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#your books make me sob

bl00d-1n-wat3r · 3 months

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My review of Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White copied and pasted from Goodreads

I have never written a review before but I need to. This book, I have no words is just beautiful in its own fucked up way.

I am a trans 15 year old boy with autism and full of rage who hasn’t gotten a chance to express himself. I grew up in the church and when Covid hit I figured out myself. Im an atheist and unapologetically gay. But the guilt still weighs down on my shoulders like God is watching me disappointed in me. This book made me feel seen. Made me feel heard, I no longer feel alone in my anger or sadness that bares over me.

I see why this book isnt for everyone and anyone who decides they want this book read the trigger warnings, this book is gory and not for the faint of heart. But if you decide to read it I hope you experienced it the way I did. I couldnt put it down and finished it in one day. The characters felt real. And every time something happened I had to put the book down for a moment and pace and stim because I was so full of excitement thinking about what was going to happen.

TLDR: Be gay, make lizards, read the TW’S, and Andrew Joseph White is an amazing author who deserves more recognition than the world could give him

#hell followed with us #andrew joseph white #the spirit bares its teeth #your books make me sob #in a good way #fuck #i just finished it #and fuck me dude #/pos #i wish I could erase my memory of this book so I could read it for the first time #spoiler:#stop reading the tags to not be spoiled #when Benji got want to New Nazareth I could hear my heartbeat in my ears I was so scared #my face was literally tingling #which only happens when I am SUPER scared which almost never happens #i am still coming down from the high of finishing this book and now Im exhausted

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unsurebisexualcore · 4 months

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just realized when I grow up I get to read my kids the Percy Jackson books a chapter a night each night before they go to bed and watch the series with them one episode at a time while we’re eating dinner because that’s a thing I’m gonna be able to do sharing my childhood with them like that and brb I’m gonna go cry now

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pov your me a teenager in high school getting emotional about handing your blorbos down to your kids who don’t even exist yet #gonna make them wait 18 years between reading the first book til when they get to watch the series #you will suffer like your ancestors suffered #we can throw the movies in there somewhere too #oh my god we can complain about how bad it is together I’m literally sobbing 🥹🥹🥹#pjo tv show #pjo series #my kids are about to be such greek mythology nerds #I’m so proud

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depressedstressedlemonzest · 4 months

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This had me legitimately crying like OH MY GOD between rumple giving one last love confession to belle and then he and bae?

I don't know which part had me crying more.

Bae being heartbroken about losing his papa even though he was still mad. That was an awesome line because usually it's like "I'm sorry" "it's okay" but begrudgingly.

This was genuine with bae's emotions. And rumples.

Great let's add cora to the Heartbreakers club.

Bitch.

"I'll take your baby"

"You only get your own child and any child I have Wong be yours."

Okay but that makes me think that not only did they totally fuck, but that regina could be rumple's. Because I can see cora using rumple's own double speak to trick him.

God I hope him nd regina don't start Mackin on one another later. This show has enough mommy and daddy issues.

Okay this is a sad scene and all, but rumple and his sluttly little elbow garter?

Next episode!

Who the fuck is the kid and the dad? Who else has present parents in fairy tales? Most of em die off or are already dead.

I love how devilishly happy regina is.

"And that's how I met your mother."

Henry is a perceptive kid, how perceptive are 11 year Olds?

#the “sweetheart I'm dying” had me sniffling #the “you make me wanna go back to the best version of me.” had me sobbing #i fucking love them #and the still rocky but healing moment with bae? i cant even do that with my mom #'this girl is the nastiest skank bitch do not trust her' rumple about cora in his burn book #i like the headcanon of him being secretly Regina's dad #but i really hope they dont start getting together later on #i can both respect and hate cora's taking her heart out decision #because yes rumple and regina would be weaknesses for her heart #but your child shoukd have all of your heart #rumple's slutty elbow garter is gonna kill me #he's such a snazzy old man #i love henry #rumplestiltskin #belle #belle x rumple #ouat rumple #belle ouat #rumbelle #baelfire #neal cassidy #cora mills #regina mills #henry mills #ouat #lem watches ouat #once upon a time #mr. gold

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iwoulddieforienzo · 3 months

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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’#bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN!#HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD……#my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘#and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though.#imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that.#snack time #toa #longpost

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bl00d-1n-wat3r · 4 months

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Dear @aidenschmaiden (not expecting him to see this lol I just want to get my feelings and opinions about his books out)

It was my birthday a few days ago and I bought the Sunbearer Trials with the money I got. I already had Cemetery Boys and I had high hopes and they were blown out of the water. To say I loved it was an understatement. Im gay, trans, and hispanic and identify with your characters and writing so much. I breezed through the book in 1 day because I just couldnt put it down. I am autistic and have severe social anxiety and find comfort and an escape in books. I have trouble visualizing stuff though but your writing just sucks me right in like Im there as well.

Anyways! If by a one in a million chance you are reading this can you tell me a random fact about Julian or Aurelio possibly?

Edit: I just realized there were so many spelling mistakes in the og post 😭 thats what I get for typing so fast

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earnmysong · 1 year

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when your baby sister starts a book club and invites you because you finally got her to enjoy reading! first up? ‘i’m glad my mom died’.

#bnb book club #e reads #about e #HI HELLO HAVE WE MET NICE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE #current events re: me #cackle-sobbing is my favorite emotion #you can't make this up #:D :D :D

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vaguelyhauntedcornfield · 1 year

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Okay but like I really need to rant about this a bit so like spoilers for ep 3 of tlou below but like

idk I’ve never played the game so I had no idea what to expect going into this, but when Frank showed up, I was like “I can’t tell if Bill is going to kill him or marry him.” WELL. Nick Offerman did such a GOOD job of looking on guard and uncomfortable. His shoulders are like up to his ears the entire meeting sequence and it made me so jumpy, and then we skip 3 years and he’s so visibly relaxed. And my heart started to melt. And I found myself so enamored with these two men who, against all odds, found love in a situation where that should have been impossible. Frank was the last alive from a group fleeing a collapsed quarantine zone, Bill a preper who had decided to be alone long before the pandemic even started. We expect Bill to die the whole time--comments about him getting old faster than Frank, getting shot by raiders. The jump to Frank being sick...they showed so much through his paintings. You weren’t expecting it, and they showed you through his art how his illness has been progressing, and how him being able to see that himself affected him. They showed how Bill broke down and made a deal with Joel to get medicine despite saying he never would. This show. THIS SHOW. I was sobbing up until Bill became weirdly calm during the dinner, because I realized he’d made the decision too. They died on their own terms in a world where that had become nearly impossible. They had a beautiful life together in a world where that had become a pipe dream. Two characters that we never even meet thru the main characters, not in the present day, but who matter so much.

#also i have a lot of feelings as a chronically ill artist about everything with Frank (not bad ones! just like i feel a lot 🥲)#it hit close to home #honestly bill resonated with me too but not bc of the preper conspiracy theorist part lol #more bc of the self-imposed solitude and not seeking out relationships #i know from other posts that this is nothing like how they were in the game but this seems like such an improvement tbh #like this episode deserves awards for how much it hit me in the feels #tlou hbo spoilers #the last of us spoilers #it's 5 am so like i am not coherent but i also cannot sleep #idk how we got my horror-hating mom hooked on this show and now we're making her sob over gay romance like #that right there tells you this show is good lol #i feel like i could write an entire book on how illness can impact art and handwriting #my handwriting became that of an entirely different person when i started to get sick #my drawings changed too #tho maybe not in a way anyone but me noticed #my friend who has a similar health issue just with more presentation had to give up art almost entirely #idk it's a kind of hard i can't explain and that i dont think you can understand unless you've experienced it yourself #seeing the progression of your symptoms in the things you create #seeing how you're unable to hide it even with care #idk man #it's honestly an emotion i dont think i could name #but i feel it so strongly every time i look at more than a few lines i've written by hand #or at a page of studies ive drawn #i feel like they never made frank a tragic character. they never made illness tragic #they just made it real #the tragic theme was the idea of one without the other and it went both ways #they hit on that repeatedly throughout the ep #and in the end they didn’t have to face that tragedy #idk i feel like it’s one of the few depictions of chronic illness/terminal illness ive seen that doesn’t play the illness as tragedy #and i found that…refreshing

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takinghisbow · 2 years

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@ahogedetective asked: ❝ "I'm happy to know you enjoyed breakfast today, Kokichi: I wanted to make it a bit more special for you, today... !" He chuckles, currently washing the dishes they used after they finished their meals. Shuichi had made miso salmon with steamed rice with an umeboshi plum on top, miso soup, and tamagoyaki slices. "So ah, one of the first places I would like to take you out to today, is this bookstore I found along the way home from care work one time... connected to a small teahouse: the one I had brought you home a tea from. The inside looked so pretty... I just have to bring you there. I think that would be nice, right? And the bookstore part looked like it had some nice selections as well. If you see any books you would like, I'll happily get them for you! Then we can go wherever you'd like afterwards, and while it won't be until later tonight: I made us reservations for a restaurant! I hear it's a beautiful view of the city and lake from the big windows, which sounds so nice.... I'm so excited to take you there. Ah, but before we head out, I would like to give you your gifts now, if that's okay! They're all in the living room."

Once Shuichi finished washing the dishes and dried his hands, he walks over to where Kokichi is sitting. With a smile lightning up on his face, he goes to lift Kokichi up in his arms. “..If I may be allowed to carry my king there. Heeheehee... “ He hums, giggling as he sprinkles kisses to his face and lips. He holds him snug as he brings him to the living room, and sits him down on the couch. On the table in front of him, sat a cake box wrapped with a purple ribbon, and a medium-sized gift box. There was a third present as well that was not currently on the table, but Shuichi wanted to save that for last....

“Here they are! I hope you’ll love them... “ Inside the cake box, would reveal a homemade red velvet cake, which shaped and designed to look just like the DICE emblem. “I thought it would be creative and fun to make you a cake that looks like the symbol of your organization! The base is red velvet, and I used white chocolate buttercream frosting. I used black food coloring for the black diamond part of the symbol. I know it might not look perfect, b-but it was a lot of fun making this for you all the same!” He giggles, hoping Kokichi will love it. And then in the gift box, would reveal three books as part of a series. “This is one of your favorite authors, yeah? And that he recently released some new books... which I maaay or may not have ordered you special editions of them. After all, you deserve the best quality, so I was very happy I could get them in time.”

He lets Kokichi have a moment to fully get a look at his gifts, before Shuichi speaks up again. “Now, ah... I know that might look like that’s it, but I... have another gift for you. O-One that... I wanted to save for last, because it’s special... “ Feeling his heart begin to race, Shuichi first sits down next to Kokichi.. before pulling something out of his pocket: a small jewelry box. “H... H-H-Here you go! F... F-For you... !” Inside contained a dark purple ring. The outer part was the dark purple color, and had a design of a fancy vine-like patterns to it in black. The inner part of the ring was a black gold color. And... just like the ring Kokichi had given Shuichi on Christmas, the inner part had a message on it. This message, however, instead says: ‘To my sweetheart.’

“A-Ahaha... ahhhh.... “ Despite how deeply red his face was, and his heart pounding so nervously, it could burst: he gives Kokichi a warm, soft smile, as he begins to explain: “S... So um... that ring you gave me all the way back in Christmas.... I love it dearly, and love every chance I can get to wear it. And since then, I’ve always wanted to give you a ring, too! One with our colors and a message on it as well... a-almost like matching couple rings! In a sense... h-haha... goodness, I’m acting so nervous as if I’m proposing to you or something! Unless you want it to be one. To ah, quote a certain someone.... “ He laughs, of course just making a lighthearted joke. “...If I may put it on you... “ Slowly, and carefully, he proceeds to place the ring on Kokichi’s ring finger for him, gasping in awe at just how nice it looks on him... “O-Oh my god... ohhh it looks even more beautiful when you wear it... “ He softly giggles. He then cups his hand gently in both of his, raising it up to his mouth... and places the softest kiss to the back of his palm. “...I wanted this ring... to express my immense love for you. I love you, Koki... and just like you are forever mine.... I am forever yours. Thank you... for existing in my life. And just like how happy you make me, every single day... I promise to make you even happier than ever, today! Happy Birthday, sweetheart... “ And, while giving him a gaze pouring with even more love and warmth than it always does, leans closer to him, so that he can plant a deep, loving kiss to his lips, holding him close... (HAPPY BIRITHDAY, KOKICHI... 🎲📚💍) ❞ ( birthday ask! )

“Mmhmm,” Kokichi agreed, sidling up behind where Shuichi was standing and washing dishes so that he could wrap his arms around Shuichi’s waist, cheek rested between his shoulder blades. Sure, him latching onto Shuichi had to be making washing dishes more difficult, but it was his birthday. And the birthday boy wanted to hold his boyfriend. “The miso salmon was sooooo good.” He rubbed his face into Shuichi’s shirt, shuffling awkwardly behind him whenever Shuichi had to move. “It was all good, though. My beloved is my favorite chef!”

Listening intently, Kokichi perked up at the mention of the bookstore and teahouse. “We can read our new books while we drink tea.” He paused, his growing grin obvious in his tone when he added, “You’re such a nerd.” He only squeezed Shuichi tighter, though. “It’s a good thing I’m secretly one too! Because now I’m super excited.” The bookstore and teahouse did sound perfect, after all. He couldn’t imagine a better place to spend his birthday, especially if it was as beautiful as Shuichi suggested.

He finally released Shuichi, moving to hop up on the island counter, legs swinging. “You’re making me feel so fancy, Shumai,” Kokichi joked. “A reservation, huh?” They had made reservations at restaurant before, but it still struck Kokichi as surprising every time. He had never thought of himself as someone who made reservations at nice restaurants. But that was part of what made it special—Shuichi taking him out somewhere nice rather than ever having made assumptions. “A dinner and a view, plus the hottest date ever? Sounds perfect! I bet it’ll be almost as good as the breakfast you cooked.” Flattery, but not insincere.

“Gifts?” He bounced in his seat, genuine delight lighting his eyes and smile as if he truly hadn’t expected any gifts. Said delight only heightened tenfold when Shuichi picked him up, Kokichi laughing as he wrapped his legs around him. “Obviously. My beloved consort would never make me walk all that way,” he joked, laughter returning when Shuichi peppered him with kisses. “I’m the luckiest person in the world to have such a devoted beloved,” he said, tenderness slipping in between the cracks of his teasing.

As Shuichi lowered him to the couch, Kokichi pressed his lips to his with a hum. He just couldn’t stop himself from stealing a kiss before getting comfortable on the edge of the couch. His eyes fell to the two boxes, drumming his hands on his knees briefly before reaching out to carefully open the cake box. His eyes widened at the sight, hands freezing as he took it in. DICE’s emblem—he was enough of a baker himself to know that this wasn’t easy to make. “Shut up,” —his instant response to Shuichi implying that the cake wasn’t perfect. Kokichi finally tugged his gaze from the cake, reaching out the grasp Shuichi’s hand so that he can pull him down onto the couch with him. Then, he pitched forward to press their lips together. He smiled into it, hand cupping Shuichi’s cheek. He didn’t pull away until he was breathless, bumping their noses playfully before finally sitting back. “It is perfect. It must’ve taken forever. . .” Unspoken and hidden behind the gentle warmth in his eyes were his words’ real meaning: I can’t believe you spent so much time on me.

And then his playful grin returned, an almost predatory gaze settling on the gift box. It was all an act, of course. . . for the most part. He couldn’t deny that he enjoyed receiving gifts. Maybe for lack of getting them in the past. Or maybe he was just a bit selfish. Probably both.

Despite his expression, he picked up the gift carefully, opening it with a smile that only brightened when he saw just what it was. “Y-yeah.” He ran his index fingers along the lettering of the title of one, heartbeat speeding up. “I never told you—” —who his favorite authors were. Shuichi had noticed. Kokichi grasped his hand, pulling it up to press a kiss to Shuichi’s palm. Cheek against Shuichi’s fingers, he mumbled out, “You’re the worst,” with the intonation all of his love confessions came in. Perhaps it was just another love confession, spoken in a lie Shuichi would surely see right through.

When he moved the books from his lap, still in the box for the time being, he does so with a special sort of reverence, as if he was now much more worried about damaging them. Most of his books were written in, highlighted, tabbed, and ripped with worn spines. These books, however, were special. He couldn’t ruin them just yet.

The gits out of the way, Kokichi glanced up a Shuichi with a gaze that gave it away—he was ready to explode, to crawl onto Shuichi and kiss him breathless. But then Shuichi was speaking, mentioning another gift. “You didn’t have to get me anything else,” he replied, words deadly honest. He didn’t need anything but Shuichi, but the books were already everything.

Shuichi pulled the box out and Kokichi’s heart skipped a beat. His mouth, however, did not: “Yes, I’ll marry you! Finally.” Despite his joke, the smile that he cast up at Shuichi was wavering, fingers shakily taking the box from him. He hadn’t even seen what was inside and his throat was already burning from attempting to maintain his composure. He opened the box. He knew it would be a ring, but that didn’t prevent the sight of it knocking the breath out of him. “Shuichi.” It was all he could say as he examined it. Their colors. The intricate, beautiful design. So similar to the one Kokichi had given Shuichi. And the message—he read it again and again.

He listened, practically hanging on Shuichi’s words. He was unnaturally silent, like the ring had driven him speechless. In truth, he feared that he would break down the moment he spoke, and he wanted Shuichi to at least finish first. And then he was sliding the ring on Kokichi’s finger (like a physical sign of their commitment, like a promise).

The dam broke, tears finally falling down his cheeks and hand grasping at Shuichi’s with desperation. He didn’t deserve something so perfect. He didn’t deserve Shuichi, but he sure as hell would never turn him away. “Shut up, you’re killing me,” he replied shakily, pressing into the kiss eagerly.

Then all of his emotions finally exploded, Kokichi clambering into Shuichi’s lap, hands on either side of his face as he kissed him, deeply, desperately. Like he had to make sure Shuichi felt every ounce of love he was feeling. He broke the kiss, leaning back only just enough to meet Shuichi’s eyes and let his guts spill out.

“Marry me.” Great job, Kokichi. “I-I don’t mean now, but—” He was rambling, tumbling over his words and trying to amend them in real time. “Not that I wouldn’t marry you now—I would. I mean— I just need,” —he took a deep breath, burying his face in the crook of Shuichi’s neck— “you. Always.” He hadn’t actually commented on the ring at all. “I’m never taking it off.” He nuzzled against Shuichi’s shirt, heartbeat slowly settling down. “Except to shower. And cook.” His fingers stroked down the other side of Shuichi’s neck, a slow, shaky breath passing his lips. “I love you. And also. . . thanks.” He leaned back to meet Shuichi’s eyes once more, flipping the hair from his eyes. “You’re perfect. And you can even make a dumb day like a birthday amazing.” His smile was tender, hand cupping Shuichi’s cheek and thumb brushing across his cheekbone. “I love you,” he repeated, glancing at this ring again.

Finally a little breath escaped him, the heels of his hands coming up to rub the dampness from underneath his eyes. He usually would have found the weakness disgusting, but maybe Shuichi was worth real emotion. He pressed a kiss to Shuichi’s cheek, then locked eyes again, so tender and loving. Then—

“So. . . I get birthday sex tonight too, right?” His smile, oh-so innocent, was coupled with his ‘explanation,’ “I mean, I figured yes, but you didn’t mention it, soooo. . .”

And with that, Kokichi Oma was back to his usual self.

#ahogedetective #[ birthday ask 🎂 ]#((CRYING SOBBING SCREAMING))#((us writing A Book together i love it kfdjshfksdahjdskha))#((no but really oh mY GOD))#((SHUICHI BBY UR SO SWEET AND KOKICHI IS MORE IN LOVE WITH HIM EVERY DAY))#((when u give ur boyfriend a ring and then he lowkey proposes to /you/))#((kokichi is so Overwhelmingly In Love rn and we both know that makes him v rambly))#((the one thing that makes him speak w/o thinking))#((hence 'marry me' fkjdhsfhsdajfksah))#[ may queue always be satisfied ]#—— ✧ ask »#˖ ✧ and it feels like home in your arms » ( kokichi/shuichi | ahogedetective )

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mr-awesome-balls · 2 years

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it's 3 am, i finished love and other words in 1 sitting. i sobbed.

this feels like if CoHo did Lily/Atlas well. It would be Mace/Elliott

the start was kinda slow, but oh my God the ending I can't. It's not as dramatic as CoHo's writing, but damn I adore it. (( got me out of a reading slump caused by finishing the spanish love deception zzz, will elaborate more on another post/June reads ))

5/5 🌟, go read this to have a good cry and perhaps yearn for someone like Elliott

Found family. Second chances. Childhood friends. Soulmates (yes it is i swearrr). Hurt/Comfort.

#love and other words #brb let me cry cuz like... where can I find me an Elliott #hands down my fav book male lead #even more than graham omg #i need to be up by 6 am tme #RIP #read #novel #book #it ends with us and all your perfects didnt even made me cry #this fucking book made me sobbed wtffff #it ends with us came close to making me cry but nope

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