thereareghostsinmyhead

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

the impossible return

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

This week my life feels like a Ray Bradbury book. or Coraline (The Movie) Whimsical with a dark undertone. Definitely has the Halloween vibe. Not unwelcome. Slightly comforting. Maybe it's just the October air.

#musings #ghostsinmyhead

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

My mojo is gone and I’m not sure how to get it back.

There was a time I felt the world shift under my feet  and I find myself scattered as the world tilts.

Where am I? My soul screams. Misplaced things.  Things I could never get back. Time.

Who am I? I see myself upside down, right to wrong. Right from wrong. Whose right? Yours or mine? You or me?

Fumbling, tumbling, tripping. Where am I going? Knees scraped; ankles bent. Crying. Laughing

I am lost in a familiar city, same faces. Different traces.  A different facet of humanity. Who are you people?

Hello, can anybody hear What happened here?

#spilled ink #thereareghostsinmyhead #poemas en tumblr

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

Wabulabadubdub

I feel frustrated. I hate the feeling that despite the discipline and effort you put into making something of your life, nothing has changed. Your dreams feel unreachable; ideas too far-fetched; your goals unattainable. At the end of the day despite all that you achieve you still have nothing to show for it. Stuck in a limbo you can’t get out of and the cycle repeats again. 

I can’t help but compare myself to Sisyphus. Though, he has a lot to teach us, it’s hard to remember the lessons when all your effort and time go to waste. Even when I think I was going somewhere a roadblock comes and I feel bereft and lost. I stop moving. My life hangs at a stand-still. After a while another kick comes: a movie, a book or a new something discovered in the world wide web and I start gearing up again. The cycle repeats. It ends and begins the same way. Over and over again. Who wouldn’t be sick of it?

These days I try to be more positive about my life. Dead nihilistic and absurdist philosophers are my current buddies. They make more sense than my current company. With Romanticism gone. what else is there to color my life but the grey and stinging truth of reality. I hate it. What’s the point if you can’t get what you want in life? 

#thereareghostsinmyhead #text #spilled ink

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

There are Ghosts in My Head

I’d like to write out my feeling more consistently and frequently, but I can’t find the right medium to publish to. I’ve written some here on tumblr but it gets lost within the mishmash of interests that pepper my blog. and I can’t find it in the tags either. Tumblr is a terrible blogging site if we consulted the official term for the word. 

Very little organization and sense in it’s layout and algorithm. But I suppose it ceased to be what it was intended and became what it’s users wanted it to be. Nonetheless, tumblr holds a certain air of privacy and anonymity unlike popular, official blogging sites who cater to business and audience-minded writers. 

I just want a place to put my thoughts someplace private enough to know that few, if any, would read it. But public enough that it’s existence isn’t contained within my own little bubble  If you get my meaning.

#write #thereareghostsinmyhead #journalling

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

The words don’t flow anymore and I have little motivation to do anything. 

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

God, I’m such a sucker for cliche romance tropes. 

#Literature #romance #musings

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

I’m such a lucky gal to ever experience the dawn of youtube. there’s so many full stage musicals available for free. I wouldn’t discover another passion of mine if it weren’t for the internet

#musings #musical #youtube

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

I'll live and die insignificant, like this blog.

#thereareghostsinmyhead #mine #thoughts #textpost

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

3.)The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are…

There are very few in terms of ‘unforgettable moments’ in my life as I’ve spent the majority of it in depression limbo. Whatever striking moments I have experienced, be it good or bad, you can be sure the lack of dopamine erased it from my brain. Instead, I think I’ll give you two realizations I’ve had after I woke up from my emotional comma. 

1.) Fear is the mind-killer. Inspired by Dune’s famous phrase, I’ve come to realize how true this is. 

Fear paralyzes you and hinders you from experiencing something worthwhile. Though not all fears are bad, to let it run your life is akin to living like a zombie. You do things out of fear and a life shaped by fear would never make you happy, because having and being everything will not stop the nagging voice of fear. It would not bring you peace until you’ve faced your fear and accepted it. I’ve lost so much to fear that  I often wonder what I would have become if I just believed in myself and took the leap. 

My second realization is to 2.) never make people the source of your love and happiness. 

I’ve seen friendships and familial relations go down the drain because of the pettiest things. Speaking from experience, It’s easy how people could turn their backs on you especially if they’re eager to find fault. With that said, not all people are shitty. If you have someone who’s fiercely loyal to you, please don’t let them go unless the relationship is toxic, then maybe you need to have a good heart-to-heart on the matter. 

So that’s it. Overall I think what I’ve learned from all this including my depression, is that don’t take life and yourself seriously. Enjoy where you can don’t overthink too much and you know love freely but not foolishly. 

Journal Prompts

#tw: depression #depression #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #journal #mine #thereareghostsinmyhead

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

@klaudiart wrote this text post (x) a second ago and i loved it so much i??? had to make it into a comic

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

My cats are old and I don’t want them to ever go away

#me

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

I'm honestly tired of modern 'feminism' being portrayed in books and shows as letting the harshness of the world shape and mold you into a coldhearted 'badass'. Like, that isn't strength, that's losing. True strength and empowerment is remaining kind and compassionate no matter what life throws at you, not letting anything deter your warmth and standing taller because of it.

#quotes

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

2.) If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is…

not to be hard on yourself. The pain and discomfort would eventually ebb away if you let it. Air out the wounds to heal it. I know you're scared, and right now everything is derailing out of orbit. It isn't entirely your fault. It's just life and it will end. It will right itself if you're patient, if you're kind. Let yourself experience life for what it is; both it's glories and misfortunes. Just let it go. Ride the wave. You'll get to land one day. For now, flow wherever it takes you. Just remember to be kind, especially to yourself.

Journal Prompts

#journaling #journal #thereareghostsinmyhead #write #writers of tumblr #writing #spilled ink #mine

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

1.) My Favorite Way to Spend The Day Is . . .

I like rainy days. There’s nothing quite like a steady shower knocking on the window pane. A gentle cold breeze caressing your skin from time to time. I like the privilege that such a day could give me. I could spend hours bundled up without fear of a drop of sweat; the quiet it brings muting everyday sounds. Days like these always bring me back to fiction. Nothing like forgetting the world for a little while in comfort of stories brought on by different types of literature. Be it movies, books, graphic novels you name it. Just for a day or two, I have a world all to myself.

Journal Prompts 

#journaling #thereareghostsinmyhead #writing #write #spilled ink #writers of tumblr #rainy days #comfort

[thereareghostsinmyhead]

I need a chaotic vibe rn.

#thereareghostsinmyhead #mine #vibe with me ya'll