#(not that i'm an authority on that as a person who does not have DID)

[koifly]

Toby headcanons

These are just some quick notes from my AU so I'm not going into too much detail with each headcanon!

-German, no not just German roots but he actually lives in Germany

-complex relationship with physical contact/affection

-talks a lot, but not very often. Either he's talking with no red string or is as silent as an owl's flight

-can't stand having a beard/stubble, HAS to shave or else he'll remind himself a bit too much of his dad

-fucked up hands through biting, picking and scratching

-freckles and moles everywhere, pale skin, eyebags

-dark brown hair+eyes, thick eyebrows, slightly hooked nose

-either dresses midwestern emo or how the marauders fandom portrays Remus Lupin since he thrifts his clothes because of the lack of money

-does the hand-flapping thing when he excitedly talks about something/someone that interests him

-DESPISES raw tomatoes

-pretty distant towards most of the creeps, only exceptions are Natalie, EJ, Kate and James (in that order btw, first is the person he's the closest to, last is the one he is, compared to the other three, most 'distant' to)

-prefers sweet snacks over salty snacks

-does the thumbs up+awkward smile thing whenever he didn't listen to what another person was saying to pretend that he did. Or when he's slightly weirded out by someone

-comparable to dogs, racoons and deers in a way

-prefers dogs over cats

-when stressed in the woods he usually sits down near flowers and rips them out before tearing them into smaller pieces

-that guy does NOT know how to properly take care of himself (forgets to eat, doesn't know how to cook etc...)

-unlabelled sexuality, if he likes someone he likes someone and doesn't really care about gender nor appearance

-still sometimes chews on his cheek which leads to his gash not properly healing

-secretly tries to befriend every damn animal he encounters but quickly gets frustrated and gives up when it ignores him/walks away from him

-gets forced to be Nina's makeup/fashion model sometimes (usually James is Nina's first victim but not always)

-Kate and him have a sibling relationship

-admires EJ in a lot of ways but has too much of a thick skull to actually admit that out loud

-sometimes leaves small handmade gifts and/or things he found in the woods in front of Nat's cabin such as bracelets, necklaces, knifes and all kinds of trinkets

-will instantly accuse others of taking his stuff when he doesn't find it just to find it 2 minutes later

-struggles to comfort others when they are crying/ having a breakdown/ etc......So he usually just awkwardly pats their back or sit beside them in silence

-huge Spiderman fanboy, has a lego Spiderman keychain on him at all times

-5'8 or 5'9 idk tho

-will try to get on peoples nerves just to see how they'll react

-hates authorities and people who act like their the boss/better than him

-will bark and bite (not literally, metaphorically)

-will see a rock and instantly compares it to someone's eyecolor/ haircolor (cough cough Nat cough cough...)

uhhhh yeah, that's some of them I guess

#creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #ticciwork #ticci toby #toby erin rogers #nina hopkins #nina the killer #natalie ouellette #clockwork #eyeless jack #kate the chaser #james jayachandran #my headcanons #ticci toby headcanons #creepypasta au

[bosbas]

Chapter 8: this is falling in love in the cruelest way

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: colin bridgerton x enemy!fem!reader WC: 3.4k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, heavily going off of book canon, me stirring the pot (im sorry)(no im not), PINING!!!!!!!, anthony being very much in love with his wife

Summary: It took precisely two days in England for you to utterly despise Colin Bridgerton. It took him approximately twelve hours after that to hate you right back. But he doesn't care that you're the only person in the ton who doesn't like him. You're set to marry someone else anyway, right?

A/N: guys i'm sorry but this picture is INSANE. the THIGHS??? HELLO? i am looking respectfully.......👁️👁️

June 5, 1816 – And yesterday, much to this author’s surprise, Lord Barlow reportedly proposed to Lady Montclair! This proposal comes unexpectedly after the Duke’s promiscuity with Miss Barrington at the Bridgerton ball a few weeks ago. Given the fact that Miss Barrington has been compromised, it is incredibly shocking that Lord Arthur Barlow would do something like this in polite society. Luckily, Lady Montclair remains a single woman and swiftly rejected her former beau’s proposal. But this only begs the question: why did the Duke propose? Is Lady Montclair simply too alluring to pass up, or is something else amiss between Lord Barlow and Miss Barrington? 

“Oh, thank God,” muttered Colin under his breath, his eyes quickly scanning Lady Whistledown’s column as he sat on a bench in the garden. 

“What’s that you’re reading, brother?” asked Anthony, ears perking up at Colin’s scandalous language, even if it was just between brothers. 

Colin felt a slight blush forming on his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was speaking out loud, having been too caught up in the news that you had finally received a proposal from Lord Barlow. It was a lovely day out, and Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were in the gardens of Number 5 Bruton Street after a round of fencing. 

Of course, once Francesca had come outside holding a copy of Whistledown to read in the gazebo, Colin had stolen it out of her hands and abandoned his brothers in favor of catching up on the ton’s happenings. Though no one should have been surprised by his interest, really, given that you were the main topic of most of the gossip sheets nowadays. 

“Nothing,” Colin answered quickly, trying to recover from his blunder. “It’s bizarre how invested one becomes in Whistledown while living here. Is this what every summer is like when one isn’t traveling for half the time?”

“In essence, yes,” answered Benedict, still jabbing at the air with his épée as Anthony stared at him amusedly. “What does she have to say today?”

“Lord Barlow proposed to Lady Montclair yesterday,” said Colin, a slight edge to his voice. “And he looked a sight while doing it, too, apparently.”

Benedict dropped his foil, turning around to fully face Colin with a shocked look on his face. “And what did she say?” he pressed, intrigued about the outcome of this curious development. It was practically unimaginable that the Duke had proposed to you after defiling another lady in the ton, and Benedict hadn't considered him capable. 

Anthony clapped him on the back, smirking at Colin as he did so. “Well, did you not hear the man say, ‘thank God’? Obviously, she said no.”

Colin crossed his arms, immediately defensive. “It wasn’t that obvious! She could have said yes, and my ‘thank God’ could have been because she would’ve finally left me alone. Duchesses have a lot to do; I doubt she’d find the time to be irritating while attending to her duties in the country.”

Benedict and Anthony gave their brother unimpressed looks, watching amusedly as he squirmed under their gaze. 

“I assure you, brother, that there was absolutely no possibility of that being the case,” said Benedict jovially, earning a snort from Anthony. 

But before Benedict could laugh, too, Colin lunged at him, épée in hand as he glared playfully at his brother. Finding himself unarmed, Benedict yelped and ran toward the house, citing a very important painting to attend to before sprinting back inside. 

Turning to Colin, Anthony smiled curiously. “So, it’s true, then? What Daphne said?”

“What did Daphne say?” asked Colin innocently, dreading the conversation that would follow.

“Don’t be daft. That you love Y/N.”

Colin rolled his eyes, letting out an impatient sigh. “I don’t love her; that’s ridiculous, Anthony! A mere two weeks ago, we absolutely despised each other. I hardly think I could love her now.”

But even as he said those words, Colin questioned whether he actually meant them. Could he love you? He hadn’t ever felt this way about anyone, but then again, no one had ever vexed him quite like you. Though lately, he had been finding the line between irritation and fascination to be quite blurred. So blurry, in fact, that he was having trouble seeing a line at all. 

Having clearly overheard part of the conversation, Gregory ran up to his brothers, laughing hysterically as Hyacinth chased him. He stopped and let his sister catch up, smiling evilly at the older Bridgertons “Colin loves who, now?” 

Hyacinth arrived a few moments later, panting heavily. “Y/N, of course,” she stated while trying to catch her breath, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“What? What do you mean? Why do say that?” pressed Colin. Why did everyone in his family seem to think that he loved you? Surely they saw the two of you bickering incessantly, right? Your feud was so famous it had even made it to Lady Whistledown’s column. Colin couldn’t understand how anyone could think he had so much affection for you. 

Hyacinth raised an eyebrow at her older brother, unamused. “Colin, I am not an idiot. Though perhaps you might be,” she added brightly. And before Colin could respond, she quickly turned to her eldest brother. “Now, Anthony, could you please tell Gregory to give me back my quill?” she begged.

Gregory, scoffed, glaring at his sister. “I’d only borrowed it for a moment! And I only did so because Hyacinth hid mine! Anthony, she’s being unreasonable,” he whined.

Anthony affectionately patted them both on the head and flashed a faux sympathetic smile. “I rather think both of you are being quite the nuisance right now.” 

At times, Anthony found himself slipping into the role of a father figure to his youngest siblings. It was an unspoken duty he assumed after their father's passing. Yet, it was important to occasionally remind them that he was still their brother.

Hyacinth responded with a frustrated groan, her teeth grinding audibly, thoroughly vexed with her brother. However, the sight of Gregory's smug smile reignited her fury, and she immediately charged at him. Despite being older than Hyacinth, Gregory wasn't foolish enough to underestimate her, and he took off in a panic, screaming as he tried to outpace his deceptively quick sister.

Colin shook his head in amusement as he watched the antics of his youngest siblings. “Were Daphne and I truly like that?”

“Worse,” said Anthony flatly, but he couldn’t mask the warmth and fondness interlaced in his words.

At that, Anthony began to turn back toward the house. “Well, I must be-”

“Wait!” interrupted Colin. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had stopped his brother, other than the fact that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the possibility that he could love you. You, the person he supposedly hated. The person who certainly hated him. 

But, as always, Anthony was the right person to talk to about this. He would know what to say. Though it was well known that Anthony was completely smitten with his wife, Colin remembered a time when the pair seemed to dislike each other fairly intensely.

After a few moments of charged silence, Colin met Anthony’s expectant gaze. Swallowing his pride, he spoke up. “Purely hypothetically, and simply out of curiosity, when did you fall in love with Kate?”

Anthony smiled, amused. “Hmm,” he hummed thoughtfully, putting a hand to his chin. “As long as it's purely out of curiosity,” he teased. “It wasn’t like I simply fell in love with her one day, Colin.”

“Yes, but if you had to pinpoint a moment?” pressed Colin, slightly exasperated. If anything, he needed to know if he had experienced that moment himself.

Anthony’s gaze softened, and he suddenly saw a lot of himself in Colin’s uncertainty and pause when it came to a woman who profusely vexed him. “I found Kate in the library the night after we played Pall Mall for the first time,” he recalled fondly. “We were at Aubrey Hall for the country party and it was raining outside quite loudly, a terrible storm. She was huddled underneath a desk because she was scared of the storm. I very quickly realized I couldn’t hate her anymore. Not properly, anyway. Not when I just wanted to sit on the floor with her and protect her from the storm, and anything else that might come her way.”

His voice had softened as he spoke about his wife, recalling the moment he truly knew there was no way out. Anthony had tried to deny it to himself after, but his protests simply held no conviction after that night. 

“You never told me that,” said Colin thoughtfully, not missing the glint of emotion in his brother’s eyes as he talked about his now-wife. 

“Yes, well, the real challenge was getting her to love me back,” he said, coming out of his musings. “And that didn’t happen for quite some time after that. It was rather premature of me to declare my love for this woman while I supposedly hated her and was still technically courting her sister.”

It was truly a wonder that he and Kate were married now. But when it was meant to be, it was meant to be, Anthony supposed. Something that was proving to be particularly true of you and his brother. If Colin, who had a deep-seated need to be liked by anyone and everyone, could fall in love with you, the only person who didn’t actually like him, then surely it was meant to be.

Colin, still deep in thought, chewed his lip nervously. “And how did you get her to fall in love with you?”

“We were caught in a… compromising position. She had been stung by a bee and I… Well, I’m sure you recall,” said Anthony, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically shy as he remembered the circumstances that allowed him to marry his wife. “It’s far easier to get a woman to love you when she’s already your wife,” he finished sympathetically. 

Colin choked back a laugh. “Unfortunately, I can’t very well put Lady Montclair in a compromising position, can I?” he laughed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“But Colin, I thought this was all hypothetical,” teased Anthony, playfully punching his brother on the shoulder. 

Colin cursed under his breath, rolling his eyes in annoyance as Anthony continued laughing at him. “Never mind. I’m off to find Eloise,” he muttered, patting the eldest Bridgerton on the back and leaving him free to go dote on his wife. 

After speaking with Anthony, Colin had a renewed sense of purpose. He had to find out why you hated him. He was so utterly exhausted of hating you and of having this tiresome charade of fighting with each other at every available moment. At this point, he didn’t particularly care who in the ton liked him or not. Colin knew he would happily take the entire ton’s wrath for the rest of his life if it meant you loved him.

But he needed to know just how unrealistic his hopes were. Eloise would be the best–and perhaps only­–person who would know. 

Colin found his sister practicing needlepoint in the sitting room, focused intensely on the material in front of her. It was unclear whether she was trying to sew the fabric or her finger, given how often she was pricking herself as she attempted to thread the needle. 

“El!” he called by the doorway, pausing when he saw his sister grimace after pricking herself once again. “I can return later if you’re busy.”

“No! No, please interrupt. Thank heavens,” gasped Eloise, grateful to be able to do something other than draw her blood. 

Colin laughed, amused, and suddenly felt a tad sheepish. Was he truly about to ask about you? To ask about you to Eloise, who would no doubt hold this over his head for the rest of eternity? But he had to know. He had to ask, at the very least. 

“I was just…I was wondering if you knew why Lady Montclair hates me,” he asked, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

Eloise let out a snort. “Well, I can’t imagine she’d be hard-pressed to find a reason why, given how you treat her.”

Seeing her brother’s crestfallen face, Eloise immediately sobered. Standing up and walking toward him, she placed a reassuring hand on his arm. “I thought you disliked her as well,” she said in a questioning tone.

“Of course I do,” clarified Colin quickly. “But she hated me first and I still don’t know why. I thought she might have said something to you, given how close the two of you are. Do you know at all?”

Eloise clicked her tongue in sympathy, looking at Colin with concern. Perhaps his feelings did run deeper than anyone thought, and the recent dancing and promenading were more than just Colin being his usual charming self around you. “I’m sure I have no idea, Col. But you could always just talk to her.”

Colin shook his head, smiling sadly at his sister. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? She doesn’t usually seem very eager to speak with me.”

Sure, the two of you had been getting along recently. But that had only been twice. And was that really enough to undo the weeks of hatred?

---

It was a particularly delightful Wednesday afternoon, and you found yourself feeding the ducks at Hyde Park as you watched Isabelle and Charlotte skip rocks across the pond. Though you loved Louis to bits, it was a lovely feeling to have both of your sisters home with you. There was simply something about being out in society that he could never quite understand like them, though not for lack of trying. 

After lunch, you, Charlotte, and Isabelle had managed to sneak out of the house just as the post-meal discussion grew rowdy. It was not unheard of to have such lively discussions in the Montclair household, and you frequently even enjoyed them. But there were some days, like today, that you frankly just wanted to have a quiet afternoon with a baguette and about a dozen ducks. Luckily, your sisters had decided to join you, and the three of you had set off toward the park in search of a flock of birds to feed.

It seemed that the ducks had taken much more of a liking to you than to your sisters, and they had grown disinterested in the endeavor. Charlotte and Isabelle had opted to give you their remaining bread and take a stroll around the mostly empty park, and you couldn’t say that you were complaining. Coming from such a large family, it was a rare luxury to have an afternoon largely to yourself. 

A while later, after most of the ducks found themselves happily full, you spotted a stumbling figure making its way toward you. As you turned to your sisters with a questioning look, you were disappointed to find them in deep conversation facing away from you, neither one of them noticing you. 

As the figure neared, you realized who it was: Nigel Berbrooke. Your heart skipped a beat and you felt your stomach drop, unpleasant memories of him and his disgusting words flooding your brain. You had no desire to speak to this man, and you looked around for anyone you could speak with instead. But you had not brought a lady’s maid, and everyone else was too far to intervene.

“Lady Montclair,” said Nigel, with what looked to be an attempt at a seductive smile on his face. 

You stood up from your crouching position rigidly and turned to face him. You were unable to form any words, discomfort far outweighing any other emotion you were feeling. This had to be his first time back this season after his absence, you thought. You hadn’t seen him at any events since the Danbury ball, and you rather thought you would have noticed him, looking as vile as he did now.

His nose was a tad more crooked than on the night you had met him, and the bags under his eyes were ghastly. But perhaps it was just your perception of him, knowing what you did about who he was.

“Mr. Berbrooke,” you settled for saying, nose crinkling as you caught a whiff of the pungent smell of alcohol emanating off of him.

“A promenade?” he asked roughly, reaching for your hand without permission. “It’s a lovely afternoon, it would be a shame to waste it.”

“Oh, Mr. Berbrooke, we were just about to head home,” you pointed your head toward your sisters, panicked. 

Isabelle and Charlotte were far too immersed in their conversation to look like they were ready to head home, but you prayed that Nigel’s inebriated state would distract him from this.

He growled at you, clearly displeased at your rejection. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you, Montclair. Your dowry, as well as your other…assets, are far too good to pass up,” he slurred, very obviously staring at your chest. “It’s a shame Colin’s gotten to you first.”

You were scandalized, opening your mouth to chastise him, or to scream for help, or anything that could get you out of this situation, really, but he cut you off before you could say anything. 

"I've heard Lord Barlow abandoned you, and truth be told, it's hardly shocking," he taunted, his voice laced with disdain as he regarded you with a sneer. "You insist on playing the coy maiden, denying every man what he craves. It's the only reason they’re after you now, you see? They want what you didn't give Arthur. And it appears Colin has taken the lead in the chase, the lucky bastard."

His words brought you crashing back down to reality. Of course, he was colluding with Colin. You had conveniently overlooked that fact as you found yourself becoming bashful in his presence, feeling secure, even desiring his company after these recent days. A surge of bile rose in your throat.

You felt tears prickling in your eyes, and you were impossibly angry with yourself for forgetting the very reason you despised Colin Bridgerton. How could you have let yourself forget? He was still the same man you overheard at the Danbury ball, and you were too embarrassed to admit that his charm had worked on you. 

You were disgusted with Nigel and Colin, but also with yourself. You were more than this, you chided. How could you have let this happen? The two men were clearly no good, and you had unwittingly allowed yourself to be ensnared, much like you had with Lord Barlow.

“Excuse me,” you said roughly, dodging Mr. Berbrooke’s outstretched hand as you ran toward where Isabelle and Charlotte were standing, propriety be damned. 

“On va chez nous. Tout de suite,” you said to them urgently, practically begging as you tugged on Isabelle’s hand (We’re going home. Right now). 

Charlotte looked at you, confused, and then noticed you glancing nervously at Nigel as he approached, angrily staggering over to you as his face contorted into an ugly scowl. 

“Ah, I’m terribly sorry Mr. Berbrooke,” Isabelle said firmly, “but it seems we have to go.” 

Not waiting for a response, your sisters hooked their arms in yours and hurriedly walked back from where you came. They’d be damned if he let anything else happen to you after what happened with Lord Barlow, and they were not about to waste any time.

Nigel only grunted, displeased, but let the three of you go without protest. Both of your sisters’ husbands were very powerful men, and Nigel was not so deluded as to forget his place in society.

“Y/N?” Charlotte questioned softly once you were sufficiently far away enough. 

But you were too embarrassed, tears streaming down your face as you choked back sobs. How could you have let yourself fall for Colin’s charm? You knew exactly who he was, and you had ignored it anyway. It didn’t matter that he made you feel safe and that the two of you had more in common than you cared to admit. He would never respect you, and you could never love him. 

Nigel had come at just the right time, you thought sullenly. Right as you were thinking you could finally overlook your rivalry with Colin, right as the memory of why you disliked him in the first place was fading. And thank heavens he did. You would not be taken for a fool again, by Colin or by Lord Barlow or by anyone. 

—

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#bridgerton #colin bridgerton #colin bridgerton x reader #enemies to lovers #colin bridgerton imagine #colin bridgerton fanfic #colin bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton fanfic #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton fluff #colin bridgerton angst #colin bridgerton x enemy!reader #bridgerton x you #colin bridgerton x you #bridgerton fluff #bridgerton angst #lost in translation #lost in translation: writing

[elismor]

I see a lot of posts going by about comments and kudos and hits and...well... I've been thinking about the three quite a lot lately--as both a fic author and someone who spends a lot of my professional life looking at web metrics and determining which are actually important/accurate measures of user engagement.

Mileage varies, of course. And this is all just MY opinion, so do feel free to ignore it wholesale.

What I think when I see someone say that sorting by a hits to to kudos ratio is a good way to find "good" fic:

Hits are a measure of quantity (how many times your story or art has been viewed), but without knowing how AO3 defines a hit, it's actually kind of a meaningless number.  We know that our own views of our work do not count toward hits, but...if my BFF looks at my story 7 times in one day because she keeps trying to read it but getting interrupted...is that one hit, or seven? And if it's seven, then the numbers are artificially inflated because it's really just Bestie trying to get her Codex fix. And...if Bestie looks at it three times today and four tomorrow...is that 7 hits total, or two? 

Some transparency on the part of AO3 could clear this up handily, but until we get that...shrug. All it is is a number that may or may not be an accurate reflection of how many actual people looked at the page your fic is on.  Did they READ it? Or did they nope out?  No way to know.

Kudos are intended to be slightly more qualitative, but there is no way of knowing why the reader gave them. (Similar to likes here on tumblr.) It might be that they loved the piece. It might be a simple acknowledgement that the reader was there. It might even be a pity kudo. We have no way of knowing. It's, again, just a number.

Obviously, everyone is free to interpret both hits and kudos as positive reaction/interaction. I might do that myself if I didn't spend my workdays explaining to people that 50,000 "hits" to the website could be 50K people who came to learn about us or...simply the result of the computer labs on campus having the university homepage set to default.

Bigger numbers are just that....bigger numbers.

Comments are the only objective way to judge how someone is reacting to your fic or art.

So, what then? Sort by number of comments?

You can do that, sure. (I think. I confess I have never once gotten the AO3 search to work as well as people rave about.) But do keep in mind that many authors answer their comments. So, something with, say, 20 comments may be 20 people telling the author they loved it. Or it might be ten people and ten author-replies. OR, it might be three people having a conversation in the comments. You have to look and see.  

Bigger numbers are just bigger numbers.

Okay, fine Elis. What am I supposed to do then?

Look, I'm not your mother or your therapist and you are free to assign whatever meanings you like to these things. I, personally, find "good" fic through a combination of things including: recs, the fandom grapevine, dumb luck, events, and just...reading some of it and not feeling guilty if I nope out for some reason.

This all sounds a little depressing when laid out like this, huh? Especially when you take into account the downward trends in interacting and the rise of folks treating fic and art as content to be consumed. 

Here's what I have learned from writing fic for 30 years (well, 28 and counting):

As an author (and an artist, I would presume), you have absolutely no way of predicting which of your work will land and take hold and which will not. It's alchemy and luck and the weird (and not actual) algorithm of fandom. Sometimes, the piece you whipped out in 30 minutes and posted on the fly will land in the right person's inbox and they will share it and their friends will share it and it will get big.  Sometimes, the piece you slaved over for weeks and weeks will do that...sometimes it won't.  Sometimes your genius manifests and resonates, sometimes it does not.

My personal favorite fic of my own--the one I think is probably the best thing I have done in SW fandom-- has like 8 kudos and 4 comments (2 of which are my responses). Is it disappointing? Yes. Is it an indication that the fic is objectively "bad"? No.

The mercenary in me suggests that if you want to get lots of comments and kudos, you should pick the pairing that is THE pairing in the fandom and write for that--because that's where the eyeballs are, because that's where the connections are.  But that is not why I write, so it's just that--a very mercenary way of looking at things. Not that there is anything WRONG with doing it that way. Supply and demand run the world. If the people want Codywan and you want the people....give them Codywan. No shame in that.

And there is no shame in wanting or seeking validation for your work, either.

But it breaks my heart to see authors (and artists) give up on themselves when they do not receive piles of kudos and comments. It's not you. It's...the luck of the draw. It's...fandom. It's...an artificial and murky set of measurements that have almost no basis in anything meaningful.

Keep writing. Keep drawing. Keep sharing. You are what you make, not how people respond to it.

#let's talk about fic baby #fandom #kudos and comments

[yasmeensh]

Book rant? Anthropology, apes, and racism discussion.

I started reading a book titled "Bonobo Handshake" by Vanessa Woods. I picked it up because a) I want to learn more about bonobos since my knowledge of them is minimal. b) the author had interacted with bonobos in person so it's an interesting perspective to read. c) the book had positive reviews.

I was not expecting the author to start off telling us about the 'discovery' of bonobos in this way.

W-what do you mean, in Belgium? The author makes it clear that bonobos live in Congo and she gives us a few examples of local bonobo lore. Meaning, people in Congo know the bonobos very well. Way to go to give a colonizer the credit??? wtf. In this perspective, she is letting us know THAT was the moment when Bonobos entered western science, which is true. But I was really hoping the author would give it a more holistic view than this, but it seems she really believes in this??? And let me tell you, from what I am picking up between the lines, she ONLY accepts western science. Here is an example:

This is the page that confuses me immensely. I don't know if she is trying to come off as sarcastic or not. She sets out for us that Takayoshi Kano is the star of Bonobo research, but in the next paragraph says there is no one studying Bonobos. "there was never a Jane Goodall or Dian Fossey for bonobos." UHM NO? YOU JUST SAID THERE WAS???

[highlighting and writing over a picture of the page (32) since it's a library book and I can't write on it.]

She says Japanese researchers are responsible for all we know on Bonobos, but then starts talking about de Waal's zoo discoveries in detail, and they seem pretty minor compared to Kano's work with wild bonobos. She did point out that scientists don't take de waal's observations seriously because it's from a zoo, but she doesn't remedy that by telling us if it can be supported by Kano's work or not when compared. Kano is ignored. He does have one book available in English, so it's not like we can't ever learn about what he observed. you said western mainstream media don't want to listen to a man who only spoke Japanese??? UHM. You are too??? Why did you jump to de waal? If it's a book about bonobos, then please give Kano a little spotlight and tell about his research. (I actually want to read Kano's book now but I can't find a borrowable copy of it. It's a complicated long loop to get one. But it's possible T-T!!!!)

I very much dislike her tone in 'oh it's the Japanese that tell us about bonobo'. It is as if no one is actually researching them at all. They are 'foreign' so it doesn't count. Meanwhile, if it's a white person's discovery, it is humanity's. But if it's someone else theeennnn well we are not sure if it's actually real :/ Not until a white person observes this can we really put this into humanity's archive of knowledge. Otherwise, whatever they learnt is not very important or worth talking about.

I'm not gonna drop the book, because it does get me thinking about stuff and that's what I read books for. I guess it reminds me of University days, of how irritated I get when we are assigned a problematic reading to pick apart and present to class. I hope I'm not picking this apart too much 😭 I'm not sure if I'm enraged and reading too much into it. I might be totally wrong. idk... I think I need to join an anthropology book club to have people to talk with about this. Only way for now is to share on the internet and maybe a discussion starts. Want to see what others think of this (especially if they read the book).

#anthropology #Bonobo Handshake #apes #bonobo #racism #reading #sorry I haven't posted are in a while. It's because.... I haven't drawn kdsjghsdkjgnsj #I do have a chimpanzee acrylic painting I'm working on slowly! but i've never worked with acrylic so it's just experiments #no sharing yet #and concept art for my story... that I am also not sharing yet. #well that's all. bye!

[zozo-01]

"my daddy gone for the weekend, so saturday baby we can get to freakin'."

It's here! After four-ish months, the smut is done! It took everything from me but I'm super proud of how this turned out! A huge shoutout to @dominimoonbeam for giving my the original idea, and my sincerest gratitude to everyone whom I lamented to, especially @gingerbreadmonsters, @lovelylonerliterature and @cashandprizes for making sure I wasn't making a fool of myself!

CW: University AU, David is a Business Major, Darlin' is a Poli Sci Major, No Angel and Sam AU, Unresolved Sexual Tension, leading to, Resolved Sexual Tension, they are stupid and in love, Top/Bottom Roles, First Time, Loss of Virginity, its david he's the virgin, Oral Sex, Riding, Grinding, david is a praise whore, they are horny young adults, Gender-Neutral Darlin', Jealousy, Angst and Fluff and Smut, David Shaw is Bad at Feelings, so is darlin', author is incapable of not being emotional, Minors Do Not Interact!!!!

click here for the ao3 link!!!

click here for the playlist made by @floofdeloop!!!

--

There wasn't a moment that went by where he didn't think of Darlin' promise. Even if he tried, the piercing on his tongue was a physical reminder that he couldn't get rid of.

Well, he technically could. Didn't mean he wanted to.

It was odd having a piercing at first, especially in such a weird place. He had to stop himself from playing with the piercing and pulling it out. While he would love to have Darlin' in his lap again to re-pierce his tongue, the pain was absolutely not worth it.

The reactions he got once he showed it off, on the other hand, were extremely worth it. No one could believe that goody-two-shoes David would get a piercing. A tongue piercing of all things. Milo and Asher had a ball when they found it, and they lost it when David revealed it was Darlin' who did it for him.

–

"I know Darlin' is into 'bad boys', but I never thought you would change for them," Asher cackled while lying upside down on his couch. 

David knew that this was a mistake. He should have kept that part a little secret, but no. He falsely assumed that his best friends would have been mature about it. He'd been a fool to put trust in those two. 

Milo, to his credit, didn't fall onto the floor laughing the way Asher did, but even he couldn't stop himself from teasing the larger wolf. "Next thing ya know, he's pullin' up with a damn sleeve like that one guy they brought-" He cut himself off to narrowly miss the pillow David threw. "Hey! Watch where you're throwin' big guy!"

Ignoring Milo, David sat beside Asher on the couch, putting his head in his hands out of frustration. Sure, Darlin' had a specific type of people that they liked, the unsavoury the better according to them. And sure, he couldn't help but compare himself to their past partners. But that didn't mean he didn't want to change himself for them! He had a well-adjusted head on his shoulders, and he knows it's foolish to change yourself for a person.

But if it did make Darlin' like him…

A soft flick to his forehead brought him out of his thoughts. Looking up at his friends, he saw his fellow pack members looking at him with what he could describe as an "are you stupid" look.

"Look we get it," Asher spoke up, moving into his role as voice of reason. "You like them, and I mean this in the best way, you don't look like their type. I know you're smarter than to change your whole self for one person, but seriously. If they don't like you now, they won't like you when you're closer to 'their type.'"

"Besides," Milo added while sitting next to David. "All this is assumin' that they don't like you. Who knows big man, maybe they do."

(Milo tried not to give too much away, for fear of his own life, but come on! Seeing David slumped over like a puppy made him feel bad for the man. It's even worse knowing that Darlin' does like him, but both of them are so emotionally inept that it will take the world ending for them to confess, and even then, one of them will be convinced that the other doesn't really love them. If he has to spend another minute hearing Darlin' lamenting about how David is too good for him, then he'll find a telepath to share their thoughts with each other.)

(And the worst part is that even that might not be enough to break this stalemate.)

–

David eyed the clock in his living room while vacuuming the floor. They would be here in about an hour, and knowing them, they'd probably arrive even earlier than that. All the more reason for him to finish cleaning the house as soon as humanly possible. Lucky for him, he wasn't exactly human.

He, in his naivety, decided to take some political science courses that semester. It made sense, nothing goes better together than politics and business, and with the way his professors stressed the connections between the two fields, it was only a matter of time before David wanted to learn more. He's already required to learn about corporate-related laws. Why not learn all the other types of laws? 

The answer to that question is that political science was a dreadful field of study, filled with jargon and old men with pessimistic views of the world. David had always been a numbers guy, and now you're telling him that he had to write essays? The absolute sheer horror.

There were some bright sides, though. Not as bright as their smile, let's not get ahead of ourselves. He sighed, mind eternally consumed with their being and he wouldn't have it any other way.

After seeing his struggle to write down a coherent thought without going on a tangent, Darlin' decided to help his poor soul to write his final paper for their public policy class. It was no issue, they insisted, having already finished their essay a week in advance. When they put their mind to it, Darlin' could do anything. It was what he admired most about them.

The doorbell rang, cutting off David's thoughts. He looked over the room one last time and with a satisfied hum, he walked over to the door.

Behind the door stood Darlin', a dazzling smile on their lips and food in their hands. "With Gabe out of town, I had a feeling that you haven't had good food in a hot minute." Walking right in and going straight to the kitchen, they put the styrofoam box on the dining table. 

He closed the door and followed them, mouth-watering and stomach rumbling at the smell of the shawarma platter on the table. They were right in assuming that he hadn't eaten much since his father left for his work trip. Gabe did make a large batch of food so that he didn't rely solely on fast food. Yet even after taking into account his large appetite, David was out of food within a few days. And fast food couldn't dare compete with his father's cooking.

"Yeah, well he should've made more for me." he joked, taking his school bag and sitting on the couch. "Seriously, thank you for helping me out with the essay, you're a god send."

"It's no biggie, Davey," they replied, sitting right beside him and taking out their notes. "Essays like these ain't that hard once you do a couple of them," Darlin' smirked and he already knew that they were preparing to tease him. "I know that's too much thinking for our little business major-"

David didn't give them a chance to continue, tackling them onto the couch. With a pillow in his hands, he smothered their face with enough pressure to keep their mouth closed without suffocating them.

"Alright, you little shit, if you're done making fun of me, how about we get back to this goddamn essay." An eye roll and nod were what he needed to back off, taking the pillow off of their face. But still straddling their hips, he refused to move unless Darlin' asked him to.

There was a moment where they locked eyes. His heart was beating faster as he hoped that maybe they wanted this as much as he did. Maybe he can delude himself into thinking that there was want and lust in Darlin's eyes. Though it was more likely that their eyes were only a reflection of what he desired.

He snapped back to reality when Darlin' cleared their throat. "Can't really help you with your essay from down here, David," they chuckled nervously. He nodded, taking that as his cue to reluctantly get off of them. He grabbed his laptop, opening up his readings for this essay.

Darlin' opened up their essay, and he saw the different coloured highlights on the document. Probably the different parts and ideas he needs to cover for his assignment. "When you do a public policy essay, you need to analyze it based on the goals of the policy, instruments used to enact it and the setting it's used in…"

It was a lot of information to take in, the jargon and language didn't make it any easier to understand what the fuck was being said. Seriously, why do you need ten different terms to describe the same phenomenon? At least the business jargon didn't do that, it only had five different names for the same thing.

Whenever David felt like he couldn't continue, too tired to come up with more ideas to write down, he would take a sneaky look at Darlin'. Eyes lighting up and mouth spilling out a plethora of ideas of how to make the world better, it was clear why they were the right fit for this program. A part of them was determined to help everyone, from the broken to the damn. If they could even save one person, alter their life to make a positive impact, then they would do anything to make it happen.

The problem arose when Darlin' would try to save those who didn't ask for it, or worse, those who would take advantage of it. Bless their bleeding heart, but they were incapable of turning away a lost cause. "I was a lost cause once, so who the fuck am I to turn someone away from my door," they would say to anyone who would raise their concerns. David could recall every single time that Gabe and their parents would have to stop them from being a self-sacrificial martyr, and yet when Darlin' found something or someone to save, there was no stopping them.

And even though he knows that Darlin' is a grown adult who can take care of themselves, that doesn't stop the need to keep them safe. Preferably with him. So if someone who was taking advantage of their kindness turned the corner and left with a broken nose, then he's not saying that he did it. Not always, at least.

After all this introspection about Darlin', his feelings for them and this free speech policy, David put his final thoughts onto his page. Five hours and one thousand, five hundred and fifty-five words later, he was done with this godforsaken essay. Yippee for him, someone should plan him a parade!

Darlin' took a quick look over the essay for any logical and grammatical errors. They gave him the all-clear and he was on his way to hand in the essay. He was so focused on giving in his assignment that he didn't notice Darlin' getting up to grab the shawarma platter.

"Here," they said, sitting next to him and offering the platter to him, "you need all the food you can get." Darlin' didn't wait for a response before placing the food in his lap before turning back to do some more work.

He quietly ate his food, not wanting to break Darlin's concentration on whatever extra assignments they had to do. Their furrowed brows and jutted lip was endearing to him, just wanted to kiss their pout away.

"That reminds me!" They exclaimed, looking back at him, eyes shifting between his mouth and eyes. "How did your piercing heal? I'm thinking nothing went wrong if you haven't called me about anything?" The elephant in the room, or at least for him, was finally being addressed.

"Yeah, it's been great! I really like how it turned out." It was true, never in his life did he think that he'd be the piercing type. He knows that corporate culture was very finicky about what is and isn't appropriate, and he'd never been interested in any kind of body modification. But this piercing was the gateway drug into him exploring the various different ways he can express himself. Maybe he'll get that tattoo sleeve he's been eyeing on the internet? Or a couple of snake bites? (Didn't the last guy have those?)

But as long as Darlin' was next to him, helping him along the journey of self-expression, then bring on any challenge and needles that may come his way!

Scooching a little closer to them and putting a hand over theirs, his eyes softened as his voice became more genuine. "You did an amazing job, Darlin'. Thank you for doing it for me." 

They cleared their throat and looked into their lap. "Ahh, you know, it's no big deal, I'm just glad I can help." It was cute seeing the normally cool and confident Darlin' crumbling at the sound of genuine praise. The small and shy smile was all he needed, the satisfaction that he had the same effect on them that they did on him.

He tensed up when they leaned closer, their hand holding his shoulder as they used it as support. "Can I take a look, David? Just to make sure nothing's at risk of anything." They only moved when he nodded, hand moving from his shoulder to cupping his jaw.

David opened his mouth, all of a sudden conscious of any food that might be stuck in between his teeth or metal piercing. He hoped there was nothing left behind, internally cringing at the gross sight. Luckily for him, they didn't seem to be taken aback by anything in his mouth.

They hummed in approval, letting go of his chin and walked to the kitchen. "It looks good. No infection and little scarring, and you seem to be getting used to it." They grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, handing one to David and uncapping their own.

He took a few sips of his water, swishing it around to get rid of any extra food scraps in his mouth. Even if they didn't say anything, it didn't hurt to make extra sure in case they wanted to kiss him.

As that thought went through his head, his blood went hot. The thought of kissing him reminded him of the promise they made him. That they would let him test out, for lack of confidence to call it what it was, with them. Palms sweaty and knees weak, he debated on whether or not he should remind them.

On one hand, if they dismiss him, this could be the most embarrassing moment of his life. He's always wanted to move to Alaska, they have beautiful weather during this time of year.

Or… he'll get to sleep with Darlin'… even something more.

(At this point, the opportunity cost of each scenario was going through his brain. Trying to find the tradeoff value as well as the line of best fit in order to benefit both himself and Darlin'. If this doesn't make sense, then congratulations on not having the displeasure to take any Introductory to Economics class.)

"Do you remember what I said when I gave you that piercing?" they asked with caution, using the tone they use when they're ready to pull away from a conversation if they don't like his answer. It was frustrating, knowing that they were creating an exit plan without letting him give his answer. But all he could do was reassure them that he wouldn't leave, and he hoped in return, they promise the same.

Calming his beating heart, he replied to Darlin's question. "Yeah, what about it?" He hoped that his even tone didn't give away how desperate he was, borderline ready to throw himself at their feet and beg for their attention.

"Well…" They folded their arms around their back as their voice went deeper. "Do you want to test it out?" He wondered if their lack of shyness or embarrassment was a testament to how much they did not care. His stomach dropped at the thought of them only seeing this as a means of getting off. 

But it's better to have fucked than to never be loved at all, or something like that.

He crossed his arms, hoping that they could guard his fragile heart. "I'm down for it if you are," he stated without the overbearing emotion that had his heart in a vice grip. His stomach dropped into the abyss and the pressure building in his head had him questioning how long he could keep this facade up. 

David had never met someone so willing to throw themselves into any situation the same way that Darlin' does. A certain confidence and apathy guided and protected them going through their life, and he wonders if this was another example of it. If only he could hold himself high above the clouds the way they do.

He stood his ground with stiff muscles while watching Darlin' saunter on over to him. The smell of cigarette smoke and coconut engulfed his senses (was he also smelling mangos?), leaving him no choice but to hyper-focus on them. He watched as they put a hand on his waist, light to the touch and with caution in their eyes. Always waiting for the nod to continue.

"Can I continue, David?" they asked with the care they seldom reserved for themself. It was frustrating to watch them wear their heart down till there was no love left for them.

He nodded his head, breathing heavily and mentally begging them to do more, but they stood still. A nod was simply not a good enough answer for Darlin'. 

They tilted his head with their hand, looking straight into his eyes. "Words, Davey. I ain't moving till you say the magic word," they purred. It was all the encouragement he needed to let out a breathless 'yes' for their hand to pull him closer by his neck into a kiss.

It was painfully soft, not due to lack of passion, but because Darlin' was still treating him like a porcelain doll. He hated it, absolutely despised the fact that he wasn't being treated like the other people he'd seen them kiss. He didn't want to be special, he wanted to be treated like everyone else. 

(Scared and anxious is how Darlin' went through life. If an action wasn't thought through entirely, then it wasn't worth taking. They still weren't sure if David wanted to kiss them because he liked them or for other reasons, like wanting the brag about fucking them. Whatever his reason may be, they still wanted to test the waters with him. It was better to be safe than sorry, and with him, they wanted to keep him as safe as possible.)

(He isn't like the other people they kissed. He's so much more and they hope it won't break either of them in the long term.)

He followed their lips as they pulled away from him, desperation filling his body for their kiss, worsened by the sweet scent around him. He was scared that maybe they were coming to their senses and that he'd lose his only chance to kiss them.

Lust and love took control of his body and he pulled Darlin' back into him. He sighed when their lips touched his, smirking at the surprised whine that they let out. Wrapping his arm around their waist and a hand on their back, he was going to make sure they'd never leave him again.

He pushed Darlin’ against the pool table, hands on either side of their body, leaning in until his lips were barely touching theirs. Darlin's eyes grew wide as he closed in on them, stopping only when they were a breath apart. Their bravado slowly fell apart, breath quickening with each passing moment. As fun as their teasing was, David couldn't help but enjoy how he'd managed to turn the tables, even if only for a brief moment. 

Darlin' snapped out of their daze, hands beginning to wander once they regained their bearings. They started at his hips, moving up his sides before pressing warm palms against even warmer skin. They paid close attention to what made his breath hitch, their eyes seeming to commit everything to memory. He hoped it wasn't in vain. 

Adjusting their hands, they used their thumbs to press against his nipples experimentally, enjoying the groan their touch pulled from deep in his throat. He pressed them harder into the table as a breathless laugh escaped them. 

"How about a nipple piercing the next time? Play your cards right and I might be nice and do them both," they said with a smile and a playful gleam in their eyes.

David chuckled, with his eyes darkening. He leaned in, hovering his lips over their ear. “Maybe, but right now I want to test out another piercing.” He licked the shell of their ear, blowing on it to make them shiver. He adored the way their body opened up against him, leaning their head back to expose more of them to his mercy.

He kissed their lips, soft and playful, wanting to get them back for earlier. They gave him a warning growl, giving him a chance to kiss them properly and end this game. David didn't hedge, instead teasing them with another peck that had another growl tearing from their throat. 

His amusement was short-lived when he felt a hand around his neck, squeezing firmly and pulling him in close. His head spun deliciously the longer they deprived him of the ability to breathe.

David leaned back, looking at them with pleading eyes. Being choked was never a kink he thought he would have, but he hopes Darlin’ keeps their hands on his neck for the rest of the night. They tilted his head to the side with the hand on his chin, like they were inspecting something. The air was thick under their suffocating gaze, and David felt the wind knocked out of him. The way their eyes were locked on had him wondering what they were looking for. Maybe they were looking for any sign that the piercing may have infected him.

 He swallowed, a stupid thought running through his head. Maybe they were looking for any sign that anyone else left a mark on him? He had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. Do they really think David would fuck around with other people, especially when he finally had the chance to be marked by him? And even if he did, he would never let them mark his neck.

That honour was reserved for them, and them alone.

With a stern tone, Darlin’ asked David, “Are you going to keep fucking around, or are you going to kiss me properly?” He had no choice but to nod his head, completely enamoured with their voice.

They smirk, their grip on his throat loosening as their fingers slowly trace a path to the back of his neck to settle there instead. Then they pushed, forcing him closer until their lips were pressed against his ear. 

“Good boy, David.” 

The sound went through his ears and shot straight down to his cock.

Huh, for someone who’s as much of a control freak as he is, he’s surprised that he would relinquish control to Darlin’ that quickly. He’s even more surprised that it feels good to not be in control for once in his life.

“Mmmm, my oh my, what sharp teeth you have Mr. Shaw,” they purred, crashing their mouth onto his, running their tongue over his canines and sucking on his piercing. There wasn’t much David could do except groaning, too overwhelmed with the sensations he was feeling. “Whatever would you do with them?” Their alluring eyes and shit-eating grin rekindled the fire within him to get back at them.

This was it. This was David's chance to finally get back at Darlin' for every heated glance and flirty remark they had subjected him to over the years. Memories of every fleeting touch and teasing uptick of perfect lips spurred him on in his goal of returning the favour to them tenfold.

(Part of David also wanted to get back at Darlin’ for making him fall in love with them. For raising his hopes whenever they gave him their adoration and genuine smiles only to take someone else to their bed. It was stupid and selfish and childish but he didn’t care. He wanted them and this was the closest way to have them.) 

(If only he knew that they loved him as much as he did them. If only they would bare their hearts to each other, being honest to themselves and their desires for once in their lives.)

Trying to gain back some control and doing what he thought would make them feel good, he grabbed their ass and moved their hips against his. His pants were getting tighter with every moan that left their mouth. It was pure music to his ears and he was determined to draw out more sounds from them. He grabbed their thighs and picked them up, placing them on the pool table. 

He chuckled when Darlin’ let out a surprised yelp and continued to grind into their crotch. “You like my teeth, beautiful? Want to see what I can do with them?” 

He bared his teeth against their skin, making sure they could feel each one of his teeth and that the mark left behind would stay for the rest of their shared lives. Their enthusiastic nods were enough to give him the confidence needed to leave their lips and kiss other areas of their body.

He kissed down from their jaw to their neck, leaving soft kisses and sucking on their skin. Darlin’ shuddered and sighed, burying their fingers in his hair. Relishing the reaction that he was getting from them, he gently bit their neck. It wasn’t enough to bruise, but it was pleasurable if Darlin’s increased volume was anything to go by. Darlin' pulled him closer, moaning and whispering in his ear, “Oh, you can be rougher than that, sugar.” 

There was just one small issue.

He didn’t know how.

For all of his cockiness and initiative that he took tonight, it didn’t change the fact that he was a virgin and this was the most he'd ever fooled around with another person.

It wasn’t like David was actively avoiding sex, he just never found the time to form sexual relationships with someone. Between his classes, extracurriculars, work and looking for internships, losing his virginity had always been put on the back burner. Besides, he never found the right person to lose it with. Any time he’d muster up the courage, the little doubts in his brain would creep into his brain, and make him back down. 

Confidence can only get a man so far, and he realized with their hand in his hair and legs wrapped around his waist that maybe he bit off more than he could chew. 

He didn't realize that they paused when he did. They noticed that his hands had stopped moving and his lips stayed still. Moving both hands from his hair, they cupped his cheek and placed his forehead on theirs.

 “Hey, you still with me?” They asked with a soft tone and looked straight into his eyes. 

There was nothing but care and warmth in them. He wasn’t expecting anything else though. This was Darlin’, warm and caring to the bone and forever willing to share it with others. Even at their own detriment.

They caressed his cheek to try and ground him in reality. “We can stop, you know.” 

Gently, Darlin’ pushed David back, giving him the space he didn’t need to breathe. “I know you still haven't fucked with anyone like this, and I know it can be a lot.” They smiled, but David could sense some disappointment from them. “We can stop at any point you want.”

“But what about you?” he asked, always wanting to make sure that their needs would also be taken care of.

Their soft demeanour morphed back into the cocky, yet not over-confident attitude that he was accustomed to. How Darlin’ could shift between personas so quickly would always be a mystery to him. 

“Don’t worry about me, sugar.” Before David could rebuttal, they placed a finger on his mouth. “I’ll hop in the shower and fuck my fingers,” they said casually, shrugging their shoulders before continuing. “Or I’ll find someone else to fuck. Either or works.”

His blood lit up like a match. 

Through his own heart roaring in his ears, David took a moment to gauge whether they were serious. When they didn't balk under his gaze, he swallowed the growl threatening to rise from within his chest. Had Darlin' said to his face that they wouldn't hesitate to find someone else to finish with? That they would find someone else to bring to bed when he was already there? Did they not realize that those words alone had stoked the whispers of doubt and threatened to confirm all of his fears that he wasn't good enough for them?

He couldn’t stand the mere thought of another’s hands on them, especially when he finally got to touch them like this. David wanted to be the one who Darlin’ ran to whenever they had a hard day. He wants to grant them comfort and sanctuary in a way no one has ever done in their life. The darkest depths of his desire urge him to go beyond his protective Beta (and an almost ignition of his Alpha) instincts and keep them all to himself. 

With him, Darlin’ will be safe. With him, Darlin’ will feel rapture.

He’d been dreaming of this moment for so long, and he won’t give it up for anything, or anyone.

With that, his mouth turned into a snarl. "You're staying right fucking here," he snarled into their ear, the earlier growl escaping before he had a chance to reel it back. There was no way he was going to let them go that easily, insecurities be damned. His fingers dug into strong thighs and warm skin with the strength to bruise, trying to contain the storm of emotions at the idea that their future partner wasn't him.

"You're staying with me."

His words made their eyes go wide and guilty, almost like a fawn, and completely unlike their usual sharp, wolf-like features. Underneath his hands, he could feel Darlin’ tense up and he could hear their heart speed up. David wanted Darlin’ to forget about their concerns and his hesitance, and instead opting to fall completely under this trance he’s created for them.

But with a shake of their head, Darlin’ was able to look through the jealousy and anger to the part of David that was still new to all of this. They ran a hand through his hair, adoration dripping from their fingers, and watched some of the rage leave his body as his face relaxed. It wasn’t enough to let go of all of his complicated feelings, but it was a start.

“I’m serious,” they started again with that infuriatingly soft tone. “There’s no rush, and I don’t want you to force yourself to do something if you’re not a hundred percent ready for it.” 

(Watching David get possessive sent their heart soaring, but they needed to make absolutely sure that this was what he wanted. That they were who he wanted.)

David took a deep breath to clear his mind. He was completely out of his element, and the lack of knowledge and control of what happened next terrified him. But he was with Darlin’, and he trusted Darlin’ with his life and his heart, even if he wasn’t ready to give it to them. 

“I want this- I want you. It’s just…” His voice trailed off with embarrassment, but Darlin’ was able to catch on.

The sound of their laughter reassured him more than any words could. “We all start somewhere, David. Ain’t nothing to be ashamed about.” Their hands massaged his shoulders so that he could let go of some tension. “How about you tell me what you want to do, and I tell you how to do it. Sounds good?”

Part of him wanted to throw that idea into the void. He shouldn’t have to be told how to pleasure them, he should just be able to do it. How else can he prove himself as a worthy mate?

The weaker part of him wanted to give in and listen to every command that they gave him. That side ended up winning.

David took a deep breath, steadying his heart and calming his nerves. As much as it was a hit to his pride, it made logical sense for them to take control. He can’t pleasure them if he doesn’t know what to do. It would be a struggle to give up control to them, but he could do it. If they took the lead, then it would be ok. There was nothing they could do to hurt him. He trusted them. 

There was no one on this plane of existence that he would trust over them right now. Even if it seems like that trust isn’t reciprocated.

“I- I can do that. You can, I don't know, take control…” He cringed at his tone and choice of words. Milo, Ash and Darlin’ were able to string along the smoothest of pickup lines and dirty talk, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t emulate that same energy. Ugh, what an annoyance. 

David tried to save himself from utter embarrassment, trying to come up with something more appropriate. But all of his attempts left Darlin’ giggling, and as precious as their laugh was, this was not the situation he’d want to hear it in. 

They covered their mouth with a hand. “I’m sorry! You’re just being really fucking adorable right now.” They squished his cheeks with both of their hands. “I could eat you alive right now, you’re that cute, sugar.” 

With a scoff and an eye roll from David, Darlin’ knew it was their cue to put their hands back on his shoulders. There was a time for teasing, and there was a time for praise. “Hey, remember. Everyone starts somewhere.”

Everyone did indeed start from somewhere. But did everyone start with the love of their lives sitting on a pool table? Ready to let them guide him during this vulnerable point in his life?

What a lucky man he is.

“So tell me, sugar, what do you want to do?” Their concern melted away, now a hundred percent confident that this is what he wants. Darlin’ leaned back with one arm supporting their weight, taking a good look at him. David puffed his chest out, liking their attention on him. He was proud of the body he worked hard for and being used as eye candy for Darlin’. 

Their other hand played with the button of his jeans, making sure to avoid the bulge that had been there for a while. “Well…”

He rolled his shoulders back and placed an arm around their body, caging them on top of the pool table. He kissed them, adoring the way they melted into him and moaned softly against his lips. He slipped his tongue between their lips, making sure to caress every nook and cranny of their mouth. Once he was temporarily satisfied with his claim on their mouth, he ran his piercing over their teeth, relishing the clink that came from it.

Reluctantly, he parted away from their lips. He was entranced by their face, eyes trailing from their glowing cheeks and swollen lips. Beautiful. They were absolutely beautiful, even if they denied it. He was going to make sure that even if they didn’t care about him or his love, at the very least, he could provide some form of pleasure and love from his end.

“I want to put my piercing to the test.” He slid a hand underneath their shirt, grazing over their chest and adoring the way their body squirmed and stiffened. “Do you remember why I asked about it in the first place?” David placed his mouth on their neck, smirking at them flinching when the cold metal touched their warm skin.

Darlin’ held onto his shoulders to balance themselves. “Y-yeah, I remember.” 

He felt a violent groan vibrate in their chest and he knew that he teased them far too much for their liking. They grabbed onto the strands of his hair and yanked them back. Their doe-like eyes turned back into the wolf-like features that he was more familiar with. David had a feeling that he was about to become prey to be used to their liking. 

With a smirk, Darlin’ shoved his head back and growled in his ear.

“Get on your knees then, sugar. Show me what that mouth can do.”

Dazed by the tone of their voice, David got on his knees. Shaking with pleasure, he looked up at Darlin’s almost condescending aura. Being as tall as he is, he’d never had to look up at anybody. He quite liked this view, especially if it meant Darlin’ looks at him with those piercing eyes, gleaming with dominance and mischief.

Slowly, Darlin’ opened their legs with a lazy smile and beckoned him to come closer. “Come on, handsome. We don’t got all day and you’re the one who wants to put your mouth on me.” At this point, David’s heart was ready to combust all over the floor. How they casually made his heart soar and cock hard was something that needed to be studied.

He crawled over to Darlin’, finally in between their thighs and eyes level with their chest. Warmth and salvation coursed through his blood. He'd always thought that if heaven was a place on Earth, it would be between Darlin's legs. If he choked to death tonight, he would die a happy man.

Letting out a whistle, Darlin’ held his chin up, forcing him to look at them. “My, oh my, David. You look so pretty on your knees.” His cheeks went hot with embarrassment and every fibre of his body begged for him to refute their claims. But before he could look away and hide away in their thighs, their hold on his chin tightened and they let out a disappointed click of their tongue. “No, no, baby. You’re gonna keep those pretty eyes on me, is that clear?”

His head had officially gone blank and he nodded, willing to do anything that they would have asked him in that moment.

“Good boy, David. You’re doing amazing sugar.” They praised him in the sultry tone that made his knees weak. Luckily, he wasn’t standing or else he would have fallen over. 

His hands hover over their body, unsure of where to put them. He desperately wanted to hold their thighs again, or maybe their hips - honestly, he just wanted to touch his darling. But he knew that Darlin’ tends to balk at unexpected touches, even from dear friends. Then again, he’s also seen… videos where the more dominant partner just grabs their partner or partners with no hesitation. Should he do that? Or maybe wait for what they say? Or maybe…

Darlin’s eyebrow rose, queueing him that they noticed the glazed-over look in David’s eyes. They already knew that his mind was wandering in unnecessary places. “Oh David,” they drew out with their teasing voice, “I can’t be losing you already?” The hand in his hair and the other stroking his cheek brought him back to reality. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, baby?”

He mustered up some of that fake confidence, hoping that it would translate into actual conviction once he put his mouth on them. There was no point in hiding what he desired, and right now, he craved to taste them and watch them fall apart under his tongue. Besides, he knew that no matter what, Darlin’ would never let him down. They have proven that fact time and time again, and he can trust them when he’s vulnerable and under their spell.

(Though not at his most vulnerable. He still has reservations about confessing to them, but those were more of his faults and none of his. Dare he say that they were perfect, from their perfect smile to their pristine white fur coat, and he was the unruly beast whose torture was to have everything he wanted just out of his reach. That won’t stop him. He’ll find the courage to hand them his bleeding heart, just not right now.)

(Hell was the other people who made Darlin’ smile, and he's going to rectify that fact sooner rather than later, but still later.)

“Where do you want my hands on you?” He softly ran his hands over their thighs. “You’re in control here.” Not that they needed reminding, given their eye roll.

They grabbed his hands, holding them in front of their face. Darlin’ ran a finger over every line on his palm, the gentle touch being enough to make him shiver. “Hmm, what to do with your hands?” Darlin’ pondered as they placed a kiss on each knuckle. If he wasn’t dying from how tempting they were, he’d be dying because of how adorable they were. 

Finally done with their pondering, though David has a feeling that they knew what they wanted him to do from the beginning, they put his hands on the buttons of their jeans. 

“Take them off, sugar.”

His mind raced in different directions, all of them leading to seeing the wolf in front of him in different directions. He knew this was going to happen, you can’t have sex with all your clothes on. But to actually see this - see them - is a whole other thing. And while the wolf in front of him would be more beautiful than whatever pitiful image his mind conjured up, he doesn’t think his heart will be able to survive to truly admire their beauty.

Deft hands unbuttoned their jeans, heeding the warning Darlin’ gave about ripping their clothes. If the image of their bare body wasn’t enough to drive him mad, his senses were overloaded with the scent of their arousal. He’d had whiffs of the intoxicating scent, after finding them in compromisable positions. This was different though. It was concentrated, it was overbearing in the best way, and it was all for him. Only him.

He wouldn't admit the possessive spark from deep in his heart that was born. 

After resisting the desire to rip their jeans off and carefully unbuttoning them, David held their hips, waiting for Darlin’ to give their next set of instructions. 

“Very good, David,” they moaned, giving his hair a good ruffle. They gestured to him to scooch back a little bit and jumped off the pool table. After stretching their back from sitting for so long, they put their hands on top of his. “It’s getting a little hot in here, don’t you think, sugar?” Without waiting for a response, Darlin’ guided David’s hands to take off their jeans.

To say that this was a dream come true would be an understatement. 

He could see the end of scars on their thighs that started from their hips, the birthmark and blemishes, and the bruises that he left behind. David makes a note to press harder for next time, just so he could leave darker marks on them. This being Darlin’, they make everything more difficult than it has to be, so of course they were pulling their pants and underwear down at a glacial pace. But he dare not defy the speed they set, both to not make them uncomfortable, or have them disappointed in him.

Finally, finally, Darlin’s jeans came off and they stepped out of them. There was no coherent thought in his head due to the sight and scent of them, except for them to allow him to put his mouth on them. He deserved it because he’s been waiting for so long. They deserved it because they deserve all the pleasure in this world.

And he was going to make sure he’d be the only person who could bring them that level of joy.

Hopping back onto the pool table, Darlin’ took off the rest of their clothes that they had on, leaving them naked in front of David.

Were they trying to kill him? It was already too much for him to see them without their pants on, but now they were taking off everything? Leaving nothing to his sorry imagination?

Vile, terrible, and wickedly cruel - the despicable, conniving wolf he fell in love with. He must be the luckiest man alive.

He eyed their body, taking in every detail for him to conjure up whenever he was alone. He couldn’t think of anything to say about them except for the fact that they were beautiful. That they were an angel sent from above as his salvation. Or maybe the devil who’d damn him to hell. In either case, he was ready to follow them wherever they may want to go. Including all the way to Vancouver for some fucking coffee.

(Darlin’s insecurities run rampant, that much isn’t a surprise. They never understood why anyone found them attractive, yet they always rolled with it. They were also known to throw caution to the wind and do some impulsive things. But even they were taken aback when they took off their own shirt. They were sure that David would have got up and left without saying another word.)

(They weren’t lying when they said David looks pretty on his knees. But the way he looked up at them almost reverently, like he was on his knees praying at a church, was doing too much to their fragile heart. Then again, it was David. And he wouldn’t do anything to hurt them.)

“Get back over here, sugar. There’ll be more time for you to touch this body later on,” they laughed and pulled his head closer. He was only a hair's breadth away from where they needed him the most. Scent makes up most of your taste, so he already knows that they will taste divine. Bodies entwined and his hands itching, he’s damn near dying to get his mouth on them. 

Darlin’ held his chin and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Can you open your mouth for me real quick? I just need to do something real quick, ok?” He had no idea what they were about to do. Was there a secret step that needed to be done that they didn’t show in the sex scenes he endured over the years? He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, so he opened his mouth, knowing they had everything under control.

He was certainly not expecting them to spit on his tongue.

David whimpered when their spit hit his tongue, which was drier than usual. Probably because their mouth is unnaturally warm and addicting. This wasn’t an unwelcome feeling though, and he’d love to see them spit on his cock later on. If he’s lucky tonight won’t be a one-time thing.

Manically grinning while watching their spit run down his tongue, they used their tongue to spread their spit on his piercing. He moaned, and when he tried to pull his head back because it was getting too much, Darlin’ gripped his chin tighter and pulled him in closer, practically shoving their tongue to the back of his throat.

They pulled back and hummed in appreciation at the sight in front of them. Satisfied by the blissed-out look in David’s eyes and the spit surrounding the piercing, Darlin’ smiled and blew gently on the metal. He felt a shiver down his spine and blood rushing to his cock, the slight cold being something he wasn’t used to but definitely wasn’t not welcoming. “Alrighty then,” they sighed and leaned back, still adoring the dazed expression on his face. “It feels better when the piercing’s cold.”

At this point, David wasn’t even sure he was paying much attention anymore. All he could think about was how he was burning to taste them, to drink down every drop of pleasure he could squeeze out of them, to drag them over that edge as many times as they demanded until they were spent and sated. But despite aching to bury his face in their thighs, he waited for their command. He’s done so good so far, he’s not going to disappoint them yet.

“I didn’t think you had it in you to be this patient, David,” they cooed while placing their thumb on his bottom lip. “Thought you would have gone feral by now and done whatever you wanted.” Oh, he was so close to his breaking point, but his resolve was strong for now. 

“Does my good boy finally want to put that pretty mouth to good use?”

David’s head perked up at the question, his eyes widening and mouth-watering. Nodding his head with a renewed vigour, he exclaimed, “Yes please!” His desperation was obvious to both him and Darlin’, and while he would never want to show too much emotion around them, wanting to keep his aloof Beta persona, he couldn’t give a damn right now. 

He was finally going to taste them, and it was going to be worth it.

Darlin’ giggled at his reaction. They knew he was desperate, but they didn’t think he was over the edge of composure. He bets that it was amusing to see their cold Beta be so open about his feelings. “You asked for it, pretty boy.” They took his hands and placed them on his thighs. “Can you put them on your shoulders? Pretty please.” Their voice was dripping with faux innocence but he saw right past it.

He picked up their legs and threw them over his shoulders, grinning at the moan Darlin’ let out. He may have done it a little more aggressively than necessary to make up for all the teasing, but that wasn’t the point, now was it? He felt the strong muscles cushioning his ears and heels digging into his back. His heavy breaths against them made them shake in his hold. He could see how they were dripping for him. It was nice to know that he had the same effect on them as they did on him.

Looking up from between his legs, he silently asked permission to use his mouth. With Darlin’s nod giving him the green light, he prodded at them with his tongue, trying to figure out what felt good for them. They shivered, the cold piercing doing exactly what they said it would, giving them an additional sensation to derive pleasure from.

He was right. They tasted divine and he was rapidly becoming addicted. David was fully prepared to give up his worldly duties in favour of becoming Darlin’s permanent seat. The warmth that radiated from their body had lit a flame in him that wasn’t going away. Not until he could see them fall apart around his mouth.

“F-fuck David,” they said through a string of moans. He could feel their thighs squeezing his head and hand tugging his hair, pulling his head closer, which meant he must be doing something right. He became emboldened to bury himself deeper, with his hands spreading them apart and pulling them closer. 

He noticed that every time he growled and moaned against them, Darlin’ would moan louder and at a higher pitch. The facade they created earlier was falling apart, and David was honoured that they would drop it around them. 

Through their moans and tensing body, they grabbed David’s hands from their legs and placed them on their chest. He looked up at them with confusion, until Darlin’ spoke up with a breathy voice. 

“Touch me, David. Don’t let your mouth do all the work.” He nodded, continuing to devour them with his tongue while also squeezing his chest. “Oh- shit, that’s it, sugar!” They were grinding themselves against his mouth and he was obsessed. He continued to grope their chest, pinching their nipples between his fingers to draw out every moan he could.

David could feel that they were getting closer. He couldn’t move his tongue more freely in them, and he almost thought that they were in pain. But the wanton moans and pleas they were letting out had clued him in that they were having as much fun as he was. If he wasn’t careful, he’d climax on his own and untouched just at the sight of their release.

With a growl, Darlin’ ripped a hand from his chest and guided him to stroke them. “Keep moving- shit- just like that,” they groaned, pushing his hands and face closer to them. He choked and moaned into them, deeply consumed into their entire being.

It was when Darlin’ let out a high-pitched moan and convulsed forward that he knew that he finally tipped them over the edge. Holding their hips to stop them from falling, he swallowed every bit of them that he could. Darlin’ leaned back, heaving like they were done with a marathon. David reluctantly pulled away, but the sight of them breathless and eyes blown out with lust was much worth it. He could always get on his knees again.

He slowly stood up with Darlin’s legs wrapped around his waist and his clothed chest against their bare one. David could see their doe-like eyes, elated over the fact that it was all because of him. He brought them that joy. He made them feel like they were walking amongst the stars. And he wishes that he could get on his knees again.

Making sure they calmed down enough to look him in the eyes, David wiped their slick off his mouth, licking the back of his hand to not waste a single drop. Darlin’s eyes never left him, and he heard their heartbeat speed up.

“That… that was hot.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “That’s all you have to say?” He questioned, without betraying the fear in his heart that he wasn’t up to their expectations.

Darlin’ rolled their eyes and in between their breathing, they huffed out, “Excuse me, sir. Let- let me catch my breath.” They closed their eyes and took a deep breath, looking the most serene they have looked in all of their time together. David memorized everything about them right now, afraid that he’ll never see this view again. 

(Darlin’, in their incoherent thoughts, was still able to deduce that giving David that tongue piercing was the best idea they could have come up with.)

They ruffled with his hair, giggling at the deadpan look David gave them. “You were amazing, sugar. Are you sure this was your first time?”

“We both know the answer to that,” he joked and leaned in for another kiss. But before his lips could touch his, he paused. Was this ok? He kissed them earlier, but that was before he made them come. Maybe now that they’ve gotten what they needed, they don’t want anything to do with him.

In his pondering, Darlin’ closed their eyes and the gap between them. He melted against their lips, placing a hand on their back to keep his steady. 

This time, the kiss was sweet. It didn’t have the urgency of lust from earlier. It was calm, like it was alright for him to get lost in them because they would help him through the fog. David didn’t know if that was his love-sick mind thinking that, or maybe that it might be the actual truth. 

Pulling away with a smile and laughing when David trailed after them, Darlin’ hopped off the pool table. Instead of picking up their clothes to put them back on, they pushed him against the table. “So handsome, is it your turn?”

David felt the heat rush down to his cock. There wasn’t a doubt in his brain that he wanted Darlin’, especially with them naked and smirking in front of him. He craved to make his fantasies into reality, wanting to inflict them with all the want and lust that he’d caused them over the years.

Maybe he could bend them over the pool table?

Push them against the wall.

Or maybe he'd take them to his room and drench their scent into his bed.

There was just one problem…

“If you don’t want to, I get it.” Darlin’s voice broke him from his trance. “I get it if you want to do it with someone you care about, and y’know, have it mean something, and like it’s just me so-”

“This does mean something to me,” he cut their rambling off. David has known that underneath their bravado and confidence, Darlin’ was often insecure about their excess amount of care. It was the thing he hated most about them. Nothing more angering and heart was breaking than watching them cut themselves off or ramble on an unnecessary excuse. He won’t have it, especially if he knows that they have nothing to worry about.

Darlin’ gave a blank stare and as David was preparing to repeat himself, they spoke, albeit without their usual confidence.

But before he could respond, Darlin’ looked down, hesitance and shyness crept into their voice. “You actually mean that?” Their question was laced with quiet want, or at least he hoped it was a desire for him. He prayed that they had been suppressing their feelings for him.

Lucky for them, he had that same longing, for this to mean more than what they thought the other wanted.

He held their jaw, tilting their head up to look into their pretty eyes. The lust from earlier turned into a softer love. Instead of being blown out with pleasure, the sharp angles of their face softened, their usual yet rare doe aura returning. As much as David wanted to deny the fact that Darlin’ could actually be in love with him, it was getting harder to deny when he could see his own desire reflected in their face. 

Unfortunately for them and everyone around them, Darlin’ and David adored the idea of plausible deniability. It was easier to assume that something isn’t true unless it’s being thrown into their faces. Although, they use this concept for different reasons.

For David, it was an annoyance for people to speak to him in riddles and code. He’d rather everyone just be straightforward with what they’re trying to say.

For Darlin’ it was harder for the cops to tie you to a crime if you’re seen smiling at the security cameras, or looking away from your best friend at the right time.

David leaned in, pressing his lips onto their forehead. They deserve a proper confession, and he wanted to give it to them. For now, this would have to be enough for both of them. It was more than they could ever crave. He pulled back, looking at Darlin’s eyes fluttering closed and they edged closer to him. It was a softer kiss than either of them expected from the other, but it was needed all the same. 

Darlin’ was used to throwing themselves full force into everything, always bracing for impact. David needed to prove to them and to himself that he would be there to cushion them. Because if he doesn’t, then who else will?

(His wolf howled selfishly at the thought of him being the only one taking care of them.)

Darlin’ wrapped their arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Breaking the kiss, they chuckled when David let out a little whine, following their lips to keep kissing them. 

“Well, if you’re game for it, so am I.” Whispering in his ear, they asked him, “Where do you want to do it, sugar?”

His mind and blood raced downwards, thinking about the many different fantasies that Darlin’ would make come true at this moment. Looking around the room, his eyes landed on the pool table behind them, and a bold idea entered his mind.

“I want you to ride me on top of the pool table.”

Silence filled the air and David thought that maybe he had gone too far. Fuck- fuck! Did he push it for his first time? Was Darlin’ uncomfortable with the idea, but was convincing themselves to go through with it so his first time would be perfect? Did they not know any first time with them would be perfect?

“I didn’t think you had it in you to ask that, baby Alpha?” They crooned, pushing his back against the pool table. Darlin’ stared into his eyes and held his shirt, only taking it off when David gave them the ok. Shirt on the ground, they stared at his torso, running their hands over his torso, resting them on his chest. 

“Holy fucking hell, Shaw.” David could see Darlin’s breath quicken and their eyes went wide, and he could hear their heartbeat pick up a little bit. He puffed his chest in pride seeing the trance Darlin’ was under. Thankfully not the normal trances they were used to.

Pouting like a child, their lips traced his collarbone, causing David’s knees to go weak. His hands went down to Darlin’s waist, debating on whether or not he should pull them closer. He didn’t have to make that choice, with them taking the initiative to push their bare body into his. “You’ve been hiding one hell of a body, Davey,” they smiled, kissing his neck and torso. 

 “Well you’re one- shit, to talk,” he choked out, squirming in his place. He pulled their head back, noting how Darlin’s voice went higher. Instead of looking him in his eyes, their gaze was fixed on the button on his pants. There was something in Darlin’ that was holding them back from ripping his jeans, he could see it in the way their nails dug into his thighs, a spark of pleasure and pain going through his body.

Not wanting to waste another minute, he took a deep breath and unbuttoned his own pants. If Darlin’ was waiting for him to be ready, he’ll show that he’s been waiting for this moment for as long as he’s known them.

Their hands let go of his thighs, grabbing onto the waistband of his pants and underwear to pull them down. He hissed as the air hit his bare and cold body. He couldn't decide if he should look at Darlin' or not, fearing that he would see disappointment in their eyes. So he kept his gaze low, baring himself in his entirety before the love of his life.

Darlin' didn't say a word, just quietly tracing their hands over his body. It was gentler than anyone would have expected from them. But the average person didn't know how Darlin' would hold themselves back to stop themselves from pouring too much of themselves, causing the other person to be overwhelmed. But David would do anything for the honour of drowning in their love.

"Look…" they pleaded, placing a hand under his chin to tilt his head up. He looked up slowly, his wide eyes meeting their tender expression. With a smile, they caressed his face with their hand. "You're so pretty, you know that right?" He knew that objectively, it's hard to ignore your looks when you have people gawking as if you're a Greek god. But being told and actually believing it were two different things.

With Darlin' though, their hands and body slotted against him like a puzzle piece, he feels pretty. Actually pretty. 

"Speak for yourself," he chuckled, butterflies filling his stomach. "You're beautiful, Darlin'." Because if he is pretty, then they were downright gorgeous. The sun in wolf form, blessed by Angels and saints that have long eluded him. Why ask for a guardian angel when he had Darlin' with him?

They rolled their eyes, a cocky expression on their face. "Sugar, I already know that." Not that it stopped the bashful smile on their face. Confidence surged through his body, he had the same effect on Darlin' as they did on him, and he would use it for the future.

Pushing the hair stuck on their sweaty forehead, he snarked, "all the more reason to call you beautiful, beautiful." His eyes were drawn to their lips as they bit them, desperately to tug on them with his own. So he did exactly that. 

Leaning forward to press his forehead onto theirs, he kissed their lips, holding the back of their head to pull them closer. David tilted his head, slipping his tongue inside of their mouth. He could feel their sharpening teeth and their little gasps and moans. David bit their lip while pulling away, relishing in the sharp breath they took.

A second of silence goes by before David spoke up, snapping Darlin' out of their daze. "Are you going to ride me, or do I need to fuck you myself?" It was false bravado and confidence that was dripping from his voice, but he didn't care. His cock was aching to be inside of them, now. 

They raised an eyebrow with a smile. "Hold on, let me grab something real quick." 

"I have condoms in my pants," he yelled out from behind them. He was sure that they didn't have any infections, knowing that they go to get regular checkups. And he definitely didn't have any, since, well, this was his first time. But a man could never be too safe, and David was ready to take any and all precautions.

"Not a condom, but thank you David!" They came back with a blanket, laying it on top of the pool table. "I don't want you to get road- er, pool-burned?" they mumbled to themselves, wondering if that was the right choice of words. But they shook their head because they thought that this was the wrong time to think about word choices. For David's sake at least.

He moved to place himself in front of the blanket, pulling them alongside him by their waist. "Thank you, beautiful."

"No problem, sugar," they cooed, playing with his hair. They took a condom from his pocket, ripping it open with their teeth. Carefully, they unrolled it over David's cock, going slowly to not overstimulate David.

(Not yet, at least.)

With some of that earlier confidence, David leaned back against the table. "You know, I think you're full of shit, Darlin'." He wondered that if he egged them on enough, they'd finally do something to him, relieving some of the desperation pooling in his stomach.

He froze under their steely gaze and arched eyebrows. "Really, you think so?" Their voice went from warm and caring to cold and detached. It should have made him step back, but he kept going.

He stood taller and leaned over them. "All this time, and you haven't done shit but just talk." He squeezed their ass and pushed them against the pool table. "Maybe I should show you how it's done," he whispered into their ear, kissing and biting their neck.

For a moment, David could have deluded himself into thinking that he would actually be able to take control of this moment.

That was until Darlin' pushed him back with a hand on his throat. "Oh, aren't you precious, little Alpha?" A dark chuckle and a darker look were all it took for David's knees to get weak, ready to get onto the ground and be obedient to Darlin'. 

Before he could agitate them further, Darlin' picked David up by his thighs, turning around and laying him down on top of the blanket. "You were saying, Davey? Something about me just 'talkin' shit'?" They climbed onto the pool table, hovering over David. 

David needed control like he needed his magic to shift. It was weird being under someone, and he had half the mind to push them off him. But it's Darlin'. They won't let anything bad happen to him.

"Well?" Their voice shook them out of their thoughts. "You said you wanted to tell me what to do?" They leaned forward so they were chest to chest, forehead to forehead. "So tell me, sugar?" 

Darlin's glare was enough to make his throat dry, words in Spanish and English leaving his brain. To make it worse, their hand gently played with the head of his cock, finding wicked joy in his struggle. The light pressure made his head spin, but every time he'd raise his hips to grind against their hand, Darlin' would push him back down.

"That's not what I asked you to do, sugar," they mocked with fake pity. A firm squeeze to his head was all David needed to cry out, but it didn't deter the wolf. "I asked you," they paused to kiss his neck, trailing up to whisper in his ear, "what do you want me to do?"

His mind had a million options wishing to spill out between parted lips. He wanted their hand, but he also wanted their mouth with lips stretching around him as they took him down their sinful throat. He wanted them, under him, over him, with their nails digging into his shoulders...

But what he offered them was a growl that melted into a whimper when he realized he'd take anything at all if it meant they didn't stop.

Hips threatened to buck up into their grasp to get even a fraction more of their touch, but they kept true to their word and waited. Another growl left him, of frustration this time. It ended the same as the first did, though words followed as his body burned for more. 

"Please, need you to..." 

A hum left their lips, dancing in the air.

David knew they had to be getting some sick enjoyment from this. He also knew the thought alone had him growing harder against their palm, but their tongue swiping along their lower lip showed it was a welcome discovery. 

Rolling his head back, he groaned and felt like he was about to burst from the sight alone. 

"Just ride me already," he hissed, a choked breath leaving him when they shifted their hand ever so slightly. "Fuck, please ride me. Need it. Need you..." he rambled, relieved when he lifted his head and found himself staring into blown pupils. 

Taking mercy on him, Darlin' let go of their cock, smiling at his flustered state. They leaned back, admiring the mess that they made him. "Now was that so hard, hm?" They sat back onto his cock, grinding against it to make sure he was ready for them. He held onto their hips, both in a plea for them to go faster and to hold himself steady.

Deeming him ready for that sweet release, they moved up onto their knees, holding onto his cock to keep him still. "Are you ready?" they asked gleefully, stroking his cock to make sure he was slick and ready for them. 

He couldn't find the words to say yes though. Not because he was having second thoughts, but because he couldn't believe his situation right now. Darlin', the wolf he's been in love with since they joined the pack, was willing to have sex with him. There'd always been a part of him that was scared to ask them out, fearing they'd only say yes due to his position as Beta and the Alpha's son. But seeing that familiar determined look was all he needed to know that his dreams were coming true.

(Darlin' was also in shock at what was happening as well. As the Alpha's son, surely David had better options than them? They were proud of who they were and where they came from, but there was always a nagging voice in their brain that told them otherwise. Where David had been raised in white picket fences, Darlin' had been raised surrounded by metal cages. It was no secret that from the way they talked (and how they hid it) to the way they dressed, they were both from fundamentally different worlds.)

(But seeing David with needy eyes and a loving gaze made them feel like they belonged. Actually belonged. And that maybe, home wasn't limited to snowy streets and gray skyscrapers. It could also be in the arms of their best friend.)

Somehow, David was able to find his voice again, and all he whispered was yes, over and over again, while nodding his head vigorously.

Darlin' chuckled at his eagerness, slowly lowering themselves onto him. "What my future Alpha wants, is what he gets," they murmured with a breathless sigh, watching his cock disappear inside of them. They took their time to let themselves adjust to his size before they sank to the base with a sharp inhale, arching their back and digging their nails into his heated skin.

Holy fuck. Holy shit. This was actually happening. 

David held his breath as they tightened around him, watching as their eyes squeezed shut in pleasure. That had to be a good thing, right? He hoped it was. Hell, he currently felt like he was on cloud nine and they hadn't even moved yet. How long would he even last?  

Oh God, he couldn't come too quickly. That'd be too embarrassing.

He pinched himself, just to make sure that he wasn't stuck in another wet dream. He wasn't. This was very real. And when he felt Darlin' shift around him, he was finally convinced that this was very, very real.

"Ok, I'mma start moving, but—," they began, taking deep breaths to keep their voice steady, “—if you need this to stop…for me to stop, you need to tell me." 

David rolled his eyes at their warning, lips parting to retort only for his words to die on his tongue when they held his face in their hands. Darlin’ stared into his eyes, making sure he was staring back before continuing. 

"I'm serious, David. You wanna stop? You tell me. Alright?"

He nodded as he swallowed roughly, doing his best to keep his breaths somewhat even. It was hard to focus on anything apart from how well they were taking him and the fact this was only the beginning. His impatience was slowly eating away at him, even more so as he took in the sight of them on top of him like some sort of ethereal god. 

David would be more than happy to get on his knees for them again if they ever asked. 

“I need to hear you, David. You never had an issue mouthing off before…so use those words of yours. Tell me you understand.” 

The urge to bare his teeth was forced down as he cursed under his breath, nodding but adding what they’d been so keen on pulling out of him. 

“Yes, yes, I understand,” he groaned, thighs tensing when Darlin’ shifted ever so slightly. They would be the death of him, he was sure of it, but at least it’d be a hell of a way to go. “I’ll tell you what I need and right now I need you to move. So, please—” 

A shudder left Darlin’ as they offered a smile that had his pulse stuttering before returning to its concerningly quick pace. 

“Good boy.”

David didn't have time to process their praise, too focused on the feeling of them rising and sinking onto his cock without warning. Whether he whimpered or not he'd never admit, their movements lighting a fire in his gut. If this was how he felt when they were taking it slow, he wasn't sure he'd last long with what was no doubt still in store for him. 

Giggling at David's reaction, they couldn't help but offer a mocking coo. "Aw, is my little baby close already?" Their words were followed by a shift of their hips, lifting enough until only the tip of him was inside them. This time, there was no hiding the whine that tore from his throat, a smirk growing from their once gentle smile. "I don't know how long you're going to last, Davey. Let's find out, hm?"

It was the only warning he got before Darlin' started moving at a steady pace, moving in slow yet forceful motions. They put enough strength to make sure he felt everything he could have ever dreamed, but slow enough for it to be agonizing, making him beg for more. It was enough to have him writhing on the pool table, one hand gripping onto the edge and the other on their thighs, holding on for dear life. 

Pushing up with what strength he could garner, he pressed his lips to their own with a soft groan, arms wrapping around their waist and pulling them closer. He needed their body pressed to him: needed to feel their core so his own could melt into it until only one remained. He had spent so long thinking of what it would be like to have them this way. He'd be a fool not to savour it for as long as he could. "

They stopped, surprised by the kiss. After the initial shock faded, their arms moved around his neck, hands playing with his hair, pressed flush into his chest. Any time they tried to pull away, David would growl, either pulling them back or following their lips to capture them again. He wasn't ready to let go of them. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to let go of them again.

Without breaking the kiss, Darlin' started to bounce on his cock, swallowing up any moans from David's mouth. He could barely register the creaking table beneath them, too focused on watching their head roll back, showing off their very kissable neck. God, he wished he had the strength to sit up and bite them. But Darlin's weight on his lap paralyzed him, unable to find the core strength to hold them flush against him. All he could do was grip their hips to hold them steady and keep kissing them. He felt his teeth sharpen, aching to bite them and be bitten by them.

Going off of instincts, he began to thrust up into them, desperately trying to match the pace that they set. "You're so goddamn tight!" He whined while mindlessly fucking them, hands on hips helping them move faster.

"Oh, really Davey?" They asked with a breathless laugh. How Darlin' was able to keep their composure was a mystery to him, especially with the way they tightened even more around him, enough to have him choking out strings of profanities at the sensation. "You close, babyboy?" 

He could feel himself closer to the edge, but couldn't form words to say it, losing his sanity with every second that went by. The pool table started to shift in place, moving back with every movement and he couldn't help but fall further into their spell. He relished in the quiet moans that he was able to get out of them, but he wanted more. He wished that they were louder, and craved to have them screaming his name, but he was so focused on his own pleasure that he failed to realize how close he'd become.

"Darlin'- I'm so close-" He choked out between moans, fingers borderline drawing blood from their hips. He felt the unfamiliar washing over him, and he chased it with great desperation. Mindless and borderline feral at the feeling of Darlin' clenching around him, his hips stuttered, the feeling so overwhelming that he couldn't keep a steady pace. His muscles felt tight and he was choking on his rapture, barely able to breathe or speak or move.

It brought him joy to know that Darlin's composure was slowly slipping away, their growls slowly devolving into broken wails. They have always been the picture of composure, not even letting their anger be shown on their face aside from a quiet, cold, fury. He treasured the privilege of seeing them let go of themselves and just feel. Their strong thighs clamped around his hips to keep them both steady, and their nails scratched his chest. He was ready to wear their marks proudly the next day. 

"I know, David- shit," they moaned, tilting their head back with their eyes shut. Sweaty and incoherent, he's never seen them more beautiful than at this moment. One where either of them can break at a moment's notice. Even now, they matched David's thrusts, focused on making sure he didn't do all the work and focused on a good first time.

Pleasure and desperation mixing together, David snapped, his core reaching out to grab onto theirs. Blood filled with ecstasy and head ringing with the sound of his moans, he didn't feel the magic that surged through him. It was only when Darlin' screamed, head thrown back and back arching beautifully, that he realized something was wrong.

"FUCK!" they yelled out, their body going limp on top of him and falling backwards. He grabbed onto them and placed them onto his chest, giving each other a chance to breathe before moving. He pushed the hair stuck on their forehead, looking into their dazed eyes. He felt himself falling in love with them all over again.

Careful to not overstimulate either of them, Darlin' pushed themselves off David's chest. He whined, liking and wanting them to stay on his chest for as long as the waves would long for the moon. They rolled their eyes, laughed breathlessly and with a hoarse voice, they asked, "was that good?" 

There were no adjectives, verbs, adverbs or descriptors that could describe how that felt, so he supposed 'good' would have to suffice. 

David was never a religious man. Sure, he went to church like the good son he was to make his father happy, and he's not above a little prayer to get through a difficult slump. Despite all of that, he could never understand what it meant to have a religious experience, an event that was so miraculous that the only explanation was that a higher power rewrote the fabric of the universe in order to let it happen.

He was convinced that Darlin' was that higher power. The only one he'd worship from here on out.

Feeling his vocal cords functioning again, his strained voice responded. "Was more than good, beautiful," he said while playing with their hair. 

"Good, I'm glad," they sighed in relief. "I do have a question…" Their voice trailed off with a little bit of uncertainty.

"What is it?" 

"Did you-" they cut themselves with a chuckle. "Did you mean to half-shift in me?"

David's eyes went wide while his mouth spewed out apologies. He knew how painful it can be to have anything inserted into your body, always cringing at those who claim that 6 inches was not enough. But to have one suddenly grow bigger inside of them, even for a split moment, sounded awful. 

Given that he was quite a large wolf, even for his young age, it made sense that all parts of his body grew proportionally.

Placing a hand on his chest to calm him down, Darlin' laughed off his concern. "It's fine, I promise. Hurt for a little bit and don't think I'd be down for that again, but it felt really good." Their voice emphasizing the pleasure over the pain eased his nerves, glad that they did like it, unexpected as it was. "Just give me a heads up next time, ok?" They jest with a smile.

So there will be a next time. Yay for him!

"Of course," he said before leaning closer to whisper in their ear. "I'll make sure to shift before I fuck you instead."

They shivered at David's admission. "Don't threaten me with a good time, Shaw," they rolled their eyes before slowly coming off of his lap to sit beside him. David hissed at the loss of contact, out of overstimulation and the desire to keep them close for even longer.  

Sitting by his side, they both basked in the familiar silence that accompanied them for their shared lives. Darlin' laid his head on his shoulder and David wrapped an arm around their waist. In many ways, things were the same. Yet everything was different now.

"You should go to bed, David." They rest their chin on his shoulder to look at him. "You must be tired as shit right now." Completely ignoring that they looked like they were going to fall asleep at any moment. 

"You're right, I should go to bed." He felt more alive and awake than he ever has, but with the way Darlin' was slumped over, he figured that the best way to get them to bed was to sleep himself. 

He picked Darlin' up bridal style, careful to not strain any of their muscles and ignoring the yelp of surprise he gave them.

"What are you doing?" Curiosity and uncertainty filled their voice, yet they buried their face into his chest, slowly dozing off in the process.

"We're both going to bed." Before he could whine in protest, insisting that they weren't tired and could go home in their state, David kicked open the door to their childhood bedroom and laid them on his bed. Running to the bathroom he grabbed a washcloth to clean himself and Darlin' before they headed to bed.

Their eyes tracked his every move, he wondered if he was doing anything wrong. Maybe the cloth was too rough? Or maybe they didn't want to come to his bed?

"You know, I'm supposed to be taking care of you, since this is you're the virgin- excuse me, ex-virgin," they snarked from the bed.

He flicked their forehead at their comment. "Shut up and let yourself be cared for, you stubborn dick." He grabbed a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants for the both of them, throwing Darlin's set at their face and laughing at their exasperated expression. But it didn't stop them from putting his clothes on.

The sight of Darlin' in his clothes and dozing off in his bed, his scent mixing with his, was enough to make his wolf go feral. He's no stranger to the hardships Darlin' faced in their life, always concerned for when they went after the shady people they called family. Sure, it was clear they cared for them, but if they really loved Darlin', they wouldn't drag them into such dangerous situations.

It wasn't in them to say no to a friend's request though, so David supposed that he may have to be the one to keep them safe.

(Realistically, he knew Darlin' would hate that. The idea of another person making their decisions and dragging David into a danger he had no reason to be involved in would eat them alive. But forgive him, he's a boy - nay, a man - in love trying to keep his future mate alive long enough to call them his mate. You can't really do that with a dead person, despite other's insistence.)

Clothes on, he slipped beside Darlin'. Immediately, they moved back to give him space, much to his chagrin. He pulled them against his chest, a hand behind their neck to keep them close. "You just sent me to heaven and back, and now you won't cuddle with me?" Resting his chin on top of their head, he finished his thought with a laugh. "Rude."

He expected a snarky comment back from them, maybe a joke about how he was an asshole. He didn't expect brutal honesty from them.

"I didn't think you'd want to." Their voice was muffled from being pressed against David's chest, but he could still hear the apprehension in their words. He held them tighter, hopefully conveying to their stubborn brain that he did want them with him.

They fought back against his hold to look him in his eyes. "Most people don't really want to cuddle after fucking," they huffed and it filled David with anger. Who in their right mind would be blessed with the chance to sleep next to them, only to throw it away because they got what they wanted? How many times did Darlin' want to be comforted only to feel used like a toy?

He shook his head of those thoughts. It didn't matter anymore, he'd hold them for as long as they asked for it.

"Well I want you, Darlin'." His arms pushed them back into his heart. Before they could pointlessly argue, he gently scratched their scalp. Just as he thought, their breathing slowed down and head went limp against his pillow. "Now shut up and go to sleep," he chided with love and care.

They couldn't go to sleep without having a final word. 

"Are we," they yawned and rubbed their eyes, "are we… a thing?"

With conviction, he corrected them. "We're more than just a thing, Darlin'. But don't worry about that now." Yawning himself, he laid his head on his pillow and almost knocked out immediately. He was able to hear the last thing they said before succumbing to dreams.

"...love you, David."

'I love you too, Darlin'.'

–

He's a little concerned by the clothes left behind in his living room. Not because David shouldn't be having sex at his age, but because they couldn't have at least cleaned up after themselves? Really?

Carefully walking around the living room to not wake up the younger wolves, he headed to the kitchen to make some food for the two. Knowing those fools, they haven't eaten anything all day, being too busy with other things to remember to eat. Something small would be enough to get them some energy back.

He passed by the pool table, noticing the blanket on top of it. He feared the worst, not wanting to imagine what had happened there earlier. The scratches were too noticeable and the wobbly leg made it all too true. Great, he'll need to call the carpenter to fix the table. Or build him a new one.

It looked like someone else had the same idea, watching David roll out some dough. Love is stored in the pupusa indeed.

"You remember to replace the pork with beef, right?" His voice spooked his son, amused at him jumping 10 feet in the air. It was a little concerning to see him so unaware of his surroundings, it was because it was out of love. Sue him, he's happy that his son is happy. 

"Yeah- yeah, I did." David kept his head turned away from Gabe, most likely out of embarrassment of being caught. 

Satisfied by his answer, he leaned back to observe his son. David seldom cooked, citing a lack of time and energy to do so. That didn't mean that he didn't know the basic recipes, he just never made them. Not that Gabe ever minded, he was always happy to cook for his son. But of course, he'd pick up the knife for Darlin', especially since they could cook up a mean meal whenever they felt like it.

There was another thing that was off. David's hoodie wasn't his. Sure it fit him perfectly, but last time he checked, he went to high school in Dahlia, their mascot was not the Eagles.

"Who's hoodie is that?" He was curious to see where this went, and whether David knew what he was wearing.

David turned back to his father for the first time, looking at him with a confused stare. 

"It's mine, obviously…" His voice trailed off when he looked down, realizing his mistake. David went to Dahlia Collegiate and Technical Institute, and their mascot was the Dire Wolves. He should remember considering how many jokes were made at the pack's expense.

While Darlin' did graduate from DCTI, that wasn't their first high school. Their old school's mascot did happen to be an eagle… And they did like their clothes on the bigger side…

Gabe laughed, watching realization cross his son's face. When before he had some plausible deniability, now it was outright obvious what they had done. Finally.

He walked to David and patted him on the back. "There's nothing to be ashamed about, and I know how long you've been in love with them." He decided not to reveal Darlin's feelings just in case they hadn't confessed yet. Knowing these two, they've probably gone to bed before telling each other how they feel. 

David's shoulder slumped at his father's words. "I know, I know, but I just," he sighed, defeated by his own emotions. "I just don't want to fuck up with them."

"And you won't," Gabe reassured. "You're a good man who wants to do right by them. As long as you follow your heart, you won't mess anything up."

David groaned at the advice. "That's easier said than done," he pointed out. For David, making rational decisions with his head always trumped going with his heart, but unfortunately, love doesn't follow the rules and logic of rationality.

"You need to understand that when it comes to love, neither of you can control everything. A relationship is give and take, sometimes you're in control, sometimes you're not. It's scary, and I know for both of you this sounds like the worst thing ever. But you owe it to each other to at least try." 

The crockpot alarm goes off. "Are you willing to see Darlin' happy with someone else?"

He could see the alarms go off in David. "No-"

"Then try," he pleaded with David. "You both are good for each other. And you both deserve good things."

Walking past David to the crockpot to see if the beef had been cooked properly, he waited for David to come to his own conclusion. It can be tempting to spell out the answers, especially when it's as obvious as this is. But as a father and as Alpha, he needs to make sure that David can make his own decisions and live with those consequences. 

Gabe won't be around forever, and he needed to learn how to be his own man.

Silently joining him, David goes back to rolling out the dough. The determined look on his face was his answer, and he can't wait to see where it will lead.

He leaned over to whisper in David's ear.

"Can you please clean up after yourselves next time? I don't want to see your dirty clothes all over the living room."

Gabe's laughter at the expense of David's humiliation was loud enough to wake Darlin' from his bed.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted fanfic #redacted david #redacted darlin #david/darlin #THE SMUT IS HERE!!! #which means minor pleasee leave!!! #everyone else #enjoyyyy #zo writes tingz #this is zo speaking

[discountsoysauce]

I don't understand the idea that Victor has no backstory. Like- yeah, his backstory isn't as horrifically tragic and detailed as Eli's is, but we do know a good bit about him from what he's said so far.

His parents are pretty successful, so we can assume he grew up rich. Victor states that they write all of these books about family but have never taken time out of their day for him, even saying something along the lines of the last time they put aside time for him was his birth (not exact quotes, I don't have the energy to look back through the books rn), so we can assume that they were incredibly neglectful, most likely leaving him at home for days, weeks, maybe months at a time and probably not paying much attention to him even in times when they were home. Whether they paid someone to take care of him in that time or he had to learn to be self-sufficient is debatable.

I personally don't think they were physically abusive, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence at present that supports that idea. Verbal abuse is more likely, but I still don't think it was the case. It doesn't seem like they were around him long enough to do either. I don't think those things really need to be a part of his backstory to make it interesting or compelling. His parents were neglectful, and it shaped pretty much everything about who he is.

The biggest and most obvious one is Victor's obsession with attention. There are multiple references throughout the books of Victor craving attention from those around him, namely Angie and Eli. More than anything, Victor wants to be seen. He wants to be a part of something. He wants to be remembered and acknowledged and thought about. He craves the attention his parents never gave him. He doesn't want to be left behind or forgotten.

Being left behind is another big fear for him (I'm mostly speaking about Lockland here, as he becomes a bit less dependent after he becomes an EO, though there can still be an argument made about him latching onto Mitch and Sydney and Dol and Dominic in a kind of makeshift family he never had). He hates seeing Eli succeed because it feels like he's being left behind. He wants to be so intertwined with another person that they can't possibly forget him. He wants to form a connection so deep that it's impossible to sever. To Victor, there's a connection between 'success' and being left behind. He doesn't want to just be an expendable sidekick or an accessory. He wants to be an integral part of someone. Victor's life revolving around Eli is a symptom of his upbringing.

His social skills and general demeanor are also something that can be analyzed. From the beginning, he's set up as the antithesis to Eli, from social class to backstory to appearance to demeanor. They're the same at their core, but opposites in nearly everything else. Compared to Eli, Victor is a total recluse. He hates being around people, he avoids parties, and we barely see him interact with or pay attention to anyone except the people he genuinely cares about unless he absolutely needs to. His demeanor is off-putting, and he doesn't really make an effort to hide that, although he does just enough to make sure he isn't a complete social outcast. Victor grew up in one home with no siblings and parents who were hardly around. Compared to Eli, who was carted from home to home, meeting new people and learning how to blend in all the time, Victor likely doesn't have much in the way of social experience. He didn't have to hide who he was nearly as much as Eli did because there was no one there to see it anyway.

This being said, he is described as being a good liar and able to fool those around him, although notably worse at it than Eli. This one is more of a longshot, but I don't think it's improbable. Victor's parents were successful published authors who garnered their success based on the books they wrote about family. It's possible that Victor had to make press appearances at some point when he was younger, and learned how to lie for the cameras, or he just spent so long out of the company of others that he started seeing other people as more objects to use and less real living people, making it easier to learn the motions of manipulating them. Either way, Victor learns how to do or say the right thing to get someone to believe him, but he states that Eli is much better at actually faking emotions than he is. This is because while Eli spent his life following his father's death surrounded by people and thus learned how to change his entire self to appear more presentable to the general public, Victor only learned how to manipulate people through speech or actions. He can tell you exactly what you want to hear, but he can't put on a fake persona the way Eli can because he never needed to.

In conclusion, Victor does have a backstory, and it informs every aspect of his character, including his relationship to Eli.

#this isnt me defending victor this post got away from me a bit lmao #a not entirely serious mention of the idea that his skewed morality could also be a result of his upbringing #i mean #the man had no role models #and was pretty much raised on crime dramas #cmon #hopping off my soapbox now #i got tired near the end can you tell #Victor's backstory isnt explicitly outlines the way Eli's is but its There #i came up with most of this as i was typing #vicious ve schwab #vengeful ve schwab #victor vale #villains series #eli ever #eli cardale #vicious #vengeful

[brujahinaskirt]

I will never shut up about how Kingdom Come: Deliverance is the most tenderly written game served to the most loutish horde of jackasses. I think it is possibly one of the greatest pieces of popular fiction made about feudalism in recent history, even if it's not always the most historically accurate.

And that's because the whole damn thing is about the profound, authority-enforced inhumanity that self-propels feudal order... but this time, it's written from the perspective of, for lack of better word, "humanity undermines, and humanity wins."

Love wins, if you want to be cheeky.

This was originally meant to be a reply to @feelinungry's excellent post on the subject, but it outgrew itself and got super bloated, so I'm plopping it in its own post to not be obnoxious...

KINGDOM COME: DELIVERANCE MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

And the reason all this about humanity and love is so important to the core of the story, to the very backbone of the narrative (even beyond the plot), is that it exists in opposition and to the impairment of the feudal system. Kingdom Come: Deliverance means to teach us, by way of deeply dramatic plots following individuals, how feudalism works and why it worked the way it did. And why and how that system fails.

The vehicle by which the game does this is by showing us, over and over, how the stratification of feudal class is eroded and sometimes outright dissolved (either in general, as with Henry and Hans, or when it matters most, as with Radzig and Henry) by plain and simple love.

Feudalism, like most class-stratified systems, relies upon 1. dehumanization of those beneath one's appointed status; 2. fealty (mock-love) to those above one's status, their title-appointer class; and 3. the maintenance of a deep separation between these artificially bestowed statuses, as enforced by church (as in word of clergy, not word of god) & state (legal rules and law). Those words and laws existed to propel the system by divide-and-maintain (of the workforce populace, placing it firmly below the next class in line, etc.) in the service of unify-and-profit (for the ruling class).

Sigismund & his invading army are wholly separated and adherent to the feudal theory, even if they have flouted codes of warfare & inheritance; they are presented to us as the main dehumanizing force of the story world, a wave of Order that indiscriminately burns opposition flat rather than an individual leading a royal coup, a cyclical destruction that paves the way for the next flavor of rule to continue the feudal system ad infinitum. They're thoroughly separated from the story even when they are burning down a village in front of our eyes and generally move as one, with Markvart occasionally stepping out of that mass of Feudalism and its antihuman nature to give it a face. They're more a force of nature than an individual as far as the narrative goes.

And we are meant to understand that in sharp contrast to the "close" story, the cast we get to know and watch as they attempt to answer this force of nature. And the second we see these characters get close enough to each other, by raw proximity, to poke a pin into the wineskin of feudal order as dictated to them by authority, it bleeds--everywhere. Not in the sense of ruination but in the sense that a tiny wedge of empathy cracks open the dam and leads, yep, to rehumanization--and love, the most human driving force there is.

And that changes everything, for everyone. Not just internally, as with a character's personal development arc (i.e., Hans learning why his duties, which he resented and viewed as an impingement on his freedom when dictated to him by authority, are incredibly important for real people who experience pain) but externally as well (as @feelinungry so elegantly points out in the original post).

Over and over, at every stage of the story, it's the rehumanization of and by these decision-makers (at a family level, at a community level, at a regional level, at a national level) that cracks the feudal cycle, even if in very small ways. Hans really brings this back home in a petri dish in late game, after the siege, when he complains to Henry about the noble's code (letting Istvan go) potentially leading to pain and disaster for the common people Istvan's machinations are likely to harm in the future. He chafes--and we chafe, and so does Radzig, and so does Divish--against feudal stratification because he has learned a general empathy through loving an individual, and that has in turn reshaped the way he sees the world.

And that's exactly why and when feudalism begins to fail, and why it thrashed itself the way it did, from the enforcement of sexual mores (though this wasn't exactly like it is in movies) and gender law to terror upon its own populations.

And it's the crucial understanding I think we begin to forget after being exposed to so much Hollywoodification of history, where the oppression always exists for cruelty's sake alone rather than in active and deliberate service to a political construct.

And I think it's why we've "lost the plot" so horribly when it comes to understanding that people in history were still people, not monolithic one-mind entities (as the feudal system demanded they be). And why we somehow forgot that such people fall in love, in all kinds of love, in a way that has never given a damn about authority. And that this in turn undermines supposedly supreme authority, even divine authority, and will always continue to do so, as long as people are people.

This is what it always comes back to. Always. From Henry's parents and their mysterious bond with Radzig informing the protagonist's journey from "the past"--to Henry & Hans falling into stupidly fierce soulmatehood with each other in the present--from Istvan & Erik's destructive fuck-the-world romantic love on the "enemy" side--to Divish's humbling, humanizing realization that he loves Stephanie in some way, he really does, despite the chasm of age/gender enforced upon them by their adherence to feudal order that doomed their romantic love to failure.

People will always love each other, even when the world orders them not to, even when faced with death and worse. People will always, given proximity and shared experiences, learn to see each other as human again. KCD reminds us of that. It's why the "slow" storyline exists and why it works.

And that is why this game is so fucking fantastic, and why the genpop fandom has utterly failed it.

#kingdom come deliverance #kcd #kcd2 #henry of skalitz #hans capon #radzig kobyla #divish of talmberg #stephanie of talmberg #redmeta

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[aeide-thea]

have been reading fic & thinking abt my relationship to fic, which is of course also among other things a mirror of my relationship to my own psyche, and like—i think all the discourse abt its being ~internalized misogyny~ to mostly/entirely read m/m is not ultimately, whatever the truth of it, all that helpful, either to readers or to Women! but of course that doesn't stop me from feeling weird guilt abt the fact that i don't read more f/f than i do, because if there's anything i love to do, it's feel unhelpfully bad abt myself on the slimmest of pretexts…

however! i did end up reading some f/f earlier, specifically transfem f/f, and it got me thinking—basically what i'm usually mostly reading fic for is the romance/sex, right? like, don't get me wrong, i love when a fic gives me a gorgeous double helix of, like, casefic and romance twisted together, that's ideal, but fundamentally most of the time the feeling up is what i sat down at the table to eat. so in a complex aegosexual way it's a fantasy i'm—not projecting onto, exactly, i don't want to be one of the people in it; but, like, lurking in the wings of with eyes big love-crumbs, to steal a phrase from a relevantly-named poet. :) and so it's no wonder that mostly i don't want to read cisfemme4cisfemme stuff, because that's not a dynamic that feels like it has any room for me, or even like i'm particularly welcome in the room. but like. if it's trans women? i'm there, i love that for them and for me. if there's a butch? i might get tripped up by our differing lenses on gender feelings and stub my toe a little but even so i'm probably here for it. (thinking here abt that one butch/femme geraskier ~cisswap which is, like, a gorgeous bruise i keep periodically pressing. <3)

so really it's just like. shocker: i'm not personally moved by fantasies abt romance which feature conventionally feminine cis women whom i don't personally find relatable or sexually desirable! and when i put it like that, it really instantly dissolves the weird useless discourse-induced guiltgunk. like. give me a woman who's, idk, tall and charismatic and strong and clever and talented at something (though honestly it's like that siken revised tweet, a lot of those characteristics are ultimately negotiable!), like women i've historically crushed on irl, and then give me a pairing for her that's like. another woman who's also enough of those things, or a man who's—honestly the kind of m/f i'm open to would be its own whole post bc holy shit am i fussy, it very much does exist but for now let's just stick a pin in that one—or somebody nonbinary, which… idk that i've ever actually seen nb/f in fic? i'm sure it exists! but i'm not sure it exists in any fandoms i've been into. pondering the question did get me really thirsty for a good 'farmgirl (of the luke skywalker variety) is absolutely stunned-and-ringing-like-a-struck-bell captivated by confident flamboyantly genderqueer love interest (example wanted)' dynamic, though…

#(this is entirely unrelated to the actual topic but every time i use a possessive to modify a gerund bc it's a verbal noun it's like #pls hold‚ time 2 decide whether i'd rather do the esoteric thing—'its being'—and have most ppl think i'm getting it wrong #or do the demotic thing—'it being'—and *know* in my own secret heart i'm getting it wrong #and both scenarios feel Bad! so it really is just lose-lose every time it comes up… a sad situation for a gerund lover like yrs truly. 😔) #(also yes what is 'wrong' when it comes 2 language anyway but like. you know what itches your ears and i know what itches mine. #…& obvs what itches mine somehow does NOT include (mis)using 'itch' as a transitive verb for comedically colloquial effect. shrug emoji!!) #anyway none of this is remotely groundbreaking or even unusual but. soothing 2 me to lay it out like this. #fannish things #i guess also #aut fieri uolo aut futuere #and no‚ the world definitely did not need >500 words retreading the same ground many other ppl have already trodden #however. what is a blog for if not to house long-winded unnecessary posts no one but the author (if that) really needed. #in conclusion anything i say abt My Relationship 2 Fic is really always a diptych with that anecdote abt the woman who called up queer bars #just to know there was a space out there where freedom and joy existed‚ and brush the edge of it‚ just a little #like am i personally embodying/visible as much of what i'm deeply emotionally bound up with? no. #is it nonetheless/therefore hugely important to me to see those possibilities stretched out before me like a far green field? sure is!!

[swamp-cats-den]

.

#oh great woke up at 5 am cause of back pain #made a mistake of trying to distract myself scrolling through the hellsite #and stumbled at yet another post using Ukraine as 'not genocided enough genocide' compared to Palestine #cause the number of death is 'lower' #reblogged by a person who at least used to be supportive #if you reblog such stuff don't fucking pretend you ever gave a fuck about Ukraine #cause if you did you would know that we gave those figures based on different calculations #I'm sure that Palestinian numbers unfortunately reflect the reality #our do NOT cause they are ONLY the number officially counted and verified by the UN #that does NOT cover the occupied territories cause it's impossible to monitor those and russia is trying to hide their war crimes #according to the local authorities (that's what we take with Palestine) around 25 000 were killed in Mariupol alone #that's ONE city #that's 5% of its population #but I also have a question #why the fuck you're daring to compare the numbers of killed in the war #when the number of your murdered civilians is literally zero #cause your country is not being invaded #shut the fuck up #so here I am crying out of anger in the middle of the night #oh and Kahovka we have no idea how many drowned #russians weren't letting people evacuate

[weaselshaped]

This post was going to say "Sorry I have to bookpost here because Twitter is dead and I don't know how discoverability works on Replacement Twitter and authors I like are there and might see me" but a) I'm not sorry, this is my house; b) I never bookposted on Twitter because it felt too public for me to get specific about my book opinions on; c) if authors I like see me making extremely vague posts about not liking some books I read that were by different authors, absolutely nothing will happen; and d) some of those authors are also on Tumblr, which also doesn't matter at all for the same reason as c, that is, they do not know I exist nor care about my opinions of books they did not write (or, for that matter, of books they did write)

#What even is this post. Excuse me #Any time I start to get weird social media anxiety about Cool Authors I Follow Seeing My Posts #I have to tell myself I am basically an ant to them. I don't think this is exactly true either #If I did say to someone that I really enjoyed X work of theirs I'm sure it would be like. Nice to hear #in that it's always nice to know someone liked a thing you did #But obviously no one has any reason to care about my opinion specifically who does not know me personally. #There is a part of me that maintains a silly little fantasy of one or more authors I admire reading and enjoying something I publish someda #However a) this is silly to dwell on b) as previously noted I am not writing anything as interesting as any of them are so this won't happe #and c) even if it does somehow happen one day that bears no relationship to anything that happens right now. Obviously #Anyway I'm so normal. The normallest

[politedemon]

finished the darlings of the asylum and my assessment is, still, that it was written by a man :/

#i don't LIKE judging an author based on gender but like that does sum up all my feelings abt it #okay actual thoughts: plot was cliche but idm that it's why i read it #it reads like it was written by someone with NO mental health experience whatsoever esp did #it was trying to make like 7 different points at once including about female hysteria #which was undermined by all the characters being demonstrably mentally ill #the doctor is like. cartoonishly evil and every other character is annoying #violet is shown to be smart and yet fucks the artist guy while pretending to have a seizure KNOWING the doctor is running to her #and the ending is rushed #okay NOW i feel better and yes i'm aware i'm the only person on this site who's read this book

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is #what gets me the most is that he's keeping this super down low to avoid giving any hints to his kid #he has a lot of queer friends so he already is known as an ally but there's always a chance it will be different if it's family #and he took that chance and crumpled it up into a ball and slam dunked it into the garbage for three points #and decided that even if his kid wants to hide it from him for the rest of his life he will still do what he can to make their life better #pflag #parents doing their best #parenting win #good news #allyship

[osaemu]

GOJO SATORU: ❛❛ KISS IT BETTER ❜❜

.ೃ࿐ streamer!au: he's surprisingly popular with kids, even if he doesn't quite know how to behave around them.

contents: fem!reader. he curses a couple times in front of the kid :&lt;;

author's note: i don't rly like this one but it's fluff and we could all use a little fluff in our lives ꨄ︎

"why is it so... small?"

you snicker at satoru's question and watch the kid exploring his room waddle around. one of his mom's friends asked him to watch her kid, so naturally, the first thing satoru did was call you. after all, he's basically the last person you'd want alone with a small child.

"she's so cute," you coo, hopping on satoru's bed and lying down on your stomach. the child in question turns her head and looks at you with soft doe eyes and tilts her head like a puppy. "aw, satoru, c'mere and look at her!"

your boyfriend shakes his head, still seated in front of his computer. satoru's not live right now, but he's focused on his screen as he jumps and dodges various obstacles. "can't right now, give me a sec— what the fuck?"

"language!" you hiss, sliding off of his bed and covering the small girl's ears. 

she looks up at your curiously, and in the cutest voice possible, repeats satoru's words with a wide smile. "what the fuck?"

it's all you can do to stop yourself from bursting into a fit of laughter, but as expected, satoru doesn't have that kind of self-restraint. when the girl says fuck, satoru laughs so hard that he leans back in his chair, not even noticing how another user eliminates him a second later.

"shit, that's so— sorry, i'm sorry!" satoru snorts, eyes tearing up with laughter. you glare at him and bite down your smile before snatching a pillow off his bed and hurling it at him. satoru catches it with one hand and buries his face in it to muffle his laughter.

you swat his shoulder with one hand and take the little girl's hand in the other as you plop down on the corner of satoru's bed. it's almost painful to swallow back the laughter threatening to tear you apart, but you figure that out of you and satoru, one of you has to be the mature one.

so you scoop up the little girl and hold her in your lap as she flutters her eyelashes at you innocently. you tap her nose and lean in, almost melting at the way she smiles back at you. 

"don't listen to him," you sigh, sticking your tongue out at satoru, who's still laughing away. he makes a face back at you, and, to his delight, the kid mimicks his expression.

"baby, you were so right," satoru snickers as he hops off his plush chair and strolls over to where both of you sit on the edge of his bed. he flicks the girl's forehead, but thankfully, his touch is gentle and feather-light. satoru's eyes soften as he studies the kid, and to your surprise, he lifts her out of your lap and ruffles her hair.

"she's so adorable," he whines, letting the girl pinch his cheek. satoru turns and widens his eyes at you in adoration. "i wanna keep her!"

you roll your eyes affectionately and stand up, leaning against his side and scrunching up your nose at the girl. "don't you have a game to get back to?" you huff.

"what game?" he replies, preoccupied with the child in his arms. satoru leans his face in closer to hers, and to your surprise and delight, she swats him in the nose. "oww, the fuck was that for?" he wails. satoru looks at you and pouts, glaring at the smiling child. "i think i need a kiss to make the pain go away," he says hopefully, eyes focusing on you. 

"am i really taking care of two kids?" you grumble, leaning in and kissing him on the nose. satoru nudges his nose against yours and his lips gently brush against your mouth.

you give satoru a second to enjoy your personal space, and then you shove him away. "we have an audience," you deadpan, gesturing at the girl still in his arms. her eyes look like they're fluttering closed, and her features soften with sleepiness.

satoru sticks out his tongue and sets down the girl on his bed, nestling her head in one of his many pillows and tucking her in. "you don't have a problem with me kissing you in front of eight thousand people," he huffs. 

"that's different!"

"no it isn't!"

#osaemu #streamer!gojo #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo fluff #jjk fluff #satoru gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #gojo drabbles #jjk drabbles

[sluts4matt]

okay, i feel like this could be crazy? please take this any direction you want. like reader is at a party (like tara’s party) and her and chris get in a fight over a photo that was posted during the party. this has been on the mind, and im just not the correct person to execute this idea. but please take this any direction and change anything, please and thank you! i love your work please keep posting 🫶🏻

JEALOUS

pairing: rough!dom chris x sub!reader

summary: a picture of you a little to close to another guy at tara's 1 milli party is posted on the internet. chris does NOT like that at all and has to teach you a lesson.

warnings: SMUT, rough sex, spanking, degradation, daddy kink, dirty talk, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex, light bondage, blindfolding, choking, orgasm denial, pet names, slight dumbification (because i love it so much ), light fluff at the end

word count: 1652

author's note: i really hope i did your request justice @lovelysturniolos i HAD to feed into everyone saying chris and tara would look cute, i'm sorry, sue me. kind, constructive criticism welcome.

"what the fuck is this?" your boyfriend, chris, asks holding his phone to you. his tone wasn't an amused one which was very unlike him. "what?" you mumble, furrowing your eyebrows as you bring yourself closer to his phone.

the two of you had the house to yourself for the evening, and currently sat on the couch in the living room. you looked at the picture, you were wearing your sparkly black dress, the fabric hugging you just right.

you hand was placed on some guys arm. why? you were absolutely hammered and ended up trying to make chris jealous out of your own jealousy. he had been close to tara almost all night, and while his attention was on you, part of you seemed to think he'd rather pay it to her.

you and chris had ended up losing each other within two hours of being there. but when you found him, and he was talking to tara with tha big ass grin of his. the one he always gives you. you couldn't stand it.your hand immediately found the guy nearest you, batting your eyelashes at him while you giggled at the jokes he told.

all in hopes that chris would look over and see, but he never did.

guess a picture was taken though, so you'd still technically be getting what you want. "who the fuck is that guy? huh?" chris demands. "honestly chris? couldn't tell you," you shrug. "but it was someone who was nice to me while my boyfriend was off with another chick," you mumble the last bit, but chris catches it.

the dry chuckle that leaves his mouth sends shivers down your spine, and the way he was staring at you made your stomach feel tight. "i don't give a fuck about tara," he says.

"really? coulda fooled me," you retort. chris' jaw clenched, and he stood up from the couch, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you off the couch.

"where are we going?" you ask as you try to keep up with his large strides. "i'm gonna fuck some sense into you," he states. "and then, we're going to have a little chat about who the fuck you belong to," he tells you, opening the door to his (your shared) bedroom and shoving you inside.

"chris-" "strip," he says, cutting you off. his voice was stern, and left no room for arguments. he walked over to the closet, grabbing the silk ties and blindfolds that sat in a box on the top shelf. you stripped your clothes, watching chris as he got into the box.

"hands behind your back," he commands, walking over to you. "chris-" "shut the fuck up," he snaps. "unless you're gonna say the safeword, please, shut the fuck up," he repeats. you nod your head.

he places the tie over your eyes, and brings your hands behind your back, tying them together. "get on the bed," he tells you, smacking your ass as you walk towards the bed.

you climb onto the bed, sitting in the middle of the mattress. "chris, i-" you're cut off by chris' hand covering your mouth. "if you're gonna be using that mouth, it's gonna be for something useful ma," he tells you. "so, either stop talking, or put that fucking mouth to work," he says.

you nod your head, and chris removes his hand from your mouth. "yes daddy," you mumble. "what was that baby?" he asks, knowing he heard you. "yes daddy," you speak up, earning a satisfied hum from chris.

"that's more like it," he says, taking his shirt off, and kicking his sweats and boxers off. he grabs a pillow from the head of the bed, and puts it under your knees.

"open your mouth," he tells you. and you obey, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out. chris grabs the base of his cock and guides it into your mouth.

you swirl your tongue around the tip, kitty licking it. chris grabs the back of your head, and pushes himself into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat. "fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good ma," he says, moving his hips and thrusting into your mouth.

he pulls himself out, and smacks your face with his cock a few times. he rubs his tip along your lips, smearing pre-cum all over them. "such a pretty fucking face," he muses, shoving his cock back into your mouth.

he groans as you take him back in, hollowing your cheeks as you suck him off. "fucking choke on it baby," he groans, pushing your head further down until his cock hit the back of your throat, over and over again.

you gag on his dick, tears beginning to leak from your eyes, dampening the fabric of the blindfold. saliva dripped down the corners of your mouth.

"fuck, i'm close," he moans. you move your head faster, bobbing your head, gagging and choking on his cock. "shit baby, that's it. gonna cum down that pretty fucking throat," he moans.

he pushes your head down again, and holds you there, letting his cum paint the inside of your throat. "fuck, fuck," he breathes, his chest heaving. he wraps your head in a makeshift ponytail around his hand tugging your head back.

he admires the way the black blindfold contrasts against your tan skin, "so pretty baby, too bad you thought you had to make me jealous to get my fucking attention." he says.

he takes his cock from your mouth and wipes the remaining saliva and cum off on your cheek. "now, i'm gonna fuck some sense into you, and after that, we're gonna talk about why it is you're my fucking girl," he says, pulling you up and positioning you how he wants.

his favorite position had your ass up in the air and your cheek pressed against the mattress. he rubbed your right ass cheek before raising his hand and landing a hard smack down on it. the sound echoed in the room, and the stinging sensation had you moaning because of the pain and pleasure.

"this ass, mine," he says, landing a few more harsh slaps down. "this pussy, mine," he continues, sliding his cock between your folds and pressing the tip at your entrance. "mhm, fuck," you gasp, as chris pushes himself into your cunt.

his right hand finds its way in-between your shoulder blades, shoving you down further as his left hand has a steady grip on your hip. his hips smack against your ass, the sound echoing throughout the room, accompanied by his groans and grunts and your loud moans. "i wanna hear how good my cock is," chris tells you.

"fuck daddy, so big. feels so fucking good," you moan, gripping the silk fabric tied around your wrists. "so fucking tight, ma," he says, his right hand sliding down to grab the fabric tied around your wrists.

he tugs your body back, forcing himself deeper into your cunt, causing your breath to catch in your throat. his hips move a million miles an hour, chasing his release, choked whines left your mouth that had you gasping for air, drool running down your chin.

"so fucking pathetic, look at ya," he chuckles, watching as you come undone underneath him. "such a whiny bitch, can't even speak." he tugs on the tie again, pulling you up. his left hand slides up to wrap around your neck, squeezing lightly.

"gonna cum daddy," you babble, your high approaching. "no you're not," chris says, denying you of your orgasm. he pushes you back down, pounding into you with no mercy, "chris," you whine. "wanna act like a slut to get my attention, gonna get treated and used like one."

"fuck daddy," you whine, the knot in the pit of your stomach becoming tighter. "chris, please, need to cum," you beg. he moves his left hand up to grip the hair at the base of your skull, "don't you fucking dare," he threatens.

"gotta earn it baby," he tells you. "how do you earn daddy's permission?" he asks.

"please," you moan, unable to think of anything else to say. "not what i'm looking for," he says, bringing his hand down on your ass, leaving a red handprint on your skin. "fuck," you hiss. "daddy," you cry. "please, please, fuck," you beg.

"that's more like it," he grunts. he leans over your body, his left hand reaching up to hold the headboard while his right stays in the same place.

"go on then, cum on my cock," he whispers, biting down on your earlobe, tugging on it. his words send you over the edge, and you come undone underneath him. your pussy spasms around his cock, squeezing and clenching, milking his orgasm from him.

he fills your cunt up, coating your walls white. his thrusts become slower, and the grip he has on your body is softer, until he stops altogether, and pulls out of you.

"good girl," he praises, running his thumb along your entrance, catching the mixture of both of your orgasms and bringing it to his mouth. he sucks the digit clean, humming at the taste.

he lays down next to you, pulling you into him, "now, who do i belong too?" he asks, holding you close. "me," you answer. "mm, and who do you belong too?" he asks, kissing your head. "you," you reply, leaning up to kiss him.

"good girl," he hums, placing a kiss on your nose. "want me to doordash panda express princess?" he asks, nuzzling his face into the conjunction of your jaw and neck. he peppered small kisses making you giggle. "nap first," you tell him.

he nods his head, grabbing the blanket and draping it over the both of you. he presses a final kiss to your temple, whispering, "i love you baby," before the two of you drift off.

tag list:

@sturnioloa @junnniiieee07

#matt sturniolo #nate doe #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo fanfic #nathan doe #chris sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut

[redbullgirly]

Can you do a Lewis Hamilton smau where she is basically like Barbie? I feel like since Barbie is a fashion icon and so is Lewis, it would be a match made in Heaven. I read your pinned post and tried to make a request based on your rules. Sorry if it isn’t good enough

HI BARBIE! HI KEN! [part 1, LH44 smau]

Lewis Hamilton x reader

Masterlist & Hi Barbie! Hi Ken! [part2, LH44 smau]

Summary: Lewis Hamilton is part-time Formula One driver and full-time fashion icon. And so is his girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N, who's also known as a real life Barbie.

Warnings: None... but a lot of pink XD. Also this story is set in December 2023, so no broken hearts over Lewis going to Ferrari... actually maybe just a little teaser.

Author's Note: Hi Anon! This request is great and thank you so much for it, it definitely is good enough! :) I had fun writing and creating this, even though at the end it's kind of different than what I firstly intended to do. The original idea was to make Y/N very Barbie coded, but at the end I'd say she's Barbie inspired and I focused more on the fashion icon part of the request. Though there's a sweet storyline about why her nickname is Barbie, so I hope you won't be disappointed! :)

lewishamilton posted on instagram

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tagged: yourusername

lewishamilton A lot happened in 2023 season and there was also a lot of outfits 🤞🏾✨

view all 7,867 comments

user1 MY GOD THIS MAN IS BEAUTIFUL!

yourusername this was definitely one of my favs 💝

liked by the author

lewishamilton What can I say... pink is the color of real men 🫶🏾

yourusername but do i still wear it the best?

lewishamilton Of course ma'am

user2 I love them sm 😭

user3 can we talk about the fact they're the best couple ever?!

user4 so sweet🥰

user5 And the fact she's literally the only person he interacts with in the comments...

user6 You are the best Lewis, can't wait for another season 👏

user7 🔥❤️

mercedesamgf1 Did someone say Barbie and Ken?💘

user8 YES

user9 admin you're so real for this... they literally ARE our barbie and ken 🤭

user10 The only question is who is the Barbie and who's the Ken? xd

user11 lol imagine barbie lewis💀

user12 GOAT ⬆️♥️

carmenmmundt Me and goergerussell63 when?

gourgerussell I don't really think pink is my colour...😬

yourusername don't worry honey, if he won't wear pink w you i will 😘

carmenmmundt Oh I knew why you're my favourite Y/N 😘

georgerussell63 No wait I changed my mind darling!!

carmenmmundt Hmm now I'll have to think about it 🤔

georgerussell63 Y/NNNNN

yourusername 😌😚

user13 i love how he always manages to get y/n into his posts

user14 The power boyfriend Lewis has over me😩😩

user15 RIGHT?!

user16 he's just so... asdgsagfsgd 😫

user17 I literally need this version of him to live!!!

user18 i'm weak for bf lewis🥵

user19 Y/N looks SO GOOD in that coat

user20 I need to know how she does it

user21 fr

user22 The best driver and a fashion icon... damn he's got some talent 🙇‍♂️

yourusername posted on instagram

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tagged: lewishamilton and mercedesamgf1

yourusername great season and now it'll be even better winter break w my love 💋💞

view all 1,092 comments

f1 Our own Barbie🤩

liked by the author

user1 yeeeees

user2 Wait I'm new in formula one, why do we call Lewis Hamilton's gf Babrie??

user3 idk user2 she just gives off the energy 😆

user4 Actually I think Lewis himself once called her Barbie in an interview when there were rumors about them dating and then it just stuck with her 🤷‍♀️

user5 oh really?!! tbh i had idea he ever called he barbie himself... y/n is just iconic xd

user6 IT'S Y/N'S WORLD AND WE'RE JUST LIVING IN IT 🗣🗣

lewishamilton Can't wait to spend the winter break with you ✨

yourusername *mwah*

user7 pls I'm so excited for them!!

user8 the vacation photo dumps are gonna slay🤭

alexandrasaintmleux stoppp you're so pretty!🎀

yourusername nooo you are alex 🥹🫶

user9 they could never make me hate these two just 'cause they're dating the hottest drivers on the grid🫡

user10 The outfit in the second photo? HELLO?!

kellypiquet 🤍

liked by the author

charles_leclerc I see you like the Monaco circuit very much👀

yourusername i see you're stalking my photo dumps very carefully charles leclerc 🤨

charles_leclerc Well I have a feeling we'll see each other more often soon so I have to get to know you better😉

this comment has been deleted by charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc Caught in the crime😂

user11 WHAT WAS THAT CHARLES?!

user12 omg I wasn't the only one to see it? I'm not delusional right?🫣

user13 idk what you saw 'cause i didn't but this interaction is so funny to me XD

user14 mommy- sorry... MOTHER

user15 ❣️❣️

user16 y/n & lew >>>>

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by f1, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 874,012 others

tagged: lewishamilton

yourusername i'm barbie. he's just a ken (and he won some trophy for p3 in the championship... idk where it is) 💖💄

view all 9,237 comments

user1 I live for Lewis leaving the trophy there💀

user2 and the way y/n basically confirmed this by saying she has no idea where it is😭

lewishamilton You're everything. I'm just Ken 🙏🏾✨

yourusername exactly... though you're the best ken ever 💞

sebastianvettel Isn't he more like Allan then?

yourusername ohhh true seb 🤭

user3 YOU WANNA TELL ME THE SEBASTIAN VETTEL SAW BARBIE

yourusername yeah we made him watch it and he cried during gloria's speech 💓

sebastianvettel I'm not ashamed about it.

yourusername and that's why i love u seb 🫶

user4 why aren't all men like sebastian???😩

user5 I love these three with all my heart y'all don't understand

user6 my fav driver watching my fav movie and crying during speech about feminism is my roman empire

user7 AAAHSDFHFGSDHSG😍

f1 If there was a prize for fashion icons, the Hamilton household would definetly win it! 🏆

liked by the author

user8 not admin calling them hamilton household🥹

user9 Lol that would be the only fairly given trophy this year

user10 OMG I just realized that one day Y/N and Lewis WILL be both HAMILTON😭😭

user11 I'll tattoo the date of their wedding on my arm fr

user12 that's real dedication user11 💀

user13 TRUE DEFINITION OF A QUEEN... LOVE YOUUUUUU

kellypiquet Gorgeous darling!💖💖💖

yourusername we both babeee 💖🫶

user14 the IT wags casually supporting each other

user15 I love they're still friends even though their bfs are probably the biggest rivals xd

user16 not the shade about the trophy💀

user17 Waiiittt what happened?

user18 someone who was at the ceremony said lewis gave him the prize 'cause he didn't want it😭

user17 Oh and Y/N wrote in her caption she doesn't know where it is?

user18 exactly😭

user17 Whoops... I love her, she's queen for that

user19 and the fact fia tried to deny these rumors💀

user20 Absolutely love this look 🤍

user21 you and lew are just such a good looking couple

user22 THE DRESS I REPEAT THE DRESS🥰

lewishamilton posted on instagram

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername, scuderiaferrari, valtteribottas and 1,233,490 others

tagged: yourusername and roscoelovescoco

lewishamilton 🇲🇨 with the best company.

view all 15,322 comments

roscoelovescoco Mom's look's so handsome's ☺️☀️

liked by the author and yourusername

lewishamilton Agreed

yourusername awww my boys are too sweet 🥹💕

user1 lewis complimenting his gf not w one but TWO accounts makes my heart melt

liked by yourusername

user2 I want a man like him🤧

user3 WE LOVE ROSCOE CALLING HER MUM

user4 Lewis, Y/N & Roscoe are the best trio ever🥰

user5 parents and their son

user6 literally omg

yourusername wow who's that handsome boy laying on a couch 🥴😻

lewishamilton Handsome you say?😏

yourusername yeah, right next to u 🥰

lewishamilton Oh no, I should've seen that coming😒

roscoelovescoco Thank's mom's I'm handsome's boy's 😊👅

user7 these interactions give me the will to live

user8 I love the Hamilton family🥺

user9 lol y/n calling roscoe handsome xd

user10 The funniest part about this is that Lewis manages Roscoe's profile😭

user11 omg yes user10 not him playing being offended on his main and then being all sweet as roscoe...

user12 Love forever ❤️

user13 Y/N is so beautiful I can't believe my own eyes

user14 the two belong together forever 🙌🫶♾️💫

user15 fr

user16 If they ever break up I'll stop believing on love

mercedesamgf1 Mr. & Mrs. Mercedes

user17 pls give him decent car in 2024 to win another championship🙏

user18 The most iconic couple in history of motorsport 💅

user19 ❤️😍

user20 what's Ferrari doing in the likes?🤨

user21 lol calm down... he's literally lewis hamilton🤣

user22 No but it's weird... they never like other team's things

user23 and after the rumors during monaco gp too 🥸🥸

user24 I think this photo dump caused global warming... like daaammmnnn they're both so fine 🥵

user25 let's just say roscoe isn't the only one calling them mommy and daddy-

user26 lmao

user26 but true🫢

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by lewishamilton, isahernaez, neymarjr, haileybieber and 511,309 others

yourusername barbie has a great day everyday... especially when she gets pink mercedes she wanted 🛍🤍

view all 2,546 comments

lewishamilton Seems like Ken is good for something

liked by the author

yourusername maybeeee

lewishamilton You want pink Ferrari too, don't you?

yourusername ☺️☺️

user1 ohhh to have a man like that

user2 OMG LEWIS PLS GET HER PINK FERRARI

user3 Yeah, Y/N will slay in that car😌

user4 i wanna be barbie too if she gets pink mercedes

user5 but first you'll need to have a ken like lewis hamilton

francisca.cgomes this barbie is so prettyyyy

yourusername love u! 💓

user6 Okay okay I NEED the bikini😫😍

user7 QUEEN

user8 Y/N looking gorgeous like always🫶🏼

user9 gold digger alert!!!!🤮

user10 Girl go away, you clearly know nothing about their relationship xd

user11 jealousy alert!!!

user12 the first pic does something to me 😩

user13 The most beautiful woman ever

user14 Lewis won lottery w her

user15 yes she's literally so pretty and they seem so happy together🥰

user16 fr I don't think I've seen him this happy before

user17 yeah he looks so much calmer and even younger when y/n is with him at event and gps...🥹

user18 Plus the OUTFITS?! I love them sm

user19 Where is Lewis 🙂?

user20 c'mmon he doesn't have to be in every post she makes🙄

user21 stunning as always 💘

user22 SLAYING AS ALWAYS

twitter

Y/N’s interview

photo 1: Y/N: How did you and Lewis meet?

Y/F/N: Oh, you guys'll love the story!

photo 2: Y/N: It was actually in a toy store. Lew was there with his niece and I was there because... [laughs] Let's say I still like to collect dolls and lego, sue me.

photo 3: Y/N: Anyway, Lew's niece saw me, thought I'm a real life Barbie and wanted to say hi. [laughs] It was honestly so sweet that I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm just a normal girl.

photo 4: Y/F/N: So does she still think you're Barbie? [laughs]

Y/N: Yeah, I think so... She calls me Auntie Barbie! [laughs too]

photo 5: Y/N: But back to Lewis - I didn't recognize him and just thought he's really cute. We talked for few minutes, though then I had to leave and didn't have the courage to ask for his number.

photo 6: Y/N: But few days later he followed me on Instagram and I was just like - yes!

Lewis’ interview

Interviewer: Lewis, you recently followed a known influencer and model on Instagram. Is there something going on between the two of you?

Lewis: Are you talking about Barbie? Oh, shoot, sorry... [laughs] I mean Y/N?

yourusername posted on instagram

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tagged: lewishamilton and roscoelovescoco

yourusername aesthetic life w the best man, cute son and lots of flowers 🌸💖

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roscoelovescoco I got's mom's the's flowers's 😊🌷

liked by the author and lewishamilton

yourusername thx roscoe baby!! 🫶 guess daddy will have to learn from you 😌🤍

user1 ... are we gonna talk about the fact y/n just called lewis daddy?

yourusername ... no please don't, you know what i meant 😭🙈

user2 Too late Y/N, the twitter girlies are going to go nuts about this (me included)

landonorris Awww look at that grumpy little dude 🥺

liked by the author

pierregasly Mate are you calling the seven world time champion grumpy little dude?🤣

user3 lando tf-

user4 This is so funny for no reason😭

user5 Lewis being called grumpy little dude wasn't what I expected from this winter break tbh

landonorris ROSCOE

landonorris I WAS TALKING ABOUT ROSCOE GUYS

user6 💀💀

pierregasly Lol

yourusername why did you even think it was about lewis peirregasly ??🧐

landonorris YEAH MR. TRIPOD TELL US

pierregasly Goodbye...👋

user7 u and lew are so sweet

user8 MOTHER IS MOTHERING 😍

alexandrasaintmleux Shining like a star✨💖

yourusername and you're my sun ☀️💖

user9 I want a man who gives me so many flowers!!!

user10 yeah and they're beautiful and tasteful too

lewishamilton So lucky to have you darling! 🫧🫶🏾

liked by the author

yourusername we're both so lucky lew 💗🫶

user11 and i'm lucky i was born in the same century as you so i can witness this love

user12 I LOVE Y/N & LEWIS🥰

user13 I'll ask again... When is he going to put a ring on it? 💍 C'mon Lewis you obviously love her sm

user14 Your guys love is so special ❤️

user15 if this is the content we'll be getting during winter break, i don't think i want it to end

user16 races are great... but boyfriend material lewis hamilton is better🤤

user17 REAL

THE END

Author's Note: Hi and thank you for reading! I'll be glad for likes, reblogs, comments, follows and any other ways of support. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT PART 2! I really enjoyed this version of Lewis and Y/N... and perhaps I have a lot of pictures that unfortunately didn't make it to the story because picture limit isn't very friendly. Love you and have a great day! :)

#f1 fanfic #fanfiction #formula 1 #formula one #couple #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #fanfic #reading #x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton #lh44 #lh44 x reader #mercedes #ferrari #barbie #writing #sir lewis hamilton #f1 smau #smau #social media au #social media fic #social media