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imstephentompkins · 7 years

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NASA Announces Trump/Pence To Board First Manned Space Shuttle To The Sun

By Stephen Tompkins

#trump pence #donald trump #trump #president #potus #mike pence #pence #satire #humor #funny #anti trump #dump trump #drumpf

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imstephentompkins · 7 years

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Sweet Embrace: This Snake Is Wrapped Around A Man

Stephen Tompkins

#python #snake #humor #satire #fake news #hilarious #lol

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imstephentompkins · 7 years

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This High School Teacher Stays After Class No Matter How Late To Hook Up With Students

By Stephen Tompkins

Most high school students never get the chance to hook up with their teachers - which is why we wish there were more teachers like Dominic Pencil.

Dominic is a New Jersey high school Math teacher who has made it his duty to stay late after school hours, no matter how late, to hook up with students. He's on a mission to give every student the opportunity to round the bases with their teacher, before they head off to college.

Inspiring!

Dominic stays late regularly so that his students have enough time to make sure everything is cool at home, before heading back to school to hook up with him.

According to Dominic, high school students have a 1 in a million chance of hooking up with a teacher. So by letting them know that he doesn't mind waiting until 10 pm to do it, he guesses that he'll give hundreds of students a cool story to share in college.

Dominic doesn't mind going the extra mile and staying several hours after school lets out for his students. He just wants to make sure that they all have the chance to hook up with him.

“I feel better knowing that my students have a chance to hook up with their teacher before they graduate,” Dominic said. “I'm just elated that I am able to supply so many of my students with a high school hook up story that most of their peers never get the chance to have.”

Dominic went on to say that even though he is far behind on all of the shows he watches, and on attending his son and daughters' sporting events, he will continue to stay after school hours, no matter how late, to give his students the opportunity to hook up with a teacher.

Incredible. It’s great to know that there are teachers like Dominic who will sacrifice personal time away from their families to hook up with their students.

Education win!

#teacher #hookup #hook up #student #teacher student relationship

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Just when you thought he couldn’t be any more amazing, Drake goes and performs the audiobook of David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest in its entirety, for a crowd of fans who have never read it!

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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#buzzfeed #olympics 2016 #rio olympics #michael phelps #phelpsface #swimming

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Albert Etnies

#albert einstein #einstein #etnies #Albert Etnies #skate #skateboard #skater #skate or die #shoes #shoe #sneaker

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Equestrian Wows Judges With Pole Vaulting Routine

Stephen Tompkins

#olympics #rio #rio olympics #olympics 2016 #equestrian #equestrian girls #horse #horses #pole vault #pole vaulting #routine #judge #judges #wow #amazing

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Clean Up Of Olympic Divers Who Sprung Themselves Into Venue Rafters Commences

Stephen Tompkins

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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This Sports Massage Therapist’s Dream Was To Massage Babe Ruth And Now Its Becoming A Reality

By Stephen Tompkins

New York-- It has been sports massage therapist Larry “The Sultan of Spa” Plastic’s lifelong dream to massage legendary baseball player, Babe Ruth. Now he’s getting the chance!

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Breaking: After Just 86 Seasons The News Has Been Cancelled

#news #breaking news #cnn #nbc #msnbc #abc #fox #fox news #nbc news #rnc

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imstephentompkins · 8 years

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Steven Spielberg’s Leaked Whole Foods Cover Letter

Stephen Tompkins

Dear Whole Foods Hiring Manager,

I am writing to express interest in the Cake Decorator position at your Union Square location in New York. I was attracted to this posting, because of my prior experience directing the films Jaws, Jurassic Park, and Raiders of the Lost Ark-- among others. I would love nothing more than for you to allow me to bring my expertise and knowledge of film directing to the decorative pastry department at Whole Foods.

As a film director, my daily routine includes creative thinking, collaborating and yelling “Cut!” at famous movie actors, such as Tom Hanks and Drew Barrymore. It would be my absolute pleasure, to have the chance to yell “Cut!” in your bakery, every time a cake needs to be sliced!

My proven ability to work as a team player, meet deadlines and win multiple Best Director Academy Awards have contributed to my success in the Hollywood film industry--and thus--prepared me to transition into providing courteous and efficient customer service, as well as to create appealing designs on specialty baked goods. See my filmography for examples, but might I recommend Hook.

While I’m very proud of these successes, I must admit that my true passion is in creating baked goods. Sure, I’ve seen my name on the silver screen dozens of times and been to more Oscar parties than I can count, but I’ve never looked someone in the eye who’s just eaten a piece of my chocolate mousse cheesecake and heard them say “Yum!”

It is my dream--that one day--my mini cannolis receive the standing ovation that Catch Me If You Can once demanded, that my chocolate chip cookies garner the same love and adoration as E.T. and for my carrot cake to invoke the emotion of Saving Private Ryan.

Not to mention, I’m sure once the word gets out that famous director Steven Spielberg is baking the delicious baked goods in your bakery, people are sure to stop in and try to get a picture, or least an autograph. Which is why I’ve come up with a system, where customers must purchase something to interact with me. It would look something like this:

1 picture=50 Small Lemon Tarts, 1 autograph=2 Dozen Cupcakes , 1 kiss=25 Birthday Cakes.

I truly hope you will consider me for this position, as I am very eager to get in there and join the rest of your talented baking staff! My availability is Monday-Friday, open to close. I look forward to hearing back from you and have a great day.

Best,

Steven Spielberg