#with the stereotypes and understand it deeper but then he still has shitty stereotypes

[huginsmemory]

Plot Foils: On Ace, Robin, Marineford and Enies Lobby

Thought I'd put together a short lil meta on how Ace and Robin in the arcs of Marineford and Enies Lobby mirror each other within the plot, and what that thematically implies since I can't stop thinking about it and since any tradgedies immediately trigger my trap card of Write Meta Frantically. Also, note that there are spoilers for up to the time skip.

First, I'll start with the similarities between both Ace and Robin, and the arcs of Enies Lobby and Marineford, which can be laid out on the flow chart chart below, which I'll go into detail below, before digging into the themantic implications:

Parent figure involved with poneglyphs

mass violence by government in response to threat

survival of the character but widespread demonization of them

struggle with survivors guilt and suicidal inclinations

Acceptance into a found family, and who they are no matter their demonization

testing of the acceptance by capture of the World Government

resounding yes and declaration of War against the World Government by found family

do you want to live?

rescue/failure

1 and 2: Parent Figure and Mass Violence

Both Ace and Robin are survivors of violence from the government at a young age; Robin with the genocide of Ohara, and Ace with the hunting down and killing of babies in Baterilla after the execution of Gol D Roger. This violence by the world government is a response to both their parents being involved with poneglyphs, which threatens the power of the government (I also understand that Gol D Roger in his status of King of the Pirates was it's own impetus... but that's also intertwined with the poneglyphs in a way). Interestingly, both the parent figures desperately try to protect their children through denying or hiding the children away from the government as a form of protective love.

3 and 4: demonization, survivors guilt and suicidal inclinations

For both of them, their parents (or people's) demonization is transferred to their own lives. Robin quite literally becoming called a demon child and scorned by the world, while Ace is more round-about-ly called a demon child when talked about theoretically. Actually, even Dadan, who does love him, at one point calls him the devil's spawn (or some other variation, I can't remember exactly). As a result of the violence occurred by the government they both carry the feelings of survivor's guilt; and with their demonization, this guilt over being mere alive is compounded as the world repeatedly tells them that they should not exist. As a result, they both struggle with their own existence and suicidal ideology, unsure of what the world really tells them is true especially as both their parents are dead and cannot validate their existence. Also, as they are demonized, they are isolated from society, and other forms of love and acceptence from adults which could reassure them against such internalization of their demonization aren't really forthcoming. Although Ace has Luffy and Sabo for a good chunk of his childhood, and so is not entirely alone and rejected by everyone, he still clearly struggles with being alive and being accepted by others, especially adults and parental figures; this evidenced through his anger issues and his talk with Garp in which he asks if he should have been born (gonna fucking strangle Garp for being like 'Well I don't know' to a fucking KID who is asking if he should be alive or not). Robin on the other hand, is clearly alone and acutely lonely the majority of her life as she has to continue to be on the run, as she has a bounty placed on her head, and even kind people cannot accept her for long without the threat of the law.

ID: Ace asking Garp as a kid "would it have been better if I was never born?"

5: Acceptance

For both of them, their internalized suicidal thoughts and doubts becomes suppressed when they become incorporated into a family that accepts them wholeheartedly, breaking the stigma of their demonization. To Robin, this occurs when she begins to sail with the Strawhats who accepts her pretty quickly, not caring about her being a 'demon' in the eyes of the general populace and forgiving her for her previous transgressions against them; accepting her for who she truly is for the first time in her life since her very early childhood. Luffy, of course, I would bet sees the similarities between her and Ace; something that we the audience during the first read/watch though are oblivious too, but contextualized later make immense sense for why he has such strong feelings about Robin and suicidal characters. But I digress. For Ace this becomes suppressed when he is accepted into the family of Whitebeard; who is the first adult to not care about who his father is and still accepts him whole heartedly, to the point of seeing him as his own son. Again, Whitebeard and his family, like with the Strawhats and Robin, forgive Ace for his attempts of violence against them. This acceptence of them even spite their demonization, even in spite of them previously attempting to hurt or actually physically hurting the crew, allows them to begin to undo their internalized suicidal ideologies.

6, 7 and 8: capture, declaration of war and confessions

This acceptance by their found families ends up being tested as the World Government gets involved; for Robin in the Enies Lobby arc and with Ace, the Marineford arc as they are both captured as a result of them caring about their found families. For Ace, it is guilt over not recognizing Teach's dangerousness who was in his division, and the need to avenge his brother; for Robin, it is to ensure the survival of the Strawhats. As they are captured, the acceptance and love of their found family, in the face of both their demonization fully explained and having to fight against the World Government, is put to question; will their family declare war against the World Government and risk death to save them? The answer both times is a resounding yes. Yes, their found families love and care about them, those who have been told time and again by the majority of the world to be better off dead or never born at all are worth so much to their families that their families are willing to put their lives on the line to save them; in an ultimate display of acceptance and love. Both Ace and Robin initially refuse the attempt to save them, desperate for those they love to not get hurt, especially as they partially believe that they don't deserve to live, let alone be worth dying for. However, under the insistence of their found family who wants to save them, they both confess and cry out in desperation that they want to live, even after everything, even after questioning their own validity in being alive. However, here is when things begin to change in their parallels; compared to Robin's cry in Enies Lobby, Ace's cry is a lot more bitter, coming from the fact that Ace is already seeing those he cares about die before him to save him, such as Oars Jr. . Meanwhile in Enies Lobby, when Robin is asked if she wants to live, she has not already seen one of her crewmates die before her.

ID: first image of Robin crying as she declares she wants to live, second of Ace with his head bowed and crying saying 'why do I suddenly... Want... To live?!!!"

9: Rescue/failure and thematic implications

From here, it diverges further. Robin is saved in the end in Enies Lobby; there is no devastating death, and the Strawhats survive facing and declaring war against the World Government relatively without any negatives. Robin is told she is allowed to live, that she is allowed to want to live, and lives. The narrative of Enies Lobby showcases that the government will respond to potential threats to its power by mass violence excused through demonization of people or people groups; this dehumanization causes those who survive the initial violence to struggle with their mental health and the understanding of the value of their own life, as their life devalued by the world. In response to that, Oda displays and reminds the audience that no matter your perceived demonization, there will always be people who will accept you and love you for who you are and are willing to stand along side and fight for you to be recognized; no person is born illegal or wrong, that you are allowed to not only want to live but also to live, no matter what the world might say. This is directly implied with how Jaguar D. Saul tells Robin there will eventually in the future be someone that accepts and cares about her.

Building off of Enies Lobby, the same premise of the government enacting violence and the issue of demonization and mental health arises, as Ace is shackled to the scaffold and his parentage is revealed. However, unlike Robin, Ace is not that lucky; although he escapes the scaffold, it is his own inability to stand down that kills him in the end (something framed as heroic by the narrative which--yeah no sorry I don't think it's 'heroic'). He is told, right before his death, that he is accepted, he is loved, and that he is allowed to want to and to live no matter his heritage, by those who love him--but then he dies anyways, thanking everyone for accepting him. Marineford shows that, even if there are people who will accept you and love you, sometimes that doesn't stop the world from hating you to the point it kills you. It is realistic in that; if you are going to engage with these themes and topics, then you can't shy away from realistic depictions of what these systems actually does to people. Marineford and the death of Ace is built off of Enies Lobby and Robins rescue; Oda needed to show that yes, you can be loved and saved, before he was able to show--in a good way--that sometimes even the love of others isn't enough to shield you from a world that hates you. In the end, Ace was always meant to be set up to die, both as a narrative tool to display the violence of the authority of the government, in parallel to Robin being rescued in Enies Lobby, and as an impetus for Luffy to grow as a character.

To summarize:

Ace and Robin, through their false demonization by the World Government used as an excuse for mass violence, internalize this message and question the validity of their existence. This suicidal questioning is assauged by their acceptence into a found family which validates their existence. However, their capture by the World government reiterates their previous questioning, and bares their demonization to their families in a test of their acceptence. This causes a subsequent declaration of war by their families, who affirm their love and acceptence for the characters as they try to rescue them. Their arcs both deal with the demonization of people or people groups who threaten the power of the government, which is used as an excuse to eradicate these 'threats' to the government by mass murder, genocide and martyrdom. In exploring these systems, Oda touches on how people who are subject to such demonization often struggle with suicidal tendencies as they are told they should not exist, while also emphasizing that even through their demonization, these people (or people groups) will always find others who will love them for who they are, past the accusations and demonizations; no human is born illegal. As Robin in Enies Lobby is saved, this emphasizes that those who are demonized by the government will always eventually find people who will accept and love them no matter their demonization. Built off the back of this premise, Oda revisits this in the Marineford arc, but with a more somber cast, as this time Ace is not saved but dies, even after everything. In revisiting it with a different ending, Oda recognizes that sometimes, even being accepted and loved by people isn't enough to shield you from the harm of the government. (I mean also it had narrative implications of raising the stakes and giving luffy an impetus to get stronger but nevertheless...)

Application

The thing is, this is a tactic of demonization and dehumanization as a excuse for violence is one that has been used over and over again by governments and society all over our world. It's being used right now to excuse the genocide going on in Palestine. It has been/currently is being used against queer and trans folk, against POC, against Indigenous people, against unhoused people, against people with disabilities, against addicts. It's not something that's not applicable. It's highly applicable. By deliberately showcasing it, Oda validates those who are in minorities that have suffered under such systems of violence, often to the point of suicidal actions; he says instead it's ok, you are not who they tell you you are, you will find people who will accept you for who you are, you deserve to live.

But he also, in showcasing it, asks, what stereotypes and propaganda have you accepted? After all, being part of one minority doesn't mean you aren't able to be an oppressor. Are you standing there cheering when they enact violence? Or are you going to think beyond what you've been told and help them?

#portgas d ace #ace op #nico robin #robin op #robin one piece #ace one piece #one piece #one piece spoilers #one piece meta #op meta #enies lobby #marineford #hugin rambles #hugin rambles op #sometimes im like ok wow oda did such a good job and other times im like *pointing* misogynist #also interesting that he has all this stuff about propaganda when really to actually understand past propaganda you need to like... engage #with the stereotypes and understand it deeper but then he still has shitty stereotypes #its a bit like a russian roulette on oh is he gonna portray this well or not #tw genocide #this fucking post has been the worst to make on tumblr since tumblr keeps insisting on not properly letting me put it together #lol honestly wasn't super interested in ace as a char and then marineford happened and they were like yeah hes kinda suicidal :/ #and then i was like :OOOOO #i know his death is v narratively important but FUCK i hate it when theyre like oh this suicidal person now wants to live- oh oops! #nevermind they are dead now anyways teehee which makes me strangle authors but since the way its set up carries meaning its like. #hnnngh *fist clench* FINE

[lighthouse-enjoyers-anonymous]

The CSH pipeline (aka my downfall)(aka my favorite band ever)

Last year around June, I listened to Car Seat Headrest for the first time, I think starting with Sober to Death. I had seen mention of the band before in memes about it being "incel" "male manipulator" music, but it was associated with a lot of bands I already had an interest in. My first instinct when seeing that something is being shit on is to go and consume the media so I can judge for myself whether it's actually that bad or if the fanbase is just being characterized by a couple shitty fans and if it's being meme-ified like Weezer. This has lead me down some questionable paths but I ultimately like this way of consuming media because I do end up finding new stuff I enjoy without being restricted to what's popular. I started listening to Mitski because I saw a tumblr post about how people don't like her work. Idk. Anyways I loved Sober to Death and started listening to their other top songs to get a feel for it. I think I mainly just listened to Twin Fantasy and Teens of Denial at first, then ToS and MBIKMB after a while. I wasn't hardcore into it and I knew barely anything about the band except I had picked up somewhere that Will was a furry (I have zero idea when I learned this but at the time I thought it was the most hilarious thing I've ever heard). I was just focused on my other interests much more (you know how it is). Fun fact, my ex included "It's Only Sex" on our relationship playlist when we dated in March, which

1- is an absolutely insane red flag 2- proves I knew about the band earlier than I remember Flash forward to February. I must have seen CSH mentioned a lot more on tiktok or pinterest or something, because I suddenly had a lot of interest in it. Sometimes I get waves of "oh god i'm a fake fan for not knowing everything about this subject" and that spurs some manic search to CONSUME ALL. I started listening to every album available on spotify, learned about Will's pre-CSH projects, and was instantly hooked.

This guy had written songs that spoke to me in a way only several other artists had in the past. On top of that, he had lived less than an hour away from me for the majority of my life (until he relocated to Seattle in 2014), AND most of his music was written at the age I am now. There was something so personal to me about it. Obviously, it was a popular-ish band so it wasn't really underground or anything, but it wasn't known by everyone so I still had the opportunity to introduce it to my friends for the first time. That being said, I still got teased a bit for listening to "sad gay furry music" :/ Touché.

Anyways, I then learned about 1 Trait Danger. Oh boy. I had heard the "Timmis" sound going around on tiktok without realizing it. God Andrew Katz is amazing too. It was silly, it was stupid, it had a new plotline to follow for each album, there was a discord server, there were costumes, there was Will Toledo, there was SO MUCH TO LEARN. So naturally I joined the Patreon so now I get some sick behind the scenes video game development content.

Deeper into the rabbithole comes Cate Wurtz's comics, which are mentioned in several CSH songs, and generally help to contextualize Will's work. Holy Shit I love Crow Cillers. I only started reading it yesterday. I have yet to fully understand what's going on because there is such a mash up of themes. It's entirely possible I made a mistake and managed to skip some crucial lore, but I'll figure it out eventually. Ynce Iche is badass. Other things that this hyperfixation has caused me to get into:

Radiohead and Weezer. more stereotypical incel music but I D K

Costume design? I'm in the process of building a trait mask, and I will make another post about this because I need help!!

animation, possibly. I'm hoping to animate parts, if not all, of 1 Trait Bangers. I have no prior experience with animating so this will be.... fun...

video production. I am ALSO in the process of creating a series of tiktok style videos to all of twin fantasy. if each one is about a minute, I should have... 71 videos. 1 down, 70 to go! This is cool because I got to visit the spot in Harper's Ferry mentioned in BL-I-D.

CSH livestreams. I looove the acoustic sound. Do miss the other band members though. Lots of his covers have lead me to find new music as well.

Will Toledo's tumblr. I scrolled all the way to the bottom of it and i'm attempting to compile a playlist of every song he mentions on there.

Will Toledo's spotify monthly playlists. That funky guy is listening to soooo much welsh folk. This raises questions about what the possible new album will sound like, but I'm down for anything!

Andrew Katz's instagram reels. I love these funky little videos it's like a vine revival with all of our favorite band members.

Will Toledo's high school bands/comics. The Mr. Yay Okay facebook page is so blessed I love seeing shitty home video recordings of them playing with a Ouija board.

New friends! Shout out to the cool people on the 1td discord server. game nights are always hilarious

Pop culture references. I have been convinced to buy several books simply bc they were mentioned in a song or his tumblr. also I started NGE and I will eventually get to Twin Peaks.

That's all for now! I should be able to update as I find more stuff to deep dive into, and as my creative projects unfold. It's going to be a busy couple of months in my house though, as I prepare for college. If I end up switching hyperfixations before I complete anything, I must apologize. But I don't owe "you" anything. I say to my singular follower, cheezbot. Hi cheezbot.

#car seat headrest #cshr #csh #will toledo #infodump #1 trait danger

[oscill4te]

.

I look too much into movies and bad at interpretting things soooooooo forgive me if im yknow. Way off the mark

but that scene where scarlett and red were fighting and he tries to get her drunk and i think its even implied he sa'd her... bc she was pregnant after that scene where he forcefully carried her up to her room and he said "i wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me". That scene before she fell down the stairs yknow. Thats the vibe i got. I already hated him but thats where my brain went "Okay. I keep teetering back and forth but now I fucking hate this guy."

He constantly others Scarlet by saying "you're not like (insert stereotype of how women should be here) and demeans her character, saying she is "just like him". And when their child Bonnie died, he wouldn't even let Scarlet come in to grieve for her daughter. Hes always violent and throwing things in the movie. Hes controlling as hell.

Im supposed to sympathize with a man like that? Maybe its bc his behavior reminded me so much of a person who hurt me and that made me criticize too harshly but idk. I asked my aunt abt it and she didnt really see my take, but listened anyways. She thinks he was meant to be a sympathetic rogue character yknow

Im all about shitty characters and I understand its possible to like flawed characters but I dont understand how people can sympathize and see Red as "humorous" character "Who is good deep down and truly loves Scarlett" after all he did imo. Idk. I really hate him. He was posessive and obsessive. Thats not love. Don't get me wrong, I am a sucker for toxic and abusive relationships in fiction but to imply hes "the one" for scarlett? Idk.... she deserves better

Anywayzzz. The bond between scarlet and melanie.... deeper and truer than anything red coulda offered Scarlett.. js......... i loved every scene with Melanie and scarlet. I love how at first she resented Melanie and later came to see how true of a friend she was.

Writing all this bc my memory sucks and i know im gonna forget a lot within a few days but yeah... i love scarlet maybe its bc i dont watch many movies and dont see many strong headed female protagonists (partially due to the fact that!! I never expand my bubble and watch movies or read books) but yeah idc i love her a lot as a character. Shes brusque and a bit impish, manipulative at times but I love her for her free spirit. and the outfits she wore were so pretty

I have an OC named Scarlet who is vry fem and i wanna draw her in some of the dresses scarlett from the movie wore

well. I still liked it bc scarlet as a character (and many others), the cinematography, the beautiful outfits n scenery and will throw my modern, irrelevant, maybe not well-informed or messy opinion at it.

And yeah i know this movie is from the 1940s and of course has its many flaws such as racist depictions of black characters (considering the time... yeah.), sympathizing w the confederates, showing the plantation owners as treating slaves "kindly" and "as family". (you and I very well know... that just was not the truth) & ofc the manyy issues I said about Red Butler.....

I should watch more movies and take adderal bc wow. Adderal helped me focus deeply and made me realize movies aren't boring at all, not even the old ones! its just my attention span lol... maybe I wanna do more than just watch cartoons... maybe its time to explore more films from all time periods and all around the world

#thoughts on gone with the wind #general tw bc i think the relationship between red and scarlett was so abusive imo #but im misses Look Into Everything Too Deeply And Cant Interpret Narratives Well #ramblesss #very disorganized ones that make no sense lol

[qqueenofhades]

(1/2) Honestly, Hilary, you are a blessing. I want to scream about your amazing Fic, how I love Immortal Husbands and the whole Immortal Family and how I had more fun learning history from your writing than in my whole damn school. But I also want to appreciate your TOG answers and meta. All the more because my friends outside the internet saw TOG as some boring movie with shitty plot and I'm just here in the corner, wanting to scream at someone who will understand about FINALLY seeing...

"(2/2) ...some GOOD queer representation, without throwing stereotypes in our faces, and I can't even begin with the found family trope because THE FEELS. Anyway, what I was trying to say with this rambling: thank you. <3"

....I’m sorry what. Who. Who is saying this. Straight people? I feel like the answer is definitely straight people. Because they have had EIGHTY FUCKING THOUSAND shitty action movies with the Boring White Man Hero, the disposable Muslim-coded (or actually Muslim) villains, the equally disposable eye-candy female love interest who either gets fridged or is secretly evil, Grimdark Everyone Is Secretly Bad And Nothing Matters crap philosophy, Moral Hand Wringing Over Superhero Violence, on and on. So of course they can moan and whine about “iT’s nOt OrIGinAL” and apparently not sufficiently Grimdark and Amoral, and how the dynamics of the team are completely reshuffled in a way that actually doesn’t prioritize THEM, and like.... this is why I never trust media only beloved by straight people, and only ever watch anything after it’s been recommended to me by a trusted queer friend. Because sometimes I remember the difference, and WHOOF.

Because: the gays and people of color DESERVE formulaic action/superhero movies as much as the Generic White Bro (in fact, we can all agree, far more than the Generic White Bro). This is the trap where every piece of media that’s not made by a Mediocre White Man has to be the best all-time of its genre, apparently, rather than using some of the same well-loved storytelling tropes but recoding them and re-deploying them for a more diverse audience. Instead of the Hard Bitten White Man Action Hero, we have Andy and Nile (two women, and Nile as a young Black woman who literally cannot be shot to death, in the year 2020, is fucking revolutionary on its own don’t @ me). As I said in my first meta, even Booker, who comes closest to fulfilling that trope, is made the closest thing to a “villain” there is on the team and even then for entirely sympathetic motives that rest on him having teary-eyed conversations with Nile about how he misses his family and feels like he failed them. His emotions help drive the story in an actually GOOD and useful way, rather than sacrificing everyone else to coddle him through his feeble heterosexual manchildness (why yes, I AM staring directly at the Abomination without blinking). Nobody in the story is EVER penalized or made a fool of for loving their found family (itself an intensely queer trope, even before the queerness of the individual characters) or trying to do the right thing even in the middle of the horrors, and frankly, I just want to consume more media with that as the main message. I’M SO FREAKING TIRED OF GRIMDARK. GOD. IF I WANTED THAT I COULD JUST TURN ON THE NEWS.

And of course, my BELOVED Joe and Nicky: an interracial, interreligious gay couple that has been wildly in love for literal CENTURIES and gives me the opportunity to do things like write the most self-indulgent historical romance backstory fic ever with DVLA. They met in the embodiment of religious conflict and have transcended that, there are never any cruel jokes or expectation for you to congratulate the narrative for being so beneficent as to give you “an exclusively gay moment” (fuck you Disney!). Joe and Nicky’s love story is central both to who they are as characters, doesn’t revolve around them being suffering or being Tormented over being gay (when the cops pull them apart for kissing, they beat the cops the fuck up, WE STAN), gets to unfold naturally in the background of the story with these beautiful little beats of casual intimacy (the SPOONING /clutches heart) and since THEY LITERALLY CANNOT DIE, no chance of the “burying your gays” bullshit. Even when they’re captured first by the bad guys, and I briefly, upon first viewing, worried that they were going the Gay Pain route just for cheap emotional points, they remain constantly united and fighting together and able to do stupid things like flirt when they’re strapped to gurneys by a mad scientist. Then the rest of the team ends up right there with them, so it’s not something that happens to them alone, and Nile comes in to save everyone’s asses, and Joe and Nicky get ANOTHER beautiful moment of fighting the bad guys and being worried about each other and tender even in the middle of this chaos and GOD! MY HEART! MY WHOLE ASS HEART! I LOVE THEM!

And just the fact that it’s not the Evul Mooslim Turrorists or Boilerplate Scary Eastern Europeans or whoever else who are the bad guys, but Big Pharma, nasty white men with too much money and not enough ethics, the CIA (at least tangentially; they could have pushed a lot harder on that but I’ll give Copley individually a pass), and the very forces that want to stop the Old Guard and discount what they do (helping the little people) as worthless... GOD. That is fucking POWERFUL. They literally take the time to explain with Copley’s Conspiracy Wall that even the little things the team does, when they can’t see it themselves, spiral out through centuries and have positive effects down the line. And it’s NOT just in the Western world (no scene in the movie takes place in America, none of the main four characters/heroes are American, and they only go to England when the English villains capture them). They’re in Africa, in Asia, in South America, in all these places where the Western/imperial world order has harmed people the most and in a way that Euro/American audience often gets to forget. On the surface this might be an action movie with Charlize Theron beating up men (which I mean, that alone is fine if you ask me) but there are SO MANY WAYS in which it achieves these deeper moments of meaning and subversion of the narrative that we are so often fed and the ways it could have done this (i.e. the same old Mediocre White Man ways).

I love the fact that the team unabashedly LOVES each other as their family members (I will never get over them all liking to sleep in one room even in their safe house in France), even when they struggle, and that they continue trying to make it right and never consider leaving Booker behind, because he screwed up but they still love him (and he them). I LOVE LOVE LOVE that this movie gave me not just Joe and Nicky but Andy and Quynh: two completely badass queer couples who kick tons of ass and have romance and Drama and rich and well-realized lives outside being used as emotional manipulation or suffering porn for straight people. (I realise it’s only been two weeks since the first one released, but where is my sequel, I have Needs. Especially Andy/Quynh and Quynh/Joe/Nicky needs). I was disappointed that they’d gotten rid of Quynh in a Bad Medieval Way to cause pain for Andy and then shocked and DELIGHTED when she turned up alive in Booker’s apartment at the end of the film. I LOVE that this movie gave me Nile Freeman and everything that she represents in the middle of this hellish year. I even love Booker! BOOKER! When he’s usually the character type I can’t stand and have the least patience with!

So yes. I have watched it three times already. I am sure I am going to watch it several times more. It just makes me so happy.

#the old guard #the old guard meta #joe x nicky #weaverofthenight #ask

[sandalaris]

send your a character impression asks: Seth and Kate if you don't have those already, and Jeff Winger and Annie Edison! ❤❤❤

Seth Gecko

First impression: I think I loved him right off the bat. He’s snarky and quick witted and those are usually the characters I like first. 

Impression now: Not much has changed. I suppose I have more of an understanding for how he handled his demons now compared to my initial reaction to his heroin use. And I definitely think he’s at his healthiest in season three. 

Favorite moment: Oh jeeze, he has so many good ones! I suppose I rather like him in Shady Glen. Just like his whole taking charge of the group and his awkwardly trying to smooth things over when he and Richie busted in guns drawn on that woman and her son. Reminded me of the convo between him and the Dew Drop Inn clerk.

Idea for a story: Nothing new, but I’ve got anther tUA-inspired AU snippet brewing that touches more on Seth’s Bad Ass Normal superpower though.

Unpopular opinion: I don’t know that it’s all that unpopular, but I’m not convinced Seth used again after season two. I’m not convinced he didn’t either, but it’s never been a personal headcanon or something that I’ve felt was a given or anything. I mostly feel that he went back to popping prescription pain pills and probably mixing them with alcohol (not smart) when he was feeling particularly shitty.

Favorite relationship: Probably him and Richie (although he and Kate are a close second.) Their relationship is pretty much the heart of the show and I don’t think I would’ve loved it nearly so much had it not been.

Favorite headcanon: It’s a tie between Seth getting a cross tattoo to represent Kate after season three, and that Seth started questioning his faith after the blood-transfusion-that-shouldn’t’ve-worked. And as a tie into the second one, that he and Kate do not have compatible blood types, something Seth learned after the fact.

Kate Fuller

First impression: That she was a typical, albeit a bit on the mature side, teenage girl, lol. At least for most of season one. I think I probably stereotyped her a bit, because I remember not realizing just how quickly Kate grew unafraid/immune to the Gecko Brothers until my first rewatch.

Impression now: She is so much a “there’s bravery in remaining soft”/”world’s nicest badass”/”do not mistake my kindness for ignorance” character. She has this quiet strength and is unwavering in who she is at her core.  

Favorite moment: Pretty much anytime Kate meets someone new and they inevitably get attached and decide to go to the ends of the earth for her (or they’re evil and decide they want to possess her *cough*Malvado,Tanner,Oculto*cough*)

Idea for a story: I’ve been wanting to write a fairytale!AU, particularly with my favorite fairytale, but it doesn’t fit SethKate all that well. Maybe I’ll just expand on that crack!ficlet I wrote...? Idk. I’ve got too many wips anyway.

Unpopular opinion: I can’t think of one I haven’t named before. I suppose with the increase in purity culture here on Tumblr the fact that I really don’t mind the age gap between Seth and Kate nor do I think it makes any difference if Kate’s underage or legally an adult would count.

Favorite relationship: In show it’s probably her and the Gecko Brothers, but in those inbetween moments I really love her and Scott.

Favorite headcanon: Currently I’m think about how I headcanon that Kate has some lingering muscle memory about swordsmanship from Amaru. Its nothing too exciting, especially since Amaru’s pre-Earth memories -and therefore her memories of learning to use a sword- are fuzzy at best, but her body practiced with one enough during those six months that it falls into place easy enough when she picks up a blade.

Jeff Winger

First impression: Like Seth, he’s that brand of snarky and quick witted that I immediately like. 

Impression now: I don’t know that it’s changed much. I love how the show let Jeff grow but also let him slip back into old habits. People don’t change overnight, and while Jeff didn’t need each lesson hammered over his head repeatedly, he did need to learn not to fall back into his default mode whenever he could.  

Favorite moment: Anytime Jeff shows genuine excitement to hang out with the study group. Like when he showed up early to the apartment for the wedding.

Idea for a story: I’ve had this idea for a while where Jeff never got caught and is an even worse version of himself than he was circa the pilot. And he somehow meets a few (maybe all?) of the study group only they don’t make him a better person so much as he manipulates them into being part of his life as he unwantingly grows attached to each of them. It’s kind of dark for a Community fic, not counting some of the darkest timeline fics, but the idea entered my head one day and has been living rent free there ever sense.

Unpopular opinion: Its mostly unpopular among Jeff/Annie shippers, but I rather like how the Jeff/Britta storyline played out. It makes sense to me that they became friends with benefits and that the sexual tension between them faded as they got to know each other on a deeper level since they were incompatible. Plus, I really like their friendship.

Favorite relationship: I really loved his and Abed’s dynamic at the beginning of the series, but for the bulk of the show it’s a tie between him and Annie (romantic) and him and Britta (platonic)

Favorite headcanon: I fully believe Jeff is demiromantic. Its why he doesn’t think romantic love is real, he so rarely experiences it and only after getting close to someone, something he actively avoids doing, and why he figured that having a friend he gets along with and is sexually attracted to is all that was needed for a romantic relationship.

Annie Edison

First impression: Mainly I just remember not liking her crush on Troy in the first season, lol. I’ve never been that into ships where one side is super obvious and kind of desperate while the other is oblivious and/or sees them as just friends. I was really proud of her when she decided to not let Troy use her grandmother’s blanket (which is coincidentally also the episode I started to ship her and Jeff, albeit mildly at the time) and their friendship later on was wonderful.

Impression now: She’s one of my favorite characters on the show, although on Community I love them all so that’s not saying much, lol. Troy says it best when he says that Annie expects everyone to be better than they are and for herself to be better than everyone.

Favorite moment: I can’t just pick one moment, grr. Fine, the first thing that popped into my head was Annie saying the line about “a C? Why don’t I just get pregnant at a gas station?!” or something like that. Just her absolute insistence that anything less than perfection in herself is some kind of a epic failure in life is just amusing to me.

Idea for a story: I don’t think I really have any off the top of my head that aren’t Community as a whole fics. I’d love to write an AU for the show someday, it lends itself to the concept so well that just about any sort of AU would do. An I still have the FDtD crossover fic that is sitting all messy in my wip folder.

Unpopular opinion: I don’t really care where they went with her character in seasons five and six (I particularly don’t like how it was played for laughs that she started taking pills again between seasons 4 and 5). Her storylines are mostly fine, but I prefer the way her character went in the seasons that came before.

Favorite relationship: I was trying to think of someone besides Jeff, but even not looking at them as a ship I really did love their dynamic throughout the show. 

Favorite headcanon: Annie’s parents where the ones who got her hooked on Adderall, telling her what to say to her doctor to get a prescription or maybe bringing home a bottle themselves, so that she could keep up her perfect grades and do all the right afterschool activities to get into an Ivy League school and make them proud. They were mostly embarrassed that Annie “couldn’t handle it” and tried to quit, saying she needed to try harder and “really, Annie, stop being so dramatic” when she OD’d.

#seth gecko #kate fuller #fdtd #jeff winger #annie edison #community

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Hiya! I just saw your post about microaggressions in media, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to explain a little bit more about how Dragon Age negatively represented indigenous peoples; personally, I saw how the parallel was drawn, but I'd like to understand the difference between metaphor/symbolism and negative derivement. If you don't wanna, that's ok! Thank you for your time : )

Sorry if you wanted this to be replied to privately. I’ve gotten a few other questions about it so I just decided to do a masterpost.

I do feel obligated to mention that I have a Dragon Age tag and that I’ve gone into detail about the issues with the games here and here.

Now, with that being said. . . I’m going to put this under a cut because this is an important topic to me and I’ve never gone into as much detail as I should have. I’ll also give a basic but long rundown for people who haven’t played Dragon Age and aren’t aware of the context. I’ll try to make it obvious where that part ends for people who just want to skip right past it.

Disclaimer that I never really played Origins so this will only focus on DA 2 and Inquisition.

This is gonna be really fucking long and I apologize for that.

For anyone who isn’t familiar with the Dragon Age franchise, here’s some basic information relevant to this topic. There are four fantasy “races” in the game; the humans, the elves, the dwarves, and the qunari. For the purposes of this conversation, we will not go into the dwarves and the qunari. 

Humans are the dominant race in the game, with control over every government in the continent that the franchise focuses on, Thedas. They follow a religion called Andrastianism, which is centered around the Maker (a vague and featureless single god who is almost always referred to as male) and Andraste, the Maker’s mortal wife and prophet who was executed and burned at the stake. In other words, it’s Fantasy Christianity™. The religion is separated into two branches, with one being led by men and only being common in one country in Thedas and the other being led by women and being common in the rest of Thedas. Just like Christianity, it is very heavily focused on converting people. As far as I’m aware, it is the state religion of every country featured in the franchise. For the purposes of this conversation, I will be referring to this religion as the Chantry, the in-game equivalent of the Church being used for Christianity.

Elves, on the other hand, are exactly what they sound like. They’re elves, but not traditional Tolkien elves. They have the same lifespan as humans and don’t seem to be particularly special. The important thing to note is that they are very much an oppressed group and most racism you encounter in the franchise is aimed at the. They were the original peoples of many parts of Thedas, indigenous to several parts of the continent before they were violently massacred in wars and outright genocide, all in the name of Andraste. Here’s some information about the main attacks on the elves, in the form of the second Exalted March, a form of religious crusade. Cultural sites, including burial grounds and religious temples, were pillaged and destroyed. Historical records were confiscated and edited, language and culture records purposely destroyed, and countless artifacts were stolen and sold to wealthy humans. This happened long before the events of the games, but are ongoing issues, which I’ll get into later.

Modern elves in the game are separated into two main groups: city elves and the Dalish. 

City elves are elves who are disconnected from their cultures and live in human settlements, where they’re often forced to live in slums (called alienages), pushed into dangerous and poorly paid work, and face violent abuse and mistreatment from humans in the cities. City elves are usually Andrastian, just like disconnected Natives are often Christian, though they cannot hold positions in the Chantry.

The Dalish, on the other hand, are elves immersed in their cultures, living in nomadic clans led by their Keepers. The majority of Dalish elves follow the Evanuris, the Elven pantheon which is made up of nine deities that each represent different aspects of Elven life. According to Dalish lore, these deities are not active in the world anymore because they were tricked by the ninth deity, Fen’Harel, a trickster god who sealed away the rest of the gods from the world. When Dalish elves reach maturity, they undergo a ritual that involves receiving their vallaslin (blood writing), which are intricate facial tattoos that represent different deities in the pantheon and, supposedly, reflect that person’s role in their community. I suppose the Native equivalent is finding out what clan you’re in. Dalish communities are centered are around halla, a type of deer that the Dalish see as sacred and use as a form of travel (they pull aravels, a kind of wagon), food (milk and meat), clothing, companionship, and guidance. The parallels to bison should not be lost.

Elves are also frequently enslaved, particularly in Tevinter where slavery is still completely legal.

Now. Humans, elves, and qunari all have a connection to the Fade, the origin of all magic, spirits, and demons. That means that they all have the potential to have mages, people born with magic and a deeper connection to the Fade; they’re the DA equivalent of sorcerers in D&D for all you nerds out there. Across the board, mages are heavily oppressed (with the exception of mages in Tevinter). 

Because they can be possessed by demons and potentially use blood magic, they’re seen as inherently dangerous and forced into Circles, isolated areas where they’re under constant surveillance as they learn to control their magic, and that surveillance is done by Templars, an order of warriors trained to be able to repress a person’s magic. Any mage that doesn’t have absolute control over their magic is made Tranquil, which cuts off their connection to the Fade and, along with removing their ability to use magic, also removes their ability to feel emotions, have desires, and experience dreams. It’s essentially a fantasy lobotomy. In some Circles, this is done on the whims of Templars to any mage that causes the slightest issue for them. Other forms of abuse are also incredibly common in Circles.

So! That’s the end of the context explanations! Let’s move onto the indigenous-coding in the game!

The coded group in question are the elves, particularly the Dalish. They’re also coded as Jewish and Romani, which makes the information that’s going to follow even worse. Despite popular belief, this coding is not actually up for debate and has been directly confirmed by David Gaider (scroll a bit, and be warned that he uses the g-slur). Since I’ve already explained what Dalish elves and city elves are, I doubt I have to get into how exactly they’re Native-coded and I don’t really feel like doing that anyway. So let’s just get right into the issues with this coding.

The first issue is the elves themselves. Elves are cool, I love elves. But it’s really fucking shitty to make the Christian-coded group human while the group coded as indigenous, Jewish, and Romani is inhuman. It’s a really common trope in fantasy and sci-fi and directly contributes to the dehumanization of our communities. It also gives fans the ability to brush off criticisms of their depictions because they’re “just elves”, something I see in the fandom a lot.

We also have to think of how elves in media are depicted in general. They’re usually magical beings with unnaturally close ties to nature, and as a Native person who has been asked if I can speak to eagles and if I live in a tipi in the woods, that is not a stereotype that needs to be further associated with indigenous groups.

Elves are degraded constantly by every character in the series, and the narrative depicts Dalish elves especially in a terrible light. There is only one companion in the entire series who actually genuinely cares about the Dalish, and that because Merrill is Dalish herself, having left her clan to live in the city; she’s also frequently mocked and depicted as naive and ignorant despite being a grown-ass woman and her rivalmance is dangerously unhealthy and toxic. In Dragon Age: Inquisition, you can have two elf companions, both of who explicitly hate the Dalish and disapprove of any pro-Dalish stances. One of those companions, Sera, also hates elves in general and frequently distances herself from them. Solas is a whole other can of worms.

If you play as a Dalish Inquisitor in DA:I, you are faced with constant mockery and scorn at every angle. Dorian, a Tevinter mage, explicitly tells you that slavery is better than being poor and that his family treats their slaves “very kindly”. You cannot call him out on this; he says his piece and then the conversation ends and can literally never be mentioned again, even if you romance him. Cassandra, who is very pro-Chantry, asks you why you can’t just “make room” for worshipping the Maker alongside the Elven deities. Any support of the Dalish earns you immediate disapproval from all of your companions. You cannot be openly Dalish without being directly punished by the game.

I mentioned earlier that Dalish elves and city elves both live in tightly-knit and isolated communities, Dalish elves in the form of nomadic clans and city elves in the form of alienages. There’s safety in numbers, but when you’re surrounded by enemies, that can also be incredibly dangerous. At multiple points in the series, entire alienages and clans are massacred. More often than not, this is completely unavoidable, and when it can be avoided, it’s extremely difficult to do so. 

In Inquisition, if you play as a Dalish Inquisitor, you will start to receive war table quests regarding your clan. If you make even one wrong choice (and there are several choices you have to make, most of which are misleading), then your entire clan is massacred along with the elves in the city they’re settled by. The incident leading to their possible deaths is actually caused by a human noble poisoning other humans in the city and blaming the elves, since the alienage had a different water source and there was a clan settled near the city.

In Dragon Age 2, you can directly massacre Merrill’s entire clan. Even if you choose not to do so, the clan suffers heavily, losing their First (the future Keeper) to the city and then losing their Keeper to demons. They end up stranded in that area due to their halla dying, which means that their aravel couldn’t be pulled.

At another point in Inquisition, you encounter a clan that suffers heavily as well when a huge swath of them are massacred by Red Templars. You can do absolutely nothing to prevent this.

In the same area that the last clan I mentioned is found in, there are several quests regarding it, several of which stick out to me. 

One requires you to literally desecrate a Dalish burial site to finish the quest (The Spoils of Desecration, it’s literally in the name).

 Another quest gives you the task of finding a sacred golden halla, a legendary spiritual and religious figure to the Dalish, and guiding it to the unnamed Dalish clan. In this quest, you can also choose to just straight up kill it (The Golden Halla).

There’s a main storyline quest that involves going through a historical site to discover the truth about a massacre that had always been blamed solely on elves. At the end of the quest, you can choose to give these new records to either the clan I talked about or to the Chantry, who, if I remember correctly, modify the records to be about the Dalish becoming violent after one of their clan members converted to Andrastianism (The Knights’ Tomb). If you choose to give the records to the Dalish, a follow-up quest involves the clan asking for your help gifting a halla to the human village that was part of the incident, which you need to either trick or force the village into accepting (Bestow Mourning Halla).

Moving on. . .

In the quest Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, you meet the human empress of Orlais, Celene, who you have to protect from assassins. You also meet her handmaid, spymaster, and former lover, an elf woman named Briala. And of course, Celene’s terrible cousin Gaspard, who is not really relevant for this discussion. Just know that he’s awful.

In this quest, you have to uncover information about these three people and use that information to manipulate the situation and get your desired ending. There are several possible endings you can choose, but we’re going to focus on one specific one for right now, namely the one where you can choose to help Celene and Briala reconcile and become lovers again, with Celene ruling Orlais and Briala being her partner and advisor. Sounds great, right? The lovely women get their happily ever after and everyone is happy.

Except that the game doesn’t give you the full story. Not in the slightest. Instead, it depends solely on you having read The Masked Empire, a book that is completely separate from the game and that many players don’t even know exist. It gives a very different context to this game, and especially to Celene and Briala’s relationship. I recommend reading this post from @dalishious because I cannot possibly explain the situation better than they have on their blog. If you’re into Dragon Age, I recommend giving them a follow in general because they offer some really great perspectives on DA as a Mi'kmaw person who knows a hell of a lot more about the franchise than I do.

(The quest also tries to convince you that Briala is on the same level as Celene and Gaspard. That is complete bullshit, as dalishious gets into here.)

So, to add to its very long list of crimes, Bioware purposely withholds information from the player in order to trick you into getting an elf back together with her violently racist and incredibly dangerous abuser.

And if I remember correctly, you can also discover a hidden room in Celene’s palace which is filled with broken Elven artifacts that Celene was experimenting with.

In Inquisition, you also encounter at least two Dalish elves who explicitly talk about being kicked out of their clans for being mages, left to make it on their own or die. Which is. . . absurd and doesn’t fit pre-existing lore at all, since clan Keepers and their apprentices are literally mages themselves AND it’s already been shown that if a clan cannot support or doesn’t need people with specific skills (not just mages but also crafters, traders, hunters, etc), then it will actually send those people to other clans to live with them. Merrill, the Dalish companion mentioned earlier, is one such case, with her original clan having an excess of mages and sending her to a different clan who needed a mage to train as a first. Changing that to say that clans now outright abandon mages, especially as children, was a ridiculous choice and makes me feel like it was done purely to show them as ~savage~.

(I personally headcanon that it was a lie spread purposely by clans to protect themselves, playing off of racist ideas of what they were like. No templar would go up against an entire clan just to drag two or three mages off to the Circle, but multiple mages? Five mages? A dozen? Now that would be worth the risk.)

And now it’s time to get into the worst part of the games, by far.

Trespasser.

In this DLC, you discover that one of your elf companions, Solas, is actually the god Fen’Harel, and that he’s essentially trying to destroy the entire world to “reset it”. 

You also discover that your gods are false.

That’s right. Bioware based this community and culture off of Jewish, Romani, and Native peoples. And then made the gods fake. Explicitly told players that the Dalish are wrong about everything they’ve ever known, that their religion is all fake, and that it’s their own fault because they dared try to recreate their culture with the scraps they had left.

Oh, but it doesn’t end there, no. The gods aren’t just fake, they were actually slave owners! They were rulers of an ancient civilization and the vallaslin, those beautiful markings that represent a Dalish elf’s pride in their culture and their place in their community, are actually slave markings to show who your owner is!

I need you all to take a moment to process this. To think about the implications of basing a fictional culture off of oppressed communities in the real world, as a foil to the Fantasy Christianity™ that you as the player are constantly shoved towards, and then making that culture’s religion into something so terrible and warped.

Have you thought about it? Because I have. I’ve thought about it a lot.

So yeah. There’s my extremely long rant about indigenous coding in Dragon Age. I hope it helps the very few people who manage to get to the end without getting sick of it lmao

#dragon age #dalish #dalish elves #indigenous representation #indigenous coding #long post #i am so fucking sorry to everyone on mobile #jamesissosogay

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Candyman (1992)

All I know about Candyman is that I saw the movie cover innumerable times at Blockbuster as a child and it ALWAYS freaked me out. I think bees are involved? And a hook, and maybe a mirror? And the great Tony Todd, whom I know better from the Final Destination films, and whose voice is one of the all-time great voices in horror or anywhere else. With the new Jordan Peele-produced Candyman coming out this year (maybe...if, you know, movies ever come out again during the apocalypse), I wanted to watch the original for the first time, so I’d have an idea of what I was getting into. 

Basically a couple of grad students, Helen and Bernadette (Virginia Madsen and Kasi Lemmons), are studying local urban legends and folklore in Chicago when they find out about the legend of Candyman (Tony Todd), a murderous spirit that haunts the projects in Cabrini Green and the poor black folks who live there. As Helen digs deeper into the mystery, strange things start happening to her until she finally is forced to confront Candyman face-to-face and then things REALLY go off the rails. So is this a slasher movie filled with racial tension, the precursor to more cerebral horror fare like Get Out or Midsommar? Or is this more Eddie Murphy Vampire in Brooklyn 90s ridiculousness? Well...

Much more the former than the latter. There’s a lot of stuff going on here, and not all the ingredients in the smoothie work well together. There’s a lot of good - strong performances, some great set pieces, and some truly tense, nerve-wracking sequences. My 7-year-old self was definitely right to be super freaked out by that VHS cover.

Some thoughts:

Ok this Philip Glass soundtrack is already really unsettling and weird in a great way. It turns out the soundtrack is one of the elements that really makes this film memorable and stand out from typical slasher schlock.

Ah, it’s based on a story by Clive Barker, ok so this is gonna be violent and sexual and uncomfortable, got it. [Ed. note: this assessment was pretty accurate.]

I don’t understand in what universe you want to like, play a Bloody Mary type game when you’re about to have sex. Is that what turns some people on? I’m not here to kinkshame anyone, but I just feel like there are other ways to court a bit of danger during sex that don’t involve invoking a murderous mirror spirit. 

I am loving these oversized sweaters. Was any decade better for oversized sweaters than the 90s?

The set design is really incredible - this derelict building in the Cabrini Green projects is eerie, there’s an oppressive presence and an abandoned feeling to it all at the same time. And Wife pointed out that man, people really loved painting walls pink in the 90s, you just don’t see that kind of pink anymore. This movie has a really rich feel to it, like all the decisions were made with real craft and care. I can definitely see how this had ripple effects on other atmospheric horror, especially in urban settings, later down the road.

I can’t help but feel like our white woman protagonist is a tourist in a world she doesn’t understand. That sense of not belonging is a big part of the horror here, and at first I was very uncomfortable that this was playing into racist stereotypes of the young blonde white woman being threatened by all the big bad black people. But instead, the film humanizes and offers an air of protectiveness over the residents of Cabrini Green, and in many ways it is Helen who is shown to be the dangerous and harmful outsider.

The jump scares are real, and very effective.

Um what grad student has business cards tho, c’mon now.

Ah yes, the Clive Barker of it all arriving right on time with this completely unasked for child mutilation. 

I love Jake (DeJuan Guy) and his incredulousness. He’s a pretty fantastic and emotive child actor. 

Can I just say, Helen is really really out of Trevor’s (Xander Berkeley) league. I don't know what she sees in him. And it skeeves me out that he’s a professor and she’s a grad student because, although it’s never explicitly spelled out, I would bet a million dollars that she was his student. 

Man, Candyman looking fly as hell with that fur trimmed coat and those shiny black shoes. “Be my victim” ok, Tony Todd, ok, I’m on board!

OH NO THERE IS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE TO A DOG. IT’S VERY GRAPHIC AND SUDDEN AND UPSETTING EVEN THOUGH IT’S FAKE LOOKING.

There’s also a lot of tasteful sideboob if you’re into that sort of thing.

You know, grad school was a stressful time for me, but at least I can say I was never woke up covered in blood and was accused of murder. 

This dramatic motherfucker flying out the window backwards. Between this and the outfit, Candyman is extra AF.

I can’t get over how much Virginia Madsen resembles Gillian Anderson in early X-Files days. It’s similar facial structure and those big eyes, sure, but a lot of it is this hair as well. As any millenial lesbian can tell you, Gillian Anderson in early X-Files days was Very Important to our cause, so uh, I’m pretty into Helen’s whole vibe honestly. 

At first I thought this was going to be about racial symbolism and Candyman being a physical embodiment of the horrors inflicted upon the black community in urban environments, but thigs get muddy with this whole murder plot and framing of Helen as this victim of some supernatural conspiracy theory, and I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to take from it? But damn, this is compelling and stressful. 

OK but if she’s been in the hospital for a month, then this baby has been in this dirty ass room for a month with only a dramatic hook spectre man taking care of him? What did he feed baby Anthony?? I happen to know that he’s covered in bees and babies can’t eat honey. 

Why do they have a giant paperclip on their wall as decoration?

The actor who plays Trevor, Xander Berkeley, is so burned in my memory as the foster dad from Terminator 2 that I keep expecting him to make the same dumb face while he’s covered in blood (because let’s face it, I’m expecting EVERYONE to die in this movie, and he’s been particularly shitty) and ope time almost ran out but there it is! 1991/1992 were the glory days for this guy dying bloody in movies. 

Did I Cry? No, but I was VERY distressed about that dog :(

Overall, I can definitely see why this has entered the cult classic pantheon. Strong central performances from Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd carry a lot of this film, but there are elements that I’m still confused about, mainly due to a muddled and overstuffed plot. The racial injustice and lynching feels like rich material to draw from but then why is the belief in Candyman yielding the murders of other black people living in Cabrini Green? I would think the vengeance would be on the heads of the folks who actually did the lynching. Why did he have to kidnap the baby? Was it for leverage to get Helen to do what he wanted? Surely someone she had a stronger personal connection to - Bernadette, probably - would have been a wiser choice? And if, instead, this is all some Dracula-esque plot to reconnect with the reincarnated spirit of his long lost love, what on earth was all this other bullshit about? It’s a movie that works best when you don’t ask too many questions about it, and the soundtrack and visuals - especially that mouthful of bees - are ones that are going to stick in my memory for a long time. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#120in2020 #candyman #candyman 1992 #candyman review #tony todd #virginia madsen #xander berkeley #kasi lemmons #dejuan guy #movie reviews #film reviews #horror reviews

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 162

Honorable mentions:

Small bit on John up here concerning what I said last episode because I didn’t want to ruin the flow of this post with this, but when John kicked the Joker impersonator, I knew that the old John is back. Like for certain, I just got this feeling. John may still feel like he’s running from himself or that he might be able to fight back like I brought up last time, but the thing is: John’s already lost the battle. You can’t run from yourself and you certainly can’t fight your true personality with one that’s entirely false. I’m not sure if it’s better that John doesn’t understand this or not.

Honestly, can we go somewhere with the Leilah thing? It’s just sitting there and, I don’t know, it’s not interesting anymore

Sera (as promised):

Ok, I know a lot of people have been getting worked up recently over Sera and her whole perspective of the situation at hand. And I have literally not talked about it yet. So. Yeah. Here we go

If you read the top comments, you know that people are upset and sympathetic towards Seraphina, more so than any other character currently. And that’s for a reason. Seraphina has had a rough couple of months. She lost her powers, got bullied, got harassed, got kidnapped, and then soon after, she finds out that her best friend for a long time, someone who’s she’s probably connected with more than anyone else before in her life, has been lying to her about himself. And not a small lie either. A lie that totally changes the entire meaning and foundation of their friendship. Not only is John not a cripple, but he is currently the most powerful student at Wellston and is using his power to anonymously assault other students. And it’s not like John shares anything with Sera, like his issues with the hierarchy (excluding a few comments here and there) and the majority of his thing with Arlo. Sera knows the truth, but she doesn’t actually have an explanation, which honestly is so much worse.

And the thing is, John still hasn’t actually told her himself. He’s still putting on this facade for Seraphina, not knowing that it probably hurts her the most. Because if he didn’t tell her about this, then there was this whole possibility that he was lying about other things that he also didn’t tell her. I don’t know, just… things are looking pretty shitty for Sera atm.

In this episode particularly, when Seraphina interacts with John, she seems angry and cold. Not in the way that she used to be before she met John or even when they were friends, that was a different, more apathetic feeling. Now all I’m getting from Seraphina is attempted indifferent anger, but even here you can tell that her emotions really are acting up in this. She isn’t able to pretend she doesn’t care.

Anyway, Seraphina gets really vague when talking to John, hinting however she can that what Tuesday is doing is foolish. One line in particularly is aimed at John. “Nobody’s safe anymore. So much for trying to live a peaceful life, huh?” It’s calling out all the times John has said all he wants is to be left alone by the other students, that all he wants is peace. Because, like I said, Seraphina hasn’t talked to Arlo yet (something that better be a thing soon. Maybe next episode. I don’t know. I’m not reading it until I’ve finished). Sera doesn’t know that the whole reason John is acting as Joker is because Arlo dragged him into this (not exactly, but both John and Arlo feel this way so).

All she knows is that her friend has been lying to her and still is about something so earth-shatteringly huge. The whole basis of their friendship is being stripped apart because of this secret and John doesn’t even want to tell her.

So: Sera also tries to get a reason out of John for why he’s doing things as Joker by asking some random, suspicious questions like “Was all this intentional?” About the consequences of Joker’s existence. And I don’t know I guess John doesn’t really suspect anything too bad with Sera, but honestly, are you dumb. Anyway. This is about Sera. And since we are at the end of that hallway scene it means we’re moving on to that infirmitory scene, the one that really had the comment section bawling.

I know I’ve been making a big deal out of how John has impacted Sera in the last bits, but honestly the loss of her powers seems to hold an even deeper significance to her, I feel. Sure, she cries for John and he’s on her mind, but below all of that we always see her thinking about her powers and I really think that that is really the thing that turns everything sour for Seraphina. Ever since she lost her powers, she’s had to get used to feeling helpless and less than before. Seraphina was raised to believe that her power made her special and that because of it, people would expect a lot from her and she would have to deliver. Sera was told that her powers meant that she would always come first, in everything.

This involuntary loss of her powers has in a way stripped Seraphina down of everything that made her special, that made her her. She had always identified with her ability, even when she decided she didn’t want to be queen anymore and started to hang out with John. She still walked around like she had purpose and like she could fuck up anyone she wanted. And she could. That was just who Seraphina was. In the beginning of the comic, the only way students would refer to her would be in whispers or calling her “basically a god.” That’s. Who. She. Was.

This bit isn’t articulated very well, but I’m just trying to stress the meaning Sera got from her powers, and now that they’re gone, it’s like everything in her life has suddenly become unsteady. Like even though she’s faced so much, it was only after her powers were taken that everything became so much more harsh and real. Now, there’s no safety net. In this episode, Sera thinks, “I was able to stay strong because I thought John would always be there with me. But now…. After seeing the truth… I’ve never felt so hopeless.” This quote emphasizes her hurt about John’s betrayal and her hollowness because of it. But the fact that the only thing holding Seraphina up was John after her powers got taken away is astonishing. It’s hard to believe, when I read her in the earlier chapters, that she would need someone other than herself for anything. And it’s because her powers are gone.

One of the more substantial pieces of evidence is when Seraphina asks herself, “What am I even supposed to believe anymore?” She doesn’t have anything left. She had her powers. And then she had John. What Does she have left?

Anyway I know I should talk about Sera more and what she’s growing through, but the thing is: I think I have an answer to my question and I would much rather talk about that. I’m no good at talking about feelings sorry ;-;

Theory:

Okay: I’m very excited for this. And when I thought of it I was smiling and stuff ok.

So: you know how the comic is called UnOrdinary? The flashbacks in this chapter of when John and Sera were talking about the actual book UnOrdinary make me think of something.

Is the comic re-enacting in a way the story? The book of UnOrdinary has always been so puzzling to me. It’s existence, it’s reason. Because why would uru-Chan name her comic after this one book? At first, I thought it was because it was John’s inspiration and he was going to use its morals to make the world a better place like he talked about, but that’s clearly wrong now.

I think that the book UnOrdinary itself, as an object, is not important. And it won’t be very much so for the characters. I don’t think we’ll see much more interaction with it in the future. I think, however, that the content, and not just the moral message of the book is directly guiding the story of the comic.

Every once in a while, I’ll say, “Why don’t we know how the protagonist dies in UnOrdinary,” and I’m sure by that sentence alone, it’s pretty clear what I’m thinking. Anyway, I was always confused as to why such important details were kept out of the story because if this book really is important to the story, which it has to be, why is there like no information about it. All we know is that the main character, “was the most powerful yet he still listened to others. And through that he realized everyone has something valuable to offer.” (Direct quote from flashback John in this episode). So: that was suspicious.

And that’s what I’m here to talk about. UnOrdinary as UnOrdinary.

The thing is, all this emphasis has been put onto John in regards to the book. His father wrote it. He’s read it countless times. He admires the hero. We’ve been tricked for so long that the protagonist John, but its not. That literally screams anime cliche and the whole concept of UnOrdinary is that Uru-chan wanted to write a comic that would make fun of anime stereotypes.

I believe that Seraphina is the protagonist that represents the protagonist in the book UnOrdinary. It makes sense because in John’s words, “He was the most powerful… yet he still listened to others. And through that… He realized everyone has something valuable to offer.” And as the story goes on, it’s obvious to see that Seraphina is progressively identifying more with these traits. She’s teaching low-tiers how to fight, trying to convince John that violence is bad. All John ever did was ignore the other “low-tiers” despite apparently trying to act like the UnOrdinary (book) protagonist.

Also the way that Sera thinks of John’s betrayal as if he was playing a part suggests that he himself was trying to be the main character.

This does bring other questions though. Will Sera get her powers back? What about the whole idea that in the book, the protagonist is the only person in the world that has powers? Is that some cruel twist of the current situation?

Is Sera going to die like the protagonist of UnOrdinary?

Okay I’m tired so I’m leaving this here. Because my writing is really bad today and I have homework.

I just want to bring something up quickly that’s a little more short-term. I know Seraphina has been watching John. John’s been dropping hints, but his actions don't align with what she’s saying. I’ve already said she can’t trust anything he says now and she should figure that something else is up that she doesn't know about yet.

I think that Seraphina is going to finally uncover John’s past. The stuff we know from Arlo and Isen, but maybe even something more. I want Seraphina to meet Claire.

That’s it because I can’t properly explain my ideas, but yeah. See ya soon for the next episode review. Probably won’t be tonight but who knows.

#unordinary #uno #official #episode 162 #episode review #webtoon #unordinary webtoon

[miikiiiiiiiiii]

Review: Log Horizon

I recently got interested in checking out Log Horizon, after it being out for quite a long period of time. (I know I’m pretty late to the party, being almost 6 years since the first season) I wasn’t interested in it when it first came out because I wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of isekai back then, and to be honest even now.

Well to my surprise, I enjoyed this show more than I had expected going in, and even craved for more episodes to watch. (Season 3 is coming out this year!)

If a person like me can love this show, you might also get sucked into the world of Log Horizon. You never know before you try it, amirite?

Perspectives and Moods

So I strongly believe that a person’s perspective and the state on mind highly affects the enjoyment of a certain show. I’m sure that there are many viewers like me that were turned off initially by this gem of a show because we all thought it was a copy of a more popular anime at that time, Sword Art Online. Or maybe you were intimidated by all the unknown game logic and lingo mentioned in the anime.

Thanks to one of my friends who was an avid player of MMORPGs getting me interested in the game genre and the mechanics and basics of an MMORPG, I greatly enjoyed this show and understood most of what the show was trying to portray with getting stuck in an MMOPRG and making use of the loopholes in the rules of the game.

Overall, this show hit all the right notes at the right time for me and ended up being a pretty cracky watch. I was actually quite sad to know that I would have to wait just a bit longer for Season 3 to come. (Oh well, what can we do about that?)

Stuff I liked

1. The ever-growing Log Horizon ensemble cast.

I loved how the show takes its time introducing us to the characters that are central and important to the story going forward. There is the main male lead, Shiroe, the guy awkward at social interactions but is also a brilliant strategist, Naotsugu, the enthusiastic and happy-go-lucky guy, as well as Akatsuki, the stoic and silent assassin but having a pretty cute personality. There are more, but will only list them in the spoilery parts of this review. These three characters are the first few characters to be introduced in the show and immediately you see how they work well with each other. On paper, their personalities are so different that you would expect conflicts left and right, but the show makes it clear from the start that they would form a bond so strong that nothing can ever break it.

SPOILER WARNING

As early as the second episode, you can see how Naotsugu and Akatsuki, despite only meeting for the first time recently, have fallen into this friendly banter, despite it being quite lewd with Naotsugu being a pervert and Akatsuki being very peeved about it. Somehow this banter doesn’t feel forced like in other shows I’ve watched and comes quite naturally. I also like how Shiroe, who was introduced as the socially awkward one, being the one to become the bridge that starts this friendship.

END OF SPOILER

There are so many characters worth mentioning, but if I do list them all with what I loved about them, this review will be crazy long. The characters all have chemistry and none of them feel like a caricature, despite being characters in an anime. I have to say, nicely done.

2. Shiroe

Shiroe is introduced at the start of the story being socially awkward, kinda like a lone wolf. He doesn’t want any association to any guild and the one time he was associated to a group, it wasn’t even a guild. Right from the start the anime shows you how strong he is, being level 90 and having friends that are ALSO level 90, such as Naotsugu, Akatsuki, Marielle, Henrietta (I think? I might be remembering this wrongly) The anime also implies that he is quite well known in the MMORPG world of Elder Tale.

He also starts to make connections and learn more about the world of Elder Tale that he might not have known before and makes use of the knowledge he has learnt to make this new world that they are trapped in liveable.

More that that though, as the anime progresses, you get to see his growth and deepen his friendships with his friends. There is nothing too devastating that happens in Log Horizon, but the setbacks that the main cast do face alongside Shiroe does make him mature and come out the other side a better person.

SPOILER WARNING

One of the events that stuck out to me is how he realised that inventing new magic in the world of Elder Tale is possible by observing how Nyanta is able to cook food that tastes good. He then proceeds to use that knowledge to his advantage and invents new magic that only he could perform at that point in time, contracts. I felt that this shows how smart Shiroe is in making connections that others may not have made, and how he gathers his information by observation.

I also liked the dorky side of Shiroe, especially his love for curry. He may seem like the stoic one in his friendship with Naotsugu, but deep down both of them are equally dorky and thus causes both of them to connect so well.

I thoroughly enjoyed watching his growth as well, from a guy who was a lone wolf and wanted nothing to do with guilds, to becoming a guy who STARTS his own guild. I also liked how even though he was slowly opening up to his friends that he doesn’t immediately become like an open book. He is still quite guarded, as shown by how he didn’t want to let them know his plan when he left Akihabara with Naotsugu to get the finances needed for the maintenance of the town. It is only after losing the raid and realising that he needs to learn to open up and trust in his friends more that he finally opens up and informs them about his motives. This growth feel quite organic and believable, making Shiroe seem more human. I hafta say, I really liked this aspect of the show.

END OF SPOILER

3. Akatsuki

At the start, Akatsuki was quite bland. I thought she was going to be the stereotypical loli girl that is exceptionally good at what she does and becomes peeved when people mistake them for being a young child. To my surprise as the show went on, she quickly rose the ranks of my favourite characters in Log Horizon and stayed at second place until the end of Season 2. (Number 1 is Shiroe, so being number 2 is a pretty good feat!)

Her character got more focus and development in Season 2 compared to Season 1, and although I wish she could have more development in Season 1, I’m actually happy with where she ended up and how she grew and matured until the end of Season 2.

SPOILER WARNING

Right from the first episode, you learn that her avatar in Elder Tale was a tall and lean muscular man. Even though it is a minor detail, I liked how it was subtle foreshadowing for the insecurities she had in real life about her appearance. The constant gags of people calling her ‘shrimp’ were played for comedy but also foreshadowed the insecurity she has about her stature.

In Season 2, we learn that she has low self esteem and felt like she needed to be good at what she does to remain by Shiroe’s side. Because of this insecurity, she also didn’t make any effort to make connections with the other members of the guild and withdrew deeper into her shell.

It is only when she dies and fights the serial killer that she realises that the reason why Shiroe didn’t take her along for the raid was not because she was a burden, but that Shiroe relied on her to take care of the princess. She also regains her confidence and also comes to a realisation that her short stature isn’t a disadvantage, but a unique trait that she has. She starts to open up about her insecurities to the other members and made their bond even stronger.

Although many shows and anime do discuss the theme of self confidence and self love, I like how it never became preachy and instead showed a natural growth in Akatsuki to demonstrate this point. This not only made Akatsuki seem more relatable, but also makes this message more memorable for viewers.

END OF SPOILER

What can I say, I love characters that feel human and relatable.

4. Character moments

I can’t list all of them, or else this post will become WAY too long. So I’m going to list some of my favourites. Of course, SPOILERS INCOMING.

The overall bromance between Naotsugu and Shiroe. A good bromance is always a nice breath of fresh air, in my opinion.

When the mini training camp squad realises that Rundelhaus is actually a Person from the Land and will not revive when he died like the rest of them. I cried so hard there were no more tears to be cried.

The blossoming romance between Marielle and Naotsugu, with their daily 9pm telepathic talks when Naotsugu went on the raid.

The friendship that is coming to be between Krusty and Raynessia. You have no idea how sad I was when Krusty disappeared!

The way how Isuzu held Rundelhaus’s hand when he was going to sign the contract to become an adventurer because he was too weak to do so by himself. Also the fact that he is laying in her lap… I was crying because he was dying but also excited simultaneously because they are so cute! Okay, my fangirling may have gone too far.

When Rundelhaus was so happy to become an adventurer simply because he wants to help others in need, and not for glory or the immortality. He’s such a cutie pie.

Demikas starting out as a pretty shitty guy, bullying the NPCs to becoming a valuable player in the raid. Also his wife, who’s a Person from the Land, being able to subdue him and calm him down.

Also Nyanta. Is there more to be said? He’s so cool~

Moving on!

5. Game mechanics and the mystery elements

I admit, I’m a noob when it comes to MMOPRGs. I do know the basics, but nothing more than that. I’m more of a singleplayer RPG, visual novel kinda person.

The show explains the game mechanics in very simple terms and even a non MMOPRG player like myself could understand the logic. Shiroe alsomanages to find the loopholes and slowly become stronger because of that. Unlike some protagonists that are strong simply because.

The mystery element of the show and how the players got stuck into the world of Elder Tale is also very compelling. The players slowly learn more about this new reality that they are stuck in and learns that the world may be more different than when they were playing the game. This makes the question of ‘how did they get stuck in the game’ and ‘who caused them to get stuck in the game’ become a mystery that needs solving, and not just a plot device used.

Log Horizon is quite clever, much more than I had expected going into the anime.

Stuff I didn’t like

Honestly, I had to REALLY nitpick at this section. There were so many things to love about this show. SPOILER WARNING!

The anime starts off quite abruptly. Without any context whatsoever, you see Shiroe waking up in the world inside a game. He ponders his situation for a bit before realising he can contact Naotsugu. He meets up with Naotsugu and talks to him familiarly.

Even though you know there is backstory regarding them both, you can’t help but feel as if you were missing certain pieces to the puzzle. It’s almost like someone asking you how a puzzle looks like without even you having the pieces to the said puzzle. The pieces do come as the story progresses, however, so this feeling of abruptness doesn’t last long.

The final verdict

Full of action, and lots of nice character moments. Game mechanics are explained simply for noobs to MMOPRG player and can be enjoyed by anyone. Highly reccomended!

#anime #loghorizon #review #shiroe #akatsuki #naotsugu #rundelhaus #log horizon #reviews #manga #light novel #gaming #game #isekai #ship #shipping #otp #anime girl #anime boy #anime man #anime glasses #glasses

[johnnys-so]

I recall you saying you don't know Day6 well enough for an analysis, but what about now? If you can, we'd love one. Thank you!

HEYOOO! 

Umm a lot hasn’t changed on that front but I feel like the distance might be a good thing so I’m going to attach some small mini-analysis after the cut.

sungjin

Bob is literally the most dad friend ever and I think he really takes the cake (though GOT7′s JB comes a close second). He looks so constantly done with all of his members, and yet - probably the one who cleans the kitchen and makes sure to stock up on water/ramyeon/veggies etc.

I feel like he was born to be the hyung, you know? He is the responsible and primary caregiver type. Even though he doesn’t make a big show of it, it seems to be a big part of his personality that he takes care of other people

Also, my god his humour is just.... something commendable, truly. He can’t be funny to save his ass but atleast he keeps trying and i think THATS what so funny about him??? sungjin-ah.... never give up bby

I feel like he’s the least complicated of all members. He doesn’t seem to be the emotionally volatile type and seems very centred in his personality, he also seems oddly like he might have a sister? a younger one (does he? idk, mydays pls let me know). it’s just that other than the protective bear stereotype, he does seem emotionally well-adjusted. Maybe he’s just at that point in life where he can encounter a shitty day or some sort of hardship and look at it straight and say - ok, that’s fucked up. But I guess we gotta just work through it. (in comparison, wonpil would be shrieking through his lungs AND working through it)

in terms of a temper i think he most certainly has one but it takes him a while to get there and i don’t think he’d talk through it AT ALL. maybe cleanliness would be his pet peeve? (im just shooting in the dark here)

to wrap it up, sungjin is the sort of guy (in my opinion at least) who has a strong and steady value system and he’s sort of ok with dealing with the world as long as he has it figured out in his head. He knows who he is, and therefore there is little conflict he brings to the world. If he wasn’t playing in this band, I’d 1000% see him settle for the corporate life and clean9 to 5 job which lets him come back home by 7pm and have some cold beer while watching football and hearing his kids play in the living room

Jae

Aww man this skinny bitch. I feel like the fandom is sleeping on his ‘annoying prankster’ potential because i think  he’d give peeves a run for his money

derives great joy from the misery and anguish of others (probably has Wonpil maniacally laughing in the background)

on a normal day Jae is the sort of person who’s probably going through memes on the phone while everyone’s having a serious conversation about their tour or like their everyday schedules. He has a few things he cares about in life and is okay to take a backseat when it comes to the other shit. As long as he gets what he needs (a possible slytherin mofo?)

But that’s not to say that he’s easygoing or wishywashy about the things that he does care about. Music, matters a lot to him. Even though he’s not academically musically instructed (as young k is) he has spent a whole lot of time and effort into educating himself to the point that it really shows in their albums (i could wax poetry about the complexity of Day6′s music and how its so refreshing in it’s personality of being both goth and peppy i-). So Jae is most certainly determined, goal driven and very intrinsically motivated

Also, very much in his head. If he doesn’t have a strong pisces placement, I’m willing to eat my foot. I feel like while Young K is very intense about his emotions, Jae gets very emotional about the people he surrounds himself with.

With people: not very trusting of everyone. Has a chosen few that he goes to certain things about. Might be the kind of person who distributes his troubles by categories to various confidants. But also, trust is something that is earned with jae. But that is not to say that he won’t get along with other people. He’s cordial and is good in engaging a crowd (as a performer, MC, friend, VJ) but he’s also good at drawing lines and boundaries

the most incredible part of his personality for me has always been his work-ethic and his drive to be better. He’s always challenging himself through his existing skill set, but also pushing himself to learn new things. Sounds like a bloody workaholic to me. 

probably shit at figuring out his own feelings/emotions/attitude about certain things. But always up for being the wise advice-giver to other delinquents (read: jamie)

sarcastic wit to sass everyone for days. probably a loki over thor guy

Kink master extraordinaire. Likes cooking up shit and encourages people to sin.

Young K

emo baby af. But we all knew this so more on that later

The ultimate Onion of a personality. Young K, off the bat, seems like he hides so many layers. Not purposely at all, but simply because he’s unable to communicate the extent of his mental world to the public

one beautiful way he has found to channelise all of his thoughts and ideas about the world is clearly through his music and lyrics. But he’s also extremely creative in other ways (art and fashion). I feel like he’s the sort of person who feels most confident and assured in himself when he’s creating. 

socially, what a mess. I wouldn’t say he has trust issues like Jae does but im pretty sure he’s made some foolish mistakes about choosing friends and not realising how to navigate that friendship (friendships where he has demanded too much or has been demanded too much of??). But otherwise a jovial fool the kind of person who laughs the loudest (and dorkiest) at a dinner with friends

how’s his alcohol intake? I have this super funny intake of a drunk young k trying to write mini love poems for all his friends and sungjin being called to take him home and the call actually begins with “did he try to be poetic again?”

while im trying to paint a picture of him as a jester (because young k also needs to be seen for beyond his emotionality) he’s the kind of guy that would surprise you with how brilliant he is. An actual wisecrack/genius, and very underappreciated. I wouldn’t be surprised if he someday returns to teaching

Right. Emotionality though. If he isn’t some pisces (sun or moon) i will actually yell. He’s the definition of ‘someone who navigates an alternate plane, is open to a world that most people don’t even begin to understand exists’. i feel like speaking to him about abstract concepts - such as the existence of truth, the point of life, the definition of beauty, other existential phenomenon - would be so much fun because he’s have such an interesting and unconventional take on things. I feel like he’s make me humble with the words he has (he already makes me feel so secure with all of his lyrics because i realize, even if the world is shit what a relief that someone like young k exists)

probably would be a guilt-ridden but a wonderfully emotionally supportive boyfriend. Someone who understands your demons all too well and would go the extra mile to provide whatever help he can

1000% has high neuroticism scores that would be cause for concern. someone give him a Beck’s depression inventory right away.

HAHAHAHAH probably the fucking kinkiest mofo, after Jae

Wonpil

An actual baby!!

No ok but wonpil has matured THE most in all of Day6 and i really didn’t realise it until i notice how his expressions have become more closed during airport pics, and his voice has gained a new level of emotionality in live stages, and he’s also a lot more reserved these days on variety shows

still the most extrovert in the group. I just think the fame, the crowd, the possible betrayals as a result of their growing fame and having to be an adult in this tough situation - has gotten to him. But that’s inevitable really. None of us can be protected from the reality of life that leeches away at our innocence

such a vibrant soul. Such a giver. As a friend, he’s literal sunshine. Not much of a protector, but more of an amicable I’ll-always-be-there-for-you sort of person (though im guessing the amount of people he extends this courtesy to nowadays has probably reduced. 

fucking made to be an entertainer. He’s naturally funny and attracts all the energy (and eyes) in the room to himself. A very good mood maker if you will

in terms of neuroticism, I think he’d be more on the depression (from the constant stress workstyle and the increasing loneliness) than an anxious person. I think he probably is a bit volatile in his emotions but that’s because he gets lost in the moment. He’s literally someone who lives in the present far more than he lives in the past (sungjin or young k) or the future (jae)

don’t think he's intrinsically motivated much. Prone to a lot of lazy days, a lot of extreme gaming and just randomnly playing jokes and pranks on people. he’d need some strongly external guidance/deadlines to get his work ethic going

high extraversion and agreeableness, probably low on conscientiousness (especially discpline) but fascinated by aesthetic beauty (openness to experience).

Dowoon

Honest to god i cannot figure him out. I think it’s a case of - im trying to look deeper and harder but the truth is, it’s not even that complicated

underappreciated oppa potential 100000%

still comes through as a dork of a maknae. has zeROhand eye coordination outside of drumming. the kind of kid who breaks the glassware and blames it on his sibling (wonpil) and his parents totally believe him because he could do no wrong (aka sungjin grudginly yells at wonpil, again, about house rules)

just a man dedicated to his drums and his food. if he can play some solid beats, get some work done on the albums, play a nice set on a tour, have some chicken and beer while he is resting, have his hyungs fool around in the green room --> he good bruh

but by no means does that make him a fool (though i do think he’s a bit of a fool sometimes when it comes to picking up social cues about wonpil/jae making fun of him. he lacks the 눈치 you know what i mean)

Also (maybe I just love plot twists) but i think he’d be eerily good at picking up on people feeling sad/depressed/lonely/off in general. He’d be like that guy who just walks into the room and sees you just slinking away on the sofa and he thinks.... nah im just going to give them space and go get myself some food. But literally a few seconds later, he sits by you on the sofa, offers you food, and asks what’s on your mind. The silent supporter kind. Willing to listen, willing to be there for you

i don’t know much about dowoon so im just going to end this with: arms that can lift kids/ crush you in a bear hug/ pin you against a wall and leave bit marks on your neck

sorry if that didn’t cover much. I sort of only know day6 with their music. If im extremely wrong or way off about someone, please reach out and correct me!!

#day6 #character analysis #sungjin #young k #jae #wonpil #dowoon

[tumblunni]

Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory

* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.

* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!

* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.

* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.

* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"

* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!

* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?

* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..

* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!

* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!

* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well

* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)

* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)

* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*

* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!

#bunni plays yokai watch

[plotbunnie]

Mm so there’s a lot of stuff under the cut I just feel like I can’t express directly? Please don’t feel obligated to read the mess going on in my head, I just need to put it somewhere. 

So this is just a big,,, massive dump of things I sometimes wish I could tell people but either it is socially unacceptable to discuss or I simply feel too guilty to do so, or feel as if I will not be understood. It’s really a big mess, so this is kind of a second ‘hey, turn back now!’ warning if that’s the sort of thing you’re not about.  This is a queued post, also, because it makes me feel a little less like I’m begging for attention that way, and knowing that will probably reduce the appearance of urgency it gives by being all big and emotional.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been venting, more. Which is natural, I’m in school, I’m stressed, yadda yadda. But like- the things I vent about are never what really upsets me? they’re usually related but not- the thing and I’ve been examining myself to try and figure out why, and it boils down to the fact that what I end up venting about is genuinely insignificant, or at least mostly so, especially compared to whatever’s actually bothering me. 

I’m also always trying to- dismiss and explain away everything that upsets me. “Oh, it’s just hormones”, “Oh, it’s just school stress making me crazy, you know”, “I’m just being oversensitive rn, it’ll pass”. 

But like whoops, no, it’s not passing cause the actual root issues are a lot deeper than “I feel bad bc my teacher laughed in my face when I asked a question he didn’t like”.

And here’s the thing- I can tell myself how irrational the feelings I keep getting are all I want and it will not make them go away? In fact it’s just been forcing me to internalize them and feel shitty for feeling them at all. 

So I guess here’s the part where I actually say what I’ve really been feeling, so I can look at it, and stare at it, and figure out what the hell I can actually do about it. Cause in some cases the solution seems so easy- and then it’s fucking not, and I just feel worse for failing at it.

I feel insignificant, invisible, probably some other word that starts with an ‘in’. Like I no longer exist the moment I’m outside of someone’s immediate vicinity, and only re-enter their memory bank once I’m in front of them or on their screen again. Like my whole existence is just floating in the void and sometimes a comet passes by or whatever and acknowledges me, and I’m just screaming for that acknowledgement and have no way of making it permanent. A lot of this is probably because of the fact that, thanks to my roommates & their situation, all but maybe four or five of the 20 people I met and started interacting with semi-regularly last semester no longer even acknowledge I exist- literally their expressions glaze over and they move past me, even when I’ve directly addressed them ( though I stopped doing that right quick, of course ). I’ve never, in my whole life of being picked on and pushed away from people, felt so small or alone as I do now. And I don’t know how to change that. I keep telling myself there is a way to change that, and I will find it, and all sorts of other shit a therapist would probably say, but ultimately, even if I am not this invisible being, I don’t know how to make myself stop feeling like one. I mean it’d be nice if I could ask people to remind me of that, but wow I guess that leads to the second problem?

I hate asking for things. heck, I hate receiving things without asking for them. A friend told me they were giving me something they’d gotten with digital currency they’ve amassed to a point it is no object and I still almost had a panic attack and immediately had to work out how I could even the score and pay them back. This friend reasoned that they were paying me back, but on a numbers level their gift still sort of dwarfed what I did? And so it still incited genuine fear until I could find a way to repay it back. And it’s not that I don’t want to be given things? Because then if the exchange of things ( be they compliments, edits, art scribbles, inconsequential digital currency gifts, anything because yeah, literally all of those result in the same anxiety- though some I’m better at combating the resulting anxiety than others ), then I start getting that unfortunate human response that makes me sad because I’m not getting things, when it is a commonly accepted concept that when you like someone you give them stuff ( again, not necessarily monetary or physical- applying to compliments and emotional support and all that junk as well ), and to NOT receive those things at all just feeds back into my first problem?? And it’s this awful vicious cycle. And worse than being given things out of the blue ( because the resulting warm fuzzies do generally balance out the panic and make it well worth it ) is asking for something- whether it is something I want, something I need- even suggesting something totally inconsequential that can be given to me to help someone else combat their anxiety over being given something.  But kind of especially asking for things I need? Asking for help, asking for emotional support, asking for an ear to speak to- it’s why I’m typing up this long-ass post I all but begged people NOT to read despite kind of?? really wanting someone to understand what I am experiencing ( because is it real if people don’t acknowledge it or know about it or understand it? ), rather than just- talking to someone. I don’t want to burden anyone with my neediness? I don’t feel I have the right, I don’t feel that I’m a Level 7 Friend who can request emotional support, and I feel like I leveled wrong on my lower levels so I can literally never reach Level 7. Nevermind that people just plain don’t want to hear about this sort of thing because it makes people uncomfortable and that is a fact not many people are willing to acknowledge? Like in my experience ( and I am CERTAIN this is not always true, but for me it has been, or feels like it has been ) no matter how close with someone you are, chances are they don’t want to hear about your deep shit. No matter how much they say ‘never feel bad for asking for help or wanting to talk’ they are also probably internally praying you ask someone else.  And that is fine? Like they gotta do they own thing and I will never begrudge them that ever ever ever because Wow Dude I Get It Big Time, but it really is a struggle when there is no one who IS willing to listen?

And sure, I could see a therapist, I did for a bit last semester and I keep telling myself to find a new one this semester since the previous one left, but honestly that one just allowed me to feel like I was trying because that’s what you do when you’ve got emotional turbulence, you see a therapist- and that’s... literally the only benefit seeing one brought me. Because they seem to be more focused on “well here is a list of ways you have already tried to potentially combat this small par of your problems without actually addressing the source”, along with “do you REALLY have this thing you were told you have because you don’t have any of these stereotypical and often inaccurate symptoms listed in this short passage of a book that is my only frame of reference for it”. ( yeah, that last one is really specific but like- I was trying to talk??? about how betrayed I felt that my freaking mother was told by professionals I’m autistic NOT ONLY when I was a child, but again when I was a teenager seeing a therapist, and then told my EX BOYFRIEND before she finally told me- casually and in passing. And instead of focusing on the emotional issue I wanted to address, she focused on whether or not it was an ‘accurate diagnosis’ ). 

Like I have all these problems and they affect me and how I function, but I didn’t learn what they were or how to address them or in some cases even that I had them until very recently, and I just want to acknowledge them, but if I try I’m just asking for attention or making excuses and I just don’t know what I can do about that but man that is almost a footnote in all this ugh.

And I’m sure this factors in somewhere but heck if I know where but like touch is something humans tend to need and wow I’m very touch-starved to the point I am now touch-repulsed and while the part of me that needs support is downright begging for someone to fucking hug me for like 3 hours is constantly battling the instinct to never let anyone near me ever because what if I’m too clinging what if it hurts what if it turns out it doesn’t help shit what if they take advantage of me what if they get weirded out what if what if what if

And then the final thing- and god I know this is choppy by now and I’m honestly scared of anyone who bothered to read this far cause heck, guess you know how to destroy me now, and also why- is that I am starting to wonder if there is a point to anything I do? Like obviously there is but-- I am a creature that thrives on acknowledgement more than most it feels like and I think that I am suffering a lack of just that has been made a little clear by now so I’m at that point where like- I just want someone to look at my work, really look at it and examine it and explore it and give me deep feedback and talk with me about it but nobody wants to fucking do that, as exemplified in almost all the above points and like if it’s not worth looking at in depth is it really worth looking at, at all?

Am I really worth looking at, at all?

#ooc #sky speaks #vent #negative #negative tw #depression tw #invasive thoughts tw #? #not actually sure that one belongs there but I think some of these classify as invasive thoughts #like i'm fine I'm not going to harm myself we good there I'm just- a lil lost and this is me tryna find a fucking map

[pongpalace]

twice the sugar [ao3] 

a @swawesomesanta fic for @justaphage , who wanted a happy ending and gave so many lovely prompts/ideas to jump off of. i too agree that there will never be enough of bitty and jack cooking together, and i was already in a youtube hole that started with this video and well... happy holidays! 

"If there's a sexier sound on this planet than the person you're in love with cooing over the crêpes you made for him, I don't know what it is." — Julie Power

Jack isn’t sure what time it is when he wakes up overly warm and with blond hair in his mouth, and doesn’t quite care enough to grab his phone to check. He stretches his legs out, cracking his toes, and twists away from where he’d been spooning Bitty to work out the kink in his back. Bitty makes a grunt of protest, loud enough that Jack knows he’s close to waking up, so Jack doesn’t feel too bad when he takes back his arm that’d been under Bitty in an attempt to get some of the feeling back.

“Morning,” Jack whispers, loath to completely break the quiet of the morning. He’s never been a morning person, hates to be awake before the sun rises, but he’s had early morning practices since he first became part of team and an internal clock that still gets excited by being the first one at the rink.

Bitty evidently has no such qualms about quiet mornings; he responds to Jack with an overdramatic groan-snuffle combo. Jack bites back a grin and goes willingly when Bitty rolls them both over to bury his face in Jack’s neck as the big spoon. Bitty’s measured breaths tickle the back of Jack’s neck, and because it’s an off-day for both of them, it doesn’t take long for Jack’s breathing to match up to Bitty’s.

Jack isn’t sure if he actually falls asleep again, or if he just dozes, but he blinks open his eyes when Bitty shifts against his back, more definitive in his movements than before. The angle of the light streaming in from the window has changed, casting the bedroom in a rosy glow. Jack stretches his legs out again, and gets kicked when he accidentally wafts cold air in under the covers. He rolls so he and Bitty are lying face to face and clamps Bitty’s cold toes between his calves.

“Morning sweetpea,” Bitty says. He shuffles forward to press a warm kiss under Jack’s eye, wrinkling his nose when he interrupts Jack mid-yawn and gets a faceful of stale morning breath.

“Morning,” Jack repeats, after he’s cracked his jaw. “Sleep well?”

“Always do here,” Bitty replies. His eyes are still tired, fighting through the leftover fog of sleep, but his languid grin is Jack’s favourite, so Jack leans forward to press his lips to Bitty’s. It doesn’t get much deeper than a dry brush of their lips—they both really do need to brush their teeth—but it’s still the best part of waking up in the same bed as Bitty.

“Yuck,” Jack says when he pulls back.

“Right back at you, Mister,” Bitty says. He steals what he can of the blankets off Jack, tucking them around himself with a pleased grin. Jack thinks about doing something to take them back but his stomach grumbles before he can make a move.

“Breakfast?” Jack asks, rolling out of bed and going to the ensuite bathroom. He loses Bitty’s reply to the flush of the toilet, so after washing his hands and wetting his toothbrush for toothpaste, he leans against the doorway to talk to Bitty.

“What?” he asks around his toothbrush. Bitty groans through a full body stretch, his toes peeking out from the bottom of the blanket burrito before disappearing back inside. Jack is oddly charmed by that.

“I’m in the mood for crêpes,” Bitty answers, sitting up so the blankets pool around him.

He’s blinking innocently at Jack, but there’s something in the set of his eyebrows that makes Jack suspicious. Jack slows his brushing and squints at Bitty while he thinks, wondering if part of Bitty’s kitchen magic is realizing that Jack has a craving before Jack does. An off day means that Jack can, and will, cover his crêpes with butter and sprinkled sugar, like his grandmère would make, and not feel guilty when the layer of sugar becomes twice as thick as the thin crêpes. But that doesn’t explain the way Bitty is looking at Jack, biting his lip to hide a smile.

Jack goes back to the sink to spit. They’ve never made crêpes together but he thinks that Bitty’s probably more partial to whipped cream on his crêpes, at least based on his affinity for the stuff on pancakes and hot drinks. They don’t have any in the kitchen right now, so maybe Jack’s going to get sent to the grocery store before breakfast? It wouldn’t be the first time; half of the reason Jack keeps energy bars in his car now is for when he runs out to pick up a forgotten ingredient before a meal. Bitty’s expression promises more than an emergency grocery run though and—oh.

Jack turns to go back out to the bedroom and jumps when he sees Bitty in the doorway.

“You saw the video?” Jack asks.

“I saw the video,” Bitty confirms, grin widening.

It’d been part of the promotional stuff Jack did during press week before the season started; one of a series of rapid fire questions he was asked about his favorite T.V. shows and movies, and hobbies outside of hockey. Nothing had been done with the footage right away, lulling Jack into a false sense of security that he wouldn’t have to deal with the chirps that would most definitely come when people saw that his answer to the question “what’s the best dish you can cook?” was the most stereotypical answer he could give— short of poutine .

He knows a compilation video of all the answers to the question had recently come out—Tater asked about pregame crêpes in the groupchat yesterday and Marty sent a link to a crêperie that makes “crêpes that would put anything Zimmermann makes to shame”—but Bitty hadn’t said anything about it when Jack got home. The Samwell group chat had been quiet on that front too so Jack figured that maybe his part in the video got buried by the other answers of chicken and pasta or overshadowed by Snowy’s sage butter gnocchi.

Apparently not.

Bitty bursts into laughter at whatever face Jack makes. “Crêpes, really?” he asks. “I mean, no one's gonna forget you’re French anytime soon Monsieur Zimmermann.”

Jack doesn’t comment on his pronunciation, knowing that he wouldn’t escape unscathed if he started Bitty down that path. “You weren’t complaining about my French last night,” Jack says instead, sticking his toothbrush back in his mouth.

“Yes, thank you for helping me translate those recipes hun, google translate couldn’t’ve done any better.” Bitty rolls his eyes and hip checks Jack out of the way to grab his own toothbrush. Jack spits one last time, running the water to wash it all down the drain, before leaving Bitty to finish his bathroom routine.

He has butter melting in the microwave, eggs, flour, milk, and a big measuring cup on the counter and is in the process of trying to locate a pan when Bitty joins him in the kitchen..

“I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me,” Bitty says. He hops up onto one of the bar stools and straightens the stick of butter from where Jack haphazardly threw it. “I have to hear about your best dish from the NHL network of all places.” He tuts, winking when Jack looks up.

“They didn’t make fun of me,” Jack replies, ducking down to check the drawer under the stove for the good pan.

“Check over the stove,” Bitty says when Jack straightens, knees cracking loud enough that he knows he’ll have to spend some time later stretching everything out. Jack did check over the stove earlier, but knows by now that Bitty has a special sense for where things are in his kitchen so he opens the cupboard again. Bitty’s eyes sparkle with a smile when Jack gets up on his tiptoes again and finds the right pan on top of the shitty one he ignored earlier. He’ll never understand why Bitty puts pans where he can’t reach them. Jack sets the pan on the stove and starts to dump the wet ingredients into the mixing cup.

“Was there a chicken quota or something?” Bitty asks.

Jack looks up from the bag of flour. “What?”

“I mean, everyone else was saying chicken or pasta, so did they tell you you couldn’t?”

“Ha-ha.” Jack deadpans, flicking flour at Bitty. He chuckles when Bitty blows out a big breath, successfully keeping the flour out of his face but getting it everywhere else instead. They both watch it settle on the counter.

“Not it,” Bitty says.

“I’m cooking,” Jack says, dumping the flour into the bowl.  Bitty snorts; they both know that Jack’ll take care of the dishes while Bitty wipes down the kitchen and then they'll put everything away together, but takes the damp paper towel Jack hands him to wipe at the flour.

Jack mixes everything together, including the last minute addition of melted butter he almost forgot about, and turns on the burner to let the pan heat for a minute. Bitty looks up from his phone when it sizzles, melting on the heat. He raises his eyebrows, meaningfully looking at the cooking spray Jack usually uses when he cooks.

“It makes it taste better,” Jack mumbles, lifting the pan and swirling it so the butter coats the entire surface. Bitty hums, but doesn’t say anything, going back to his phone with a self-satisfied smirk. He continues to narrate Tater’s latest tweet and Jack starts the cooking process.

He ruins the first crêpe. He put too much batter in the pan, and isn’t able to get a good flip so it folds in on itself before he can smooth it out.

“For nhl.com,” Jack says, scraping it onto a plate to be dealt with later. Bitty laughs loudly and Jack rebutters the pan.

The second crêpe goes much better. It’s a perfect pour, and Jack swirls the pan just right so the batter spreads evenly. He and Bitty both watch the bubbles in the center and the edges crisp up until Jack loosens the edges with a spatula to flip it with his fingertips, only burning them a little. He sticks his fingers tips in his mouth, unwilling to go run them under water and risk burning the crêpe. He almost burns it anyways when he gets slightly distracted by Bitty leans forward on the island to watch him, but remembers just in time to get the it off the pan. It goes onto the other plate, perfectly golden brown.

Bitty wears his impressed eyebrows when he looks at Jack. Jack’s stomach swoops pleasantly as he gets a butter knife to spread a layer of butter on the warm crêpe, enjoying how the butter melts as it touches the crêpe. He reaches for the sugar bowl next, sprinkling a thin layer first, and when that starts to go translucent from the heat of the crêpe, melting into the butter, he sprinkles another layer. Jack slides the plate over to Bitty, who looks absolutely delighted at the amount of sugar on the plate.

“It’s how my grandmère made them,” Jack says. Bitty gives him a look he can’t quite read, fond and soft around the eyes. Jack smiles back—he can’t not smile when Bitty looks like that—and watches Bitty expertly roll the crêpe up.

Jack waits before he pours more batter into the pan, keeping an eye on Bitty to see his reaction. He feels his face heat when Bitty makes a noise not unlike he’s heard in their bedroom, but it’s somehow even sexier to hear Bitty reacting like that to Jack’s cooking.

“Oh, this is really good Jack,” Bitty says, closing his eyes as he chews through another bite. “Well, worth the wait.”

Jack leans across the island and for a kiss, grinning into the pleased sound that Bitty makes. There’s sugar on Bitty’s lips, though that’s not the only reason it’s so sweet, and while he’s kissing Bitty as thoroughly as possible with the island between them, he rips off a piece of crêpe. Bitty nips at his bottom lip. He's probably figured out what Jack is doing but doesn't stop him so Jack pulls back and pops the stolen bite in his mouth.

“Perfect,” he nods. Bitty rolls his eyes at the double meaning, and huffs a laugh as Jack ducks in for another kiss before going back to the stove to finish the crêpes.

They’re perfect.

#omgcp #zimbits #jack zimmermann #eric bitty bittle #jack x bitty #checkplease! #i writ i write i wrote #i've never felt closer to fleury than when he gave that answer #also butter and sugar'd crepes is amazing and everyone should try it #i hope this okay that im tagging you if not i;ll edit as needed :) #sorry it's late

[trixter-i-am]

When someone asks a queer person: - Why do you use male/female pronouns?

It really means: - Why do you call yourself not in the way that corresponds to my perception of your appearance and responsibilities, my identification of you?

This question can be received by me, my friends, you, anyone who doesn’t have clear masculine/feminine features. It comes from tactless, ill-mannered people believing they have the right to dig deeper than the norms of common conversation in real or online life allows. In fact, this question is similar to: why do you wear laced shoes, not velcro? Why do you drink pineapple juice instead of apple juice? Why do you dye your hair? Why do you do anything not asking me for permission? 

I’d rather think people are badly informed about various changes and trends in the world. They don’t know what they have encountered. Accordingly, they want to understand what it is - something new and unidentified.

Have you ever received questions of this kind?

But in fact it’s a threat to every person’s right to talk about themselves in the desired way, to be called a name that suits best or reflects their personality. It’s a threat to freedom of expression, freedom to be yourself and not to doubt your existence. Who said we don’t have this right? These people believe they can fix the behavior of those who are certainly no worse. We’ve spent time and energy to understand ourselves. We found the courage to admit to ourselves that we don’t conform to usual notions and don’t intend to live by binding gender models. Don’t I have the right to be me?

I had to deal with this in casual acquaintances, when completely new people took me for something most convenient for them to accept. And unfortunately it often happens even in LGBT environment.

I got this when I received creative or professional offers. People didn’t bother reading the information on my pages. Although it’s clear from my photos that I’m at least not heteronomative. Anyone is able to get acquainted with the profile before sending a PM, read at least one blog post and understand who you are dealing with to avoid asking stupid questions that force unevitable explaining. Read before you write, so that no one feels embarrassed and you don’t look like an idiot. You can’t be so primitive. But alas, often such questions come from people who want to shoot, look for interesting communication with an unusual person and as a seek development for themselves...

Yes, every time I come across such an individual, I explain. Sometimes I ignore them or just get rid of them (within the bounds of decency, for sure). Sometimes I troll them - and then they begin to justify themselves or spew venom. But mostly I explain: don’t I have the right to express myself that way? I feel that way, look, I write about it everywhere, everything is obvious even on my pictures.

I received much negativity in these situations. And most often it came from the residents of the Russian Federation, because hatred, humiliation and aggression are normal in their communications, especially among young people. Almost everyone strives to pry into someone else's life, criticize, give a spray of bile and aggression to relieve tension from their own shitty life and other people's attacks. Perhaps.

As for business proposals, I often faced the fact that people want to stop communication and cooperation after my so-called coming-out. Politeness and tactfulness on my part, my appearance, professionalism had no influence for a long time. Yes, despite the fact that I do my work better than others and I’m unique in many ways, people were frightened by my mere uniqueness and my ability to go beyond borders.

And some of them even saw who they were talking to, knew how I express myself, knew I don’t perform in feminine photoshoots or nudes, but still offered something that was insulting to me. Perhaps they cherished their hope till the end. We agreed on a compromise acceptable to both sides. We even had meetings to discuss details of the project, but people still were surprised by my appearance, gave a fake smile, and then started to invent excuses. In addition to the obvious queerphobia, there were several reasons.

Those people were: a) inattentive to both their friends and coworkers  b) cheekily considering any different position a bliss or show-off c) believing they would be able to force me to become the person they want in the very working process, when there’d be no chance to leave.

Don’t stop explaining yourself to such people or just avoid them, but never hide and never let them break you. If you show weakness or lose it to circumstances, you will lose yourself and allow them to be asserted and continue to break others.

And gosh, how many of these dumbasses have been forever removed from my circles! If it’s a more or less educated individual, then when confronted with something unprecedented or unusual he will shut up digesting embarrassment caused by the spectacle. They take your self-expression, your ideas and even your unusual name extremely negatively. You can introduce yourself to them in a convenient way, you can communicate with accepting people around them, but they will persistently continue to "put you in your place." This kind of a person doesn’t want to accept your choice and self-determination.

If you ask them to stop treating you wrong, they’ll tell you it’s hard to remember your unusual pronouns. But in fact it’s not more difficult than remembering  a new friend’s name, especially if it was you who appointed a meeting. It shows how much they depend on stereotypes and desire to place everything and everyone strictly on the shelves with a familiar, convenient label. you won’t do anything good with these people. Send them away forever, it’s pure disrespect and arrogance, given out for forgetfulness and discomfort. And why should you be uncomfortable or unhappy to please someone else's habit or selfish desires? Just never have contacts with a boor, both active or passive one. Let them regret the loss, not you.

We need to fight this. We have to fight carelessness, rudeness, disdainful attitude towards us. No one can hide behind a phrase “It has always been so, people don’t change”. If you do nothing and go with the flow, if you live by the rules of the crowd that are also created by someone clever but malevolent, then nothing will change. Never. You need to be flexible, but don’t forget to be firm in the right moment. Demand respect and proper treatment. Demand anything that’s already yours. Do not hide your real self, let those who lack intellect, move back for the sake of those who can think.

I really want to act more harshly, decisively and globally. I do not want to beg for anything, and I don’t want to be condescendingly allowed to put any third letter in my id. It is necessary to dissect the issues of gender and physical differences in general from the history of mankind and from modern society, so that no one ever has a thought of characterising any person by skin color, gender, body weight.

While our society is divided by physical data, it’s impossible to achieve mutual understanding and development. We have to grow spiritually and mentally,  and then our physical development comes. But while people are too attached to physiological definition of themselves and others it’s impossible to reach our long awaited future.

#androgynous #androgyny #androgyne #Androgynous fashion #nonbinary #nonbinary looks #nonbinary discourse #enby #enby problems #queer #queerphobia #queer fashion #lgbt #lgbtq #street fashion #street style #Streetwear #Fashion Blog #fashion blogger #streetstyle

[zoemurph]

this bites, chapter one

on ao3

so i love. vampires. and a few weeks ago i talked about this au for like 4 hours and because my friends are the best, they listened to me rant. but i havent....stopped thinking about it........

and its spooky month!!! so here we are!!!!!!!

i decided to skip all the exposition and just jump in cause it was 2 am and honestly......i have two stories going which are in the exposition zone and i dont want to have another. this is just gonna be fun short chapters with some vampire kids. i hope you enjoy!

Evan ducks his chin into his scarf, burying his face deeper into the soft fabric. It’s starting to get colder, the bitter taste of winter is sharp in the air as leaves fall from the trees and overcast skies often warn of freezing rain.

He’s going to have to stop walking to school soon, so he’s embracing early morning walks while he can.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of me,” Connor says.

Evan glances over to where Connor is leaning against the side of the high school. He’s under an awning, but still wearing his trademark floppy black hat. Evan can’t stop himself from smiling.

Connor meets Evan halfway through the parking lot and tugs on the end of Evan’s scarf. “Come on, Hansen, I thought we got past this.”

Evan elbows him. “It’s cold. Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.”

“Someone’s snippy today.” Connor lowers his sunglasses so he can raise his eyebrows at Evan with a smirk. “Also, please tell me you did the math homework cause I said fuck it and Jared’s being a shit.”

“When isn’t he?” Evan pulls open the door to the school and Connor trails behind him, pulling off his hat and sunglasses as he stops inside. “I still can’t believe you never learned statistics before.”

Connor shrugs and stuffs his things in Evan’s locker once it’s open. “Who needs math when you’re immortal?”

Evan shrugs. “Why go to high school if you’re immortal?”

Connor groans and hits his head against the locker next to Evan’s. “Ask my parents! God what the fuck.”

“And I did do the math, by the way.” Evan pulls a notebook out of his bag and hands it to Connor. “I know you’d be good at this if you just tried. It’s almost all numbers. Counting.”

“I refuse to fall into that stereotype,” Connor mumbles as he flips through the pages.

“Zoe doesn’t,” Evan muses. “She seems pretty happy helping Alana out with counting votes for student council all the time.”

Connor snorts.

“What?”

“Ev, come on.” Connor tucks Evan’s notebook under his arm. “You’re not this oblivious.”

Evan slowly shakes his head. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Connor raises his eyebrows. “Zoe is totally in love with Al—”

“Always being around to say hi!” Zoe interrupts, draping an arm around Connor’s shoulders. She flicks him in the ide of the head.

“Ow,” Connor grumbles, pulling away.

"Hello, Evan," Alana says with a smile. "I like your scarf."

Evan smiles awkwardly and reaches up a hand to brush the fabric. "Th-thanks it's getting colder."

Alana nods seriously. "I hear there's serious danger of black ice in the next few weeks, we all have to be very careful." She touches Zoe's arm. "You'll be careful when you're driving, right?"

Zoe nods. "Of course I will."

Connor gives Evan a look. Evan shakes his head.

“You stay safe too,” Alana says, turning to Connor. “You’re already an unsafe driver.” “I’m not unsafe,” Connor protests. “I’m just not completely safe.”

Alana gives him a flat look.

“God fine,” Connor mutters. “Stop trying to take care of me.”

Alana furrows her eyebrows. “You’re one of my closest aqu—”

“Friends,” Zoe corrects lightly.

Alana holds the straps of her backpacks. “Yes. Friends. I just want you to be safe.”

Connor blinks. “Right. It’s…fine. I’m not driving much anyway.”

“Still.”

“I’ll be safe,” Connor promises, glancing away.

Evan frowns.

“Hey homos,” Jared says, throwing his arm around Evan’s shoulder. “Homos and bi’s. But anyway,” Jared sticks his finger in Evan’s face, “don’t give the sucker your math homework.”

“Uh…” Evan looks to the notebook under Connor’s arm.

Jared glares at Connor. “Asswipe.”

Connor grins and holds up the notebook. “What this?” he asks. “You want to take this from me?”

Jared narrows his eyes.

Zoe whacks Connor’s arm. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” Connor asks innocently. “i’ll be in the library until class, I’ll get this back to you after first block, Ev.”

Evan smiles. “Yeah of course.”

Jared scowls. “He’s taking advantage of your niceness,” he mutters as Connor walks away.

Alana purses her lips. “You really shouldn’t give Connor your homework, it’s very important that he do it himself so he can really understand the information.”

Zoe makes eye contact with Evan and raises a single eyebrow.

“Just today,” Evan promises. “I won’t do it again, Lana, promise. I’ll make him ask Jared for help.”

Jared’s eyes go wide and he pushes Evan away. “Whoa what?!”

Evan shrugs. “You’re always going off about how good you are at math, how easy it is to balance stats and calc.”

“You wouldn’t,” Jared warns.

Evan closes his locker and locks it. “I don’t know, I think it’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s a great idea!” Alana agrees.

Jared groans loudly as Zoe laughs.

—«·»—

“Here,” Connor murmurs, slipping Evan’s statistics notebook into his hands.

Evan glances up at him. “Good?”

Connor nods. “You are a lifesaver, Hansen. Afterlife saver. Whatever.”

Evan laughs. “If you say so. It’s just some math homework. L-like fifteen problems.”

“Savior,” Connor says seriously.

“Whaaaaaat we talking about?” Jared asks, squeezing between Connor and Evan.

“What I think your blood would taste like,” Connor deadpans.

Jared blinks. “That’s someone’s kink and that’s uncomfortable.” His eyes go wide. “Is it your kink?”

Connor gives Jared a look. “Why the fuck would that be kinky? It’s not sexy, Kleinman.”

“It could be,” Jared points out.

“I don’t want to be in this conversation anymore,” Evan decides.

“Vampires are sexy,” Jared argues.

Connor crosses his arms. “Do not call me that.”

“I never said you specifically were sexy—”

“You literally know four vampires,” Connor interrupts. “And calling any of us sexy is weird as fuck do not—”

“I was talking about fictional vampires!”

Connor raises his eyebrows and Evan groans. Not again.

“Can we not—” he starts before getting cut off by Connor.

“You wanna name one?” Connor asks. “Because I swear—”

“It’s not my fucking fault if Robert Pattinson is hot,” Jared says defensively. “He was in a shitty movie that has nothing to do with his genetics.”

“I am throwing myself off a cliff,” Connor deadpans.

“R-really?” Evan asks. “Of all the fictional vampires the first you went with was Edward Cullens?”

Jared throws his hands in the air. “Stop judging me!”

“Too fucking late.” Connor crosses his arms. “You dug yourself a hole.”

Evan opens his mouth and Jared shoots him a look.

“If you say it, I’ll kill you,” Jared promises.

Connor rolls his eyes. “Say it, Ev. I’ll protect you.”

Evan blinks. “I was just going to say, I always thought Jared was on Team Jacob.”

There’s a moment of pause before Connor snickers.

“I can’t believe you fucking betrayed me like that!” Jared shouts. “You traitor!”

“I— class,” Evan says, breaking away from them with a smile. “Later, I’ll talk to you later.”

As Evan rounds the corner, he can hear Connor laughing as Jared yells in protest. Evan smiles to himself. Today might be a good day.

#evan hansen #connor murphy #jared kleinman #zoe murphy #alana beck #my fics #this bites #i have no excuse honestly

[thesffcorner]

Emergency Contact

Emergency Contact is a contemporary novel written by Mary H K Choi. It follows 2 characters: Penny, a freshman at UTC who wants to be a writer, and Sam, a boy who works and lives in a coffee shop nearby and wants to be a documentarian. The two meet by accident, but when Sam has a panic attack that he mistakes for a heart attack, Penny helps him, and they become each other's emergency contacts. Soon however, both realize their relationship might be deeper than that. This was an odd novel: it started off pretty engaging, but lost a lot of the steam towards the middle, and though the ending picked up pace, the actual climax left me somewhat dissatisfied. However, even though my reading experience wasn’t great, there were still elements of this book I enjoyed a lot. It seems the book is pretty polarizing, and I think there are two main reasons for it, so without further ado, let’s talk about them. 

Writing: Writing is subjective, and as such I tend to avoid talking about it, unless it’s noteworthy. Well, here it’s definitely noteworthy. It’s what I like to call ‘quirky, modern prose’; think mumblecore in films, but in novel form. The characters are up to date with modern slang, jargon and internet culture, and as such they speak in a very exaggerated manner; when they text they use a lot of shortcuts, barely any punctuation, their thought process is very ‘raw’ and sometimes more than a little iffy with the jokes, and just in general it’s a style that I don’t think many people will like. It’s hard to explain without examples, so here are 2: “Okay, they weren’t full on frontal - bless. Mark was still sixteen, and Penny didn’t need the FBI landing at her college dorm for kiddie porn. They were risque though. Each went slightly beyond the treasure trail. [...] Penny was even sure he Facetuned at least one, which was a quality she simply could not respect in a man.” (pg. 14) “Oh my God, Penny. Stop being so emo. Are you going to make us talk about feelings?” asked Mallory “Seriously, you are so homeschooled sometimes” (pg 296) I dare you to show that to someone over the age of 40 and expect them understand any of it. There are several problems with this. First, I like a book that’s about teenagers, and sounds like what teenagers actually speak like. I’ve heard from people younger than me, who’ve read this book, and didn’t like it because of the way it’s written; they thought it didn’t sound authentic, and tried too hard. I personally didn’t find this to be an issue; I thought both Penny and Sam, as well as the rest of the characters for the most part spoke like people do today, but keep in mind I’m 24, and have been out of college for at least a couple of years. Second, and what actually bothered me, is that this style of writing was exhausting to read. On the one hand, seeing as we are trapped inside the heads of two incredibly anxious, over-thinkers, it made sense that their internal monologues were likewise overwritten and exhausting, but it made for a really unappealing reading experience. I shouldn’t feel like I’ve been run over by a tractor every time I read more than 2 paragraphs of a contemporary romance; a lot of the time it almost felt like Choi was writing on a dare to show someone how hip with the times she was. Which is fine, but I’d like to actually get to know Penny and Sam, without having to waddle through endless apathy and jargon. The third thing, which even I had some issues with, were the risque jokes. Look, I was a teen. I know how it was; you’d say whatever offensive thing comes to mind to get a reaction; it’s basically part of the universal adolescent experience. Except a) Penny is 18 and in college, and Sam is 21; and b) they are still risque jokes even if they are said ironically. It’s a catch 22; you want to subvert tropes and make fun of stereotypes, but you still have to write those tropes and stereotypes. So I completely understand why you’d be turned off by jokes about underage porn, calling men who cry ‘pussies’, calling people who are awkward ‘homeschooled’ or making racist and xenophobic jokes. It’s authentic, but it’s not fun to read. Characters: My last point about the writing, leads nicely into what I know a lot of people had issues with (and at points I did too) which were the characters. Let’s start with Penny. Penny is both very funny and infuriating to read from. At times she reminded me of myself when I was her age; constantly anxious, judgmental, with a superiority complex stemming from being the smartest and most read person in class, someone who doesn’t fit in and purposefully isolates herself even more to cope. To top it off, she has a strained relationship with her mother, an unpleasant experience with men, and generally prefers communication over text. There were so many things that she did and said that I just couldn’t stand, and a lot of them, were things I would’ve done and said when I was her age. As such, while I didn’t like Penny, I can’t say she isn’t a well written, well rounded, authentic character. This could lead into a bigger debate about protagonists, but in my opinion, the protagonist needs to be fully fleshed out and well written, more than they need to be likable, and this is especially true of female protagonists, since they are rarely allowed to be flawed. My issues with Penny were more that I didn’t feel like she changed by the end of the novel, and a lot of her flaws were never even addressed, let alone resolved, as well as some of her truly bad behavior. Like I said Penny is often judgmental, and the book implicitly sides with her, even though lots of times she’s blatantly wrong and draws conclusions based on stereotypes. A good example is the scene where she arrives at UTC, and a girl asks about her lipstick; I’m sorry, but when are we going to stop demonizing girls for enjoying make up? The girl is friendly and nice to her, and Penny still concludes she’s vapid and dumb because she asks about PENNY’S LIPSTICK. There’s a scene later on where she decides to meet Sam without the lipstick on, because I guess ‘that’s her authentic self’ and like fuck off. Wearing makeup doesn’t make you inauthentic or dumb, and you just KNOW, that if Penny were a boy, or a boy asked about her lipstick, y’all would be praising this book about how progressive it was. Then, there’s the whole subplot with Jude and Mallory. Mallory was equally as judgmental and annoying as Penny, so their rivalry was understandable, but Jude was nothing but nice and kind to Penny the whole book, and Penny repays her by hiding and lying to her about the one thing Jude asked her not to do. Jude calls her out on her behavior, and gets rightfully pissed, but then she still forgives both Penny and Sam so easily, even though they treat her like shit for the whole book. Moreover, I didn’t even get the sense that Penny was genuinely sorry to cause Jude pain, or felt bad for lying; she was just scared that Jude wouldn’t talk to her anymore, which was incredibly shitty and selfish, and the book never makes her face any real consequences for it. The same can be said about her relationship with her mother. All of her monologues, internal and otherwise, about how terrible her mother was just because she was hot, young, and flirts a lot were exhausting. I get that Penny was angry at her mother for trying to be her friend instead of parent, but you know what might help you solve that Penny? TALKING TO HER. This woman pays for your education, lets you choose exactly what you want to do, which is not something many people have the privilege of, clearly loves and cares about you, and has genuinely done nothing wrong, for you to hate her as much as you do. Especially, in comparison to Sam’s mother who is an actual monster. The fact that she drives to the hospital, and then doesn’t see her mother, constantly brushes off her calls and texts, doesn’t go to her ACTUAL BIRTHDAY was just ridiculously shitty behavior, and again, she never really gets called out on it, or suffers any consequences, even in the end when they have their big make up scene! The only thing I liked about that scene was Celeste calling out Penny’s behavior towards her peers; that she doesn’t have friends not because everyone hates her, but because she considers everyone beneath her because they don’t match up to her ridiculously high standards she holds everyone to. I wish someone told me that when I was her age, but man, was her character hard to read from. But honestly, Penny was a gem compared to Sam, who I wanted to punch multiple times. Beware, some SPOILERS about Sam inbound. First off, Sam is possibly the most unfortunate character I have ever read about in books; his backstory is so sad, so beyond dramatic, it was like he walked straight of the set for Days of Our Lives. He has an alcoholic and a hoarder mother, grew up perpetually poor, is constantly starving, is himself a borderline alcoholic and is still in love with a manipulative, abusive ex-girlfriend. There’s also false pregnancies, him failing out of community college to protect a Dreamer and panic attacks. That’s… waaay too much drama for one person. And to make matters worse, a lot of the issues Sam has, are self-inflicted, and it’s very hard to root for and sympathise with someone who consistently makes the wrong decision about everything. First off, Sam works in a coffee shop, and lives rent free in the attic of said coffee shop. The owner even pays him more than minimum wage, and lets him eat and drink coffee at the shop. And yet, Sam is constantly broke and starving, because he forgets to eat, doesn’t feel like it, has no money because he spent it on alcohol (even though he’s sober) or expensive dates with Lorraine. How am I supposed to root for him? He saves enough money to enroll in a documentary film-making class at a community college, and instead of using this as an opportunity to truly make a good documentary, get it to play at student festivals, and local film fests and connect with other artists in the area (since y’know, they live in AUSTIN), he shoots at the last minute, doesn’t get realizes until the ABSOLUTE last minute, and realizes that his subject and his mother are unregistered Dreamers. Are you telling me, that someone who was a FILM MAJOR doesn’t understand how releases work, and didn’t bother to check what the university’s policy on authorial rights are before he enrolled in the class? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? So he fails the class because he refuses to submit the film. He doesn’t DO anything with the film; we don’t find out if he intends to submit it to festivals, screen it, or anything of the sort he just fails the class because he’s either the stupidest director ever or the most noble guy in Austin. Then there’s Lorraine. Oh boy. Firstly, Sam’s absolute obsession with Lorraine was infuriating. I don’t find it fun or engaging to read about someone who is so naive and thoroughly manipulated, and I am forced to watch them endure an abusive, self-destructive relationship for chapters on end. Sam doesn’t love Lorraine; he’s obsessed with her. It’s not ‘love’ to know absolutely everything about the other person, and expect them to do the same; it’s not love to be completely codependent on the other person. As much as Lorraine was a bad person, so was Sam because he refused to see how destructive his behavior and their relationship was to him. Then, there’s the pregnancy. Why was it in the book? It’s fake, so there are no real consequences. Abortion is immediately dismissed as an adoption, even though objectively neither of the two are capable of being parents, with Lorraine refusing to go to an OBGYN, drinking though she might be pregnant and generally acting like the spoiled brat she is, and Sam having 17 dollars to his name, no real job, no prospects and no sense of responsibility. Sam could’ve easily realized his relationship to Lorraine was toxic without involving a potential child, and honestly his belief that a) Lorraine would somehow change or want him back, or won’t cheat on him just because of the baby and b) that her ridiculously rich and prejudiced family would allow him anywhere near that baby were borderline delusional. But the thing that pissed me off the most about Sam, was that he doesn’t get any resolution! We never find out what he does about his alcoholic mother, or the massive debt she had incurred in his name, there’s no comment on the fact that because of that he’d never be able to get a credit card, lease an apartment or buy a car; since he fails his course we never find out what he wants to do next or if he still wants to be a filmmaker, we never find out what happens with the documentary. All we get is that he’s now dating Penny. Yay. Some Good Things: I did gives this book 3 starts, so here are some good things. I liked Penny’s writing class and her professor, as well as what we see from their class discussions about who gets to write whose story. I also enjoyed Penny’s Anima story and the Korean couple; I thought the connection between the virtual baby and her phone being a metonymy for Sam was great. Andy was also cool, and I liked the banter he has with Penny; he was smart and funny, and I appreciated that we actually got some female-male friendships in this book. Jude and Mallory were also great; I especially liked Mallory’s speech about cows and mothers, and that she was presented as a confident if a bit overbearing person. Bastian was also cool, as were his mother and buddies. I enjoyed the fact that he was this boy trying to prove he was a man, but he was also a talented artist. I honestly wish the book had more to do with him and Sam, than Sam’s actual main plot. Speaking of Sam, I did like that he cried, was vulnerable and had hobbies that aren’t stereotypically male, while also being very much a man. He has tattoos and they are shown to be cool instead of ‘edgy’; I think the last time I saw that was probably Divergent. Yikes. Conclusion: Again, I find myself only half-recommending a book. There are good things in here; it’s just that the reading experience wasn’t great, and some of the character drama went a bit too far for it to be believable. If you think you’d have issue with any of the things I mentioned then skip this book; but if you don’t mind any of it, then you very well might love this. It’s a polarizing novel for a reason.

goodreads

#emergency contact #emergency contact review #book review #moni talks