#...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[takeme-totheworld]

Aziraphale and Forgiveness, Pt. 2: The Source of Salvation

This series is now complete! Here's where you can find the other parts.

Part 1 here. Part 3 here. Part 4 here.

(This post ended up being way longer than I intended, oopsie! And no fun GIFs to break it up this time. Hope you like reading lots of words!)

So why would Aziraphale, an angel who has not fallen despite bending/breaking the rules many times, have so much emotional baggage around the topic of forgiveness?

Some disclaimers:

Disclaimer 1: I've seen enough of tumblr already to know that "does Aziraphale really have religious trauma?/how much does it motivate his actions?" is the subject of Discourse around these parts. I don't want to have that argument here. Aziraphale's experience with Heaven has strong parallels to my personal religious history, and those specific parallels are what I'm here to talk about.

Disclaimer 2: I am not a bible scholar or religious historian, if I mention specific church doctrines or bible verses it's only to illustrate the experience of growing up in my church. My actual biblical/theological accuracy may be sloppy.

Disclaimer 3: I haven't read Good Omens the book. I know there are differences, but I'm not addressing them. All my thoughts are about show!Aziraphale and show!Heaven only.

Okay. Here goes.

The next point I want to make is that Aziraphale has spent his life inside a system that has weaponized the concept of forgiveness. Because Heaven, in the Good Omens universe, operates a lot like a particular flavor of toxic Christianity that I happen to be very familiar with.

In the version of Christianity I was raised with:

Your only purpose is to serve God's will. Our own needs, wants, goals, etc, were all understood to be secondary to that purpose.

The specter of eternal punishment is always present. Like any self-respecting Evangelical church, we believed that if you weren't "saved" before you died, you would go to Hell and be punished forever. How do you make sure you're saved? Well...

The rules are not clear or consistent, so you're always left guessing. We were a Protestant denomination, so a foundational doctrine was "sola scriptura." (We weren't fancy enough for the Latin, though, we just called ourselves "bible-based.") The basic idea is that the bible is the word of God, it's infallible, and it's the only authority we need to follow. But the bible is a cobbling-together of texts written thousands of years ago, that have been translated multiple times. It's not self-evident to a modern reader what any given passage means. It contains internal contradictions all over the place. So...the bible is the only authority we need to follow, but it's confusing and needs interpretation. Enter pastors and other church leaders to help us interpret. Only...they each have their own pre-existing biases and preferred scholarly interpretations, so even within the same church, different pastors might have different ideas about things.

So, to summarize: Follow what the bible says! Don't understand what it's telling you? Ask your pastor! Different pastors give different answers? Ugh, you're thinking about this too hard. Go pray about it or something. Just figure it out.

New ideas and experiences are, at best, begrudgingly tolerated. Because doing God's will is your only purpose, remember? And the Bible (and your pastor) are the source of the only wisdom you need to fulfill the only purpose you have. So really, you don't need anything outside what the church has to offer you and it's all a distraction anyway. (...okay, if you really must, here's a watered-down, church-approved version of the thing, now shut up.)

This isn't just the church being a buzzkill. It keeps you dependent on them and ignorant of the outside world to whatever extent they monitor and censor outside influences. My church was not even that extreme about this, relatively speaking, but it was still enough to profoundly impact me and leave me confused and floundering in the larger world after I left.

No matter how hard you try to measure up, you're ultimately at God's mercy. So you spend your life trying to follow a bunch of confusing, opaque rules in the hopes that you can be "saved" and avoid eternal punishment. But here's kicker: none of it truly matters anyway, because we were also taught that everyone falls short in the end and that the only real salvation comes from God forgiving you for your sins. All you really have to do to be saved is accept his free gift of forgiveness...by...believing the right things in the right way and praying the right prayers about it. And then spending the rest of your life still trying to follow all the convoluted rules, because doing so is proof that you were sincere...in your acceptance of God's forgiveness...which you accepted by following even more instructions regarding what to believe and how to pray to ensure that you were accepting it correctly.

How do you know if you've done any of this right? You never can, truly, until you die and find out. Because God's not actually talking to anyone. So in the end, no matter what you do, you end up in the same place: at the mercy of God, who decides whether you're forgiven or not.

If you're thinking that sounds like an incredibly confusing and exhausting way to grow up, you are correct! It also has a lot of parallels in Good Omens.

If you are an angel working for Heaven in the world of Good Omens:

Your only purpose is to serve God's will. This one is obvious. If you're an angel, it's literally the only thing you were created for.

The specter of eternal punishment is always present. The eternal punishment that can happen to an angel is falling. We know it's a punishment, because we know Crowley's fall was painful and because we can see that Hell is a miserable environment for the demons. This isn't The Good Place, where demons gleefully sit around eating snacks in conference rooms and brainstorming new fun ways to torture humans. Hell in Good Omens sucks for everyone there. And we can assume falling is meant to be permanent, because if it wasn't Crowley and Aziraphale wouldn't have been so gobsmacked by the Metatron's offer to restore Crowley to angelic status. Because there's no precedent for that. Crowley himself says that being a demon has automatically rendered him unforgivable. As far as anyone in this universe knows, "fallen" is a permanent state.

So how does an angel avoid eternal punishment? How do angels make sure they don't fall? Well...

The rules are not clear or consistent, so you're always left guessing. Was falling a one-and-done mass exile of everyone who rebelled, right after the war? The way both Heaven and Hell talk about the fall and the "casting out" of the demons would seem to suggest so. But fear of falling is obviously ever-present among the angels, so they clearly don't know for sure one way or the other. And what would cause an angel who wasn't part of the original rebellion to fall? Aziraphale thought he would fall for lying about Job's children. The archangels threatened Aziraphale with falling for "consorting" with Crowley in S1. Gabriel expected to fall for saying no to Armageddon the Sequel in S2. But none of those falls actually happened. Clearly even the angels in the highest positions of authority don't know exactly what the rules are about falling. And who decides who falls? Gabriel says the demons were "cast out" after the war, but who did the casting out? Did God handle that directly? Was it the Metatron? Did the transformation just sort of...happen, leaving everyone unsure about the details? And what about present day? The Metatron said that Gabriel would have his memory wiped instead of falling, but does that mean the Metatron gets to decide if an angel falls, or was he covering for the fact that he doesn't know how it works either?

We, the viewers, don't know the answers to any of these questions. But it's fairly clear that the angels also don't know.

New ideas and experiences are, at best, begrudgingly tolerated. The angels know little to nothing about the world or humanity and are disdainful or outright suspicious of earthly experiences. In the case of the ones who have never been sent to Earth, this makes sense, although it begs the question of why there are so many angels who have never once been sent to Earth, the planet that is supposed to be central to the Great Plan.

It's obviously, at its core, about control and keeping the angels ignorant of anything that would broaden their perspective. But listen to how the angels themselves talk about it. When Gabriel sees Aziraphale eating sushi, he asks, "Why do you consume that? You're an angel." (Subtext: You don't need to eat, so what's the purpose of indulging in this experience?) When Aziraphale suggests he try the food himself, Gabriel starts talking about sullying the temple of his body or whatever. (Subtext: It's not technically forbidden but it would be a deviation from my function as an angel so I'm suspicious of it.) And look at Aziraphale himself. He lives on Earth for many hundreds of years before he can be persuaded to even try human food, and Crowley has to work at convincing him it's okay. He seems to know it's not forbidden but he's deeply distrustful of it anyway. (I have a theory that a holdover of this mindset is why he's so set in his ways, behind the times, and still more ignorant of humans that you'd expect in the present day, but this post is already too long.) The attitude cultivated among the angels is These things are not meant for us, we don't need them, and they are a distraction from our higher purpose, so it's better if we don't.

No matter how hard you try to measure up, you're ultimately at God's mercy. So, if you're an angel, you're meant to be doing God's will, and if you fail badly enough you can be punished forever by falling. But the rules are unclear, the way falling works is unclear, in most cases you're kept ignorant of everything but the bare minimum you need to know to do your job, God isn't talking to anyone, and the (seemingly) officially appointed Voice of God is also pretty remote and mysterious most of the time.

So the only time you'll ever know for certain that you've crossed the line is once you've already crossed it, when it's too late to do anything about it. At that point, the only thing that could save you from falling would be if God just...decided to be merciful, to grant you a pardon (i.e. to forgive you) and not do the casting out thing.

Believe it or not, I had to work really hard to keep this as short as it is. If you've read this far, I salute you. Now, what's the point?

Aziraphale and the other angels are part of a system where they understand very little, they have no real power, the stakes are eternal, and their only hope of escaping endless punishment if they fail is the possibility that God will decide to show mercy and forgive them.

Yes, in the real world this is all just bullshit spread by religious leaders to scare and confuse and manipulate people into compliance and in the world of Good Omens it's actually real. But the emotional impact of feeling that confused and powerless and at the mercy of a higher authority is going to be the same. Of course Aziraphale has some Big Feelings about the subject of forgiveness. Of course it's one of his favorite things. It's not just a nice thing you do for people. It's powerful enough to rescue someone from eternal punishment when nothing else can. Powerful enough to wield as a devastating weapon by withholding it. It's a tool of control in Heaven, but it's also the source of salvation.

I was going to segue from here into what I think the specifics of Aziraphale's mindset are, but it took me so many more words than I expected just to lay out the parallels between GO Heaven and (my experience of) real-world toxic Christianity so I'm gonna stop here. Next time I'm going to dig into what I think is happening in Aziraphale's head when he forgives Crowley, and also when he does things like shelter Jimbriel (a very forgiving action, even if the words "I forgive you" don't accompany it).

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 spoilers #character analysis #aziraphale #religious indoctrination #religious trauma #forgiveness #i forgive you #i'm very normal about this #this post is so long i apologize

[umbrify]

hello i saw u tagged jimmy solidarity on that "free my man he did none of that. he did a bunch of other shit though" post and i am incredibly compelled by the implications here. please may i have an essay on the subject

YOU MAY.

Okay so we’re gonna be specifically talking about Empires SMP Season 2 Jimmy (henceforth, Jimmy,) and the way he conducts himself, how those actions reflect on him, versus how he sees himself (and how the fandom sees him in turn). Welcome to my Ted Talk.

The most important thing to understand about Jimmy is that he lies. He lies about everything, and convinces himself that his lie is true to the point where he really thinks it is. Take, for example, a moment in Sausage’s episode 41 [full exchange from 9:10 - 19:37] where Jimmy kills Sausage, and then when Sausage, followed by fWhip, return to Tumble Town to discuss the murder, Jimmy blatantly lies about the altercation to fWhip, claiming “[Sausage] came over, and he assaulted me, fWhip!” Jimmy insists that it was Sausage who physically started it, despite that being completely untrue. Jimmy then goes on to deny having killed Sausage Sausage at all, sounding affronted at the idea and demanding to see the player head that drops on death. fWhip asks how many levels Sausage has, which is none, and Jimmy claims that Sausage must have used all his experience. Jimmy denies and lies, and when fWhip goes looking for Sausage’s things, finding them in Jimmy’s storage, Jimmy acts shocked, saying “I think I’m being set up! […] I’m gonna leave this conversation, you do what you gotta do, but I don’t think I’m the bad guy here.” As if Jimmy didn’t explicitly kill Sausage moments ago!! As if it isn’t his fault!!!

And the problem here, the core problem, is that so many people just… believe him. They take Jimmy’s words at face value and assume that he’s always a reliable narrator in his own stories, despite the fact that it couldn’t be further from the case. The issue is less that people assign New and Different problems to Jimmy, more that they strip him of any wrongdoing at all, making him out to be some sad little pathetic wet cat who didn’t deserve it. And— don’t get me wrong, he is extremely sad, but he also did it to himself.

I think one of the more interesting ways to illustrate this, is to talk about the way Jimmy perceives himself. From the start of the season, he always insists on being called “The Sheriff.” He’s not Jimmy, he’s The Sheriff, and throughout the season, he can be seen constantly insisting upon and chasing after that title. He wants respect— or, his version of respect. What he really wants is a yes man. This difference can very clearly be seen in the way he treats the two deputies he had throughout the season.

When fWhip was the deputy, it’s because he wanted to be. He sought Jimmy out because he wanted to be Jimmy’s right hand man, and Jimmy let him. fWhip consistently referred to Jimmy as The Sheriff, upholding Jimmy’s version of the laws as best he could. And, there really is something to be said about the fact that fWhip, as a goblin, inherently didn’t understand the concept of arbitrary laws, or that sort of morality at all, and was only one, upholding it because he cared about Jimmy, but two, treating the laws as Jimmy treated them— i.e, making a shrine for that which Jimmy made a church for, but that’s a whole separate essay that I want to write at some point. Either way, he was good to Jimmy, though their time together was short. He made Jimmy a home away from home in Gobland [fWhip episode 8 timestamp 20:28] and helped Jimmy win the court trial by serving as his lawyer in the case against Joel [Trial best seen in Jimmy’s episode 10 starts at 3:03]. After fWhip was fired, he went around Tumble Town noting down a bunch of “laws” that Jimmy was breaking. I wrote a whole post about this set of interactions already [here] but the short version is this: In fWhip’s episode 12 [5:54], he goes around and marks down all the laws that he’s saying Jimmy is breaking around Tumble Town. […] Of the seven instances that fWhip writes down, SIX of them almost directly relate to Jimmy not taking good care of himself or his empire. To me, it almost reads more like he cares about Jimmy, and is worried about him.

All this to say, that fWhip didn’t Respect The Sheriff as much as he Cared About Jimmy. And that’s an important distinction— he cared about Jimmy, the person. He had this whole veneer of respecting the laws— laws that he didn’t really understand— because he cared about Jimmy. And Jimmy fired him for a prank— one that wasn’t specifically targeted or malicious— because he saw that as Disrespecting The Sheriff. He didn’t want someone who Cared About Jimmy, he wanted someone who Respected The Sheriff. And fWhip wasn’t that.

Enter Scar.

During the Hermitcraft crossover, Scar started gunning for the position as deputy because he wanted the shiny deputy badge. That was it, that was the reason, and Scar acted accordingly. Everything was about acting like he Respected The Sheriff, even when he was blatantly breaking one of the core laws, wearing another player’s hat— both the sheriff hat [Jimmy episode 19 4:07] as well as trading away a sheriff hat, and being seen wearing one of Scott’s Chromia hats [Jimmy episode 22 14:27]. In this episode, Scar backhandedly compliments Jimmy, “oh, you’re just a… cute big guy, aren’t you?” to which Jimmy seems uncertain, asking “I’m real big, right?” to which Scar says he is. Jimmy then asks him about the Chromia hat Scar wears, and Scar tells him that he traded one of the sheriff hats to Scott. Jimmy gets upset at Scar, but before he can get properly mad, Scar distracts him by showing off a new section of Tumble Town that he made. Scar wears the mask of respect for just long enough to get the badge. When Jimmy gives him the badge, he says he has something else that he wants to give Scar as well. “I have found something real special for you, real special.” Scar says “I already got something special, this badge.” Jimmy says “you mean our friendship?” Which Scar dubiously agrees to. This is the last time Jimmy sees Scar before the hermits leave— Scar got what he wanted, and that was all. And yet, Jimmy hired him, because Scar put on the show. Scar was his yes man, Scar Respected The Sheriff, even if he didn’t Care About Jimmy.

He does it to himself, Jimmy does. He pushes away anyone that tries to care about him as a person, and surrounds himself with people that will be his yes men, his little sidekicks, anyone that holds the sheriff title in high regard. It’s why he takes so well to the Old Sheriff, who treats the sheriff title with the same reverence that he does, respecting the title of sheriff without actually respecting Jimmy much at all.

The thing about Jimmy is that he causes his own problems, and they’re all his fault. Yes he is crushingly lonely, and filled with self hatred, but he actively surrounds himself with it. It’s not that people are just inherently mean to him, he is almost asking them to be, by pushing away anyone that seems to care about him as a person.

I think, as my final note here, I wanna bring up a moment from Jimmy’s finale, episode 38. He and the Old sheriff, as they’re making their way to the Nether portal, discuss how fWhip only ever referred to himself as goblin fWhip, never as king. Jimmy says “I don’t think he ever held himself to the regard of being a king, and that— d’you know what? That sucks. He was my deputy for a while, he didn’t really think much of himself, I’m not gonna lie” [9:19]. I just find it interesting, that Jimmy says that it sucks how fWhip never called himself king— a title ostensibly higher than sheriff— and that fWhip was only a deputy. As if he thinks that fWhip could’ve been king, perhaps was worthy of the title, and just never took it— that he sees the taking of a title such as that to be so important, when for fWhip, it never was. I dunno, I just think there’s something to that. I think it says something about Jimmy and about the importance he places on titles that don’t really matter.

Jimmy ran away, in the end. He and the Old Sheriff ran far away from everything they ever knew. fWhip stayed, choosing to live out his days happily in the empire he helped to found. fWhip never took the title of king. Jimmy thinks he should’ve.

Isn’t that something?

#umbrify answers #ilexdiapason #thank you so much for this ask. i spent 3 hours drafting this response #I love empires. btw. #empires smp #jimmy solidarity #empires jimmy

[whateversawesome]

I really hope this doesn't come off as hate, I just wanted someone else's input - I feel like the eden kids have become more of the main characters than the forgers have. I know we just finished an important arc with them but it feels as though every other chapter is centered around them. We haven't had a chapter with the forgers together since Anya got rescued and that wasn't even a whole chapter. it feels as though the manga's shifted from its core (a spy dad, assassin mom, esper child and a dog that can see the future). I guess this could just be because of the update schedule though making everything feel slow paced and some plotlines random at times. Again, I hope this doesn't come off as hate. I still love and enjoy the story, and was curious to hear the opinion of another.

Hi! Thank you for reaching out. Your question doesn't come as hate at all and it'll be my pleasure to answer it :)

Your feelings and frustration are totally valid. A lot of us got into Spy x family because of the Forgers (and some of us Twiyor specifically) and miss seeing them. So, let me tell you how I see things both as a writer and as a reader.

As a writer: I'm not worried about where sxf is going because I've written plenty of stories and I can see the seams (meaning the construction of the story). However, I know not everyone is a writer, so this illustration may be useful for everyone:

The beginning of sxf had a great exposition of the characters and the story. This is the part where the readers fall in love and get attached to the characters.

I know it's been going for 79 chapters, but in my opinion, we're barely leaving #2 (conflict) and entering #3 (rising action). Endo set the conflict and not quite started the action yet. So we're just entering the middle of the story.

In my experience (both as a reader and writer), when the middle of the story begins is not the most exciting part and, depending on the story and author, the middle can feel long.

In Spanish, the middle a story is called "nudo", which means "knot". This is where the story gets tangled and very complicated. In fact, the more complicated, the better, because it means that it'll be hard to resolve and the stakes will be high during the climax.

The purpose of the middle of a story is to point towards the climax. This is where the author has to build the tension to get there, where the conflict gets thicker and thicker.

Now, has Endo been doing this?

YES.

Evidence of this are the whole bus kidnapping arc: where he told us how the SSS and government behave towards its citizens (even when they're children). THIS will be key in the story. And the latest 78 doggie competition chapter: where Handler and Twilight literally talk about the main plot of the story.

This reminds us the main plot is still about Donovan Desmond and Project Apple. This doesn't seem random to me. And the fact that we've gotten so much Eden makes me think that Eden is key in the main plot too.

As a writer, his job is to point out to the main plot and head to the climax. If he's been doing that with Eden chapters, that means that's where we're going.

The way I see it, Twilight, Yor, and Anya (Spy, Assassin and Esper) are the main characters, but not the only characters. Because of its cuteness and wholesomeness, it's easy to think of Spy x Family is a simple story about a Spy who adopts a little girl and falls in love with an assassin.

It is not.

This is a monster of a story.

Think of it as a big tree. Stories like this have many branches (secondary characters and side stories) that are connected to the main plot and serve to lead the plot towards the climax. Examples: Lord of the Rings, Fruits Basket, Attack on Titan.

My point is that in these Monster Stories, the plot may not always focus on the main characters, but in the end, everything, every little branch and side story came together to let the main characters rule the story and get to that explosive climax.

And I believe that's what Endo is doing here.

Is it the most exciting thing in the world right now? No.

Sometimes development can feel like a total drag; especially if chapters come out every two weeks and we're all eager for more.

As a writer, I recommend patience. We'll get there, it's just going to take some time.

Now...

As a reader (and a fan): *Big sigh* Yes, I miss the Forgers (and Twiyor) so much and every time there's a new chapter I feel sad we didn't get any interaction.

Yes, I want to see the romance, the pinning, the angst, the first kiss. ALL of it!! At least give me the Forgers shenanigans...

But there is no point in getting upset about it.

Yes, we're kind of in a dry spot in the story, but personally I'm still enjoying it. I'm so grateful for all the good friends I've made thanks to Spy x family. On top of it, I've been having tons of fun writing fics analyzing, and discussing things with other fans.

There's so much talent in our fandom and during this dry season, it's the fans with their gorgeous fanarts and awesome stories what is keeping the fandom engaged and happy. There's no need to feel bored while we wait for the Forgers to come back (and Twiyor to kiss!), let's wait together. Let's have fun together!

One last thing worth mentioning...

I've said it before. It's okay to take a break. There is absolutely no hate in this advice: If the story is becoming too frustrating, if it's detrimental for mental health, if it's becoming more of a bother than a source of happiness, it's okay to take some time off. It's okay to get into other things, other stories and other fandoms. And it's okay to come back after a while to check up on any progress and it's okay to move on too.

Thank you so much for the ask. I wrote a long answer because, as you can see, I'm a big fan of stories and writing.

#thanks anon! #thank you for the ask! #spy x family #spy x family analysis #spy x family manga #ask

[transpersian]

Doc 3 is about PZ's kid

And yes, that means what you think it means. We've been talking. A lot.

From my Twitter thread:

Needed some time to think.

I've been trying too hard to make too many people happy, even with contradictory needs. I've been letting people jerk me back and forth on what they think is right. I've been trying REALLY hard to be nice.

Biding my time. No more.

PZ’s kid is okay.

Back in October, after months of worrying about optics, we decided that it was too important: we had to see if Poppy’s kid was okay. They’d literally ESCAPED, ffs. They’re 23, but still.

And before anyone says anything, I WAS RIGHT. This is the first thing they said to me:

Yes, I understand the delicacy of the situation. Yes, I understand how this looks. But please understand: I’m not just some internet rando who’s in way over her head. I’ve been supporting abuse survivors in deep and intense ways for decades, and I’m damned good at it.

I’d fuck off if they had a negative response. I’d push for them not to be involved in any efforts against their mom. In the end, what ended up being our priority was making sure that The Kid (no real name plz) was okay and knew we were there if they needed help.

Fuck the optics.

I helped them clean up the tracks that led to them, then we started talking. Initially, I insisted on this being strictly for support. They wanted to get involved and I pushed back. Said if they really wanted to, they could send me screenshots, not thinking they’d apply.

Oh boy.

First they sent them to me to illustrate their points, but they insisted that I was free to use any of them. That first batch of 12 was jarring enough.

Then, unprompted, they sent me 70 more.

They want me to tell their story. They want me to show you how PZ lie.

And they’re not in a rush. They want me to be thorough.

So in a move I was barely okay with, they gave me access to their 3200-message Signal chat log so I could figure out where relevant screenshots are and have them take them.

I’m taking my time because they’re hard to read.

My mother left when I was 3. My father remarried 4 years later and she was abusive to me for the following 16 years.

I felt unwelcome in my own home, incapable of doing anything right, constantly eggshelling.

Zena makes my experiences with my stepmom look like Sesame Street.

There are little things you notice when you have texts in DB format.

Like how Poppy said “I love you” to her kid eight times from July ’21 to June ’22.

Only twice from July ’22 to June ’23.

Watching them be believed less and less over Zena, who started blatantly lying.

For the past couple of months, when I’ve been able to, I’ve been studying a way-too-intimate look at the death of a mother’s empathy for her child. I’d chat with them sometimes and give them what support I could. Figure out how to respond to ones like this:

I know I’ll only get one shot at this, so here’s what the doc will consist of:

A more complete intro about the above

Transcripts of when PZ have cited The Kid’s abuse on stream

A tally of claims to track

The screenshots

Examples of the “assignments” they were given

A 3.5-page long, single-spaced list of what they deemed unacceptable treatment, which PZ promptly wrote off as bullshit and complained to their friends about

Screenshots from those friends

Direct rebuttals against PZ’s on-stream claims

Additional context from my conversations with TK

Somehow forgot to mention a major chunk: dozens of screenshots from TK’s personal discord with a few close friends, serving essentially as a diary of their experiences. Purely testimonial on that front, I know, but…

I feel like maybe it's worth seeing what a young adult in their early 20s says to their close friends in private about in what's essentially a group chat.

See, PZ’s 23-year-old kid has POTS, a circulatory disorder that affects your body’s regulatory systems, including respiratory. Things that negatively affect POTS:

Skipping meals

Excessive physical labor

Heat

What if I told you PZ would punish them with food restriction?

What if I told you of at least three separate mentions of TK being worked to collapse or illness? That they ignored TK’s symptoms and scolded them for not just eating better? That they worked TK for 8+ hrs some days?

What if I told you that TK is 5’1” and 80 lbs (unrelated)?

What if I showed you when, on-stream, Poppy accused TK of intentionally crying so intensely that she dissociated? Or of abusing Zena?

Can you imagine being pushed so far by your parents that you're in wailing tears, and they don't stop until it reaches that point? And then they accuse you of manipulation?

If you're like me (and what I'd imagine is many members of The Foundation), you don't have to imagine it.

What if I told you that what PZ called “intentionally faking forgetting instructions” when TK was really just having a hard time?

What if I told you I knew what the mysterious psych test Poppy trotted out as proof on stream actually says? What if I told you that Poppy harassed the kid until they gave it up, even though she’s not legally entitled to any of it? Even though she’s abusing the authority of her license?

Remember how Poppy talked about having to rush to the bank to make changes to her accounts because TK withdrew all of their own trust money? What if I told you I have proof that she was talking to them as early as the next morning and TK was completely cooperating?

I’ve heard a lot of horrific testimonies about the things that Poppy has done, but this… This radicalized me.

And it’s radicalized anyone I’ve shown it to.

TK has asked me to use everything I can from them to expose @ZenaandPoppy for what they are:

Abusive Hypocrites

So ultimately, how does this incredibly personal violation of privacy factor into the big picture? Yes, I know what this is. I know what it looks like.

But these are abusive parents who have been using their platform to use their own victim for pity points. That’s how they win.

What I’ve been trying to prove is abusiveness. PZ are recklessly abusive people who hide behind victimhood (and what they used to disdainfully refer to as “idpol”).

This is extensive proof not just THAT they’re abusive liars, but also HOW.

This is what Zena is like with power.

This is a ways off. Still lots to do. But I just want everyone to finally know why I’m still in this.

I know what Poppy and Zena are. Intimately. Not because I’m a “stalker.” Because I’ve had people come to me about how PZ hurt them. 20+ of them with claims from the past year.

I can’t share all of their claims because they only have so much proof. But I believe victims. And this? This I can prove, extensively.

This is why it’s funny when people accuse me of clout-chasing: I have no online brand to care about, and if I did, this would be insane.

People have asked me what the end goal is.

My goal is COMPLETE deplatforming.

For nobody in this community to trust them with their mental health ever again.

They are justifying their abuse with therapy speak and TEACHING THEIR FANS TO DO THE SAME.

They’re dangerous.

Oh, and Zena! Zena! Yeah, right here. I know you were really sad about being left out of the abuse allegations, but trust me, there will be #noZZerasure on this one. You’re a solid 80% of this one, sweetie! How’s that monkey’s paw working out for you?

And in closing, I’m just going to give myself this one additional… treat.

If you’ve been following for a while, you know this reference.

But this one’s for the abuse mob:

You still don’t take us seriously, do you?

Or rather…

Are you taking me seriously yet?

Because you will. I promise you, you fucking will. Because you’re about to understand that this has never been for me. It’s never been about me.

It’s about making sure you two have as few avenues as possible to prey on this community ever again.

See you in school.

#zenaandpoppy #poppy and zena #I told you I was being nice #nozzerasure #“you have no idea what you're actually getting into” right zena

[taffywabbit]

im also anti proship but calling rugrats porn drawings "child porn" really dilutes the severity of actual child porn. we shouldnt be confusing actual cp that hurts real children with just weirdos drawing porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids, the two things are not at all on the same level

ok i suppose this was inevitable, i may as well get into it.

(CW for some discussion of CSA and child pornography, obviously)

first off, "i'm also anti proship but" is a terrifying way to start your message, and to go and follow it up with some extremely common proship copypasta i've heard a million times about "taking attention/resources/severity/etc away from real CSA victims" or whatever kinda makes me wonder how "anti proship" you actually are...?

kind of the point of this whole debate is typically that "proship" folks insist that fiction, or in this case "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" as you put it, has no effect on reality or people's mindsets. and so-called "antis" like myself generally respond to this idea with something along the lines of "well it sure seems to affect the reality of your cock and balls", and point out how repeatedly consuming media with a particular focus or message has been shown time and time again to quantifiably influence the way people view the world around them, in ways that subsequently affect how they act, or desensitize them to things that might otherwise upset/offend them. y'know, like political propaganda! or blockbuster movies about killer sharks! obviously some people are going to be more resilient against that sort of influence when the real-world equivalent of "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" is something so blatantly unacceptable, and nobody is really claiming that the impact of fictional CP is "on the same level" as its IRL counterpart.

but at the very least, most people who would be considered "anti proship" WILL tell you "hey, i'm not trying to say that you jerking it to twitter porn of Gwen Tennyson or Tails or whatever is LITERALLY THE SAME as committing CSA, but it's still really fucking concerning and creepy that the majority of your sexual fixations are all specifically cutesy vulnerable cartoon characters under the age of 12, many of whom also have canonical adult designs that you conveniently avoid in favor of sexualizing the ones that are barely old enough to learn long division. you should maybe do some introspection and figure out why that is and whether or not you're really comfortable with what it implies about you. personally i know I'M not comfortable with that shit and i'm not going to keep hanging around you unless you make some serious changes." except usually in my experience the conversation ends up being a lot shorter and ends in a block pretty quickly. like i'm not a psychologist and i don't keep a bunch of studies on hand to throw at you about how fictional CP is often a factor in grooming, but i DO have a brain and can pretty clearly see when someone is rationalizing behavior that will lead them to places i'm not willing to follow.

ANYWAYS to focus more specifically on the actual reason we're talking about this (which was, to be clear, a mobile ad Tumblr served me that depicted one of the dads from Rugrats having sex with his 3yo daughter): yes, actually, that shit IS illegal to create or distribute. it's not the SAME as literal photographs of real children, OBVIOUSLY, but it's still also extremely fucked up in its own right, and any reasonable person in your life would probably stop talking to you if you told them you got off to it.

don't believe me about the legality part? check this out:

so like, I GUESS you might get some legal leeway with cub furry art or sonic porn or stuff that isn't always obvious in how much it's intended to parallel real children? if you really care? but this ad was literally multiple illustrations of a human adult man having intercourse with a human toddler. it's pornography centered around openly fetishizing the sexual assault of a child by a parent. i fail to see how referring to that in shorthand as "child porn" is inaccurate in any way that matters.

and Tumblr is a US-based company, beholden to the laws shown above, so they are at least somewhat responsible when illustrated pedophilic incest porn gets shown to thousands of their mobile app users in an ad they got paid to display. THAT was the original point i was making in my post. but thank you for trying to derail it to interrogate my "anti proship" views or whatever, i have had multiple people send me fairly nasty asks about it in the past year and you finally caught me in a moment when i was already pissed enough about something else that i felt like going off about this stuff. sorry if you actually agreed with most of this and i came off as overly rude/harsh, but if that's the case then this response is for all the other anon asks and replies i've gotten too, i guess.

now we're all clear about where i stand and i hopefully don't need to talk about this again - it's kind of a fucking bummer to think about this stuff and i've been avoiding the subject intentionally. you are always welcome to just block me if you have a problem

#buny text #ask #anonymous #cw CSA mention #nsft

[comicaurora]

Question, from one aspiring writer to another: how do you manage to maintain the drive to keep writing and how do you not lose interest in what you've created before it's done? Asking because I need advice.

Tricky question. I don't think it has a single answer.

For me personally, there are a few things that buoy up my enthusiasm:

Rabbit Holes - random deep-dives into topics I find incredibly interesting. Because I have so many outlets for my rants about highly specific cool things, I don't need to stifle any random hyperfixations because almost all of them can be turned into scripts or worldbuilding concepts. If I feel the enthusiasm strike, I chase it down as far as I can and take as many notes as possible along the way. However, these things work like lightning strikes and I can't just get randomly super interested in any one thing. Almost all of my longform videos start out as these.

Comedic Reframing - the bread and butter of the channel and the lifehack that let my poor brain actually focus on extremely long and boring books through college. It's easier for me to retain information and enthusiasm if I can find humor in what I'm dealing with on a smaller scale. When working on illustrating videos, for instance, the way I avoid burning out on individual frames is by making sure they have witty dialogue or fun character moments, because I genuinely enjoy drawing those a lot more than just "character moves into position" or "scene change" shots. Same goes for the comic - the more dynamic or interesting the pose, the more interesting the panel is to draw and the easier it is for me to stay jazzed.

Audience Feedback - I feel like this part is simultaneously understated and overstated in different ways. Creating art solely for the accolades it might garner is seen as generally both gauche and inefficient - it'll turn into an existentially draining losing battle like all pursuit of fame for fame's sake does - but any writer or artist will tell you that people losing their minds over their art is the number one way to guarantee they want to make more art. When drawing the comic, even when I'm lower energy, I'll often think to myself "oh man, they're gonna be yelling about this panel" and that'll help give me a boost. Early on in the comic I read through the discord discussions almost every day, but now I'm mostly sustained just from people yelling in my askbox.

Letting The Characters Run Wild - I've mentioned this elsewhere, but one of the most fun parts of writing for me is when the characters kinda tap me on the shoulder and say "hey boss, I really wanna do this". Their character-moment is almost always spicier, more complicated and more interesting than whatever plot-serving guideline it's replacing. Making the characters act as automatons that solely move the plot forward is less interesting for me as a writer than turning them loose and seeing the havoc they cause. Before I ever put pen to paper for this story, half my fun would just be playing out extremely fraught conversations and encounters between characters - no script, no plan, just "here's the premise and GO." Lots of stories start out as daydreams, and daydreams are like the purest form of energizing creation, existing only for the joy of the creator and thus flowing almost effortlessly; I think it's important to retain the heart of that when the daydreams start being set down on paper. If it's not a little self-indulgent it's not gonna be too much fun, and sometimes all it takes is letting the characters do the wild thing with consequences you haven't fully worked out yet.

In my experience, the thing I enjoy most as a creator is solving puzzles. I have more fun writing my story when I only mostly know where it's going, and I have to work out the most interesting consequences to my characters' unexpected actions. I have more fun drawing out a joke if the punchline didn't even occur to me before I started the frame, because the idea is fresh and fun and hasn't gone stale from sitting in my head too long. And my enthusiasm for my older work is reinvigorated when I see how other people respond to it, because it lets me almost see my own work through fresh eyes, which is a rare treat for any creator.

And when I get really worn down, I treat that like a sign that something needs readjusting. I don't force it when I'm worn out or can't bear to look at my tablet - I step back, take a break, take a walk, indulge in Floor Time, watch a movie, buy a coffee, do something that isn't trying to floor the accelerator when I'm stuck in a creative snowdrift. Sometimes that means putting a project down for months. Sometimes that means realizing I wouldn't actually be able to make a project happen because it'd be draining my will to live the whole time.

I sometimes use the metaphor that a creator's mind is like a garden. Its works need to be cultivated, but sometimes they also need to be left alone, or maybe the soil needs to be actively left fallow for a while. It may look like the project isn't doing anything, when in actuality it's spreading its roots and developing a much more solid foundation where you can't see it. Maybe two concepts cross-pollinate in an unexpected way and you get a new third thing to cultivate. But the most important part of this metaphor is that the well-being of every individual thing growing in the garden is heavily dependent on the heart of the garden overall. If you aren't doing okay, your art isn't going to be okay either. If it's feeling like a fruitless and nothing is growing, you might just need rain. Or nitrogen-fixers.

#asks #art stuff #writing stuff

[dial-a-dyke]

Do you know about Queering the Map?

Hey y'all! I wanna highlight a queer platform I've been really interested in recently, one that has gained popularity in the last couple months especially. You might recognize this heartbreaking and intimate excerpt from Gaza that's been circulating social media platforms in the last couple months:

I’ve always imagined you and me sitting out in the sun, hand and hand, free at last. We spoke of all the places we would go if we could. Yet you are gone now. If I had known that bombs raining down on us would take you from me, I would have gladly told the world how I adored you more than anything. I’m sorry I was a coward.

The post comes from queeringthemap.com which, according to their Instagram, "is a community-generated counter mapping platform for digitally archiving LGBTQ2IA+ experience in relation to physical space."

Basically, Queering the Map allows you to post your own queer memories from anywhere in the world, completely anonymous. Wanna mark where you and your girlfriend had your first date? Drop a pin. Wanna place yourself in the middle of the ocean as a metaphor for unrequited love? Drop a pin. Wanna reflect on being the only queer person in your town? Drop a pin.

There is no limit to what users can post - or what they can see. Every post that users have ever created is still on the site, serving as make-shift digital archive for queer memories. Posts are public to any user who visits the website, allowing people to browse the digital globe and the queer experiences people have shared.

Founded by Canadian artist Lucas LaRochelle in 2017, Queering the Map has connected countless LGBTQ2IA+ people from around the world. Some like to share their own memories, others find hope in reading others' posts, and some share the posts to other platforms for rhetorical purposes.

Take the excerpt above from Gaza, for example. It first began to circulate the web (to my knowledge) roughly a year ago, and then again in June after it was featured in a NYT article. Then, in October, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Tumblr users began sharing the screenshotted post to show solidarity with Palestinians - especially queer Palestinians. The Dyke Project used this excerpt and others from Gaza to display on bus advertising systems. Something about Queering the Map captivated attention in a unique way - something about it made people feel like it was the right place to turn in moments and feelings of tragedy and horror.

Other times, people share posts that simply spoke to them. Illustrator Aude Nasr brought some posts to life, helping us picture the moments people were trying to document. I've posted some of Nasr's art here.

I encourage you all to check out queeringthemap.com at some point, if not to post for yourself but to just see the beautiful, lively, and complicated memories someone, somewhere, wanted you to see. And to my queer siblings everywhere: I am constantly amazed by our desire to connect with each other, to defy borders and time, and to write our stories down.

Quick userguide:

Entering the website, users find themselves in a zoomed in location on the map. The water is blue, but the land is pink with dotted lines indicating borders between states or regions, and straight lines between countries. Using their mouse, one can scroll to zoom in or out. Memories are marked on the pink map by black location tags, which you can click on to view the specific memory a user shared for that location, or simply run your mouse over it for a smaller box to show the text. Zooming out too far, a user might see a black blob, no pink space in sight as so many memories have been posted to a particular region.

Were you familiar with Queering the Map before this post? What about before the last couple of months? What Queering the Map entry speaks to you? What does queer memory making mean to you?

Here's some posts I've been thinking about lately.

It gets better. When I first got here I was so unsure of myself and if I would be accepted. Now, I know I am loved, I am more sure and I have been accepted and embraced unlike ever before. Roll Pride baby!

came out to my daughter here while driving her to school, 6 years later and 6000km away she came out to me .

Came out to my folks. It didn’t go too well.

Was with the cutest guy I’d ever met

I’m from rafah and she’s from deir al balah, she got married later and i left gaza strip, to this day i think of you, to this day i wish to be back to sleep with you in the same bed, i want you to call for my name again, i wish if i can be with you again my heart. بحبك وبالرغم من الي صار دايما في بالي.

Idk how long I will live so I just want this to be my memory here before I die. I am not going to leave my home, come what may. My biggest regret is not kissing this one guy. He died two days back. We had told how much we like each other and I was too shy to kiss last time. He died in the bombing. I think a big part of me died too. And soon I will be dead. To younus, i will kiss you in heaven.

First kiss 16 years ago

One day, this sea will not divide us.

i hope your family knows i will love you until the day i die. i hope we meet in every life, no matter how many times you break my heart. Wo ai ni

故事从这里开始 : ) Un día te olvidaré, no importa que sea tan difícil. Me lo creo.

#queer #queer history #lgbtq #sapphic #gay

[richincolor]

Welcome to our group discussion of Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and illustrated by LeUyen Pham.

Please note that this is a full spoiler discussion! You will be spoiled if you continue reading.

Valentina Tran was named after Valentine’s Day, which used to be her favorite holiday. But when Val learns the truth behind what happened with her parents and why she’s being raised by a single father, she realizes true love is a lie. This is reinforced when she meets the spirit of Saint Valentine, who tells her she and her family are cursed to always be unlucky in love. Val is ready to give into her fate, until one Lunar New Year festival, where a mysterious lion dancer hands her a paper heart, and ZING. Val becomes determined to change her destiny, prove Saint Valentine wrong, and give her heart to the right person. Meanwhile, lion dancing is the only thing that has given Jae peace after his dad passed away. It’s also what keeps him connected to his father’s side of the family. Both Jae and his cousin Leslie notice Val at the Lunar New Year festival, and for some inexplicable reason, Jae hands Val a paper heart. But it’s Leslie, with his K-Pop good looks, who starts to date Val. Jae still feels this connection with Val and feels it’s somehow tied to how he feels about losing his father. Both Val and Jae struggle with the spirits who haunt them as they are inextricably brought together in a love story that is satisfying, sweet, and moving.

Audrey: I had so much fun reading LUNAR NEW YEAR LOVE STORY. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to really dig into a graphic novel, and this was a great one. Gene Luen Yang’s story was compelling, and LeUyen Pham did such a great job illustrating characters’ expressions and conveying movement. I really loved how the lion dances were illustrated. What did you think?

K. Imani: I agree Audrey, I had so much fun reading this novel as well. There were so many moments where I had a huge grin on my face and moments where I laughed out loud. The storytelling was so on point with a number of twists that I did not see coming. I love when a story keeps me on my toes. I had an ARC so the paper quality of my book was not that great, but the art was still beautiful so I can only imagine what the final product looked like.

Jessica: I’m a huge fan of Gene Luen Yang’s graphic novels so I knew I would be in for a treat! And I was not wrong. I’d just attended the Lunar New Year parade in Chinatown the prior weekend to reading this, so it felt very fitting to read this. I just adore stories about lion dancing – Audrey, I also loved how the lion dances were illustrated.

Crystal: I really loved the whole experience. The lion dancing was super interesting. It was great to see them, but also to learn about the how and why of the dancing. The artwork was gorgeous and like you said Audrey, LeUyen Pham was able to show so much movement. The color palette was beautiful and rich and followed the feng shui color wheel that is connected to the elements of nature. You can read more about Pham’s illustrations and her very deliberate choices with the colors in this BookPage interview.

Audrey: Let’s start with Valentina! What did you like about her? I have a soft spot for characters who get disillusioned about something but then forge onward anyway. I appreciated her determination to break her family’s romantic love curse, but I also really liked her journeys with familial love and friendship, too.

Jessica: She was a really interesting character! I didn’t expect to get a window into her childhood first thing, and the change from her childhood to when she is a teen in the present day was fascinating and really served to give us a full picture of who she is — it made me feel for her, too! Yet, at the same time, the way she throws herself into whatever she does – whether that’s making valentines or learning lion dancing – makes you really want to root for her.

K. Imani: I found Valentina so compelling. She had such a caring heart at the beginning of the book and to have it broken in such a way made me really feel for her. I really enjoyed traveling with her on her journey as she learned the difference between fantasy love and what real love is. Like Jessica said Ioved that she was so open to trying new things and when she put her mind to something, she went all in.

Crystal: I too appreciated seeing her relationships over time. It was good to see some of her childhood and to see her keep moving forward even when things were difficult. She picked herself up many times and kept on going. She was scared, but did the hard things.

Audrey: We can’t forget about Jae! He and Val didn’t have a great start, so I appreciated the slow burn of their friendship and eventual romance. He was quieter compared to Val, but he clearly was observant and thoughtful, and I appreciated how the two of them complemented each other.

Jessica: Jae! I love Jae so much. I love how much they complemented each other, and how Jae had his own struggles and his own story running parallel to Val. When they performed the lion dance together at the end – I loved that scene. And I cannot say enough about how fabulous the lion dancing illustrations in particular were. I went around showing it to people like, “hey, you should really read this – LOOK AT THESE ILLUSTRATIONS.” Another of my favorite scenes was when Jae’s uncle showed them Korean lion dancing and talked about eum and yang, and how the lion is 100% yang. That was so much fun. It makes me curious about the different kinds of lion dancing in the world beyond the style I’m familiar with.

K. Imani: Yes, we cannot forget about Jae. He was such a perfect balance for Valentina because he was the quiet to her loud.  I liked that he was surrounded by so much love so he was able to recognize that Val wouldn’t be ready for a real relationship and that she had to find her own way. I loved that they both had the same reasons, somewhat, for doing the lion dance and when they danced together it was a powerful experience. I loved those scenes and the happiness that came across through the illustrations just brought a smile to my face.

Crystal: I really adored Jae. He paid close attention to others and really tried to be respectful in his choices. Like Jessica, I totally loved the lion dance with Jae and Val at the end. It visually reminded us how much they complemented each other.

Audrey: Family and grief/loss were huge parts of this book as both Val and Jae were dealing with the loss of a parent and complications in their relationships with other family members and friends. What was most memorable for you? I really loved Val’s grandmother—she was great as a comedic character, but she also had some great moments with Val that showcased her depth and her love for her family.

Jessica: I found the different ways people processed loss so compelling – how Val coped versus how Val’s father went into full denial mode and lied to Val about her mother versus Val’s grandmother. Val’s grandmother bursting into their lives was a breath of fresh air. And both Jae and Val finding solace in lion dancing, something that brings good luck and joy to others, was such a powerful image. It makes me really appreciate the local organizations in my community that keep these traditions alive and provide this outlet for teens in my area.

K. Imani: What stood out to me with the theme of love & grief were tied together in the novel. I like how Val had to learn to love her father again after her hurt, how she was beginning to love her mother in a new way, and the relationship with her grandmother. On the other hand what motivated Jae to dance was his love for his father. This subtle theme was a lovely contrast to Val’s search for true love as it made her realize the difference between a fantasy type of love and what real, true, actual love is.

Crystal: With their losses, what stands out to me is how avoiding things compounds the problems. The lies and the silence only makes the grief and pain stretch out. As Jae’s uncle encouraged, being straightforward and direct can bring healing in a relationship.

Audrey: To wrap up, what YA graphic novels, romances, or contemporary fantasies are on your radar this year? I think The Marble Queen by Anna Kopp and illustrated by Gabrielle Kari looks fun! It just came out last week, and I’m a sucker for arranged/political marriages, and this one is set in a fantasy world with a sapphic main couple. Four Eids and a Funeral by Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé and Adiba Jaigirdar also sounds delightful.

Jessica: I’m really, really excited for Bunt! by Ngozi Ukazu and Mad Rupert (which Crystal has reviewed here). I’m a huge fan of the webcomic OMG, Check Please by Ngozi Ukazu, so of course I’m on board for Bunt! as well. And since we’re on the topic of lion dancing in this discussion, I’m going to shout out these two short stories (read them here and here) about lion dancing by Zen Cho, which I adore.

Crystal: I really enjoyed A Magic Steeped in Poison and its sequel by Judy I. Lin, so I’m excited to get my hands on her romantic fantasy Song of the Six Realms. I’m also looking forward to the contemporary romance True Love and Other Impossible Odds by Christine Li. The supernatural romance Hearts of Fire and Snow by David Bowles and Guadalupe Garcia McCall is also on my list. As for graphic novels, I’m eager to read The Worst Ronin by Maggie Tokuda-Hall. So many books!

K. Imani: There are a number of fantasy trilogies that I’m looking forward to reading when I finally have some free time. All the Twisted Glory, the 3rd book  in the This Woven Kingdom series by Tahereh Mafi,and The Merciless Ones, the last of the Gilded Ones series by Namina Forna, is on my TBR list so far.

#lunar new year love story #gene luen yang #leuyen pham #graphic novels #contemporary #fantasy #romance #group discussion

[enigmawriteswhump]

The Last Librarian

Part 2

💠 Previous

______________

Rubbing the line out, I sigh. Pushing my chair back, the pencil clatters against the desk. This face was never coming into fruition, no matter how many lines I drew over.

I could never see his face clearly. I've always felt alienated when drawing faces. There are just some faces I found hard to see. A nose that never could be quite seen from any angle, ears that merged with hair, eyes which blurred colours between brown and black. A smile that disappeared at the edges.

I've tried to explain it to doctors, to opticians, and been prescribed a few dozen different supplements to combat my literal face blindness.

I'm not even shortsighted. I'm longsighted, if anything.

I'm used to it now, though. I don't think mum ever truly believed me. She called me her little pansy, and sometimes I wondered if I was half plant with the way I saw the world. Trying so hard to make roots. Focused on looking upwards. Finding light was warming, that made me want to absorb it as if was the only sustenance I needed.

But I supposed a child would lean on something comforting as imagination. I've always known really, it a childhood fantasy, and the world was so much blurrier as a child. Memories always are. The logic pointed towards the fact my short-sightedness had gotten better as I got older. But sometimes, sometimes it had days where it flared up.

I once even thought it was a brain tumour, but because I didn't have floaters or specks, it was swatted down as easily as a fly.

"Tiredness." They said.

Of course, why didn't I think of that?

But sometimes, it was just nice to believe in a little fantasy. Maybe it was why I drew to the holistic hands of Clara and her spirits, her world where rituals and tarots were true. Kinship between two souls sharing a belief. A faithful link to the world.

Lucas and his love of books, Clara and her spirits... And Theo, the subject of my drawing.

You would think that if I could not see someone clearly, that drawing it would be illogical. But, ever since I grew old enough to realise that this curse of uniquely poor sight that was mine alone, my sketchbooks were my proof. Of sanity, of having a repeat experience - like dejavu. You'd write it down in your journal, right, if you experienced that too?

I take myself to bed, pushing aside my drawing for now. Both frustration and indignation swirling in my chest, swearing that tomorrow, when I saw Theo, I was going to focus.

I've known him nearly a year... And I still can't draw his face. Not quite the illustrator I always wanted to be.

Surely the cramp in my hand would be worth it.

______________

"You're still here." a silky baritone slid against me, a warm pulse of my heart at the slight tilt of his head. Inwardly, I berate myself for wanting to ask him out. Take him for a good meal, with a nice sophisticated wine I could imagine him drinking. Having deep, fuzzy conversations over scallops and patte and whatever else those fancy restaurants served.

He's married, for God's sake.

Still, I'm blaming my hormones and lack of nice, gentile males available. Maybe, maybe seeing someone warm, sophisticated eased something in me. That feeling I had when I leant over the table to stare at my English lecturer in college, entranced with the way she spoke. Her articulation and ringing nuance of her voice lifting. Orating to hundreds, but speaking to one. That feeling when you've breathed too deeply and you're searching for more air around them. Someone who spoke to me. 

"Of course. Sarah asked if I could upload these textbooks to the system." I shrug, half-smiling as Theo browsed the shelf in front. Daring to strike my gaze across his face, I hoped I would finally see the edges of his smile.

Then he's turning and I curse. I curse because he's never mentioned his wife (or husband!), and I see those fine, neat fingers clasped around a new hardback. One I'd put there, giddily, the day before.

There's a hole where my breath should be, the slight effeminate touch of his eyebrows. That balanced jawline that throws his face in dichotomy with that sharp, feral smile. At least, the blur around the edges feel rough, unpracticed. Unnatural.

"You're reading a Si-fi fantasy? I thought you stuck to the classics?" my lips puckered in false mockery.

There was laughter that seemed to glint, as his huff of air brought me back to the book placed in front of me. His curved, arched fingers of a pianist now retreating.

"I do not indulge usually, however today I felt this book may challenge my preconceptions."

I raise a sardonic eyebrow and pass the scanner over the barcode, the beep the only sound between us.

"Oh, and what preconceptions do you have?" I raise the book back to him, it half hanging into the air until his fingers webbed out and caught it.

"Many." his dark hair swooped across his neck as he leant forward, "And what about you, little bird? Do you enjoy your perceptions challenged?"

"Bird is a funny nickname for me, a flightless animal."

His grin widened a touch further, the blurriness spreading. His meticulous smile bordering on animalistic, if I was indulging in the fantasical.

"Bird or not, one invented flight and one discovered it. Which came first?"

I grin, this a riddle of his I could answer, "Well birds were around in the time of dinosaurs. So birds were first in discovering it."

Theo leant back, a conceding head nod, "Perhaps. I think it truly depends on the semantics of those words, even if you were not inherently wrong."

I roll my eyes. Presumptious know-it-all.  And yet, I loved being right, of outsmarting someone who'd been so obviously ensconced in riches and education. Of besting someone who seemed to carry such wisdom.

"Are you planning on a trip soon, since it's nearly been a year?" a small knot grew in my stomach. I reached out to fiddle with my spare key chain.

"I was thinking so..." his eyes grew distant, and he looked out of the windows facing the street, "But I feel unsure of my destination. I've spent so long wondering, I don't know if I have a calling now as much as I used to..." his sigh brought me to a strange longing in his eyes. I almost felt sorry for the guy, until I saw his armani watch and suddenly discounted it. It wasn't like he had financial problems that he'd have to cover before he got out of here. He could escape. Forever.

"I've always wondered why you came here. It's not that pretty, it doesn't have a lot of facilities cities offer, and we have one decent forest." I smile sardonically, "Those who stay here are those who have family nearby, or who want a quiet, normal life."

"Unlike you." it was not a question.

I shrug, peeling away a stray strand from my small guinea-pig keyring.

"I'll go and change my life at some point. I'm just... Working up to it."

He raised an eyebrow, showing his welcome for more.

He always was. Always so giving.

But I grimace, seeing this small fantasy of us walking into our local restaurant, dressed in those fine clothes... It all disappearing if I told him the truth. His long, powerful thighs wrapped in dark jeans, glinting with the small chain that hung from his pocket. The chain for his vintage pocket watch I've wanted to wrap my fingers around for months. A striking figure in that silky black button-up, with his hair down swaying gently as he greeted me. or  That smile I wanted to earn. His hand waiting for me. Him insisting on paying, but I fight for my own right to do so with our shared laughter. He makes me swear that he'd pay next time.

Not the lowly library assistant too piss-poor to figure out if I could work the gym into my schedule. But knowing that if I quit the library I'd loose Lucas. That spark of joy I've missed I just couldn't let go of.

That this guy was married, and if I stepped out of my small world... I might create ripples I couldn't take back. But I'll live in this world. It's safer that way. It won't hurt so much when it breaks apart.

"Are you wanting to order another book in?" I tap against the desk as the hollow, plastic top rattled.

Theo shook his head. His eyes dropped in a way that would have made me feel guilty, if he didn't have someone to go home too.

He doesn't look like a Theo, not really. Looks more like a Byron, like the poet. Or a Sir of Lancaster. Something kingly. He has the face for it, at least with what I could see.

I feel him drift back to the shelves, as if waiting for a moment to speak. As if buying time in the ten minutes before I close up. The textbooks could always be done tomorrow.

There's a gust of wind that flurries by the windows, sending a whistle of air through the cracks.

"That child who comes here on a Wednesday... Who is he?" his question came unexpectedly, and I almost jump. It's nearing the most personal question he's outrightly asked.

Theo always came later than Lucas. Perhaps Theo saw Lucas on his way in today.

I turn away, a frown twisting pensively on my lips.

"Just a child I help look after. He's a good kid. Has a dad in the army too, and the mum's run off her feet." I trail my finger down the desk, "He reminds me of someone I used to know. Lucas just needs some attention, especially since he has an older brother who's not the best influence."

"So you are trying to keep him on the straight and narrow, even while you're not related?"

I glance up, mildly perturbed at how close Theo's assumption hit so close to home, "No... I just want to guide him. Be a friend, for when he needs one. I'm hoping I'll be able to be there for him for when I persuade his mum to get him an ADHD diagnosis."

I think of my attempts of conversation with her so far, my subtle hints, my tips for his attention span. The answer to why he couldn't sit on his chair without wiggling incessantly. All flagged down with that offended look in her eyes.

"How do you know?" he asked quietly.

I give Theo my best half-smile and gesture to myself, "Four words. Like calls to like."

Theo's brows raise ever so slightly, "You have decided to trust me with that information."

I chuckle, "It's not like handing out that information could get me killed."

Theo shrugs and I laugh - I laugh before I could help it. And it's loud, boisterous and I would hate it if it hadn't brought that same smile to his face. The smile I wanted to recreate.

He bows, slightly, nothing more than a slight dip of his body, before he retreats.

"The night calls, and I find myself parched... So good evening, my lady." he murmurs, and I feel wistful as he exits. He has this way of speaking that was so archaic sometimes I almost think he's pulling my leg with it.

I hope one day soon, I'll slip in a note that had my number on there. Brave the future with hope in my heart. To ask him if he wore that ring for show or whether there was a place for me too.

______________

Okay, so the real story starts soon *rubs hands* 😏

Thank you for reading! Once again, this is an ongoing AU inspired by @oliversrarebooks, so please check their work out if you hadn't already!

Let me know if you want to be on a taglist for this! 😊

#The Last Librarian #Enigma Writes whump #Fantasy whump #Urban fantasy whump #Whumpee #Whumper #enigma writes

[scythemichaelfaraday]

“A Nice Guy”

Edgar Vargas is painted as a kind Christian soul with conviction and faith that was tragically brought to an untimely death at the hands of Johnny C.

Sure no one wants to die horrifically by the works of a homicidal maniac, but the way that Edgar goes about attempting to do so is quite covert and sheds a lot of light on who he is not only as a character but as a self-proclaimed person of faith.

Also to note before I begin: this is not a personal attack against those that see Edgar in a positive light.

Playing Nice to Get You to See Their Way (And Get What They Want)

A common tactic of Christians is to find the downhearted, the “broken”, the outcasts and build them up with friendship, affection, and support that susceptible people often lack. But their goal is not to make a lasting relationship, it’s to chip away at the person’s boundaries ever so slowly until they can indoctrinate them.

Now, Edgar’s goal obviously is not to indoctrinate Johnny, but he uses the same tactic of listening to Johnny rant about the mistreatment he experiences, offering some degree of sympathy, and ultimately showing that his primary goal of hearing Johnny out is so that he can slip in the request that he be freed. And he does this several times, most prominently, here.

The common pattern of listen, wait, and ask for what they really want.

Christians Don’t Deserve Bad Things Obviously

When asked about what he’d done to Johnny to end up in the torture device, Johnny responds that he hadn’t really done anything except for being a person.

When Edgar learns about this, he questions why then Johnny, as person, doesn’t kill himself.

The first hint that he believes only the bad, the unworthy (whatever that could mean to him) should die. Johnny is just one of the unsavory, evil people that Christians like Edgar believe deserve to be condemned (unless they ask for divine forgiveness).

And the second hint is illustrated here:

“What if I’m not like all those goblin people? You just randomly picked me out, when you could’ve taken someone more deserving.”

Many Christians like to believe that they are holy people divinely picked by God himself to show the people of this Earth how wrong they are and to come to faith to be fixed. So why would bad things happen to them? Are they not God’s special children, his “Army?”

Don’t those queers, those atheists, those left-wing lunatics, that street performer who impersonates robots and makes that irritating wheezy whistle noise more deserving of this anguish than them?

Christians don’t see any other line other than “people of Faith and my lifestyle” and “people not of Faith and my lifestyle” and anyone who fits into the latter is grouped altogether whether they be child abusers, people who get abortions, or a little child in Africa that worships another higher being than them.

Why poor innocent undeserving Edgar?

“A Heaven for Me, and a Hell For You”

This deserves its own point because in addition to claiming he is undeserving of his death, he also makes it clear that he believes in divine punishment (and reward) as all Christians do. And finally the niceties that Christians wear falls away.

He doesn’t know really anything about Johnny other than he’s a deranged, ill murderer, but he has already decided that he is deserving of Hell. Again, anyone that a Christian perceives as not being of their lifestyle and Faith is condemned to Hell.

In fact, as a bit of an anecdote, a youth group leader at a church I used to attend was very adamant and very certain that children who die before they are “saved”(including infants) go to Hell. It doesn’t matter that they are innocent and have done nothing wrong, just because they don’t serve their God, that person deserves to go to Hell.

If one takes all of this into account, the only thing we can credit Edgar with is that he was civil with Johnny until he wasn’t (I think telling someone they’re going to Hell kinda ends a civil streak). We don’t really see much more about him outside of this brief interaction, but I think most people who have been burned by Christians can see through the kind façade that he puts up.

Again this is all just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.

#jthm #johnny the homicidal maniac #edgar vargas #nny #jthm nny

[doshmanziari]

This is a question I originally posed on Instagram recently, and I thought I would extend the question here, since I am sure it will find some resonance among this account's audience (and others').

To quote (and elaborate on) my IG post:

Despite all of the ostensible advances made in recent years regarding the amplifying of marginalized creative voices, I find that one of the greatest persistent prejudices of the art world continues to be the positioning of painting as fundamentally more important than drawing. Pay attention and you will see that the art world -- galleries, museums, and art-makers, too -- still largely gravitates around the idea that it is only in exceptional cases that drawing can be painting’s equal. It is highly uncommon, in my experience, to find galleries which prioritize two-dimensional artwork to showcase as much drawing as they do painting. In fact, drawing seems to be a rarity in the upper echelons of the gallery world. Painting, sculpture, "installation" work, and -- to an extent -- photography occupy spaces of priority. This obviously has great ramifications for both what is highlighted and, as a consequence, what sort of work sells. The reasons for this bias, I believe, are complex and various; but I do think a lot of it stems from cultural conditioning, who we decide to canonize, and which work of theirs is chosen for highlighting. Michelangelo, for instance, was a masterful drawer (actually, I find that his drawings much more powerfully exhibit his abilities to render and selectively distort bodies than his paintings do), yet we still largely think of him in terms of his sculptures and frescoes, and treat his drawings as pretty much intermediate work.

Consider an instance of how this prejudice works within language. While we have the term “painterly”, which seems to refer to some activation of paint’s inherent sensuousness (often, it is applied in tandem with work where paint is applied generously and the brushstrokes are visible), we lack an equivalent term for drawing. People searching for a word might say something about “draftsmanship." To me, this word connote precision -- but also some sort of mechanical aspect, denying drawing its inherent sensuality too; and, with the inclusion of the word "draft", implying that drawing is merely that which precedes the "finished" work. One of the most prevalent witty critiques in my graduate program -- probably originally perpetuated by faculty, and then adopted by students, eager to utilize the slickest slams -- was to describe a work as “illustrative." I see this pejorative as in some way connecting to drawing, since we are most familiar with illustrations through the format of drawings, or a mixture of drawing and painting. I wonder, too, if this description was not reinforcing a notion that illustration has some inherent adjacency to literalism or crass commercialism -- that it would somehow be beneath the "professional" or "fine" artist were they to ever illustrate a book or make a comic book, or that such work strictly and forever stands outside of a worthy context.

Of course, I think this is total bullshit. Many of my most precious experiences of art as a child and teenager came by way of illustrations, and I still have great respect and admiration for those artists, even if I may not draw like them. While growing up, only rarely did I have the opportunity of going to galleries or museums and taking in artwork that way -- which isn't to say that I would not have responded with equal excitement to any of the art which may have been on display at such institutions. But it is to say that illustration -- representational drawing -- served as one of the greatest motivators and standards to which I held myself in my growth as an artist (a growth, mind you, which has never ended, and never will), and that it would be pointless and self-demeaning to treat these points of inspiration with an arrogant contempt. For me, drawing holds a great and unique appeal of accessibility -- in its making, the visibility of how it was made, and how it may encourage others to take up art themselves. Compare, for example, what you need in order to execute an oil painting against what you need in order to execute a colored pencil drawing. I would encourage anyone who may hold biases otherwise to reconsider why they are perpetuating this privileging of material. I would additionally ask people to consider why "importance" is ostensibly the greatest indicator of art that's worth paying attention to (while noting that a general agreement, as indicated by majority culture, is not always an indicator of pernicious hegemony). For myself, I have found that a lot of the most "important" artwork -- at least by contemporary, or still-living, artists -- tends to be fairly one-note and anti-visual. The largest crowds, most laudatory curatorial statements, and biggest installations can never make me care about such stuff.

#art #art world #drawing #painting #media discourse

[miyakuli]

OneShot

Dream a little dream of me

OneShot is a narrative puzzle game that takes us into a dark and dying world that little Niko will be trying to save, but not without our help. And yes, that's all you'll need to know before launching it, because believe me, the game will have plenty to surprise you.

❤ The pixel art style is very beautiful; the chara-design is varied, the illustrations are really charming and the backgrounds create a strange, gloomy atmosphere that serves its universe well. ❤ Little Niko is adorable and very lovable, and as the game often breaks the 4th wall, there's a real chemistry that forms between him and us. It's not every day I get to brag about being friends with a video game character ;) ❤ The story itself is fairly simple, but the lore is really rich and intriguing, whether it's the technological society where robots and humans live side by side, or the mystical aspect with the Author, the source of knowledge in this world and our ally in this quest. I really found myself interacting with all the elements of the game in order to better understand how it works. But the game really starts to shine in its Solstice mode, once you've replayed the game. Without spoilers, it's a way of getting back into the game by rediscovering this world all over again, but above all, of leaving it with a feeling of pure satisfaction this time, but not without emotion. ❤ The puzzles are well-balanced in terms of difficulty, and are easy to progress through, although some will make you think a little harder. However, the game's unique feature is that you use your computer to solve some of them. This mechanic also contributes a great deal to the story, with some really ingenious ideas for setting the scene! It makes for quite a unique experience (although yes, it's not the first game to have done this, it's still effective in its execution).

+/- I have very mixed feelings about the backup system. There are no automatic or manual saves. In fact, the game is built around checkpoints represented by a bed in which little Niko can rest to let us leave the game. The problem is that when you want to take a break, you have to wait until you find a bed, and there aren't that many. And when you want to continue the story, it's our tired little Niko who tells us to rest and close the game. But afterwards, this leads to a dream phase for the character when the game is relaunched, which reinforces immersion and adds extra elements to the story. In itself, it's a really interesting idea, but I still think it's a bit impractical. +/- The OST adds to the sinister atmosphere of the universe, but there aren't many tracks and the loops are noticeable when changing locations. +/- The zones are really vast and never give you any real visual reference points, which reflects Niko's feeling of being lost in this strange world….but you just get totally lost! x) Fortunately, the game allows you to teleport to different regions so that you can move more quickly once you've discovered them.

✖ Some entrance doors blend too much into the walls and really don't stand out (especially indoors, where there are no clear indications that the wall can be passed through). ✖ The footsteps are getting really annoying. ✖ The game imposes the windowed look at times, but the window is really tiny and I couldn't find any way of changing the format.

The story of OneShot has a fairly basic premise but, thanks to its gameplay choices and staging, as well as its well-developed lore, it manages to stand out a little and offers you a place of your own in its narrative, which in itself makes it rather special.

➡ My Steam page

#oneshot #oneshot game #I miss my little Niko already ;v;) <3 #Lola plays games #personal #Youtube

[agp]

theres something so cruel about being so used to having any language or symbol or idea your community develops to express the harm youve endured being turned into a weapon against you that your first association with these ideas being displayed publicly becomes the chains they can be turned into. this could apply to many things but right here right now the way its affecting me is not that big a deal and could serve as a good example to illustrate this phenomenon.

i found a womens hockey blog with a trans flag icon last night. i dont know why they have a trans flag on their icon or what theyre trying to signal, but i am tempted to be very doubtful that it primarily has to do with trans women. i believe its much more likely they want to be inclusive of transmasculine and nonbinary people who were cafab. you know, on a blog about womens hockey. i have no reason to believe they feel the same desire to include transfeminine and nonbinary people who were camab, because, yknow, its a blog about womens hockey.

those are two very seperate things to transmisogynists and i am expected to respect them when they employ the notion of trans inclusion or the trans flag to insist on the cisexist inclusion of anyone assigned female in womanhood, regardless of whether they explicitly pair it with the exclusion of trans women. to insist on interpreting the personhood of anyone assigned female through the vector of womanhood is not and will never be trans inclusion, even though a significant amount of what claims itself to be trans inclusive is done as an attempt to express this cisexist logic. that phenomenon weve been calling 'women and femmes' lately

and thats the thing: im running all this math in my head. im imagining possibilities. i kind of dont want to reach out and confirm my suspicions because i believe the odds arent in my favor here. im so restricted by my experiences with transmisogyny that im forced to anticipate retaliation. i see a public association between the concepts of trans and woman and i get ready to run like hell. and when i dont run i am consistently punished for it. because those two things are separate and theres only one good way to synthesize them as a transmisogynist. and frankly i dont know how to proceed. just gonna keep posting in fear ig

[k00293721]

Disrupt 26/10/2023

This week I was meant to do the Introduction to Photoshop workshop but it was cancelled so I was sort of lost on what to do for the week. The workshops sort of served as a foundation for ideas but without one I was sort of just wandering.

Eventually I just focused on making up concepts or ideas I could try next. I ended up doing Stop and Hold It finally. Originally they were meant to be male presenting but I decided to make them all female presenting.

Also while I was thinking of new outfits to give the other two I thought about how I could actually make them in a tarot card format. I knew I wanted to do some sort of illustration but I wasn't sure what exactly. I also feel as though I haven't experimented with that many media. So I'm going to try painting for my next thing.

Along with that revelation I thought it'd be helpful to explain why I designed the characters the way I did accompanied with some quick sketches. I'm not sure if I mentioned before but the face shape was based on safety pictogram signs and so is the colour scheme.

Hey: so basically since it could be interpreted as cautious, friendly, demanding, or authoritative depending on the tone it is used I made her somewhat carefree and unbothered. One could call her the head of the group because she can represent all of them and more.

Wait: from my observations of the people around me using the word wait, it's usually in a passive, warning or anxious state. I made her wear a kind of more modest outfit compared to the original design. I'm trying to capture a sort of guardian angel type feel, the voice of reason before you potentially do something that could harm you. The disruption for good.

Stop: Is usually said in an annoyed or angry tone. It's a simple word which stops people from what they're doing. It can be a negative thing or to prevent disaster similar to wait, just more forceful I guess. Anyway I gave her a simple design, tank top and military cargo pants. I had the vibes of someone strong and I made her short just because everyone else was giants for some reason.

Hold it: the thing with, hold it/on is it isn't used that often but when I do hear it it's followed by an instruction. Regardless it also stops you from what you're doing in a more authoritative way because of the following action. Hence I gave her a suit, when I think of authority I usually think of people with suits.

In the end they all have something in common, they're a disruption in the way that they try to prevent bad things from happening. And when I came to that conclusion I thought it'd be cool to make them into cards depicting them as like protectors or something like that. It's a start anyway.

#lsad #disrupt #art #character design

[6thfjune]

What makes me start to cook?

Recently, I was asked how I learned cooking from my fellow women friends. They said they don't know how to cook and how to do it. Some people might think that cooking is for women — women are more likely to have this skill before marriage. For me, personally, I don't think cooking is only for women, but it is also for everyone. Men and women can cook, and it doesn't matter what their gender roles are.

However, lately, there has been more divergent thought with the interpretation that cooking is a basic skill that every human should have. It's a skill that many people value.

I myself learned basic cooking in middle school. I was inspired to cook while watching "Koki Cilik," a kids show broadcast on Indonesian Tv station. The show's concept is to show cooking methods with the kid, Koki Cilik means Junior Chef, and they performed in the kitchen with the help of professionals. It was a show that made me in love with the cooking process. It wasn't easy that time, but I managed to learn step by step, including food preparation and how it served. It helped me to find the major that I took in college. I thought, I don't need to exert any special effort in that direction. Furthermore, studying nutrition is not just coupled with cooking.

Sometimes, I just cook to relieve stress. It helps me forget about other worries and focus on the dish on my hand. I like the process and the end result. Little details with some leftover on the fridge, even though it isn't astonishing, I love to capture the result. Knowing how to cook unfolds a lot of cards to experiment with food. I could try my own recipes, adding this to that, etc. Sometimes, I'm awarded with great responses from my family. Nothing satisfies me as much as seeing their happy reaction while eating my cook.

Nonetheless, there's a day that, in fact, my cook isn't great, overcooked, etc., but I hope my cook will be a reward from Allah and be my evaluation to study for the better.

Solely, cooking is a delightful way to show someone I care about them. In addition, I cook for my family — shows how much I care for them and If I have my own family in the future, it's the key way I can ensure the children will grow up healthy. From where I stand, to arrange diet and ensure from food preparation until it served as soon as it's cooked to the patient are parts of obligatory — simply I do care to the patient and ensure their dish is well-cooked and healthy with the diet I prescribed.

It's too bad that we don't have "cooking" as mandatory lessons on school. Everyone should be involved with preparing family meals at an early young age. If you want to learn how to cook. Start by asking around. Maybe a friend or your mom who knows how to cook will start you off. These days, it's easy to find recipes and steps to cook, watching youtube and reels, illustrated book, etc., and trying to follow them is the simplest way to do it. Pick something you think is easier and start there! :)

March 17th, 2023.

@6thfjune