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imlokiodinson · 2 years

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Okay | Bucky Barnes

summary: The Winter Soldier program is back, and you’re on a mission to take it down. But things don’t always go as planned.

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

warnings: fluff, fighting, hurt/comfort, mentions and depictions of blood and violence

word count: 2,280

a/n: sooo hi, this is my first fic! I had a dream about it and thought I’d write it down. I’d like to believe this is me and Buck in another universe. Enjoy, and let me know if you have any requests!

*a/n: hi all had to delete the blog and repost the entire thing because it glitched and wouldn't let me interact. lost all my engagement sadly 🥺

“How’s it going, guys?” You could hear Steve’s hushed voice through the comms.

You were on an op with Steve, Natasha, Bucky, and Sam. Hydra has been operating underground for a few months now, and your team has been tracking their whereabouts and what they were doing.

When the information first came in, Bucky was devastated. They were trying to rebuild the Winter Soldier program. Zemo had executed all the Soldiers Bucky has trained as the former assassin; there weren’t supposed to be any more.

“I should’ve known they were going to try again!” His red rimmed eyes pleaded with you to understand the agony he was feeling. “I was supposed to be the last one.”

He spent an entire week in his room, barely eating, barely speaking, and your heart was breaking for him.

So right now, in the Hydra base you had found a couple of days ago, you were trying to complete your mission and get the hell out of there before it became too much for Bucky. Each of you had your specific role to ensure speed and efficiency. Steve and Natasha were paired up together trying to get the super soldiers out of their cryostasis chambers, Sam was blocking the entrance with not so friendly fire, and you and Bucky were retrieving all the information and data you could before you burn the place to the ground.

“Almost done, Stevie.” You said as you rushed to get everything onto the disk you had plugged into the computer. The screen emitted a low light, being the only thing that illuminated the dark room other than the hallway’s flickering fluorescents. Bucky was next to the door, eyes frantic and gun in hand, ready for anyone that might come your way.

“You okay, Buck?” Your worried glance wasn’t lost on him, but the last thing he wanted was for his fear to jeopardize the mission.

“Yeah… yeah.” He sighed as he scratched his neck.

The low beep behind you broke your gaze on him.

“Okay, that’s it, let’s get the hell out of here.”

He smiled softly at you, and put his hand to his comm.

“Cap, we’re done. Status?”

“On our way out, meet you back at the quinjet.” Steve’s tone instantly gave away that he wasn’t feeling well after whatever he saw in that other room.

“Okay.” You whispered as you went to pull the drive out.

Immediately, a dozen small screens lit up on the wall behind the computer, flashing with images and videos that made your stomach churn.

“None of them turned out like you, Soldat.”

You turned only to see Bucky’s hardened eyes. But you know him too well, and you could see the panic rumbling just beneath the surface, threatening to erupt at any given second.

“We always wondered why,” Zola’s mechanical voice echoed in the half empty room, “It did not matter though. The serum and programming have been perfected to overcome that thing you like to call morality.”

Bucky’s hands were shaking by now. You could tell he was restraining himself. You were almost out of there, just a few steps, a few minutes.

“It has come to my attention that you deprogrammed in the time we’ve been apart, Sergeant Barnes. How well did that work out.”

“You can’t control him anymore.” You called out angrily. How did he still have the guts to think he can intimidate Bucky?

“You can’t control me anymore.” Bucky whispered, repeating your sentiment.

There was an ominous pause before the voice spoke out again.

“Longing.”

Your neck strained with how fast your head turned to look at Bucky. His jaw clenched and unclenched; his hand fisted at his sides, the other gripping the gun tighter.

“Rusted.”

You had known Bucky long enough to know his trigger words.

“Seventeen.”

“It won’t work!” Bucky yelled.

“Daybreak.”

“I’m not him anymore!”

“Furnace.”

“Bucky,” your eyes were wide at this point.

“Nine.”

“You’ve already beaten this.” Your voice bellowed in the small room.

“Benign.”

He was shaking, sweat pooling on his forehead. His eyes were cast downwards, and you could see tears falling freely.

“Homecoming.”

“You need to get out of here.” His eyes held yours, his gun now discarded on the floor next to him.

“No, Buck, you’re okay!” You tried to reason with him.

“One.”

“No,” He whispered as he fell to his knees, “NO!” he yelled at the ceiling, mad at Hydra, mad at Zola, mad at himself.

“Bucky?” You called as you took a step forward.

“Get back!” His full body was shaking at this point, his eyes trained on the floor, “I said get out! Please!”

“Are you sure? Okay, I will.”

“Freight car.”

It was too late.

His eyes instantly flicked up to you, and you stopped dead in your tracks.

“Soldat?” Zola called out.

“Ready to comply.”

“No…” You gasped.

“Kill her, then await further instructions.” There was smugness in Zola’s voice, and you wanted to throw up.

“Bucky, you know me.” You tried as he got up on his feet.

No answer.

He just stared at you like he never even spent a minute with you before.

“We’re friends!”

He took a step forward, before looking down at his gun.

It all happened so quickly. He bent down to grab it, as you went for the gun in your holster. He was firing at you before you could even blink.

But you couldn’t shoot at him.

You hid behind the desk and closed your eyes.

“Buck, I don’t wanna do this!”

The bullets stopped, and you opened your eyes, “Bucky?” you breathed out.

Suddenly he was rounding the desk corner, his gun already aimed at you. You scrambled to get up and hide behind the other side, firing one warning shot at the ceiling.

You were suddenly lifted into the air, a strong black and gold metal hand wrapped around your neck from behind you, before being slammed back first onto the desk.

“Bucky, please!” You tried to choke out, but his eyes were emotionless. Dead.

You had to do something, to fight, or just lie back down and die. Bucky wouldn’t want that.

You lifted your knee and slammed it into his ribcage, successfully pulling him off you for a moment. Before he could hold you down again, you rolled to the side and off the desk, your gun aimed at him. You had to shoot him, you had to. He was gonna kill you. He was already aiming at you.

But your finger hesitated on the trigger. How could you shoot your Buck?

He started shooting again, and you shot at his gun. It fell scattering to the floor, and he stared at it for half a second before lunging at you. He grabbed you by the shoulders, throwing you like a ragdoll to slam against the wall. You tried to get up, but your arms were too weak.

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes,” you wiped the blood from your now split lip, “You were born in 1917, your sister is called Rebecca. Your best friend is Steve Rogers, and he’s right outside. I’m your friend, and I don’t wanna hurt you.”

He stared at you, eyes blank. Then only for a second, something flashed in them.

But his gun was aimed at you again faster than whatever you saw in his eyes.

“Okay then, Bucky. Shoot me. Kill me. You’re my friend, and I know this isn’t your fault.” You said as you pressed your comms discretely.

“What? What’s going on?” Steve’s panicked voice could be heard, but you guessed it was only in your comm, not Bucky’s too.

“I know you’re trying to fight it,” his eyes looked pained behind the scope of his gun, “Please fight it, Buck.”

“Hold tight, we’re coming to you.” Steve said with resolve, and you were left with trying to distract the soldier for a while longer.

“Do you remember when you saved me on my first mission?” You wondered out loud.

He stayed silent, not shooting, but not lowering his gun.

“I was bleeding out, and man did you hate my guts,” you laughed lowly.

“But you saved me anyway, you took care of me till we got back to the compound, you stayed by my bed till I could actually stand on my feet.”

His chin trembled and there was pain in his eyes.

“You’re that Bucky, you’re not him anymore.”

His eyes widened as his gun fell to the floor, him falling to his knees along with it, his head in his hands. His breathing was labored, and he was almost sobbing. But as he looked up, he saw someone else there.

The Winter Soldier was in front of him, like a sick twisted physical manifestation of the monster that tortured him for dozens of years.

He stood tall and proud, staring at James that trembled weakly on the floor.

“You’re not real.” Bucky whispered.

“Of course, I am. I am you.” The soldier said lowly, blankly.

“Bucky…?” You were confused at this point. He just stopped fighting you altogether, and now he was talking to himself?

“No… I’m not you anymore.”

“What’s going on? Who are you talking to?” Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to scoot closer to him, but it was like he couldn’t even see you.

“You will always be me. I will always be part of you.” The soldier said confidently, flexing his silver metal arm.

Bucky sobbed helplessly into his hands, whispering ‘No’ over and over again.

“I’m going to take over now, and I’ll continue my kill count, starting with her.” He pointed a hand at you.

That was it.

He was instantly up on his feet, “NO! You leave her out of this.”

By now you had an idea of what was going on inside Bucky’s brain. “That’s it, Buck! Fight him!”

“Come on James, this is who you really are.” The soldier said with a head tilt, taunting Bucky even more.

“My name is James Bucky Barnes, and I am no longer the Winter Soldier.”

To you it just looked like Bucky collapsing on the floor, holding his head, screaming.

But to him, it was so much more.

He was fighting the soldier, hand to hand. His style was more agitated and aggressive, while the soldier’s was fluid and smooth. Bucky grunted as he took a fist to the gut, but was quick up on his feet, kicking one into the soldier’s knees. The soldier’s legs buckled as he fell, but he ducked just as Bucky’s fist was coming into contact with his face.

No words were exchanged, just pure rage flowed like smoke through the air. The soldier was quick, but he wasn’t filled with the determination that Bucky had.

They danced around the room, in a beautiful choreography of desperation and wrath.

Bucky blocked the soldier’s blows, and administered some successful ones of his own. He could do this, he could overpower him, he thought. Bucky kicked him harshly in the chest, and when the soldier doubled over, he held him in a death grip lock.

But he is the Winter Soldier after all. He grabbed Bucky’s arm that was choking him up and flipped him over so he was on his back on the ground. Bucky grunted, and the soldier quickly straddled him to choke him out.

“I will always win, James.” His eyes were blank but focused.

“You’ve never won, Soldat,” Bucky spat through gritted teeth, “You lost everything, and you will always lose.”

In a split second, Bucky flipped them over, not hesitating to blow one punch after the other.

He screamed louder with each fist that came down on the soldier’s face.

And to you, he was still screaming, holding his head.

His eyes widened suddenly, and his back straightened with a sharp gasp, as if he was under water and had just come up for a breath of fresh air. You scooted quickly to him, just in time as he collapsed into your arms.

“Buck? Bucky? Is that you” You were panicked.

“I’m not turning into the Winter Soldier.” His eyes fluttered close, “I’m turning into a superhero.” He laughed breathlessly, like he couldn’t believe that someone like him could ever be a savior, a helper.

You couldn’t help but sigh with a smile, “You are a superhero, Buck. You’re an Avenger.”

You heard footsteps in the hallway as Steve and Nat came into view.

“Are you okay? Is he okay?” Steve was breathless, eyes flicking between the two of you.

You nodded and smiled, looking down at Bucky.

He was curled with you on the ground, his hands around your waist and his head on your chest as you sat catching your breaths.

He held onto you, like you were his only lifeline.

He looked up at you with the sweetest eyes and whispered,

“I’m okay. We’re okay,”

“She saved me.” His arms tightened around you as he nuzzled his face back into your chest, and you smiled even more.

“You saved yourself, Buck.”

That night, you went back to the compound, and you gave Bucky the offer to sleep in your room. He accepted it. As you slipped into bed, the both of you didn’t even think about keeping your distance from each other.

He was shaken up, and so were you. You never thought you would meet the Winter Soldier, but it must have been harder for Bucky to be him again, after thinking he was finally safe.

You held him through the night, shushing his soft gasps and wiping away tears that strayed from his eyes in his sleep.

He’ll be okay. You’ll both be okay.

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