowing you whole. You threw your head back, tears brimming at your eyes.

“that’s it. good girl, cumming on my leg. such a good little thing.” abby praised, trailing kisses down your neck as you came. once you calmed down she flipped you over, catching you by surprise.

“abby—?”

“don’t worry, babe.” she whispered. you heard straps, but your arms and legs were shaking to the point all you could do was lay.

“don’t move, ‘kay?”

“‘kay..” you said back and suddenly the tip of an unfamiliar object had stuffed itself inside your sore cunt.

You gasp, sitting up and turning around. Abby had a big, purple strap attached to her wait.

“abby? what!?”

“sh— it’s fine, j’st trust me, okay?”

you swallowed, agreeing.

Abby slowly sunk the strap dick into your hole, causing you to grab the bedsheets. “fuck!” you exclaimed, muffled out by your buried face.

she began to fuck you, the sound of her thighs meeting your ass adding to your gasp and whines.

“oh my god— abby— abs.. i..” you couldn’t finish, the feeling inside you eating you whole.

You’ve never tried a strap with abby before, so this was new— and god, were you glad she bought it.

she gripped your hips, her pace increasing as she mercilessly pounded in and out of you.

You were at a loss for words, eyes snapped shut, mouth agape and brows creased dirtily with each thrust. Voice vanishing from your throat completely.

her grunts and groans could be heard from behind you, hands tightening their grip you were sure you were going to see some bruises.

She hit a spot inside you in a certain way, causing as gasp to escape you.

“abby.. I..”

“yeah, baby?” she grunted out, her face becoming impossibly faster in and out of your leaking cunt.

you moaned, shooting your head up and trying to use your arms for balance— abby saw, taking this as her chance to flip you over once again.

You were laying on your back before you could blink, tits exposed for her to stare at as she fucked you silly.

her pace didn’t slow, the long blonde braid on her head slapping her back from her dramatic movements.

you gripped the sheets once more, the baby pink fabric crushing under your grip. your breaths began to become shaky once you felt the familiar pleasure build up inside you again.

whining, you dropped your head to lay against you pillow.

You moans, abby’s grunts and the sound of her fucking you could make you cum in itself.

abby noticed your actions, speeding up her pace quickly— seeing you desperately trying to grab something.

she turned her hips lightly, pounding down on your exact spot, you moaned so loudly she thought she was hallucinating. she continued her work, and you slammed your eyes shut, ignoring the light tear-blamed stinging coming to the corners of them.

“gonna cum again, baby?”

you couldn’t even speak, throat too dry you had to settle for a fast nod.

“d’worry, i’ll take care of you.”

one of abby’s hands released your hip, coming down to cup the sensitive nub of your clit.

you swallowed, the pleasure and overstimulation of your third orgasm becoming too much to bare.

your little moans were enough to get abby off; though. finger rubbing harshly at your bud.

you shook, pleasure coursing through you unlike any you’ve felt, the moan that ripped through your mouth was accompanied by a cry, the once welding tears slipping down your cheeks.

“yeah.. let it out, that’s it. that’s it. so good, hmm? cumming again. what a good girl.” abby praised you, suddenly looming over your shrinking form.

“ugh— abby.. i dunno if i can do n’other one..” you whispered, voice gone as the tears slid off your face.

fuck, seeing you like this could make abby cum.

“i don’t think so, baby. i still have more surprises for you.” she hummed, slowly removing the strap causing a moan to erupt.

“absss.. i can’t..” she smiled at you, in a way you’ve never seen.

she reached below the bed for a moment, pulling out something you’ve never seen.

“what about me, baby?”

you sat up, seeing the toy. “what’s that?”

“it’s a vibrator. and,” she shuffled, her answer making you flush. “you are gonna do exactly what i tell you, yeah?”

she turned it on, handing it to you. the sight of her naked in front of you turned you on all over again.

“yes, abs..”

“good girl.”

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addisonnie · 2 years

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me! addison, 20something, she/her, infp, max mayfield apologist, harry styles lover, mentally ill bisexual, english major/aspiring author

my work! stranger things, harry styles, outer banks, criminal minds, the hunger games, marvel, the walking dead, dylan o’brien, the last of us, among others!

links! stranger things p-links 1&2, steve/eddie/billy joint playlist (apple music,) my “if-i-was-in-stranger-things” playlist (apple music, masterlist, wip list

request! reqs are always open! i may not get to them right away, and i may not write them at all (please don’t take offense! sometimes i just dont vibe with a req!) but you always have the option to ask!

talk to me! feel free to say anything. ask questions, come hang out, flirt with me, whatever u wanna say… i love it! minors dni… please do not make me have to block you. please be nice to me it is the law !

#hello #addi talks #my masterlist #stranger things p links #stranger things playlist #tlou #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams

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7brownsuga7 · 7 days

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The God who answers after dark ☆ series ☆

Teaser & masterlist:

Summary: You used to pray to the Gods after dark before you went to sleep, always thinking that you were praying to the good kind. The kind that showed mercy. However you were mistaken, as time passes and you grew older and wiser it will be revealed that your prayers were answered, but not by the Gods you thought you knew, but the dark kind. The kind that your grandmother used to warn you about. Ones you hear in stories. The kind that you should fear, but how can you when it's all you know? How can you when he was the only one who answered?

Tags&warnings: Jungkookxfemreader, mostly fluff I guess, a bit of smut, fingering included, age gap I guess?!!? Jungkook is obsessed with reader, a bit delusional. Slight manipulation???! MDNI!!!

Notes: inspired by the book The Invisible Life of Addie-Larue

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Updates:

Intro uploaded: 13/05/24

The God who answers after dark masterlist ☆

☆ teaser (this) ☆ intro ☆ one… coming soon ☆

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auteurdelabre · 15 days

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A LITTLE SUN - SERIES FINALE

rating: 18+

tags: None. No spoilers in my finales!

summary: It's go time.

a/n: Y'ALL. Who knew this ATTEMPTED ONE-SHOT would end up being this fuckin' long and make me fall even deeper in love with the amazing trash panda/rat king Dieter Bravo? It was a labor of love, that's for sure (see what I did there? heh heh). I should note, your girl's never had a baby and I'm pretty sure a bunch of the shit here is inaccurate and borderline unsafe. OH WELL. This is a Hollywood romance type story so suspend your disbelief, k?

COMMENTS AND REBLOGS MEAN YOU LIKE ME AND THAT MAKES ME WANNA KEEP WRITING.

[ ppppsssssstttttt if you wanna be nice and send a broke writer some cash because you like her writing and her stories and they made you happy, the paypal addy is [email protected] because ko-fi is givin me a headache. ]

SERIES MASTERLIST HERE

"This can't be happening," you say in the passenger seat as Dieter speeds you both towards the hospital. "He's not due for another week."

"He's a Bravo," Dieter tells you in a tight voice. "Bravo's never fucking do what they're supposed to. It's part of our charm."

You let out an agonized wail as he speeds around the corner, holding your belly as you lurch back. He spins down the highway, honking at passersby. When half the vehicle ends up on the highway you shout at him to drive normally.

When you settle, Dieter presses a button in his dash and your mom's number comes up. You hear a phone ringing in the car and then your mother's voice soft on the other end. There are hospital noises in the background, she’s at work.

"Hello Didi-"

"Hey Mimi," he says breathlessly interrupting her. "It's go time. Our girl's water broke."

"Oh my goodness," you can hear your mother flapping around in excitement. "I'll be there! I just have to get someone to cover my shift! Oh he’s early! I’ll see you soon, loves!"

"See you soon."

The call ends and you're left staring at the man intently focused on driving.

"Did you just call my mother Mimi?"

"Yeah," Dieter says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "It's my nickname for her."

Didi and Mimi? What the fuck? How did he get Mimi?

Before you can question their weird interaction further your hands grip around your middle, the strange stabbing sensation increasing with every mile that passes between the house and the hospital.

Thankfully Dieter gets you there quickly, pulling into the hospital's ambulance lane helping you out of the car.

"You can't park there," a man shouts after the two of you. Dieter gives him the finger before helping you onto the sidewalk. You can barely move and you double over, hissing before you can reach the doors. When you are able to right yourself again Dieter is there with a wheelchair he urges you back into.

"Dieter where did you get this?"

"Some old guy smoking on a bench."

"Dieter!"

"Relax," Dieter insists as he rolls you to the front desk. "He won't miss it."

Dieter feels like he's vibrating. After that emotional decree to you he was certain you'd been striding towards him before you doubled over in pain. But now he's not certain. As he follows the nurse now wheeling you to the private suite he's wondering if it was just wishful thinking.

But he doesn't have time to worry about that right now. You're whimpering in pain, one hand over your belly, the other groping the air next to you.

"Are you Dieter Bravo?"

A voice sounds out beside him but he ignores it.

"Can I get your picture?"

"Why are you here?"

He ignores them all, rushing to the side and grabbing your hand as they wheel you into the large private suite.

The space is beautiful if not sterile. Nurses file in, helping you into a pale pink robe before urging you back into the hospital bed.

Dieter steps back to give the medical staff room but it hurts him to be even this far from you. Your feet go in the stirrups and Dieter feels his heart crack. You look so tired, so scared there in the hospital bed.

"You gotta be gowned up, Dad," a nurse says helping Dieter into a blue gown. A hairnet is forced over his unruly locks and a mask over his face. He feels like he's getting ready for another part in a movie, dressing in costume.

Nurses crowd around you, taking your temperature, urging a device onto your finger. There's chattering, movement like some strange ballet.

"She's already nine centimetres."

"Call Doctor March in."

"Dieter!"

Your voice cuts through the overlapping chatter. He moves through the throng, going to your side, ignoring the huffs of irritated medical staff. You gaze up at him through watery eyes and Dieter feels a swell of indignation rise as he watches you squirm in pain.

“Where’s the fucking drugs?”

“It’s too late for an epidural,” the nurse tells you both cringing. “She’s too far along. I’m sorry-“

“What the fuck? I can’t do it without drugs! I can’t do this!” Your eyes are wide and terrified. You glance up at Dieter. “It’s going to hurt! Don’t make me do this!”

“You can do this,” Dieter insists, his thumb rubbing your palm soothingly. “You’re the strongest woman I know. You could do this in your sleep.”

"I can't do this," you whimper, terrified of what's about to happen.

What if something goes wrong? You've read about losing blood about emergency C-sections.

"You can," Dieter says, eyes big and beautiful. He cups your face in his large palms. "You've got this."

"No, I can't," you insist, eyes watery. "I... I'm not strong enough."

"Baby, that's not true. Who got me on SNL after my DUI even after they turned me down twice?”

“Me.”

“And who got me out of my contract for Hot Ones when I found out the chicken wasn’t organic?”

“M-me,” you cringe as a stab of pain goes through you. You can feel the nurse probing to see how far along you are, but all you can focus on is Dieter’s face in front of yours.

“And who wrangled me out of Russia with only a fake passport and a bad accent?”

“Me!”

“That’s right,” Dieter insists, his voice proud. “You don’t take shit from anybody, baby.”

The doctor swans in, a serious looking woman who spares a brief smile for you and Dieter as she reads your chart.

"Hi Mom and Dad, I'm Doctor March and I'll be delivering your son today."

You both give her a weak greeting before she sits on the rolling stool between your parted legs. Dieter isn't looking there though. His eyes are fixed firmly on your face. Your head is tossed back, your forehead damp with sweat.

"Alright Mom, you're ten centimetres so I'm gonna need you to start pushing."

Dieter watches your face blanch and feels a chill go through him at the terror in your face. You look up at him, tears clinging to your lashes.

Dieter doesn't even think. He toes off his shoes and crawls onto the hospital bed next to you. The nearest nurse shouts at him from behind her mask, hand reaching for him.

"Sir, you are not allowed in the bed-"

"I'm staying," Dieter snarls settling in behind you. His long legs go to either side of you, bracketing your body. You lean back against him, relief flooding you at his nearness.

"Sir, I'll call security-"

"Just let him stay!" You cry out. "Please!"

All of a sudden a pain rips through you, causing you to jerk back against Dieter's chest and give out a sharp shriek.

"Baby's coming," the doctor says irritably. "Nurse, I need you here."

The woman scowls at Dieter from behind her mask. The staff begins talking to one another and everything feels like it's happening too quickly.

"Alright Mom, gonna need you to push."

Your fingers dig into Dieters thigh. You feel like the lights are too bright and the room is too cold and the entire thing is just too… scary. You're brows pinch together in anxiety.

"C'mon baby mama," Dieter urges at your temple. "This is all you. You can do it."

You try your hardest, gritting your teeth and trying to push with all your might. But you can't do it. There's too much noise and chaos and the only thing that's keeping you grounded is the warmth of Dieter behind you.

Dieter feels your trembling body and wishes more than anything that he could calm you with his touch alone. Dr. March is calling things out to you but all Dieter can focus on is the way your eyes are darting around the room, the way your body feels trembling against him.

"S'too much," you groan. "Can't do it."

"You are," Dieter insists, his hand over yours braced on his thigh. "C'mon, I know you can keep going. You're so fucking strong."

"I can't," you weep, your body aching and breathing shallow. "I can't-"

"Who chased me down to the Chateau Marmont and snuck into a celebrity party just so she could return a watch to Cartier?"

"M-me," you groan as another ripple of pain goes through you. Dieter sees the doctor leaning forward, disappearing under your gown.

"And who threw me into a shower to get sober for an interview on her first day?"

"Me."

"That’s right,” Dieter smiles, recalling your first introduction to one another. “Know why? Because you don't take shit from anyone and you're not starting now. You show that baby who’s in charge.”

Something in his voice gives you resolve. You nod, hands going to his knees and bracing. You tilt back as you push, head falling on Dieter's shoulder.

"Push," the doctor commands again calmly.

This goes on for what feels like forever. You straining, pushing and crying out in pain as Dieter cradles you between his legs, ensuring how good you’re doing.

"Good job, good job," doctor March encourages.

“That's my girl," Dieter murmurs proudly in your ear. It makes you want to sob.

"One more big push," doctor March says.

You're exhausted and shaky and you don't want to do this. It wasn't supposed to be today. You had a week. You planned it out. This is all too soon.

"No more," you groan, sweat beading along your forehead. You don't want to let go of your son. Not yet.

It feels unnatural to have carried him so long just to be removed from your body this way. He feels like a part of you, like was always meant to nestle under your ribs. It's like removing your own heart.

Dieter lowers his mask and pushes back the sweaty hair from your face, replacing it with a sweet kiss.

"C'mon baby," Dieter insists, his voice a rasp in your ear. "He's almost here. Our son's almost here."

Our son. Yours and Dieter's.

Despite the frenzy of the moment your eyes drift from the doctors head between your legs up to Dieter.

"Our son," you echo weakly.

He's staring down at you, dark eyes so full of adoration. He's nodding, smiling gently at you.

"Our little boy," Dieter says, kissing your damp cheek. "And we're so close to meeting him baby; you just gotta push one more time. Can you do it for me? For him?"

Yes. You can.

You give out an animalistic growl that turns into a shriek. Dieter continues to hold your arms, murmuring that you're so brave, so beautiful.

"Holy shit I can see hair," Dieter whispers against your cheek, peering over your belly to see as the doctor encourages your son forward.

You give one last guttural scream, arching in Dieter’s arms before you feel that stinging between your legs settle. And then the most beautiful sound in the world - the tremoring wail of your sons first breath.

"It's him. He's here."

There is awe there in Dieter’s voice, his eyes wide as he watches the moment his son is pulled from you. Feels his heart constrict as this tiny boy gives out a shuddering cry for the very first time.

Dieter laughs through tears as he watches his son, gold and puffy emerge, his smile dropping as he views patches of white creamy something over his body.

"Wait, what the fuck is that?" Dieter all but shouts. For a horrible moment he's terrified that it's from him fucking you so deeply last night.

"Vernix caseosa," the nurse says with laughter in her voice despite everything. "Protects him from the amniotic fluid in the womb."

Dieter sighs in relief as the squirming baby is pressed to your bare chest for skin-to-skin contact. Your chest is exposed but for once Dieter isn’t horny. He’s just struck dumb at the sight of this small creature nestling there against your body.

"Hi little boy."

Your son lifts his head shakily, eyes blinking slowly, blurrily trying to take you in. He knows your voice, his face instinctually tilting in your direction. Dieter gazes down at you, tears spilling over his cheeks as he sees the love so clear in your gaze.

"It's you," you whisper down at the cherub-like face of your son.

I'd know you anywhere.

Because you would. You don't know how but the second you see his chubby cheeks and long lashes you just know exactly who he is. You would have known him anywhere. He's a part of you. He's been a part of you so long it's surreal to see him outside, here against your skin on this side.

"Look at all his hair," Dieter marvels. "You were right."

He's tiny with long legs and a thick head of dark curls. His skin is a golden color and his fingers long like his dad’s. He’s got your ears and your toes though, and the sight makes you feel strangely giddy. That’s you in this little body, a small piece of you.

The doctor and nurses murmur at your feet, and you feel relief when one says "all good". No emergency blood loss, no anything. The sound of a pager goes off and doctor March stands.

"Got another delivery down the hall. Must be a full moon or something. Congrats mom and dad!"

"Thank you, Doctor March."

The doctor and most of the nurses file out of the room; leaving only two nurses standing beside the bed making notes on a clipboard before one gently removes your son from your chest. You give a little whimper of protest, eyes going wide.

"Just gonna weigh him and we'll bring him right back, Mom."

You watch them leave, already feeling incomplete without him there against you. You feel tears welling at your lash line.

"He's perfect," you say through hiccups.

You feel as Dieter shifts behind you, gingerly removing himself from the bed. He makes sure to do so slowly, ensuring you're propped up comfortably for when they bring your squirming newborn back.

"You did such a good job, baby," Dieter says, kissing your temple before his attention is drawn back to his son being weighed and measured. "Can't believe he's finally here."

You both watch as your son squirms and grunts during his examination, smiling gently when they lift him up and the tall one announces: "Seven pounds, three ounces and twenty one inches."

Dieter holds back his desire to make a dick joke.

The nurse holds your son clad in a tiny diaper. He looks so tiny in her hands. She prepares to hand him back to you but Dieter looks strangely animated, reaching into your go-bag bag next to the bed.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot. Petra made him this."

It's a tiny blue knitted hat. Both the nurses give girlish awwwww's at the sight of it. One gingerly puts it on your sons head before smiling at you.

"Okay Mom, let's do some more skin to skin and see if he'll eat in a little bit."

Mom. Mom. Mom. You’re a mom.

You're already nodding, arms outstretched. It feels wrong not to have him against you right now. The nurses help to wrap the robe you're wearing around him, almost like a swaddle.

You breathe slowly, taking in every second of this moment. He's so fucking small and his eyebrows are so tiny. Everything is just so little.

His mouth smacks together, grunting as his pink lips strain towards your nipple when they place him on your chest.

"Like father like son," you murmur to Dieter, so quiet only he can hear. He gives a loud chuckle and his son makes a small hiccupping sound in surprise. Dieter’s long fingers trace down his son’s back, marveling at the softness of his skin.

"I'm a Dad," Dieter murmurs, as if it's just hitting him now. His eyes slowly travel over to you, your gaze locked on the squirming infant on your chest. "And you're a mom."

"I'm a mom," you whisper and it feels right when you say it.

You were always his mom, from the moment he began to grow in your womb. You were mom. He'd known it long before you had. The kicks and the flutters. He knew you were his and tried to remind you at every turn.

"Thank you," Dieter whispers, eyes damp. "Thank you for bringing him to me."

"Thank you for helping me make him," you whisper back, the hot tears staining your cheeks. "Fuck, I feel like all I've done lately is cry."

Dieter and you share a laugh while the nurses call out that they'll be back to check on you three in a little while, pointing out the call button beside your bed if there's an issue.

They close the door to the suite behind them and suddenly the room is quiet, save for the sound of your son grunting against your chest as he gets comfortable.

"I want to be his mom."

"You are," Dieter says with a smile as he grabs the chair next to the hospital bed, his large palm resting on his son's back lightly when he settles back.

"No I mean... I want to be in his life. I want to see him every day. I want to help raise him."

You see the way Dieter’s body jerks as if he's been slapped. He stares over at you, eyes wide.

"You do?"

"Yeah," you sniffle. "Is that okay?"

"Are you kidding me?" Dieter is leaning over you gently, kissing you so soundly you whimper.

He pulls back, but not before giving a gentle kiss to the top of his sons head.

His eyes search yours, the sweet chestnut color softening the longer he looks at you. He brushes the hair from your face, thumb lingering on your jaw.

"That's all I've ever wanted."

The sincerity is there in both his expression and his husky voice. He means it. And suddenly guilt is the emotion that overtakes you, almost surging through your veins.

"I feel so guilty," you say, overcome with emotion. Your son makes a little squeaking noise before settling.

“Why, baby?”

“Because I closed myself off to everyone. Even him.”

How could you have ever thought of giving your son away? How could you have imagined he was nothing but cargo to be bartered? You kiss the top of his head, hoping that a lifetime of love will make up for months of apathy.

"I think losing my dad just made me so scared of loving someone else," you sniffle, kissing your son's downy head. "I mean my dad was a part of me. And now-"

You look down at your newborn son. The scrunch of his face as he yawns and you think that you've never seen anything quite as beautiful before.

"He's a part of me," you say softly. The tears fall down your cheeks without effort. "And he's the most perfect thing I've ever seen."

Dieter gazes down at his son. "He really is."

"I thought if I could just separate my feelings I could do it, you know? I could walk away unhurt. But then..."

You break off, but Dieter is riveted. "Then what?"

Your eyes blink furiously.

"That day I saw him for the first time I knew I couldn't walk away. I knew it. But I told myself I had to. That I couldn't stay attached."

This hurts Dieter. Knowing that it was months of this personal torture hurts him in a way that makes him breathless.

"Why, baby?"

"Because losing something you love breaks you. It takes a piece from you that never comes back." You rock your son gently. "And I've never loved anything as much as him. Even before he was here."

You’re trying in vain to hold the sobs back now. Your son makes a frowning face, lips smacking together once more before you falls back into his drowsy slumber.

"And I'm scared," you whisper. "Terrified, actually."

Dieter suddenly understands it all. The loss of you father, your inability to cope, your need for control and order. He sees how this challenged all of it and his heart shatters. Dieter runs his hands through your hair, pressing kisses to your cheek as he gently soothes you. You're crying, eyes squeezed shut.

"It's okay to be scared," Dieter murmurs against your ear. "I'm scared too."

You're exhausted and sore and emotionally wrung out. But that doesn't stop you from smiling gently up at him, hand going to brush the tears clinging to his lashes.

Soon the emotional and physical exhaustion comes in, lulling you into a slow slumber. Dieter watches the two loves of his life sleeping, both making the same little nose scrunches in their sleep. He sees so much of you in his son, the curve of his ears, the full of his upper lip. It makes him feel warm and contented.

You haven't confessed any long standing love for Dieter, but now that his son is here and you want to be a part of his life it doesn't matter. You'll be near him and that's enough for Dieter, even if that's all he can have. You'll be the most amazing mother and he'll support you any way he can. Of course it's been a draining day and he feels his emotions spinning off in all directions, but with a rosy hue of compassion.

Of course it hurts that you likely don't feel the same for him.

Images of Dieter and a toddler son dressed in suits dance across his exhausted mind. You under an arch in a wedding dress, leaning down with a smile and arms open as you son toddles down the aisle towards you. You marrying someone else, but with Dieter's support. Dieter doesn't look forward to the day you find your future husband, but he'll support it.

Love always felt selfish for Dieter. A way of staking claim: mine. But this love feels different. He just wants you happy. That's good enough for him.

One of the nurses comes back a short while later and you're still dozing with your son sleeping on your chest. One of the nurses pushes in a bassinet on wheels.

"Gonna put him in this so Mom can get some real rest," one of the nurses tells Dieter in a hush. "Do we have a name yet, Dad?"

"No, not yet," Dieter whispers back. "Can I put him in it?"

"Of course," the nurse says happily. "You know the correct hold?"

She shows him how to correctly hold the newborn supporting his neck and his spine. Then she leaves giving him a quiet congratulations.

Dieter looks down into his arms, rocking the small child - his son - gingerly as he begins to blubber. The tears slide down his nose and one lands on his son's bare belly. He twitches in his sleep before yawning and blinking up at Dieter.

And he feels it pass between them, this ancient sensation of home, of lineage, of love. Dieter thinks of his own father and his ambivalence. He can't understand how he could have ever walked away from his own creation. He stops crying long enough to see his son give a flash of a smile and then fall promptly back to sleep.

"You have your whole life ahead of you," Dieter tells his son, going to stand at the window, looking out into the sunshine filled day. "This world is just yours to conquer. Me and your Mama are gonna be there every step of the way."

You stir in the bed when you hear Dieter’s gentle rasp from the other side of the room. Your eyes flutter open to see him holding your son by the window, rocking him.

"Gonna give you everything I didn't have, gonna spend time with you and play catch and all that good dad shit."

You giggle gently at this, drawing Dieters attention your way.

"Did I wake you?"

You shake your head, watching with adoration as the man you love comes walking back with your son. You think Dieter has never been as perfect or as beautiful to you as when he’s holding your son safely in his broad arms.

"He needs a name," you murmur, watching your dozing child. "Where's your list?"

"Up here," Dieter says tapping his temple with his free hand before looking down at the slumbering infant in his arms. "But... Now that I see him, none of ‘em fit."

"Hmmmm," you purse your lips in thought, watching as Dieter carefully places him in the bassinet. The two of you lean over, watching your son in mild awe. A thought occurs to you.

"My mom doesn't know what room we're in."

"Oh I already texted her," Dieter says. "She's stuck in fucking LA traffic of course. She should be here soon. Lemme check.”

He reaches into his back pocket, pulling out and dropping his keys in the process. He picks them up and the keychain makes a soft clinking noise. The baby stirs in the bassinet, kicking out his tiny legs and tilting his head in the direction of the keys.

Dieter grins, holding them above his son. You see the green Jameson bottle from Ireland hanging off of it. You both look on as your tiny son’s fists tap against the enamel item, sending it spinning.

“He’s got good taste,” Dieter grins. “I’ll have to take him when he’s older.”

“Much older,” you say with mock warning.

The keychain spins again as the baby attempts to grip it with his tiny fingers. But he can’t, it’s much too early for that kind of coordination. The name of the brewery glints in the light and then like a flash you both meet eyes over the bassinet.

"Jameson." Dieter breathes with a crooked grin. "James."

"James Bravo.”

The two of you smile so widely your faces might break.

“I love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod. “It’s perfect. Hello James.”

Dieter and you gaze down at your son who’s now grown still, sleeping deeply.

“Now we just need a middle name," you say quietly as the two of you sit staring at him.

"What was your dad's name again?" Dieter asks quietly after a beat. "Michael, right?"

You slowly gaze up the length of Dieter, seeing the soft way he's looking at the baby and then over at you. Something swells behind your sternum.

"Yeah, Michael."

"That's a nice name," Dieter nods before smiling down at the squirming infant. "A good middle name for our son."

Our son.

Affection hits you like a ton of bricks in that moment. The fact that he remembered your dad's name. The way he calls Jameson your son as much as he is his own. The way he loves you so fucking ardently, the way he wanted to take care of you even if you didn’t feel the same as he did.

You think of this past year with Dieter, all the ways he showed her loved you, the way he protected you. You think of nights in his arms, laughing with him and the way you don't want to be without him anymore. You stare up at him from the bed, taking in the sleepy edge of his eyes, the tussled hair, the full mouth. He's fucking beautiful. How did you miss it this long?

You don't want anyone else. You just want him.

"Will you marry me?" you whisper without thought.

Dieter blinks over at you, eyes rounding and for a moment you tense. He's made it clear that he cares for you but maybe this is too much too fast. You haven’t exactly been forward with how you feel about him until now.

"You wanna marry me?"

"Yeah," you say smiling dopily up at him. "I do."

Dieter lets out a little sound somewhere between a laugh and a gasp and before you can say anything more his broad palms are on either side of your face, holding you there so that he can kiss you soundly before pulling back, looking concerned.

"Might be the drugs," he worries.

"No drugs remember?"

"Might be post birth delirium."

"I don't think that's it," you assure him, thumb stroking the patch in his beard that doesn't grow. "Might be because I've never had someone care for me like you do. Might be because I don't want to be apart from you or our son. Might be because I'm madly in love with you and have been for a while now. Might be because I’ve never loved someone the way I love you."

Dieter feels like his heart is expanding so rapidly it might crack his ribcage. Seeing you there in the bed with your hair disheveled, your face flushed and your eyes starry and soft as you gaze up at him, Dieter feels an almost incapacitating sensation of adoration for you.

You're so rarely soft with anyone. Because of this he knows what you've admitted is monumental for so many reasons. Tears spring to his eyes, and his smile is watery.

You picked him. You want him.

He clamors into the bed next to you again, pulling you into his arms gingerly. His mouth is pressing against yours again, wet eyes squeezed shut. He holds you with the kind of care and affection he has always shown you.

"Fuck yes I'll marry you," he whispers against your lips.

You giggle against his mouth when he kisses you again and the sound hits him everywhere.

"I want you to come home with our son as my wife and I want to make you two the happiest people alive."

He melts against you as your arms wrap around his neck, fingers trailing in the curls at the base of his skull.

"I love you, Dieter."

He whispers his love for you against your neck, rocking you. You let him kiss you slowly, mouths moving languidly. You sigh as he dabs his tongue against yours before he abruptly pulls back.

He pushes back from the bed, gaze suddenly distracted. It startles you.

"Diet-"

Before you can even finish his name he's taken off, his crocs slapping against the hospital floor. Then it’s just you and James in the suite, shaking your head with a laugh.

"What is your dad up to?" You ask the sleepy baby in the bassinet. You turn back to face the doorway, heart leaping when you recognize a woman in scrubs strolling by.

"Mom!"

Your Mom is already sobbing when she runs into the room and you expect her to make a run directly for the baby. But instead she’s going to you, holding your face in her hands and kissing your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, the fucking traffic-“

“It’s okay,” you assure her. “Dieter was and he was wonderful.”

“He’s early,” she comments, eyes flitting to the bassinet before going back to you.

"Just like his dad, he has a flair for the dramatic," you grin. "Couldn't wait until his due date."

“How are you feeling?”

“Good Mom, I promise,” you say, smirking at her frazzled expression. Your mother takes a deep breath, nodding. She shrugs off her jacket before going to scrub her hands in the sink. She comes back over to you, her eyes wet.

“I’m so proud of you. Your dad would be too.”

You let the tears fall again, accepting that this is just what you do now, you cry all the fucking time. Your mother stands next to the bed, holding you around the shoulders and rocking you like she did when you were little. You cry into her shoulder, overwhelmed and hormonal.

“So do you want to meet my son?” you ask sniffling.

Your mother’s eyes alight to the bassinet before drawing back to you.

“Your son?”

“My son,” you confirm, chin wobbling. “Your grandson. Jameson Michael Bravo. James for short.”

And now your Mom bursts into tears, thick fat ones that pour down her cheeks. And you know she’s not crying for James, or for the beauty of this birth. She sniffles heavily before going over to the bassinet. She sees Jameson's shock of dark hair and you watch her melt.

"Oh he's beautiful."

“You might be a bit biased.”

"I am," she laughs.

The two of you are still laughing when Dieter returns to the room slightly out of breath, a young man in tow. When he sees your mother he waves and pulls her into a tight hug. You watch the two of them embrace, still shocked at their closeness.

"Mimi! Perfect, we need a witness."

You realize now that the young man Dieter urges over to your bed is wearing a collar and holding a bible.

"Dieter, why have you brought a priest here?"

"He just gave last rites to some guy on the other floor," Dieter explains with a wide beaming grin. "I told him about you and me and he said he'd be happy to perform the ceremony right now."

Dieter is absolutely lack of impulse control personified.

You're about to answer when you hear the sound of your mother's voice.

"No, no, no," your mother tuts, shaking her head. "You are not getting married in a hospital ten minutes after giving birth."

Dieter gives her imploring eyes. "But Mimi-"

"Didi, you and my daughter got pregnant, hid it, gave birth and are now engaged." Your mother lists these off with sharp clarity. "I beg of you, let me have my way with this. I only get to be mother of the bride once."

“Okay,” Dieter relents, understanding that perhaps this is a fair compromise.

He debates something for a moment before taking your right hand. The claddagh ring he bought you is tight thanks to the pregnancy, but it finally slips off. He slips it onto your left finger, heart facing out.

And so the wedding is postponed for six months.

(If you’re honest, you’re pretty relieved. Getting married wearing a sweaty hospital robe while your vagina healed wasn’t exactly your idea of a dream scenario.) It takes about that long to move all your things into Dieter’s place and to get life sort of under control.

Being together as a family of three is better than you could have ever imagined it. You’re both fucking exhausted and unwashed for the first few weeks, but it doesn’t matter because you’re doing it together.

Watching Dieter as a father makes you fall in love with him in a completely different way. Watching as he carries your son in his arms, gently swaying him after being fed.

"He smells so good," he murmurs.

Dieter is as much a parent as you are, insisting that you did the heavy lifting for the last nine months and that he should do his part. The first time he tells you this after changing and putting James back down at 2 am you suck Dieter’s cock so well he almost cries.

Your mother all but moved in the first three weeks insisting that you’d need her help. As much as you wanted to deny this, Dieter had been excitedly setting up the guest house for her before the offer was out of her mouth. Roach free.

You definitely get on each other’s nerves for the following months, tired and grouchy at times. Petra and Magda are there and like to give advice. Sometimes you take it; sometimes you and Dieter roll your eyes at one another.

But mostly you grin stupidly at each other and kiss like you’re in high school. You love kissing. He’s so sweet and gentle until he’s licking into your mouth and grinding against you on the couch. Dieter doesn’t want to rush you into bed after the birth so it’s you two months post partum who tackles him during James’ nap time and rides him, telling him he’s “such a good Daddy.”

Dieter is in heaven. That’s the only way to describe it.

“I love you,” you murmur in the mornings when he brings you over a smoothie. He always kisses you slow and sweet before replying.

“I love you too, baby.”

This love, this free flowing mutual adoration incapacitates him at times. It brings him to his knees knowing that his love is returned in equal measure. His phone is full of covert photos he’s taken of you with James. His favorite is the one of you passed out on the couch. You’re wearing only your panties and socks. Your hair is unkempt and James snuggles against you, both back lit by the early morning sun.

He wants to show everyone the photo, wants to tell everyone proudly that this is his son and soon-to-be-wife. But you’ve made it very clear that while Dieter is fine with the spotlight, your son will not be until he’s old enough to choose it.

He shares only one photo on his social media announcing the birth. One of Jameson’s left foot with the caption: He’s finally here.

Diane approved it.

You’re relaxing in the tufted chair in the nursery, feeding James when an alert comes through on your phone.

Bravo spotted looking at engagement rings.

Oh right. You still have his name flagged for alerts.

You smile a little to yourself as you read the article about Dieter travelling all over California in search of the perfect ring. Your heart races even though you know very well that you're getting married shortly.

There's another alert ding on your phone and you see it's a text from Mia.

[3:21pm] MIA: Congrats lovebirds. I knew he'd get his shit together eventually. So happy for you both.

You grin widely.

You didn't expect to find such deep affection for Mia, but you can't help but love her. After all, without her you may never have truly faced how you felt about Dieter. And from the stories Dieter has told you over the last few months, Mia may have been instrumental in the two of you getting together in the first place. It’s what prompts you to reply with a photo of you and James snuggling.

[3:22pm] Any chance you feel like taking on the role of godmother?

You and Dieter had talked about it; he’d been worried you’d think it strange. But it hadn’t felt strange at all. It had felt somehow right that she be a part of James’ life.

[3:22pm] MIA: Thought you’d never ask.

The wedding is an intimate one of less than fifty people. Your dress is over the top and exactly the kind of thing that Dieter imagined you in. Your son is done up in the tiniest and most elaborate baby tuxedo you’ve ever seen. You both cry all the way through your vows as your mother sits with James in the front row, a picture of your father beside her.

The wedding takes place in a sweet little village in Chile where Dieter grew up. It’s where his parents met and where his mother is buried. He has a few relatives there who insist on helping with everything.

Dieter isn’t expecting the emotions that come flooding back. Ones that take his breath away when he sees the photos of his mom still hung in his Aunt’s house. The ones of him missing teeth, arms around her and a look of absolute contentment in his youthful features.

“She would have loved you both so much,” he whispers as the two of you stare at them.

“I know, baby.”

And just like when he took your hand and led you through that sea of paparazzi, you take his hand and do the same. You guide him through the first few days where he feels emotionally raw and strangely quiet. You lead him through the days of family reunion and wedding planning. And finally you take his hand and walk with him to the graveyard where his mother is buried.

He takes his son from you, kissing his tiny nose before kneeling in front of the tombstone. He places a hand on its marble surface and he lets the tears fall.

“Mama this is your grandson, James.”

Not long after you return home Dieter is called to do online press for a franchise he’s been signed on for. One that will keep him filming locally for the next couple of years. The interview is being streamed on Tiktok Live, much to your amusement as you watch from home, reclined with a sleeping James on your chest.

Dieter sits in one of the chairs, looking remarkably handsome as the interviewer asks him questions from those that pop up in the comment section. The viewers at home would never have known he’d been covered in baby puke only hours before.

“Mr. Bravo thank you so much for coming out.”

“My pleasure,” Dieter smiles. You sigh at how handsome he is just existing. Your eyes draw down to the comment section that pops up, many of them causing you to giggle to yourself as you read them.

He’s so fucking hotttt Hit my line, Daddy, plz SPIT IN MY MOUTH Is he wearing a wedding ring??? I love his hair SHUT UP HE’S SO HOT. I’M EATING DRYWALL I have thots

“There’s a lot of frenzy from the comment section,” the interviewer says, shaking her blonde hair from her face and reading some of them out loud.

“User3766 wants to know: will you be wearing the cape that others have donned in the past for the same character?”

“Nah, I’m not a cape guy,” Dieter says shaking his head. “They seem a bit overdone.”

“That seems to be the consensus online,” the woman says with a nod and warm smile.

“GlitterPonyz asks: Why did you choose to be in this franchise after famously telling the world that after Cliff Beasts you were done with franchises altogether?”

“Because the filming takes place mostly around California which means I get to be home to my wife and son most nights,” Dieter says with a crooked grin.

"So the rumors are true?" The interviewer asks.

"Yep," Dieter smiles with a slight blush to his cheeks. "She'd have been Mrs. Bravo a long time ago if she wasn't so damn stubborn."

At this he winks playfully at the camera before the interviewer dives into more questions. You can almost feel Diane rolling her eyes in frustration off-screen.

"Dieter!" You groan with a pained laugh at your phone.

So much for waiting to share the good news! At least your mother knew about this one before the rest of the world.

Jameson stirs slightly in your arms, still sleepy and warm after swimming with auntie Madga and Petra all morning in the pool. He smells like the coconut lotion you rubbed into his pudgy arms and face and you inhale, sighing.

You compose a text to Dieter.

[11:02am]:You said we were gonna keep it quiet! [11:02am]D: Couldn't help it. Wanted everyone to know you're all mine.

You send a photo of Jameson that you took earlier.

[11:03am]: He says he's worried he'll be fatherless once Diane gets through with you. [11:03am]D: Nah. She told me she understood. [11:03am]: Really? [11:04am]D:Yeah. Said that a child and a wife could only help my image.

You laugh to yourself. You take another photo, this one of you and the baby in frame, you smiling up at him.

[11:05am]: We miss you. Xo [11:05am]D: Can't wait till I get home to you both. Shouldn't be too much longer. Love you baby mama!!!!! [11:05am]: We'll be waiting for you, baby. Love you more Xo

Your mother comes in smiling and carrying a cup of lemonade for you.

"So he couldn't keep it a secret," your mom says with an affectionate shake of her head as you tell her about the video.

"Silly boy."

She says it with a mother's fondness.

She takes Jameson from you, citing that she needs some time with her grandson as if she doesn’t already see him three times a week when she visits. You don’t mind at all.

Most of your days are taken up with James. Baby classes, hiking, swimming and more. Your education isn't going anywhere, but time with your son at this age is fleeting. You like that there's not that pressure to perform anymore.

When you do return to your studies after Jameson’s’ first birthday it’s for your love of learning, not because of some pressure you’ve put on yourself. You do a course once a semester online, just to keep yourself sharp for when you decide you'll return full time.

On days when you really have to study Dieter takes Jameson out to the park or for ice cream and you can hear him whispering "Shhh we have to be quiet so Mama can study and get even smarter!"

When you’re not doing that, you’re on the board for Dieter’s charity funding medical procedures in developing worlds. Something you find yourself so passionate about and as Dieter commented you spend his money well.

Award shows still have you on edge. The screaming and the flashbulbs always have you gripping Dieter, but he is always there with a hand at the small of your back, never letting you go. Sometimes if Dieter has to film overseas and you miss him even after hanging up with him, you watch old interviews or old movies with him in it. You can’t help but giggle every time you see him. When you watch The Rogue Heiress you giggle and send him off a photo of you pointing at the screen and winking. His response is immediate.

[9:07am]D: Missing your favorite sausage?

“Bravo!” you say with a light chuckle.

“Bwavoh!" A tiny voice echoes behind you.

Your son comes toddling towards you, his large eyes full of mischief just like his dad. His hair is your color, but it’s got those wild waves like his father. No matter how much you brush it, it’s still impossible to keep looking tidy.

"No, no baby," you say gathering your son into your arms and giggling. "That's Papa. See him?"

Jameson nods and claps at the screen where a serious looking Dieter frowns at his colleague.

"Papa!"

Jameson is three when you and Dieter decide to renovate the main bedroom. Now that your Masters is done and your attention not as fixated on it you want something a little more ‘you’ in the space and Dieter is more than happy to oblige. He’d tear down the whole thing if you wanted to.

You’re both midway through pulling out things from the big closet when he hears your muffled shout from the back.

“What the fuck?"

Dieter looks up to see you laughing.

“Why do you have an old camcorder in here?"

"I used to use it for.... Adult sleepovers," Dieter tells you with a sly grin. "When we wanted to...immortalize the moment if you will."

"Oooo," you give him a flirty wink. "And when was the last memorable performance captured?"

Dieter squints his eyes as he folds a blanket, trying to recall. "Uh, some blonde guy I was seeing for a bit. Ryan something."

You're immediately taken back to the time you walked in on Dieter with the hot guy blonde man with his head between Dieter's legs.

"Was he blonde with facial hair by any chance?"

"Uh, yeah," Dieter looks at you curiously.

You feel your thighs clenching tightly together. Dieter doesn't miss this and a mischievous smile crosses his features.

"You wanna watch it, baby?"

"I mean, Jameson is at Grandma's all night" you say with a cheeky grin. "Why don't you go get this hooked up to the television while I pop some wine?"

"Sounds perfect."

“Oh my gosh we look so young!”

“It was only four years ago, Dieter.”

“Yeah, but look at my hair.”

“Ugh, look at mine.”

“I love it.”

Dieter pulls you tighter to him, practically onto his lap as you watch the two of you drunkenly move onscreen.

"My name is Dieter Bravo and this is my assistant," he slurs as he motions to your wobbling frame attempting to stand beside him. "And we're making this video because we're gonna make a baby together."

You tilt towards the camera, your eyes half closed.

"And I want it on-on-on record," you stutter. "That I'm getting three hundred thousand dollars for this baby he's putting inside me right now."

You point to your stomach as Dieter nods blearily.

"We're so fucking drunk," you say with a laugh as you and Dieter sip your wine. "It's a miracle we didn't pass out before we got to the bed."

"I'm half convinced you picked it up from the toilet seat at this point, Christ. Did I just fall?"

You look back just in time to see Dieter tripping over himself onto the ground before jumping back up as if nothing happened.

"Okay, let's make the baby now," Dieter says, taking your hand in his.

"Okay!" You nod, walking with him towards the bed a few steps away.

"Left the fucking camera on," you say with a roll of your eyes. "So dumb."

"Too excited to get to the good stuff to remember things like turning off cameras," Dieter grins, fingers trailing down your spine in the soothing way he knows you like.

When you see Dieter sit on the edge of the bed and pull you into his lap you can't help but flush.

When he grabs your face and drags your mouth to his you're shocked to see how easily your arms wrap around his neck. This is further compounded by the obvious sight of your tongue slipping into his mouth, causing you both to groan onscreen.

You and Dieter hold your breath as you watch the screen. Despite it being yourselves only a year ago it feels strangely voyeuristic to watch these two morons kiss sloppily on the bed.

Suddenly you pull back, cheeks flushed and panting.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yeah," Dieter nods, looking excited. "I love secrets. And I'm good at keeping them. No one knows that Hugh and Taron fucked the whole time on-"

Dieter pauses, looking concerned.

"Oops, wasn't supposed to say."

You're only half paying attention because apparently undoing your strappy shoes is a struggle at this point. Dieter sees this and flops to the ground, tugging at them. You glance down at him with a smile when he finally unravels both.

"Tada!"

You give an exaggerated clap at if what he's done is truly remarkable. Dieter shifts into the center of the bed.

"So what's the secret?"

"My secret is I have a crush on my boss," you say with a drunken giggle as you kick off your heels and crawl towards him.

"Really?"

"Yeah." You draw your face to his. "But don't tell him."

You situate yourself on his lap, hips rolling against his.

"Okay I won't," Dieter agrees, his mouth chasing yours before he suddenly stops, eyes wide. "Wait, I'm your boss!"

"Oh right," you say, pulling at your shirt and giggling.

"Well well well," Dieter says from beside you on the couch his mouth on your ear. "Looks like someone had a crush on their boss the whole time."

Your cheeks burn as your drunken self makes this proclamation. You can’t stop watching as the two of your younger selves continue on.

You struggle with your bra for several moments as Dieter tugs off his clothes, leaving him in nothing but his boxers.

"Fuck you have nice tits," Dieter slurs as he leans back into the pillows.

"Yeah? I like em," you say proudly cupping them, running your fingertips over them until they're hard little buds. "Wanna touch em?"

"With my mouth."

"Okay."

“Still got nice tits,” Dieter says, hand slipping up your t-shirt. You sigh, leaning back against him and feeling as his palm cups your breast.

You keen onscreen, head tilted back as Dieter licks and sucks at your nipples before Dieter pulls his mouth from you.

"I like you," Dieter says almost shyly as you sit in his lap. He's holding you there, naked and waiting and instead of fucking you, he's looking into your face, utterly entranced. "I've liked you for a long time."

Your drunken self obviously isn't one for heartfelt remarks because as Dieter admits this, you have a mischievous look in your face.

" Do you touch yourself when you think of me?" You ask in a slur. It's not visible due to your positioning and the angle of the camera, but you can see that your hand goes to grip his cock and begin to stroke.

"Yeah," Dieter whimpers, eyes on your hand and then back to your face. "All the time."

You grin, your hand pumping him quickly. Dieter's face goes slack, eyes half closed as he leans back on his hands.

"Y-you gotta stop," Dieter grunts. "Or I'm gonna f-fuck, gonna come."

Your drunk self shrugs at this before you raise yourself up only to slide down his twitching length all the way until your cunt is nestled in the wiry hairs at the base of his cock. Immediately his arms are around you, holding you as your hips move against his.

You sigh, head lolling forward as Dieter whimpers.

"Wanted to fuck you for so long, Dieter."

Even in his drunken state, Dieter looks shocked at your murmured admission.

"Yeah?”

"Yeah," you nod, wrists on his shoulders. "Ever since I saw you with the blonde man... I just .. oh fuck, right there... Fuck... Ever since I saw you with him I couldn't stop thinking about how it would feel to ride your cock."

"Fuck," Dieter groans, mouth kissing down your sternum. "You're riding it so well, baby."

"Wanted to bounce on it," you say breathlessly.

Dieter makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"Fuck, bounce on it," Dieter all but begs, gazing up at you face. "Bounce on it for me now."

You do, sliding your feet to either side of his hips. You arch back, sliding up his glossy length before sinking down onto it. You do this several times and with each pass Dieters moans get louder. You tits jolt with every bounce.

You are not immune to Dieter's cock lengthening in his sweatpants under you.

"You're so fucking big," you groan, hips rutting against his.

"Keep talking," Dieter all but begs as he starts to fuck up into you. "Keep going, baby, I'm so fucking hard right now."

"Wanna do this all the time," you groan, arms behind your neck, stretching lazily above you, showcasing your body, your tits, your sensuality.

"Fuck, you do?" Dieter pants, his hand going to caress your ass as you roll your hips.

"Uh huh," you nod, your rhythm increasing as your arms go around his neck. "Wanna do this every night and then go out for pancakes."

"I love pancakes," Dieter enthuses. Your head moves towards his, eyes half open.

"So we'll get pancakes?"

"Yes, baby," Dieter promises, mouth finding yours.

You give a satisfied hum as his arms go around you and he gently maneuvers you onto your back. He holds your hands on either side of your head, fingers laced as he gently sinks into you.

He groans when he watches your head tilt back into the pillow, exposing your throat and your tits.

"Dieter, it’s so fucking good," you groan as your head tilts back, eyes closed. "How do you feel so fucking good?"

"You're so fucking gorgeous," he murmurs, eyes transfixed on your rolling breasts.

His hips drive into you now, but it's slow and tender. Your thighs flex slowly around his middle. You're soaked, practically dripping onto his sheets. Your eyes are open, glossy and gazing up into his face.

"Never knew it could feel this good," you murmur up at him.

"It doesn't usually," Dieter grins down at you. "You must have a magic pussy or something."

"Christ," Dieter mutters, holding a hand over his eyes in embarrassment.

You've been hiding your face in your hands, humiliated at everything showing up on the screen. But at Dieter’s admission you can’t help but bark out a laugh.

“Magic pussy, Dieter? Really?”

“I swear I’ve never used that term before.”

The two of you continue writhing slowly against one another on the screen for what feels like forever. The sounds of your kissing and your moans flooding the room.

"You close?" Dieter groans, tongue coming to lick your neck.

"Uh huh," you nod, your hips starting to rut against his in earnest. Dieter still holds your hands pinned to the mattress as he drives himself up into you, his movements still slow and measured.

"C'mon baby," he encourages. "I wanna feel it."

"Yes," you breathe, hips rolling against his. "Fuck yes, I-"

You've never watched yourself orgasm before. The sight isn't anything like porn. You don't make cute little faces or noises.

You arch almost violently, brows knitting together as you make a stuttering cry in the back of your throat. Dieter fucks you through it, eyes transfixed.

"Fuck baby, yes, just like that. Oh fuck, come for me."

You shudder around him, your voice cracked as you cry out his name. Dieter kisses his name from your lips before he begins to piston in and out of you, grunting your name before he too follows. His body shivers as he finally empties himself into you.

The two of you stay like that for a moment, panting heavily and gazing into one another’s eyes. Then he dips his face to yours, capturing your mouth in a soft kiss. He pulls slowly away from you, averting his eyes as you pull on your dress.

You roll onto your side, facing Dieter. Your arm goes around his neck, and to Dieter's obvious delight, you kiss him gently. Then you spin around, facing the camera once more with your eyes closed and a little smile on your face.

"Goodnight," Dieter says, pulling your back against him.

"Night," you reply back with a yawn, snuggling back into his embrace.

The two of you lay like this for a moment and Dieter raises the remote, about to turn the video off when you hear his voice on the recording.

"I hope we made a baby," Dieter murmurs, eyes closed.

You smile, hand going to cover Dieters at your waist.

"Me too."

The tape continues on with the two of you sleeping. After a minute Dieter turns it off and the two of you lapse into a thoughtful silence. You’re still in his lap and you tilt your head to face him, seeing his eyes damp.

Your heart hiccups at the realization that you both wanted each other long before you could even understand it. Your mouth finds his, and it’s not long before the moment is heated, his hand crawling up your shirt again.

"Fuck baby, I need you," Dieter groans, tugging your panties off. He stops for a moment, hand groping in his sweatpants pockets for a condom.

“Don’t,” you say, hand coming to rest over his. “Let’s do it without.”

You’ve been thinking about it for a few months now, surprising even yourself. You thought you’d never want to be pregnant again, but thoughts of a dark-eyed girl with a dimple in her cheek have been there in your dreams as of late.

“Really?”

“Thought we could do it properly this time,” you tell him with a soft kiss, arms around his broad shoulders. “Baby showers, Lamaze classes, being in love at the same time and all that.”

You wait for his decision, nibbling at your lower lip. Dieter beams, holding you tightly to him and marveling that you’re here, still as in love with him as he is with you. He kisses you sweetly, mouth curled into a smile.

“I mean it’s unconventional but I’d love to give it a shot.”

-------------------------------------

a/n: Thanks to everyone who loved Bubble as much as me.

One thing I do wanna address is that I wanna make it clear that women do not have to have children to be a family. You can be a family with just your partner. I also don't believe in shaming those who chose to remain childless (I'm the president of that club) or women that choose to have them (thank you! I love being an auntie!)

Okay, that's a wrap folks - onto my next tale!

-------------------------------------

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#dieter bravo fic #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #dieter bravo fanfic #the bubble fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #dieter bravo x female reader #fanfic #smut #pedro pascal #Dieter smut #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo smut #a little sun

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elleloquently · 14 days

Text

the wretched and joyful [ 3 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | angst + slowburn

masterlist

───⋆☆ And what the hell were we? Tell me we weren't just friends - This doesn't make much sense, no ♪

───⋆☆ All those sleepless nights - And all those wasted days - I wish loneliness would leave me - But I think it's here to stay ♪

| a/n - depending on how well this does, i'll decide if i'll be posting the rest of this fic or just leaving it here. thank you for your patience waiting for part three... please share ur thoughts bc that's my favorite part! i wrote this a little tipsy bc i wanted to get the right pacing of drinking so hopefully u get the vibe hehe | c/w - swearing, alcohol used as a coping mechanism, drinking, very small emetophobia warning! brief mention of sick (not detailed whatsoever), and a tiny dash of nsfw

you twirled and twirled in front of your dusted vanity mirror. the skirt that addie had made you was doing wonders.

you felt pretty.

what a ridiculous thing to say in this type of world.

the sky was streaked with orange, the promise of darkness growing closer by the second.

your stomach was in knots as you walked down the road. you tried to muster up excitement, telling yourself that was the reason for your shivers and shaking hands. if you forced it hard enough, perhaps it would be true.

perhaps you were a little too eager to drink, anything to numb your feelings or make you feel easy going, at least for a little while.

typically, you didn't like to drink much. you hated the taste, the way it constantly made you gag no matter how much you tried to like it. you hated feeling sick, too.

now, that didn't matter too much. if you were terribly sick the next day, so be it. maybe the sickness was the punishment that you deserved, and you decided that you would let it be.

dina's laughter echoed around you. you weren't sure what was said, but the ghost of a smile etched itself onto your lips anyway.

you pulled your gaze away from your feet, looking upwards to dina's grinning face instead. you had just caught the last second of a worried expression crossing jesse's face beforehand.

"stop dragging your feet," ellie complained, brushing your arm with her own. your skin responded almost instantly with chills. you could blame it on the cold weather, a cardigan wrapped protectively around your shoulders and arms. the days were certainly warming up, but the crisp air at night was an unforgiving reminder of the harsh winter everyone had struggled through.

you grumbled something inaudible in response, falling in line with your friends.

the four of you, a group of twenty somethings walking along almost happily as if the night could hold some sort of promise.

some older residents of jackson might chuckle, joking about staying out of trouble with a shake of their head. almost immediately their smiles would fall, remembering their own youth and how realistically, nobody would ever get to experience something like that again.

the light peeking through the tipsy bison ignited the fire in your nerves. jesse held the door open and you huddled in, giggling at the way seth loudly groaned once he set eyes on you and the three friends that followed. it almost could've been endearing if he wasn't such a piece of shit.

two older men sat at the bar turned and gave polite smiles as ellie claimed a rounded table in the corner. otherwise, it was pretty quiet. not for long.

"you look so cute," dina gushed in your ear, brushing her hands over your shoulder. "mrs. hollis really is a gem."

your lips slipped into a smile, cheeks burning. "thanks," you breathed out, looking at ellie out of the corner of your eye.

she had teased you quite a few times for saving a clothing item for a special occasion, but it didn't matter much. if you didn't go out of your way to try and make things special, how would they ever be?

dina pushed your back into the direction of the table where ellie and jesse were settling in. "go, sit. drink. be happy, or merry, or.. whatever they say."

you moved to the table as dina crossed to the bar. ellie's gaze raised, patting the seat next to her.

"hi," you said, sliding into the high top.

"so glad you could join us," jesse replied, charming and awkward and obviously testing the waters. he kept glancing between yourself and ellie and you wished he wouldn't. you hadn't even told him anything.

"you look pretty," ellie remarked, as if it were the most casual thing in the world that she could say. you felt feverish.

you opened your mouth to respond, but jesse drummed his fingers against the table.

"better go help my girl with our drinks," he announced, making things worse when he quickly stood up from the table.

"they're disgusting," ellie mumbled, watching as he joined dina and instantly snaked an arm around her waist.

you turned to look at ellie, watching as she watched jesse and dina. "you love them," you disagreed. "i'm glad they're back together."

"yeah. me too," ellie replied.

her tone sounded distant, causing your eyebrows to furrow as you turned and scooted closer to ellie. "what's the matter?" you questioned, just as music started playing throughout the bar. you both looked up at the same time, watching dina and jesse carrying drinks to your table. you wondered which was the one to sweet talk seth into turning on the music. you were almost certain that it had been jesse.

ellie went for her glass instantly, to which you glanced at her once again out of concern. surely though, you couldn't blame her. she had seemed so stressed lately. so.. tense. more than usual, at least.

jesse's filled glass matched ellie's, a flavor you certainly could never develop a taste for, no matter how troubled you were.

you stared down at your own beverage, swallowing hard. you could already taste it without even taking a sip. the anticipation was surely making it worse.

"cheers," you said suddenly, making your joke obvious by the way that you lifted your drink of choice. "to the happy couple."

dina groaned, reaching across the table to smack playfully at your hand.

"enough with that," dina pressed, but still tapped her glass against your own.

"cheers to this week of patrol being fucking over," ellie chimed in, sharing a knowing look with dina.

you wanted to ask about it, but the way that both of the girls took a long drink after the statement made you keep quiet.

the first sip was the hardest part. you knew how bad it would taste. you forced a straight face and took the biggest drink that you could manage. you swallowed down a cough, which didn't go unnoticed by jesse. he laughed, but didn't tease you.

falling into conversation was easy for your friends. you half listened, mostly focusing on the alcohol in front of you. it wasn't right, you knew that, but you wanted to get the drinking part over with quickly so you could just land at the end result.

get it over with.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"-don't you think?"

you tore your eyes upwards, wanting to locate the face that belonged to the voice just as you heard your name being impatiently called.

"i said, don't you think? you agree, right?"

ellie was looking at you expectantly.

"yeah. yeah, of course," you found yourself saying.

"oh jesus christ," ellie groaned, shaking her head.

"we've lost her," jesse concluded and you scrambled to sit up straighter in your seat.

"no, you haven't," you forced out. you had been preoccupied, but not lost. maybe your mind had just taken you for hostage, a thought repressed with every sip that you forced down.

your cheeks were starting to feel a little warm, but you were still painfully aware of ellie's body heat next to you and the way that you kept fidgeting with your hair.

"can you really blame him, ellie?" dina continued, not letting your short blip disrupt the conversation. "he just cares about you, that's all."

ellie snorted, and you knew the topic needed to change fast.

"can i try?" you questioned all of a sudden, eyes flicking to the glass held tightly in ellie's hand.

"you don't like it," she reminded you softly, the change in her tone genuinely catching you off guard.

"maybe i do now," you pressed, grateful for the way that dina and jesse began their own conversation from their side of the table. you scooted a little closer to ellie, as much as your chair could allow without swaying. you moved to grab the drink from ellie, but instead she raised the glass to your lips and tilted it. you took a careful sip, eyes scrunching shut as the flavor hit your tongue.

ellie laughed, moving away from you and taking a sip of her own. "that's what i thought," she mumbled, shaking her head with a smile.

"whatever, i'm empty. anyone need a refill?" you announced. it was maybe the third or second round of drinks, you couldn't tell who had what once drinks had started to be shared.

"please," dina grinned, sliding her own cup across the table for you to grab.

you nodded once in acknowledgment before attempting to hop off of the chair. it ended up being more of a slide, steadying yourself with one hand gripping the edge of the table.

"shit," you murmured, standing up straight and collecting the glasses in your hands.

clearly, you had underestimated things. it was only made apparent once you were standing up and moving.

you took focused steps, walking over to the bar and inwardly groaning as seth was very obviously trying not to make eye contact with you. he absolutely hated you, which wasn't much of a loss.. but still humiliating under the circumstances in which the negative feelings arose.

"you gonna drink me out of my own fucking bar again?" seth asked harshly, causing you to wince in reply. you simply shook your head, gesturing to have the cups refilled.

it had been two winters ago, maybe. a close call with ellie at an awkward sleepover had you running to the bison for something to help you cope. you shouldn't have been drinking anyway but you did and seth yelled at you, saying there wasn't going to be any alcohol left for the rest of the town.

the next day, you were horribly sick and ashamed. you spent the day throwing up, wallowing in your own pity.

you had told ellie that you had thought maybe you had the flu.

you debated on ignoring him altogether or making a witty quip, but you took too long to decide and the moment passed.

"just two of the same, please," you mumbled, setting the two glasses in front of him.

seth looked at you and breathed out heavily, squinting his eyes. whatever he wanted to say, he held back as he wordlessly refilled the glasses for you. once returned you smiled, or maybe grimaced, and began to turn away before a nagging idea entered your mind.

you drank, quickly, and had your glass filled once more. it only took a matter of seconds, and you had been convinced that was the last step required to rid yourself of the rather unforgiving thoughts plaguing your brain.

like nothing more even happened, you turned as quickly as possible to the table and made your way back to your friends without spilling any drops.

their boisterous laughter caused the appearance of a frown on your lips. a fear of missing out, why were they laughing so wildly now, once you weren't present for the conversation?

"what're you talking about?" your eyebrows furrowed together as you balanced your body back onto the chair.

"nothing," ellie shook her head, her lips slipping into an amused smile.

"that's not nice," you murmured, cheeks warm as dina reached across the table to grab her drink. "you're leaving me out."

"never," ellie responded, her voice dipping low into a mumble. her hand gently squeezed your forearm, reassuringly.

ellie's touch was gone as quickly as it had came and you held your drink up to your lips, hiding the flustered manner in which your lips twisted about.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie really was trying to focus on whatever jesse was going on about, but your cardigan kept slipping off of your shoulders and your laugh was ringing above the conversation.

her gaze kept wandering to where you were sat next to her, fidgeting with your fingers as you enthusiastically nodded along to the conversation. ellie could tell that you were drunk, or very quickly approaching it, by the way in which you were allowing yourself to fully ramble at the table instead of carefully thinking over and choosing your words.

truthfully, wholeheartedly, ellie adored the way in which you lit up when you told a story.

she leaned back in her seat, hand resting carelessly against her glass as she became more interested in your story than what she was meant to be listening to.

ellie could also tell when you were tipsy, at the very least, because you seemed to be a lot more prone to physical touch. every few seconds your elbow found itself bumping against ellie's. a hand on an arm, a head rested on a shoulder, your head in her lap.

you threw your head back while you laughed, a genuine, nose scrunched type of laugh. ellie quickly tore her eyes away and nearly choked on her drink when your head landed on her shoulder.

"you okay?" ellie mumbled. she might've accidentally interrupted dina, but ellie's words were quiet anyway. her body was tense at the contact and she found herself reaching for her glass once again, fingertips gripping at the rim.

you nodded, your cheek bumping against ellie's shoulder but your words came out in response to dina.

"-and did you see cat's new tattoo?" you asked, your eyes widening in an expression that ellie thought looked like awe.

"no," dina guffawed, and ellie felt you nod again.

"wait, another?" jesse questioned suddenly, and finally ellie had an excuse to join into your conversation.

a bigger gulp of alcohol burned its way down ellie's throat and she swore that she could feel her face flush.

you sat up suddenly, stomach nearly slamming against the table edge as you pushed yourself forward. your laugh was breathy now, as if it had taken all of the effort in the world for you to sit straight. you slapped your hand over your own shoulder blade in explanation. "right there," you clarified.

"what was it?" jesse asked, and ellie noticed that his face was looking a little red as well.

you shrugged. "i didn't get that good of a look," you sighed. "but it's probably something cool."

"damn," dina said wistfully. "she's cool."

ellie scoffed. "bullshit, i have never heard you say that cat's cool."

"what's wrong with cat?" jesse pipped in. you curiously raised an eyebrow, and ellie tried hard not to look at you.

"nothing," ellie defended. "but dina definitely never used to think cat was cool. you used to say quite the opposite, actually."

"did i?" dina teased. "i've never had a problem with her. you guys just weren't right for each other," she completed, settling seriously as her gaze met ellie's.

ellie could feel your eyes on her, and she could very nearly anticipate some smart remark from jesse. dina's gaze was practically unsettling, how intense it was all of a sudden. there was something there, something knowing between herself and dina. ellie brought her glass to her lips once more, a cop out from having to reply.

just like that, the gaze was avoided. your arm bumped against ellie's as you sank down in defeat.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

how had you ever been sad?

the music had been turned up louder, louder than seth's grumbles and protests. it was something old, something with a lot of guitar that sounded like people would dance in boots to. ellie had rolled her eyes and swatted at you after your attempted description, but you didn't mind. you knew it was silly. the alcohol was too strong for you to mind.

you danced with dina, feeling like the most radiant person in the world while your skirt swished around your ankles. your own laughter sounded far away, echoing in your ears. your cheeks genuinely hurt from smiling, and if anyone were to place a hand across your forehead, surely you would feel feverish.

cardigan forgotten, your sleeves had been bunched up between your elbows and wrists. you twirled and twirled, laughing hysterically as your arms got tangled with dina's. you could hear ellie and jesse laughing too, somewhere far away and hazy. you knew in the back of your mind that they were laughing at you, but you didn't mind. you laughed along anyway.

the burn in your throat that tempted a gag with each sip was subdued. each taste no longer prompted a wince, which resulted in probably a sip too many.

you were happy. beaming, even. couldn't you feel like this forever?

time passed in seconds and years while you were drinking in the tipsy bison. had you been dancing ten minutes ago, or ten weeks ago? you looked down at your feet, trying to decide if they looked tired.

you squinted hard. were your feet always this blurry?

"you alright, kid?"

you squinted harder. a man was talking to you. you looked up, and raising your gaze took a few days, maybe.

jesse.

it took a few seconds for his words to process in your ears.

"am i alright?" you questioned, your tongue numb. jesse laughed, so you laugh too.

so silly.

"time for her to go, williams." jesse says. you laughed, then realized he's talking about you, so you twist your lips into a frown.

"no," you disagreed.

ellie raised an eyebrow, in a way that almost looks lazy. she scans you over, almost pretending to be serious, before a lighthearted laugh escapes her.

"ease up," she tells jesse simply. you nodded once along with ellie.

yeah, ease up, you think, because you forgot to move your lips and say it out loud.

everyone seems to be satisfied because the conversation moves along. you sighed, content, and traced your finger along the edge of the table. you mentally searched your brain for the worried fuzz that previously clouded it, but found nothing. the ambience of chatter and laughter was like medicine for your mind.

you were the first of your friends to switch to water. you sipped it slowly, dragging your eyes between dina and jesse. you really did love them, the closest thing to a family that you had ever had. you felt an extremely strong urge to blurt it out then and there, but managed to swallow it along with your water.

you heard ellie laugh so you laughed too, like a reflex. your eyes found her now without even trying, but you never really had to try anyway. it didn't matter if you were sat right next to her or all the way across jackson, you always seemed to just find her. you were completely drawn to her, just as you had always been.

you felt like jelly.

ellie's features had you completely transfixed.

you weren't necessarily listening to the conversation, just studying ellie's features and reactions. the sounds around you had blended together and you blinked heavily, memorizing ellie's side profile as if you hadn't already had it memorized.

your eyes found the strand of hair following the curve of ellie's cheek and chin. the slope of her nose. she kept laughing, the corners of her eyes crinkling up. you stared for so long, your gaze was fixated.

at some point you must've laughed, because suddenly ellie was staring right back at you.

you forget to tear your eyes away, because you just don't really feel the need to.

"the fuck is wrong with you?" ellie questioned.

her eyebrows were knitted together in confusion, though the slow smile that grew on her lips made her look slightly amused, too.

"nothing," you breathed, and not even the alcohol could help the pounding in your chest when ellie looked at you like that.

"-think it's time to call it," jesse concluded, pushing his glass away from him.

"quitter," dina taunted, and she might've leaned in to kiss him but you weren't sure. you weren't looking.

"nothing?" ellie laughed, repeating your words. she squinted at you and leaned in closer, as if that would help her to reveal the truth.

"are you guys heading out too?" dina questioned, standing with jesse.

"in a minute," ellie answered, finally tearing her eyes away from your own.

sloppy goodbye's were given, giggles and thank you's despite seeing each other every day.

you ducked when jesse reached down to ruffle your hair, but you weren't able to dodge it.

ellie watched as dina and jesse left together, hand in hand. once she finally turned back to you, she laughed in astonishment.

"seriously, what?" ellie chuckled, shaking her head under your gaze.

"i don't know, shut up," you avoided, smoothing the material of your skirt over your lap.

"you're a bad liar," ellie said pointedly, leaning in closer with a determined expression as she scanned your facial features.

frowning at ellie's scrutiny, you caved under the minimal pressure that she had applied.

"your hair," you admitted softly. your answer obviously didn't clarify anything for the girl sat next to you. her brows remained furrowed, as if to imply 'go on..'

you shouldn't use alcohol as an excuse, but you did. reaching a gentle hand out, your fingers brushed against the strand of hair that followed the curve of ellie's cheek. her expression seemed to change a million times within the few, short seconds that the interaction lasted.

"i like when you wear it like this," you said simply, dropping your hand back onto your lap. ellie instinctively reached her hand back and touched her hair, cheeks reddening.

"shut up," ellie said, but her tone lacked any real authority.

"why?" you asked back, nearly instantly. "can't i compliment my friend?"

ellie shook her head, dropping her gaze and swallowing a chuckle as she finished off the rest of the liquid from her glass.

"what?" you asked, lips etching into a smile. you weren't sure why you were pushing now, but it was entertaining. "you said i looked pretty earlier, remember that?"

ellie coughed, eyes widening for only the briefest of seconds. "so what? you do look pretty." ellie doubled down, her gaze flicking over you. her voice was smooth, but her cheeks were red. it made you giggle.

"okay, thank you. you do too," you responded, fidgeting with the bottom hem of your sweater.

ellie pushed away from the table, rolling her eyes. "oh, fuck off," she snorted.

you scrambled out of your chair, thankfully grabbing onto the hand that ellie had offered out to you as you hopped down from the high top.

"fuck you, you look good," you insisted.

ellie dropped your hand, her nose wrinkling as she stopped to study you once again. "what's the matter with you?"

"oh my god, williams. you have got to lighten up," you laughed, looking away from her as you shook your head. you felt hot.

ellie was silent as you left the tipsy bison, and your stomach twisted.

was she actually bothered? you were being too much, right?

the sky was dark. everything outside seemed still.

you breathed in deep as the crisp air hit your face. something about the cold air burning your hot cheeks felt like a wave of reality. there was that lingering of the harsh winter still in the air, but something else, too. the promise of a warm spring to come.

"sorry," you said suddenly, concentrating really hard on the steps that you were taking. "i didn't mean to-"

"please. don't be dumb," ellie said. her tone was lighthearted. you were fine.

ellie's pace was relaxed as you both walked. it was a stark contrast from how tense she had seemed previously in the evening. you wondered if she had been using the alcohol to her own advantage too.

lost in thought, you nearly tripped over your own feet. ellie's laughter bounced around the empty road but she grabbed your hand immediately, helping to steady you. ellie didn't let go, so you didn't either.

you looked sideways at her, trying to step carefully so your steps didn't sound clumsy. ellie scanned her surroundings a lot when she walked, even now. it was less pointed now, but you could still notice it.

you thought back to the previous evening, ellie's body in your bed and the way in which she had looked at you. so close, so intentional.

you might've been anxious, but you weren't stupid. it had been a moment, right?

or at least, it almost was.

the alcohol wasn't pacifying anything. your heart rammed against your chest.

"where'd you go?" ellie asked, and the softness of her tone caught you off guard.

"nowhere," you answered, squeezing her hand. "just thinking."

"about?" ellie pressed, purposely bumping into you. you slowed to a stop, shrugging your shoulders.

"everything," you answered simply, dropping her hand. it almost wasn't a lie.

"ah, right. that narrows it down," ellie snarked.

"shut up," you laughed breathlessly, because her face seemed to be the only thing in full focus and ellie's stare was intense, even when it wasn't intended to be.

"what, we're keeping secrets now?" ellie pressed, her voice raising in pitch. her cheeks were still tinted, you could tell even in the dark.

a secret or two was fine to keep, you thought, especially if it was about potentially being in love with your best friend.

"please, as if you don't have any secrets," you retorted, almost a little too accusingly. ellie had been different lately.

off.

ellie shook her head, eyebrows pinching together. "not from you," she answered, taking a step closer. her tone made your heart soar, but something about the way that her eyes changed made her words not entirely believable.

the smallest difference would make you spiral, but that's what the alcohol had been for. now, you could simply play along.

"well, me neither," you insisted as you continued down the familiar path to ellie's.

ellie scoffed in response. "aren't i special?" she said sarcastically.

"you are." your tone was straight forward, adamant.

ellie shook her head, which made you frown. you wanted her to reach for your hand again.

you lingered outside of ellie's, staying back a step as she fumbled with the door.

"i'll see you tomorrow, okay?" you said softly, not enjoying how much effort it was taking you now to enunciate your words.

"you're not coming in?" ellie asked, tilting her head at you. she looked disappointed, you thought.

"i don't know. you're making me nervous," you admitted without any time to regret it.

ellie laughed in disbelief. "what are you talking about?"

"you're being intimidating," you spat out, wrapping your arms around yourself. you wouldn't ever say that to her, but for some reason you did, and now you had to deal with the dejected expression that appeared on ellie's face.

"how?"

"because im kind of drunk and i know i'll say something without thinking."

"something bad?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern.

"no," you answered.

"i think.. i'm gonna need an example."

you shook your head. "stop. you're being so... i can't handle it.

"i'm not doing anything," ellie argued.

"i know. you're just.. you."

"in a good way, or a bad way?" ellie asked, red in the face and obviously confused. you felt like you were floating, watching your body from afar and silently screaming at yourself to shut up! stop talking!

"a good way. a really, really good way."

brows still pinched together, the tiniest ghost of a smile appeared at ellie's lips. "what're you doing?" she asked slowly, her tone dropping.

"i don't know," you rushed out. you were dizzy. very dizzy, and you felt like you were burning up. you dropped your arms to your sides.

"are you being serious right now, or are you fucking with me?" ellie asked, stepping closer.

your body felt like it was buzzing. your words nearly came out in a whisper.

"i'm serious."

just like that, ellie's nervous guise was dropped. she was suddenly confident, smirking and invading your personal space. it was like all she needed was confirmation that she wasn't being misguided, and she turned into a different person.

"you could've just said so," ellie murmured, eyes darting across your own.

you bumped your back against the door for stability. your knees felt like they could buckle at any second. you wished that maybe you had drank more, because your nerves seemed to be taking control now.

"i don't know what i'm doing," was all that you seemed to be able to muster up with ellie looking at you like that.

your words had some sort of reaction within ellie, because the corners of her lips twitched and she let out a breathy laugh, the scent of alcohol consuming you.

kissing ellie wasn't how you had imagined it to be.

it was sudden and hurried, her lips crashing against your own. your breath caught in your throat once her tongue slid against yours.

you had imagined, maybe, that everything around you would quiet.

instead, all of your senses were on high alert. the taste of alcohol in her mouth, the wind stinging your cheeks. your stomach twisted and turned and your knees threatened to give out at any second.

you pulled away eventually, eyes wild and glistening.

"ellie?"

"was that okay?" ellie's voice was low and you found yourself nodding before her sentence was even finished.

at your confirmation, ellie gripped your hip with one hand to keep you steady as she pushed the door open with her free hand. the door swinging out from behind you almost made you jump, so ellie tightened her grip.

ellie's lips were on yours again within seconds of kicking the door shut. you were blind, taking backwards steps into ellie's house.

your heart was pounding. you swore ellie could hear it. you squeezed your eyes shut, forcing yourself to not think.

you gasped once your back hit the wall and ellie tilted her head, deepening the kiss when you were steady once again.

her calloused fingertips slipped underneath the hem of your tank top, ghosting along your stomach and waist. the shaky sigh that you released into the kiss seemed to only encourage her more.

surely you would need to breathe soon, but you wouldn't dare pull away.

it wasn't anything like you allowed yourself to imagine, but that was fine. you weren't disappointed, it was just different.

you got the sudden urge to step back and look at her, to make sure that she was still your ellie, but you wouldn't.

stop. thinking.

ellie's hands were on your neck and then your shoulders, pushing your cardigan away from your arms and onto the floor. you dug your fingertips into the fabric of her shirt, pulling her body against your own. each breath apart was hurried and shaky, as if you couldn't collapse together again quick enough.

ellie's mouth attached to your jaw, kissing upwards until she was right below your ear. you gasped at the feeling, a small breathy sound leaving your throat and you could feel ellie smirk against your jaw.

butterflies exploded in your stomach. your hands were shaking as you wrapped your arms around ellie's shoulders, tugging her closer and pulling her lips back to yours.

this was everything that you had always wanted, right?

so you tried to push away the growing pit in your stomach and focus on the feeling of ellie's fingers tracing against your flesh.

goosebumps pricked over your bare arms and your body knocked against ellie's. one of her hands dipped to the waistband of your skirt and you nearly squeaked in surprise. ellie's other hand pushed your tank top upwards, exposing the underside of your bra.

you barely had one second to be insecure before ellie was mumbling against your lips.

"you're so-" ellie pressed a kiss below your ear.

"fucking," another kiss, on your neck.

"pretty," ellie concluded, kissing your collarbone before her mouth found way back to yours.

of course, ellie had complimented you before. but the low, raspy tone of her voice now was the cause of a deep warmth that spread throughout your entire body. despite it, you shivered at her touch, ellie’s fingertips tracing along your skin.

ellie’s name left your mouth as a whisper, though it still gained her attention. she pulled away, just barely, her eyes boring into your own as her fingertips pulled at your hips.

“is this okay?” she asked, her words serious and steady.

you nodded, trying desperately not to shy under her gaze. “promise,” you whispered.

ellie kissed you again, the movements bordering on erratic. you straightened your back against the wall the best that you could manage and lifted your leg, hooking it around ellie's waist to tug her closer.

she made a sound of surprise against your mouth, but the way that she kissed you showed you that she was more than okay with it.

the skirt that you were wearing was being bunched around your thighs, ellie haphazardly tugging it upwards so her hand could roam your thigh.

your breath hitched, every single thought in your mind ramming together and forming mush. you slipped your fingers underneath ellie's shirt, pressing your palms against her back.

you couldn't believe this was happening. and yet, it wasn't like how you had imagi-

a fingertip swiped across your clothed center, so light it was almost like it hadn't even happened. you gasped once your body jolted in reaction, earning a small chuckle from ellie.

you hadn't drank enough, apparently, to save yourself from being embarrassed.

you kissed her to make up for it, swallowing a whine once the sensation appeared yet again. ellie's fingers trailed across your underwear, like she was taking her time.

it was a stark contrast from how you were kissing, as if each tiny breath was too much time apart.

you were nearly certain that your hands were shaking. your nails dipped into ellie's back, causing her to sigh against your lips. once her fingers slipped under the waistband of your panties, you were done for.

you had never- obviously. ellie knew that. was she considering that now?

you assumed ellie had. though she never really seemed to like to talk about that sort of stuff with you. she had been with cat for awhile-

you deepened the kiss, speeding up to match the pace of ellie's movements.

not the time to think about the past.

ellie's fingers dipped lower and your breath was shallow, legs weak with anticipation.

"ellie-" you mustered, the words barely audible and practically swallowed by the kiss. ellie heard it, however, and something about it made her pull away.

ellie snapped back, her lips leaving yours just as suddenly as it had been when she first kissed you. she quickly pulled her hands away, taking a step back.

you nearly gulped the air, trying to catch your breath and make sense of the situation. you pressed a hand against the wall behind you, steadying yourself.

"ellie? what's-"

"shit," ellie murmured, taking another step away from you and shutting her eyes tight.

your stomach dropped.

the situation was unfamiliar to you, but anyone could tell that something was wrong.

this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

you froze, eyes wide and lips swollen. you watched as ellie raked her hands through her hair, pacing away from you.

"ellie, what?" you pressed, your voice coming out in a pathetic whisper.

"nothing," ellie dismissed, refusing to meet your eyes.

your heart hammered against your chest, a wave of emotions flooding over you.

shame, disgust, guilt, regret-

"el-"

"seriously, nothing. it's just late. you drank a lot, right?" ellie accused, staring at the floor.

you shook your head, humiliation digging a hole into your stomach. "not too much, obviously. i'm fine, what's-"

"it's just late," ellie repeated. "i'm tired. you should probably get home."

and there it was.

you pressed your palm harder against the wall in an effort to prevent yourself from collapsing onto the floor.

every doubt, every insecurity, every reason preventing you from being honest with ellie about your feelings rang true in your head. your anxieties had been right, and now there was no taking it back.

you tried to catch her eye in the dark, but ellie wasn't budging.

"w-what?" you breathed out, tears pricking in your eyes.

"you should probably get going," ellie reinforced, her voice devoid of any emotion.

before you could get another word in or even process what the fuck had just happened, ellie turned her back and left the room.

you stood alone in the dark, hands trembling at your sides.

what?

you stayed still for a moment, holding your breath and hoping that ellie would come back.

she didn't.

you gathered your cardigan from the floor, rushing to cover your arms and flee from the scene of the crime.

your body felt as though it was in shock when you were greeted again by the cold night. the unforgiving chill and the fevered warmth throughout your body were battling to win, each sensation fighting to take over.

you wobbled only a few steps away from ellie's house. your stomach lurched. you only had a second to keel over before you threw up, all of the alcohol and shame making itself apparent on the street.

you wrapped your arms tight around your body, trying to force your brain to wrap itself around what happened. you couldn't make sense of it.

you thought that you might throw up again, but instead a sob choked its way up your throat.

you waited just a second, sobs rattling your chest with your arms tightly wrapped around yourself. you stared at her house, willing her to come outside, tell you it was some sort of sick joke and comfort you.

you knew that she wouldn't.

you carried yourself home, steps heavy and uneven. you stifled your cries until you were inside, falling to the ground as soon as your door was shut.

nothing, you thought, felt as bad as this right now.

you rested the back of your hand against your forehead, willing this all to be some sort of alcohol, feverish induced dream.

surely that didn't just happen. it couldn't have, you didn't want it to.

even if ellie was just interested in some sort of drunken hookup and then came to her senses, you were her best friend. how could she suddenly be so detached, so casually cruel without another regard for your feelings? even if she didn't like you, you were her best friend.

you cried like a stubborn child having a tantrum.

it was all that you could really manage to do.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676 @sapphicontherun @crxmxnzl-c0rpzes @patricks-fabulous-face @bready101 @elliewilliamsonlygirlfriend

[ i know it's been awhile! if you would like to be removed from the taglist, please just let me know <3 same thing goes for added! ]

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams fanfic #ellie tlou x reader

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