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#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily
derpinette · 7 months
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as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are
#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside#i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily#someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck#i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person#with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory )#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )#anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest#& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away#but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african#maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020#i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there#butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa#kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways#like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no#or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway#sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind#journaling. or like.something.
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imagineproduce101 · 7 years
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Bring the Heat
You wanted to celebrate your three-month anniversary with Kang Daniel, but instead of a loving date with your boyfriend, your world collapses around you. As you’re left to pick up the pieces of your heart, you uncover a scheme that runs a lot deeper than just your own heartbreak, and you’re not going to take it sitting down.
aka, daniel and his friends are fking scumbags and girls supporting girls
heavily inp. by this scene in riverdale
literally this is what happened:
anon: can i pls get daniel angst
me: but girl power
warning: daniel is a bad guy in this. so are his friends. 
You smiled at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, reaching up to quickly fluff up your hair. It was the day of your three-month anniversary with Kang Daniel, and you wanted everything to be perfect.
You two had decided to meet up at a cute café downtown, and you’d even bought matching couple phone cases for you two to share.
The story of how you two began dating was definitely interesting, to say the least. Daniel was one of the more popular guys at your high school, and never really looked your way. You’d always thought he was handsome, and had a crush on him, but during a party, suddenly, he started talking to you. You figured it was because your best friend and his had started dating then, but even after they’d broken up, Daniel would meet you after class and greet you in the hallways.
Finally, on white day, he’d asked you out, and you’d been thrilled. Now you were here, three months later, almost before school ended before summer, and still going strong.
You decided to leave the bathroom, heading out. You spotted Daniel, sitting casually at one of the tables—with his friends?
“Oh, Daniel, you’re here,” you greeted him with a smile, taking a tentative seat across from him, “and all your friends.”
Daniel shrugged, “they wanted to tag along.”
You nodded, trying to contain the frown that wanted to appear on your lips. Daniel knew how much you cared about anniversaries, and it was weird for him to be acting so flippant.
“Oh,” you nodded, “well, I bought these cute couple cases for us!” You reached into your purse excitedly, setting them down on the table, “We can start using them now.”
One of Daniel’s friends picked one of them up, examining it, “this is kind of ugly, don’t you think?” You flinched at his harsh words, looking down at the table. Suddenly, you were reminded of back in your first year of high school, when Daniel’s friend group would tease anyone and everyone mercilessly. Daniel had always reassured you that they’d changed, but apparently, they hadn’t.
“Give that back,” you said weakly, not even wanting to look back up. This date was supposed to be one of the best days of your life, not totally embarrassing. “Daniel, do you want to start using them?”
Daniel looked at you slowly from across the table, a smirk creeping across his lips, “You know, Seongwoo, I think you owe me $100 (usd).” You faltered, looking up at him, totally lost. “(Y/N) and I have been dating for three months. Pay up.” You watched, stunned, as Seongwoo slapped a crisp bill into Daniel’s outstretched hand, the realization slowly sinking in.
“So this whole thing…” you trailed off, not wanting to even say it out loud.
“It was a bet, sweetie,” Seongwoo snickered at your expression, sliding the couple phone case back to you, “you really thought that the Kang Daniel would date someone like you?”
You desperately wanted to shout at them, to throw a glass of water at Daniel, to do anything, but you just couldn’t move. It was as though your body had turned to stone.
Daniel got up, motioning for his friends to follow. As they left the café, Daniel turned to face you. You looked up at him hopefully, wishing that he would say something, anything, to soothe the searing pain in your chest.
“This is for the phone case,” Daniel tossed a couple of bills into your lap before sweeping out of the café. You could hear all of them yelling and laughing down the street, obviously congratulating Daniel on another conquest.
All you wanted to do was get home and shower, maybe sob for three days straight. You weren’t a conquest or an object for Daniel to amuse himself with.
Every time your mind wandered back to the thought of Daniel, you wanted to curl up in a ball and sob. How could something that made you feel so good about yourself just crash down and stab you in the back?
You returned back to the bathroom of the café, this time with tears rushing down your cheeks. Your makeup mixed with your tears, creating a gross mess, but you didn’t have space in your heart to care.
“Hey, sweetie, are you okay?” You looked up to see a girl, maybe two or three years older than you, standing next to you, obviously concerned.
You stood there, sniffling, before shaking your head, tears starting up again, “I just found out that my boyfriend was only dating me for some stupid bet, and all his friends were there when I found out and I feel so stupid and embarrassed for ever believing he liked me.” You sobbed, blowing your nose into the rough paper towels they had out.
“Oh my god,” she said, panicked, quickly giving you a hug, “that’s awful, I’m so sorry!”
You shook your head weakly, “it’s not your fault. He’s the most popular guy at my high school, and I’m a nobody.”
“Hey, hey,” the girl shook her head, patting you on the back, “nothing about this situation makes this your fault.” She pulled you in for another hug, letting you sob into her shoulder. “I’m Dawon, and I’m guessing you’re younger than me, since I’m in college.”
“Thanks, unni,” you sniffled, taking the tissue that she was offering, “I just feel really stupid right now.”
“Hey,” Dawon looked at you suspiciously, “what high school did you say you went to?”
“Oh, I go to the Science and Arts school,” you replied, doing your best to wipe your makeup from underneath your eyes.
She frowned, rifling through her purse and taking out her phone. “My best friend’s younger sister also goes there, maybe you know her? Her name is Yuha, maybe you know her?”
You nodded, “yeah, she’s in a different homeroom, but we’re friends.”
“Anyways, I’m not positive, but I think I remember something fairly similar happening to Yuha,” she replied, holding her phone out, “you should talk to her about it. If it’s happened twice now, my guess is that you two aren’t the only victims of their disgusting little game.”
You took her phone, adding Yuha’s katalk username to your own contacts before handing it back.
“Ey, add me on katalk too!” Dawon winked at you, “in case you need moral support or anything like that.”
“Thanks, unni,” you smiled, giving Dawon a large hug, “I’ll be sure to contact Yuha.” You left the café thinking hard about what Dawon said—other girls were subject to this too?
All the way home on the bus, you got angrier and angrier just thinking about it. Gone were the threats of tears to spill out onto your cheeks. You were livid—how dare Daniel look down on you just because you weren’t popular? How could he and his group of friends think that it was okay to toy with girls’ hearts just for their own sick entertainment?
This wasn’t going to end.
“You ready?” You and Yuha traded looks and nodded.
“He’s here!” Yehana squealed right as the doorbell rang.
“Okay guys, let’s do this,” you whispered to the three girls with you. The three of you put your hands together and whispered a quick cheer before you scurried behind the door to the indoor pool at Yehana’s house.
During the summer, after getting in contact with Yuha, you started to reach out to other girls who had dated one of Daniel’s friends. It seemed like what happened with you and Yuha happened to a lot of people, even your own best friend Yehana. The girls were too embarrassed to say anything or expose them, so the boys were able to keep dating girls and breaking their hearts.
“Do I look okay?” Yehana asked breathlessly, wearing a simple black swimsuit.
“Yeah, you look great,” you nodded, “how about me?” Yehana glanced at your outfit before grinning.
During the summer, after spending so much time with your newfound friends, Yuha, Kylla and even Dawon and Yuha’s older sister, you’d decided to dye your hair a silvery-grey, and the color was fit you extremely well. You were dressed in a lacy bralette, black skirt, and heels, and Dawon had done your makeup to match, with a smokey eye and bright red lips.
A knock sounded on the door to the pool, and Kylla, Yehana and you quickly hid. Yuha opened the door, giving Daniel a smile.
“Y-you’re not (y/n),” Daniel stammered, getting a good look at Yuha’s skintight dress.
Yuha grinned, turning and walking confidently towards the hot tub. “(y/n) and I decided that it was the season for sharing,” she replied, “come on, let’s take a dip.”
“Uh, shouldn’t we wait for (y/n) to get here first?” Daniel asked, running a hand through his golden brown hair.
You pushed the door open and strode out confidently, walking towards the hot tub as well. Daniel’s jaw dropped, taking in the sight in front of him. His eyes travelled up and down your figure, but he realized that it wasn’t the clothing or makeup you were wearing that made you so enticing. It was the confidence that you exuded, the powerful way you held yourself.
“Let’s get wet, Daniel,” you smiled, waving a hand towards the hot tub.
He was more than happy to shed his shirt and sweats, eagerly sinking into the warmth of the hot tub.
“Want something to drink, Daniel?” Yuha asked, leaning over to pour a bit of alcohol into a glass. Daniel nodded wordlessly, accepting the glass from her and taking a long sip. You watched in amusement as he got more and more drunk, finally grabbing the handcuffs and cuffing him to the railings on the side of the hot tub.
“Hey, it’s really hot in here,” Daniel commented, looking up at you with slightly flushed cheeks.
“Oh, I know,” Yuha smiled, standing across from him, phone out.
“Start recording?” You asked her, kneeling down so that you were next to Daniel. Yuha nodded, lifting the phone up.
“Hey Daniel,” you said into his ear, “Does the name Kim Yehana ring a bell?”
Daniel frowned, shrugging, “I guess, I mean I think one of my friends dated her last year.”
You chuckled into his ear, holding the remote for the Jacuzzi in front of him so that he could watch you turn the temperature up. “That’s not the only thing your friend did though, is it?”
“How much was Yehana worth, $75?” Yuha asked in a dangerously low voice. “Or was it $50, since she didn’t wear makeup?”
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Daniel said desperately, yanking his hands, making the handcuffs jangle.
“I think you do, babe,” you murmured, pressing the “up” button again. “After all, wasn’t I worth $100 dollars since I’d never had a boyfriend before?”
Daniel whimpered, yanking his hands again.
“Tell the truth, Daniel,” you hissed into his ear, “tell the truth about how you and your friends like to play with girls’ hearts like it’s some kind of video game, or so help me god, I’ll leave you in this hot tub for the entire night.”
“Fine! Fine!” Daniel groaned, leaning his head back onto the cool tile of the floor, “My friends and I have a system, a point system.”
“Keep talking,” Yuha said, raising an eyebrow.
“We-we have a point system,” he said, “you have to date the girl for three months, otherwise you don’t get the bet money. The more points a girl gets, the more money you get.”
“And what are these points, Daniel?” You asked, visibly pissed. You saw Daniel gulp.
“Th-the points are for looks, or if you’ve dating, if you’ll put out.”
“If you’ll put out?” You asked, disgusted. “You’re fucking sick.”
You pressed the “power off” button on the remote, shaking your head. Daniel groaned again, head rolling back. You grinned, running a hand down his cheek.
“I would ask you to apologize, but I don’t take anything from sick bastards who don’t understand respect,” you hissed before pulling away, standing up as well.
“That whole confession was on a livestream,” Yuha informed Daniel, waving his phone around, “and thanks to you and your friends’ ability to date half the girls at our school, we had a lot of people letting their friends know about the livestream. Congrats Daniel, you went viral.”
Daniel watched as you walked confidently out of the room, regret and something else he didn’t want to acknowledge filling his mind.
if ur mans treats you wrong, i’m not saying the best way to get back at him is to form a girl gang but... form a girl gang. (i’m always here for girls supporting girls.)
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First Encounters
I remember the first time I saw her. It was the most life changing experience I had at the time; something I could never forget. It was the first day of 7th grade and I was heading to my biology class and I came in and sat down in the seat marked with my name. I was excited to start a new year but I did not know what was to come minutes later. Just before the bell was to ring I saw her walk into the class. I asked one of my friends at the time who she was and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d never seen someone so beautiful in my life before and that’s still true today. I knew I had to meet her. When class was over I went up to her to introduce myself and my god was I nervous. I was the giddiest kid in school that day. We introduced ourselves and from that day on I wanted her to be with me. All I could do is think of how beautiful her eyes were and I could smell the tropical scent of her hair and it was extremely enticing. Her voice was so soothing and calming. I felt complete.
As the day went on I went to my math class at the time to find out that me and her had that class as well and I couldn’t have been anymore happier. I thought to myself this is great now we have 2 classes together and that gives me more chances to talk to her and get to know her. I made an effort to know her more and more each day. Eventually we became close friends and I loved every moment with her. It was a new experience being around her. Unfortunately I had gotten too close apparently and the so called “friend zone” had come about and it was devastating at the time. Keep in mind we’re only in middle school and you don’t know much about relationships at that age.
Time went on and she would talk to me about the personal things in her life and even though I new she only saw me as a friend it was great because I couldn’t even imagine my life without knowing her. And then we go through the rest of the school year and now it’s our last year in the 8th grade until we’re off to bigger things in high school. This year was a difficult one for me. This is where she had met and begun to like a boy named jay (we’ll just use the name jay to keep it anonymous). Well jay was not the most respectful sort of guys when it came to girls but he was “hot” as most girls at the time would say. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe she liked him and I knew he was no good for her but who am I to stop her from being happy and stop her from doing what she wants. So I let the time pass and it came to the end of the year and we went on a field trip for our promotion. They had called it a promotion because of the fact we aren’t per say “graduating” but being “promoted” to high school. So we went to some theme park and on the bus ride she had sat with him and I was in the back of the bus with my friends and I couldn’t stop staring over at her. All I could think was “why are they even together? All he wants is to get in her pants. He doesn’t care about her like I do.” And it was terrible because they were so close to each other. His arm around her and her head laying on his chest. I hated it. I’ve never felt a pain like that in my life.
So after the field trip we talked and I inquire about them and ask things like “are you guys a thing? Is it serious? Do you like him a lot?” Stuff like that and she answered with an unsure tone. But she begins to talk to me about the bus ride and how he was feeling all on her. Touching the inside of her thigh and rubbing and eventually going further and further up and all that was going through my head was how much I wanted to walk away because I couldn’t handle hearing all this. But she goes on saying that she didn’t know what to do and she was uncomfortable about it. And I said what any friend would keeping my own interests and opinions out of it, I had said “if you were uncomfortable then you should of said something. If that’s not what you want then don’t feel pressured to do so.” Things like that and she took the advice but I think they were still seeing each other.
I’ll never forget when I saw them kiss. How I wanted to just die right there. It had felt as if my heart was ripped out and stabbed and burned. I’ll never forget that. I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn’t. Not in front of everyone like that. And only to pose questions of why am I crying and only to answer with lies. Because I could never tell anyone how I really feel. She would find out and I was too afraid of what she would say if I confessed how I felt about her.
Moments like this are what made me stronger and this is not the only time things like this happened. Remember I’ve known her for 10 years so you can just imagine how those years went. Thinking back I think I should’ve made a move. Who knows we might’ve been together to this day. But now we go into high school where many events take place. That’s another storyline for another night of writing.
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