#would have ANYTHING to do with his abusive family

[purple-writer8]

But Daddy I Love Him - ACOTAR

Rhysand x Autumn Court Reader (Beron’s Daughter)

“I’ll tell you something right now, I’d rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.”

warnings: abused eris, autumn court shenanigans, mentioned abuse (verbal and physical), talks of violence, forbidden love, beron being beron, beron being abusive, physical abuse, angst, sexism, the autumn court brothers

2.5k words

Masterlist :)

You were Beron's Achilles heel. 

His youngest child and only daughter. The Princess of Autumn. You were spoiled, by your parents and your six older brothers--loved by everyone in your family. You knew they all hated each other, that your father was a bad man, abusive to your brothers and your mother. But for some reason, you were loved by him, doted on by him. 

You didn't look a lot like him, or like your brothers, or like your mother. Unlike them, you sported dirty blonde hair, though your powers still resembled theirs-- wielding fire like the rest of your family. 

Despite your peculiar hair color, your father loved you inmensely, showing you more affection than he did any of your elder siblings combined. You were lucky, lucky that he didn't do with you what he did to your brothers, that he didn't unleash his wrath on you like he did on Eris or the others. 

What Beron did do, though, was shelter you. You lived in the Autumn Palace, and rarely ever saw outside of it. Your father would rather you stay in your rooms, where you were safe from the dangers of the realm. You had guards to accompany everywhere, and if it weren't guards-- it was your older brothers. You loved them, all of your brothers, but your favorite was Eris. 

He was the gentlest out of all of them, the one that cared the most for you, the one that understood you. Eris would do anything for you, and you for him. It was thanks to him that you found the love of your life. 

Rhysand.  

A year ago, Eris had convinced your father to let you attend balls and parties held by the other High Lords, to let you live a life outside your rooms and the gardens. Beron beat him for the suggestion, but nonetheless listened to him.  The first ball you attended was in the Dawn Court, a celebration of sorts. Most courtiers from all around Prythian were mesmerized-- and stunned-- to learn of your existence. 

Rhysand was one of them. Cauldron, the High Lord of the Night Court was smitten from the moment that he saw you enter alongside your brothers, your head bowed as you walked through the crowd. He had to have you. 

And he did just that. It was just pleasantries at first, he was kind to you-- much to Beron's dismay and Eris' chagrin. Everyone knew what the Night Court was made of, and how Rhysand ruled over it. Eris would rather kill the High Lord of Night than let him near you, caring not for court relations but for your well-being. He remembered what happened to Morrigan in the Night Court, tortured by her own family. 

He would never let you set foot there. 

The second ball you attended was in the Summer Court. Eris had been tasked by Beron to woo some Winter Court aristocrat's daughter, so he was quite busy. Which meant you could slip away without anyone noticing, explore the palace and finally not be babysat by your brother. 

You had found a balcony that overlooked the city of Adriata when you heard, "There you are... I've been looking for you," in that deep voice you had been incessantly thinking about ever since your first outing. 

You turned to find Rhysand standing there, clad in black leather, his violet eyes shining bright while a feline smirk grazed his perfectly sculpted features. You blinked, your doe eyes shining for him. 

He smiled wide, and you instantly knew you were done for. You would be his. 

And you were. You and Rhysand began a secret relationship, a secret and dangerous relationship. You let him in, let him into your mind, let him be the one to take your purity. You were Rhysand's and he was yours. Not only that, but you saw each other in secret at different gatherings. And sometimes he winnowed into Autumn territory in the dead of night to see you, not caring for the consequences of his actions. Of what Beron would do when he learned he had defiled you. 

"I almost melted his mind when I saw him eyeing you," Rhysand growled, kissing you neck in a feverish manner. You let out a low whine, your fingers running through his onyx  silky hair. "I can't wait to claim you," he spoke breathlessly, "to make you my wife." 

You moaned wantonly when one of his hands found its way under your skirts while the other worked to unbutton the top of your dress. "Take me to your court," you pleaded, hooking your leg on his lower waist and pulling him closer to you. 

"I'll take you, steal you away from this place... make you the Lady of Night..." he groaned, one hand snaking to your neck, holding you steady as he kissed down your neck and then your shoulders. You whined and writhed under his touch, then he said, "be quiet, baby... wouldn't want your daddy to find you like this..." 

No, you wouldn't. There was a ball happening, this time in your home, and you had slipped away just so Rhysand could follow you and corner you in a dimly lit hallway. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer into yourself, like you were a sick woman and the only remedy was Rhysand close to you. 

"Sister." The voice of Fenix, your second-eldest brother, ran through the hallway. You jumped, pushing Rhys off of your body as if he had the plague. Rhysand turned to the Vanserra male, a smirk on his face, as if he hadn't been caught in a very compromising situation. 

Fenix hummed, his eyes narrowed on you, "interesting." 

"Fenix..." you warned him, your eyes travelling to his hands that were now curled into tight fists. You were sure any second now he would send fire your lover's way. "You have one second to disappear before I lynch you and send you back to your cauldron forsaken court," your brother said in a dangerously low tone. 

Rhys was unbothered. "I think I'll be taking your sister with me then," he said, wrapping one strong arm around your waist. "Over my fucking dead body, Rhysand." 

You closed your eyes in defeat when you heard Eris' voice boom through the hallway.  A feline smile happened upon Rhys's lips, "that can be arranged." 

You turned to Eris, your eyes silently pleading with him, but it was for naught because he was only glaring at the man that had his arm wrapped tightly around you. "Drop my sister, Rhysand. Or there will be hell to pay." Eris warned slowly. 

"Eris, I love him!" You shrieked, only for Fenix to let out a low growl. "And I'll lynch him," he threatened, only for Rhys to laugh. 

"I would love to see you try. We're leavin-" Before Rhys could finish, a beam of fire was sent his way, though it misted before it could even touch him. You cried in horror when you saw your father standing at the end of the hallway, backed by the remaining of your brothers. Seldom from Lucien, who was not in Autumn anymore. "You dare touch my daughter?!" Beron roared, the walls of the palace shaking from the sheer force of his words. 

Rhysand grinned at him, "we can all talk about this like adults." 

Wishful thinking. Your brothers wasted no time in their attack on the Night Court's High Lord, sending flames at him-- though they were no match for Rhysand. He swiftly pushed you out of the way and winnowed around the hall, avoiding each attack. "Please stop!" You cried in horror, but to no avail. They wanted Rhysand dead. 

"You are BANISHED from this court, for now and forever." Your father's voice thundered through the palace, and instantly the flames died down-- leaving only a very shocked Rhysand. "Beron... we can talk abo-" 

"Leave now, or I send Eris to your court with our army. Leave or we are at war," at your father's threat, you turned to Rhysand in horror. You knew he could kill your entire family with a single blink, that he could really take you and form a war between courts-- and win it. 

He spoke in your mind. "Give me the word and I will take you away, bunny. I am not scared of your father or his weak threats." 

"Go. I will fix this." You responded. 

Rhysand turned to Beron, bowed with a wicked grin on his face, and winnowed away. You stared at the space he had just been standing in longing, before a grip yanked you forward. You whimpered as you looked up at your father's rage - filled expression. "How do you dare?" He asked in a tone that he had never once used on you. You trembled, his grip burning into your skin, causing you to wince in pain. 

Eris stepped between the two of you, pulling you behind his frame to shield you from your father's wrath. Beron's glare burned through Eris, and you could almost feel it burning your skin. "You will marry someone of my choosing. Until then, you will remain in your rooms." Beron spoke, his tone offering no room for bargaining. 

"But Daddy, I love him!" You cried, stepping from behind your older brother to face your father's rage. Beron growled, "what do you know about love? You're a woman! There's no choice for you in this matter!" 

You scoffed, he raised you just to cage you. "I love him!" You pressed again, and he simply rolled his eyes at you, "you know nothing of the world." 

"I love him, and I'm having his baby!" You shrieked, and horror instantly was etched unto your father's expression. Your brothers all looked as if they had seen a ghost, eyes wide and mouths hung open at your revelation. Eris covered his face with his hands, "I'll kill him..." 

"I'm not..." you admitted, "but cauldron, you should see your faces." 

Beron was frozen in shock at your boldness. He was not dealing with this. So to Eris growled, "deal with her." 

Your father winnowed away along with the rest of your brothers, leaving the eldest and you to sort out this mess. Before you knew it, your brother winnowed you away and into your room. "Sister, please come to your senses..." Eris started. 

"No, I am not coming to my senses," you snapped at Eris. 

"Rhysand is crazy, the entire Night Court is full of depraved individuals. Remember what happened to Morrigan? How they left her at our border? They'll do the same to you..." Eris trailed, his expression one full of pain and sheer anger. 

"I am not Morrigan! He would never hurt me... and Rhysand said he wasn't the one that hurt her. Eris, I know he may seem crazy, but he's the one I want. I love him! And he loves me!" You contested, your voice cracking as tears once more swelled in your eyes. Rhysand was chaos, he was revelry... and he was also the love of your life.  

 Eris let out a frustrated groan, he could not believe his sweet sister was so hung up on the cruelest High Lord there ever was in the history of Prythian. "Sleep on it, sister. Because Beron will never let you wed him," and with that, your brother left your room, slamming the door on his way out. Slamming the door on you and your future. 

- 

You were summoned early in the morning to breakfast with your family, you attended with your arguments sharp as knives-- ready to hurl them at your father. As soon as you entered the Dining Hall, your brothers erupted into their arguments, all of them reminding you of all the things Rhysand had done in his life. 

Your father looked smug as your five brothers scolded you for wanting the Night Court's leader. Your mother looked mortified, her face pained-- she just wanted you to be happy.  

"He melts minds," said Fenix. 

"He has those two bat boys, they are evil and kill innocents," said Zire. 

"He lets his court torture women, look at Morrigan," said Lukas. 

"I heard he keeps a hundred concubines in his palace," said Ember. 

"He runs his court without any sort of morals," said Eris. 

You thought it was rich coming from your brothers. They were the ones that tortured Lucien's lover, and the ones that ran him out of Autumn. They didn't know you knew that, though-- one of your servants had told you what had happened. 

Their hypocrisy and vile words towards Rhysand made you seethe, sending flames flying from your hands and to the walls of the room as you stood up. "I'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all your hypocritical bitching and moaning," you screeched. 

Your brothers went still, their mouths all clamping shut as they stared at you in shock. 

"You're a Vanserra," your father growled. "Whether you like it or not, you do my bidding, and if you think I'll let you wed Rhysand just because you want to, then you are dafter than you appear, child."

You remained silent, digesting your father's words. You had always known your father to be cruel. Knew he beat your brothers, knew he was the one that bid them to kill Jesminda and run Lucien out of the court. But you had never known his cruelty, no. You had always been his weakness, the child he truly did appear to love. Though now you knew that just because he didn't you, it didn't mean that he cared any more for you than he did your brothers. 

"I may be a Vanserra," you trembled, "but I would gladly disgrace the name. You've already done it plenty." 

Beron never once expected you to go against him like this, no, you were the good one. You were the dutiful daughter, the one he had kept hidden for years on end to protect. Where did you get all this conviction?  Your father stood from his seat at the end of the table, Eris doing the same thing— ready to intervene if he were to attack you. 

Beron strode towards you quickly, and Eris tried to jump in between the two of you, but with a flick of his hand your father sent Eris flying to the wall. You gasped, meaning to rush to your brother, but your father grabbed you midway. 

His grip was deathly, and as you looked up at him— your blood ran cold. And before you could even pull away, his hand struck you across the face. 

-

Author’s note:

i instantly got this idea when i heard this song like IT FITS PERFECT

Taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @lilah-asteria @sheblogs

#acofas #acomaf #acosf #acotar #acowar #azriel #azriel acotar #azriel one shot #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #rhysand imagine #rhys acotar #rhys x reader #rhysand #rhys #rhysand x reader #rhysand x you #rhysand acotar #eris vandaddy #eris vanserra #eris acotar #eris x reader #autumn court #night court #beron vanserra #high lord beron #Spotify

[starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies]

The Princess and The Pogue | J. M.

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: Your daughter comes home from school telling you about a local OBX fairytale. It turns out it’s about you and your husband.

Listen to But Daddy I Love Him for full experience

Requested by @idontevenknowbsblog

A/N: This turned out way longer and more angsty than I had anticipated but I’m a sucker for the angst. I just can’t help it. I’m sorry this took me a million years to finish!

As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.

Warnings: allusions to domestic abuse, controlling parents, forced engagement, so much fucking angst, only kinda proofread

Word Count: 3.5k

~

Your daughter’s tiny feet press against the back of your seat as you head home after picking her up from school.

“Mia, stop kicking,” You laugh, “Mommy’s trying to drive.”

“Sorry, Mommy.” Your daughter giggles. “I’m just so happy today!”

“I’m so glad you're happy, Baby.” You smile at the five year old in the rearview mirror. “What did you do at school today?”

“We got to draw all our shapes today and we sang the alphabet song a bunch of times!”

“Ooh sounds like a fun day.”

She claps excitedly. “Oh and Kylie’s older sister told us a fairytale at recess!”

“A fairytale? Very cool. What was it about?”

“Did you know a princess used to live here? A long time ago. She ran away with a pogue because her evil king father wouldn’t let them be together.”

Your eyes widen at her words, a small smile forming on your face as she tells the story that takes you back to what seems like a lifetime ago.

-

“Mom, I’m headed out,” you yelled through the foyer.

“Ok, hun.” Your mom poked her head over the stairwell. “Just don’t stay out too late. We have that business lunch with the Cameron’s tomorrow and it’s very important that you be there.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” you promise, “besides I’m just going to hang out with Sarah.”

“We just love that you and Ward Cameron’s daughter are friends. It looks so good for your father’s business for the families to be close. Especially with you set to inherit the company someday.”

With Ward Cameron being the biggest real estate developer in the Outer Banks and your dad owning the biggest construction company, the two men worked closely on most of their deals. They were also the closest thing to friends that either of the men had. The two richest men in the island made for a powerful team.

“Glad I can help you keep up appearances,” you muttered under your breath.

“What was that, hun?”

“Always happy to help the family.” You gave your mother a forced smile and made your escape, slipping outside and into Sarah’s waiting car.

“Ready to go see your man?” She grins at you and you return the gesture.

“God, yes.“

-

You hadn’t expected to fall in love with JJ Maybank. Considering the very different lives the two of you led it was surprising the two of you ever even crossed paths, but that was one of the perks of being Sarah’s friend. When she fell in love with John B and got involved with the pogues she dragged you along with her.

It wasn’t like you had anything against the pogues. In fact, you had admired them from afar your whole life. Their freedom and adventures were something you envied, forever stuck in your kook bubble. You didn’t have a choice but to follow the plan your parents had created for you.

JJ, on the other hand, hated kooks with a passion. He had a hard enough time with Sarah joining the group and when she brought you in, arguably the even bigger kook princess with the even bigger kook king of a father, he vowed to himself he would never accept you. After all, you represented everything he hated, the life he always dreamed of but would never attain.

He would sneer and call you “princess”, his voice dripping with disdain, doing everything in his power to piss you off, but you didn’t mind. You loved his passion and the way he would do anything to protect the people he cared about. You ignored his insults, treating him just as well as you would anyone else.

Before he knew it, your soft words and beaming smile had softened JJ. He began to actually look forward to your presence in the group, feeling sad when you couldn’t get away from your parents to spend time with them. Then, one day the two of you were the only ones to show up to a pogue hang out. You ended up spending hours just talking and getting to know each other. The rest was history and you had been together from that day forward.

Unfortunately, you knew that your parents would never let you spend time around a pogue, let alone be in a relationship with one. So, like Sarah and John B, you and JJ had to keep your relationship hidden. Thanks to the help of the pogues, the two of you had been successfully seeing each other behind your parents’ backs for over a year.

-

“I’ll be back to pick you up at 8:00,” Sarah reminds you. She pulls up to the little cove where you and JJ liked to meet. “We only have a couple of hours tonight because of that lunch tomorrow. Don’t want our families to get suspicious.”

You nod. “Got it. I’ll see you then.” You slip out of her car. “Tell John B I said hi.”

“Will do.”

She pulls away as you make your way around the rocks hiding the entrance to your spot.

“Hi, princess.” Your boyfriend grins at you in the orange light of the sunset, pulling you into a hug.

“JJ,” You breathe him in, soaking up the comfort he gives you. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby. Four days without you is four days too much.” JJ leads you over to the blanket on the sand, sitting back so you can settle between his legs.

“I know. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get away much this week. My parents are going crazy about this lunch tomorrow.”

“Aren’t they always crazy?” JJ jokes, poking your side. You squirm a little bit, trying to escape his prodding.

“I mean, yeah. They’re just extra crazy this week.” You settle further into his chest, JJ giving up his attack in exchange for wrapping his arms securely around you. He nuzzles his head into the side of your neck. “But, it’s okay because at least we have right now.”

“How long do we have until Sarah comes back to pick you up?”

You let out a sigh. “Two hours.”

“That’s it? Damn.”

“I’m sorry, J.” You look back apologetically, but he just shakes his head.

“Hey, don’t apologize. We just have to make the most of the time we have, like usual. It won’t be like this forever.”

“Right.” You give him a small smile, turning back to face the sunset before he can see the doubt in your eyes. You hoped JJ was right, but you had no idea how things would ever change.

As expected, your time together flew by too quickly and before you knew it Sarah was back to take you home.

JJ was reluctant to let you out of his embrace. “We’re still on for tomorrow night, right? After you finish up with all your kook business?”

“Of course, baby. I wouldn’t miss it.” You give him one last goodbye kiss, distracting him long enough to slip out from his arms. He pouts, but lets you go, knowing if it was your choice you would never leave.

-

You stare numbly at the wall, unable to will yourself to move from your position balled up on the bed. You aren’t sure how long you've been laying there looking at nothing. You didn’t feel anything, having cried out all your tears hours ago. A buzzing sounds from the other side of the room, your phone going off once again, but you don’t pick it up. It’s probably Sarah calling again to see if you’re okay after what happened at lunch. You’re not.

Having sat in silence for so long, you jump when you hear a rattling at your window. It takes you a minute to clamber over to the window with the lights out in your room. You hadn’t realized how dark it had become outside.

You peek out warily, trying to determine the source of the noise. “Shit.” You mumble under your breath as you realize JJ is perched in the tree closest to your room.

You unlatch the door so he can climb inside, turning away from him quickly. You’re thankful for the darkness in that moment as you scramble to make yourself look presentable, flattening your hair and wiping at your face. You pull down the sleeves of the massive sweatshirt you’re wearing, one you stole from JJ months ago, making sure you are completely covered.

“JJ, what are you doing here,” you whisper, “What if someone sees you?”

“I was worried about you. You were supposed to meet me hours ago, remember?” He sounds frustrated.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I totally forgot.” You run your hand down your face stressed. “I didn’t mean to stand you up.”

“You forgot? Y/N, I’ve been calling and texting for hours.” JJ moves closer, but you step back. “I thought something bad had happened.”

He takes another step back. Again you back away, trying to keep him from seeing your face. Brows furrowed, JJ moves towards you again. This time you can’t move away fast enough, bumping your dresser as you try to get away.

“Woah, wait.” JJ takes your face in gentle hands. “Have you been crying?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” You try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you off that easily.

“Baby, what’s going on? Is it something I did?” The worry in his eyes brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes. You shake your head, willing them not to fall.

“No, no. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Something with Sarah?” You shake your head again.

“Your parents?” That stills you. “It is your parents. What is it? Did something happen at lunch?”

You don’t answer.

“Talk to me, baby. I can’t make it better if I don’t know what’s wrong.” JJ’s voice is so sincere and his touch so soft. He really thinks he’ll be able to fix whatever the problem is.

You gather your strength and gently pull away from him, not wanting to see the look in his eyes when you tell him.

“My father and Ward Cameron have decided that it is in the best interest of their respective businesses for our families to be officially joined.”

“What on earth does that mean?”

You feel like you're going to be sick, but you force the words out anyway. “I am set to be married to Rafe Cameron.” You keep your eyes on the floor, waiting for JJ’s response. He stays silent.

“I had no idea they had this planned until my parent’s announced it at lunch.”

“What do you mean you’re marrying Rafe Cameron?” He tries to keep his voice calm. But you can hear the venom behind his words anyway. “You can’t just marry Rafe.”

“I don’t have a choice, JJ. They practically signed my ownership papers over to Rafe right there.”

JJ is pacing your room now, hands constantly running through his hair. “He can’t just do that. You’re an adult, Y/N. Tell him no.”

“I can’t tell him no JJ.” He stops in front of you, the look on his face half shock half anger.

“What are you talking about? You can’t just tell me that your father is marrying you off to Rafe and not even try to fight him on it.” You turn from his intense gaze, unable to handle it any longer.

‘Y/N-” JJ reaches for your arm to turn you around and you flinch back hissing in pain. Your sleeve rides up, revealing a number of dark bruises.

“I tried talking him out of it, JJ. He made it clear saying no wasn’t an option.”

JJ seethes, body tense with anger. “He hurt you.” It’s not a question which is just as well because you have no response.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He growls.

You lay your palms flat against his chest. “No, you’re not. We can’t make this situation any worse than it already is.”

“He can’t just get away with this!” JJ’s voice rises with his anger and you shush him quickly, looking back at your door.

“Please, Y/N.” His voice cracks on your name. “Things can’t just end like this.”

The pain in his words breaks your heart. You let the tears fall freely, unable to hold back the emotion any longer.

“I’m so sorry, JJ.” He cradles your face in his hands like he did at the beginning of the night. “There’s nothing either of us can do to change this.” JJ brushes his thumbs against your cheeks, brushing at the tears. “You should go.”

“No, Y/N.” He has tears running down his face too. “I can’t leave you like this.”

“Please, JJ. You have to go before something wakes him up. I don’t know what he’ll do if he finds you here.”

JJ’s eyes flit down to your wrists, taking in the bruises once more before he nods slowly. He won’t be the reason your father hurts you again. You lips press against his slowly, both of you pouring all the love you have for each other into the kiss.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips.

“I love you, too. Always.”

With those last words, he slips back out your window, closing it quietly behind him. You watch as he climbs back down the tree and crosses the property. As he finally fades out of blue, you sink down to your floor, your knees unable to hold the weight of your body as it’s wracked with sobs.

-

You don’t leave your room for days. All you can do is lay in your bed and cry, mourning the loss of the man you love and the life you had planned.

If it was up to you, you would never leave that room. Unfortunately, your parents have other plans. They parade you and Rafe all over town, making sure everyone on the island knows the two of you are “madly in love” and engaged to be married in the spring. The whole pageantry of it makes you sick.

The cherry on top of the whole ordeal is the engagement party that you parents planned for the weekend. They rented out the whole club and invited every kook on the island. You’re pretty sure it’s your own personal hell.

Sarah pins one last curl to your head. “Done. You look beautiful.”

You give her a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks, Sarah.” You were dressed in a white sundress that your mother had bought for the party and Sarah had done your hair and makeup to perfection. The whole look was stunning, but you just feel like a trophy being shown off.

Sarah gives you a sympathetic look. “You ready for this?”

“No. But I have to be.”

It takes everything in you to keep a smile pasted on your face as Rafe takes your hand and leads you out to the throng of people. Everyone smiles and hugs you, offering their congratulations. You do your best to seem gracious and excited, but all you feel is emptiness and the faces move before you in a blur.

You make it two hours into the party before you can’t take it any longer. The panic that has been creeping up your throat all night takes hold and you have to break away. You excuse yourself from Rafe, claiming a need to run to the bathroom. He gives you a harsh look and makes you promise to hurry back, but ultimately lets you go.

You hurry away from prying eyes, not letting yourself break until you get inside. Chest heaving, you gulp down air like you’ve just run a marathon. One of your hands is pressed against your chest, the other braced against the walls to hold you up as you stumble towards the bathroom.

Before you can make it more than a few feet an arm catches you around the waist, pulling you into an alcove you had never noticed. You stumble back, trying to pull yourself together, not wanting whoever grabbed you to see your harried state.

“Hey, hey. It’s just me.”

Familiar hands rub up and down your arms, grounding you. You look up to see the blue eyes that you love so much.

“JJ,” you whisper, breaths still coming fast and hard.

“It’s okay, baby. Just breathe.”

JJ holds you close as you will your body to calm, feeling safe for the first time all night.

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you, talk to you.”

You sigh, looking at him with sad eyes. “As happy as I am that you’re here, you have to go. If anyone sees you. My father, or Rafe-”

“What if you didn’t have to worry about them anymore?”

“JJ, we’ve been over this. I can’t break this engageme-”

“What if we just left? You and me. Right now.” His eyes bore into yours, willing you to see the possibility.

You can’t act like you haven’t had the same thought yourself, but you just didn’t see how it would be possible. “How would that work, JJ? My father controls my whole life. My money, my future, everything.”

“You don’t need anything he has to give you, Y/N.” His voice is pleading.

“JJ…”

“We can figure it out. You have a degree, I have experience. We’ll get jobs. We’ll make it work.” He reaches a hand into his pocket. “I know I can’t give you a life like this-”

“I don’t want a life like this.”

“-but I will do everything in my power to give you a good life, to make you happy.” He holds up a simple, beautiful band of silver. “Will you marry me?”

You stare up at him with wide eyes. “Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life. Say you’ll marry me. We can leave right now. I have a plan to get us off the island. Your parents won’t know until it’s too late. Just say yes, please.”

“Yes, yes.” You nod vigorously. “I’ll marry you.”

You rip off the gaudy ring currently on your hand and JJ replaces it with the silver band. He kisses you so deeply you think you see stars.

“I love you, JJ Maybank,” you whisper when you part.

“I love you too, Y/N Y/L/N, so much.”

You could stay in that moment forever, but you both know you don’t have time to waste. JJ begins to pull you to a side exit, but you stop him. There’s one last thing you have to do before you leave.

You find a piece of paper, scribbling out a few quick words and titling to your father.

Have fun explaining to the Cameron’s that your daughter ran off with a pogue

Y/N Y/L/N

You set the folded paper on the center table, placing Rafe’s ring next to it.

“Ready to get off this island?”

You grab JJ’s hand. “God, yes.”

-

JJ was right, the two of you figured it out. You both found jobs on the mainland and created a happy life for yourselves. You and JJ got married a few months after you ran off and Mia came along a few years later.

You had kept in touch with the pogues of course and they let you know when your father and Ward Cameron’s businesses had come crashing down, forcing the two men off the island. They had no power anymore, so eight years later you decided to move back to your home. People had gossiped at first, but they moved on to the next big thing when they realized that neither you nor JJ cared what they had to say. You wanted to be in the place where you grew up and fell in love, and you wanted Mia to be surrounded by the friends that you called your family.

Mia was just about bouncing in her seat by the time you got home. You hurried to get her out of her carseat so she could rush inside and see her dad. Friday’s were always her favorite because JJ got off work early and was already home by the time you brought her back from school.

She pulled you along by the hand as she continued on about her fairytale. “The evil king disappeared and they lived happily ever after.”

JJ scooped Mia up as the two of you entered the house, making the little girl squeal in delight.

“Daddy!”

“Who lived happily ever after, Mia-mine?” She giggled as he burrowed his face in her little belly.

“The princess and the pogue!”

JJ’s eyes met yours over Mia, giving you an intrigued look.

“Kylie’s older sister told her a fairytale at lunch about a couple that used to live on the island.” You tell him with a knowing grin.

“A fairytale? That’s awesome, baby.” JJ lowers Mia back down to her feet. “Hey, why don’t you go wash up and Mommy and I will make you a snack.”

“Okay, Daddy!” The little girl runs off happily.

You make your way to the kitchen, JJ coming up behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. “So the princess and the pogue, huh?” He smirks as you turn to face him.

“Who knew we’d become an OBX fairytale?” You reply.

“It makes sense. It doesn’t get much more ‘happily ever after’ than this. Right, princess?”

You give him a gentle kiss. “Right, pogue.”

~

Writing Masterlist

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x y/n #obx x reader #obx fic #obx fanfiction #obx #outer banks #outer banks x reader #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fic #stars writes #starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies

[littlemorningstarx]

Warning: this is fantasy, and only roleplaying between consenting adults would make this scenes okay outside of fantasies, if you can't comprehend consent, go away. I'm very serious about this.

—————————

Imagine being a 9yo who would do anything for their daddy, anything.

Imagine being so desperate for dad's love that you're happy when he gropes your little butt or tells you to strip and sucks on your nipples

Imagine being so jealous of mom, you're actually glad when dad sneaks out of their bed at night to go to your room and bend you over like a hooker that has no value for him

Imagine loving the feeling of his cock inside of your little k!dcvnny because you're so touch starved for daddy you can only moan and whimper for him as he touches you

Imagine being glad at him throwing insults at you like "you're such a desperate little 9yo whore" and "you can't help your nature even as a little girl, can you, slut? You just have to have adult cock in that little cvnny of yours", nodding your head to confirm everything he says — because you know he's right.

Imagine saying the most disgusting things to him just so he will keep touching you like that: "Your adult cock stretches my little 9yo pussy so good, daddy, I love it" and "Rape me like I'm not your daughter because that's my place".

Imagine start wearing short skirts and little hello kitty dresses because you know it's easier for him to just pull you into his cock

Imagine him bringing your big brother into the room, finding you already ass up and face down like a little bitch in heat, saying to your big bro "it's holes are for us to fuck, abuse and breed, son, so enjoy your fucktoy as much as you like"

Imagine being tied up in the spread eagle position by big bro one weekend mom in on a work trip and be left there with a vibrator in tour little clit for over an hour before your dad enters with a bunch of his friends, seeing your little 9yo pussy drooling and glistening for hard adult cocks like theirs and your brother enjoying your mouth as you moan mindlessly.

Imagine being raped over and over and over by all of these men, half of which your little kid brain can't remember, but it doesn't matter because there are cocks in your pussy and ass, stretching you to the point of pain.

But dad's looking at you with his eyes heated as you're raped over and over by his friends. As you cum once more, your pussy sore from all the pleasure and tears running down your face, dad bends down and says to you:

"You'll be such a good family fucktoy, whore. Such a pretty k!ddycvnt for us to rape. Moan for it, whore"

Just... Imagine

#under4ge #1nc3$t #patriarchy kink #fauxc3st #fauxcest #4gepl4y #4g3play #4g3pl4y #m0lest k!nk #dark k!nk #m0lestation #m0lest m3 #r4ape kink #r4pepl4y #r4p3 m3 #r4p3 kink #send me r@pe threats #k!dd0 #y0ung #br33dable #br33d1ng #brocon #dadcest #dad cock #!cky daddy #!cky br0ther #r4p3b4it #g@ng r@pe #g@ngb@ng #g@ngbang

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Three

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. mentions of parental abuse, mentions of violence, implied torture, ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairings: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Rhys asks you to be an emissary for the Night Court and Azriel volunteers to train you.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Prologue - One - Two

The next month was spent with you learning about Velaris and the rest of Prythian. Even though you were 20 when you ended up in the northern village, you knew a lot had changed in the 100… and 50… years since then. You couldn’t count on anything you learned from being a spy because so much was different under Amarantha.

You spent days in the Library under the house, reading books about High Lords and Illyrians. You also found some good romance novels you brought up to your room.

This city, one that was full of hopes and dreams and happiness… It hadn’t been touched in hundreds of years. Not even the people in the Court of Nightmares knew about it anymore, thanks to Rhys’s protection.

You got to know Cassian, Mor, and Amren pretty well. Azriel had been off doing his own spying, so you only got to know him from what the Inner Circle told you.

You felt like you were starting to belong here. Like you could find a place in the city. Maybe even in the circle. 

“I have an offer for you.” Rhys said at dinner one day. You took a sip of your wine and rose your eyebrows, telling him to go on. “We are trying to get the Illyrians to train the females. Those who want to be trained, or aren’t being threatened by their partners, of course. And I think you’d be a good emissary to the war bands.” He said, glancing at Cassian as if to say keep your mouth shut.

“Me? I- I don’t know if they would listen to a female… especially if their High Lord is having trouble with it.” You said, glancing over to Cassian. You knew the male would probably support what you chose, but if the High Lord and Lord Commander were struggling… 

“Well, then you’ll have to make them listen. And not to bring your abilities into it… but you are a Shadowsinger. They can’t deny that, and they’ll tolerate you more because of it.” He said. How lovely…

“Like they did for Azriel?” You asked, hearing the stories of the brothers from Mor and Rhys. They barely allowed him to train, being a bastard. The only reason they did was because he was a Shadowsinger, and Rhys’s friend… “I don’t know, Rhys… it’s one thing to visit those camps. But to try and convince them that they have to train females..” you trailed off. “I don’t even know how to fight. I can’t very well take on an Illyrian.”

“You know how to hunt, right?” Cassian asked and you shrugged. You hunted for Sirona and your family when you first arrived at the northern village, but you hadn’t done a lot in the past 50 years. The most you ever did was with your Shadows, and that was more described as sneaking. “Then I’ll teach you to fight. Show the Illyrians that females can fly in their ranks just as good, if not better, than any male.” He said.

“You can think about it-“ Rhys started but you shook your head.

“I’ll do it.” You said firmly. “I’m tired of being useless when it comes to protecting myself and the people I love. I’m not going to let it happen again.” You said, your shadows settling on your shoulders as if they were backing you up. You let your family down before. You let your blood family harm you and the only thing you could do was flee. 

“Okay, then it’s settled. I’ll train you-“

“How about I do it?” You heard Azriel’s voice, turning to him where he leaned against the wall. A few of your shadows bolted to him like the first day you met, this time wrapping around him before coming back to you. You could’ve sworn they brought some of his scent with them. They didn’t say anything, but they seemed to like him more than anyone else you met. 

“Az, when did you get back?” Cassian asked.

As smirked, “Just now.” He said

“You want to train (Y/N)?” Cassian asked, resulting in Azriel nodding.

“I can teach you how to fight with and without your shadows. And when I’ve gotta go out on missions, Cass can train you on the former.” He said and you looked at Rhys.

“Whatever you want.” Rhys said and smiled. “It’s your choice.”

You glanced between the two. You didn’t know Azriel as well as you did Cassian… but you knew he was a Shadowsinger like you. And you know he could help you hone your abilities. You also knew that he was just as much a deadly warrior as the other two males sitting beside you.

“Okay, it’s a good idea.” I said and gave him a small smile. You could’ve sworn you saw his face flush, but only for a moment before he was back to showing his unreadable mask. “Maybe you can teach me how to spy… and this time actually keep secrets when I want to.” You joked. You knew how to spy. Knew how to get information out of people. When Rhys didn’t have time to interrogate spies under the mountain, she had you do it. You still felt blood on your hands from all the lesser faeries and High Fae you harmed on her behalf. 

Az only gave you a small nod before joining the rest of you at the table. “I do have one request,” you said to all of them. “I don’t go to Valorworth until I’m done training.” You said. Before any of them could ask, you continued. “I can’t see my family… My blood family… yet. What they did to me.. I was weak and a coward. I couldn’t stand up for myself so the only thing I did was run. So the next time I do see them, I want to be able to show them I’m not weak. And I won’t run from them.”

There was something of understanding on all of their faces as you looked around the table. “If you want to kill them, we’ll gladly allow it.” Cassian said with a small smirk on his face. “Hell, I’ll even do it.” Rhys said and you smiled, letting out a small laugh.

“I don’t need to go that far… yet.” You said and leaned back in the chair, happy to be able to help the Court.

“You’ll get a salary as well,” Rhys said. “You’re welcome to stay here at the House. Or the townhouse. But you can also find an apartment.” He said and you smiled.

“I’ll think about it. Right now, it’s better to stay close to where I can train.” You settled. “If staying here is okay with all of you, that is.” You said.

“Are you kidding? It’ll be so much better having you here and not just the boys.” Mor said and you laughed gently, finally feeling like you could really fit in here.

The next day you went up to the training ring, seeing Azriel already warming up. You stood quietly by the stairs, watching as his shadows moved with him as he did movements you’d seen thousands of times in Valorworth.

His shadows didn’t warn him of your presence. A couple of them snuck out from behind his legs and went over to you, circling around your hair. Your own shadows moved to join him in the center of the ring. You still barely understood the concept of Shadowsinging, even after all these years. But maybe now, with him as your teacher, you could understand it more. And learn to understand yourself.

You finally cleared your throat as you stepped forward. As much as you wanted to, you knew you couldn’t stand and watch him all day. “You certainly know what you’re doing.” You commented as you walked closer to him.

Rhys had gotten Illyrian training leathers for you, tailored to your wings and your sizes. So when you walked up to Azriel, he had to pause just to take you in. You didn’t wear dresses much, but you also didn’t wear anything as tight fitting as this. Not that he’s seen you within the past month.

You shifted under his gaze, looking up to the sky. After breakfast and before you came here, you decided to take a flight. You knew it would be getting colder, and the frigid fall air only proved you right. This would be one of the last nice days before it started to snow. And flying would be a hassle.

“I am teaching you for a reason.” He finally said and you nodded. “Come here, let’s get started.” He motioned you over to where he stood.

You walked over and set your hands to your side. You were glad he decided to train you here and not in Windhaven. You didn’t know if you could handle being seen by the males, critiqued. Cassian told you that wasn’t the only reason he wanted to train you here. Apparently, Azriel hated the Illyrians. You completely understood, too, from what you’d learn about Azriel. The things that happened to him while at the war camps. Especially before Rhysand’s mother had come along to take him in. Still, you didn’t want to start training as an Illyrian when you didn’t know anything. 

You weren’t sure how or why Azriel still adapted to the training, but it was probably so ingrained into him (and useful) that he couldn’t let it go. And so you had your trainer.

“I’m assuming you never trained at the camp?” He asked and you simply shook your head, scoffing at the idea. Your father would have killed you if he saw you anywhere near the training rings. “Do you know the exercises at all? Anything?” He asked and you shook your head.

“I was 20 when I left, and I was never allowed near the ring. I’ve only ever saw my brothers train once, and I remember the beating I got for it more than anything else.” You said. “All I know is that my father had a killer left hook that would leave my face bruised for a week. Even with my healing.” You said and saw something like anger flash through Azriel’s eyes before returning to his soft stare.

“Then let’s teach you an even worse one, and maybe he’ll learn never to hit a female again.” He said and you gave him a small smirk.

“Let’s.” You agreed and started the warm up with him.

Series Masterlist

Join the taglist here

A/N: Well we see the reader finally interact with Azriel! Not much but just a little taste of it... I hope y'all like slow burns cause this one is very much that...

Tagging:

@cherry-cin @cleverzonkwombatsludge @nickisshadowsinger139

@atomolvnar @complete-randomness-2 @lilah-asteria @tele86

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar fic #azriel x reader #acotar spoilers #katie writes #the shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #azriel shadowsinger

[sourwolf-sterek32]

Idiotic Hero

Summary: Nikki Sixx chooses a random fan from the crowd to come on stage and it happens to be you. But what happens when a person with a knife pushes through security and runs straight towards you both?

Pairings: Nikki Sixx x Reader, Mötley Crüe & Reader

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: language, mentions infertility, past drug & alcohol abuse

Part 1 - Part 2

Part 3-

Mötley Crüe 2025 World Tour.

Since the incident on stage back in 2023, you had kept in touch with Mötley Crüe. They had become like a second family to you, especially Nikki Sixx.

The two of you talked nearly every day since exchanging phone numbers at the airport. At first it had been just normal conversations but as the months flew by the bassist became more comfortable talking to you and was soon sharing personal details that he wouldn't dare tell anyone else.

He was able to just be himself with you and you had a feeling that was something Nikki didn't have with many people. During the past year and a half, you had learnt so much about Nikki Sixx that even a diehard Crüehead like yourself didn't know.

The bassist was smarter than what most people gave him credit for. He was so incredibly talented and hands down the most creative person you knew. And despite the whole badass rockstar vibe he liked to give off, Nikki Sixx was the sweetest man and had a heart of gold.

Nikki was always able to tell when something was wrong even through text messages. The man could read you like a damn book which was as annoying as it was impressive. Most times you'd lie and insist that you were fine but nine times out of ten, the bassist knew you were lying and would call you to make sure you were okay. He cared too much sometimes but it was nice to have someone who actually cared about you. That was something you were still trying to get used to. It wasn't just Nikki either, it was Vince, Tommy and John as well.

All the guys kept in touch with you. They treated you like you were one of them and their wives and partners did the same. They all treated you like family. Mötley Crüe was your new family.

And now that family had come to your hometown. They were actually here to perform like Nikki had said they would. And you were stuck at work because your boss was an asshole.

The band planned to meet up with you before the concert, but you had to cancel. Which absolutely killed you because who in their right mind cancelled on Mötley Crüe? No matter how much you pleaded with your boss, he wouldn't let you leave early despite giving him weeks notice in advance about it, but he still wouldn't. It was bullshit. But what could you do?

Tommy offered to come down to your office and intimidate your boss into letting you leave. Nikki backed that idea and was more than happy to help too. And although the thought of having the Terror Twins storming into your boss's office was highly entertaining, you kindly declined. As much as you hated work, you needed it. Rent and bills were piling up and you couldn't afford to lose your job.

So, begrudgingly, you kept your head down and worked until it was time to knock off. You sent a quick text message to Nikki informing him of your whereabouts as you climbed into the car about to drive home.

His last message had you frozen behind the wheel as you stared down at your phone instead of starting the car.

Did Nikki Sixx just call you cute? Was he flirting?

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard debating what to reply but this flirting out of the blue was uncharted territory and you had no idea how to respond. After all these months of talking, not once had he ever said anything like that. Was he just messing around? Did he really think you were cute? Was he talking about another girl he was messaging? You had about a million and one questions but didn't dare ask any of them as you stared at your phone before deciding to reply to him when you got home.

The drive across town felt like a lifetime. The only good part about working so late was that rush hour traffic had already been and gone, but somehow you still managed to get every red light possible on the drive home.

It wasn't long before you were changing out of your work uniform and standing in front of your closet realising that you had absolutely no idea what to wear.

This concert had been planned nearly a year ago. A whole 12 months you could have spent figuring out an outfit, but for some unknown reason you thought it was a good idea to leave it to the last minute. Rookie mistake.

Shirt, after shirt. Jeans after jeans. Jacket after jacket. They were all put on and then swiftly stripped off and tossed onto your bed after deeming them not good enough. Giving up on an outfit, you decided to do your hair and makeup. It was nothing fancy or over the top, but enough to give you a small confidence boost as you stared at your reflection in the mirror surprisingly happy with the way you looked.

Too many minutes later, your outfit was finally chosen.

Tight black jeans and boots with your vintage Mötley Crüe tank top. You thought about bringing a jacket but decided against it. So, after slipping on your jewellery and grabbing your car keys, you were out the door.

You tapped your fingers nervously against the steering wheel as you drove to the arena. Despite having kept in contact with all the guys, you found yourself feeling extremely nervous about seeing them again. Mötley Crüe meant the world to you. They were everything and you couldn't help the anxiety rising in your stomach knowing you were about to see them.

You were snapped away from your thoughts when your car suddenly jerked forward followed by a loud clunking sound coming from the front of the vehicle.

"What the fuck?" You muttered to yourself glancing down at the dashboard and your stomach dropped when the engine light flicked on. "Oh, no. Don't do this to me. Not tonight."

The car began to slow despite the fact your foot hadn't moved from the accelerator and when you pressed it down harder, nothing happened as the vehicle continued to slow down while jerking forward every few seconds.

"Shit." You swore softly under your breath.

Flicking the hazard lights on you pulled over to the side of the road and put it in park. The engine light had come on many times before, but always disappeared after a few days. According to the Owner's Manual, that meant the car needed to be checked at the local dealership. You never bothered taking it to a mechanic though because well, it never caused any issues and more importantly it cost too much.

However, now as you sat in the car staring at that stupid engine light, you wished you had taken it to a mechanic earlier.

After popping the hood and looking at the engine, you quickly realised that you had no idea what you were even looking at and closed the hood soon after. If the tire needed changing or oil needed checking, easy. That you could do. But anything else? You were screwed.

Not knowing what else to do, you turned the car off and waited a few minutes before trying to turn it back on. That tactic seemed to always fix your computer at work, but as you turned the key in the ignition the car wouldn't start.

"Damnit!" You hit the steering wheel in defeat.

You were stranded on the side of the road, still a good 15-minute drive from the venue and Mötley Crüe were meant to start in less than 40 minutes.

Fuck.

-

No taxis were available. The earliest uber would be a 45-minute wait. And the nearest bus stop was a couple miles down the road. But after googling the bus schedule, it had frequent buses following the same route directly to the arena where the concert was being held.

So, that was how you ended up leaning against the lamppost at the bus stop breathing heavily after practically running all the way there. Okay, that was a lie, there was no way you could run that far. It was more like jogging and speed walking, but it still took the wind out of you as you panted trying to suck air back into your lungs.

You were already late.

If you had called and waited for a tow truck, you would be even later. So, you left your car on the side of the road.

It wasn't a bad part of town. The neighbourhood in this area wasn't exactly great, but there were a lot worse places to leave a broken-down vehicle. It wasn't like anyone could steal it, right? The engine had died, so nobody was getting it started even if they tried to hotwire it.

The concert was meant to start five minutes ago, and you weren't even there yet.

Pulling your phone out your pocket, you were surprised to find multiple miss calls from Nikki and messages from the band.

Shit.

After everything happened at once, you hadn't even thought to message Nikki and tell him that you were running late.

Shit. You had gone radio silent since Nikki called you cute. No wonder he was panicking.

Just as you were about to press the little green call button by Brittany's name, the bus suddenly pulled up and opened its door. A few people got out before you hurriedly stepped inside.

"Does this go to the arena?" You asked the bus driver.

She nodded, "it does."

"Thank you." You sighed with relief and took the nearest seat before calling Brittany.

"You're alive!" Was Brittany's greeting through the phone causing you to let out an exhausted chuckle. "You don't sound alive though. Did you just run a marathon or something?"

"Something like that." You replied taking in a deep breath. "Long story. My car died, but I'll be there soon."

"Oh, thank God. Because Tommy and Vince are worried that Nikki isn't going to go on stage without hearing from you first."

"Really?"

"He was freaking the fuck out. He kept mumbling something about how he shouldn't have said something to you, but I have no idea what that means." Brittany admitted.

"I think I do." You answered, glancing out the side window trying to gauge how far you were from the arena.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Let me talk to Nikki first. It's all good though, I promise. I'll be there in five minutes." You reassured. "Should I text the guys to let them know that I'm not dead?"

Brittany snorted, "I'll tell them. Just get here as soon as you can."

Eventually you were rushing through the doors of the arena flashing your backstage pass that was on the lanyard around your neck. Security didn't seem fussed by you with the VIP pass allowing you to go straight through as you ran down the corridor following the signs hoping you were going in the right direction.

"I'm telling you, she wouldn't just ditch us. She wouldn't. Something's wrong." Nikki's voice said from somewhere nearby. "What if she's hurt?"

"Nikki, take a breath." Vince's voice suddenly said. "Brittany said she was running late. She's fine."

"What if she's not?" Nikki asked his voice laced with fear.

You rounded the corner to find the entire band standing by the side curtain of the stage. Nikki was pacing up and back while Vince tried to calm him down, but it was clear the blonde was fighting a losing battle.

"Speak of the devil! There she is!" Tommy's voice shouted noticing you first.

Nikki suddenly spun around so fast you were surprised he didn't give himself whiplash as his wide panicked eyes met yours and instant relief washed over him like a tidal wave.

"Thank God." The bassist sighed rushing over to you.

"I'm so sorry. My car broke down halfway here and there weren't any taxi's and the uber was going to take too long and then I had to run to the bus stop and-" You frantically tried explaining before Nikki reached out and pulled you into his chest silencing your breathless rambling.

Your body melted in his hold hugging him back as Nikki tightened his arms around you. You closed your eyes taking in a deep breath that you hadn't realised you needed to take. Nikkis hand reached up and cupped the back of your head holding you closely. The bassist sighed as an invisible weight got lifted off his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry-" You continued to say before Nikki pulled away and his hands grasped your shoulders holding you in front of him.

His beautiful smoky eyes met yours. They were greener than you remembered. The black eyeliner making the colour pop as you stared up at him taking in his neatly trimmed beard and signature war stripes over his cheeks.

Fuck. Nikki Sixx just kept getting better with age.

"It's okay." Nikki reassured, lifting one hand from your shoulder to cup the side of your face. The gentle touch caught you off guard, but you didn't dare move away as you held the bassist's gaze. "I'm just glad you're okay and-"

"Sixx, we're late enough as it is!" Tommy's voice called out.

"Let's go!" Vince added waving him over to the stage before the singer's eyes landed on you and he smiled. "Glad you made it, kid."

"Thanks for stalling for me." You replied and Vince nodded before you turned back to Nikki just as John 5 walked over holding a black and white striped bass towards him.

"It's good to see you, Y/N. But you two can reunite after the show."

Nikki sighed lowering his hands from you before taking the bass from John who nodded in approval and began walking towards the side of stage where Tommy and Vince were waiting.

Nikki looked like he had so many things he wanted to say to you, but you knew he needed to get on stage. The fans had waited long enough. He needed to go, but it was clear he didn't want to leave you just yet.

"Go kick some ass." You said motioning towards the stage, but Nikki hesitated. "I'll be here when you finish. Go."

That seemed to be enough to convince him because he nodded before throwing the strap of his bass over his shoulder. He jogged over to the guys who were impatiently waiting by the side of stage, and you smiled as Tommy threw his arms around Nikki whispering something to him that you couldn't hear but had the bassist smiling brightly.

"We are sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen, but let's get this show started! All the way from Hollywood California! Please welcome the bad boys of rock 'n' roll! Mötley Crüe!" A voice shouted over the speakers.

The guys all strolled onto stage causing the crowd to go absolutely ballistic with applause and screams. You couldn't stop the smile from spreading across your face as you watched Nikki and John hold up their guitars for the crowd, Tommy doing the same with his drumsticks while Vince threw his hands in the air forming devil horns.

In less than a minute, Tommy was behind his drums just as John 5 belted out the first chords of Live Wire.

"There you are!" Brittany's voice called out over the loud music.

You turned around to find her walking over to you followed by Rita and a blonde woman who you recognised as Rain, Vince's partner. They all looked amazing sporting their Dogs of War Mötley shirts that the guys had clearly bought them. Rita had hers cut into a crop top, Brittany's in a tank top while Rain had hers tucked into her jeans showing off her shiny belt buckle that suited her perfectly.

"This is the girl who had our boys so worried?" Rain curiously asked while taking a sip of her drink as her eyes raked over your body.

"It sure is!" Brittany replied before she pulled you into a side hug trying not to spill her drink in the process.

"It's good to see you, girl." Rita smiled throwing her arm around you too causing the three of you to chuckle as you hugged them back.

"It's good to see you guys too." You replied honestly before they pulled away and you turned your attention to the blonde woman in front of you. "Hi, I'm Y/N. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Vince doesn't shut up about you by the way."

A small smile spread across the woman's face and her standoffish vibe instantly vanished as she held her hand out towards you.

"Thanks." She replied kindly as you shook her hand. "My name's-"

"I know who you are." You replied, a faint blush creeping across your face at how fangirly you going to sound. "I've followed you on Instagram for years. Your horses are so beautiful!"

The woman chuckled, "thank you. I want to get more but Vince says we have too many."

"Just buy another when he's away. I doubt he'll even notice the extra horse in the paddock." You replied causing Brittany and Rita to burst out laughing.

"That's exactly what we said!" Rita exclaimed. "See? It's a good idea."

"If he finds out, I'm blaming you though, Y/N." Rain informed glancing back to you. "Vinnie won't be able to stay mad at the girl who saved Nikki Sixx's life."

"I have no issue with that." You answered.

It had been a while since anyone bought up the topic of that day. The day that changed your life forever. For the better but also for the worst.

Your hand instantly reached up and brushed against the side of your stomach where the thick scar was hidden beneath your shirt. There had been complications after surgery. Complications that even Nikki didn't know about.

Two weeks after saying goodbye to Mötley Crüe at the airport you were rushed back to hospital with internal bleeding. The doctors had thought the knife didn't cut anything vital but apparently, they had been wrong. The blade sliced through something that it shouldn't have, but nobody noticed. It was only a small cut, but it was enough to slowly bleed and eventually the small cut began to tear and get bigger, and you were hospitalized and placed under critical care.

After two more surgeries the doctors stopped the internal bleeding, but due to the damage done, you were now infertile. You were unable to have kids.

At the time, this news hadn't bothered you. You were just grateful to be alive because the doctors had said if it had gone untreated any longer you might not have survived. So, not being able to have kids wasn't high on your mind after hearing that information.

But as time has passed, you began to think about it more and more. Sure, you never really wanted kids. They were a huge responsibility. A responsibility that you weren't entirely sure you wanted. Ever. It was hard enough looking after yourself let alone throwing in a baby into the mix and keeping it alive. Plus, could you afford a baby? Hell no. You were barely keeping up with the bills as a single person.

So, yeah, okay, you didn't really want kids. But knowing that the option to bear a child was no longer possible for you... it hit harder than you thought it would.

"C'mon, let's get closer." Brittany said, looping her arm around yours as she led you and the other girls over to the curtain by the side of the stage giving you a full view of the show.

The four of you sang along with Vince to every song banging your heads to the music and dancing. The guys would look in your direction occasionally happy to see you all having fun and enjoying the show as much as the crowd of fans were.

"Come get a drink with me." Brittany suddenly shouted above John 5's guitar solo during Piece Of Your Action.

You nodded following the brunette away from the stage towards one of the back rooms. She greeted the security guard by the door who smiled in response not questioning your presence as Brittany opened the door to Tommy's dressing room.

"I thought we were getting drinks." You frowned following her inside.

"We are." She said pointing to the mini fridge in the corner of the room.

Of course, Tommy would put a mini fridge in his dressing room. You should have seen that coming.

"Also, I wanted to talk to you where it's not as loud." She added catching you by surprise.

"Oh, okay. What's up?" You asked a little nervously.

Brittany walked across the room and opened the small fridge retrieving two bottles of beer before handing one to you without a word.

You nodded your thanks and twisted the cap off taking a small sip while anxiously waiting to see what the other woman wanted to talk to you about.

"Is everything okay between you and Nikki?" She eventually asked and she must have seen the surprised look on your face because she quickly added. "It's just... look, I didn't tell you this, but he broke up with his wife a few months ago. Their divorce got finalised last week."

Your jaw dropped at the unexpected news. Nikki never told you that. He never mentioned that he was having problems with his wife... in fact, he never mentions his wife. Ever. All the stuff the two of you have talked about over the past year. Even the personal details Nikki has shared about his mother and father, he never spoke about Courtney. Never.

"Okay, I'm guessing by your stunned silence, this is new information to you, yeah?" Brittany prompted.

You nodded, "Nikki never mentioned it."

Brittany sighed, "it's not my business to spread, but it wasn't an ugly breakup. They're still friends and co-parenting their daughter, but Nikki took the divorce hard. Tommy was worried he... he was worried that he might start drinking again."

"What?" You asked in shock knowing Nikki had been sober for 24 years.

"Relax, he hasn't. And I think it's because of you."

You blinked thinking you had heard her wrong, "huh?"

"Tommy spent a lot of time with Nikki these past few months to support him. He said that Nikki was depressed and upset about everything, but that the one thing that would get him out of bed, the one thing that would put a smile on his face... it was you."

"What are you talking about? I haven't even seen Nikki since 2023."

"But you talk to him. You message him, call, DM, facetime, whatever. It's helped him so much by just having you there and knowing he could rely on you even if you were hundreds of miles away."

You frowned in confusion, "but he never even mentioned the divorce."

"I think by not telling you and allowing you to talk to him about... I don't know, whatever it is the two of you fucking text about 24 hours a day-"

"We don't text 24 hours a day." You corrected.

Brittany rolled her eyes, "every time I see him, he's smiling at his phone messaging you. So, you could have fooled me. Anyway, by talking to you, I think it's helped him forget about the divorce even if it's only for a short while. It's helped him feel less alone, you know? And yes, I know, you don't live near each other, blah, blah, blah, but you always being there for him, always being an open ear to talk to, it's helped him more than you can imagine."

You nodded slowly trying to process everything she was saying.

"And when Nikki was panicking earlier... he hasn't been like that since the divorce. He was freaking out and stressing, and completely overwhelmed. So, I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay between the two of you. You said something over the phone about needing to talk to him before you told me and I respect that, but... just don't hurt him, okay? He's been through a lot, and he won't admit it, but he really needs you at the moment."

"I would never hurt him." You instantly replied. "I think he was just worried that he had... I guess scared me off? And then me going radio silent on him clearly didn't help."

Brittany nodded, "why would he think he scared you off?"

You hesitated for a moment and bit your lip debating whether to tell her or not.

"He kinda flirted with me over a text... and called me cute." You admitted and Brittany's jaw dropped.

"No way!"

You took a sip of your drink to give yourself a few extra seconds before replying.

"Yeah." You nodded glancing at the closed door while Piece Of Your Action continued to play faintly in the background. "I didn't know how to reply so I left the message while I drove home from work but then forgot about it while I was getting ready and then my car broke down and, well, you know the rest."

"So, Nikki flirted and called you cute and then you basically ghosted him?" She clarified and you nodded in guilt. "Fuck. No wonder he was stressing. He probably thought he ruined everything with you... wait, he hasn't, has he?"

"No!" You quickly answered. "I... I might... think he's cute too."

Brittany was grinning ear to ear at your response causing you to duck your head in embarrassment.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed. It's hard to resist those 80s rockstars. Trust me, I know." She chuckled, throwing her arm around your shoulder. "C'mon it's almost time for your song."

Oh, shit.

With everything that had happened in the past few hours, you had completely forgotten that Mötley Crüe would be singing and promoting their new album on tour. Including the song Nikki wrote about you.

Since releasing that new album last year, you had listened to it too many times to be considered normal and now you were going to hear it live.

By the time the two of you returned to the side of stage, they had finished Piece Of Your Action and were now halfway through Shout At The Devil. The titled track off their second album was one of the best. It was up there with your favourite songs and never failed to get you shouting the lyrics along with them.

"Alright, we got a song from our brand-new album that we wanna play for you all tonight. But first, I'm gonna pass the microphone over to Mr. Nikki Sixx." Vince announced causing the crowd to cheer loudly.

Vince, John and Tommy all came off stage grabbing a quick drink, but you paid them no attention as you stared out at Nikki who had wandered to the front of stage with a microphone.

"This song is really personal to me. I wrote it after a horrible incident during a show in 2023." Nikki began to say before taking a seat on top of one of the speakers by the edge of the stage as he stared out at the crowd of thousands in front of him. "A fan just like you guys was up here on stage with me when a man with a fucking knife got past security. Speaking from someone who's died before, I know when I'm staring death in the face, and it was right in that moment. But this fan, she pushed me out of harm's way with absolutely no thought for herself and saved my life. She got seriously injured that night. Stabbed. Nearly bled out right in my fucking arms. I still have nightmares about it. She was an idiot for putting herself in danger like that, but she's the reason I'm still breathing and talking to you motherfuckers today!"

The fans all cheered and clapped loudly while Nikki paused waiting for them to quiet down before he stood up and turned around. He was no longer looking out at the crowd as his smoky eyes scanned the side of stage until he found you and he held your gaze while bringing the microphone back to his lips.

"This song is called Idiotic Hero. And Y/N, this is for you."

Nikki shot you a warm smile before passing the microphone back to Vince, who you hadn't realised had gone back on stage. Actually, Tommy and John were both back on stage as well and a moment later, Tommy started up on the drums and Mötley Crüe ripped into the new song.

"She's a fighter, she's a hero, she saved my life She stepped in front of me and took the knife No amount of guilt can change the past It's like rust Slow but powerful If you don't control it, you'll never last"

Tears began to rise in your eyes at the lyrics and Rain seemed to notice your emotion because she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder while Vince continued to sing the words Nikki had written about you.

"Heroin was easier to take than your blood on my hands."

Silent tears began to fall from your eyes after hearing that line, but you didn't bother wiping them away knowing more would just take its place.

"Congratulations you survived Now live with the trauma She's scarred for life And I can still feel the blood when I look at my hand"

Tommy kept up a perfect rhythm on his drums. Nikki and John playing the gentle melody on their strings while Vince continued to pour his heart out as he sang.

"Sometimes the brightest light Comes from the darkest places She gave me a reason to fight A new will to live Without my idiotic hero, I'd be dead in a ditch"

Brittany looped her arm around your waist pulling you into her side as the two of you swayed gently together to the beat of the music. Brittany had tears shimmering in her eyes, Rita as well, and you kept forgetting that they were both there that night backstage and saw the entire thing in person. You couldn't even imagine how it must have felt to witness the whole thing. Especially since it could have easily been one of their husbands who got hurt instead.

As Vince dragged out the last few words, Nikki placed his hand over his heart while looking over at you. He smiled from across the stage but even from the distance you could have sworn you saw faint tears in the bassist's eyes, but he looked away from you before you could be certain.

The band then got into another new song from the album switching up from the emotional rock ballad to a fast-paced upbeat song that reminded you of the 80s.

You stood with the girls by the side of stage watching and singing throughout the rest of the concert. You got lost in Mötley Crüe's music. The very same music that you had grown up listening to and cherished more than the guys would ever know.

After the show finished, the guys all came off stage and were greeted with hugs and kisses by their girls except for Nikki who walked straight over to you with a happy smile.

"What did you think?" He asked, pulling the bass off his shoulder and handing it off to one of the crew.

"I don't even know where to start. But holy shit. You guys rocked!" You answered honestly causing his smile to widen.

"You like the song?"

"You know I do! I've been playing it on repeat since you guys released it."

"So those millions of streams were all you then?" Tommy asked in amusement walking over before slinging his arm around your shoulders.

"Quite possibly. Yes." You laughed leaning against the drummer. "But hearing it live and seeing you guys perform it..."

"We saw. It's okay to cry. Nikki did too the first time we played it." Tommy informed.

"Fuck you, man." Nikki chuckled shaking his head but there was no heat behind his words. "You started tearing up too."

"I may have had a little damp eye, yes." Tommy agreed causing the three of you to laugh before Nikki was pulled away by someone who needed to speak with him leaving you and Tommy standing backstage.

The drummer pulled his arm off you allowing you to step away as you both watched Nikki walk away with the other person who began talking his ear off. Once the bassist was out of hearing distance Tommy turned back towards you.

"Thank you again for saving his ass." He said nodding in Nikki's direction.

You rolled your eyes, "you don't need to keep thanking me."

"He's an asshole but we love him, and we'd be a mess without our bassist." Vince's voice suddenly said, and you glanced to the left just as the singer walked over. "And thanks for showing up tonight. It helped him a lot."

"A broken car wasn't going to stop me from seeing you guys. It delayed me, but it wasn't going to stop me."

Vince smiled, "that's good to hear. Nikki won't admit it, but he cares about you a lot, kid."

"He does." Tommy nodded in agreement. "You're good for him."

You thought back to what Brittany had told you in the dressing room earlier but were snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of Nikki's voice.

"You fuckers hassling her?"

The bassist strolled back over with a small grin causing the guys to both laugh.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Sixx." Tommy replied patting your shoulder before he wandered back over to where Brittany was standing by Rita and John.

"Hey, Vinnie, can I talk to Y/N privately?" Nikki asked looking over at his bandmate.

"Hint received." Vince nodded with a small smile before he waved goodbye and began walking away to give the two of you a moment alone. "Later." He said over his shoulder.

Nikki watched the singer walk away before he grabbed your arm and gently led you over to the far side of the room away from everyone else. The bassist was no longer smiling and seemed to be almost anxious as he let go of your arm and began fiddling with the rings on his fingers.

"Look, Y/N, about that text message-"

"It's okay."

"It wasn't." Nikki sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "I shouldn't have said that. It was inappropriate and... I'm sorry."

You wanted to tell him that it wasn't inappropriate. You wanted to tell him that you actually liked the flirting. But you kept those thoughts to yourself.

Nikki had just broken up with his wife. They were married for years and had been together even longer. He was going through a hard time at the moment, and you were not going to take advantage of him like that.

Sure, maybe Nikki Sixx did like you and the flirting was real. (Why a man such as himself would like you was a question you were trying very hard not to think about). And did you like him? Absolutely. But he was hurting. He might not admit it to you, but Brittany had told you enough for you to know that he was vulnerable at the moment, and you needed to be a friend right now.

Although, it would be nice to flirt back with him. It would be nice to admit your feelings to the bassist and see where it would go, but you couldn't do that to him.

Nikki needed a friend.

So that was what you were going to be, even if it killed you a little to hide your true feelings. But, hey, you had been doing that since the day you met him, so what else was new? Except now, you were almost certain he returned those feelings and that terrified you as much as it excited you.

"So, are we cool?" Nikki asked worriedly.

"Of course." You smiled trying to reassure him. "You're one of the very few people in this world that I can call a friend. I can't afford to lose you."

Nikki's lips twitched up into a small smile, but you could tell he was still a little on edge about this whole thing.

"Is that sad?" You asked after a beat of silence.

"That I'm one of your only friends? Oh, it's super sad." He answered causing you to snort and Nikki started to laugh which you were going to claim as a small victory.

You had missed the sound of his laughter. It was a light, airy chuckle that was as beautiful as he was. You missed seeing him laugh. Missed seeing the way his face lit up. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners as a wide grin spread across his face. You missed the way his warm contagious laughter echoed across the room and bounced off the walls around you.

After the laughter subsided, you bumped your shoulder into his, a residual grin still playing on his lips. "Jerk." You joked with a small smirk.

"Idiot." He shot back before wrapping his arm around your shoulders pulling your body into his side.

You rested your head against his chest allowing Nikki to hold you tightly.

"Thank you." He whispered placing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

You weren't entirely sure what he was thanking you for but didn't ask as you leant your head against his chest and closed your eyes not wanting this moment to end.

"I'm always here for you." You replied, shifting a little before encircling your arms around his waist gently.

Nikki tightened his hold as he hugged you, the scent of woodsy musk filling the air. His arms felt like soft pillows against your back, and you didn't want him to let go. Being in Nikki's arms was as comforting as a warm blanket and you savoured the moment.

Neither of you said anything else. The silence spoke volumes, conveying more than words ever could. 

-

Part 4

MASTERLIST pinned to profile

If anyone wants to be added to the tag list, let me know

A/N: Yes, there will be a Part 4! 

Also have you guys seen the teasers for Dogs Of War??? I can't wait to hear it! I've already pre-ordered the vinyl record. Shipping to Australia fucking sucks but I have no self-control, so I bought it anyway. 

#motley crue #motley crue fanfiction #motley crue x reader #nikki sixx #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x reader #tommy lee #tommy lee fanfic #tommy lee x reader #vince neil #john 5 #pov #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #dogs of war #80s rock #glam rock

[cottoncandyafterdark]

Parenting Heacanons - Chuuya, Atsushi

Character(s): Chuuya Nakahara; Atsushi Nakajima (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Tags: SFW, fluff, familial, headcanons

Warnings: Mention of pregnancy

Notes: AFAB reader; originally posted on ao3 here; this is old and I'm not caught up with the manga now so sorry if anything seems strange

Chuuya

I'm not going to lie, Chuuya's initial response to finding out his partner is pregnant is not going to be very positive. He's not angry or anything, but he didn't really want kids and doesn't feel the slightest bit ready to be a father. He isn't going to run away, though; he knows it's sorta his fault you're in this situation to begin with so he's going to swallow his pride and stick around for your sake.

He spends the whole pregnancy low-key dreading having to take care of a baby. Mostly because he's got no clue how to do that. That's not to say he isn't trying to find out how; if you check his browser history at this point, it'll probably be a lot of parenting articles.

He'll say he wants to leave naming the baby to you but if you come up with name ideas and ask him for his thoughts on them Oh Boy will he have some opinions for you.

As soon as the baby is born and he gets to hold it, it's like all his apprehension just vanishes into thin air, he is immediately in love. Like, he looks this tiny, helpless human he helped make in the eyes and immediately knows he would kill and die for them.

I think that it would be a more interesting dynamic if he had a daughter; he'd still be a good father to a son, but with a daughter, he would truly be wrapped around her little finger. That little girl will be SO spoiled, she'll be the one all her classmates want to be friends with because she has all the newest video games and the best dolls.

Lord have mercy on anyone who tries to bully his daughter, not just because he'll be more than willing to beat them up but if she's inherited any of her dad's personality, so will she. If she gets in trouble at school for fighting back against a bully, she will get high fives and ice cream from Chuuya.

When she's old enough, he'll teach her to fight for real. He knows he won't always be there to protect her, so he wants her to be able to keep herself safe.

Once she's old enough to start dating, Chuuya will do the entire protective dad routine to any boys she might bring home. He will all but do a full interrogation about what they're planning, make it known that he knows how to hide a body, and if they bring her home even a minute late he is going to lose it.

Word will get around about this. It is not going to be easy for Chuuya's daughter to find a prom date.

Atsushi

In the early stages of pregnancy Atsushi is going to feel sicker than you.

This poor boy is straight-up terrified to be a parent at first because of what his own childhood was like. It isn't that he doesn't want to have children, exactly, he just doesn't want to end up continuing the cycle of abuse. Of course, the fact that he's worried about that at all is enough to tell you that he'll be a fine father, but good luck convincing him of that.

Once his child is born, all his worries are going to lead him to go so far in the opposite direction, he's probably never going to so much as raise his voice at the kid. He is a major pushover of a parent, Atsushi's child could get away with murder.

He's also going to have a hard time denying them anything they want. This is going to be another spoiled child for sure. The kid's probably going to end up as a bit of a brat because of this, and Atsushi can't even get mad because he knows it's no one's fault but his own.

On the positive side of things he's going to be such a supportive dad as well. He'll be in the front row of any recitals, plays, spelling bees, anything like that his child participates in and he is going to clap the loudest because he's so proud of them!!!

He'll try to help them with their math homework at some point, but quickly realize that he doesn't really know how to do math either. Much frantic googling will ensue as Atsushi tries to quickly learn long division for his child's sake.

When they get old enough to start hanging out with friends on their own, Atsushi is going to be so worried if they stay out later than they said they would, even if it's just by a few minutes. He'll also want to know exactly who they're with and where they're going. He isn't trying to be overbearing, he just has anxiety.

Voted most likely to cry when his child moves out. Empty nest syndrome is gonna hit him so hard. His child is probably going to get daily texts from their honorary aunts and uncles at the Agency reminding them to call their dad.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungou stray dogs x reader #atsushi nakajima #bsd chuuya #bsd atsushi #bsd headcanons #old fic

[faggylittleleatherboy]

Being haunted by jegulus and moonwater 😔😔

#bold of you to assume that the two people closest to sirius #the two people he loved the most #and who loved him the most #closest relationships outside of his family #would have ANYTHING to do with his abusive family #this includes his brother btw #bc yea regulus was kind of a victim in the family too #but he also played the game #he went with what his family said #unlike sirius #this means he wasn’t a sad cat hated and judged by everyone #he maybe didn’t believe in the nazi’s beliefs but he still worked for them lmao #ffs #and REMUS DKSKDKDLDD #Remus would fucking despise all of Sirius’s family #and the moment regulus made any comment diminishing sirius in any way its get out of my house for remus #the only way jegulus or moonwater would ever make any sense is if sirius didn’t exist in James’s or remus’s life #you know who regulus would date tho #fucking Barty #or fucking snape #why?? #bc regulus went his whole life repeating abusive patterns #this is the type of person that would get in a relationship with someone as abusive and with the same beliefs his parents had #and like I’m not saying oh regulus can’t be happy put that boy in an abusive relationship #I’m saying what makes sense for his character #unless he fucking changes completely #lol #anyway

[kn11ves]

emotional support group for autistics who got called condescending and rude as kids just for responding to things directly and still not knowing how they were being mean

#what did i do #i got constantly told by my mother and step father (and his family) that i always talked like i knew better than they did or that i was #just as mature. i was just fuckjng talking what the hell did you want me to do #why do you feel attacked when a 10 year old speaks to you as an adult????? literally what #i dont know on that note sometimes its just like i dont even feel like ive aged at all #sure i have a giant explosion of time in my head just Gone from my memory because i was getting abused but like i dont feel like ive aged #or really matured ive felt like ive alwats felt #i cant relate when epople are like me when i feel all my ages or i wish i could go back to being x age or being x age everything felt so #different..like no it didnt. or im missing something? #i have never in my life felt like anything has changed. ive always been this old. there is no ''inner child'' and ive never had childhood #innocence or a nostalgia or childhood to go back to. i have no idea what any of you are talking about ever👍 #ugh jst rmemebred skmething that happened with my white step dad's mother #we visited her house and she literally fucking didnt let me go (not physically) until i replied to her with Correct Granmar. what was i #doing? i was reaponding to her by saying ''yeah'' and she kept repeating ''yes'' like telling me to say yes instead of yeah and i didnt #Fucking Get It because guess what you old white cracker i barely fucking speak english and you are just saying things in an aggressive tone #like thats gonna make me get it. and i Didnt i just kept replying yrah to her yes's and then she got tired of it and we left out the door #and theeeeen i got yelled at in the car by being called disrespectful and rude by my parents. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO????????? #those crackers never liked me LOL i literally know they didnt #ugh i rmemeber this one time my step dads father was like trying to show me some dumb boxing or karate or something punching move and he #told my mother that i was good at it because he felt i had a lot of aggression and then NY MOTHER YELLED AT ME IN THE CAR FOR IT?????? #oh fucking wonder why te kid being abused mighthave aggression but she didnt Know (apart from what She was doing to me) like why would it #be my fucking fault if he thought i had aggression in me HOW IS THAT MY FAULT WHAT DIDBI DO I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO THE MOVE BECAUSE WELL #I WAS TRYING TO GET ALONG BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY WANTED ME TO DO #she was like do you know how much that embarassed me and WHAT THE HELL HE SAID IT I DIDNT I WAS LIKE #8??? OR SOMETHING???? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!! I DIDNT KNOW WOMAN WHAT DID YOU WANT FROM ME #mothers when they mother👍

[khlur]

every time i talk w my parents i have to remind myself not to get swayed by their doting affectionate act.

#i mean see #becoming older has made me recognize and appreciate them for a lot of what they did #but to say that i am doing anything except lip service to them rn would be an exaggeration #our relationship has improved but i have made it clear that i never intend to live with them ever again #that the honeymoon period will last 2 days max #they'll cry their crocodile tears #and the emotional abuse will restart like it never stopped #that the physical abuse would have continued if i didn't threaten them by throwing chairs and a knife #like....these past few months have given me such fucking WHIPLASH #it almost makes me forget just how dysfunctional our dynamic has been #how i got away relatively well adjusted because i psychologied myself through clinical and counselling psych classes #how they refuse to take the blame absolutely for my brother's issues surfacing now in his adulthood #ever so often something so viscerally twisted will happen on a call or on the group chat which makes me want to hurt myself #and that serves as a wake up call abt how bad shit used to be #and how glad i am to be away from it all #but every few weeks i will be lulled back into thinking that maybe things weren't so bad #i'm also swayed so much by the people around me rn who hesitate so much to talk about anything that isn't small talk #either that or they're people who really love their parents and enjoy spending time with them #and i'm like....respectfully i cannot relate and neither can the bamboo rod that once broke in two bcs of how hard my parents wielded it <3 #and ofc when families come up in conversation everyone acts like it's a normal thing for there to be ups and downs #w so much unsaid and implied about how i'm actually an ungrateful POS who can't appreciate their parents sacrificing so much for me #hehe. no thanks. keep ur judgement to urself

[rhymaes]

The Untamed (2019) // “You’re Not a Girl in a Movie,” Hala Allan

#IT'S JUST--that he was dead at the beginning!! he was dead at the end!!! he's always been in a state of loss born from a second chance that #wasnt so kind--to be taken in by a family but with the unspoken agreement between your guardians #that you will not always be second to your siblings but that you are expected to give them anything you are---and he would have done #it anyway. is the thing. he didnt need madam yu's anger or sect leader's guilt. he would have done what he did #for jiang chang even if they had all lived. because what does life mean to you when you've always existed in an in-between state of having #ost it / owing it to someone else? it's that he should have died the first time as a child #and in his mind everything was---borrowed time. what the wens said to him as a thank you #being the process he's always existed within even without realizing #to do as much good as possible--to be a hero even one that no one but tens of people no one will listen to #believe you to be. because its never been about fame or acclaim but about what doing what no one #had done for him: protect / sheild/ help someone who cant help themselves because that's what you trained for; thats why youre alive #his siblings / their lives & careers & reputuations / lan zhan's reputation / his #old sect's reputation / the wen's existence / innocent lives that didnt bring anyone back #they just made the walls even more red #its that he died and died again & there's always going to be somewhere darker for you to go #when you never even expected to make it there #JUST. FUCK. rewatching this four years later & making me realize how much it was all the first time its. its. #his life was never his!! it was never his until an abused kid gave him life to not only bring wei wuxian back #but to give him. his own existence--absent of anything he didnt choose to incorporate. no more #loved ones means no more expectations which means more time to find. what you want. what you need. #and that he never expected lan zhan to be waiting for him---trying to 'spare' him from wei wuxian's presence even then #oh god. oh god. #im not making any sense but WHATEVER ITS MY POST I& im having . a time. #the untamed #mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan #wen qing #wen ning

[truckstoptigers]

anybody else feel like their father deserves the electric chair

#thinking again #i cant get over the fact that he started molesting me when i was four #he had it all planned out in his head... i was five the first time i was raped. six when he started trafficking me #he had a game plan for this shit. i dont know how else it would be perfect 1-year increments #i was just a little girl #thats what kills me the most. i was so little. i look at pictures of myself from that time and i am so small. #and i look like im afraid of everybody. afraid of cameras. i dont know. #its just. i wish that just one person had realized something was very wrong there. it wouldve only taken one person. #but i was too afraid of him to tell so would it have really done anything? #i try not to think about it too often because i cant change it & wishing i could doesnt do anything but. it still hurts i guess #even if i dont blame my moms side of the family for not realizing either #milo murmurs #csa vent #the fact that i was four when it started and 12 when i got out also fucks w me a lot tbh #that felt like the longest period of my life. it WAS my life for nine years straight #thats. almost a decade of abuse. and thats so hard for me to comprehend even though i lived it

[1pcii]

thinking about younger 124ji as years of this kind of unchecked thinking and behaviour, mixed with their unnatural lack of empathy bringing them to the cartoonist extremes they display in canon.

#cw for strangulation and child death for the video clip #I've been thinking alot about the vinsmokes and Eva parallels lately #how similar yet opposite gendou and judge are #gendou doing everything for the sake/memory of his wife at the expense of humanity. judge doing everything for germa at the expence of #his wife/family #yet they both end up hurting and augmenting unatural circumstances for their children in very similar ways #they are but liabilities. sacrifices. pawns in a game they would kill themselves trying to win. cast out and abused for 'failing' #I find rei parallels especially interesting. she's a very underappreciated character already imo. and it's easy to make the shinji/sanji #connection #but Rei has so many layers to her that can be akin to the vinsmoke siblings #she is like reiju in that she does have emotion but her subservient position under judge(/gendou) means that it means very little in the #grand scheme of things #and yet she can't help but to /feel/ when around sanji(/shinji). a testimony of the love of her late mother #she is also similar to 124ji in that she is replaceable. always at risk of the technology that brought her into the world as she is #she has been molded into the perfect soldier via gendou's emotional manipulation and as such only expresses what is necessary for her #position. only parrots back what he exposes her to. unaware of it's weight or ramifications on other people #124ji I'd say have that to an extream in that violence and malice are actively encouraged in their minds by the fact they do seem to be #able to express /negative/ emotions #which naturally lead them to growing into the abusive assholes they are today #but it's sad yknow? that they never had the chance to be anything else #psii.txt #psii.mp4 #text #meta #vinsmoke siblings #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke yonji #124ji

[roobylavender]

i missed that class what dont you like about starlins rendition of their relationship?

(and also like, DID you think he did something in particular well or was it all…meh

the crux of my issues in this regard stems from batman #416. in the post-crisis era you began to see this way more lopsided depiction of bruce and dick's relationship wherein the former was portrayed to be almost.. bitter that dick had moved on to establish his own life. and it stood in great, great contrast to the bruce of the pre-crisis era, who was certainly devastated at the realization that dick was growing up, but also very intent for him to find his own happiness and way in life. they would have their disagreements on occasion (e.g., bruce initially disapproving of dick dropping out of college, bruce immediately taking leadership of a situation where the titans were involved when dick was better equipped to handle it, etc.) but the outcome of those situations was never outright bad yknow. bruce was very much capable of recognizing where he might have overstepped and subsequently stepped back to let dick have his own space. and i think initially max allan collins expanded on that dynamic in the post-crisis era in interesting ways by juxtaposing bruce's desire to see dick flourish against his own constant fear for dick's life. so instead of mike w. barr's comedic and lighthearted backup stories in early 80s tec where bruce disguised himself to keep an eye on dick's shenanigans and assure himself everything was going alright, you got this more serious confrontation within bruce with regards to his position as a parent. i don't think a lot of people read it that deeply but i've always viewed batman #408 as one of the most sensible depictions of that dilemma. the general complaints tend to be that this issue robbed dick of his pre-crisis decision to retire robin on his own, and i'll concede that as a worthwhile concern. but i don't think it's esp damning what with the implication that bruce no longer wants to be the person indirectly making the decision for dick to continue to be in this line of work. their moment at dick's bedside is less about bruce robbing him of the decision and more about him saying, if i let you still be robin, that's a direct reflection on me, bc i'm the one who got you to do all of this originally. i'm the one who put you directly in harm's way. if you're going to do this from now on, you need to do it on your own terms. you need to decide for yourself that this is who you want to be, without your relationship with me even being a factor.

it's a moment contributive to that delicious dynamic between them wherein every decision bruce takes to service dick's agency is inevitably read the wrong way by the latter to imply that he's not valued or not worthy of being seen as bruce's equal (and before the hounds pounce on me this obv does not include the increasingly abusive depiction of their relationship as the 90s progressed). that is an unavoidable dilemma when you're simultaneously someone's ward/adopted son and also their partner-in-crime! dick wants to be bruce's son and to be entitled to all of the love and care and protection that that entails but he also wants to be bruce's brother, his equal, his confidante, the one person he trusts more than anyone else in the world, etc. it's a tough place to be! it is paradoxical! and i'm so, so open to seeing that explored and think the way collins attempted to approach it in #408 was marvelous. but the way starlin (and other writers as well) totally swerved right in #416 to create this sudden resentment in bruce that dick had grown out of needing him was.. so utterly bizarre. like completely out of left field in a way i don't understand why people don't question it anymore bc in light of everything in the immediate fifteen years prior to the crisis it makes so little sense. their relationship with each other was so valued, bruce was so anxious to see dick establish himself while nonetheless maintaining a protectiveness over him, but it was all very much in good will even if he could overstep on occasion. it had all of the potential to allow for a very nuanced, empathetic exploration into the dilemmas of parenthood and esp when you are someone like bruce who has to forever live and contend with the crime of taking kids with him out onto the streets. bc he has to feel guilty! there is no escaping it. this is history, done and dusted forever, can't go back in time, so on and so forth. whatever harm comes any robin's way he has to live with as in some part being traceable back to his own actions. and i frankly believe that would be far more likely to evoke grief and anxiousness and concern than it would be bitterness that his son is charting out his own life

#as to do i think starlin did anything well. hmm #i like that he was able to acknowledge that jason's parents were loving people despite their circumstances #it didn't matter that willis was a criminal. what mattered was that he loved his family and would've done anything for them #which was a rare concession from starlin bc his writing could be pretty classist elsewhere #but at the same time idk sometimes i read it back and it's like. i don't think he was actually as classist as winick was ultimately #like it's been a While since i reread the starlin issues #but you could tell he believed jason's demise was less about his social class and more about being unable to fully recover from #or process his trauma as a result of the life he'd lived and the things he'd experience. hence the garzonas saga #and even in a death in the family the question is never about whether jason is acting out bc he's criminally inclined #bruce explicitly says he doesn't think he's given jason enough time to mentally and emotionally recover and that's why #he suspends him. so even starlin knew it was about the trauma first and foremost #and i mean that somewhat goes in line with his reasons for wanting to kill robin to begin with #he thought robin was symbolically representative of child abuse #in that it wasn't the conduit through which a young boy should necessarily grow #and ideally? the way to explore that in a medium that Requires the existence of child vigilantes #would have been to make the distinction that while there is always going to be some danger to every robin at the end of the day #what made the danger to jason distinct was that robin didn't work to resolve His trauma specifically #what robin did for dick is never something it could have done for jason let alone tim. there were too many other factors at play #so if this dilemma had been approached that way rather than starlin pursuing a blanket robin is child abuse ideology #that was subsequently picked up by other writers. then i think we might have gotten somewhere quite interesting #but anyway yeah so he's not my most hated by any means. there are parts i love there are parts i hate #ultimately at the end of the day winick will always be a gazillion times worse #outbox

[dent-de-leon]

genuinely haunted still by how all Lucien ever wanted was to escape the Run, how there was all that bad blood between him and the Jagentoths--how both Molly and Lucien's older brother are killed and buried in the snow in Shadycreek--

#aLSO #still wondering why lucien's parents owed money to the jagentoths anyway?? they...they were performers-- #what #what were they doing #in addition to making deals with hags-- #alSO #a member of the jagentoths family going after lucien himself only for him to be spared because of A MEMBER OF THE CERBERUS ASSEMBLY?? #I FEEL LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BIG NEWS IN SHADYCREEK?? #anyway im just saying #if animated mighty nein gives us anything with lucien's family or history with the tombtakers and the jagentoths when they get to #shadycreek #ill go feral-- #also #something something molly being resurrected because the nein truly loved him and all they ever wanted was for him 'to be here and be whole' #promising him he wouldnt be empty anymore #and lucien's parents abusing their children #tearing elric back against his will as a hollow empty puppet and never actually caring about him as a person

[fightingdragonswithwho]

hate to be a hater on the main … but this season of ted lasso excels (once again) at team dynamic and the found family elements and i think the finale absolutely nailed that, i cried, i laughed, it was perfect on that. now as for the individual stories and relationships… yeah, let’s leave it at that

#(rant below ignore me) #i think making longer episodes allowed them to add stories that felt so pointless to me #what was the point of zava? to make jamie understand something about himself? could have done that better with just the roy plot #i would have understood roy and keeley breaking up of it was like ‘let’s both grow as individuals’ #and roy kinda did but apparently not enough because his plot at the end is how he do better so i guess he didn’t #jamie had the best development only to then lose part of it by throwing the random video comment?? like why?? #keeley my love … from the random friend that added nothing to the story to an undervelopped love interest plot line … they did u so dirty #why the hell was ted so emotionally off this last episode instead of actually talking the time to proper end things with london and everyone #rebecca was SOBBING and ted was like ‘well gotta go’ ?? #it’s not about the ship or anything but what ?? and rebecca … love that she stayed with the club #but to have her end up with some random creepy man she met once and whose name WE DONT EVEN KNOW #i have no issues with ted going home to his son. it makes perfect sense. but it felt so weird #the nate plot was wrapped kinda poorly too?? #sam colin and most of the guys from the team were amazing #and the found family and team dynamic was still amazing as always #the beard and jane relationship was always weird to me because it feels like joke after joke of.. abuse? #do they get married or was it a dream?? and if so was the whole sequence a dream? and if it wasn’t WHO DID THE CGI FOR THE WEDDING 💀 #we spent more time with these characters this season and it doesn’t feel that way and idk this season felt weird at so many points #I LOVE THIS SHOW I DO!! first 2 seasons are one of my all time favourite seasons of a sitcom!! and i still enjoyed a lot about s3 <33 #anyway sorry to be a hater on the main but it was just a weird season to end it on #anti ted lasso #<- i really don’t wanna upset anyone i just felt like ranting a little 💀 pls don’t hate me #ted lasso spoilers

[chooey]

just finished breaking bad

#spoilers ahead so! tread lightly #breaking bad #bc i binged a lot of this show some episodes do not stick out to me like i cant tell u what happened on which episode or even which season #the naz!s were so left field like i think the story would still be the same without the hooked cross tattoos #it was surprising how the drug cartel or whatever didnt have much involvement in s5. like why did i think for sure theyd relocate to mexico #a follow up wouldve been nice is all im saying #OK. characters! my fav were mike jesse gus skyler and saul. hated walt literally since day 1. didnt change much up until the end #listen i can understand the concept of characters being morally bankrupt egotistical narcissistic abusive and manipulative #but walt was just . not charming enough a character to do it sorry he is what he is. sorry to him but i cannot stand him #i can appreciate some of his monologues though! fly (episode) was great for that the show needed it at least in my opinion #i like that all the characters are fundamentally flawed ! walt is at his core insufferable but he makes a good tragic story👍🏼 #hank was so stupid like? 😭 when lab equipment from walt's school were stolen i thought that'd be it lollll #it was well written for the most part i think!!!!! some parts needed suspension of disbelief but whatever yk #what matters to me the most is whether i cried or not and yeah. yeah i did cry!!!!!! so what!!!!!!!!! #THEMES. obv theres change/corruption... power and abuse of power. toxic masculinity? and family. living life to the fullest if ur insane #also!!! just finished el camino and i liked it! simple story but i like the themes in it. this man's been through so much #jesse was point blank a victim of abuse and im glad he gets to leave the past behind and move forward with his life #owned up to the choices that gotten him up to this point. had control over his life again and building a new future for himself #very cool. also the ending of brba? i think it's good enough i mean i cant think of anything more fitting #but man did he do some incredible... maybe irreparable damage to his family huh. midlife crisis things <3 #i hope they heal <3 somehow <3 #wait about the themes too in brba!! one is reaching ur full potential... again if ur insane #idk maybe sometimes it's ok to flop. just as long as ur enjoying ur life and ur happy... i think that's fine! walt u and i will never agree #izza💭