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2n2n · 1 year

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what do I mean by 'selfish'?

I want to try to explain what I mean by 'selfishness', at times. I think it's easily misunderstood… but I want to use humbler things to describe it.

In the recent scene in ch101, Amane is obliged to fix the clock. Tsukasa, however, isn't, and is free to roam about the festival and have fun with classmates. The 'good thing' to do would be to push Tsukasa to have fun, and help out. Keeping Tsukasa stuck in this dusty cobwebby dark little tower, only serves Amane. With something like a collectivist mindset, the responsible thing to do, would be to push Tsukasa to leave. That benefits a greater sum of people. It would be selfish to ask Tsukasa to stay, and forego fun and games, all just to have company in this task, all festival long. If even one of them can have fun, that's better than neither, isn't it?

But what does Amane want? Sometimes, in a situation like this, the person you love would only like to know what you'd like to do … not what is the better thing to do.

Similar situations for you or I would be, say, keeping your partner company on a miserable business trip, to ease their suffering, even though they might not be in the best mood, or you might not be able to really do anything more fun than eating hotel breakfast. There is perhaps a lot more you could get done at home, or at work, or for your family, if you don't go on this trip, which will take up all of your time, and provide little. But, it's what would make your partner happy.

For a more mundane example-- this sort of thing happens constantly. Maybe I offer to make my husband lunch. I list out all the options. He could choose what he really wants to eat, which is something complicated … or he could look at the options, and think, "I don't want to cause my wife too much work, I want her to make something simple," and then choose something he would enjoy less, but do me the favor of not whipping out pots and pans. In such a case, I may never know what he actually wanted. This is a trivial sort of example of giving up something you like/want for someone's benefit.

Asking someone to do unpleasant things is, difficult, when you love eachother. When there's the option, sometimes, you don't want to coddle yourself, you don't want to make them endure unnecessary things just because they are stuck with you, who has to do such tasks.

Back to JSHK; it would have been selfish for Hakubo to rescue Sumire. With a collectivist mindset-- baring in mind the stability and good of the entire village, not only himself or only the person he personally likes-- it's seemingly best to let Sumire be sacrificed. The village will be safe for a duration, and only one person will die, as opposed to the unknown number lost without the severance. Even now, choosing to consume Sumire foregoes everything else, and prioritizes his own desire. Considering the good of all, it's seemingly best for Sumire to be permanently entrapped in his boundary, and Hakubo diligently serving as a Mystery. What good is she, but as a battery powering Hakubo? What good is she, as an individual person, at all? She wasn't meant to be useful as an individual when alive, or dead. Sumire was born to serve a purpose for others. No matter what, it's selfish for Sumire to want anything for herself. An ideal sacrifice is humble.

Individuals are always suffering for a 'greater good'. Sakura has likely been serving as an arbiter of the Mysteries for the 100 years she has been trapped. To want to escape-- for her own sake-- at the expense of the world's order-- is monumentally selfish. It would be better for seemingly everyone, if she continued to perform her duty, eternally.

But is it better, or fair, for random people to suffer? To hold the weight of maintaining security for the collective? Do we want people to be selfish, or selfless? Do we want to keep the cogs churning inside the machine? Or do we want to see them choose for themselves, what they want?

Someone like Teru is not afforded the opportunity to be selfish. He has responsibilities, obligations; he has to uphold the Minamoto traditions for the protection of the town, even though he personally only loves his family, and would love to only spend time with them… and of course, his obligations keep him from spending more time with them than he'd like, and keep him from being honest with them.

As it is, with Teru, he has been attempting to avoid being selfish, up until now. He has tried to carry the burdens entirely on his own, for the good of his entire family. He hasn't wanted to bring Kou into his burdens; but of course, Teru wants to be with Kou, he does not want to be alone. It feels self-indulgent to ask Kou to join him in this suffering, which robs him of having a normal life. He's wanted to protect Kou from this legacy, and take all the costs onto himself.

Even Shijima-san had aimed to stop having any personal desires, only doing as others asked her, as a mystery.

It's not that it's not beautiful, for Teru to take on those burdens ... or for Tsukasa to sacrifice himself. It's not like it's not coming from the right place, for Hanako to suffer, for Hakubo to serve, for Sumire to have no vision for herself ... but we see suffering perpetuate endlessly, inevitable for the next Akane, the next mystery, etc.

This is all what I'm talking about when I say 'selfishness' and 'selflessness'. It could be 'selfish' for Amane to ask Tsukasa to miss out on an entire festival just to keep him company, it could be 'selfish' for Hakubo to save Sumire, it could be 'selfish' for Teru to ask Kou to join him, it could be 'selfish' for Sakura to want her own life.

it is 'selfish' for Tsukasa to have come back from the Red House, and initiate all of the events for this entire series.

On small or large scales, there are moments when one is looking at what they want, and what the world or system wants for them.

Hmmm… I recieved an ask that had used the phrase "one-sided selfish love", which has never been what I'm talking about. There is never one-sidedness. That isn't really what I am referring to. Nene does not have to not be loved by Amane, to do something for herself. Typically, I am thinking about society at large. Sumire loves Hakubo; it is not a matter of moving despite no reciprocation.

It isn't even a matter of doing something your beloved hates; Amane surely wanted Tsukasa to come back at age 4, but Tsukasa knew that was a bad idea, in the grand scheme of Amane's life. Tsukasa is not acting despite Amane's rejection; he is acting despite this not being the textbook 'best ending for all involved'. Tsukasa is curious to see what could happen. What DOES Amane want? Is it better to live to adulthood, without your beloved twin, or is it better to die young with him?

How do we consider what is best for the person we love, factoring in that they love us, too? How do we consider what we want of them? When is it being selfish, to do as you please, out of love, when the other person loves you, too? Can loving someone, and being loved by someone, limit their prosperity? Can that love be wrong? Much to think about.

#avvy's JSHK

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nerdyqueerr · 3 years

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working on a project for writing class rn and i just realised the entire story is so funny from this particular character’s perspective

#you are immortal. you are trapped in a cavelike room for hundreds of years after betraying your fellow immortals. they pump poison into you.#you can feel the spaceship you're all in fall apart around you. you resign yourself to your fate.#a 17 yr old farm girl finds you by accident trusts you on the spot despite ''the deceiver'' being IN YOUR NAME and then decides to free you #which she does but all your fellow immortals immediately try to track you down and kill you. fortunately they are all old and weak.#the girl is trying to get all of humanity to return to earth (where tf did the rest of the people go how is this all of humanity??)#you sacrifice yourself for her. or maybe she sacrificed you on purpose #you arent sure. the spaceship explodes. you've been awake for a week at the most.#like thats INSANE #moment of silence for Luc les dieux se meurent..... they've been through so much #but ava is the protagonist #i just want everyone to consider luc's perspective in this for a minute like. can u imagine.#none of this makes sense for u guys im sure. but its fine.#my shit #my writing

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babygirlkiki1016 · 2 years

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Home Sweet Home

Masterlist

Y/n's Pov-

"You haven't been yourself lately." Marcel confronted, sitting on the black leather sofa, staring at me like I was acting this way with no purpose.

"Normally your all chatty and bubbly, now your..." He waved his hand, gesturing to my curled figure by the ledge of the balcony. I sat there leaning on the cold metal bars watching as people walked the streets looking for something to buy while touring the town. The star lights lit up the city, it was like magic, I would always look up at the sky and it was just...amazing. Like a huge artwork but always moving. It was the only sight worth seeing these days, and the only thing I looked forward to.

I looked over at him with a hateful look, which didn't make him happy.

"What do you expect me to do? After what you have decided Marcel, I can no longer feel joy towards you or in this place we call home." Segregating the witches, punishing them for their nature was unacceptable. It hurt my heart knowing I couldn't save them and wasn't as powerful as I used to be. I was always being watched, except at night, that is the only time I have privacy anymore.

"This again?" He sighed, leaning forward with a frown on his face. Jane-Anne was caught doing ma- "

"She's a witch Marcel!" I abruptly sped over, making him go silent as I stood in front of him with rage flowing through my body. "Witches do magic! She lost her daughter because of you, if you had let the ceremony continue, they would all be alive but now you have screwed us all! This is why vampires shouldn't meddle with witch business, you undead bastards understand nothing!" I turned away shaking my head, tears springing to my eyes, I couldn't save her...Marcel had the upper hand, after he stopped the harvest, he demanded all witches stop using their magic, and that included me considering I didn't agree with the new rule. He stole my grimoire, which is tethered to my magic and if he eradicates it, my magic and every descendant's charm of my tribe will be gone.

"Then tell me, what would have happened if the harvest continued?"

"I have told you! The girls would be sacrificed and brought back with more magic than they had before. Now Davina is stuck with all 4 elements, and the ancestors despise her for disobeying her coven. "

"I get it the end will come but you're not an ancestral witch, you don't know how to use their magic. So, until you can give me evidence instead of words that this will happen, the witches and you will still be under my command understand?" He walked over, getting a little too close for my liking, and whispered. "And the next time you yell at me, I will make sure to burn that book."

"I used to think of you as my son Marcellus, but you've turned into him. I am very disappointed in you, little warrior." He stopped for a second, upset that I felt this way, but continued to walk out without another word. He didn't care about me anymore, or he did but didn't want to seem weak in front of his men. Soon he was out of sight, and when I knew he couldn't hear me I jumped off the balcony, I needed to find Sophie, maybe she will know what her sister was up to with the new spell she decided to sacrifice herself for. Unfortunately, Jane was publicly executed earlier today, before I could ask her anything. Was she trying to find Davina and finish the ritual? It's the only thing that makes sense as to why she would use magic. I sped down multiple dark alleys towards the cemetery when I heard a whoosh behind me, probably one of Marcel's guards trying to follow me. I stopped and quickly slipped into the shadows above, watching as the vampire searched the area for me.

"Y/n!!" I gasped at the man, Klaus...No it couldn't be him, it's not him, he wouldn't come back after all this time. We never went to another place twice, unless...Mikael was dead. "Where are you..." He silently sobbed running up to the other balconies across from my position trying to get a better view of where I was, he could find me if he tried hard enough. That's how I knew, he would know that I was hiding in the shadows. I was a witch as well as a vampire and shifter, I was called a tribrid though I wasn't born under the moon like Klaus was. I could shift into any animal as I pleased, but with Davina having the ability to see who does magic my abilities are limited. However, my disappearing skills came in handy when I wished to hide.

"Niklaus," Elijah called, appearing from out of nowhere, with a sudden look of care as he saw his brother's state. "What is it?"

"I saw her brother; I saw her running down the alley." Klaus pointed to the road below, "She was right here...and then she was gone." He looked above, in all dark places that would be a perfect pocket to slip into, but he didn't find me.

"Who?" Elijah began to search the street with his eyes, looking for any signs or sounds but yet could find none.

"Y/n." When Elijah heard my name he sighed and placed his hand on Klaus's shoulder. He didn't believe his brother, mostly because they thought I was dead.

"She's been gone for 300 years; I believe this town is making you see things. We never truly got to say goodbye-" Klaus pulled away shaking his head, denying Elijah's statement.

"I saw her, it was her Elijah, she was running somewhere. She was wearing modern clothes, her hair still white but all her clothing black. She sensed me; she's hiding watching us this very second-" Elijah grabbed Klaus by his shoulders shaking him to get him to understand.

"Brother enough! Listen..." They both stopped, using their hearing they listened for my breathing or a heartbeat. Elijah was trying to prove I was no longer alive but his eyes widened as they heard it. They looked in my direction but I moved as they zipped over to my original spot. Could it be them? There was only one way to find out if it was Klaus, the song we made together on our wedding day, an ancient song.

"I'll swim and sail on savage seas..." I sang, zipping to another area as both of their heads shot up looking at the place I had originally been. "...with never the fear of drowning..." I moved again, and yet they followed my voice once more.

"If you would marry me..." Klaus finished the tune that we had made, we wanted to create a song yet neither of us could write songs that well, he quickly turned to his brother. "Believe me now?" I smiled and whistled moving again, they looked to my original spot and realized I wanted them to follow me. Every so often I would let out a whistle as the brothers ran after me, trying to find my exact location but I wouldn't let them get me so easily. Soon we arrived at the cemetery, and I hid behind a tomb, watching them as they entered but Klaus stopped. Why was Elijah allowed to enter but Klaus was not?

"Come in," I said and disappeared before Klaus could catch me, he sighed tired of my little game of hide and seek.

"Why do you hide in the shadows?" He asked waiting for me to appear but I did not, I stayed in my exact spot. Watching, waiting to see what they would do next. I whistled again and followed the sound of Sophie's breathing; she was nearby probably putting her sister to rest. When I entered the tomb, I spotted Sophie pacing the room, she stopped when she saw me.

"You were never going to tell me, were you?" I asked as Klaus and Elijah slowly walked towards me. They saw my white hair and knew it was me instantly. "Your sister brought them back to town, why?"

"We needed help Kiley, with your grimoire stolen we had no choice. "

"Your grimoire was stolen? "Elijah questioned, both of them knew how important it was. "By who?" He growled.

"Marcel," I whispered, turning to face them and for the first time, my eyes met his, my beloveds. He reached out for me, caressing my cheek lightly, then suddenly he pulled me closer. Taking in my scent he cried, he missed me so much just as I missed him. I let my guard down and wrapped my arms around him taking him in.

Elijah watched us in silence like his heart was broken; I held out my hand for him, he took it with a smile but he still looked upset.

"Good your both here, I need your help." Sophie cuts in trying to get our attention, hesitantly we both pulled away but he kept his arm tightly around me. He looked deep into my eyes, memorizing my face after all these years. I could tell he had so many questions about how I was still alive and where I have been.

"Y/n perhaps you should leave..." Elijah tugged on my arm but my focus went to the brunette woman who was brought in, she was born under the moon.

"Y/n come." I looked to Eli who was desperately trying to get me to leave but Klaus pushed him away.

"I just got her back and you're already trying to take her away?" Klaus snarled standing in front of me protectively.

"Niklaus, you will see her in a little while. What is going to be said next is a...sensitive topic."

"Hayley is pregnant with Klaus's child." Sophie blurted trying to get things moving, I looked to Hayley, so this was his new lover...And she is with child? Elijah sighed but kept his eyes on me, and I was angry beyond words. I looked to my supposed husband who loved me, who still cared for me and promised to never lay with another even if he lost me.

"So, after all these years of me begging and pleading to you for a child, you impregnate someone else...not only that you...slept with another?" I pulled away from him, and the look on his face broke me, he didn't seem to care, he just...he said nothing. "I knew it...you denied it so many times but I knew it! You despised me! That's why you didn't want a child!" I cried out, he tried to explain saying he knew nothing, and grabbed my arm but I swung my right arm. Punching him right in the jaw, his head went to the side. Elijah tried to calm me but I shrugged off his hand and walked out crying all the way home.

~~~

"Im sorry this happened." Elijah appeared, looking at my small sniffling self on the balcony. "He didn't do it on purpose, nor does he despise you. As the witches explained it, his wolf side is still human, and Hayley being a wolf-"

"I know how it works," I whispered, sighing he sat down next to me, thinking of what to say.

"I know you're beyond angry, after so many years of wanting one and he refused...he still doesn't want one. And I know you'll hate me for this, but I need you to convince him to help. He will help you, but he wants the baby dead and Hayley he won't save them from the witches."

"She is not my problem Elijah, convince him yourself."

"He won't listen to me; he believes that if the baby dies you will forgive him for betraying you...If you do this for me, I will convince him to give you a child of your own-"

"Enough about it! He will never say yes! He will say no and I will never have the children I want that belongs to me. Instead, I'll be the stepmother to a child I despise..." I cried, he pulled me into his chest, rubbing my shoulder to make me feel better. He knew I was right, Klaus never wanted children, a sign of weakness he told me, a waste of time.

"Then I will give you a child of your own..." He replied, but once he realized what he said he desperately tried to change the topic. "You don't have to be a stepmother, no one asked you to take up that responsibility. All I ask is that you save this girl and her child, the witches will kill her if Klaus does not agree." I wanted to refuse, I wanted to say no and let the bitch die but it's not her fault that this happened. She probably didn't even know about me and the history I have with the original hybrid.

"I will talk to him, but after I save her and get my grimoire back...I am heading home." His eyes teared up, he knew what that meant, that I would never be coming back. I had frozen my world and left them all behind to marry a man I loved. Though I should have never turned my back on my tribe, nor should I have stolen their power. I was tired of this family, always being the one left behind, the number one plan. I was just a pawn to them, especially to Klaus.

"Of course, just don't tell Niklaus. He will be devastated and may go back on his word."

"...I promise." Hesitantly after the little chat with Elijah, I headed to the witches' quarter to find Klaus sitting on a bench leaned forward with his hands tangled together. His nose was bloody, I guess I had hit him harder than I thought. "Klaus." He shot up and walked towards me hoping that I came back to cave in like I normally did but I backed away this time.

"I didn't mean for this to happen..." He sniffled while stopping in his tracks, "I swear it, I didn't mean to get her pregnant! "

"Well, you did..." He looked down ashamed of what he had done. "And now you have to keep it, you have a responsibility."

"...You want me to keep it?" He wasn't surprised by my request; I've always wanted a small child of our own though he always denied me it. A weakness to the family with a thousand enemies, he was right of course but everyone was a weakness, a baby made no difference. "It'll be a liability to this family; would this child guarantee me power? Can it protect our family?"

"Family is power, haven't you learned that already? After a thousand years of us constantly saving our family, we have always won. Everyone is a weakness in the family; a baby may be more fragile but there is not much difference. You are the original hybrid; we are the original family! We have all the power in the world, you have no excuse to not take this baby."

"People will come for us-" I sighed and with a fit of rage I slapped him across the face, making him go silent. He slowly looked back at me, surprised I had struck him again.

"No! They'll come for you! It's always been about you! Your always so worried about what will happen to you! So shut up get your head out of your ass and go protect the child that you made during your affair!" He was not happy, finally, I had the strength to stand up to him, I wasn't so innocent anymore. Ever since my grimoire had been stolen, I realized I had to become stronger and take a stand instead of being silent like I used to.

"Stop hitting me-"

"What? You'll shove me in a box? Put me away like the rest of your siblings, I'd like to see you try." I turned away, I was going to let him stand there and think about what I said but he grabbed my arm pulling me into his embrace.

"I would never hurt you...ever." I accepted it, and to be honest I didn't want to let go.

"I understand you're angry and feel betrayed, but as do I. How do I think I felt when I learned you were still alive- "

"And? That was one heartbreak, I've dealt with a thousand by you." He took a step back and shook his head. "I had to run for a thousand years because you begged me to marry you, I left my family behind for one I barely knew! I became this monster because of your mother! And then I asked for a child, a sign of weakness for the thousand enemies we have well who's fault is that Klaus!" Tears slipped down my skin, and never have I ever seen him so broken, so...speechless. "I didn't ask for this, I married you, but I didn't sign up for this nightmare of a life. Neither did that child, but I hope you give it a better life than I did, and maybe you'll keep your promise this time."

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x oc #klaus mikaelson smut #klaus mikaelson imagines #elijah mikealson x reader #elijah mikaelson #the originals #y/n imagines #rebekah mikaelson #marcel gerard

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justanobsessedfangirl · 3 years

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The Sacrifice Part 2 - The Maze Runner Minho Imagine

Request from @elizabeth-brown: hey when your requests will be open can you do 'the maze runner' one with minho. where one day when new greenie was coming up he had letter with him. on it there was written that if they sacrificed y/n they would let everyone out. so keepers decided to vote. most of them voted 'yes' so without any emotions Alby kick y/n into the maze. then minho realized his feelings. y/n survived the maze and WCKED took her. after one year she escaped WCKED and ran into the scorch. Minho missed her miserably. y/n searched the safe heaven. and when Group A searched safe heaven they saw y/n and she was so mad. you can end it however you want either she forgives them or not. and please tag me

Masterlist

Part 1

Author’s Note: Thank you guys so much for the kind words! I really appreciate all of it! :)

Word Count: 3.8k

The sun was rising. You stared up at it as you walked, your cracked lips parted, mouth dry beyond belief. The cloth you’d wrapped around your head was already growing warm. Beneath your long-sleeved shirt and jeans, your body was scarred with sunburns. Your backpack hung heavy on your shoulders and scraped against your back painfully. Still, you kept walking through the sand.

Crumbling buildings lined the barren street. At the end, next to an intersection, you saw one that still had an intact roof. You willed yourself to move faster, but your steps continued in the same plodding manner as before. The sun beat down heavier.

A dry wind whispered past, bringing swirls of sand to flight. They looked beautiful in the golden rays of the morning but cut like glass as they whipped past your cheeks. With a grimace, you reached a weathered hand up and pulled some loose cloth farther over your face, squinting your eyes for protection. The sound of your heavy breathing filled your ears.

How familiar that was. How familiar exertion was. Before you could stop yourself from thinking, from remembering, you saw his face. He was by your side, smiling, goading you to run faster. He was betting you that he could reach the doors first.

“If I win, you owe me half your dinner,” came his playful tease, so vividly that you almost thought it was real. If you let your gaze wander, you could barely make out a mirage of him jogging ahead of you.

What was it you’d said, back in that other life, where you ran the Maze and lived in the Glade and weren’t as alone? You smacked your lips together now, looking for any moisture, and croaked, in a hoarse voice, “What do I get if I win?” The effort made you cough. Stopping in your tracks, you doubled over hacking. You expected to see the worn stone of the Maze beneath your feet, but there was only sand. Knives scraped your throat. You tasted blood.

“You can have anything you want,” Minho responded. You lifted your head, hoping for a glimpse of his face and seeing only sand.

Tears filled your eyes. You wanted Minho with you, right now. You wanted to not be alone. You wanted to not be here, to not have made any of these choices, to not have to keep going and keep trying and keep surviving all because of one promise. You wanted to reach the doors -- no, not the Maze doors, never the Maze doors again, the doors to a crumbling building in a crumbling town in the sun-baked, sand-ridden, abandoned Scorch.

Straightening up, you started for the building again. You reached it in a few long, purposeful strides. The door hung half off its hinges. You slipped inside, shutting it as best you could behind you, hoping that would keep at least some sand out. The inside was blessedly dark. The front room seemed kind of like a cafeteria, with a few tables and chairs and a long counter at the back. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you remembered the last cafeteria you’d been in. You wanted to spit on this place as payback.

Instead, you walked behind the counter, sunk to your knees, shrugged off your backpack, and curled into a ball. Your head pounded. You squeezed your eyes closed, pressed your palms to your temples, tried to hold back any more tears. The memory of Minho floated to the front of your mind again.

“No need to cry,” you could hear him saying. You could almost feel him tuck a finger under your chin, like he’d done before, and raise your head. “I’m still here.” And then you opened your eyes, hoping to see that cocky grin that would make the whole world would seem a little better.

But Minho wasn’t there. You weren’t in the Glade anymore. You weren’t even with WICKED anymore. You were somewhere in the middle of the Scorch, alone and trying to survive and failing.

With trembling fingers, you unzipped your backpack and pulled out your last bottle of water. It was half-empty. You stared at it numbly. How far could half a bottle of water take you? When you used to run the Maze, a lifetime ago, you never went in without at least one canteen full. Minho had teased you during your first run for taking three. You wondered what he would say now.

“We’ll figure it out together. We’ll get out together.” That’s what he would say. That’s what he had said, right before you went into the Maze for the last time.

I tried, Minho. You wanted to scream it out to the Scorch, let every damn Crank within a hundred miles of you hear it. Maybe Minho would hear it too, back at the WICKED compound, back in the Glade. He said he would find you. You’d repeated his words so many times in your head that they were practically imprinted in your brain. They were like a touchstone, something you remembered for luck and courage.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he’d said.

You’d never said it back. You wished you’d said it back.

You forced yourself to stop remembering and took a sip of water. It was like ice filtering through magma cracks, soothing, soothing, soothing, and then gone, evaporating and leaving behind seething bubbles of lava. You wanted more. You wanted so much more for yourself.

You twisted the cap back on and shoved your water into your bag before you did something you’d regret. Leaning against the counter, you let your eyes close. Fatigue made your limbs heavy, and the warm air settled over you like a blanket. You hoped the sun would be gone when you woke up. Then you would walk, as you had for countless nights, with no real directions in mind, only the understanding that you needed to keep moving or else you would die. Somewhere out there, there was a safe haven.

But in your dreams, there was darkness, and in the darkness, there were Grievers. The Maze walls, dripping with ivy, closed in around you as you ran. Your breaths came short and fast, more from fear than effort. You had no bag, no weapons, just the shoes on your feet and a little bit of hope in your chest. But the Grievers were closing in.

Mechanical limbs whirred, slamming against the Maze floor so forcefully the ground seemed to shake. You whipped your head around, caught a glimpse of them, turned back and ran faster, looked again and saw them even closer. Metal clanged together, the sound of razor-sharp fangs gnashing, slick with slime. A rush of wind sliced past your arm. You tried to move faster, just a little faster, just enough to keep narrowly avoiding the Griever’s claws, just enough, please, just enough to make it to sunrise--

A wave of fire burned a line across your back. The pain was white-hot, so bad you couldn’t keep your eyes open, you were stumbling and faltering and barely moving and the Griever was going to get you, only with your next step you felt nothing but open space and then you were falling and falling and falling.

You hit the ground so hard the air went out of you, and only then did you realize you’d been screaming. A moment of shock passed. Then you shrieked again. Your back burned with pain, but it wasn’t fire, not like you’d thought at first, it was a cut, huge and sprawling and parting the flesh of your back. Blood drenched your shirt. You screamed, blind with pain and fear, waiting for the Griever to finish you off or sting you and send you into a spiral of even greater misery.

Something grabbed your arms, hoisted you up, strapped you down. The Grievers have me, they’ve got me, they’re going to kill me, you thought, even as you felt human hands and heard human voices and saw human faces.

“No!” You caught a glimpse of one of them holding a syringe, a Griever in disguise. Twisting away, trying to avoid it, you let out a scream so loud you thought your vocal cords would be torn to shreds, just like your back, just like the ravaged mess that was left of your back. The needle pierced your skin.

Immediately, your yells dropped off. The people or the Grievers or the Grievers masquerading as people laid you face down on a stretcher. You couldn’t move your neck, or your arms, or your feet, but every step they took as they carried you sent bolts of lightning through your body. Your face was wet with tears, with blood. The jostling stopped. Every nerve in your body rebelled in pain, and then there was a cold hand on your cheek, forcing your chin up. Grinning down at you was the face of the devil.

You woke now with a start, a cool sheen of sweat coating your body, phantom pains chilling your back. Your heart thundered wildly. Acting on pure instinct, you shot to your feet, looking frantically around the room. She would be there, you were sure of it. The devil, with her blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun, her lips painted red with the blood of her victims.

But the room was dark and empty and you were alone.

You untensed with a long, slow exhalation. Tiny daggers still ran up and down your spine, dancing along the scars the WICKED doctors had said they couldn’t fix.

“An unfortunate variable,” the devil had said about the Grievers, “but necessary.”

Necessary.

You spat on the floor, wishing it was her pristine white cafeteria, half-hoping you’d look up and see her standing there so you could strangle her. But that thought was fleeting and your head shot back up in fear, scanning the room again and again to reassure yourself that Dr. Paige was nowhere to be seen.

When you were sure there was no one lurking in the night-shadowed corners, you hefted your backpack onto your shoulders and made for the door. Outside, the desert air was chill and dry. The occasional wind stirred the sand as you walked, footsteps making quiet whispers along the dusty sidewalk. Moonlight paved the way forward.

Goosebumps covered your arms as you replayed your dream, your memories, over again. Yes, the Grievers had gotten you, but not the ones in the Maze. It was the hidden Grievers, the ones who said they were good, and that they were going to save the world, and that you were helping.

“Thank you for participating, Y/N,” Dr. Paige had said. “I’m sure it wasn’t a pleasant experience. The data we gathered on the group’s response to a requested sacrifice will prove very useful, I assure you.” And she’d smiled at you. She’d actually smiled, pointy, predatory canines on full display behind her parted red lips. “The data from your response will also be very beneficial. Thank you once more for your participation.”

You were too shocked. You were in too much pain. The synapses in your brain weren’t firing correctly, still stuck trying to piece together that the sacrifice was some kind of test. An unfortunate variable. “What...what happens next?”

Dr. Paige had already left. Someone lower in the chain of command gave you a nonanswer about your role in Phase One being complete.

“But what happens in Phase Two?”

There was no answer to that question, no matter how many times you asked. You asked when you were stable enough to be moved to your own room, when you were compliant enough to walk the halls of the facility with a chaperone, when you were obedient enough to eat in the cafeteria among the staff members.

“WICKED is good,” they’d say. And then they would smile at you.

You shuffled through the sand. Reaching a hand, which you pretended wasn’t trembling, into the side pocket of your bag, you pulled out a meal replacement pouch with WICKED emblazoned on its side. Even as you ate, you worried. The dream loomed over you like a heavy cloud, and your food supply was dwindling. You wished for a sip of water, just a taste, a small trickle to wet your lips, something to help the powdery bar go down.

You wished you’d started hoarding food at WICKED earlier. It was only when you noticed that change was coming, that the air was electric and the people were alive, that you started to slip items from the cafeteria into your bag. The doctors had stopped ordering you in for blood tests and scans, which they had pretended were for your back, and then they stopped sending you a chaperone. It was almost like freedom.

“Code Green. I repeat, Code Green. All personnel begin preparations for Phase Two. I repeat…” The message came over the speakers while you were in your room, a barebones cell with a cot and a desk. In a flash, you were on your feet, pouncing on the opportunity. You slung your WICKED bag over your shoulders, ignoring the discomfort as it pressed into your bandaged back. Peering through the crack in your door, you couldn’t see anyone in the hall. The lights were flashing in time with the announcement, strobes of green slicing across the walls. Holding your breath in anticipation, you tried the door handle. Unlocked.

Heart fluttering, you pulled it open a crack and slipped through, shutting it gently behind you. No chaperone sitting outside. No guards patrolling. No people at all. You bolted down the hall.

Thinking about it now, as you finished your second to last meal replacement, the perishable food long since gone, you wondered why it was so easy.

Phase One. Phase Two. Thank you for your participation. An unfortunate variable. Unfortunate unfortunate unfortunate thank you for participating thank you for the data thank you for trying thank you for dying. Phase Two, I should have raided the cafeteria will you be in the cafeteria, Minho are you in the kitchen? Where are you where am I why is this happening what is--

Welcome to Phase Two.

You crumpled the meal replacement package in your hand and threw it into the air, letting it fly with the wind.

Minho’s voice was in your head. “I’ll raid the kitchen, the Med-jack Hut, bring us weapons.”

You shook your head and it faded. “I would have done it if you were there,” you said. Your voice was a croak. You cleared your throat and tried, “I would have…” The words floated away. I would have tried harder to survive.

“I tried so hard, Minho.” You thought of your bottle of water, only a few sips left. “I tried to wait for you in the Maze, but WICKED took me.” Grievers and white-clothed doctors and searing pain. “I tried to wait for you at WICKED, but...I think they let me escape.” An unlocked door, no patrolling guards. The vast expanse of the Scorch beyond, and a snippet of an overheard conversation about a safe haven at the end. “I tried to reach the end. But I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” Sand. So much sand. Lightning storms and a burning, vengeful sun, and a throat so dry it hurt. “I can’t do this anymore.”

And still, you walked. Because there was nothing else to do. Because you were a Runner and Runners never stopped. Because you thought this might be another test, another phase, and you wanted to reach the end. Because the mirage of Minho was nearby, talking.

“We’re almost there,” he said. You rubbed your sand-crusted eyes and tried to find him. “We have to keep going.”

Other voices chimed in, pitched low and hard to hear. You hoped you could hallucinate Newt, too, and maybe Zart and Frypan, who had tried to help, had tried, just like you tried. You moved faster, feet cleaving through drifts of sand.

“There it is!”

You missed the sound of an excited Minho. You remembered the first time he’d had a little too much to drink at a bonfire, and he’d picked you up and twirled you around. You’d never smiled so much.

The memory used to be good, then it turned painful, and now you were just numb.

You kept walking. Around you, the city was fading into sand. Ahead stood a tall dune. You wanted to stop and stare and convince yourself to turn around. But you kept walking. Behind the dune, you’d see Minho and Newt and Zart and Frypan and maybe even Alby, and maybe you would forgive Alby, or maybe not, but you would still see him because everyone would be there.

You boot punched a hole into the sand dune, sending streams of gritty yellow dust cascading down the slope. Stepping forward again, you sunk into sand up to your mid-calf. Again and again, and then you stumbled and fell in up to your elbows, and still, you crawled.

“We can do this,” Minho said, from somewhere above or behind or by your side. He was climbing with you, barely out of sight. His playful grin was audible.

“Bet I can beat you to the top,” you said before he could.

“What do I get if I win?” he asked.

You smiled and there were tears in your eyes and sand on your cheeks. “You can have anything you want.” And you climbed higher.

“I want you to say it back. Please say it back, Y/N. Please.” His voice was fading. You were leaving him behind as you neared the top.

Sand burrowed into the lines of your face, past the seams of your clothes, finding every nook and cranny of your body to hide in. It was in your mouth, your ears, your eyes. You struggled to breathe. Your head felt as light as a cloud. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” you finally promised as you reached the empty crest. Still on hands and knees, you peered over the other side of the dune. The slope was empty. Everything was empty.

You rolled onto your back, eyes shut against the fading night sky. Your arm bumped against something stiff. Reaching a hand out blindly, groping for it, you came back with a stick. You looked at it through squinted eyes. Atop the stick was a flag, and on the flag in big, thick letters, the same font WICKED used for everything, were the words, “Safe Haven.”

You laughed. The bitter chuckle was alone in the Scorch. Overhead, the sky was lightening, and soon you would be alone in the daylight of the Scorch, alone in the Safe Haven.

Shrugging your backpack off, you reached inside for your water and the last of your food. The bottle was empty. You didn’t remember finishing it, but you figured you must have. You chucked it to the side, listening as it rolled down the sand dune. You wouldn’t need that anymore. The air grew warmer as dawn approached and you opened your last meal replacement. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you could hear voices. You wondered if you were going crazy, decided you didn’t care because you had tried Minho I really tried I’m sorry please promise me I’ll see you tomorrow please don’t let it end like this please.

You took a bite of the crumbling meal replacement bar and immediately spit it back out. It had soaked up the last bit of moisture in your mouth. You tossed the package to the side, where you’d abandoned your water and your will.

The sky grew pink and orange and yellow, and, finally, there was the sun, high in the sky, and you had no idea how much time had passed while you stared, and you didn’t care. There was no further destination in mind. This was it. And with the sun up there and you down here, you hoped that maybe this wouldn’t count as dying alone.

“There it is!” Minho again. Funny how he kept saying that. And then the voices of the other Gladers chimed in again. You wondered if you would keep replaying that moment until you finally passed. You wondered how it would feel. You wondered if there was water on the other side.

The sand rushed down the sides of the dune in waterfalls. You could hear it, even if you didn’t have the energy to look. It sounded like a whisper. Beneath the whisper was the panting of a group of people.

Runners, you thought. All of the Runners before and all of the Runners after, coming to take me away. Would Minho be among them? Was he dead, like you and like those sad souls who’d been killed by the Grievers (An unfortunate variable, but necessary) and all of the people who’d gotten the Flare, which you barely understood because no one had answered any of your questions?

Why is this happening and where am I going and what do I do and how did I get here and when can I go home, please bring me home, I want to go home and I want to see Minho one last time because I never promised him back and I should have.

“Y/N?”

Minho. You didn’t have the energy to speak or even open your eyes to see the hallucination.

“Y/N!” Feet pounding against sand, then hands on your arms, looping around your back, pulling you close and shielding you from the sun. “Wake up, Y/N. Clint!”

No, Clint wasn’t supposed to be here. Clint had voted for you to be sent into the Maze. You were pretty sure you used to hate him for that, but hate took so much energy, and you just wanted to pretend Minho was holding you until you didn’t have to think anymore.

The people nearby talked unintelligibly, oscillating between murmurs and gleeful shouts. There was cotton in your ears and a blindfold over your eyes and strong hands on your back, propping you up. Then there was a splash of water on your face and the world opened up again.

There was Minho. Better than in your memories, because he was here, in full color, so perfect you needed to squint. He was on his knees and holding you. Above, Clint was pouring water over your head. All around you were Gladers.

“Minho?” you croaked, although there was no question who it was. Dark brown eyes, now filled with tears. Full lips curved up in a smile. Scatters of freckles across his cheeks. Minho.

Minho nodded and pulled you into a hug. “I thought…” he trailed off. Then he laughed, a sound so bright and so happy that the water on your skin felt a touch cooler, the sun on your shoulders a shade dimmer. “I should’ve known you’d survive.”

“There’s no safe haven,” you said, the words bitter on your tongue.

Minho shook his head, still buried in your neck. “We’ll figure it out together.”

Smiling, you pressed a hand to his cheek, coaxing him to look at you. When he did, you leaned in and finally felt at home.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: I wanted to put a longer, more serious note at the end instead of the beginning so I wouldn't deter any newcomers from reading. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for letting me try out this style! I'm not very happy with how this turned out but it was good practice. Hopefully, I can use this experience and write better pieces in the future. Thanks again for letting me experiment and for the encouragement. And my requests are always open :)

Tag List: @officialfictionalwreck @elizabeth-brown @newtsgirl-hehe @jjjmaybank @adoregin

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years

Text

The Sacrifice: Part 1 (Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader)

synopsis: every year, an unwed maiden is sacrificed to the Dragon God, and this year, you've been picked.

wc: 1.5k

tw: none (y'all know how I love to do backstory before I get into anything heavy)

A/N: thank you to @sunfloweroranges for this AMAZING idea that just rocked my world. I've been thinking about this for days now, and I've finally begun to write it. Thank you, love bug. This story wouldn't be written without you. Seriously.

masterlist

Inhale.

Exhale.

The reminder to breathe is the only thing you can muster as you are being misted with ylang-ylang and sandalwood, the scents akin to that of a virgin on her wedding day. It’s only when the elders rub ashes on the backs of your hands that you are reminded of your true purpose at the temple.

“Yew trees signify death and resurrection,” your mother used to tell you when you watched this ceremony from your perch on your father’s shoulders. It seemed so long ago when you were innocent; the virtue like the mast of a sinking ship you now desperately cling to. But now, your nails are being removed from this sinking ship and are painted over with crushed berries, staining the nail beds reddish-purple.

“Turn around,” a woman croaks, and you turn to face yourself in the mirror offered by another old woman. You see remnants of who you used to be: the long hair kept from the years spent living as an orphan, the full lips decorated with red lipstick instead of bruises, and the slight upward tilt of your chin. You were not always this poor and downtrodden; it seems that the only thing the creditors and bill-makers couldn’t strip from you was the way you could see right through people.

Even yourself.

“Follow me,” another woman mutters, and you depart from the eyes of the waiting citizens of Lampai, if only for a brief moment. The elderly female - who shuffles down a corridor and into a private, empty room - seems sweet enough, but perhaps that was because she knew your fate and wanted to take pity on you in your last moments here on this earth. When she turns around to you, she reveals a large pendant necklace that she has to stand on her tiptoes to drape over your neck. It’s made of turquoise and gold - something you would have killed for before today - and she tucks it into your dress, hiding it from sight. “Turquoise stones for your protection, and gold to bring the dragon pleasure.” In all of your years watching this terrible raffle, you’d never seen a necklace so divine, so beautiful.

“Thank you,” you murmur. But also, you’d never seen a criminal such as yourself standing on the dais before mounting the horse that would take you up the mountain, never to return again. This was an unusual year, but you would take all of the help you could get.

You ponder your odds of survival as the woman leads you back to the dais, where you stand before your peers, hoping someone would speak up and plead for mercy on your behalf. You know if your mother and father were still alive, you wouldn’t be in this spot at all. They had bought you decades worth of protection from being picked for such a medieval practice, but once they died and the General Commissioner found out that you were homeless, broke, and a criminal… Well, here you stood as punishment for stealing food from a market, your first and only crime.

“Her maidenhood has been confirmed, and she is ready to ascend the mountain,” the elder announces with hands raised to the sky. The people below you cheer with excitement at the half-truth, prepared to commence their yearly commitment to the Dragon God.

One maiden sent up the mountain per year as a sacrifice.

One maiden meant one unmarried, untouched woman. Despite your short criminal stint, you fit that bill quite well. And what was easier than the General Commissioner sending you up the mountain to be eaten by a dragon? Putting you in jail? No, he’d have to feed you there. That was just too much humanity to spare.

As you mount the horse that will take you to your destination, you look over into General Commissioner Gakuganji’s eyes and raise your brows, daring him to speak to you. But he doesn’t and waves his hand so the temple women would get on with the ceremony. It’s obvious he wants to go home and eat his fill of food before the evening is over.

The horse is led up the path lined by magnolia trees by one of the male temple attendants, his eyes glued to the road ahead and not daring to look up at you: the sacrifice. You want to hop off of the horse and make a run for the surrounding brush, but you know that the mountain is treacherous without a means to get up or down. You’d be stuck forever, wandering around with no food or water until you finally collapsed and died somewhere.

Well, that’s if you’re not eaten by the Dragon God first.

At the end of the magnolia path, the male attendant stops, eyeing you over his shoulder.

“I can go no further,” he states, and you take the reins in your hands instead, not sparing him another glance. “Ride straight up the path.” With a grunt, you urge the horse onward by digging your heels into its flanks and note that the path ahead seems more desolate than the one behind you. There are no trees, no signs of life, nothing but rocks and dust.

And that’s when the fear finally sets in.

The background to your ascent is the sound of cheers from the other people below you - the safe people who wouldn’t have to endure the shredding of limbs by dragon’s teeth. If an outsider were watching the spectacle, they might assume that you were ascending the mountain to commiserate with the gods, then return a hero.

But - again - there is no return down the mountain in sight. Not for you.

_____________________________________________________________

Silence.

The echoing of the cheers died off an hour - maybe two? - ago. All you can hear is the soft clomps of the horse’s hooves in the dirt and your own breathing. There was nothing on this mountain in the mid-fall. Not even a sign of leaves or something that would indicate any form of existence had been around before the mountain was stripped of its features and made into the vessel for sacrifices to be delivered unto the Dragon God.

You’re starting to believe this god isn’t real around the third hour of the trip. The peak - a sharp apex - is nearing ever so slightly, looming above like a sharp dagger waiting to fall. The evening is just now coming to a close, but you feel every single moment drag out forever as the horse passes more desolation and untouched land. But when a long shadow ghosts over the dimming sunlight, you jerk up in the saddle and hold the reins tightly.

“Just a hallucination,” you mutter, looking about the sky for some sign of the long shadow’s source. When you look down at the horse, another long shadow darts across the sky, and a gust of wind blows harshly in your face. With a jerk, the horse shakes its head, but another gust of wind from behind you sends the horse into a panicked state, and he takes off at a gallop without warning. Your screams must certainly be heard down the mountain, but you’re holding onto the beast for dear life and nothing else matters anymore except the concept of survival.

At some point, you lose your grip on the reins and you’re tossed backward, landing in the dirt with a pained moan. Your back and neck are lit up in agony, but as you rise up from the ground, you notice the horse is gone.

Your horse is gone.

“No!” As panic sets in, you try to jump to your feet to see if you could possibly catch up to it, but as you amble up the path, you realize you’re completely screwed. Without the horse, you had no food, no water… nothing.

But when a long shadow paints itself across the ground in front of you, you do only what you know how to do.

Run.

Going back down the mountain seemed foolish, but you had no other option to escape whatever that shadow foretold of. If you could just get to the magnolia trees you could--

A strong wind knocks you flat onto your back and right underneath the shadow, and you cry out, seeing two pairs of golden talons attached to a beige underbelly descend upon you and snatch you up in their sharp grip. You’re taken up into the sky, and for a moment, you dare to look down at the receding ground. But your nerves throw you back into overdrive and you attempt to pry the talons from your arms but to no avail. Tears stream from your closed eyes as you contemplate your fate.

From here, the dragon’s nest. Then… death. This was the end. Images of your family flash before your eyes and you silently pray that whichever gods still exist would grant you the mercy to join your mother and father.

You open your eyes as the taloned creature sets you on your back in a field of grass, then lifts off into the sky once more. After you struggle to find your feet again - they’d gone numb during the short flight to this knoll - you look upward to see if you can locate anything familiar, any sign of another dragon, or something that could tell you where you are. But the flood of nerves and adrenaline comes crashing down and you careen backward, all five senses shutting off as soon as you hit the grass again.

_____________________________________________________________

TAGLIST: @jotazinha @leanne-tamashi @brownskinnedgirll

#geto x reader #jujutsu kaisen getou #geto suguru #jjk geto #getou x reader #getou suguru #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen

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persona345 · 3 years

Note

Shinji survives in Minako’s timeline ‘cause p3p is wish fulfillment- narratively, it really goes against the theme of p3. The whole point is that death is inevitable for everyone, not just the people you really dislike, so I’ve always felt that being able to save Shinjiro and Chidori while Strega and Mitsuru’s dad and Ikutsuki still die kind of betrays the original themes.

Before anything else, let’s talk about exactly what the theme of P3 is. Is it just about the inevitability of death? No. That's only one of its themes. P3 isn't just about death death death- heck, I'd say it's more about the meaning of life. Persona series as a whole, after all, is about the connections you have made with others, and thus making P3 what you make of your life with the limited time you have.

I have the P3 artbook and there's an interview there that talks about how they originally planned to have the protagonist's funeral in the game. Depending on who you've S.Linked with, they'll be visiting you. Now, even if it doesn't really deter whether or not you reach the ending, wouldn't it feel better to see more people visit your funeral than an empty one? You’d work on your S.Links for that, yeah? The feeling they wanted to convey for this game was: ‘Ah, yes... I lived a good life’.

So, where am I going with this? P3 isn't just about death- it is also about life.

When you start the P3P, it tells you that choosing the female protagonist gives you a different perspective. No, it's not just about being female, but the overall atmosphere of the game is wholly different, isn't it? It's upbeat and bright, compared to P3MC's blue. Does it betray the theme? No. We're just presented with a different perspective.

P3MC grew up to be apathetic to the point of not caring for his own life (as seen in the P3 movie). He's unfriendly and seemingly uncaring. As he meets more people, he starts feeling attachments and finds something important in his life. Something to protect. By the end of it, he doesn't give his life because he doesn't care for it- he gives his life because he wants to protect those he had cared about. He found the meaning in life.

Now as P3MC, you have found meaning in life... what's next? You jump to a new perspective that is the P3FEMC. She's cheerful and upbeat, positive and friendly; quite the opposite of P3MC. If P3MC is death, she is life.

The thing is, P3MC didn't interact much with the male cast of his own team the way FEMC did. Had he just tried to talk with Shinjiro, maybe he would have learned that the guy had lost his pocketwatch- a very small, yet decisive item that could have saved his life. Now, for the P3FES addition... Chidori. P3MC may not have an S.Link with Junpei, but all you really needed was to talk to Junpei. Talking to Junpei lifts up his spirits and encourages him to visit Chidori, bringing her flowers that would later save her life. Now... isn't that how S.Links have been like? You talk to people and inspire changes in them to face their lives head on; it just so happens that these two are a matter of life and death. Does it betray the theme of Persona 3? I wouldn't say so. These narrative choices only further explores the theme of finding meaning in life. That even though death is inevitable, it's okay. It's not about how you die or what you die for, but it's all about what you do in life.

Now, what exactly does it mean to say that it 'cheapens their death'? The emotional impact on the player, perhaps- or maybe the meaning of Junpei, Akihiko and Ken’s resolution in the face of death? But remember, it’s only later that Chidori revives, while Akihiko had already lost his sister, and Ken lost his mother. Is the point really their death? Or what they fought for to put their life on the line? Chidori sacrificed hers to save Junpei, and Shinjiro for Ken, as well as to atone for his 'sins'; but would them dying lessen the result of their sacrifice? Would it weaken the resolutions of those they’ve influenced? Again, it’s not about death, but rather, what they’re willing to give their life for- and yes, they really really could die... if not for you. They can be given a second chance by YOU. Were the choices of saving them not present, you feel helpless. You feel the inevitability of death... but with these choices? You are given the opportunity to make a change- to bring purpose to yourself, that with the life you have... could you save someone? If anything, it deepens the idea that 'your choices matter'- that while in the end, you may not be able to change your own fate, but you know that you've protected your friends, saved the world... and well, saved two other lives because of the seemingly insignificant choices you've made; that maybe, all your friend needed was encouragement? That maybe, another friend just needed your support? Tldr; the point of P3 has never been the inevitability of death. P3 is about the meaning of life and what you make of it.

And let's all be real here: videogames are wish fulfillment. Even P3.

#Persona 3 #P3 #P3P

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yunsoh · 3 years

Note

Why was Rin so awful to Yuki??

she thinks he’s taking advantage of haru’s kindness by not sacrificing himself in the ways that haru sacrificed himself for him. rin and yuki were both more or less saved because haru dedicated his love and time to them, even when it was dangerous to do so -- haru visiting yuki at the estate could have resulted in him getting caught and punished, and haru falling in love with rin had consequences that they were both aware of -- and while haru has never asked for anything in return (aside from wanting both yuki and rin to grow stronger in the ways they needed to in order to move out of their dark places), rin feels so completely indebted to him that she would sooner die than fail at returning (or trying to return) what she views as a similar caliber of kindness back to him. in this case, finding a way to break the curse so that he can be freed of it, which includes being freed of akito and herself (from ch. 79; “I was happy. Thank you... But that’s enough for me. Haru, this time, you have to be happy. I’ll release you from me. From Akito. From everything that binds you. I want to release you.”).

in a lot of ways, rin is projecting her anger and frustration with herself onto yuki, which i think is where some of her vitriol comes from. she absolutely hates herself, and really struggles to find a sense of self-worth without haru. haru is her purpose. but, as she simultaneously finds herself to be a burden on him, she finds herself in a position where she feels unworthy of being with him (and, i think, unworthy of being alive) if she can’t free him of the curse. her dedication to him is entirely selfless because that’s how she views his love for her to be.

thing is, we do see later on that haru considers his love for rin to be completely selfish (from ch. 105; “I wanted to protect her... With no one’s help. Just mine. So I wanted Rin to want me, too... An alarm was going off in a corner of my brain. It told me that this might be putting a rope around Rin’s neck... I knew where Akito would direct his rage, in a corner of my brain. I did know. But I wanted to have her. I wanted her all to myself. I just wanted to make her mine, and mine alone. More than I wanted to protect her.”). while he never says this to her directly, i’m not entirely sure she would believe him if he did. up to the end, she finds ways to blame herself, or pull back from him because of her own lack of self-worth (literally her last lines in the series are, in reference to her being so distraught over her trauma, “Do you think Haru will be disappointed? I know I can be a real downer. Sometimes I’ll wonder if he’ll hate me.” -- which i find telling tbh).

anyways, it’s because rin has tunnel vision with haru & places her self-worth in him that she can’t fathom why yuki is able to not only live fairly normally, but is also able to focus on his own needs. she saw exactly how much haru would sacrifice for yuki, and yuki seemingly not giving that in return is offensive to her. she doesn’t know, of course, that yuki does feel uncomfortable with only focusing on himself (from ch. 70; “Is that what’s best? Making yourself top priority? Aren’t there things that should come even before that? It’s not like I can stand on my own right now. I can’t give anything back.”) and on multiple occasions wishes he could help haru, or wishes haru would let him help. but, haru is insistent that yuki continue focusing on himself, because haru knows firsthand that yuki is prone to putting himself aside for other people’s benefit. yuki pushing himself to find who he is, to thrive and become his own person (especially outside of the family), is exactly what haru wants in return. rin’s perspective on the situation doesn’t allow her to see that.

this is what haru wants for rin, too, but it comes at an odds because of their romantic relationship. while haru can encourage yuki to pursue a life beyond the sohmas, which includes himself, he cannot ask the same of rin and continue to expect to be in a relationship with her. yuki and rin come from incredibly similar circumstances -- being abused and abandoned by their parents, as well as considerably abused by akito, leaves them both feeling completely worthless and suicidal -- and haru shows a great awareness with yuki that, in order to become his own person and heal, he has to remove himself from his family. it’s why we see yuki spend considerably less time with other sohmas as the series goes on, and why we see haru hold back immensely when it comes to telling yuki about his own troubles. but, while this same logic would need to be applied to rin as well, there comes a couple of issues:

one, rin has no other motivation outside of haru and has even less self-worth than yuki, meaning she doesn’t have a solid place in herself where she can draw on similar reserves and admit that there are things that she needs to do entirely for her own well-being, &

two, haru admits that he’s selfish in wanting her to depend on him alone, even though he knows that that corners her -- and while this is alleviated somewhat with tohru’s friendship with rin, tohru herself is incredibly engrained into the sohmas. for rin to really grow and heal, she would likely have to take a similar path that yuki did and, after gaining some strength (likely from her friendship with tohru), try to make her own path.

it’s actually a compelling situation for them to be in, as rin would need to find that ounce of self-worth to live for herself and not for haru in order to push herself to really become her own person and heal, and it would require haru to have a “i’m letting you go because i love you” moment (which would be especially compelling because he’s constantly heralded as being weirdly mature for his age, and his feelings towards rin are perhaps the most realistic immaturity he's shown to have; this situation would be particularly testing for him). but, we never see any real resolution to these issues by the end of the story.

i do think that rin would only be able to understand yuki once she’s given the chance to really live her life for herself & understand her own wants and needs, but as it stands, she’s only just started the journey to maybe prioritizing herself -- at the very least, learning how to ask for help -- by the time the series closes. there’s a pretty considerable gap between her and yuki’s respective levels of self-worth and healing by the end, and she unfortunately doesn’t receive the same caliber of growth that he does because of the constraints of the narrative.

#oh anon u just unleashed something in me.......#fruits basket #rin sohma #yuki sohma #haru sohma #sorry i always go on tangents with these questions but i legitimately have so much to say abt these three lmfao #also not me thinking abt how both rin and machi got their growth in self-worth nerfed by romance. not me thinking about it.#fruits basket spoilers #Anonymous #yunsoh meta #answered

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bestworstcase · 1 year

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1. jaune believes that the only way to escape the ever after is to sacrifice someone to the tree.

2. he claims he has a plan.

within the specific category of theories founded on jaune being correct about this, the big two are, obviously, “jaune’s plan is to sacrifice himself so team rwby can leave” and “ruby will try to sacrifice herself to get her friends home.”

but.

laying aside my own skepticism that jaune is right about anything in his assessment of how the ever after works, and focusing narrowly on the question of what he believes and what his plan might entail: consider the following.

1. jaune considers the entire process of ascension to be actively malevolent. the tree is not, in his estimation, merely a place of death—it’s not the ever after’s afterlife—it causes death. he believes the tree’s purpose is to kill people, absorb them, erase them, and he views the cat as a murderous extension of its desire to do this. as far as he’s concerned the ever after is a malicious soul-devouring eldritch abomination. he thinks the tree is EVIL.

2. he concludes that alyx sacrificed her brother on the basis of two facts: lewis isn’t mentioned in the book, and alyx said she would do “whatever it takes” to get back home. this is the singular example jaune has from which to draw any conclusions about how to escape from the ever after. two entered, one left.

3. irrespective of whether his conclusions are accurate or not, jaune’s thinking is highly erratic and paranoid now—he didn’t ask questions, he didn’t go to the tree himself, he decided that the afterans who actually experience this cycle of spiritual rebirth are all just WRONG about it, he flew off the handle and yelled at blake (“that’s where you’re letting them take you?!”) when the cat mentioned the tree. nothing about his mindset is rational right now. he is a conspiracy theorist.

4. conspiracy theorists do not moderate their beliefs. conspiratorial thinking tends to be very anxious, very catastrophic in nature.

now, imagine for a moment that you are a paranoid conspiracy theorist trapped in a fantastical otherworld dominated by a soul-devouring eldritch abomination, and you are trying to figure out how to get yourself and four of your friends back home, and the only case study you have to hand is a single pair of siblings, one of whom was sacrificed to the abomination to barter safe passage home for the other.

do you:

A) conclude that there is a door somewhere inside the abomination that will open to admit an arbitrary number of people back to your homeland if a single person is fed to the abomination first, or

B) conclude that the price for leaving this place is an exactly equitable trade—that every soul the abomination releases must be bought with the sacrifice of another?

moreover, are you willing to risk that it isn’t option B? are you willing to walk with four of your friends into the belly of the beast and gamble on a single sacrifice being enough to save the other four? because if you’re wrong—if one is not enough—then three of you get eaten and only two escape.

do you like those odds? will you still like them after ruminating on this plan for years?

i think it’s more likely that jaune has some half-baked plan to destroy the tree (or maybe the ever after in its entirety?)—but, if he IS planning to escape the way he believes alyx did, i think it’s pretty damn likely that part of that plan entails either five sacrifices (if jaune wants to go home too) or four (if he intends to sacrifice himself on the girls’ behalf).

and… since the ever after’s running rather low on humans, the only sacrificial resource available is afterans. maybe they can scrounge up some volunteers from jaune’s village? or maybe juniper would be willing, for jaune. maybe little would be willing to die if that’s what it took to get ruby home. (it’s so much easier to rationalize, too, if it’s afterans. they call it ascension, jaune says with a sneer. and even after thirty years he still, on some level, thinks of the ever after as a story. as make-believe. maybe it won’t be as real as it was when he, as he conceives of it now, sacrificed penny to safeguard the maiden power—maybe it won’t matter in the same way, maybe this time it won’t haunt him forever.)

if you think about it through the perspective of a paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes the tree is an evil soul-devouring abomination, it makes perfect sense.

but the only thing the girls are gonna hear, if this is what he has in mind, is a few city blocks.

#rwby v9 spoilers

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lissalizzie · 3 years

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Okay so a couple of days ago I made a post about how I couldn't write fanfics about Chishiya because I couldn't imagine him as a guy who would be in a romance without sacrificing his girlfriend for a card or visas, and some very cool person suggested me to write an angst...AND I DID ahahahaha.

Ookay, somethings you should know now: I'm Brazilian and I speak Portuguese, I learned English by myself and this is the first time I try writing anything in English so IM SORRY IF I MADE ANY MISTAKE

Second thing would be

THIS IS ANGST SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD OR UNCOMFORTABLE PLEASE DON'T READ IT

It also contains death, psychological manipulation and violence

Please dont romanticize it too, it's not a romance story, it's just the conditions I imagined for Chishiya to be involved with someone

Chishiya x Reader

You were hurt... So hurt you couldn't even begin to explain that feeling.

It was true You were somehow grateful because you were alive at least... Your friends couldn't say the same, and neither all those people you saw dying every fucking game. But you just couldn't... Not to think about how pointless was being alive and alone at that place... Alive, alone and fucking in love with a person who had an Ice cube in a shape of a card in the place of his heart.

You knew from day 1 when you met Chishiya and Kuina at the Beach, when that boy with the mysterious look came to you for the first time for "a talk" that nothing good could come from that. Nothing, except, maybe, for Kuina's friendship... She, who was the first person who notices the mess you was doing and tried to stop you... As the great blind stubborn you were, You just didn't listen at the time... You was at a fucking game world, playing for your life almost everyday, dealing with deaths and losing people... Missing the ones you loved the most, those ones you didn't even know if were or weren't alive... You could deal with a stuck up boy, because that's everything you thought he was... Your mistake... Well, You've recently discovered You're pretty damn good in making mistakes here.

Chishiya discovered yout feelings because at some point you couldn't manage to fight for your life and hide it... He noticed and started to be there for you after every game, specially the harder ones. He didnt talk anything, he just was there... He didnt touch you either, but he got to spend more and more time looking at you while you both were on bed... Those eyes, just as cold as him.

You didnt touch him, but you imagined he would be just as cold as that look... But you also believed he would be that deep... Like oceans. Chishiya was a grey ocean that you wanted so much, and every day more, to know...

You was so fragile, so fragile when he touched your skin for the first time, twice... The first time with his hands that wasn't cold at all which just made you want him nearer... The second time with the lips that came from your face to your mouth.

The boy must've planned that for weeks, you could see that now, in fact, now you understand that must be the reason why he looked so much at you. You was that school subject Chishiya probably didnt have any interest on but really had to study to pass the test... So he did... And you did...

And for the first time since you fell into that hell you felt alive, you felt like someone, just one person was there, and that Chishiya cared... And that he would do for you just as much that you would do for him.

You were so blind and in love... He started saying things about plans and you were so happy cause you thought that meant he trusted you... The first time he mentioned you on a plan you couldn't stop smiling, you were finally a part of someone's life there, it was like having a purpose again... And also being with him felt so much like action and... Not knowing about the next second because he was so... cloudy.

God, if only you could talk to yourself in the past, if only you have stopped for a second and gave that situation a better look... You felt so dumb now...

Well when he asked you to go to that place at night you... Just went, because you trusted him with your life by now. You knew somewhere deep in your heart that you shouldn't... Not just him but anyone... But it was a need, you were alone for a long time and then you found him... And then he started acting that way with you... He caught you out of guard...

It was silent, you didnt understand why you should be there, but the fact is that you were so afraid. Chishiya only said to be there and walk... It wasnt that much, but just as fast as you got there, you felt something on your back and then everything was dark.

When you woke up, you were in a room and Niragi, just with a couple of other important people -you just knew they were important because they were with the Hatter, the only one you could recognize besides Niragi because of the colors of his clothes.- You barely could see, actually, your eyes were still dealing with the lights.

- So that's the little bitch, huh? - You could listen to Hatter's voice. He came near of you and showed you a couple of cards. - Trying to steal from me ? You bastard really thought you could steal from me and just run away ?

You just didnt understand, you didnt had any card with you. You knew what happened to traitors and you always gave your cards to the beach just as you was told.

-B-But... I give my cards to you, I know I do. I'm not dumb

- Oh honey, dont play the stupid card. We found the cards with you, you were running away... You have many here... You haven't been to all this games lately, have you ? Have you been stealing from someone else, darling? - Hatter seemed to be genuinely angry and you were so afraid to say anything.

-I...

- Yes... - And you heard that familiar voice... That was Chishiya but you were hoping he would only come to help you... - My cards have been disappearing as I told you. I connected that it happened after every game I played with her after we became close... That's when I came to talk to you... - That was so much information you couldn't even handle. Chishiya betrayed you, lied about you and used you as his little toy just so he could... Distract people while he was doing whatever he was really planning and wasn't telling you... It was so clear... Oh God you felt so dumb and now it was like all your fights for being alive in that place had no value at all... Because you let yourself get caught by that stupid feeling...

Chishiya looked at you with the same cold eyes as always, no guilt... You wasn't expecting any, not after that.

- Well.. Death for the traitors, that's what you've been told - Hatter was just ready to give the orders to Niragi and you didnt really think you deserved to die by the hands of such a disgusting person

At that point you could only cry cause you knew it wasn't worth it to try arguing... Chishiya was too damn smart and there would be no evidence of mistakes if you knew him...

- She was stealing from me, right ? So I think I have the right to end this with my own hands? - Everyone got so surprised because Chishiya wasnt exactly the kind of guy who got involved with the dirty part of the job.

- Are you sure about this ? - Hatter never really doubted about Chishiya because he knew how much about himself he didnt show people... So Yes, killing someone because of a couple of cards didn't surprise him at all, maybe because he would do the same. - Whatever... Just be done with it by the morning... And dont even think about playing any kind of game Chishiya... You could be the next one.

Chishiya wasnt even listening. Niragi seemed literally so frustrated but, at some point, all people left.

Chishiya caught the gun that was above the table and came near you. You were crying silently but so hard... - What do you want? You wanna torture me now? Seeing me playing the stupid in love all this time wasnt enough for you? You want to literally kill me? How did you do that? - You were screaming, at that point you didnt care if someone would hear.

- You don't understand, right? - And then he showed a couple of cards, this time, one of each... Oh god... He literally used you to get Hatters's cards. - I'm sorry you made the wrong choices... But I needed to to this... I want to get out of here just as much as you... About the plan... You know I have access to the cards after the games... It's not that hard to steal the repeated ones, they don't pay that much attention on them... And also, just after I did it, I came to talk to Hatter about my card disappearing so the he wouldn't miss anything... It wasnt that har actually, it was just a distraction... But you know so much about me and my plans so I couldn't let you alone with Niragi or any of those people cause they're so dumb they might believe you and that's would be a problem for me... So

- You bastard, What do you think you are? God? You think you can just come and sacrifice people? - You wanted to beat him so hard it almost gave you the strength to break that stupid string around you. He just smiled that way you used to love but now make you nauseous.

- If I were god... I wouldn't allow people as easy to manipulate as you to live with the others, darling... Dont blame me for trusting the person everyone told you that shouldn't be trusted... Now... Let's get this done. - He pointed the gun at your forehead and you screamed as you closed your eyes.

- Please... Please Chishiya. I didnt mean anything for you at all?

- There's no meaning when there's no feeling, y/n... You're not in high school, you're playing for your life, and so am I... And you lost. I'm so sorry for you. - For the first time he seemed to be nervous but you couldn't see much anyway... He pulled the trigger... And then it was over.

#alice in borderland #chishiya #imagine #chishiya x reader

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damienthepious · 3 years

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no lizard this tuesday. have some pre-canon rilla/damien smoochin and discussion of [checks notes] uh death!!! it’s fun!!! im stress’d

No Aching Necessary

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Tuesday, Established Relationship, (im POSTING this for LKT but i won't put it in the tag because arum ain't here.), (maybe if i ever pin down a follow up for this feat. the lizard? perhaps.), self-sacrificing idiot vibes, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Pre-Canon, Communication, discussions of uhhhh death

Summary: Sir Damien feels love like self-immolation. Rilla feels a little bit differently about it.

Notes: I've had this idea for a while, because Sir Damien is nothing if not dramatic, and sir "self sacrifice is a knightly virtue!" seemed like the type to say this particular phrase on repeat. Basically just wanted to unpack all that I guess?? anywayyyy no thoughts brain scrampled egg. also this may have a part two someday? maybe? idk. there's potential.

Love, for Sir Damien, feels...

Eternal, and holy, and sacrificial. As in, it sounds of yet another litany in his mind, alongside the song of prayer to Saint Damien, alongside pleas for Tranquility, alongside fear and doubt and fortitude. I love you becomes too big for itself, it transforms, rather quickly, into-

"I would die for you."

Rilla stares at him the first time he says it, furrowing her brow, her dark eyes filled with concern. He kisses her frowning lips, gentle and aching, and when she kisses back her grip is possessive, firm, sturdy, and Damien melts against her as easy as wax beneath the flame.

The second time it bubbles out of him in helpless delight. She rolls her eyes and squeezes his hand almost too hard as she pulls him along to the next booth at the festival, distracting him with games and laughter until the throbbing of his heart eases into something more like joy.

The third time she only says I'll see you tomorrow, Damien, and glares hard at his back as he returns to the Citadel.

The fourth time he presses their bodies together and breathes it against her lips and-

She rolls him onto his back, sinking her teeth into his bottom lip and making him squeak and gasp, and when she pulls back she presses one hand to each of his shoulders, and the fury on her face is nearly thunderous.

"What's that thing you keep calling me, Damien?" she asks, inarguable and stern.

Damien blinks, panting as he stares up at her in confusion and desire and, suddenly, rising worry.

"Wh-what?"

"What is it that you call me? That romantic, poetic little name you have," she repeats, moving one hand from his shoulder to his neck, thumbing at his pulse.

"I…" Damien swallows, feeling her hand against the column of his throat. "M-my- my forever-flower?" he tries, his voice weak and wavering, and Rilla's eyes flash as the hand on his shoulder squeezes.

"If I'm yours," she says, her dark eyes utterly serious, her gaze inescapable, "your flower, then you're mine, Damien."

"Always," Damien breathes, and she blinks for half a heartbeat, apparently not expecting his easy (eager) acquiescence.

She shifts even closer, her voice lowering in both volume and tone. "You're mine," she says again. "And I intend to keep you, for as long as I am physically capable."

"A-ah." Damien's heart thuds, some delicious thrill at the idea of being kept. That she would- that she does want him, that she wants him enough to say things like that-

"Which means," she continues, her palm still warm against his throat as her other hand sinks into his hair, her nails tickling his scalp, "you need to stick around to be mine. I don't wanna hear you say anything like that to me. Understand?"

"But... but it's true, my love. I would die for-"

"You'd better not," she growls - growls, her eyes flashing, and a delicious shiver runs down Damien's spine - and her grip on his hair tightens, carefully angling his face up so that he looks her in the eye. "I want you, I love you, and I don't want anything to do with you dying."

"Rilla..." Damien swallows, looking down and away for a moment before he meets Rilla's eye again, hesitant. "You know, of course... I am a knight, my love, my flower. Each day, each mission is a risk. I take those risks willingly, knowing that I face potential fatality for the sake of my Saint and my Citadel. And, now... for you."

Rilla frowns hard, and then she kisses him harder, her hands firm and inarguable in his hair and on his neck for one long, searing moment before she pulls away again, and some of that righteousness on her face fades, her brow creased with distress.

"There's a difference between understanding the mortality rate of your career and you, apropos of nothing, claiming that you wanna throw your dead body at my feet, Damien. It's not romantic, it's not comforting, and I don't want to hear you say it. Why would you think that I would want to hear you say that? No one is asking you to die for me. I want you. I love you. And I can't fucking love you if you're dead, and especially not if you're dead for no goddamn reason."

"I never said-" Damien pants, his words slipping from his mind like trying to snatch a ribbon from the current of a river. "Not for no reason, it isn't as if-"

"Would you want me to say that?" she says, her voice almost- almost keening, beneath her frustration. "Do you want me to be eager to die for you?"

Damien lifts his hands, gripping Rilla's sides as if to keep her there.

"There is no reason whatsoever for you to even consider-"

"You can't know that for sure. Neither of us can. It isn't just your job that's dangerous Damien, it's the whole damn world. So, what if I do? What if I want to die for you, too? Does that make you feel good about our relationship?"

"I- well, I-"

"Does it make you feel good to think about me dying for you, or does it make you feel terrified?"

Terrified. Needless to say.

Needless, of course; Rilla's glare eases at the look on his face, at the way he freezes beneath her hands like startled prey.

"Exactly," she says, muted and gentle, and then she draws her hand through his hair, her other raising enough to cup his jaw. "I know... I know that being a knight is dangerous. I know because of how many times I've had to put one back together. Even just by how many times I've had to put you back together, even. I know- I know, intellectually, that losing you-"

She pauses, her breath doing something strange, her dark eyes too bright, suddenly.

"Rilla..."

She scowls as he wraps his arms around her middle. "I know it's a possibility. I know it's- likely, even," she says more fiercely. "But that doesn't mean I want to hear you say it, and it doesn't mean I want you to sound so goddamn eager to die. Got it?"

"I'm- I'm not- I don't-"

Eagerness does not come into it. Damien knows, though-

Damien knows what Rilla knows. As she has just quietly, sadly confirmed. The life of a knight is risk, inherent. More accurately, the life of a knight is sacrifice: his own safety in exchange for the protection of the citizens of the Citadel. The same exchange Sir Damien promised, in his heart, so many years ago to his Saint. It is likely, extremely likely, that Sir Damien will die in the service of his Saint and his Citadel.

And Rilla-

Rilla. Kneeling above him, curled down to place her forehead against his own, holding his face in her hands.

He would die for her. His heart aches for her, resounds like a bell in his chest, and he would die for her just as readily as he would die for his Saint, or his Queen. That is what she means to him, her equivalent place in his heart, what she does to him. He-

She bites his collarbone, sharp and sudden, and Damien yelps.

"Rilla!"

"You were thinking it again," she mutters, darkly, and then she kisses that same spot, feather light. "I just- I love you too much to hear you care so little about yourself." She lifts her face towards his, then, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Please. If you love me-"

"I do. My love for you burns like a wildfire, races like a waterfall, it fills me like-"

"Then you have to look out for yourself too, because I love you. And- and I can't always be there to watch your back and patch you back up. It's important to me that you're not- not trying to destroy yourself to prove a point about how much you-"

"Never," Damien breathes. He holds her a little tighter, then reaches to draw his hand through her hair. "No, that isn't... that isn't what I meant. I acknowledge the- the mortality rate, as you called it, but- but I hope, at least, to die nobly in my purpose. There would be no such end in reckless inattention to my safety. I swear."

Rilla frowns - nearly pouts, perhaps - and then she sighs as she bumps the tip of her nose into his cheek. "Alright. Okay. Thank you for... for listening. I know how- how much you feel, it's just- I can't do that. I can't hear you say that, especially not- not like you're saying it instead of... I just can't. Okay?"

"I understand," Damien says. "I will try to... to find more agreeable - less distressing, rather - ways in which to express my adoration."

Uncertain, whether or not he will be able to banish the thought from his mind, however. Occasionally it blinds him, when he looks at her, the breathlessness of his love, the need to protect and worship and bend himself to her merest desire-

But-

She desires, in no mere way, for him to be safe and whole, and holding her.

It still roils within him like a tempest, like waves and rocks and thunder, love like roaring and electricity.

But for her-

(Tranquility)

Sir Damien kisses her brow, kisses her neck, kisses her nose to make her wrinkle it and laugh.

Rilla loves him: miracle. Rilla loves him, like blankets and safety and hearth. Like sunshine, and laughing wind.

The soldier sings of death, as it walks ever by his side, but home- home will not abide such talk while the soldier rests inside.

He purses his lips. Unpolished, not without potential-

"I guess that's one way to think about it," Rilla murmurs, her cheeks a little dark, and Damien starts with the realization that he spoke aloud.

"Er- ah, well-"

"You really think of me as-" she pauses, bites her lip, then meets his eye again. "As... home?"

Damien exhales, overwhelmed by the strangely shy pleasure on Rilla's face, and then he tips his face up to capture her lips in another kiss.

"I do," he breathes, and then he kisses her again. "My forever-flower, my love... my home. Of course, my home."

"It- I think of you that way too," she whispers, and then she closes her eyes. "That's... why, I think. That's why it's hard for me to hear you say things like that. I know bad things happen, I know that homes- I know that things break. I just... don't like the reminder, I guess. I don't need it. I already learned that lesson too many times, y'know?"

Amaryllis of Exile looks down at him with a hesitant smile, her hand on his cheek scented vaguely of mint and smoke. Damien knows, yes. He knows what she has lost. He kisses her again, gentle and precious.

He loves her, and he knows that she loves him. So brave a love, in fact, that she will hold him and know she may lose him, and she will love him all the more fiercely in response.

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #lizard kissin' tuesday #sir damien #amaryllis of exile #quietly. [a]

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iturmom · 3 years

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mitsuki and boruto feelings

have i mentioned how much i love boruto lately? maybe a lil?

i have so many thoughts, some of them that i haven’t rambled about in these rants yet so bear with, all of the 2 people who read these! (ily btw)

boruto, is kinda.... a shitty person? like, his nindo is to never leave a friend behind, right? like he hasn’t claimed a nindo yet, but that is regardless, his ninja way. and he does that, and he does do some pretty selfless things, most of the time. but he uses evil means to accomplish this goal sometimes. like i just can’t stop thinking about how he lied to his family to go chase sasuke around and cause problems. none of that was selfless at all, until he got the mission from gaara, but that’s beside the point. originally, it was a totally self-serving purpose. and mitsuki is always looking at boruto with the cute grin he always wears with fucking stars in his eyes while boruto is saying some fucked up shit. i guess it’s like the whole “don’t tell me my fave is a psychopath. i’ve seen what he’s done, and i like it” thing. idfk what mitsuki’s damage is at this point. which is a good segue to

mitsuki. deserves. better.

he. is. just.

themostpreciouscinnamonbuntoogoodforthisworldtoopure goodestmoonboysnakeboycatdad he is such a good character. everything about him is perfect. and yet, his whole purpose is to swoon over boruto and to save his ass because that’s his boyfriend and no one is going to hurt his boyfriend. how many times has mitsuki actually sacrified himself to save boruto, offered to sacrifice himself to save boruto, or swooped in to save the day and save boruto? i have lost track at this point. and after his disappearance arc, boruto was all “i’m gonna take the time to get to know you” and then mitsuki has never been so on the backburner as he has been since he went on that secret infiltration mission. he deserves better. the audience deserves some boruto and mitsuki bonding time. WE deserve better. but idk i think honestly at this point in the series if we get mitsuki and boruto bonding time it would probably legitimately turn romantic there’s no way around it because let’s fucking face it every word that comes out of this precious snake boy’s mouth is just dripping with pure admiration for boruto like boruto is his world boruto is his nindo boruto is his everything BORUTO’S FACE IS RIGHT NEXT TO MITSUKI’S HEAD WHILE THIS POOR WHIPPED BOY SLEEPS and i just don’t think a romance between them would be possible because idk if mitsuki is even able to directly confess his feelings and i don’t think boruto would reciprocate them, and i don’t think the writers would want gay shit idk if mitsuki is queer baiting or what someone solve this problem for me please, someone convince me that mitsuki is straight i’m begging you because this is eating away at me mitsuki will never get his boy and i don’t think he even really cares he just wants to die for boruto he doesn’t want anything else in life and i just can’t handle it. when is the last time i used punctuation? this is what boruto and mitsuki is doing to my brain ugh. how do i sort this out? it’s also probably lack of sleep tho i’m planning on sleeping right after i post this it’s been a lil while tbh.

more mitsuki thoughts before i move on to more rational thoughts. these are just wandering thoughts. mitsuki made a good prison boyfriend. high key. and mitsuki is LEGITIMATELY boruto’s ride or die. boruto is like “we’re gonna stage a prison break” and mitsuki’s like “of course we are boyfriend i’ll follow you anywhere” and idk about you but i kinda feel like mitsuki loved every second that he was whispering in boruto’s ear and plotting and scheming with his boyfriend and just generally being so close to him. i mean, he said so himself on their way home, he liked being in prison. and what did he do in prison? stick to boruto like glue the entire time. when he rushed to care for boruto when he fell ill from eating the poison fruit even though they both knew it was going to happen he was still so sad his boyfriend was sick and I was sad. also sarada told boruto he owes her a caramel machiatto when they ditched their mission to save his ass and sidetrack but that kinda felt like a slap in the face when she said caramel machiatto but anyway. mitsuki took a rain check on his iou from boruto. i believe from the bottom of my cold dead heart that what he wants more than anything is a hug like this poor boy is sprung. and when he said, with stars in his eyes and his cute lil grin “that’s so like you, boruto” i immediately said “wow, that’s so like you to say that, mitsuki” because how often does he say that? when is someone going to say that to him please someone tell me someone says that to him at some point that’s all i want spoiled please just tell me.

okay i think i got that all out of my brain. now, rational time. boruto finally awaked his karma and that’s finally become a plot point and i still have no fucking clue what karma is but guess who was THE ONLY PERSON TO NOTICE IT besides sasuke but sasuke was there and nothing gets past him tbh. oh, you guessed mitsuki? yeah i know cause duh mitsuki noticed it he’s like “oh you got that after you fought momoshiki” and i’m like of course you know that mitsuki even though you were in the hospital for all of that BECAUSE YOU SACRIFICED YOURSELF TO SAVE BORUTO. but of course you know. (i thought i was done with mitsuki SIKE this was the perfect context to bring it up so) but anywhomst, i’m really happy that boruto finally awaked his karma i think that’s what it is. and i noticed in the new opening theme, kawaki is there and i am not ready. is he coming in this arc? i have been anxiously awaiting him because i’m so scared i will hate him and he will unravel the whole show and tear apart everything that i’ve grown to love so much and i just am anxious about kawaki. and also, i noticed that mysterious figure in the opening theme, does anyone know who that is? i think it’s older boruto? why is he there? am i getting that far in boruto? i feel like i’m almost caught up and i’m sad because i’m going to run out of episodes but i’m happy because the newest season is updating NOW but i’m sad because the newest season will probably end on a gutwrenching cliffhanger maybe idk. because i’ve just been binging it so i haven’t gotten a feel for how they wrap up the seasons so i don’t really know. i just. have a lot of boruto feelings. this is becoming a regular thing for me. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#boruto #boruto mitsuki #i forgot how to do read more sorry friends :)#i fucking love boruto #someone hELP I NEED A LOBOTOMY MY FAVE IS A DISASTER GAY WHO WILL NEVER GET HIS BOY #someone hELP THESE SUN AND MOOD GOOD BOYOS ARE RUINING MY LIFE #but they are the goodest boys #sun and moon boyos uwu #uwu #but also plEASE HELP THIS PRECIOUS CINNAMON BUN BOY MOON BOY SNAKE BOY CAT DAD IS RUINING MY LIFE #BECAUSE HE'S A DISASTER GAY AND HE WILL NEVER GET HIS BOY PLEASE HELP #maybe i can just watch good omens season two when it come out is it already out? and just hope that aziraphale and crowley become canon #yes that will fix me #no what will fix me is SLEEP I NEED SLEEP MY BODY LITERALLY REQUIRES IT AND IT HAS BEEN SO LONG HELP #this post has gone down the shitter #i must be really tired #but just keep in mind i've been meaning to post these thoughts like all day THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS they're just fucky cause am sleeby #why did i make the same typo twice? what is awaked?#awoked #woked #he awoked it #srry ^^

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sunnnfish · 3 years

Text

Rambling about tbhk thoughts & theories n stuff

Hi I’m thinking too much about how much is still unanswered in tbhk :) this is all over the place but i tried to organize it a little bit but it is very very ramble-y and it might not make much sense. Please feel free to talk to me i have so many thoughts (but also not many answers)

I also bolded some of my favorite thoughts for maybe easier reading

(Also crazy spoilers about literally everything watch out)

Gonna put it all under a cut bc its long but please read 🥺 i talk about like straight up everything and everyone (tsukasa, Sakura, natsuhiko, amane, tsukasa, nene, kou, mitsuba + what is going on with them)

Tsukasa, Sakura, natsuhiko:

Okay so like why did tsukasa only recently appear after supposedly being dead for like 50 years cause like hanakos been around yknow ? Does it have something to do with the seal? Cause like tsukasa is clearly very clingy to hanako so you’d think he’d stick by him as soon as they died but they apparently hadn’t seen each other in a long time. and how did Sakura get into like a contract or whatever with him ? and why can natsuhiko see and interact with supernaturals ? Natsuhiko is so weird what is his deal. why in the world does he know how to turn into a supernatural ???

GASP i just had a thought so like tsukasa says he only grants wishes for the dead so like how would Sakura get into some kind of deal with him if she’s alive? She could be dead but idk it kinda does and kinda doesn’t work.

Hanako, tsukasa, seals:

And as for hanako and tsukasa like when did they get those seals and why ??? And like during the part where kou asks yako about rumors being changed hanako at the end like touches the seal on his cheek and ?????? What does that MEAN ??? Did he have to get sealed because his rumor was changed ? Like what was that about ??? Also why in the world are hanako and tsukasa so powerful? They are so strong and its crazy. Also I REALLY wanna know what hanakos boundary and yorishiro are and what purpose his boundary serves.

Tsukasa, plans, rumors:

Also why is tsukasa changing the rumors ? Is he trying to like kill the 7 wonders or what ? Or remove them from power cause like yknow breaking their yorishiros removes their control over the boundary and like he did straight up kill number 3 to put mitsuba in control so does he want to do that with all of them? He also keeps messing with nene and like why.... i just wanna know his plan...

Also how come they haven’t like put anyone else in charge of the boundaries after their yorishiros got broke? Also also why is hanako the leader despite being like the youngest like what did he do ??? He is also pretty bent on breaking the yorishiros too like couldn’t they just change the rumors instead of breaking the yorishiros? Like they did with the mokke? I think hanako has some other agenda too.

Amane:

Also thinking about if tsuchigomori knew about tsukasa ... like when amane was alive yknow like where was tsukasa ? Did he go to school? Was he in a different class or what ?? Also did amane immediately kill himself after he killed tsukasa or did he like go on for a bit afterwards ?

I’ve also had a little theory about the whole “I’m not going anywhere” scene, so like amane gives his lunar rock, that he has had and treasured since he was 4, to tsuchigomori and that seems a little odd to me, but its seems especially like su*cidal behavior yknow? If someone’s got a plan to, yknow, die, then they sometimes start acting different and start giving away things that are important to them. I’ve also seen recent theories about how maybe tsukasa got them involved with something supernatural while they were alive so maybe amane was like planning to die or something... and I’m also still super intrigued that amane was the only human to defy what was written in their book, and it makes me wonder about what was written in tsukasas book, like was he supposed to die? Was it written in amane’s book that he killed tsukasa or was that different too?

The severance:

Also thinking about the whole lead up to the severance and like how that went down—like number 6 shows up and kidnaps Aoi of all people and like sacrifices her and stuff and it all makes me wonder if hanako planned it? Like he clearly thinks the severance is a good thing and that aoi being sacrificed extended nene’s lifespan so like did he plan it? Did he ask number 6 to do a sacrifice cause like they haven’t done that in YEARS like why would they suddenly do it again? Number 6’s rumor hadn’t been changed or anything so there was no reason to do that (unless i missed something).

Red house, mitsuba:

And then there’s the freaking RED HOUSE like my goodness like what does it have to do with mitsuba??? Why did he have a picture of it? Why was the picture black until nene found it? Like the house is cursed and it seems like the picture might be too, since nene and kou mysteriously showed up at the house. There’s of course all the theories that its probably the yugi family and that it might be connected to Nowhere now so that’s fun but I still really wanna know what this has to do with Mitsuba

OH i also just remembered yknow like at the beginning of the hell of mirrors arc mitsuba is like different mitsuba and doesn’t remember anything but at one point nene mentions hanako and he like reacts like “hanako?” Like he knows the name but like stuff keeps happening so that’s quickly forgotten BUT like what does that MEAN !! Why does he know hanako !!! When he’s not supposed to remember like anything !!!! Zdfghgjhfdhfj

Oh also also what in the world happened to mitsubas arm and why does he keep it hidden?? It clearly still works cause like he grips things but he still keeps it hidden so ??? Also like his eye too idk if something happened to it or if its stylistic but its only shown vaguely like once or twice, and in scenes where he’s alive it’s much more visible so ?

Nene:

I also think nene is totally gonna die or at least turn into a supernatural somehow because like so much official art and stuff really points to it. With like pictures of the four (nene, hanako, kou, mitsuba), nene is always tied in with hanako and mitsuba while kou is shown separately or with different motifs. The ones that really come to mind is the one where nene, hanako, and mitsuba and tied together with a rope, it being tied around mitsubas neck, hanakos chest, and nenes leg, while kou is positioned away from them. With the recent chapter with that dolls leg coming off and like the references to dolls n stuff like i think something crazy is gonna happen to her leg at least. The other one that comes to mind is the one with the four pictures of their middle school entrance ceremonies, where hanakos, mitsubas, and nenes families faces are scribbled out, while kous is fine. At first you think it’s because teru and tiara are like actual characters, but in amane’s and tsukasa’s, one of their faces is scribbled out too so its not about whether or not we know the character. So like nene is continuously shown with the same symbolism as the supernaturals soooo....

Kou:

Also thinking about how kou was WAY to ready to die for mitsuba like he’s 14 !!! And do y’all realize he ACTUALLY for REAL fell off the building right then and there, not expecting mitsuba to save them ! He was fully ready to die at the drop of a hat and as much as it shows how much he cares about mitsuba like that is not healthy babey. Like think about yourself for once kou, stop hurting yourself to help others !!! People care you !!! (I’m people)

Misc:

And then i still have thoughts about the minamoto family but mostly i just wanna know more about their family and history like where are their parents ? Also that reveal that teru like protects the whole town was like crazy.

Oh also gotta wonder like why so many of the ghosts are attached to the school ?? Like i dont think any of them actually died at the school so why do they haunt the school? Shijima died at a hospital, mitsuba died like in the town supposedly, and we dont know about the yugis but idk how they would have a knife at the school unless they were doing some kind of after hours ritual. Also no adult ghosts.... all the adults are pure supernaturals.... hm.

Anyways that’s all i can think of right now and its a lot :) I’m so sorry

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