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come over and smash my head into the wall for me

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idk if i need to cuddle and cry in someone’s arms or just beat the shit outta someone

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can i just text you? how does this work? i dont know?

#ex boyfriend #ex situationship #loss #ex #spilled ink #feelings #heartache #situationships #anxitey #best friends #love #relationship #connection #emotions #lovers

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no, please post abt me, please post about how you love and miss me and how much you want me PLEWAE

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Adrienne Rich, from Diving into the Wreck; “The phenomenology of anger”

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Adrienne Rich, from Diving into the Wreck; “The phenomenology of anger”

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“To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.”

— Unknown

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god dammit dude, i cant imagine myself with anyone, imaging him with me makes me so upset but nobody else can go in that space, like i feel like i cant love or be loved by anyone and i hate it

#him #i miss being in love #love #i miss you #i miss him #i miss missing him #i want love #ex boyfriend #ex situationship #loss #ex #spilled ink #feelings #heartache #anxitey #situationships #best friends #will i ever heal?

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Trans Guilt.

its mothers day, im an alternative trans guy, getting ready to go out, I found myself decidingnwhich ways go mask my personality, just in case my mom wanted pictures. Who does she want me to be, am I really what she wants? I feel so bad that she has to have me as her kid, I dont want to be this way, I wish I was just normal you know? She doesn't deserve to have me as her kid, I know it stresses her out and makes her worry for me and I hate that. I don't want her to worry for me you know? I wish I could just be a normal kid.

#feelings #vent post #vent #personal vent #venting #cw vent #tw mental health #trans guilt #transgender #transmasc

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GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"im over him"

being over him in question: constantly checking his socials, waiting by my phone for him to text me, wondering when he'll respond, making a playlist about how he hurt me, making a sad pinterest board about missing him and how i felt like i was never enough

#im over it #ex boyfriend #ex situationship #spilled ink #feelings #ex #heartache #situationships #over it #who am i #i miss him #i miss you #where are you

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your just so fucking weird dude get a grip

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im in such a unique position at the moment, you see I told myself I would get over him, and that he would never come back, but now, he seems to be comint back, and I find myself going down a rabit hole. For the longest time I was trying not to get over him because I knew once I started I couldnt stop, and now I find myself falling further out of love by the minute as his love grows and im just so exhausted. I can barely handle the thought of a relationship anymore because its just too hard for me honestly. I cannot imagine how exaughsting dating would be for me, trying to always be my best for someone else, preforming romanically and sexually just for him to want me. Not even just him, for anyone, its so draining. For the longest time its only been him that id be okay with, but now I dont even know if its him. He's kinda weird, and I used to think it was adorable but now all I seem to feel is distain? the flirty back and fourths are now, on my side, covered with tiredness, the lack of my ability to put up a flirty act. Im tired of him wanting me and then pushing me away, I'm tired of hearing about his ex, im tired of being nothing but a rebound, im tired of not being treated like I matter, im just so tired. Now it seems like he actually likes me, after I put away all that I was to make room for him, I just feel empty. I keep thinking "if he wants me back hes going to have to do a lot to prove it" but honestly I dont even know if thats enough. I dont think I could move past this with confidence that he wouldnt just up and leave the moment things got hard because thats what he does. I dont think I could ever trust that he truely wanted me. Whats worse is that I dont think I want him to want me. Thinking about how our relationship would go, I realize we would have so many problems, and that honestly we might just not be compatible. I think fundamentally we just dont have enough in common. What he wants most from me isnt even me, its the love that I can supply him with, the fantasy, and im fucking sick of it. I dont know, maybe im selfish for not wanting this after everything but honestly I can't do it. I can barely keep up a conversation with him because it feels like he doesn't want to be talking. I do everything for him, and finally my all is enough, but my all has to be more than enough, why cant he just love my some, and my halfassed, why do I have to be 100% all of the time to be deserving of love, its not fair. The more he seems to post about love but not put in any effort, the more i start to despise him the smallest bit, and I feel bad about it. Its insane that its taken all of this to make me feel this way, its not even what he put me through honestly, its just that he seems to want to move on like it was nothing and that he can just like me now like nothing happened. Im not sure if he wants to be together, or just fuck around or what, but thinking about it now, I dont think it would make me happy, the thought of kissing him, or being with him in any way just kind of makes me feel blank right now and I hate it, because that's all ive wanted for the longest time and now its just, gone. Idk, feelings are a bitch

#ex boyfriend #ex situationship #loss #ex #feelings #spilled ink #heartache #situationships #anxitey #best friends #love and loss #love #lovers #relationship #life #connection #feel #i hate this #i hate everything #anger #expectations #pain #spilled thoughts #thoughts #inner thoughts #late night thoughts #thinking #3am thoughts #do i even love him? #lost love

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the two devils on my shoulder,

devil 1: text him I miss him

devil 2: I dont like him, please dont make me talk to him, I dont want to talk to him, i have nothing to say

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“You deserve someone who answers.”

— Unknown

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yeah its so nice that you actually texted me back after hours of being online and posting, unfortunately I can feel myself falling put of love with you by the minute! - sincerely the boy you keep not valuing :P

#ex boyfriend #ex situationship #loss #ex #spilled ink #feelings #heartache #situationships #anxitey #best friends #anger #emotional #isolation #struggle

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hold me forever in your baggy pants

whisper my name like im the only one for you

speak softly to me when your lost

I want to find you, every day I look

I want your hands, your lips, your eyes

I want to hold you when all you can do is cry

I need your touch, so Illusive and light

fill my head with your voice, your thoughts, your doubt

make me feel like im the only one for you

even when I know it's not true.

#ex boyfriend #ex situationship #loss #ex #spilled ink #feelings #heartache #situationships #anxitey #best friends