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Life's journey

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Title: "From Shared Birthdays to Broken Promises: Reflections on a Trauma Bond"

Hey dear readers, it's me again, pouring out the pages of my life story. Today, let's rewind to where it all began, where shared birthdays led to a love story that unfolded over 18 years. But beware, because sometimes hurt people, indeed, hurt people, and that's where our journey takes an unexpected turn into the realm of a trauma bond.

I was 18, navigating college with my best friend, Ami, by my side. College was my refuge, my happy place, a sanctuary away from the shadows of home. See, home was my prison, where shame and dark things lurked. But back then, I wore a mask of smiles, never hinting at the storms within.

Then came Ken, my first love. A chance meeting in the library, and my world shifted. Shivers, stomach flips – it was like a teenage symphony of emotions. We shared a birthday, a cosmic coincidence that drew us together like magnets. From that moment, we became inseparable, and my reasoning went out the window. I fell hard, and for 18 years, I stayed in love.

Fast forward to today, where the silence in my living room is broken only by the ticking of the clock. As I reminisce about our first meeting, I realize the boy I fell in love with has become a stranger – a cheater, a liar. The dream of a lasting, respectful relationship akin to my grandparents' seems shattered.

Over the years, I believed forgiveness was the key, but it was me doing the forgiving, over and over. I changed, adapted, hoping that if I became more understanding, more accommodating, he would love me. Infidelity marked my heart, each betrayal etched permanently. I've forgiven names – Debbie, Leanor, Janet, Carla, Diana, Tyjana, and the latest, an unknown 25-year-old.

I collected their names, comparing myself, questioning my worth. I provided a home, children, but he kept searching. "I don't know what love is," he'd say each time he stepped out. I understood his past, his trauma, and forgave him repeatedly. I gave him space, picked him up, and loved unconditionally, convinced that's what he needed.

But here I am today, wondering where is my love, my respect, my happy ever after? Where is my ring, my unconditional love? I've fallen and broken so many times, yet the cycle continues. As the ticking of the clock accompanies my thoughts, I find myself contemplating – when does the bond of trauma break, and when do I finally find the love and respect I deserve? Stick around, dear readers, as the journey unfolds. 💔✨

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Title: "Awakening to My Own Strength: A Journey of Healing"

Hey there, late-night warriors! It's 2 am, and if you're anything like me, you know this hour holds secrets, dreams, and sometimes, a cascade of thoughts that feel like a storm in the soul.

As I lay wide-eyed, my mind becomes a battlefield of past, present, and future. 18 years, a rollercoaster of love, pain, and lessons that sculpted me into the woman I am today. You see, life has a funny way of throwing curveballs, and sometimes, we find ourselves caught in a storm we never expected.

In my world, those 18 years weren't just a love story; they were a journey of self-discovery, sacrifice, and the struggle to maintain an image of what love should be. My sister, a voice of reason in my head, once warned me – "You're the only one in the relationship." It took time, but I finally saw the truth in those words.

My childhood memories of the man who was supposed to be my protector, my father figure, planted seeds of doubt, claiming no one else would ever love me. I found myself caught in the undertow of those toxic words, battling demons day and night to be a version of myself. I thought he, my first love, needed.

Here's the kicker: 18 years down the line, and I wake up to a reality check – no trust, safety, or respect. Love, respect, and boundaries a foreign concepts in a relationship where I felt like the sole keeper of these values. It felt like my heart had no room for anyone else, as every broken piece I tried to mend carried his imprint.

Fast forward to 2:15 am, and the world outside is quiet. The baby's cries pierce the silence, a reminder of responsibilities and the strength within. My best friend's voice echoes, urging me to rise above the chaos, to deserve a love that knows no conditions.

So, there I am, in the living room, facing a gaming console that symbolizes a different kind of play – the game of life. It's time to face the truth. I ask him to lay with the baby, giving myself a moment to breathe. And breathe, I do. The night becomes a silent battleground as I try to rein in my thoughts, trying to find strength in vulnerability.

As the clock ticks, I find myself in a bath, wrestling with the emotions that threaten to overwhelm me. Broken and bruised, yet a whisper of resilience echoes within – a quiet determination to reclaim my identity, to break free from the chains of a toxic love.

Then, a reminder, a text, a painful acknowledgement that the charade is over. "I'm not happy," he confesses. It stings, but within that pain lies the seed of hope. The awakening to a reality sets me on a path of healing, self-love, and rediscovery.

This is my journey – messy, painful, but infused with resilience that refuses to be crushed. Join me as I navigate the labyrinth of healing, embracing the dawn of a new chapter filled with hope, self-discovery, and the promise of a love that begins with me. After all, every sunrise follows the darkest night. Stay tuned for the next chapter – a story of finding strength in vulnerability and emerging into the light. 💪🌅

#free your mind #writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #my words #beauty #new poets society #book quotes #beautiful #fall #growing up #mental health #share your world

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Prayer Journal For Women: A beautiful planner with prompted pages to help during daily devotion https://amzn.eu/d/5i38kct

#journal #writing #self help #deep thoughts #heaven official's blessing #new blessings #prayer

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Title: Sisters Unleashed: Rebuilding the Bonds

Hey everyone, welcome to my corner of the internet. Today, I want to share something real and raw – a journey that many of us with siblings can relate to, but one that's often left unspoken. Let's talk about "Sisters Building Bridges."

In my family of 11, with 4 sisters and 6 brothers, unity wasn't exactly our strong suit. Blame it on a mom who thought creating rifts among us was a brilliant idea. Childhood wasn't all rainbows; it was a rollercoaster of traumatic experiences that none of us should've had to endure.

Fast forward to 2024, Day 9 of the brand new year. I'm hitting up my older sister. Sure, we've chatted here and there over the years, but we've never been as tight as I am with our other older sis. Life's been a wild ride of night terrors, fear, sadness, shame, and regret. I needed an outlet, someone to spill my guts to, and she seemed like the right choice.

So, we dive into our stories. Growing up in Jamaica was no picnic. Our mom had a tough time, and unfortunately, she chose to use her daughters to make it easier – yeah, not cool. My older sis went through hell with our stepdad, and Mom turned a blind eye, even blaming and punishing her. I vividly remember being the reluctant messenger, fetching the stick used to beat my sis after that sickening incident with our stepdad. The guilt I carried for years was like a heavy backpack that I couldn't shake off.

This week, though, things changed. I finally had that heart-to-heart with my older sis, and it turns out our stories are cut from the same cloth. We've both been through the wringer, and it's time to mend the gaps and build that sisterly bond we've been craving.

As I listen to her share her strength and resilience, I'm blown away. She's been through the wringer, and yet here she is, standing tall. The guilt I carried is morphing into a shared determination to heal and move forward.

So here's the deal – it's never too late to fix what's been broken. Sisters building bridges, not just for us but for the generations coming after. It's time to break free from the chains of the past and create a legacy of unity, strength, and, most importantly, love. Sisters unleashed, ready to rewrite the script and redefine what family truly means.

#family #bonds #strong mom #writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #my words #beauty #new poets society #beautiful #book quotes

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Breaking the Cycle: Navigating the Turbulent Waters of Emotional Turmoil Hey there, fellow seekers of sanity! As we roll into the fifth day of 2024, I wanted to share a little piece of my recent journey, diving deep into the complexities of emotions and the power of breaking free from the chains that bind us. For the past few nights, it felt like I was on a rollercoaster, spiraling through a maze of unaddressed emotions, like I'd fallen into a mental black hole. But today, I found a glimpse of clarity—a moment of joy, playfulness, and silly smiles with my kids. Yet, with just a few words – "stop, you're doing too much" – I found myself tumbling back into a minefield of headaches and negative energy. In that instant, I could feel the emotions bubbling up, the negative vibrations engulfing me like a storm. It was like magic, but not the good kind. Recognizing this, I made a conscious decision to step away from the chaos, finding solace in the simplicity of a bath. There, in the bathroom, I aimed to calm my nerves, center my mind, and rediscover my happy place—because breaking the cycle of words triggering me became imperative. In this modern world, where life moves at an unforgiving pace, it's crucial to acknowledge the impact our surroundings can have on our mental well-being. Moments of self-awareness, like the one I experienced, are essential for regaining control. So here's a gentle reminder: amidst the chaos, take time for yourself. Whether it's a soothing bath, a walk in nature, or a few minutes of mindful breathing find what brings you peace. Break the cycle of negativity, reclaim your happiness, and let's navigate these emotional waters together. 🌊

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OVERSPILLING In shadows deep, emotions creeped, A mask worn, emotions deferred. Years of stoic grace, a veneer so fine, But now, within, emotions intertwine. Tight muscles ache, a painful clasp, A headache's grip, an enduring gasp. In the stillness of night, while the world lay still, No sleep to be found, a restless will. For seventeen years, loyalty held tight, Forgiving cuts deep, in the silent night. A mirror of trust, shattered, worn, Cracks multiplying, a heart forlorn. Words etched like knives, names of betrayal, In the echoes of silence, a soul's travail. Forgiveness sought in every transgression, But the shards within defy concession. Last night's storm, emotions untamed, Raw anger, unleashed, words unclaimed. No control, the torrent spilled, The depths of hurt, a heart fulfilled. In fractured pieces, a spirit cries, A shattered trust beneath the lies. For in the echoes of a broken vow, Overspilling pain, the heart knows how.

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Nightfall: Navigating the Shadows of the Past As the clock strikes 10 pm, the house is quiet. The boys are peacefully asleep, their dreams untouched by the whirlwind of emotions that churn within. It's that time of the night when the world outside is hushed, but inside, a storm of thoughts begins to brew. Tonight, the weight of untold stories, buried pain, and unanswered questions hangs heavy. I've always been the one to keep moving, to drown out the chaos with the rhythm of daily life – work, kids, charity. Anything to avoid the stillness that opens the door to my innermost fears and doubts. Lately, though, the noise has become harder to silence. The echoes of the past, the shattered pieces of relationships I held dear, are now demanding attention. In my attempt to lock away memories in the recesses of my mind, I've unwittingly created a cacophony that refuses to be ignored. The darkness descends, bringing with it the ghosts of childhood, of abuse endured and escaped at the tender age of 19. I've woven tales of survival, painted my narrative with resilience, but tonight, the facade crumbles. I find myself standing on the precipice of emotions I've long kept at bay. I'm not a victim, I tell myself. Yet, as I confront the fragments of my past, I realize the pain I've chosen to downplay. Tears, once restrained, flow freely. The walls I built to shield myself are crumbling, and the vulnerability I've avoided threatens to engulf me. This introspection intensified after welcoming my last child in 2023. Perhaps it's the hiatus from work that has allowed these thoughts to surface, or maybe it's a calling to confront the wounds I've hidden for far too long. Emotions become a turbulent sea – anger, silence, sadness, sickness, forgetfulness, and an unsettling weight loss. The constant refrain in my mind is "why me?" Why did he, my trusted protector, my father figure, my uncle, shatter the innocence of my childhood? The man whose actions left scars too deep to heal. The questions linger, haunting my every waking moment. As I grapple with the pain and the unspoken, I find myself caught in a limbo of uncertainty. The one who could provide answers is gone, leaving me in the dark, crying in silence. Nights stretch into an endless abyss as sleep eludes me, and I'm left alone with the fragments of a shattered past. In sharing this journey, I hope to illuminate the struggles many of us face in confronting our darkest moments. For in acknowledging our pain, we take the first step towards healing, even if the path ahead seems obscured by shadows.

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024 and All the Feels: Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster of life

As we step into the second day of 2024, emotions are running high, and I can't help but feel like I'm caught in a whirlwind of sentiments. Leaving 2023 behind should be a chance for a fresh start, a clean slate, but for some reason, it seems more complex than that.

I've always prided myself on being the resilient one, the tough cookie who never succumbs to anger or tears. It's a trait I developed growing up, navigating the challenges of being away from my family and dealing with childhood traumas. Trusting no one and avoiding connections became my coping mechanism – after all, the only person who could let me down was myself.

But as I welcomed my last child into the world in 2023, something changed. Hiding my emotions became increasingly challenging, and the walls I'd built over the years started to crumble. It's as if the doors and boxes where I stashed away unacknowledged thoughts and suppressed emotions couldn't contain them anymore.

In the midst of being a new parent once again, I found myself unexpectedly breaking down – in the kitchen, the bathroom, and even at the pharmacy. The facade I meticulously maintained, smiling and pretending I'm always okay, was falling apart. It was a wake-up call that I could no longer ignore.

Acknowledging the need for change, I decided to embark on a journey of self-discovery through therapy. I wanted to mend the fragments of my broken self and rediscover what it means to be genuinely happy. Yet, the more I opened up, the more I discovered a well of anger within me.

In the past, forgiveness came easy, and letting go of things beyond my control was second nature. However, as I unravel in therapy, I realize that this newfound vulnerability has also brought to the surface a reservoir of suppressed emotions, including anger.

It's a paradox – seeking healing reveals a raw side of ourselves we've long kept hidden. As a parent, it's not just about our journey; it's about understanding how our emotional landscape impacts those around us, especially our children. Through therapy, I hope to not only fix myself but to be a better parent and create a healthier emotional environment for my family.

So, here's to 2024 – a year of self-discovery, healing, and embracing all the feels that come our way. Because, in the end, it's not about being the tough one; it's about being authentically and unapologetically ourselves.

#therapy #writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #beauty #strong mom #my words #strong

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Title: Navigating the Maze of Love: A Personal Journey.

Love a four-letter word that carries the weight of a thousand emotions, each one more complex than the last. As I sit here reflecting on my own tumultuous relationship with this enigmatic concept, I find myself grappling with the shadows of a childhood tainted by hollow and inappropriate expressions of love.

Growing up, love was a paradox in my world. The man meant to be my protector, my father figure, my caregiver, often used the word "love" as a disguise for pain. It left me questioning the authenticity of this emotion, creating a foundation of mistrust, confusion that would echo through my adult life.

Fast forward to a 17-year relationship, and the search for love becomes a labyrinth, where forgiveness becomes a repetitive mantra. Infidelity, a cruel dance partner, has left me lost and questioning the very essence of love. What does it mean to me? Can I even grasp its true significance?

I find solace in the love I feel for my children, a love uncomplicated by the nuances of romantic entanglements. Yet, when it comes to matters of the heart, I've been living in a fairy tale. A tale where fairness, passion, and that initial spark from our college days are the benchmarks of true love.

However, the passage of time has etched cracks into this fairy tale facade. Today, as I confront the reality of my relationship, forgiveness becomes a distant light, elusive and hard to find. The question lingers – do I have the capacity to understand love in the context of a romantic partnership?

Love, for me, has become an intricate journey of joy and pain, woven with threads of hope and despair. It's a journey through a maze where forgiveness battles with the scars of betrayal, and the search for genuine connection is clouded by the shadows of a tumultuous past.

As I navigate this maze of love, I realize that understanding it requires not only unraveling its complexities but also acknowledging the scars it leaves behind. Perhaps, in embracing both the light and darkness within love, I can find my way to a place of genuine forgiveness and, ultimately, a more profound understanding of this elusive emotion.

#writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #beauty #my words #new poets society #book quotes #beautiful #fall #real talk #speaktruth

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Journey to Discovering Me 2024: Diary of the Broken heart, voice within

Hey there, incredible souls!

As I sit down to share my journey with you, it's not just a story – it's a testament to resilience, strength, and the relentless pursuit of self-discovery. Life has thrown curveballs my way, from the haunting shadows of childhood abuse to the heart-wrenching echoes of homelessness. Betrayal and self-doubt became my unwelcome companions, overshadowing the potential for joy.

But guess what? I refuse to be defined by the struggles that tried to break me. This blog, "Diary of the Broken Heart," is my proclamation that I am taking control of my narrative. It's a raw and unfiltered account of my quest to mend the shattered pieces within.

From childhood to now, trauma has been a constant companion. It's time to confront it head-on. I invite you to join me on this rollercoaster of emotions as I navigate through the maze of past scars to uncover the resilient spirit that's been buried beneath.

Homelessness might have been a pitstop, but it doesn't define my destination. Cheating left scars, but I'm here to share how I'm turning them into badges of wisdom. Self-doubt? It's losing its grip on me as I embark on the journey to become the woman and mother I was always meant to be.

And what's my first step in this transformative expedition? Talking therapy. It's not just a conversation; it's a lifeline. Through each session, I'm unraveling the knots of my past, understanding the why's, and rewriting the script for my future.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because I know I'm not alone. There are warriors among you facing similar battles. Let this be a space where we find solidarity, strength, and the courage to confront our own shadows.

So buckle up. "Journey to Discovering Me 2024" is not just my story – it's a symphony of triumph over adversity, a beacon for anyone striving to reclaim their narrative and rebuild from the ruins. Together, let's turn the pages of healing, one entry at a time.

With love and resilience,

#spilled poem

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My College Journey As I reflect on my college days, a remarkable chapter unfolds – a story of unexpected love that took me by surprise. At 19, I was immersed in my studies, turning down offers from boys who sought more than friendship. Little did I know that a twist of fate awaited me. Enter an African friend who approached me with sincerity, declaring, "Hi, I like you. You're like the sun and the beautiful rose. Can we be friends?" Agreeing, I innocently embraced the idea of friendship. However, his interpretation of friendship took an unexpected turn, leaving me startled on the stairs as he attempted a kiss, proclaiming, "You're my girlfriend." Bewildered, I clarified our status, and with a sense of horror, I walked away. The real journey of my heart began when I was 18, captivated by a boy who seemed to transcend his 17 years. Smooth and eloquent, he held my attention to the point where studying became a challenge. His gaze sent my stomach aflutter, and his presence left my hands sweaty. Confused by these emotions, I couldn't fathom why he had such an impact on me. The turning point occurred on May 8th, my birthday, which coincidentally was also his. Was this fate intervening in our lives? It felt like love at first sight, and from that day forward, we became inseparable. The back of the college library became our sanctuary, where hours melted away in hugs and kisses. I was entranced, lost in the euphoria of being with him. Every encounter with him became a highlight of my day. Jealousy stirred when other girls surrounded him, and I couldn't concentrate unless he was in my line of sight. The simple act of speaking to him was enough to send me into a whirlwind of emotions. I found solace in his company, and love blossomed in the most unexpected corners of my college life. In the end, my college days became more than just a pursuit of knowledge they became the backdrop of a roller coster love story. It taught me that sometimes, love finds us when we least expect it, turning the pages of our lives into a tale of unexpected joy, sadness, pain, trials, lessons and cherished memories.

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Alright, buckle up, folks, because we're about to dive into a real talk about surviving a serial cheat. No sugarcoating here – cheating sucks. It's that gut-wrenching betrayal that messes with your head and leaves your heart doing acrobatics. We get it; it's a whole different ball game when it's not a one-time thing but a serial saga. So, let's unpack this rollercoaster of emotions together.

Cheating 2.0: The Sequel Nobody Asked For

When you have been sailing the seas of relationship for 17 years, you've been hit with the plot twist of serial cheating. It's not just a heartbreak; it's like heartbreak on steroids. How do you navigate this mess? Well, grab a virtual 6 we're about to break down the survival guide for the modern soul.

1. Face the Music:

First things first – acknowledge the pain. It's like getting hit by a double-decker bus, and it's okay to feel all the feels – the anger, confusion, and sadness. Let those emotions out; they're your VIP pass to healing.

2. Draw Some Lines in the Sand:

Time to set boundaries. No, not the old-school "you can't sit with us" kind, but the unapologetic, "this is my self-respect speaking" kind. Clearly define your limits and communicate them like you're delivering the performance of a lifetime.

3. Squad Up:

This isn't a solo mission. Reach out to your ride-or-die crew – the ones who'll give it to you straight and won't let you drown in a pool of breakup ice cream. Sisterhood (or brotherhood) is your secret weapon.

4. Therapy Isn't Just for TV:

Consider professional help. Therapy isn't just for people on TV; it's like a personal trainer for your emotions. Having a pro guide you through this mess is like upgrading to the deluxe package of healing.

5. Treat Yourself Like Royalty:

Self-care isn't just bath bombs and face masks (though those are great too). It's about making yourself a priority. Netflix binge, dance party, or a solo adventure – do whatever makes your soul happy.

6. Talk the Talk:

Communication is key – cliché but true. Create a space where you can spill your guts without judgment. Your voice matters, and it's time to crank up the volume.

7. Glow-Up Time:

Turn this dumpster fire into a glow-up opportunity. Rediscover your badass self, confront those insecurities head-on, and level up. You're not just surviving; you're thriving.

8. Exit Stage Left When Needed:

Know when to drop the mic. If all the efforts to rebuild trust feel like a bad remix, it's okay to exit stage left. Choosing yourself is the ultimate power move.

Surviving the Chaos:

So, to everyone knee-deep in the chaos of surviving a serial cheat – you got this. This is your story of resilience, self-love, and embracing the messy journey. It's not always pretty, but it's damn authentic. Keep scrolling, keep reading, and remember: you're not alone in this wild ride. Know your worth and learn from the experience.

#writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #my words #life quotes #life lessons #beauty #new poets society #book quotes #beautiful #fall #love yourself #you got this

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Surviving Serial Cheating 101 Dive into the rollercoaster ride of modern love as we unravel the complexities of surviving serial cheating! 🚀 From heartbreak to healing, this blog is your go-to guide for real talk, resilience, and rediscovery. Buckle up for a journey that's raw, relatable, and radiates with the empowering spirit of self-love. Join the conversation, because your heart deserves a survival manual for the twists, turns, and unexpected joyrides of navigating a serial cheat saga. 💔✨ #SurvivingSerialCheating #HeartbreakHealing #RealTalkRomance 📖🔗

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Broken ME

She danced, in innocence, a child so free,

A picture of emotions, happy and sad.

Innocence stolen, a swift, cruel theft,

Forced to be a woman before her childhood left.

Teenage years, a cold and distant shore,

Real love a mystery, sincerity unsure.

Trust elusive, like a whisper in the night,

Lost in the shadows, yearning for light.

A young woman in a world so vast,

Heart feeling cold, broken, an outcast.

Used and discarded, trust shattered, gone,

Wandering aimlessly, a soul withdrawn.

Trying to be something, to find a place,

Yearning for warmth in this cold, empty space.

Motherhood calls, a new chapter unfolds,

Yet the broken pieces persistently hold.

Raising three boys, a challenge profound,

Unable to trust, a heart tightly bound.

Taken for granted, a constant refrain,

Craving love, passion, a balm for the pain.

In the echoes of emptiness, she strives,

To feel something more, to feel her soul revives.

A journey through life, a stranger within,

Searching for love, a new chapter to begin.

@P L Powell

#successmindset #writing #short story #my writing #poets on tumblr #beauty #my words #new poets society #book quotes #beautiful #fall

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In the shadows of my soul, I sit, Facing in, lost in thoughts that hit. A darkness surrounds, real and cold, In this place, I find myself untold. Numbness seeps through every pore, Walls, boxes, and closed doors. Locked and chained, a fortress built, Safety sought, but self still guilt. Within and without, the struggle persists, To be me, as I exist. But you, a breaker of fragile hearts, Repeatedly tearing me apart. Scattered pieces, a shattered core, I tiptoe 'round the broken floor. Apologies for your choices, I bear, In my brokenness, I still care. Kindness offered, understanding too, Love despite flaws, a choice to pursue. Yet your choices, a painful spree, Breaking me down, I stumble, I plea. In this love, I'm lost, I'm gone, An empty vessel, love withdrawn. Searching within, I find the pain, In boxes labeled with your disdain. Deceit and lies, a heavy load, A tale of love poorly bestowed. Boundaries crossed, disrespect sown, A void in my mind, aching and alone. Why me, I ask, in the silence deep, Why couldn't love be ours to keep? I've given enough, loved in despair, It's time for me to find my own air. Your love, a mirage, never true, Disrespect and shame, I once knew. No care within, no care without, It's time for me to find my route. So in the echoes of my silent plea, I break free, choose to be me. No longer bound by your deceit, I reclaim myself, my own heartbeat.