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windforkthewriter · 20 days

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My trip through hell: The story.

My mom took my brothers and me on a mountain trip. She decided that we would all go, no arguments could be booked, and so, we went on our way.

Now, one of the things I hate the most is hiking, at least, hiking in a tropical rainforest, is that everything wants to kill you. Everything from the plants to the bugs and arachnids to the weather. No one is your friend. It's kill or be killed.

So, after a two-hour car ride, and then another half hour of winding roads, we stopped at a trail entrance. Even though it wasn't the one we were planning to go on originally.

Anyway, we unpacked the car and started down the stone pathway. We walked a good five minutes before we realized that the path would keep going, so we sat ourselves down on the floor and ate lunch.

The cicadas were deafening and the giant hornets were giant. For lack of a better word. Giant and vicious. Bees sting you when threatened, Bumble bees give you a nibble every once in a while but Hornets? Hornets don't even have to land on you to sting, and some might say, "With great power comes great responsibility." but no, if the hornet wants to sting you, it will.

So we were sitting on the floor, ducking the occasional hornet and crunching on our fresh vegetables when one of my brothers, one of the observant ones, noticed a snake. A white-lipped pit viper to be exact. The thing was perched on a branch, directly above the path, swaying precariously with the wind.

We had to edge past it.

My mom put everything back in the car and we set out. We walked by all manner of things. I saw leaves with sharp thorns as large as my finger sticking out. Above our heads, the massive webs of golden orb weaver spiders sat.

I hated every step. I should've been grateful, for my time with my family, for my interesting adventure, and for the exploration of an environment so alien that they would've given their right arm to experience what I was experiencing now. I would've given both to get out of there.

I was a little ridiculous, I admit. My mother had requested no complaining, so I did it mentally. I stared at the floor, willing everything to disappear and mentally repeating, "I want to go home." with a, "I hate this," and a, "Kill me now." mixed in as well.

We walked along a river and over some rocks until we came to an end. It was a calm little river, and at the end of the trail sat on a rock overlooking a small lake. I prepared to turn around with a cheery, "Well that's it, adventure over, let's go home now," on my lips when my stupid, reckless, ridiculous family decided to go on a dirt trail that looked very un-trodden. Suicide essentially.

The path was hugged by rainforest leaves, barbs of death, and snakes. That was something I was sure of. So I refused. I declared that I would wait on the rock until they came back and sat myself down. Little did I know that however bad I felt before, this was going to be the worst of it.

I was foolish, I admit. My family was not known for going down the same trail twice. I believed, wholeheartedly, that they would return and that all would be well.

I spent the first two hours on that rock staring into space.

I watched water bugs zoom across the surface, leaving little ripples, and the fish swam by me. For a while I was content. But I was tired, so I lay my head down on the rock and daydreamed.

I only knew that I had fallen asleep because Prince Arthur, from Merlin, leaned down over me and brayed like a donkey. I sat up sharply, terrified and feeling slightly sick.

I sat forlornly on my rock for another hour. I heard a hint of thunder but thought I was being paranoid because, of course, I was thinking of ways to run like a coward. Back to the car, back to warmth, safety, and my Kindle. But I would show them. I wouldn't leave until they came back.

I wanted to do it right. I couldn't complain about it later if I had had a good time. So I sat out my self-made sentence on that rock.

Twenty minutes later something large almost the entire length of my arm appeared out of the corner of my eye. I shot up and watched in horror as a massive snake swam three feet away from me. When I stood I must've startled it, which scared me even more. A human and snake, terrified of each other. What a joke.

It must've deemed the cost clear and resurfaced. It climbed up onto the bank on the other side of the lake, thankfully quite far from me. I watched petrified as it lazily disappeared into the underbrush.

I sat down again. Why? I will never really know my reasoning. I counted under my breath. I sang out loud. I did a little dance, a rather pathetic dance to be honest, all in the hopes of alerting the nearby fauna that, "Yes I am alive," and "Please don't kill me."

It started to rain. A very light shower. I stayed.

Thunder boomed, and the trees showered leaves and water all around me. I stayed.

Three small, lightning-quick snakes darted, at three different points, within three minutes of each other. Three is not the magic number. I left.

I stood and hurriedly quickly marched myself back into the woods. I panicked. This is why I didn't leave, this is why I endured the hell of that dry little rock. I was terrified to walk the path back to my car, alone. Because I walked quietly because I didn't speak, so the snakes wouldn't know that I was coming.

I started jogging. I shouted the letters of the alphabet, "A is for Antichrist, and anteater..." etc etc etc.

The storm grew above me and my terror caught in my throat. I started to reason with nature. I argued that my love for animals and appreciation for all things, great and small, gave me a free pass.

I screamed at the bushes, imploring them to understand that I was a nice person.

One of the worst parts was that my flight or fight reflexes were so strong. Every leaf that fell near me made my body stutter, in an attempt to hit it before my senses came back and resisted the urge.

So as I ran, and panicked and held back tears.

My breaking point came when a very large, inquisitive, oriental garden lizard held me up in the middle of the road. It stared at me, I stared at it. I tried to scare it out of my path. But it was fearless. I wish I were that brave.

It watched me, and when I tried to edge past it, on that narrow path, it took a step towards me. It knew that I was terrified, and it also knew that it held all the power. So that lizard watched me as I writhed and pleaded and sobbed my heart out. Then, it let me pass.

I continued to sob as I passed it, and took a startled run when it followed me a couple steps. Yes, I was terrified of a lizard. I am never terrified of lizards, I enjoy learning and writing and taking pictures of them. I even had a pet Iguana once. At any rate, it wasn't a normal day.

I must've been quite the education for the lizard. Not acting like a normal person who trampled his home and poked sticks at him. It must've been quite an ego raise to see me the way he did.

After my interaction with the devil (see above), I started jogging. I ran out of alphabet letters and just started screaming curse words, for lack of better things to say. I had tried peaceful negotiations, I had tried empathy, I had tried everything except aggression.

I stormed back to the car, threatening anything and everything I saw with stabbing to evisceration. I'm not proud.

The rain hit me like sharp needles. I was desperate to be saved. I saw the car and I had never loved it more. All around the car, hornets and horseflies swarmed, trying to get out of the rain. But I ran towards them, into the valley of death, and pulled on the car door handles.

The car was locked.

My mother never locks the car.

I run to every single door and tug fruitlessly. I think, "This is okay, it will be okay, you'll be fine." When I happen to glance at one of the car tires. One of the tires which happens to be flat.

"Oh my god," I think. "and I thought it couldn't get any worse."

I ended up sitting down on the floor, by the car, letting the pounding rain pummel my head. If I wasn't so exhausted I would have slammed myself into a wall for being so stupid.

To conclude the story, I have several small notes to add.

My mother had left the rest of the hiking group at a road stop and had returned to drive the car and pick them up.

Moments before she returned I waved down a car and asked politely to use their phone. I called my mother, uttered some halfhearted jab about how great the trip had been, and then told her the tire was flat.

When they arrived at the car I waited for them to formulate a plan.

Fortunately, a nice local happened to drive by on his e-bike and spot our trouble. He stopped and immediately helped with the car. He changed the tire, helped blow up the donut, and sent us on our way.

He refused any form of payment or gift. So before our angel rode off, my mother secretly stashed some money in his bike. She told him to check it later.

And that is how I walked through hell. I hope you enjoyed my pain and suffering.

#funny #prince arthur #rainforest #hiking #mountain #hell #misery #tw snakes #lizards #screaming #sobbing #i hate this #blog

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