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73chn1c0l0rr3v3l · 5 months

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if you're willing to share, i'd love to hear your thoughts on adoption/found family/people being weird about it. the way things ended up in that episode felt kind of off to me and i'm still trying to put my finger on why.

I'm writing this with a headache, so please forgive if it is a bit meandering.

I'm also going to state up front I am not talking about the adoption industry & all of the shitty stuff involved in that - I'm talking about my own experiences as an adoptee.

First things first: people are Weird about adoption. There's this assumption that people are default genetically related to their family unless stated otherwise, there's the assumption that people will want to be connected to their blood family, there's this assumption that biological family is always the best answer. I think a lot of people have a lot of default assumptions about what family IS & what it means, & they get uncomfortable if you question them.

There are 2 adoption narratives - either your adopted family is horrible & you find your biological family & stuff is Better, or you leave your horrible biological family to get adopted into a family that is Better. There's nothing for "i won't ever have access to the biological family, & I don't entirely relate to my adopted family either," or "my biological family loves me but I can't be in their lives because our values are too different but I don't actually like my adopted family but they're who I grew up with" or even the very succinct "they both suck, okay?" There's a huge variety of experience, & I feel like a lot of the nuance gets lost on people who don't relate for whatever reason.

It's one reason the Timeless Child resonated with me so hard? Because yeah, sometimes you don't know who you might have been & you mourn it, but you can't be anyone but the society that raised you. On a more personal level... well, Tecteun very intensely reminded me of my mother, & I was rewatching Flux (including That part) the night she died & uh... certain parts of that sure were familiar.

It's really frustrating as someone who is currently sorting through some VERY complicated family feelings - my mother (my actual mother, the mother who raised me) died in September. My father - the man I grew up with - died in 2012. I haven't heard from most of my family since then - I didn't hear from most of my family when my mother was dying, which happened over months. I haven't heard from my father's family in more than a decade at this point. They were not there when I was suffering as a kid, they were not there when I needed support as a teenager, they were not there when I was coming into myself as a young adult. Family to me isn't a thing that you WANT, because what's the point of it? I understand it's a different thing for other people, but these things are never one size fits all, & I resent them being treated as such.

If you came up to me & said "you can travel with the Doctor through time & space & you get a SPACE DAD or a SPACE MOM" I would run very fast in the other direction. I've got parents. Depending on how you look at it, I've got more than the usual set that most folks have. I don't want a replacement or an additional parent - I want to grieve the ones I have, untangle the feelings I've got about them. I want people in my life who care about me, who I care about - friends, lovers, mentors, partners, & all those other relationships that you don't have names for. I like it when things don't slot into place neatly.

Which leads me to my issues with found family as a trope. My main issue with it is that it treats the whole thing as very... one size fits all. That everyone *wants* to be part of a family with a mom & a dad & a grandmother & kids. Versus wanting to be in a polycule, wanting to be in a friend group, wanting to be part of a community. I feel like with the ending of the Giggle, it was slotting the Doctor (& Mel) in the parts of a traditional family - they're the aunt & the uncle now! Not blood related, but still having a designated Place. Which possibly ties in to people being weird about adoption, since merely being Not Blood Related somehow makes it different.

I am, admittedly, also allergic to labels. My only label irt my sexuality is queer, I do not have a gender, I have stepped off the various spectrums & am just... me. What I like about the Doctor & their relationships is that most of the time they're in that same grey area? Is the Doctor Sarah Jane's lover? Her best friend? Her avuncular old uncle figure? Her mentor? They all apply to varying degrees, but they're all also valid, & I love that.

I could also talk about my SPECIFIC issues with how it was done in the giggle, but most of that comes down to taste, & we all know that varies from person to person to a much greater degree.

I am also not telling off people who do like found family & those dynamics- I'm really glad there's so much space for so many interpretations! I'm really glad there are so many different enjoyments to be had!

... I'm not sure if all of this entirely made sense, but thank you for letting me ramble a bit.

#doctor who #i didn't realize i had so much to say #spoilers #thanks nonnie

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xerayn · 2 years

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I've been thinking about it a lot recently but Kingdom Hearts makes it pretty hard to determine like what makes a human, or even what a heart is (queue Roxas meme here), so I've tried to gather up what I think kh has told us about it as well as my interpretation of some vaguer stuff and theories. I may be dumb and only realising this now, but I hope this post can help a few others too.

Basically, somebodies (normal people) are made up of three core things: a body, a heart, and a soul. The body is pretty self explanatory, it carries everything. A heart is what holds your emotions and your general personality. However, not a lot has been said about the soul, but judging by Lingering Will (more about that in a bit), I think the soul is your thoughts and common sense in a way. Your heart may be the thing guiding some people (like Sora), but its ultimately the soul to translate that into thoughts. And for people like Riku, they listen to their souls more than their hearts.

From Kingdom Hearts Wiki, it says that memories are links within the heart (and since Naminé was linked to Sora via hearts, Naminé could manipulate the links in his heart and the 'links' close to Sora). I think though, the soul is also involved into this. It may be the heart where all the links are, but I think it takes the soul to interpret it and actually remember the memories.

When Roxas is first born, he had no heart. He was not conscious for seven days, which by that stage he was enrolled into the Organization fully. Similar with Xion, she had little self or personality for a while before she developed her own with Roxas' help. The other Organization members thought it was something to do with having no memories and therefore not 'remembering how to emulate emotions'. My theory is that Roxas and Xion had no soul, as Sora kept his soul as a heartless (and being able to return to normal due to that), so Roxas and Xion has no sense of selves. The other nobodies had kept their souls and so could have fuzzier memories of their pasts, since they did not have hearts at the time so they did not have the memory links. Think of it like a memory of remembering something. It could also explain why Marluxia and Larxene do not remember Strelitzia and the Keyblade War as nobodies, as those memories could be hazier (there's a load of memory haziness with time travel from the Keyblade War, maybe to do with cutting of too many links within the heart?). They only had the memory of remembering events, and if the memories were already hazy, it could mean that it would be easier to forget. This is just speculation by me though so I could be wrong in this. It's just interesting to see what a soul is honestly.

But anyway, back to the main focus. A somebody has a heart, a soul, and a body. The soul rests within the body, and the heart rests within the soul (as mentioned in the start of the kh4 announcement trailer). I imagine it something like this.

When a heart is taken over by darkness, or falls, it gets turned into a heartless. The body and soul would disappear. However, some people have a strong will (or what I believe is the soul), gets turned into a nobody. The stronger the will, the more human like they are. The more self they have. The more soul basically.

The soul however is "guided by fate to it's rightful place" eventually, but what that means is still lost on me. Maybe it is to do with the whole reality/unreality deal (I have my own theories about that, some of which has come true) but I'm not sure. So I'm just going to leave this as interpretation for someone else.

Another way of viewing these three concepts is with an example. Xehanort possessed Terra at the end of Birth By Sleep, using Terra's body and Xehanort's heart, forming Terranort. When you fight Terranort as Aqua during the Final Episode, Terranort has basically one body, two hearts (technically three with Eraqus but he just complicates matters and makes more of a confusing soup), and one soul. Xehanort pushing his soul into Terra made his soul fall out in a way, which forms the Lingering Will. There's still the imprint of Terra's will in Terra's body, since at that time there was still Terra's heart and his soul was forcibly removed instead of what happened with Roxas, who never had a soul in the first place. Time skip a little, and Terranort splits his heart and body. The heartless are Ansem Seeker of Darkness, and the Guardian, former being Xehanort's heartless, and the latter being Terra's heartless. The nobody of Terranort turns into Xemnas. So Terra had been completely separated from his will, heart and body.

That's about it for the moment of thoughts about this, and I hope this makes a bit of sense. I wasn't meaning to turn this into such an essay but it just happened to be lol.

#kingdom hearts #kh #essay #long post #theory #hopefully this makes sense #I didn't realize I had so much to say #lol

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neat-crows · 4 months

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So I've been re-watching dr who for the first time ever rn, with a friend who's never seen it before, so I'm seeing all these episodes for the first time since I was 13 and picking up on a LOT that I never noticed before, and holy shit the tenth doctor is SO WEIRD to Martha Jones, and nothing exemplifies that more than the sontaran stratagem/the poison sky.... like..... he is SO weird the whole way down.

When they first see each other again their introduction directly mirrors Jack and The Doctor's in Utopia

"Doctor" "martha Jones" laugh and hug

"doctor" "captain Jack" laugh and hug

And then! they have a normal interaction!!! WIN he asks how her family is and how she is, and they're smiling and genuinely seem like friends very happy to see each other!

And then.... donna drops the fiance bomb.

He turns with a look of.... almost anger? disbelief? and asks WHAT MAN?? Then martha explains who he is and the doctor....

he looks? upset? and then like, resigned? AND THEN martha admits that her fiance is kind of similar to the doctor, and then donna asks "Is he skinny?" and his reactions

is to make a face like "yeahh" AND START NODDING????? like he's taken Martha's admission to mean she's with a man that's just like him, and honestly seems a bit smug over it, and then when Martha says no-

he looks so taken off guard and betrayed ??????????? BRO we are less than 5 minutes in..............

He then proceeds to be tetchy with her, and to be fair this is mostly because of her involvement with unit, and his discomfort with how militaristic she's gotten - which I think comes both from anger at himself for how he's changed her, and also discomfort that she's no longer "his" Martha, she's changed, and he doesn't know her as well anymore.

he tells her off, he's snide and judgmental, he won't even look at her until she tells him to, and he's honestly bitchy - Until she explains herself, and tells him off for being so judgmental, i also think his line "oh so it's my fault" is very telling because..... it literally is? like yes, you put her in situations where she had to become harder and more used to violence......... and he KNOWS it. He's doing what he did all through series 3, which is feel guilty or bad and then take it out on Martha (that's for another post though) until she stands up for herself (get his ass!!) and then when she's finished she looks at him

determined, but eyes darting back and forth waiting for his reaction, on some small level hoping for his approval

and only THEN does he start to smile, and he tells her "that sounds more like Martha Jones." she's back to feeling like she's still his (to him, Martha is acting incredibly normal and platonic). The doctor has always had a weird possessiveness with Martha, going all the way back to their first episode where he hand picked her, and in this second of her looking for his approval, he feels that again, and he IMMEDIATELY started flirting again - please go watch the scene it boggles my mind how fast he switches.

I also want to be clear, Martha isn't flirting back, she's acting extremely normally. She's clearly taken the time away from him to get over, not only romantic feelings, but any anger as well. She seems to have come to terms with how she feels with everything that happened, and she loves and cares about him, but she's not naive to his faults - I also don't think she even picks up on him being weird to her in this scene. She's no longer in tune with his every mood swing, she's not here to fix him, or cater to his needs, and so she no longer notices these small moments from him.

AND THEN.... the clone.

He never flirts with the clone. The ONLY time, is the very first time they interact, before he's realized something is wrong.

he calls her over to come with him, and his face is honestly way too close to hers. bro is a menace. but then, maybe 2 minutes later, he immediately clocks that this is not Martha.

he realizes there has to be a spy and only has to consider for half a second before he turns and asks about her family, he's already realized she's acting a little off, and the second she answers he's 100% certain.

and he gets MAD. he tells her Donna went home because she's not like her, she's not "a soldier" clearly a shot at the sontarans, but also another subtle test, the real Martha wouldn't let that slide, and he wouldn't say that to the real Martha. He continues saying Avanti, instead of Allonse-y, which is interesting, because he already knows. He's not doing this to confirm his suspicions, he's doing this as retaliation. To confirm to himself he knows Martha better than this fake, he's toying with her. BUT. He doesn't go to save Martha.

The next episode, the doctor's daughter, he refuses to accept the label of soldier, but Jenny rightfully points out that he strategizes like one And this is one such moment. He knows Martha is a clone, he's mad and upset, he could go save her right away, but he doesn't. He doesn't because it serves him best to allow her to keep shutting down the nuclear launch.

It reminds me a lot of when Cassandra possessed Rose in New Earth, he played a long for a little bit, but that was just to figure out what was happening. He IMMEDIATELY tried to fix it, I just wonder if it was any other companion if he would have done this. If it was Donna would he have left her for so long? even if it was strategic? it's this weird conflict the doctor has now that he's very very protective and a bit possessive, but he also treats her like an equal on the battlefield, and it's a weird... trust? he has in her to take care of herself.

I kind of don't want to call it trust because that sounds too positive, but I don't know another way to phrase it, but it's a forced independence and self sufficiency.

but then, he finally goes to save her

He goes and cradles her face gently, and NOTABLY says "good, still alive" MEANING HE DIDN'T KNOW??? and still left her for that long...

but he holds her gently, and fully ignores the clone. He has his back to her, and then proceeds to taunt her. He tells her he clocked her right away because of the pupil size, thin hair, and he says she smells. but we know this isn't true.

Sure maybe those physical traits are true, but that's not how he figured it out, we saw how he did it, he clocked on because he knows Martha so well, but he can't admit that. He can't admit that he knows her just as much as she knows him, just like he couldn't tell Rose he loved her.

He is so deeply angry at this clone, he makes fun of her, he yells at her, he looks at her likes she's nothing

This is his face when he kills her. He doesn't talk to her, or even TRY to save her. And we know she is alive, she has memories, and her own thoughts and feelings, and the doctor kills her while gloating because of his immense anger for hurting Martha. An anger that is also guilt.

he does not speak to her like a person (which directly leads into his treatment of Jenny in the next ep).

Parallel that to how Martha treats her, they talk about their family and she even calls the clone Martha. She really is a doctor in a way ten tried and often failed at.

And then at the end, Donna asks Martha to come with them, and she says no, and that she's happy at home, but she's better for having traveled and come back.

And the doctor looks at her

With an obvious sadness, but also acceptance. He clearly wants her here, with him, but I think he's finally come to accept that that'll never happen, and he needs to let her go.

Edit: I Like their dynamic(mostly) This is not an anti tenmartha post Him being a freak is compelling

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nighttimenothings · 2 months

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as a masc, there's something about interlacing my fingers with a femme's that is so personal to me because the contrast of our hands, the shape and feel of them, look so good together. something about my blunt nails and angular fingers against your painted nails and softer hands is so precious and gorgeous.

we're two separate beings, but then we can be in a state where we're so wrapped up in each other we can hardly tell where we start and end, yet here, with our hands clasped, i see how different we are, yet so wholly connected we remain.

i think about rubbing my thumb over the curve of her thumb, slow and steady, just so she knows i'm here, that i'm a constant. i think about holding out my hand asking do you trust me? and she might say yes and i'll hold her hand like i'm a knight, a prince, asking her to dance. my thumb will swipe over her knuckles, and my lips will brush against them too. my lady.

it's the most minimalistic way to be physically touching, and i think it's beautiful that there are so many different ways and reasons we can be holding hands.

#wow i didn't realize i had so much to say about handholding?#have fun with that everyone #GOd that reminds me of holding someones hand hostage in my pocket to keep it warm #that'll be a separate post because i have Thoughts #lesbian #sapphic #wlw #sapphic yearning #wlw yearning #nighttimenothings #men and minors dni

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keepthetension · 3 months

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this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh

i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest

anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~

#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #it's incredible like i don't think i fully realized how ashamed i feel until this episode had me ugly crying into my blankie #especially because the abuse was invisible and people say: oh everyone's family says harsh things! it's because they care! they love you!#and no matter how hard you try to explain the magnitude of what was done to you people still shrug and say but they're *family*#not that there was ZERO physical abuse but like. that's just How It Is in the community i grew up in so it's not a Reason reason #and that's all aside from all that's expected of me as the child of an asian family (that i am simply doing none of)#FUCK i guess i just compartmentalized all of this so securely i didn't think it could bleed out anymore #thanks tsukutabe. i guess?#this show is RELENTLESSLY coming for me this season too like explicitly stated asexual rep? a treat for me personally!#idk i never expected an asian drama to be so clear about this especially because kasuga's abuse was invisible too #and the idea of not sacrificing yourself for your parents is COUNTER to what you're supposed to do #i am just VERY EMOTIONAL right now #i love kasuga so much and it was rough to see her going through it but i am SO HAPPY that she's accepted and loved

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inkerii · 1 year

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So I couldn't help but browse the THG tag bc those books own my whole heart. I actually check it now and again, and it's been interesting see how opinions have changed over the years, especially in regards to Gale and Peeta. Going through the evolution of them as just potential love interests to being far more complex than I could have expected has been a wild ride. Crazy how this reads different than from when I was a preteen.

That said, I wanted to give my unsolicited two cents on my boys, because though I have been enjoying the discussion on Peeta and Gale and what they mean to the story, I also feel like reducing them to Peeta = peace and Gale = war is far too simplistic... and oftentimes unfair to one or both of them.

See, I don't think Peeta and Gale are peace and war/destruction. They're compassion and indignation.

Peeta worries about the other tributes, or their families, or how to repay people like Rue and Thresh for what they did.

Gale is indignation at how the Capitol treats its citizens, it's anger at the injustice of inequality and brutality.

Both are needed in a story like THG. You can't have people like even Peeta not say something like "maybe we're wrong about keeping things quiet in the districts", you can't have him not drop the baby bomb, you can't start a revolution without Gale's indignation at the status quo. At deserving a better life but being denied it, at having your kids be mercilessly killed for literal sport.

However, if you start a rebellion and loose sight of your compassion, you end up no better than the people you're fighting against. Gale wasn't a bad person, imo. His heart was in the right place. He was flawed, yes, but so is everyone in this series. Gale, most importantly, lost sight of the line between fighting for the people he cared about and fighting against the people who hurt him.

Reducing Gale's indignation to just revenge and hatred ignores so much of what he stands for. Who hasn't seen laws passed that dehumanize people, who hasn't been angry and furious when someone is elected who fundamentally hates everything you are, who doesn't think some people need to pay for the atrocities they committed? There's a little bit of Gale in every single one of us - and it's important that it's there, because that's what gives us strength to challenge the status quo and make life better for the future generations.

But. You can't let it take over. You can't loose sight of your compassion or your empathy.

That's where Peeta comes in. Peeta is the voice in your head that worries about how many good lives will be lost when they give themselves up for this cause. Peeta is the worry about the people caught in the crossfire. Peeta is rebuilding when it's over and believing that the next generation will have a better life than your own. Peeta is being kind, even to people who may not deserve it.

And Gale... Gale looses sight of his compassion, and he doesn't realize it until it smacks him in the face when the bombs go off and Prim is gone and he's too far gone. Meanwhile, Peeta advocates for the end of the war even though it means the status quo remains - and regardless of what he believes himself, I don't think Suzanne chose him to say those lines by chance. It means both mindsets have their flaws: too kind and things that shouldn't remain will never be challenged and changed, too angry and you may loose sight of what you're fighting for.

And that's just how Suzanne uses her characters, both of them, all of them. Just look at who is with Katniss depending on the situation:

- Katniss chooses to "rebel" after Gale is brutally whipped. She kisses him.

- Katniss realizes that in order for D12 to rebel, everyone would need to be in on it, and she realizes most of them are not like her, that they're scared and she understands, emphasises with them. Peeta walks by her side.

- Katniss finally does it though, shoots the arrow at the force field, and Peeta is taken from her, it's now Gale by her side.

(You can't start a rebellion without indignation, and sometimes you HAVE to do it or things will never change, regardless of the inevitable pain that will come along.)

- Katniss is righteously angry at the Capitol bombing a hospital full of innocents to make a point. Gale remains there.

- Coin twists people's compassion into an army to fight for her own personal gain. Peeta is hijacked and looses his sense of self.

- Katniss and Gale go to District 2 and even though she tries to be like Peeta, she's still shot- reinforcing Gale's views, the person who was with her during that sequence.

- Katniss is angry at Snow, Katniss goes to the Capitol to kill him. Gale is there.

- Katniss gets in way over her head and realizes she is responsible for the death of most of her squad. She shares the lamb stew with Peeta, and later cleans his wounds.

- Finnick dies and she's at her lowest up until that point and all she wants to do is give up and give in to the anger. She kisses Peeta and begs him to stay with her.

... Claiming that Gale is destruction ignores the fact that he's with Katniss through her own moments of strength. Her desire to change things, to fight back, is as important as her compassion. Mockingjay just brutally shows you what war does to your indignation, to your compassion. How easy it is to cross a line between righteous anger and revenge, or how your sense of empathy and compassion can be manipulated into something monstrous by others, or by all the terrible, brutal, painful things you see.

How easy it is to loose yourself- and that goes for both of them.

Peeta and Gale aren't static characters, they go from representations of sentiments regarding an injust government to what happens to those feelings when an extreme situation such as war breaks out. All of that, by the way, while dealing with this duality themselves, because they are still characters who think and feel and struggle and have flaws of their own- and while I love what they stand for, I've seen too many comments that pin everything into what they mean, that they forget that Peeta and Gale are still people, they aren't perfect metaphors. They're human.

Ultimately, Katniss doesn't really choose peace. She wants peace, yes. But what she chooses is compassion. empathy. hope. There's a time and place for anger at injustice. There's a time when fighting back is the right thing to do. There are even times when you wanna give in to your despair and lash out. But if you want peace, then you have to choose Peeta, because Peeta represents what you need to focus on to achieve that peace. You have to let go of the anger or you won't ever rest. So Gale leaves, and does not come back... And yet, Katniss still has her moments of indignation, of making a stand, even as he goes - she still casts her vote at that meeting, she still shoots Coin. Katniss does not abandon that part of who she is. It's just not her main drive anymore.

So then she goes on to make the choice, every single day, to be compassionate to others. To have hope. To rebuild. Of course she chooses Peeta.

... Idk, man. These boys are so much more than what I see them so often reduced to. They're in all of us. There will be times to stand and fight, and times to show mercy and be kind. We just need to find that balance, as Katniss eventually did.

#the hunger games #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #gale hawthorne #it took me over a decade but I finally bit the bullet and decided to talk about this series #I love it so much #there's so much more I could say I had to hold myself back #like how BOTH Gale and Peeta are never fully gone even tho most people only focus on Peeta #But Gale knew what he did was wrong #It's not as clear bc he's not a pov character and katniss is too tired to try and read him but #prim's death touched him #he didn't brush it off he didnt see it as justified bc at least now its over #regardless of his reasons he still has enough sense of self to realize this #unlike y'know. characters like coriolanus who makes up so many excuses for what he did #including indirectly killing the character who is the personification of innocence and hope #like prim was #(side note I dont think any of the tbosas characters are direct parallels to the thg ones)#(theres little bits of katniss peeta AND gale in characters like snow)#(bc they're all representative of indignation and anger / compassion / fear and the need to feel safe)#(which every human being in the world has - even that bastard)#(he just chooses a different path)#(tbosas is very good btw)#(y'all should read it before the movie makes it about romance like I'm terrified it will)#ps if anyone knows how to put a read more on mobile can you let me know thx ily

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pitske · 3 months

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ROTZBACKE! HAKENZAHN! OI! OI! OI!

#I know some people will disagree with me here and that is totally okay :#I grew up watching httyd and I absolutely prefer the german version over the og (which doesn't happen often)#I think it is so undeniably better in my opinion because it 1) is what I am used to #and 2) because I'm a northern german and the way they talk seems so close to home its just nice-#um's auf gut deutsch zu sagen: die hamburgern so schön /lh #of course in my family we mostly speak like that for emphasis or whatever but I JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I LOVE IT SO MUCH #I can speak along with the movie in its entirety in german I just-only piece of media that had more of an impact on my life than Undertale #I will say I am sadly not a third movie enjoyer. I'm sorry I just didn't like it very much but I respect the people who do #I also have only watched it once while I've watched rtte like... idk 3 times?#also finally getting to the drawing- I LOVE SNOTLOUT AND HOOKFANG SO MUCCH #also Rotzbacke's Synchronsprecher is just so damn funny-#oh btw Planzin and Tectco watched me go through the five stages of grief when I realized the reason why angel dust sounded so familiar #in the german dub was because the voice actor is the same guy who voice acts fishlegs in german #pitske’s art #pitskederdoenerhaendler #so much shit going down guys I need to draw the entire dragon rider crew #httyd fanart #httyd #snotlout #snotlout jorgenson #hookfang #how to train your dragon

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romance-rambles · 25 days

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IN WHICH HE HAS (ALMOST) NOTHING TO HIDE (ANYMORE)

Years after you settle down near New Godheim, your sons take part in a scheme to distract their father before the big surprise party. Unfortunately, Alkaid is observant—and his sons take after him.

— pairing: [background] [godheim] alkaid mcgrath x little painter/you

— word count: 1.4k

— tags: post-canon, birthday surprises, really domestic stuff with slight angst, children of characters

— notes: this one doesn't even have mc in it i'm crying. don't really have that big of a reason to name the twins after stars, just thought it was cute. also showing my green name-ness by making his longer than ayn's

return to lbc masterlist | series: an eventful first meeting

ALKAID IS TENDING TO HIS garden when the door to the quaint house he shares with his wife and three children creaks open.

Hushed whispers descend upon his blossoming garden, but he remains deliberately immersed in cooing over the flowers. His gloved fingers hover over, but never touch, the stems of the purple flower he once brought to life for his wife—back in the snow-buried Godheim he once called home.

Whatever silence his sons can scrounge up lasts only until someone starts shoving—from the yelping, he can guess it's Leo, the older of the two. They sort out the argument between them quickly, then wordlessly set out further into his garden.

And this is, apparently, how some siblings act, particularly if they're close in age. You've vouched for the statement with anecdotes of your school life, but even almost thirteen years later, he finds it hard to wrap his head around it.

He and Ehlonna were never so rough with each other—or at all. But then again, they could only ever dream of the only kind of childhood his sons know.

This is only another difference in a terribly long list, one he hopes will only grow longer.

"Hmm?" Alkaid pauses in his act, pretending to have only just noticed his sons' arrival. "Who is it?"

Silence greets him in return. He waits. A second becomes many, but they do not keep him waiting for long. Instead, they join him by the flowers, almost solemn in the way they gaze at his hard work.

And the way their eyebrows pinch together reminds him of you.

"And what brings the two of you here?" Resting his hands on his knees, he cranes his neck to greet them, one by one. A hint of amusement trickles into his tone. "Will you not be helping your mother this year?"

The two attempt to glance at each other. He leans back a little, disguising his short laugh as a polite cough. The remnants of a smile, however, linger long after his gloved hand retreats. Pressing the back of his bent fingers against his lips, he allows it to return to its former glory.

Behind his back, they converse wordlessly. He pretends he can't hear the rustling of their clothes as they gesture at each other.

"No," Leo huffs out. Forest green eyes narrow at him, carefully gauging his reaction. "There's no point in trying this year."

"Yeah," Sirius grumbles.

Unlike his brother, he's nearly the splitting image of his mother. The title is out of reach only because of the occasional reminders that Alkaid is his father—in the color of his eyes. In the thickness of his hair. In his love for gardening, and in his quiet perceptiveness, one that would leave him wise beyond his ears if he had been born into any other life.

"You always know what we're up to for your birthday."

Indeed, Alkaid thinks privately, settling down onto the ground, with his hands back on his knees. Without delay, his sons mimic him. Today is no different. But he'll pretend it is, though it remains to be seen if his youngest son will buy it.

"Oh," he utters instead. "You didn't get me a present?"

"Not a physical one," the blond says quickly. His words take on a biting quality at the end—the message is clear, both to his brother and to Alkaid, though it's aimed at only one of them. Say something. "We're going to do whatever you want to do, Father."

Turning his head to Leo, Alkaid pretends to think, "Well, I did plan on spending more time on the garden."

"Urk." His next words slip out through gritted teeth, not quite an affirmative, but neither is it a denial. The blond leans forward, unamused gaze pinned on his snickering brother. "Ahem, it's your birthday, Father. You should relax for the day. Somewhere far, far away from here."

"Your mother once did something similar," Alkaid says wistfully, obliviously. "How nostalgic."

In unison, with an ease that suggests much practice, the twins gag at his words. They cap it off with a bland, but insistent, "We know," having perhaps grown tired of hearing the same things over and over again.

"Have I mentioned it before?" he inquires innocently. He hasn't, by the way. Nor has he mentioned the ending, where you did manage to surprise him. Such a trick can only work so many times. "I must've forgotten."

"It's possible," Sirius agrees amiably, having recovered in remarkable time. His fingers lightly caress the soft petals of Alkaid's flowers. "It only shows how much you care about Mother. You make her tea whenever she wants and you've been growing these flowers because they remind you of her."

Less amiably, Leo grumbles, "And you've told us so many stories that we could recite them in our sleep. You and Mother both."

Alkaid smiles faintly. If that is the worst of his sins, of their sins, then surely, they're doing something right. That he has to listen to his children complain is a small price to pay.

"So, when are you going to give them to her?"

"I'm not sure," he admits.

It is the sense that he's being watched that spurs him to glance back at the kitchen window, but the curtain remains drawn, void of any silhouettes that would give the game away. He thinks of his wife, of the awkwardness that's settled into their home—a genuine mistake they don't feel equipped to fix, one that isn't even their own, not entirely.

But they should've expected it. They should've realized that people would carelessly bring Ehlonna up in front of the twins. They should've known better than to try and hide her sacrifice, her—

In that moment, the dark-haired boy nudges him, pulling his attention back onto the flowers. Carefully, a smile slots back into his pleasant expression. Alkaid unclenches his hand—and when had he done that?—and resolves to focus on the current matter at hand.

"Then, do the two of you have any ideas?"

"You'd know better," the younger blond mumbles, his spirits having noticeably dampened at the direction the conversation is taking. "You've known her for a long, long time. Longer than us, since before—"

As expected, Leo was—is—the bigger problem. And Alkaid understands it. He does. But he's allowed to hope that, one day, Leo will realize he has nothing to compensate for, even if he is a bit more withdrawn than his siblings.

A lot more withdrawn, actually.

Perhaps oblivious to the slight tension in the air, though that seems unlikely, Sirius interrupts him without a care. "Give them to her on her birthday!"

A sound option, but—

Alkaid glances at his oldest son. Lips jutting out into a pout, he glares at the unsuspecting flowers in front of him. Under the sun's warmth, his hair takes on a more golden hue, as if it was gold spun into delicate strands.

Brushing the boy's bangs out of his face, Alkaid asks, "And what about you?"

"Isn't it your birthday today?"

He holds his forehead and scowls. At his father's words? At his actions? The older blond remains uncertain. Scarlet blooms acroas the boy's cheeks, the color intensifying as his brother snickers.

Gently, Alkaid offers his younger son a rebuke.

"You're right. Why don't we change the subject then?" He chuckles, tapping his chin. A hint of amusement slips into his words; his next words come out almost song-like. "Now, what shall we talk about?"

"Anything else."

"From before you met Mother!"

As requested by his boys, the topic shifts. The garden soon forgotten, they talk about his childhood.

He talks about Zack, who he'd reunited with shortly after New Godheim had been established, who they knew as "Uncle Zack". He talks about Ehlonna, focusing on the happier memories—on stars, and how he thought she might appreciate the company.

He talks about the Archmage last, telling them close to everything but the period in between, where their relationship grew distant. Wording his sentences carefully, so that they won't look unkindly upon his mentor. Focusing on the happier bits, like the time he and Ehlonna threw him a surprise party, even though they—and the emperor, as well—knew nothing about the day of his birth.

And in the garden they remain, until the ringleader behind this surprise birthday operation comes to fetch them herself, when Alkaid utilizes his best acting skills to be nothing less than thoroughly caught off-guard.

They don't really believe him, but that's okay.

There's always next year.

#fics by aya #lovebrush chronicles #for all time #lovebrush chronicles x reader #for all time x reader #alkaid mcgrath #alkaid mcgrath x reader #lovebrush alkaid #lovebrush alkaid x reader #lbc alkaid #lbc alkaid x reader #rambles from here on ->#i worry about godheim alkaid sometimes. like. did you get to properly mourn your sister? did you?#not to the same extent of the other alkaids because uh. yeah.#this ended up being...not very fluffy...but it's domestic!!#i knew i wanted one twin to be emotionally constipated and one to be not—but leo got way more screen time rip sirius #the title is almost an artifact title because i didn't realize how much he really had to hide but like also #*looks at lars and clarence* relatively little to do with mc's circumstances (mostly common ending shenanigans)#ehlonna in hindsight sticks out as a sore spot like how do you cope with being told your aunt died for you to even be born?#and they say it so happily too like her dying was something noble!! death is death it's sad!! especially for family #sirius copes with it better because he compartmentalizes it; leo gets consumed by the thought

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chiropteracupola · 3 months

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I feel so near to the howling of the wind / Feel so near to the crashing of the waves / Feel so near to the flowers in the field...

[moth and compass is a collaboration with @natdrinkstea!]

#em draws stuff #oc time again hehe #moth and compass #the light keeper: luna maitland #LONG TIME NO MOTH AND COMPASS!! HERE SHE IS :3 #it feels like forever since I've just let myself paint around instead of fast scribble or big limited-palette colorblocks #and coming back to my usual brushes just felt so much easier in comparison - relaxing even though I didn't realize I was stressed!#well. I did know I was stressed but not About This.#feel like I've got a better idea of how to quick-render an effective background now!#genuinely I'm pleased enough with this that it's going in the portfolio #<- he says as if the portfolio is getting used for anything and isn't just a folder on his phone with his favorite art pieces of his own #caption lyrics from 'feel so near' by dougie maclean which I have had on a cd for over a decade and is very precious to me

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demonsfate · 6 months

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fun fact! with the exception of tekken 6 and seemingly tekken 8, devil jin always has longer bangs than jin. (a detail that was even added in tekken 7 somehow!) why this is being omitted in tekken 8, and why it wasn't in tekken 6 either, is unknown.

#✏️ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ // (ooc)#// but i don't mind it TOO much in tek8 since #// i'm just grateful he has his other features back (grey complexion + dark lips)#// just 'cos i saw sb reblog my art - taking note of dj's longer bangs #// and saying somethin like it reminds them of tek3 dj #// and i didn't wanna nerd out on them by saying 'actually-!'#// so djfgnfdjnhfdgjndg i just made this post :')#// plus it looks like an evolution of them in graphics xD #// i'm guessssiiing the reason WHY it was omitted in tek6 #// was bc tek5 was the first time dj had an actual concrete design #// so tek6 was tweaking it a lil bit... seeing what it liked and didn't #// so it tried to get rid of the bangs - all while also giving him the chains around his pants #// but then after tek6 - they realized they liked the longer bangs after all #// dunno why 8 is getting rid of them again tho

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glass-oranges · 1 month

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What if I connected to a very unstable chassis then tried to kill you and your girlfriend wouldn't that be fun

#i need to redo my artfight refs and i needed to design the chassis part of vampire core for later on in the story #he has like an outfit change moment #is it even a portal story if theres not an evil bitch piloting the chassis /j #this is the same chassis seen in the portal coop dlc just with some changes so it's easier to draw #i think using this chassis works better than glados's because i don't wanna add glados to my oc story and vampire core does a lot coop tests #soo thats the vision #nothing against glados but id perfer to keep paradox as an oc only thing #and i don't wanna research how to write glados by reading her wiki page for hours #goddd i need to write the story outline before artfight comes #id like at least some of my characters to have lore on their pages ya know :)#i keep saying 'wow i need to write this already' then not doing it #oc writing is fun. i know its fun. i have fun doing it. but my brain tricks me into thinking its not fun and i don't like doing it #i got to the coloring stage before realizing I didn't like the brush i used for lineart so i had to redo it #but im glad i did it looks much better :) it also let me add the big claws i wanted him to have #i gave up on that puppet its an optional accessory for fun now sorryyyyyy #aughh i wanna animate so bad seeing my friends animate motivates me to do it too but I dont have timeeeee #portal #portal oc #Vampire core (oc)

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roobylavender · 8 months

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had talia not been character assassinated do you think she and bruce should have gotten back together?

no. i hate to use the word "phase" bc that would seem to diminish the importance of what's between them, which is something that will always persist esp as their continued dedication to the same causes and their respect for each other remains. but i do think realistically bruce should be a phase in talia's life. at least in terms of consummated romances specifically. i do love the idea of them remaining allies, close friends, and co-parents, but i think allowing talia to walk away from ra's and bruce in the first place has to stand for something in the long term. before talia went her own way i think it was easier to imagine a potential future where she ended up with bruce bc it felt like the desirable option. she was in this very debilitating position where she had little to no freedom to act on her own desires and goals, the embodiment of which was none other than bruce. so when you frame her situation pre-tower of babel, obv wanting to be with bruce was appealing. he was as much the love of her life as he was a means of escape and freedom and talia having the scope to then act on her own desires. i think that's what subsequently makes dc #750 (or is it #570. i never get the numbers straight and i'm too lazy to check) a really clever issue, actually, bc it acknowledges that and the fact that bruce once again setting her free bc of his love for her actually gives her the courage to step out on her own where she never has before. the fact that she has the option to go back to gotham with bruce and presumably have everything she's ever wanted with him, but she leaves it anyway, is a really huge deal. it's a statement. she loves him, but not more than she loves herself. and sure, what talia puts herself through during lex corp era certainly begs the question of whether her version of loving herself is really viable or in any way healthy, and i would love to see bruce help her recognize that she's not alone and that she doesn't have to do it alone to prove that she's capable. all of this i agree with. but i don't think that really means she and bruce have to fall back on their once-imagined dream of playing house. even if talia did find methods of going about her work that were mentally healthier i don't really know what'd be in it for her to play house with bruce in gotham. bc that is what it would have to be, for their relationship to work in any way. bruce will never leave gotham and son of the demon didn't need to explore that issue bc it was never going to get there but trust that corny as the line about naming the baby thomas or martha was it was reflective of a reality: gotham is bruce's entire life. no matter where he goes, no matter what he does, no matter who he works with, in the end he will always belong to gotham. and i simply do not think that would ever work for talia bc there is so much more she is capable of. while her vision is aligned with bruce's her scope of access and ability is entirely distinct of his own and there is so much more that she can do aside from relegate herself to gotham (hence why lex corp as an arc makes so much sense, bc it capitalizes on that scope). and yeah every superhero couple is kinda crazy and they have teleportation and shit but idk i don't think it's really a relationship for each party to go on long missions with ill-defined parameters that give them the worst sleep schedules known to man and occasionally they share a bed. it really isn't. and that's something that bruce and talia have to live with. their duty is always going to come first even though they both have a passion for civilian life. for talia to be in a relationship again she would have to stop having the liberty of being able to go wherever the work carries her and for bruce to be in a relationship again he would have to have the equivalent of a robin-wife. neither of these things is ever going to happen. so

#outbox #i realize this sounds somewhat hypocritical bc then it's like. but what about damian! wouldn't the same apply to him!#and idk i don't think it would. your kid is different from your lover #obv i imagine talia would try to be around for damian as much as possible #but as i've discussed a lot of times even that i think would be tricky for her. she was willing to say she lost her baby #bc she thought if she didn't the world would lose batman #she's like. craaaaazy dedicated to her work so yeah i do think she'd try to coparent with whatever capacity she could #and her love would be genuine and overflowing etc etc #but at the end of the day she's not going to settle in gotham solely for the purpose of raising him #or for the purpose of appeasing bruce's notions of pathetic puppy dog romance #her liberty is too impt to her #ironically enough this is funny to talk about in context of that batman & robin panel from yesterday bc like #had they not character assassinated her that's really how it might've gone. at least imo #like it's a shame they had to resort to all of these racist and orientalist tropes about her being an abusive mother #to somehow justify why bruce should be the resident parent instead #when you literally could've just followed the thread of talia valuing her independence #versus bruce being desperate for any remaining semblance of normal civilian life like it's an oxygen tank and he's losing air #not only would that have been realistic it would also have carried nuance and allowed insight into bruce and talia's psyches #and more than anything. it would have been funny #but i DIGRESS. tldr yes talia would coparent but even that would be with certain limitations #i think she's the kind of person / mom who like. leaves her love everywhere but can't necessarily stand where she leaves it. yknow #like i could even bring jason into this #i really do think she'd do everything in her power to try to get jason to break from the red hood persona and heal etc #and she'd have immense affection for him #but she's not going to sit and play house and babysit him once she's free and once she knows he's free too #she's very big on personal accountability #so she'd check up on him and the love would be there but like. the bigger picture would always interfere #anywayyyy. thank you for the question i love to ramble about this stuff LOL

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riot-control-camp · 11 days

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OKAY NOT DONE TALKING ABOUT THE LITTLE GARDEN ARC

ESPECIALLY THE NARRATIVE PARALLELS BETWEEN ZORO AND SANJI AND DORRY AND BROGGY??? THE FACT THAT THOSE PARALLELS PARTICULARLY IMPLY THAT THEY HAVE A SPECIAL BOND THAT WILL LAST LITERALLY FOREVER???

THE VISUAL WHERE THE AUDIENCE REALIZES THAT THE MOUNTAIN RANGES WERE SKULLS?? PAIRED WITH THEM LYING IN THE SAME POSITION AS ZORO AND SANJI'S TWO DINOSAURS LEFT BEHIND ON THE BEACH?

average tumblr user notices single instance of symbolism, more at 11.

but usopp getting more moments of bravery!!! WE STAN HIS ARC!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

zoro getting to laugh and tease people this arc was beautiful, i love that stupid cunty bitch

sanji getting his part of the arc done through cunty trespassing, lying through his teeth, and beating up animals? FANTASTIC THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE (specifically thank you for that twisting move he did with his heels around the vultures head. how does it feel to live MY. D R E A M)

LUFFY WAS SO SHAPED. I WOULD KILL FOR HIM. HE'S SO FERAL.

and calling it now, nami is absolutely going to get malaria girl is the QUEEN of "it's nothing [2 episodes later it is in fact a resonant Something with excruciating plot relevance and emotional stakes attached to it"

almost simped for crocodile but miss all sunday was Right There MA'AM. MA'AM. RESPECTFULLY AND ASEXUALLY, TILL THE BED FUCKING BREAKS--

also he has a giant gold pet which i don't fuck with. also his rings remind me of redd white from ace attorney who is Unfuckable as he is a murderer of a mentor figure (other forms of murder have not detered me from simping in the past. in fact it is typically a point in a character's favor)

also oh my god tumblr makes so much more sense now that i am attempting to use it while high, my fluency rate and understanding of how every person on this platform is distressingly and hilariously comfortable assuming their experience is universal

okay but the still of the giant's weapon shards thrown over their head in victory? makes me insane, will never be over it cannot fucking handle it will be crying forever and ever

#oli oscillates #one piece #one piece little garden #however one thing i will say also is i read a zosan fic wherein sanji asked zoro when zoro knew he loved him #and zoro answered 'little garden' which after seeing this arc i sense that that is BULLSHIT #i feel like that's probably when he started FALLING #as there is DEFINITELY a shift in how zoro talks to him in that reuniting scene. like the vibe of that was different #but zoro would not. realize that yet??? i genuinely don't think #like #like they have only been a consistent crew for arlong loguetown and the laboon arc?? (not counting apis as she's anime filler #and i skipped it)#i think this is when zoro would start QUESTIONING why he cares so much about who wins between him and sanji.#why he's so desperate to be relevant to him. why he has to give as good as he gets #and i think sanji respectfully #IS NOT THERE YET. his character from what i understand at this point in the show is.#well the POINT of his delivery is that he has three faces. how he treats women how he treats men. and how he treats someone he fights #(the last of which is implied to be the “truest” version of him--the iron core that makes him worthwhile as a Good Guy Deep Down tm)#and consequently a member of the strawhats)#i would love to see how future arcs handle the interaction of those three dynamics or a more unified sense of self for sanji #because much as i am down bad nasty for him there's this profound like. i almost want to say insecurity in him that makes him feel--#very wet cat traumatized. he gives me “unloved as an early child and therefore has a fucked up sense of self or love as concepts” vibes #it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't fall until much later than zoro #anyways #mutuals forgive me for holding you hostage in the tags accidentally i have had the goofy silly

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riverswaltz · 1 year

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growing up is realizing why rose chose tentoo over ten

#yes ten loved rose with everything he had but he could never say it to her face #showing love is important but never saying it creates a barrier between people which i think you all get it #so when rose has to choose between somebody who can never give her the commitment and the life she deserves #and somebody who CAN say the words she wants to hear and be with her to have the kind of life she wants to have #ofc she chooses the latter #doing so rose chooses herself and i think that's extremely important to her characterization #people say rose is “selfish” but she just knows what she wants and she gets it at any costs #and she gets to be with the doctor and have a normal life at the same time #i get it why bad wolf 2.0 seems weird to some people but when you realize that ending is all about rose then it gets so much better #the thing is ten knew all this and that rose would never leave him if he said those words #that's why he didn't say it </3 #tenrose #tentoorose #rose tyler #the doctor #tenth doctor #metacrisis doctor #journey's end #bad wolf

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themysciraprincess · 26 days

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okay first of all i love the “written by stevienicks” but i also need to talk bradnate!!

why do they scratch the brain like that!!!

REAL!! (also thank you!) I think it's something to do with that whole dynamic of the king and lionheart? It's a pretty compelling dynamic. like they're loyal to the core with one another but it's not so much spoken as it is shown.

They're both quite reserved about their true emotions, Nate's own reason for this being his job and Brad, I think, is also similar but also because it doesn't seem to be in his nature to really let himself be vulnerable with more 'mushy emotions'? (he's not very good at expressing directly what he really feels like when he was talking about his ex-girlfriend). He also tends to use sarcasm and such to communicate those feelings with the others (aside from Nate, which really plays into the trust between them).

Like, in that sense, they really get each other. The nature of their positions as leaders mean they have to hold back a lot and through the looks and gazes, it's like letting each other know that the other sees and understands on a deeper level. And like that speaks louder than words. They both see the human underneath and when they interact, it's the human underneath they're talking to and not the persona they each put up.

#I've never been much of a shipper so i tend to take a lot of the relationships and dynamics with a couple steps back #but dang there's a lot to unpack with the way the show portrays these two characters' dynamic.#I'd be lying if I said it doesn't intrigue me #not sure if this rambling makes sense lol but thanks for asking about them cee! i didn't realize i had this much to say #cee 🌟#generation kill #brad colbert #nate fick #edit: this show does a lot of things to add nuance to relationships and dynamics and i'm realizing that #it's something that's best picked up through observing dialogue and visuals #cuz the characters do a lot of joking around to hide from what they're really feeling or thinking #which may also be why the openness between the two of them is so striking

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