matilda (pt. 6) | myg
summary: Loneliness had always been a constant for you, haunting you like a ghost; until your older brother’s best friend, Min Yoongi, came into your life. You both promised each other something back then - you’d always have his support and he’d always have yours. But with time and age, you weren’t sure how much that all still stood to be true.
pairing: yoongi x fem!reader
rating/genre: 18+ Minors DNI | brother’s best friend au, f2e2f2l, slice of life, angst, fluff, smut
word count: 25.9K
warnings/notes: buckle up, it’s a doozy, mention of character death (reader’s father), depictions of grief and guilt, unsupportive/neglectful parents (reader’s mother is a starts-with-a-c-ends-with-a-unt), the paper ring . . . , oral sex (m. receiving), fingering, hickies, titty sucking, yoongi likes his kisses, someone play lover because yoongi and reader are the best, protective yoongi ;), seokjin (that’s it), yoongi’s studio is soundproof *wink wink nudge nudge*, unprotected sex, spanking, creampie, i think that’s it but if i missed anything pls let me know, hope you enjoy <3
chapter six: you can let it go pt. 2
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THE SUN FILTERED IN through the blackout curtains, stirring you awake. It was day; a new one; one you’d have to partake in soon.
With a soft groan, you shuffled in your spot, trying to stretch your limbs when you clashed against something warm. Glancing over your shoulder, your eyes landed on Yoongi, who was still fast asleep, mouth slightly parted and hair draped over his face. Oddly, he looked younger, like the years of solitude hadn’t weighed down on him; like he was still twenty years old with an unpredictable future ahead of him.
Then, you realized you were tangled up with him, his heavy leg so casually thrown over yours while his arm cinched tight around your waist. And then the memories of last night crept back in.
You and him in your old backyard, in your room, his hands on you, his lips touching your most intimate areas, his tongue, his teeth, even his length pressed up against your core. You remembered your bodies connecting, and the pleasure he’d given you. God, the pleasure .
Most of all, you remembered how he’d taken your hand into his and pressed it up against his chest, letting the beat of his heart speak the words he couldn’t say. You remembered it all, and a small smile found its way onto your face.
Not once did you ever think your relationship would find the two of you here, sharing a bed and tangled up with each other. But time was a tricky thing, and it’d led you here.
Perhaps time did have its shit figured out. Perhaps . . .
Carefully, you leaned closer to him, shifting to graze a finger across his plump cheek. It was smooth to the touch and the movement made his nose twitch in the same way a cat’s would. You found it utterly endearing.
This was Yoongi. Your Yoongi.
The smile remained on your face as you pressed a soft kiss to his nose, careful not to wake him before you stealthily crawled out of his arms and stood on the cold floor. A shiver ran up your spine at the feeling but you paid it no mind, sending Yoongi’s sleeping figure one more smile before you set your sights on the rest of his room.
In all the months you’d stayed with your brother and Yoongi, not once had you seen his room. Surprisingly, it was a little predictable—neat and tidy as he had always been, however, pages and pages of what looked like lyrics were littered around his room, spread out across his dresser, his bedside table, and even in a corner of the room.
Everything about his bedroom oozed his essence from the black bedsheets, black curtains, and black furniture clashing with the white of the walls to the pictures of him and all your mutual friends hidden behind lamps or computer set-ups. You could only stifle a laugh at the realization.
Then, your eyes drifted to his dresser, spotting a pair of sunglasses that he’d stolen from you in the spring. With a gasp, you tip-toed toward it, grasping it in your hand with a click of your tongue.
“Dummy,” you hummed, chuckling to yourself.
And you were about to turn around to try on the sunglasses in his mirror when something else caught your eye; something . . . familiar.
Blinking in disbelief, your eye caught onto one of the open top drawers to his dresser, discovering that tucked away in the corner sat a familiar paper ring.
Another blink of disbelief consumed you as you opened the drawer a little more so you could grasp the ring, pulling it out to find that it was, in fact, the very paper ring you’d given to him when you were merely twelve years old . . . and then again when you’d left for Busan.
That had been four years ago; you’d left him with that damned paper ring over four years ago. And there it still was, albeit dangerously withered with age and time, but still the same ring you’d made yourself. You’d recognize it anywhere. You’d recognized it now.
It hit you then.
Yoongi had kept the ring all these years.
All these years . . . it’d been in his possession, and not somewhere drowning in the trash. He’d kept it.
You wanted to know exactly what that meant. His feelings for you were obvious, that much was clear but you wondered just how deep they ran. Did he perhaps feel the same as you?
You swallowed in anticipation. Had he always felt the same? Is that why he’d kept it?
Surely—
But your thoughts were interrupted by a deep, groggy voice. “Come back to bed,” Yoongi grumbled, slightly whining your name like a plea (which, if you were being honest, was entirely amusing).
With the paper ring still grasped in your hand, your eyes flickered over to Yoongi, who still laid on the bed. There he rested, tangled in sheets, his hair messy, and a tired expression spread across his face. You couldn't help but smile.
The smile didn’t leave your face as you made your way toward him, climbing under the covers and laying on your back. You shifted closer to him and he instantly wrapped his arm around your waist, burying his face into your neck.
"Mmm, missed you," he mumbled into your hair, kissing you there while he swung a leg over your body.
Still, the smile remained as you wrapped an arm around the one on your waist and nuzzled into him. “It's been two seconds," you hummed, teasing evident in your voice.
Yoongi only responded by mocking your response before he nuzzled closer to you, peppering kisses down your neck and shoulder. You snorted in response, your hand coming up to tangle in his hair, massaging his scalp. He hummed in satisfaction, leaning into your touch.
As you tussled strands of his dark hair, your gaze drifted down to the paper ring you'd been toying with in your other hand. Only then did you find yourself saying, "You kept it."
Yoongi lifted his head from your shoulder. "Hmm?" he hummed, peeking through sleep-ridden eyes at what you had in your hand. His eyes widened slightly when it dawned on him what you had in your possession.
Growing awkward, you cleared your throat. "Sorry . . . I was snooping . . . found the paper ring I gave you," you mumbled out, keeping your eyes on the ring. "I just . . . I didn't realize you'd kept it." You couldn't help it. Your eyes never met his. Call it bashfulness or embarrassment. You were sure you felt it all.
But, Yoongi only kissed your hair and tugged you closer. "Of course, I did, kid," he murmured into your hair. "You made it for me."
Only then did you look at him. And by look, well, you meant you simply stared at him in disbelief as a blooming warmth blossomed in your chest. A soft smile filtered onto your face a mere second later.
He'd said it so casually. You made it for me.
You smiled a little wider.
Yoongi scrunched his nose, awkwardly. "What?"
And all you could do was lean forward and press your lips against his. It was fleeting but still warm and gentle. It was all you needed to relax into him further, pressing a hand against his chest to feel the beat of his heart. You couldn't help it. You pressed another kiss to his face, not quite on the lips and not directly on his cheek either, but rather at the corner of his smile.
"I just—" you cut yourself off, grinning like a mad man and shaking your head— “I care about you so much." (You didn't want to admit that you ended up kissing him again but . . . well . . . you did.)
Yoongi chuckled. "What's this about?"
You only shrugged, flipping the ring over in your hand. "I didn't think you'd keep this stupid thing," you admitted in a soft voice, eyes not meeting his.
"Hey—" Yoongi plucked the paper ring from your hand, pinching it between his fingers— "this stupid thing has been my good luck charm for the past four years."
Your brows only twitched in questioning.
And Yoongi went on to explain. "Every interview, every song, every demo, every album release . . . I kept it on me . . . and I've only ever been met with success," he began, a calm tone to his voice. He dipped his head to catch your eyes—he wanted you to see he was speaking the truth. "When I told you your support was the only thing I had pushing me, I meant it. It's gotten me here. It's given me hope when I had nothing. It's made me a better man. You have . . . "
You blinked, unable to do anything else.
There was nothing else you could do. You just felt so . . . so . . . warm.
A strained groan sounded from the back of his throat as he leaned his forehead against yours. "Is it cheesy to say I owe a whole fucking lot to you?" he questioned almost as if he were testing the words on his tongue.
Fisting his shirt as you swung a leg over his waist in an attempt to draw him closer, you mused, "Mmm, very, but you're in luck, I accept cheese."
Yoongi laughed in response. "Maybe don't come up with your own slogans."
You clicked your tongue. "Yah, like you could've come up with anything better."
"Better than that ."
A narrowed glare was your only response, slightly pouting at him. He simply grinned, gummy smile on display as he shook his head at you, his eyes still trailing across your face while he reached over you and put the paper ring on the bedside table. Once both of his hands were free, he circled them around you, tugging you even closer and kissing your brow, your forehead, and even your nose in the process. All the while, you groaned, putting up a big front, but the small stifled laughter which escaped you gave you away entirely.
"You're such an asshole," you tsked, shoving a finger into his chest once he pressed a final kiss to your brow bone.
"Heard it all before. Don't care," Yoongi hummed, calmly brushing his nose against yours. "Kiss me."
You scrunched your nose in response. “Your breath stinks."
“Does not,” Yoongi snorted, sucking on his teeth before he sniffed and scrunched his nose. “I think that’s yours wafting back into your face.”
You made a face. “Disgusting ma—“
“Baby—“ Yoongi cut you off, brushing his lips against yours in a feathering touch— “kiss me.”
"You're so needy."
The only response you received was his lips pressing against yours. You leaned closer, pleasantly sighing into the kiss as you nipped at his bottom lip. A grin tipped onto his face before he dipped in for more, running his tongue along the crease of your lips. You complied quickly, hands tangling in his hair as you pulled him closer and melded his tongue with yours. His grip tightened on you instantly, his hand sliding up your thigh, squeezing your hip before it snuck under the hem of your shirt (or rather his borrowed tee).
A small gasp escaped you when you felt the coolness of his hand graze the swell of your breast, palming it. He grinned into the kiss, circling his thumb around your areola, teasing you more than sending pleasure your way.
You tugged on his hair in annoyance, and he only chuckled, sucking on your bottom lip as his thumb pressed down on your puckered nipple, tweaking the bud. You hummed softly in response, grinding your clothed core against his thigh.
He stilled under your touch for a mere second before his hand gripped your waist, tugging you down onto his thigh as he rubbed it against your sex. His hand was at your shirt again in an instant, fisting it and pulling it up to reveal your bruised skin from last night’s endeavors.
Briefly, Yoongi marveled at the vaguely obvious marks he’d made on your skin from all the sucking and biting. But his mouth was on you in an instant, dipping low to trace his tongue against the skin of your stomach. He sucked more marks onto your skin while guiding you to rub your core against his thigh.
But his touch was gone almost too quickly. He’d broken apart, coming up to catch your lips again. "Mmm more,” he murmured against your lips, gripping your ass.
"Needy needy needy,” you managed to tsk, although your voice sounded way less than stable.
It seemed even Yoongi had caught onto the wavering in your voice as he only responded with a small, teasing kiss to your jaw before he gripped your backside and ground into you. You were left a mess, haphazardly rutting against his clothed length, the movements causing your core to pulse.
"What can I say? I'm at your mercy,” he confessed, breathlessly as he sloppily kissed your jaw. "Take pity on me, angel."
You shook your head, lust fueling your being. "I don't think I will," you muttered as you ground onto his hardened length, eliciting a small groan from the back of his throat. "Want you to fuck me now."
Yoongi hummed against your jaw. "Trust me as much as I wanna get you on all fours and fuck you from behind . . . your brother'll be home soon . . . “ he trailed off, pressing one more kiss to your jaw before pulling back completely, the two of you ceasing your movements. "And I, uh—" his knuckles trailed down your arm, gently grazing the skin— "I wanted it to be special."
You couldn’t help it, you snorted. " Now you're a hopeless romantic?"
He kissed your forehead. "Mhm."
"No soaking?"
"You're teasing me, you shit.”
"I can't help it," you hummed, laughing slightly as you pinched his scrunched nose. "You get this look on your face when I do."
"I don't have a look.”
"Mhm.”
"Such a smartass.”
You only rolled your eyes in response.
While, his eyes darted across your face, taking in your features with a soft smile. A second of comfortable silence passed before he spoke again, "Can I confess something?"
"You and your confessions," you tsked as you trailed a hand across the neckline of his shirt. "Tell me, are you a pathological liar?"
"Occasionally," he sighed with a shrug. But the amusement on his face dwindled as he took his bottom lip under his teeth and scrunched his nose in preparation. Then, he was speaking once again. "I kind of want you to run your nails against my dick.”
You nearly laughed in his face, clasping a hand over your mouth as you stared at him with wide eyes. Slowly, you lowered your hand. "Is this your weird attempt at asking me to scratch your balls? Are you really that lazy? 'Cause I won't do it. I won't," you rambled on, shaking your head in amusement.
Yoongi slapped a hand over his eyes and groaned. "No, god, you make me sound like a freak.”
"It was an odd request, Yoon.”
He lowered his head to your neck, resting there in embarrassment. "I know what feels good to me," he mumbled against your skin. "It's just, I don't know, comforting?"
"Having your dick scratched?"
He nipped at your skin. "Shut it, kid.”
You knew you were teasing him, but you couldn’t help it. This was too amusing to let slip by. Nevertheless, your hand found his back, running up and down in a comforting manner as you sighed, "Calling me kid after asking me to scratch your itchy dick? Tsk. Not the time to friendzone.”
"Yah, I don't have an itchy dick," he grumbled, squeezing your thigh.
You only laughed, continuing to scratch his back.
Mere seconds later, his head lifted up to meet your eyes once again, a dopey smile on his face. "We have such weird conversations."
You nodded. "We do, don't we?"
With a laugh, Yoongi fell back, his back pressed flat against the mattress now as he slung an arm around his eyes. You watched with a dazed smile on your face, eyes trailing down his body. Shamelessly, they flicked to the front of his boxers. They were impressively tented, the outline of his cock very prominent.
Then your mind began to spin . . .
"You know—“ you began, resting a hand on his abdomen— “as an artist, I like to . . . map out my entire model before I sit down and paint.”
Under his arm, a hint of a grin twitched on his face. "That so?"
"Mmm.”
With your eyes watching his face, you dipped your hand just barely under the hem of his boxers. You teased the skin there, slipping lower but carefully avoiding any contact with his length.
Yoongi’s hand was wrapped around your wrist in an instant. "What are you doing, baby?"
"Mapping out my model," you hummed, sweetly.
The arm around Yoongi’s eyes dropped, that dark gaze on you again as he shifted onto his side, facing you while his hand trailed up your arm. He released you from his grasp, eyes searching yours as he gave you a nod of approval. Your hand was on his hot, hard length in an instant, causing him to suck in a sharp breath.
"Sit still,” you tsked, gently palming his length. “Models are supposed to model , not squirm."
Yoongi’s hand came to your hair, fisting it. "Can't control myself with your hand on my dick like that," he muttered out, clenching his jaw tight when your thumb swept over the crown of his cock, circling the bead of precum at the slit.
"Calm down," you whispered, voice like silk. You held him gently for a moment, thumb rubbing up and down the shaft before you pulled him out of his boxers. "Wasn't it you who wanted me to scratch your cock?"
He sucked in air through his teeth. "You're teasing me again.”
"It's just so easy," you said in a sing-song voice as you gently grazed the freed length with your fingertips. "Now . . . show me how. My artist heart can't wait any longer."
Yoongi’s hand was on yours in an instant. "Like this," he strangled out, guiding your fingers along his shaft so your nails just barely grazed him. "Slow, light, and long. Up and down."
His hand fell from yours a second later as he slumped against the pillow, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. You remained amused, but kept your eyes on your movements, careful not to hurt him. You wet your bottom lip, thoughts running wild.
"What does this do for you?" you found yourself asking.
Yoongi merely shrugged. "Nothin' just mmm like feeling you touch me without all the . . . heat .”
"We really do have odd conversations," you laughed, hand still moving against him in a gentle manner.
"We do.”
Silence consumed the two of you as you continued your movements, taking in the sight of him. Even in the daylight, he stood hard as granite, tipping up toward his navel. And the tip was so very very blushed, making your core ache for him.
The aching in your core became too much, so much so that you found yourself asking, “Do you, um, still not want the heat?"
Shameless . You could’ve smacked yourself. But at that very moment, you didn’t care. The only thing you were focusing on was how his cock seemed to twitch in your hands as those words left your lips . . . and how he immediately looked at you with such burning desire you almost shied away.
Yoongi looked flushed, his Adam’s apple bobbing once again as he nodded once. "I could do with a little," he rasped out.
You raised a brow. "A little?"
And Yoongi only responded by shooting a cheeky half-grin your way before he hooked his thumbs under the hem of his boxers and pulled them off his body entirely. He flopped back down on the mattress, arms out.
"Explore, little artist," he hummed, a prideful expression on his face as he glanced between his length and your face.
You only grinned in response, subtly challenging him. "Why stop there?" you voiced aloud, hands already inching toward the hem of his shirt. "Need my full life model.” You gathered his shirt in both hands and drew it over his head, tossing it to the floor.
A shared smile was passed between the two of you before you pressed a kiss to his lips, then pulled back, careful not to get caught up in the taste of him. With one hand, you pushed him back on the bed, giving you more room. He sent a nod your way as if to say, explore at your will.
And you did. He’d teased you enough last night, he’d even won the stupid bet . . . now . . . now you wanted to torture him just a bit.
With a small grin on your face, you trailed your finger down the center of his chest, moving slower than a snail. But Yoongi just sat there, watching you intently as you trailed your hands across his arms, his chest, his neck, even along the veins on his hands, generously neglecting his length which leaped and strained for your attention.
"When you said you wanted to explore . . . I thought there'd be more . . . exploring ," he gritted out, swallowing hard.
"Technically, I said map out," you simply hummed, your fingertip dipping to his pelvic region, tracing words against his warm flesh. This seemed to spark something in him, his cock twitching before your very eyes, making you hum a chuckle of amusement. " Needy ."
"Brat," he muttered out through clenched teeth. God, was he doing his most to keep himself restrained. It was almost . . . amusing (who were you kidding, it was definitely amusing).
"I'm gonna need more words from you," you taunted, clicking your tongue as you skipped your fingertips over his hip bone. "What exactly do you want me to explore, Yoonie?"
" Yoonie ," he mocked the nickname you’d called him with the shake of his head. “Such a tease."
With a devilish smile creeping on your face, you leaned forward and ran your tongue along the skin of his pelvic region. You pressed a kiss there near his hip bone when you were done and hummed out, “I'm waiting for the words.”
He sent you a look, jaw clenched and brows furrowed. "I want my dick in your mouth. That wordy enough for you?"
"Jeez, at least take me on a date, Casanova,” you taunted further.
Yoongi had his hands in his hair a second later, tugging on the strands. "I'll take you on another one later.”
You raised a brow. "Beg.”
A strained laugh escaped him. "You are not pulling one out of my book," he muttered, dragging his hands down his face. "Unbelievable."
You leaned forward, just barely brushing your lips against the tip of his cock. "It doesn't sound like you want me.”
"Fuck, OK," he practically whined out. "Please?"
You pulled away. "Mmm, not gonna cut it.”
But Yoongi threaded your hands together, running his thumb along your knuckles. "God, please, touch me. Touch me, angel. Please," he finally rushed out, giving in to your request.
You could only grin. One point for you. The two of you were tied. "Show me," you hummed, innocently squeezing his hand.
"You're really trying to make me work for it?"
"It's my job.”
Yoongi tongued his inner cheek, shaking his head at your grinning face. You could practically hear his thoughts, and god, did they amuse you.
So much so that the grin remained on your face as you unlocked your hand from his and touched it to his thigh. "Here?" you questioned, rubbing circles into the flesh.
Yoongi only shot you a look, jaw clenched and brows furrowed. Your amusement only grew further.
"Sorry, I'm a visual learner,” you hummed with a soft sigh, waiting for him to take the bait.
And he did. He grabbed your hand and dragged your touch to where you both secretly needed it. He curled his hand over yours, guiding you to wrap your fingers around his stiff length, showing you how to stroke it the way he desired.
Once you hooked one leg over his thigh, gaining more access, you guided your hand up and down his length, slow and taunting. His hand fell from yours, allowing you to run your thumb across the head of his blushing cock, tracing the flared ridge of the crown and the slit where precum gathered. It took everything in you not to dart out your tongue and lick a strip across the small dewy slit.
Then, almost as if he’d heard your thoughts, he choked out, "I don't suppose you . . . map out your models with your mouth, do you?"
Still wanting to tease him, you tsked, "That's just sinful.” Those words left your lips, and your hand was running down his shaft all the way to the root, then up again to smear the precum with your thumb across the tip of his length.
Yoongi breathed shakily through your soft touch, laughing slightly. "Sinfuh—fuck .”
But you cut him off before he could mock you, your desires and his getting the best of you as you flicked out your tongue to lick away the precum. The bitter salty taste of him coated your mouth, and that was all it took before you ran your tongue up the underside of his cock all the way to the head. You caught sight of his eyes on you, keeping your gaze locked with his as you flashed him a tiny grin before you took the tip of his cock into your mouth, immediately swirling your tongue around it.
His jaw visibly clenched, Adam’s apple bobbing as you kept your eyes on his before your lips slid downward, slipping over the crown and further down his shaft. Then, you hollowed your cheeks, slowly moving your head up and down his length, taking him further each time. And he was left a mess, teeth clenched so tightly you were sure he’d break one while his chest heaved up and down with such fervor.
Your movements quickened, tongue flat against the underside of his length while you moved your mouth around him, letting your hands stroke what you couldn’t swallow. And when he was panting quickly, cock throbbing in your mouth, you sunk down as far as you could, the tip of him hitting the back of your throat briefly.
That was when a low groan sounded from the back of his throat and he bucked into your throat, causing you to gag slightly. His hand was caressing your cheek in an instant, brushing his thumb across your cheekbone.
"Fuck, sorry, I didn’t mean to . . . “ he panted out, lazily looking at you through lidded eyes. “I just . . . wanna fuck your throat."
You released him from your mouth with a popping sound, catching your breath as you hummed, "All you have to do is ask, Yoon."
Yoongi propped himself up on his elbows, hand coming out to tilt your chin. "Hey, hey, baby, are you serious?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath.
"Mmm," you hummed, pressing a kiss to the tip of his cock, causing him to shudder.
"I need to hear the words," Yoongi all but whined.
That only spurred you on further. You pushed up, crawling toward him as you straddled his waist and leaned in so your lips were just barely grazing the shell of his ear. "I want you to fuck my throat, Yoongi,” you hummed, sweetly.
Yoongi shook his head, a dazed gummy smile spreading across his face. "You have no idea what you do to me,” he confessed, his voice confident, full of truth.
"I think I have a hunch,” was all you said in response, eyes flicking down to his aching length.
"No—“ Yoongi suddenly said, reaching out to touch your face, thumbs resting just under your jaw as they grazed the skin there— “more than that. More than . . . “
His words trailed off and he tilted your chin, causing you to lock eyes with him. The sight you saw only made you breathless. What was this emotion Yoongi held in those deep pools of brown?
Then, his brows twitched with longing and he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he whispered in the softest voice, “You unravel me . . . "
His eyes searched yours for understanding, and as they did, you felt your expression falter, your heart swelling in your chest. You unravel me.
You swallowed, awkwardly. "You must really want me to blow you."
"No, no—" Yoongi was quick to dispute, shaking his head— "Well, not no, but . . . honestly . . . truly . . . completely . . . you unravel me."
You unravel me.
There wasn’t a word to describe how you felt in that moment. You just kept staring into his eyes, hoping he’d see the words you couldn’t get yourself to admit.
You unravel me.
You’d loved Yoongi for years now. You knew this. It was the easiest thing for you to pinpoint, but in that moment as those words played in your mind, you thought perhaps love was not the right word to describe what you felt for him.
What you felt—that warmth blossoming in your chest—was more than that silly little word. Your feelings for him went beyond love. You wished there was a word to describe it better.
You unravel me.
Perhaps . . .
Perhaps that was the word you were searching for. You unravel me , and you were sure he’d done the same to you.
You unravel me, too, Yoon, you found yourself thinking as you grinned at the man laying beneath you with such adoration you nearly felt like one of your beloved paintings.
And with the wide, beaming smile on your face, Yoongi couldn’t help but smile back, shaking his head as his hand tangled in your hair. You wanted him. You wanted him in every way.
You’d shifted down his body a second later, taking his cock in your hand as you slapped it against your tongue. He laughed at your impatience and tightened the grip he had on your hair, gently pulling your head away from his length.
When you pouted at him, he faltered, wetting his bottom lip. "OK, shit, I'm gonna hold your hair and . . . you pull away if it's too much,” he rushed out, touching a hand to your face, thumb grazing your bottom lip. "OK?"
You took his thumb into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it before releasing it with a pop. "More than OK,” you hummed deep in your throat.
"You're gonna kill me, woman," he confessed, earnestly.
He was guiding your mouth down his cock in an instant, and you followed his lead, flattening your tongue and careful not to graze his shaft with your teeth. At first, your movements were slow, lazily trailing up and down his dick, hollowing your cheeks and swirling your tongue around the pink tip.
But then Yoongi’s grip on your hair tightened, and he bucked into your mouth, the head of his cock reaching your gag reflex. You breathed through your nose, forcing yourself not to gag as you emitted a soft moan while he repeatedly bucked into your mouth. Feeling more confident, you reached your hand out to massage his balls, coaxing a low moan—or rather a mix between a growl and a whimper—from the back of his throat.
"You're doing so good for me, baby," he rasped out, his words falling from his tongue like pants. "So fucking warm, so fucking ready. God, my girl. You're my fucking girl."
He bucked into you once more and steadied himself there in the back of your throat, feeling you moan around him. "That's it. Like that, fuck,” he groaned, sliding his dick back out once you gagged.
Your mouth was left hanging open, the tip of his dick resting on your tongue as you hastily breathed in, trying to catch your breath. A hand fell on your cheek, stroking the skin as you swallowed, soreness in your throat quickly forming as an unmistakable tear trickled down your face.
"Breathe, baby, breathe," he cooed, wiping away the tear with his thumb.
Once you’d caught your breath, your eyes snapped up to meet his as you swiped your tongue along the rim of his tip. He only grinned, shaking his head at you.
"One more?” he pegged the question, reading your thoughts. “Can you do one more?"
You nodded, swirling your tongue around the tip, teasing the small slit. And Yoongi only responded by rubbing your cheek once more before his hand was grasping your hair again as he slid his cock into your warm mouth. You moaned around him, clenching your thighs together at the feeling of your own slick pulsing out of you once you’d gotten a second taste of him.
He’d repeated his actions from before—slowly sliding your mouth up and down his shaft before he bucked into your mouth, rocking his hips. Your eyes began to burn, your mouth growing sore, but you persisted, swallowing around him as he fucked himself into your mouth.
"So fucking sweet to me," Yoongi hissed out, his voice almost a quiet whimper as he slid out of your mouth, allowing you to breathe.
As you caught your breath, he released your hair from his grip, curling it behind your ear before he moved his hand to stroke your cheek. You backed off of him once you caught your breath, sitting straight.
"You don't have to continue, angel," he gulped, tonguing the corner of his mouth. "I can get myself off. Take a break."
"Where's the fun in that?" you only laughed, still slightly out of breath, and throat feeling sore. "Besides . . . I thought you said you wanted to cum in me?" You quirked a brow, his eyes widened ever so slightly. "What if I want you to cum in my mouth?"
You took his shocked expression as a good sign, leaning down again and straddling his thigh before you bent to take him into your mouth. At the now familiar feeling, you hummed a pleasant sigh, the tight, wet friction creating enough pleasure to coax strained tuffs of air out of his lungs.
"Can I touch you?" he rasped out, desperately.
You nodded, cock still in your mouth. "Please," you mumbled, words muffled as you sank lower.
He slid his hand down your body, sliding under the hem of the boxers you wore. You moaned around him, the vibrations causing him to shudder as you widened your legs just enough for him to slip his hand into your wet heat. He sucked in air through his teeth at the feeling, slipping a finger into your folds and pressing his palm against your swollen clit, allowing you enough access to grind into him.
The two of you moved together, your mouth sliding up and down his cock while he pumped his fingers into you, moving his palm against your clit. He went faster, and you followed, both of you immersing each other in a pleasurable heat filled with soft moans and desperate pants. Heat pooled in your stomach. You were close, and you could tell he was too.
With that in mind, you pulled out one of your tricks, gathering enough saliva in your mouth to generously coat his cock before you let your hand take your mouth’s place, allowing for faster movements.
Then, you bent one of his legs up, allowing you access, which you took, mouth wrapping around his balls, sucking on them, swirling your tongue around them. You even flicked your tongue quickly against the small strip of skin just behind the swell of his balls.
It was a carnal act; one you’d normally be embarrassed by but now, with your orgasm quickly approaching, you didn’t care. You wanted him to cum, and you wanted to be the cause.
"Cum for me," you heard him rasp out as his cock twitched in your hand. "Can you cum for me, baby?"
You ground down faster against his palm, clit aching as you picked up your pace, jerking him quicker. Aching for him, you took him in your mouth again, sucking and moaning around him as you used your hand and mouth to bring him closer, and that was when you felt it—the coil in your lower stomach quickly approaching.
Yoongi rolled his head back onto the pillows, arching into your touch. "That's it. Fuck, that's—“
The coil snapped, and your muscles contracted, coaxing a breathy moan out of you. And then his own orgasm consumed him, cum shooting down your throat as you continued to stroke him through your high.
As the two of you came down from your highs, you swallowed his cum, sliding him out of your mouth with a pop. While, he drew his hand from your heat, sucking your release from his fingers before he reached for you, dragging you into his chest. Although still hazy, you managed to laugh against him while he peppered kisses into your hair, along your shoulders, your neck, even your cheeks, and finally on your swollen lips.
"Fuckin' perfect," he hummed, kissing you again. "You're fucking perfect." As he spoke through lazy kisses, he rubbed your cheek. "Did so good for me. Taking my cock like that. Swallowing all of me. Shit, baby. That mouth is a godsend. Fuckin' godsend."
"This is a new side to you, Min," you mumbled, wrapping an arm around his waist as you buried your face into his chest. "Submissive bitch."
"Brat," he tsked into your hair. "I should—“
But his words were cut off by the slamming of a door—the front door to your apartment. Your eyes widened, and you glanced his way, swallowing hard. Fuck .
"Please, tell me that's not Seokjin?" you hissed out, sitting up.
"Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but I think it is," Yoongi sighed, pursing his lips in thought.
Maybe he’d go straight to his room and not stop by Yoongi’s. Did you leave anything out in the main room last night? Fuck, did you? Maybe Seokjin wouldn’t notice. Maybe—
"Yoongi!" Seokjin’s voice came almost instantly, followed by him beating his fists onto the door of Yoongi’s bedroom.
The two of you sprung to your feet, Yoongi quickly grabbing his clothes and shoving them on. He’d gestured for you to hide as he made his way toward the door. He’d glanced your way one more time, making sure you were hidden in his closet before he ruffled his hair and swung the door open.
"Hey," he rasped out, clearing his throat.
"H—“ Seokjin cut himself off. "Woah, what happened to you?"
Yoongi only grumbled. "I'm not in the mood for games, Seokjin.”
(You stifled your laughter. He was always such a pain in the ass.)
" Seokjin ? God, you really are pissed," your brother mused, mocking the way Yoongi said his name. "You get lucky? Huh? Shit, are they still here? Is that why—“
"Jin . . . please," Yoongi cut him off.
Seokjin snickered. "You're shameless.”
"You're wearing your shirt backwards," Yoongi simply stated, deadpanning. "Courtesy of your special friend from last night?"
Seokjin only clicked his tongue, silently scolding the younger man. "You really need to stop hanging out with my sister," he muttered, bitterly. (You grinned ear to ear.) "You're starting to sound like her."
Yoongi shrugged, calmly. "She's rubbed off on me.”
It sounded as if Seokjin had leaned on the doorframe. "Where is she anyway?" he questioned with a sigh. "Her shoes are here but her room's empty."
"Oh," Yoongi bit out, his voice a little less than calm now. ( Keep up the act, Yoon , you thought.) "She came home last night, yelled something about how the heels were too small, grabbed those little slippers of hers, and booked it to Hari's."
That bitch. You were going to give him hell for that one later.
"Huh," Seokjin mused.
"Yeah . . . "
A beat of silence.
Then, Seokjin spoke again. "Well—“ he slapped a hand down on Yoongi’s shoulder— "Have fun with your friend . . . "
He was gone the next second, the sound of Yoongi shutting his door filtering through your ears. You’d stepped out of the closet then, arms crossed over your chest as you glared at the man standing before you.
" Little slippers of mine?" you huffed out, approaching him with a wrinkle between your brows.
Yoongi seemed to be amused by this, sending you an infamous half-grin before he leaned down to press his lips against yours. He pulled you closer by the waist, sighing into the kiss. And then . . . then he did something which shocked you—he brought his hand down on your ass, loudly slapping the flesh there.
You nearly gasped right then, but quickly covered your mouth. "He will literally hear you," you hissed out.
But Yoongi only silently shook with laughter. "Good thing he didn't come when my dick was down your throat.”
Your eyes widened, and you drove a finger into his chest. "You really are shameless," you scolded, your voice hushed.
He only winked in response, that cheeky grin never letting up.
Absolutely shameless.
In the following days, you and Yoongi had to admit the two of you were shit at keeping up this little act of yours. First, it started with the three of you gathering in the living room to watch a movie the day Seokjin had almost walked in on you tangled up with Yoongi in his bed. The entire movie Yoongi kept resting his hand on your thigh, a subconscious gesture that you hadn't even noticed until Seokjin called the two of you out on it. You'd nearly choked at his questions, but Yoongi kept his cool, shrugging off your brother's remarks and adding the gesture up to nothing. You'd nearly laughed, still reeling from that morning.
Then, just on the Tuesday of that week, Seokjin had walked in on the two of you passed out on the couch together, a mess of limbs. You'd only found out about this via a photo your brother sent in the group chat. Now, Yoongi had tried to tell you your brother didn't know anything, and the two of you had fallen asleep together even before this so there was nothing to worry about. But . . . you still worried.
The thing was: you didn't know how Seokjin would take the news. When the two of you were younger, there was no doubt he would've punched Yoongi in the face for even thinking about touching you. But now, you didn't know where he stood.
So walking on eggshells around your brother seemed like the best option for now.
Except, you didn't take into account that it would be so incredibly awkward around him anytime the topic of Yoongi was brought up. On Wednesday, he asked you if Yoongi had gone to his studio, and you quickly rushed out an I don't know , gaining an odd look from your brother before he shook his head and went off. See . . . that was the problem: you.
You couldn't lie to your brother.
Furthermore, you were tired of hiding how you felt towards Yoongi. You'd done that for nearly two decades. That felt more than enough time for you. Too much time, you thought.
Fortunately, on the Thursday of that same week, you knew for a fact that Seokjin wouldn't be home until late. So when you found yourself in the kitchen, attempting to make a recipe you'd looked up online, as Yoongi approached you, hands on your hips, you didn't flinch away. Instead, a pleasant sigh left you as you leaned back into his touch, resting the back of your head on his shoulder while he nudged his nose against the slope of your neck.
"I wanna take you to my studio next week," Yoongi mumbled into your skin, wrapping his arms around your waist and squeezing you closer.
You laid your hands on top of his. "Thank you for asking if my schedule's free, Yoon."
He sighed into your neck. "Sue me, I want my girlfriend to hear some of my work," he mumbled, kissing up the slope of your neck and breathing in your scent just under your ear where you'd spritzed some of your perfume earlier that morning.
But you weren’t focused on that.
No, you were focused on the term he'd used. Girlfriend . You suddenly felt sixteen years old again, yearning to hold hands with him as the two of you walked down the halls of your high school. Only Min Yoongi could make you feel like a lovestruck teenager again.
In your silence, Yoongi sighed into your neck once again. "Fine, are you free, baby?" he questioned, teasingly.
You only tilted your head, eyes on his profile. "Are we dating, then?"
Yoongi stilled behind you, slowly locking eyes with you as he searched them, looking for something. You offered him a smile, and his eyes softened, seemingly finding what he had been looking for as he hummed out, "I . . . would like to."
"Girlfriend? Hmm ," you tested the word on your tongue, then nodded. "I like the sound of that."
He smiled and pressed his lips against yours. "Good."
Your eyes lingered on his lips, wondering if you'd ever get used to this. With a complacent sigh, your gaze drifted back to the recipe on your phone, thoughts spinning mindlessly. "What do you want to show me?" you nonchalantly asked as you scrolled through recipe after recipe, trying to pick which one called out to you.
"Mmm, secret," Yoongi simply responded.
You lifted your head from your phone and tsked at him, "You're aggravating."
Yoongi pressed a hand to your hip, massaging the skin there. "You love it," he mumbled into your hair, nuzzling his nose against you as he slowly swayed the two of you in place.
You rolled your eyes. Cheeky bastard.
"What are you—"
But the sound of someone unlocking the apartment door, made the words die on Yoongi's tongue as the two of you glanced at the door in confusion. You shot Yoongi a perplexed look, finding him mirroring your expression before the two of you pulled apart, preparing for Seokjin to barge through the door.
And he did. In came Kim Seokjin, a muttering mess, talking to himself with his hands moving haphazardly through the air. He didn't even kick off his shoes as he entered the apartment. Something was off.
"Jin?" you questioned, calling your brother's attention.
His eyes flicked to yours, narrowing as if he was shocked to see you. Odd.
You set your phone down. "Thought you said you wouldn't be back 'till late?"
"Yeah, man, what happened to the meeting?" Yoongi piped in, grabbing a tangerine from the bowl on the kitchen island and beginning to peel it.
Seokjin only sighed, threading a hand through his hair. "Still happening. Plans changed," he grumbled, voice void of emotion other than irritation. "Forgot the USB for the meeting in—" he checked his wristwatch— "shit, in ten minutes."
He stalked off, trudging through the apartment and heading straight for his room. You and Yoongi shared a puzzled look for a brief second before Seokjin was grumbling out of his room again, USB secured between his thumb and pointer. He reached the apartment door again, about to bid the two of you goodbye when a flash of realization flooded his face and he snapped his fingers your way.
"Oh, by the way, mom called," he informed you, hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose before he dropped it to his side completely. "She wants to hear from you."
You only sighed. "I know. I know. I Just—”
"Kiddo . . . " Seokjin cut you off in a gentle voice, causing more confusion to swirl in your mind. His face fell ever so slightly at the sight of your wide, puzzled eyes, and all he could do was send a tight-lipped smile your way . . . almost as if he were being sympathetic. "The anniversary's on Saturday. Dad's . Call her."
Oh.
Those words caused your shoulders to drop as it dawned on you that you'd forgotten the anniversary of your father's passing. Dread filled you a second later and guilt lingered like a ghost. How could you forget that? It'd been haunting you for months now . . . how could you let it slip your mind?
You glanced over your shoulder, half-expecting to see your father's ghost looming there. But nothing met your gaze, and you could only think how maybe that was fate's cruel way of torturing you. Perhaps if you'd gotten to see him one last time before his passing then you wouldn't feel like this—stuck.
But that would've been too kind.
You could only have so much luck with fate. Eventually, the balance scale would have to tip both ways. You supposed this was fate's way of tipping the scale. You wished to tip it back. Desperately.
"I will," was all you managed out after a few seconds.
Then, Seokjin was off, sending you and Yoongi a nod before he stepped out the door, shutting it behind him and leaving the two of you to bask in the silence. But unlike before where you'd wallowed in it, standing alone with your head held low and arms wrapped around your body in a hug, you weren't met with that loneliness. Instead, Yoongi had reached you in an instant, bringing you into his chest as he rested his chin atop your crown and rubbed your back.
"I forgot," you mumbled into his chest, clutching the fabric of his shirt into your fists. "I can't believe I . . . "
"Hey, hey, it's OK," Yoongi whispered into your hair, handling you as if you were made of glass and he was desperately afraid to break you. "You were happy, don't feel sorry about that. It's been a long time since I've seen you like that." He kissed your hair. "Uh, I know it won't help but . . . I forgot Seokjin's birthday one year. He still won't let me live it down, but no harsh feelings. We're still tight. "
You rubbed your thumb against his clothed chest. "It's not the same, Yoon," were the words which left you in a soft, heavy tone.
"I know."
He hugged you tighter, combing his fingers through your hair now. You nestled closer, leaning your head on his chest as your eyes fluttered shut. The heaviness in your chest didn't let up but you found solace in one thing—you weren't alone . . . and you didn't have to go through this alone.
"I wish I could take it from you," Yoongi suddenly whispered after a few seconds, his voice unsteady.
You furrowed your brows. "Take what?"
"The pain."
Oh.
Your heart swelled and words gathered on your tongue.
However, your mouth never opened, and the words stayed trapped there, quickly dying out. The truth was: there were many things you could've said in response, but none of them ever felt quite right.
Because here he was, telling you he'd carry your pain for you, and all you could think was how much your heart beat for him. There were no words for that; there weren't any words to tell him just how much his comfort, his company, his entire being meant to you. So you settled for a comfortable silence, wrapping your arms around his waist, tugging him closer to you as you pressed a lingering kiss to his chest just above where his heart beat.
"I want . . . I want to comfort you . . . but I don't know how," Yoongi went on from there, gathering more courage to spill his thoughts.
"You already have," you hummed, smiling slightly. "You're here by my side, and neither of us is running away. You're here. That's comfort enough."
Yoongi nodded, hand still running through your hair as the two of you silently swayed in the kitchen of your apartment. And for once in your life, you realized you felt at home. This was where you wished to stay, but not because you'd grown up here in the city of Seoul, but rather because you finally felt . . . safe.
Safe.
A smile touched your lips. You could get used to that feeling.
"Are you still smoking?" Yoongi questioned after a while, and you knew what he meant.
"Sometimes," you admitted, sheepishly. "I haven't in a while, but . . . when things get hard I do. I don't, uh, I never mind." And you hadn't. Not since a few months ago.
"Then I won't let you out of my sight until this passes," Yoongi simply stated.
You shook your head, sighing out a mangled laugh. "Will it ever?"
A beat of silence.
Then, Yoongi spoke. "I think it will," he said, earnestly. "The pain will always be there, but . . . it'll get manageable. And I'll be here. Seokjin, Hari, everyone . . . we'll all be right here. You get the urge to smoke, just grab me and we can go fishing with your brother."
You couldn't help it, you snorted. "I literally hate fishing."
"I know," Yoongi hummed, chuckling slightly. "I do, too. Knife throwing, then?"
"Mmm, are you the target?" you mused, teasingly.
"Yah," Yoongi softly scolded, pinching your side. "You sure you're not the sadist?"
You only shook your head, giddily as you pressed further into him. Safe. This was what that felt like; it felt like him.
Another beat of silence passed.
Then one more.
Before he spoke again. "Just . . . promise me you'll come to me if it gets too much. You don't have to do anything alone ever again. Even if you think you have no one, you have me. You never lost me, OK? I'm here," he whispered into your hair, and you believed every word, wholeheartedly.
That deep belief was the exact reason you felt so comfortable only giving him a soft hum and nod of acknowledgment.
But Yoong liked words. So it was no surprise when he hummed out, "Promise?"
You softly snorted. "Promise."
Then . . . his hand drifted down your arm until he reached your hand, his pinky finger locking around yours. He mumbled something about you shaking on it, and all you could do was laugh in amusement.
You tilted your head enough to find his eyes with yours. "Aren't we getting too old to be keeping pinky promises?" you questioned with a wide, toothy grin on your face.
Yoongi only glanced down at you, mirth glossing his eyes as the corners of his mouth twitched. "Oh, absolutely . . . " he trailed off, gently squeezing your pinky with his.
And you simply rolled your eyes, a small playful smile still on your face before you tightened your grip on his pinky and shook. Another promise was shared between the two of you. One that wouldn't be broken.
You both swore that .
The anniversary of your father's passing came all too quickly.
You'd like to say the day went smoothly, but it'd passed with bumps in the road. From the moment you awoke, the abnormal rain beating down against your window was enough to tell you how the rest of the day would go.
Seokjin had driven the two of you to the train station to retrieve your mother and her new husband later that day. You'd said your greetings and shook hands with the new man in her life, but nothing went beyond simple conversation. Once you all slid into Seokjin's Porsche Panamera GTS (which your mother had complimented many times in just the first few minutes), you kind of clocked out, sitting silently while your brother and mother conversed, occasionally dragging her husband to share a little more about himself. All the while, you stayed silent, checking your phone every so often when Yoongi would send texts your way.
Your mother had brought up how successful Seokjin had been with the company, and it only spiraled from there . . . your mother going on and on about all the achievements that your brother had accomplished. Not once did she mention anything about your career.
It was clear she still didn't support the path you'd decided to take. You knew she hadn't. You knew she never did. The snide remarks only became worse after your father's death, oftentimes resulting in her phone calls turning sour once she brought up the fact that your father would be disappointed in the person you'd become. She claimed the daughter of a businessman shouldn't have wasted her life like you had.
You knew it was childish, but you could help but feel a certain jealousy toward your brother. Even now when the two of you were approaching your thirties, your mother still instilled that subtle competition onto the two of you.
But you knew no matter what the competition would always end the same way . . .
Seokjin would always be the golden child; and you the second child, the restless child.
Sometimes, even now, you wondered if maybe your father's opinion would've changed. If it did at all. Before his death, you remembered seeing him at your house right before you'd left for the train station. There, he'd caught you at the front door, a moment of silence passed between you before he gave you a simple nod and retreated back into his office. That was the last time you saw him.
You wondered if that nod meant more than a goodbye. Yoongi had told you months ago your father had been proud of you. Maybe, unbeknownst to your mother, the nod your father had sent your way before your departure . . . had actually been a nod of approval.
But how could you have known?
Your father had passed. He was one with the weeds now, and here you were along with your brother and mother (and god help you, her second husband), left to remember your father on the three-year anniversary of his death. There was no knowing what that nod truly meant. Not now anyway.
Now . . . it all felt a little bittersweet.
You couldn't help but sigh at your thoughts.
Today would be rough, you decided as you slowly shifted in your seat, tuning out the voices around you and leaning your head on the window, silently watching the streets of Seoul zip by. Your eyes traced a raindrop sliding down the window, wondering when you'd reach the restaurant your mother had booked for dinner. (She had the bright idea that since both her children were in the same place for once that having dinner as a family to remember your father was the right thing to do. You, however, wished you had the guts to decline the offer, but there you were anyway.)
Another sigh left you, then you felt a hand touch yours, gently squeezing. Your eyes flicked to the touch, discovering that Seokjin had reached out to grasp your hand, catching onto the discomfort you'd expressed. You glanced up at him, finding he was still glancing between the road and the rear-view mirror while conversing with your mother. But his hand was gone with one final squeeze.
A smile lifted onto your face. He'd wanted you to know he was there. The smile grew a little more.
Then, your phone buzzed in your lap, gaining your attention. You turned it on, only to be met with a text from Yoongi.
Yoonie
Blow a gasket yet?
You stifled your snort and unlocked your phone, quickly replying to him.
You
Almost. Still the black sheep, apparently
The three dots appeared immediately. Then the blue text followed.
Yoonie
I finished early.
Want me to meet you guys at the restaurant?
You sucked your bottom lip under the grasp of your teeth. You did want him to come. Really you did, but you didn't want him to feel like he had to. You—
Another text from Yoongi.
Yoonie
Don't do that self-doubt bullshit, angel.
Let me be there for you
You couldn't help it, you smiled. Then your fingers were typing for you.
You
I'll text you the address
Yoonie
That's my girl
It only took a few minutes before you interrupted your mother on one of her rants, and asked your brother the address to the restaurant, stating Yoongi wanted to join. You covered up your almost too obvious relief by claiming he wanted to see your mother to pay his respects. And that was that, Seokjin recited the address and you forwarded it to Yoongi.
The rest of the ride, you sat there silently, with a soft smile on your face.
Dinner only came with more problems . . .
. . . all starting with your mother's husband butchering his speech.
"I—uh . . . I've only been in your mother's life for a short time now, but I just—I wanted—I would like to say how much I'm thankful to be here with you all—you kids . . . today. I'm sure your father—uh your husband—Mr. Kim would be pleased to see you all together, so without further adieu—" your mother's husband stammered on, raising his drink— "a toast. To—"
"Oh, darling," your mother interrupted, lowering her husband's arm. "We only toast with champagne."
No, you didn't. She'd never done that before.
He blinked. "Oh, right."
Your mother simply smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Family tradition."
No, it wasn't.
"Well, I think that should start us off," your mother quickly stole the attention of everyone at the table, eyes immediately going to Seokjin before flicking between you and Yoongi. "How have you been Yoongi, dear?"
Yoongi leaned back in his chair. "Well," he hummed in a calm tone, lifting the rim of the beer bottle to his lips before taking a swig. "Everything's well. And you?"
“Splendid.”
Time ticked on from there, a few words being exchanged between Yoongi and your mother as she asked him about his job at the music company he was a part of. (You didn't miss the way she wrinkled her nose in judgment when Yoongi went on about the new album he had in the works, featuring various artists and even some with his own voice. She was still the same woman she always had been: too headstrong to see another path other than the one she knew.)
After a few faked smiles and meaningless words, your mother set her sights on Seokjin once again, smiling brightly at him while she questioned how the company was doing. They went on and on and on, all the while her husband sat idly by, nodding as words were exchanged. He seemed nice enough . . . maybe a little pathetic, but nice.
And almost too predictable, you sat silently, hands clasped in your lap as you occasionally picked at your food. She hadn't asked you a question in forty-five minutes, and you were beginning to think she wouldn't. Not that it bothered you too much, you'd already expected this. But what you didn't expect was to see Yoongi shift out of the corner of your eye as he placed his arm on the back of your chair, lightly stroking your shoulder with his thumb.
It was a simple gesture, but it was enough.
You glanced up, finding his warm eyes.
With Yoongi by your side, you could get through this meal. You could.
But . . . then you heard your mother's voice and this time her sights were set on you. Shit.
"So how have you been, dear?" your mother asked, a tight smile on her face.
You stayed silent for only a second, questioning if she were actually addressing you, and then you were speaking. "Oh, fine," you muttered out, clearing your throat. "I've been trying to get back into the studio and—"
Almost as if on cue, your mother cut you off with a scoff. "God, still? I thought after the contract you were going to give it up?"
"When have I ever said that? It's my career, mom," you instantly muttered out, clenching your hands into fists on your lap. "I'm just taking a break, trying to find a muse, if you will."
Your mother sighed, sipping from her glass as she glanced back at her husband. "Wouldn't you rather go back to school and do something noble?" she questioned, glancing at your brother next with her brows raised and a small smile on her face.
She'd always done this: taken little jabs at you. There was not a day that went by where your ears weren't filled with her little comments, pin-pointing one of your decisions that she had quickly claimed were mistakes. Dropping out of college? Mistake. Moving to Busan? Mistake. All of it. Your entire life had added up to one big mistake in her eyes.
Half the time you didn't know if she said the things she did to teach you a lesson or because she just wanted to hear herself talk. You didn't care either. It made your blood boil nevertheless.
But you'd learned not to talk back. It only made things worse. So with your blood boiling, you cleared your throat and averted your gaze to your plate, expecting her to go on and make her point.
Except . . . her voice never came. No, instead, the man beside you spoke.
"You don't think art is noble?" Yoongi questioned, his voice dark as he shook his head and scoffed. "Contributing to culture . . . that's not noble?"
Your mother's eyes were on him in an instant. Redact that— everyone's eyes were on him, even yours.
A second of silence passed. Then another. And one more before your mother released a strained laugh almost like she couldn't believe someone had actually questioned her words.
And then, she spoke. "I think my dear daughter got in over her head and now that her contract’s up she realizes what a big mistake she's made," she clarified, pursing her lips. "You always indulged her in these fantasies. I've never liked that." She glanced between your stunned face and the stern look in Yoongi's dark eyes. "Besides, it is none of your business. Off scamming people into buying overdone music. What would your father say?"
That snapped you out of your daze as you turned to face your mother, brows furrowed and lips in a straight line. "Mom," you began with a shake of your head. "Don't talk to him that way."
Your mother only clicked her tongue, but she didn't say a word.
In fact, no one uttered anything.
Until . . .
"Alright," Yoongi muttered under his breath, leaning an elbow on the table as he gestured toward your mother. "I apologize in advance but—Your daughter's work is impressive."
A scoff from your mother. "Please."
Yoongi clenched his jaw, a muscle twitching there. "Her drive, her technique, her entire essence is poured into each and every one of her pieces and people see that. People live off that. They admire it," he went on, his voice stern, but not as calm as it had been before. "She's only twenty-six and yet she's been all over—Paris, New Orleans, London, Melbourne . . . all—all over the States, and Europe and that's only the half of it. Do you know how rare, how groundbreaking that truly is?"
Your mother stayed silent, but ever so uptight. She didn't dare glance your way.
And Yoongi only continued from there. "It's sad how you can't see it . . . " he trailed off. His eyes flicked to yours as he inhaled sharply, but the breath was barely audible. You, however, had heard it, and your brows twitched, wondering what he was thinking. He'd answered your wonderment shortly. "She has spent the last four years building her career up, inspiring people all over the world, and still . . . a few words from you and I see her revert back into herself."
You swallowed hard, placing a hand on his forearm. "Yoongi, you don't have to."
He'd only shook his head, a soft smile on his face that was only meant for you. "I know, but . . . I want to."
I want to. You closed your eyes, soaking in his words.
He'd turned back to meet your mother's cold gaze a mere second later. "The world never teaches you how to dream, but it always promotes competition. You've been pitting the two of them—" he pointed between you and Seokjin— "against each other from day one, and she's too good to say anything, but I'm not. I've seen what you've done. The way your words broke her down . . . but she always got back up. She's always kept going, and it paid off." He tongued the inner corners of his mouth, scoffing slightly with a shake of his head. "If that's not admirable . . . if that's not noble , then I don't know what is."
"I see," was all your mother said.
It was enough, however, to coax a sigh out of Yoongi as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry. I know I'm making a scene, but . . . you don't get to sit there and treat her like that," he uttered out, gesturing toward your mother once again. "You don't want to support it, support her, then fine. She doesn't need your bullshit support anyway. But . . . you best respect her. She deserves that much."
And all that met him was the silence. All eyes remained on him, but yours especially never left his face.
"Well . . . " Seokjin coughed out after a painful minute of piercing silence. "The pork belly here is really good."
All eyes lifted off Yoongi, shifting toward Seokjin before the three of them immersed themselves into quiet conversation once again. You knew your mother would never let Yoongi live this down, but for now, there was nothing left to say. Even so, your eyes remained on Yoongi's hardened face, desperately wishing to spill everything on your mind.
At that moment, you were reminded of the silly promise you'd made to each other when you were kids. He'd always have your support, and you'd always have his. You'd promised each other that . . . and he'd kept that promise today.
Your hand met his a second later, squeezing. Carefully, you watched as his eyes flicked to your hand in his, then slowly flick up to meet your gaze.
A smile tipped onto your lips. Thank you, it seemed to say.
He smiled back, threading his fingers together with yours. Always, he'd replied by grazing your knuckles with his thumb.
You'd decided to ride home with Yoongi, bidding farewell to your mother at the restaurant before you slid into his car and the two of you took off. There was nothing left to say to your mother. She didn't want to talk to you anyway. Bringing up what had happened at the restaurant would only start a fight you didn't have the energy to deal with, so going home with Yoongi was your best option (it was also the only option you even wanted to think of).
And while the ride to the apartment was silent, it was not uncomfortable. His hand stayed tangled with yours the entire drive. It wasn't driven by heat or anything like that; it was just a simple touch, a simple comfort for the both of you.
I just want to feel that you're there.
Reminds me that this is real.
Those had been his words he'd shared with you the night of your date, and they'd stuck with you. You were sure they always would. Reminds me that this is real. It was. You found solace in that.
His words remained on your mind as he pulled into the parking lot and the two of you made your way up to your apartment. Only once you got inside, and flicked off your shoes, did you turn to Yoongi, drowsily rubbing your face before you entered his room and laid on top of his bed, snuggling into his pillow. He'd only laughed in response, saying something about Seokjin being home soon, but nevertheless curled up right beside you, tugging you into his chest.
The two of you just laid there, a mess of limbs, relishing in the sound of each other's quiet breathing. This was real.
"Is this awkward now that you've seen my dick?" Yoongi abruptly muttered into your hair.
And you couldn't help it, a loud laugh escaped you. You knew what he was doing. You knew his words had only left him in an attempt to cheer you up with everything that had happened that day. (You'd be lying if you said it didn't work a little.)
"More than seen it," you softly replied with a small smile on your face.
He tugged you closer in response, one arm securing around your back with the other tangled in your hair, massaging your scalp. You relaxed into his touch, breathing in his scent—a mix of jasmine and wood. You realized you finally felt at peace there in his arms. That only made you smile wider as your eyes fluttered shut and you nuzzled your cheek into his chest.
This was real.
But time ticked by and you grew anxious, wishing to tell him how much you appreciated what he had done for you that night. He'd always shown his elders respect, so standing up to your mother like that was uncharacteristic of him. He'd done it for you, and that meant more to you than you could even begin to fathom.
You bit the inside of your cheek, releasing a soft sigh. "Thank you . . . for back there," you mumbled, rubbing your hand up and down his chest, finally stopping just above his heart where you drew circles with your pointer. "I just . . . I can't stand up to her."
"You will . . . one day," Yoongi simply replied, pressing his lips against your forehead.
Time ticked by. You weren’t sure how much, you just let it drone on, allowing yourself to melt completely into Yoongi's arms. It must have been at least half an hour later when the front door to the apartment clicked open and shut a second later, followed by shuffling footsteps approaching Yoongi's open bedroom door.
Neither of you bothered to rip apart, Yoongi whispering reassurance in your ear that your brother wouldn't catch on. And you put your faith in him, tilting your head slightly just in time to see Seokjin step under the threshold of the door. You gave a soft laugh and waved him into the room.
A soft sigh left Seokjin as he stepped into the room. "Move over," he huffed, approaching the two of you on the bed and climbing onto it, shifting onto the open spot just between you and the wall. With a strained groan, he laid down, his back on the bed, shifting one arm under his head while the other lazily draped over his stomach.
You poked his armpit, earning another groan before you turned back to Yoongi and laughed into his chest. Yoongi only patted your head, smiling down at you.
Seokjin smacked the back of your head in retaliation, and you only laughed more. And while it was dark, you were sure your brother had a small smile on his face as well. Nevertheless, his words changed the course of your mind as he hummed out a, "Well . . . that happened."
You, of course, knew what he was talking about: the dinner.
And Yoongi did too, as he stiffened under your touch.
"Are you mad?" you found yourself asking.
Seokjin only gave a dry laugh. "God, no, I just didn't want to fight with her," he explained, clicking his tongue and then inhaling deeply. "She's just . . . she has a strong personality."
You nodded. Then, your hand was reaching out to pinch his side. "Yeah, you're just like her," you teased, wishing the heaviness of the day would just disintegrate if you tried hard enough.
"With that logic, you're just like dad," Seokjin retorted, flicking your hand away.
With that, you dropped your hand. Maybe there was some truth to his words. Maybe . . . maybe you really were like your father. Parts of him could've been seen in you. You knew that. You just wished you knew what parts of him you'd inherited.
You swallowed, hard, feeling at a crossroads once again.
And as if sensing your shift in mood, you felt Yoongi's hand trail down your arm, nails grazing the slope as they reached the palm of your hand then spread out to your fingers, all the way up to the tips. It was a comforting gesture, one that numbed your mind, and you found yourself sighing into him.
"He would've hated that," Seokjin's voice came again, tearing you from your mind. "The dinner . . . "
Yoongi snorted.
And you laughed. "Oh, completely. He would've walked out within the first five minutes."
"Snuck out the bathroom window or something," Seokjin added with a shake of his head.
"He wouldn't even go that far to hide it," you countered, humorously. "He'd just leave."
"You're right. You're right."
But while the silence enveloped the three of you, the darkness consuming your sight, your mind began to wander. All you could think of was the funeral. You'd stayed until the end, then hopped on a train as soon as it was over. You hadn't stopped once to let anyone approach you or to ask how your brother or even how your mother was taking it. You'd just left.
How could you just leave like that?
How could you—
The floodgates had begun to tremble and you knew what was happening. Fuck. No, no, no. You didn't want to cry. Not now.
You just . . . you'd spent so long running from feeling all of this, from mourning the death of your father that it'd begun to build and build and build. And now? There was nowhere to run . . . and you didn't want to. Not anymore. Not again.
That, however, didn’t make this any easier. Letting yourself feel wasn't something you were used to. So with an unsteady mind and fear pounding in your chest, you opened the floodgates . . . willingly this time. The tears followed short, your entire body convulsing with quiet sobs.
You felt your brother and Yoongi go stiff as you quietly sobbed, quickly bringing your hand to your mouth to cover the sounds. And they let you, knowing this . . . this was what you needed.
"I just don't get it," you gasped out. "We weren't even that close. Why do I miss him so much?"
Yoongi hadn't released you from his grip, him squeezing your arm made you realize this. "Because there was a chance you could've been closer," he mumbled, whispering it to you both and Seokjin, knowing the both of you needed to hear those words.
A second of silence passed.
Then, a hand fell to your hair, petting the back of your head, and you knew the hand belonged to Seokjin. His voice filtering through your ears a second later confirmed these thoughts. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing right by him with the company," he admitted, shocking you so.
What?
But . . . Seokjin had always been so sure of his decisions, always so sure of himself.
You glanced over at him, brow furrowed in confusion. "How do you mean?"
Seokjin swallowed so hard it echoed in the air before he muttered under his breath, "Mom thinks I'm doing so great, but . . . If I make the wrong move, I could tank the company . . . that would be like letting him die in vain." He shook his head, and when he spoke again, you could hear the uneasiness in the way his voice wavered. "Sometimes when deals fall through or I fuck up a meeting . . . it feels like I'm failing him."
Oh. You’d never thought he felt that way. He was Seokjin, the golden child. He didn’t doubt. He never had. So then . . . ?
A bitter laugh left your brother. "His shit's still there, in that office. His telescope's sitting there and I swear sometimes I can still see him standing there, looking out of it at the moon . . . and then I hear him and I can never tell if he's saying he's proud of me or if I've failed him."
And then you realized.
Growing up, Seokjin had always needed affirmations. He'd always sought them out, and he'd looked for them with his head held high. He'd made it known to your parents how a new watch for acing a test was what would let him know he'd done well. You'd never been that way. You'd always sought out their approval, silently, so silent that perhaps they hadn't even noticed just how much you needed it. You'd always paved your own way, searching for your own approval while Seokjin looked to his parents, knowing exactly what he wanted and how he was going to get it. You saw this now.
While you had been quiet, Seokjin had been vocal.
It was as simple as that. The two of you were different: two sides to the same coin.
Perhaps your parents had seen this too. Perhaps your father had.
And maybe you were looking too much into it, or maybe . . . maybe you were right. But . . . with your father's passing, he'd signed all of his materialistic things in Seokjin's name from his company to the watch he'd always worn. He'd done this to show his son he could continue on his name, and in doing so, he'd make him proud. While . . . he'd signed away a large sum of his savings in your name. Maybe . . . maybe he'd done that because he knew you'd use that money for what you wanted, not for what everyone else desired. He knew you'd take that money and do something good, something grand, something utterly you.
Perhaps that was his own way of letting you know you'd made him proud.
He was proud of you, and he'd be proud of you now, Yoongi's words filtered through your ears as you remembered what he told you your first night back in Seoul. And you chose to believe that.
Your father had been proud of you. He knew you would find no use, no inspiration in the materialistic things he'd once owned. No, he'd left you that money so you could do something more.
A smile lifted onto your face as you realized this. Your father would be proud to see what Seokjin had done with the company, and he'd be proud to see what you'd done with your career. You chose to believe this.
And you chose to admit it aloud as well.
With a nod of your head at your thoughts, you reached out to squeeze your brother's arm. "Dad would be proud of you, Jin," you spoke softly and quietly as a single tear slipped down your cheek. This time you didn't wipe it away. "He left you all that . . . so when you looked at it, you'd see him. Those were his prized possession. I think, in a way, you were too." You nodded once more. This was the truth. "He was proud of us , in his own way . . . and he'd be proud to see how the company turned out."
A second of silence passed before Seokjin rested his hand atop yours. Thank you, the gesture seemed to say and you only offered him a smile in the dark.
The silence was lighter now as it encircled the three of you in its embrace. Perhaps the truth wasn't so scary after all.
Minutes later and you swore you were almost drifting off into sleep when Yoongi shifted beside you and groaned, "Are we all really about to sleep in my bed?"
Your brother barked out a laugh. "Afraid so, Min."
Yoongi only grumbled in response.
"He's such a grouch," Seokjin tsked.
You nodded. "Tell me about it."
"I can hear you," Yoongi bit out, pinching your side.
A soft laugh left you as you twitched in his arms. "He says that like that wasn't the point."
"He's just—"
But Yoongi cut your brother off before he could speak. "Yah!" the man hissed, pulling away from you and turning on his side, his back now facing you. "If you're both going to sleep in my bed, then at least shut the fuck up."
His outburst brought a certain silence once again, you and Seokjin stifling your laughter before your brother turned away from you and faced the wall, rolling onto his side. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest, and that was when you complacently sighed and turned to face Yoongi's back.
A soft smile twitched onto your lips as you shuffled closer to him, snaking an arm around his waist. Yoongi immediately grabbed your hand, tugging you closer to him as he intertwined your fingers with his and pulled it to his chest. You shook your head in amusement and placed your cheek against his back, nuzzling closer to him.
You knew wrapping yourself up into Yoongi like this was risky considering it could give Seokjin the hint that the two of you were more than friends. But you didn't care. You'd try to figure out a lie later if he asked. But right now . . . right now you just wanted to blissfully drift off into sleep with the scent of jasmine and wood consuming your being.
And you did exactly that.
True to his word, the following week you found yourself staring up at the tall corporate building with Yoongi standing by your side, taking in your stunned expression with mirth in his eyes. You knew he'd belonged to one of the largest music companies in the country, but you'd never seen it in person, only in photos, so standing before it, realizing just how small you were compared to the building towering over you, felt a little unreal.
Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Yoongi approach the front doors. You cleared your throat, clutching the hem of your skirt to tug it down before you followed after him (yeah, yeah, yeah, you knew it was stupid to wear a skirt in the beginning of November, but hey, the weather was on the warmer side, so fuck it).
Once inside, many people greeted Yoongi, mumbling a good morning to him, and then referring to him as Suga . You’d only quirked your head to the side in confusion as you followed him into the elevator, then down a hall.
Only then did you address your confusion. "Suga, huh? Stage name?"
He glanced over at you and flicked your nose. "So smart, dollface.”
"Fuck you," you grumbled, swatting at his hand. "Why Suga?"
"Stands for shooting guard.”
You snorted. "You are so predictable.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he huffed before he glanced around, then tugged you down another empty hall. Instantly, he slapped your ass, chuckling when you jumped at the touch.
You shot him a dirty look.
Yoongi ruffled your hair. "You're lucky we're in public, you know?" he spoke under his breath before he tugged you further down the hall, not giving you enough time to adjust to the warmth pooling in your lower stomach at his words.
Finally, he stopped in front of a door in the middle of the hall, and you were left to observe. A keypad met your eyes, and then you caught sight of the sign labeled Genius Lab , and you couldn’t help but snort.
"Genius Lab?" you mused, quirking a brow at him.
He glanced over his shoulder at you. "Something funny?"
"Nope, nope, nothing.”
A click of his tongue was your only response as he dipped to punch in the passcode.
"Passcode, too?” you remarked, teasingly. “Wow, I'm impressed you've managed to remember it.”
The lock beeped, unlocking as Yoongi rested his hand on the handle but didn’t shove it open. No, instead, he turned to look at you once again, this time sighing. "Yeah, well, when you forget it once and lock yourself out for four days, you tend to make it a point not to forget it again," he admitted, a little bashfulness to his tone.
"Again," you hummed. "Predictable."
Yoongi only rolled his eyes before he pushed the door open. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, get your ass in there," he huffed, shoving you inside the small studio.
Once inside, your eyes widened. All around you laid equipment, a desk and a chair to match among other things that just had Yoongi written all over it. But what caught your eye was his old basketball jersey hanging up on his wall as if overseeing all of his success.
You remembered that jersey.
Before one of his games, he’d asked you to sign the inside of it, claiming it’d give him good luck. And you’d signed it willingly with a wide, toothy grin on your face. You’d almost forgotten but there it was staring right back at you, and you couldn’t help but smile.
You even found yourself approaching it, hand stretched out to check if your name was still there. “You still have—Ow!"
But you never reached the jersey. Instead, Yoongi slapped your ass once again, this time harder, halting you in your actions before he sat down on the gaming chair with a cheeky grin on his face. Under your harsh gaze, he leaned back, arms resting on the armrests as he spread his legs while raising his brows at you. That same damned grin remained on his face.
"Yoongi, seriously?” you all but spat.
Yoongi bit the tip of his thumb, eyes dragging down your figure. "Sorry, couldn't resist.”
You only crossed your arms over your chest. "What if someone heard that?”
"Soundproof.”
"Oh.”
(You ignored the warmth pooling in your stomach at what that tiny detail entailed.)
Yoongi grinned wider. "C'mere," he commanded, patting his thigh.
And you couldn’t resist. You reached him, sitting down on his lap and leaning your back against his chest as he shifted underneath you to secure his arms around your waist. His chin rested on your shoulder, and he hummed a sigh of relief. Perhaps he felt safe with his arms wrapped around you, too.
"So this is it?" you found yourself asking, eyes still searching the dim-lit room.
"Were you expecting more?"
"No, I didn't mean it like that," you mumbled. "I mean . . . this is it. This is your life. It's you." You turned to face him, smiling. "I just—Thank you for sharing it with me."
"You're a part of my life," Yoongi simply said. "A big part of it. I wanted to share this with you."
You couldn’t help it, you scrunched your nose just as you felt your heart swell in your chest. "You really are just a big sap, you know that, Yoon?" you all but giggled before you pressed a kiss to his nose.
"Shut it.”
Another laugh came from your lips. You averted your gaze to the equipment laid out in front of you, your mind wandering. "So, is this why you wanted to take me here?" you questioned your thoughts aloud. “To share this with me?”
"Yes and no," Yoongi mumbled against your skin. It was almost as if he were hiding himself from your view. "I wanna . . . wanna show you something."
The next second he was reaching for a black notebook placed neatly at the corner of his desk. He slapped it down in front of you, and began turning the pages.
He paused his page flipping. "I told you about the new album I'm writing, right?" he asked.
You nodded.
Then he gripped the page in between his fingers, seemingly hesitating for a mere second before he sighed and continued flipping until he paused to reveal a page consumed by messy handwriting.
Was this one of his songs?
But Yoongi’s voice filtered in through your ears before you could get too inside your head.
"It's, uh, it's different from my other work. There are still different artists weaved into certain songs, but for the most part, it's all me: the lyrics, the music, the voices . . . " he trailed off, tapping the page. "I got the idea almost a year ago now. I just—I wanted to try something different, you know? And inspiration struck so I just kept writing and writing, and the album kind of . . . wrote itself?"
"Is this you saying I get to have a sneak peek?"
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so," he chuckled under his breath as his hand trudged through his hair. "I've been experimenting with rap and I'm taking vocal lessons too, so there's some of that. I wanted it to be raw, you know? Real." He wet his bottom lip, glancing at the side of your face briefly. "Every song's inspired by something that’s happened in my life, so I guess . . . I guess I wanted an outside opinion to see if it's shit or not."
You only grinned at his response, eyes meeting his. "Min Yoongi, are you nervous?" you taunted, poking his side.
"If that's what you call this—” he tongued the inner corners of his mouth— “then yes," he sighed humorously before he trudged his hand through his hair once more.
"You're so cute.”
"God, don't call me that.”
You clicked your tongue at his response. "OK, OK, let me hear it.”
He looked at you for a second as if hesitating, then he reached for the headset resting on the desk and placed them over your ears. He went to work after that, turning on the computer and sifting through his folders until he reached the file he desired. Then, with an inhale, he hovered the mouse over it and took a glance your way.
"There's one song that I think needs tweaking, so . . . it's up to you to tell me what's shit about it and what's not, got it?" he informed you, his words sounding awkward on his tongue.
"Yoongi, I don't know anything about music," you reassured him.
"Bullshit," he playfully scoffed. "You grew up with me, you've got to have a good ear on you."
"No promises.”
He only responded with a shake of his head.
A second of silence passed.
Then, he spoke again. (God, he really was nervous.)
"OK . . . this is an older work. I've switched it up a little over the years, added lyrics, but by lyrics I mean it's got my tone-deaf voice on it so you've gotta keep that in mind," he warned as he tongued the corners of his mouth again. "If it's shit, it's shit. Spare me the looks, just ask to move on and we'll move on."
"You really are nervous," you mused. Then, you leaned forward, squinting your eyes at his forehead before you tapped a finger to his brow. "Is that sweat?"
He swatted your hand away. "Yah, don't tease me.”
You only snorted, waving him off as you turned your attention to the computer.
His voice came again, even more hesitant now. "Oh, and um . . . here—" he tapped the notebook again, drawing your eyes down to the words sloppily written across the page— "it's the lyrics. The rough draft anyway. Just . . . read along while it plays and uh . . . make any marks you think best."
You nodded. "Press play, Yoon."
"Right.”
The song began with the soft strumming of a guitar, creating a simple melody in your ears. You touched your hands to the headset over your ears, a soft smile lifting onto your face. It was silly but you could’ve sworn you’d heard this song before. Then, his soft, deep voice joined the soft guitar. His voice was breathy and slightly off-key but it worked with the overall soft hum of the song . . . but your mind was still stuck on the rhythm of it, the tune, the ambiance. It felt almost nostalgic to you.
And then as the song played on, you realized where you had heard it before.
This . . . this was the same song Yoongi had first ever composed. It was the same song he played at his first gig; the first song you thought might have been composed for you; the song he played the night at his bar. This song you now knew had been for you, but you hadn’t understood the extent of it until that very moment.
As his voice filtered through your ears, going into another verse, your face slowly fell. You weren’t upset or anything of the sort . . . rather . . . you had caught onto what he was saying, what he was telling you through the lyrics. You’d first thought it to be a thank you when he’d played it at the bar, but now . . . you were sure this was an apology.
You blinked, eyes burning as you flicked your gaze down to the notebook. You flipped a page, searching for the verse playing in your ears, and when you found it, you couldn’t ignore the lump in your throat that had begun to form.
You can let it go, you read and your heart swelled in your chest.
This . . . this was written for you; for the years you’d been burdened by life. It was an apology, a thank you, an ode to you.
An ode . . . there . . . that put you at rest. It was an ode.
You lost yourself in the song, the lyrics, the guitar, all of it in that moment. And you just let it consume you.
The song trailed on for another verse, but your mind was too preoccupied spinning and spinning farther away from you. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it. This was the song he’d first composed, the same one he’d shared with you on that train when you were kids, the same one he’d played for his first gig, the same one he’d played the night at his bar. This was the song he’d written long ago and . . . he’d written it for you.
Your mind only spiraled from there . . .
It all made sense now.
You couldn’t stop yourself. The next second you reached forward and restarted the song, letting the tune consume you. The lyrics were more clear now, and you had to stop yourself from gasping as the song filtered through your ears once more.
The song began painting the image of you and Yoongi riding your bikes to catch the train—the very train that would take you to the art gallery . . . to your first show. You’d had no care in the world back then. Everything was not a big deal, because you hadn’t let it become one. You only realized just how blind you were to the rest of the world when you returned home that same night and had to face the music.
The backlash you’d received from your parents when you returned, Yoongi by your side, hadn’t bothered you then. It hadn’t been a big deal, not when Yoongi had looked at you with pride and adoration in his eyes. It didn’t matter if your parents didn’t support you, you’d done well. Your own support along with Yoongi’s had been enough for you back then.
It was still enough now.
The next verse delved into the many celebrations you'd had on your own, not bothering to invite your parents. An image of you surrounded by the smiling faces of your friends greeted you then. A warm feeling bloomed in your chest as you remembered the surprise Hari had orchestrated after you sold your first painting.
All the other times you’d thrown little party after little party after each success crossed your mind then. You’d never invited your parents, instead sharing your achievements with your close friends over a few bottles of wine. That little family you’d found on your own had been enough for you.
It still was.
However, as the song played on, the gentle baritone of Yoongi's voice mixed with the subtle guitar, you realized there was one particular verse that your brain stuck on. Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside, the lyrics filtered in through your ears as you pin-pointed the verse on the notebook, checking with your very eyes to see if you'd heard it correctly.
When you saw the exact words splayed out on the paper, Yoongi's notes written in the margin lines, you couldn't help the twitch in your brow. He'd truly written that. That was exactly how you knew the song had truly been for you. And as your eyes flicked up to catch the title of the song splayed out in chicken scratch at the top of the page, your suspicions were further confirmed.
Matilda. That had been the song’s title.
Matilda. The silly little movie you’d watch over and over again as a kid, oftentimes forcing Yoongi to sit through it with you.
Matilda—the tether that had been keeping the two of you bound to each other for years now.
That silly little movie had helped you through the darkest of times, relying on it like a crutch. It'd kept you going, serving as your drive. In other words, Matilda had been your inspiration, and you had been Yoongi’s Matilda. You realized now he had been yours for a while now, too.
He’d brought the sun to the darkest days. Truly. He’d been your helping hand, pulling you out of the darkness, and you’d done the same for him. An eternity of pushing and pulling at one another, simultaneously keeping each other afloat in the dark abyss of life.
The suspicions you had of the song mapping out the course of your life bit by bit, only furthered when you listened closely to the next verse. Yoongi's voice came from the headset, whispering that you didn't need to be sorry for leaving your hometown and growing up. He'd reassured you there was nothing left for you. You'd deserved to move on; deserve to live for yourself instead of for everyone else.
Your heart swelled. For so long you’d been burdened by leaving home for a better life. You tried to figure out why it bothered you so, not realizing all you really needed was for someone to tell you it was going to be alright. You’d only needed a little reassurance all along.
His voice filtered through your ears again, another deep baritone verse began to play, painting an entirely new picture. The song went on to repeat how you didn't have to be sorry for doing it all on your own; for living your life on your own. You swallowed hard. You'd done it all on your own.
And you really had.
You’d done it on your own because you’d believed you had to. You didn’t need to do that anymore, to guard yourself so harshly.
You didn’t need to do it alone anymore. But all the same, you didn’t need to apologize for going off and leaving your parents behind.
What happened was not your fault. You’d loved your parents in your own way. While there may have been regrets, there was no need to stick this burden upon yourself.
Another verse, and the voice—Yoongi's voice—was reassuring you that they—your family; the words of the past—couldn't hurt you anymore as long as you could let them go. As long as you could let the past go, release it from your grasp, and release yourself from its burden . . . then you could truly live.
Forgiveness was what you needed. You needed to forgive them. Then, you needed to forgive yourself.
You’d repented long enough. It was time to let the past go.
The song slowly sang the last two verses, the words the same. But a simple line stuck out to you. It was Yoongi singing, his voice lower compared to the rest of the song, his words painting the picture that you could surround yourself around people who would always be there, who would always support you. You didn't have to seek their validation.
As the song iterated, this family that you could start all on your own would be yours. It wouldn't be tainted by the past. It was yours, not your mother's or your father's ghost . . . it was just utterly yours.
You could move on; you could let yourself move on.
And just like that, the floodgates opened . . .
Unable to stop yourself, you blinked, more tears trickling down through the floodgates and onto your cheeks. You never knew he could see just how much the burdens placed on you by your parents had wielded your mind. You never knew he’d seen that part of you—the part of you still searching for validation with wide, hopeful eyes.
You can let it go, the song had sung. These were the words he couldn’t say but so desperately wanted you to know.
It was a simple message.
He’d told you long ago that jazz had started in a little place in New Orleans where no one could speak to each other, so they spoke through music. He’d spoken to you through this song . . . and you’d heard him.
You heard him.
And he saw you.
A hand touching your arm was the only thing to bring you out of your trance. You blinked, a few more tears trickling down your face as you glanced over your shoulder to meet Yoongi's searching gaze. He looked almost . . . anxious. It was cute, you thought.
"So?" he muttered out, clearing his throat when he heard the hoarseness of his voice. "What'd you think?" He wiped away your fallen tears with his thumbs.
You only stared at him, taking him in. For a long time now, you hadn't truly looked at Yoongi. But there he was, staring right back at you and you couldn't help but get wrapped up in his features. From his button nose to the smile lines just in the crinkle of his eyes, you took all of him in. Your eyes even fell upon the small freckle on his nose, and you remembered you'd claimed it as your favorite thing about him when you were a mere child. It still remained one of your favorite things about him.
But Yoongi, more anxious than he'd ever let on, shifted beneath you, averting his gaze briefly as a hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Is it creepy?" he sighed, closing his eyes in regret. "Fuck, it's a creep move, isn't it? I knew—"
"Min Yoongi," you quickly cut him off with a soft laugh, "you really are a sap at heart."
Slowly, Yoongi glanced up, eyes wide. "What?"
You laughed a little louder in response.
God, you loved him.
"You wrote me a song," you simply said, a toothy grin still on your face.
His expression lifted at your words, then he tilted his head, screwing up his face as he strained out, "Well . . . "
It was your turn to widen your eyes in astonishment. "An album ?"
Yoongi sent you a sheepish tight-lipped smile, and nodded. "Is it entirely too . . . sappy to say you've been—" he shrugged, thinking of his words before he continued— " something of a muse to me?"
"Yes, entirely. "
"Guess I'm fucked then."
You shook your head, your cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling. But you didn't care. This was bliss.
And in your blissful haze, you shifted in his lap a little more, wrapping your arms around his neck before you pressed your lips against his. The kiss was fleeting, but it managed to warm your entire being, providing a comfort you never thought you'd need.
You pulled back a second later. "No, not entirely fucked," you mused, kissing his nose, right on the freckle you adored. "You're lucky I'm so self-absorbed." A click of your tongue, and you continued. "I mean, don't get me wrong, this is totally just charity work, but what can I say? I just love my fans."
Yoongi's eyes roamed over your face as he shook his head. "You're the worst," he hummed, a hint of a smile twitching at his lips while his hands remained at your waist, keeping a steady grip on you.
"Clearly, not," you taunted, brows furrowing. "I mean damn, you're giving me a big head."
A low groan escaped Yoongi as he tilted his head back, baring his neck to you. "The worst," he muttered, his Adam's apple bobbing as he spoke.
That was enough to set you off, lust immediately filling you.
What?
He had a beautiful neck. God, did he ever.
Almost subconsciously, your hand came up to fist the hair near the nape of his neck, tugging it back ever so slightly to reveal more of his neck to you. You only grew greedier as your mouth attacked his neck. You licked a long strip up the column of his neck, running over his Adam's apple, and vocally voicing your approval when you felt him swallow under your touch.
You continued your exploration of his neck, pressing open-mouth kisses up his jaw, lapping and swirling at the skin as you made your way to his ear. You teased the skin just under his ear very briefly, sucking the flesh, and you could've sworn you'd heard him inhale sharply as his hand tightened on your waist, but it was too quiet to be sure.
Then, you devilishly grinned against his skin before your tongue flicked out to wet his ear. You took it a step further, enveloping the lobe of his ear into your warm mouth, swirling your tongue around the piercings while you gently sucked the skin. When you bit down ever so slightly, he'd shifted beneath you, a soft, barely audible moan being coaxed from his chest.
At the sound, you sucked lightly on the indents you'd made, slowly pulling back with a complacent smile sitting on your face. His head lolled forward, lidded eyes connecting with yours as you took note of his slightly parted lips.
"Still the worst?" you smugly questioned, trailing a finger along the marks you'd made on his neck.
Yoongi only shook his head in disbelief, grinning as he briefly tilted his head back, a vocal sigh tipping from his lips before he straightened his neck and locked eyes with you once more. Definitely not the worst. He just didn't want to admit that.
Didn't matter. You had other plans anyway.
"So—" you began, dragging your nails down his chest in a gentle graze— "soundproof, you say?"
"Yeah, yeah, shut up," he snorted, pushing your face away.
Oh? He didn't understand what you were getting at. You stifled a laugh. Cute.
That same misunderstanding gave you enough motive to exploit it. You'd shifted on his lap, steadying your hands on his shoulders so you wouldn't fall as you placed knees on either side of his thighs. You didn't stop there, either. No, instead, you decided to tease him, tilting your hips ever so slightly toward him as your short skirt rode up your thighs. Never once did your eyes meet his as you sat down completely on his lap, skirt now bunched up at your hips and red panties peeking out just enough for him to see.
Only then did you flick your eyes up to meet his, a half-grin twisted onto your face as you took in his expression. He was looking at you like that again—mouth slightly parted as dark, lidded eyes traced your features, glancing down to where your bodies met every so often. You gave a roll of your hips, to confirm your suspicions. As you rutted against him, your core brushed firmly against his hardened length straining in his pants, and you grinned in response.
"Wanna put it to use?" you questioned. "The room . . . of course. We could listen to the album all the way up . . . or . . . "
His eyes grew darker, clouding over. "Don't tempt me, angel," he groaned under his breath, but his grip on you tightened, his arm wrapping around your back as he pulled you closer. His other hand drifted to your neck, thumb grazing your jaw. "I can only control myself for so long around you."
Something snapped within you, your core aching for him. That was when you felt it—the sticky wetness clinging to your folds. You rolled against his length again, coaxing a soft whimper from your lips while you watched Yoongi close his eyes, jaw clenched.
"Can't help it," you all but whined, fisting his shirt in your hand. "Want you to fuck me so bad. You wrote me a song, Yoonie. Let me show you how grateful I am. Please .”
"Don't say that," he muttered through clenched teeth, eyes still closed.
"Why not?" you breathlessly questioned as you ground against him again, almost certain your wetness had leaked through your underwear and now begun to form a wet spot on the front of Yoongi's pants.
A low groan sounded from the back of his throat, and he didn't give you time to think before his hands were gripping your hips again. His grip on you tightened, holding you in place as he bucked up into you, grinding his clothed length against your aching core. Your grip on his shirt became a lifeline as he rolled his hips against yours, stimulating your clit with every thrust and leaving you a gasping mess. But the feeling was gone almost as soon as it came as Yoongi grasped you against him, arm wrapped around your waist again, securing you to his chest as his other hand threaded through your hair. He'd tugged on your hair just enough to bare your neck to him before he'd leaned in, lips brushing the shell of your ear.
And then . . . then he spoke. "Because it makes me want to rip off those soaked panties and fuck you right here like the dirty girl you are," he darkly whispered, his voice stern yet slowly cracking under your touch.
"And that's a bad thing?" you questioned, drawling out your words. You trailed your eyes down his chest, catching sight of the uneven breaths. A smirk quirked onto your face at the sight before you slipped out of his grasp and sunk to the floor, kneeling between his spread-out legs. "Want you to fill me up, Yoonie. Want you." You placed a hand on his thigh, squeezing lightly.
"Fuck," he groaned out, elongating the word as he dragged his hands through his dark locks. "I had a plan, you know?"
"Mmm, plans change, plan guy," you hummed, pleasantly, rubbing your hand up and down his thigh. You glanced at him through your lashes, lips twitching upward as you leaned forward and began placing your lips on his thighs, kissing him through the fabric standing in your way. "You've been teasing me all week. Making me sit on your cock. Taunting me with it. Do you know how many times I've had to get myself off in the shower, pretending my fingers were . . . something else. It's just cruel, Yoonie."
His hands dragged down over his face, covering his features from your view. He gave a vocal sigh, and hissed out a laugh, "What are you doing to me?"
"You say that a lot," was all you managed, hands coming up to trace the zipper to his pants.
He dropped his hands, resting them on either side of the armrests, and clutching them so tightly his knuckles turned white. "You make me think it a lot," he admitted, eyes attentive as they watched you slowly unzip his pants, then teasingly fold down the hem.
Your eyes flicked up to his face, watching his expression. "This OK?" you pondered aloud, asking for permission.
Much to your elation, Yoongi could only nod, not trusting his tongue as he clamped his jaw shut. You were tugging his dark pants off him with his help as he lifted his lower body so you could pull the material down his legs. In a second, you threw the pants on the other side of the studio, eyes quickly falling upon the impressive tent in his boxers. His eyes met yours then, brows raising as if to say, Go on.
And you obliged with a roll of your eyes. Your hands were on him again in an instant, curling around the hem of his boxers before you'd tugged those off his body and discarded them on the floor. With eyes flicking back to his lower half, you were met with his hardened length, standing tall, the pink tip damp with precum. He was all shades of beige, pink, and so very very enticing. You couldn't help but grind your core against the heel of your shoe, creating little friction to subside the ache blooming within you.
You swallowed hard, your eyes meeting his. He stared back at you, eyes dark and lidded and solely focused on you and your every movement. You felt like the focal point of his attention; his muse as he had said.
That very thought spurred you on. With a slow bat of your lashes, a knowing smile touched your lips ever so slightly as you shifted on your knees, leaning closer to his lower half. You'd wrapped your hand around his shaft, thumb grazing over the small slit at the head of his cock as you spread the precum. The touch was enough to coax a hiss out of him. A grin was your only response as you traced the rim around the head. You had him right where you wanted him.
A darker gaze clouded over your eyes then, not looking away from him as you slowly—so slow it could be considered torture—licked the head of his cock. Your warm tongue lapped over the small slit, gathering all the precum in your mouth. Your eyes fluttered closed as you swallowed his arousal, humming a soft moan of contentment, already working yourself up over the thought of seeing him squirm under the touch of your tongue.
But you didn't get the chance to take him in your mouth again.
"Fuck it," you heard him hiss out instead.
His hands were on you in an instant. With a startled gasp, your eyes flung open just in time to see him stand to his feet, pulling you up along with him as he kicked the chair, letting it hit the door without a care. His lips found yours a second later, sucking, biting, and melding your tongues together in a punishing dance. You melted into his touch, humming sounds of approval as his grip on you tightened at every noise which spurred from your throat. You couldn't even pinpoint where his hands touched; one second they were squeezing your hips, then your sides, your ass, your tits, everywhere. It was almost as if he couldn't get enough of you, trying to memorize every curve and slope of your body.
Then, he pulled back, leaving you breathless with your lips swollen and tingling from his torment. Your eyes fluttered open a second later, finding his gaze already on you, taking in the swell of your puffy lips. And then . . . then the bastard dropped to his knees, eyes flicking from your panties to your flustered face. He didn't give you enough time to react before he pressed you back, your hands shooting out to stabilize yourself against his desk. Generously, he allowed you to inhale sharply before his fingers hooked around the hem of your panties, pulling them down along with your skirt, and tossing them somewhere.
You whined at the coolness which met your bare core, rolling your hips ever so slightly. This seemed to amuse Yoongi further as a sly grin slid onto his face while he looked up at you with mirth in his eyes.
"Eager?" he taunted, tonguing his inner cheek as he continued to grin.
A huff from your lips was the only response he gained from you. You didn't trust your tongue. But as he hoisted one of your legs up onto his shoulder and blew cold air across your aching cunt, earning a strangled gasp from you, you couldn't help the words which left you. "Oh, fuck you," you hissed out, tightening your grip around the desk that was holding you up.
He pressed a teasing kiss against your inner thigh. "So mean," he mumbled before he began to suck, lapping and biting a bruise into the skin.
"Ngh! You are infuriating, Min Yoongi," you rushed out as you felt his lips suck higher and higher, inching closer and closer to your core. "Living in my goddamn head for months now. Dreaming of your touch. How your tongue would feel. Your fingers. That cock. God—" He flicked his tongue across your clit ever so slightly, and you yelped— "fucking sadist. Fuckin—Ah!"
His mouth was on your core in an instant. All words died on your tongue, your mind numbing as you felt his tongue lick a strip up your slit, dipping into your warm heat briefly before his mouth closed around your clit, sucking the nub. You were left a panting mess, rolling your hips against his skilled tongue as he continued his punishing torment, lapping and sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves, simultaneously making you forget every thought until all you could think was fuck, fuck, fuck.
You wished you had more room to balance yourself so you could thread your hands through those dark locks, but he kept you pinned against his desk. It was utter torture, twitching under his warm tongue and not being able to touch him. You whimpered against him at the thought.
His hands gripped around your ass, squeezing the flesh. "So that's how I get you to shut up," he mused, darkly. He flicked his tongue repeatedly over your sensitive nub, the motion quick and blissful. Then, he pulled back, pressing a taunting kiss against your core before he spoke again. "Noted."
In that moment, flustered with pent-up desire, you gathered the strength to peel your eyes open and look down at him, finding his eyes already on you as he blew cool air across your dripping cunt in an attempt to soothe the pulsing. But you knew there was only one thing that could satisfy that deep ache.
"Please," you rasped out, voice hoarse you barely recognized it. "Please, fuck me."
Yoongi only grinned wider.
Cocky bastard.
You whined in response. God, you'd never been this deprived before.
His mouth was on you again the next second, sucking on that bundle of nerves. And you were left to grind against his tongue, shamelessly. He chuckled against you, the vibrations only spurring you on more.
"Needy needy needy," he mused as his thumb grazed up, dipping into your heat ever so slightly. "And so . . . wet. "
But you were stuck on his other statement. The cocky son of a bitch was mocking your words. (It seemed Min Yoongi didn't like to be teased, and well, neither did you.) So you found yourself scoffing. "Oh, you are not using my own words—ah—" your words were cut off as a sharp staccato yelp left your lips when his sucking against your clit became more intense, needier . . . like he was truly a man starved, in need of your desperate whimpers— "against me, Min Yoongi."
"Always so sensitive," he remarked, gently grazing his teeth over your clit, earning a jerk of your hips from you. “Needy, too. ”
You cursed under your breath as you felt his tongue lay flat against your core once again. And you couldn't help it, you rolled your hips, grinding against his tongue, brushing your clit in just the right way. A low moan sounded from the back of your throat as you felt the familiar coil in your lower stomach begin to wound up. You began to chase it, breaths coming out faster as you quickened your pace, being held up now solely by Yoongi's tight grip on your thighs and ass.
Throwing your head back, you fisted a hand in his hair, not caring if your legs gave out on you. Yoongi would keep you steady.
Losing yourself in the feeling, the rhythm of your hips snapping against his skilled tongue was enough to coax continuous soft moans from your puffy lips. And just when you felt the coil begin to tease you a little too much, Yoongi slipped two fingers into your heat, curling inside of you right where your sweet spot lay. You cried out, core clenching around him as you continued to fuck yourself on his tongue while his fingers pumped in and out of you at a punishing pace.
It became too much, your lower stomach tightening as your muscles pulsed. "Fuck, oh fuck—Yoongi, I don't think I can," you stammered out, your rushed breathing turning into desperate pants.
"I know. I know. Let go. Let go, baby," Yoongi hummed.
Let go, he'd whispered, and you complied. His fingers stroked your sweet spot, his mouth sucking on your swollen clit as the coil snapped, causing you to cry out. Your muscles tightened, your core pulsing as your high broke through every part of your body, your head tilting back in ecstasy as those soft moans pipped out of you in hiccups. His fingers stayed inside you, mouth still working against you as he helped you ride out your high until you were whining and twisting in his arms from overstimulation.
His hands were soft against your skin, gently helping you stabilize yourself against the desk as he stood to his feet. He wrapped an arm around your waist, stepping closer to you until you were chest to chest, with his face dipping into the crook of your neck. A whimper left your lips when he bit down on your sweet spot, then lapped at the indentations. But that soft whimper was all it took before Yoongi was kissing you again, his lips rough and needy against yours. His tongue melded with yours and that was when you tasted it—your arousal coating his tongue.
You couldn't help it, you moaned at the taste. There was just something about how bold he was; how much he wanted to eat you out. It was arousing, almost too much to the point your entire body buzzed once the taste hit your senses.
Even more, it was almost embarrassing the effect it had on you. Because one second you were still recovering from your orgasm, then with one taste, you were aching for him again, subtly guiding your hand down to his still solid length. Your hand wrapped around the base, coaxing a shocked groan out of him, and at the sound and feel of him, you couldn't help but whimper in response.
"Please," you all but cried into his mouth.
Guiding his cock to your core, you used the tip to smear your arousal around, even going as far as to punish yourself when you grazed over your clit. Another whimper vibrated in your throat as the painful sensitivity hit you, but you continued brushing against him as you flicked your gaze to meet his, searching his eyes for an understanding. You were only met with a cheeky grin.
His hand clasped around your jaw, putting pressure there. "Still want my cock even after I've made you cum?" he silkily taunted. His other hand reached around to grab your ass, kneading the plump flesh just to hear you whimper under his touch once again. He chuckled, darkly, shaking his head. "You really are a dirty girl."
"I hate you so much," you huffed out, clearing your hoarse voice.
Bemused, Yoongi scrunched his nose, tilting his head to the side as he dragged his eyes down your body. "Nah, you really don't," he countered, biting his inner cheek as his eyes lifted back up to meet yours. "You wanna know how I know that?"
You could only nod, swallowing hard.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him wrap a hand around the base of his cock, replacing your shaking fingers. Then, you felt the tip line up with your entrance and you nearly bucked forward. Fuck. This was really happening. This was—
"Because, this—" the tip of his cock jutted inside your folds, making your breath hitch, but he didn't sink any deeper— "doesn't lie."
A noise sounded from the back of your throat in preparation, but much to your dismay, Yoongi slipped out of you. You all but whined at him, glaring as he chuckled at your protests.
"Yoongi, you motherfucker, if you don't fuck me right now I swear—"
"Swear what?" he cut you off, a warning thumb pressing down on your clit.
You stood shocked, jaw shut tight. No words came to mind. You just stared at him.
That seemed to amuse him further, eyes twinkling with mirth, so much so it almost took over the glassy look. "Ah, empty threats," he hummed, clicking his tongue as he loosened his grip on you. "Be a good girl for me and turn over. Wanna see this ass."
With a final squeeze to your ass, he stepped back, allowing you enough room to do as you pleased. You stared at him a little longer, swallowing hard as the aching between your thighs became unbearable. Then, you did as he asked, turned around, and bent down over the desk. Shamelessly, you spread your legs and arched your back, giving him a full view of your needy cunt, glistening with arousal.
A low groan sounded from him at the sight of you, only making your cunt throb more. But you didn't have time to bask in his shameless approval. His hands were on you the next second, placed on your hips, his fingers digging into your hipbones as you felt him step an inch closer to you. He leaned down over you, chest pressed against your back as he kissed your hair.
"Want me to fuck you, angel?" he murmured into your hair, and that was when you felt him grind his cock into your bare ass, eliciting a sound of shock out of you.
"Fuck, yes," you breathed out, arching into his touch.
With a dark chuckle, he pulled away from you but his hands remained secure around you. "Prove it," he mused, squeezing your hips. "Can you count to five?"
What? You nearly rolled your eyes at his antics. Always the one to tease . . . Min Yoongi. (You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it thoroughly.)
Still, you had half the mind to question him. "Is that supposed to be some stupid attempt at undermining me?"
"Nah—" one of his hands had shifted to grip your ass, kneading the plump flesh as he pulled the skin taut just enough to catch a further look at your aching core— "just wanna see if you can keep count for me."
"Keep count for—"
A hand came down on your ass, pain rippling from the impact.
"Fuck!" you cried down in a high-pitched moan, jerking forward against the desk.
That was when you realized what he just did. Yoongi'd smacked your ass. He'd actually just spanked you. And fuck, did it manage to turn you on even more. You felt yourself clench around nothing as you collected your thoughts.
Then, you heard his voice. "You like that?" he questioned, hesitance entangled in his tone almost as if he were asking for your permission to continue.
God, did you shamelessly shake your head ‘yes, yes, yes!’ with so much vigor you were sure you'd made yourself lightheaded. That, however, had been enough to amuse Yoongi as he chuckled above you, his hand kneading your ass once again.
"Good, count," he hummed before he spanked your ass once again, kneading the flesh to soothe it when you cried out.
"Two," you choked out, trying to grip at anything to stabilize yourself.
Yoongi continued spanking you, leaving you a mumbling mess as you counted with each pleasurable smack. You were sure your arousal had begun to leak down your inner thighs now as he delivered a fourth smack to your ass. Groaning a sigh of approval, Yoongi pulled your cheeks taut, your aching core on display for his eyes. He couldn't help himself, he touched his pointer and middle fingers to your cunt, dipping into your pulsing hole and giving you a few teasing pumps before he pulled out of you completely.
"Almost there, baby," he affirmed, his voice strained.
You nodded, readying yourself before he brought down another spank onto your ass, causing you to whimper a soft, five.
"So good," he cooed, leaning down to kiss your clothed back. "Such a good girl." He kneaded your sore cheeks, soothing the ache.
Once able to catch your breath, you stammered out, "Why—Why five?"
"Halfway to ten," Yoongi remarked and you could practically hear the smirk on his face. "Gonna fuck you through the other half." You felt him shift behind you, then the feeling of him aligning the tip of his cock with your entrance made you arch your back in anticipation. He chuckled once more. "You still want it raw?"
You could only nod (a little too quickly).
He clicked his tongue in disapproval. "Gonna need to hear the words, baby."
You all but groaned. "Yes, Yoongi! Fuck, yes, fuck me raw, please I can't—shit! "
The tip of his cock dipping into your folds cut you off entirely. And then, he was sinking deeper, inch by inch, making you forget your train of thought entirely. Fuck, was he thicker than you remembered, stretching your walls as you clenched around him at the feeling. But you didn't mind the slight burn; you welcomed it, tilting your ass toward him, taking him further.
Uneven breathing left your lips as you basked in the fullness which came along with his cock sliding snugly against your tight walls. Your breath hitched in your throat just as you felt him bottom out, your core taking him all the way until the hilt, the feeling of your ass pressed flush against him hitting you all at once.
He groaned out a series of curses, gripping your hips tightly as he gave you time to adjust to his length. You ached with desire, clenching around his thickness, and nearly making him falter. You couldn't help it, it just felt so fucking good—the feeling of being filled by him. It was utterly carnal.
"Yoongi," you breathed out, already breathless as the feeling of him inside you quickly morphed from slight pain to immense pleasure and the desire to be fucked. "Please, please move." You all but sobbed, discarding your dignity as you openly begged him. "Wanna feel you."
"You're gonna be the death of me," he groaned before he drew back, leaving only his tip inside you.
A brief second passed. Your breath hitched. Then, he snapped his hips, plunging into you with such force, the tip of his cock nearly kissed your cervix. And he didn’t stop there, he continued pounding into you, setting a ruthless pace and fucking you through your uneven gasps. You clenched around him, gripping onto the edge of the desk to stabilize yourself as his cock sunk deeper and deeper, hitting places you’d never even felt before.
You couldn’t think. You couldn’t breathe. You only felt the pleasure of his cock fucking into you, wet squelching sounds filling the air, tangling with his soft grunts and your low moans.
Pain suddenly pinched your ass, coaxing a high-pitched moan from your lips as you realized Yoongi had spanked you. Your core pulsed, squeezing him tighter at the mere thought.
"Feel so good," Yoongi groaned out, voice hoarse as his fingernails dug into the soft flesh of your hips. "So fucking tight. Shit, greedy pussy taking me so well. Fucking greedy. Fucking filthy.” Another spank to your ass before he pulled your cheeks apart, watching as his cock fucked into you. “Fuck." He slowed down his pace, rolling his hips, hitting deeper and harder than before if that were even possible.
His pace began to steady, fucking you hard but not quite as fast as before. It was almost as if he were trying to savor this moment; flesh you out entirely; feel all of you. And you were left at his mercy while he spanked your ass when your moans grew louder.
Then, he pressed a hand to your lower back, pushing down for a better angle. And fuck. Once his hips snapped, his cock plunging into you at that same agonizing rate, you felt him brush against your sweet spot. Unable to stop yourself, you cried out, a panting mess as you pulsed around him, sucking him in.
Yoongi chuckled, dry and sensual. "Oh, yeah? There?" he hummed, amused.
"Yes, god, yes! Don’t fucking stop," you moaned out, not even trying to hide just how close you were to the end.
Another chuckle came from his lips at your words as he continued fucking into you, hitting that sweet spot over and over. His hands were gripping your ass again, squeezing the flesh and pulling it apart to watch his cock plunge deeper and deeper into your wet folds. "This fucking ass," he growled. He actually fucking growled as his fingernails dug into your cheeks and he quickened his pace ever so slightly. "Can you do one more for me, baby?"
And you knew what he meant—his words holding a double meaning. You knew the answer to both.
With dignity out the door, you nodded, mouth wide open in ecstasy. You were sure you’d begun to drool onto his desk, but you didn’t care. This was too good. Too fucking good.
The warmth pooling in your lower stomach only heightened as you felt his hand deliver one more pleasurable spank to your ass, coaxing a high-pitched moan out of you. But you weren’t given time to adjust to the slight pain in your ass. No, one second you felt the small pinch, then the next, Yoongi was bucking into you with such vigor that you had to shoot your hand out to stop yourself from hitting the wall. You didn’t even care. You just felt Yoongi’s thick cock hit your sweet spot again and again, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.
The coil taunted you, winding and winding up. You could only moan in response, begging for it to snap. That was when you felt your core clench, practically causing you to sob under the force of his cock snapping into you.
"You gonna cum?" Yoongi chuckled through his breathless grunts, his pace never letting up. "Can feel you sucking me in, clenching around me. Greedy greedy greedy."
He was mocking you. You’d get him back . . . eventually. But right now? God, you didn’t have half the mind to care.
All your care slipped away entirely the moment his fingers dipped around you, pressing down on your clit as he rubbed firm circles onto the sensitive nub. You cried out at the added stimulation, ears beginning to ring as you thrashed underneath him.
Still, through the ringing and your own cries, you heard Yoongi command, "Cum for me, yeah?"
And you obliged.
Everything pulsed as he kept his relentless pace, hitting your sweet spot over and over again as his fingers worked skillfully against your swollen clit while you chased the coil. It tightened and tightened, rings of pleasure building and building. Then, you heard a small groan leave Yoongi’s lips, and that set you off. The coil snapped inside you, allowing you the release you had so desperately desired. You screamed out, hands sweatily sliding against the desk while your cunt clenched around Yoongi’s cock, squeezing him for all he had as you melted into your blissful high.
He fucked you through your high, allowing you to unravel completely. He gave you a few more pumps before he pulled out, his cock still hard and aching for his own release. But he let you come down from it all, whispering praises in your ear and rubbing your back as you tried to calm your breathing.
When you could finally get a grasp on reality, you weakly lifted your head and glanced over your shoulder to find Yoongi leaning over you, lust still clouding his expression and . . . cock still hard enough to cut granite. You swallowed; a deep part of you—the part that had been waiting for this moment of union for years now—still ached for him . . . to feel him . . . in every way.
As if reading your thoughts, Yoongi whispered, "Think you can take a little more? . . . Don’t worry if you can’t. I rather like the idea of cumming on your tits." There was that sly grin again.
You only bit your lip to halt your own grin. "I want you to cum inside me, Yoonie,” you hummed, sweetly.
The grin on his face grew, causing him to shake his head. You amaze me, that grin seemed to say. And you relished in that fact alone.
He leaned toward you, kissing your cheek. “Such a good girl to me. So fucking sweet," he whispered before he leaned back, allowing you enough room to move. "Turn over. Wanna see you."
And who were you to disobey?
With a dopey grin on your face, you used all your strength to stand to your feet, finding your legs more wobbly than you thought. You laughed at the feeling, stabilizing yourself against Yoongi by placing your hands on his shoulders for support. He’d only hummed at you, softly dragging his knuckles down the slope of your body before his hands met the material of your shirt’s hem. He’d lifted it off your body, adding it to the tossed clothes on the ground.
Much to his surprise, your bare chest met his gaze. You beamed up at him, no longer sheepish at the fact you’d chosen not to wear a bra that day. Yoongi only raised a brow, eyes flicking from your hardened nipples to your glassy eyes.
“Presumptuous?” he mused, placing his warm hand over the mound of one of your breasts. The action made you sigh into him, tilting your head back ever so slightly. "So beautiful.” He pinched the nipple between his pointer and thumb before he dipped his head down to catch your neglected bud in his mouth. Briefly, he sucked the peak before pulling back and releasing it with a pop. "Fucking angel."
"Careful, Min—"
He cut you off as soon as he pinched your nipple, twisting it between his fingers. A mangled breath hitched in your throat as you arched into his touch. Your eyes flicked up to meet his then, finding them consumed by mirth as that damned half-grin resided on his lips. He’d done that on purpose. Fucker.
"You were saying?" he teased, raising a brow.
A muscle in your jaw twitched. "Just fuck me, you asshole.”
Yoongi only grinned wider at that, pure amusement and raging lust consuming his soft features. "Only because you asked so nicely," he hummed . . . and then . . . he winked. He fucking winked.
But you weren’t able to respond before his hands were on you again, pressing you against the desk so you could lean your weight onto it as he lifted one of your legs onto his hip. He tugged you closer while one of his hands drifted down to his aching cock, gripping around the thick base as he guided the tip to align with your swollen entrance.
"Eyes on me," he clicked at you.
Your eyes immediately found his, searching through the sea of lust and mirth, and then you felt it—his cock slipping past your folds with ease now. It was almost impossible to stop the soft whimper which left your lips as you felt his hard length stretch your tight walls, inch by inch. You were sure you’d never get used to this euphoric feeling, and god, did you revel in that.
With one more inch, he’d bottomed out, your cunt taking him all the way to the hilt as the two of you inhaled at the feeling. You clenched around him, still sensitive from your previous two orgasms, and dreadfully tired, but Yoongi didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his eyes hadn’t left yours.
What shocked you, however, was the way he was staring at you, soaking in all your features as if in pure awe. It’d had an effect on you, making your brows twitch in longing. This was really happening. This was real.
The corners of Yoongi’s mouth quirked into a small smile. "Yeah, yeah, like that,” he whispered, softly before pressing his lips against yours.
Only a second had passed before he’d leaned his forehead against yours and whispered for you to brace yourself, before you felt his cock slowly slide out of you until just the tip was enveloped by your folds. He gave you just enough time to inhale, and then his hips snapped forward, bucking into you with a punishing rhythm.
The way he fucked you—relentlessly pounding into you, his nails digging into your hips as he hit all the right spots over and over again; it was almost sinful. You felt like a fucking sinner, and god did it make your soul burn with pride. And the soft grunts that’d sound from the back of his throat managed to raise every hair on your body. You never wanted him to stop.
And then . . . then you squeezed around him, milking his cock, and a soft whimper that was different from the rest left his lips, and you swore you thought you were going to melt right then. Because holy fuck, that was hot.
You repeated the action, purposely clenching around his cock as hard as your muscles would allow you, and that soft needy sound tumbled from his tongue, this time in short pants. It’d coaxed a moan of your own out of you, as you gave a light laugh. This, however, seemed to spur Yoongi on as he grunted, his grip on you tightening just before he began pounding into you at an even faster, harder, more relentless rate.
His thrusts left you a whining mess, forcing you to slam your hands down on the desk for support. And he didn’t stop, chuckling as he fucked into you. Then when he set that ruthless pace, you could have sworn you felt his cock twitch against your tight folds.
The whimper he gave a second later confirmed your suspicions. "Shit—I," he huffed out, his breathing uneven and jagged. His thrusts became weaker, his whimpers louder now, and his grip loosening as he continued pounding into you.
He was a fucking mess, and you thrived off it.
You swallowed your moans once he hit that sweet spot again. "What's the matter, Yoon? Gonna cum?" you taunted, relishing in the fact that you were making the stoic Min Yoongi an utter mess.
Yoongi lowered his head to your neck, stabilizing himself against you. "Gonna fuck that mouth one day you won't be able to speak," he grunted, grip tightening on your hip as he shifted your leg ever so slightly to plunge deeper inside of you.
"I'll hold you to it," you gasped, throwing your arms around his neck.
"Yeah?" he taunted.
"Ye—"
He’d bit down on your neck the next second, making you cry out in pleasure. "Yeah, take my fucking cock," he groaned out, snapping his hips at a faster rate, but each thrust became sloppier, less meticulous the more he indulged himself. He was close.
A dopey grin fell upon your face as you realized this, clenching around him again. He gave a groan of submission, his thrusts barely cohesive now. He was so fucking close. So so so close, and you reveled in this, wishing to tip him over the edge. With that thought on your mind, your hands shaky, you reached under your leg and cupped his balls, massaging them the best you could with the position you were in.
He nearly fell on top of you, bracing himself with one arm on the desk. "Like that—shit, shit, shit, like—fuuuuck, ” he whimpered out, thrusting once more before he stilled, his hips shaking slightly as a low moan sounded from the back of his throat. His hips gave a smaller thrust before he spilled his load into you as he tilted his head back at the pure ecstasy which consumed him.
You marveled at him, taking in his closed eyes and parted lips while he still held onto you as if he were scared to lose you the moment you were out of his grasp. You knew then that you really did love him. Truly. Completely. With your whole heart. You loved this man in every form, every way.
You couldn’t help yourself, you reached out to slick back his damp hair that’d stuck to his forehead with sweat. He’d slowly come down from his high, his cock twitching inside you once more before he lifted his head, eyes locking with yours as a dazed smile graced his face. His lidded gaze trailed over your face, flicking down to your lips before he crashed into you, melding your lips against his in a brief, warm kiss.
Then, he pulled back, but stayed close, his forehead pressed against yours. He stayed inside you, too, his cock softening inside your walls as his cum seeped past, trickling down your thighs. "That was—" he cut himself off, tilting back only slightly so he could see your face in full view. His brows twitched then as if he realized something before words that stunned you tumbled from his tongue. "I love you."
You snorted in disbelief. Sure, he felt something deep for you, but . . . come on. "Shut—"
He’d only cut you off with another kiss. "No, I love you,” he pressed again, his face lightening as the words left him like he was hearing them for the first time too; like he was realizing it for the first time. And then . . . then he’d smiled—a wide, genuine smile filled with teeth and crinkled eyes. "I—fuck—I love you." Another kiss to your lips, then your nose, your cheeks, and finally your forehead before he pulled back, still grinning down at you. "I fucking love you."
But you remained . . . shocked. "Yoongi . . ."
And you watched as Yoongi’s face quickly crumbled before your very eyes. "Damn, harsh, wait until I pull out before you reject me, sweetheart."
You were quick to stop him from pulling out of you, hands grasping his hips. "No, no, stay, I just . . . “
The words on your tongue died as your mind spiraled. The thing was . . . no one had ever confessed that to you before, let alone the only person you’d managed to love in your life. All the hookups, all the month-long relationships, all the people you’d toyed with over the years . . . and not one had ever loved you. A few of them had managed to convince you of this, but ended up cheating on you with someone else, someone better later down the line. So you’d never really believed anyone.
And now . . . now Min Yoongi stood before you, confessing that his heart beat for yours in the purest way possible, and you couldn’t quite wrap your head around it. You just . . . you needed to hear him mean it.
Your eyes finally flicked up to meet his again in that moment, lips pursed and brows furrowed. Then, you pressed a hand against his chest right where his heart beat, and you found yourself asking, “Do you mean it?"
In other words, you’d asked him if after all this time, after all the years, all the fights, all the history . . . did he truly want you. Would he truly accept you?
And Yoongi had only smiled, a soft comforting smile as if to say, always.
Then, he spoke. "I've been an idiot for almost two decades now,” he began, his hands quickly finding your face as his thumbs grazed your cheekbones. “I've let you slip through my fingers too many fucking times. I'm not doing that again. I'm not going to live a life without you. Never again. I've always loved you, angel. Just took me a little to figure it out . . . took me even longer to find a way to say it."
Your brows twitched at his confession, a small smile finding its way to your face. "You are such an idiot," you laughed as you placed your hands over his, nuzzling into his touch.
"I know. I know.”
And once his lips touched your forehead in a gentle kiss once again, you couldn’t stop the floodgates. Your eyes squeezed shut, your bottom lip trembling as you hummed shakily.
You didn’t know what had caused it. Perhaps it was everything at once. But one second you felt this tremendous joy, then the next everything was bursting out of you. And you couldn’t help it, you’d let a few tears trickle down your cheeks.
"No, no, don't—don't cry," Yoongi rushed out, wiping away the salty tears with his thumbs. "I hate making you cry."
"I'm not sad, you dumbass. Sometimes you are so dense, Min Yoongi," you laughed through your tears, kissing his palm. “It’s just . . . “
It was just . . . you were just so . . . happy. For the first time in a long time, you could pinpoint this emotion, and you felt it in extremes. This was bliss.
You unravel me, his words filtered through your ears then. You unravel me.
And you thought that was exactly how you’d explain the emotions you felt at that very moment. Min Yoongi had a way of unraveling you completely, allowing you to bare your soul, and you had the same effect on him. Funny . . . how that worked.
You unravel me.
Then, your eyes found his, and you couldn’t help but smile. "It's just . . . you unravel me, too,” you finally confessed, earning a stunned expression from Yoongi. "You unravel me." The words left you again as you nodded in confirmation. "Completely."
You were only met with Yoongi pressing his lips down onto yours again. Warm, needy, and safe. You found sanctuary in his kiss.
You unravel me. His kiss confirmed that.
The trip home was anything but calm.
You and Yoongi were all over each other—hands, lips, tongues, teeth. There was not a second the two of you disconnected from one another. Your touches varying from soft to hard to needy even, slowly melting your thoughts until all you could think about was Yoongi and his lips and his hands and god, what that devious mouth could do.
Even when the two of you reached your shared apartment, Yoongi couldn’t keep his hands off you. He’d pushed you inside, slamming the door before he pressed you up against it and pulled you in for another heated kiss. It didn’t take long before you were moaning into his mouth, begging for him to touch you more.
“Oh, greedy are we?” he taunted, sucking on your bottom lip. “Gonna fuck you so hard you lose your voice.”
You whimpered.
“Yeah?” he chuckled, darkly. “You like that? Want me to fuck that tight little pussy until you can’t scream no more?”
You opened your mouth to bite out a snarky response. Only . . . you never got the chance to respond.
One moment you were opening your mouth to retort, then the next you heard, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding.”
Your heart flatlined, wide eyes focused on Yoongi.
Ever so slowly, you turned your head to face the person, your gaze landing on your brother, Seokjin, who had most definitely seen Yoongi kiss you. Scratch that, he’d most definitely heard Yoongi say he was going to fuck you. That . . . that was definitely so much worse. So so so much worse.
The wide-eyed expression on your brother’s face told you all you needed to know. The secret was out.
Seokjin knew.
You swallowed, hard.
Fuck.
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