soiwantyou

[soiwantyou]

please don’t get tired of me. i’m trying my best.

[soiwantyou]

Maturity is not seeking revenge. It's healing and moving on, so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.

[soiwantyou]

I died in the house I grew up in and I honestly don’t know who I am anymore and what I’m supposed to be doing with my life I’m a lost cause

[soiwantyou]

[soiwantyou]

If I ever kill myself just know I tried my fucking best and please forgive me

[soiwantyou]

sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.

[soiwantyou]

I was 11 when I realized I was seen as a sexual object to others. I was 12 when I started self-harming. I was 13 when I was harassed and stalked for the first time. I was 13 when I had my first kiss stolen from me. I was 13 when I realized I had no one to trust. I was 13 when I first attempted to take my life. I was 14 when I was forced to sit in a man's lap, all because my school uniform was a skirt. He told me I was sexy. I was 14 when a grown man talked to into getting naked for him on skype. I was 15 when I started starving myself. I was 15 when I started drinking to forget. I was 16 when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I didn't say no, I could only cry. I was 16 when gave up on caring about myself. I was 17 when two seniors used me for their pleasure then threatened me to stay silent. I suffered from alcohol poisoning for three days. I was 17 when I started smoking weed. I was 18 when my manager started cornering me at work. I was 19 when I could no longer have sober sex. I was 20 when I just let her beat me, I didn't deserve better. I was 21 when I was violent assaulted and left unable to walk for a week.

I am 27. I trusted some one that I shouldn't have. I thought I had escaped my past. I thought, never again right? I was beginning to trust again. I had worked on myself. I had started therapy and got medicated. My life was turning around. I was happy.

I am 27 and I am a fool.

#tw #tw ed #rape #to be a woman #to be a woman is to perform #spilled ink #my journal #journal #dear diary #journal entry #ed #abuse #sexual abuse #pain #hurt #depression #i was a child #rapesurvivor #lesbian #wlw

[soiwantyou]

[soiwantyou]

“No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though. I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.”

— Clementine von Radics

[soiwantyou]

Too many thoughts for one brain, too many anxieties for one heart.

[soiwantyou]

i'm not okay but i try to be fine

[soiwantyou]

They take everything from you but don't take the one thing I wish they would.

The memories of it all.

#spilled ink #pain #hurt #depressing shit #rape #rapesurvivor #lesbian #wlw #men are the problem #dear diary #my journal #journal entry #write the pain away

[soiwantyou]

If there was a way to just download happiness; if only it were that easy.

If only we could live in a perfect world where you do everything right and it all just works out. No, we live in a scummy world filled with people who only want what you have to offer. I am more than my body. I am more than my pretty face. I am more than a good time for a night. I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am an aunt, I am a partner, I am a person. I shouldn't have to fight to exist. I shouldn't have to distrust everyone that comes into my life, wondering: what do they want from me? I cannot be careless and enjoy life simply because people will take advantage of that. Take advantage of me. You can say no, you can fight all you can, you can cry and beg, try to rationalize and reason. In the end, all I am is a weak pathetic woman who can't even protect herself. You cannot trust those who claim to be your friend, those who are happy for you to have finally find happiness, fuck you can't even trust family to not hurt you.

I wish the world was better. I fear for my nieces. I fear for my sister. I fear for my friends. I fear for every woman who is cursed to exist in this awful cruel world we live in.

Foolishly, I wish the world was better. I know I will never see the world where my wish is fulfilled.

#spilled ink #relatable #self love #hurt #comfort #need #love #pain #self destruction #tw #vent #dear diary #journal entry #please hold me #i need him #to be understood #wlw #lesbian #abuse #emotional abuse #rape #rapesurvivor #tw assualt #woman #to be a woman is to perform

[soiwantyou]

[soiwantyou]

[soiwantyou]

[soiwantyou]

I don't understand how someone can lack so much respect for someone else's being. What do I do now?