outtamymouth

[outtamymouth]

Wellness ....well it’s been awhile

Ok so it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. Not because of the guy I dealt with in the previous post. No no. I’ve been busy getting ready to go back to school and aggressively working on things I love while still dating... cause hello... you thought... nah I’m too cute for that! Anyhow I just wanted to post this video of Tracee Ellis Ross speaking at a glamour event because I related to her.

I see people every day settling for certain things in life instead of living their own truth and happiness. In this video Tracee talks about living for herself , doing things her way and not settling to meet the social norms for women . ‪ Being miserable with a man (or with anything else )in order to meet a social standard is awful

I’m not judging! I was that girl gaining weight , taking care of a man , smiling because I had someone to call boo and cuddle with , not realizing that it was affecting my own happiness with myself and overall life. I was just going through the motions of what I had to do to have a family. When I start then living for myself ( through no fault of my own because he asked for the divorce) and not thinking being single and childless was a disease but an opportunity to have the time to create the career goals and the life that I want to live without having to think of others or take care of others I became happier. Like Tracee I have goals to make a difference and if I can find the right partner that goes sides by side with my goals then great but if I don’t as long as I’m doing what makes me happy I don’t need for anything

Click here to see the video

#single #wellness #women empowerment #tracee ellis ross #glamour

[outtamymouth]

Wellness Sunday: Emotional Abusers

1. Trigger warning- if you’ve gone through emotional abuse this is going to affect you definitely so be mindful if you still sensitive to trauma

2. I went to do this and I have anxiety due to thyroid disease it was the worst thing to happen to me. I broke out in hives and lost hair

3. This is the worst situation I’ve been ever in my life. Few people know what was really going on and to be honest most days I was OK until he would do something to show his ass. I haven’t ever really wrote about my ex-husband or any guys that I’ve dated that have d me wrong but this one is so severe that I feel compelled to talk about it. It’s very uncharacteristic of me to do this but also I’ve never been so disrespected over nothing

4. I really didn’t check my grammar

Prior to this I was skeptical about the effects of emotional abuse. Meaning I didn’t think it was a thing until my interaction with this boy ( I mean boy ) that I was entertaining.

Before I go into the story I will say my biggest mistake was letting this child back into my life to begin with because from the start I knew he was gonna be trouble and I said this to him. To this day he was the only guy I had blogged about because he was that shitty The first time around. I definitely forgot and Of course I let the devil convince me he had changed. *spoiler alert he was worse* why did I like him he is ambitious funny handsome I was truly comfortable around him in a way I haven’t been comfortable around anyone in three years which is why hurts the most. I was excited to be around him.

My second mistake was calling him over n over trying to get him to talk to me but In my defense this was part of the emotional abuse.

I’m going to start with where the argument happened..... and it started with one question. “ are you totally unhinged “... yeah that’s it. You see in the month I was seeing him he hadn’t invited me over saying his cousin was living there and I would only see him during business hours and he never slept over like he promised. This is not an offer I extend to everyone but I knew him so I did. That question cause him to totally blow up at me talking about you’re insecure. I got off my tinder app ( meaning how can I be insecure when I was talking to other people)and went back to WhatsApp and told him that i simply ask him a question he needs to not blow up at me and he needs to decide what he wants to do. He said he was overwhelmed at work because he works at magnet 360, he’s about to leave for a new job and swore he would get back to me next day at 8 pm

Eight comes and goes no answer. ( this is the beginning of him fucking with me) ... as I waited I began to think about the reasons he supposedly broke up with his ex girlfriend who is a gorgeous black doctor. Reviewing All the things he told me I started to realize he’s an asshole. I text him and ask if we were going to talk . No answer.

Hours later “we should be friends”... whatever. I didn’t care at first. I message him to talk and have a discussion. He would check the message and ignore. After a few times of him doing this I got angry and then he would answer. Eventually this happened for a week. Let’s talk. Let’s be friends then block me on fb. I ask what’s up. I start feeling Crazy for being upset. The stress caused me to break out in hives. Then block and when he spoke to me he would act like he never blocked me at all “ what’s going on ? Why are you mad? Are you crying ? I didn’t do anything ! I’ll call you back. Hours go back I don’t hear shit. I’m calling freaking out. Trying to talk. He’ll check my WhatsApp status and silence. Block. I get upset. He’s coming over, I’m out ,we talk I think we cool. Block block I get upset. I actually had told him to stop blocking me and talk to me instead.

You maybe asking why get upset why not just ignore him he’s obviously playing games that you ....correct! First I actually cared. If I was doing something wrong i wanted to talk it out. He would never say shit when we talked. Just denied and said everything was kool then

Act differently . It was almost like every time I would start moving on he would block me or do something that will call my attention and call me right back into those emotions every step I took out of his direction. At one point I hadn’t talk to him for two days. But all the gameplaying is where the emotional abuse comes in and it took a police officer to tell me what was going on. Yes police officer because it got that serious ....but this is emotional abuse and as I’m pulling myself out of it now and I’m here to talk about it. The police part reminded me of a story my friend told me about an emotional abuser he dealt with. I was like hmmm they must like cops but this officer knew and told me this is what he was doing...

I love when Men tell other men they are trash.

I’m also here to warn women about him do not talk to him ... he’s in New Haven /Hamden area of ct. he’s literally the worst kind of man. I understand why he has the dating history that he has because he’s literally awful ... of course your ex wife would entertain a man” below him” you’re trash but also this made me becoming aware of emotional abuse and saying it’s a real thing. I’m happy it happen with the month ....mostly a week but there are people that literally live with people like this all the time and I hope you find a way out because you deserve to be treated better than you’re being treated and although it seems like it’s not a big deal or it’s not like the person is physically harming you the emotional trauma and anxiety that the person is causing is unfair. I hope everyone learns from my story and be well

#emotionalabuse

[outtamymouth]

Wellness Sunday....Heartbreak ...This is a long one ( probably typos in this one )

Okay so I lied and name this heartbreak but I’m more so disappointed, sad and pissed. I’ve had a blood alcohol level of 5 .... (yes just 5 )All day. This is huge for me because I’m not a huge drinker , on the contrary I’m one of those health conscious people that only have water to offer people when they are over .

In light of this I’m not going to really talk bout how to cope with these situations because I am horrible at it. When I’m hurt the anger of 1000 Amazon women descends upon me and says fuck shit up. I try to scare off the guy and act cray cray banaynay so this person never wants to interact with me again. (WHICH NEVER WORKS BECAUSE MEN LOVE CRAZY WOMEN. U WOULD THINK THESE GUYS WOULD NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN ) and then I get over it. Now I want to say for the majority of men I deal with I don’t care. I rarely have feelings and for the 3 years I’ve been in my feelings about 3 including yesterday’s crazy. That sounds like a lot but I date A LOT. This year I’ve slowed down so when I gave this guy (😒) a chance I was hella pissed it didn’t work

let’s get started. So recently I opened my mind and I guess heart to someone I thought

was worthy and ready.... I was wrong. Now I guess the back pedaling of the dating was due to things that have nothing to do with me and I’m more hurt about how it was done then it being done.

(NOTE TO MEN: ANY IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP/DATING THINGS SHOULD NOT BE SENT VIA TEXT MESSAGE AT 11pm EVER. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WILL SEND THE TXT AND NOTHING ELSE ALL DAY.... example ( WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS) and nothing else for hours. IM IN MY DAMN THIRTIES I DIDNT THINK I WOULD HAVE TO WRITE THAT BUT HERE WE ARE AND MY AMAZON DESCENDANTS WERE PISSED.... the art of communication is soooooo important )

So eyes still burning from angry tears here I am . Since the anger has subsided I’ve been left with all my thoughts mostly reminders of things said to me in therapy sessions past.

Which is helping me now see how I ended up here again and I figure I share and emphasize the importance of therapy.

1. I am more well adjusted then I like to admit and I’m always trying to have fake issues I don’t have. When I was younger I went to therapy like 13 with my mom. Like now I was an angry when u hurt me kid so we went. Long story short. The sessions became about my mom and dad and I was left in the sidelines rolling my eyes. I had little going on I was just reacting to my mom who was upset at everything else beside me 🙄... I was just a target.

2. I care about people wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much. If I were to go to work therapy it would be for this. The issue is I have and there’s really no cure for this. It just is what is it. Now I used to put people before me This is what I went to therapy in college for. Since then I have gotten better but still once I care for someone I would go out of my way to make them smile. Which is why the third thing is an issue

3. My last time In therapy was after my divorce and I learned the most in a small amount of time. This was the first time I went to a man for therapy. I learned most guys aren’t worth my time. ( this was my favorite lesson because again I really thought most people including men are good ).

4. Next I learned that I’m not the girl u don’t get into a relationship with. Meaning some are good for fun or short term relationships I am the girl you marry. This came from my male therapist. Sounds goood right....WRONG . Most men aren’t ready or interested in that type of relationship. It’s rare now a days so it’s hard for chicks like me. And no amount of cleavage baring fun time outfit can hide the fact I’m a forever girl. I’ve tried. So this fun fact leads to where I was with homie. He felt he had limited time to devote to a relationship and back pedaled. Here are the issues with that line of thought. I NEVER ASKED FOR TIME ,A RELATIONSHIP OR SHIT FOR THAT MATTER But going back to what my therapist said he probably felt obligated to give those things because I’m relationship girl. The only thing I wanted was an outing cause we stayed in a lot but I had worked that out and decided to hang with my friend at a vineyard. This was something I never told him. I planned that vineyard trip when I realized he didn’t have time cause I’m an independent woman who can do bad by myself and I don’t need no man to have fun !!! 😂

Any how I thank the times that I went to therapy because I’ve really gotta to know myself and I’ve learned I have to protect myself better. One of the major things I’ve leaned from all 3 is it’s okay to be emotional. Culturally I’m Haitian and alll those feelings are frowned on but I’ve began to except it’s ok to cry and be disappointed and feel things. As long as I don’t stay in that funk. Anyway. Have a great Sunday y’all

#heartbreak #heartbreaker #boy #men #dating #therapy #therapist

[outtamymouth]

A Simple Wellness Sunday

My only message this Sunday is just reminder to know your worth Strive for the best when dating, working on your career and for yourself. Also... don’t let a good person , job or opportunity pass you by.

#reminder #self love #wellness #opportunity

[outtamymouth]

Leadership on a Non- Sunday

I’ve seen a lot of people with great ideas that are trying to be leaders and help our community but many of you haven’t done the work or processed the things that need to be thought about before entering a leadership / community leader role. While I may not have a lot of experience I have done a lot of research prior to trying to be a leader/ influential ( Im a host of a political/ social new commentary podcast. www.unspokencitizen.com) and I’m still learning. I’m lucky that I have a family of influencers and leaders both past and in the making , that I can observe along with my research. With my present knowledge here is what I think a leader must do. To be a leader you must understand the people you lead 1. You must accept the people despite their flaws . 2. You must not push your agenda or personal beliefs on people but instead set the agenda based on what’s best for the overall community. 3. You must accept that every bodies story is different and each story molds the individuals perspective. 4. You must know yourself and your flaws. Identify your biases and seek the knowledge needed to change your prospective. 5. You must understand the history of the people, know their struggle and how their struggle affects their behaviors. 6. You must listen more then you speak 7. You must be able to balance your emotions and logical 8. You must push yourself outside of your comfort zone and listen to people you strongly disagree with 9. You must practice self care 10. You must look beyond a persons appearance and get to know people by speaking to them. 11. You must have a good support system. 12. You must accept that you are not all knowing and as a leader you will be in a constant state of learning.

Being a leader is hard work and it takes commitment

#leadership #leaders #advice

[outtamymouth]

Wellness Sunday : Love and Lost

This wellness Sunday I want to talk about grieving and lost. I don't feel like I have the knowledge to speak on how to move on past a lost ,because I am greatly affected by lost and I don't process it well , but I will discuss why I believe lost is necessary. What triggered me to discuss this is today is the anniversary of my grandmothers death. She died 21 years ago and to this day it makes me extremely emotional to think about it. One of my character flaws is that I'm not comfortable with emotions. What I mean is as soon as I feel pain I want to numb and suppress it and that's not a healthy way to be. As a matter of fact that is why some people utilize illegal substances. I'm fortunate that I know how to process my emotions and I can find healthy ways to release, heal and if not I go to therapy but still emotional pain is highly uncomfortable for me. Despite this I have learned that lost of close relationships are needed to fully form the person we are meant to be. Ok stay with me.... because those of u who are in mourning especially mourning someone who had an untimely death or a relationship ended sooner then expected may not like hearing that lost is necessary but It is. Each end comes with a lesson. Even in death. How many times have we lost someone and thought "I regret not ___________ and I know I would ever be like , live like, or take for granted _______ . " ( fill in the blanks) .Sometimes a death doesn't come with a lesson but you know if that person was alive your life would be completely different from what it currently is and it might not have been for the best. Maybe an idea came from a untimely lost. Just think about all the charities that started with lost. In this respect I understand that lost (in every form ) is needed to grow. I wish I could guide you or had words to shared that can help get past the hurt. All I know is the hurt and grieving is natural. Hopefully you can find comfort and trust that whatever had happened was meant to be despite the hurt and time may not heal all the pain but you must manage through the pain in a healthy manner and you will find peace. Talk to ya'll next Sunday Peace, Love and Meditate ❤️

#death #lost #wellness #mourning #grieving #grief #breakup

[outtamymouth]

#ghana #adinkra

[outtamymouth]

Wellness Sunday : We are family

Hello all , so today is wellness Sunday and I want to talk about family relationships. This past weekend I got the chance to be with my family and spend some time with them. Unfortunately it was with a heavyhearted because we were there to say goodbye and celebrate the life of one of our elders. I observed my family mourn but smile. Joke, laugh , share stories and catch up with one another. A room full of beautiful and educated people who are all different but when we come together it's all love and no drama.

I can truly say I am blessed but it made me think of those who aren't. The people who can't be around family because there is drama , it's a highly dysfunctional atmosphere or maybe they are alone and have no family left alive. Many who I've know with lack luster familial relationships often rely on friends to be that much needed support system, which is great! The process of excepting a negative family situation as is , moving past the hurt and creating a new system of support is not so great. Working with teens I've had to watch them go through trying to fix whatever family situation life has handed them ,over and over. I've had to hold them as they cry, watch them punch walls and throw things when the conversation with whatever family member they are trying to "fix" doesn't go well , try to explain the process of letting go , accepting and creating a new positive support system including staff and friend who want them to do the right thing. Unfortunately all to often these people fall prey to false positive support systems and it leads them in the wrong direction, from pimps and drugs to friends who just convince them to do the wrong thing. Unless coming from someone who has experienced having to create their own familial support system it's hard to explain to someone who's looking to change their family that it's okay to move on and find new supports . I'm sure even coming from a person who's been through it, it's still hard. I think that's because in media we see the two parent and sibling households as the norm still. I've never see a story about someone struggling to find a healthy support system. Maybe the show the fosters but it's all very middle class cookie cutter. My point is representation of these different stories in the media is limited . It would be nice to be able to show people with poor family relationships that they are not alone and people go through it often. So this Sunday ( which is now Monday because I can't get my life together ) reflect on your family relationships ,be conscience of others who have a limited or poor system and maybe try to support someone who needs it. Who know maybe you are going to be someone , who someone considers as family.

#family #wellness #support systems #relationship

[outtamymouth]

For real

Black women date white men and they stay the same. They stay the same cargo pants and flip flop wearing, punk and hard rock listening, “Wal-Mart’s brand is just as good” buying, EBay addicted, odd cigarette brand smoking, Jesus beard and mane wearing, white men. They stay white men. They don’t adapt her culture or feel entitled to it. Nothing at all.

Black men date some white women and she becomes the worst kind of black woman stereotype ever 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Neck rolling and eye rolling, mannerisms change, language changes, she starts using black femme slang, putting herself in black spaces, quoting history she knows nothing about, listening to trap music and shit, using black hair care products, no longer censoring herself when it comes to the “N” word, changes her fb name to “Heather BadNBoujee Witherspoon”, starts using white-black slang like “cash me outside howbowdat?”, starts acting tough like she’s so down to fight and “ride or die” for you, 😂😂😂 etc. She goes from Steel Magnolias to Madeas Family reunion at the drop of a dime.

You should be offended at the shit non black women do in order to relate to you. It’s a clear indicator that she feels so superior to you that she had to be the worst most distorted version of you just to “be on your level” 🤣🤣🤣. Y'all hate ratchet black women but y'all create them in other races and you don’t even know it. 🤔🤔. - Kyana Williams

[outtamymouth]

Forgiveness ( an essay to people with contemptible fathers )

This started out as a Facebook post and as I began typing I noticed that this might be better on my blog. So here is it .

Now before I post anything I ask myself two questions 1. How will this help me 2. How will this help someone else. It may seem like I’m completely comfortable with sharing and putting myself out there but I hate it . I only do it when I feel like there is something to learn. Whether it’s about being body positive , self love or whatever, I usually post to be a guide for women who need it and those who don’t usually get annoyed by my post . Being open is not easy and it leaves room for people to judge you and criticize you freely . People interpret your actions and form opinions that may be completely wrong but I’m willing to take that risk if it helps one person including myself. With that I’m going to post what I’m gonna post and hopefully you learn from it. If not then you read it and you learned something about me. It’s also me making peace about a topic that I think need to openly make peace with , while being respectful.

Fathers are the backbone of the family. They influence how daughters see men and how sons become men. Since I’ve voluntarily ended my relationship with my father , Fathers Day has become awkward for me. I scroll through my timeline on social media and see all the pictures of fathers and daughters. Girls using words like protective, dedicated , The one that they could go to for advice and I cringe. To be honest I’ve been cringing for a while. When Facebook start in college, it gave me a glimpse of what a lot of father/daughter relationships were like and I think that’s when I knew something wasn’t right but I carried on with the relationship I had because it was the “ right ” thing to do.

Now I never fault my dad for being who he is. I have a deep understanding his childhood is the reason he is the way he is but he had a choice to be better than his upbringing and in someways he was. I’m always grateful that he was present and that he thought my sister and I things that men would reserve for a “ son”; Like fixing things around the house and pushing us to be independent in that matter . As much as my father was there he wasn’t, not for me at least.

Looking back I think he realize he messed up with me but in true form it wasn’t his fault it was because my “grandma raised you” and unlike me, my sibling was raised by him. I think he thought I was already tarnished and the reason why I wasn’t as successful in his eyes is because of my grandma’s influence. That caused a very different relationship between my sister and him that I can’t speak much about because I don’t know that much about it. Mine was more like brother and sister. I was his advisor and the one he told all his problems to. That is no place for a child and it continued into adulthood . If anything that was the reason why the relationship was severed. As he did more things … bad things , he came to me and involved me and it was my love for him that made me obey , that made me sit and listen to what he had done. Despite this because of his own self hatred he continued to critize me which was a lifelong thing that he did in the household to mask his own shortcomings.

So for the love of myself , I finally told myself that I can’t save my father and I walked away. As I walked away I got messages on my phone that were so disrespectful ( I would post some of it here but it serves no purpose to do so ) because like always he was the victim. I’m 90% sure the bashing continues today but I never say anything mean about him and actually I always wish him inner peace and wisdom . When anyone ask me I tell them what he was to me and what he did positive for me but also say that I’m done with him . Saying that is not as easy as you think.

As much as this caused controversy with one of family members and I don’t regret it at all . This family member can ask me at anytime why I chose my path but has failed to do so and maybe never will but feels like they can criticize me as if this choice was easy and it pains me that this is another thing that separates me and this family member . Unexpectedly after five years while writing this I begin to cry about varies things and I laugh at the only compliment he ever gave me which was “You would make a good wife because you have a great sense of humor” after my mom got offended at a joke ; Despite this I know walking away was the best thing I could do for myself.

Since I’ve learned that you can’t take care of yourself if you’re always taking care of other peoples problems and because at such a young age I was always trying to help him with his problems I learned very early to neglect myself. Now without his problems and issues I’m left to face my own. The ending of this relationship made me realize that a man , a husband A father or a boyfriend should protect the women that he loves. A daughters place is not in her parents issues or a daughters place is not to rescue her father and a daughter is not to blame when things go wrong in her parent’s life. My place was to learn from you, to look up to you and to feel protected.

So let me wrap this up. After all is said And done I forgive him. I forgive him for everything and I hope he learns to love himself and I hope he discovers what his purpose in life because I realize it’s these things that were lacking. So you may ask why not send this to him that’s because I’ve tried . I’ve tried in the past to sit down and have conversations but when someone is always the victim and is always right it’s very hard to get any other perspectives in there because no matter what you’re wrong so it’s like talking to a brick wall.

This post more for me but remember it’s also for those who lack a father figure. Again what compelled me to post this is I saw the posts from people who don’t have the best father figures and Father’s Day is a little shaky for you. I honestly wished we held man to a higher standard as we expect mothers to be. I hope you find peace wherever you are in your relationship with your father. Whether it’s realizing that it’s not the best relationship or not hearing from him or not knowing him ,You’re not alone the best thing you could do is make peace , walk away and learn because when it’s your turn to be a father or to pick a man for your father you can end a negative cycle by being or picking someone different

To the great dads that I grew up seeing, to the dads that I’m friends with and to dads that I’ve dated happy Father’s Day. You give me hope that one day when I’m ready to start a family I have someone as great as you guys

#fathers #forgiveness #fathersday

[outtamymouth]

The things we've lost

For everything you've Ever lost (Whether it be the love of your life or a job )after you mourn it and time as passes ; I challenge you to ask yourself if you belonged there (or with that person) to begin with? The biggest cause for sorrow is losing something we wanted( or thought we needed ) to later realize what we WANTED is not what we actually NEEDED Example. I may go through a challenging break up , it takes me time to heal. As I heal, I look and feel better . As a matter of fact I look and feel better than I was during the relationship. Realizing that maybe trying to hold on to the relationship when breaking me and the blessing was the break up because now I've feeling better than I've ever been The universe ( higher power or God) will put you in the path that is meant for you and will remove obstacles that prevent you from your determined path. You delay where you're supposed to be by hanging on to things you want. So the next time you loose something you thought meant the world to you , mourn briefly then let go because I can guarantee you that what's in store is much better and it won't slip away so easily.

#love #outta my mouth #life #advice #zen #buddhism #mediation #beauty

[outtamymouth]

Black love

You see the goal is to destroy the black families. Making our women value the attention we get from posting our almost naked bodies. Making our men desire lust and money. Distractions “It’s okay be a single parent”. Those who have family support are lucky but I speak to the single parent who Juggles jobs or sells dope to make ends meet while our children don’t get the nurture that they need, dooming generations to come. Back in slave times they made it legal to marry, now they distracted us from marriage by making marriage negative in media. What we forget is there is power in our unity. Uniting our kings and queens will solidify our future generation. Subsiding the pressures that the single parent feels by having a partner and providing a solid foundation for our children Let’s remember our history and preserve our future

#blacklove #marriage

[outtamymouth]

Confidence is....

a true belief in oneself despite flaw or naysayers. Confidence is living life believing in yourself so much that people Believe in you. With true confidence you’re able to do anything. In society it’s hard to achieve a true level of confidence due to the negative atmosphere we are surrounded by constantly telling us we need to better ourselves and we are not good enough . Once one is confident in oneself anything is possible

#confidence #self love #self care

[outtamymouth]

Love is....

a chemistry between two people. It can be a natural bond or one you grow into. There's no fear in love. If you fear love and being in love than you've never been in true love. Love is not being loyal because it's "right" but being loyal cause you fear losing what u have. Love is undeniable Even if you ignore it. Love at its core is beautiful.

#love #chemistry #romance #definition

[outtamymouth]

Stuck

Should I be patient for the one. Or enjoy life and meaningless fun

[outtamymouth]

Bleeding Rainbows

I’ve dedicated 10 years of my life to aiding people in need. I’ve worked with children , elderly , disabled, mentally ill and addicts. I love what I do. I’m under paid and it’s tiring. you’re constantly taking 10 steps forward and 12 steps back but regardless I love what I do. The only time I question if I want to work with people anymore is when I see the type of pain we cause one another .

I hate the hate we have for one another. I hate seeing what that hate can do and when I see the pain we can cause its hard for me to stop crying RIP to the beautiful lives lost at the Orlando night club shooting.

#orlando #lgbtq #rip

[outtamymouth]

Happiness is......