theimpastapastaway

[theimpastapastaway]

Since I was born life has really been like 'Trauma or cake?'

And it was trauma

Every. Single. Time.

#trauma #childhood trauma #funny #coping with humor #humor #character development

[theimpastapastaway]

She doesn't know how to be a mother and I know even less how to be a daughter

She craves more recognition, she craves gratitude

And I crave altruism, unconditional love

But dinner is already done

And I guess none of us are going satisfied to bed tonight

#mother issues #writing #feelings #quotes #family issues

[theimpastapastaway]

I went a little delulu while watching the fourth episode of Percy Jackson, therefore Tumblr time is it.

You must now follow my descent into madness.

So, it all started with Annabeth's past, how his father (Frederick Chase) married another woman and how they had /more than one/ children, soon before Annabeth left, at seven years old, long time ago (long enough for not being able to recognice eachother maybe?)

Having that in mind, as the episode rolls by, we discover how mortals see the chimera; we can see it thought the eyes of a woman, woman who is traveling with a man and two children; woman with long dark hair, wearing a pink cardigan.

In that moment, my mind went, 'bro, woman, man and two children? Right after Annabeth's story? Wouldn't it be fun if they were the Chase family?'

But I didn't went so so delulu then.

I, later on, watched the whole series again, and guess who I saw, once again? (If not her someone very similar)

MISS LONG DARK HAIR AND PINK CARDIGAN.

On the third episode, sitting on the bus, just next to Annabeth when she puts her cap, there she is!

Now, I have discarded my she-is-Frederick's-wife theory (but it would be interesting, to say the least, the symbolism of Annabeth disapearing next to her).

Am I going crazy over the same background actress? Maybe (yes)

I do not belive in coincidences or the reutilization of background characters (don't do this to me Disney).

Who is this woman? Is she following my kids? She isn't a monster, what is she? Why can't I focus on normal things?

I no longer have theories, please talk me out of this madness.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #annabeth pjo #pjo adaptation #annabeth chase #annabeth percy jackson

[theimpastapastaway]

Quote found in my journal

Recently (the last 21 years) I've been feeling really melancholic

#writing #feelings #quotes #girlblogging #girls #female experience

[theimpastapastaway]

When I was 13-14 I really was a 40 year old woman who knew way too much about life, drank wine as a hobbie and was going thought a mid life crisis.

At 21 I'm just a lost soul, a decaying body, a shadow of the worst features of my ancestors, a sea of unsaid truths, a scream trapped in a throat, etc, etc

#writing #quotes #feelings #girlblogging #female experience

[theimpastapastaway]

Have you ever heard 'I don't usually get sick, but, when I do I became a sick victorian child'? Well, that wouldn't be me, I get sick a lot and everytime I feel like a sick victorian child.

I am begging for a last chance to see the sun light.

The weight of this sicknes (a cold) at my advanced age (21) is suffocating me (I can't fall aesleep).

If I had any properties this is the time for my relatives to start fighting for it (this will repeat next month).

#writing #relateable #female experience #humor #I have eaten two tangerines today #I need those vitamins

[theimpastapastaway]

Once I overcome my crippling fear of failure, my anxiety, tame my adhd, manage those cptsd symptoms, remember at least one full year of my life, and have one night without nightmares, it's over for everyone.

#funny #childhood trauma #cptsd

[theimpastapastaway]

Love is really stored in the kitchen, where people create with each other, where they learn new things and make mistakes in each other's company, where they give the other a piece of themselves on each meal.

And that only explains me more, how I can exclusively focus on the sharp objects inside the drawers, how I either give too much and burn what I try to give or how I give to little and things come up undone; or how I simply give up, too scared to even go in.

#writing #quotes #feelings #love

[theimpastapastaway]

Just a girl who must conect every single thing she reads <3

Agatha (Carry on) "I may as well stand by Simon, shouldn't I? If that's where he wants me?"

Patroclus (The song of Achiles) "I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me"

The differences between living through true love and what was supposed to be the happy ending, the shared rol as the hero's shadow, ...

The contrast between "I will follow you around becouse that's all I want, until you tell me to stop, becouse I love you way more than I love my purpose"; and, "I will follow you until you want it to stop, becouse that's what I think my purpose is".

How actions may look similar from afar but come from whole different feelings.

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This is the nonsense that happens when you look for parallels everywhere.

This is NOT hate to Agatha, we support Agatha in this household.

#the song of achilles #patroclus #tsoa #achilles #carry on #agatha wellbelove

[theimpastapastaway]

My heart and conscience rock back and forth on a painful dance, trying to decide whether your love will heal me or destroy me.

Run away or stay, they offer, dispute only resolved when one of us get tired.

#writing #quotes #love #feelings

[theimpastapastaway]

One of my big Red Flags is that I go 'I want to cry' and I cry two single tears and seconds later I'm like 'Yes, that was a good cry'

There are just a few tears always on the surface, followed by an enormous abyss of emptiness, and deep down, way past that, I fear there's a profound sea of tears, way bigger than I can even imagine.

I fear that if I let my tears run free I would never stop crying.

#writing #quotes #big sad #your honor my heart is in pain

[theimpastapastaway]

Love story short:

I survived

#writing #quotes #love

[theimpastapastaway]

I don't really know why I haven't seen people combine these two things, but listen to me carefully.

First Dead Poets Society, specifically the scene in which Todd goes 'I can take care of myself just fine, alright?' and Neil answer with the most heartwarming 'No <3' which leads us to the most beautiful, lovely scene ever.

Secondly William Andrew Solace and Nico di Angelo from Percy Jackson.

JUST IMAGINE Nico, who was isolated for years, who doesn't want to get involved with anyone out of fear, scared of asking for help and a lot more of trust issues saying 'I can take care of myself just fine, alright?' hopping (not really) that Will leaves him alone, and Will, whose number one hobbie is teasing and caring for Nico going 'No ;)"

Alwwlkwllwlqlwldkslqtrueloveexistsmwowpqpdkdkwlow

But, hear me out, ALSO, Will, who was given an insane ammount of responsability since he was a child, who is terrified of letting people down complaining 'I can take care of myself just fine, alright?' and Nico, being the caring boyfriend he is answering 'No <3'

That's it, that's my thoughts, if anyone thought (and said) this before, I love you a lot.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

#nico di angelo #will solace #neil x todd #todd and neil #solangelo #love #now I belive in love #percy jackson #dead poets society #neil perry #todd anderson

[theimpastapastaway]

Sometimes I forget I exist.

I have a form, I am trapped on a body, I interact with my surrondings, I touch things, I can touch things and move them, wind touches me, sunlight too.

Sometimes I forget I'm not an entity possesing a little room.

#writing #quotes #relateable #feelings #trauma

[theimpastapastaway]

I don't want to ever leave this loneliness, I can't wait until I feel loved and acompanied. Loneliness gives me comfort, I want to be comforted. I don't want to speak ever again, I can't wait to be truly heard.

I'm more nothingnes that I could ever be something.

#writing #quotes #vent #childhood trauma #sad thoughts

[theimpastapastaway]

I'm missing the family I never had, I'm missing a love that was never meant to be mine.

#writing #quotes #feelings #parental issues

[theimpastapastaway]

Honestly? I'm scared of ruining my idealized image of love, I'm terrified of the cruel unknown crushing this pure idea I've created over the years.

I fear I will never live something that levels to that fantasy.

#writing #quotes #feelings #love