#-first surgery last year im genuinely not sure

[the-unicorn-system]

genuinely considering stopping playing splatoon alltogether because the devs need to fix so much shit plus its just. not fun anymore. I play a weekend every month at most and thats about it.

but the literally reason i go by the name woomy is BECAUSE of these games, because they had such an impact on me during the Wii U days. every splatfest I say "if nothing changes for the better, ill stop playing" "if frye doesnt win ill stop playing" but i never do, and i think thats why

warning for really big rant in the tags

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatfest #rant #i love this series so so much but not what its turned into #our recent lack of appreciation for this series may also have to do with a trauma event that started around when we got our- #-first surgery last year im genuinely not sure #i think we just need to figure out our feelings and go from there #all i can say is ig it wasnt another shiver win but the support for splat3 is gonna be gone in what? september? #nintendo said it was only gonna be 2 years so unless they change their mind then in a little over a year of this game existing- #frye won 2 splatfests one global and one only in japan #compared to shivers 8 and big mans 4 (i know its not a wide margin but still) its just really sad #i adore deep cut so much but adding 3 idols made everything really uneven #woomy post

[sergeifyodorov]

would u do a little analysis of how each team has done so far this season … i trust ur opinions so much

EACH team okay... under the cut bc i am not subjecting the masses to 32 nasty little thots cody edition

Bruins: RIP patrice of course but the bruins are steamrolling as ever... i think that if there is any evidence of the universe simply not caring abt good things it is that the bruins slip and stumble and have some of their best players retired and still manage to put up a 50 win season every year. <- salty leafs fan but ANYHWAY the bruins are easily a Playoff Team. simply "there" 5v5, strong power play, they make their money off finishing (pastrnak you filthy animal) and goaltending (swaymark you filthy animals). they have been trending downwards of late so i'm not entirely sure of like their final standings place but with this kind of head start they're staying up.

Sabres: currently in what we the people call a "decade of darkness." might be a "two decades of darkness" if we're going to be honest. the active player with the most playoff points with the sabres is tyler myers. 7 points. yeah the tall one most famous for having a subreddit that posts the gamescore card every time he's on the bottom of the gamescore card. sabres are really hard to fix because their first real step to contention is "hoping devon levi turns out really good." not promising. bad enough that by selling a piece or two celebrini is in sight. maybe that'll help? a third 1OA?

Red Wings: presenting the mid-season Season Ruining Unforced Error Award early by saying: not that they were going to be as good as their first few games of sniping suggested, but signing patrick kane tanked any realistic hope they have of playoffs. is patrick kane good? he's actually alright. maybe this time the surgery worked. is the team made better by having him on it? it surely isn't! a few REALLY BADLY TIMED dylan larkin based misfortunes have made it go from bad to worse. they were in A2 like a month ago and now they're Out. strengths: finishing. weaknesses: everything else, including morale.

Panthers: okay you've probably clocked this by now but ive been Generally Salty so far and that is bc a) im easily tempted to haterhood and b) currently discussing each team in the atlantic which does nothing to make me less Tempted To Haterhood. that being said the panthers are Good and For Real About It. they can do everything except finish chances, which is fine when the other team has way fewer chances than you and your goalie doesn't let any of them in. fuck ALLL the way off. place your bets on these guys having a deep playoff run. cross your fingers for them not having a deep playoff run i can't stand chuckyposting again it's RAN ITS COURSE. (also: machuk is probably still injured and absolutely Not doing as well as he did the last few seasons. maybe because he's just not that kind of guy but it's probably at least mostly the broken chest thing)

Canadiens: they are bad EXCEPT when it comes to overtime + the shootout. also much like the sabres they're going nowhere fast. i expect at least one of their goalies to be gone at the deadline... furthermore i think ppl who are ragging on slaf's slow development are simply expecting all 1OAs to be like an auston or a connor type (pick your connor) where they come in and immediately adapt -- slaf rings very reminiscent of quinton byfield to me, who was picked 2OA in 2020 and is only now starting to break out. give him time he's a baby...

Senators: despite how much literally everyone talks up all their players constantly, they are not good either. like the sabres or the habs... atlantic is 4 teams in the genuine hunt, 3 teams who suck and have sucked forever and will suck forevermore, and the red wings who haven't made up their minds yet. the sens actually Do have a singular Biggest Problem though and that's goaltending, but they're not a good enough team otherwise that getting a quality goaltender is going to make them playoffs worthy, especially not in the very short (this-season) run.

Lightning: the lightning are weird to me because like i think they're still making up their mind as A People what they want to do. kucherov is the best player in the league rn, this is stamkos' ufa season and he hasn't been offered an extension, vasilevskiy is back and vasying his levskiy... i fully believe they have the capability of getting a playoff spot, maybe even A3 if they want. we've all seen them in the playoffs, we know how they can turn ~It~ on at will. as always they're a deeply mid 5v5 team powered by very strong special teams... the goaltending numbers say goaltending is shit but they've been playing in front of the genuinely unplayable jonas johansson most of the season so i think it'll be fine.

Maple Leafs: as the team ive watched the moast i can talk about these guys for evar so for all of our sanities i will be brief: Auston Matthews, Baby, Look At Him, That's Auston, Auston Motherfucking "Sexy Mustached Bitch" Matthews!!!!!!! powered by an extremely strong power play and very good offence, and defence and goaltending that is held together by Morgan Rielly and a dream. possibly the only reason they're in a playoff spot is the fact that martin jones didn't get claimed on waivers three months ago and i am being dead serious about that. for some reason they're at their best when they're down by two. they do really need both their #1 goalie to come back from injury and to make a splash for a genuine nhl-calibre defenceman, but they're stubbornly determined to win games even through nasty flu.

Hurricanes: their usual selves -- analytics darlings, can't buy a goal. this year they can't buy a save either -- Freddie is out with a medical condition, Raanta is straight up not good, and Kochetkov is... well, he's Kochetkov. they're not far out of a spot but they'll need a hot hand if they want to get comfy... which i don't expect, frankly. they're good enough to make the playoffs, but they're not really a team that goes on heaters, so they'll be bubble until the end.

Blue Jackets: genuinely not sure they know what they're doing like... okay. from an outside pov they are obviously Tanking. they're bad in every way that matters except for finishing and the standings show it. but also like... they're at the point in their development cycle where they shouldn't be tanking... or at least are on the verge of Shouldn't Be Tanking. and again, because they don't know what they're doing, they hired mike babcock for this... if they know what they're doing they'll toss kekalainen as soon as they can and, following this year's draft, start Fighting. but let's be real i doubt that. adam fantilli it's your time to shine... sorry sweetheart!

Devils: see Hurricanes. Great on paper, can't buy a save. They've obviously been stunted by Timo, J'accuse, and Nico all being injured at various points, but goaltending is their biggest and most solvable problem. Unlike the Hurricanes, though, the Devils are fully capable of going on a heater, so the gap between them and WC2 isn't as big as it looks (probably.) Luke Hughes is going to be something special.

Rangers: Looks like Lafreniere is finally getting his feet under him -- but the Rangers have always been far more about getting old, known players to get a second wind with them than they've been about prospect development, and Quick and Wheeler are both showing this pretty definitively. Another one of those teams that's run by special teams and finishing/goaltending. Easy playoff spot, likely solid run. Nothing too interesting here.

Islanders: On the other hand, the Isles are interesting because... like... how did they get There? They have a negative goal differential, for heaven's sake! Their special teams are godawful, their defence is a sieve, they blow leads like that's what actually gets you points in this league, and they're somehow second in the Metropolitan??????? Is it Horvat? Barzal? Sorokin? (It's probably Sorokin.) They'll make the playoffs but i doubt they'll succeed in them.

Flyers: This one's also weird. They have the power play and offence of a peewee team in the big leagues, but have become defensively Actually Super Competent and are somehow good because of this? I'm going to theorize -- because you've asked me to but also because I really want to -- that this is due, at least in part, to somewhat of an inverse Kane-on-the-Red-Wings effect from their offseason removal of Provorov and DeAngelo; without them, the team is now not only better defensively on paper but also better as a team in the locker room. They're [uncle voice] playing with heart now! I doubt they're a real contender, but I think they might actually make playoffs.

Penguins: ...this one's also weird. They're good on paper. Like, really good on paper? Defensively "just okay" but offensively great, goaltending is fantastic, special teams are shutdown. They just can't buy a goal and they can't buy a good sequence.

Capitals: This one's weird, too, but in the opposite way -- aside from the power-play, the Caps are actually godawful on paper, especially when it comes to finishing (because when Ovechkin takes such a high percentage of your shots but he isn't scoring, your team REALLY suffers) but somehow they've managed to pinpoint sequencing luck (win close, lose ugly) and are somehow in WC1. Do I think they'll make the playoffs? Absolutely not -- if either the Devils or Canes step up, the Caps are the odd man out -- but it might be fun to see them try. Or hell, I hope they win-close-lose-ugly their way to a goddamn Cup final. Would be funny as fuck for Ovi's second-longest ever playoff run to come at the fresh young age of thirty-eight. Dude looks ragged out there. I'm going to shut up now before I start talking about finding him sexy

Coyotes: Simple on paper: bad at running play, good goaltending and finishing. Essentially what the Canucks are doing at a smaller scale. The Leafs should never have let Kerfoot walk and I mean that unironically. Okay, anyway, the Yotes are a bubble team and won't make higher than WC1 because of the logjam at the top of the Central, but holy fuck do I want them to make WC1 (or a playoff spot in general.) People ask "how can we grow the game" a lot, and when it comes to what the NHL can do directly, the number one biggest thing is win in small markets. Arizona has already created one of the sports' biggest stars -- Auston! -- and it's an absolutely massive TV market and a potential hotbed of new fans and new, great players. Arizona making a playoff spot -- or even better, going on a run -- would be amazing for the NHL. And it would be funny. And I would like that.

Blackhawks: shoutout to dave !!! dave who works for the hawks!!! anyway the hawks are very obviously tanking and good at it. Their only real point of interest is their Sacred Child, and holy fuck is their Sacred Child going to absolutely fucking smash it when he's given a team that's not entirely made up of scrubs. i think his analytics, especially his defensive numbers, are, like, fine? but accounting for his leverage (all situations, especially the difficult ones), his teammates (his best linemate is Anthony Beauvillier, and tito... is a third liner), and the fact that he's all of eighteen, he's definitely on track to be a Real Force. i kinda love him... okay moving on.

Avalanche: All-over good: finishing their biggest obvious strength, but hockeywise they don't have any real weaknesses... although there is some serious Drama brewing in that locker room and i think it might just be getting started. with landeskog gone for at least until the end of this year (and possibly forever) and ej a sabre, there is absolutely no one in there capable of actually emotionally running a team: makar lacking in a leader's magnetism, rantanen an idiot, toews and mackinnon far too high-strung and competitive, and no one else with seniority. they're a good enough team that it's not really affecting them right now, but ... i don't know, i can kind of feel it coming. They'll make the playoffs, but when the pressure is on they'll either step up or completely fall apart.

Stars: See above: all-over good, but saving their biggest obvious weakness. I think most of this is spurred by Otter being out -- Wedgewood is a serviceable backup goaltender, but obviously not capable of being a real starter, and the team is stuttering because of it. I doubt it'll be for long or too much difficulty (they're a good defensive team, so it's not going to affect them a lot, but they might lose a game or two they might have won with Otter, especially if he's out for a while), but it's going to keep them from taking a step on top of the Central. Easy playoff team, probable contender.

Wild: They are bad! Penalty kill is their worst weakness, but they're not great in goal either and the combination is kicking their ass. As much as I respect how well they've done with that giant cap-space penalty from the Parise/Suter buyouts all those years ago, it's... kind of time to throw in the towel. Get Flower those final few wins, because by god are they devoid of much other success. Right at the tail of a competitive arc. RIP. Tank incoming.

Predators: Weirdly good, even though Saros hasn't been his usual self? O'Reilly esp has been an absolutely fantastic addition for the team over the offseason. No huge strengths, no significant weaknesses. Not an amazing offensive team, but it's Nashville so they were never going to be -- the place practically breeds defensive forwards and all-around dmen. I don't expect they'll seriously contend, but they'll make the playoffs (unless someone offers the farm for Saros).

Blues: I genuinely think so little about the Blues .... that whole thing with Jordan Kyrou has been the most I've thought about them for a bit. That and the fact that only three of their games haven't been decided by the first goal? They're not good and they're really boring. Yeehaw.

Jets: THE JETS let's get JUICY. Jets' biggest strengths by far are a) 5v5 defence and b) finishing/goaltending. Even with Kyle Connor out they're sniping and Hellebuyck and Brossoit are both absolutely on it. The Jets have always seemed to have this problem where on paper (take a shot every time I've written "on paper" in this post if you want to die of alcohol poisoning) they seem fantastic, then January onwards they absolutely plummet. And it's not January yet, so that might still happen, but that kind of thing tends to happen because of a dramatic morale shift, and now that Lowry's captain and Wheeler's left for New York... that might not happen? They've banked enough points that unless they're historically bad from here on out they're still a playoff team. If they keep up what they have going so far, they're a contender, but if it's the same Winnipeg with the same problems, then they're not.

Ducks: Taking a step in the right direction with Carlsson and Mintyukov, but still bad! I really hope Carlsson recovers well, he seems like a sweet boy. Also: what on Earth are they doing with Zegras. Is he a defenceman now? Are they making him play defence? Are he and Dixie D'Amelio still dating? I have many questions. I just hope whichever high draft pick they get is an idiot. I feel like they need another dumbass baby on the team.

Flames: The Flames also appear to have no idea what's going on. And frankly, neither do I! They're too good to be obviously tanking, but not near good enough to be a bubble team. They're definitely reluctant to sell, but their best hope to win soon absolutely should be selling. They have one of the worst contracts in the league on their payroll (wow... I hope the guy in charge of my favourite team didn't sign that!) and a bunch of really solid late-round picks and prospects cutting their teeth on the NHL. In short: they aren't going to make the playoffs and should be leaning into that, but they don't seem to have realized this yet.

Oilers: For the sake of not gloating, I'm going to sum this one up with a Marek quote: If you have a goalie, it's 70% of your team. If you don't, it's 100%. They've had finishing trouble, but considering they absolutely run the show at 5v5 AND special teams (they put nearly SIXTY SHOTS on Vasilevskiy the other day) a little finishing shouldn't be quite so dangerous if they didn't have two sieves minding the net. McDavid might hit 150 again and the Oil might still miss the playoffs. If they get in, they're going far, but at this point it'll be tough as fuck to make it in.

Kings: Average penalty kill. No other weaknesses. Kopitar 4 Selke.

Sharks: This is an absolutely glorious tankjob. No other way to put it. This is the pinnacle of tank design. This is the Wayne Gretzky of tankjobs. This is the Casablanca of tankjobs. This is the Saturn V of tankjobs. Nothing has been so beautifully engineered to suck since Sir James Dyson patented his vacuum or Nancy Reagan walked the earth. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. I am in awe. They deserve Celebrini purely because of how flawless the tank is. I don't care if he has a warm undertone and would look pink in that fantastic teal. The boy needs San Jose.

Kraken: Good defensively at 5v5, bad pretty much everywhere else. I'm going to be honest with you all, last year was kind of a flash in the pan -- Seattle isn't great and they're neither headed upwards nor downwards. Not a bubble team, probably won't pick top ten. They haven't decided whether or not to build up or tank. Beyond the fantastic aesthetics and four-unranked-lines shtick, they don't really have a whole lot of competitive mojo: no star forwards, no goaltending. Wholeheartedly mid.

Canucks: oH BABY!!!!! The 23-24 Canucks made us all learn what PDO is. The 23-24 Canucks are first in the motherfucking league after being one spot out of being in the Bedard lottery. The 23-24 Canucks are on track to have the best shooting and saving percentage in league history. The 23-24 Canucks' leading goalscorer is Brock Boeser, the guy they've almost traded practically every year since they drafted him. The 23-24 Canucks started the season by naming the Wettest Little Man On The Planet captain and they haven't looked back since. I think they're an easy lock for a playoff spot -- but within the playoffs, do I know what they're going to do? I absolutely do not. They could PDO their way to a Cup or they could bow out in four games flat. Either is equally likely. They have thoroughly embraced Good Chaos. Quinn Hughes might win the Hart. Everything's coming up Vancouver.

Golden Knights: Not as good as they were last year. Ultimately still pretty good. Easy playoff spot. Definite contender. Jack Eichel is better than ever and I love him for it, the dickhead.

#asks #mwah anon thank u... this is so long under the cut KJHDKSFJSKDJFHSK #tldr: some teams are good and some teams are bad. sometimes this is interesting and sometimes it's not.

[a-120]

I am now in the headspace where if I don't know your tumblr I will go through your blog.

My trust has just dissapeared.

Never thought I'd experience this. This is the shit that I see in those video essays, can't believe I've actually kind of experienced it.

Its always like: "Oh, that's terrible! I hope that never happens to me. I hope those victims/people who were hurt/people who went through it get better and find peace!"

So it gets worse. It gets really worse. This wasn't exactly supposed to be a vent but it all went downhill.

I talk about suicide and self harm in this.

I hate how she was the one who really got me into Doors. I hate how she was the first person I considered a friend. I hate how that inside joke is ruined now. I hate how she got me familiar with so many things. I hate how I felt bad for her. I hate the fact that I thought I felt like I could relate to her medically. I hate the fact that she was the one who I went to for help. I hate how I asked her for help when I was suicidal. I hate how I relied on her. I hate that I have so many memories with her in them. I hate how I thought we were best friends. I hate how manipulative she is. I hate how she hurt so many people. I hate her

I HATE HER SHITTY APOLOGIES. I HATE HOW THE "APOLOGY" SHE GAVE ME WAS MASSIVE AND FILLED WITH LIES AND MANIPULATION TACTICS. I HATE HOW SHE TRIED TO GUILT TRIP US. I HATE HOW SHE FAKED THINGS THAT PEOPLE GENUINELY SUFFER FROM. I FUCKING HATE HER AND I JUST WANT TO FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT HER.

SHE KNOWS IM SUICIDAL. SHE KNOWS THAT I HAVE HURT MYSELF, DOESNT SHE?! SHE JUST FUCKING LOVES TO MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE. EVER SINCE LAST YEAR, EVERYTHING HAS BEEN RUINED. HEART SURGERY, CUDA PASSING AWAY, HIGHSCHOOL, IRL FRIENDS THAT HURT ME, GETTING TOLD IM MATURE FOR MY AGE, WANTING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF, LOSING MOTIVATION FOR EVERYTHING, LEARNING THE ONLY GOOD FRIENDS I HAVE ARE SUFFERING IN THEIR OWN WAYS AND ME WANTING TO HELP THEM BUT I CANT, AND NOW THIS?!

THATS ALL I COULD THINK OF! THERES PROBABLY MORE! I JUST WANT TO TEAR MYSELF APART AND KILL MYSELF BUT IM TOO FUCKING SCARED TO DIE. IF I DIDNT HAVE ALL OF THESE FEARS I CAN BET YOU ID BE GONE BY NOW.

I'm sorry that I have to rely on so many people in order to not lose it. I wish I didn't have to rely on everyone and make their day worse by bringing her up.

Just fucking leave us alone, selfish asshole.

This wasn't meant to be massive. It was just meant to be everything until I started saying how much I hate things.

I won't be killing myself any time soon. I can't do it because I know how many people would be devastated to see me gone. I had to experience my brother trying, and even though it wasn't successful, I'm still heartbroken from it. That was years ago, too.

Thank you to the people who have been helping me.

I will continue to help others and keep an eye out.

I will make sure people block her.

Just. Block. Her.

#tw//ivory ment #sorry for the massive vent #tell me if I should delete this #tw // sh #tw // suicide #tw #tw sui vent #tw sh #tw sh destructive behaviour #tw suicide #cw sui mention #cw sh #cw sh mention

[lewishamil10n]

gr63 fans look away

so here's the thing. i am sick and tired of the argument that everything he does is a-ok actually because "drivers need to be ambitious and ruthless." i agree with that statement. but it seems to me that a lot of people conflate ambitious and ruthless with asshole who can do anything they want for a win. yes your biggest opponent is your teammate etc etc but that doesn't mean you can just decide not to be a team player.

when he had the chance for a win in brazil 22, lewis supported him. now when lewis needs that support back, when p2 in the standings is starting to look possible, he is not reciprocating that at all. we all know damn well that if their positions were switched in singapore 23 and he was faster and behind lewis, he absolutely would have asked for team orders. we know this because he has established a precedent for it.

and then suzuka. you can't start a fight with your teammate and then complain when he fights back. notice he had no issues with lewis fighting him until lewis overtook and didn't let him pass. then suddenly it's "oh why can't we all hold hands and sing kumbaya?" when lewis was told to give him drs, lewis complied despite losing 0.8s. that ended up being for nothing, and honestly i get why lewis was angry. they did waste time trying to make a failed strategy work. still, he helped.

then. when the order came to invert. gr-six-three hemmed n hawed until toto — who was in austria literally recovering from surgery — had to step in (pardon the pun) and enforce the orders. like are you fucking kidding me. this is not even the first time it's happened! for someone who immediately hops on the radio to ask for team orders, he sure as hell doesn't like following them huh!!

i don't know, man. i don't know where this attitude and entitlement is coming from when just last yr he was saying he wanted to learn from lewis, not fight him. maybe he bought into his own hype from last year and now genuinely believes he's better. we already know he thinks he's faster. whatever it is, ambition etc aside, he needs to wise up and learn that he needs to be a team player. it doesn't go just one way. you can't benefit from a team structure while also refusing to help your teammate. it's not a good look, man.

until this season i liked him, i really did. i didn't understand why people disliked him so much last year. now i get it. and i wish, i really wish he learns and improves, but from what i'm seeing right now, he's not helping at all. he needs to understand his role within the team. no one is asking him to play second fiddle or be "lewis's bitch like valtteri" (actual words i've heard, and im not even gonna touch on how gross that is). but he does need to be a team player. otherwise it's fuck around and find out time.

#this got long omg #anyway im gonna tag this with the appropriate anti tags which ive already mentioned before #remy.txt #f1 #japanese gp 2023 #salt tag #anti george russell #george critical

[ellilyre]

Trans force 141

Just my hcs about their individual transitions ect ect

written by a trans man

Price

he considered himself as a butch lesbian for a long time

a lot of internalized transphobia. (ex "well i would've liked to be a man, but im not. if i can accept that then ppl can stop being delusional")

when in his early 20's he met a girl, and when things started to get 'serious' between them she told him she's trans. He liked her too much already to just brush her off, so he finally allowed himself to ask questions he was asshamed to have...

that night he finally understood a lot of things. that ppl don't usually wish they were born as the other sex, that most girls dont try to masculin themseve, that its ok to feel that way, ect ...

also im not sure how to explain that but he don't actually only like girls : he convinced himself that 'i like being masculin bc im a lesbian'. Figuring out his gender somehow made him take conscious of his repressed attraction to men (dont mind me im projecting)

transition when you're already in the military isn't easy. hrt, coming out, changing uniforms and dorms... That did ended in some verbal/physical abuses, well, it would have happened if Price weren't that badass and ready to fight back til he gets respected.

the only long leaves he personally asked for was to get and heal his top surgery and a hysterectomy 

he has always loved the name Johnathan. he doesn't know why but it sound pretty to him. naturally he knew he wanted to be call that

Ghost

when he was still a child he tried to tell his mother about how he wants to be a boy, but she brushed it off, blaming it on his father's abuses (she genuinely meant it)

before he even knows what transidentity is he got himself a v good passing and got everyone treating him like a boy, but he still assumed its more a trauma-respond kind of feeling

when he was about 16yo he learnt about transidentity and- yeah that just made sens

dont ask me how he found hrt but he sure did

before getting into the military he spent a lot of time in gay/queer bars. he didn't really liked these places but it was the only places he could find ppl like him that could somehow help him

when he came back home after years in the military (like in his comic) his transition was fully done. his mother still thoughts it was a trauma-respond, but if it makes her child happier then she accepted it. Tommy called it bullshits and called him slurs, but it went better after he recovedred from drugs. his dad.... well :')

his dad still called him his daughter until his very last breath

he dont have any surgery done. he'd like to but after everything he's been trought, the idea of being put artificially on sleep, especially while knowing ppl are going to do things with his body, sound terrifying to him.

Never uses binders. When its a dysphoria day he uses tape but most of the time he dont bind at all.

Gaz

First of all, this guy has two moms (im not taking criticisms on that), so the hard part of a transition wouldn't be to come out but mostly that he knew ppl would blame it on his mothers

... and yeah, lot of ppl said its bc he dont has a father. But don't worry he never let them talk for long. He almost got expelled from his highschool for beating up a kid being transphobic/homophobic

His moms sometimes said like "why don't you ask the household's man for that ?" And it gaves him such gender euphoria before realizing they use it to makes him do chores without complains

Now it has become a kind of running gag. Whenever they ask him to do something he's like "ohh you need a strong manly alpha man",

I feel like Kyle was the name of the mc of his favorite book as a pre-teen.

The most normal and chill transition out of everyone here : doubted his gender identity, talk about it with his moms, got estrogens blockers, went on t few years later...

ikr this one hc is a bit blend compared to the others here, but tbh i just really love Gaz and i want him to be happy

he also don't bind often. but unlike Ghost he has a small chest and ppl usually assumes its pecs

he dont plan on getting top surgery (not necessary) but wants a phalloplasty

Soap

bro has known he was a boy ever since he left the womb.

when he was a kiddo he was only playing with boys and wore boys clothes and stuffs. ppl were confused ("did the MacTavish also told you they had a babygirl ? bc that's clearly a boy playing with our kiddos")

his (big) family inst closed minded, but theyre from a rather small town in the Highlands and are kinda traditionalists

so yeah theyre a bit confuse but if their child is happier playing with boys, why being dicks about it

he eventually came out in his teen years and his parents were a bit confused but at the same time it... makes sens. like yeah that kid has been like a boy since baby

his family (especially parents) struggled to understand whats the difference between being trangender and a tomboy. theyre not transphobics, the concept just is very strange

the story of how he somehow found hrt is even darker than Ghost's

used to unsafe binde sm im surprise he can still breath

he was on hrt when he entered military, and kinda had to fight to be in the men's dorms, but it worked bc hes a badass

no surgeries done (bc he doesn't want to take long leaves), but he plans to get top and bottoms surgeries somedays

#now that im thinking about it the girl i mentioned with Price can totally be Laswell #they dated for 4 weeks and then broke up bc it didnt worked out although Price was still head over heels for her for like 6 more months #now hes terribly embarassed whenever she brings up the subject #thank you for coming to my transgenders 141 agenda #call of duty mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #john price #johnny soap mactavish #ghost simon riley #kyle gaz garrick #cod headcanons #task force 141

[alienpupy]

About your top surgery:

Firstly, though, hoi! I'd like to say that I am happy for you, but I don't really feel happiness. Just nothing. But I am proud of you that you got the top surgery and seem very happy about it.

And going through your posts about it, I realize that I want top surgery, too. But I'm also genuinely afraid of the post-surgery time. And this makes me wonder, were you nervous or anxious before the surgery? (Also, apologies for the rambles and for not feeling the happiness for you)

no worries im happy to talk abt it :] i was anxious in the weeks and days coming up to the surgery, yea, but it was more anxiety abt stuff around the surgery than the procedure itself (like, ik several people who got top surgery at the same clinic and everything n they're super reputable so i wasnt worried about the medical aspect, just the preparations + i had to move appartments 10 days before the surgery + had to pack up AGAIN bc im actually staying with my parents for a month or two bc you absolutely need ppl to assist you with stuff during early recovery)

the closest thing to anxiety abt the actual surgery i had was one time a few weeks before it i was like "wait. what if i don't actually want this what if this is a mistake" and then to test it i put a bra and tshirt on and realized yeah no absolutely not thats just pointless self-doubt and i still hate these

it was rlly surreal tho if im being honest? idk if its even fully hit me that this was real and actually happened. I've wanted top surgery since i was like 13 but obv for most of that it felt like it was really distant in the future, and yet now that im flat it just feels. normal? like im still super early recovery so i havent actually seen my chest w/o the bandages yet but still just looking in the mirror with the bandages flat on my chest it just looks natural to me. its been less than a week and im already forgetting what it was like to have tits lmao (altho to be fair i've been binding for years so its not like they were ever a huge part of my life, just a major inconvenience)

and post-surgery really isnt that bad. i've complained about the weird nerve stuff, yea, but that does clear up eventually (altho ik it usually take years for the nerves to fully 100% heal, they're the slowest thing to regenerate). I've had basically zero pain, but i was still prescribed pain meds to take if i need them and given a lot of advice for healing as best as possible. the most important thing is definitely to have someone (or multiple people) be able to take time off to help you with everything (like, from food to drains to making sure you're comfortable and checking on you, you're not supposed to move your arms a lot or lift anything heavy for the first 6-ish weeks).

Post-op depression can be a thing for a lot of people too, but it hasnt hit me (at least not yet) and it can be avoided/mitigated by making sure you're not alone. having friends over, or calling people, making sure you still have games or movies or art to keep u occupied helps a ton.

also i dont think i've said it here before but i got top surgery at GRC montreal, and gender-affirming surgeries are covered by the government here in canada. I sent my paperwork/referral stuff there in may of last year, and it took them a couple months for each stage of processing but they gave me my surgery date (june 7th) a couple of months before, so (not counting the time to get a gender dysphoria diagnosis + letters from doctors and therapists and junk) i only had to wait about a year.

#sorry for the rambly answer dhshjfhsd #i hope it was helpful?? feel free to ask more tho i like talking abt it #green-cryptid-text #top surgery

[hikari-ni-naritai]

You know the drill embly. Show me those prime numbers

:scree:

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

dont get smug with me bitch i BURN my bridges

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

genuinely couldnt tell ya, it depends on both your definition of virginity and whether or not my ex lied to me. she sure did take mine tho

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

havent had a chance to hang out with kay for a while but hopefully this weekend!

7. What happened tonight?

BRAKES BLEW OUT

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

love being able to answer these as Girl. anyway there is exactly 1 .

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

hopefully clear p4s!! if jeim and his girlfriend are free lol

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

shit girl at this point its you <3

19. Have you had sex today?

ansewred this before but ill fucken do it again, im not allowed to have sex for another month, doctors orders

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

i dunno anymore. they used to be. we were both blue. but ive gone significantly more gray now.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

answered this one already but i still miss kay shes still sleeping

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

no thats the one i trust!

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

my demi ass doesnt even find people attractive at first sight. absolutely not lol

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

mmm i wanna say late May? i came back from my surgery and there were some cupcakes in the fridge. they were weird but not bad!

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i embarrass myself in front of everyone. yesterday i confused arknights attack speed with attack interval while talking to kay and almost imploded creating a neutron star and destroying the planet

47. Who was the last person to call you?

lets check. its a number i dont recognize. i wanna say it was my patient coordinator for my surgery? i dont know for sure.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

nah i basically do nothing for it anyway except buy gifts for people i like

59. Take a vitamin daily?

nope but i really should

61. Wear a bath robe?

no but i REALLY should that would fuck

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

oh you KNOW a bitch love her sunflower seeds

71. Can you curl your tongue?

haai~

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

recently yes!

79. What was the last concert you saw?

answered already, it was dream theater

83. Can you swim well?

not like, competitively well but im very capable of keeping myself afloat and moving quickly in the direction i need to go. not that ive gone swimming since . god when was it. since i was 23? like 6 years ago? i miss it but not with this body lmao

89. Which are better black or green olives?

answered this already too, i dont care for olives but the black ones on sausage and olive pizza are good

[hargrove-mayfields]

so sorry im late asking this (i was waiting for you to get more, super surprised you didn’t get more asks tbh) but could I hear more about your wips “I have a crush on Barbara Holland” “baby fic” and “HOH Steve” also if it’s not too much “girlyfriends” and “cali house” and “medical emergency” ik ik that’s a lot but I’d honestly want hear about ALL of you wips in that list if i could. thank u in advance

It’s alright anon! I’ll accept these asks until I run out of WIPs to talk about!

I have a crush on Barbara Holland- This one is a soulmates au, where Steve has his soulmates initials, B.H., on his wrist, and he is whole heartedly convinced that that person is Barb. He’s very much in love with her, and there’s lots of talk about how pretty and nice she is (hence the title lol) but eventually she reveals that he isn’t her soulmate. Before she had hid the initials on her own wrist under a watch or a chunky bracelet, but she feels guilty, and shows Steve that her mark had long ago faded, because her soulmate passed away when they were in elementary school. Steve decides, despite how much value he used to hold in the whole soulmate thing, he doesn’t care about who some stupid mark says he should be with, so him and Barb date until her death. He’s heart broken, but the sadness very quickly turns into so much anger after Billy Hargrove, another B.H. rolls into town with a little S.H. on his wrist. He feels like the universe or whoever is even in charge of this soulmate bullshit is spiting him for thinking he could fall in love with someone he wasn’t destined to be with, so he rejects Billy for a long, long time, even after he himself figured it out that Steve is his match. When he does start to feel that way about Billy, he struggles with so much guilt and has to go through a very long grieving process to be comfortable with his feelings, because he’s not even sure if they’re his genuine feelings or the work of this soulmate bond. Very long and very angsty.

baby fic- Nancy gets pregnant that first time at the party with Tommy and Carol, and her and Steve try really really hard to make things work out for their baby, but it just isn’t meant to be. They make an arrangement that the Harringtons are very not pleased with, where Nancy has the baby at the Byers house half the time (because let’s be honest I think the Wheelers house is not really a safe place to be raising a baby) and Steve has her the rest of the time. Because it was like, a much more mature breakup without the cheating and the drunken confessions, they’re still pretty close friends. When the upside down starts making an appearance again, they have to try to figure out how to navigate it with this little four month old baby, and that means getting some help involved. Billy shows up at the Byers and instead of a fight, Steve’s all exhausted like oh good, you’re finally here, and gives him the worlds fastest run down of this monster fighting shit with a crying baby on his hip, and like, Billy just can’t say no to him asking him to go into the tunnels while he watches the baby. There is eventual Harringrove after a while, but it’s a slow burn for sure. This is also probably the least serious and least angsty thing I have ever started to write.

HOH Stevie- They’re all in the government hospital getting their post Starcourt once overs, Billy and El of course being rushed into surgery, and Steve’s about to get discharged when he gets addressed by name and just, does not respond at all. The doctor is like hmm, and checks his ears, and they find out he has almost no hearing in his left ear, and only about forty percent in the right. All that head trauma from the Russians and then all of the explosions of the fireworks, it leaves him deaf.

Everyone tries to be supportive, but his dad refuses to let him get hearing aids because he doesn’t believe he actually needs them (Steve’s a diagnosed hypochondriac) so for the next several months while his parents are still home waiting for their next trip, he’s struggling. He basically gets iced out by the party because he just can’t hear anything they’re saying, and the kids get tired of repeating themselves, and Nancy got insulted the one time he told her her voice is too quiet, and Robin wants to do things right for him, but she forgets sometimes, and will ramble on about something without looking at him and everytime he’s like great, I didn’t catch a single word of that, lovely talk though. It’s very frustrating and isolating and nobody seems to want to make accommodations for him.

The very same day that his parents leave for their latest vacation, he goes back to hospital. At first he just has to get more testing done, since it had been upwards of six months since the last time they saw him, and on his way out he notices Max in the waiting room chairs. He hadn’t seen much of her at all since Starcourt, so he checks on her, and at first she tells him to go away, because her friends have said some not so nice things about how much time she spends at the hospital, and assumes Steve is there to tell her Billy isn’t worth it too. Because that’s not the case, he ends up going in the room to visit Billy with her.

They do the small talk, the awkward, sorry about the fact that you’ve been in the hospital for six months now and nobody wants to come see you thing, and at some point Billy realizes that Steve can’t hear a damned thing he’s saying. He tests his theory by saying Steve’s name when he’s not looking and just waiting for him to answer but, surprise he doesn’t because he didn’t hear it at all, and Billy’s just like, you’re deaf aren’t you?

The progression of the fic is basically Steve coming to visit Billy everytime he has an appointment for his hearing (and more, but Bill doesn’t know that) but the day of his last appointment to make sure his hearing aids are functioning as well as they ever will for how bad off his hearing is, Billy’s acting different.

When he’d first walked into his room Billy had been surprisingly bright eyed and bushy-tailed for what he went through, but now he’s just acting all mopey. Max makes him tell Steve what’s wrong, and he confesses that he feels like he’s going to get left behind now that Steve’s all better, because then he has no real reason to visit him anymore. But Steve has one very good reason, and the rest of the story is him making sure Billy knows it.

girlyfriends- This’n’s sort of a non-canon compliant character study about aromantic! Billy, focusing on how awful and uncomfortable he felt with his past girlfriends, messing up dates and never going as far as they wanted him to, which at the time he pinned on liking boys instead, but then after he gets with Steve, he feels like this is different and he likes it, but he’s still not too big on all the lovey dovey, romance stuff. He rationalizes it as like, maybe just being a side effect of him being an asshole or something, but he‘s actually super insecure about how he is in relationships. There is a fluffy resolution though where he embraces his identity, it’s really not all doom and gloom, boo hoo I hate myself stuff.

cali house- Years after Starcourt, the boys have moved to a decent house in California using their government hush hush money, and they’re there for only about a month when Billy’s mother shows up at their door.

She says she caught wind that her son was back in town and wanted to come see him, after all this time. Billy of course lets her back in his life immediately, his mom meant so much to his recovery process and now that she’s here, he can’t turn her away, but Steve’s a little suspicious of her intentions.

He thinks that if she wanted to see Billy, she would’ve done that years ago before he ever even left Cali in the first place, or that you know, she wouldn’t have fucking left him behind. He tries to bring it up with Billy gently, but he won’t hear it, and he feels beyond hurt by the suggestion because he thinks Steve is just jealous that he’s spending time with his mother, who he hasn’t seen for upwards of fifteen years at this point.

They fight and avoid each other for a few days until Billy’s momma admits when he brings it up, over lunch or something saying like, “Steve thought you were using me or something, isn’t that crazy?” and she’s just like “Well, actually...”and tells him that money was tight, and she needed a little extra money, so Billy and his disability checks and his rich (boy)friend seemed like the perfect opportunity to get some.

He goes back home to Steve and expects him to be mad, to rub it in that he was right, but he’s really not, he’s super supportive, and you know, Billy finally realizes he doesn’t need to have this bullshit family thing with his mother, because he already has one, Max and Steve and his friends and all the people that actually care about him.

medical emergency (tw attempted suicide)-

Billy, who’s living on his own in an apartment downtown after Starcourt, deliberately doesn’t get his prescriptions refilled because he’s so done. He’s weak and he’s hurting and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore, and he just feels like he wouldn’t care if his body gave up, if he suffocated in his sleep or had another heart attack. So he doesn’t take care of himself, and when he runs out of oxygen he just doesn’t go get anymore, but he’s halfway to choking on his own blood when he realizes he doesn’t want to die.

He calls Steve, because he’s not calling the cops and he can’t remember anyone’s numbers in his panic, but Steve’s is written on his calendar, scribbled there because they were supposed to make plans for something with the kids. Steve takes him to the hospital, having to fight him to put the CPAP on him to make sure his lungs didn’t collapse before they could get him to Hawkins General, and Billy’s just, so bone tired.

They do all their treatment stuff and get his body back under control, so Steve finally asks him what happened, if maybe he needed someone around to help him remember his meds and stuff, and Billy just, he breaks, like a dam overfilled he just pours out with all of this helplessness and sadness he’d been feeling, how he doesn’t want to live the way he does or at all anymore, and Steve’s heart just breaks for him.

He moves in with him, nobody’s willing to leave him alone after what happened, and Steve (along with Billy getting a new therapist because the old one was incompetent enough to not notice how bad off he was) helps him to realize he has something to live for.

#answered #anonymous #ejs wips #ej writer #yeah theres no such thing as sending it late #if y’all want to ask me just ask me! dont worry about it!

[suuupermetroid]

jess’s 2021 games masterpost

just stuff that has kept me company this year :) 

red dead redemption 2

a genuinely incredible game, and i think it takes the spot as my new favorite game ever. it helped me through a really tough time earlier this year, and even after finishing it i find myself back in the game time and time again just to explore the scenery and ride around the mountains :]

death stranding

ok so i never actually got very far through this, i just look back fondly remembering nights of playing this at 1am so my parents wouldnt know i didnt eat lunch for 2 weeks to afford this game. also shoutout to the guy who is now my coworker for selling this to a 17yo me without asking for id

uncharted: the nathan drake collection

all 3 of these games are just a good time. shooting army mfs while nate says funny one-liners. what more could you want. so glad my friend persuaded me into playing this series. started 4 too, which btw, absolutely fucks <3

gta 5 (fivem)

it’s ridiculous, but i actually became good friends with a couple of my coworkers through grinding for drugs and money when i first started at my job. we all made so many trips to pillbox together after wrecking cars or tackling each other to the ground and then we dragged more friends into it all and i made memories i think i’ll keep for a very long time :)

the last of us

it’s so hard to put into words why i love this. joel and ellie, i would die for you. spoilers, but at the end i did not hesitate when i walked into that surgery room.

the last of us: part ii

this game is yet another reminder of why naughty dog is my favorite game studio. the gameplay and visuals make it feel like perfection and the combat makes me feel like a god damn maniac. i dont know any other aaa game that has prominent lgbt characters, and although it has flaws it really does mean a lot to me. i watched someone stream the entire game last year before i got a ps4 and even though i knew the ending i still cried so hard my nose bled for an hour lol

splatoon 2

this game is one of the best multiplayer shooters currently available and you cant tell me otherwise

forza horizon 5

this was my my most unexpected videogame love this year. i may not be a good racer like my friends, or be invested in much of the story, but i’ve enjoyed just spending my time speeding over hills in off road cars like a maniac while listening to the in game radio

kirby’s dream land 3

started playing this on my commute to work every day and it’s just delightful. i grew up with kirby’s dream land on gameboy so having this game to play in the mornings on switch has been lovely :]

animal crossing: new horizons

feels good to play this at last! i’m a long time fan of the animal crossing series so playing one on a current gen console instead of cracking out my 3ds feels great

metroid: dread

whaaat a fucking masterpiece of a game. this is my favorite thing on switch so far, the whole thing is delightful and very difficult, and as always samus feels so badass to play as. looks very visually impressive for the switch too. absolutely my favorite new release of 2021.

resident evil: village

i watched this game about 5 times over through streamers this year so i built up the balls to play it myself over christmas. maybe i overestimated myself because it’s still terrifying to me and im still stuck in the cellars of castle dimitrescu

pokemon: brilliant diamond

my first new pokemon game :) i think the most recent proper game i owned before this is for gba, so it’s been really interesting to play through. sure, it’s not known for being the most high-quality remaster ever, but i’ve been enjoying it.

there’s a bunch of stuff i didn’t add to this list, like super monkey ball bbhd and red dead 1 :] but i just added my favs that i discovered this year and the ones that hold the best memories!

#red dead redemption #rdr2 #death stranding #uncharted #gta 5 #gta rp #the last of us #animal crossing #acnh #metroid dread #re8 #pokemon

[blairwaldcrf]

last

1. Drink - Water of course

2. Phone call - I think my dad

3. text message -  “Are you awake?”

4. song you listened to -  "Cover Your Tracks” - A Boy & His Kite

5. time you cried - genuinely not sure, but probably over a month

ever

6. dated someone twice? - ugh yes, a few times

7. kissed someone and regretted it - of course

8. been cheated on - yes a few times

9. lost someone special - unfortunately

10. been depressed - yay for mental illness

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - once and I’m so mad about it because before that I could quote Ted Mosby

fave colors

12. Indigo

13. Yellow

14. Burgundy

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - not particularly

16. fallen out of love - I wish

17. laughed until you cried - yep, thank you Welcome to Nightvale

18. found out someone was talking about you - yeah

19. met someone who changed you - mhm

20. found out who your friends are - yes and i’m not happy about it lol

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - well… I mean the people I did are blocked now…

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all of them??? Oops I guess except one

23. do you have any pets - not anymore :(

24. do you want to change your name - every now and then

25. what did you do for your last birthday - pretty much nothing

26. what time did you wake up today - 7am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - sleeping for once

28. what is something you cant wait for - my upcoming paycheck

30. what are you listening to right now -  generation q

31. have you ever talk to a person named tom - yeah…?  

32. something thats getting on your nerves - friend drama

33. most visited website - tumblr lol… Well that or Google Drive where I write stuff

34. hair color - dark brown

35. long or short hair - medium

36. do you have a crush on someone - define crush

37. what do you like about yourself - lolol

38. want any piercings? - nah I’m good

39. blood type -  В+ (ah, irony)

40. nicknames - anica, cherry

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - Libra is my sun sign

43. pronouns - they’re a construct when it comes to me tbh

44. fave tv shows - lately? as much as i hatewatch: titans, also r:nm, ca: tws, himym, sex education, the witcher, ginny & georgia, nhie, still sometimes tvd, and dollface

45. tattoos - small cactus on my ankle and butterfly on my leg

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - a few times

48. piercings - just one for my ears

49. sport - soccer, volleyball, or basketball

50. vacation - San Francisco when I can, or the Sequoia forest

51. trainers - whut

more general

52. eating - is also a construct

53. drinking - usually coffee

54. im about to watch - Generation Q

55. waiting for - me to get to my life together

56. want - money

57. get married - who knows

58. career - writer or pharmacist

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - kisses

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - depends on gender

62. older or younger - pretty much always older if I can help it

63. nice arms or stomach - idk like either on another person makes me dysmorphic so…

64. hookup or relationship - relationship lately, i hate my brain

65. troublemaker or hesitant -  depends on the situation… In career, hesitant. In life, definitely troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - yep

67. drank hard liquor - I hate beer and wine… So yeah usually exclusively

68. lost glasses - lost, no, broken yes

69. turned someone down - men suck

70. sex on first date - have I? yes

71. broken someones heart - *eternal sigh*

72. had your heart broken - only like frequently

73. been arrested - try and catch me

74. cried when someone died - um, yes??

75. fallen for a friend - only frequently

do you believe in

76. yourself - hahahahaha

77. miracles - sometimes

78. love at first sight - gross

79. santa clause - no?

80. kiss on a first date - sure

81. angels - surprisingly yes

Other

82. best friend’s name - Amanda

83. eye colour -  um one is green and one is blue but they both change with my mood

84. fave movie -  It’s been Set it Up for a bit just as a comfort movie

85. fave actor - Robin Williams

well this is a tonnn of work lmao so i’m not gonna tag

#tag games #personal #year to year sort of things

[tenderanarchist]

Idk if you're still looking for lesbian top surgery experience so if you're not, just ignore this! I went through transition as a transman rather than a transmasc lesbian, so im pretty sure my experience with doctors is different because of the less complex/more understood identity. But when it comes to knowing its "right" thats hard, because i honestly dont think you can know 100% if it is right or not, especially when you're young. I dont know if it was right for me, but its just the body im in now as someone who's identity has evolved. I still prefer being a flatchested woman over the situation i had going on before, even though its a lot of mixed feelings and i wish it had only big a very drastic reductions rather than a complete amputation, there's a lot of things im unhappy with about the process. Top surgery is a big thing, and it can be accompanied with a sense of loss or grief even if you're happy with the results. My actual surgery experience was horrific even if there were no complications, recovery was also horrible.

Basically what im saying is: top surgery is a big thing and there's many sides to it, the good the bad and the ugly, it can be extremely freeing while also feeling like a loss, it can feel euphoric for a while but also manifest a physical feeling that somethings missing, and i dont think i understood that when i had my surgery, i knew about the physical risks of surgery, but the narrative of "i knew top surgery was right and it was and now im happy and have become my true self and my life is so much better now!" was the dominant narrative, and thats not what its been like for most the people around me whos had top surgery? Most are happy with it but its not a magic fix to give you more confidence or make you happier longterm. Whatever you want to do i think its worthwhile to look on forums for bad experiences or complications and recovery experiences just to be aware of what can happen and if you're willing to take the risk, including the risk that you might regret it, none of us know who we'll be in 5 or 10 or 20 years. Its a big decision but you dont need to rush it, i wish you all the good luck if you end up getting a top surgery one day, and i hope whivhever path you takes makes you happy and comfortable. Sorry for rambling, there's just a lot of things i wish someone had told 19 y/o me before my surgery so that i could have made the choice as informed as possible or maybe even postpone it until i was older and had gotten a chance to mature and evolve first. Hope you're having a good day/night/morning, i hope you've already gotten other input on this, theres so much to cover lol🐢

Hey, thanks so much for your thoughtful response and sharing your experience! I really appreciate it. And as somebody who’s been witness to a loved one’s medical trauma, I understand that any surgery (even a lifesaving or gender affirming one) can carry a lot of heavy emotions and genuine risks with lasting effects even after it’s over. All of which is kind of brushed under the rug in mainstream trans narratives unfortunately. There should be as much space to talk about mixed emotions and the tough stuff as the euphoria and positive outcomes. And I think that in-depth perspective is especially important to those of us who are genderqueer/nb/ otherwise not following the conventional medical and social narrative of transition. I don’t know where my transition might lead right now, but hearing from others who have had gender experiences similar to mine is really great. Hope you have a good day/night/whatever too!

Also, idk if tumblr just eats my asks but unfortunately I haven’t really gotten other input from people about this. (For those who haven’t followed me for that long, a while ago I made a post asking about lesbians’ experience with wanting / getting top surgery). So if anyone else has something to share please let me know :-)

#asks #anon #transmasc #transgender #gender #butch lesbian #genderqueer #nonbinary

[meg2md]

M4 is great so far. I'm on my gyn onc AI, which I thought would be super intense, but my chief is so chill and was like "please take your weekends and enjoy the three-day holiday." Last time I'll get to, right? So why not??

The M3-M4 transition is still a little weird. I honestly felt like I had MORE expectations as an M3. And I'm sure it's rotation dependent, but my residents are like "We just want you to learn." I'm in a bit of a weird spot because these evals go on my MSPE (as well as my grade in H/HP/P form) and it's ALL subjective grading, but I'm just trying to use this first AI as an opportunity to figure out HOW to be an AI so that I can blow my away rotation away. I'm also planning on asking for a letter from a doc who did her fellowship at the place I'm doing my away, but I haven't worked with her yet. I think I work with her a bunch next week.

I feel like because they know I want to do ob/gyn they're letting me do a tiny, tiny bit more in the OR. I got to dick around with the scope for a cystoscopy (which I found super hard lol) and I got to practice a D&C and ECC on a patient (after the attending/resident had finished). And I'm thrilled because I genuinely enjoy reading up on my patients and learning at home about the diagnoses and procedures. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life!!! I feel so validated.

It's been one week and I haven't actually presented a patient yet, but the way rounds work isn't exactly how I expected. On surgery and ob/gyn in M3 I would show up 30 min to an hr early to preround, then on actual rounds with residents + attendings I would present. Here, we all preround together, and sometimes we go back and round with the attending but usually it's just the chief if I'm in clinic or something. My chief said I could practice presenting to him though, so I'll try to take him up on that. I'm also itching to try working up a new patient, but ya'll, gyn onc patients are complicated as fuck so we'll see how that goes. But i 1000000% need to at least try!! It's more of a "make my own opportunities" thing than a "these are our expectations" thing, because their expectations are "learn and enjoy your M4." Which I appreciate and makes a chill learning environment. But it means I need to learn to be more assertive with my active learning opportunities.

Regarding ERAS/residency apps, I finally started my personal statement last night. I'm just hoping to finish my first draft by the end of this rotation and then I can clean it up next month. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I somehow destroyed Step 2 and I'm THRILLED. It makes up for the fact that I dropped into the 3rd quartile at the literal last grade update of M3 and that's just where I am now. I'm starting to collect rec letters. I asked my IM attending from last year to write my SLOE (new requirement for OB/GYN), have plans to ask an attending this rotation, and will ask an attending on my family planning rotation. Then I just need a chair letter.

I managed to sign up for Pole 102 because they have it at 8 PM on Thursdays and signout for gyn onc is 6 PM!!! Because why not??? It's not like I need to study for shelves this year!!!! Trial bridesmaid dresses for my friends wedding should come in today so I can finally choose one and order the real deal.

Plans for today include spinning pole lessons, reading up on patients for tomorrow, and doing some reading in Williams Gynecology depending on the procedures. Also continuing my chronologic rewatch of Marvel, which I started the day before Step 2. Made it through Winter Solider, but I'm also watching Agents of SHIELD in-between because I actually REALLY LOVE IT so far

So overall I'm thrilled with M4 so far

#medblr #medical school #studyblr #gradblr

[knightofraguel]

hey, so i hate to be that guy, but times are really tough and i cant make ends meet and i need help. im a trans man, and i was able to secure getting a hysterectomy (since honestly i dont know if gender affirming surgery, or hell hormone therapy, will be covered even next year, so now is the time), but that meant that i had to be off work for a few weeks until my new job, but even then i wont get my first paycheck until next month.

right now im recovering from surgery and ive been able to get by with loans from an extremely generous friend of mine, but shes just one person and i already owe her a few hundred. the thing is, all of that goes/went to bills, rent, and medicine so i can eat. i dont have anything to pay this months rent or bills, and im going to run out of my medication before the end of the month most likely, even though im switching to the cheaper but less effective one with the last of what ive been able to borrow. i knew i was taking a risk with getting major surgery when i had barely paid people back for when i was out of work for a few months at the beginning of the pandemic, but there is a genuine chance that this would have been my last window of opportunity to make sure that i wont have my monthly again if they take away my hormones. even my doctors sent in my paperwork as urgent through insurance, since waiting even a couple months for them to get to my case is a decent risk in 2020, between both covid and the impending threat of losing my trans medical coverage.

my amazing friend Kayden set up a gofundme for me to manage since i honestly have no idea what im doing with any of this, and heres the breakdown of what i need to pay for:

rent: $645

bills: $100

medication: $120

loans: $300

i dont have any donations yet, so anything you could spare would really help me out and ill reblog with any updates!!

my GoFundMe is gf.me/u/y3hduk

my cashapp is $otterfunds

message me for paypal

#gofundme #help #i dont know how to tag this ive never done this before #donations #trans man #hysterectomy #gender affirmation surgery #i just dont want to get kicked out or have my roommates get kicked out none of us can afford to cover me #i need to at least make rent like yeah i need my meds so i can eat but housing comes first #please reblog #donate if you can #i cant tell you how much id appreciate that #like i can handle medical debt i just need to be able to sleep and eat #paypal #cashapp

[masterasmodeus]

Q&A by request

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

I’m fine with all of these, if we measure by done the most, couch

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why?

Good, it was in public but not overt or obvious, very fun.

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed?

Thor

4: Something that never fails to make you horny?

tears

5: Where is one place you would never have sex?

a childs bed

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ?

being farted on while going down on someone.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny?

tears

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]?

i prefer rope for versatility.

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny?

be horny and tell me about how horny you are and what you want to do about it.

10: Top or bottom?

mostly top, but not opposed to bottom 

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

fuck, the bar opened

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

one is never enough but it is always appreciated, necessary ? no, but defiantly preferred. 

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? 

panties that were cut off a play partner during a scene. 

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you?

haven’t been called anything i consider weird.

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex?

Giving: like,the way they respond, dislike hair in my teeth.

Receiving : like the look in their eyes. dislike too much teeth.

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

nothing i consider weird

17: Have you ever tasted yourself? 

yes, depending on my diet i can be sweet or spicy 

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

yes, all things are negotiable.

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Laura B. ..shes still hot

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

strawberrys or whipped cream

21: How big is too big?

this is a little vague ...6 foot 6, double J ?

22: One sexual thing you would never do?

actual rape

23: Biggest turn on? 

eyes, certain looks 

24: Three spots that drive you insane?

here, there, everywhere.

25: Worst possible time to get horny?

job interview.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

love it when it’s genuine, hate it when it’s fake or sounds forced.

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had?

some positions don’t work in small cars.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping?

when you are late to appointments or miss important things to do it. all things in moderation.

29: Best sexual complement you ever got?

No one have ever made me cum like that before.

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji?

bald is preferred, landing strip can be fun.

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut?

lt’s about the journey not the destination.

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin” 

ask properly lol

33: What your favorite part of your body?

eyes

34: Favorite foreplay activities?

kissing and undressing the other person

35: Love 

not sure what the question is

36: What do you wear to bed?

usually boxers, occasionally nothing

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

ever? 5 or 6 

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

no, I delete them after.

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

yes, I love it especially in the rain, its been some years.

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Yes, see 39

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

yes, its been some years, i would consider it but the chemistry would have to be great between everyone involved.

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

back massager

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

never have but have wanted to for a long time.

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

The Kiss by Trevor Jones

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

stormy weather

47: Most attractive celebrity?

Christina Ricci

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

lesbian occasionally

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

two days

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

not that i know of.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

bad smells

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

yes, no one has mentioned them, i sometimes find them sexy on others.

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

yes, its fun and i like the way they respond.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i love tattoos, lets get one together.

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

It might be fun, i would want to know it if I did.

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

pizza

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

i don’t currently have an SO but i have no secrets.

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

nipple suckers and nipple clamps, 4 years (depends if BDSM toys count)

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

sure, see 57

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

maybe, depends on what they suggest.

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

assuming money and safety are the same, prostitute.

62: Do you watch porn?

yes, not often

63: How small is too small?

for what ? 4 foot ? size 0 ?

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

yes, getting turned on by tears.

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Phoenix, it meant time to have fun.

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

only if we had the same model phone

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

casually yes, don’t care for it at my current job.

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

i have before.

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

at least once

70: Booty or Boobs?

boobs if i’m just looking, booty if i want to take them home.

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

i do and i have not.

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes, but not recently.

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

yes, they regularly accused me of cheating when i wasn't, eventually, i cheated because i was being accused anyway might as well do the crime since i was doing the time.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Dr. Steel

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

No, yes as long as they weren’t home.

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

wouldn’t care as long as the sheets were clean when im ready for bed.

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

that looks interesting...how does it work?

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

i have a penis , if i had a vagina .., touch it, put toys in it, find some one to fuck

[yelenasdog]

unknown desires (spencer reid x russell holmes) (i’m so sorry BFRHEKRB)

really all i have to say about this is what the fuck and why the fuck. I DESERVE NO RIGHTS. enjoy i guess??? if u found this while searching for some reid x reader there’s plenty of that on my account!! 

i’m deleting this bye ok-

btw it’s set at the end of s9 ep18 and then ends probably around s13?? idk. also listen to billie eilish’s “i love you” to be extra sad bc this is lowkey kinda angsty and lowkey a mess but im throwing it at u ok bye!

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary”- Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven

Spencer shouldn't have been so drawn the first time he saw Russell in person. He shouldn't have been drawn at all.

He was a victim, someone who the young doctor had stared at a photo of for days while planning his rescue.

Although he didn't feel the initial electricity, he was far too buried in the case to think about Russell's kind puppy dog eyes or plump, rosy lips. Yes, far too busy to even fathom thinking of the way his raven locks that Edgar Allan Poe himself would be jealous of complimented his ivory skin, even for an inkling of a moment. He couldn’t bear to do such a thing.

But then, there was after the case, that day at the hospital. There was loss, it was hard to see. But yet again, he saw it every day.

His brain was fuzzy, and he seemed to be more heavily affected by this case than any previous endeavors. He wasn’t sure as to why.

It had him lost in his own thoughts, swimming in a pool of unknown desires.

So lost in fact, so drowned in his daydream, that he was barely aware of the person that had been wheeled over in his general vicinity.

It was him. His pink pout (that was more of a smile) was busted, no doubt, and his porcelain skin had cuts littered among it, but god, it was him.

He should have been disgusted, scared even. The man had rabies! And this was doctor Reid we’re talking about, the biggest possible germaphobe. But he couldn’t bring himself, he was too infatuated. Not that he would admit to it, though.

And he apparently had heard about Spence and his displeasure with even slightly unsanitary situations, as he chose to greet (and simultaneously say goodbye) to the doctor with a simple wave and bashful smile.

Spencer returned it in the same manner. The interaction was quick, too quick. It also warmed his heart to a full extent.

Russell was whisked away by a nurse, looking back reluctantly at the three agents that had saved his life, specifically a certain brown haired doctor, wanting to encapsulate his stunning image in his mind.

Spencer stuck to a cycle. Save, move on, repeat. It was easiest to do so rather than deal with any tag along, unwanted, painful emotions. 

Because that’s all love was. 

Crude and abrupt pain. But despite this, he found himself asking Garcia for Russell's current home address. His own actions confused him, but nonetheless, he held his head high as he exited the batcave towards the light, clutching a paper with the info in his hands. 

He knew he didn’t need it. But he refused to face the (impossible) possibility to forget this information, to forget Russell.

The paper was wrinkled and dampened from his gorilla grip by the time he had arrived. He flattened it out with shaky hands, grabbing a fresh piece of parchment.

“Hello, I'm Doctor Spencer Reid.”

No, no, too formal. He erased it.

“Greetings, I’m Spencer Reid.”

What was he, an alien? Even though many members of the team thought so, he decided against giving Russell Holmes that opportunity. And then it was gone in the wind with a few swipes from his pencil eraser.

“Hi! I’m Dr. Spencer Reid, I was one of the agents that assisted on your case. I hope this message finds you well. I’m just checking in to see how you’re healing.”

Spencer scoffed at himself out loud. “just checking in”, his ass. He continued writing and with very low expectations, he sent off the letter.

------

“I'll be just a minute, Mom!” Russell hollered through his home as he went to go check the mail. He walked down to the mailbox, limping ever so slightly, still in recovery. He flipped through the various envelopes, doing a double take when he saw a certain name.

Doctor Spencer Reid

Apartment 23A

Wilcox Road, Quantico, Virginia, 22134

He tore into the message immediately, a growing smile resting on his face as he read.

“Hi! I’m Doctor Spencer Reid, I was one of the agents who assisted on your case. I hope this message finds you well. I’m just checking in to see how you’re healing. How's your mother been since her surgery? I hope she is doing well, too. If you need anything don’t hesitate to write back or call the number at the bottom of the page. Yet again, I'm glad we could get you home, perhaps to your boyfriend/ girlfriend, or wife/husband.

Best regards, Spencer.”

He was off the walls with excitement. There was a newfound pep in his step as he made his way up the driveway, no doubt planning on writing back.

“Dr. Reid, I appreciate you checking in on me. I do not regret informing you that there is no boyfriend or girlfriend here, just my mother and I while we both recover...”

-----

Glee and bliss. Those were the two things that could no doubt be used to describe the relationship between Spencer Reid and Russell Holmes.

Although it was nothing too formal, exchanges of news about mothers or about how work was going was going on either side soon became much more deep, bringing the two closer than imaginable, even from 689 miles apart.

Never meeting again in person, the situation reminded him all too much of Maeve, but nonetheless, to him, Russell was worth it. So they talked, and talked, for years and years on end. 

They both felt a warm fuzzy feeling in their chest, quite able to place the cause on one another. 

Then one day, they stopped. 

Spencer had gotten home from a long case, and was very much so looking forward to an uplifting note from his distanced lover. But to his surprise, there was nothing. 

Although he found it odd, he blew it off, considering the possibility of getting lost in the post, running some stat to calm himself. Pulling out his cell, he dialed the number that he had saved of Russell's if for some reason the letters were to become inadequate. Voice mail. And voicemail again, and again, and again. Spencer tried for days and weeks, but to no avail, he was met with radio silence.

Until one day, if it was fateful or not is up to you.

 It was sunny in August, and Spencer Reid was not a fan. 

After sweating around all day (he wasn’t sure what it meant either), he made his way to his apartment. He stripped down to his slacks and undershirt, waltzing around his apartment with a water bottle in hand.

knock knock

He squinted his honey eyes, confusion flooding his body. He cautiously approached the door, keeping his revolver in his peripheral vision, compliments of his paranoia.

Another two knocks sounded, but before a third could ring out, he swung the door open.

He gasped, his jaw water bottle falling out of his hand and rolling into the hallway.

“Russ?”

“Hi, Spence.”

He wanted to hug him, he wanted to kiss him, God, he wanted to-

“I felt like I needed to tell you in person.”

His heart dropped to his feet as Russell's own shaky hand presented itself, in it, a white envelope, similar to the one that started their not-so extravagant rondevu.

“W-what is this, Russ?” he opened with nimble fingers, sliding it from its encasement.

Join soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Russell and Jane Holmes-

He didn’t read the rest, he didn’t need to, and couldn't. Tears made their way to both men’s eyes, threatening with such a fierce hostility to spill.

“I’m so sorry, Spence.”

This warranted no response from the doctor. He looked blankly behind Russ, his mind running a million miles a minute. With his head hung in a terrible shame, Russell turned to leave.

He was shocked when he was stopped by Spencer grabbing him by his blue and red plaid shirt, pulling him back.

“Wait.”

He turned, his hazel eyes just barely meeting Spencer's own of the same color.

“Do you love her?”

He pondered for a moment, before nodding slightly.

“Yes, I,” he paused. “Yes.”

Spencer bit his bottom lip briefly, before making a choice he knew he would regret.

He gripped him by the collar of his shirt, smashing their lips together for the first time and the last.

It should have been sweet, it should have been everything he hoped for and more. It should have been a reunion as glorious as they both could have imagined.

But instead, it was a mixture of salty tears, as their lips moulded together like they were made for each other. He pulled away, trying to maintain a strong facade.

“Good.”

And with that, he took one more look, before committing him to a memory, and nothing else.

He shut his door, sliding down against it and silently sobbing, pulling at his curls as tears racked his body. He heard smaller footsteps pad up the staircase, stopping next to where he left a dumbstruck and emotion ridden Russell.

“Hey, sweetheart, is your friend going to be able to make it?” She rubbed his shoulder lovingly, so incredibly oblivious and unaware of the previous happenings.

He put a remorseful hand on hers, watching how her engagement ring shimmered, even in the dim lighting.

He put on a false smile for his future wife he thinks he loves. “I think he’s a bit busy, he said he needs to review the date.” He spoke loudly, hoping Spencer could hear him through the thick door.

She frowned, nodding in what was her understanding of it all.

“Well, I hope he can make it, he must be important if you came all the way here to deliver this for him!”

He smiled genuinely, thinking of all the letters sent and hours spent.  

“Yeah, more than he knows.”

It wasn't until after he heard their steps retrieve, and their car start up and go, that he picked up the card to finish reading it.

He ran his finger over the gold raised trim, the feeling giving him goosebumps. He read the front and flipped it over, seeing an all too familiar hand writing underneath the date that the supposed union was to be held.

I'm sorry, I love you.

🂦∙🂦∙🂦

literally what the fuck was that ffwbfbfbkfw what do i even tag this?? im so sorry. also this is my first character x character be nice

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #cm #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #boy x boy fic

[pbscore]

im an autistic butch and i really like the way ‘fem’ flowy things feel sensory-wise, but the fact they’re coded one way triggers my dysphoria. and at the same time, baggier butch fashion ALSO makes me dysphoric because it reminds me of a worse earlier time in my transition. really can’t win here

I feel you, anon ☹️ and I’m sorry that you also struggle with that similar internal argument that I’ve been having with myself for a while. I’m sure other folks can chime in and can understand the feelings we are talking about.

But I guess...that’s why I wanna change people’s perceptions of clothing and the gender expectations that come with them. I know that the concept of loving oneself and being fearlessly and visibly queer, in any way, has been pretty big in the last four or five years and while I’m happy to see it, I’m also in a place where I don’t feel comfortable enough dressing or speaking the way I would like to because then, my masculinity is immediately swiped away and that makes me uncomfortable. Eventually, I want to get comfortable enough to be able to uplift other folks who may feel a lotta trepidation at wearing anything, whether it triggers their dysphoria or any other negative self-image reason.

I’ve come to terms with the idea of just wanting to be a human being that is almost impossible to deem as a ‘man’ or ‘woman’ at first but personally, I’m ok with folks thinking that I look more like a ‘guy’ who’s confidently and sincerely wearing whatever I want to wear when they see me. Dresses and skirts could definitely be those things I wear genuinely but I’m choosing to wait until I move somewhere more ‘open,’ where I’ll be around more LGBTQ+ folks/friends, and after I get top surgery.

#asks #anon