#you knew worse but you can do better

[malwarechips]

ok hot take: arti is NOT balanced. specifically her combat. not in an overpowered way, but the opposite. she's not strong enough for combat against scavengers. arti has ZERO abilities to resist spears outside of the parry, which requires timing and honestly quite impressive reaction speed. ("just turn the game speed down!" some people cant play with the speed lowered! (me) ive been playing since before downpour and ive NEVER used the mushrooms so im USED to this speed. turning it down throws me off so much that id die MORE) sure, she can resist explosives somewhat, she wont die to them, but she still gets stunned anyways. so who cares if shes immune to death from explosives when she cant do anything PASSIVELY about spears, the thing that matters. you survive a grenade, but then you get stabbed in the head a second later and die anyways. scavengers weren't designed to be fought. they have a reputation system for a reason. they're the sort of creature you dont fuck with because they WILL fuck your shit up beyond belief. arti goes against all of that. and shes not strong enough to. she doesn't have resistences to what MATTERS. fighting large groups can be near impossible sometimes. and sure, you can avoid those most times, but you physically cannot in metro. you HAVE to fight them at least SOMEWHAT to even get through.

i understand how people can like arti. but the problem is she's simply not strong enough. i understand that rain world is MEANT to be difficult, but arti takes it too far imo. she's difficult into unfairness. sure, losing karma doesn't matter. but doing the same thing again and again and again just... is terrible. even if you take a different route. i took different routes almost every other time i died while playing arti. i still got sick of dying. i was so relieved when i beat it. i never plan on playing her again. she brought me genuine, terrible stress. she killed my drive to want to play rain world for a while; the thought of just opening it stressed me out. games are meant to be fun. i can understand how arti could be, but she just isnt to me. she's not fun. she will never be fun for me without significant altering. and even then, i highly doubt i could ever bring myself to play her again. just looking at her select screen art makes me anxious.

#i want to emphasise that i dont care if ppl do enjoy arti. im glad. i have nothing against ppl who enjoyed her campaign #its just.. i wish i knew people who had the same experience as i did #''get the arti revives on kill mod!'' i have it. ive had it the entire time . i have it set to the max time it will let me set it to. #it barely helped #sorry that this turned into more of a vent i just . really needed to get this out . #ive always struggled with feeling like im bad at games and will never get better and just . #seeing everyone else LOVE arti's campaign just... has made that so much worse. #i love arti as a character . i really do. #i think her campaign has potential. but its not executed well . #i WANTED to like it. i TRIED to like it. i cant. #i both understand how people could and dont understand at the same time. #how can you guys cope with doing the same thing 60 times in a row? does it not stress you out? does it not get boring? #do you not get sick of it? i dont get it #i just ... want to feel good at something. #i felt somewhat good at rain world for a while . i still do sometimes . but then i remember arti. and i feel like an outlier again . #lev.txt #hyperfixation.txt #vent #<- kinda #rain world #long post #<- somewhat . idk

[andrewknightley]

You know one of those guys that thinks "he is one of the good ones" and is like man every time we talk i lose more trust in you :|

#and is like i wish at least you knew #you arent one of the good guys at all flfkddksksks #i dont know if im the one who is gonna tell you because i just think i have better things to do with my time but i hope you notice dude #is one of those that shits on other for being mysoginist or whatever when he does worse himself and is like #wow can you believe they insinuate i might be sexist.... #and is like yeah man i can believe it #the new thing was me (gay) comenting 'wow shocking i heard this company is funding conversion camps? do you know something about it??' #and he being like 'well good luck finding people with money who are cartoonish evil 🙄' #and is like my man have 1 standar at least what are u saying ToT #this is also a company that kight offer me a job so is like wow dude are u surprised i might not want to work in somethibg like that #and im looking for verification on the info gkfkdkdkododkskskdkdkls #and he was like 'well you worked with companies founded by X or Y also bad so if you think about it' #and is like yes yes everything is evil i still dont wanna work for people who are gonna use my work to be homophobes whats not clicking ??? #cw homophobia #im gonna say it in spanish tio es que eres gilipollas i hoped you had at least 1 standar but i see Not #talks and stuff

[gideonisms]

burnout is supposed to end at some point, I have read this. However, how do you know when it has ended and you should gradually force yourself through more activities to get used to living a life again, and when doing that will send you Directly back to an even worse ring of hell. Is there like a guidebook or

#in some ways it sucks i've never had one massive breakdown just like small ones that didn't really justify lying in bed for a month #like when i say i'm doing that i'm also usually doing bare minimum reading eating exercise #in addition to lying in bed and scrolling for 5 billion hours #i'm still making plans and attempting to get better it's just at a glacial pace #it's not working i'm not feeling better i still feel like if i find a job or try to make a decision i'll probably break in a million pieces #then any time i try to work harder the rebound of that hits me even worse #every job i feel like i can deal with less and less masking. until one day i just won't be able to hold down one for more than 2 months #i kept trying every strategy i knew and it just wouldn't keep me from having to go to my car and scream sometimes #feels like walking over coals trying to apply for internships rn but schoolwork is the only task i like some of the time #need the internship to graduate if i don't graduate i'll just be stuck doing things i hate even more #ik you shouldn't apply to grad school just to go but if i can put off dealing with living a life outside of academia for even 1 year longer #worth the mountains of debt #like even if i drop out and everything goes horribly that's a year i didn't spend saying thank you have a nice day #god. i'm going back to thinking abt lesbian necromancers now. wow that brief look into my mental state sucked

[jacksmusesdrv3]

I oversimplify the tears I cry While you tear them down line by line

Okay so this song is a doozy of a thing, and it’s mostly ‘vibes related’ rather than entirely, but it really stirred some feelings in me that I wanna spill

[!SONG CW!]: (general) self harm, disordered eating, suicidal ideation (towards the end of the song), blood, strangulation

Lemme just grab a couple of caps this time. I think that should be all I need

First says that Ouma ‘lies to entertain others’, and he likely references his experiences in the world generally. If we follow on from that, the second refers to how he plunged to the absolute limit of his sanity for his plans and, in no small part, it’s to entertain others- the people around him, presumably (though you can add the outside world watching as another layer to that...). Adding this to the gamification talk here, the idea is that Ouma could’ve been suffering for others’ gratification long before this killing game was a thing.

The difference to the song though, is that far from being open about his true feelings, Ouma covers and obfuscates them a great deal. That obfuscation is the ‘show’ he puts on- not so much the ‘open suffering for others to consume’, but the suffering he endures being a constant under the surface.

For an Ouma with this history, it’s basically the same, if he was made into a spectacle in his past. A ‘circus monster’, if you will: ‘you know nothing about me, but you’re entertained anyway, so that’s good, right? :D’

#kokichi ouma #inb4 'tone deafness' rather unfortunately I relate to feelings of this #song- rather that I could only do the best of things when I was suffering in Spite #because Spite was a kind of fuel that moved me. which resorted to self harm #which in turn to a kind of learned helplessness where I'd just stay in the spiral #and because at one point there was the Drama. I couldn't go anywhere. it felt like #which was a can of worms on top of mutually aggressive BS. unfair feelings abound #thus 'Wildfire' was a song I latched on to to try and process the sheer rage felt #and of course. this spite and anger went hand-in-hand with my analyses of Ouma #without it I felt like (and kinda still do) that I can't 'Ouma' the way I want to Best #because his energy just. Reeks of thinly-veiled ':)' kinda spite towards the world #not only that but it's the feeling of fractured energy I have compared to the days- #-when I was objectively Worse but putting out posts that are still liked at times #it's a kind of 'back then at least I knew how to feel' situation #anyways Circus can do just as good and better not suffering so much. so can I #and so can you #it's all about the process #a mystery that lasts forever #...or something like that #okay that's enough tags but it felt necessary this time #suicide mention / #self harm mention / #sh mention / #ed mention / #jacks personals #long tags

[emdotcom]

Hey, treat content creators online like they are wild animals -- you need to keep a respectful distance from them. They are not your pets or your friends, & you do not & never will Fully know them, nor what they can do.

#gale chatter #for instance even if you do love them you should probably not tell perfect strangers you love them #or pretend to know them & what they're like based on what they post. you will never see them when they are alone #& you will never see what they choose to omit about themselves for better or for worse #i am also trying to scale back like how i tag on art posts & such. i don't know op #i shouldn't be saying crying screaming throwing up on the tags of a stranger's art post #this is like. bc i was listening to a q&a & the person got a question that started with 'i love you' #& they (despite doing so for people they did know) made no indication they recognize or knew #the person who sent that message. #you should be fucking embarrassed if you do that. you can say you love their content or works but you should not say that #to a perfect godamn stranger online. it's messed up.

[ronanlynchbf]

hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT

#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background.. #literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start #to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me #when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and #then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such #and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more #negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed #out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail.... #also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don' #want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working #there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had #tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard #rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r #doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's #why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME #ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda #long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to #your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if #you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve #that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint. #anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴 #ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :((((((((((( #r.txt

[unidentifiedfuckingthing]

it's weird how as an adult it's so easy to independently come up with ideas that make arfid/food fears easier to deal with but my parents either didnt have the right intelligence to have those ideas or they did and thought i didnt deserve the mercy. if you are also arfid or have difficulty with trusting new foods, or if you take care of someone else like this, you can ask for a description of a food and what it might be comparable to and ask for a taste before committing to eating an entire meal. it's not an extra burden on anyone. it's so easy. and it feels really nice

#i don't think you can do this at restaurants. but ive never tried. maybe you can #my parents knew exactly what kinds of textures i didnt like and i know this because they love to joke about how i was funny for sorting #acceptable and unacceptable foods but somehow this translated into me being inexplicably difficult and not into questions of how to adapt my #care to make that particular problem better and not worse #they tried to force me to eat things without explaining them so i would find out that they were fine but it mostly just made me #avoidant of food

[jattendschaton]

From the epilogue of whose woods these are (I think I know.) by Reiaji

#miraculous ladybug #ladrien #adrien agreste #marinette dupain-cheng #adrinette #adrienette #the adrinette is below the cut because im cringe #my art #also yes lmao I know she looks like a fucking praying mantis!!! you may be asking why i am so bad at anatomy #and the answer is #i am just stupid and bad at most things!!! #yes i knew it was off while i was drawing it but also!!! 'fixing' it made it worse so!! #if you are looking for a better artist they are not here i am very sorry this is truly the best i can do #also truly everything good about this piece is good because the source material (wwta) is just brilliant and beautiful #literally could not say anything about that story that hasnt already been said but just know #i think about it constantly #and thus concludes the trio of friendship art i mentioned in the last ones tags

[mxdotpng]

twirling adaline around in my mind. her death would ruin their lives.

#.text #like at this point in the story i believe they could face a close death and recover from it but the wol is too far #intricately woven into their lives. if he died they would become so much worse. #you can tell from the way they acted post-vauthry in shadowbringers #spending days and nights for what was probably weeks trying to find any sort of cure even though they knew there wasnt one. #'the one thing we can do now to help them is be there when the time comes' #adaline you have brought so much joy to the people around you i hope you know youre inclusion in their lives #has made them better but ultimately will now make them worse. just as you feared! #oh well!

[samsrosary]

i miss him so much

#i wish we stayed friends #i really did want to #i loved him so much #i have to walk down his street every day to get to college and its fucking painful #i guess it was fine over the summer but i see him and i cant even say hi #hedidnt even stop talking to me by saying what he really felt #i dont know #i thjnmk trying to talk tk him would make it worse #im not allowed to miss him because i chose the wrong friends and now i cant talk t anyone about this whod understand #and the fact i know i treated him like a replacement in the absence of others was so fckjgng bad of me and i knew it #but the friendship i had for him was real and it was probably better than any of the other friendships i had and its gone its gone its gone #vent #when that winter depression brings back the guilt complexes #hes got me blocked i know be does and he doesnt want to talk to me #theres nothing i can do because i fuckigng wasted it in favour of people i realise now werent even fucking nice to me #i just want to disappear #im so sorry you genuinely were a betterbest friend to me than anyone else clukd have been

[neon-in-the-night-time]

no one:

literally no one:

me after having easily my worst summer at camp yet: oh my god i’m gonna miss camp so much i don't wanna leave

#i’ll be honest i think that when the summer as a whole is worse it just makes the good moments seem that much better #i could literally get stabbed at camp and i’d still want to come back #but also only one person wanted to do linger with me :( #and i know that one person is gonna see this so artemis ily literally the best #i swear campfire used to be better than it is now. just a lot of things got lost when council shifted camps #and a lot of staff got lost too #at least last year when i was the only person who knew all of linger everyone else was like #'well we don't know it but we know it's important so we're gonna pretend we do because you csnt end camp without linger' #this year it was like 'well you can do it on your own if you want to i guess' like bestie the whole point of linger is to do it with friends #girl scout camp

[abluehappyface]

Sometimes I wish my "premonitions" weren't correct...

#i knew it wasn't a cold #i wish it was a cold #but it's never that simple #and now my mum has COVID 3 days before Christmas #are we going to celebrate Christmas with her? #what does Christmas without the only parent you have look like? #what am i supposed to do? #i know it doesn't help to think this way #but anything mild can become worse with time #what then? #what happens to us then? #i don't even care about me anymore #what about my sister #9 is too young to loose the only parent that you have #9 is too young to have your mother say 'i can't come home for Christmas' #18 is too young to try and figure out how to care for a 9 year old #I KNOW NOTHING #i just hope it gets better from here #i may have to figure out how to get my sister to school after new years #but im hoping i don't #i never stopped masking #but she got more lenient as mandades got lifted #i tried to tell her to mask #but i couldn't force her #now look at us #so as im sitting here crying behind this screen #please wear a mask #you think it's not going to happen to you #but then it does #and when it does you'll never be ready

[fleshdyke]

shsjeiegjshebr

#man. getting upset about stupid shit. again #yesterday we had an assembly at school for the end of the year awards and whatever #and the only friend i had in the class i was in when we went down left early to go find the rest of our friends #so i went down and found a spot and i already sort of knew this would happen #but i got there pretty early and i watched my whole friend group come in. and they didn’t even look for me #it’s like they didn’t even notice i wasn’t there. and they just walked over and sat down on the other side of the room #and i guess they were all having fun sitting next to each other. i was sitting alone having to listen to some seniors saying really awful #things behind me. idk #they didn’t text me and ask where i was or say anything about it afterwards #like they just completely didn’t notice i wasn’t there #and if they did they don’t care enough to ask where i was #and i’m making them seem a lot worse than they are but like. MAN that hurt #like all i want is a friend. that’s it man. that’s all i’ve ever wanted. i just want someone i can rely on to sit with me at an assembly #i’m not suicidal i really do want to live but. god i just want to know what would happen #i don’t want to kill myself bc i think they’d be better off without me i want to kill myself because i want to know how they would react #i want them to know how much stupid shit like that affects me man. yk. and i know how callous that is and i hate it but god i think about it #so so so much. like #they’ve gotten a whole new friend group and tell me that we’re still really good friends but man you can’t fucking lie to me like that #like you can’t tell me that we’re as close as we used to be because we’re not. i know they don’t like me anymore and it’s fine becuase i get #it i wouldn’t like me either i have to spend all day every day with myself #but like. all i’ve ever wanted is a friend #and i want to just break and start yelling at them for this because i feel so fucking alone but it’s not their fault and that would only #drive them away more #like i feel like the only thing that would bring them closer to me would be to try and kill myself but i don’t want to do that yk #not actually at least. i’ll daydream about it 24/7 though. i’ll think of that as the better timeline #and i don’t want to bring this up to them bc i already have once before and they pretty much told me its not their problem #and again i’m making them seem so much worse than they actually are but this is just how my brain interprets this #and i kind of want to attempt but not die but like my mom’s best friend died this morning and i can’t fucking do that to her #like more than anytjing else i just want a friend. i don’t blame them but like. is that so much to ask #vent

[skywitchmaja]

i learned that you can join the thieves guild without framing brand-shei and i am so mad at myself :-(

#fucking brynjolf said he was only gonna be in jail for a few days— i would’ve gotten more creative with it if i knew i was dooming this man #to a life sentence! but i’m already a nightingale so too deep to go back this play through ugh #that & the thing with keerava & talen-jei ugh i hate this i wish there was a better way to hang with nocturnal and do stealth quests #i’ve tried picking the lock & pickpocketing the guards he just stays there #and what’s worse is i found his book so now he’s like ‘may azuras wisdom guide you enjoy my gold’ he doesn’t know i ruined his life!!! :-( #worst game i’ve spent [redacted] hours on :/ #skyrim blogging #notes for when i can eventually do a playthrough with dawngaurd and solestheim in 5 years or so bc i know i’m gonna be another stealth/mage

[sadisticmystical]

.

#i made a very big mistake #very very big #while being a drunken idiot #ive fucked up so many times while drunk i should have never taken anyones word for ot that i could get better after the first one #i knew ot then i know it now im a giant worthless piece of shit and i fucked up so bad #and im so grateful it wasnt worse #every single person there should literally never talj to me again i would understand i deserve it #ill never drink again ill never do any of this over again i promise please can i still be saved #i know i cant and im so sorry i thought i could im so stipid and so selfish for ever thinking i could just be around other people with no #consequences i knew i was fucked i knew it but i thought i could get better if i tried and tried and tried my hardest #i know now i know now please i cant be in this state of pretending everything is fine i know i ruined it please just #just tell me what would be enough to fix it #twll if nothing is enough to fix it #i can never drink again i can never speak to you again i can pay for it all i can hurt myself so bad ill never forget it ill do whatever #it is you ask just please ask and stop pretending its okay its not okay im so sorry i cant do this

[onceuponaroast]

Ok I have something to say and I want yall to listen because I am sick to death of being made to feel like I should apologize for being attracted to men

Believe it or not, men are not a malicious hive mind. They are not 'biologically predisposed' to be evil. They are people. They are human. Do we live in a patriarchal society that teaches our boys harmful behaviors? Yeah. But men are still autonomous people capable of making their own decisions, and saying otherwise only makes it easier to excuse harmful behavior.

For years-especially in the queer community- I have been told that because I am capable of being attracted to both men and women it is my moral duty to choose to only act on my attraction to women. That my attraction to men should be ignored or eliminated.

This is, 100%, utter bullshit. Men are wonderful! Men are beautiful and funny and sweet and kind. Men are some of the kindest most wonderful people I know and I Love men.

Are all men wonderful? No! But neither are all women, all nonbinary people, all agender people, or all anyone else. Bad behavior is the fault of the person, NOT the gender.

So stop parroting that radfem rhetoric; and if you truly believe it then I want you to take a long look at that and figure out why. I'm willing to bet the reason says more about you than it does about men.

To all men reading this who need to hear it: you are loved. You are not a bad person because of how you identify. I love you.

#i was lucky to avoid the radfemification that hit some of my friends in highschool/college #i knew i was done with that when i got cheated on and my best friends response was #'well you chose to date a man what did you expect' #like... that's victim blaming babe #you do see that that's victim blaming right? #what if hed done something worse? would it have been my fault then too? #saying all men are like that just excuses that behavior #its just 'boys will be boys' repackaged #if all men are evil rapists then how can we condemn them for it? they can't help it they're men! #plus we can't expect them to do better #it's just how they are i guess #if you don't see how this is radfem/terf rhetoric then idk what to even say to you #also while we're at it: STOP BODYSHAMING MEN #stop making fun of bald men #or small penises #or men who can't grow facial hair #or fat men #that's low and disgusting behavior #i love men and you should quote me on that #men positivity #anti terf #anti radfem #fi talks