#{ I spent 2 years trying to avoid big fights like this }

[foxgirlbeans]

A Ninja's Guide to Eorzea: Part 1

I'm currently working on my relic weapon for ninja, and that means I'm suffering I'm going into a lot of dungeons solo as a ninja. And it got me thinking about stealth. Rogues and ninjas have a Hide feature that, aside from a few job quests, usually goes completely overlooked. you can usually run from any overworld enemies, dungeons mean you have to hang out with at least two people who can't hide from enemies, and you can't even try to hide from dungeon bosses.

So the ninja sadly doesn't get many opportunities to live out the classic ninja fantasy of striking from the shadows. But by soloing a dungeon at a higher level, you can sneak from boss room to boss room for the same effect. And since I'm going through so many dungeons right now, I thought I'd write down my thoughts on how well each one lets you live out that fantasy.

1. Sastasha

This is the dungeon I'll be comparing all others to. not just because it's the first, but it's one of the best. stealing a glance at the pirate's password and breaking into their base both happen in relatively secluded areas, so you can ignore all enemies right up until the first boss.

Thing get a little hairier when you first meet the pirates, mostly because their guard dogs can see through your sneaking. Which makes a lot of sense when you think about it, right? They live right next door to the bloody Rogues Guild, obviously they'd have ways of dealing with rogues.

This only really adds one extra fight to the list- the second dog and his master are mandatory to grab a key, and the third is in a wide open area that gives you space to avoid it. if you remember it's there, unlike me.

This dungeon is the quintessential "breaking into a base" fantasy, and it plays that part beautifully with realistic threats to keep you on your toes. also it's pirates vs. ninjas which was a big to-do during the lolsorandom years.

I'm also giving it bonus points bc despite having dogs that can spot you, you can open multiple doors without the door guards ever catching wise.

look at them. morons. A+

2. The Tam-Tara Deepcroft

I'm not going to lie, this one's 100% bias speaking. The sneaking works fine, and you can get to bosses completely unmolested, it's just... almost every "boss" here is just some random guy. it doesn't really strike the right chord like Sastasha did. I'll give it a C+/B-, it's sneakable, but it doesn't feel like a ninja.

3. Copperbell Mines

This one's got plot coupons stuck in enemies up the wazoo, so it's definitely not sneaky. On top of that, the dust bunnies in this place all have tremorsense, so you can't sneak past them, and every part of the dungeon is a narrow walkway so you can't even sneak past the old fashioned way.

If that wasn't bad enough, there's multiple moments where hecatoncheirs appear out of walls, instantly breaking your stealth and forcing you into a fight. Sneaking does get you past the worst of the final room, but by then it's too little, too late. D

3. Halatali

Not gonna lie, I 100% thought this one would turn out like Copperbell Mines when I first thought about it. I've never been happier to be wrong though!

The first and third parts of the dungeon are predictably not an issue whatsoever, you sneak past the trash mobs and fight the boss, no problem. The middle portion is where things get spicy- you see, there's several winches in the area you have to pull to open the door at the end, but pulling them breaks your stealth. Further complicating things, pulling each winch has a chance to drop a monster on your head, which I just spent two paragraphs complaining about!

However, because these winches only get pulled when you want them to be, it feels more like you're disarming a trap than anything else. Waiting for the crowd of monsters around you to wander off, setting off booby traps, and dealing with the consequences actually makes the whole experience very fun. Exploring an abandoned ruin definitely falls more on the rogue side of things than ninja, but it was fun enough that I'll let it slide. B+

4. The Thousand Maws of Toto-Rak

Hard F. You have to defeat every monster in an area before you move on, so hiding here actively slows down your progress when you have to u-turn and hunt down whatever you snuck past in the first place.

5. Haukke Manor

Another dungeon that surprised me with out sneakable it is. All of the manor's keys are either located in a boss you have to kill anyway, or on the ground. this means you can sneak into rooms, nab the key from right under the monsters' noses, and sneak back out leaving them none the wiser. Adding in the patrolling succubi that just so happen to give you just enough time to grab certain keys and hide again before they turn around gives a stealth game vibe to the whole experience like in Halatali. Plus you're sneaking into a mansion to kill a corrupt noble, which is a totally ninja thing to do! Another solid B+

6. Brayflox's Longstop

I was surprised to learn Colibri can see through ninja invisibility, but I guess that explains why Captain Madison had one. The starting room has a couple you pretty much have to fight, but aside from that it doesn't do anything special. It also doesn't really fit the ninja vibe what with you fighting random wildlife, but it has fewer filler bosses and fighting a dragon is always cool, so. B-.

#Final Fantasy 14 #Final Fantasy XIV #FF14 #FFXIV #Ninja #I seriously did not expect them to ace the exam right out the gate

[ovenproofowl]

a lot of people have said it, but I’m throwing in my two cents just to get it off my chest.

Picard season 3 was . Bad . For a LOT of reasons . It felt like - as many before me have expressed - a self-insert fanfic with the dullest self-insert in history.

Jack Crusher wasn’t much of a character but he could have had some promise if they hadn’t spent an aggravating amount of time having him decree how different he always felt, you guys. Did you get that part? He’d always felt different. That sort of dialogue might have flown if we were dealing with Picard’s adolescent son, but instead we’re dealing with a 24 year old played by a 35 year old who looks every bit his age. (It was a hard 24 years, we must assume.)

The reason that Jack Crusher didn’t work for me personally, though, wasn’t because of how cliché his character was. I would have let that pass much easier if it wasn’t for the big ol’ elephant in the room. And that is simply that :

JACK CRUSHER WAS NEVER NECESSARY

Jack may have served a purpose to the storyline that was presented if only because he was the sole reason there was a Big Bad to be defeated in the first place. Everyone wanted to kidnap him, he brought the old gang back together just to protect him and then later save him from said Big Bad which was also actually .. him. Everything Was About Jack. But I’m not talking about the main plot. I Really Don’t Want to Talk About the Main Plot. Ever. What I want to talk about is what Jack represented that made him so unnecessary:

He was intended to represent Jean-Luc Picard’s only reason to start living.

Personally, that really, really offended me. Picard didn’t need to have a biological kid to have a purpose. In fact, it’s been established time and time again that he wasn’t ever really dad material. More of a... weirdly intense uncle. For a while, he wasn’t a fan of kids at all. Eventually, though, Picard is seen to warm to the idea of letting children within his general vicinity. This starts in TNG and continues on in season 1 of Picard. The Only Categorically Good Season of this whole. show.

In season 1, we see flashbacks of Jean-Luc’s relationship with a young Elnor, how he would read him stories and have sword fights with him. He was an absent father to an adopted child he hadn’t even realised he’d adopted and yet Elnor still fought for his hopeless cause. In much the same way, Picard meets Dahj and then later, Soji. He feels a kinship with these androids because of their connection to Data. He wants to protect Soji becase he couldn’t protect Dahj and Soji even canonically questions whether she should allow Picard to act as her father figure before she begins to remember where she came from. Both of these dynamics were infinitely more interesting and a lot deeper rooted. Soji and Elnor were both young twenty-somethings without parental guidance but found that guidance through Picard. Soji had her connection to Jurati, too, and Elnor had his with Seven and Raffi and that’s what made the whole group so intriguing to follow. They all had interesting connections to each other that had so many avenues to explore.

Unfortunately, the show decided to more or less write Soji and Elnor out of the story come season 2. Elnor was killed off for the majority of the season and only brought back by Q intervention in the last episode. Soji wasn’t even a part of the story at all. And do you know what’s sad about that? What’s really sad? Season 2 was trying to sell us the exact same message as season 3. That Picard needed a reason to live. But, like, not that reason. Not the reasons he’d already been given in the form of his found family with his Romulan and android adopted children, or even the rest of the La Sirena crew. No no no, we can’t have that, better get rid of them. This time, Laris is the focal point. Picard had been avoiding a romantic relationship with her because of a never before mentioned dark history surrounding his mother’s suicide. Because, sure, at this point, why not? While we’re at it, let’s also kill off Rios in the most slap-in-the-face out of character way possible and fling Jurati at the Borg for good measure just so she won’t be around for season 3. Her character development into the Borg Queen was pretty intriguing, but we’ll totally ignore that they even exist post her departure, just for funsies. Oh, and Soji and Elnor? Best not mention them at all come that third and final season. Otherwise, people might get the crazy notion that Picard already had a reason not to hunker down and die at the vinyard at the tender age of 104.

Season 3 picks up where season 2 leaves off in that Picard is now in that aforementioned romantic relationship with Laris. Except, no he isn’t because he immediately gets an emergency call from his ex and literally never sees or talks to Laris ever again. There wasn’t even a throw-away line or implied reference to her, but by now I’m sure you know the reason for that.

That’s right, folks. Because if we were allowed to remember Laris and what she meant to Picard, then we might just remember that other thing. Say it with me now!!

JACK CRUSHER WAS NEVER NECESSARY!!

In summary, there were so many brilliant options to give Picard for signficant found family dynamics, but the show just wasn’t interested in any of them. Season 3 wanted a Picard who had given it all up, who was ready to die because he’d never had a family to pass on his legacy. They wanted him at his lowest so that we’d all rejoice to see him return to the TNG crew. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a massive TNG fan and I could rave about the fan service and nostalgia porn for hours on end. If season 3 had stood alone as a singular unconnected event, it might even have been passable as a warm hug from old and beloved characters with some fun new spins to their stories along the way, juust so long as you didn’t squint too hard at the actual attempt at plot writing going on in the background.

But the fact of the matter is, Picard season 3 came far too late into the game. Season 1 held the building blocks to something new and interesting. By the end of season 2, it was becoming clear we were never going to see those blocks stand. By season 3, those blocks were just scattered headstones in a graveyard.

They teased us with the potential new show of Captain Seven and her Number One Raffi Musiker and that might have just been okay. . .

. . .If the La Sirena Crew had been allowed to be a part of that future.

In closing: Picard season 3? Too little, too late, mate. 👎🏻

#star trek picard #picard spoilers #anti picard #jean luc picard #jack crusher #anti jack crusher #soji asha #elnor #raffi musiker #seven of nine #i didn't mention everything i didn't like here or in fact everything I DID like #because if we ignore the plot and just focus on seeing the crew back then yes I did in fact enjoy quite a bit of it #and also vadic was the best goddamn villain and they should have done more with her oh my god #but i had to get this off my chest #and also yes i acknowledge that elnor was very much seven and raffi's adopted kid as much as picard's #but this has to focus on picard because.. well.. that's the name of the show right? #could've fooled me. i thought it was the jack crusher show #ok ok i'm done bitterness out #it's said and i'm moving on

[taeghi]

𝐮𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 : part 4 (final)

their profiles (updated profiles) | [a playlist] | masterlist

PAIRING ▸ lee heeseung x fem bodied!reader

SUMMARY ▸ you figure out your relationships with jake and heeseung.

WORD COUNT ▸ 10,400

GENRE ▸ enemies 2 lovers, angst, SMUT ; protected sex

TAGLIST ▸ @rerequire @mymeloem19 @shadowsofthewild @defxciii @heejaykeluv @nikirikii @enhaluv22 @holybxba yedammi @lhsng @bamchanbin @nalwhare @i-dalso @jaeyunslut @laffatae @skzimaginesmainblog @kimmchijjajang @jays-blue @heesquared @hoon-lvr @hoonlv @axartia @bluesoobinnie  @cyuuupid @eulaenthusiast @lalalalawon @bunhoons @enhasengene @blond4enha @pythonilyn @snowyseungs @soobnism @leviathanlee26 @moonlightgrleric @leefra98  @markleeisdabestdrug @heartkatemiddleton @snowyseungs @slut-4-jake @cloudednines @yizhoutv @missharubear  @gobighee @lizdevorak  @bbakuhoee @esuilinfoster @shiningdery @aiternu @qeen123 @92stargazing @thejjrl @chocolateislife @votingrighthere

minors dni

IF THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU AND LEE HEESEUNG HAD IN COMMON, IT WAS THAT YOU BOTH LIKED TO AVOID CONFRONTATION AT ANY COST.

it’s a characteristic of yours that you’re sure gets on other people's nerves- they could say it is one of your weaknesses- but in cases like this one with heeseung, you’re grateful for it. there is no way in hell you were going to mention the awkward and angry tension between you two. you know it’ll just end up in a big fight and you’ll both say shit you didn’t mean. thankfully, heeseung is thinking the same.

on monday morning, four days after you had yelled at him and slammed the door in his face, you are walking into school side by side, your fingers laced with his. there was no talking between you, besides the small greetings before you turned and started walking towards the school doors. it feels almost natural at this point to be this close to heeseung, and show a sign of affection in front of everyone with him. but it feels like a job at the same time.

an awful job that you’re doing an awful job at.

a part of you wants to get over your avoidance of confrontation, and just talk to heeseung who is literally an inch away from you, but you don’t say anything. you just relish in the fact that you’ve added to the tension between you two and the warmth of his hand that makes you want to fall more into his warm body. you want to hit the same spot on his bicep that you always do when he teases you or somehow makes you laugh. you want to see his nose crinkle up when he laughs with (or at) you.

you spent the weekend alone, which gave you enough time to realize that maybe you like heeseung more than just an acquaintance, a fake boyfriend- almost a coworker. if you didn’t then you wouldn’t have gotten so hurt by his avoidance and ignorance of you from the week before.

you wouldn’t have missed him so much. or checked your phone every five minutes to see if he had texted you.

you feel stupid for not realizing how you’ve been feeling about heeseung sooner. you think you’ve been too caught up in the idea of how you and jake are going to fall in love, and go to college together, soon after getting married and have children, grow old together. with jake, it was all a fantasy that you’ve created and got so lost in that you’ve used it to avoid reality.

in reality, you like lee heeseung- the stupid, mean, cruel boy that you’ve insulted and almost physically fought countless times before. the boy that you’ve sworn you were going to hate for the rest of your life.

still, thoughts of jake swarm your mind.

you’ve thought about loving jake every day for almost two years, you know everything about him. like all his favourite things, his hobbies, his family- his ideal type of girl.

heeseung has told you before that jake wasn’t into you, and maybe you’ve been trying too hard to get him to like you back so your fantasy world can play with the reality one. heeseung has also told you that you shouldn’t have to change anything (like your v card) to get jake to like you. but it makes you question his words because he seems to be changing himself to get isa to like him. you notice the way he speaks softer to her, his confidence level lowers and he acts smarter around her.

you agreed to heeseung’s stupid plan before you had gotten to really know heeseung, in more ways than one, but it is too late to back out now. heeseung’s made progress with isa, and part of the plan is that neither one of you can abandon the plan until one of you has accomplished their mission. you figure that heeseung is so close to getting isa, and the chances of jake falling in love with you are so low, that you might as well just go along with the plan until heeseung succeeds with isa.

“so, how was the party on saturday?” you ask heeseung when you’ve stopped at his locker, your hands untwining finally. heeseungs hums and looks up at you confused, “the party? on saturday?”

“oh, right,” heeseung nods, digging through his now opened locker, “i uh, didn’t go.”

“you didn’t go? why not?”

heeseung shrugs, not looking at you, “didn’t feel like it.” it goes back to being silent between you although the hallway was filling up the silence as students were piling up in the hallway, “i’m guessing you didn’t go?” heeseung closes his locker and asks.

“no, i didn’t.”

“why not?”

“didn’t feel like it.” you mock his words, making heeseung quirk an eyebrow up at you.

“yo, heeseung!” a familiar voice calls his name, causing both of you to crane your necks towards the voice. jake is walking up to heeseung, an angry look on his handsome face that you’ve never seen before.

“hey, man.” heeseung answers nonchalantly, ignoring the expression on jake’s face.

jake scoffs, his tongue poking into his cheek before he speaks, “‘hey man’? that’s what you fucking say to me?” heeseung looks confused, so jake continues, “that’s what you say to me after fucking isa?”

there’s an instant simultaneous gasp within the passerby students, the statement makes them stop everything (including breathing) and watch the two best friends. jake looks like he’s ready to punch heeseung in the face, while heeseung is staring right at you as if jake isn’t even there.

“what?” you ask him, not understanding what the hell is going on.

“i didn’t fuck isa,” heeseung says more to you than jake.

“really? then why did so many people tell me they saw you and her go into a bathroom together at the party on saturday, right before you left in a rush! i knew you were fucking acting weird!”

“what?” you repeat, more information unfolding by the second.

heeseung swallows roughly before he speaks again, “okay, i went to the party, but i didn’t fuck isa!” he shakes his head quickly while still looking right at you.

“then what did you do with her in the bathroom, hee?” jake asks him, his jaw clenched.

heeseung looks at jake for the first time since the confrontation started, catching the looks of everyone in the hallway as he does. jake’s so mad that he doesn’t even recognize his (ex) best friend. though, he’d rather look at jake’s angry expression than your sad and confused one.

heeseung was thinking fast about what to say. he didn’t fuck isa, but he didn’t necessarily get a blowjob from her… she put her mouth on his dick and then he ran the fuck away because he realized he was in love with you. how the hell was he supposed to say that in front of all these people, including you?

his silence irks everyone the long way, jake scoffing out again and rolling his eyes, “you’re fucked up, hee.” jake nods his head, looking right at him, “is this why you’ve been avoiding me so you can get with isa?”

“what? no!” heeseung responds quickly, making jake scrunch his nose and eyebrows together in confusion, “well,”

“jesus christ!” jake’s hands cover his eyes for a second, trying to process everything before he turns to look at you, “i’m sorry y/n, i can’t believe he would’ve done this to someone as great as you,”

you feel lighter for a second as jake looks at you, his compliment going straight to your heart and playing into your fantasy world where he is the main character.

“i can’t believe you’d cheat on her, what the fuck is wrong with you?” jake snaps suddenly at heeseung, and the crowd of students makes noises in agreement with him.

“oh my god,” heeseung shakes his head now, a dry laugh falling from his mouth, “i didn’t fucking cheat on her! we aren’t even dating!”

you felt heat rush up your neck to your cheeks at heeseung’s exposure of you and him, the hallways were silent now, and you couldn’t lift your head or eyes up from the floor to look at every one.

“y/n, what?’ you hear jake question you, but you can’t force anything to come out of your mouth.

“we were fucking lying!” heeseung jumps in, getting the focus off of you, “we were fake dating.”

“what?” jake asks, “but i saw you guys at the restaurant- she was wearing your clothes!”

heeseung scoffs, “okay? that doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

“why would guys lie about that?” another voice jumps in, and it makes your head snap up to meet ryujin’s narrowed eyes, “i mean, we as your friends found it hard to believe, but we still supported you- and it was all a lie?”

“ryu, it’s not-” you start, but she only scoffs, opening her mouth to cut you off, but a hand on her shoulder cuts herself off. chaeryeong is standing behind her now, shaking her head at her to not continue, glancing at you with a sympathetic expression.

��i just, don’t understand.” jake speaks again, looking between you and heeseung.

“do you want to tell him or should i?” heeseung looks at you, and he looks fed up.

you shake your head slowly before you speak quietly, “heeseung, no.”

your worried expression makes heeseung feel guilty, but it doesn’t make him stop from speaking, “because she fucking likes you, and everyone and their mother knows that you’re only int chicks that have fucked before- so we were lying to make it seem like she has, so that you’d think she has- so that you’d like her back.”

you felt the air leave your lungs as everything was spoken out loud, in front of everyone; your classmates, your friends, your crush. you couldn’t look at anyone except for heeseung. your eyes narrowed right at him with pure anger and hatred. it was now that you think you’ve been tricked by him into liking him. every horrible memory you have with him taking over the small number of good ones you had with him.

“you’re a fucking asshole, heeseung.” you mumble to him, but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.

“me?” heeseung laughs out, his hand pointing loosely at himself, “i’m the fucking asshole?”

“yeah, you are!” you fight back, “you’ve lied to me, i don’t know how many times now! you’ve been using me! and now you’re fucking a girl behind my back?” you exclaim all at once and you feel like you’ve been holding it all back for over a week.

“who cares who i fuck? we aren’t actually dating, that’s what you said to me, right? we don’t need to pretend anymore.”

you bite back a cry that was about to escape your mouth, “fuck you, heeseung.” you turn just as the bell for first-period starts, pushing your way through the crowd that formed around the three of you. you keep your head down, trying to hide your watery eyes from them all.

the crowd starts to disperse when you leave, also because they were all going to be late to class if they didn’t start moving then.

“nice one, hee.” jake finishes his and everyone else’s thoughts as he turns, leaving heeseung in the hallway by himself, not caring if was going to be late for class. he doesn’t want to go to any class ever again after the past ten minutes. he feels fucking bad. he feels bad for everyone that was involved, but he feels even worse for you. he regrets everything he said as soon as it came out of his mouth.

the second bell rang, meaning if you weren’t in your seat by now, you were officially late. but heeseung doesn’t care. he just wants to be with you.

luckily, you and heeseung have the same spot where you go to clear your head at school, so it doesn’t take him long to find you sitting on the bench in the outdoor classroom. it’s cold and windy out, and your school uniform skirt is blowing up your legs, not keeping you warm at all and it makes heeseung want to wrap you up, but he can’t and he knows that.

you turn your head to the side at the sound of the door closing, scoffing when you catch a glimpse of heeseung standing there.

“i’m sorry,” heeseung states from behind you, not moving any closer, just standing a meter behind you, your hair is in a ponytail today and it’s showing off your neck which is starting to distract heeseung because he wants to place his chin there, kiss beside your ear and hum the song that’s been stuck in his head for weeks to you.

“you’re sorry?” you ask him, not looking at him but feeling his stare from behind you.

“i’m sorry,” he restates seriously.

“why did you even do that, heeseung?” you turn and look at him, not leaving your spot on the bench.

heeseung cringes at the lack of his nickname falling from your lips, “i just, couldn’t keep up with it anymore.”

“but why? you were the one who came up with the plan, half the rules, the fake dating! and you didn't even tell me that you and jake weren't talking anymore!”

heeseung sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose as he thinks about what he should say or do to help this situation in any way.

“heeseung,” you call him and he looks at you, “just tell me.”

heeseung sighs once more, deciding on an option, hopefully, the best option, “because i like you, a lot.”

“you,” you tilt your head to the side, not believing what you’re hearing, “like me?” heeseung nods sheepishly, barely being able to look at you, “for how long?”

“since like, forever- and fuck!” he runs a hand through his hair, “i didn’t come into this thinking i liked you, i thought i liked isa- but i don’t. i like you,” he takes a deep breath, “and only you. but i know you like jake so, it’s no use what the hell i say.”

you push the fallen hairs from your ponytail back, sadness and frustration taking up your whole body and mind. you stand up and face him, your nose starting to burn from the tears that are starting to pour out of your eyes.

“fuck you, heeseung!” you yell at him, your vision becoming blurry as you start to hit his bicep, he stands there and looks down at you with concern and hatred for himself, letting you hit him to get out your frustrations, “i didn’t want to fall in love with you! i didn’t want this! i didn’t fucking want this!” you step back from him and cover your face with your hands, heeseung sees the goosebumps on your skin from the cold. “there was supposed to be no feelings with us.”

“i’m sorry!” heeseung lets out exasperated, “what do you want me to do?”

you wipe the tears off of your wet face and look at him, biting your lip to hold back another frustrated sob, “just leave me alone, heeseung.” you step backwards towards the door, “leave me alone.” you turn and open the door, welcoming the warmth of the school in escape to cold-hearted heeseung and the cold october weather. you put your cold hands to your arms, trying to warm them up, trying not to think about how heeseung’s hands could warm you up so much faster.

on tuesday you’re sitting against the railing of the outdoor balcony by yourself. this time you have a sweater that you’re not sure where you got from, but it’s big and it bunches at your wrists from the extra fabric not being used. the school was let out not long ago, but you wanted to sit by yourself before you had to go home and deal with homework. classes were slow today, there was no one to talk to since your friends were mad at you or annoyed at you or whatever. you didn’t think it would be this bad, but the whispering from everyone gossiping about you as you walked down the hall or into the classroom was quickly getting to you.

since it’s tuesday, you know heeseung has practice after school, so he’d still be on the school property. you hope he wouldn’t show up here for a quick break before he heads over to the field with his team and the coach.

you haven’t been able to stop thinking about the day before events. your mind was crowded with thoughts of heeseung and jake. you were embarrassed, frustrated, angry and sad all at once. you wanted to just be mad at heeseung, but you couldn’t force yourself to be. it wasn’t just him that had gotten you wrapped around your stupid plan with him because you had agreed to it all. you had made rules for it, followed them and started liking the feeling of having a big secret kept between just you and someone else. and not just some boring other person- but lee heeseung.

lee heeseung had become your friend right before your eyes and you couldn’t protest against it. you liked hanging out with him, sharing secrets and inside jokes. furthermore, you liked the way his laugh sounded when you said something he thought was funny, you liked the smell of his cologne that you could point out anywhere because you swore you hated it so much only a few months ago. you liked the feeling of having him lay beside you in bed, his hands warming you up as his lips meet yours.

everything you had experienced with heeseung during the two months of your secret plan, you wish you could’ve experienced with jake instead. you have wanted jake to be yours for years and it was hard for you to accept that he never was or will be yours. but now you think that you did have heeseung, and it was over now before you could even realize it. your thoughts were scrambled all up with both of them and it was driving you crazy as you kept switching back and forth from them mentally.

“what? we’re just not going to talk about this?” you hear jake’s voice and you wonder what memory you’re pulling his voice from to hear him say this.

“talk about what, jake?” you hear isa’s unpleasant voice answer it. the girl appears below you, standing on the pavement underneath the outdoor classroom.

“talk about you fucking, heeseung.” jake answers as he steps forward into your sight now, facing isa with a look of disgust and anger. now you know why you weren’t sure where you had heard him speak the sentence before. you backed away from the railing of the outdoor classroom so that if they looked up you wouldn’t be the first thing they would see.

isa rolls her foul eyes, “we didn’t fuck, jake.”

“then what,” jake’s voice gets louder, “did you do together in the bathroom at that stupid fucking party?”

“well, i was giving him a blowjob until he got all weird and left,” isa speaks blatantly.

“what the fuck, isa.”

“what?” isa giggles dryly.

“we were,” jake pauses, “well i thought we were like, talking, like- i liked you. i thought you liked me back.” you can hear isa click her tongue to the top of her mouth and her shoes rough against the pavement underneath them as she shuffles forward towards jake.

“that’s sweet, jake.” it’s silent as jake doesn’t answer, isa giggling for real now, probably at the confused and hurt expression that crosses jake’s face. “what we’ve been doing was fun, but i don’t do, relationships or feelings or, just staying with one person- it gets boring too fast.”

jake rubs his face with one of his hands, disbelief taking over his body at isa’s words, “why didn’t you fucking mention this in the first place?”

isa shrugs, “because would you have continued this if i told you that?” jake doesn’t answer from pure anger and annoyance, “see! this was fun, jake, i liked having your attention for a while- but now, since that you, heeseung and the whole school knows what’s been happening, i guess it’s over.” isa speaks with almost no emotion.

“you’ve gotta be fucking joking, isa,” jake answers with a shake of his head, “so what? the past three months have been nothing but you just wanting attention? no other meaning behind any of this?”

isa shrugs, but nods, looking innocent, “i mean, yeah.”

“what a waste of fucking time.”

isa smiles at jake’s choice of words, “i’m sorry that you thought this was more, but it wasn't and it won’t be, so i guess i’ll go now.”

jake scoffs, “yeah, just leave me alone, isa.”

isa’s smile doesn’t leave at his words, nodding at him as she backs up slowly, leaving him, “bye, jake.”

jake and you both watch isa turn on her heel and walk down the side driveway of the school towards the street from different angles. her long hair that was once so pretty is almost vile looking as it blows behind her in the fall wind, her hands clasped together behind her back as she starts to walk home.

you wonder how jake is remaining so calm on the outside from the fight he just had with isa. if you were him you would’ve beat her head in with your fist before she practically skipped off with her hideous smile on her face. jake seemed to always be calm, it was something that you admired from him because it was something that you lacked, one of your weaknesses. the second something or someone annoyed you, you would lose it. heeseung and your countless fights are evidence.

you continue to watch isa’s figure grow smaller and smaller down to the street until she is out of sight with a scowl on your face. it was all her fault that any of this happened. if she wasn’t so obvious in liking jake then you wouldn’t have agreed to heeseung’s stupid plan to get her away from jake. she should’ve just fallen in love with heeseung and left jake alone. though, you assume at this point it would be impossible for isa and heeseung to end up together, not with the whole school calling them sluts and knowing that heeseung likes you instead.

jake lets out a huff of breath into the air, his head tilting upwards and catching sight of your body leaning against the rail, your sight locked onto where his just was. the thought of how ethereal you look up there crosses his mind for a millisecond until your eyes meet his.

it’s almost vexatious; you're staring at each other from a short distance with no words being exchanged, but the same emotions being felt.

jake finally offers you a curt nod in acknowledgement, catching your soft smile in response before he turns and starts walking back inside the school, out of your eyes and ears as the doors close behind him heavily. you know you weren’t supposed to hear that conversation, and you wonder how you would feel now if you hadn't heard it because it’s definitely changed the way you've been feeling about everything– about jake, about heeseung.

you wonder how jake feels about you.

you still don’t see heeseung by thursday afternoon. and at this point, you don’t want to.

you had thought that maybe he would have texted you, called you or showed up at your front door lying to your mom again. but there was nothing. not even a glimpse of him in the hallways. he is avoiding and ignoring you again and you don’t like it.

but maybe you were doing the same thing to him.

since you had watched jake and isa end whatever they were, you haven’t seen jake either. but he was all you could wonder about. you wondered what he was thinking. you wondered if he wondered what you were thinking or feeling. you wondered if he cared how you were feeling- and if you were feeling upset or sad.

in your mind, your fantasy, you and jake would have everything in common and feel the same emotions. he was the perfect man for you in every way. you liked to think that he was the exact boy in reality than he was in your dreams. maybe some of your thoughts were overexaggerated but they were always based off of your real-life interactions with jake. even though sometimes you would have to force yourself to be more extraverted and outgoing around jake, you didn’t mind.

at least when you were around jake you were happier than ninety percent of the time you were around heeseung.

your music was blasting in your ears as you sat on the bench of the outdoor classroom. your arms were out in front of you, leaning onto the railing. it is warmer out this afternoon and the sun feels good on your skin. It reminded you of the past summer when you spent every day at the beach with jake until your friends would come along later in the day and join you.

you are singing along to your music in your head, but you are probably also quietly humming out loud that you aren’t entirely aware of, focusing on your music felt like a good distraction.

so a hand suddenly being placed on your shoulder scared the shit out of you.

you turn and pull your headphones off your head at the same time, ready to yell at whoever grabbed you so unexpectedly, “jesus christ!”

“sorry,” jake stands there with a sheepish smile on his face. the sun shines perfectly on his tanned skin, but it doesn’t look as pretty as you remember.

you take a breath, “you scared me, oh my god,”

“i was calling you! but you didn’t hear me!” jake points at your headphones in your lap now.

“oh, right,” you nod and you notice you can hear your music still playing through your headphones from how loud they are playing. you move to lower the volume of them.

“can i, uh, sit?” jake asks and it makes you freeze, excitement and worry mixing together in the pit of your stomach.

“sure,”

jake sits directly beside you, your legs almost touching from how close you are together. it makes you feel uneasy in a way that you don’t like.

“you sit up here a lot, right?”

“yeah, sometimes,” you nod, picking at the loose wood of the bench instead of looking at him, “it’s quiet.”

jake hums, “i’ve seen you up here with heeseung, you can’t tell me you guys just sat in silence all the time,” your small smile drops at the mention of heeseung’s name out of jake’s mouth. it was the first time you had heard heeseung’s name spoken out loud since your big fight earlier in the week, “sorry.”

you force a smile back on your face at his quick apology, “it’s fine, sometimes quiet is good, right?” jake doesn’t answer so you look at him, his face scrunched up with an awkward tight smile, “what?” you laugh at him.

“i just hate the quiet,” he shrugs with a shake of his head.

“yeah, i can tell by all the parties and get-togethers you go to,”

“hey!’ jake nudges your shoulder with his, “you’re at majority of those, too!”

“yeah, but i don’t always want to be.”

“then why do you go?” you give him a look that tells him he should know, which makes his eyes widen, “to hang out with me?”

you try to calm the burning on your cheeks and look away from him again, “yeah, and to see some other people, too, but yeah, mainly to hang out with you.”

“shit,” jake chuckles, “i’m sorry i didn’t notice,”

“it’s fine, i never told you, or hinted at anything so,”

jake nods and turns his head to look out over the side driveway and streets, “why didn’t you?”

you shrug, embarrassed to be talking about this with him, “i just- i didn’t want it to have a different outcome from how i imagined it in my head.” jake gives you a confused expression in response, “you know, like what i would say, and what you would say, and how it would all end up afterwards, like a fantasy.”

“imagining a fantasy,” jake repeats, “that’s, creative,”

“what? you don’t do that?”

jake shakes his head, obviously thinking about it, “not really no. i just do what i feel like and then focus on what’s happening at the moment, in the present.”

you try to not feel a sudden hurt at his words, trying to not feel like he just shut down your whole way of thinking. you liked to daydream, and you were creative, and you liked imagining things that could happen even if they never did.

“anyways,” jake changes the subject, “i’m sorry about heeseung, too, i can’t believe he’d do that behind your back still,”

you shrug again, “he was confused, he was trying to do what he thought he wanted and wasn’t thinking about how others would feel until it was over.”

jake still looks mad at the thought of what heeseung did, “still, he’s an asshole,”

“no, he’s not, he just makes asshole decisions sometimes,”

jake raises an eyebrow at you, “wow, i never thought you of all people would defend heeseung, especially after all the times you threatened to throat punch him,”

you snort, “well, i guess he’s changed- or maybe i’ve changed.” you feel jake lean closer to you and spread his leg open more so it’s against your thigh.

“you know, you’re always able to see the best in everyone, that’s something i’m jealous of you about,”

“jealous?” you look at him now, trying not to get too nervous when you see how close your faces are.

“yeah, jealous,” jake licks his bottom lip with his tongue as he looks at your eyes and then your lips, “maybe that’s something you can teach me how to do.”

you almost blush as the word ‘teach’ comes out of his mouth, memories of you and heeseung flash before your eyes and you almost feel bad for allowing yourself to feel bad about it until jake places his hand on your thigh. your school skirt has ridden up a bit, so your skin is completely visible for him to cover.

“i don’t know, maybe i could try to teach you,” you mumble, your eyes hyper-aware of his hand and the lack of feelings rushing through your body from it. when heeseung was as close to you as jake was, you got nervous in the way you felt happy and something in your chest that made you feel lighter, but now the nervousness within you felt wrong.

“you know, y/n,” jake voice is close to your ear and it causes you to look at him, “i don’t think i’ve ever told you how pretty you are before.”

your eyes widen and jake must notice the quiet chuckle that leaves his mouth.

“pretty?” you stupidly repeat it. you had always imagined jake calling you pretty and you always imagined yourself falling further into him and maybe pulling him in for a kiss when he does. but now, a kiss is the last thing you want to do.

“yeah, pretty,” jake nods, “i should have told you sooner because i’ve always thought you were pretty.”

you are sure that his words are supposed to have an effect on you. after all you have liked him for years and thought about him saying these kinds of things to you countless times before. but all you feel is nothing but nervousness and thoughts of how wrong it feels to be this close to jake and have him touch your thigh. his index finger was drawing small circles onto your skin, closer to the hem of your skirt.

it’s silent between you two as jake’s body is pressing into your side and you try to form words that will let you get out of this situation with no harm done. you feel your breath quicken until there’s a quick thud on the door of the door classroom behind you. jake pulls away as both of you turn on the bench to look at it.

you don’t see anyone or anything by the door, but you take your chance and stand up, grabbing your bag and headphones with you, “i uh, actually have to get home now.”

“oh, do you?” jake asks a slight pout on his lips that you once thought were so pretty.

“yeah, i have a lot of homework and chores and dinner and stuff like that,” you start to walk towards the door, hoping to get there as quick as possible.

“right,” jake nods, “i’ll see you around, then?”

“yeah, right, i’ll see you, jake.”

jake smiles at you as you force a smile back and push open the door, stepping back into the hallway of the school, aiming to get out of there as quick as you could.

your music was blasting into your ears again as you made your way home. you knew that you didn’t hold anything against jake, but it felt wrong to let him touch you when all you could think about was heeseung, and how much better it would feel if he was there beside you instead.

you mentally curse him for the one-millionth time during the period that you have known him because you never wanted to fall in love with lee heeseung in the first place.

one full week passes by that you don’t see heeseung.

you were hoping to just catch a peek of his black hair in the hall, or smell his cologne in the classroom he was previously in, or hear his laugh echo from the field.

but there was absolutely no sign of him like he didn’t even exist anymore.

so, you went to his house.

you forced a puff of air out of your lips as you stood awkwardly on his front step, debating whether or not you were really going to do this or not. i mean, you’ve been to his house before, you’ve even gone inside when he was sleeping- but that was before he hated you- or knew that he secretly likes you.

nonetheless, you ring the doorbell.

lee heeseung answers the door and it's the first time you've seen him in what feels like years. your heart quickens in a good way and you feel yourself start to smile at the sight of him.

heeseung recognizes you in a second and groans, starting to close the door before either of you get a word out to each other.

“hee, wait!” you put your hand on the door to stop the door, but he’s already stopped himself from moving at the sound of his nickname that he hasn’t heard from you in so long.

“what,” he asks, looking at the ground instead of you.

“i miss you,” heeseung scoffs and starts to try to close the door again, “hee!” heeseung tries to tell himself that he hates his nickname coming from your mouth but its no use as he keeps his door open anyways, “i miss you, can we please just talk for a minute?”

“why? you told me to leave you alone, y/n.”

“i’m sorry, i should’ve been kinder, or texted you, or something- i just needed some time to myself to think things through,”

“if you needed time alone then why did i see you with jake on the bench the other day?”

“i-,” you open your mouth to speak but nothing but stutters come out of your mouth as you’re shocked by his statement. you wonder for a moment if he had seen you from the side driveway, or the field- but then you remember the noise you heard from the door behind you that gave you an excuse to leave jake, “heeseung, i-,”

“no, just forget it y/n, you said you wanted me to leave you alone, i saw how close you and jake got on the bench- his hand on your thigh,” heeseung closes his eyes in detestation for a second, “and this is what you wanted right? you wanted jake- you wanted him to think you’re experienced and now you have it, so our deal’s done for good.”

heeseung tries to close the door yet again, but you catch it and call his name, “this is not what i want!” you exclaim quickly. heeseung questions you, letting you explain further, “sure, that’s what i wanted, but it’s different now.”

“how’s it different?” he asks simply.

“i thought- i thought i knew jake and how a relationship with him would feel and be like, but that was all just in my head. he’s a lot- we’re a lot different than i assumed.” heeseung doesn’t say anything and lets you continue, “i want you, heeseung, in every way. you’re everything i could ask for and more and i’m a fucking idiot for not realizing sooner. i'm so sorry for getting mad at you and not thinking to ask you how you were feeling and i- i just want you.”

heeseung gulps and his voice is a lot quieter than before when he asks, “then what was that with jake the other day?”

“nothing! he was trying to comfort me i guess, in a way, but that was it, hee!” heeseung looks at the ground but nods, not saying anything and you think this is the quietest you’ve ever heard him in your entire life. you step towards him, almost inside now, “heeseung,” you grab his hand that isn’t holding the door open and he looks up at you as your fingers interlock, “i want you- just you.”

heeseung’s hands are cupping your cheeks in a second, his lips meeting yours in a quick, heated kiss that takes you by surprise. before you can kiss back out of relief and happiness he’s pulling back just far enough to rest his forehead on yours, “i’ve wanted you to say that to me for so fucking long.” you smile up at him and lean in so your lips meet again.

heeseung’s pulling you fully into his house now, your lips barely leaving for more than a second during your closed-eye walk to his bedroom. your hands ran along both of your bodies, wanting to get as close as possible.

heeseung doesn’t even give you a second to breathe properly as he lays you down on his bed. your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him into you and he groans against your mouth. you feel his hands drifting down to your ass and knead the skin through your jeans.

“hee,” you whine and you can feel him smirk against your lips as you continue to kill. his teeth brush against your bottom lip and it makes you get the urge to throw yourself over his body so now you’re sitting on top of him, straddling him.

heeseung’s uses the hand on your ass to push your hips down against his crotch. his other hand rests on your waist, easily slipping down to land on your asscheek, smacking it hard enough to make you squeal.

“y/n likes her ass being spanked?” you nod in response, your head dropping forward onto his and he smacks your ass again in the same spot. your hips push down harder against his, feeling his hard bulge now, “dirty slut.”

“can i tell you something?” heeseung nods this time, you bring your hand up that was resting on his chest to the side of his face, and his head instinctively leans into your touch.

“anything.”

“i touched myself thinking about you,” you whisper to him, your lips gently brushing angst his earlobe as you spoke the words.

heeseung feels shocked, but you can see how flustered he is at your statement, “really?” his voice is higher and you nod and he groans, “fuck, i wish i could’ve watched you.”

you shrug, “maybe one day.” heeseung’s hand lands on your ass again and you let out a quiet moan.

“fuck, i wanna feel your mouth so bad, baby.”

“my mouth?’ you repeat, knowing that you have never even attempted a blow job before.

“yeah, it’s what i think about when i touch myself,” you let out another involuntary moan at heeseung’s words, the idea that both of you think about each other when you get needy turns you on. you press your lips to his once more before you get off his lap.

heeseung unties his sweatpants and slides them down to his knees, you’re face to face with his cock then, thanks to the lack of his boxers. it’s obvious how hard and big he is, but you don’t let the size intimate you as you press a soft kiss against the head of heeseung’s cock.

heeseung bites his lip to hold back a groan, his fingers wrapping through your hair. you wrap one of your hands around him, pumping him slowly, trying to remember how he had shown you a few weeks ago.

he lets out a groan from above you, “just put as much as you can in.” you nod at him briefly, before you wrap your lips around the tip of him where you had placed kisses beforehand. your hand that was pumping him is stalled at the base of his dick as you slowly push your head down. you gurgle slightly as it reaches the back of your throat for the first time. you try to stay there for as long as you can until your come up off of him, breathing heavy already and earning a smack on your ass from heeseung again, “good girl.”

you go back down on heeseung, your ass stinging from the slap, you hollow your cheeks once you’re down as far as you can go. you swallow quickly, his hips jerking up before you pull your mouth away from him. you try to keep up with a pace, heeseung’s breathing going heavy and his hand rubs your ass where he has smacked over and over.

heeseung starts to pull at your jean’s belt loops, making you pull away from him with a whine. he tsks at you, “i want to feel you, too y/n.'' with your help, he tugs your jeans down your legs so you’re just in your underwear. you quickly go back to sucking his cock the best you can as you feel his fingers slip into your underwear, trailing over your folds, “you’re so fucking wet.” you moan around his cock which makes him moan.

heeseung easily slips two of his fingers into you. his whimpers slip out of his mouth as you continue to work his cock making his fingers feel even better as they brush against your gspot that he knows so well at this point. his fingers curl right onto it, making you clench tight around his digits.

you start to swirl your tongue around his cock, trying to focus on one thing at once, but he makes it hard when he starts to pump his two fingers into your faster. you can hear how wet you are like he mentioned before, and it makes your thighs twitch from the pleasure he’s giving you. you feel like you’re going to cum, and you’re going to cum fast.

you pull away from his cock, and rest your head on his bare thigh instead, focusing on his fingers completely, “hee, ‘m gonna cum.”

heeseung chuckles, seeing how easy you give in to the pleasure as your eyes are almost closing and your mouth is open on his thighs, “yeah? you gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” his fingers speed up and the sound of your wetness filling his room in sinful, “do it, fucking do it- cum.”

his encouragement is what helps send you over the edge too quickly. you’re cumming before you can realize it and your stomach is caving in from the pleasure taking over your body. your eyes scrunch together and your hands grip onto heeseung’s sheets below him, your ass still in the air as his fingers pound you through it.

when your orgasm fades away and he slips his hand out of you. you sit up on your knees, in between his legs. his hand is up to your mouth, covered in your juices and cum. you open your mouth and let him put his fingers in your mouth. you suck on them like you sucked his cock, groaning at the taste of his skin and your cum mixing together in your mouth.

“so pretty,” heeseung groans, mesmerized by the sight of you sucking his fingers, “my pretty girl, fuck.”

his hand falls out to your bare waist from your shirt riding up. you smile slowly at him, “want you to fuck me, hee.”

“fuck,” heeseung groans out, his head falling back on his neck and resting on the headboard behind me, “you’re gonna be the death of me.”

you giggle at him and reach for the hem of your shirt, successfully taking it off and revealing that you aren’t wearing a bra underneath, your bare chest exposed to his eyes. his hand reached out and started to tweak one of your nipples, making your chest arch forward towards him. he leans up and kisses you, your eyes closing as you take in one another again.

your cheeks start to heat up when he pushes you back onto your back, off of his lap and spreads your legs up. heeseung slips your panties off your legs, leaving you completely naked now. without a calm beat passing, heeseung leans down and presses a kiss directly onto your clit. your hand grips the bed underneath you and the other one rests on heeseung’s head. you try to hide the embarrassment you are feeling as you realize this is the first time a boy has ever looked at your core so closely.

“gonna let me make you feel good, baby?” heeseung asks looking up at you through his eyelashes.

“please,” you can only let out with your voice not quivering from excitement and nervousness. heeseung presses a kiss to the soft skin of your inner thigh, trying to relax you before he delves in.

his hands are wrapped around your thighs, and his lips wrap around your clit, sucking harshly onto the bud. your head drops back onto his bed, letting out a moan at the new feeling heeseung was giving you. his tongue starts to lick up your entire slit, stopping and circling around your clit before he starts doing soft licks against the bud again. you can instantly tell how to experience heeseung is and that the rumours you’ve heard about him aren’t false like you ahd previously always thought.

heeseung was good, and you mentally apologize to him for all the times you teased him about not knowing how to make a girl cum.

the pleasure he was making you feel was something you would have never expected. it isn’t too long into his actions that you start to buck your hips into his face against his mouth, trying to get more friction. you make eye contact with him when you let out a long moan, his eyes are filled with lust and love as he looks back at you, his tongue entering your hole as he starts to tongue fuck you now.

“taste better than i imagined, so sweet,” heeseung mumbles into your pussy, making you gasp out from the vibrations, “wanna make you cum again, angel.” you nod furiously against the bed, wanting nothing more since you were feeling another high approach thanks to his tongue.

you gain a little more strength and you si tup on your elbows to watch him in between your thighs as he starts to eat you out harder. the noises of his tongue slurping up your juices make you mewl out his name.

“feel like cuming?” heeseung asks you, his fingers pressing circles into your clit as he speaks.

“hee, god, please, wanna cum so bad,” you nod at him. you feel yourself almost start to drool when heeseung spits onto your pussy, wetting it more so his fingers can slide easily into you.

the intrusion of his fingers makes your pleasure increase quickly and you scrunch your eyes together even though you want to watch him. his tongue on your clit and his fingers rubbing your g spot makes you cum harder than you ever have before. a loud sob of his name escapes your mouth as your body stills with your high.

your body feels drained as your high fades, but you want to keep going. you want heeseung in every way possible, especially since he looks so hot with his chin and mouth glistening with your juices.

your hands grab onto his heeseung’s face, pulling him towards you so your lips meet again. the taste of yourself makes you moan against his tongue. heeseung realizes how good of a kisser you are now, and he takes pride in the thought that he’s the one that taught you.

“i want you,” you mumble against his lips, kissing him again.

“are you sure?” heeseung mumbles back, not leaving your mouth.

“yes, hee, i’m sure.”

heeseung pulls back finally, a serious look on his face, “are you sure that you’re sure? i don’t want to hurt you again.”

you smile at his sweetness, “i’m sure heeseung, i want you so bad,”

heeseung presses his lips against yours once more before he’s helping you move back to the top of his bed, your head landing on his pillows, surrounding yourself with his shampoo and cologne that have stuck themselves into them. heeseung pulls off his shirt to reveal his soft abs, your hand trails down them, mouth watering at how pretty he is.

once he’s sure that you’re comfortable, he slides on a condom that he got from his bedside drawer and he then lowers himself to lay over you. his arm is holding himself up beside your head. you feel his cock rub against your slit, he feels so hard against you.

slowly, heeseung starts to push his cock into you. he is careful to watch your expressions to make sure you’re not in too much pain. this time, you feel a little stretch but it's taken over by pleasure immediately. it’s a new feeling to have him completely inside you, but you don’t want him to ever pull out. his cock fits inside of you perfectly.

“you can move, hee, i’m fine,” you tell him when you notice his face scrunched up in pleasure and concern. he nods once and he pulls back his hips, just enough to be able to quickly push back into you. the action feels different inside of you, but so good at the same time.

it takes heeseung a moment to find a steady pace, “fuck, you’re so fucking tight, y/n. won’t be able to last long in you like this,”

you smile at the compliment even though heeseung seems disappointed in himself for not going to be able to last long this time. every thrust of his is aiming for your gspot as he tries to focus more on you than himself.

“harder, hee,” you tell him, your hands running down his biceps, the same biceps that you’ve swatted so many times at something stupid or annoying he’s said, “you make me feel so good,”

heeseung intertwines one of his hands with yours and places it beside your head so he can still hold himself up. the action is so intimate and makes the whole experience better. it makes you feel just as wanted by him as he is by you. his cock starts to thrust harder into you at your request, making both of you groan out. heeseung rests his head on your shoulder, kissing the skin there and up along your neck.

“you make me feel so good, too,” heeseung confesses into your ear, as if anyone else would be able to hear him, “wanna feel you cum around my dick, see how much tighter you can squeeze me,”

“oh god,” you let out, your hips starting to buck against his, the added friction making both of you feel even better, “wanna cum, hee. love your cock so much,” you confess back to him because it is all you can think about.

his free hand that isn’t holding yours, slips between your bodies to your clit, and starts to rub circles in perfect time with his thrusts, “fuck, can you feel you getting close, baby, want my girl to cum for me so bad.”

“your girl,” you whimper back to him, desperation in your eyes as you feel your stomach start to coil.

heeseung smirks down at you, “my girl,” he leans down to kiss you, your chest feeling like it was about to explode from the lack of air you were getting. the kiss is more passionate than all of the other ones you shared, your intertwined hands locking tighter as you kiss. “tell me you’re mine.”

“i’m yours, hee, all yours- just yours.” you instantly let out, the feeling of belonging to someone in such a close and intimate way makes his thrusts feel so fucking good. before you can say much more, your third orgasm of the night washes over you. your moans are loud in heeseung’s ear as you cry out his name along with them. you can feel the heat in his room increase the longer your orgasm last.

heeseung slows until you’ve calmed down, his hands slipping down to your waist and he sits up, your thighs wrapped around his hips, “fuck, i love you.” he looks down at you, both of your hairlines wet with sweat.

“i love you, hee.”

heeseung leans down and presses and short and sweet kiss to your lips and then he’s back to fucking into you quicker, trying to chase his own orgasm fast. he doesn’t want to overstimulate further, and he can tell you are trying not to show how sensitive your body is, “gonna cum, baby.” his fingers dig harder into your waist, as his thrusts get sloppy quick.

you feel his cock twitch inside of you, surrounded by your wet walls and a condom, he releases into it. he fills the condom up, and you wish he would’ve came inside of you instead, painted your walls white with his cum; but there was always the next time and all the times after that for you to feel him with that much intimacy.

heeseung’s bedroom is silent besides your heavy breathing. you can feel each other’s breaths on your skin but neither of you cares, only wrapping one another up in each other’s arms. you could care less about the sweat, only wanting to be as close as possible.

heeseung moves so he’s laying beside you, his arm still draped over your stomach as he lays on his stomach and you on your back, “are you okay?”

you turn your head to look at him, his brown pretty eyes filled with concern again, “i’m fine, heeseung, really fine- really good. that was perfect.”

heeseung smiles lazily at you, too tired out to do anything more, “you’re perfect,” you shake your head and roll your eyes at him, “what? you are.” heeseung moves over to cuddle up to your side more, his fingers gripping your waist to pull you into him.

“i just feel sorry again, for what happened before.”

heeseung tsks, “stop. we already talked about it, i love you.”

there’s still a guilt feeling in your stomach that makes you want to scream, but you’re tired mentally and physically to actually do it. heeseung’s arm over you and his face pressed into your neck make you feel better and helps distract you from the guilt you’re feeling.

wrapped in with heeseung makes you feel like you’re at home. a home that you’ve always known but have avoided for reasons you aren’t sure of. there are memories with him that you hate, but love at the same time, because they’re what makes it how you and heeseung are now. you used up so much of your time trying to chase a relationship with someone else that would be ‘perfect’, but that perfect relationship was in front of you all the time. you wish you would’ve realized it sooner.

you choose to not dwell on your mistakes and regrets any longer, wanting to focus on heeseung’s slow breathing on your skin as he falls asleep, “i love you,” you whisper back to him, wanting him to hear it before he drifts off any deeper.

you realized that the guilty feeling wasn’t coming from your new relationship with heeseung, but from the fact that you had lied to your friends.

you planned that the next day at school, you would no longer avoid them, but face them and apologize and hopefully, you can rekindle your friendships; yours and heeseung’s friendships.

heeseung and you are both awfully aware that the whole fake dating part of your previous plan was unnecessary and stupid- or you could’ve at least told your friends what your guys’ plans were all along. you are both prepared to admit how stupid the two of you are in hopes that your friends agree and forgive you.

you weren’t anxious to walk into school the next day with heeseung until you are halfway down the hall and everyone seems to be staring at the two of you. your hands are interlocked in between each other as you make your way through the school towards your classes. you feel your heartbeat pick up its pace when you meet everyone’s eyes and decide to keep your head down to the ground to avoid any more eye contact.

heeseung on the other hand could care less about any of their starings.

until someone speaks up.

“c’mon you guys, we all know you’re faking, so you don’t have to pretend to date anymore,” chaehyun says as she leans on her locker, her little friend group around her all wearing glares that matched hers.

heeseung chuckles, “but we aren’t faking anymore.”

the rest of the hallway all turns and looks at the two of you, hands still intertwined and you get the urge to let go to get some of them to stop staring and make things less awkward, but still, you keep a hold of heeseung’s warm and homey hand that helps distract you.

“what?” cheorry asks from the other side of the wall, your face lights up when you see her, wanting to talk to her right away.

“yeah, what?” jay asks, his arm wrapping around cheorry’s shoulders.

heeseung shrugs and looks down at you with a smile, “we’re dating- for real this time.”

“no way,” ryujin shakes her head, “i don’t believe you guys at all this time.”

you let go of heeseng’s hand now when you see your other friend, “ryu, it’s true. we’re dating, we aren’t lying anymore. and i’m so sorry i lied to you before. i should’ve just told you the truth because you, and chaeryeong and cheorry are my best friends- it was so stupid of me to lie to you guys.”

“yeah, it was.” chaeryeong cuts in, her eyebrow raised at you as she listens to what you have to say.

“i know- and i’m so sorry you guys, it wasn’t cool of me- of us,” you gesture at heeseung, “to lie. we’re both sorry.”

heeseung sheepishly smiles at all your friends, “i’m sorry guys, we got all in our heads about the whole plan we made- we didn’t think about how it would affect you guys.”

sunghoon nods, “so, you guys are actually dating this time?” heeseung and you both nod at his question, “cool.” sunghoon smirks as he looks between the two of you.

“i guess, you guys do look good together,” jay nods, wrapping his other arm around sunghoon.

“i guess so,” ryujin says with a smirk, opening her arms for you to run into. chaeryeong and cheorry hug you both, forming a mini group hug in the hallway as heeseung replaces cheorry’s spot under jay’s arm.

the bell rings which breaks up the crowd that has formed around your friend group, you hear a few mumbles of confusion and anger as everyone disperses from your scene and heads to their designated classes. you catch heeseung’s hand in yours again as you walk with your friends to class, everyone catching up with each other and getting ready for the school day ahead of them. heeseung spins you around, making you laugh before he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling him into you as you walk. he presses a quick kiss to your forehead, mumbling an ‘i love you’ under his breath so only you can hear and your heart flutters now that you’re finally happy.

jake stands at the end of the hallway alone, watching the both of you at the back of his ex-friend group walk to class together. neither of you notices as you’re caught up in your own world, and it makes his heart wrench in hurt.

jake’s always known how much of a great person you are- how you’d go out of your way to protect your friends before protecting yourself. you are pretty, smart and talented and he should’ve realized how much he wanted you earlier. he’s realized that he’s always liked you, but he was too caught up with his high school reputation and the stupid idea of him having to hook up with ‘experienced’ girls.

he wonders to himself what would have happened if he realized his feelings sooner, would he have ended up happily with you, instead of being so hurt by isa? maybe he’ll leave that up to his imagination that he’s trying to work on thanks to you.

@ taeghi, 2022. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS

stay safe everyone :)

#heeseung #smut #heeseung smut #enhypen smut #enhypen #enhypen writers #lee heeseung

[aeonphantasia]

To all the akuroku shippers (and to my own amusement lol), I made a small summary of all the times Axel and Roxas met and spent time together throughout the KH 358/2 Days game because i feel like the movie version didn't do justice to them. It's a very small outline and i'm already planning to do a more detailed breakdown in the future to showcase how their relationship has changed through that one year. Hope you enjoy it!!

Also, I want to dedicate this to all the akuroku fans out there who have written beautiful fics about these two. I know there's an akrk discord where you meet and discuss about them. I made this for you, for reference if you want as a thanks for all your wonderful works!!! (I would tag you all but i'm a bit shy, so you know who you are!)

n.b. the days marked with a ! indicate an important milestone in their relationship.

PART 1 - here.

!DAY 255 - THE LONGEST DAY Axel meets Xion in C.O. and asks her to leave and forget everything. Axel meets Roxas for ice cream. (This is where the famous ‘why the sun sets red’ scene happens). Roxas wonders about Xion. Axel lies and tells him she is on an important mission. Roxas feels Axel is not being entirely honest and he too seems like is not himself. Xion finds the truth about herself. 

!DAY 256 - NEWS Org.XIII has a meeting discussing Xion who has left. Xemnas forbids anyone to go look for her. Roxas is disheartened. After his mission he is alone eating ice cream. Roxas wishes Axel would be there with him. Axel stands hidden in silence on the clocktower, observing Roxas. 

!DAY 257 - HOLLOW Roxas sits alone on the clocktower. He’s sad. Wonders where his friends are. Roxas seems sure Axel is avoiding him. 

DAY 276 - DISORDER After a long time, Axel joins Roxas on the clocktower. Axel resolves they will go look for Xion the next day. Axel is worried about Xion too.

DAY 277 Brief meeting in the morning. Roxas looks for Xion. 

DAY 278 Brief meeting in the morning. Roxas looks for Xion. 

!DAY 296 - CONFESSIONS Brief meeting in the morning. Later, Roxas and Axel sit on the clocktower. Roxas wants to look for Xion in C.O. Axel confesses that’s where Xion comes from. 

!DAY 297 - CONTACT Axel and Roxas go to C.O. Roxas collapses. He wakes up next to Axel in Twilight Town. They briefly see Xion but she runs away. Roxas questions her actions. Axel seems reluctant. 

!DAY 298 - FRACTURE Roxas witnesses Saix ordering Axel to bring Xion back with force, considering her a traitor. Axel promises he won’t hurt her. Roxas has been ordered to find the impostor (Riku). During his mission he finds Xion and begs her to come back, which she refuses. After trying to grab her, she summons her keyblade. Axel, who was secretly witnessing the scene, charges towards Xion and they have a fight which Roxas tries to stop. Axel knocks Xion unconscious and brings her back to the castle. Roxas catches up to him asking for an explanation and accusing him of not keeping his promise not to hurt her. Axel remains indifferent. Roxas is cross with Axel.

!DAY 299 - SORA Roxas learns from Xemnas about Sora. When he’s greeted by Axel, he ignores him. Axel keeps ignoring his guilt towards Roxas and the lies he’s telling him, convincing himself that that’s what being a nobody means. Yet, he feels something is not right. ‘Roxas doesn't trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can't tell him the truth yet. So I keep lying. It's no big deal when you're a Nobody. There's no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him? All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity.’

!DAY 300 - SHUTDOWN Axel and Xion join Roxas for ice cream. None of them speak a word.

!DAY 301 - VACANT PLACE Roxas eats ice cream alone. He starts feeling tired. Axel doesn’t know how to talk to Roxas. 

!DAY 321 - WANING POWER Roxas and Xion have ice cream together. Roxas complains about the way Axel treated Xion and he’s mad at him as far as calling him ‘jerk’, which takes Xion aback. She (very sweetly) explains to him that if it wasn’t for Axel she wouldn’t be here with him now. Roxas is still cross. (The little dialogue they have is actually very sweet and emphasizes my HC that Xion is very aware of the feelings Axel and Roxas have for each other.) Roxas: I can't believe that jerk would actually attack you. Xion: So he's a jerk now? (Roxas says nothing) Xion: Roxas, I wouldn't be sitting here with you if Axel hadn't done that. (Roxas still says nothing) Xion: He's your best friend. Roxas: So are you. Later, Xion meets with Axel. She is worried about Roxas, and Axel tells her (very rudely) it’s because she is absorbing his powers. Once again, Axel states that they are best friends and can’t take decisions on her behalf. 

DAY 322 Roxas has ice cream on his own and wishes he can meet with his friends again like before. 

DAY 324 Roxas has ice cream alone. 

!DAY 352 - SUNSET Brief meeting in the morning. Axel is worried about Roxas. During his mission, Roxas fights a powerful nobody. Just before the final attack Axel appears and stops the fight revealing the mission to be a setup: Xion and Roxas were actually fighting each other. Later they eat ice cream together. They enjoy their time together and Roxas proposes the three of them to run off so they can always be together. Roxas promises to never forget these memories. ‘Me and Xion and Axel had ice cream. The sunset was beautiful.I don't have to write anything else down, because I'll never forget this day.’

!DAY 353 - RESOLVE After his mission, Roxas is back at the castle. He learns that Xion has disappeared again and Axel let her go without stopping her. Finally, Axel tells Roxas the truth about Xion and how he would trade her to save Roxas’ life. Roxas is very upset. He thinks he can’t trust Axel anymore. (I cannot NOT include their dialogue because it is extremely powerful and emotional). Roxas: What happened out there? Axel: Look, nothing. Roxas: Xion's gone! How is that nothing? Axel: It's just like Xigbar said. I couldn't stop her from going. Roxas: Don't give me that! Why not? Axel (crossing his arms): Roxas... Xion is like a mirror that reflects you. Roxas: What? Axel: The Organization made her to duplicate your powers. She's a puppet Roxas: Have you gone nuts? Xion's a person, not a puppet. Axel: She's smoke and mirrors, Roxas. And when I looked in the mirror... It wasn't you I saw. Roxas: I don't know what you're talking about, but Xion is Xion. You can't expect her to be me. Axel: That's not what I mean, Roxas. It was only a matter of time before somebody had to break the mirror. Roxas: You mean destroy her. (Axel looks away) Roxas: Answer me! Axel: Roxas, if somebody doesn't, you'll... You won't be you anymore. Roxas: I'll always be me! Your best friend--just like Xion! Axel (shaking his head): Roxas, you're...you're not seeing the bigger picture. Any of it. Roxas: Ugh, forget this. (Roxas starts to leave) Axel: Roxas! (He runs away) Axel: Why can't you understand…

!DAY 354 - TRUTH Org.XIII has a meeting. Xemnas orders Axel to capture Xion once again. Roxas is against it. He is angry at Axel for keeping the truth from him for so long. Roxas wonders if he is a puppet too. 

!DAY 355 - UNSAID, UNHEARD Roxas meets Axel and the two have a bad confrontation. (Again, I’ll let their dialogue do the talking. This is the best piece of writing of the entire game. I call this ‘The Break-up’). Roxas: Axel. Axel: Hey, Roxas. (They stand silent for a moment) Roxas: You find Xion? Axel: Like it's gonna be that easy. Roxas: I know… (Axel says nothing) Roxas: Have you been keeping the truth about her from me this whole time? Axel: ...Not the whole time. Roxas: When did you find out? Axel: Oh, I dunno. Somewhere along the way. Roxas: Didn't get it memorized, huh? Axel... Who am I, really? (Axel says nothing) Roxas: I'm special, like Xion. I know that. (Axel remains silent) Roxas: But the Organization wanted me out of the picture. Axel: Yeah... They did. Roxas: Is it because Xion copied by Keyblade and they didn't need me anymore? (Axel continues to say nothing) Roxas: And you feel the same way. Axel: No, you've got that part wrong. You'll always be my best friend. Roxas: Best friends are honest with each other! Who am I, Axel? (Axel looks away) Roxas: Xemnas said me and Xion are connected to Sora. Who is that? Tell me! Am I a puppet like Xion? Axel: No… Roxas: What, then? Axel: You really think the truth is going to make you feel better? It won't. Roxas: What makes you so sure? I have a right to know who I am! How did I get here? Why am I special? Where did I learn to use the Keyblade? I deserve those answers! Axel: Roxas… Roxas (sighing): Are you gonna tell me or not? Axel... Who am I? Axel: You've just gotta trust me, Roxas. (He turns around) Roxas: I don't. Axel: Hey, c'mon… Roxas: If I can't get answers here, I'll get them somewhere else. Somebody knows where I came from. That'll be the person I trust.

Roxas leaves. Outside of the Castle, they meet one more time. Axel: Your mind's made up? (He stops) Roxas: Why did the Keyblade choose me? I have to know. Axel: You can't turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side, and they'll destroy you! Roxas: No one would miss me. (He walks away) Axel: That's not true... I would.

DAY 356 - PLACE TO BELONG Axel meets Xion and they fight. Axel brings Xion back and then he collapses from fatigue. 

!DAY 357 - TEARS Roxas and Xion fight. Xion disappears into the light. Axel finds an envelope. Inside, there’s a ‘WINNER’ stick. 

-END.

#akuroku #akrk #roxas #axel #kh roxas #kh axel #xion #kh xion #kingdom hearts #kh 358/2 days #kingdom hearts 358/2 days

[aitavoting]

AITA for exploiting my stepmom’s superstitions?

I (15F) am interested in divination. Not as a real thing that works, I just think the systems are interesting and reading tarot or I Ching helps me think through things sometimes. Like, my grandma told me when I was little that if you have a hard decision to make flip a coin and suddenly you’ll know exactly what side you hope it comes down on. My dad wouldn’t buy me a tarot set so I made my own a few years ago and I just use regular coins for I Ching. He doesn’t care that I do it, he just thinks it’s a silly thing to spend money on and that’s probably true. I like my handmade set.

My dad married my stepmom 2 years ago and we don’t get along. She’s churchy and I’m agnostic, plus she has Opinions on lady-like behavior that I think are ridiculous. I try to just avoid her most of the time. I didn’t know that she didn’t know about the tarot thing until she walked in to my room while I was doing a reading last week. I usually do one before bed as kind of a wind down. She hit the frigging roof, man, I’ve never seen her that mad before. It turned into a big fight and she said she wouldn’t tolerate “devil worship” and “witchcraft” around her kids (10F, 8M). My dad told me to just not do it around the other kids and they went off to talk about it. I thought that was the end of it, but when I came home from school a couple of days later I noticed that the box that I keep my cards in was gone from my dresser.

SM said that she had burned them and I kinda lost it. Even if I don’t believe in it, I spent a lot of time making them and she burned my artwork. My dad was also pretty mad at her but he said it was probably time for me to move on from that anyway and he would make her buy me some books or something to make up for it. I was still upset so I told SM that I hope she lost something really important to her too and locked myself in my room. Ever since then, she’s convinced that I cursed her and is on edge all the time. I haven’t denied it either because I’m still mad. I even remade a couple of the cards and left them around just to spook her and it’s working. She won’t let her kids out of her sight when they’re home and she misplaced a necklace this weekend and freaked out.

My dad says he understands what I’m doing by playing into her paranoia, but I need to just leave her alone before she has a stroke. I think she deserves it. I am starting to feel bad about how much she’s taking it out on her kids, though, they can’t even be in the yard without her. 

[view this story on reddit]

Feel free to make your opinion be heard in the comments/reblogs but keep it respectful. For detailed information please read the guidelines for commenting. Violations will lead to your comment being deleted and you potentially being blocked.

#aita #am i the asshole #reddit #polls #poll

[voltfruits]

fuck it, have some more aubrey omori headcanons because i care about her in the most mentally ill way

she has chinese heritage on her father's side, french on her mother's

bisexual af!!!! had a small crush on mari growing up

always has cold hands. kinda anemic probably

has a very noticeable eye twitch when she gets stressed or angry—it kinda looks that way in some of her headshots ingame

her father was physically abusive, but she would always lie when asked why she had bruises. i think it makes sense considering how touch-averse she is post-timeskip :((

hero and mari were vaguely aware of her rough homelife, but only basil knew the full reality of it, because he'd been her friend the longest. basil being basil, he took that secret to the grave and never told anyone else (also i feel like aubrey would tell basil to keep it a secret because she doesn't want anyone's pity). this is another reason aubrey was so hurt by the blacked-out photo album; basil was the one person who really knew how badly aubrey needed their chosen family, and he was still trying to avoid her rather than support her

okay, a non-angsty one now! aubrey has a surprisingly sophisticated palate! i mean, she canonically loves grilled eggplant which is one of the few things i don't particularly like. she'll eat just about anything really. and she cried actual tears of joy when she got to taste hero's home cooking for the first time after the endgame. ("you don't understand. i've been living off monster energy and gas station hot dogs for the past year. without this salad i am nothing")

she wanted to be a witch when she was little. it was always her go-to halloween costume!! she threatened to put a hex on kel that would make him cough up frogs, and kel had at least one nightmare about it

after mari's death, she started going to the faraway town public library a lot and losing herself in books. it was safer than being home, and people could just exist there without having to spend money or explain themselves or anything, and it reminded her of all the time she spent reading with mari. she stopped going after a year or two because she got into a fight with someone :(

she did a bunch of odd jobs around faraway town to get enough money for food and clothes

after the true ending, one of the first things she does upon leaving the hospital is destroy her nail bat. not really on purpose. she just flies into a rage and pounds it against the wall of an alley until it breaks into splinters.

after that, she goes into a brief but intense depression and doesn't leave her room for 2 days until kel drags her out. around that time, she has a sort of "shit, i need to get my life together" epiphany, and starts applying for actual jobs. she ends up working at fix-it until she graduates high school

she stows away on a freight train to visit sunny in the city and tell him she forgives him. she's the first one to seek him out. a few weeks later she gets kel and hero to drive up with her for a full reunion (minus basil, he'll come later)

hero also teaches her and kel how to drive that summer (way more affordable than an actual driver's ed course). he also gives her some fun tips about cooking!! and general adulting. he is literally a big brother to her and it makes me sob happy tears pls i love them so much

sadly, hero and kel's parents aren't that fond of aubrey. they were vaguely disdainful of her even before mari died ("she's one of those people from the poor neighborhood, isn't she?") and they openly condemn her after her spiral into delinquency. even after she becomes friends with hero and kel again, she isn't allowed into their house... but that doesn't stop her from hanging out with them :)

her mother dies from alcohol poisoning a few months after the true ending. aubrey barely even grieves; as far as she's concerned, she lost both parents years ago. she moves in with polly and basil, who recently got back from the mental hospital and is now homeschooled. things are rocky for a while, but aubrey can stand to be around basil even if she can't fully forgive him. as time goes on, they get more comfortable talking to each other, and aubrey is yet again the first one to really make things right with him and accept his friendship again. the others follow soon :)

she and basil share a lot of clothes!!!! basil likes to wear things on the big and baggy side so they still fit aubrey perfectly

aubrey also teaches basil how to swim :') as well as some basic self defense. and she buys him plants and flowers and treats him to coffee now that she has a steady source of income. i am completely normal about aubrey and basil's friendship please trust me

now that aubrey has a parental figure who actually cares about her, she can finally afford to start going to therapy. she's diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which does still flare up from time to time, but her symptoms are more manageable than they were before the true ending. she gets more comfortable expressing all her emotions, not just the angry ones, and also gets a lot more comfortable with intimacy and affection, like her younger self

she also starts working out (buff auby my beloved) and playing guitar. she can't sing, but she does it anyway when no one is around

she listens to sonic youth, bikini kill, liz phair, joan jett, and various other icons of 80s and 90s girlboss rock music. she also had an MCR phase when she was 14-15, and i know from experience that once you start having an MCR phase it never truly ends (sunny likes them too!!)

she calls hero on the phone at least once a week. he helps her with her homework sometimes, and she hypes him up and encourages him to socialize and make friends!!

she's really good at most party games (air hockey, cornhole, beach volleyball, etc) and also has a strange knack for winning those claw machine games (she's gotten sunny and basil and kim soooo many stuffed animals). however, she's hilariously bad at video games. she has never won at mariokart in her life

she refuses to touch alcohol, but smokes marijuana every now and then. when she's feeling festive. or super stressed out

she cuts her hair to shoulder-length about a year after the true ending. after she graduates highschool, she stops dying it and lets it return to its natural black, except for one pink streak.

after high school, she moves to the same city where sunny lives and gets an apprenticeship at an auto repair shop. mechanic aubrey is my most beloved headcanon and i will take it with me to the grave. she also gets a motorbike because i say so

she starts spending more time with sunny (he's also doing a lot better; tbh i should make another headcanons post just for him!) and they eventually start dating and move in together :))

years after the endgame, hero tells aubrey that she's become just like mari, or at least a slightly more punk version of mari: a caring, lovable, accomplished, big-sisterly figure whom everybody looks up to. it makes her cry for the first time in years. this feels like the natural conclusion to aubrey's character arc—after years of struggling to control her grief and keep the memory of her best friend alive, she's succeeded in commemorating mari in the best way possible: by fully embodying her spirit.

#consider this my aubrey brainrot masterpost #it has everything #omori #aubrey omori #omori headcanons #volt.txt #damn this got long as hell actually. i should make one for every character

[multiversal-bridge]

My Journey Through Hyrule

So I wanted to write up something about my experience playing Tears of the Kingdom, because everyone's story in an open-world game is going to be inherently different, especially if you choose to lean into the idea of telling a story.

Spoilers for the big twist in the geoglyph memories cause I gotta talk about it.

0. Introduction

So what was my story?

Some backstory: It's useful to know that back when I played Breath of the Wild for the first time, I headcanoned Link as a trans woman because gestures broadly at BotW's entire thematic apparatus. In particular, I focused on the theme of rebuilding your identity from scratch, and the anxiety of reconnecting with someone who was incredibly important to you when you're not sure if you're the same person anymore.

So in the implied 5 or so years between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, I imagine Link would have begun transitioning, even if this isn't reflected onscreen (barring mods). I think she would have been very close with Zelda as someone who understood and accepted her. I suspect they would have been able to bond over the idea of breaking free from one's imposed identity.

My Link was also pretty cautious and a planner, wanting to be highly prepared with anti-Guardian armaments before facing Ganon to avoid another Calamity. (IRL, I definitely overprepared, but that's okay, it was fun). I also really enjoyed taking notes and making hand-drawn maps of different regions during my playthrough, so you may imagine that during TotK, my Link is doing that, too. Also speculating wildly about all the unnamed bits of ruins and trying to reconstruct the archaeology of ancient civilizations.

The Sky

So, starting off, it's pretty delightful that the first item of clothing you can put on in the sky is a skirt.

Okay, it's the lower half of a tunic, but you can actually wear it as a skirt if you choose the right top, one that doesn't hang down too much. These tops are: the climbing shirt, the sheikah top, the rubber armor (which looks very punk), the frog top, and, surprisingly, the flame-proof armor. So my fashion choices throughout the game were largely based around these tops and the skirt. My favorite outfit was pink Gerudo topnot + pink climbing shirt + skirt. I generally went for a pink and black aesthetic, with occasional reds. I wore pants only when I needed extra shin protection.

I'm sure I spent my time in the Great Sky Island the way everybody spends it, exploring and worrying about Zelda.

Among the mysteries of the sky: a gold-and-white dragon above the Sky Islands, filled with light. A photograph of the dragon, taken from the back of a Wing device, became one of my treasured possessions. I didn't understand what the dragon was or what it meant for my journey, but I could appreciate its majesty as I had the dragons of the world below.

Dropping down to the formerly bottomless swamp to go to Lookout Landing was a thrill, and it was delightful to catch up with everyone there. There was a real sense of comraderie as we made plans to fight back against a smarter, more tactical Ganon with an army of clever monsters.

Following the game's encouragement to do the Rito quest first, I began by exploring the western side of the map. I had the idea that I would explore everything in the west before heading east, but in practice, I found myself needing to go to Kakariko and Hateno pretty early on for their resources. Still, I was able to save some areas in the game, like Eldin and Zora's Domain, for later on. I chose to do the regional phenomena in the exact reverse order that I had done the Divine Beasts; therefore my TotK order was Rito -> Gerudo -> Goron -Zora, which turned out well.

2. Into Hyrule

Link's travels were a rush of exploration as she tried to find out what had happened in Hyrule. I would rush into new areas to find towers and geoglyphs and piece together my understanding of what was going on, starting with the west and moving to the east. All the while, I was exploring local sky islands and the Depths beneath each nearby chasm. I was also taking pictures for the Hyrule Compendium. I hadn't done this for Breath of the Wild, but in Tears of the Kingdom, it became a fun travelogue of my journey that I could reminisce on when I saw each entry. I think Link, for her part, was fascinated by the new plants and creatures in Hyrule and the ecological changes that had happened to the existing ones (durians were not in season). I'm sure she also tried to piece together the history and geography of the Depths.

My first encounter with a set of Gloom Hands took place at the old Exchange ruins near the road to Hebra. I'd been expecting to explore a familiar ruin, maybe with some monsters camping there, and was NOT prepared for what awaited me inside. I fled, but soon discovered the landscape was lousy with the damn things. Outside Hateno, I managed to catch a glimpse of one of Ganon's phantoms before having to run from his blade. Link developed a theory that these were the dark spirits who had been animating the Guardians during the Calamity. It would explain a great deal.

Heading north to the Great Forest, I found the last of the geoglyphs on the side of Death Mountain, and the terrible truth about what had happened to Zelda fell into place. I stood there stunned into silence in Akkala. The fact that these were her memories, and so Link was witnessing her own visuals and sensations during her transformation, had to be devastating on multiple levels. She flew above me, and I tried to reach her, but couldn't. She was already too far away.

The next time I saw her, passing by the Tabantha sky islands, I flew to her. I couldn't find a way to take the sword from her without hurting her, so instead I sat down on her shoulders and tried to give her some kind of comfort. I didn't know if it was possible, but I had to try. I had to try. I stayed with her for four days and four nights, tracking her progress around Hyrule, eating and sleeping atop her back. Only when she'd done a full loop and returned to the Tabantha sky did I finally return to my quest.

At least I was among dear friends for my next journey, catching up with Riju and Bularia in Gerudo Town to slay the Gibdo Queen.

3. A New Approach

Around this point, I became frustrated with my approach to the game. As with Breath of the Wild, teleporting wildly around the map and doing multiple quests at the same time was less satisfying than overcoming obstacles to move through the world. I craved a stronger narrative through a sense of place. I resolved to stay in one place as much as I could. I could go to areas above or below, just not outside of the area I was currently exploring. I could teleport when starting a new expedition or hop over to visit some useful resource (the dye shop, the stores, the Great Fairies), but not otherwise. I justified this by deciding that Link only had so much "juice" in the Purah Pad teleportation system, and so was conserving it unless there was some need.

This worked exactly as hoped. I found myself really enjoying and exploring each region. I still had a tendency to do an initial "foray" into each new area before running off to another, but when I came back to it, I was committed.

I caught up with the engineers of Tarrey Town and glided south to rescue the refugees of Lurelin village from the invading monster army. I spent a great deal of time in Necluda, mapping out the Necluda Depths in detail (including by hand) and pondering their geographic features. I was also fascinated by a strange factory, with a jeweled machine resting at the center, and outposts that seemed to refer to arms and legs, yet I couldn't yet make sense of it. Regardless, it intrigued me deeply.

Then, gathering as many bombs and as much courage as I could, I returned to the Deku Forest and slew my first phantom beneath the tree. I helped the Gorons deal with their drug crisis and ventured into Death Mountain with Yunobo, which took no small amount of lizard-based potions.

It was around this time, too, that I returned to flying with Zelda and finally retrieved the sword she'd been keeping for so long. I knew I couldn't rest until I did so - she'd given so much for me to have this opportunity, sacrificed all she had. It hurt that after so long spent fighting the Calamity, she'd fallen back into self-sacrifice. I had some hope that when I took the sword I might be able to bring her back. I saw her again, but in a vision, not as I'd hoped. I couldn't speak to her; I couldn't save her. I had to accept that she was really gone.

4. Great Expeditions and Mysteries

Meanwhile, the mystery of the massive stormcloud to the south had always intrigued me. I'd made some initial attempts to fly to it, but in the past it had exceeded my grasp. Then I finally landed on it, but found myself stopped by a mysterious door.

Now, after Death Mountain, I returned to the Thunderhead Isles with the vitality to open the great door. Revealed was a marvelous mystery beneath the floor, a mask leading me by flight to Tobio's Hollow, where not long ago I had explored the Zonai ruins trying to understand their secrets in vain. Now the door opened, and I found myself back at that mysterious factory, suddenly awake with purpose. I took counsel with the spirit sage Mineru, and learned her secret story. I fumbled around with trying to control a giant robot but found her a worthy ally in combat. We confronted another robot of her kind and secured a new alliance through the power of punches. I felt like I'd discovered a great treasure hidden by the ages.

Next came a massive expedition to explore the Gerudo desert. I ventured far and wide with sand seal and hovercar, gathered as many lizal tails as possible for upgrades, and solved the mystery of the Eighth Heroine. I also cruised around the Gerudo Desert Depths, confronting Yiga and visiting giant skeletons. I mapped Gerudo depths and Gerudo skies in great detail. I retrieved Vah Naboris's mask and made it my signature look while in the desert.

After that, I returned to Zora's Domain, to catch up with Sidon and help my old friend with benefits destroy the source of pollution in his kingdom. That took us high above the Zora skies, a fitting culmination of my quest for the temples.

The sages and I flew by triplane into Hyrule castle, pursuing a vision of Zelda. But I already had a dark suspicion that the Zelda we would find there was only an imposter. My blood boiled as Ganondorf, the monster of past and future, mocked our hopes. We overcame his phantoms, but not without great struggle. We returned to Lookout Landing to discuss and regroup with Purah. The group was surprised to hear me explain that I had already retrieved the Master Sword made contact with the sage Mineru.

It wasn't yet time for that, though. I had a lead to chase. In my confrontation with Master Kogha beneath Zora's Domain, he had mentioned that he was heading to Hebra, and he claimed he had a weapon to give to the Demon King that might end the world.

So began my great Hebra expedition, where I explored the province I had only glimpsed before. I convinced the last of the Great Fairies to return to the world and be consulted on fashion; I fought Frost Gleeoks and Frost Taluses and captured them on camera. I found the Great Skeleton of Hebra, and found more of Colgera's species nesting in the Hebra Depths, which I also thoroughly mapped.

Thankfully, Kogha's threat turned out to be more hot air in the form of another Zonai robot. Mineru and I made quick work of it. I also found the legendary garments of frost scattered about the land's caves, and with Mija's help, unlocked their hidden potential.

Ganon was gathering forces by the day, calling them to his lair each blood moon. I knew I had to act soon, but I also wanted to be ready. I decided to undertake one final expedition, where I would travel in a circle around the map, dealing with unfinished business and gathering resources.

I had a device in mind, a flying machine that would let me travel across the country with the swiftness of the breeze. I tinkered and tinkered with its design until I had it perfectly balanced, precisely right. Two fans. One steering stick. One beautiful machine.

The hoverbike.

5. Final Journey

This was my last tour:

In Tabantha, I gathered resources from Mt. Satori. At the edge of the Gerudo cliffs, I joined Farosh and rode with her through her entire flight path in and out of the Depths, taking claws and spikes when I could. I returned to the Thunderhead Isles to find resources to upgrade my charged robes and solve lingering questions, then offered a claw to the spring in Faron. I returned to Hyrule Field, where I gathered more vitality and fought a Thunder Gleeok in the old Coliseum. I sent in the last of my reports for my part-time newspaper job, then headed north. I helped unlock the secrets of the Typhlo Ruins and fought the King of Gleeoks lurking underneath.

Next, I went to Eldin, where Dinraal was flying. I rode with her, just as I had with Farosh, and touched down on the last of the sky islands I was yet to visit. I helped the monster-control squad clear out a cave, and retrieved the Ember robes, which I enhanced with fire fruit and fiery Lizal tails. I flew to Akkala to visit the Spring of Power and enhance my beloved horse Betsey, then reached out to the local racers to send them to help Lurelin's revitalization. Then, in Zora's domain, I retrieved the rest of the Zora armor and did a walking tour of Sidon's new inscriptions.

After that, it was time to return to Necluda. I caught Naydra heading out of Necluda, and did a couple of loops with her around the region. I touched base with Robbie, and made my pilgrimage (carefully - there were gloom hands about-) to the Spring of Wisdom atop Mt. Hylia, glowing with icy power.

Then I sailed in my tidy little boat down to Lurelin as the sun set beside me. The racers were already talking with the mayor, and we soon had set up a thriving racing scene to draw in new tourists. One last shrine up on the hill, and it was time to depart. I rode Betsey north, all the way back to the Forgotten Temple, to confer with the Mother Statue whose power I had restored.

Then it was time. I flew for Hyrule Castle and the Hyrule Castle Depths to confront the Demon King.

6. Ganon

I was armed with the Master Sword, the Lightscale Trident, the Boulder Breaker (plus Igneo Talus heart), Dawnbreaker (though not the Scimitar of the Seven), the Great Eagle Bow, the Fierce Deity's Sword, the Dusk Claymore, and the White Sword of the Sky, enhanced by a shard of Zelda's horn, plus anything else I could get my hands on. I had as much stamina as I could get, but only thirteen hearts (I had been overleveled last time, and wanted a difficult fight).

I spent a couple of hours exploring the castle, looking for any treasures and any secret assets that Ganondorf might have hidden away. Then I dove into the dark.

The fights ahead were tough, particularly when I was surrounded, but I had the aid of the Sages. I suprised myself by being able to slay a Silver Lynel, whose horn became the blade of a weapon I hoped to use against my final foe.

We fought our way past the army of monsters, into the secret root of evil. Gandondorf rose, taking his resurrected form. I squared off against the swordsman -

And got my ass thoroughly kicked. I had made one crucial mistake: always bring more sundelions than you think you need. I narrowly escaped being flattened while poisoned by gloom. Still, I managed to learn his patterns and find ways to dodge his blows. The thrill of battle filled me as I dueled my familiar foe. Master Sword and Lynel Blade struck against demonic blades.

The Demon King was fully awakened now, and I struggled to break through his stance. I thought I might be wearing him down, but he was draining my strength, too, and I struggled to drive the last blow home. He was too good at dodging, anticipating my every attack.

Then, I struck out without warning, randomly, almost blindly. He dodged--

But didn't dodge the next blow, where, faster than he could anticipate, I thrust my blade up into his neck.

And before I knew it, I was facing a dragon.

Zelda and I spiraled through the sky, locked in a deadly dance with the embodiement of evil. But as many times as I plummeted from the demon dragon's back, Zelda was always there in a heartbeat to catch me, and we were rising, rising together, back up to the top of the sky again.

In the end, I struck the Demon King's wounds with two blades. One was the Master Sword. The other, the White Sword of the Sky.

Both of them in honor of Zelda.

And then Ganondorf, the Calamity, the source of all our pain and suffering, disintegrated in an explosion that shook the sky.

I felt Rauru and Sonia's power flowing through me, and I let it pour into Zelda, and watched as she was reborn.

And then we were both falling, plummeting from the sky, and again I tried to get to her, to grasp her hand--

This time, this time I reached her.

*

7. Epilogue

What might the future hold for Link?

If what I've done since my playthrough is any indication, her future adventures might involve exploring and mapping the rest of the Depths, enhancing the magical robes of the ancient Zonai, and setting new records in human flight into the stratosphere. There will be rebuilding, and time spent cataloguing plants and animals, and conversations with Mineru about Zonai history.

But it won't be Link alone. Wherever she goes, she'll be with Zelda. Following her, exploring with her, researching all the mysteries of the world with her.

That, I think, would be the most important thing to her. Not anything that she herself has done.

But that this wonderful, remarkable person, this brilliant and open-hearted person this girl who loved her and accepted her even after so much had changed, this girl who sacrificed everything for her family and sacrificed even more for the world, that this girl gets to be happy, she gets to live, she gets to be safe.

She's safe. She's here, and she's safe.

That's what matters.

#loz #tears of the kingdom #breath of the wilder #mb posts #mb fanwriting

[atmilliways]

Dreams In Which I’m Dying (9)

part 9 of 16 | 871 words | Teen +

Donnie Darko AU | parts 1 & 2 | part 3 | parts 4 & 5 | parts 6 & 7 | part 8 | parts 10 & 11 | parts 12 & 13 | part 14 | parts 15 & 16 (complete)

Summary:

Now that the weapons are ready Robin is further afield getting a shooting lesson from Nancy, but Steve is here, with him. He’s trying not to read too much into that.

9 - Reflects

Eddie Munson reflects, as the Party prepares for the big showdown, how much of his life he's spent thinking of Hawkins as hell. Same old worn-out places, same people he’s seen every day since moving in with Wayne for lack of anywhere else to land. Hawkins has always been his absolute last resort.

“So it’s weird that I’m trying to help save it, I guess,” he explains to Steve. Now that the weapons are ready Robin is further afield getting a shooting lesson from Nancy, but Steve is here, with him.

He’s trying not to read too much into that.

Steve looks thoughtful, crosses his arms like he’s trying to hold something in. “You don’t have to, you know. All this, you kinda got thrown in with no warning—which I guess we all did, but, uh. If you wanted to get out, you could. Just get out of dodge, you know? Get somewhere safe.”

Eddie quirks a skeptical eyebrow. “What exactly is the minimum safe distance for something like this?”

The crossed arms loosen a tiny bit and Steve shrugs. 

And Eddie gets it. Steve is the protector, the Paladin with a nailbat. He’d seen it in the Upside Down when the guy had swerved his bike between them and the diving bats. For a second, Eddie had even seen it coming: a nothing reaching out from Steve’s chest that he followed like a train on a track, like a snail trail in reverse. Something inevitable, as though there wasn’t a world anymore in which Steve Harrington would simply let other people get hurt.

So Eddie shrugs back and says, “I run from it now, one way or another it’s going to keep chasing me.” He pauses, buckling briefly under the weighty truth of that, and almost regrets saying it out loud. “Um. Plus, these kids need all the help they can get, because they’re clearly never going to back down.”

Steve lets out a genuine laugh, his gaze flashing over towards where Max and Erica are doing a weird blend of pole fighting and jousting with the makeshift spears. Lucas stands back with both hands on his head like he’s just waiting for it to end in bloodshed. “Got that right. Remember how I told you Erica can take care of herself? She’s still only eleven, but point that out and she’ll go straight for the jugular.”

Eddie grins, remembering his initial confrontation with the kid. She had gotten his friends to laugh at his expense, which just went to show her talent at coming up with a good burn at a moment’s notice. 

Not that it would help her against monsters, but. That kind of spark deserves protection. Erica has it, Dustin has it. . . . Lucas has been avoiding the Hellfire lunch table lately, but championship bullshit aside he had put in the work to play both games all year. And there’s no question about Max, who on her own just about qualifies as a wildfire.

He wonders if Mike is alright, unreachable out in California for so long it seemed ominous as hell, considering everything else going on.

It occurs to Eddie that he thinks of Nancy, Robin, and Steve—young adults but still young—last. They’re the so-called responsible ones taking care of the kids. 

Although Steve looks out for Robin and Nancy, Eddie doesn’t really see anyone looking out for him because, you know. It’s Steve. Big strong guy, several concussions already under his belt, proven track record of handling himself. . . . That seems to be how he likes it.

“How’re you holding up?” Eddie asks, after a moment of rolling the question around on his tongue. It comes out in a cheeky imitation of Steve but, still, he’s asking.

Steve blinks. “That’s my line.”

“I’m older than you, so I’m pulling rank. Seriously man, your turn to answer the question.”

Looking away, still blinking, Steve doesn’t even seem like he knows how. Eddie gets that; he knows from some of the skeletons in his own closet, the things that are hardest to tell get that way because they’re the hardest to take.

“I’m, uh. . . . I’m fine,” Steve says finally, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing over at Eddie out of the corner of his eye. “The bites don’t hurt as much anymore. I’ve . . . been meaning to thank you, man. For patching me up.”

Feeling brave, Eddie bumps their shoulders together. “You’d’ve done the same for me.”

They stare at each other for a second. Then Steve’s hand encircles his wrist, tugging him unexpectedly into the RV. It’s not until they’re inside with the door closed that Steve says, “Yeah, I would’ve,” and pulls him into a kiss.

It’s a good kiss. And brief, because a moment later Lucas sticks his head in asking for bandaids for Max and Erica. But that single moment suffuses every molecule in Eddie’s body with an enthusiastic yes. Even when Steve mouths ‘Later’ at him and he catches the word because he’s too busy staring at those plush, perfect lips and absently licking his own.He hears the flap of fleshy wings and a whisper of wake up in his ear, but the sky is clear when he peers out the windows.

#stranger music anthology #donnie darko steddie au #steddie fic #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #my fanfic

[fratboykate]

Kate, Kate, Kate… while she is absolutely not wrong about the fact that another custody battle with Tom will end poorly…it’s kiiiilling me that she refuses to see how deeply it upsets Yelena that she lets Tom get away with murder just to avoid a Big Fallout. In so many of their arguments, Kate placated Tom and just begs Yelena to leave it. I’d be so fed up, especially when it comes to my daughters safety and happiness.

But I would be SO PISSED at Yelena for going behind my back if I were Kate! And especially knowing (because deep down Yelena HAD to know) that it wasn’t going to deliver positive results.

If my math is correct, didn’t the (first?primary?) argument about custody start around or at the baby shower? Which, if Russ is 2.5 and they fought over it for about 2 years, means they like JUST got done with setting the current parameters… Yeah no way that was going to go well.

I was actually shocked at both of them — at Yelena for going straight to Kate with what she’d done, at Kate for trying to get a therapy session in and asking Yelena to stay, and at Yelena for not leaving in the end (yet? god I hate that I feel like I have to say yet). Like kudos to them both on those fronts. But damn.

All that said, at the end of the day if I had to pick a side, I’d side with Yelena. And low fucking blow, Kate, for implying Erika isn’t Yelena’s daughter. I feel like I get where she’s coming from but also??? Harsh. That would cut deep. Dying to know what Erika does or says after overhearing all of that.

okay i know parents are not supposed to pick favorites, but youre my golden child now lol

kate is wrong in failing to confront tom with the severity he needs BUT her reaction to the news is absolutelyyyyyyyyyyy warranted. her wife WENT BEHIND HER BACK to talk to her ex about changing the custody agreement they just spent years working on. that he made them FIGHT for. she is totally correct in accusing yelena of being out of line for making this decision on her own. was she having a hot head moment when she said "my daughter"? of course. but those are simply angry words. of course she doesn't believe that. she's just fucking pissed.

🫣yelena is also not being totally honest (even with herself) in the fact that she would LOVEEEEEEEEEEE to find an excuse to not have him around and this might be it. is she doing it ENTIRELY because of that? obviously not! she does want ereka to be as happy as she can be. she adores that kid. but also if she can kill two birds with one stone and fuck tom over/get him out of their lives for good??? that's simply an added bonus. so kate wasn't wrong when she was reading yelena for filth there either.

also, your math is very much correct. they pretty much wrapped up the custody battle riiiiiiiiiiiight before yelena got preggo. basically they haven't known peace for like 3 years because they put an end to one debacle and then walked into the pregnancy from hell. kate is kinda pretty justified in not wanting to poke the bear.

they're what i like to call "mature morons" lol. they confront their problems head on and with good intentions but FUCK IT UP ALL OVER THE PLACE along the way lol. good intentions, poor execution.

maybe it's "yet" maybe it isn't...who knows 🫣

#team yelena blowing team kate out of the water here haha #kymaup #kymau #anonymous #answers

[dp1nk]

aleks, zelda and the dying braincells

i didn't think i would be here to type this. no seriously. things have escalated to a very disturbing level since i started humorously chronicling my efforts to get neighbors evicted for fucking with my air.

once in a while, one must put their head into the space of someone who knows what they're doing wrong and can't take the inevitable consequences. what would you do if you were knowingly turning an innocent single lesbian's upstairs apartment into a literal gas chamber, then were being threatened with a court case that would make it difficult for you to rent apartments for a few years?

you'd probably be pissed right? you'd throw away all your fucks and blow your apartment up even more, right? of course. i'm not stupid, i expected that, and expected to hear yelling and arguing between my neighbor and her stay-at-home boyfriend, who hasn't had the balls to confront me about this and sends her to do it.

what i didn't expect was to be having some wine last night, eating my pesto, and suddenly having an overpowering smell of bleach in my flat at 10 pm. and it smelled like pure chlorine, to the point that i couldn't get it out of my flat fast enough, and it made me dizzy and gave me the worst feeling of being on the verge of a panic attack.

and for almost the entire night, those two were arguing *loud*. so i left my noisemaker up (at a volume that isn't meant to annoy them), but lena and i spent some time bonding by chatting on our phone, because high stress makes us dissociate to the point that we get really scrambled and it's how we maintain composure. (it's one of the features of our disorder but it works, and it's why i go from i to we sometimes - it's a sign i'm under so much stress that my crewmates are more active, because our jobs are to keep these experiences from our host's consciousness - and it works, but we've been switching non stop because of this situation like a trainer with fainted pokemon. just some context.)

and we chatted with another friend aware of our did on discord til 5 am as usual, because this tobacco smoke reliably floods our flat and makes it very difficult to get to sleep. and we're incredibly worried about zelda, but trying to stay in the corners of rooms like roaches trying to avoid fumigation chemicals.

around 3 am there was an explosion that shook the whole building so hard, i thought it was going to come down. i thought the neighbors had started physically fighting and were throwing each other and i was ready to dial for the police... but when there was no noise to come, i decided it must have been a gas heater malfunctioning. they don't really make explosive noises; more like a big dull POOF sound, but they can easily and suddenly decimate a building - and there's tornadoes around here right now. if that was enough to shake the entire building how it did, a hurricane or tornado will not have trouble knocking it over.

but i digress. lena suddenly realized that it didn't seem to make sense that they would clean their flat at such an hour with such strong chlorine, then start randomly arguing. she assumed they literally murdered someone and used it to clean the scene. but it was gone and we spent a good while coming up with reasons why this was happening last night - to us, and just in general.

but, in the end, we decided we might be acting paranoid and that it couldn't be possible that it was some kind of deliberate attempt to gas us dead. how? why? they know they won't get away with it. we just want to believe we're dealing with responsible, working-class neighbors who happen to be huge, potentially homophobic assholes. (but i refuse to believe it! it can't be over our flag, it truly just can't!)

and so we decided to ignore it, went to sleep. woke up in 6 hours, adding 2 more to our really big sleep debt again. i'm unfathomably tired; hurricane week is here for me, and i'm at the end of my wits with this, but i can't let it go now.

(and even if i wanted to, i have no way to move and nowhere to go, and if i did that they'd just get away with continuing to terrorize someone else who moves in, so i think the better option is patiently hoping that this property manager is moving as quickly as she can knowing how i can sue the owners of the complex of so much money at this point. and it could very well come to that because a lawyer would be one of the only things i can afford right now .)

if my post is rambly this time around, it's because i'm so dissociated and fried from this new chlorine-like smell. it actually resembles ammonia too, and i genuinely assumed that because it seemed to accompany or follow the tobacco smoke, they were just trying to cover their tracks.

then, as i was sobbing helplessly in bed from the stress... lena grabbed our phone out of nowhere and asked it, in her cute little accent, "HEY GOOGLE... what's meth smoke smell like?"

...........guess what it fucking smells like. i had no idea it smells like cleaning chemicals. did you?

now you do. you're welcome.

putting all the clues together, it all suddenly makes so much sense; denying the smoke came from them, the smell last night (wednesday being their day off from work) resembling cleaning chemicals, their incredibly loud, violent arguing, making us dizzy, causing us to panic, making it hard to sleep...

they haven't been cleaning. they've been cooking and smoking meth all this time.

god... jesus... the bear from the regency square mall... help me and see me through this, and don't let me or my cat come out of it with complications. because i am at a loss of what i can do now, knowing i've done everything in my power and all i can do is wait and hope.

okay i gotta throw up now. i sure hope this doesn't get worse though.

#personal #whatever smoke is coming up now is making me nauseous #i only have one way to ventilate and that's to open my patio door #is there a lawyer in the house

[dream-diary-thoughts]

9 27 22

2 dreams

First one we were a group of three. Traveling old western towns. There was one boy, a girl, and me. The boy was a writer forced to write something that had to be delivered by Sunday in another town to a bad person. He left our travel group and we spent years tracking him back to his home town. He lived in a shared shack by some stairs but he did everything to avoid seeing us. We were willing to travel with him again and deliver his paper to the bad person but we kept avoiding us. He tricked us and we thought he was hiding in a luggage bag meant to board the next bus to a big city. We thought we'd ride the bus and catch him as he climbed out. As we started to go I noticed he was never in the bag. We jumped off the bid and I skyrocket to the road he must have took out. I saw him running away. I used branches to catch my fall but it was getting dark and there was a rotting human arm in the side of the road. It would have been bad for me to try and go. Someone was coming so I tried to run back to town before they got to me. I met up with the girls and informed them of our friend and the body. We told the sherif and we planned to either wait at his home for years until he came back or to try and catch him when he delivered the paper he had to write. We chose to wait at his home.

2nd dream.

I was in school again and in my art class the teacher didn't want any good. We were all eating cereal though. A kid, carlos (the one that was jailed a week after graduation) was saying he didn't want me near him and I told him to mind his business. When I say down my foot accidentally touched him and he said I was dead. I said try it. Let to go to the 7th floor for something and there were 3 elevators. One for teachers and 2 for students. I used the teacher one since it was open. It was broken and it took me to the 6th instead and I had to switch back to the student one. On the top floor I went to use the restroom but the door was broken so I had to hold it closed and these weird circus themed guy/monsters started appearing. They told everyone they were going to kill us but still give us a fighting chance. One was already in the bathroom with me. I grabbed all the old weapons we had and started giving them to random students. I explained not a lot were sharp but you could still use it like a bat. I kept the shorter, sharp sword I used to play with as a kid. The circus monsters paired us off and as the battle started I tried to give another speech. He wouldn't do for me to speak so 3 had to scream it. I told the other students if you didn't have a weapon you can still fight. You can punch and hold them down. We had strength in numbers. We went from losing to almost winning instantly.

#9 27 22 #dream

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

#actuallyautistic #not a shitpost #holy shit how did i spend 3 hours writing this what even is my blog #this blog is supposed to be blue whale anxiety and uncomfortably sexy clown jokes #what am i doing #sensory processing disorder #sensory issues #mental health #actually autistic #NOTIFY ME OF ANY TYPOS #i proofread this 5 times my eyes weep an unceasing flood of blood and regret #adhd #actuallyadhd #autism #sensory problems

[mercy-burning]

Your Favorite — Part 1

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: When Y/N comes home from college for the summer to meet her mom's new boyfriend, she finds herself in a rather tough spot when she can’t stop thinking about him— And it seems he feels the same... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, masturbation (female and male), minor exhibitionism kink, oral sex (male receiving), penetrative sex, breeding kink (kinda? i think? 😅) Word Count: 7.3k (do you see now why I had to make it a miniseries? alsdjfdk)

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

DISCLAIMER: In this story, Spencer is dating Y/N’s mom while also having a sexual relationship with the reader herself. Because of that, there are obvious undertones of cheating, alongside some perv-y tendencies when it comes to a partner’s daughter. That being said, Spencer and Y/N’s relationship is consensual. However— If any of what I just forewarned is something that you think will make you uncomfortable while reading, please do not read! If there are any more disclaimers you think I may have missed, don’t hesitate to tell me! There is another post I made HERE with some disclaimers as well if you want to know more about what this story will entail.

NOTE: This intro is already too long, so I’ll just get this out of the way: you can find visual nsfw inspirations for this story over at @mercy-midnight, I’m working on a playlist for this story on my Spotify @/mercyburning, and I don’t know when part 2 and 3 will be out, but you can assume they’ll be here within the next few weeks.

———

JUNE 5th

I hate my mom's new boyfriend.

For the past three months she'd been telling me about this new guy who's "The One" as if "The One" hasn't been like four other guys in the past two years.

And as much as I'd love for my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her life with, I don't believe she'd ever find Mr. Perfect at this rate. Unless she spent more than a few months with them at a time before dragging me home from college for a weekend to meet them, I really don't see it happening.

It just sucks. Because every time she does this, every time I return home, I see the glimmering hope in her eyes and the diminishing spark in his, and I know. I know it won't last, and her heart will be utterly broken within the span of a few months.

I always thought maybe she just had terrible taste in men.

But this time around, when I begrudgingly walk through the door of my childhood home for the summer and see my mother clinging to a man who returns that glimmer in her eyes, I know she's picked a good one.

And I hate him.

His name is Spencer Reid, and he's a retired FBI agent who teaches full time at local colleges now.

He greets me with a bona fide, radiant smile, unlike all the others before, and it sets my insides on fire. And when we sit down for dinner, he's polite (but not in a fake way,) and he seems genuinely curious about my studies and my personality and my relationship with my mother. And when dinner is finished he offers to clean up while Mom and I settle in the living room.

I see the way he looks at me as I leave, a gentle, closed-mouth smile and eyes that linger a little too long on my exposed legs before averting, a glint of shame pooling within them, and it only spreads that fire in my belly.

Maybe I'd been imagining the whole thing, because deep down I wanted him to look at me the way he had... But it's hard to tell when my brain is mostly setting off sirens, blaring "THIS IS WRONG! THIS IS WRONG!" on a loop with blinding lights.

And they're even louder when my mom wraps her arm around me and lays her head atop mine. "Well, what do you think? He's great, huh?"

She's so lovesick, it hurts. It hurts even worse knowing that all I can think about is his big hands wrapped around my throat while he fucks me into the squeaky twin-sized mattress in my bedroom upstairs.

But I can't tell her that, obviously.

And so I decidedly hate him. And I have no choice but lie to her face, embracing her joy and hoping that I'll be able to survive this summer.

"Yeah, Mom. He's really great."

JUNE 19th

It's been two weeks and I can barely stand to be in the same house anymore.

I try to keep myself busy by going outside, to the beach or for long walks in the park; but it's too hot for my liking, and our town is so small that unless I want to spend my time in the grocery store or one of the three bars on Main Street...

I'm stuck either outside where it's hot and uncomfortable, or in the house where it's also hot and uncomfortable.

We have air conditioning, of course, but that's not the problem.

It's Spencer.

I thought by now my little crush on him would have gone, but the longer he hangs around the house, the stronger my feelings for him grow. They're not romantic—nor do I think they ever could be given the fact that if anything serious really were to ever happen between us, my mom would disown me for the rest of my life and murder Spencer with her bare hands—but that doesn't make it any easier on me.

Every day he just exists, right in front of me with that tug-able mop of hair, those warm honey eyes, and his hands that never stop moving. I swear, it's like every time he breathes, his hands are breathing too, challenging me to try and stop them.

But I refuse to touch him. Because I know the moment I do, all will be lost. I won't be able to control myself anymore. And if I don't drop to my knees and try sucking his dick at the dinner table, I'm sure I'll blurt out how I can't handle it anymore and that I need him, and either way I'd be royally fucked.

Right now he's in the dining room, teaching my mom how to do a disappearing card trick. She thinks it's utterly charming that he can do it at all, but mostly that he's patient and willing enough to teach her. And normally I'd agree, but I can barely look at them without wanting to waltz over, grab his wrist, and suck his fingers into my mouth.

It's truly pathetic.

So I try to focus on the television just a few feet away. It's one of those rare instances where I wish our house was bigger, because while I don't mind having less wall-space between rooms, I do mind not being able to watch TV without the kitchen table in my periphery at a time like this. And I think about going up to my bedroom instead for a moment, but I'd have to go past the kitchen, and I just know Mom is going to ask if I'd want Spencer to teach me his magic trick.

And I most definitely do not want that.

In another life, maybe, where he isn't a hot professor and rather an average-looking dude who's way too into fantasy football... But not in this lifetime.

So there I sit, concentrating so hard on Family Feud that my face hurts.

When I hear a flutter of cards and joyous giggling from the other room, it's more than my face that hurts.

It's also my chest, churning and tensing at the hands of the green devil.

Fuck!

I barely even know this man... I haven't really talked to him because I'm afraid that if I try to hold a conversation I'll snap. He's literally just some hot older guy who's dating my mom, and still, my whole body twists and aches with envy when they do anything together, and it fucking sucks. Not only because of the jealousy, but it's also the fact that my mom deserves to be happy.

This time it's different. This time, she's really found someone who returns her every loving gaze, who makes her laugh, who's kind and genuine and not a total douche. She's happier than I've seen her in years.

And the one time she finally finds "The One", every waking second of my life is spent longing for him fuck me.

But it's only been two weeks.

And it's also been nearly two years since I got laid, so maybe that's just my issue...

I figure it can't hurt, so in a spur of the moment decision, I turn the TV off and sprint towards the stairs, right past Mom and Spencer before they can ask questions.

———

I hardly even register the dimness of the light inside the house by the time I glide up the steps, fumbling with the key and trying to make my entrance as quiet as possible. Though, because I'm so used to the dark by this point, the light—no matter how dim—nearly blinds me. The door shuts louder than I'd have liked, and I cringe inwardly, pausing as if that will keep anyone from seeing or hearing me. Not like it'll matter, considering Mom and Spencer are the only ones that are staying here and they'd also been the only ones aware of my plans for the evening.

Well, somewhat, anyway. I told them an old friend invited me out and I probably wouldn't be home until late.

Regardless, that instinct of trying not to get caught coming in late at night is stronger than common sense. Throw a little cheap beer and some shots into the mix, and it almost feels like I'm a teenager again.

The only thing different now is that I have a pool of some stranger's cum soaking my underwear and a man in front of me who stands like an angel. An exhausted, almost scruffy-looking angel more like, but my point still stands.

"You're up late," Spencer observes. It's a simple enough statement— not really judge-y, but I can tell that regardless of his knowledge of my coming home late, he seems shocked to see me coming through the front door right now.

And it's hard to look away from him. Just like it has been for the past two weeks. Still, I try, just barely avoiding his eyes as I cross my arms and fight the urge to clench my legs together. "I'm a whore. What's your excuse?"

Maybe not the best thing to say. But like I said, common sense? Gone.

"O—oh... Umm..." Spencer stumbles through his words, obviously stunned by my response, and the look in his eyes kind of makes me want to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment. Still, I stand my ground and wait for him to continue.

He settles on a short, "I can't sleep," and then there's nothing else.

"Ah," I express. One syllable. I don't draw it out, I don't exaggerate it... This is the first real conversation I've had alone with him, and I've made it extremely awkward, so I sigh and take a few steps forward, trying to walk past him. "Okay. Goodnight."

I only make it a few steps before he stops me, his hand reaching out to tap my shoulder. "Wait—"

The touch makes me jump, and he pulls it away immediately as I turn to face him. My heart is racing at the speed of light, my panties are soaked through, and if I'm not careful that whole 'no common sense' thing is going to bite me so hard in the ass I won't have one left.

"Can I talk to you?" His voice is barely audible, and the gentle rasp it has to it seems to make me even more wet.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

"Look, I um... Your mom has been totally transparent with me about her relationships, so I know that she's been through a lot of them in a short amount of time... And I know that must be a little difficult for you. Especially now that I'm here... And you've been... distant. And I know that I don't know you that well, so forgive me if I'm assuming anything, but I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of making things difficult for you and your mother."

Too late, pal, I think bitterly, the gentle authority in his tone setting my insides alight. I'm positive that voice could get me to do so many things...

That's the alcohol and sex talking, Y/N, just shake it and move on...

He starts again, but I cut him off with a short wave of my hand. "Look, I... I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I had a really long night, and I'm exhausted. I just wanna shower and go to bed."

I expect more resistance, but Spencer only nods. I still can't bring myself to look him in the eye, though this time I catch his hands clenching at the bottom hem of his shirt. "I understand. Sleep well."

Without another word I turn on my heel and walk a little faster towards the stairs, and I'm about to take my first step when I realize he's followed me. His voice calls out my name softly from a few feet behind, and it stops me in my tracks regardless of my desire to get out of there as fast as I can. And then I turn around and finally look directly at his face.

Big mistake.

His eyes are on my legs again, trailing slowly upwards until he reaches my face. The light over here is dimmer, barely noticeable at all, though I swear I can see red forming on his cheeks.

"I like your dress," he says softly. It's almost meek, like he'd been afraid to say it but took a chance anyway.

It's such a random, small compliment, but with the alcohol and endorphins flowing through my body after the night I'd just had, it nearly makes me quiver.

It also makes me incredibly stupid.

An amused, almost sensual grin forms on my face as I make eye contact with him, and I feel myself throb at the way I can just barely see his throat move. He looks like a deer in headlights, afraid to make one sudden move.

"Turning to flattery to try and win me over, are we?" I say slowly.

I almost think he'll stumble over his words once more, but again he surprises me with a full answer. It's only three words but it's clear, and his voice is deep, and I want to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Is it working?"

This has to be the alcohol making me imagine things... I swear I didn't even drink that much tonight, but it has to be an obvious lapse in judgement. The drinking mixed with the sex mixed with the dirty thoughts I've been having about this man lately have to be what's making this feel real. It's all culminating into this one big fantasy (or delusion, more like), and all I need is to shower and sleep it off.

That has to be it.

So because there's no other reasonable explanation that my brain can conjure up, I take a chance and throw Spencer a wink before turning and sprinting up the stairs.

And it's that same seemingly undeniable reasoning for this illusion that doesn't keep my hands from wandering in the shower. Even though those warning sirens in my brain keep blaring, telling me that the common sense is still there for me to utilize, they're drowned out by my thrumming heartbeat and the repetition of Spencer's soothing, authoritative voice, guiding my movements.

Keep rubbing your clit for me, baby... Just like that, nice and slow...

Warm water cascades down the front of my body as I lean back into the wall of the shower, but that's not why I'm so warm. This heat radiates through my insides, spreading like wildfire and bringing out small whimpers and mewls that I know I'll have to contain in fear of waking my mom from her bedroom right next door.

But then the thought of her hearing me next door as I cry out her boyfriend's name only excites me more. I keep it quiet still, but just knowing that someone else is in the house while I'm having these thoughts right now (one of them being the object of said thoughts) is what finally brings me over the edge.

I finish my shower on weak legs, definitely overstimulated now, but also feeling even more tired. I know that the moment I lay down on my bed, I'll be pulled into the sweet, soft surrender of a deep sleep.

Nothing else has ever sounded so pleasant.

———

When I woke up that morning after, I was feeling surprisingly calm. Realistically I knew that my whole 'this has to be an illusion' montage had been less truth and more inebriated babble, and the longer I sat on it the more I thought it'd all turned out for the better.

Turns out, tipsily masturbating in the shower to thoughts of your mom's hot new boyfriend was a surefire way to get it out of your system, right?

Wrong.

It really had been okay at first. I thought about Spencer almost immediately, and yeah, he was still hot as fuck—But there wasn't this overwhelming desire within me to jump his bones when I saw him that morning, his hair messy and his hands clutching a cup of coffee while Mom made breakfast behind him.

But that good feeling I had about all of this? It lasts only about a split second.

Because the moment he looks up and sees me, the mug falls out of his hand and shatters to pieces. His eyes stay glued to me, even as my mother darts over to pick up the pieces of the ceramic that are scattered about the table and the floor. And when she turns back to grab a paper towel, he still stares at me, once again at my legs.

It takes me all of four seconds afterwards to remember that not only did I talk to him briefly last night, but I also flirted with him after he complimented me.

That whole part seemed to have slipped my mind when waking up, and now that his gaze is bringing me back to that moment, that 'this has to be an illusion' montage is starting to become larger than I'd remembered.

It isn't until he finally snaps out of it and starts to help my mom clean up the mess that I snap out of it, too, going back upstairs to clear my head and cool the heat radiating over my skin.

———

There's a knock at my bedroom door about an hour later, and it sounds different than my mom's usually quick two-knock succession. That means it's someone else, and unsurprisingly, my stomach tightens at the thought of seeing him again.

"Yeah?" I call out, turning in my desk chair and meeting Spencer's figure in the doorway. He's changed, a rather nice pair of slacks and a white button-up shirt clinging to his limbs.

"Can I come in?"

"Mhm," I say. I still don't know if I entirely trust myself to say anything more than a few words to him, and as he enters the room and sits on the foot of my bed, I wonder if he can tell.

He tries, really tries, to look me in the eye, but I know that it's hard. I've been in the same spot. And then he takes a deep breath before folding his hands in his lap.

"Y/N, I want to apologize... When we... talked last night... It was kind of weird, and then this morning wasn't really any better..." He can barely get out the words 'talk' and 'last night'... And then he avoids my gaze altogether, staring at the floor and trailing off, trying to put his thoughts together it seems.

And that's when it starts to click into place.

There's one thing that both last night and this morning have in common, and I've noticed it almost every time I've caught him staring at me. At my legs. It's happened almost daily since I've met him. And then, the night I come home clearly having just been fucked, waltzing past him, entertaining his fascination with my legs and then masturbating to thoughts of him in the shower, he finally starts dropping mugs.

He must also really feel something here. Something similar to my own feelings. And really, that should be a red flag, because he's my mom's boyfriend, and it's a goddamned fucking mess...

But fuck, it excites me.

I'm still wearing my pajama shorts, silky and lavender in color, and I use them to my advantage, slowly crossing one leg over the other and just barely gaining Spencer's attention back.

"Yeah, what was that, anyway?" I ask him, amusement dripping off my tongue.

I can tell from his reaction that he wasn't expecting me to ask. A few times he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it , stumbling before panicking. He's been pretty good so far at coming up with answers and explanations, so the fact that this time I finally seemed to have broken him down makes it all the more clear.

He must have heard me in the shower.

Right?

I'm almost completely positive that's what this is about. And there's one way for me to get the confirmation I'm looking for.

"So you heard me, huh?"

I try to keep my voice as plain as I can as not to give away my motives, and with my luck Spencer is so flustered that he probably wouldn't have even noticed it at all. He looks up at me, his eyes desperately trying to find something he can use to make up a lie, but in the end there's no use.

I've caught him. And he knows it.

"Yes," he whispers. He looks exhausted, guilty, and also a little like he wants to cross the barrier and kiss me.

Okay, maybe that part's just in my head. I really can't tell. But I do know that hearing me call his name out in the shower last night is what brought him to this point of severe distress. As much as that excites me, though, it also embarrasses me a little. Maybe if it hadn't happened we could have avoided further destruction.

It must read on my face, because Spencer perks a little. "Oh! Y/N, I'm not... I'm not mad or anything. I really didn't mean to overhear and invade your privacy... Really, I-I'm sorry."

The fact that he's apologizing to me right now, rather than acting all grossed out that I even did it in the first place, tells me he either feels guilty for not being able to help himself from hearing me, or he's just a good guy who loves my mom and doesn't want to ruin it because of a little mishap.

Either way, it's frustrating, because I don't know what to do.

Well, I know what I want to do, but I don't know if I should hint at it.

But then he does something. It's small, and no one would have noticed, but I've been fascinated with his hands since the moment I met him, so my eyes are instantly drawn there.

They're clenched so hard, his knuckles are nearly white.

He's nervous.

To ease his mind a bit, I hold off on poking the bear harder (though it's really tempting to see what will happen if I don't) and nod, trying to make myself look as apologetic and small as possible.

"It's okay... I... I won't make it awkward if you won't?"

His shoulders slump, and his body seems to relax. "Y–yeah. Yeah, deal."

He gets up off the bed and blurts one final apology before heading for the door, but that part of me that wants to poke the bear further makes me stand up and follow him.

"Spencer?" I call out.

He freezes and turns to face me, and I don't think he quite expected me to be as close as I am. I have to tilt my head up to look at him, and the angle gives me an added layer of this innocence I'm trying to achieve.

"I'm sorry, too..."

No the fuck I'm not.

Whether he can sense my lie or not, he doesn't show it. But I think he at least knows that I'm pitching my voice a little higher on purpose, and if that doesn't give it away, the way I'm staring at him sure should.

Still, he only nods and retreats.

All there's left to do is see what happens.

JUNE 25th

For someone who agreed not to make things awkward, Spencer sure can't keep his eyes off of me.

To be fair, I have tried to keep things fairly normal. I only really interacted with him if I had to, I kept my distance, and I saved my skimpier clothing for the strangers I was regularly going out to see almost every weekend.

My lustful feelings for him aren't as strong now that I've been getting some on a semi-regular basis and keeping myself occupied. I've been doing my part.

But I still can't shake him entirely.

Whenever he spends the night (which is surprisingly most nights), the occasional wet dream about him gets me frustrated when I know he's just down the hall and sleeping soundly next to my mom. On those days I try to cut as much interaction with him as I can, though it doesn't keep me from seeing the occasional stare he throws my way.

I wish I could say that I hate it.

But I don't, and it increasingly gets worse. It's only been a week, so there's still time, but honestly, I don't think there's any shaking him.

Today especially is one of those days where it's hard not to give into the incessant need to tease him and coax some stronger reaction out of him.

I talked to Mom earlier this morning about getting some new clothes, and she had this brilliant idea to have Spencer take me. "It would be a good chance for you two to bond a little, don't you think?" she insisted, nudging him in the side and silently pleading with her eyes for him to agree.

I could tell from the look on his face that he really wasn't ready to be alone with me again, but that only excited me.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea," I piped up, positively beaming.

Mom was so excited for us to 'bond' and also that I was gladly inclined to go through with it that Spencer couldn't have said no to her even if he wanted to.

And I was pretty sure he didn't want to.

Yet here we are, sitting in the car, the air conditioning so strong it's blowing some of my hair into my eyes. I think it had been his way of punishing me for choosing today to wear a short skirt, something I usually refrain from nowadays unless I'm going out, and it makes me smile. I can't help it.

I also can't help the way my fingers play with my skirt, dying to tease him some more. I just want to see, to know for sure that I'm driving him mad.

"No offence, but you seem weird today... Is there something wrong?" I ask him, lifting my skirt just a smidge. The air from the car blows the fabric in waves.

"You're acting this way on purpose."

Well, I hadn't been expecting that answer... All this time he'd hardly been confrontative, and now he's full-on calling me out. It's plain to see that he's finally snapped, and I would have felt sorry about it if I didn't find it extremely sexy.

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N..."

My name on his lips is a warning. He's clearly annoyed, exasperated, and I'm loving every second. "Don't act oblivious. I'm not stupid, and neither are you. I don't want to make you hate me or anything, but you have to know where I'm coming from. I was willing to let the shower thing slide... And you said you were too, for that matter, so I don't know what's changed, but it has to stop now. Understood?"

Oh, all I want is to argue with him. I want to point out that none of this is really my fault because he's the one who hasn't been able to stop staring at me all summer so far. I want to tell him that if he wants this to stop he has to make it stop.

But that isn't going to give me any of the answers I'm looking for or further proof of my theory that he wants me just as badly as I want him. And I am not going to fuck this whole situation up by making a poorly-timed move on him.

I have to know for sure.

So, I fold my hands neatly in my lap, sigh, and look dead ahead. "Right... We said no awkwardness. I'm sorry."

Spencer seems to accept my apology and continues down the road.

When we make it to the mall I think he's calmed down. At least, he seems a little more comfortable around me, and honestly I'm okay with it. As much as his spiel in the car turned me on, it also exhausted me to the point of silence.

Even as we walk around each store in the mall, I just lead and he follows, not saying a word when I pick out a top or a pair of pants or whatever else I need. And when it comes time to pay, he takes the basket from me and pays for it with no question.

Near five bags of clothes later, I figure I could get used to this new dynamic.

But then we pass a lingerie store, and I remember that the main thing I'd needed was new underwear. I start to turn into the store, but stop suddenly, pausing awkwardly and deciding to go straight ahead instead.

"You don't want to go in?" Spencer asks.

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I can just pick some up later, it's not a big deal."

He sighs then, nodding his head towards the sign. "If you need to go in, you can... I'll just wait out here if you're uncomfortable."

I really want to call him out, ask him if he's the one who should be worried about being uncomfortable. But so far this afternoon has been pretty decent, and I really don't want to make things any weirder than they have to be.

Besides... If my theory is right...

"Sure. Thanks. Uh, how am I gonna pay, though?"

"O—Oh... I'll uh... I'll just watch the counter and come in when you need me."

"Orrrr, you could just give it to me?"

This time I get a laugh out of him. "Not a chance. Go in, I'll wait."

I smile at him and hand him the bags to hold onto while I leave, and it fills me with absolute amusement that he'd just given me one more ounce of proof that I'm right.

He's gonna have to come inside and pay for what I bought. He could have just given me the card, and maybe he truly doesn't trust me with it (which I don't know why he wouldn't honestly), but he chose to come inside all the same.

I browse happily then, going through the displays and picking out things I need, but also things I know Spencer will like.

Specifically, I stumble on a pair of lavender panties, embroidered with flowery trim up top. The pattern from the outside is lace, but there's a thin layer of cotton underneath designed to be more comfortable to wear.

I've noticed that he can never seem to look away when I'm wearing anything, really, but it's more intense when I wear one of two things. Florals, and any type of purple. And these fit both of those bills perfectly.

Now there's just one more bill to take care of.

I stride over to the counter and turn around, finding that Spencer's caught my eye immediately. Either he truly had been paying attention to the counter the whole time, or he'd been watching through the glass, following me with his gaze to the best of his abilities. Either way, he blinks a few times and looks like he's gathering the courage to go in before actually taking any steps.

I laugh to myself, eager to gauge his reaction to this next step.

Surprisingly, he holds up well. The air between me, him, and the cashier is obviously awkward, but he doesn't say anything and barely looks at what she rings up. (I say barely because he tries extremely hard not to look at the purple pair I picked out, inadvertently adding another checkmark to my list of proof.) She tells him the total, he hands her the card, and within a minute, everything is in our possession and we're leaving the mall entirely.

I don't think there are any more steps to my plan today once we get in the car and I tell him thank you. (To which he responds a short and simple, Sure thing, and turns the radio on.)

But then there's a note taped to the front door, and it instantly gives me another one.

My Sweethearts,

I got called in on a work emergency and won't be back until 7. I would have called but I figured you were having a nice time and didn't want to interrupt! I'll bring home dinner, and then maybe you can tell me about how your day went. Can't wait to hear it!

XOXO,

Eve/Mom

I check my phone, seeing that it's almost 3.

Perfect.

But I don't want to give myself away too quickly, so I thank Spencer again for taking me out and tell him that I'm going upstairs to make sure everything fits right. He nods and lets me go, though not without lingering eyes. I can feel it.

The smile never leaves my face as I try all my clothes on. Once each article has been fitted, I throw it in a laundry basket and move to the next, until I get to the last piece.

The lavender panties.

As expected, they fit perfectly, and as I look at myself in the mirror I picture what Spencer would look like when he sees me wearing them.

That's right. When.

I throw back on my earlier outfit and grab the basket, acting as bored and normal as possible to find him sitting at the kitchen table, reading a book.

"Hey," I greet him, setting the basket in front of me once I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Everything fits good, I just need them washed now. Could you run these down to the laundry room for me? I think I'm gonna make something to snack on before Mom brings dinner."

It doesn't surprise me to see him look at my legs before my face, even if it is brief. I want to smile, but I hold back, watching him nod with a tight smile of his own.

"Sure."

He disappears and then I wait.

One...

Two...

Three.

I sneak as quietly as I can to the laundry room once I hear the washer door open. I hadn't specifically asked him to put them in the washer for me on purpose, and it looks like now he's doing exactly what I thought he might.

My head peeks around the corner, barely in his range of sight as I watch him empty the basket. He takes one item of clothing at a time and throws it in the washer, and halfway through the basket he stops, just to place a pair of my new underwear on the dryer beside him.

My heart races faster the more I wait for him to get to the end of the basket. Once he does, he pauses again, and I think I know exactly what he's looking for.

Still, he sets the basket aside and picks up the stray pair of underwear, a simple black cotton pair that I'd been getting for years, and drapes it over his hands. My thighs instantly clench, and I try so hard to remain where I am so I can see where he takes this.

He takes it straight to hell, apparently, tentatively pulling his dick out of his pants and gripping it firmly. I can barely see since his back is partially turned, but I see enough, and god he's so fucking pretty. My underwear dangle from his left hand while the other works slowly over his erection, a soft sigh falling from his lips.

I fight to let one of my own slip as my hand sinks down the front of my body, past the lavender cotton and lace that I know he just wishes he had right now.

And then, a few seconds later he's already coming, using my brand new underwear to catch each rope of it, and the sight nearly has me on my knees.

And because I want to catch him in the act, I quickly draw my hand away from myself and step into the room, barely giving him time to recover.

"You come fast."

Spencer looks utterly devastated when he turns to see me standing in the entryway to the laundry room, arms crossed and an amused smirk adorning my face.

"Y/N... I—I... I'm so sorry, I didn't... I..."

"Don't worry about it," I say, taking a step towards him and shrugging. "You heard me, and now I heard you... We're even. Besides, I... figured you might be looking for these."

He's still stunned, but he looks down all the same, watching my hands slip under my skirt and glide the lavender panties down my legs. I step out of them and hold the garment up on one finger, a soft smile still on my face.

"I picked 'em out just for you, you know," I tell him, tossing them past his face and into the washer. "I've noticed that you like purple."

This time he's quick to respond. "Y/N, we... We can't... This isn't right."

"Says the man holding my underwear soaked in his cum..."

He looks panicked again, extremely guilty, but if this isn't going to end in a total disaster, then I have to reassure him that I'm okay.

"Spencer, I'm not mad..." I take another step forward, and it feels much like trying to approach a wounded animal. I can see in his eyes and in his posture that this conflict is killing him, so I decide to show some rapport. "And I know... I know this is messy... I love my mom... And I'm sure you care about her a lot... But are we really going to ignore this? We tried that, remember? And now look where we are."

"I..." He swallows, shaking his head and trying to avoid my eyes. "I can't stop thinking about you... I can't..."

My hand finds his arm, and the light touch has him sighing out, an incredulous, breathy laugh escaping him. "Y/N, please... Don't."

"Don't what?" I ask softly, praying he won't turn me away. If he does, we're just back to square one, only the square is jagged, sharper than ever before, and in serious danger of injuring someone.

When he meets my eyes, I see nothing but a desire for something he knows he can't have. "Don't want me."

Now it's my turn to laugh. My knees start to wobble as I go down, keeping my eyes locked onto his, and I swear I see them dilate fully. I scoot in closer, sliding my hand up his leg and finding the words in my heart to finally say out loud.

"It's too late for that..."

My face moves closer, and the hand of his that doesn't currently hold my underwear flies down to gently tug at my hair, keeping me in place.

"If you do this... God, Y/N, I won't be able to stop myself..."

A smirk dances over my lips as I lean in, breath fanning gently over his exposed skin. "Don't."

He swallows. "Don't what?"

"Don't stop yourself."

I barely get the words out before his hand is completely pulling me towards him, and the second my lips press against the silky skin of his hard cock, he loses it completely.

His fingers thread through my hair as I kiss and lick my way softly up to the tip. Once I'm there, I swirl my tongue out and taste the small beads of cum that had remained after he came, a low, satiated hum radiating through my body and making him shiver under my touch.

And then I wrap my lips fully around the head of his dick, and there's no stopping the most beautiful sound I've ever heard come out of his mouth. It's a broken, desperate whisper of my name. The crack in his voice when he says it spurs me forward, and I take him deeper into my mouth until he hits the back of my throat.

That's when he tosses my underwear in the washer and uses both of his hands to grab my head, roughly guiding me along his cock and fully taking control of my actions.

The fire in my belly doesn't ease up, not even once he's decided that he can't take it anymore and pulls me off of him harshly.

And that's only because now he's fully turned over, finally given into these desires that have been plaguing him presumably from the moment we met.

"I want you stripped and in your bed, on your hands and knees within the next five minutes."

I get up off the floor and walk up to him until our bodies are flush, my arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

"What are you gonna do to me, Spencer?"

He searches my eyes, and his own grow dark with the purest form of sin I'd ever seen. And when his hands come up over the back of my legs, and under my skirt to grab my ass and pull me even closer to him, I can't help the little mewl that slips past my lips.

He smiles, and if it hadn't been for the grip he held on me, I would have fallen to my knees. "Little girl, when I'm through with you, you'll have to come up with some excuse to your mom about why you can't walk straight... Is that what you want?"

The mention of my mom should send me running in the opposite direction, but his threat only prolongs that fire in my veins and makes me want him even more.

I tilt my head up and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Do your worst..."

———

Turns out he was very true to his word.

Sitting at the kitchen table is somewhat of a relief, but I try not to walk around as much when Mom gets home. She'd asked me almost immediately if I was okay, and I told her I was just hungry and needed to eat something.

She seemed to have bought it, rushing to the kitchen to unpack the fast food she'd ordered for us. Over her shoulder, Spencer gave me a sly smile, and it took everything I had within myself not to crumble.

Through bites of food, I only half-listen to Mom telling us about the stuff she had to do at work because most of the words I'm hearing are in my head— A loop of endless dirty talk that plants deep into the soil of my stomach and spreads out through my whole body. It infects me, like the most beautiful poison, and I never want it to stop.

"Tell me, sweetheart, you ever let a man come inside you before?"

His weight on top of me coupled together with the heft of his voice has me whining out in pleasure, each snap forward of his hips over my ass as he pounds into me from behind the most delectable burn I've ever felt.

"Uh huh," I answer happily, twisting my head to feel his cheek against my own. "That night you heard me in the shower... I walked through the door with a stranger's cum soaking my panties... And you know what?"

He grumbles, his hips hitting into me harder as he waits for me to continue.

"I wished it was yours..."

My legs clench together under the table and I take a large gulp of water.

I feel something graze over my bare shin, and I already know it's Spencer's foot, a silent reassurance of his presence and that no matter what, he'll always be here.

"Here's what's going to happen..."

He has me on my back now, my legs hoisted over his shoulders and bent back so I'm nearly folded in half. His hips are flush against mine and I can feel his cock throbbing as he comes into the condom.

"You're gonna make an appointment to make sure you're clean... You're gonna make sure you're on good birth control... And then the next time I fuck this pretty little pussy, you're gonna really know what it feels like to have a man come inside you."

Right... Like I really need a reminder of his presence.

I can practically feel it still inside me, taking up every inch of space my body could provide. And no matter how long I go without seeing him, I have no doubt that it'll always remain.

"But that's enough about me, I'm sorry." Mom's voice shifts and breaks me out of my fantasy. "So, how did your day of bonding go? You have fun?"

Spencer and I share a look, a smile spreading over his lips that makes me smile in turn.

"Yeah, Mom," I say. "It was great."

He nods in kind. "Yeah... We'll definitely have to do it again."

His foot grazing over my leg under the table cements the unwavering smile on my face, as does the way my whole body burns at the memory of him fucking me upstairs only hours before.

I don't even flinch or get sick to my stomach when Mom reaches over and gives Spencer a kiss.

———

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[angstysebfan]

The Past Can Break You - 5

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

AU: Avengers

Summary: You and Bucky have been dating for aa few years. As far as you’re concerned he is the one. But what happens when a blast from the actual past shows up?

A/N: Ive seen a lot stories of Bucky getting his first love from the 40′s back. And I’ve always wondered... what would happen if he was dating someone already? Reader is from this time. Not proofread.

Warning: implied smut, angst is back

--

The next 2 weeks were amazing. Bucky really turned everything around and showed you that he was committed to you. It made you feel so much better. While you felt bad that he now completely avoided Dot, because she is still out of place, you didn’t feel that bad because you knew she was bad news. Whenever she saw you and Bucky together she would scoff and glare at you. It made you uncomfortable.

One day the whole Avengers team was called into a meeting to discuss an upcoming mission. Per Steve and Tony, everyone, except you, were needed. You didn’t like the thought of staying behind with Dot in the compound, but you were a team player, and wouldn’t argue. Bucky on the other hand let Steve have it with both barrels.

“Steve you know the situation with Dot. Can’t someone else stay behind?” he said to Steve.

Steve sighed, “Yes, I know this will be difficult, but everyone else is needed for their skill. Y/N’s skills aren’t needed on this mission. She agreed, so why are you fighting me on this?” Steve argued back.

“Of course Y/N won’t fight this, but I am trying to protect her from Dot. You remember how vicious Dot can be, and I don’t want her to upset Y/N when we just started to get back on track,” Bucky said.

“Look Buck, I get it. I do. But this is how it is. The compound is big enough that Y/N won’t need to be anywhere near Dot. By the way, when are you going to tell her that she needs to start looking for employment and another living situation. She makes everyone uncomfortable. Even Tony is starting to get annoyed at all her questions about FRIDAY, and he loves showing people how smart he is,” Steve asked.

“I-I don’t know. I mean I know I have to do it, especially after what she’s pulled, but I still feel bad for her. I mean she didn’t ask for this to happen, and doesn’t deserve to be thrown out on her ass, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I’ll talk to Y/N about it and see if she has any ideas. Maybe if we help setting her up I will feel better about it,” Bucky said.

“Yea, I know. Let me know if you need help. But we gotta get packed and head to the quinjet. And please don’t worry about Y/N. Your girl is strong, and she knows how Dot is. She will be fine. Besides, we are only gone for like 24 hours, what could happen?” Steve asked.

Bucky didn’t respond and watched as Steve walked out of the meeting room. He ran his hands through his hair, what could happen? He hoped nothing, but he didn’t trust Dot. It’s funny the way she is acting now didn’t bother him when he was in the 40s, but now, because of you, he sees that she is not as great as he thought.

Bucky sighs and heads to your shared room to find you packing his bag for him. He smiles as he walks in, “Hey baby,” he says.

You look up at him and give him a bashful smile, “Figured I would help you out,” you said.

Bucky walks up to you and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace. He looks into your eyes, and all you see is love and admiration in them. He leans in and connects his soft lips with yours. After a moment he deepens the kiss and you feel his tongue on your lower lip. You open you mouth in response, allowing him full access. When the need to breath becomes too great you pull away, panting.

“You’re only going to be gone a day,” you say with a chuckle.

Bucky also laughs, “Will you be ok? Here? With... her?” he asks.

You brush your hand through his soft hair, “Yea. I’ll stay clear of her as much as I can. But I’ll be ok,” you say.

Bucky pecks your lips again. “When I come home, I was wondering if you could help me with something,” he asks.

You look at him with confusion, “Like what?” you ask.

“I think it’s time for Dot to go off on her own, but I don’t want to just kick her out and make her fend for herself. I was thinking you could help me find her a job and a place to live? I would just feel better if I know I wasn’t kicking her out with nowhere to go,” he asks.

You smile and nod, “Sure. I’ll be glad to help. I’ll start while you’re gone,” you say. 

Bucky kisses you one more time, “I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you, Doll,” he says.

“I love you too, Buck.”

--

You have to say you are surprised when you find yourself not running into Dot at all. It’s almost like she doesn’t want to be near you either, which is fine. She has spent most of the last 24 hours in the lab, while you stayed in your room looking up possible jobs and apartment for her. 

You thought it was nice of Bucky to at least help set her up and not throw her to the wolves. It was something you admired about Bucky, his big heart. You both have been texting before the mission, but since then you haven’t heard from him. You hope everything is ok. 

“FRIDAY, any update on the team?” you ask the AI.

“No agent, I’m sorry,” she responds.

You decide to take a nap in hopes that when you wake up your boyfriend will be home. You want your family home safe and sound.

--

You woke up to the sounds of the team in the hallway. You walk out and see Nat and Wanda and hug them hello. You head toward the common room hoping to see the guys, but don’t. You walk back toward the elevator and heard something from Dot’s room.

“Oh Dot, I’ve missed you so much, Doll,” you hear Bucky moan.

You gasp in horror as you continue listening to Dot moan and beg for Bucky to go harder. You can’t help the tears that begin to fall as you hear your boyfriend and his ex having sex.

“So good baby, you’re so good. Taking me so well, you feel amazing. No one is like you, I love you so much,” Bucky moaned.

You’ve heard enough and turn, running back to your shared room. You can’t be near him when he comes in pretending he didn’t just fuck his ex. Your heart is in a million pieces as his voice continues to play in your head. All you hear is her and his moans and his words. He loves her. It will always be her. Maybe you just need to learn to accept that.

--

“Buck, I think you should have told Y/N you got hurt. She is going to be worried about you,” Steve scolded.

“Look, I know my girl. She will be mad at first, but then she will nurse me back to health. I will have to convince her to ride me later, but it will be so worth it,” Bucky says with a smirk as the doctor continues to pull out shards of shrapnel from his side.

“Seriously man? TMI!” Sam complained before leaving Medbay.

Bucky laughed and then hissed as the doctor pulled another shard out. “How much longer? I don’t want Y/N to think I’m dead if she knows we are back,” Bucky asked the doctor.

“One more piece... and....” she pulls the large piece out, “There! Now I will quickly clean and bandage. no stitches cause you will heal fast, but please no sex tonight. You might bleed all over her,” the doctor said with a glare.

Bucky and Steve laugh. “Oh I talked to Y/N about helping me out with Dot and she agreed. I figured it was best to have her involved with that situation from now on,” Bucky says to Steve as the doctor cleans and bandages his side.

“Good idea, less messy that way. I hope everything went well here with the 2 of them,” Steve says.

“I’ll find out,” Bucky says as he puts his shirt on. 

Both men walk to the elevator and head to their floor. They say their goodbyes in the hall as Bucky opens the door to your shared apartment. You aren’t in there, which confuses him, but he figures maybe you went to the kitchen.

When he walks into the bathroom he senses something is wrong. None of your toiletries are there. It was different from when you cleaned, plus his was still there. He walks back out to your room and sees that everything on your nightstand is gone too. Now he starts to panic as he goes to the closet and sees that all your clothes are gone. He tries to not have a panic attack because that will slow him down. He goes to head to the door and sees a piece of paper on the floor:

Bucky,

I guess I’m the stupid one. I’m stupid to think that everything you said to me was true. I was stupid to think that I could compete with your one true love. I was stupid to think that you really loved me. Well I won’t be stupid anymore. No need to lie and say what I heard isn’t true. I hope you and Dot are very happy together in your new apartment, but I’m done. Have a nice life.

Bucky dropped the letter and fell to his knees as tears pool down his cheeks. What the hell happened that you up and left him? You are angry with him, and he doesn’t understand why. He allows himself to cry for a moment before rereading it.

Dot.

--

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Oh Dot you dirty bitch! Feedback is appreciated.

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[tootiredmotel]

a different lover is not a sin

or: 5 times Dean didn't go to Pride + 1 time he did

Happy @starrynightdeancas gift exchange posting day!!! This one's for the wonderful and talented @andzia267 !!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes, and I hope you enjoy it! And thank you Sophie for hosting all this, you're a rock star! <3

Read on ao3 or below / 5.5k words

CW: homophobia, queer used as a slur, john winchester being an asshole

1 - 1994

Dean was fifteen years old when he found out that being gay was something people could be proud of. It was early in the morning, they'd left their motel about 20 minutes before, and Sammy had fallen asleep in the backseat. The sun was just starting to completely show over the horizon, and they were driving through– or rather, struggling to get out of– Phoenix on their way to a possible poltergeist in Tucson. Every street they tried to take was blocked for the big event, and dozens of people already lined the sidewalks with colorful outfits and signs.

"Fuckin' queers," John grumbled in the seat next to him. "Never should'a thrown that damn brick."

Big banners overhead displayed "Stonewall 25: A Global Celebration of Pride". Dean made a mental note to hit up a library once they got to Tucson to look that up, "Stonewall". In the meantime, he was mesmerized staring out the window. Guys held hands, women kissed, everyone was practically vibrating with excitement. A black man in heels and a wig caught his gaze through the window and waved. Dean started to wave back, but his hand was harshly swatted back down.

"Do not," John said. "Don’t talk to them, don’t even look at ‘em. These people are sick in the head."

Dean focused his gaze on his lap until they were out of the city, and his mind wandered back to the gas station they stopped at the day before. He thought of the guy at the cash register that called him "cutie" and winked at him as he bought a candy bar for Sammy and beers for Dad with his fake ID. By Dad’s logic– which Dean trusted, of course–, that cashier, that queer, must've been sick in the head.

Then Dean remembered how his heart sped up, how his ears got hot, and how for a second he let himself think the cashier was kinda cute too. He realized he must also be sick in the head, and the thought was making him feel actually, physically sick. He felt like throwing up. Dad could never know.

Dean was fifteen years old when he learned that being gay actually wasn't something to be proud of.

---

2 - 2000

Dean was 21 years old when he learned the word “bisexual”. Dad had caught word of a ghoul case in lower Manhattan and sent Dean to take care of it. It was starting to get too hot and the streets were too crowded, but Dean was mostly glad to get a break from the constant fighting between Dad and Sammy.

Except it was June, and every time he turned a corner, there they were. The Pride parade flyers.

The second he spotted a rainbow he averted his gaze. He turned another corner and spotted another one. He avoided reading them at all costs. He heard Dad’s voice. Sick. Sick in the head.

For years now Dean had pretended he wasn’t sick. He pretended to not stare at Patrick Swayze too much whenever Dirty Dancing played on TV. He pretended like he didn't imagine what it would be like to kiss a guy, what stubble would feel like against his lips if he ever did.

He liked women. He could stick to women. He could live his whole life like that. And that meant he wasn’t totally sick, right? He wasn’t gay -gay if he liked girls.

But then what the hell was he? Would he even belong at one of these Pride things if he wanted to? He was probably a freak of nature. Even sicker than the rest of the bunch.

Curiosity got the best of him. He spared a glance at one of the flyers as he waited to cross the street.

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transexuals, ALL WELCOME

“Are you gonna go?” A voice next to him asked. ”It’s next weekend.” He was blond, pale, and a bit shorter than Dean.

“What? No! I don't swing that way,” Dean said, a bit too quickly and with too much bite.

The guy looked him up and down with a frown. “Geez, alright. Just askin’.”

He started to walk away, and Dean spoke up before he could stop himself.

“Hey man, wait.”

The guy stopped walking.

“Sorry, can I ask you something? Assuming you... know about this stuff?”

He seemed exasperated, but he turned anyway, willing to hear Dean out. Dean licked his lips, rubbed at the back of his neck, swallowed nervously. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, asking a stranger on the street about something so personal. At least the chances of meeting this person ever again were close to none.

“What’s bisexual?”

The guy’s features softened a bit. He seemed to understand something about Dean that so far Dean refused to acknowledge.

“It means you’re into more than one gender. And yes, you can do that,” the guy said. He flashed Dean a tight smile and then disappeared into the crowd.

Dean felt his hands go numb and balled them into fists, shoving them in his pockets. He took a deep breath through his nose. The guy said you. You are. You can.

The guy didn’t know what he was talking about. He knew nothing about Dean. He was wrong.

Or maybe he was right.

But he couldn’t be.

Dean couldn’t be… that.

Dean was 21 years old when he decided he wasn’t bisexual. He wasn’t anything. He was also 21 when he solved a case in record time (two days), just so he could book it out of New York before the next weekend arrived.

---

3 - 2004

By the time he was 25 years old, Dean knew he was bi. He hated it, he never spoke about it, and he ignored it as much as he could, but he was aware of it. And he knew he was bi because, at 25 years old, he’d already gone through two serious breakups, and they both equally sucked.

The first was Lee. He hunted with Dean and John for about a year, the second half of which Dean and Lee spent sneaking around and hooking up behind John’s back. It was fun, and hot, and exciting, and some of the best hookups he’d had up until that point in his life were with Lee.

But the thing is that it wasn’t just hooking up. They were close, and Dean liked him. A lot. They kissed for the first time after a particularly scary werewolf hunt in which Dean almost died, but John was more preoccupied with the mostly-unharmed victim than his own son. Dean and Lee rode in the backseat, bruised, bloody, and quiet. When John went to walk the victim up to her apartment, Lee reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s back, asking him if he was okay. Dean fell into Lee’s arms, and they kissed as they pulled away from the embrace, soft and comforting. It was Dean’s first kiss with a guy.

Lee was a lot of firsts for Dean over the next few months. But then John almost caught them once, drunk and making out in the Impala.

And then that case in Arizona went wrong, and Lee just couldn’t take it anymore. He packed up, swore off hunting, hugged Dean goodbye, and left him in the dust.

Dean needed to clear his head after that. He could barely look his dad in the eye after that close call, couldn't let him see the sorrow he was feeling. With every interaction, he imagined how John would yell at him, probably try to beat it out of him, if he noticed all he was feeling over Lee. Or worse, John could ignore him, practically disown him like he did Sam.

So he also packed up and left. Went hunting on his own for a while.

It was on one of those hunts that he met Cassie, and she was yet another handful of firsts for Dean over the course of a few months. She was amazing, and he fell hard and fast, but of course that went up in flames too.

Then again, he should've known better than to be honest. Honesty only ever got him in trouble.

He’d just left her back in Ohio and was working at a bar in Indianapolis for a few weeks to make some cash. He’d eventually meet back up with Dad. He just couldn’t right now. Not with Sam gone to college. Not after getting his heart broken twice over within a year.

He was hyper-aware of the end of June approaching. He knew it was coming, Indy had a pretty big celebration, and he made sure to be working all day that day so he wouldn't have to face it.

That was pointless, though. Toward the end of the day, a big group of about ten or twelve people who were clearly coming from the parade stumbled into the bar. One of them was apparently the owner’s little sister and they went there every year after the celebrations. They were loud, and obnoxious, and looked incredibly happy. Their happiness was contagious, and Dean loved serving them. He chatted them up, got to know them a bit, and heard all about the parade, all while staring down anyone at the bar who dared look their way with even the slightest stink eye.

But watching them that happy and comfortable, seeing not one, but two pairs of guys sloppily leaning against each other and sharing the occasional kiss while none of their friends seemed to bat an eye… something in Dean ached. Deeply.

Dean was 25 years old when he realized that a small part of him kind of, sort of, wanted to be part of this community. He couldn’t though. Not if he wanted to be on good terms with Dad. Not if he aimed to be the man Dad wanted him to be.

He left Indianapolis the next day.

---

4 - 2008

Dean was 29 years old and on his own personal highway to hell when he learned his brother went to a Pride parade before he ever did. They were driving through San José, the streets were lined with ads for Silicon Valley Pride, and Sam just casually decided to mention how fun it was the last time he went.

Thankfully they were at a red light, or else Dean probably would’ve slammed the breaks. He twisted to look at Sam head-on, his arm on the back of the seat.

“You what ?” he gawked.

Sam shrugged innocently. “What?”

“You went to one of these Pride things?”

“Yeah, dude.”

Dean’s brain was just trying and failing to load. “Why?” he finally asked.

“Jessica was in the GSA and some friends invited us. It was awesome.”

“She was in the what?”

“The G. S. A.,” Sam answered slowly. “Gay-Straight Alliance.”

“Oh.” Whatever that is, Dean thought. He kept eyeing the flyers. It was tomorrow.

“Green.”

“What?”

“Light’s green. Green means go.”

Dean rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

He kept driving and turned up the radio. Somebody To Love was playing, and as much as he liked Queen, he had to change the station. He tried to picture his little brother (his straight little brother) wearing rainbow face paint and having the time of his life at this thing. How come Sammy got to go when Dean could barely entertain the idea? Dean was the not-straight one. It wasn’t fair.

He channeled his jealousy into gripping the steering wheel.

“You okay, Dean?”

“Yeah.” No. “Yeah, m’fine.”

Dean was 29 years old when he died and went to hell without ever having gone to a Pride parade, knowing that his idiot ( straight! ) little brother already had.

---

5 - 2014

Dean was alive again and 35 years old (75, if you count hell) when he was formally invited to a Pride parade for the first time. It was a couple of days after that whole mess with Cas in Lucifer’s crypt, and he called Charlie. He just wanted to hear her voice, needed to know he was still on good terms with at least one of his best friends.

“So anyway,” Charlie said after a while of recounting what she’d been up to. "How single are you right now? My answer is: miserably."

Dean chuckled. Then he thought of Cas, and the smile disappeared. "Yeah, you and me both, sister."

“Would you mind coming with me to this thing next month? Going alone kinda sucks.”

Dean put the phone on speaker and placed it on the library table as he sat down with a beer. “What’s the thing?”

“Pride.”

Dean was glad no one was around to see him almost choke on his drink.

“You good?”

“Yeah, what was that?”

“Pride parade. Don’t have anyone to go with this year.”

“Why uh… Why? Why me?”

She knows.

“I dunno.”

She knows she knows she knows.

“You’re my friend, Dean. Thought maybe you might be interested. But never mind, I guess.”

And while all the alarms in Dean's head were blaring danger danger danger abort, he also hated to hear Charlie so disappointed.

“Hey, no, listen, Charlie, I… I would. Really. You know I support you, wholeheartedly." And that's obviously the only reason I would want to go. "But with Sam doing these trials, and Cas on the run with the angel tablet–”

“It’s okay Dean, I get it. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah.”

And she hung up.

Dean knew, at this point, that there was nothing wrong with being queer. It wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, and it sure as hell didn’t mean you were wrong in the head or whatever.

But years of pretending to be a false version of yourself in an effort to please a man who was impossible to please wasn’t exactly an easy habit to break. As much as he wished it didn't, as much as he wished he could just exist, the thought of anyone finding out still made him sick to the stomach.

John’s voice still echoed in his ears. His words still drove Dean’s sense of self-worth and so many of his decisions. He tried to never stare at a good-looking guy for too long. He tried to not get too into it with Benny. He tried to keep his feelings for Cas at bay, tried to keep him at arm's length, tried to keep the fact that he was in love (deeply, stupidly in love) as close to his chest as he could.

Even that night at the crypt choking out the words to get through to Cas, he couldn’t bring himself to say what he meant. I love you, he’d wanted to say, because it was the truth. What came out, however, was I need you. And he did, he needed Cas more than air, but it wasn't quite everything.

It still got his heart split in two.

Was he so far gone over Cas that he couldn’t hide it? Had he been trying so hard and failing just as miserably this whole time? Was his attraction to dudes that obvious? Or did Charlie just have a sixth sense for this kinda thing?

It was probably the last one. He hoped it was.

Cas knew, for sure. Angels knew everything right? They could read minds, feel longing, or whatever. And if none of that ever tipped him off, well, Dean put it all on the line back in that crypt. He told Cas how he felt, told him he needed him, tried putting himself out there, and it got him left. Again. With Dean, it was always leave-or-get-left when it came to love. He was tired of it.

Dean was 35 years old, desperately in love with his best friend, and truly heartbroken for the third time in his life, when his other best friend– an out and proud lesbian– gave him a chance to go to Pride, to break through his shell, to finally embrace himself as he was; but because he was practically living in the closet, he couldn’t seem to find the handle after so many years of purposefully ignoring its existence, and he missed his chance. Besides, what was the point of going to a celebration of love without the love of his life by his side?

---

+1 - 2021

Dean is now 42 years old and the happiest he’s ever been. The love of his life? Cas? Turns out he’s felt the same way all along. They're kind of together now, and slowly but surely they’re working through a decade’s worth of shit.

They’ve been raising a kid together too, along with Sam and Eileen, and that kid is also God. After saving the world and whatnot, Jack decided to bring back some of their friends and family that died over the years: Mary, Kevin, Charlie. Yes, there are two Charlies now, but it’s not as confusing as you’d expect. (One is from another dimension, and the other one is Dean’s little sister. Simple.) Mary’s off hunting most of the time and Kevin’s applying to college.

They’ve got extended family now too, Jody and the girls. OG Charlie is staying with them for now, while she finds her footing. Most of that household is queer. Most of Dean's household is queer as well, actually. Turns out both Jack and Eileen are non-binary, Cas is gay in the broader sense of the word, and Dean…

Dean is bi. And everyone knows now.

Apparently, a lot of people had known for a long time. Sam has known since the siren back in ‘09 (even though Dean stands by the fact that it wasn’t like that, Sammy ), and everyone has slowly picked up on his and Cas’s thing over the years, so there’s that.

He still feels a bit weird about it. About calling Cas his boyfriend, about having the freedom to hold his hand in public, about the fact that they now have goddamn pride flags hung around the bunker. He feels even weirder about the fact that John’s voice in his head is now drowned out by the sounds of his home life, more lively and supportive than he ever expected to have.

He wasn’t expecting any of this, he didn’t think everything would change so fast. But when you spend the better part of your life pushing down such a huge part of you and then finally give yourself an out, a chance to show the people who love you who you really are, everything just... follows.

Love follows. Acceptance follows. Family follows. And he wasn’t really expecting any of it.

He certainly doesn’t expect it when Cas walks into the library after his weekly Thursday evening call with Claire and announces, matter-of-factly and with air quotes, “We’re going to "Pride" this weekend.”

Dean’s stomach drops. It’s the Sioux Falls Pride Parade and Festival, it’s in two days, and they’re leaving tomorrow to spend the night at Jody’s so they can all be there bright and early Saturday morning. Everyone immediately starts bustling about, packing and planning outfits and gathering flags to bring with them.

Dean just goes to his room– his and Cas’s now– to pack a small duffle.

Well, he means to. Instead, he takes out the duffle from the closet, puts it on the bed, and sits next to it for a while. An hour goes by. He thinks back to all those times he had brushes with one of these things and was just never in the right mindset. He’s not even sure he’s in the right mindset now, but he’s going. It’s happening.

“Jack’s all ready to go,” Cas says when he walks in. “We spent about half an hour putting together an outfit for Saturday. He wanted it to be as colorful as possible.”

Dean smiles, but it’s not all there. He looks at the empty duffle next to him.

“Yeah, I might need some help with that myself.”

Cas is in sweats and a hoodie. Yes it’s June, yes it’s hot, but he’s a quasi-angel, and the way he experiences the world Dean will never be able to wrap his head around. He walks over and stands in front of Dean, running a hand through his hair and down the side of his face until he’s cupping Dean’s jaw. Dean takes Cas’s hand and leaves a few kisses on the inside of his wrist, closing his eyes as he does.

Cas regards the empty bag and hums quietly, as if in thought, before walking over to their closet. Dean chases his hand, holding onto it until he’s completely out of reach. Cas starts searching, and Dean’s stomach knots more and more with each clang of the hangers. Cas finally pulls out a flannel from its hanger– purple with hints of blue and pink– and tosses it over. Dean can’t believe he didn’t think of it first.

They continue to pack in comfortable silence before changing and getting into bed. Dean doesn’t flop onto his stomach or cuddle into Cas’s side as he usually does; instead, he lies on his back and stares at the ceiling in a daze.

“Dean?” Cas’s voice snaps him out of it.

Dean turns his head and asks, automatically, “You okay?”

It’s a habit by now, asking each other that question. It’s part of the working-through-a-decade’s-worth-of-shit thing they’re doing. Turns out they share a whole lot of trauma. They share worries and insecurities. They share nightmares sometimes, mostly about the Empty.

“I’m okay,” Cas says, putting his hand on top of Dean’s heart for him to hold, and Dean can breathe a little easier.

“You nervous about this thing?” Dean asks, interlocking their fingers.

“The parade? No, not really.”

And then, because he's been working on communicating how he's feeling out loud or whatever, Dean looks back up at the ceiling and says, "I am. Kinda."

He feels Cas shifting and propping himself up on his elbow, and then he's in Dean's line of sight. Dean's gaze is drawn to him, like all of him has been since the moment they met, and Dean can't believe he just has this now. He has a boyfriend, and it's Cas, and he's looking down at Dean with stars in his eyes and a comforting smile that actually works because it's Cas.

And then Cas is leaning down and softly pressing their lips together, and that's also something Dean can’t believe he gets to do: kiss Cas good morning and good night and at any moment in between, kiss him I'm sorry, kiss him we're going to be okay, kiss him I love you.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas says once they've pulled away, and Dean didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, but it doesn't matter. "And you don't need to be nervous. I'll be there with you."

The thought should be a thousand times more nerve-wracking, not just going to Pride but going to Pride with Cas on his arm. It's not nerve-wracking at all, and he soon drifts off to sleep.

Friday goes by faster than it should. The six-hour drive to Sioux Falls, although packed in a car with five people, goes by in a blink. They stop for provisions before getting to Jody's, filling up on backpacks' worth of snacks.

They get to the house and are met with endless hugs and excitement to match. Patience, Alex, and Jody are already working on dinner for the bunch, while Charlie, Donna, and Kaia are running around prepping for the next day and dragging along a hesitant but nevertheless happy Claire. Dinner is chaotic and loud and there are way too many people at the table, and Dean has to step outside after a while.

He sits on the back porch steps. Claire joins him. She's holding a beer, he's not. He hasn't been drinking for a few months now. They don't talk, but she leans her head on his shoulder and they stay there a while, looking at the stars.

When they go back inside, Claire sits back down in her spot at Cas's left, across the table from Dean, and leans on his shoulder for a while too. It's her way of saying she cares, of saying I missed you without really saying it. Jack sits at Cas's right, talking excitedly with Patience about some tv show or other, and the image fills Dean with such fondness that he reaches over with his foot, presses it to Cas's ankle, and keeps it there for the rest of the night.

Dean, Cas, Jack, Sam, and Eileen spend the night spread out around in the living area while the girls sleep in their respective rooms, and Dean is only slightly less nervous as he falls asleep holding Cas’s hand.

---

The nerves all come flooding back as he’s parking the Impala the next morning.

They’re not able to get even remotely close to Phillips Avenue since the streets are so full. They park the three cars that all twelve of them came in as close as they can and then have to walk for another twenty minutes. From blocks and blocks away, people walk and holler and greet them excitedly, many of them trying to circle this swarm of flanneled individuals that are taking up a whole sidewalk. Granted, Dean and Claire are the only ones in their usual kind of outfit. The rest of the bunch is wearing as many colors as they could compile from their closets, half of them are wearing face paint, and the other half are carrying an assortment of pride flags.

They fit right in.

The walk toward the main avenue of the parade is kind of a blur for Dean. He knows he waved at a few people, some friends of Alex from high school joined the group at some point, and Jack already grabbed a snack from his backpack.

The actual parade is also kind of hazy. Getting out of the house that morning had been probably even more chaotic than the night before, so they’re a bit late and the parade has already been going for a good half hour. On top of that, they accidentally merge into it not quite at the starting point but a bit further down the road, in between a decked-out pickup truck and a group of people with dogs. Music is blaring, the dogs are all barking, a big float rides a few yards in front of them, and hundreds stand on the sidewalks recording on their phones and cheering them along.

Dean’s not sure they’re even supposed to be in the actual parade. Maybe they’re supposed to be on the sidewalks? Is this right? What is happening, what is he even doing here?

He doesn’t notice how heavy he’s breathing until Cas is squeezing his hand and beckoning him to meet his eyes. He does, and the blue in them, as imposing as the Atlantic, drowns out everything else around them. “You’re okay, my love,” Cas says. It’s a fact. As long as Dean is with him, he’s okay.

On his other side, Dean feels someone link their arm around his. It’s Charlie, and she’s beaming at them, her cheeks almost as red as her hair. It brings Dean back to reality, grounds him, but he’s okay now. He’s not alone, and he’s meant to be here.

He’s proud to be here.

The parade leads up to a sloping park, and at the lowest point of it, there’s a stage where Dean assumes someone will MC for the afternoon, or maybe perform. It’s grandiose in its simplicity, kind of like a Greek theater, with everyone settling down on the grass around it, expectantly.

“We’ll be right back,” Dean hears Sam say, and he turns to find they’re all set to spend the afternoon, towels laid and backpacks off (save for his). “Jack wants to go meet the drag queens,” Sam says with just a bit too much glee before he and Jack take off.

“It’s not just Jack,” Eileen smiles and follows.

Cas is already sitting, eating one of the PB&Js he packed as lunches for everyone. Jody and Donna are settling down as well and Charlie’s taking a dozen pictures, but the rest of the girls are all standing. “We’re gonna go check out the vendors,” Claire announces, and they start to take off as well.

“Be careful, please!” Dean calls after them, but they pay him no mind. He turns to Charlie. “Hey, your majesty, keep an eye on them will you?”

She smiles, bows gracefully, and heads in the same direction.

Jody stands and grabs Dean by the arm, beckoning him to talk in private for a second.

“What’s up?”

If Dean knows Jody at all, and he does, they’re on the brink of a mom talk.

“Look around, Dean.”

“What for?”

“Just look,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Please?”

So, at her request, Dean starts taking in the environment. Now that everyone is gathered, he can actually see all the people that came out (heh) for the event. There are church groups, pet shelters, skateboarders, and rollerskaters. Drag queens are already taking pictures by the stage, and at least two people are wearing unicorn heads. A few vendors’ tents and food trucks surround the park, and rainbows completely dominate the scenery. There are elders, and kids, and all kinds of families and couples, and everyone looks… happy. Free.

And Dean is here with them. He is one of them.

There’s no danger, no monsters of any kind. No one to judge him, hurt him, call him sick in the head.

He finds Claire’s blonde head amongst the sea of shoppers at the edge of the park. She’s holding hands with Kaia and has one of the biggest smiles Dean has ever seen on her face. There’s no shame in it, and she’s not in any danger either. Things are different now, and she has the freedom to be herself that he never had at her age.

He has it now too. He can be himself.

Dean doesn’t realize he’s about to cry until Jody pulls him down into a hug.

“Dean, I am so proud of you.”

And then he cries.

---

They spend the afternoon laying on the grass, eating, drinking, and enjoying the festivities. The girls come back from the vendors’ tents after a full hour, and most of the bags on their arms are Charlie’s. She gets Cas a mug that says bee yourself in rainbow colors with an image of a cartoon bee, and she gets Dean a button pin that says AC/DC in pink and blue. There’s a meaning behind that apparently, and Dean decides he’ll look it up later.

Jack memorizes all the drag queen’s names. Donna takes a million pictures. They trade numbers with a few people.

There’s a big fireworks show just after sundown. It starts to get windy and a bit chilly, so Dean grabs the nearest pride flag and wraps it around himself. Cas, the perpetual freak who just doesn’t feel temperature apparently, is wearing a t-shirt and shorts and smiling at him unabashedly.

“What?”

“That’s the bisexual flag.”

So it is. “Shut up,” Dean says, but he’s smiling too. “You want in on this?”

He doesn’t wait for Cas to respond before he wraps it around his shoulders as well. The fireworks continue.

“You know,” Cas says after a beat. “As beautiful as they are, pyrotechnics are extremely damaging to the environment.”

Dean can’t help but laugh because of course, Cas would say something like that in a moment like this. He laughs and laughs and regrets being the only one to have heard that; then again, he’s the only one who could’ve found that funny.

He laughs a bit more, wipes a tear, and sees that Cas is still just solemnly watching the show.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” He replies and then turns his head.

Dean wants to kiss him. He wants to kiss him so bad. Then he remembers where he is, physically and in his life right now, realizes whom he’s surrounded by at this very second, and decides that he can.

So he does. It’s not unlike the way he kissed Cas when they rescued him from the Empty. Granted, there’s less sweat, blood, adrenaline. But just like that day, they’re both on the ground, and the gesture catches Cas by surprise. Just like that day, Dean pulls Cas in gently by the back of his neck and there’s no hesitance or fear. Just like that day, he just does it, presses their lips firmly together, and relishes in the taste of Castiel, in the feeling of the person he loves most in this world kissing him back.

The one big difference is this: that day marked the beginning of the rest of his life. Today? Today is just Dean’s first Pride.

#userstarry #starrynightdeancas gift exchange #aaaahhh i hope you liked this beloved match!!! #gen.fics #spncreatorsdaily #creativecaviar #userjennmish #userdorksinlove #tuserari #plantdadcas #offbeattraxx #slipper007 #thisisapaige #lyntracks #dean winchester #destiel #deancas #deanbenny #deancassie #saileen #dreamhunter #dean x lee #there's so many ships in this im sorry its ULTIMATELY destiel

[lina-lovebug]

CALL MY NAME

Danny Rand x Y/N x Dick Grayson series

Part 2

__________

"So, you and Nightwing?"

It was awkward. Ava was mainly upset that her friend was fine the entire time she's been away and never told her. Sam felt weird, like maybe it was due to her training that she felt the need to dissappear but Y/N was like his family and just seeing her again with no explanation felt weird. Luke was in awe at how much she had changed - she was happier, she looked great, and it looked like she finally found a home. Peter just wanted to be happy for her, despite being the one who spent countless nights wondering if she had reverted back to her Widow past and that she finally snapped.

And Danny. . .

He didn't know what to feel. On one hand, he's greatful that she's safe and seems to be more well adjusted now, but on the other, she's too happy that she may never come back to them. He had so many questions. Did I make you that uncomfortable that you needed to leave? How long have you been with them?

How long have you been with Nightwing?

How long did it take to get over him?

"Yeah, you guys probably have questions," Y/N admitted it did feel weird to see them all again. They weren't 17 anymore, they're all adults.

"How long have you been here?" Sam asked.

"Three and a half years. I struggled for awhile, even resorted to stealing until-"

"I caught her," Nightwing jumped into the conversation, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah. He caught me stealing from a pawn shop and put up a pretty good fight. Managed to escape, but he was obsessed with me since no girl has ever kicked his ass before," Y/N grinned.

"I thought she'd make a great addition to the team. And yes, although I've been beaten before, no girl has ever left me with a split eyebrow and a broken nose," Nightwing joked, his head resting on her shoulder. She looked so comfortable, like she found her soulmate.

"But, I am sorry I never reached out. I was embarrassed, and thought that you guys were better off without me. When Batman told us that you'd be here until the helicarriers got fixed, I wanted to tell you everything that's happened," Y/N felt relief seeing them well. But Luke noticed the entire time she was talking to them, she avoided Danny. Nightwing picked up on this and even though he knew that Danny was her ex, and trusted Y/N, he couldn't ignore how Danny looked at her. His eyes subtly scraped her body in her bodysuit, trying to gain her attention by keeping his eyes trained on her like an eagle.

Looks like someone isn't over the other.

"Beast Boy and Robin will take you guys to your rooms. I've got a meeting I need to run off to. But it was nice seeing you guys!" Y/N said as she sped off towards the zeta tube, and her old team waved goodbye to her.

"Wow Danny, subtle much?" Ava crossed her arms.

"She's grown," Danny said, almost in amazement.

"We're all adults now. She's obviously happy here, so let's just go check out our rooms, okay?" Luke slung his arm around Danny's shoulder, and he just nodded before moving on.

As they all followed Beast Boy and Robin, Dick crossed his arms and sent the infamous Bat glare towards Danny as he left.

"Calm down, there's no competition," Batgirl patted his shoulder.

"You're friends with your exes, so what's the big deal?"

"You guys respect our relationship, besides Zatanna. You know what boundaries are, but something tells me that Iron Fist won't," Dick was the son of Batman, the best detective, so it was more than obvious that he saw just how much happier Y/N was with them.

He wanted to take Y/N now that she didn't look so broken.

"Look, even if that's true, Y/N is probably the most loyal woman I've ever met. She's in love with you, not Iron Fist," She reassured him before walking away, leaving Dick feeling better but still, he wasn't going to just drop it.

/ / / / /

"Danny? What are you doing up so late?"

Y/N had just gotten back with some new info and files on a trafficking case she's been working on with Dinah. It was almost one in the morning when she came back and found Danny waiting for her in the kitchen.

"I could not sleep. . .and I wanted to apologize," Danny sat up from his seat and approached her.

"Danny, we were young. I was irrational-"

"You were right. The world is not fair unless you make it so, and we had to learn that the hard way. I was young and didn't know what to do when you asked me that question," Danny always regretted letting her go. He knew her past, he knew her issues, but he felt like it was all just too much.

"If you could love all of me?" Y/N repeated.

"Love is fragile, but you must work on it in order to keep it alive. I only learned that after I saw you again," Y/N sighed.

"Danny, I'm with Nightwing-"

"I don't expect you to leave him, especially after I saw him with you today. He's a good man, and I see that he does feel genuine love for you. A first love is a hard thing to get over," First love, huh? Y/N didn't want to think that all that fighting and arguing was love. But she remembered the good times. The walks in the park at midnight when they couldn't sleep, the subtle touches across eachothers bodies after making love.

"Thank you, Danny, but I have to get home now. I only came by to drop these off. Goodnight."

She walked away from him feeling ashamed. Dick was amazing, he was so attentive and he understood the pain she was going through. They both felt so right together, mentally and physically.

Yet in that moment, she looked into those green eyes and remembered why he was her first.

#young justice imagine #young justice #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson x reader #iron fist imagine #danny rand x reader #ultimate spiderman imagine