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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

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How do i just let myself relax and be happy? I literally dont know how to haha, i just feel so on edge and like i need to constantly be prepared for this bad bad thing that might be happening despite not even having the slightest hint that it'll be happening. Im scared that if i relax and something goes wrong, that its my fault for letting it happen.

Its hard cos when i twll my bf about it, he kinda just says 'dont worry i wont let anything bad happen' or 'dont worry it wont happen, i promise' and it just makes me feel kinda worse cos how does he know it wont happen?? Well tbf, most things i do worry about are quite on the extreme side of things 😅😂

Idk im meant to be seeing a councelor soon but theres no specifics as of yet, so idrk how to fix myself lol

Could i get your opinion/advice on the whole thing?

Hi! I really hope you have more specifics about when you’ll be able to see a counsellor by now :)

Unfortunately, when it comes to PTSD and/or anxiety, there’s no one easy and straightforward way to just let oneself relax and be happy. If your brain has been wired to expect danger, it takes a lot of time and effort and therapy to be able to rewire it and to get it to understand that you no longer need all those coping mechanisms that you once developed to survive. Personally, I’ve been in therapy for 3 years, and while I’m much better than I used to be and I am able to live my life more or less normally by now, I still often catch myself being on edge and fearing that something horrible will happen if I let my guard down. I still have to make a conscious effort to unclench my muscles and turn my shallow breaths into deep ones often. My mind is still very loud and fast with thoughts of everything bad that could happen. To be honest, I think therapy, time, and exposure to the world around me while far away from the abuse are the main things that have made it easier for me to believe that nothing bad will happen in most situations, because I’ve faced most day-to-day situations enough by now that they’ve become routine.

I definitely understand why him trying to reassure you in those ways would make you worry even more! If you’d like to have a conversation about it with him, I think it might be useful to explain to him how your catastrophising is/was a survival mechanism and let him know some better ways of reassuring you. For example, you could ask him to help you rationalise your thoughts with affirmations like “your brain is reaching that conclusion due to trauma/anxiety because it wants you to be safe, but the chances of that happening are very very low”; “if it does end up happening we’ll worry about it together in due time, but worrying about things that haven’t happened yet does nothing to fix them”, or anything else you might find reassuring! Personally, “if the worst does end up happening, then we’ll face it together” is a personal favourite haha. Oh, and one of the things my therapist used to doa lot was to ask me “what is the worst thing that could happen, and how would you face it?” to help me look for ways out of those scenarios and make me feel more prepared to face them; but that’s something I personally would only recommend for when you’re going to face something specific that does have a potential to put you in danger, like (in my case) going to a family meeting my abuser was also going to attend; and not for general irrational fears, because then you’d only be feeding those thoughts.

That’s all I have for you, nonnie! I really hope things get better with time and that counselling goes well :) sending a virtual hug ❤

#ask #trauma #anxiety #ptsd #counselling #catastrophising #catastrophizing #advice #anonymous

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