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Mumia Abu-Jamal addressing the CUNY Gaza solidarity encampment.

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"you’ve learned a long time ago to stop thinking things would change. (it didn't stop you from hoping anyways.)"

So, it's that time of year again, and I don't have the Raptors to distract me. It's the NHL playoffs and I am a Leafs fan. If you know, you know. I wrote this a year ago for myself and @thatlesbeanjew because being a hockey fan is not the faint of heart, and I completely forgot to post it to Tumblr ;-;. The title is from Jason's Spezza's retirement article and I think it applies well here.

For my sports (specifically hockey) fans who're in an toxic relationship with your favourite team, here's some southern comfort for you.

CW: author is being sentimental about grown men playing a game, i wrote this with the last years Bruins' collapse in mind (sorry tay), but no team is mentioned!!, city wolf darlin makes a comeback, Fluff, Comfort, so much comfort, someone send me to therapy

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There’s never an easy way to say goodbye.

No one wants to say goodbye, and even if it has to be said, let it be said with finality, with a sense of accomplishment. That even if this is the end, the journey was enjoyable. That the blood, sweat, tears (and really dumb questions) were worth it. That the years, your childhood, spent hoping were worth it.

No one wants to end on a whimper, especially if it’s broadcasted on national TV.

They still can’t believe that final goal went in.

Darlin’ stared at the TV, watching the series-winning goal over and over again. Their eyes tried to rewrite history, using what magic they have to will the puck to not cross the red line. Go wide right, hit the post, or even knock a player's teeth out for all they care! All their efforts were for naught. The goal still goes in, the building goes silent save for the cheers from the opposing team, and the season was over.

It was hard to believe that just a moment ago, their body was buzzing with anxiety, every sensation was cranked up to an eleven. Only for all that excitement collapsing inside their body, creating a black hole within their heart, numbing them to the result of the game in front of them.

All of that emotional investment just to get the same result. They felt silly for letting themselves dream, believe, with nothing to prove their faith. Everyone around them had been right, but they insisted on their foolish delusion, stubborn to the very end for this hockey team that has brought them nothing but pain.

Darlin’ had always preferred the painful route, embodying the sentiment that ‘love is pain’. It just so happened that it applied to more than the people in their life.

Their legs lost all their strength, causing them to fall backwards onto the couch. Their eyes stayed glued to the screen, ears ringing louder than any goal horn they’d heard in their life. Part of them wished they had never decided to care for this stupid team that only does stupid things and makes them cheer like a stupid idiot.

Ok, maybe this seems like an exaggerated reaction to a hockey team losing a game, but truly, this is how Darlin’ felt at this moment.

And Sam knew it.

They barely registered the soft blanket wrapping around their shoulders, but the warmth helped ground them a little bit. Sam always knew how to bring them out of their daze, with gentle pressure and plenty of space. Always giving them the choice of when to ask for help, a choice they’ve found themselves making more often.

They heard the faint clink of a plate on the coffee table in front of them. But what had knocked them out of their trance was Sam finally turning off the damn TV. It didn’t stop the goal horn from ringing in their ears, but at least they didn’t have to see that fucking rat’s shit-eating grin again. Who the fuck does he think he is? Fuck that guy, fuck that team, fuck everything-

They blinked repeatedly, feeling Sam’s hand playing with their hair. “I can feel your rage from here,” he chuckled. “Can’t imagine what you’re plannin’ to do to the other team in that pretty brain of yours.” Slowly, he shifted his arm to wrap around their shoulder to pull them closer to his chest. The tension that built up in their forehead had finally gone away when they heard his heartbeat. “Knowin’ you, you’re plannin’ something nefarious.”

“...I know where they’re stayin’,” they mumbled, nuzzling their face deeper into Sam’s chest. “That’s all I’ll say about that.”

He kissed their hair line and pulled them closer. “For the record, I will not be an accessory to your murderous rampage.” The small smile on their face prompted him to continue. “But I promise I won’t tell no one about your little scheme.” Leave it to Sam to make them smile when all they want to do is curl under a blanket and bleach the game from their mind.

They huffed in his chest. “I appreciate you not snitchin’ on me, but come on? You ain’t gonna help your mate with the body? Fake ass bitch.” Darlin’ let out a quiet giggle. Seeing the southern man deadpan at them is a surefire way to make them smile.

He pinched their nose and scoffed, “forgive me if I don’t want to see my mate in jail because a hockey team decided to beat your team.”

They pout at his statement, not appreciating the blunt tone he used. Come to think of it, when he puts it like that, their reaction to the ending of this game seems ridiculous. Wanting to kill grown men for doing their job? Because they just happen to beat their team? They’re a grown adult damn it! They’re better than being emotional over a team!

Sam flicked their forehead, knocking them out of their spiral. He pulled his wolf closer to him, letting their head rest on his shoulder. “No self-deprecatin’ spiral for you, Darlin’. You’re allowed to feel shitty over a game.” He continued to pet their hair, content with sitting in silence until they were ready to speak.

Darlin’ kissed his cheek and sighed. “I know, I know, I’m valid with my feelins’, it’s just…” They trailed off, biting their bottom lip while trying to articulate their thoughts into words. If only incoherent screaming was enough for Sam to understand their emotions. “When I say this team has sucked for my entire life… there hasn’t been a year where shit has gone right for us.”

Their vision blurred as they continued. “And I’m so fuckin’ tired of- of having hope that things will end different and then they never do!” The more words that poured out of them, the more anger bled into their voice. “It’s like, come on! They’ve had decades and so many different fuckin’ players and management to get their shit together and they never do! How much longer do they think people are gonna blindly follow them until…” A sob crept up their throat. “...Until we all decide to just… not care.”

They sighed in frustration. “I know it’s so stupid to fuckin’ care about a stupid team this much… I don’t know… They were the only good thing from my childhood.” Darlin’ chuckled at their last statement. “God, how has mt life been if this fuckin’ team was the best part?”

He rubbed their arm to comfort them. “Well on the bright side, it led you to my arms, so could it have been that bad?” Darlin’ pinched his chest, but that only caused their vampire to laugh harder. “Am I wrong, Darlin’? You seem to be enjoyin’ my arms a little too much,” he teased, acting as if it was a complaint against them. They both knew that Sam would rather die again than see his wolf in another person’s arms.

He held their face in his hands. Sam knew every little habit and quirk that Darlin’ had, and he knew that they wouldn’t look him in the eyes whenever they got emotional like this. “Darlin’, I need you to look at me please.”

They did as he asked them to, lifting their gaze and getting lost in his silver eyes. He kissed their forehead, whispering a soft ‘thank you’ against their skin. They don’t know if he’ll ever understand how fucking terrifying it was to have someone know them so well. But they wouldn’t trade that blissful feeling for anything else.

“It’s not stupid to care about this team, Darlin’. They were a huge part of your best memories as a kid. And maybe you will get tired of them one day and it will suck. But there’s no shame in lovin’ unconditionally.”

Darlin’s vision blurred again and cleared their throat to stop themselves from sobbing. “Even if they hurt me over and over again?”

Sam smirked, “well if they hurt you again, I’ll have to pay a visit down to their office and make sure they win.” Darlin’ scoffed at his cockiness but didn’t stop him from continuing. “‘Sides, like you always say.”

“Oh God, don’t say it-”

“There’s always next year.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

#im gonna cry.

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LEAFS IN SEVEN BABY I GOTTA BELIEVEEEE

#im gonna cry myself to sleep #zo's sports (trauma) thoughts #this is zo speaking

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[ID: tweet from @/kushiteDicator on X that says:"I never want to hear “internal conflicts” while referring to African struggles out of your mouths ever again. 6 million Congolese are dead and many still die for your cobalt and coltan

Thousands of Sudanese are dying for your Gold and uranium

#KeepEyesOnSudan #No_Congo_No_Phone"]

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Sudan updates as of 4/27/2024

Twitter: Video at Source

Twitter: Source

Twitter: Source

Twitter: Source

Twitter: Source

Twitter: Source

Twitter: Source, Source | Darfur24: Source | Benjamindada: Source

News.Sky: Full article at Source

Twitter: Full transcript at Source

(Id/alt in alt tab)

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........not to add more to this but-

the worse part of injuries via car accidents is the lasting brain injuries (concussions etc) but they don't show up on mri and other kinds of scans.

so i can totally see gabe being 'perfectly fine' and discharged from the hospital, only to drop dead a few days later because there was lasting brain damage.

and like for extra, imagine him dropping dead in front of david <333

im still so upset that david wasnt in the car with gabe when he crashed because that angst?? being scared and helpless and you're 10 years old again and you want dad. your dad passes out in the car but it's ok, right? maybe- no he's just passed out.

the ambulance comes and they take your dad first. there's only space for one and you can wait for a little while longer for the next bus. but it's fine, because the paramedics tell you he's only passed out. don't mind the respirators and ivs.

you get there, teddy bear in hand. it's stupid, you're a big kid now. but you need something to squeeze. something to keep you steady until you can hug your dad again.

you wait, hours go by and your friends. you're happy they're here, but you want your dad.

the doctors come with sad faces. he didn't pass out in the car. (you maul yourself to forget his peaceful face.)

#teehee

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Hi! I'm Decol!

TLDR: I can't work cuz I'm disabled meaning my trans gf is our family of 3's only income.

To try and help with bills, rent, and other needs I set a goal to try raising through Tumblr. It isn't much, but it's the help I can offer her so that's what I do.

Rn we're falling behind on rent and we get a late fee on the 5th, so if you can help out by sending anything to help us reach the goal before then we'd appreciate it!

•°•°•

Cashpp: $CEOofAntifa

Payal: here

Vemo: CEOofAntifa

0/200

I'll keep the post updated in the replies~

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Redacted Audio Masterlist

Here are all my Redacted Audio Fics!

The Redacted ASMR Hockey AU Masterlist (Brought to you by Tay!)

To Fight So Hard (To Lose So Quietly)

To Love the Sun (To Be Stuck in the Dark)

Home Sweet Home

Four Times David Thought of Asking + The One Time Angel Did

You and Me, For Old Times Sake?

Care To Join Me For A Dance, My Love?

One Bad Day

"i would ask you to marry me, but i can't even think straight."

A Nightmare (Turned Real)

“you’re in MY WORLD, you can stay. (but you belong to me.)”

And The Sunlight That Divides Them

"this chain will never end (but i'll fucking try)."

"round and round on a horse like a carousel."

"is this the end of all the endings? (my broken bones are mending.)"

"i'm thinkin' how she rides it, if she sits on it. (make it hard for me to stand up.) (Part One)"

"it started off so innocent. (she had a vibe and a wolf started digging it.) (Part Two)"

"my daddy gone for the weekend, so saturday baby we can get to freakin'. (Part Three)"

"i want it to last forever. (all the magic and fun at sea.)"

"maybe god does love you enough to save you. maybe they were god all along."

#rb cuz i updated the fic banks hehehe

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if anyone needed a new wallpaper i am happy to provide

(originally made for @muppetjohntavares )

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The sign of high quality is the fact the book was banned by the government. Trash literature NEVER EVER had any troubles with the law.

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The Toronto Public Library has removed "If I Must Die" by Palestinian writer, poet, professor and activist Refaat Alareer from its display.

If you're an author, writer, academic or reader you can contact TPL to voice your opinion on this decision to censor Palestinian poetry. Who to email here and here.

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it’s like the leafs don’t even know what the point of all this is

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If u interact with my posts, just know I respond like this:

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the lonely letters. dr ashon crawley. 2020.

credits - nathan danette / unknown / kevin shea / nathan danette / zac bondurant / mapleleafs on x / mark blinch / graig abel / keith srakocic / bruce bennett / bruce bennett / john dunn / bill streicher / mark blinch / TSN / sportskeeda / sportsnetwork / lance mcmillan / frank gunn / kevin sousa / NHLI / frank gunn / klaus andersen / john e. sokolowski / wikipedia / google search results / Gotta See It: Tavares scores in OT to win Maple Leafs first playoff series since 2004

a little playoff hype hope for our boys! i have so much faith in this team and i believe in us all the way :)

#IM GONNA CRY. #GOD THIS TEAM THIS FUCKING TEAM

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They are about to demolish the Nabil darwish museum to build another fucking bridge

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the genocide in gaza has been going on for 6 months and there is rarely a day i don't think about it or post anything on any of my social media accounts.

i can't not post about gaza and bring awareness.

and i can't believe that none of my friends have shared anything, and i'm upset with how little my siblings and mother have.

i've known about isntreal's violent treatment towards palestinians for years. and even back then i was shocked people didn't give a shit or know about it, which wasn't their fault. western media is bullshit propaganda that purposely does not educate... so i was like "ok i can see how you wouldnt know about this."

but now day after day, we are witnessing this ethnic cleansing, while palestininas are living it and for people to say they "don't know much" about it, or they aren't educated enough or blah blah.

you have 0 excuses. people are protesting all over the world, palestinians are sharing what is going on all over social media. students are setting up encampments, people have blocked ships, disrupted political events, set themselves on fire..

you had 0 excuses at the beginning of this and you have even less excuses now at month 6

i am so sick of people being willfully ignorant and playing dumb, just admit you didn't care at the start of this, and you don't care now. your apathy is disgusting. your indifference is vile.

free palestine.