#wow i actually figured out nana's parent situation

[starfiresyugiohocs]

OC Profile: Nana

Full Name: Nana Mutou. Nicknames: Sunbeam (by her grandparents), Na-chan, BaNana. Aliases: N/A. Nationality: Japanese. Birthplace: Domino City, Japan. Gender: Female (she/her). Sexuality: Lesbian, possibly polyamorous. Age: 18-20 years old. Birthday: November 7th. Star Sign: Scorpio. Occupation: Psychology & Fine Arts student; counter clerk at Kame Game. Voiceclaim: Mae Whitman

Hair Color: Red, with blonde bangs. Hairstyle: Goes a bit past her shoulders, absolutely wild and untamable, very thick and has just that little bit off spike and fluff to it. Her bangs fall in a similar manner to her brother's and grandfather's, just without the spikiness. Eye Color: Aqua blue. Skintone: Deep tan. Notable Features: Being a 6'3" giant in a family of hobbits is pretty notable. Excess amount of freckles all over, pierced ears. Outfit Style: Very vibrant and/or pastel colors. Loves jeans that she's painted or has embroidery on them, and graphic tees. Very comfy and easy to move around in. Also has a ton of workout clothes. Accessories: Anklets are a big thing and she still wears friendship bracelets.

Personality: Bright and bubbly personality. Easily excitable, especially when it comes to her friends. She wants to be a positive influence, always encouraging others to reach their full potential. Lot of warmth and compassion in her heart. Still tends to be a bit lonely, thankful for the dear friends she's made but she struggled with making friends outside of her group. Gets flustered very easily. Mom Friend 24/7. Constantly looks out for everyone. Protective of her little brother, always trying to stick up for him. Very determined, can be a little stubborn at times. Has a harder time managing stress but is thankful for her psychology classes to help give her some blueprints. Hobbies: Painting, drawing, making jewelry, jogging, baking, reading comics, collecting knick knacks (i.e. fun mugs).  Habits/Mannerisms: Tugging at her bangs when she's nervous, snorting when she laughs, smile through the pain, bear hugs and spinning people around when excited. Likes: Cozy games, watercolors, animated movies (esp Ghibli films), being at the beach, board games, summer, fireworks, festivals, butterflies. Dislikes: Driving, egotistical people, the cold, snow, first person shooters, writing essays, when it's pitch dark. Favorite Food: Oyakodon, cookie cakes. Least Favorite Food: Cold soba.

Deck: Elemental Heroes. Signature Card(s): Elemental Hero Lady Heat. Ranking: Isn't as active in the tournament scene herself, and just tends to enjoy the game. She doesn't have near the win streak Yugi and Yami have, and I don't think she's ever beaten her Grandpa, but she's got a few wins under her belt!

Parents: Asami Mutou (deceased) and Hanzo Inaba (absent completely). Was raised by her grandparents, Solomon Mutou and Hina Mutou (nee Shimada). Sibling(s): Yugi Mutou (younger brother). By extension, she also comes to view the spirit of the Puzzle, Yami, as her brother as well. Extended Family: I would say consult the family tree, but it's pretty straight forward and she doesn't really have any. Pet(s): A Shiba Inu named Taro. Love Interest(s): Ishizu Ishtar, Nami Izumi (credit: @icychill) Extensive Relationships: See page here (coming soon)

History:

Born as the eldest child to her parents, with Yugi following after two years. Her father disappeared from their life not long after her brother was born and she doesn't have any real memory of him and is happy enough not needing to seek him out.

Grew up with a group of friends very dear to her and she developed deep bonds with and are the exact reason Yugi craves that connection with people; he saw the example from her.

Their mother passed away when Nana was eight and Yugi was six, leading to them living with their grandparents at the game shop full time; they'd been helping watch after them since they were little after all.

Yugi finds the Puzzle a year afterwards and while Nana tried solving it herself, found it was better to let Yugi try (mostly because she got frustrated)

Started up college not long before the first fic and is excited to become a therapist so she can help others!

#oc tag: nana #oc profile: nana #yugioh ocs #ygo ocs #yugioh #ygo #wow i actually figured out nana's parent situation #yes i know technically yugi's mom is alive in the manga but like #do you ever see that lady #i saw her twice ever. once to yell at yugi about socks and the other time she was with gramps when he got discharged at the hospital #you never see her #as far as i am concerned that is a ghost

[creativia10]

Janus in Wickhills Part 4

Notes: (Continuation of recursive fic of @/tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors 's Love and Other Fairytales series

Previous parts Janus in Wickhills Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)

This is an au of Laoft where Remus came back several years earlier, and Linda isn’t in the picture yet. Also takes place some time after Logan has become the Seelie court rep.

Ch 4

They went back to the house the normal way.

Roman and Mamaw already appeared to be looking through some books on witch magic. They both looked up as the three came back into the house.

“Did you find anything out?” Ro asked.

L and V looked at each other. Then V sort of shrugged.

“Possibly? We found some significant information-“

“But it doesn’t necessarily bring us more insight into this” L said gesturing at Janus.

Janus pursed his lips.

“We’re going to try some other things out to see if we can gather anything else.”

Ro started to get up, “Do you need-“

“No, dear.” L stepped forward and held Ro’s hands.

Just then, a cat hopped up onto the table Ro had been reading at, and gave a loud miffed meow towards Ro. Ro gave the cat a look, but then turned back as L continued.

“You are fine as you are. You are the most qualified here to help us search through magic books. You are being very helpful.”

Ro blushed at that and looked away. He then mumbled, “It’s not like we’re the only witches around here or anything.”

L simply smiled, leaned in and pecked Ro’s cheek. V smiled softly at them.

“Oh, go on like I am not contributing just as much if not more,” Mamaw called out.

L huffed, “I thought the plural ‘you’ was implied!”

Ro snickered. Mamaw was clearly fighting a smile, so L let it go. He squeezed Ro’s hands one more time before turning back to V and Janus.

“Should we wait for our songbird for this?” He asked. “We certainly can’t do everything, as we are fae ourselves.”

V tilted his head, then shook it.

“Not for all of it. He loves working at the bakery, I don’t want to pull him away from it.”

L nodded with a soft smile.

“Very well. Perhaps I should get some of my family members to help then?”

V hmmed.

“If they’re comfortable with it.”

They turned to Janus.

“Is that alright?”

Janus hesitated.

“I guess.”

L stepped towards him.

“Don’t worry, my family members are good people. I don’t think they would do anything unprovoked.”

Janus nodded hesitantly. It’s not like he had a lot of options then anyways. L got his phone out to see if his brother was home. When he got an affirmative, the three of them walked through the woods and into town.

Apparently they did not have a ready car, as they lived in the woods, so they were walking for now. L turned to Janus but paused before speaking. Janus was about to ask him what was up, when V quickly hopped into a shadow thing and came back, holding out Janus’ hat.

“Apparently we forgot your hat by the hammock.”

Janus mouth formed an O, and he sheepishly put his hat back on, trying to angle it like he had the other night at the revel despite knowing that would not be enough. Janus looked around as they walked, trying to see if he would get something from this. He wasn’t sure how to describe what he was seeing. It felt familiar but not. And there was definitely a twinge of magic feeling in the air, as to be expected from a town like Wickhills. Although he wasn’t sure how he knew that.

When they got to L’s family’s house, they waited outside for his brother to come out to greet them.

When Janus saw L’s brother come outside, he was immediately struck with the similar appearances the two had. Yet, there was a lack of the faery features that were prominent on L.

Changeling, his mind supplied, although he wasn’t sure how he knew that.

The brother stood on the steps for a moment staring at Janus. Janus shifted in discomfort.

“Bug. I would like your assistance, as we are met with a situation we are unsure what to do with.”

‘Bug’ looked at Janus then to L.

“Yeah, I am getting that feeling.” He walked over to L.

“He has told us we may call him Jay. He woke up on the forest floor with amnesia.”

“We were hoping you could help us to test if he is fae considering,” L said.

Bug looked confused.

“O…k. Why not have your nonfae husbands help?”

“Roman is looking through witch books with nana to see if they can find more info on what may have happened to Jay, and Patton is at the bakery.”

“We, uh, didn’t want to interrupt him,” V said.

Bug smiled a little and nodded.

“Alright. I’ll get some stuff from inside and I’ll meet you in the back yard.”

He took a step back to the house and then turned to L again.

“Am I hiding that you’re here from mom and dad?” Bug asked a little quieter.

L sighed. “I just did not want to worry them.”

Bug nodded. “Alright.” Then he went back into the house. Janus followed the two fae around the house to the back.

Janus wanted to ask about L and his brother’s relation, but he wasn’t sure if he should.

Then again, he wanted to understand what this test would pertain.

“So…your family is human?” Janus asked.

L gave Janus an unreadable look.

“…yes. I am a changeling. My parents were able to get my brother back from the faery who left me with them, but they refused to give me back.”

Janus tilted his head, having never heard of such a thing.

“How did they manage that?”

“I believe there was a variety of factors. For one, they had armed the house up with faery charms, so she was unable to go inside or really outright do anything to them despite their refusal.”

“Oh wow.”

Janus couldn’t help but wonder what kind of people his parents were to be willing to keep a changeling child like that. He was almost afraid to ask why they chose to, out of fear that would offend him.

“and yet…you represent the seelie court now,” Jay said instead.

After a moment L nodded. Before he could ask more careful questions about that, L’s brother came back out holding some different things.

“Ok, hopefully these will do it. Although this could be difficult, as I am assuming we do not want to cause harm, and most ways to tell if someone is a faery when you’re not fae or a witch, is by wards.”

“Actually, that reminds me. Do you think it would be helpful to have your boyfriend come over? Since you’re trying to figure out what’s going on, and his double sight could be helpful,” L said.

Bug seemed unsure.

V seemed hesitant. “Only if he’s comfortable with it.”

“I get the sense he is still freaked out by this Wickhills magical stuff,” Bug said.

L pondered.

“V, do you know if anyone ever looked at your brother through a hag stone?”

V tilted his head then shook it.

“As far as I know, no. I didn’t let Grettie or her family get anywhere near him.”

“So we don’t know if his appearance from double sight would have a similar affect to seeing V,” L mumbled.

“Um, excuse me-“ Janus waved a hand to get their attention. “I’m confused. What are you talking about here?”

Bug seemed confused, but L adjusted his tie and turned to Janus.

“We discovered that my brother’s boyfriend has something called double sight. Basically, when he wears an iron ring that he has, on a specific hand, he is able to see past magical glamor, and can essentially see the magical auras of fae, witches, and those who were blessed by a fae gift. A hagstone is a special type of rock with a hole in it that has a similar affect if one were to look through it.”

“…okay. And why are you concerned about me being seen through it?”

L sighed.

“Because, my brother’s boyfriend freaked out upon seeing V’s true form with his double sight, and as we don’t know your origin, we do not know what he may see and if it would freak him out similarly.”

Bug then said, “I can at least ask him, and we’ll just have to try and be careful. Maybe it’ll be helpful if we’re aware to help him out the moment anything seems off. He’s trying to get more used to these things, since yall are part of my family. In fact, he might even be glad to feel helpful, as he probably still feels somewhat awkward around you guys.”

V nodded and L shrugged. Bug smiled. “Cool, I’ll ask him, and we can start while we wait.”

“Why do you call him bug anyways?”

They jumped a little at the question and looked at him. Janus immediately felt sheepish. That seemed kind of random given their previous topic of conversation. It’s not like that was something he needed to know. Bug rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s just kind of a nickname from when I was kid. Like how I call him Berry.”

Janus snorted a little, then composed himself.

“Alright, that’s cute.”

L blushed a little at that. V smiled with some mirth.

“I do believe you may be distracting us though.” L said then. Janus gaped. He wasn’t really doing it on purpose. V narrowed his eyes some, before L patted his hand.

“I am suggesting it’s a nervous thing dear, nothing else.”

V relaxed a little at that. Bug looked between the three of them, seeming unsure.

“How about we go over this first?”

They nodded.

“Jay, do you know anything about fae wards?” Bug asked him. Jay’s eyes widened, having not expected the brother to ask him something directly.

“Um, I am not sure actually. I mean, I must know some things, as I could tell L was a changeling when I saw your similar appearances.”

“Hm.” Bug grabbed one of the things he brought out.

“Uh,” he looked at the other two fae there, “Did you two want to like back up or something?”

Okay, that was a nerve-racking statement.

V scoffed. “I am the lord of the forest. I can likely handle human versions of faery wards.”

L nodded a little, “I will probably be ok. I would not put myself in harm.”

Bug still seemed unsure, but he nodded. He held out a daisy. Janus looked at the daisy, then looked back up at Bug with a raised eyebrow.

“What-“

“Just, come a little closer.”

Janus sighed and rolled his eyes and he walked up to the daisy held out. He squinted and bent towards it. Almost immediately he wrinkled his nose as a sudden itchiness hit him. Bug stepped back just in time to avoid getting sneezed on.

“Okay, so that’s one.” Bug said, throwing the daisy back away from him.

Janus sighed.

“Oh? and that’s a sign of allergies as well, I would think.”

Bug shrugged. “Yeah, that’s why it’s one of the less harmful deterrents. Ah, here’s one that can’t be put off as an allergy.”

He held out a jar of honey.

“Honey is known to cause good neighbors to get drunk.”

“I’m sorry what?” Janus asked in bewilderment. He looked around at the others who nodded.

“I am not sure how you would feel about that, though,” Bug continued.

“Perhaps we should go with a different one?” L asked. Bug nodded.

“Here’s another one that can’t be explained any other way, seeing as I am not a witch. Kids used to torment us with this one,” Bug said and then he proceeded to take his shoes and socks off. Janus looked on with furrowed brows. Bug then turned his socks inside out and started to put them back on. Janus was about to ask what the brother was doing, when in a blink, suddenly the brother was gone. Janus jolted and looked around.

“What…the hell”

L and V shared a knowing look.

“Did-did you see where he went? Wha-how”

Suddenly the brother reappeared, startling Janus again.

“Well, that answers that.”

“…what?”

Bug finished putting his footwear back on.

“Humans turn their clothes inside out to hide from the view of fae.”

“…what?”

“In other words,” L stepped forward, “If he disappeared for you when he turned his socks inside out, that’s a sign that you are, after all, a fae.”

“…why would that even work anyways?”

V half-smiled at that. “Do you really expect us to be able to explain why every magical happenstance with faeries happens?”

Janus paused then shrugged. He…wasn’t sure what to make of this. It made sense, sort of , given what they had already said, with observation. Somehow, it didn’t sound right though. How would he not feel like he was? Maybe he should ask L more about his changeling situation, that was the closest thing he could think of.

“Jay?” L asked.

“Hmm?” Janus looked up. L looked at him with concern.

“Are you alright?”

Janus frowned. He didn’t know how to answer that.

“Hey,”

They looked over to V, who was looking up from a silvery rectangular device he had been leaning over and fluttering his fingers across for some reason.

“I was letting them know what we found. Wren just got off work, so Ro suggested we all meet up at a picnic, by twin cliff falls, like we used to. How would you feel about that?” V asked.

Janus narrowed his eyes. “…a picnic?”

“Yeah. Ro likes to throw together picnics for us, although he doesn’t do that as much since we moved into our house in the woods together. He has also invited Remus. Cricket, would you care to come as well? Your boyfriend can meet with us there.”

Bug smiled at that.

“Sure, that sounds fun. I kind of thought that spot was a place just the four of you liked to go to.”

V shrugged.

“It was, but it’s still a nice spot. I don’t really mind.”

Bug nodded. “Alright, I’ll send him the invite. Do we need to bring anything?”

“I don’t think so, but I can ask. You know, you are in that group chat too.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Janus asked. They looked at him.

“How did he communicate the picnic thing to you?”

V frowned. “Ah, he texted us.” V said, and wiggled the device he was holding. “On the phone.”

“…text? and that does not look like a phone to me.”

They all shared looks.

“Ah, it’s a newer type of phone. And texting is like sending a typed message through it. Here, I’ll show you,” V carefully showed him the flat part of his device, that had blinking words on it. Janus’ face pinched, as he had trouble wrapping his head around this device.

“W-“

“How about we talk more about this when we get there, yeah?” Bug cut in. Janus shrugged. He was just confused though.

“Ok, cool. I’ll go tell mom and dad what we’re doing.”

“And yes, Bug, it’s fine to let them know we’re going there for a picnic.”

Bug nodded before he headed back into the house.

#laoft fic #ts janus #ts logan #ts virgil #ts thomas #sanders side fic

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you afraid of lifts? They make me anxious because I worry about it breaking down and having to be stuck in one. Just the thought of that happening terrifies me. I’m also claustrophobic.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? My mama is gorgeous. I’m so envious of her skin, it’s literally flawless and very soft. I did not inherit that, unfortunately. 

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? I mean, online I have. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? It’s in the negatives.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? It was my nurse of one of the doctors I’ve been seeing every month for the past few years up until the quarantine/lockdown started. She was asking how I was doing. 

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? Bologna, colby jack cheese, and mayo with a pickle on the side and olive oil to dip it in.

Let’s talk about the person you had your first kiss with. Do you still talk to that person? If so, do you still like them? Would you kiss them again? Nope.

When was the last time you saw your ex? Five years ago.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? They control me. :/

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? I just want it to be okay again to go out and not need a mask or gloves and without the constant fear of catching something that has the ability to make you seriously ill or worse.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? There’s no such person, currently.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? Tired, hot, and my stomach hurts.

What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? She’s my mom.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? No.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed?   Yeah, the friends I used to have. It changed because I fucked everything up.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? I don’t recall.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? My aunt.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? Like I said, there’s no such person, but in the hypothetical scenario I wouldn’t want them to pass up an opportunity like that. I couldn’t ask them to do that. Of course I’d be sad and miss them, but I’d be supportive and encourage them to go if that’s what they wanted to do. We’d have to figure out what to do from there. 

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? Thankfully, there’s no one like that in my life right now.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? Recently. I just felt stupid for even crying about what I was on the verge of crying about and I didn’t want to make the situation worse.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? I don’t know, honestly. It would also depend who it was.

Which do you think is the worst - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? Oh man. There’s a lot of things I wish I had said, but I didn’t. However, saying something but wishing I hadn’t is a lot worse I think because you can’t take it back once its been said. The other is hard, too, though; because you may not get the chance to say it again. 

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? Yes.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? My doggo always makes me smile. Music and reading can help with a bad mood by giving me a distraction and taking my mind off of things for a bit.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? My mom.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? Two years ago. They used to travel every summer in their RV and stop nearby to stay and visit for a couple months, but they’re not able to do that anymore. Two years ago was the last time my Papa could handle the drive. His health declined because he had cancer (he’s in remission, thankfully, but of course it does a number on your body and immune system) and other health issues. My Nana’s has some health issues as well. They live out of state, so it’s not easy to go see them. Right now my papa is going through a new health issue and it’s just really hard because they’re so far away and we can’t be there like we’d like to be. And traveling and such right now is especially difficult. 

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? Yes.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? Hugged, but not kissed.

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? My family and I would like to be able to see my grandparents.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? Jeez, I thought that said COVID at first. It’s engrained into my brain. Sigh. Anyway, wow I haven’t bought a CD in several years.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? I’m great at that. Including my own advice that I should have listened to, but didn’t.  “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.”

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? I’m quick to blame myself for everything and find fault in myself somehow. 

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? It’s only 4 in the morning.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? Yes.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? One of my cousins. 

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? Not a lot of things, but some things. I also downplay a lot. They worry about me enough as it is.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? My mom and no.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? My family and I watched Birds of Prey last night. It was okay. I like Marvel and DC films, but I don’t know. I just wasn’t into this one much. I’m also more of a Marvel gal. Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? Yes.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. Fine.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[kimjongdaely]

Exodauntia [Chapter 9]

Vampire!AU

Pairing: Chen x Reader

Warnings: mention of blood, violence, and sexual situations.

Summary: You just wanted to help. But you accidentally saved someone you shouldn’t have, and now you’re running for your life while trying to help the person you saved execute his revenge plan, plummeting into a foreign world you never knew existed.

Audiobook + Prologue│Chapter 1│Chapter 2│Chapter 3│Chapter 4│ Chapter 5│Chapter 6│Chapter 7│Chapter 8│Chapter 9│Chapter 10│ Chapter 11│Chapter 12│Chapter 13│Epilogue

You can’t wait any longer. You rush out your room, through the hallways, trying to find the main door. Kris looked so cautious just now and you know the logical thing to do is to stay in your room until morning, but you just can’t. Not when you know there’s a chance of Jongdae being in danger.

You finally find the staircase that leads to the entrance of the castle, skipping two steps at a time as you hurry to leave.

“Are you leaving?”

You almost can’t stop with how fast your legs are moving, but you manage to slow down in time to see Kris standing by the side, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Though his posture is lax, you can see the worry in his eyes.

“Yes,” you answer, your voice filled with determination. “I have to warn him.”

Kris nods solemnly, his eyes darting around as if to make sure the two of you are alone. “Be careful.”

You nod back, picking up speed again as you burst through the doors of the castle, down the its path and you soon find ourself out the barrier. You shiver as the wind hits you, the night air unbelievably cold. You can see just the tiniest bleed of orange in the sky, a sign that morning will come soon.

Jongdae, Jongdae. You chant continuously as you run past the broken structures that litters the place and into the forest beyond. Jongdae, please be safe.

You hesitate as you slow down, your head spinning as you try to find the right direction. Jongin teleported you here, you remember with growing dread, so you don’t know the way back yourself.

You begin to panic, the trees that loom over you suddenly feel so much taller, so much darker. You feel almost claustrophobic here, your breathing becoming increasingly ragged.

Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae—

“Hey, hey!”

You blink, feeling someone shake you. You look up, feeling tears well in your eyes as you see his familiar concerned face studying you.

“Jongdae.” Your voice comes out choked as you quickly wrap your arms around his slim waist, pressing your face against his shirt, your tears soaking his shirt.

“What’s wrong?” Jongdae’s voice is a pitch too high, filled with absolute worry. “Are you hurt? Don’t tell me Kris did anything to you or I swear I’ll—”

“No,” you shake your head, taking in his comforting scent. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” Jongdae asks, his tone a bit gentler as he runs his hand through your hair. “Tell me.”

“I—” You hesitate, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip. “Can we go home first?”

His eyes softens and he nods, “Of course.”

Jongin steps out of the shadows, and seeing him feels so good. A wave of relief washes over you when he smiles at you, his eyes twinkling like he’s glad to see you too. He holds out his hands for you and Jongdae, teleporting you back.

Once you’re comfortably snuggled on the couch with a blanket wrapped around your form and a mug of hot chocolate in your hands, you find yourself smiling. You’ve only been away for a day and a half, yet it already feels so long. You missed being this carefree, since you know Jongdae would never let anything happen to you.

He watches you carefully on the opposite couch, his eyes glowing a faint crimson. He has his arms crossed, a small pout on his lips. “Can you tell me now? I was sure I felt a sting from your mark—”

“I’m fine, really.” You cut him off, waving your hand. You offer him a smile which was meant to be reassuring, but his frown only deepens.

“Okay then,” he says carefully, “What exactly happened?”

You bite your lip nervously, glancing around the house. Minseok was the one who greeted you when you arrived at the mansion, and even prepared a blanket for you, but disappeared to his room the second you settled back in. Jongin made you hot chocolate before saying something about taking a walk outside before the sun comes out.

You know you shouldn’t be so wary like this—you trust them—but you just can’t help it. Not when Kris implies a traitor within Jongdae’s allies.

You pat the spot next to you on the couch, telling Jongdae to come closer. He does, but still looks upset like a child which makes you almost want to laugh. But then you think about what you’re going to tell him and all laughter dies away.

“Jongdae,” you lower your voice into a whisper, making him furrow his brows. He can hear you just fine, but he doesn’t understand why you’re speaking this way. “Kris isn’t the one who started the war.”

“What?” Jongdae recoils at the very thought. “What do you mean? Kris was definitely the one who stole our kingdom.”

“No,” you shake your head, your voice lowering even further. “He told me that he was merely a pawn. Jongdae, listen to me. You might not believe it but,” you take a deep breath, preparing yourself for your next words, “one of your allies is a traitor. One of them wanted to rule Exodauntia for themselves.”

Jongdae stares at you for a moment, something flashing in his eyes. Then he throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh. “Wow, good one. You really almost got me. Now can you tell me what actually happened?”

“Jongdae!” You raise your voice, getting frustrated. “You need to believe me!”

“And who told you that?” He snaps, his eyes suddenly blazing, his fangs protruding dangerously and you flinch because you’ve never seen him like this before. “It was Kris, wasn’t it? How can you believe him? You believe him but not my friends?”

He’s seething, and you honestly have no idea how to calm him. You feel tears prick your eyes as you begin to feel desperate, wanting so badly for him to believe you. “Jongdae, please. The way Kris acts doesn’t add up. He was gentle and kind and gave me great hospitality—”

“Are you with him now?” Jongdae hisses, his words like knives to your heart as he stands abruptly from his seat, glaring down at you. “Have you decided to join him instead?”

“What, no!” You cry, standing up as well and placing a hand on Jongdae’s arm in attempt to calm him, but he shakes you off roughly. “Jongdae please, I think Yixing is the one—”

“Stop!” His voice booms, making you jump in fear. “Stop accusing my friends. Just stop! If you trust Kris so much, then just leave!” His eyes are a bright red, brighter than you’ve ever seen it. He’s baring his fangs at you like you’re an enemy, and it shakes you to your core.

You can’t hold back your tears anymore, feeling them run down your face in hot streaks. Your heart hurts so much, your throat contracting.

Jongdae holds his ground, glaring at you with narrowed eyes.

“Jongdae—” You try one more time, your voice low and broken but he shakes his head, turning away from you.

He just turned away from you.

You let out a sob, feeling yourself shaking. You thought he would believe you. You thought he would at least listen. You just want to help him, to protect him.

“Jongdae,” you whisper, knowing he can hear you though he doesn’t acknowledge you. He’s already halfway up the stairs to his room. “I love you.”

You wait for another heartbeat.

You can hear his door close shut.

Suddenly the house doesn’t feel like home anymore.

You turn back around, forcing yourself to walk away.

You hug yourself as you lean against the trunk of a pine tree, your body rattling with broken sobs. You never expected the kind and gentle Jongdae to act like that. You especially didn’t think he would ever tell you to leave.

Now you’re all alone in this forest. You don’t even know how to get out, and you’re pretty sure you’ll starve since you don’t know how to search for food.

Brilliant.

You begin to berate yourself. Why did you just have to go ahead and save a vampire? Why him? Why couldn’t you have just kept to yourself and walked away? You might still be living normally in your house with Nana.

Nana.

Your stomach churns when you think about your personal maid. You wonder how worried she is, probably already having several search parties look for you.

You hate yourself.

Because no matter how much you wish you never saved Jongdae in the first place, you know you would do it again in a heartbeat. Despite everything, you love him. You love the way he smiles so happily, the way he looks so passionate when he sings, the way he laughs way too loudly.

Being with him just feels right, and that’s why it hurt so much when he turned away from you.

It felt like he just ripped your heart out before throwing it away right in front of your eyes.

You let out another choked sob, feeling your heart squeeze tightly. You can hardly breathe anymore.

“I take that it didn’t go so well?”

You lift your head at the familiar voice, making out the blurry figure of Kris standing before you. You sniff, nodding.

He kneels before you, his large hand coming to pat your hair gently. “Hey, it’s ok. Don’t cry.”

“He didn’t believe me.” You hiccup, voice trembling. “He didn’t…he told me to leave…” Your words only make another wave of sorrow slam into you.

“Shh, it’s okay.” He says, more tenderly than you expected. “I understand.”

You sniff again, letting him pick you up. You don’t even have the strength to stand up anymore since you just cried yourself dry.

You feel your eyelids grow heavy, his footsteps lulling you to sleep as fatigue finally catches up to you.

He went way too far.

Jongdae knows this too, the second he blurted the words out. He couldn’t help it, he was just so furious. Kris took everything from him—his parents, his brother, his friends. Just hearing his name makes Jongdae’s blood boil.

And hearing you say his name, well, that just raised his anger to a whole new level. Not just the fact that you were talking about Kris, but the fact that you believe his dirty lies and is actually accusing his friends makes him see red.

He thought you would stay with him no matter what.

Yes, he was furious, but he was wrong for throwing you out like that. He knows you have nowhere to go, no protection without him. You could get killed and he would have no one to blame but himself.

And when he heard you whisper those three words it felt like the sky had just fallen over his shoulders. The words he never knew he needed to hear suddenly felt like stabs to his heart. The way you said them…so pained and broken and hurt.

He regrets not turning back and telling you he loved you too.

Jongdae buries his face in his hands, letting out a frustrated groan. He rakes his hand through his hair, trying to control himself. He feels like he’s losing everything. He feels like he can’t protect anyone.

“I drove her away myself.” He mumbles angrily, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

You wake up back in Exodauntia. The familiar intricate designs of the ceiling greets you and makes you sigh. At least you have a roof, with a bed and clothes and food.

But it’s not the same.

Without Jongdae, it just doesn’t feel right. It feels like a part of you had shattered, and right now you don’t even have the strength to get up.

You just want to lie here forever and wallow in your sorrows.

There’s a knock at your door and you groan, rolling over. The door clicks open and a low chuckle fills the quiet room. “Still sleeping? I thought vampires slept throughout the day, not humans.”

“Kris,” you mutter, finally bringing yourself to sit up. “I’m just not in the mood to do anything. Let me be.”

His eyes softens on you as he leans against the frame of the door. “I just thought you would be hungry. You did cry a lot yesterday, so you must be famished.”

At the sound of food, your stomach automatically growls, making you flush as you hug your middle. “Yeah…that sounds good.”

Kris grins before his expression suddenly grows grim, brows furrowed and eyes glowing a faint red. “Sh.” He presses a slender finger against his lips.

You want to ask what was wrong, but his eyes widen in fear and the words he whispers next sends a chill down your spine, “He’s here.”

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Exodauntia Mini Masterlist

A/N: Ok so since it’s my summer break I’m really trying hard to get a chapter out every two days and to be honest, there’s not that many chapters left of this fic! I’m super excited for the next chapter because it’s the big reveal for who the ‘traitor’ is! Please send in who you think it is and tell me what you thought about the chap!

Tags: @loser-dot-com @lis-redfox @jjaeminnie

Tell me if you want to be tagged!

©kimjongdaely

Talk to me!

#exo #exo-l #exosnet #exowritersnet #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo fic #chen #kim jongdae #jongdae #chen fanfiction #chen fanfic #chen fic #jongdae fanfic #jongdae fanfiction #jongdae fic #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #exo series #series #chen series #jongdae series #vampire #vampire!au #exo!vampire #chen!vampire #exodauntia #chapter 9 #kimjongdaely

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 30)

So far, the party was going well, absolutely swimmingly, in fact. He had arranged the concessions stand to his liking and had picked out the perfect playlist. There were plenty of games and activities to keep his guests away from the areas of the house his parents had warned him not to invade. Evidently, he was, if nothing else, thankful that his parents were so lax. He could host as many parties as he liked so long as he didn’t get the cops called on him and he paid for any of the damages inflicted to the house. Of course, he still had to wait for them to go on vacation or bribe them into leaving for the night. His mother was every bit as annoyed by the noise and bustle as he was intrigued and lifted by it.

That night was a bribe kind of night, he had done a good portion of the house work to earn this party so it better go spectacularly.

 Usha was hooked around his neck blabbering on and on about how she was the perfect team captain and how it was beyond her that she wasn’t chosen for the position in the first place. How they were probably going to make it to the state championship this year. He had to bite his tongue to keep from reminding her that Azula had gotten them to the state championships in the years prior. He shook his head, why was it still such a habit to want to speak up for the girl? He decided that it was only because Usha was so unbearable.

 He watched her take another chug from her glass. “I don’t know where you get this stuff.” She murmured. “Really, you’ve got the best drinks.”

 “I have my sources.” He winked.

 “You think I’m going to win the costume contest this year?”

 “Probably.” He replied. He didn’t see much other competition this year. Usha’s costume wasn’t very creative, but her figure filled it the best.

 He finished the last of his own drink, still deciding how far he wanted to go. He didn’t want to be drunk when he announced the winners of the competition and he had to watch the house. Last time Azula’s waste of a brother had wrecked his nana’s vase and he got an earful for it. But he didn’t want to be sober either. He supposed that he’d settle for tipsy. It’s not like he had any driving to do.

 .oOo.

 Usha was becoming more and more infuriating with each glass. Really, he ought to take the bottle away from her, but he didn’t feel like dealing with the bitch fit she’d pitch. So he made his way to the concessions stand. Naturally the girl had to follow him.

 He had every intention of ignoring her for his snack when the girl started giggling obnoxiously. He couldn’t imagine that whatever she was laughing at was funny, but then, she wasn’t the only one laughing. So he turned his head. He didn’t really have any expectations in mind, but he also didn’t think he would happen upon his ex stuffing herself. For the first time he considered that there might actually be something wrong with the girl, something that he was helping to fuel. That or he was overthinking things. She had probably always been that way and no one had caught it because she had been an athlete. Either which way, it wasn’t a good look on her. Frankly he thought it was both disgusting and irritating. He hadn’t arranged all of that food just for one person to inhale it all.

But then she locked eyes with him and the anger fades.

Into what? Pity? Guilt? Concern? He wasn’t quite sure, but he certainly didn’t welcome the feeling.

 He was glad to see her turn away and take off. He didn’t want to dwell on whatever that feeling was. It was easier to pretend like he hadn’t felt it at all.

 “Can you stop that!” He snapped at Usha. The girl’s screeching laugh was giving him a migraine.

 “But. Like, did you see her!?” She burst out in laughter again. “Ohman, I can’t wait ferschoolon Monday.”

 He was definitely going to have to keep her from anymore drinks.

 .oOo.

 “Your costume is incredible.” Chan didn’t know the girl but her flattery was wonderful. Just when he thought that the night was going sour too. He savored the compliment. He liked to think that he looked pretty sharp in a gothic tux.

 “Yeah, it’s a pretty cool costume.” Kori added. “But I don’t remember inviting a nobody into our conversation.”

 “Eh, let Chu-Leng flirt a little.” He jabbed a thumb in Chu’s direction.

 Kori rolled her eyes.

 He felt a hand on his shoulder, a hand that was spinning him around. Jet didn’t think he had ever seen the girl look so incredibly pissed off. "Where's Jet?"

 Oh wow, what a trip she was, he had to chuckle. "Baby face has some bite." Who would have thought, he almost added. He earned himself a round of laughter. Of course, Usha and her hyena screech had the most volume. Just as she had after watching Azula, she was flailing her hands wildly. He was going to have to dump her soon, spiting Azula just wasn’t worth that kind of hassle. Even with a few drinks in his system he found Usha nearly intolerable.

 "Where. The fuck. Is. Jet?" TyLee cut through his pondering. Her voice had such a dangerous edge. A surprising one at that. When had that little marshmallow developed such a bark. He let his smirk fade. "I have no idea. I don't keep track of him. Why?"

 "Like you'd care." With that final, wholly un-TyLee display the girl had spun on her heel and stormed into the crowd. Chan felt somewhat squeamish. There was something off about the whole situation. These days TyLee was anything but peppy and upbeat, but she was never outright vicious. He didn’t think that he had ever heard her use the word ‘fuck’ before. He had never seen her snarl quite like that either. Perhaps that was what enticed him to call out for her to wait a minute. Not that he thought she would listen, she was walking with a purpose. He undraped Usha from his arm.

 “Hey were-er-yagoin’.” She slurred. “Ch-Chan, hey wereya… where ya…”

 He hoped that Chu-Leng would take care of that hot mess. He watched her stumble and collapse and rolled his eyes. She was such a sloppy drunk, it almost made him miss dating Azula who—even completely trash—had at least some degree of grace and poise.

 Chan weaved in and out of the crowd keeping close behind TyLee, his curiosity well and piqued. She didn’t seem to take any notice of him at all and maybe that was a good thing. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to see what her claws looked like.

 She was navigating the crowd like her life depended on it. Or like someone’s life depended on it. That feeling was back, that feeling as though something was wrong in the world. He couldn’t recall ever having felt unsafe at one of his parties even with all of the drugs and booze. He ignored various outraged cries from people who he brushed or shoved passed.

Suddenly TyLee came to a halt, so he slowed himself.  Just what was the girl up to? Was she going to trash his party? But what reason would she have to spite him like that? He didn’t think that she had any love left for Azula, certainly not enough to wreck his party on her behalf.

 Just like that she was sprinting towards one of the unoccupied halls. If he weren’t trying to be sneaky he might have yelled at her for going into one of the off limit hallways. Instead he followed her silently, thankful that she was so hyper-focused on whatever her goal was. He noticed her whip out her phone and push the door open.

 "It didn't have to happen this way." With that voice, Chan’s throat went dry. "All you had to do was say yes, then we could have had a nice date without all of this struggling."

 “Oh for fuck’s sake.” He muttered to himself, clawing at his hairline. Jet was doing this at his party. He raked his hands through his hair again. Chan was a lot of things. A bully? Some would say that, he supposed. An asshole, that was probably a check too. But this?

He wasn’t this kind of person.

 And a few pieces fell into place. He didn’t know exactly where they belonged in the puzzle but two things clicked. Ruon had seen something. He had seen something that Jet did. They had a falling out and now Ruon was dead.

 With a howl, Chan darted passed TyLee and threw himself on Jet. He thought that he might have kicked Katara in the process. But it didn’t matter. What mattered was making Jet pay for Ruon’s death. He slammed his fist into Jet’s jaw. It might have cracked.

And that was fine by him.

 It was also fine by him that Jet’s nose was bleeding profusely. And it was finer still that Jet was whimpering.  “At my party!” He roared. “At my fucking party. You couldn’t have kept it in your pants until…” until when? So he backtracked. “You can’t just keep it in your pants? You can’t control yourself, are you some kind of animal?” But then, Chan was almost certain that even animals had more control than that.

 Yes, Chan was a lot of things. A good number of them were rather awful, he knew that very well. He had no love nor respect for Katara but seeing her on the floor, shirt cast aside with nothing but a bra to keep her unexposed…

His fist fell upon Jet again.

 He didn’t know how many times his fist landed on the boy’s face, but he imagined that the two were well acquainted by that point.

 He heard another body enter the room, maybe two. This was it, he was going to jail…

 But the hands that pull him off of Jet didn’t constrain him. They took his place. And he understood, as much as he wanted to keep wailing on Jet for what he’d done to Ruon, this was more of Sokka’s fight than his. So he let Sokka have at it.  

 Instead he stood up and grabbed Katara’s shirt he handed it to Suki, who dressed the other girl.

 And then he approached TyLee. A sobbing, trembling TyLee. “How did you know where to find her?” As soon as he asked more pieces fell into place. He didn’t need her answer because he already knew it. Jet had done this before. He had done it at his homecoming party the year before. He had done it and Ruon knew.

 Chan wondered what kind of threats Jet had made to keep his long-time companion quiet. He didn’t imagine that it took much, Ruon had always been more timid. Timid until it mattered. And while he mustered up the courage to speak out, Jet had put all of his power into ruining the boy’s life.

 The picture was almost completely clear. “He saw something so he had to die.” He whispered to himself.

 “What?” TyLee asked softly.

 “Ruon knew…” His father had always told him that a real man didn’t cry. His father would be disappointed in him. He probably cried harder than TyLee, or at least on par with her. His best friend was dead and it really was all his fault. TyLee…Katara…that was his fault too.

He threw his fist into the wall, leaving a pretty good hole.

 Distantly he noted that Suki was pulling Sokka off of Jet.

Lord Chan hoped that a murder wasn’t just committed in his house. All the same, he truly hoped that one was.

#Avatar #Chan #TyLee #Katara #Azula #Sokka #Suki #Jet #Mai #Toph #Aang #Fanfiction

[joshpup]

To Love or Not to Love // Pt. 10

Intro // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Pt. 9 // Pt. 10 // Pt. 11 // Pt. 12 // Pt. 13 // Pt. 14 // Pt. 15 // Pt. 16 // Pt. 17 Word Count: 2,374 Genre: Svt Mafia Au Member: Mingyu TW:  Angst, Violence, mention of blood, eventually fluff. idk about tw if there is one i should add pls let me know im bad at them

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on boss!” Mingyu whined, giving Seungcheol the biggest puppy eyes he could muster.

“It’s only going to cause more issues.” Seungcheol sighed, twisting a pen in his hand as he stared blankly at the papers that sat in front of him.

“What would be the issue? Everyone is like us, it’s not like we’d be with the general public…” Mingyu commented. Seungcheol gave him a look that would have caused any normal person to drop the subject.

“Oh, come on Cheol, what’s the worst that could happen?” Jeonghan added in. You’d never heard anyone call Seungcheol by his actual name, let alone a pet name like Jeonghan did. You guessed that was just a sign of how close they truly were. Seungcheol muttered something under his breath and shot a glare in Jeonghan’s direction.

“There may be issues with the other gangs though.” Seungcheol pointed out.

“Yah, but Joshua’s been to these balls before, and Exo is there. We’ve never had an issue…” Jeonghan said back, ���I bet he’d go this year too.”

You felt a sinking feeling in your stomach. If you being able to go outside would mean that Joshua would have to see the group that did all those terrible things to him, you didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Mingyu seemed to sense that feeling from you.

“Even if Josh doesn’t go this year, there’s not any predominate issues if (y/n) went outside. She can’t stay locked up in here forever you know.” Mingyu said.

“Unless there is an issue, and you aren’t telling us…” Jeonghan added, staring skeptically at Seungcheol.

“There aren’t any issues.” He snapped back, almost to aggressively.

“So, I don’t see why she can’t go.” Jeonghan stated, shrugging his shoulders.

“Fine, fine she can go, but if anything happens it’s on you two.” You couldn’t help but smile. You tried to force it down until you at least got away from Seungcheol but your excitement and joy was just too much to contain. You and Mingyu thanked him before walking out of the room, leaving Seungcheol and Jeonghan to themselves. As soon as you were out of ears range, Mingyu gave you the strongest high-five of your life. It left you hand stinging for at least an hour.

It was already a bit past breakfast, and most of the guys had headed off to their respective places in the house to do a bit of work. Jihoon took his place in the computer room, no doubt trying to hack into something or plan their next big mission along with Soonyoung. Seungcheol had stepped out with Jun and Minghao again, doing god knows what. Mingyu and Wonwoo had also stepped out for the day. When you asked Mingyu were he was going, he only offered you a small smile and said they needed to meet with someone Wonwoo knew, and left it at that. If he wasn’t going to give you any more information than that, you figured it was best not to pry.

You found yourself wandering over to where Seungkwan and Chan had planted themselves, staring down at a huge blueprint they had spread across the floor. While marking down little things here and there and examining the long twisting hallways you pestered them with question, bored out of your mind.

“You really need to find a hobby (y/n).” Chan sighed after you asked about the blueprints for the fifteenth time.

“It’s a bit hard since I’m trapped in here.” You replied, shrugging your shoulders, still waiting for an answer about the blueprints.

“If you really want to know, this is to the building of one of the members parents base. Except it’s a pretty well-known building in the city with extreme security.” Seungkwan answered, scribbling down another thing in his notebook.

“What are you guys trying to get?” you asked.

“That’s confidential.” Seungkwan stated.

“Well then, which member’s parents are they? Or is that confidential too?” you questioned, looking from Seungkwan to Chan as they exchanged glances with each other, having a silent conversation about whether they should say or not.

“Wonwoo’s parents.” Chan finally said.

“Ah, so that’s where Mingyu and Wonwoo went…” you mused. Chan glanced at Seungkwan, still wondering if he should have said that, but soon returned back to the blueprints in front of him.

“So, are Wonwoo’s parents super rich or something?” you asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Yah, they own one of the biggest cellphone companies in Korea. Bet you didn’t know they’re apart of the mafia, did you?” Seungkwan chuckled.

“Wow that’s crazy. Are there a lot of people like that?” Chan thought for a minute.

“There’s more than you think for sure. But most of our parents aren’t like the Jeons. Wonwoo’s not on very good terms with them anyways…”

“I feel like you shouldn’t be messing with such a big group then.” You said with a frown. Seungkwan laughed.

“Look at you! Trust me, we know what we are doing. Everything we do is a risk. That’s just being in the Mafia.” You rolled your eyes as Seungkwan continued to laugh, shaking his head.

“Whatever, I just don’t want you guys to all get hurt and I get left trapped in here or like, they come find this base and I get kidnapped again. I’m guessing not all groups are as nice as you.”

“You guessed right. The Pledis Mafia is probably one of the more ‘soft’ groups out of the majority of them. Sometimes even Monsta X’s main, Starship mafia can be a bit much at times.” Chan explained.

“Well, I guessed if I had to be kidnapped by anyone then I’d want it to be you guys then… I can’t believe I just said that.” You said, throwing your head back and laughing. Seungkwan and Chan chuckled a bit too, surprised you had become so much more chill about the whole situation.

“Being allowed to go to this ball sure has put you in a good mood hasn’t it?” Seungkwan asked.

“Yah! I’m just excited to get out of this house. It’s a nice house, but after what, a few months, I need to get out and see some different things. I’m going crazy stuck in here. Why don’t you guys at least have a backyard of something?”

“Have you looked out the window? We’re in the middle of the woods, everything around here could serve as a backyard.” Chan pointed out.

“Well, build a fence around it so Seungcheol doesn’t have a cow every time I try and go outside.” You whined. Chan rolled his eyes, and turned back to his blueprints for the nth time, getting nothing done at all.

“What are you going to wear to the ball?” Seungkwan suddenly questioned. You were about to answer, but soon caught yourself. It’s not like you had any of your clothes from home, all you had here were some of the clothes the Pristin members had brought for you, and then a few of Mingyu and Joshua’s pajamas. You didn’t feel the need to ever look nice since you were always stuck at the base, so you tended to just stay in their oversized shirts and sweatpants for the majority of the time. There was no chance of you having any sort of fancy piece of clothing at all. You jaw dropped as you realized you had nothing.

“Seungkwan, what am I going to do now? If I can’t go because I don’t have a stupid dress I’ll rip down those curtains and make myself something if I have too!” you exclaimed.

“Do you even know how?” Chan questioned.

“No! But I don’t do anything all day long, I’ll just sneak onto a computer and look up how to do it or something!” you exclaimed, getting heated.

“Yah, that’ll really fly with Jihoon. He’d probably break your fingers off if you so much as touched his computers. Trust me, I’ve tried.” Seungkwan sighed.

“Are you sure you don’t have anything at all? None of the members have hooked up with anyone and they left a dress behind or something? A few of you guys seem like players I wouldn’t be surprised…” you said, grasping at straws, hoping by some amazing luck the boys had a spear dress lying around.

“First of all,” Seungkwan began, looking a little offended, “sure, some of the members might come off as players, but they would never! And even if they did, they would NOT bring someone back here unless they wanted to both die.” Seungkwan said, glaring a bit at you. You put your hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay, but really you guys don’t have any way to get a dress? Please think of something I can’t be stuck here and have to wait for another event to come up like this. I’ll seriously go insane.” Both Seungkwan and Chan sat and thought for a bit.

“We could probably just call Pristin and see if they have anything…” Chan said.

“If not them I’m sure the After School gang would have something.” Seungkwan added. Almost instantly the large weight that had suddenly placed itself upon yours shoulders was lifted.

You had almost entirely forgotten about the fact that you had yet to obtain anything to wear to the ball until Nana showed up at the Seventeen house, a grin from ear to ear. Clutched in her arms was a big bag full of dresses. Trying on each different, flawless dress was one of the most fun things you had done in a long time. Nana was the sweetest person and always had amazing comments for you when you came out in a new dress. Eventually the two of you decided on a pretty black ball gown that was laced with a few sparkles here and there. It was elegant but nothing flashy, so you wouldn’t draw the attention of most people (which is how you preferred it). After the two of you had settled on a dress, Nana brought out a pretty pair of shoes and a few accessories, and even promised to come help you with your hair the day of the ball. The two of you talked about the ball for a long time. Nana took it upon herself to explain how these types of balls worked, and even mentioned some groups and certain people to make sure to steer clear of. Before you knew it, Nana had to head out, and your heart hurt to see her leave. It was nice having a girl in the house after constantly being surrounded by thirteen guys.

After Nana had left you excitedly showed Chan and Seungkwan the dress you had picked out, thanking them profusely for helping you out. Naturally Mingyu wanted to see the dress, but you told him that he would have to wait until the day of the ball because it would be no fun if no one was surprised, even if the dress was on the more plane end of ball gowns. You happily helped the others cook dinner that night, brimming with excitement for the upcoming ball. As you laid down in your bed the night before the ball, you couldn’t help but remind yourself that even though you were going to be able to go outside, not only were you still being held captive, but you were pretty much putting yourself, and the rest of seventeen for that matter, in a decent amount of danger. Even if Mingyu had assured you there would be no danger at all, you couldn’t help but think he was lying. After all, there had to be a reason Seungcheol was so opposed to you going to this ball.

As expected, after the gang had finished breakfast, Nana showed up at the door, smiling just has happily as before. As you raced to greet Nana at the front entrance, Mingyu couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to see you smiling and giggling, to see you talking with someone without having that sadness still lingering in your eyes. He didn’t know how or why talking with Nana took that away, but the more he thought about it the more he realized it was just Nana, but multiple other things all combined. This event really meant something to you, were as for the rest of Seventeen, this ball was just another part of the job, a place where they have to show up and look presentable and represent their head well. To the gang, it was just business, but to you it was an adventure waiting to happen.

Nana helped you with your hair, then departed, saying that she had to help her other members and do a few other important things before heading to the ball, so you say on the couch, full hair and make-up in your oversized sweatpants from Wonwoo and anime t-shirt from Joshua. You earned a few strange glances from the others. Jihoon even did a double take when he walked past you but most of everyone Seungcheol was acting the weirdest.

“Are you sure you should have your hair out of your face like that? Maybe you should wear it down in case someone recognizes you.” Seungcheol declared walking into the living room.

“No, Nana said this looks the best, besides what are the others gonna do, kidnap me from you original kidnappers?” you questioned, a bit of malice laced in your voice. Seungcheol bit his cheek and looked at you for a few seconds before turning on his heel and walked out of the room just as quickly as he had arrived. You looked over at Hansol who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch watching something on his iPad. He looked up almost at once, easily getting the feeling that someone his looking at him. You gave him a questioning look in regards to Seungcheol but he only shrugged his shoulders before returning to his screen. You huffed a bit, not satisfied with Hansol’s reaction but didn’t press anymore and headed upstairs to change into your outfit, seeing as how almost everyone else had changed or was changing. Hopefully the night wouldn’t be a disaster.

Next...

#write-svt #svtnetwork #svt #seventeen #mingyu #kim mingyu #fanfic #fanfiction #svt fanfic #svt fanfiction #kpop #kpop fic #kpop fanfic #tw #mafia au #svt mafia au #mafia!svt #mafia!seventeen #mafia #reader insert #mingyu x reader #mingyu reader insert #svt reader insert #fluff #angst #series #pt 10 #part 10 #to love or not to love #tlontl

[shadowsong26fic]

Let’s Go Steal A Crossover: Part 1

No real plot here, this is mostly the background/backstory details.

Note/Disclaimer: this particular outline features an OC of mine and as a result is fairly self-indulgent. Because what else are crack outlines for?

That out of the way, here we go!

For the Leverage crew:

This is more or less in a S3 sort of environment--they may or may not be chasing Space Damien Moreau, but in terms of their team dynamic, etc., that’s where they are.

(Let’s be real, though, they are TOTALLY chasing Space Damien Moreau.)

(Who is, as in Leverage canon, very much a power-behind-the-throne kind of guy.)

(I.e., he is not a Moff or an Admiral or a planetary ruler or a sector governor or anything like that.)

(He just happens to have quite a few of them in his pocket.)

(He’s not affiliated with Black Sun or any of the Hutts or any other established syndicate, either. He’s his own thing.)

Nate--

He’s from a fairly prosperous Mid Rim world, went to a Core World university (probably either Coruscant or Alderaan).

The Clone Wars started right around when he graduated, if I’m parsing the timelines and ages right.

So, granted I’m making this up on the fly based on things I half-remembered, but while there are non-clone non-Jedi military officers, they’re mostly High Command types.

However, Nate does not have the background, experience, or connections for that kind of work.

He spends the War working for his home sector/planet's senator, as an investigator/learning about security/etc.

(How he manages to pull this off, despite his father’s legit Shady Past, is probably a Story in and of itself.)

Postwar, he goes into the private sector, working for an insurance company.

(Where he meets Sterling.)

(And Maggie.)

(And Sophie.)

Incidentally, while he doesn’t have the inside information to really disbelieve the late-stage propaganda, he’s a little Perturbed by exactly how quick and bloody the end of the war and the transition to the Empire was.

Something Is Not Right here, but he’s not sure exactly what, and is not yet so disillusioned to do anything about that doubt. But it remains, in the back of his mind, to resurface when everything falls apart.

This is, however, a large part of why he leaves public service.

From here, Nate’s backstory is more or less the same as in canon.

(I did toy with having Sam dead of Inquisitors instead for a while, but that would not translate right and, more importantly, is too mean to Maggie.)

(I love Maggie, have I mentioned that?)

Sophie--

What can one say about Space Sophie Devereaux.

...about as much as one can say about the canon version, honestly.

She’s Kuati, that much everyone knows for sure.

Whether she’s actually of the minor nobility is up for some debate.

(Yes, there was an equivalent of the King George Job)

She was in her early/mid-teens when the Clone War happened. Kuat itself seems to have been mostly untouched, but under heavy military guard because of the valuable shipyards.

She left Kuat three or four years postwar, and began creating her various aliases and legend.

(And occasionally working as an actress, of course.)

...yep, that’s pretty much what I have here.

Hardison--

Also pretty similar to his canon backstory, except that he’s slightly younger--probably closer to Jyn Erso’s age/two or three years older than the Skytwins.

Like Nate, he’s from the Mid Rim, but he’s from a planet that was heavily contested during the War.

(i.e., it ended up pretty bombed to hell)

(his parents died towards the end of the war, which is how he ended up with Nana)

His particular brand of invention/cleverness is particularly useful in a slowly-recovering warzone, though.

Parker--

Parker is actually from Coruscant.

The underlevels.

One of the kids who consistently slipped through the cracks, under both the Republic and the Empire.

Until Archie Leach found her.

And then unleashed her on the Galaxy.

And now, the fun part--Eliot!

Eliot is, in fact, a clone.

He was part of the so-called Last Batch; born (decanted?) about six months before the end of the war, so he never saw action during that conflict.

There were whispers, among the older cadets--the ones who were mature enough to hear echoes of a voice in their heads, who knew at least bits and pieces what the adult clones had done and why.

(The whispers are carefully, carefully encouraged by some of the adults who were able to fight through the compulsion. Not well enough, or fast enough, to save their Jedi, but damned if they wouldn’t protect their little brothers. Who will grow up to be men, not weapons. Which means that most of the Last Batch and varying proportions of the older cadets had their chips removed before leaving Kamino.)

(....and now I’m going to have to do something completely unrelated with the Last Batch and their relationships with their various older brothers at some point, aren’t they.)

Eliot, like most of his generation, goes into the Stormtrooper corps when he’s mature enough.

He stays in for a while--a good couple of years. He’s separated from his brothers, for the most part, but a few are with him. One by one, they die or desert--he covers for the ones who get away.

He’s the last. He bonded with a few of the non-clone troopers, and it isn’t until there’s no one in his unit he feels like he needs to stay for that he leaves.

(He promises himself, when he leaves that armor behind, that he’s not going to find himself in that situation again. He has only himself to look after now, and he is damn sure going to stay that way.)

He starts wandering, working as a bounty hunter/assassin for hire.

(He does have one brief, slightly surreal encounter with Boba Fett.)

(Who is Not Thrilled that one of the millions of men with his face is trying to do his job.)

Occasionally, he’s even hired by the Empire.

(Any jobs he does for them, he of course does from safely behind a mask.)

He spends some time on Mandalore, carefully connecting with his roots and finding plenty of work in that planet’s increasing unrest.

(There is a Story to tell here, I’m sure, possibly one involving Bo-Katan and/or Korkie Kryze...)

And, of course, he spends about six months working for Space Damien Moreau.

He occasionally, in his travels, has come across his brothers--ranging decommissioned Clone Wars vets, to older cadets, to others of the Last Batch.

He tends not to seek them out, though, and to avoid interacting when he can.

There’s too much baggage, positive and negative, with all his brothers of every generation.

Besides. He promised himself he wouldn’t put down roots with a unit or a team again.

Miscellania--

Their first job together runs much as in canon, and they settle in as a team and loosely follow the same overall storyline as in canon.

Nate knows damn well that Eliot is a clone, though he didn’t until they met in person.

(While he didn’t work directly with the GAR and never met any Jedi, he did meet several clone soldiers. It’s a hard face to forget, when you’ve seen it several times over the course of three years.)

Sophie figures it out, too--she met several soldiers assigned to guard the shipyards.

Their marks generally don’t figure it out, actually.

Not a lot is known about the Last Batch.

I mean, sure, if any of these industry/corporate titans actually thought things through, they’d remember that the clones were in production up through the very end of the war, so obviously something must have been done to the ones who were too young for combat at that point.

But, honestly, even if some part of you is aware/acknowledges that there are younger clones running around, are you really going to expect one to wander through your door pretending to be a chef/caterer or a pro baseball player or a country music star or an IT tech or...

(Parker and Hardison figure it out when one of their marks actually does identify Eliot as a clone.)

(They don’t particularly care, except Hardison remembers/learns about the rapid aging factor and starts using his downtime to try and find a fix for that.)

(When he’s not playing Space WoW, anyway.)

(Or helping Nate with whatever sketchy and underhanded Long-Term Scheme he’s got in mind right now.)

(They’re not on the black box yet, of course, but probably right now most of Hardison’s not-active-job time is spent on tracking Moreau.)

(He and Parker have probably been tossing ideas back and forth about robbing Kamino to try and find a fix, though...)

(Or at least the Last Batch’s records.)

(But that is a plot for another fic. And possibly one of the things they end up doing during the six-month break between S4 and S5.)

The Skytwins’ Team:

Here’s where the super self-indulgent part comes in.

So, this is technically an offshoot of an offshoot of Masks!Verse, which is a very near-canon AU (what I call an In Spite of a Nail AU) where Lavinia exists. Essentially, in Masks!Verse, nothing we see onscreen during the OT happens any differently, but there’s some Interesting Stuff happening elsewhere that sets up a different post-ROTJ timeline. Nothing at all changes until three years after ROTS, when Lavinia is born, and after that only things she’s Directly Involved In change, and most of that is internal Imperial power plays, at least through ROTJ.

(TFA more or less happens because I like it, but the road there is a little bit different and the canon I was operating from is locked there. I.e., due to what Lavinia and her daughter in this timeline end up doing, things go much more AU starting with the opening sequence of TLJ.)

Masks!verse, incidentally, is technically Lavinia’s core timeline, in that it’s the first one I created of the three base timelines I have for her (Masks, Precipice, and PT-generation), but that’s a whole separate conversation. It does probably explain why Masks!Verse has like a million variants/offshoots, though...

Anyway. Digression aside, this crossover actually draws from a Masks!Verse offshoot that I call the Lavinia Organa AU.

(You can probably guess where this is going.)

(It’s very much an Exactly What It Says On The Tin type thing.)

(And, honestly, could do with its own outline for the rewrite of ANH alone...)

But the Cliff Notes version:

When Lavinia is born/announced, Breha goes to Bail and says “we managed to successfully rescue/kidnap one Sith Lord’s baby daughter, we should rescue this one, too.”

They had never really decided on only having one kid, after all. Just at least one, and they wanted a daughter.

(It just ended up not happening in canon because of the need for secrecy/not wanting to complicate things and put Leia at risk.)

(I saw a meta post the other day that points out that Bail was clearly ready to take both Skytwins, but then Yoda said to separate them.)

(This may or may not have come up in primary Masks!Verse, incidentally, but there, they decided it was too risky and they had to focus on protecting the daughter they already had.)

(It’s arguable how much kidnapping was technically involved in adopting Leia. But they do just straight-up kidnap Lavinia. They also fudge some records and release carefully-timed photos and do not make any in-person appearances with her so they can claim she’s three months younger than she actually is.)

How do they pull this off? ...IDK, magic? Handwave for now, it is out of the scope of this project.

Leia and Lavinia grow up pretty close.

(Not that they never fight--they bicker constantly, especially in the years before Leia starts taking a more active role in the Rebellion and a more official role in Alderaan’s government.)

(Lavinia, at thirteen, isn’t really allowed to do much at that point, but she backs Leia in everything and helps a lot with the background research/legwork.)

A couple notable details: Bail and Breha decided pretty early on that they wanted to tell each of their daughters a shell of their bioparents’ stories, leaving out the key details but sticking more or less to the truth as best they could without putting their girls at risk.

So, Leia knows basically what she was told in canon--that her birth mother was a close friend of her parents, they didn’t know her birth father well, and both her bioparents died at the end of the Clone War.

That’s enough for her. She knows who her real parents are, and doesn’t especially care about her bioparents at this point. She has other things to worry about/deal with.

Lavinia is told that her birth mother died shortly after she was born, and her birth father was Not A Good Person and lost custody of her.

So, the thing about Lavinia--it’s less prominent in this AU because she had a functional childhood and parents who treated her like a person and not a spy/asset, but she’s very...the way she puts it in Precipice!Verse is that she doesn’t like walking into a room unprepared. And this shell of a story about her birth parents feels like the kind of thing that could bite her actual parents and her sister (and her) in the ass in a major way.

So, very quietly, around the time Leia starts working as an active Rebel agent, she starts digging into it, trying to identify her bioparents.

She doesn’t find any stories around her official age that match what her parents told her, and she doesn’t think they would lie.

But, she reasons, they might have skewed things or lied about her age to protect her from her biofather.

And then she learns Emperor Palpatine had a daughter, who died, who’s approximately the right age.

When she asks her parents about this, they don’t lie. They confirm it for her

(They would have done the same for Leia, if she had done the legwork and asked them point-blank, but like I said it’s not something she particularly cares about at this point.)

Lavinia then asks if she can tell Leia--they’ve actually been getting closer since Leia suddenly developed all these Adult Responsibilities, and the events of the Princess Leia novel happened.

This pretty much cements their relationship. While they still bicker a fair amount--they’re both pretty strong personalities, and not always compatible ones; Leia being a Soldier and Lavinia being a Spy, plus they’re teenage sisters who are fairly close in age--but they are Ride Or Die Full Stop from this point out.

By the time ANH actually rolls around, they’re both active Rebel agents--Lavinia works mostly with Intelligence and to a point with supply/other support forces, because she’s good at reading people and mapping interpersonal networks and figuring out who to approach, while Leia does more or less what she does in canon.

Again, the actually rewrite of ANH would be its own outline, so the important bits (with minimal detail in case I do end up doing this one properly at some point):

Lavinia and Leia are both on the Tantive.

Lavinia takes a shuttle/tender ship/something and separates, hoping to act as an additional decoy, that Vader will assume that the big ship is the Obvious Decoy and focus on her instead so Leia can get the plans to Kenobi safely.

Vader, of course, has the resources to track both of them so this doesn’t work.

Lavinia ends up tagging along on the Falcon and ending up on the Death Star with the others.

Everyone, including Obi-Wan, actually makes it off the station alive.

Lavinia was running around in the air vents for a while, and left behind a blood sample. On impulse, Vader runs it--he wants to identify all of Obi-Wan’s co-conspirators as quickly as possible and while there are no clear shots of her face on the surveillance footage he has, this is an available resource he can use.

Obi-Wan tells Luke and Leia who they are to each other (though sticks to the Certain Point Of View story about their biodad for the time being).

They have a moment of “...well, that explains a lot” and just accept it and move on.

So, at this point, there are some Key Secrets going on:

One, that Luke and Leia are the twin children, biologically, of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Naberrie Amidala.

People who know this: Obi-Wan, Luke, Leia, and Lavinia (they tell each other pretty much everything of this level of importance.)

Two, that Anakin Skywalker is now Darth Vader.

People who know this: Obi-Wan, Vader, Palpatine.

Three, that Lavinia Organa is Palpatine’s biological daughter.

People who know this: Lavinia, Leia, Vader, Mon Mothma (who they told in a “so this might be a Thing and we want to make sure Someone in High Command is prepared JUST IN CASE).

(They probably tell Luke before too much longer, but they do not share this detail with Obi-Wan.)

Right, so. Those are the Most Important Details for the purposes of understanding Let’s Go Steal A Crossover, I think.

Anyway, I’m drawing from this AU for two reasons:

(Or, three, if we include the fact that I Like It And I Can.)

First, it’s an easy way to get the Skytwins’ team connected/integrated with a minimum of Drama.

Second, because it’s kind of where the whole crossover concept came from. I was babbling at my very patient roommate about the Lavinia Organa AU (specifically about potential ESB/Cloud City plot points), and realized “lol, I could make a religion Leverage team out of this.”

“....WAIT I COULD MAKE A LEVERAGE TEAM OUT OF THIS!”

Here’s how it works:

Hitter: Leia. Who is a tiny ball of rage a lot of the time, and takes after both her bioparents in a large degree. She is definitely, definitely their combat specialist, even if she hasn’t really played that role in her previous work.

Hacker: Han. He’s the one who’s good at improvising tech, etc.

Grifter: Lando. Quick, act shocked.

Thief: Luke. Very different style from Parker, of course, but still.

Mastermind: Lavinia. Who, while not in any way going to use it as he did, inherited her biological father’s aptitude for strategy and manipulation.

The dynamic isn’t 100% the same, of course. For example, Lavinia may be the strategist, but Leia is more the team lead in the field. But it still lines up really great and then I started poking at the Leverage backstories above after the initial concept occurred to me and here we are.

Miscellania:

This crossover takes place in a vague “timelines mean nothing” sort of state. As I said before, the Leverage team is more or less in S3. We’ll say the Skytwins team is somewhere around ESB, though obviously the background leading them there is going to be Very Different.

The actual plot is going to start with The Two Live Crew Job In SPACE and go from there.

(Possibly getting more complicated, as we throw in Sterling and/or Vader and/or Obi-Wan and/or the Ghost crew.)

(In that last case, the Ghost crew never split up/Kanan never died/Ezra never went on a road trip with Thrawn and a bunch of space whales.)

And...that should cover it! Sometime this week (I’m hoping before Solo comes out), I’ll put up Part Two, which will cover the Actual Plot.

#au outlines for the win #masks verse #shadowsong writes star wars #shadowsong26fic

[bombae-sapphire]

2020 & lex

I have not spent one moment thinking over 2019. I think a lot of it was stressful for me and it’s one of those things that I think I’m glad it’s over with. School was really hard. I was very challenged and I had to make a lot of decisions for what’s next.

I got a new job and it made me grow up a lot. It made me settle down a little. It gave me confidence.

I fell more and more in love with Arizona. There wasn’t a day there that I didn’t think about how much I loved my city. Everything was perfect. I loved my apartment. I loved my job. I loved my major. But I knew I wasn’t really happy or treating myself the best that I could have.

The decision to leave was very hard and very unplanned at the same time. It was something i was toying with and had to make a last minute decision to pull the lever or not. I really removed myself in those moments.

I think I just knew I outgrew it. I love everything about Arizona. But I knew I was still unfulfilled and there wasn’t something in Arizona that could compensate that.

I think that’s why New York seemed like the right choice. I had to go bigger. I knew if I wanted to make bigger strides I had to put myself in an environment that would wow me and challenge me in ways I haven’t been before.

Leaving jess was probably the hardest part. I think about her face when we said goodbye a lot and it really breaks me. She helped me be a million times better. I will never have another friend like her. At time same time I think we both knew that if it didn’t end this way then neither of us could be really truly free to be the people we wanted to. We were trapped with each other and it was hurting both of us. That last month we got so much closer maybe because we knew we couldn’t really hurt each other anymore. I love her so much.

Driving cross country was weird. I felt relieved that the weight of my will she or won’t she move mindset was fully lifted. It was also just kind of interesting to see how comfortable I’ve become with sitting and staring at nothing for hours. It made me feel like I needed a break from weed. I could just sit there and not think and that was just weird and a little unnerving at times. It’s gotten better.

This is the hard part to think about next. This is my current chapter and I don’t know why that’s hard for me to think about. I think I have to admit truths and I don’t necessarily want to do that for myself. It’s easier to get through it than to evaluate it.

It’ll be easier to start from the beginning I guess.

Being around family felt really refreshing coming back. It felt good to dance with my sisters and teach haven her letters and so puzzles wih kai and be there for Courtney after her accident and see trace walk and be able to just get lunch with Shauna. And nana is just a short drive away. It was, is, nice. And I don’t feel like I’m losing myself the way I thought I might. My morals are in tact and I have myself.

Every single person was overwhelming supportive. Not only did I get physical help from my family but so much emotional help. They all were so willing and I never felt like a bother to anyone really. My mom has, for one of the first times in my life, but the absolute most emotionally supporting person thus far. She’s never one to sympathize but she really did that for me this year. It meant absolutely everything for me.

Unfortunately I think I learned that I need to start keeping more to myself. I don’t want to share everything with them. I feel like when I find success it’s starting to be taken as me having a big head and that’s a large part of why I liked to be so far away. I didn’t need to play the youngest littlest sister roll or the poor kid roll or the depressed teenager roll. I was free to make myself a new person and I think everyone’s perception of me is not the reality of who I am and I’m sick of having to feel badly sharing new things. So I’m not going to. I’m going to be proud of myself and do it for me.

School was hard for so many reasons. I couldn’t think of them all if I tried. It was just plain hard and it didn’t feel like the same type of welcoming learning environment that I was used to at SCC. I got depressed. For sure. It was a low moment in the middle of the semester. I failed a lot of stuff. I didn’t care. I didn’t work. I wanted to be nothing. It was all just exacerbated by stress and the new environment and I think my body was just shutting down.

Absolutely no one is going to help you in New York except yourself. And even if you think you have yourself, and you can do all the right things, you often have to fight tooth and nail to figure out the difference between what you think is right and what is actually right. People do not care about you and it’s as simple as that.

No one cares about your success, so you have to care. It was different.

I didn’t really make any friends this semester. I made the usual classroom buddies but I didn’t meet someone new that I bonded with and that’s always scary for me. I struggle with relating to people and I worry that finding my family here is going to take a lot of time.

Having so many of my classroom friends come from another country is very interesting. I learned a lot about different cultures just from chatting about the homework etc. It’s been eye opening and I like it.

The other thing with New York that I’ve been struggling with is honestly the food. It’s not very good. I know this sounds fucking crazy, but it’s just not. Like there’s been some things that I’ve been like DAMN or like $30 pasta dishes that I’ve been like cumming over sure but it’s different than Arizona. I had so many cheap good choices. And I miss Mexican food. I literally am probably going to back to Arizona partly because I need the food again. I spent so much time this semester trying to find new places around me that i like and so far it’s pretty much just tender greens lmao and this one vegan restaurant by the train. Shake shack in Madison square park is disgusting and eataly is overrated.

I am doing good at finding my own spots around the city, food aside. There’s these stairs I’ll eat on when it’s nice out, or there’s a spot in the library I really love, there’s a place on the island i will go and look at the skyline at night and just think, there’s a bar that plays only soccer and has this great bartender, when it’s nice there’s a good place to hang in Madison sq park. I have 2 designated Starbucks. I’m enjoying finding my spots.

The travel has honestly been a god send. I don’t know if it’s because when you travel that’s literally all you have to do. I don’t have to answer emails or do math or talk to anyone. I just need to listen to music and go. I love love love my bus rides between New York and pa and I love x10000 the drive between my sisters and parents house. I love taking the tram and looking at the view and the subway is not that bad. It’s kind of fun. You see so much. Everyday millions of people get up and go and do their thing. It’s inspiring.

I got better by the end of the semester. I confided in teachers and I pulled my grades up. I ended the most important class with an A- and I literally could not be fucking happier or more shocked.

I’m learning to love my body more. I’m learning confidence more. I’m exploring new things sexually. I love it.

I love my friends. The New Years happened and we all passed weed around and yelled at each other about politics. That’s how we started 2020.

It’s been hard and most of what I wrote is me trying to find the good in it. I’m happy with that. But it would not do justice to the year if I didn’t say that I’m worried about myself. I’m worried about my drive and my inability to connect with people. It’s hard to do that when you don’t want to. I don’t care about making relationships with people. It sucks and I sound like a bitch. But I’m trying. I’m working on it.

I’m worried about my living situation. It’s not okay. I’m very unhappy that I don’t have my own space right now. It’s hard for me to make a decision of save money or struggle for money for the sake of my own space. I don’t know what to do.

2019 just had so much change. And I’m a little exhausted. I’m not totally me after the end of 2019 but I’m hopeful that that’s changing.

I guess one of the last notable things to think about would be my dad. He’s really bad. He’s totally just not here anymore and I miss him having opinions about my life. As weird as that sounds. He can only nod and make understanding noises. He’s doing weird things like feeding the dogs Cheerios and ranch dressing in their bowls and putting the bowls in the freezer. He threw out his teeth. He sleeps all day. He’s just bad and there’s nothing I can do for him.

I found out so much about my birth mother. And I found out it’s unsafe to reach out to her. So I never can. She’s involved in a really bad group of people. It’s ironic because i used to live with my ex and her stepdad introduced me to this group and i got super into it and thought it was so crazy and interesting and they wanted us to remove our last names from social media to stay protected from them and now it’s come full circle.

And she can barley spell and she seems very unstable. I don’t really feel disappointed. I thought about writing her a letter with no return address, just to tell her about me, but there’s absolutely nothing I could think of to write that I thought I’d like her to know. I tried. I just don’t want her to know and I don’t think it would do any good for anyone for her to know. I actually think I can let her go now. I don’t have anything left to wonder about.

The last thing that’s happened this year is my family is suddenly together. All my sisters are showing up in the same place at the same time and their kids we never saw are around. It’s really nice and really different. It’s a huge blessing. I’m so so blessed.

I could go on forever about the different changes this year but I’m glad I wrote out what I did. I didn’t care at all the reflect on the year starting typing this over an hour ago and I think it was worth it that I did.

New year. New decade. I can do it.

#personal #me

[lovemesomesurveys]

Questions Based off Misfits Season 1 Questions based off episodes in the Brit TV show Misfits. riddermarking (Episode 1) 1. Have you ever been on probation or had to do community service for a crime you committed? No. I’ve never been arrested or charged with anything before.  2. What would you do if you were in a situation where nobody believed you and it was critical they did? Or if you have been in this type of situation before, what happened? Wow, that would be awful to say the very least. It would be upsetting, frustrating, and actually quite scary. Like, if it was crucial situation and you really were telling the truth but no one believed you... oh my god. 3. Have you ever been stuck in some sort of severe weather? Were you injured or did you get out fine? No, thankfully. Although, once we took a last minute trip to Idaho from California by car and we were driving late at night while it was snowing, which was terrifying. We aren’t used to those driving conditions, and doing it in the middle of the night made it worse. We had to leave when we did because my grandpa was dying and we wanted to get to him as soon as we could. Driving was our only option, unfortunately.   4. Would you go back in time if it allowed you to save even one person? Yes. 5. Have you ever been mistreated by someone in a position of authority? Well, I had a couple of shitty math professors in community college. Like, they were legit awful. They made you feel stupid and one of them put me on the spot and it was humiliating. I sat there and put up with it and didn’t say or do anything when they made me or anyone else feel stupid because of their position. And I’m not confrontational at all. 

6. What would you do if your parents kicked you out of your house, saying that you couldn't return unless you improved yourself? Would you try to get on their good side again, or would you figure it isn't worth the time? Shit, good thing my parents aren’t like that... I’m very fortunate and appreciative to have the parents I have. I’m a mess and I need to get my shit together, but they’d never throw me out or abandon me. They try to help and do as much as they can. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. Especially my mom. I’d be in a lot worse shape than I already am that’s for. I don’t think I could keep doing it.  (Episode 2) 1. Have you ever done volunteer work in an elderly home? Do you like being around around the elderly, or do you find it repulsive? I have. Wow, I definitely don’t find being around elderly people to be repulsive. I did encounter some rude people there, though. I’m sure they’ve been through a lot of shit and they’re just sick and tired. Life hardens some people. I’ve encountered a lot of sweet elderly people as well. My grandma, grandpa, and Nana were/are the best. They can be so adorable lol. 2. If your parents are separated/widowed/divorced, have they ever dated anyone else? Do you mind that they date other people, or does it bother you? Have they ever dated someone you really disliked but they didn't listen to your opinion? My parents are still together.  3. Would you ever date someone significantly older than you? Or have you ever been attracted to something significantly older than you in the past? How did it end up? How significantly older? I don’t think I’d date anyone more than 5 years older than me. However, I’ve never been in a situation with a guy significantly older than me, so I can’t say for sure what I’d do. The only person I’ve liked with a big age difference is Alexander Skarsgard haha. He’s 13 years older than me. He’s obviously unattainable and doesn’t count cause it’d never happen. He’d definitely be my exception, though. haha. 4. Who would you turn to if you unexpectedly found yourself homeless? Or would you try to deal with the situation on your own? I’d have to turn to other family members. 5. Would you want to ability to read peoples' minds if you had no control over who's mind you read and when you read it? Absolutely not. 6. Have you ever flirted with someone over the internet with no idea of what kind of person they were? Yes. (Episode 3) 1. If you were in a hypothetical situation where you had to dispose of a body, do you think you'd succeed or get caught? I could never.  2. If you had the power to influence any boy/girl into liking you, do you think you'd enjoy it or hate it knowing that all their feelings are superficial? I wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t truly interested in me. Ha, that’s probably the only way I could ever have a relationship, though. :X 3. Have you ever lied about who you were over the internet? Did you have a specific reason for doing so, or was it just for fun? When I was like 12/13 I’d lie and say I was older and make up stuff about myself when chatting with people in chat rooms/IMs to sound ~cool. lol. 4. Have you ever used a credit card or money that wasn't yours to buy something without permission to do so? No. 5. If you were in a situation where you wanted to date someone, but you knew you could never touch them, how would you handle it? Would you even try to make it work? Wow. I don’t think that would work. I’m not even thinking about sex, I’m just thinking about not being able to cuddle, hug, hold hands, kiss, brush across their arms or cheeks...nothing.  6. Have you ever known someone who went missing without explanation? Were they ever found, or did they ever come back? Yes to all the above. Thankfully, he was found safe. We didn’t know what happened or if he was okay for almost a week and it was a very scary feeling.  (Episode 4) 1. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend were in jail, would you go back in time to keep them out of it? Yes. 2. Have you ever been caught in possession of illegal drugs? No. 3. Have you ever damaged something in a public place? Did you get away with it or were you forced to pay for the damages? No. 4. Do you ever take "samples" from bulk candy or food bins? I did sometimes when I was a kid. :X I thought they were there for the taking.  5. Have you ever had two relationships at once? Was it on purpose? How did you work things out? No. One is enough. 6. If you go to clubs or party, do you ever use drugs to "enhance" the experience? Not my thing. (Episode 5) 1. Have you ever been romantically involved with an authority figure? Could you ever see yourself in this kind of situation, or would you avoid something like this completely? No.  2. Would you ever fake affection for someone in order to get information from them, or maybe to make someone else feel jealous? I’m too old for that shit. 3. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt too guilty to break up with someone? How long did it go on like that? Yes, but I did end up breaking up with them before things went on too long. I knew it wasn’t fair to either of us to continue things if I wasn’t all in. It was hard, and he took it really bad, but it was ultimately the right thing. 4. If you found a boy/girl you REALLY liked, but knew they had a baby or a young child, would you still try to pursue something with them, knowing the burden that it could entail? Or would you try to find someone else? I couldn’t date someone with a kid. I’m not ready to or have any interest in dating at all right now, but definitely not someone with a kid.  5. How far would you go to protect your closest friends? I’d do as much as I could. 6. Have you ever accidentally found an embarrassing or extremely personal picture or video on someone else's phone? No. (Episode 6) 1. Have you ever had any kind of interaction with a cult? What kind of interaction was it? Or have you ever been involved with a cult? What made you decide to leave? No. 2. If someone were to start brainwashing people into refraining from drinking, smoking, doing drugs, having sex, and to dress more modestly, would you approve or disapprove? Disapprove. I don’t think brainwashing is the way to go. 3. Do you think it's better to do a lot of wild things, such as taking drugs, partying heavily, having sex, etc., or do you think it's better if people try to be a little more modest? I mean, some of those things are very self-destructive. And I understand wanting to have people refrain from it, but everyone's entitled to their own life. It's definitely not one I'd like to live though. <<< I agree. 4. What would you do if your friends started going through drastic personality changes into people they were completely unlike before? Would you confront them about it? How about if the changes were good changes? I think I’d have to say something. I’d have to be careful how I went about it, though. I just wouldn’t want to see them change in a way that was harmful to them. If it was good changes, then I’d still say something, but I’d be supportive and encouraging.  5. What would you do if someone close to you, (it could be a friend, significant other or relative), had died but suddenly came back from the dead? How would you handle something like that? Omg. I think I’d be terrified at first to say the least... that’s not how life works. I’d have a lot of questions. I’d be skeptical and unsure for awhile, too, cause who knows if they’re same person they once were or if it was really them. Then I think I’d be overcome with different emotions. If it was really them and they were the same I’d want to hug them, talk to them, spend time with them...it’d be so crazy. 6. Have you ever jumped or fallen off a roof? Were you injured? Nooo.

#personal #text #survey #surveys