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stanfanfiction · 9 months

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Taste of You - Ken x female reader - PART SIX

Feelingsss tiimmeee.

Please let me know how you like it!! Thanks as always for reading!

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / Ken and Barbie meet in the real world and feeliinnggss happen / fluff / angst / super sweet lovemaking / fingering / p! In v!

For the third day in a row, you and Ken stood in line at the bubble tea shop.

“You know, you could probably apply for a job here. They’d probably give you all the free drinks you want,” you suggested.

Ken’s shuffled a little. “I, uh, maybe? I’ve only had one job before.”

“In Barbieland?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“What was it?”

He placed his hands in his pockets. “It was, uh, Beach.”

“Beach?”

“Yeah.” He smiled sheepishly. “Like, you know how Barbies and Kens have titles?”

“Ooohhhhhh.” You cocked your head. “Just Beach Ken?”

“Basically.”

“What did Beach entail?”

“I just sorta stood there.”

“Just looking good on the beach?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled.

You smiled. “I could see that.”

“Oh my god, Ken??”

The two of you turned to the voice behind you and you blinked a couple times, taking in the woman who had spoken. Tall, blonde, bright faced, perfect smile.

“Ken! It is you!!”

Ken’s face rushed through a plethora of emotions in a split second before forcing a grin. “Barbie!”

You tried to intake this moment. Barbie, literal Barbie, stood in front of you, glowing with enthusiasm.

“I’m so glad you see you! How long have you been here?” She asked.

“Ah, yeah, like a couple months,” Ken said, hand fumbling with his pocket, trying to put on a cool exterior which only make it more obvious how insecure he was feeling in the moment.

Barbie turned to you. “Hi, I’m Barbara,” she said, “well, Barbie. Formerly, technically.” She stretched out her hand, and you shook it.

You were about to introduce yourself when Ken’s arm slipped around your waist. “This is y/n,” he said. “She’s my girlfriend.”

“Of course you are! You are so beautiful!” Barbie’s eyes shone.

“Oh, god thank you - YOU are so beautiful,” you said, slightly overwhelmed by her beauty and the bright energy radiating from her.

“So what are you doing here, Ken?” She asked.

“Like, at the boba tea store?”

“No, here. In the Real world,” she laughed, and he forced a chuckle.

“Oh, just, ya know, needed a change of scenery.” He shrugged, forced nonchalant, and you wanted to ask where on earth this sudden display of insecurity had come from but kept quiet, just watching their interaction happen. “I might work here, uh, someday.” He made a motion to the store around him.

“You’d be so good at that! You absolutely should.”

“And, What, uh, do you do?” he asked.

“Oh, I work at Mattel.”

“You..work at Mattel? The place that…made…you?” You said.

She nodded. “Oh yeah. It’s wild. I get to come up with ideas for new Barbies and Kens.”

“That’s…”

“Bizarre, I know,” she laughed. “But it’s amazing. I’m learning to trust my instincts better here, too! It’s so weird to question everything I think! That’s not something I had to deal with in Barbieland. I go to Ruth a lot to confirm that my ideas are good but she keeps telling me I just have to go with my gut. And it’s so weird sometimes because the building is literally full of men. Like who would have guessed men make decisions about what women want to be?”

You nodded. “I, I mean, yeah, I agree.”

“Ruth seems able to ignore it but -“

“Ruth is?”

“She created Barbie! Her ghost lives at the Mattel headquarters.”

“She…okay…”

“Ken hasn’t told you anything about any of this?”

You turned to Ken. “Not really. He always made the couple times he talked about Barbieland sound so boring.”

“Oh my gosh. Ken would, honestly.” Barbie playfully rolled her eyes.

Ken forced another chuckle. “Ahh, yes, I’ve been focusing on adjusting to here, ya know, the real world. So I haven’t said much…about…”

“Yeah, well now I feel like I’m gonna ask a lot about it because I realize that I have so very many questions,” You said, feeding off of Barbie’s playful vibes, hoping whatever was stressing Ken would fade. It didn’t work.

“Well, if he doesn’t tell you, I will.” Barbie grinned, then nodded towards the counter behind you, seeing you were next in line.

You both ordered and Barbie did too, handing her card to the cashier. “Drinks are on me today!”

You thanked her, still a little intimidated by this woman’s presence and energy, so effortless and flawless and…

“So how long have you two been together?” She asked.

“Almost two months,” Ken said proudly.

“Yeah, we kinda found each other pretty quickly.”

“I love that. I’m so happy you found someone, Ken.” Barbie squeezed his arm and you noticed he flexed his bicep a little, almost like an automatic response.

“And what do you do?” She asked you suddenly.

“I’m a student. I wanna actually become a professor of literature someday.”

“I LOVE that. I’m so behind on reading. Like, 50 years behind?” She laughed again. “You’ll have to give me important book recommendations.” She pulled a hot pink card out of her purse and handed it to you, “Barbara Handler” embossed in pearly white on it along with her job title and phone number. “Text me. Let’s do lunch sometime.”

You nodded, thanking her, and Ken’s eyes kept glancing back and forth between the two of you.

“It is so, so good to see you, Ken. I’m so happy you’re here and doing well. You two are adorable together.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

Barbie reached around you to pick up her drink from the counter, popping a straw into it. “So fun running into you guys!! And, Ken, I hope you get to work here. I’ll come see you all the time!”

Ken gave a half nod, half smile, as if trying to decide between the two.

“I was so nice meeting you.” Barbie leaned in for a quick hug. Dear god, how did she smell so good?? “I’d stay to visit but I have to get to work. Bye!!” She waved with that perfect smile and disappeared out of the door.

Ken stared as if dumbfounded at the door as is closed behind her, and you picked up your drinks and nudged his into his hand. The cold cup helped bring him back to the moment and he glanced down, then over at you.

“Hey, what’s going on, Ken?” You asked softly.

He remained quiet for a moment before turning to you. “Can we go to the beach?”

Zoey was more than happy to lend you her car for the day when you asked and soon you and Ken were on your hour-long drive to the beach.

Ken wore a pair of pink and green swim shorts, one of the few outfits he had brought from Barbieland, and you wore a see-through pink coverup over the new pink bikini you had purchased the other day. Usually Ken would be all over you, probably forcing you to find a place to park so he could fuck you in the car, but today he remained quiet, staring ahead. His elbow leaned on the door underneath the window, chin resting on his hand. Twice he reached across to squeeze your hand but otherwise he kept to himself, his usual enthusiastic candor no where to be found.

“What are you wanting to do at the beach, love?” You asked.

“Just…I want to be there. I think I need to.”

“Okay.” You rested your hand on his leg and he laid his hand on top of yours for the remainder of the drive.

You knew of a little area that you used to frequent with your girlfriends awhile back when you wanted to drink and hang out in private, away from the busiest areas of the beach, and after you parked you offered Ken your hand to lead him along. You held the folded towels under your other arm and walked slowly, letting Ken’s set the walking pace.

“What was the beach like in Barbieland?” You pressed gently, seeing what might make him speak again.

He shrugged. “Pink. Plastic.”

“The sand was plastic?”

“Everything was plastic.”

You stopped walking and kicked off your sandals.

“Take off your shoes,” You smiled, and he did as you asked. You sunk your toes into the sand and watched as Ken did the same, experiencing the feel of it for the first time.

“How does it feel?”

He smiled a little. “Kinda nice? It’s hot and soft but rough as well.”

“It is.” You leaned down to sit on your heels. “How does it feel between your fingers?”

He reached down to pick up a handful and smiled bigger now, lost in the moment of feeling the material and watching it as it trailed back downward between his fingers. He looked up at you. “I like it.”

You held out your hand to him and stood up. “Walk with me.” You both strolled along the beach, stopping once to have Ken stand in the tide area with you, getting to feel how the water felt when it rushed onto the shore and over his feet and ankles.

“Why does it feel different than other water?” He asked.

“I guess because of the salt? I don’t know, actually. I guess I’ll have to google it later.”

You got to the area you had been headed for after a little while, and unrolled both of your towels to lay them down onto the sand. You crossed your legs as you sank down onto yours. You expected Ken to sit down on the one next to you but instead he sat behind you on yours, wrapping his arms around you, nesting his chin on your shoulder.

He let the senses of the moment settle in: the noises of the ocean, the seagulls that flew overhead, your breathing against his ear. The warmth of the day and the warmth of your skin, the scent of the salt water and seaweed blending in with the scent of your hair.

“So what’s going on, Ken?” You asked, reaching behind you to pet his hair.

You felt him bury his face in your neck, his grip tightening around you. You allowed him the silence he needed until you felt liquid on your skin and realized he was crying.

You tried to turn to look at him but he shook his head, still pressing his face into you.

“I just….I don’t think I know who I am.” He worked hard to keep his voice steady but you heard the heartbreak in his tone.

“What do you mean, sweet Ken?”

He sobbed a little. “I don’t know where I belong.”

Your hand stopped its petting and rested comfortingly on his hair. “Oh, Ken.”

“I’m supposed to know who I am, right?” He sniffed and you felt more tears against your skin.

“Not necessarily. At least not right now.”

“I had always wanted to be with Barbie when I was in Barbieland, but she never wanted me.”

“Okay,” you encouraged gently.

“Then I went a little crazy trying to make her want me, but it only upset her. She deserved to be upset, though. I just…so…she decided she needed to come live her life here, in this world, and she helped me understand that I didn’t need to have her to know who I was, even though her leaving made me still feel so…empty.”

You tried to turn again and this time he loosened his grip enough so you could turn your waist to look at him.

He kept his head low, looking down at the ground so you couldn’t see his face. “I came here hoping something might make sense. I felt like I couldn’t figure out who I was. I know I’m me, but I don’t know what I really want. Or who I even am.”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of at all. A lot of people don’t know *who* they are, sometimes not for awhile. And often having a permanent understanding of that isn’t always the case, either. It’s not abnormal. People grow and change.”

He shook his head. “I’m afraid if Barbie knew that she’d be disappointed in me.”

“Why would she be?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Is it that maybe you’re disappointed in yourself, Ken?”

He raised his head a little now, looking up at you through wet lashes. “Maybe?” His voice cracked fully and he began sobbing, holding his face in his hands.

You placed your hands on either side of his face. “Ken, my love, can I see your face?”

He kept his face hidden, his shoulders shaking a little.

“Why are you feeling disappointed in yourself? You ever had a lot happen in a short amount of time. I’m not sure how quickly time works in Barbieland, but here, things can take a long time. A really long time, sometimes. And that’s normal.”

He pulled his hands away a little and you took the opportunity to pull them away from his face, his blue eyes oceans of emotion.

“Hey there, handsome. Now I can see you,” You cooed, and you got the tiniest glint of a smile from him.

He sniffed again. “I’m just worried.”

“About?”

“I’m so scared to lose you.” His voice cracked again. “I feel like I’ll stop breathing or something. And I feel like somehow that’s…wrong? Like I feel as though Barbie would say it is wrong.”

“Would Barbie say that? And even if she did, why would that matter, my sweet?”

Ken pondered this for a moment. “I’ve tried so hard to move on, and I have moved on, and it’s because you make me feel…insane things, y/n.” He exhaled those last words out as if doing so would nail them into you, that you’d understand without him having to explain further.

You nodded, cradling his face in your hands, and he automatically kissed your palm before nuzzling his face into it like always.

“You make me feel like I am someone,” he whispered, gulping before finishing his thought, “you make me feel whole.”

You leaned your forehead into his, and he lowered his eyes again, embracing the feeling of you close to him, watching as his tears dripped off his face and onto his lap.

“You are someone, Ken. And even if you don’t know exactly who that is yet, that’s okay. You’re someone to me.”

Ken sobbed and buried his face in your neck again, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, tracing little shapes into his back, something you had recently learned made him feel relaxed.

His breathed shuddered as he tried to regain control over his tears. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorr-“

“No, Ken, you don’t get to be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I don’t know where I belong without you.”

“You don’t have to,” You soothed. “I’m here, and I like feeling like I belong to you.”

He pulled back now, your eyes gazing into his as he searched you for any sign of dishonesty.

“You feel like you belong to me?” He breathed.

“I feel like we belong to each other.” You pushed some hair that had fallen into his face.

“Yeah?” A light breeze danced around the two of you, and you brushed away a fresh set of Ken’s tears that appeared when you nodded.

His crying felt less from a source of pain and more as a form of relief now, and you held him close to you and pressed kisses onto his hair as he experienced his release.

“I’ve felt so stressed for so long,” he revealed.

“About us?”

“Yes. That you’ll get tired of me, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He sat up a little straighter and you leaned forward to kiss him, and he noticed right away and closed the distance himself as he crashed his lips into yours. The saltiness from his tears mixed with the taste of him, and you kissed him harder, wanting him to feel how much you felt for him.

“I love you, Ken,” You told him earnestly. “I want to be with you, and I want you to want to be with me.”

“I want nothing more than to be with you,” he replied, his lips still pressing into yours with sweet kisses.

“You’ll figure out everything that you’re wanting to, I promise. It takes time. And I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Ken held you and sighed into your mouth, hand resting on the back of your head to keep your mouth against his, kissing you passionately.

“How can I make sure you feel loved?” You breathed in-between his kisses.

“Anything you do makes me feel loved.”

You leaned your full bodyweight into him, encouraging him to lay back on the towel. The sun had begun to set, and the sea breeze tickled your skin a little as it began to cool down outside.

You straddled Ken’s torso and leaned over to look into his eyes. He breathed deeply and rested his hands on yours that had placed themselves on his strong chest. You began kissing him down his neck and collarbone, then down his sternum and abs, taking your time once you neared his lower torso area and his muscles clenched at your touch as he let out a soft moan.

You tugged his shorts down enough to pull his member free and began slowly began pumping him as he hadn’t fully hardened yet, and one of his long arms reached to grip onto your wrist as it worked him up and down to hold onto you, his eyes closing.

“What would you like, Ken?”

“I just want to love on you.” He hardened fully then and began to sit up, but your hand pressed onto his chest and instead he propped himself up on his forearms.

“Why don’t I make love to you?” You asked, moving around so you could peel off your bikini bottoms and toss them aside.

Ken smiled, eyes red from crying but shining with love for you, and pulled you closer to him. “I would love that.” He reached for your cover-up that you hadn’t taken off all day and pulled it over your head.

You smiled and positioned yourself over his cock but he reached his hand underneath to rub between your folds. “Let me get you ready first.” He sat up more now so you could hold onto his shoulders as he pressed two fingers into you and you shuddered, Ken pressing his other hand into your lower back to help you balance. “Ride my fingers, y/n,” he whispered, his eyes not leaving yours as you slowly began moving around on them, moaning.

“That’s so good,” he praised as your hips moved around and his digits sunk in deeper. “Fuck my fingers, my beautiful girl.” He curled his knuckles a little when he was deep enough to hit your g-spot and you fell into him a little, Ken’s breathing picking up with yours as you whimpered against his gentle pleasuring of you.

“My beautiful girl,” he breathed, and your arms wrapped around his neck to hold him closer to you.

“Ken,” you moaned, “I wanna pleasure you.”

He kissed down your neck. “Soon.”

“Now, please,” you almost whined. “Please, Ken.”

“Mmmmm,” he moaned against your pulse point and relented, pulling his fingers from you, and you reached down to position his cock underneath you, slowly lowering yourself on him.

Ken choked out a loud moan and shuddered, gripping your waist.

“Lay down, my good boy,” you cooed. “Let me pleasure you.”

Ken almost collapsed back onto the towel, holding your hand in his as he watched you circle your hips slowly with him inside you, both of you moaning loudly at the sensation.

“Y/n,” he begged, “please, please move.”

“I’m getting to it,” you smiled, setting your free hand on his abs to steady yourself as you began bucking your hips. Ken’s head fell back and his body tensed as you slowly fucked him, wanting him to feel everything in soft, smooth motions.

His hands flew to grip your hips when you began fucking him up and down, and his hips flew up to meet yours a couple of times, making you cry out.

“Let me hold you,” Ken said, and you nodded as he sat up and wrapped your legs around his waist then held you as he fucked up into you.

You both held each other and moaned almost incoherently to each other, and your body felt like it was exploding in fireworks, every touch from Ken electric. Ken’s heart sang every time you made a noise when he thrust into you, when you gripped him, when you called his name, your touch like a healing potion.

You came unexpectedly, your climax hitting you hard and you stiffened, shivering as Ken held you tight and fucked you through it, then stared deeply into your eyes before kissing you while he rode out his own.

You sat intertwined, gasping into each other, the only other sound being the waves crashing behind you, the sun having set during your love-making.

You saw the reflection of the moon in Ken’s eyes as he brushed hair out of your face, and smiled. He smiled back.

“Whatever we go through, we’ll get through it together, okay?” You said, and Ken confirmed his response by pulling your lips into his one more time.

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rearranging-deck-chairs · 1 month

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praxeus. episode of all time. yaz episode of all time. radiating self-assurance, showing off all the things shes learnt, wanting the doctor to see how good she is at this. at playing doctor and loving it. relishing having the keys to all places, having Secret Knowledge of Alien Things that she is in no way about to share with either jake or gabriela because where would be the rush of power in that?

jake, the (ex-)copper on a sabbatical. "except i dont go telling people im police!" give it a year or two love and youre using this (ex-)title on each of your self-found companions. which youre practicing now for with gabriela, pretty girl to forcefully introduce to her very first alien planet. well, almost.

both the girl best friends who've known each other for 5 years and one of which dies exploding, and the uncommunicative married/separated husbands who are punishing each other or themselves, one of which, again, almost dies exploding, looking like thasmin from every angle. (looking like thoschei, too, further back. because thats whats behind every picture of thasmin whichever way you cut it)

watching the identities slip and slide changing hands between all these parallels. Adam, sick astronaut, experimented on by aliens, clear doctor figure. or is he? jake, on the beach, sits where the doctor sits, saying he doesnt do emotions, admitting to being purposefully unreliable, unable to commit, disliking travelling! jake who can be summoned with a "help me". jake, who doesnt believe adam could really love him. who are we to apply this sentiment to, then? obviously, both. obviously, all.

"we didnt teleport into an active volcano!" yaz exclaims, too surprised at her own success to really be reassuring, as she holds onto her new friend's wrist, not hand, steering, directing, controlling. "im supposed to be the one saying that to you," the doctor responds, a year or three (or six, for yaz) later, when the destination is an active volcano, when in all these years theyve learnt to fly a spaceship together ("adam lang, your job is so easy!") but still havent figured out how to say the things that need saying, when one of them is dying, and the last time yaz was still pretending to be on sabbatical she knew for sure how old she was. two girls roaming.

the doctor wants so badly to figure this out, needs this win, after the identity shock of ruth, all the unanswered questions. even after the betrayal, after all the bad thats been done. "look at us, suki! two brilliant scientists, we can fix this!" whatever you did, whatever youve done, in desperation, wasnt right, but it's not the end. you can fuck it all up, and then you can help to try and unfuck as much as you can. just think. do not get carried away by fear. thats what scientist means, in the thirteenth doctor's mouth. someone who realises problems have solutions. that can be found. if you delay your frightened desperate furious reaction and just think for a second. she wishes she and suki could have worked together. she wishes they could have saved her planet as well as earth. she wishes she could have sent suki home, safe and sound, with solutions for whoever is left there, waiting for her, desperate and afraid. they will never know what happened. they will die sick and in ignorance.

adam offers himself up. hes dying anyway. they need a clinical trial and he is a suitable body to test on. makes you wonder. the master did not tell us everything, and what he didnt we'll never know, but as graham put it "i aint the fantasist round here" (detective morse, by the way, is not a reference i knew, but from wikipedia this character doesnt seem much to match jake's vibes, the master (and/or doctor) however...) what sense of duty might the child have felt? what sense of duty might the child have been talked into? or is that too patronising a way to frame it? what loyalty to her adoptive mother, a scientist and explorer, an example that still loudly resonates in 13, first-time woman, and what loyalty to her adoptive planet, people? what was life like on prehistoric gallifrey? "sparsely populated" is all we get. nothing about the possible reasons. disease doesnt seem out of the question. why did tecteun leave? "dangerous, unsophisticated space travel". why do something so dangerous? just the quest for knowledge? or was there desperation? was there fear?

"maybe," the doctor says, "i'll never know". and tecteun replies with a phrase the doctor herself has tried to leverage against yaz: the journey of a lifetime. "what do you do, 'Doctor'? pick people up, take them with you? you adopt them, use them, for reassurance, for company. theyre your experiments just as you were mine."

could she have been something else? who knows. but adam offered. and before that adam trained. and adam stepped into a rocket. and adam let himself be shot into space. scientist and explorer. and we're all full of plastic, whether we know it or not. and the doctor's a romantic. which is to say an idealist, here for the lost causes, a virus to kill the disease of our own making. infectious, and aware of it.

#rewatched praxeus :)#just bc it's 4 years old now and everyone is over it doesnt mean im gonna stop writing dumb posts abt it okay #im not over it yet #anyway yaz is so cute this episode i want to kiss her #shes so good at being the doctor <33333

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starpirateee · 2 months

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What about a prompt like this for a Drabble (you don’t have to!!) : At the summoning instead of asking for what they cherish most, the lords in black ask Steph, grace, and Pete to work for them to do their bidding, offering not only to get rid of max but things they long for in their lives: stability, freedom, power, etc. And to sweeten the deal, it’s revealed that Ruth and Richie can also be brought back to serve alongside them, reuniting them all together while getting rid of max.

Oh anon, eldritch god shenanigans are my jam! Let me see what I can do!

The way I like to picture this is that they're still (mostly) human but the lords are kinda working through them? If that makes sense? Well... At least, that's the case for the three who are still alive...

"Let me check my Christmas list…"

A large scroll unfurled itself, bouncing off the floor between the group. Covering the book. Trailing off into the infinite and unknown. Steph stared out at the walls of the gym, wondering how far they could be stretched if the rules didn't apply. The paper was still going, still expanding…

The whole universe was written out on that scroll, piece by piece. And the thing examining it was picking out one of those pieces, whichever would bring him or any of the others the most pleasure.

The others edged closer, peering at the list with great intent. Pete's back was tense against Steph's shoulder, and she could see the way he was glancing desperately between the entities to avoid staring at one for too long. That one had singled him out, called him out by surname. First names were one thing, that was just how they referred to each other, it could've been overheard… But it had called him Spankoffski. Now, it was personal.

"I know what they could give us!" It giggled, flashing a hand out and pointing at something on the list.

The others saw what it was pointing at, and erupted into a sickening chorus of gasps and giggles that forced Pete, Steph and Grace closer to each other. Grace had a hand on Steph's forearm, Steph was leaning against her like her life depended on it, and Pete was pressed up against Steph's shoulder, stiff as a board. Terror was painted across all of their faces. They'd long since passed the point of being able to hide it.

"The boy interests you, doesn't he?" The scroll-holder asked, turning his attention.

Tinky grinned and nodded. There was something fiendish glittering in his eyes. "He does! He's just like his brother!"

Steph may have only known Pete for a couple of weeks, but she didn't think he'd ever mentioned a brother. Or, at least, he'd never mentioned anyone she would class as his brother. "Pete? What's he talking about, brother?"

Pete's breath hitched, and for a moment longer than he cared to admit, he froze, staring at the Tinkerer. Ted went missing some months ago. People had had given up on him at this point. That thing knew something.

He advanced from the scroll, inching towards Pete and stopping uncomfortably close. "Teddy's been FUN to play with! Over and over and over and over! You're gonna be even MORE fun!"

Pete tried to make a protest- to say anything that would warrant rationalising his fear- but he was too afraid to speak. An unseen force was gripping at his throat, forcing him to gasp for breath.

"… Pete?"

Steph laid a hand on his shoulder. She and Grace had seen the Tinkerer vanish, and had seen Pete lose focus, but hadn't seen the fifth lord re-appear. But, Pete was still lost to them.

He started gasping for breath, and Steph and Grace shared a glance that expressed all of the concern they felt for him. They barely noticed the scroll vanish into thin air. Steph forced herself to focus, and centered herself. "What're you doing to him?"

"Here's the deal, Steph-a-nie… My brother has taken an interest in your friend. So, if you want rid of Maxwell, then you will let us in."

"What?"

"We will get rid of Maxie, but we will have to work through you."

Pete struggled beside them. Whichever invisible force was stealing his breath was pushing him harder the longer they hesitated. For all it was worth, he was trying to fight it, but it was starting to look like he was losing.

Steph's mind was racing. She understood the terms of the deal, she thought, but that would mean giving up her freedom, Grace's freedon, and even Pete's. A few words would condemn them all to a fate she didn't even want to think about.

Fuck it, anything was worth it for Pete.

"Okay, okay, fine!" She couldn't bring herself to look at Pete in this state. Her breath heaved. "Fine… Please, just let him go..!"

Pete flinched back from the thing holding him in place. Then he took his first sturdy breath in a while, and collapsed. Grace gasped the moment he hit the ground, and she and Steph backed off together. She peered over her shoulder, and both of them just stared at Pete, waiting for a sign of life.

"Do we have a deal?"

"Yes!" Grace nodded quickly.

"Sure, whatever you want!" Steph agreed, her heart aching.

The air turned cold. There was a flash that Steph couldn't identify either as part of her mind, or something that happened in reality, and then silence. Way too much silence. Silence that was broken by the sound of laughter.

Steph knew that laugh anywhere. That was the awkward chuckle that came with triumphant ideas and silly jokes and accidentally saying something stupid mid-conversation. When the biology test results came back… At the football game…

That was Pete's laugh.

And it was getting louder. More confident. Less like his, and more like something that simply came from his body. His hand shot out, digging into the polished floor and grazing the painted lines of the sports pitches. He pulled himself back up, and his chuckle devolved into something of a manic laugh, crazed and loud.

"Thank ya, Stephie!" A voice from nowhere rang out as Pete brushed a hand through his hair and opened his eyes. "Oh, I knew he'd be a delight!"

Steph's face fell. Pete's eyes were golden, shimmering with the overhead lights in the gym. A broad yet unfeeling smile was plastered onto his face. It even felt unnatural to look at, and sent a shiver down her spine.

"Oh my god…"

Grace winced behind her. "What… Happened to him?"

"Pete?"

"Ah ah, Steph-a-nie. He's ours now. And doesn't it feel wonderful, Peter?"

Pete nodded, a little less enthusiastically than his demeanour would suggest. It felt like nothing was there, that he was finally free. Free of what, he wasn't sure, but whatever it was did feel wonderful.

"Gracie…" Another one of the Lords crossed the gym floor slowly, pushing down his glasses. "It's my turn, and you're a perfect fit."

Grace looked to Steph nervously. In return, she got a slow, assuring nod, and the motion to just breathe. All of this would be over as soon as they'd gotten rid of Max. This was just a temporary dealing, one they could forget about when it was all over.

So, she nodded, took a breath, and turned her attention from Steph as the Watcher sidled up behind her and took her by the shoulders.

Steph watched on as Grace's shoulders rolled back, and she had to force herself to remember that staying calm was her best bet. Her breath wavered. Steph started to feel worse and worse for having agreed to this deal. God forbid it would've been worse if they hadn't... That was the only option they had left. Her dad had told them to summon these beings, and they had to do that to get rid of Max.

To get rid of Max... Right. Of course... This was worth it, or it was going to be. But seeing what they'd done to Pete, and by extension, what they were doing to Grace... Part of her wondered which of them would choose to single her out, and what that would look like for her.

Grace squeezed her eyes shut, biting her lip to avoid showing whatever was going on in her head. Then she seemed to be forced back into the real world with a jolt, and just like Pete, her eyes shot open. A deep purple bled into the brown, and Steph was too focused on that to realise that another of the lords was missing.

"Hello, Stephie..."

Her whole body went tense; she saw a presence in front of her and felt something at her back. The world fell away, and for the briefest moment, she thought she could smell honey.

The sweet taste filled her senses, flooding her mind over with a strange, insatiable hunger. A Desire. That need to end Max that had been dwelling in the back of her mind had grown exponentially in a matter of seconds. Now, she needed to see him departed. For good, this time.

She, Pete and Grace were on the same level as these things now. They understood far more than any person- especially any person their age- would ever even hope to understand. But there was still something missing.

"What about you? Surely the two of you want in as well..." She mused, turning to face the remaining two lords and raising an eyebrow.

"Well... We could..." Wiggly glanced towards his remaining brother. "It is feasible, is it not?"

"I believe so..." Came the answer, and then both of them rounded on the group. The pages of the book in front of them- the one they'd dug up to summon these things in the first place- started to turn themselves. The three of them stared at it until it stopped moving, and glanced at what now sat in front of them. This page was just as strange as the last, and they could barely make sense of it at first. "Ask the boy, he likely knows."

"Yes... If we are to join in on the fun, so to speak, we are going to need those old friendy-wends of yours... And for that, we will need you, Peter."

Pete looked down on the pages, keeping his place with one hand and quickly adjusting his glasses with the other. He didn't know if those were entirely necessary anymore, but at the present moment, he didn't really care either way. Being able to feel them against the bridge of his nose was one of the only things keeping him from thinking about the god doing numbers in his mind.

"Do you understand it?"

"I think so..." What it looked like to him was necromancy. Two weeks ago, he'd have said that was impossible, that nobody could be brought back from the dead. Since that had been long since proven wrong, he'd decided that the best course of action was just to go with it. Maybe he could pretend he understood long enough to placebo himself into actually understanding it. What was it Ted always stuck to? Fake it till you make it?

He hummed, glancing at the page again. "I think I've got it, yeah."

With that, he closed the cover of the book and laid his hand over the top of it, like he was about to swear himself in at court. He could feel the energy shifting from himself to the book and back again. The old pages seemed to breathe with him, heaving and falling with the motions of his chest. He knew the next question, the next place his mind had to go to. "Where are they?"

"We're closer to your theater... The girl is there. The boy ran, but you will find him with her, no doubt."

Pete nodded slowly and tried to think about the little theatre in the school. It was just down the corridor, he'd been in with Richie a few times to watch productions that Ruth was teching for. He could picture the few rows of seats, the skinny little aisle down the middle of them... And the two shadows sitting side by side on the stage. Both familiar. Both waiting for something to happen. He glanced at Steph, and then at Grace, and then slowly pulled his hand from the book. The sigil in the middle seemed to glow the same yellow that had bled into his irises.

Grace blinked the moment the colour faded out and the pentagram returned to being white. "What was that about the theater?"

"I think that's our next step... I think we're gonna pick up Ruth and Richie..."

#nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #peter parker #stephanie lauter #grace chasity #void offering #star mail #nova's tags →#teenage vessels for eldritch gods! come and get your teenage vessels for eldritch gods!#thanks for this suggestion anon #i know i say ‘legendary’ too much but this was legendary #uh... struggled with making this one sound right it had to go through my friend #but i hope you enjoy it regardless

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dontmeantobepoliticalbut · 11 months

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Revs. Jan Barnes and Krista Taves have logged hundreds of hours standing outside abortion clinics across Missouri and Illinois, going back to the mid-1980s. But unlike other clergy members around the country, they never pleaded with patients to turn back.

The sight of the two women in clerical collars holding up messages of love and support for people terminating a pregnancy “so infuriated the anti-abortion protesters that they would heap abuse on us and it drew the abuse away from the women,” recalled Taves, a minister at Eliot Unitarian Chapel in Kirkwood, Missouri, as she sat on a couch at Barnes’ stately church in this quiet suburb of St. Louis.

“I thought: ‘Whoa, these people really are not messing around.’ But then I thought, ‘Well, I’m not messing around either.’”

So when Missouri’s abortion ban took effect after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade last year, Barnes and Taves decided to fight back. Along with rabbis and ministers across several denominations, they joined a first-of-its-kind lawsuit arguing Missouri blurred the line between church and state, imposed a particular Christian idea of when life begins over the beliefs of other denominations, and threatened their ability to practice their religions.

As the nation nears the one year anniversary of the fall of Roe, the Missouri case is one of nearly a dozen challenges to abortion restrictions filed by clergy members and practitioners of everything from Judaism to Satanism that are now making their way through state and federal courts — a strategy that aims to restore access to the procedure and chip away at the assumption that all religious people oppose abortion.

In fact, many of the lawsuits are wielding religious protection laws enacted by anti-abortion state officials to target those officials’ own restrictions on the procedure.

In Indiana, a group of Jewish, Muslim and other religious plaintiffs sued over the state’s near-total abortion ban. Their argument: that it violates the Religious Freedom Restoration Act signed into law in 2015 by then-Gov. Mike Pence. A lower court judge sided with them in December and blocked the state’s ban from taking effect — the most significant win the religious challengers have notched so far.

Then, earlier this month, the Indiana judge granted the challengers class action status, meaning a win for them could apply to anyone in the state whose religion supports abortion access in cases prohibited by state law.

“Even if the Religious Freedom law was intended by Mike Pence to discriminate against people, we thought: ‘Let’s use this for good instead,’” said Amalia Shifriss, a leader of Hoosier Jews for Choice, one of the Indiana plaintiffs. “It brings me joy to think how much this must upset him.”

A Pence spokesperson characterized the lawsuit as a “pursuit to legalize abortion up to and even after birth.” They added: “It will probably strike Americans as pretty tasteless to call the latest iteration of their abortion crusade as a cause ‘for good’ and a source of ‘joy.’”

Conservatives with a history of mounting their own religious challenges to state laws dismiss the effort as doomed to fail, arguing that even if people can prove the abortion bans violate their beliefs, it won’t be enough to halt enforcement.

“As Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg explained in one Free Exercise case, the right to swing your arm ends just where the other man’s nose begins,” said Denise Harle, senior counsel with Alliance Defending Freedom, a conservative legal group that has filed briefs defending state abortion restrictions, including from faith-based challenges in Wyoming and Florida. “Even if you have religious freedom, there is a line at which you are doing actual deadly harm and destroying human life, so it’s appropriate to limit what can be done in the name of religion.”

But with oral arguments and rulings in several of the cases expected this summer and fall, other legal experts say there’s a solid chance the challengers can persuade courts to grant religious exemptions to abortion bans if not strike them down altogether.

Shlomo C. Pill, a lecturer at the Emory University School of Law who specializes in religious rights, said the lawsuits have “a strong basis and should be successful,” particularly after a series of COVID-19-related cases paved the way for more religious exemptions. Pill pointed to multiple Supreme Court decisions during the pandemic that said whenever states create secular exemptions to laws — like indoor gathering restrictions or vaccine mandates — they have to justify not offering religious exemptions as well.

“So the fact that secularly-motivated exemptions to abortion bans exist — such as for rape and incest — means the legislature could also have to offer similar exemptions for people with religious objections,” he said.

‘REAL CHUTZPA’

Most of the cases, including those in Indiana, Kentucky, and Texas, are demanding exemptions from the bans for people whose religions support abortion rights. But a few, including the lawsuits in Florida, Missouri and Wyoming, are attempting to have the bans struck down entirely.

In Missouri, the plaintiffs argue that because lawmakers put religious language in the text of the abortion ban itself and made explicit religious appeals when voting on it, they violated the Establishment Clause.

“It took real chutzpah for the legislators to voice their own religious motivations, to wantonly and shamelessly purport to know what God wants or doesn’t want and to enshrine that into law,” said Rabbi James Bennett of Congregation Shaare Emeth in St. Louis, another plaintiff in the Missouri lawsuit. “They’re entitled to their interpretation of when life begins, but they’re not entitled to have the exclusive one.”

Last week, the group faced off in a St. Louis courtroom with state officials who are pushing to have the case thrown out. A ruling could come as soon as this summer.

In Florida, clergy representing Reform Judaism, Buddhism, the Episcopal Church, the United Church of Christ and the Unitarian Universalist Church sued in state court both to overturn the state’s 15-week abortion ban, and — if that fails — to secure religious exemptions. Their case makes free speech arguments as well — claiming that state bans on “aiding and abetting” abortions are muzzling clergy members who want to offer counseling to parishioners grappling with whether to terminate a pregnancy.

In Kentucky, three Jewish women are arguing that the state’s near-total abortion ban violates their belief that life only begins when a baby takes its first breath, saying it’s preventing them from pursuing pregnancy through in-vitro fertilization.

“To have someone else’s religious belief that an embryo is a human being imposed on me in a way that’s so personal, that prevents me from growing my family, is just rude and un-American,” Lisa Berlow, the lead plaintiff in that case, said in an interview. Berlow had one child through IVF and was planning to have another before Dobbs made her and her fellow plaintiffs fear prosecution. “Discarding non-viable embryos could now be criminalized, or I could miscarry and not know what type of medical care I would get or whether I would be investigated for causing the miscarriage,” she said.

The Satanic Temple is in federal court challenging abortion bans in Texas, Idaho and Indiana, arguing that the laws infringe upon their congregants’ belief in bodily autonomy and right to practice abortion as a religious ritual. A Texas District Court ruled against the Satanists last fall, saying they didn’t prove the need for a temporary restraining order blocking enforcement of the ban against its members. The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals is poised to rule on the challenge in the coming weeks.

These cases are unlikely to restore abortion rights at the federal level given the weaker religious rights protections in the U.S. Constitution compared to many state constitutions as well as the federal judiciary’s rightward tilt.

Elizabeth Reiner Platt, director of the Law, Rights, and Religion Project at Columbia Law School, stressed that the Supreme Court has a record of protecting the religious rights of some groups and not others, pointing to its back-to-back decisions in 2017 upholding the right of a Christian baker to refuse to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding and allowing the right of the Trump administration to deny entry to travelers from majority-Muslim countries.

“While I don’t like to read the tea leaves, I don’t have any hope that the current Supreme Court would, after ruling that there was no due process right or privacy right to abortion, would find a right under the Free Exercise Clause or the Establishment Clause,” Platt said.

Still, she and other legal experts see the state-level religious challenges as one of the best chances abortion-rights advocates have to chip away at bans on the procedure.

“The arguments are quite powerful for creating religious exemptions in the reproductive context under First Amendment doctrine and under state laws for Free Exercise,” said Micah Schwartzman, director of the Karsh Center for Law and Democracy at the University of Virginia Law School. “What Judges do with them is another story.”

In order to succeed, these lawsuits must prove: that the right to an abortion is central to the religious practices of the people suing; that they are sincere in their beliefs and have a track record of observing them; and that state abortion bans make it impossible for them to live according to their faith.

The cases challenging abortion restrictions in their entirety face an additional hurdle: proving that state officials stepped over the line separating church and state in crafting the bans.

“We have a really strong Establishment Clause argument because it’s clear that these bills were passed for religious reasons,” said Marci Hamilton, a professor of constitutional law at the University of Pennsylvania who is part of the legal team representing clergy in Florida. “The 15-week bill was signed in a church and members of the state legislature repeatedly referred to God when arguing why this had to be done.”

Other experts are skeptical, however, of the strength of these arguments.

“There are a million-and-one other explanations a state could give for their abortion restrictions,” Pill said. “They could argue it’s a matter of secular conscience, for example. And once you have any kind of secular justification, an Establishment Clause argument becomes more difficult.”

For their part, the states defending their abortion laws and the conservative legal groups supporting them have to prove that they have a compelling interest — unrelated to religion — in protecting fetal life, that they’re using the least restrictive means to protect that interest, and that the challengers’ claims are speculative and premature because none of them have actually sought an abortion or been blocked from obtaining one since the laws took effect.

“I think these are much more like political stunts than they are viable court cases,” said Lori Windham, a vice president and senior counsel at the Becket Fund, the legal firm behind the Hobby Lobby case that secured a Supreme Court ruling allowing many employers to opt out of covering certain forms of birth control for their workers due to a religious objection. “You can have a sincere political belief or policy preference, and it can be passionate and deeply held, but that doesn’t make it a religious practice.”

CITING SCRIPTURE

Judges have historically avoided questioning the sincerity of someone’s religious beliefs, but Becket and other groups have filed amicus briefs that do so.

To combat these accusations, the challengers point to scripture that lays out a case for abortion rights as well as support from religious leaders for their claims.

The Jewish challengers in Kentucky cite religious texts including the Mishnah that say life begins when a baby takes its first breath, not when it is conceived, and if medical issues arise during pregnancy, the pregnant person’s life “comes before the life of [the child].” They also submitted to the court letters from rabbis arguing that current state exemptions for life-threatening medical emergencies aren’t enough, saying Jewish law permits, and in some cases requires, an abortion when there is “a risk of poverty, abuse, addiction, or mental illness.”

The case challenging Missouri’s ban cites the United Church of Christ’s vote in 1971 to acknowledge the right to abortion and members’ “autonomy to determine what happens to their own bodies,” as well as the Episcopal Church’s “long-standing opposition” to any government attempt to infringe on reproductive choices.

“There’s a tendency to see these cases as kind of a clever, legal switcheroo. Like, here’s a way to take these laws that are often thought of as very conservative and use them to protect abortion rights,” Platt said. “But the idea of reproductive rights as a religious liberty issue is absolutely not something that came from lawyers. It’s how faith communities themselves have been talking about their approach to reproductive rights for literally decades.”

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strawbxrryanime · 2 months

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accidental (fuck)up - 2005 takemichi x service!reader

You were a service person, he was unknowingly your patient. The person that signed up, thing is he almost seemed awkward the first time he met you. Like he did not expect such a pretty being to lead him to the service room, almost like he wasn't the guy who really signed up. But it's fine anyway. 2005 Takemichi was fine with it anyways, after all he was being led to the shower as he turned it on and washed himself off.

You, somehow, didn't really know that it was a mishap. But yet, you still regularly continued your service. Putting on your usual bunny outfit as you slowly make your way towards the shower. You smirk in the shower door, holding it, the mist warming up the door. "May I come in?~" You said, smirking with a voice. 2005 Takemichi was mustering up the courage to open the door, he now knows what has happened. A mishap in between, the person he accidentally was impersonating, was a client of something much more.

Slowly, 2005 Takemichi opened up the door, and there you saw his body. Muscular, with ruffled hair, smooth skin, and your main one-way ticket into a good time. You smirked as you entered in the shower with him, he's trembling, you suppose it was maybe the shower temperature. The session was on, and 2005 Takemichi seemed more submissive than you may think. Although, he looks like he could dom you up in just a little while.

You slowly take off your outfit to be stripped bare as he gulped. You engulfed his lips with a kiss as the water ran through your body, your hair being soaked as it drips down both your faces. "Ahem.. this is actually my first time..." 2005 Takemichi quivered, you seemed unamused as you slowly bent over. "See.." You said, as you pointed towards your haven to him. "This is where you stick your wincy limp dick." You menacingly said, leaving 2005 Takemichi crumbling down.

He took a few deep breaths, to be honest, he wasn't as tough as he was applying in. I guess your client was good with his words, but weird with his sex play. 2005 Takemichi quivered and let out a big groan as he slowly inserts it inside of you, making you feel things. You let out a little moan as you gripped onto the wet shower floor. He begun to thrust, he's loud with his groans and moans, he's so quivery as he sloppily thrusts slowly inside of you.

"Go back.." You say, but 2005 Takemichi was mind drawn. "Back I say!~" You move your ass all the way down so his body hits the glass shower wall, shoving his cock all the way in making you moan out loud as you suddenly start to move your ass back and forth his cock, as 2005 Takemichi just kept groaning and moaning. You roll your eyes, but then to moan again as his cock hits your right spot. You start to bounce your ass back and forth down his cock even faster, tightening up your walls as your hole sucks him all the way in.

"FUCKKK!~" He would cry out, tears would be all over his face, as his grunts slowly turn into more and more growls. Until, he grabs a hold of your ass mindlessly. Pushing you forwards the shower head as you screamed out. "WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!~" You cry out. 2005 Takemichi was mindless, as he grips your ass as you cry out, as he thrusts deeply and fastly, pounding you even faster as you cry out and moan. 2005 Takemichi is growling by the sight of domming you, his moans turn into quick groans as he keeps plowing through you.

"FUCK FUCKKK!~" You cry out. "DADDY RUTH!~" You yell out, thinking that was his name. "MY NAME ISN'T RUTH!~" 2005 Takemichi said. "WAIT WHAT?!~" You cry out, as he thrusts and pounds even more harder. "IT'S TAKEMICHI!~" 2005 Takemichi cries out, as he pounds through the last rounds, skin-slapping noises echoing around in the shower as he cums deeply inside of you, his warm hot cum enveloping in your insides as you scream out.

"Tch.. I can't even believe you lied to me..." You said in between pants. "So, where is... my client then?" You cried out. "AND YOU EVEN CAME IN ME!~" You yell out to 2005 Takemichi, as he smirks. "You at least enjoyed it though... did you not?~" He smirked, and that was completely true. You did enjoy it. But you try your best not to say anything. You began to get ontop of Takemichi amongst the shower floor, the shower glistening your body with water as you were on top of him.

"I'm going to make you cum your brains out~" You cry out. "Mister.. Takemichi.." You collapse hard on his cock, your hole quickly sucking him in leaving him in moans and screams. You start to lean back as you make 2005 Takemichi view his cock being used out of his control, as you start to bounce on his dick. Using his cock, crushing his ballsack between his very eyes as he laid his head back and groaned, practically screaming his moans.

You began to moan hard too, he was indeed hitting your right spots, you can't stay angry at him forever. "SHUT UP!~" You growled at him, as he moaned and screamed again. You began to put it down more heavy on him, going as fast as you can. TIghtening up your walls as his cock hits your right spots every time until he pumps his hot, warm, sticky cum inside of you again.

You placed him in a mating press position, but this time, you took control over this asshole. Wrapping your legs around his back and controlling how deep he should put his cock inside of you, and how fast he'll pound your succulent hole. "A-AAAGH!~" 2005 Takemichi yelled out again as you pressed your legs around his back forcing him to shove his cock deep inside of you. You moaned out, as you attempt to shut him up by yelling at him.

You start pumping up your legs like a leg workout as his ballsack would constantly slam against your ass, cock inside succulent hole, hitting all the right spots, accompanied by screams of ecstasy. You kept pressing and pumping up even more of his thrusts, going faster and faster. "FUCKKK!~" 2005 Takemichi yelled out. "AAAH!~ AAAAAAH!~" He would continue to yell out, as you groan and moan and grit your teeth as you pumped your legs even harder, pounding noises echoing across.

"I'M CU-" 2005 Takemichi's eyes roll in pleasure as his explosive cum spurts out and sprays out of his cock filling you up even more. As he laid there quivering on the shower floor, water still running as you turned it off. 2005 Takemichi let alone wasn't even responding anymore, as he lay there, shaken, eyes rolled and mouth open to a smile. Still trembling. As you'd walk out of the shower room, getting dressed as you muttered.

"Tch.. asshole.."

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localvoidcat · 8 months

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you should tell us about the character misinterpretation...

i was just thinking about. how so many character portrayals surrounding the characters in this series tend to veer towards family dynamics or extremely close friends that would do anything for each other. and im gonna go into both of these. and also the view of characters being seen as girlbosses and all that but thats been talked about a lot so ill be short with that. im putting this under the cut because its just me ranting LMAO. none of these are directed at anyone since i think most of my mutuals seem to get it but this is just in general

im gonna give a disclaimer that theres a very good chance i could be wrong about these, this is mainly based on my own view of some of the character themes/dynamics and how they're framed in-story, i haven't gone back and reviewed canon sufficently enough to be correct on this. with that said i need to be a hater for a bit 👍

i think the family thing. just does not make a lot of sense to me when it comes to like 80% of the dynamics i've seen. literally the ONLY one i understand is thatcher and adam because like. obviously an older character calling a younger character "kid" and helping them out and all that would lead to those characters being seen as having a mentor/trainee or father/son dynamic. i get that. that makes sense ALTHOUGH i will say that i don't think it's quite as simple as that but i wouldn't even know how to explain

but a lot of the time when it comes to other characters. i do not understand how they could be seen as a family dynamic with the knowledge we have of the characters now. like sarah being seen as an older sister figure to bps (which. does not make sense considering she's younger than at least one of them) or like. the mandelatech employees being seen as having any kind of family dynamic (that one just. does not make any sense to me. i feel like the only reason for that is because it's, again, an older character and a younger character that hang out but i cannot see them as uncle/niece or whatever else they are. those are coworkers to me but maybe that's just my view). there's also the idea of the remaining four survivors being seen as a general family thing and i cannot wrap my head around that at all. it makes sense for thatcher and adam as i said in the previous paragraph but it doesn't make sense for characters like sarah or evelin i cannot understand that in the slightest. again this may just be my own personal view

and then the thing with a lot of characters being close friends. this one i can kind of understand because obviously when characters are canonically friends you want to view them as being good friends. which makes sense in a lot of other things but i think with tmc in particular. a recurring theme (outside of characters like sarah and evelin or thatcher and ruth. both of those seem to be character duos that don't have issues in their relationship) is that a lot of these friendships are not good for one or both parties, whether that's a realized thing or not. again, i get how it's a lot more fun to see them as being close but i feel like viewing them as strictly close friends that only have good views on each other or as characters that would really care much about another's death in a very impactful way is kind of undermining the whole point in a lot of these dynamics.

tl;dr: while it's fun to imagine characters as having a family dynamic or as even just having a healthy friendship, as is mainly prevalent in fanon, i don't think that can be applied to canon without ignoring parts of a character/their reactions to things and their story.

final thing i'm going to touch on is something that has been talked about in SEVERAL fandoms by people that could articulate it way better than more. but i personally have a very strong vendetta about immediately labeling a female character as a girlboss or anything like that and not establishing their character beyond that. ESPECIALLY when it doesn't even line up with the character as a whole. most of the time it just feels like a binary where a girl character HAS to be labeled as a girlboss or a girlfailure or whatever other label there is regardless of whether or not they actually fit that. it's understandable to lightly joke about that (like evelin being referred to as the latter. in that case it makes sense to use that in reference to her but using that as the only defining part of her character limits her to that) but when it's used as the ONLY way those characters can be described it just becomes annoying to an extent

even for characters like ruth who we don't know a lot about, there's more to her than just. i don't know. being the singular braincell (which tends to be the view of female characters when it comes to one girl in a group of guys. which i cannot stand) or being the girlboss or being the strong one of the three and nothing else.

for the last paragraph i will admit that the majority of my talking about ruth tends to revolve around her dynamic with her friends, but there's absolutely more to her character outside of that or just being the dead character (even though her death absolutely serves as a driving factor for thatcher's character arc and other things). she does not exist solely for that group dynamic or just to be the dead character she has more depth outside of that and she has so much more depth than just being labeled as a "girlboss" and nothing else.

anyways. this was mainly just me going on a rant towards the end but i just needed to verbalize these thoughts before i exploded nothing i say is canon or the interpretation everyone else has to have this is me yelling into the void. okay goodbye 👍

#tmc #sorry i think i turned into some manner of beast halfway through this. anyways #probably got character info wrong but i hope the majority of this makes sense

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disregardcanon · 3 months

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npmd nbc's community au

these aren't exact roleswaps or anything, more approximations

Grace as Shirley

Max as Troy

Pete as Annie

Richie as Abed

Ruth as Britta

Steph as Jeff

Ziggy as Duncan

grace is in her mid-twenties instead of her thirties, but she still has kids. we're going with a four year old and a two year old. she recently left her her husband because he's trying to go like... fundamentalist as opposed to her very evangelical roots. think quiverful and stop being active in community life shit. and grace is like??? uh... no? we are having Four Children and i have Very Important Things to Do and When Our Kids Are In Grade School I'm Going Back to School and Into the Workforce, jerk? (the jerk is gabe.)

she decides to divorce him and is suddenly... a single mother with two young children and no work experience. oh boy. mark and karen aren't HAPPY about her divorcing her husband, but they also trust her judgement and aren't actually from the very patriarchal and Procreation Is the Only Way to Honor God school of fundies. the chastities only have one kid, after all, and for all their faults... they seem like a loving couple. i dunno. i'm giving them the benefit of the doubt on this one.

so grace, mother of two and recent divorcee, enrolls in greendale community college and moves back in with her parents, who help her take care of the kids.

steph- as jeff. this is not because the names rhyme but that IS kind of funny. she's in her mid twenties and just got disbarred for Not Having A Law Degree, How the FUCK Did You Fake That?!?!?!?!? hint: her dad is a lawyer both before and after becoming the mayor and steph is very good at just. making shit up and trying to sound like she knows what she's talking about.

she ran away from home late in high school and slowly built up a life for herself and a job and a string of partners that she couldn't really connect with because, huh. maybe lying about your age and your schooling and your everything makes it difficult to connect with people emotionally? who woulda thought.

her friend ziggy is a professor at the school and is able to get her in, and she realizes that since she's actually here. in school. she has to figure out how to scrape by. a... study group? maybe? ugh. she hates that idea.

pete- as annie edison. he's 20 years old and still trying to cling to his high school dreams by his teeth. unlike annie edison, he was bullied extensively, but JUST like annie edison he was very successful in high school and a lot of that was because of misuse of stimulant medications.

due to an overdose during high school finals week, he's able to graduate but lost his spot as valedictorian because he got zeroes on his finals and final projects due to missing it. he also did not get to walk at graduation because he was. hospitalized. as the doctors tried to figure out how to wean him off these things and deal with the interactions between his diabetes and a constant misuse of stimulants for over a year.

rehab took almost a year, and his parents are so unpleasant about his failures and the fact that he lost out on all these amazing schools he applied to for getting caught that they can't even. be kind about him recovering at all or getting into community college SO that he can go to a university like he hoped. it gets so nasty with his parents that he packs it up and moves onto ted's couch, which at least. is better than being guilted for breathing at home.

HE is the first one that steph approaches about a study group, but not as much because she wants to sleep with him (like jeff and britta) as because he seems like he'd do her homework for her and "a group" that's only them will make sure he doesn't think this is a DATE but also if she doesn't look for anyone else she doesn't have to deal with that.

ruth- as britta, but she's the one who least easily maps onto her character. a lot of that's because britta is a lot less well written than the others? the big thing we're going with for ruth is that she's done a LOT but she's been unsuccessful with stuff. protests, relationships, acting career, community organizing, relationships. she's in her early thirties and back in her hometown trying to take care of some gen eds so she can get licensed to teach acting and make some kind of consistent money.

she is VERY horny, she is actually quite talented, and now that she's not a bullied high schooler anymore she is actually super hot. that's the reason that when she says she wants to join the "study group" when she overhears steph pitching it to pete steph decides to actually go with it. (they have an on again off again thing for a while but it doesn't really work out. steph and ruth end up making each other MORE insecure and really digging into each other's tender spots.)

richie- as abed! he has so much autism! he draws manga and relates to the world through anime! he decides to attach himself to steph very early on because he's like "now that's an anime protagonist right there ladies and gents" and she's like i don't know what that means. and he's like!!!!!!! YOU!!!!!! iT MEANS YOU!!!!!!! his relationships with everyone becomes the heart of the story and he is NOT a loser.

max- as troy. he took a terrible fall right before his team went to state. they probably would have won if he was playing, but he wasn't. so they lost. he was injured so badly that he spent a month in a wheelchair, a few months on crutches and then a long time in physical therapy. he kept thinking that maybe (maybe!) he could still play college ball and trying to pitch himself to schools desperately over the summer, but he can't and his grades were shit. so he was only able to get into greendale.

he doesn't still do physical bullying (largely because he's still shaky from his injury) but he is VERY mean and joins the study group for two reasons: grace decided to insert herself into the situation and he thinks it's really hot she turned him down and is older, and two: he knows he won't make it through this community college thing by himself. he doesn't have any leeway anymore from being a sports star and he knows he's bad at school.

pete doesn't want to let him in because they went to high school together (like annie and troy) but max was his bully instead of his far off crush. so he's like yeah no thank you i am not interested in this. if he's here i'm leaving. and the whole rest of the group knows that he's going to pull them through this by the teeth so they're like maxwell jagerman if you do not Make Amends to that boy we aren't gonna let you sit at our lunch table. he's almost ready to see if he can just bully someone else into tutoring him instead, but then grace gets flirty like If You Repent Maybe I willllll go for you. so he tries to make things better and they become A Study Group

slowly, he starts to grow as a person and open himself up to having fun and being kind. he and grace have a romantic entanglement that the whole group just HATES that eventually dies, and then he and richie get into a Whatever Troy and Abed have going on. i think it's qpr but interpret how you wish

ziggy is a botany professor and what? of COURSE they're not growing weed in the greenhouse to sell to emma perkins and her dispensary. hahaha you've got this all wrong they are an UPSTANDING professor of an UPSTANDING subject! which does not include marijuana!

grace and ruth, actually, eventually end up together after their entanglements with max and steph respectively. ruth is amazing with grace's kids? and she's also very very sexy and their roleplay helps grace feel... less bad about herself and her desires? she works through some internalized hatred for both having sexual desire and being bi and ruth both finds it all very attractive and is mature enough to help her through it? they both have The Life Experience that max jagerman and his very limited emotional intelligence... did not

steph and pete keep accidentally being attracted to each other and getting VERY upset about it because that is a guy that wears bow ties and is still so tightly wound he might snap and that's a girl who cheated her way through two degrees and a bar exam. the age difference is a little less than jeff and annie since i aged pete up a little and steph down a little, but it is still VERY weird and they cannot figure out if either of them even want to be in a relationship or if it would be good for them or what. but by god do they keep gravitating towards each other. and each time they collide again they're a little more compatible (I NEVER WANTED YOU AAANNNYYYWAAAYY)

#npmd #npmd aus #hatchetfield #nbc community #stephanie lauter #ruth fleming #grace chastity #max jagerman #richie lipschitz #peter spankoffski

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mickstart · 2 years

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Honestly the most important thing to remember about uni is. You will fuck it up in the first few months. Everybody will. Not one person is going to survive the first semester of uni without at least one memory that taught them a vital life skill but makes them cringe just to think about. I bought crisp and tuna and beans and a pizza and thought that was a weeks shop, I had no idea how to take care of my bathroom or how to pack. My flatmate took a guy home to her flat, thought his name was John when it wasn't, and started singing beatle songs at him and then threw up on him. SOMEBODY in your dorm will set the fire alarm off at 3am and learn that drunkenly baking fish fingers is Not It.

All you need to remember is that it's okay to make these mistakes. They are not life changing. They're really what uni is all about, it's like a soft-landing in adulthood where there's a safety net when you stumble. All this information probably seems like a lot, and it is! But there's not a test, and there's not somebody to yell at you when you make mistakes. I learned to cook all my own meals, I can clean a bathroom from top to bottom and pack up my room in 3 hours. My flatmate learned her alcohol tolerance. Ruth from the other block learned to order pizza when she was drunk.

Just. There's a learning curve. It looks incredibly steep. Any time you find yourself panicking ask yourself "am I still going to be upset about this in 3 months? 6 months? a year?" and 9/10 times the answer will be no.

Also this applies doubly if you have a disability or some other circumstance that's going to make uni look a little "different" or difficult for you. Everyone is learning their own skills at their own pace.

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jungk0oksthighs · 2 years

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Over The Odds | Surprise

Pairing - jungkook x reader

Genre - smut, angst, fluff, ceo!jungkook, sugardaddy!jungkook

Word count - 5.7k

You’re offered a life changing opportunity

warnings: mentions of mental health illnesses, mental health facility, toxic family members, oral sex (f receiving), passionate prone bone sex, soft jk & oc

FULL SERIES COLLECTION

Jungkook’s home has become your safe haven, a place to escape reality and catch a moment of breathing space when life gets tough. The familiar scent of musk and vanilla adds a certain nostalgia to the air, you miss him, he’s at work a lot of the time but has given you free reign of his place whenever sleeping in Jimin’s bed proves too much for you. It’s been one month since Ruth’s arrest, one month since Jennie had also been taken into police custody for her part in all of this too. Finally, fucking finally you’re beginning to feel like a ginormous weight has lifted from your shoulders.

Telling your parents what your sister had done was no easy task, your mum broke down in floods of tears and blamed herself: ‘maybe I raised her the wrong way’, ‘maybe I should’ve been there for her more’, and the one that stung the most, ‘I should’ve seen this coming’. Your father had a similar reaction, locking himself in his office for what felt like a lifetime to silently ponder all the parental mistakes he made, searching for the signs he overlooked before.

After a lengthy discussion with Taehyung you were advised that Ruth is probably going to be sent to a mental health institute to battle her demons rather than prison. A professional had conducted an examination on your sister, revealing that she is suffering with a collection of illnesses that alter her personality. As far as you’re aware she’s undergoing treatments and responding well to the medication, it’s hard to say for sure because you haven’t visited her yourself – only your parents have, initially to seek answers from their oldest daughter but you suspect they keep going back out of guilt.

Thankfully no legal repercussions came from Jungkook fighting with Namjoon, he’s assured you that there’s no footage of him ever being there and Taehyung has also advised that if anything is to creep up, he’s more than prepared for it with a catalogue of receipts proving why Joon isn’t a reliable source and any claims he makes shouldn’t be taken seriously by the law.

The hole in your heart from Namjoon’s infidelity has healed, however the betrayal of your sister is currently a working progress. If it wasn’t for Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung and Yoongi god only knows how you would be feeling right now. Things are settling down some, you’re applying for jobs left right and centre but to no avail, not yet – Jungkook has been taking care of you in every way possible: emotionally, physically, financially, despite your frequent protests telling him he doesn’t need to.

It's a Friday morning when you’re sitting in your boyfriend’s kitchen, propped up on the counter top in short silky pyjamas with a coffee in one hand and your phone in the other. You’re mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, saving a few outfit inspiration posts that catch your eye when the device rings, displaying an unknown number.

“Hello?” You answer lazily, confused.

A woman who sounds to be mid thirties replies, “Hello, good morning, is this Y/N?”

“Who’s calling please?” You frown, sipping at your steaming drink.

“My name is Linda, I work for the BBC. Just to confirm am I speaking to Y/N?”

“…The BBC?” You cock your head to one side, “Yeah this is Y/N, what can I do for you?”

“Brilliant! I’m calling today to arrange a meeting with you if possible, I work in television and we’re currently looking into a documentary on cyber crimes against women in the UK. I’m very interested in sharing your story, with your consent of course. You’re quite the celebrity these days and I think with your platform we could really shine a light on this topic and the repercussions that come from stories like yours.”

Your jaw drops, you’re frowning, eyes wide, heart quickening.

“I-,” You’re at a total loss for words, this is something that you feel so strongly about and the chance to potentially help others who have gone through similar experiences is something you’re very much interested in doing, “That sounds like something I’d be interested in doing, when can we meet?”

“How does next Thursday at 2PM sound?”

“That would be great, thank you so much for calling me…” You’re wearing a surprised smile, already excited about the prospect of this new opportunity.

“No thank you for taking my call, take care Y/N we’ll see you next week and please feel free to brainstorm any ideas you may have, we’d like you to be as involved in this project as possible.”

“Thank you, have a good day.” You end the call with a single tap of the thumb, throwing yourself off the kitchen countertop with a grin to get ready for the day ahead.

BBC want your help sharing your story about cyber crimes against women? This could open up so many doors for your career, maybe you can even make use of your business degree and turn the hellish events of this year into something much, much bigger. Your brains doing overtime when you do your hair and makeup after a quick shower, deciding today is a day for celebration. You shimmy yourself into a champagne slip dress, a recent gift from your boyfriend, and grunge it down with some converse and an oversized black leather jacket.

The paparazzi are already waiting outside Jungkook’s building for you, as they usually are these days, so you offer them a small smile and wave before making your way to Jimin’s place to tell him your surprising yet very exciting news.

“Y/N? What are you doing here it’s not even 10AM.” Jimin rubs the sleep from his eye in his matching blue pyjamas, stepping to one side to let you in.

“Good morning sunshine. The BBC just called me, they want me to be in a documentary about cyber crimes against women.” You blurt in excitement which seems to wake your best friend up as he’s grinning just as widely as you are.

“Whoa, Y/N that’s amazing! Are you gonna do it?”

“Maybe? I think it could be a good thing to help them with this?”

Jimin pulls you in for a hug in the cluttered living space, you notice there’s cardboard boxes scattered about the apartment, “I think it’s a great thing, I’m so proud of you—”

“For having sex on camera?” You chuckle against his warm neck, “No but really, I wanna raise awareness for this type of thing, I already have so many ideas to tell them.”

“What’s Jungkook said about it?” He peels back and you catch a glimpse of Yoongi over his shoulder, shuffling around in pyjamas similar to Jimin’s.

“I’m gonna tell him tonight, they only called this morning.” You smile, waving at the newest member of your small friendship circle. “What’s with all the boxes?”

At this his face drops into something guilty, he turns away from you to boil the kettle and make everybody a drink, “Uh-, Y/N…”

“What?”

“Come on let’s sit down.”

And so you do, choosing to settle on the arm chair with your freshly made herbal tea as the couple take the small sofa along the next wall. Yoongi and Jimin, or yoonmin as you’ve affectionately labelled them, are the epitome of the perfect couple. They’re great together, in the time you’ve known them as a unit you’ve learned that their personalities couldn’t be more different even if they tried. Where Jimin is loud, sometimes overbearing and outgoing Yoongi is more reserved, introverted but his one-liner jokes always have a way of catching you off guard.

“What’s going on?” You quirk a brow, heart melting when your gaze finds Yoongi soothingly rubbing small patterns on Jimin’s thigh.

“The tenancy agreement on this place runs out next month,” Jimin sighs, “So… I’m gonna move in with Yoongi, but don’t worry we’ve spoken about it and—”

“And you can move in with me too, I live in Jungkook’s building… My apartment isn’t as big or luxurious as his but I have a guest bedroom that—”

“That we can decorate and make it yours, nothing has to change I still want us to live together—”

“We want you to live with us.” Yoongi corrects his boyfriend with a content nod and gummy smile, his newly bleached silver hair falling into his eyes.

“Guys…” You’re laughing breathily, taken aback by their gesture bless their sweet souls, “Thank you, really thank you so much but… I mean I practically live at Jungkook’s anyway, I can always talk to him and see if he’s ready to take the next step in our relationship and… Yknow… If not I can go back to my parents’ house it’s no big deal.” You nervously chew your lower lip, you want to live with Jungkook, hell in a way it feels like you already do, but you don’t know if he feels the same way.

“No really you can live with us Y/N, don’t feel like you have to ask anybody else.” Yoongi guzzles the rest of his morning coffee, promptly standing from the sofa, “Anyway I’ve gotta go get changed and get to work, I’ll see you both soon.”

“I mean it Y/N you can live with us, I’ve already picked out the colour scheme of your new bedroom.” Jimin beams like a proud dad, winning you to kick your head back with a laugh.

“Aren’t I supposed to be the one who does that?”

“Well you’ve had a really traumatic six months… I thought I could lighten your burden.” He justifies with a mocking nod, hand clutching his heart.

“Ah, well thank you so much.”

“How are you doing now?”

“You mean since I saw you yesterday?” You giggle, “I’m fine.”

“No but really… How are you doing? Have you heard anything from uh-, Ruth?” He almost looks guilty when her name leaves his lips, though he has no reason to feel that way. It’s not like he was the one who betrayed you.

“My parents have been visiting her… She’s not well, but I haven’t spoken to her myself since she was arrested.”

“Are you going to speak to her?” Jimin’s question catches you off-guard, you almost drop your drink as you mull over what he’s asking of you. Do you want to see her? To speak to her? After everything she’s done?

You shake your head slowly, “Probably not, I hope she gets all the help she needs but to be frank with you I don’t want to be a part of her life anymore.”

“Understandable. So tell me more about this documentary!”

The rest of your morning is filled with Jimin trying to convince you to live with him and his partner, to which you do begin to consider it – maybe living with them would be the best thing. You’ll still be close to Jungkook, a lot closer than if you moved back into your family home, and you wouldn’t have to put a strain on your relationship by asking to move in either. It’s after a food delivery and endless conversations about the future with your bestie that you decide to head back to Kook’s apartment; excited to tell him about your new opportunity.

Back at the penthouse you’re busying yourself by hanging up Jungkook’s dry cleaning in his walk-in closet, it’s a little after six pm when the elevator chimes signalling his arrival. He looks fucking delicious today, as always, wearing grey and black checked trousers with a black shirt tucked into them, the first few buttons undone exposing his tanned skin. His hair is pushed back away from his face, flaunting his thick brows and chiselled features that soften upon seeing you when he steps inside the bedroom.

“You look…amazing baby,” His stare hungrily drags itself up the way the champagne coloured dress hugs your curves, “What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion,” You shrug, smiling when he makes his way over, “How was work?”

“Ah yknow, bit of this a bit of that… Same shit different day.” He chuckles, his expensive cologne flooding your senses when he stands behind your frame, snaking his strong arms around your waist, “Is this new? Don’t think I’ve seen you wear it before, and I’m sure I would’ve remembered...” He squeezes the material of your dress, peppering your neck with dainty kisses.

“Mhm, my boyfriend bought me it last week actually.” You hum amused, trying to ignore the way your stomach knots with each of his little touches as you hang up the last of his suit jackets.

“Ahh, now I remember. He has good taste.”

“Well I guess there is kind of an occasion,” You loll your head to one side, granting him further access to your sensitive skin, his dark bangs tickle the flesh of your earlobe, “I’ve been asked to help the BBC with a documentary they’re doing on cyber crimes against women.”

“What?” He pulls his head back, spinning you in place until the swell of your breasts are flush with his toned chest, “That’s… Y/N that’s incredible, are you gonna do it?” His eyes are trained to yours, his smile genuine and brightening up the otherwise dark room.

To this you lift your shoulders, “Maybe? I mean I want to, it’s a topic not enough people talk about. I have a meeting with them next week to discuss it properly.” His hands find purchase on your waist, gripping you tightly.

“Well whatever you decide to do you have my full support, I know things have been rough for you and if this is a way for you to get closure and take control of the situation then I’m all for it.”

You hadn’t even thought about it like that, maybe sharing your story and what you went through with the video leak will be good for you, therapeutic even. Maybe it will give you closure, discussing your emotions and shining a light on the repercussions of revenge porn. You bring your arms to his broad shoulders, lightly grazing your manicured fingertips on the nape of his neck, winning a content sigh to fall from your boyfriends lips.

“You know I could get used to this.” He rests his forehead against yours with a breathy chuckle.

“Don’t destroy this one and I’ll wear it more often then.” You giggle, pressing your lips to his in an open-mouthed kiss.

“Mm, you know that I’m not talking about the dress,” He hums against you, your teeth almost clink together because of how much you’re both smiling, “I meant you being here when I get back from work.”

“I’m pretty much always here now.” You kiss him again, this time swiping your tongue over his lips earning yourself another sigh. He walks you backwards out of the closet until your knees hit the foot of his bed, his mouth never leaving yours when the kiss deepens into something more…desperate.

“I’m just saying,” You can feel how hard he’s already getting against your abdomen, his voice is husky and deep with seduction, yet quiet against your lips, “Maybe you should bring more things here, I like that you’re here a lot.”

“A little too much apparently.” You snake a hand down to cup his length, he hisses before shaking his head in disbelief with a smile.

“You’re such a fucking brat.”

“Mhm, I get that quite often.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe you should learn how to behave then.” Your back hits the mattress with a small ‘oomf’ from your end when he pushes you onto the bed, crawling on top of you and caging you in with his muscular arms.

“Maybe.” You repeat with a smirk, hands gliding to his shirt buttons where you get to work in undoing them, “But maybe you secretly like that I’m such a brat.”

“It’s not much of a secret at this point now, is it?” He smashes his lips to yours in a series of lewd frenzied kisses that has you weak at the knees embarrassingly fast. You quickly rid him of his shirt, fingernails tracing the intricate patterns of his body art.

A small whine escapes you when he holds your hands above your head with one of his, pinning you in place. His other gets to work on hiking your dress up until the material pools your middle, exposing the pretty purple lacey thong you decided to wear today. He licks the shell of your ear before taking it between his teeth.

“Jungkook…” You breathe, desperate to feel more of him.

“Sometimes I forget how sensitive you are...” He murmurs, repeating his previous action until your hips are buckling up into his in search of friction. Thankfully he recognises your neediness and two inked fingers find their way to the waistband of your underwear, playfully twanging it, you can feel him smirking against your neck.

“Please…” You whimper, hands struggling against his hold.

He pulls back to sit on his knees, searching for the zipper of your dress. Your hands are finally free but you freeze, body tensing up as you stop him. You haven’t been completely naked in front of him, sober, in a very long time. Every time you’d been intimate with him you’d found a way to keep your lingerie on, or wore something with easy access that didn’t need removing completely. You still feel insecure about your body ever since it was publicly exposed.

“No-, stop.” You prop yourself up on your elbows, Jungkook stops in his tracks immediately with big brown doe eyes zoned in on your face.

“Are you okay?” He’s worried, but you’re distracted by the way his muscles flex under the dim lighting of his bedroom.

“Yeah yeah,” You nod quickly to reassure him, “Just leave the dress on please.”

“Y/N…” His brows are knitted together in confusion, “Why?”

At this you sigh, somewhat under pressure, “I just don’t feel-, please?”

“Baby…” His voice is low and quiet, he’s gripping your thighs gently, “You’re perfect, you know that right? So fucking perfect.” He lowers his mouth to your open thighs, gently sucking the flesh between a series of licks and kisses, winning a soft moan from you. “I love you so much baby…”

“I love you too.”

“Do you trust me?” His breath is warm against your skin as he slowly makes his way up to your underwear.

“You know I do.” You whisper, lying flat on your back against the bed sheets.

“Then please… Don’t cover up this beautiful body of yours…” He takes your lingerie between his teeth, playfully pulling it back. A groan erupts from your chest when he licks at your barely clothed clit, his hooded eyes are glued to yours, “I wanna see all of you, I wanna feel all of you… You’re perfect, so fucking perfect.”

“Please touch me Jungkook…”

You’re twisting the sheets beneath you when he hooks his fingers into your panties, dragging them down your legs painfully slow before you’re kicking them off the bed. He’s taking his time with you tonight, littering your folds with small kisses before finally he takes your clit between his lips and sucks gently.

“Fuck,” You throw your head back, body feeling ten million times hotter than it did when he first got back.

“You like that baby?” He hums, proud, flattening his tongue against your sensitive bundle of nerves where he traces small, familiar patterns – the same patterns he always does, making you come undone every time without fail, “You like it when I eat you out like this?”

“Mmm, yeah I do…” You push your core up to meet his mouth, his tongue massages your clit rhythmically.

He shifts on the bed, laying flat on his toned stomach as he continues to lap up your growing arousal. You’re growing wetter and wetter by the minute, the lewd noises of his mouth against you fill the otherwise quiet atmosphere and heat spreads your abdomen.

“Keep going.” You mewl.

“Take your dress off for me baby,” Jungkook’s stare is fuelled by nothing other than lust, “Please, you don’t need to hide from me Y/N.”

Lazily your fingers find the zipper and soon you’re pulling the champagne silk off your figure, exposing your matching purple bra which is sheer enough to see your nipples through it. You’re too turned on to feel insecure, Jungkook groans at the sight of your exposed body, burying his face between your folds with a new found determination.

“And your bra.” He mumbles.

Within minutes you’re completely naked and spread wide for your boyfriend, he’s eating you out so passionately and so messily that you’re already close to seeing stars. You yell something that sounds like his name when his arms reach up to your bare breasts, thumbing and rubbing your nipples, his touch featherlight but has you a writhing mess within minutes.

“You taste so fucking good baby.” He moans. The sound vibrates against you until it reaches your insides, adding to your growing orgasm while he speeds up his ministrations.

“Jungkook, fuck-“ You’re a panting mess, rolling your hips against his face. You peer down at him, it’s like he’s hypnotised by your pussy, suckling it so hard and perfectly in sync with the way he’s pinching your nipples. After a few particularly harsh licks and flicks of his tongue you welcome the white hot heat that threatens to spill, fingertips flying to his raven locks where you pull him impossibly closer, “There, oh my g-, right there, don’t stop! I’m gonna! Don’t stop!”

And he doesn’t, keeping the pace even until you’re empty hole is convulsing, pulsating as you cream all over his mouth and chin with a deafeningly loud moan. As always he helps you ride out your high, slowing his movements when he laps up every last drop of your come while you try and steady your heaving breaths.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, I love watching you come for me...” He exhales, gaze lost in yours. The way he looks at you as he crawls on top of your frame should be illegal, a shaky sigh leaves your lips when his come down to meet them, swallowing your pleas to be fucked. Your arousal lingers on his tongue, the taste swirls against yours and floods your senses.

“Please fuck me, please…please…” You whine.

He falls weak to you begs, quickly ridding himself of his checked pants and boxers, roughly gripping the bend of your waist, “Turn over.” He orders, voice low and dangerous.

You obey, rolling onto your front until your breasts mould against the mattress. Jungkook spreads your legs with his knees before lowering his body onto yours, holding his weight with his arms. He’s kissing your back, his multitalented tongue darting out with kittenish licks on your bare skin.

“Jungkook please.” You whine into the pillow, turning your face to the side.

“What do you want baby? Tell me.” His voice is merely a whisper.

“I want you to fuck me…” You gnaw your lower lip with desperation growing between your already shaky legs.

At this he lines himself up with your entrance, teasingly brushing his length between your sopping folds winning you both to groan in anticipation. There’s a ringing in your ears similar to white noise when he finally, agonisingly slowly, pushes every rock hard inch of himself into your core from behind.

A gasp tumbles from your lips when he rocks his hips into you, his pelvis pressing hard against the fat of your ass cheeks with each movement. He feels so big from this position, filling you up in the most devilishly good way possible. You push your ass up as much as you can, until his shaft brushes against your sensitive and spongey g-spot with every thrust.

“Jungkook.” You mouth falls into a silent ‘o’, eyes scrunched from pleasure.

“You’re amazing,” He breaths against your neck between lewd kisses against your skin, “You’re fucking amazing Y/N.”

You’re panting a chorus of ‘please’ ‘fuck’ ‘yes’ ‘Jungkook’ in sync with each time he fills you up to the brim, the crown of his cock pressing against your cervix hard enough to bruise.

“I love you so much… Fuck, I love you princess.” The new pet name whispered between soft groans sends a pang of heat to your abdomen, your second orgasm already approaching, “Touch yourself for me, rub that perfect little clit.”

Snaking a hand down the bed you find the sweet spot with ease and begin to do as he says, tracing small circles over the area in time with the deep yet slow rolls of his hips.

“That’s it, fuck-,” A guttural moan rips from his throat at the way your walls squelch and tighten around him, he knows you’re close, he can tell by your wayward breathing and the way you’re writhing under his weight, “You feel so good, I could fuck you like this forever.”

“Faster, go faster please…” You beg shamelessly.

At this he shakes his head, his damp hair tickling your shoulder, “Nice and slow baby… Nice and slow.”

Pained moans leap from your chest that’s heaving against the bed linen, he’s never been this gentle and passionate with you. The way he’s fucking into you sensually, holding himself in place with one arm as the other comes down to explore your curves, his fingertips grazing every spot on one side of your body until his palm finds purchase on your hip, fingernails digging into your skin when he grips you, pulling your bodies even closer.

“So close…” You warn him with a strangled whimper, speeding up the way your own hand rubs your throbbing clit.

“Go on, give me another one,” He’s equally as breathless as you when he takes the flesh of your neck between his teeth, “Come for me, your pussies already so wet—”

He’s cut off by his own throaty moan, the sound so deep it’s borderline a growl when your second orgasm hits, your hole clenching his thick length so sinfully that you’re nothing more than a blubbering mess beneath him, totally and completely fucked out. Both hands fly to the pillow that you’re squeezing and twisting in your grip, body jolting and shaking as you ride out the wave of euphoria.

“You’re so tight, ah-,” He hisses, kissing your temple.

“Kook…” You’re in a post-bliss daze, barely able to catch your breath. Your mind is blank, unable to concentrate on anything other than the sensations and sounds of Jungkook slowly splitting open your slippery walls. “Oh my god-“

It’s not long before his own orgasm approaches, his grunts turn into whines and his thrusts become messy, he never speeds up though, not once. He rocks his cock in and out of you at a leisurely pace until he’s chanting your name under ragged breaths. You peek back at him for a moment, the sight alone makes you gasp. His eyes are squeezed shut, kiss-swollen lips ajar, messy sweat-stained hair covers forehead and thick brows.

“You’re gonna make me come baby…” His hooded eyes flutter open for a second, his gaze locked onto yours before he buries his head into your shoulder with a loud, gravelly groan, spilling his hot seed into you.

Jungkook stills for a few minutes before rolling off, laying next to you with a glistening chest and worn-out smile, “You’re something else.” He chuckles, playfully spanking your ass. You can’t move, you’re still laid flat on your stomach untrusting of your wobbly limbs to hold your weight in any other position.

“I didn’t do anything.” You hum with a tired grin, “It was that dress.”

“I can assure you, you look much better without it.”

“Hmm.” You bury your face into the pillow, somewhat embarrassed.

“I’m serious,” He starts, lazily draping his arm round your middle, “You’re perfect, this body…”

“Jungkook, stop it.” You’re laughing when he shifts his position, choosing the straddle your hips with his palms massaging your shoulders. You melt under his touch, feeling the epitome of relaxed when he begins to work a particular knot between your shoulder blades with his thumbs.

“That laugh,” He sighs lovingly, “Your smile, your eyes… You’re perfect.”

“Mmm.” You neither agree nor disagree, instead choosing to enjoy this impromptu massage from your boyfriend.

“Y/N...”

“Mmm?” You glance back at him, to which he flashes you a coy boy-ish smile.

“Move in with me.”

“What?” This gets your attention, your limbs are heavy and weak but you manage to roll onto your back, blushing at how Kook is now straddling your front as opposed to your back.

“I’m serious, I want us to live together...”

You’re grinning up at him with hopeful eyes, “Really? You think we’re ready for that?”

“Definitely.” He nods with a smile brighter than ten thousand suns, folding his body until your lips meet again in a heartfelt, blissful kiss.

The week flies by, your meeting with the BBC goes better than you had hoped. The main producer Linda, the woman who called you, loved your ideas and is eager to share your story with the world and has given you full creative control in how you want it to be portrayed. You’ve signed a contract with them, it’s officially happening, amongst other exciting opportunities.

“A TV appearance?” Jungkook repeats.

“Mhm, once we’re done filming… To promote the documentary.”

You’re sitting on his lap, being careful not to shift around on top of him too much and save him from an awkward encounter since you’re not alone. It’s pizza night, Taehyung has joined you both for the evening at yours and Jungkook’s now shared apartment but doesn’t seem to mind the obvious semi-public display of affection.

“What’re your plans after the documentary? Like, what are you going to do with it?” Taehyung asks, taking a chomp out of his Hawaiian pizza. Everybody is dressed casually tonight, the three of you in sweats and hoodies while you enjoy some down time together.

“Glad you asked,” You snap your fingers and point to him, rolling your eyes with a smile at Kook who can’t seem to end the string of cheese coming from his own pizza no matter how hard he tries, “I’m finally gonna put my degree to use, I want to start a company that helps women in similar situations to mine… Pay for their legal help when they can’t afford it, provide them with the right resources to get them justice, offer counselling and so on.”

“Like a charity?” Tae raises his brows, seemingly impressed.

You nod, breaking the melted cheese away from Jungkook’s slice for him with your fingers, “Yeah, yknow I never knew what I wanted to do with my degree up until now, I’ve already got a few investors interested in funding the first year.”

“By investors do you mean Guk?”

“Nah,” Jungkook chuckles though he looks vaguely defeated, “She wants to do this on her own, I’ve tried telling her I’ll provide any funding she needs but—”

“But I want the entire thing to be founded by, funded by, and ran by women. Female attorneys, female counsellors, female staff.” You say proudly.

“Isn’t that a little sexist?” Taehyung clicks his tongue but you can’t help but notice he’s impressed by your ambition, his feline eyes wide and glistening when he smiles.

You offer him a small shrug, “I don’t think it is, I just want to give victims of cybercrime and revenge porn a safe space to talk about it and statistically most victims are women. Besides there’s plenty of companies out there that are run by only men.”

“Touché.”

“I’m telling you now,” Jungkook’s palm finds the small of your back, “You’ve got this, I know you can do anything you set your mind to.”

Your hand gently grips his chin and you angle his face towards yours, planting a chaste kiss to his lips which he reciprocates, “Thank you.”

“Any time.” He mumbles against your mouth with a grin, stealing another kiss.

“Guys c’mon I’m right here.” Taehyung complains, averting his eyes away from the scene, “Just because you live here now doesn’t mean I wanna see it every time I come over.”

Jungkook pulls away, facing his best friend with a smirk, “Sorry.”

Your phone vibrates inside your pocket, earning you to jump up from Kook’s lap much to his disappointment, “Hang on,” You hold up a single digit, “It’s my mum I’ll be right back.” You saunter out the room, closing the master bedroom door behind you.

“Hello?”

“Hi Y/N it’s just me…” Your mum’s voice is soft as she announces herself, despite the fact you knew full well it was her calling from her contact name and display picture.

“Everything okay?” You sit on the bed.

There’s a brief pause on the line, “It’s your sister…”

“Mum.” You cut her off sternly, she knows full well you want nothing to do with her after everything she’s done, “I told you I don’t want to know.”

“I know, I know,” Her voice is laced with guilt, “But she wanted me to pass on a message and I said that I would.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose vaguely irritated, “What’s the message?”

“She wants you to go and visit her.”

You bite back a scoff, “Why?”

“She wouldn’t say.”

“The answer is no.” You say with confidence, “I’m sorry mum, but I can’t. I don’t want her in my life after what she did. I’m not going.”

At this your mother sighs, you feel her pain of course you do, Ruth is her first born child and she will always love her no matter what she’s done and you don’t hate her for that. After all there’s nothing stronger than a maternal bond, “Okay, I’ll let her know... But since you’re not going to see her yourself there’s something you should know...”

“What?” You mumble, attempting to ignore the hurt in her voice.

“Ruth... She’s pregnant.”

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jamietarttsnorthernattitude · 4 months

Note

Drabble prompt-

“You dumbass. Don’t do that. Ever again.”

I think I did it! I think I actually wrote a drabble. And crossed off another @badthingshappenbingo square!

UPDATE: I did not do it lmao

UPDATE2: Now on ao3 so I can have everything together.

Jamie Tartt was going to be the death of him.

“You dumbass. Don’t do that. Ever again.”

Roy pressed his thumb and index finger against the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply.

“What was I supposed to do?” Jamie scoffed.

“Not that!” Roy said, trying to keep his voice down but failing.

“You were going to fucking fall!”

“Your fucking point?” Roy asked, psychotic eyebrows shooting nearly to his hairline.

“Didn’t want you to get hurt,” Jamie pouted.

“So you got hurt instead?”

“Didn’t think that part through, did I?”

“No fucking shit.”

“Well, innit better me than you and your old man bones? They’re probably just dust in there held together by anger and stubbornness. My bones are young and strong.”

“Jamie your wrist is broken.”

“I told you I didn’t think it through, alright?”

Jamie adjusted the ice pack on his wrist. The pair had been having a similar conversation on and off since they arrived at A&E. All the trouble started on a bike ride. They were nearing the coffee shop by Keeley’s office, intent on bringing her and Barbara coffee and pastries while they worked on their latest campaign.

They were bike riding when Roy’s tire caught a divot. He started to tip and Jamie lept off his bike to try to catch Roy before he landed on his bad knee. And it worked. Roy didn’t land on his bad knee, unfortunately, all Roy’s weight landed on Jamie’s outstretched wrist instead. Ice packs and x-rays replaced coffees and scones.

So much for an uneventful off-season.

“Next time, maybe wrist guards, knee and elbow pads for everyone. And helmets. Definitely helmets,” Ruth said, pulling back the curtain where the pair sat waiting. “I’m afraid I have bad news.”

“Fuck.”

“That is my diagnosis. Yes.”

“Fucking professional. Is it really broken?”

Ruth turned her ipad to show the pair the x-ray and pointed. “Unfortunately, yes. You can see the break right there.”

“Fuuuuuuuuuck,” Roy and Jamie said simultaneously.

“Told you.”

“Fuck off.”

Ruth rolled her eyes. “There’s minor displacement, so I can reduce it and then we’ll get you in a cast and get you out of here a soon as we can.”

True to her word, Jamie and Roy are waiting for Ruth an hour later, Jamie’s broken wrist secured in a cast and sling.

“You’re such a dumbass,” Roy said again.

“Stop calling me that,” Jamie said and Roy began to feel badly.

The situation seemed to sink in for Jamie once the cast was applied. The nerve block meant he wasn’t in too much pain but that wouldn’t last and right now the lad just looked uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry. I just, I hate seeing you hurt and especially when it was my fault.”

“How was it your fault?” Jamie asked skeptically.

“You were trying to catch me. Did you hit your fucking head too?”

“It were an accident, Roy. If anyone’s to blame it’s the fucking pot hole you drove through. Thinking of writing a strongly worded letter to our boy Sadiq Khan about the maintenance of London’s roads.”

“I’m impressed you know who the Mayor is.”

“Fuck off. Met him at one of the England matches couple of weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry,” Roy said again then motioned vaguely at Jamie. ”About all this.”

“I told. you, it were an accident,” Jamie shrugged then winced as it jostled his injured wrist.

“Ready lads?” Ruth appeared holding a bag with pain medication she handed to Roy.

“We picking Phoebe up?” Jamie asked.

“I can drive you home first if you want?”

The bikes were abandoned after the incident and they’d taken a taxi to the hospital, thankful Ruth’s shift ended as they were ready to leave.

“Let’s get Phoebe and then Roy said he’d buy us all kebabs, didn’t you, Royo?”

“When the fuck did I say that?”

“You did. Felt bad on account of landing on me and all.”

“Right, yeah,” Roy said as he helped Jamie into Ruth’s Range Rover and buckled him in, careful of his sling. “But seriously, don’t do that again, yeah?”

“No promises, mate.”

One way or another, Jamie Tartt was going to be the death of him.

#thank you friend!#i wrote about a thousand words as a follow up to my first drabble #but that seemed a bit harsh since in it jamie just woke from a (spoiler alert) coma #so i wrote this instead!#whump #whump prompt #jamie tartt #roy kent #bad things happen bingo #accidentally hurt by a friend #ted lasso fanfic #writing prompt #drabble #i think #ao3

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marvelmaniac715 · 7 months

Text

I have a new Hatchetfield concept that I’ve made into a fanfiction. You know that old theory that all Hatchetfield characters who are played by the same actor are related? Well I was thinking… what if that extended to the Lords in Black? Enter the Godchildren, human beings who were placed under the specific protection of a Lord (or Webby) at birth, including Paul Matthews, Emma Perkins, General John MacNamara and yes, even Miss Holloway. I’ve started the fic, and it’s only on the first chapter so far but there’s seven in total (introduction and one for each god). Enjoy it:

The Godchildren (175 words) by Marvelmaniac715 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Hatchetfield Universe - Team StarKid Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Stephanie Lauter/Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy Characters: Pokey | Pokotho, Wiggly | Wiggog Y’rath, Tinky | T'noy Karaxis, Blinky | Bliklotep, Nibbly | Nibblenephim, Paul Matthews, Emma Perkins, Ruth Fleming, Stephanie Lauter, Peter Spankoffski | Hot Chocolate Boy, Hannah Foster, Linda Monroe, Roman Murray, Richie Lipschitz, Max Jägerman, Alice Woodward, Bill Woodward Additional Tags: lords in black - Freeform, Headcanon, Crack Treated Seriously Summary: You know the theory about how all Hatchetfield characters played by the same character are related? Well, what if that applied to all of the characters? Yes, in this universe, the Lords in Black have their favourites, their godchildren so to speak, all pledged under their care by their mothers, either because the parents worshipped them or out of sheer desperation to save the lives of their children. These are the children’s stories…

#team starkid #starkid #hatchetfield #lords in black #head canon #fanfiction

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writingsfromhome · 2 years

Text

Chapters III

A/N: Okayy long awaited part 3! We’re inching closer to more action. This part feels like roasting a marshmallow over a fire. Before it sets on fire or even gets toasted.

Part 4 should be coming in the next week or so--let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Thanks for reading as always loves. xx

Part: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 /

--------------------------------------------

But I didn’t stand in front of you and make you feel small and unloved.

Y/N’s words tumble in my head, as I set an appointment with Ruth who openly stares at me, and while I walk to the studio. I can’t stop as my team discusses one of my singles, and while we go to our usual pub to wind down.

“Is everything alright?” My manager notices as we order a second round of drinks.

“Just got a lot on my mind,” I say noncommittally. But Jeff wasn’t Finn, he claps one hand on my shoulder and lets me know he was around if I wanted to talk in private. I thank him and continue staring at the bottom of my cup.

“Anything interesting?” a voice asks from beside me, I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Jeff left from my side.

“Hm?” I ask the beautiful woman who takes the seat beside me. Some of my friends glance at her but go back to their conversation, this usually happened when we went out. “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

“I was joking,” she smiles, her teeth white against the black lipstick she wears. “You were just looking into your pint like it was the most interesting thing in the room.”

“Just,” I motion to my head. “Got a lot going on up here. I’m Harry.”

“I’m Alina,” she says with another smile that showcases her dimples and round cheeks. I really look at her, she was a lot more interesting than my pint. “I’m here to save you from whatever misery’s got you down.”

“I don’t think anyone can save me from that,” I chuckle. Except Y/N maybe, but she’s said it herself--she moved on. All I can hope for now was she forgave me, and maybe invited me back into her life as a friend. But it was going to take time, and luckily I had until my birthday. “But it’s honorable of you.”

“I’m not really known to be honorable,” she says as she slides her foot up my leg. She smirks at my startled reaction, not expecting her boldness. But pretty soon, I’ve left my interesting pint behind and we’ve moved towards the bar for a fresh round. But we don’t stick around talking for long, she invites me back to her flat and I give myself to the night...some things weren’t solved in a day and I may as well enjoy myself before things got harder.

***

Y/N’s POV:

I accidentally bite down on the skin of my nails, already having bitten off any nail that existed. This is the shite I didn’t need, I think as Jules waves at me while he walks up his school steps. His head of curls disappears beyond the double doors and then I’m walking towards the tube station to get to work.

Any moment my mind isn’t occupied with Julien or work, I’m going over the conversation with Harry. Was I too harsh with him? Should I accept his apology just so we can move on. It was an irrefutable fact that Harry was the father of my child, and he would have to know this piece of information one day. Maybe I had to face this head on, and carefully apply a bandaid so he can stop finding clever ways to talk about us. Especially if I really was planning this birthday/listening party.

“Excuse me,” someone shoves past me and I realize I’d lingered at the turnpike. It was still early--on the days I dropped Jules off to school I got into the office early. Harry’s flat was a few stops away from where I usually got off...I consider if I should put my big girl panties on and get it over with. I already adjusted his meeting, I’d have to talk to him this week anyway.

I decide to stay on the train past my stop, and my head feels like I’d had too much champagne as I walk in the direction I knew Harry’s flat to be. When I get there and knock, I sigh in relief when he doesn’t answer. He could be sleeping, or already in the studio. I take a big breath out again, sending out a thanks to the universe or whatever. I wouldn’t have to do this today.

I walk back towards the lifts, and the doors open in slow motion. A rumpled Harry steps off; he has on the same shirt he wore to see me yesterday and an obvious bedhead. The walk of shame, or it wasn’t one until he sees me and his face flushes.

“Y/N? What--are you here to see me?” he clears his throat. “Sorry I didn’t realize you-”

“It’s fine-” I put my hand up when he takes a step towards me. “I’m fine, I was just going--I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Wait, why did you....fuck,” he whispers to himself but it’s so quiet around us, I hear it too. I smash the button for the lift but it’s long gone and doesn’t come back down. “Why are you here? Is everything okay? Is it Julien?”

My head whips at my son’s name, but I relax when I realize he was just going through the list of reasons I would show up.

“Everything’s okay,” I try to control my voice. “I just came to talk, about yesterday. I didn’t realize you would be...” I gesture to his outfit and his shame deepens.

“You came all this way can you just--”

“I should really get back to work,” I repeat again. I felt the sting of tears, I was stupid to come here and think Harry and I could casually put a bandaid over us. I also wasn’t sure why seeing him coming home from his night like this felt like my shame.

“Y/N,” he says softly. He takes the hand that’s basically destroyed the lift button and pulls it away. It forces me to look up at him. my jaw hurts from clenching it so I don’t cry. “We can talk.”

“I can’t stay,” I shake my head. “I just wanted to apologize for being so harsh yesterday. And I’m okay doing your event, I bumped your appointment up to this week so we can get started on it since we got distracted yesterday.” The lift finally opens. My safe haven. I look down at his hand on mine--I’d forgotten how unusually smooth his hands were; graceful and strong like he was always meant to be a musician. “I do have to get in now.”

“Okay,” he lets go of my hand and we don’t say a word as I get in and turn back. We make eye contact as the doors slide shut and as soon as they do, I slump against the railing. Barely catching my breath, I look at my reflection. I looked sucker-punched. I regret coming here today.

Harry’s POV:

I regret going last night.

It was fun, but I regret everything that followed. How could Y/N take me seriously if this is how she finds me when she is ready for a serious talk.

I slam my front door shut, at least I was going to see her sooner. And speaking of, I should probably let my manager know what I was planning for February. I groan, today was going to be a long day. But surprisingly by the time I have the conversation that afternoon, it isn’t as disastrous as Y/N and I this morning:

“Why...did you agree to that?” Jeff asks me when I spill the beans. “That sounds out of budget.”

“No it doesn’t have to be,” I try to backtrack. “Y/N, the person I hired to organize this is amazing. If I give her a budget she’ll stick to it so we don’t have to spend a lot and--”

“Y/N?” he raises an eyebrow. “Like Y/N—the Y/N you’re brooding about all the time?”

“Yeah, she does events.”

“Harry what are you getting yourself into? Are you trying to impress her or...?”

“No,” maybe. “I’m just trying to kill two birds with one stone—just say yes? I’ll fund whatever is over your budget?”

He drags his hand down his face and then nods. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“You won’t,” I kiss his cheek. That was a lot easier than I thought.

***

The days blur by as they do when I’m finishing an album. By the time Thursday rolls around, I’m buzzing to see Y/N again. She occupies so much of my thoughts these days, mostly for all the time I missed. I was still processing the fact that she had a three-year-old son, her life must be so different from what we had. She had a son.

I’d admit it to nobody, but I got angry drunk last night over the constant thoughts. Angry at myself, and as fucked up as it is, for whoever Y/N had her kid with. He had the life with her I wanted, even if he wasn’t in the picture. Y/N would have a piece of him forever. It was jealousy and possessive and unhealthy, and I paid for it this morning when I could barely see the stream of sunlight through my bedroom window without wanting to hurl.

“You’re early,” Y/N says sarcastically when I arrive 20 minutes late to our meeting. There’s one other person here that she introduces me to and who I forget the name of because the painkillers have yet to work their magic and my head is killing me.

“Rough night sorry,” my voice sounds like coarse sandpaper. “Sorry to make you ladies wait.”

“Let’s just get started,” she says with a tight-lip smile, she was annoyed with me. Damn, I should have gotten her a coffee before I got here. “Last time we talked we said we would go with a 70s theme and it’ll be medium sized?”

“I’ve put together somewhat of a list,” I pull up my notes app. “It’s just under 50, I’m emailing it to you along with my manager’s details in case you need him for something.”

“That’s helpful, can you CC Em?”

“Em?”

“Em,” she gestures to the blonde beside her and I try to play it off.

Em snorts but Y/N doesn’t look impressed. She asks Em to give us a moment and as soon as the door closes behind her, Y/N’s anger is pointed directly at me. “Is this a joke to you?”

“No of course not! I was lightening the mood. I’m serious about this.”

“Because I’m not here to be taken as a joke,” Y/N crosses her arms. I remember she would do that when she was upset with me. I would always unwind them and wrap them behind my neck, and just being between her scrunched face and the anger, her fists would open her up enough for a smile. My heart pangs when I realize it wasn’t easy like that anymore. We were building from ground zero. “You come in 20 minutes late, obviously distracted and can’t even be arsed to remember Emily’s name!”

“I’m sorry, really!” I try again. “I had a tough night, I’m sorry.”

“Tough night? You drink too much?”

“Maybe, but I wasn’t having a fun time.”

“Poor Harry Styles, try putting a moody toddler to bed for a half hour, and then cleaning up his sick because he’s got the flu.”

“Julien’s sick?” I lean forward. “What are you doing here then?”

“He’s fine, he’s with my mum.” She sighs. “He ate something that didn’t sit right with him but he’s okay, just had a small fever this morning. I can’t call in sick just because he is unfortunately.”

“The meeting was just me,” I feel more worried than she sounds. “You could have cancelled and stayed home.”

“I couldn’t,” Y/N cuts me off. “I’m serious I can’t stay home every time my kid is sick--I’d love to but that’s not how it works! I have a job, and more clients than just you. I call him when I can, and I’ll see him in a few hours.”

“I’m sorry,” I feel the need to apologize again. And then again for good measure, “And I’m sorry for the other morning-”

“Why are you apologizing, it’s your life Harry.” she types something on her laptop.

“I was hoping to have that conversation, and then I show up like that...”

“We’re talking now,” she continues typing. “And we can always talk another time.”

“Can we?” I ask, my tone catches her attention. Her face softens, she looks away and when she looks back at me her brows are pinched. I wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, she was making it hard to read her. There used to be a time when she was as easy to read as a picture book. “Tomorrow, can I pick you up for dinner? We can just talk I-I need to talk to you. Don’t you think we should...talk?” Way to use your language Harry.

“Okay,” she chokes out. “I’ll meet you tomorrow. I’m calling Em back in.”

And so she does, we discuss the event and although Y/N isn’t curt like she was, it almost feels like she avoids looking at me directly. I sit on my hands at one point, with her hand right beside mine I want to hold it and I don’t trust myself. I wonder if we’ll ever get to neutral ground with each other or if my adolescent decisions fucked me over forever.

Y/N’s POV:

“He’s fine Y/N,” my mum pushes me away from Julien. He’s cuddled with his stuffed bear on my mum’s couch watching his cartoons. “If you don’t leave now you’ll never make it on time for your work dinner.”

So I didn’t exactly lie to my mum, I just didn’t want her to know I was meeting the father of my child because--well, she would either get angry about letting him back in my life, or go the other way and ask when we’re becoming one big family again. I was giving her a white lie, and leaving Julien with her who wasn’t as sick as yesterday but still very lethargic and achy.

I crouch down to Jules’ level, he shifts forward so his forehead touch mine. “You smell,” he mumbles to me, leaning in to where I’d spritzed some perfume on my neck.

“I do, don’t I?” I kiss his nose. “If you need anything you tell gran to call me okay? I’ll be home right away.”

“I’m not even sick anymore,” he says while his eyes track the characters on TV. “I’m just sleepy.”

“Okay,” I stroke his head of soft curls. “Don’t stay up too late. I love you.”

“He won’t,” my mom says. I make sure she knows to call me before I head out to meet Harry at a restaurant he picked. It wasn’t somewhere I’d been before, and to be honest with Julien being so sick last night I didn’t have much time to think about what I agreed to. Only on the tube ride there does it hit me.

I’ll hear him out, I figure. I wasn’t going to tell him about Julien, not yet. A plan was shaping in my head--I would help him with his party, finish with him and then tell him when everything settled. It would be a courtesy, I would make it clear Julien was mine and if he wanted a relationship with him he would have to arrange that with me. But today, I would hear him out and smile politely because sometimes, thinking about how Harry and I ended still hurts like it happened yesterday but I couldn’t let him know.

I spot the back of Harry’s head outside the restaurant. When he spots me, he lights up and his smile is a thousand watts directed at me. There was a time when I would have killed to see that smile directed at me, he looked good--it hurt.

I nearly stumble and smile back as brightly but I reign it in. Instead I wave, and rush to get beside him. There was a certain magnetism with Harry and I that I couldn’t deny, it’s how we got on so well before. But it felt like our past, this secret I held changed my magnetic field so with him, I could only ricochet.

“Hey,” I say out of breath. “Did you just get here.”

“Parking was a nightmare,” he gestures vaguely down the road. “So I just walked up.”

Harry could barely pay for his share of rent when we were together, and here he was driving around London to fancy restaurants. Life had been good to him, which I was happy for, but it hurt he’d walked all over me to get there. I glance up at him as we walk in, he’s smiling jovially with the hostess and I secretly wonder if this was all a mask he wore. If the person he really was, was the one I got to know before we broke up.

“You look amazing by the way,” Harry says after we shed our jackets. I’d worn a flattering sage sweater dress that made up for its modest high neck and long sleeves by hitting me mid-thigh. There was a reason I had worn my trench coat on the ride here, it was short. “I’m really glad you agreed to this.”

I nod, the wave of realization that I would have to look him in the face for the next hour and talk to him like he hadn’t broken my heart and I wasn’t hiding such a life-changing secret from him. “Thanks yeah, i thought it was the adult thing to do. Since we’ll be working together.”

“To working together,” Harry clinks his water against mine. I give a tight-lipped smile and busy myself with the menu. But after we order, with nothing between us and my hands unoccupied I have to look at him. He’s watching me, which makes for an intense stare-off as we catch each other’s eye. I forgot how easy it was to be in Harry’s presence, how before it got bad, it was good. He would make me feel less anxious any time he was around. He used to be the safety of home to me.

“So,” I break the awkward silence. “Catch me up with you.”

“You know me, my life is online. How about you?”

‘You first,” my heart goes thumpthump thumpthump. “Successful EP and upcoming album...?”

“Yeah,” he’s luckily saved by the arrival of our wine. We sit in silence as our glasses are filled. I wondered if the waiter could feel the tension. “I had to really fight for even a single, my management was really awful back then--”

“Finn,” I can’t help the name coming out of my mouth like I’d taken a swig of sour milk. “I remember.”

“Yeah, him.” He looks down at his wine. “By the time I had to renew contracts, I’d taken over most of his role anyway. It was crazy at certain meetings, I was the only person in there that had my own back. But I managed to win in the end, got the EP out. Had a lot to write about…y’know.”

There he goes looking at me with those eyes again, now it’s my turn to look down into my wine and try not to think thoughts like, you didn’t even know I had your back during those times.

“I was kind of surprised when you said you never listened to the album.”

“That’s a bit arrogant.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” he flashes a smile that falls flat when I don’t return it. “I just uhm, did you never look me up? I looked you up sometimes, you did such a good job at disappearing I could barely find anything about you. It felt like...a punishment.”

“I didn’t ‘disappear’ to punish you,” I make myself clear. “I just. I had to.”

“You moved from our flat, did you get any of the voicemails or the emails I sent you?”

“I moved a few weeks after,” a few weeks where he never came back for me. Every time there was a knock at my door that was unexpected, I half-thought it would be Harry. That he would apologize and I might take him back, that I would tell him I was pregnant. That we could make our way back. But it never was.

“The voicemails?”

“I didn’t get them.”

“That’s probably good,” Harry flashes a dimpled smile. “I was very drunk in some of them. Probably crying...it wasn’t my shining moment. I-well I don’t think I had any shining moments in our last year. I was pretty shite boyfriend but I still hoped sometimes that maybe one day you’d call me and tell me you’re sorry too and we could figure it out...”

We go quiet as our food is brought to us. I watch Harry interact with the waiter, and think about what he’s said. He had regrets, that’s all I’m hearing. And with the way he treated me I didn’t exactly feel bad for him.

“I can’t get over the fact that you had a kid,” Harry continues on. “I never thought...”

“I would have a kid?” I ask when he trails off.

“No, we talked about kids a lot. Back when we were together. I knew you wanted them but that’s how I always pictured it—us having kids. Together. So yeah, I think it just shocked the hell out of me when I saw this cute kid and he was yours. And he wasn’t mine.”

Fuck, I stab my plate and try not to let my panic show. Did he know? He had to know, he was being so bloody obvious. But his expression is sincere, he doesn’t look like he’s testing me or anything. God, how can he be saying things like this not realizing the irony. I want to die.

“I was just as surprised when I found out I was pregnant,” I try to stick to easy details. “But, getting the chance to be a mother is something I never knew I wanted. Wouldn’t change it for a thing.”

We catch eyes again, and there it is, the fondness blooming in my chest. I see it in his eyes too as he says softly, “I always knew you would be a phenomenal mother.” The regret is all over his face.

I drop my fork and gulp some more wine. trying to wash away the warmth in my chest as he goes on. “I want to explain myself--how I treated you like I did but there’s no explanation for it. Really it was Niall that made me realize what a dick I was becoming. I lived with him for a bit, wrote a lot of my songs on his living room couch. Came to a lot of realizations.”

“Niall’s always been a good friend,” I missed him.

“He missed you just as much,” he says. “I’m ashamed to say I don’t know who I became then Y/N. I put you through every bad thing that happened to me, I wasn’t supportive or appreciative. I see that now—I saw it after we broke up, that’s why I tried so hard to reach you.”

“It was too late Harry.” I lie. “There was too much baggage with us. You—you said some unforgivable things, it would have been hard.“

“I know,” he looks down. “I never stopped loving you Y/N.”

I freeze, “I—that’s not...I don’t want to hear that Harry.”

“I just need to let you know,” he says simply but I’m already pushing my meal away. “I just want you to know that. Y/N, half my album is about you, I just need you to hear that, wish you had listened to it. I’m sorry and no matter what I still love-“

“Stop!” I say a bit too loudly, panicked because this felt like a farce. One day soon he would hate me again and I couldn’t handle confronting the crushing realization.

“Okay I’m sorry,” Harry holds his hand up. I can’t hear him say those words without wanting to cry in frustration and be sick from the guilt. “I have to go.” I get my coat off the back of the chair and begin walking out, it was rude but I couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. I hit the cold air of the streets. What was I thinking having dinner and not expecting it to end in disaster.

“Y/N!” A distant voice calls me. It’s Harry’s, but I keep walking. He’s out of breath by the time he reaches me. “I pushed too far, listen, Y/N!” He steps in front of me and blocks my path, holding onto my arms. I jerk away but he steps in sync with me when I step to the side. He puts his hands out, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just--”

“I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just trying to go home.” I try to side-step him again but he’s in my way. “Harry!” I push him and make enough room to slip past, but his long legs keep up with mine.

“Please don’t let tonight end like this,” Harry says beside me.

“Like what? I’m going home. We had our discussion. You apologized and that’s that!” I finally stop at a street corner near a row of bushes.

“I apologized but you never said you were okay,” Harry’s cheeks are a bright pink. This is all too familiar, this back-and-forth before Harry explodes and runs away from the argument. “I don’t know where we stand I—that’s why we agreed to dinner. For closure right?”

“If you’re expecting forgiveness, I can’t just give that to you. I can’t just forgive you!”

“I’ve changed,” he bends slightly to meet my gaze. It surprises me when his tone softens, when he doesn’t raise his voice back at me. “I promise I’m not that version of me anymore.”

“I can’t trust that!” I want to believe him, god I wanted to believe it but instead I shout too loud again, catching a few stares. I lower my voice. “I can’t trust you, I don’t know who you are. I thought I did once upon a time but you...you became such a cold and selfish guy that I slaved over and—and admit it you didn’t even love me by the end of it. The things you said...you don’t say those things to someone you love.”

“You don’t,” he agrees right away. “I didn’t even know who I was. I know who I am now. You have to trust me.”

“Well you have to earn trust,” I say. And I don’t realize it until I say it but it was true, that’s always what kept me from contacting him about Julien. I didn’t trust that he could love him the way I do, I couldn’t trust he wouldn’t come into our lives and try to take him from me too and break my heart all over again. I needed to know Harry really was changed before I could let him into Julien’s life as his father.

“I intend on doing that. I want you back in my life whatever way you want.” He slips his hand into mine but I can’t stand his touch and I have to pull away. It hurts him, I can tell, but all the memories of feeling unloveable while his cold eyes watched me as he said even colder words hit me again and I can’t see the man in front of me. Just the man that I knew last. So his hurt is the last of my concern, because even after having a child and going through multiple sessions of therapy I can’t forget standing on the other side of his venomous words.

“Be careful what you wish for,” I say bitterly. After I tell him about Julien we would be in each other’s lives forever. But before he can ask what I mean my phone vibrates and brings me out of my thoughts. Mum, my breath catches.

“Mum? What’s happened?? Is Julien okay?”

“Y/N, calm down.” My mum says in her calm voice when I get too panicked. “Julien is fine, he’s asleep now but he was all sick again--”

“I’m coming right now,” I say. Harry touches my back and points in the direction of his car, knowing it was my fastest way home I follow him. “How much was he throwing up?”

“Not much, Y/N honestly I knew I shouldn’t have called. Stay where you are, I’m just calling you now because I asked Shaza down the hall and she came to look at him--she’s studying to be a podiatrist so she know-”

“A pediatrician?” I ask, keeping my eyes on the back of Harry’s black coat. “Does she actually know what she’s talking about?”

“Yes—I hear traffic Y/N you best not be coming home. He threw up once, his fever broke I think whatever bug he’s caught is gone now. I just wanted to call you to check in.”

“I’m done dinner anyway, I’m coming home.”

“That was quick.”

We’d reached Harry’s car. “Yeah well, not much to discuss. I’ll see you in a bit. Bye mum.”

“What’s happening?” Harry asks as he gets into the car but I stay on the sidewalk.

“I can take the train,” I let out a deep breath. “Jules was sick again but his fever broke, false alarm.”

“I know you want to get to him as soon as possible,” Harry turns the ignition. “Just get in Y/N.”

I go around and do just that, and most of the ride is spent in silence as I text my mum and he focuses on driving. I don’t even realize we’ve reached my mum’s, or that I never gave him the address but he drove here all on his own. The warmth of fondness spread through my chest again, but I stifle it with the ever-present anger.

“Thank you,” I say sincerely. “I would invite you up...”

“Your mum might kill me,” Harry chuckles. I bite down on my lip. “Wait, does she know you’re out with me?”

“No? I wasn’t sure how she would react--”

“A lot of cursing, I wouldn’t blame her.” Harry says, giving me a way out. He thinks I’m being polite but it was complicated. My mum hated what he did to me, but the fact that Jules is growing up without a father hurts her too so if he was in his life she would be happy for him at least. “Are you staying at your mum’s? I can give you a lift home if you needed?”

“No,” I get out of the car and walk to his side. “I’ve had you drive around town enough. I’ll just call an Uber.”

“I’m staying here until you come back down,” Harry turns his keys and the car turns off with a blink.

I roll my eyes, I couldn’t argue with him when he made up his mind like this. I talk in hushed whispers when I go up and wrap a half-asleep Julien in his coat. I hold him tight to me, his limbs felt longer than the last time I’d picked him up and it always felt like I was catching up to him these days. Before I knew it, he’d be taller than me. I wondered then, on the lift down, if he would get his height from Harry.

Harry is sat in the car with his arms crossed and looking thoughtfully out the window. I wonder what he’s thinking about.

He jerks up when he sees me and starts the car, and I slide into his backseat with Julien in my lap.

“I thought you’d be up there longer,” Harry whispers as he pulls out of his spot. We hit a red light immediately and he meets my eye in the rearview mirror. “Is he okay?”

“Sleeping,” I rest my nose on his mess of hair and inhale the baby smell I loved. “He’s okay, his fever’s gone.”

“That’s good.” a smile in the rearview before the green lights cut through the night. We ride home in silence, a quietness that almost feels normal. I direct Harry where to go—I was only fifteen minutes from my mum, and when he parks down the street from my flat he rushes out and gets my door for me. He takes Julien from me as I grab his go-bag.

Julien stirs on Harry’s shoulder--on his dad’s shoulder. The thought feels dizzying. Harry is so careful with him as we go inside. My lobby is nothing like his, it’s not even a lobby, just a long corridor with the lifts on the right. Harry lets me lead the way, and before I can even think about what’s happening, Harry’s stepping into my dingy flat.

“Don’t mind the mess,” I say, completely embarrassed as he walks through the living room. A basket of laundry that needs to be folded sits beside the coffee table that has Julien’s sippy cup and two mugs of stale coffee. One side of the sofa is littered with lego and books. “I haven’t had much time to clean...”

“It’s a home,” he says, his voice cracks as he says it.

“I’ll put him to bed,” I take Julien from him quickly but Harry automatically moves to unzip his coat when I’ve got him. I feel fluttery, watching the thoughtful motions with his son. It reminds me of all the ways he cared for me when we were younger. As soon as the zip is undone I move Julien to his bedroom. I dress him in PJs, and he only wakes when I kiss his forehead.

“Mummy?” he whispers.

“I’m right here,” I feel a tear slip down my cheek. This whole evening was proving to be more emotional than I could handle. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you felt sick.”

“I’m not sick anymore,” he repeats. His tiny arms lock around my neck and pull me down into his pillow. I stay there until he relaxes, his arms falling away like the tears that slip easily down my cheek. I’m glad it’s dim, as I tuck him in and wipe the tears that don’t stop coming down. His father was right outside, and he’s gone his whole life without knowing him. It was unfair to him, and unfair to Harry--I knew that. I was selfish, I wanted him all to myself, and I was still holding onto the hurt Harry caused me.

“Everything alright?” Harry whispers when I walk out. He’d taken it upon himself to look through the photos scattered throughout the surfaces that had a few pictures of Julien and I as he grew. I know he’s seen the picture of Jules from a few years ago, he’s a carbon copy of his dad at that age, except for his eyes. I’m hoping Harry doesn’t make the connection, that he’s not thinking that hard about it.

“He’s in bed now,” I say. “I’m relieved to have him under the same roof as me! Sorry to keep you waiting, can I get you a drink?”

“No, I’m alright.” he moves towards the door and the twinge of disappointment surprises me. “I’m going to have to drive home.”

“Right, well I’ve got tea?”

“I...” Harry hesitates where he is. His eyes flit across my face, “Were you crying?”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “I’m an emotional mess when it comes to Jules. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“I know we’re...not what we used to be but, could I give you a hug?”

I stare, he takes a step towards me and I clear my head. It would be awkward if I said no, he did drive me home, plus “I could use one.”

But it was the wrong thing to do, even though it felt so right to be held like this. Folded into his chest as his strong arms pull me tight against him, it feels like more than just a sympathetic hug. It feels like seeing each other the first day back from winter break, it feels like celebrating graduation with a new flat, it feels like being comforted after not getting the job, it feels like birthdays and holidays and running out of steam after an explosive argument, crawling back to each other because we used to be like that—we couldn’t live without each other. Oh god, he was going to hate me. I’m going to have to break his world and he was going to hate me.

I push him away before he could feel the sob come up, I turn and walk into the toilet. I couldn’t be in the same room as him right now, and he must realize it. I hear the front door close softly as he leaves. Maybe Harry and I reached the end of the book a long time ago. I lower myself onto the toilet seat and cry into my hands, if there was another chapter ahead, it wasn’t going to end well. Maybe Harry and I were never meant to end well.

Harry’s POV

It’s been a few weeks since I saw her in person, and I forget how I survived five years without her. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal: Our virtual meetings don’t cut it, I have next Friday circled in red in my head for when we check out venues together. I can’t stop thinking about her, can’t stop thinking about my next fix of her. As the holiday season settles around us, all I seem to see are happy couples and Christmas trees and all I can think about is all of the Christmas memories we had together.

I can’t get her out of my head. Her smell, the feel of her tucked under my chin in the dim lighting of her flat, the way she looked at me when I took her son from her arms and helped her up, her perfume and the smell of her in her flat, the mug she stole from my kitchen in uni sitting on her coffee table, her short dress and her soft thighs on my leather seats as she texted her mum in my passenger seat, how we looked at each other across the table for a moment that night and I thought I saw my Y/N. But I must have been dreaming. That’s what I have to tell myself.

“How long do you think it’ll take before she forgives you?” Niall asks across my dining table. Apparently he had lunch with Y/N and Julien on Saturday, she apologized to him for cutting him off. Lucky bastard.

“I don’t know if she will,” I scratch out the line I just edited. “She confuses me. She could hardly stand to touch me when I tried to hold her hand after dinner, but in her flat she let me hug her.”

“And then she ran away crying,” Niall heard this story half a dozen times already. “You’re not good for her right now.”

“She’s sort of planning my party...”

“You’ve got issues,” Niall throws a pick at me. “So uh, has she said anything about Julien?”

“What do you mean?” I perk up. “Did something happen?”

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s just her son...”

“I know, I’m still wrapping my head around that. So how did your date go last night?”

“Ehm,” Niall scratches his arm, I could tell a nervous Niall from miles away.

“What happened?”

“A date, it was good. Probably not getting a second date.”

“Did you talk about your ex this time?”

“That was you,” Niall reminds me of one of my worse dates. “I brought up my mum...it didn’t go well. There’s no going back.”

“Better luck next time,” I say sympathetically. “Maybe we should have a boy’s night out hey? How does Saturday sound?”

“Actually...” Niall hesitates. “I’ve got uhm, a thing to go to.”

“A thing?” I raise my eyebrow, I knew Niall’s lying tic.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be busy.”

“What kind of thing...?”

“Okay, fine!” Niall huffs. “Y/N’s asked me to be her plus one to this Christmas thing.”

My mouth dries up, “What?”

“It’s nothing serious, she said her company throws these Christmas parties and they invite their families and stuff. She said she wants to see me more when she apologised to me, and she invited me. So people stop asking her when she’s going to get a boyfriend.”

“So-so you’re going as her date.”

“No! Not like that, I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just a date. You know we’re best mates.”

“She didn’t even tell me about it.”

“No offense, but why would she?”

“Who’s side are you on?” I ask, feeling betrayed.

“I’m on your side, always, but c’mon mate. You broke her heart why would she invite you?”

“We’re getting along again, The Plan is working.”

“Firstly,” Niall wags his finger. “I’m not sure why you’re doing this whole Plan, it sounds fucking mental. Secondly, her family’s going to be there and they probably hate you. And do you forget Y/N and I were friends before you two dated?”

“I’m your best mate! Niall please, find a way to invite me. I’ll owe you big time.” I plead but no matter what I say Niall doesn’t give in. Until I realize, “Oh, her sister’s gonna be there isn’t she? Saf?”

“No, what? Probably.” Niall’s cheeks redden and I know I’ve got him.

“The sister you dated behind her back?”

“She doesn’t know, don’t you dare say anything to her!”

“Look, I might slip up and say something. Unless, say, you’re there with us making sure I stay quiet.”

“Don’t do this,” Niall groans. “It’s in two days.”

“So should I tell her gently or just say you dated her baby sister?” I grin, only feeling slightly guilty. But Niall had to get me in, I had to see her again.

“You’re a dick,” Niall gets up and closes his laptop, shoving it into his bag.. “You’re my best friend, you’re not supposed to blackmail me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I just need to see her Niall, there’s something there I swear.”

“Okay,” Niall relents. “I’ll see what I can do. Her family might be there.”

“One step at a time,” I say even though the idea of seeing them makes me want to eat glass. “I just need to show her I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed, I’m not that guy right?”

“No,” Niall shakes his head. “You’re not Harry, I don’t think you were ever...you got lost when things got rough but you’ve always been Harry. Except when you’re blackmailing me, then I don’t care what happens to ya’”

Y/N’s POV:

“I love Christmas,” Jules jumps on my bed as I carefully apply my eyeliner. “It’s the best day ever!”

“You just love it because Santa gets you all the presents.” I say. “And stop jumping on the bed you little monkey, you’re going to wrinkle your shirt.”

“No, I love Christmas because Grandad gives me sweets and everyone gets together and we all eat yummy food and Aunt Saf always plays her video games with me and-”

“Okay Jules,” I chuckle. “It’s the best day ever!”

“I know!” He does one last jump and ends it by sitting down. “Your makeup is taking soo long.”

“Stop distracting me!” I turn to look at him. “Why don’t you get your get your coat out of the closet and my square purse?”

“The letter one?” He asks, it was shaped like an envelope so it became the only identifiable bag.

With him gone for a few minute, I quickly finish the other side and am just done my lipstick when he shows up with his coat zipped and my purse in hand. and my heels crushed against his chest. “I even got you your shoes from the closet.”

“You’re the sweetest boy,” I squish his cheek in a kiss and he rushes to the mirror to wipe the lipstick off but only manages to smudge it. At least he’s distracted.

My phone vibrates with a call, it was Niall. “Hiya, I was just about to head out.”

“Oh yeah,” his voice sounds rough and my heart drops. Was something wrong? “I’m really sorry to do this so last minute--”

“Niall please, don’t say you’re cancelling. I was counting on you!”

“Yeah, I...I got food poisoning? I’m still not feeling well.”

“Jeez,” I flop down on the bed and Julien looks over at me curiously. “Sorry, that’s shitty. D’you think you could make it late or it’s bad?”

“Uhm, maybe later.” His voice is a bit muffled. Maybe he was in bed. “Good news, I asked Harry and he’s free so-”

“No.”

“-pick you up and...No?”

“Did Harry put you up to this? Niall! Why would you set me up like this?”

“It’s not my fault!” he squeaks. “Really, if I could make it I would but I can’t right now. You and Harry are cool right? You’re just going as friends.”

“I told everyone at work I was bringing a special someone.” I want to swear but I don’t want Julien’s eyes to get any bigger.

“Shite,” Niall has the audacity to laugh. “I’m really sorry I didn’t know you...oh god I want to laugh.”

“You better not, if you’ve already told Harry whatever. Tell him I’ll meet him there. I’m not forgiving you for this Niall Horan.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Niall says with a laugh in his voice. I put it down before he can let it out.

“Let’s get our taxi,” I tell Julien. “It’s just you and me for now.”

***

Honestly Harry, don’t bother. I’m sure you’re busy. I text Harry back when he texts to confirm the address. He texts that he’s already on his way, which make me suspicious of the quick timing. There was something fishy going on, but I am too busy to think more about it. I have to convince Julien to behave and give him the lecture on the ride there, I spot my sister there and my brother’s family; as a partner I was encouraged to invite any family I wanted and the kids usually enjoyed it so they showed up for it.

I catch up with a few people and say hi to my favourite coworkers, and everyone badgers me about my date. They tease me when I say he got food poisoning, that he was made up which makes me confess he’d sent a friend in his place. I make sure to emphasize that to a few more than the rest, because I didn’t want my partners to think I was dating a client. Of course Harry didn’t think that through when he accepted Niall’s offer.

“So, you look like a million pounds.” Harry says beside me after I pick up another champagne flute. I can smell the musky perfume he wore, with its hint of sweet floral, my stomach flutters at the strong urge it brings to bury my face in his chest.

“Thank you,” I wrap my arm around my waist, feeling awkward. I did look like a million pounds, silver silk draped over my body that hit me mid-calf, and a deep V neck on both the front and back. But hearing my ex compliment me so genuinely made me self-conscious. “You look nice.”

“Oh, thanks,” Harry says uncomfortably and I want to dash out of the conversation but I’m saved by Jules, my angel. “Hey! Harry!”

“Hey buddy, you remember my name?”

“Yeah, you have the coolest guitars! I remember when you played all the strings!” Jules wraps an arm around my knee as he looks up to Harry with an awed expression. If only he knew Harry was a Musician with a capital M. And a Dad with a capital D. Shite.

“Well you’re welcome to play some more anytime you want.” Harry chuckles at the enthusiasm and Jules looks up at me excitedly. I tell him not to get too carried away, and luckily his cousin finds him and pulls him back to play.

“Is that...?”

“Danny? Yeah, all grown up. He’s 7 now.” We watch my nephew run to the other kids whilst holding Julien’s hand. I forgot Harry knew him as a kid.

“So that means your family’s here?” Harry drags out the question.

“Saf, and Daniel,” my brother named his firstborn after himself, it was a whole thing when it happened. “Daniel’s wife, his kids. Don’t hold your breath, my parents had other commitments.”

Harry lets out an exaggerated breath which makes me laugh, and surprisingly the rest of the evening isn’t so painful. A few people recognise Harry, he makes a show of knowing who Emily is, and although it gets a bit tense between my sister and him, I sit between them during dinner and it’s almost like old times until Julien tries to sit on me and Harry moves down so that Jules is sitting in between both parents. Saf nudges me, and I shoot her a look. I knew what was happening.

But Harry is so gentle yet playful with Julien, and Jules loves him. It gives me a break, allowing me to talk to those around me while we eat and it takes me a moment to realize this is what it could be like if I ever co-parented. This is what it was supposed to be like. And if I’d drank anything that night, the thought sobered me entirely.

Niall shows up after dinner as the drinks are flowing freely, he looks like he was never sick tonight but he swears he was. I third-wheel him and Harry as they talk in industry code, until my sister joins me.

“Safs, you remember Niall,” I say when she hands me a spritz.

“Ehm yeah, Safira, hi,” Niall shakes my sister’s hand awkwardly when she goes in for a hug. It’s so awkward and ridiculous I have to laugh.

“It’s been a while,” my sister bounces on her heels. “You mastermind this?”

Niall looks over at Harry, my sister was referencing his invitation and Niall denies it but the smile on his face tells me otherwise. What was he up to?

“He’s dead to her,” Safs goes on like Harry isn’t there. “I’m surprised you tried to play matchmaker again.”

“That’s not for you to say-” Harry tries to cut Niall before he can defend him and tries to tell Saf that he wasn’t here to cause any trouble. But Saf isn’t listening, she’s having a conversation with Niall with her eyes. It was interesting, and something niggles at me but my emotions are too heightened to make sense of it. I’m taken aback by how comfortable my sister felt with Niall, enough to argue publicly, but she was head-strong and I don’t question it.

“She’s a bit drunk, sorry boys.” I give her a look she teases me for, says I look like mum when I do. She scowls at me appropriately and stalks off, surprisingly Niall follows her. I turn to Harry, “I don’t know why he’s following.”

Harry agrees. His eyes are locked on Niall and Saf bickering away like an old couple. “What a pair, those two.”

There it was, I look back at Niall and my sister. I remember that awful New Year’s party, Niall had flirted all night with Saf. Did they...I shake my head, I’d told Niall she was off limits there was no way... “They fight like an old couple.”

“Uhm,” Harry chokes out a laugh. “They do right?”

Harry’s POV:

I knew the moment would come when someone in Y/N’s family decided to grill me, I should’ve known it would be Safira. After she’d chewed Niall out and he heads for a drink, my conversation with Y/N is cut short when an old client of hers pulls her away. I watch as he makes her laugh, and my stomach churns. I’m left to stand aimlessly. And so of course she finds me, a fierce expression ready to battle.

“You’ll burn a hole right through his skull,” Safira says in my ear. I jerk back to stare, she looks less like a kid from the last time I saw her. She was probably in her 20s now. “You’re staring.”

"I’m not,” I retaliate.

“No, don’t do that.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “She doesn’t belong to you or something. She can have fun with a stranger if she wants, I’m sure you did plenty of that.”

It’s hard to take her seriously when she slurs half her words but the poisonous glare she shoots me sharpens the curves of her speech.

“You used to be so cute and harmless when Y/N and I first dated, now you can’t wait to bite our heads off.” I goad her, the same way I used to when Y/N and I first got together.

“Don’t do that either,” she punches my arm. “I’m not 16 anymore.”

“I know,” I look at her. She softens a bit, glancing out to Y/N which reminds me why I was so worked up. “Maybe I just need to get wasted so this doesn’t sting as much.”

She tilts her head to the drinks and I follow her, we drink in amicable silence. It doesn’t feel like she’s forgiven me, but like she’s willing to put up with me. It’s quieter where we are so I try to get some information from her. When I mention Julien, just like at Y/N’s office, Saf’s face softens.

“I love that kid, always thought I hated kids but he‘s the cutest, squishiest little thing.”

“He is,” I smile. “You lot are all very close with him?”

“My parents are putty in his hands,” she says fondly.

“His dad’s not in the picture is he then?”

She pauses mid-sip and eyes me, and then her expression changes to something I don’t understand before she shuts it down. “No, they split shortly after.”

That was a bit more to go off of at least. Maybe Niall can snoop through her instagram, who was she dating four year ago? “That’s a shame.”

“Don’t really like his dad,” she says with a ferocious intensity as she pushes away from the table. “Thought he was one of the good ones but he wasn’t.”

And just like that she leaves, without a second glance. It takes me a moment to shake off the information. Y/N dated a dick after me, I feel overprotective and angry and I know it’s mostly the drink but it doesn’t help that she’s still laughing with the good looking bloke. I turn to the bartender and he puts two shots in front of me without a word. I down them like water and turn back to where Y/N leans against a wall talking.

I had to get her away from him, I think. Or maybe the drink thinks it, but I’m moving towards her as fast as I can until I nearly crash into her.

“Woah, Harry.” she puts a hand on my arm and it stings and soothes. How did I let her go?

“Sorry,” I mumble. “I was getting a bit bored. Hi.”

“Hiya,” the other guy smiles politely. “I’ve taken enough of your time, I’ll go back to the wife but I’ll see you at the office in the New Year. Nice to meet you.”

I nod at him and find Y/N looking at me with a puzzled expression when I turn back. “What?”

Y/N’s POV:

When he looks at me I feel like I should look away, his expression feels like something private--what he’s feeling, it’s so naked on his face and I feel like I shouldn’t be seeing it.

“Nothing,” I shake my head. “I think you’d had enough to drink tonight.”

“I’m not drunk,” Harry splays his hand beside against the wall beside me, but because I’m in heels he’s not towering over me.

“But you’re getting there,” I level him with a look. “And I don’t want you to get sloppy in this crowd.”

“Right,” he hangs his head. “I missed ya Y/N.”

“I...” I don’t know what to say to that, there was too much to say and not enough. But I see the sadness in the downturn of his mouth, the shame in eyes, the frustration in his brows. I see him, the whole him, in that single moment. Anyone could take one look at him and see a man with regrets, but what scares me is what else I see: a man with love. “It’s getting late, I should get Jules and myself home.”

“Now?” Harry stands straight. “I-I’ll find Niall.”

We stand for a beat before heading in opposite directions, Jules is playing with new friends since his cousins went home a little while ago. His sweater is missing and I finally locate it under one of the Christmas trees. I look for Saf to say goodbye but she’s gone, and I type her a text one-handed while the other holds Jules’ who clutches his goody bags.

I nearly drop my phone when Harry shows up in front of us, and Julien laughs at my startled expression.

“What are you still doing here?”

“I ehm, my phone died. And I couldn’t find Niall anywhere.” Harry says with an embarrassed smile. “I’ve been trying to get a taxi but, every single bloody one that pulls up was called for.”

“You could’ve just asked the front desk to call you one,” I look around and sigh. “You can ride with us.”

“Is Harry coming over?” Julien overhears and interprets the conversation.

“It’s well past your bedtime,” why did my kid love Harry this instantly. “You shouldn’t be concerned about who’s coming over.”

“Please?” he stares up at me with his puppy eyes and the mom-guilt creeps in. He wanted to spend time with his dad even though he didn’t realize it. “Harry can teach me some songs!”

“He has a toy guitar,” I explain to Harry. “Jules has to be in bed in a half hour, but you can share our ride.”

“S’alright love,” Harry smiles sheepishly. “I can just take the tube home.”

“With your pass?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Ah, dead phone. Shh...shoot.” Harry side eyes Jules who is tugging my hand with excitement.

“Okay, Harry’s coming with us,” I say and I regret it the second we get into a car. Jules settles between us, and after a few moments in the lull of the heated car, he tips to his right and onto Harry’s arm. He’s out like a light. Harry lifts his arm up gently and maneuvers Julien into his chest, my heart nearly bursts out of his chest.

“I can get him here,” I whisper but Harry waves my hand away.

“He...” Harry starts before trailing off. “He’s a really great kid.”

“Oh,” a lump lodges itself in my throat, my eyes sting and I blink like a maniac to gain some composure. “He is. He really is.”

“Saf said your parents are putty in their hands, I can see why.” Harry continues. His face shines with a smile. “I don’t know if-I don’t know if it’s because he’s a piece of you or he’s just that special but, I would do anything for him too.”

“Harry,” I choke up. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?” Harry whispers. “It’s how I feel.”

I stare at Jules’ head of curls, and find a similar one when I look up at Harry. It was hard to re-reconcile this man with the one I grew to love and the one who left me alone with an easy cruelty. I didn’t trust myself to decide which Harry was the real one.

“I wish I was there for you,” Harry continues. “After everything...I wish I was there for you. I wish I saw you become a mother, I know you hate me but I just wish...”

My hand finds his, wrapped around Julien’s back. I grasp his and give it a squeeze. “Just...leave it Harry.”

“I can’t,” he holds onto my hand tighter when I try to slip it back. “You still don’t trust me. And I can’t take the past back. I don’t know where I stand.”

He stood too close, I thought. I needed space from him, it was clear he still had love for me and I felt myself giving into the love that was achingly familiar. My body didn’t lie when it leaned into him involuntarily, but I couldn’t break my own heart like this. He would turn his casual cruelty back on me as soon as he found out the kind of secrets I was keeping.

“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper as we arrive to my building. Harry gets out with Julien and hands him over when I refuse any help getting to my flat. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea even though seeing him with Julien, tonight at the party and in the car, thawed my heart a little. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Harry brushes my cheek. “For tonight.”

I nod and head home, without looking back. I had to figure out what I wanted from Harry, because things didn’t feel so straightforward anymore. I was scared that what I was seeing was the edge and any tiny momentum could tip me over the edge.

I go to my flat and try Saf again, I needed some sisterly advice. But she’s still unavailable. I try my mum next, she picks up on the third ring.

“So remember that work dinner I went to when Jules was sick...” I start off.

--------------------------

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